All Episodes
Previous Next
June 13, 2019 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:00:23
20190613_TJDS_20190612_Podcast
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
I want to find out if Mitt Romney is going to endorse Donald Trump for re-election, so let's give him a call.
Toot to I, my American friends, not of the 47%.
May the Lord open your wallets, that is.
Please give often and generously to the Mitt Romney 501c.
The Mitt Romney 501C.
Money can't buy you happiness, so let me be happy with it.
Please listen to the following prompts and act accordingly.
Boy, I must have reached his answering service or something.
Para continuar in Español.
Marque Oprimo Uno.
Before English, our native language given to us by the great God, press two.
For inquiries about your Bayne Capital commemorative dollar bills with my saliva on it, press three.
For tips on dating, polygamy, and just putting women in their place, press four.
For directions, for directions on how to get to Planet Colab, press five.
To find out if I'm going to back Donald Trump for re-election, press six.
To speak with a Romco Fulfillment Associate, please stay on the line.
You are caller one.
I want to know if Mitt's going to endorse Trump, so let's hit number six, I guess.
Thank you for your inquiry.
All our calls are important.
You are currently number one.
Wow, what luck?
I'm caller number one.
We value your call.
You are currently caller number...
Thank you for calling Romco.
May I get your name, birthday, mother's maiden name, your social security number, and the complete genealogical record on both sides of your family?
Just kidding.
We only want the mail site.
Hey, Mitt's Jimmy Dore.
Darwin, what the fuck do you want?
I pressed six.
Are you going to endorse Trump or not?
May I ask what this is concerning?
The upcoming presidential election.
For security purposes, may I have the routing number for your checking account, please?
That's a good one.
No.
Please hold while I transfer you to a specialist on directions to the Planet Colophon.
No, I just want to know if you're going to endorse Donald Trump.
Endorsements aren't worth a thimble full of spit.
I don't think anybody votes for someone based on who endorses them, especially when it's me.
But I will tell you this.
I am not a fan of tariffs.
If you would like more information on why I'm not a fan of tariffs, please press eight.
No, I just want to know if you'll endorse Trump.
Let me transfer you to our thimble full of spit associate, Mitt Romney.
Hi, I'm not a big fan of tariffs, mostly because I don't understand what they are.
But if I did understand tariffs, I'd probably take a position right in the middle somewhere because I'm a Namby Pamby Poltroon.
Will you vote for Trump if he wins the nomination?
Last election, I wrote in my wife's name, Anne.
Anne is my wife.
This year, I might write in one of my sons, maybe Skippy or Tag or Skaggy.
Skaggy?
Yeah, Skaggy's the little-known Romney, who was always cast in crummy romantic roles while his brothers got all the laughs.
Thank you for calling Romco.
Can you stay on the line for our short survey?
No, thanks.
Then have fun trying to get to Planet Kolob, ass face.
Planet Kolob It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for people that are comments maybe on Tearing Down Our Nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you, T-Day.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore!
Hey, everybody, welcome to this week's Jimmy Dore show.
We'll see you in Portland, June 28th and 29th.
Tickets still available.
Live Jimmy Dore show in Portland, Oregon, June 28th and 29th.
And we added a show July 14th in Chicago.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com for a link for all those tickets.
Now, let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
Did you hear?
Joe Biden, after 50 years, Joe Biden now says he's backtracking on the missionary position.
No kidding.
I mean, Joe, if Joe Biden keeps denouncing his political past, he won't have any record left to not run on.
Joe Biden has supported more fat cat GOP politicians than a girdle company.
Come on.
You know, we did a story on Ben Shapiro last week, but did you ever notice how Ben Shapiro's Twitter picture looks like a serial killer who strangles old ladies with hand puppets?
Hey, please, I've got a GoFundMe happening.
I want everybody to please contribute to my GoFundMe.
It's a GoFundMe project so I can start a site that allows users to create campaigns to fund their projects.
That's what I want to do.
People say that they're overwhelmed by Donald Trump.
You know, what Trump and his toadies have been doing since day one is overwhelming.
You know what's overwhelming?
It's the Democratic Party's unrelenting complicity.
Just made me sad.
That one.
That joke makes you sad, sure.
You know, you outlaw guns, and only outlaws are going to have guns.
And that's the I say outlaw nail guns, and only outlaws will have compressed air-powered tools used to drive nails in the wood.
The previous message from the NRA, the National Roofers Association.
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
The New York Times is scaring the crap out of people over YouTube information.
What's really in the article just may surprise you, or will it?
Plus, Glenn Greenwald weighs in on the Steven Crowder Carlos Maza saga.
And his position is definitely going to surprise you.
The Democrats, who got booed at the California Democratic Convention, gets an invitation to join the Republican Party.
Plus, Naratandon attacks Jimmy Dore and immediately gets destroyed.
Plus, we got phone calls today from Bernie Sanders, Liam Neeson, Rick Perry, and Mitt Romney, plus a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Hey, it's Jimmy.
Who's this?
Bonjour Jimmy.
Jesuit Rick Perry.
Rick, are you speaking French?
Why, yes, I am, Jimmy.
I learned a few phrases while I was in France.
That just happened, by the way.
I was in Europe.
No biggie.
Oh, really?
And what were you doing there?
Well, I was sort of with the president for the D-Day stuff.
Remember that?
The ceremony honoring the anniversary of when the Normans invaded England.
No, that's the Norman invasion.
Right, D-Day.
D-Day was the invasion of Normandy.
Right, the Norman invasion.
No, they're different things, Rick.
The Norman invasion happened almost 900 years before D-Day.
damn, World War II took that fucking long?
Okay, let's skip it.
What else are you doing there?
Oh, you know, going to different European countries and talking about energy with heads of state and various business leaders.
A lot of me rolling up my sleeves and talking to business leaders.
Like I was born to do.
Well, what did you think?
Europe is different, man.
It's like a whole other continent or something.
Right.
Yes.
And they have this whole other way of measuring things.
Did you hear about this?
Yeah, it's the metric system.
Yeah, well, nobody told me about that fruity shit.
I didn't know what the hell was going on.
You know, energy involves a lot of math stuff and measurements.
And over there, they're all like meters, this and kilograms, this.
And I'm like, what?
Say that to my face, bitch.
Because when someone says something I don't understand, my instinct is to think that I'm being threatened.
Well, that's a little strange, Rick.
Yeah, I know.
And they measure energy in different ways there, too, like jewels and BTUs.
That's a big problem because we're trying to sell natural gas over there, but it's all measured differently.
So I don't think there can be a sale.
We got it in tons.
They want it in metric tons.
I just don't think we can do that.
It's impossible.
Well, how about you just convert the units?
Okay, Jimmy.
We'll just get a magician over here.
We'll find someone who can convert the units, Rick.
Jimmy, no one on earth is that smart.
Okay.
What were the cultural differences you noticed?
What other ones?
Well, Jimmy, I got to say they weren't as different as I thought they were going to be.
You get kind of lied to by movies and television a little bit.
They sort of exaggerate.
Like when I was in France, I saw a skunk, but he wasn't trying to fuck nobody.
He was just doing normal skunk stuff.
Just a regular old polka.
Okay.
I went to Belgium, too, which I was excited about because that's where Hercube Poirot is from.
My favorite TV detective guy.
I thought it would be like a nation of mystery solvers, but no, there weren't no guys like that with weird mustaches.
And the place is just chock full of mysteries, Belgium.
Mysteries that no one seemed to be concerned about solving.
I'm like, aren't you going to figure that out?
They're like, no, dude, that's not my job.
That's interesting.
I met the president of Poland, too, and I expected him to be super dumb because of the jokes.
Like wearing his glasses on the back of his head and being all like, I can't see nothing.
They seem to be normal or above average intelligent.
And I checked out the helicopter he arrived in.
There weren't no ejector seated that I could find.
Well, that's good.
But then the Polish secret police were like, hey, get out of there.
I mean, I think that's what they said.
That language is fucking bananas.
Polish?
Yes, like they all got together and said, hey, we really like the letter Z. Let's make every word have like 10 fucking Z sounds in it.
Okay, Rick.
Okay, Jimmy, these have been my thoughtful meditations on my trip to Europe.
Thanks for listening to my musings.
Okay, bye, Rick.
So here's Joe Biden pretending that he marched in the civil rights.
Remember, Joe Biden?
Watch this.
When I marched in the civil rights movement, he marched with tens of thousands of others to change attitudes.
No.
He marched with 10,000.
Listen, I'm not kidding.
He's saying.
When I marched in the civil rights movement, I marched with tens of thousands of others to change attitudes.
Really?
Really?
You did?
Well, more than once, advisors had gently reminded Mr. Biden of the problem with this formulation.
He had not actually marched during the civil rights movement.
And more than once, Mr. Biden assured them he understood and kept telling the story anyway.
This is the guy who's going to restore dignity to the United States, ladies and gentlemen.
The guy's a serial fucking liar.
He's plagiarizing Bernie's life story at this point.
By the way, here's CNN talking about it.
So this guy tries to, watch how they talk.
It's like they have their own language on cable news.
Like, they don't, no normal person talks like this.
Watch what they say about Joe Biden, how soft they peddle this.
Watch this.
He does point out a problem, a challenge for Joe Biden.
Has he fixed that issue?
When he gets very comfortable out on the stump speaking and other things, he has tended to embellish.
He has tended to make things sound slightly rosier than they are.
Or make up whole cloth fucking lies.
Like he marched for civil rights with tens of thousands of other people.
He didn't do that.
So that's embellishing, I guess.
Here we go.
If Trump did it, you'd call it a lie.
But anyway.
AIDS went back to say, look, he was in office marching for the idea of civil rights.
But...
So he wasn't in the streets.
He was somehow marching in his office like he's Ray Raynor or something.
The Democrats are so bold.
They got such bold leadership just sitting in their office going, you know, I celebrate your marching down in the street there, but I got a fucking thing I got to take.
I got to get out of here.
So let's listen to what he says next.
Not actually marching in the streets, but that would not fly as much that he was supporting civil rights.
But I'm saying that in today's time the word marching on Twitter.
Even Jake Tapper's like, that's not what marching means.
Even Tapper's like, that's a little bit too much bullshit for us.
But he's got a great civil rights record, Joe Biden.
Oh, how Joe Biden worked with and praised longtime opponents of civil rights.
There's that.
And here's, hey, by the way, his new poll, support for Biden dropped seven points since the 2020 campaign launch.
And that's a one-way street.
That's a one-way street.
That's going to keep going down.
The more that fucking guy talks, the more it's going to keep going down.
I think somebody should give Joe his marching papers.
Woo!
Woo!
So this guy says this week, Joe Biden has supported the Hyde Amendment, backed mass incarceration, and plagiarized a proposal.
Someone should tell him this week is not taking place in 1988.
So folks, you all know who Nairatandon is, right?
So Nairatandon, she's the head of the so-called liberal think tank at Center for American Progress, that so-called liberal American think tech that also supports Saudi Arabia, pushes privatized health care, charter schools, and takes millions of dollars from the Sackley family that made billions off the opioid crisis.
And of course, before NARA, the Center for American Progress, their chairman was John Podesta.
Yes.
That's a guy.
John Podesta is the guy who the best thing you can say about John Podesta is that he didn't run a child sex ring out of a pizza para.
That's the best thing you can say about John Podesta.
Glass half full, Jimmy.
So no, I made some videos about Nera Tand.
And now the reason why I did is because she was attacking Julian Assange, saying that he was a fascist and he should be in prison.
And of course, we found out why she was doing that.
It was because Julian Assange exposed her for being the most, one of the worst war warmongers around, right?
Because what she wanted to do, I'll show you what she wanted to do.
This is, it says that we have a giant deficit.
They have a lot of oil, meaning Libya.
She says most Americans would choose not to engage in the world because of that deficit.
If we want to continue to engage in the world, gestures like having oil-rich countries partially pay us back.
So what she's saying is, let's steal their oil, right, in Libya, so we can do more foreign wars.
Because people at home are getting pissed off that we're not giving them social programs, but we're doing all these foreign wars.
And she says, if we want to, some people would choose not to engage in the world because of that deficit.
And if we want to continue to engage in the world, meaning bombing the shit out of people, we got to start stealing their natural resources in a more efficient way.
That's what she's saying.
So Julian Assange revealed that.
I did a video about it.
And so here's what she said.
She did this.
Important thread.
Jimmy Dore has created multiple videos to attack me.
She says, I ignore them, but they can be both vicious and ludicrous.
So when you're ignoring them, are you watching them?
And then do you ignore them after you tweet about them or after you find them ludicrous?
What is it?
When do you start ignore?
I don't know when the ignore part comes in.
And so, and by the way, important thread, Jimmy Dore has created multiple videos to expose me.
I pretend to ignore them, but they can both be accurate and devastating.
So I don't know if you saw the thread that she linked to trying to smear me.
The thread was by this guy, Stephen Crowder, right?
Well, it's Carlos Maza.
He's from Vox, and he does these videos online.
And then the Stephen Crowder, who's a right-wing comedian, he makes fun of him, but he does it in like, he also makes fun of him in a homophobic way, right?
Which is not good.
And, but, you know, that happens.
People, you know, CNN makes fun of me saying that I'm a conspiracy theorist and they try to fucking wreck my reputation and take my show away.
It happens, right?
It's not some jagoff right-winger.
This is real.
So she's trying to equate me with a racist homophobe because I had accurate criticisms of her war policy.
That's a little fucked up.
I'll throw it over to my panel.
What do you think?
Well, that's where it starts, is the Steven Crowder stuff.
But then you realize that YouTube is taking it much further and they're actually demonetizing platforms that are just talking about things.
And they actually challenged, they said anyone who interprets violent events that have been mass, like documented at length, anyone who interprets those differently than the established narrative, they're just going to remove the videos and possibly take down.
So we're going to get to that.
Yeah, that is true.
We're gonna, they said if you do a video that denies a major violent event, like if you deny the Holocaust or something, That's what they mean.
So if you go against the establishment news narrative, like if I said WMDs, that was bullshit, they would take that video down.
If I said Libyan war was bull, they would take that down.
So that's what, so I've told you before, all this Russia gate stuff, and anybody who pushed it on the left was a moron because they always use this to come after people who are pushing back against the state and the establishment, which is exactly what they're going to do now, right?
And they've been doing it, by the way.
They already de-platformed 800 lefty sites, the cop watch and stuff like that.
And they always demonetize one of my videos when I talk about Syria or I talk about war in the right way.
And so it's just weird that she, because I just want to, we're going to talk more about that, but I just want to show you this.
Here's Neera Tandon.
And here's what a lightweight she is.
She can get destroyed and dismantled by Chris Cuomo.
Ladies and gentlemen.
He's got great teeth, though.
Have you seen his teeth?
And he's very tall.
He's like 6'3.
So, and how do I know that?
Because he tells people.
Anyway, so let's watch.
So he's going to ask her about in their emails, Neera Tandon was caught saying Hillary Clinton is horrible and what the fuck, right?
And he asks her about this.
Watch her try to weasel out of it.
Specifically, one of the ones that you wrote, put up the email.
Her inability to just do a national interview and communicate genuine feelings of remorse and regret is now, I fear, becoming a character problem.
Now, this is interesting to hear that inside, you guys were having the same discussion that people were having outside.
So what happened when you said these things to Podesta and others?
Where did you guys come to a conclusion about why Clinton had such a hard time just owning that she did something wrong with the email server?
You know, I know that Russia and other countries would love us to have a debate.
This is exactly what they want.
They want us to have a debate about the internal structure of Hillary's campaign and what's true, what's not true.
And I'm just not going to play that.
I'm sorry.
The reality here is, is that, as Marco Rubio said, we have a Russian government, the Russian government, a foreign government, trying to essentially impact this election.
And I'm sorry, Chris, using the American media to do that.
And so I...
Oh, God, turn it off.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Chris.
I just want to say this right now that I'm totally sorry, but you're getting this song wrong.
As my email sad, I'm sorry.
But Nira, so you're saying, Nera, I'm sorry, Nira.
You're saying that Russia wrote your email?
Is that what you're saying?
Chris, I am sorry that you're Chris.
Chris, I'm sorry.
Fuck you now.
I'm sorry, but Russia did some stuff.
But how can you not answer your own email that is in writing?
You're dumb.
I love how she cites Marco Rubio, too, as like a source of, you know, she's like, as Marco Rubio clearly is saying.
Oh, Marco Rubio said it, then it's true.
Okay.
I can't get to that.
Don't tell me Louie.
Don't tell me Louis Gomert said it too, because that'll be.
So let's listen to watch Chris Cuomo pushes back.
She got fresh.
Any email I sent was personal from my personal account to someone else's personal account.
I'm not on the campaign.
I was an informal outside advisor with my own thoughts.
And so, honestly, I'm just telling you right now, Chris, that the reality of this is that I think Marco Rubio is right about this.
That people should not be using this as weaponizing the emails.
I personally to Dave Bossey, you would be giving me all your deepest thoughts about it right now.
You don't like it because it's your email.
You're dumping it.
You're not having high ground.
Chris?
Chris, Chris, stop pointing out bullshit that I'm saying.
Stop pointing out facts, Chris.
Chris, it's very sexist to point this out and just ask Marco Rubio.
Marco gave me this necklace.
*laughter*
Let's see what he says.
Chris, that's absolutely false.
I actually would not be doing that.
And you can see in other areas where emails have been used on any other issue have taken the same position.
Well, when his taxes came out, the Clinton campaign couldn't stop talking about them, right?
Those were leaked.
Was that technically?
Oh, yeah.
Actually, that is a really important point, Chris.
I agree with you.
These emails were not leaked.
They were leaking.
I'm saying, what's the difference?
How do they come out?
That's a separate issue.
The emails say what they said.
You just said leaked.
I know.
I'll say it again.
Leaked.
But whatever you're doing.
You just said leaked.
You just said leaked.
It makes me think of PP.
You said leaked.
You said doo-doo.
You said, that's what you just said, doo-loo.
You said dookie.
He almost said it.
Someone put her voice on double speed.
I can't handle it anymore.
It's too.
What you mean here?
Don't you like talking through your nose?
All you have to do is talk through your nose as if you don't even have a tongue.
This is like night.
It's what I go to annoying school before I came on shoe.
I went to annoying.
Hey, are you going on TV?
I can teach you how to be annoying.
You said leaked.
Here we go.
I bet this gets demonetized, and I lose my show for this because I'm attacking her.
It is not a separate issue.
How this happened was a foreign government.
And you don't listen to me.
Listen to Marco Rubio.
Jesus.
No!
God damn it, no!
Marco Rubio is really important.
Oh my God, she's driving me crazy.
That's a Democrat, the head of a Democrat think tank, telling you to listen to Marco Rubio.
Hey, listen to Sarah Palin.
Listen to her.
Listen to Sarah Palin and Kellyanne Conway.
You should listen to Ted Cruz.
He's got good ideas.
Listen to one of Mitch McConnell's chins.
They're very accurate.
Ivanka's interesting.
I like her ideas.
Listen to them.
Here we go.
I think there's more to this.
I am.
They were hacked, Nira, but you have to understand.
Not just to me, but to the outside, your emails are what they are.
Now, if you say, I never said this, that's something different.
If you say, this isn't me, I didn't write that, then that's a legitimate basis.
But otherwise, it just seems like you're ducking it because you don't want to own what you said.
I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.
Oh, shit!
Chris, Chris, Chris.
Marco, come out here and defend me.
Here we go.
I'm not owning it.
I'm saying that we shouldn't really be dealing with people's private emails.
This is, I think, an issue of privacy.
I agree with a lot of people who've made this point on both sides of the aisle.
Okay, there you go.
So that's Nira Tannin.
She's very easy to make fun of, ladies and gentlemen.
And she's a horrible person.
And she's a warmongering maniac, which is why I make videos about her.
And she's very powerful.
And she's a very powerful person.
She's the head of the Center for American Progress.
She knows the Clintons.
She knows all the people who run.
She was friends with Steve Schmidt, the head of Google.
She's friends with everybody who's powerful.
So she's not a victim.
And so for her to tweet that out with saying Jimmy Doerr does what this guy does and what that guy was doing was doing homophobic racist slurs against another guy, that's not what I do.
What I do is I make fun of you for your policy.
I don't make fun of you for how you were born, okay?
Nera, Nira Tannen, you weren't born a corporatist warmongering piece of shit.
You chose to be that.
Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy.
That's my idea.
Marco Rubio made me do that.
So that's why I do videos about her.
And that is the big difference.
The Center of American Progress just equated me doing accurate criticism of her war policy with being a homophobic racist.
So that's the kind of smear of bullshit she does.
It's ironic.
She linked to a thread on Twitter of a guy complaining about being harassed.
And what she's actually doing is smearing and harassing me.
It's kind of ironic that Nira Tannen's actually fucking smearing me in a fake, phony way.
All right.
It's scary.
She has a lot of power.
Well, that's what I mean.
She has a lot of power.
My show's on YouTube, which is owned by Google.
She hangs out with the guy who fucking runs Google.
Right?
So it is very scary because they can shut me down just like that.
And then I'm, you know, I have to go kill myself.
And go back to living in Joe Biden's cardboard.
Don't do that, Jimmy.
Don't do that.
What's also amazing to me is, you know, the fake left will fucking jump out of their skin and go crazy when Trump and Kellyanne Conway and those people just do the same thing.
Just flat out lie, won't own it.
There's a fact right in front of them that they dodge.
And then this woman is some sort of fucking liberal hero.
Give me a fucking break.
The whole ruling class is a bunch of sociopathic, lying nutbags that would fucking skull fuck a puppy if it meant turning a profit from a war.
You're insulting Marco Rubio right now.
I'm sorry.
Ebby, Abby, actually.
Hey, you know, we no longer have an Amazon link because we're not doing that.
We're not playing that game.
But here's another great way you can help support the show is you become a premium member.
We give you a couple of hours of premium bonus Content every week, and it's a great way to help support the show.
You can do it by going to JimmyDoorComedy.com, clicking on join premium.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business, and it's a great way to help put your thumb back in the eye of the bastards.
Thanks for everybody who was already a premium member.
And if you haven't, you're missing out.
We give you lots of bonus content.
Thanks for your support.
This portion of the Jimmy Door show is brought to you by the shadow government.
Our thousands of employees work hard every day to keep up the illusion that you have control over your lives.
The shadow government, saving you from mass extermination by promoting ignorance and pliability for over 200 years.
The shadow government, because there's nothing you can do about it.
Now back to the Jimmy Door show, already in progress.
Wow, Liam Neeson's calling me again.
Hello.
Jimmy, this is Liam Neeson, and I'm calling you again.
I know.
But this isn't an ordinary call.
This time it's completely different.
Can you feel it?
No, feel what?
My inner smile.
Apparently, we all have one, according to my intimacy teacher.
What's an intimacy teacher?
Something I just made up.
Guess what?
What?
I just watched one of my movies, The Commuter.
Have you heard of it?
Yes.
I was just kidding.
Of course, you've heard of it.
And here's what I learned.
In all my movies, I always look tired, unhappy, like I'm struggling with some great weight on my shoulders.
Well, those days are over.
It's time for the new me.
No more, Mr. Grumpy Pants.
I'm turning that throne upside down.
Hang in there, baby.
You get my drift.
What does this all mean?
This.
No more.
It must be Monday for me.
From now on, it's all thank God it's Friday.
And today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Shit like that.
That's quite a character change.
Wow.
Go ahead.
Test me.
Test you.
You heard me.
I don't think you believe me when I said I see the half glass full now.
That life is what you make it.
That you create your own reality and life is a bowl of cherries.
Test me.
How?
Tell me you have to let me go after I've worked at the company for 10 years.
No, I don't think I can say that to you.
Do it!
I'm sorry, Liam, but no, not Liam.
Michael.
My wife is Karen, and my son is Danny.
Remember those names, Karen and Danny?
I get very emotional about them.
What do you want me to do again?
Tell me you have to let me go after I've worked at the company for 10 years.
And when you do it, say how valuable, you know, I've been for the company.
Come on, don't be a fucking pansy.
Do it.
I'm sorry, Liam.
Michael.
All right.
Michael, we all know how valuable you've been to the company for 10 years.
10 years.
Yeah.
10 goddamn years.
Yes, for 10 years.
You've been a very valuable.
Say most valuable.
Study my reaction to the new me.
You've been our most valuable employee at the company, Michael.
But we're going to have to let you go.
10 years, just like that.
Yes.
Ten years.
How can you?
Karen and me, we live hand to mouth.
I'm sorry if you have any questions.
Just call human resources.
I've got two mortgages.
A son is going to college him five years from retirement.
I know it's unfair.
You played by the rules.
You're a good soldier, but sometimes they're casualties.
Good, good.
Okay, this is where I can no longer hear what you're saying.
My eyes blaze over while I daydream about killing you.
But not this time.
Because this is where I let Mr. Positive take charge of my thought factory.
Got it?
Okay, but what about your family?
You touch my wife, my son.
I swear to God.
I'm not going to touch your family.
Don't you dare talk about Karen and Danny.
And Curtin.
Good job, Jimmy.
Thank you for letting me work out my inner demons.
I feel very centered.
You're welcome, Liam.
I hope it helped.
Oh, it did.
But I'm still going to hunt you down like an animal.
You can't talk about Karen and Danny that way.
This portion of the Jimmy Door show is brought to you by things you can't afford.
Beautiful, elegant, overpriced things for only the finest of people.
Yes, rare, delicate, really expensive things, quality controlled to the heights of perfection.
Things you can't afford for only the snazziest upper crust aficionados.
Take a good look, because that's the closest you'll ever get to things you can't afford.
Ask for them by name, but don't expect to get them.
Now, back to the Jimmy Door show, even though it's probably over your head.
So they're doing it again.
So you see how easy it is for them to smear Tulsi.
They're also not covering Bernie again.
And then when they do cover him, they cover him horribly.
And so they did an interview.
Jenk Uger did an interview with him, and they talked about it.
And then Nina Turner tweeted it out, and she said, establishment sabotaging Bernie Sanders again, make it plain.
And so there it is.
And then, so this guy, you know who Joe Lockhart is?
He used to be Bill Clinton's communication director, right?
So he jumped in and he goes, God, this gets old.
Yeah, and it continues, Joe.
Do you want to speak honestly about it or just pop off on Twitter in between you getting to spout off on TV?
Yeah, it's still happening, Joe.
It's still happening.
And why are you being such a dick about it, dismissive about it?
It's actually happening.
And so this guy, he goes, you guys are all too pure for me.
Oh, and self-righteous, self-indulgent, and put upon.
I'll just stay over here in my corner with the people you hate, which includes most of the Democratic Party.
Good luck.
That's good for me, man.
That's cool.
Just stay in the fucking corner and shut the fuck up and get out of our way.
I'm good with that.
Let us progressives run some shit.
Just kick your head up your fucking ass, Joe, and go to your NFL games and try to suck your own dick.
It's definitely half the Democratic Party, I'll tell you that.
But here, he says, I'll just stay over here in my corner with all the people you hate, which includes most of the political establishment.
I fixed it for you.
There you go.
Fucking right.
Actual voters don't like them.
In case you didn't know, they kind of screwed us over for decades.
Yeah.
And then he goes on to say, I voted for your old boss, Bill Clinton, twice.
I was supporter of Hillary Clinton before I supported Barack Obama.
This vitriol at me is because I want my candidate to get better press.
Really, Joe, because I want mainstream media to give progressives a fair shake.
You say I hate Democrats?
Yeah, that's what he says.
That's what they're saying.
They're saying, suck it, shut up, and take it.
And progressives shouldn't ever expect news media to cover them.
Fuck off.
We got it handled.
That's what he's saying.
I say, hey, don't you have a NAFTA bill signing or a Wall Street deregulation party you need to go to?
I just, I don't, Bernie Sanders got like almost 48% of the delegates last time.
I mean, it's unbelievable.
And he's half the party, and they keep pretending that it's not half the party, that there isn't this thing.
They elected goddamn Trump.
There's Brexit happening.
Right-wingers are taking over all over the place because capitalism and neoliberalism is failing world fucking wide right now.
And these guys say, what's the problem?
What's the matter?
What's the matter with you guys, right?
So he says, but you still keep doing it, Joe.
Why?
He goes, this gets old.
This guy says, yeah, but you keep still doing it, Joe.
Why?
And Joe says, it's always someone else's fault.
I thought the party of grievance was Trump's party.
I said, you mean like how Hillary losing to a political novice and game show host was the fault of misogyny, WikiLeaks, the Comey letter in Russia, but not her or her campaign like that?
Thank you.
Does he answer you?
He doesn't answer you.
He doesn't fucking answer you.
No.
These guys set themselves up.
It's so amazing.
They're just so full of shit.
And then these are the idiots.
They want you to just pledge your vote 18 months from now.
Just any blue, no matter what.
You can have your little arguments about Bernie or Tulsi, but just shut the fuck up and pledge your votes to these sociopaths that they are so out of it.
They're at a country club.
Like, oh, why are those people keep living in tents?
Why don't they just buy a Tesla forever and just be done with it?
Don't you people have private jets?
So then the weirdest thing happened in this thread is that another comedian I know, we're friends, he decided to defend Joe.
I have no idea.
He goes, don't let the Glenn Greenwald Pajama Club get you down.
Wow.
What does that even mean?
I don't even know what this guy's Reno 911.
What the hell happened to you, man?
He's on the side of Joe in this.
He goes, don't let the Glenn Greenwald Pajama Club get you down, Joe.
They are still flummoxed while their hero Bernie eventually voted for Hillary while they shouted at windmills.
Once the primaries are over, vote blue like Bernie.
I don't understand what the fuck he's doing.
What does that mean?
I don't even know.
Stick to the Ren and Stimpy voices, man.
This is bullshit.
I know what he's doing.
What is he doing?
He's rich.
He's a rich Hollywood elitist.
He's supporting the rich people.
Rich, rich people, liberals voted for Hillary, and they're in Hollywood.
That's what the fucking rich Hollywood people do.
They vote for their kind.
It's just, they're just too, they're just pro-choice Republicans.
That's who they are.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
You know what I love about Carlos?
If I asked him to do that voice, he would do it for me, and that's what I love.
I go, hey, what you do?
He goes, take care of Moochie.
He would do it for me.
He's a nice guy.
I don't understand this tweet.
It doesn't make sense to me.
This portion of the Jimmy Dore show is brought to you by Johnson Celebrity Odors.
Yes, everybody knows all the biggest celebrities smell like a pile of excrement.
Now, thanks to Johnson's celebrity odors, you can sport the same stench as your favorite well-known personality.
Hey, now I smell as bad as George Clooney.
Ew, Jennifer Lawrence must be a dirty pig.
Now I smell just like her.
Yes, now you two can reek like the stars with Johnson celebrity odors.
I'm like, I said Angelina Jelly.
Somebody open a window.
Make a big stink with Johnson celebrity odors.
Available online and at Walmart's everywhere.
Now back to The Jimmy Dore Show, already in progress.
The Jimmy Dore Show This is such an old idea.
This isn't a new idea, Medicare for All.
Here's John F. Kennedy talking about it, what, 60 years ago?
The fact of the matter is that what we are now talking about doing, most of the countries of Europe did years ago.
The British did it 30 years ago.
What happened to Kennedy again?
Where is he now?
So there he is talking about doing it.
And he said most of the country, Derek England did it 30 years ago.
And so here we are at the California Democratic Convention.
Oh, yeah.
So this is John Delaney.
He looks like he should play the neighbor to sitcom.
So he said this.
He tried to talk about this is at the Democratic California Democratic Convention, which was in San Francisco last weekend.
And here's what he said.
But we need as Democrats to build an economy that works, but it's got to be with smart policies.
Medicare for all may sound good, but it's absolutely not good policy, nor is it good politics.
I'll tell you.
I'll tell you.
100.
Congratulations.
Oh, wait.
Wait a minute.
should have my hair What was that?
Hand rubbing.
That was creepy as fuck.
We should have universal health care.
Ah!
We should have universal health care.
We should have universal healthcare, but it shouldn't be a kind of...
We should have it.
How many times?
Please stop booing.
I'm saying the thing that you want me to say.
I'm saying it.
You know, I think he's gonna try to win the crowd back by saying we should replace every Planned Parenthood with a gun store.
You want me?
I had no idea where the principal from Save by the Bill went, but I guess it was right here.
Motherfucker.
Here that kicks 150 million Americans off their health care.
That's not smart policy.
So he just did another right-wing talking point.
He goes, we can't have a system that kicks 150 million Americans off their health care.
Of course, it does.
It gives them better health care, you dumb dick.
You're a right-winger.
Why don't you just go fucking run in the Republican primary like you're supposed to?
And then he couldn't take it.
He started tweeting stuff out.
He goes, intolerance.
He goes, intolerance to alternative points of view is not what the Democratic Party should be about.
Don't we get enough of that from Trump?
Oh, shut the fuck up.
Shut your fucking mouth, you bold-headed country club motherfucker.
I'm sorry, someone jumped on my mic.
I don't know what happened.
Ron Placone says, you're comparing people who want everyone to have health care to Donald Trump.
Your talking points are tired as your ideas.
Take it in from this weekend and go away.
Wrong Paco, everybody.
Wrong places.
I like what secular talk says.
He goes, 70% of the country wants Medicare.
80% of your party wants it.
Every other developed nation has it.
They cover everybody for less and have better health comes.
And you're mistaking educated people booing you because you're factually wrong for intolerance.
away you want to see what a right winger He also got booed.
Here's John Hickenlooper.
After the Aurora shooting, they asked him if he wanted to ban guns, and here's what he said.
But I look at this, but this wasn't a Colorado problem.
This is a human problem, right?
And how we can have such a warped individual and no one around them be aware.
You know, I worry that if we got rid of all the guns, and some of them have so many guns in this country, we do have a lot more gun violence in many other countries.
But even if he didn't have access to guns, this guy was diabolical, right?
He would have found explosives.
He would have found something of some sort of poisonous gas.
He would have done something to create this horror.
Yeah, so what he's saying is if he didn't have guns, he would have went into a bomb store or a poison gas store.
You know, those stores?
Because you can't outlaw shit, because that's why we don't outlaw bombs.
Oh, wait, we did.
We did fucking outlaw bombs.
You can't have bombs.
You can't sell bombs.
Isn't that weird?
It's not joke.
So these guys are right-wingers, and they're running as Democrats.
Why?
Because the Democratic Party shifted 20 years ago to be a Republican Party.
And they're only Democrats in name only.
And that's why I do the show I do.
Here's John Hickenlooper.
Here's him at the California.
And listen to what he says.
If we want to beat Donald Trump and achieve the progressive goals, socialism is on the answer.
I was re-elected.
I was re-elected in a purple state in 2014.
One of the worst years for Democrats in a quarter section.
I was...
You know, if we're not careful, we're going to end up helping to reelect the worst president of American history.
We shouldn't try to achieve universal coverage by removing private insurance from over 150 million Americans.
We should not try to tackle climate change by guaranteeing American American a government job.
Hold on, hold on.
As the Democratic Party, we We have to create a vision for this country.
I want to give Americans a reason to look forward to tomorrow.
the only way he could have made this worse we would have said let me finish in russian This guy comes from a state that just legalized mushrooms, and they still fucking hate him.
Isn't that something?
Wow.
From the governor from the first state to legalize pot, it's like finding out Tombi Tommy Chong is a pharma lobbyist.
That's what it feels like.
Oh, by the way, here's the Rona McDaniels.
She's the GOP chairwoman.
She says, in today's Democratic Party, if you attack socialism, you get booed.
If you attack government-run healthcare, you get booed.
Their party has gotten so far outside the mainstream, and it's going to cost them in 2020.
Well, Rona, you're so out of touch.
You are named Rona.
And go, USA.
It's also going back 100 years ago, actually, to FDR's policies.
So you're a little bit in the dark there, Rona.
Yes.
Here's Jim Kessler of the Third Way Democrats.
He says the California Democratic Party is so far to the left that Speaker Pelosi gets booed at their convention.
Yep.
She's also.
People, they don't realize that Nancy Pelosi is to the right of Trump voters.
She doesn't realize that.
Trump voters are for single-payer, Green New Deal, ending the fucking wars.
Nancy Pelosi's not for any of that shit.
She's actually to the right of Trump voters.
That's how messed up our politics are.
Anyway, he says they don't respect National Democrats or California Democrats.
They represent denizens of bespoke coffee shops.
I don't know.
So here's how the Fox News talked about this.
Watch this.
i'm telling you god that's hey frank it sounds like i was speaking at the uh wow They should both become Republicans.
She's literally just recruiting these people.
You won't get booed if you come to our party.
You can say these things.
Everyone go, yeah.
I can string them up.
Socialism.
Health care for everybody.
Fuck yourself.
Yeah.
Come join us.
And watch what Lunt says.
Well, the problem now for the Democrats is that the core, their base vote is so far on the left with these policies.
But I want to remind viewers, this is a great exercise for them.
Because what they don't realize is how much the Democrats have changed, how much their policies have moved to the left.
And on every single issue, the activists can't wait to boo the moderates in the party.
This is just like the Republicans from 2016.
It's just a mirror image on the left.
Yeah, and guess what happened in 2016?
The Republicans elected an outsider political novice and said, fuck you to their establishment.
That's what happened in 2016 to the Republicans.
And that's what's going to happen this time for the Democrats.
Thank you.
And we should pay close attention to this guy, especially since he's got a clown suit on.
Well, what's amazing is that not only are the Democrats out of touch with their base, but so are the Republicans.
They're out of touch with their own base too, because Fox and Friends and Friends asked their own viewers what they thought about Medicare for all.
They go, Bernie Sanders' Medicare for All bill, estimated to cost $32.6 trillion.
New study says, would the benefits outweigh the cost?
Yes.
That's their own viewers.
So that's how much of a bubble even people at Fox, they have no idea their own viewers don't agree with their bullshit statements.
So Nancy Pelosi chucks humor, they know that we don't agree with them, but they don't give a fuck, right?
But I think Laura Ingram and that guy lunch, they actually don't know.
They live in that big of a bubble where they think that the people who watch them don't want Medicare for all.
They want it.
They all want a healthcare system that functions for them, and they're not getting it.
So here's Glenn Greenwald.
He goes on with Tucker Carlson again because he's not invited to talk about it on other news shows because he'll tell the truth about MSNBC and that's the last thing they want.
He'll probably mention that they fired Ed Schultz for covering Bernie Sanders.
He'd probably mention that they fired Phil Donahue for telling the truth about the Iraq war and they can't have that on MSNBC, which is why they don't bring him out.
And he would probably also tell them that Rachel Maddow is a conspiracy theorist of the highest order and doing more damage to our country than she is to journalism.
Talk about people are toxic.
Rachel Maddow, one of the most that whole MSNBC, by the way, and so here's what Glenn has to say about this.
Listen to this.
I've dealt with harassment far greater than what Carlos Maza is complaining of.
I'm a gay man in a country, Brazil, that just elected a president, driven by intense anti-gay animists.
My husband's a member of Congress and the oppositional party.
We've been mocked and derided with our sexual orientation, not by random YouTubers, but by the president of the country himself on Twitter and his family members who are elected members of Congress.
And it would never occur to me to run to social media companies to beg for censorship because in part it's just something that comes with the territory of being a public figure, but more so because I don't want to live in a world where our discourse is policed and determined by benevolent overlords who run Silicon Valley companies and who are always going to cater to the most powerful faction.
That's what happened here.
YouTube caved in, not in defense of the marginalized person, but in defense of the powerful one, the one who, despite being gay and Latino, works for a major media conglomerate.
And that's what they're always going to do is defend the mob and defend the powerful at the expense of those who are marginalized.
And so, of course, Glenn has the correct view of this.
And I'll defer to him as a gay man because, you know, I don't have that experience.
I've talked to, I talked to other gay people and they were completely not seeing it from a free speech angle.
They were seeing it as we got to shut Crowder down and that stuff.
And I'm like, well, maybe I would feel that way if I had your experiences.
I mean, that's a, you know, I don't feel that way.
I don't see it that way.
I'm a free speech guy.
I don't see it that way, but I will leave open to the maybe if I was gay and I was brought up and I had the experiences as a gay person growing up, I would think differently.
That's the most I could give you.
But then I listened to Glenn and I'm like, no, I probably, that's if I, he grew up gay and he doesn't think that way at all.
Crowder doesn't have any power.
He doesn't have the power to ruin your reputation.
He doesn't have the power to take your livelihood away.
He doesn't have the power to shut down your platform or take your job away.
He doesn't have any power over you.
The way the NSA does and has currently jailed Chelsea Manning, who's transgender.
Right.
Exactly right.
So can I read?
He says this.
So they demonetize Crowder and then he goes, demonetizing doesn't work.
Abusers use it as proof they're being discriminated against.
Then they make millions off selling merch, doing speaking gigs and getting their followers to support them on Patreon.
The ad revenue isn't the problem.
It's the platform.
So he is trying to demonize the platform.
That's what he's doing.
He's not saying it's Crowder.
He's saying there's a problem with YouTube and there's something wrong with this platform.
And it sounds like he wants to scare advertisers away from YouTube right now.
And at the very least, that's what he wants.
And if you another reading of that is the ad revenue isn't the problem.
It's the platform.
Means you want to get rid of the platform.
That's a more nefarious reading of that that I don't think is out of bounds.
Go ahead.
Jimmy, if I don't know anything about this and I just read, you could apply this to your show, to this show.
You could apply it to my show.
When we all got demonetized hard two years ago, we all jumped over to Patreon.
Right.
We've all done this.
It's merch, speaking gigs.
That's our live shows and Patreon.
So if you're called, anyone, they could use this language.
Oh, Jimmy, Kremlin puppet.
He denied the Syrian gas attack.
Yep.
Yep.
Was done by Assad, which it wasn't.
Right.
I was right about that.
Turns out we were right, which is why you can't, which is why it's wrong to say that you're not allowed to go against the official narrative of any kind of mass violent event.
Because that's one of the things.
We're going to get to that.
I'm going to show you what YouTube has as their list of stuff you can't do.
But look, I want to show you one more thing.
Here's Carlos Maza, and he says, if you put YouTube's all-right creators into their own vertical, it'd be one of the most popular on YouTube, rivaling music and gaming.
YouTube isn't a platform being hijacked by monsters.
YouTube is a platform for monsters.
That sounds, that's a weird thing to say.
That's a weird.
So it makes me, my bullshit detector goes off and it makes me think he's got another agenda.
And it looks like he wants to scare the hell out of advertisers from coming on this platform.
And it looks like he wants to even maybe scare everybody away from this platform.
Why?
I'm not exactly sure.
Some people have theories.
I'm going to share with you in a second.
But first, I'm going to show you what a hypocrite he is.
Because here he is advocating, advocating for humiliating his political adversaries.
He wants to humiliate them in public and he wants to make them dread going public organizing.
So that's what makes me think all that other stuff he said.
He's not sincere because he has no problem doing the exact thing.
By the way, this is worse.
Well, Bernie Sanders has been getting a lot of negative news coverage from mainstream media, either ignoring or scorning him.
So I thought I'd call him and get his reaction.
What is it?
This is the Washington Post.
You smell like a democracy just died seven feet in the darkness of Dick Cheney's colon.
Bernie, it's Jimmy Door.
What's your reaction to the kind of news coverage you've been getting lately?
If you could put your crack pipe down long enough to listen, you might recall how the Washington Post once ran 16 negative stories against me in less than a day during the primaries.
I only found out about it after my hamster peanut choked on the damn masthead and I just scraped that issue of the post off the bottom of his cage.
Hey, you know there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to jimmydoorcomedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Connoff, Jim Earl, Ron Placone, Steph Samurano, and Mark Van Landowicz.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only, the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
That's it for this week.
you be the best you can be and I'll keep being me.
Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
Do not, do not.
Do not freak.
Do not freak.
Do not freak out.
▲
Export Selection