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June 5, 2019 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:07:06
20190605_TJDS_20190605_Podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Why, that's Rick Perry on the phone.
He's the head of the energy department.
Hello.
Hide-y-ho, peoples of Earth and assorted American colonies.
Just for future preference, Jimmy D, the proper enunciation of energy is ARNERGY.
Department of Arnergy.
In other words, it's the Department of Eve, not the Department of Steve.
You know, I think you might be mixing up your expressions there.
Yeah, well, that's for you to think and me to find out.
For I am a free spirit, Jimmy.
I live by my own set of rules.
I suppose if my life could be summarized in music, it would probably be the synthesizer part in Van Halen's gym.
Because I feel like I might as well jump right now.
And you ask, how, why?
Please tell us, Rick.
For I, under the aegists of the Compartment of Arnergy, have rebranded America's vast stores of methane as, hold your breath, freedom gas.
Freedom gas?
Bow your head and give thanks to your maker, heathens, for Americans are passing their gas along to you.
What has been the reaction to your freedom gas, Rick?
There's been a lot of blowback, but that's only natural.
I'm confident that it won't be long before we're all under the same tent with my freedom gas.
How did you even come up with the name Freedom Gas?
I was given a briefing in Brussels about our liquor-fried natural gas exports, and I compared it to D-Day.
I said the United States is again delivering a form of freedom to the European continent.
Yes?
And reporter person asked me if these exports could be described as freedom gas.
So naturally, I took the bait, and I said, yes, I will describe them as freedom gas.
Wow.
Yes, Jimmy, I was surprised, but I couldn't help myself.
As you know, I've never been too shy to let one rip for freedom.
So you're not worried about the effects of burning fossil fuel will have on your health?
On the contrary, the Trump administration is committed to making fossil fuels cleaner.
And the only way to do that is to get it all out of the ground where it gets dirty with the dirt.
You have all that oil and stuff sitting underground for millions of years.
Of course, you're going to get your backyard all oily.
Get ready.
So what's your solution for climate change, Rick?
Let me answer your question with another question.
Don't retaliate, innovate.
Yeah, that's not a question.
Whoops.
Don't retaliate, innovate.
Can you explain that more in detail, Rick?
I would like to, but then I might have people in the White House notice me.
And you can't have that in Washington, D.C. You're practically invisible.
What do you do from Washington, D.C. anyway?
I like to take walks.
There's a big old park with lots and lots of stones with rotten on them.
Arlington Cemetery?
No, this place has lots of dead people there, and they appear to be buried.
It's all very well kept up.
It's the Arlington Cemetery, Rick.
Close, but this place has an infernal flame.
I'm very interested in that infernal flame because why?
Because if our scientists can discover where that energy source comes from, perhaps once upon a time, the state of America may harness that energy for going to the moon with, or one of our lesser satellites like Venus, if you will.
All right.
Well, until that day comes, Rick, can you give people any tips on how to conserve energy?
Yes, become energy secretary.
That's the best way to avoid work.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for people that are coming on tearing down our nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you, Kali.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Door.
Hey, everybody, welcome to this week's Jimmy Dore show.
We added a show in Chicago on July 14th and St. Louis on July 21st.
Plus a live Jimmy Door show in Honolulu, December 27th.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com for a link for all the tickets for all of our live shows.
Hey, now let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes.
Shall we?
Did you hear that the Department of Energy has just rebranded fossil fuel as Get Ready for This?
They now call it Freedom Gas.
Wow.
What we really need right now is a candidate who can find a middle ground with Republicans and our impending extinction.
And now a joke for finance nerds.
I just paid for my new toilet with shit coin.
laughter laughter laughter laughter You know, I got to tell you, I hate when people use annoying business speak too much.
But at the end of the day, I guess it is what it is.
Hey, did you hear Kim Jong-un doesn't like Joe Biden or John Bolton?
Is it possible we may have misjudged this guy?
*laughter*
You know, it's nice to think that to get a break from the horror show of depravity, selfishness, and callous disregard for human life evident in the real world around us, many of us turn to Game of Thrones.
In New Hampshire, Joe Biden predicted that once President Trump is out of office, Republicans will have, quote, an epiphany and work with Democrats toward consensus.
This is what happens when you legalize drugs.
Okay, we got phone calls today from Chris Christie, Vince Vaughn, and Rick Perry, plus a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Coming up on today's show, Robert Mueller's press conference was complete BS and how it revealed his unbelievable depravity and dishonesty.
Remember, Robert Mueller led us into the Iraq war, and he reveals that kind of integrity on today's show.
Plus, Ben Serpero reveals his inner bigot.
Plus, a New York mayor gets confronted at the gym over homelessness and runs away.
We got phone calls today from Chris Christie, Vince Vaughn, and Rick Perry, plus a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
*Bell rings*
This is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Jimmy Baby, it's Double V. Hello, conservative actor Vince Vaughn.
how are you doing?
I'm doing good, buddy.
How are you, though?
That is the question to be asking at this particular time and place.
I think that's a more appropriate.
I'm doing fine, buddy.
Why do you ask?
Look, I'm going to put aside our political differences for a minute, even though they are significant because you are a leftist dumb-dumb, and I am a smart smart, but we can hash it another day.
Right now, we are on the same side.
You and I, my friend.
Okay.
I just want to let you know how proud I am of you.
For what?
Starting a beef.
You're all grown up, Jimmy Dora.
Look at you, baby.
And this is big boy beef, too.
This is like Beef Wellington coming out with that metal saucer over the top.
The waiter takes it off with a giant flourish.
Ta-da!
Beef!
Oh, right.
You mean the Naritandin thing, right?
Is that what you're talking about, Naratandon?
Yeah, whatever the fuck her name is.
Yeah, yeah, I've gotten in beef with people before, Vince.
Yeah, but this one is on TV.
You're in the big leagues, baby.
I've seen her on TV.
And let me tell you.
Wait, why is this line crossed out?
Because I had to edit the script for this sketch, Vince.
What?
Why?
These are the best lines.
I'll tell you why, because she equated my fact-checking of her horse shit with another guy getting homophobically and racistly harassed by Stephen Crowder.
What a fucking factually incorrect person.
Wait, what?
Yeah, I had to edit that line also, Vince.
I can't afford to give her the satisfaction of inadvertently proving her right.
I can't have Vince Vaughan calling in and just saying whatever Vince Vaughn would say about Naritandon.
Oh, my God, you are killing me.
Hence, the lines are changed.
Did you go to dental school in the Caribbean?
No, why?
Because you are pulling teeth out of this thing that I don't think need to be pulled out by a friend.
Vince, I've learned from the past the corporate Democrats' favorite thing to do in the world is to dismiss other ideas, better ideas, because the messenger used an icky word or said something crass or just generally doesn't seem like they are a member of the right country club.
I don't want to even give them the satisfaction.
Okay, I see where you're coming from.
I get it.
Okay, thanks.
But I have to notice here.
I have to mention that, Jimmy, I don't really appear to have too many more lines left in this sketch.
Well, yeah, you were saying some pretty crass stuff, Vince.
It's what I do, baby.
Look, I want you to be careful, though.
Yeah?
You make powerful enemies, JD.
I'm worried.
They could take you down.
These evil fucking Democrats.
They could assange you or Chelsea Manning you or existence champion.
Reality winner?
Yeah, that's who.
Vince, I appreciate your concern.
You're right.
The establishment does not like speaking truth to power, but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be taken down by Niratandon.
Okay, well, just so you know, I have your back, Jimmy Door.
If Needles Canson or whatever wants to come at you, she's going to have to go through me first.
And in order to do that, God damn it, this line's crossed out, too.
Yeah.
Bye-bye, Vince.
So, Alabama, they passed that strict abortion law, right?
I know.
And it's because Alabama loves children, which is why they're last in education.
Because they love children.
Here's Brian Williams talking about it.
Alabama's new abortion law, the strictest in our country, is setting up a direct challenge to Roe versus Wade in the Supreme Court.
That's what it was designed to do.
Just tonight, Governor Kay Ivey signed into law this ban on abortions at all stages of pregnancy.
The only exception here is if the mother's life is in jeopardy.
It's similar to new bills.
First of all, I love that a woman signed this.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm fine with more women in public office, as long as their office has access to the 21st century.
Thank you.
I mean, obviously, gender makes no difference.
I mean, if men shouldn't be making decisions on women's bodies, women whose vaginas are no longer working shouldn't be making decisions on vaginas that still work.
Let's water this.
Hang on.
Georgia, Ohio, Mississippi, Kentucky.
Except it goes further.
This law does not include exceptions for rape and incest and carries a felony charge for doctors punishable by a sentence of up to 99 years in prison.
Let's be frank and put this another way: a rapist in Alabama would get a lighter prison sentence than the doctor called upon to end an unwanted pregnancy that might result from that rape.
Okay, so to recap, in Alabama, you're allowed to have a banjo on your knee and a rapist between your knees.
How about this?
The governor of Alabama has shattered two myths.
First, that what America needs are more women in public office.
And second, all lives are precious.
I didn't get that joke either.
All right.
Just more here we go.
Now be challenged in court, which is ultimately the point.
Okay, so that.
And by the way, it was 20, there's 25 men, right, white men who voted on this, right?
25 men decided on the governor's vagina.
25 men get to tell women what to do with their vagina.
Who the fuck are these guys?
I mean, I can't even order from my wife in a restaurant.
These guys are telling her what to do with their vaginas.
Can you imagine how men would react if a bunch of women in power decided what we could or could not do with our dicks?
Could you imagine the male response to that?
Like, could you fucking imagine that shit?
I've got a few ideas.
Well, I don't know who said this, but somebody said if men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.
Right?
I'm confused.
Does this make a pap smear a misdemeanor?
I think so.
So in Alabama, the doctor's the bad guy, and the rapist is a good guy.
Isn't that something?
I guess I know where Harvey Weinstein's buying a summer home.
Am I right?
Am I right?
Come on, I wrote that joke on the fly.
Thank you.
What was that move?
I love that.
That was a home run walk-off move?
That was fantastic.
I don't think the previous governor of Alabama would have signed it.
Oh, Haley Barber?
I don't think.
First of all, that bill is slightly extreme.
You may live in a bill where illegal has an abortion indicates both.
Right.
Hey, it is real.
You get that both of them.
In the spirit of craft mind, you got to choose one.
I'm a reacher crossing out of a gas.
I was big.
Especially when I was the Republican caucus.
So harshly, I don't know.
Whatever, whatever current governor Alabama was doing, that's fine.
But when I harshly was an office, I would have had great rooms with this bill, at least as far as it was written.
That's a handful of food.
That's a handful of food.
And I'm so glad you guys know who the fuck I'm talking about right now, but it'll be a weird market.
That's the most articulate argument I think I've ever heard.
Thank you!
So, that was fight that.
This is so this is such a bad law in Alabama that Pat Robertson is against it.
That's crazy.
You think I'm kidding?
You think I'm kidding?
There we go.
I think Alabama has gone too far.
They've passed a law that would give a 99-year prison sentence to people who can commit abortion.
and take it from a guy who knows exactly how long 99 years can be.
Thank you.
There's no exception for rape or incest.
It's an extreme law, and they want to challenge Roe versus Wade.
But my humble view is that this is not the case we want to bring to the Supreme Court because I think this one will lose.
That sounds like a guy who used the back door to the abortion clinic.
So, here is this is kind of a crazy.
So, this is the debate that they were having on the floor of the legislature in Alabama, and this is just nuts.
Watch this: Does the BO make exception for patients who are victims of rape?
And of course, I kind of know the answer.
Can you tell me why it doesn't?
It allows for anything that's available today is still available up until that woman knows she's pregnant.
So, you can get an abortion as long as you don't know you're pregnant.
So, basically, you got to go to an abortion clinic, you know, on the regular every week.
And you go, hey, can you check and see if I'm pregnant?
Don't tell me.
And if I am, abort it, and then tell me after.
And we're going to do this every Friday for the rest of my life.
Thank you.
You know, there is a way.
That's right, there is a way around it.
It's called the morning after pill.
Nobody's going to know when you pop it, ladies.
Am I right?
No, but the problem is that women don't know they're pregnant until sometimes, like, they're already six weeks pregnant, right?
So, as somebody pointed out, that this bill makes it illegal for an abortion after six weeks.
And after six weeks, somebody said that's just you missed your period.
That's all that is, right?
Am I wrong about this?
You're correct, Jimmy.
Mike, did you want to say something?
That was a little frame.
I forgot what it was, but as far as that goes, I mean, you should know at six weeks whether you're outside.
I slew.
You should know whether you're pregnant or not.
I play the bad guy on the show.
It's okay.
I'm doing a character.
We got to get used to that right off the bat.
So, here's what Rachel Maddow had to say about it.
Here we go.
That total ban on abortion in Alabama passed the Senate last night.
Tonight, the state's Republican governor signed it into law.
This is the strictest abortion ban to pass the state legislature.
But it's not just happening in Alabama.
It is happening all over the country in all the states where Republicans have full control.
This is what Republicans are doing with their control of state government, including Alabama.
We've got radical, restrictive abortion bans passing at least one chamber of the state legislature so far in already half, already 11 of the 22 states under Republican control.
Plus, one more in Montana, where Republicans control the legislature.
But there, there is a Democratic governor, that Democratic governor, Steve Bullock, who vetoed one of these anti-abortion bills in his state just last week.
He's going to be here in just a moment to talk about his presidential bid.
So, another one?
But my point, the point of this video is, yeah, so this is what the Republicans are doing, and this is so horrible and backwards in the 19th century.
And guess what?
The Democrats fucking lose to those people.
That's how shitty the Democrats are that they're losing to these pieces of shit.
Because the people who want to take your rights away, they have somebody to vote for.
But the people who want to expand Social Security and get rid of the surveillance state and make sure you have a living wage and end the fucking wars, we got nobody to fucking vote for.
That's what I took away from that Rachel Maddow video.
That's what I took away from that.
It's like the Democrat, and that she doesn't go, and how the fuck we're losing to these people?
She doesn't like, yeah, maybe offer people something.
I'm sorry, Graham.
Well, I think she happened to leave out the fact that the chairwoman of the Driple C, Cherry Bustos, is having a fundraiser for anti-abortion congressman Dan Lipinski in Chicago.
It's $1,000 to get in.
She is publicly, I'm pro-choice.
The Driple C's Twitter account says, oh, we can't allow this to happen in Alabama and Georgia, and then is having a fucking fundraiser for a goddamn pro-lifer.
And just because he's a Democrat, and she heard the statement from her fucking office was like, well, we just have to beat the Republicans, so we're going to support any Democrat.
You're supporting a fucking Republican who happens to have a D in front of their fucking name.
And by the way, Dan DePopinski, that's my neighborhood where I grew up in Chicago.
Lipinski, his dad, was my alderman, and then he became our congressman, and then he handed it off to his son because, you know, we have democracy.
So that's a great point, by the way, that the chairwoman of the Driple C is now supporting an anti-abortion Democrat for Congress.
So all that, again, all that shit where they go, oh, Trump is horrible.
They're just as fucking horrible, and they'll support people that are just as horrible.
And now you know why we live in the world we live in.
It's June 6th at the Chicago Cut Steakhouse.
Early, cheapest ticket, $1,000.
A patron is $2,900, and a sponsor is $5,600.
How many abortions for women who couldn't afford them would that fucking pay for it, you greedy cocksuckers?
Fuck your fucking resistance, you bullshit, fake-ass progressive pieces of shit.
Sorry, I got a little fumbled up here.
I had some, you guys put peppers and everything.
Don't resist the resistance.
Oh, that's the one rule we have.
So in New York, they have a bit of a homeless problem, and the mayor isn't doing enough.
In fact, this is from Coalition for the Homeless.
Broad Coalition calls for 30,000 homes for homeless New Yorkers as part of the mayor.
So he's only Giving 5%.
Well, here is what it says.
A broad coalition of housing advocates, faith leaders, experts, and service providers sent a letter to Mayor de Blasio calling for his Housing New York plan to include 30,000 units or 10% of the total new housing that they're going to be building to be set aside for homeless New Yorkers.
Currently, the plan calls for just half that number at a time of near-record homelessness, including nearly 24,000 children sleeping in shelters each night in the richest city in the richest country in the world.
New York's own housing preservation and development projects that only a few hundred units will be available for homeless families each year through the life of the mayor's housing New York 2.0 plan.
So it's kind of effed up.
And so he was working out.
And a woman was at the gym and went up to him to try to ask him, Hey, why don't you give some more housing to homeless people?
And let's see how he handled it.
Here we go.
Hi.
out of Come on, man.
Only 5% will go to homeless home.
Why won't you come in more housing for homeless New Yorkers?
5% is not adequate for homeless New Yorkers.
We need housing for homeless New Yorkers.
So, you know, you know what's cool about that, first of all, that that lady did that.
Yeah.
Second of all, that you know if that was a donor, he would have fucking talked to them, right?
Right?
He didn't even go, hey, let me make a thing.
He's just like, ah, come on.
And yeah, that's a that's that's Mr. Liberal.
Yeah, they're so isolated in their pockets of elitism, they can't even be off script.
So he was scared to even, you know, have someone in front of him that's a real constituent who's suffering from the policies that they enact.
But you know what he was doing when he was sitting right now, he was burning off five calories.
He interrupted his swole sesh.
He's like, hey, I'm just trying to be incognito at the gym, which is why I have this guy in a suit follow me.
And by going to the gym, I just want to sit in a corner on a pad and not be half.
So it's his kegel exercises.
I gotta admit, every time I go to the gym, I'm always looking for some excuse to like stop my workout and leave.
That was great.
He was just like, all right, this is enough for me.
Just leave the fucking building.
I'm done.
This is exactly what I wanted.
She did him a favor.
Let's see.
Time for me to go work out.
I'm the mayor.
Headphones, check.
Jim Shorts, check.
Random dude in a suit, check.
Random girl.
I don't have time for this shit right now.
I'm a public servant, and there's sit-ups to be done.
So that's been happening a lot.
More people getting confronted, which I enjoy because you know what Chris Hedges says.
As soon as the foot soldiers of the elite stop protecting them, they are finished.
So I don't know if you know who Ben Shapiro is.
I love him.
So he goes on this show with Dave Rubin, who I used to work with at the Young Turks.
He's a very charming guy in person.
If you met Dave Rubin, there's no way you could not like him.
I know it sounds funny.
Fucking garbage.
He's just a very affable guy when you meet him.
And he's very charming.
But he's trying to get Ben Shapiro to like him.
And it's not going to happen.
Well, watch this.
This is kind of funny.
Will you make Ruben a wedding cake?
Okay, so I mean, my answer is.
Well, I'm married already.
Right, he's married already.
But an anniversary.
It's my anniversary last week.
An anniversary cake would have been nice.
Right.
So the answer is no.
And the reason I won't is because as a religious Jew, I do not participate in activities that I believe are sinful.
But again, we live in a free country, and Dave knows this.
He doesn't have to care what I think about sin.
If we were having an anniversary party, would you come?
If I was inviting all the crew that we all know, and we were just an anniversary party, we're just having a party.
And I'll even throw in some kosher food for you to make sure you don't have to bring your own.
You know, honestly, I'd have to think about it.
I'd have to think about it in the same way.
So that's interesting to me.
That's a different thing.
By the way, quick note on that.
I would also mention that in Judaism, it's not just gay marriage that's off-limits.
It's intermarriage that's off-limits.
So if a member of my family were to intermarry, like marry somebody who's not Jewish, I wouldn't go to the wedding.
Really?
Yeah.
This is like a.
So even if that, let's say it was your sister, for example, even though I know she just got married and I met the guy in this guy.
Nice guy.
Even if that would do irreparable damage with your sister.
In my view, the irreparable damage is being done by the fact that if you're brought up in a certain sense of values and rules and then you abandon those values and rules, then did you know that wow, let me just say this.
It's like if baby boss or boss baby fucked Pat Robertson and they had a kid.
Did you know Ben Shapiro does the fine print radio copy at the end of a car ad?
That's how fast he talks.
MSRP.
He sounds reasonable and flexible.
The thing that makes this funny is no one would ever invite him to a fucking party.
Are you dude?
And I don't know.
I don't know Ben Shapiro.
I never met him.
But this guy is so unbelievably, obviously gay.
If only his sister's Kendall could talk.
Am I right?
No.
Nobody hates gays that much without fighting for the gay himself.
Nobody hates gays that much without fighting.
You don't want him, Jimmy.
What?
You don't want him?
We don't want him.
Let him in the tribe.
If that guy, if this guy doesn't have an arsenal of gay porn, I will eat my Jude Law poster.
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Award-winning journalist Aaron Mateo is with us, ladies and gentlemen, from the Nation magazine.
Of course, what did he win his award for?
He won his award for writing about Russia Gate and holding to journalistic principles, which is what the rest of journalism hasn't done.
Now he has to spend the rest of his life working in a career with those pieces of shit.
I basically won an award for not believing in Santa Claus.
That's pretty much what it comes down to.
Well, not only that, but after someone told you there was no Santa Claus, after you saw your dad putting the presence under the tree, you didn't continue to believe in Santa Claus, which is what is what the rest of journalism has done.
So I just wanted to start off this segment because I want to just talk to you about what Mueller's press conference and what he said and the controversy over it and the fact that the Russiagators are still going, right?
So I don't know if you heard my analogy about when in the West, when they would put together a posse to go put some, but get some bad guys, they would bring extra horses with them in case the horse they were riding got sick or broke or tired, and they would just hop on the other horse who was fresh.
And that's exactly what the Russiagaters have done.
So, Mueller's report decimated the premise that Trump was in criminal conspiracy with the Russian government that killed it, cut the legs right from underneath it.
So, that horse got tired.
They jumped on another horse, which is an obstruction of justice, and as if it was just as important and just as bad, and as if it happened, and they're just riding that.
Is that a good analogy, Aaron?
Yeah, except at least, you know, in fairness to the posse, at least the horses, the horses are real.
You know, the horses exist.
Whereas, what you know, the original premise of Russia Gate starts with a fantasy that Donald J. Trump conspired with the Russian government, uh, for which there was no basis, and then now they're jumping out of this thing about obstruction and obstruction into the investigation into this fictitious thing.
So, you know, yeah, although I just give the posse more credit, basically.
And so, when I talk to normal people, when I go to comedy clubs, which I do almost every night now, I'm back in it, baby.
And so, when I'm when I'm going out and I'm talking to regular people, when I mean regular people like waiters or waitresses or other comedians or the owners of clubs, people who aren't in politics-that's what I mean.
People, regular people who aren't journalists and who aren't in politics, normal people we would call civilians-that's what comedians call them-civilians.
So, um, what when I start to talk about this, even though they all credit me with, wow, you were right about that Russia gate, and we thought you were crazy, they go, but this thing about him, of course, he obstructed John.
I mean, Trump is come on, he's so corrupt, he's so corrupt.
And my, I always have to tell them he is Trump is definitely corrupt, but more corrupt than who?
Who is he more corrupt than?
Is he more corrupt than Dick Cheney and George Bush, who actually lied us into wars?
They're literal war criminals.
I don't think he's that corrupt yet.
Is he more corrupt than Barack Obama, who didn't prosecute those war criminals and didn't prosecute anybody on Wall Street while he took the people's houses away and then opened the Arctic to drilling twice?
He built the cages the immigrants were in.
He deported more Mexicans than all the other presidents combined.
He then prosecuted journalists at a record pace, prosecutions using the Espionage Act.
So, Donald Trump is more.
And I just want to show you: here's Dylan Radigan, and he made this point at the beginning of Trump's presidency.
And here's what he had to say about it.
So, again, while the FBI director example gives those with a partisan view against Donald Trump, and it's easy to be against Donald Trump, the obvious fuel to suggest that he's a criminal who's a terrible guy, blah, blah, blah, under investigation.
Probably true.
But if you believe that, then you probably also need to consider that Hillary Clinton was taking money through her foundation to do weapons deals overseas while personally enriching herself, and that Barack Obama is paid off by the private health insurance companies and the banks to make sure that we don't actually have proper health care or a functioning financial system.
It's hard to believe one and not accept the other two.
Trump's just a bigger public asshole than any other president or politician.
He's not a more corrupt asshole.
They're all as corrupt as he is.
They're all the biggest criminals as he is.
And that's why we got Trump because both parties are so criminally corrupt and legislating against their own voters.
That's why we got Trump.
Not because the Democrats are doing everything they could to help people out.
They can't even get clean water and Flint in eight fucking years.
So that's why we got Trump.
And that's what this is about.
And you have to remember that Robert Mueller is a liar of the first order and he should be in prison himself, which leads me to his press conference, right?
So this, so by the way, here's from the Huffington Post.
This is how confusing this is getting.
It says Robert Mueller is not saying that Donald Trump committed crimes.
Okay, so where does this come from?
Where does this come from?
So here, here he is, right?
So the report has two parts addressing the two main issues we were asked to investigate.
The first volume of the report details numerous efforts emanating from Russia to influence the election.
This volume includes a discussion of the Trump campaign's response to this activity, as well as our conclusion that there was insufficient evidence to charge a broader conspiracy.
That's it.
It's over.
So that's so, Aaron, let me just bring you in.
That would be norm in normal situations.
That would be it.
That thing we were charged with investigating turns out there's no evidence to charge anybody with anything.
So that's it.
Yeah, it should be.
Though, by the way, you know, Mueller is, I'm increasingly convinced, such a political actor that even his language there diverges from what his report says.
His report says simply that the evidence does not establish that there was a conspiracy.
They're now at his press conference where, and again, he says that the report is the final word.
That's my testimony.
You should believe the report.
But when he's speaking in public, he says that there was not sufficient evidence to charge a broader conspiracy, which was like catnip for all these conspiracy theorists who've been saying, you know, since his report was released that, you know, the reason that the only reason Mueller didn't charge a conspiracy is because there wasn't a sufficient enough legal basis for it, not because there was no evidence for it.
So even there, I think Robert Mueller is throwing them a bone, but ultimately the result is the same.
There is no, there's not sufficient evidence or the evidence does not establish whatever language you want to use, whether it's Mueller's press conference or his report, there is nothing there to allege a conspiracy because there is no Trump-Russia conspiracy.
His report is simply a series of contacts with people who are either Russians or who claim to know Russians.
None of them are on the actual Russian government's behalf except for the Russian ambassador, basically.
But yet, because simply the name Russia is thrown out and Trump is thrown out, everything is seen as damning and incriminating.
And even an investigation, as Mueller says, does not provide sufficient evidence to charge a conspiracy.
Even then, people still want to believe that there was a conspiracy.
It's amazing.
It's amazing.
And so people still believe there was one.
He just couldn't prove it.
Trump is such a mastermind that he was able to conceal this thing that's obvious to everybody from 50 FBI investigators and Robert Mueller.
He's such an idiot, moron, and a loser.
And he's so sloppy and an amateur that he was able to conceal working with as a traitor to our country at the top of government.
He's able to conceal that, though, even though it's obvious to everyone.
So you see how none of this makes sense, right?
Yeah.
And, you know, I wanted to say, I mean, the existence of this thing is really worth looking at.
Of what thing?
Of this whole Russia gate scam.
Right.
I mean, as you say, what these cynical people behind it have done is they've co-opted the very legitimate fear and disdain for Donald Trump and what he represents, which, you know, any progressive, fair-minded person can sympathize with.
I mean, Trump is a misogynist.
He's a racist.
He's a warmonger.
Plenty of reasons to oppose Donald Trump and want him out of office.
What they've done, though, is they've co-opted that legitimate fear of Donald Trump and they've channeled it into a very narrow and totally baseless conspiracy theory, under which the only way we are, or the prevailing way that we are supposed to challenge Donald Trump is by being convinced that he conspired with Russia and putting our faith in bureaucrats like Robert Mueller, notwithstanding Robert Mueller's own record, which you alluded to.
He peddled the Iraqi WMD hoax.
As a director of the FBI, he rounded up hundreds of Muslim immigrants for the crime basically of being Muslim or for appearing to be Muslim and subjected them to harsh detention for which he was sued.
But we're supposed to forget all this and put our faith in these people because this is the way, because basically a faction of the elite has enrolled all of us in their petty grievance with another faction of the elite.
They don't like Donald Trump, not because they don't like that he's a warmonger or a racist, but they don't see him as a suitable steward of their empire, of their war machine.
So because of that, it's like high school.
It's like one, it's like one awful snobby click doesn't like the other awful snobby click, which means the rest of us have to go have to pick between which awful snobby click we have to go with, instead of challenging both of them.
And this is why, you know, going back to Watergate, for example, Nixon oversaw, you know, spying and harassing of anti-war activists, black leaders, the assassination of Fred Hampton, the bombing of Cambodia and Laos.
But what was he impeached for?
He was impeached for a very narrow set of crimes because he attacked another faction of the elite.
You can't do that in American politics.
So that's what scandals come from.
And the people who don't like Trump in the elite have enrolled us in something so stupid and so ultimately self-defeating to the prospects of defeating Trump.
So let's listen to now a little bit more.
Now he's going to get into the obstruction part.
Here we go.
And in the second volume, the report describes the results and analysis of our obstruction of justice investigation involving the president.
The order appointing me special counsel authorized us to investigate actions that could obstruct the investigation.
We conducted that investigation and we kept the office of the acting attorney general apprised of the progress of our work.
And as set forth in the report, after that investigation, if we had had confidence that the president clearly did not commit a crime, we would have said so.
So what he just said there, and I'm going to ask Aaron your opinion on this.
When I heard him say that, what he just said is that we, well, let me back it up so I don't want to misquote him.
So let me just back it up just a little bit.
The president clearly did not commit a crime.
We would have said so.
So he said, if we had confidence that the president clearly did not commit a crime, we would have said so.
So what he's doing right there is what's called complete and utter fucking bullshit.
That is turning the legal system on its head.
What he's doing is that the president has to assert his innocence.
He has to prove a negative that he didn't do something.
That's what he, that's what Robert Mueller just did.
And what Robert Mueller just, and so, and it's even more insidious than what he's doing right there.
Because what he's going to go on to say, the reason why he didn't charge the president was because he is legally not allowed to, even in secret.
That's what he's going to say.
And why is he not allowed to do that?
Well, here we go.
Let's listen, listen, and then we'll get real quick, Aaron.
Do you agree with my assessment that what he just did there by saying we didn't have high confidence that he clearly did not commit a crime?
That that's backwards bullshit.
And he's obviously being a political actor when he says that.
100%.
He represents the national security state.
That's who identifies with.
He probably socializes with people who don't like Trump for the same reasons that I outlined before, not because they object to Trump on principle, because they care about immigrants or people abroad who are being bombed by Trump, because these same people have carried out those bombings and those attacks on immigrants before when they were in power, including Robert Mueller.
But they don't like Trump for their own petty reasons because they don't see him as a suitable representation of the elite that they're a part of.
They don't want him in their clique.
But now Robert Mueller comes from the FBI.
The FBI opened up this whole investigation on Trump.
So Robert Mueller, I think, is covering for that.
And that's why he is inverting the legal standard here.
It's not a prosecutor's job to declare, to say what he's saying.
He's innocent confidence.
Yeah, exactly.
That's not his job.
It's a prosecutor's job to either charge someone or not charge someone.
A prosecutor is not, it's not their job to exonerate someone.
So he's inventing this whole new legal standard because he needs to give his base, his constituency, something.
And that's the part that people are missing.
That the people who I talk to, people who are just regular people who don't follow politics that closely, that's the part that they're missing.
They don't understand that Robert Mueller is 100% political actor and 100% corrupted.
Exactly right.
And which doesn't mean Trump is a great guy.
Right.
It just means that there could be more than that people aside from Trump can also be shady and nefarious.
And in this case, Mueller kept this investigation going for two years.
He knew a long time ago that there was no conspiracy.
And then, yes, as we're about to get to, now he's about to give an excuse for why he didn't make a decision, which is telling it itself.
So let's get to that part.
Here we go.
Here's why he says Mueller says why he didn't charge the president.
Here we go.
We did not, however, make a determination as to whether the president did commit a crime.
The introduction to the volume two of our report explains that decision.
It explains that under long-standing department policy, a president cannot be charged with a federal crime while he is in office.
That is unconstitutional.
Even if the charge is kept under seal and hidden from public view, that too is prohibited.
Now, that's an opinion.
That's not a fact.
Because, in fact, the sitting attorney general right now disagrees with that.
And so have other attorney generals.
But hang on, we're going to get to that.
Hold on.
The special counsel's office is part of the Department of Justice.
And by regulation, it was bound by that department policy.
Charging the president with a crime was therefore not an option we could consider.
So he's making the case that I wanted to charge him.
I really did, but I wasn't allowed to under law.
And I didn't say anything about that before, during, or after until right fucking now.
Well, and also he's not even saying I wanted to charge him.
He's not even saying I wanted to charge him.
He's just hinting it.
Yes.
So he's being cowardly because he knows he can't say it.
Right.
Because he knows that what he's saying is not actually factually sound.
Because the thing is, even if it's true that department policy would have prevented the indictment of a sitting president, and that is a guidance according to the Office of Legal Counsel.
Okay.
But that's immaterial to Mueller's job.
Mueller's job was to reach a decision.
If the department doesn't want to charge Donald Trump, then Attorney General Barr can say, well, we're not prevented from doing that.
It was Mueller's job.
Just because the department might be barred from actually issuing an indictment, that doesn't mean that Mueller cannot reach a conclusion on the offense he's investigating.
That's correct.
So if Robert Mueller thinks that Donald Trump committed obstruction, he can say so.
And then he could submit that to his superior officer, in this case, Attorney General Barr.
And it can be on bar to make that decision.
So what you're saying, Aaron, is that, yeah, it might not technically be up to the special counsel to charge the president, but he can certainly recommend or say, this is what I found.
I found evidence of a crime, and here's the evidence.
He didn't do any of that.
And he also could have said, he also could have said, yeah, there was a crime that committed.
I can't charge him, but here's the evidence and Congress could charge.
He didn't even do that.
Exactly right.
And now, how he explains that is he goes on to say, well, it wouldn't be fair.
So hang on.
Hold on.
That's where we're going to get to right now.
Watch this.
The department's written opinion explaining the policy makes several important points that further informed our handling of the obstruction investigation.
So this is where, without a doubt, right here, what he's about to say right now, where Robert Mueller reveals himself to be doing complete mental gymnastics in order to push a narrative because he doesn't have any evidence.
Watch this.
Watch what he says.
Those points are summarized in our report, and I will describe two of them for you.
First, the opinion explicitly permits the investigation of a sitting president because it is important to preserve evidence while memories are fresh and documents available.
Among other things, that evidence could be used if there were co-conspirators who could be charged now.
And second, the opinion says that the Constitution requires a process other than the criminal justice system to formally accuse a sitting president of wrongdoing.
And beyond department policy, we were guided by principles of fairness.
It would be unfair to potentially unfair to potentially accuse somebody of a crime when there can be no court resolution of the actual charge.
So what Robert Mueller is saying right there is that it would be unfair of my team, the special counsel team, to accuse the president of a crime when there's never going to be a trial so the president could clear his name.
So we can't do that because we, because of all these technical, I can't do that.
So I can't charge him.
And I can't say that because it would be unfair to Trump because there's never going to be a trial.
And then all there would be is this accusation from me out there.
And Trump would never get to legally clear his name.
So it would be unfair to him.
Except he's exactly doing that right now in his press conference.
So that thing where he's pretending to want to be fair to the president is complete and utter double CK bullshit because if he wanted to be fair to the president, he wouldn't hold a press conference where he said, you know, he fucking did a lot of stuff, but I can't prove it.
I don't have any confidence that he didn't do it.
That's not what a prosecutor ever says.
Exactly right.
That's not what a prosecutor ever says.
What a prosecutor says is there isn't enough evidence to charge him.
He doesn't say he, ah, there isn't enough evidence to clear him.
That's the opposite of how the law works.
Robert Mueller knows that.
And you know how I know he knows that?
I fucking know that.
That's how I know he knows that.
And that's how I know he's a liar.
And that's how I know that every reporter who reported this is also a liar or in a bubble and you can't trust them.
It's WMDs all over again.
I'll throw it so that reveals him to be a liar because he's pretending that he cares about fairness.
And you can't charge a president because he can't have a trial.
And I wouldn't be fair to charge him publicly if he couldn't clear his name publicly in a trial.
That is bullshit because what he's doing is he's basically charging him.
He's intimating that he did commit these crimes because I can't confirm he didn't.
That's not what you're supposed to say.
Anyway, go ahead, Aaron.
What's your response to that?
Well, exactly right.
He's intimating it publicly in his news conference.
And also, I mean, so it wasn't fair for him, according to his telling, to charge Trump, but it was fair to then lay out in hundreds of pages this detailed narrative that basically all but accuses Trump of obstruction and makes the case for it, you know?
And by the way, you know, what's interesting, like, look, listen, it's a really academic debate at this point, right?
Because Mueller didn't make a decision.
And there are all these legal scholars who say, yes, Trump committed obstruction.
You have a couple who don't.
And then it gets into intent and all this stuff.
But a few facts are worth keeping in mind.
First of all, there was no underlying crime to obstruct an investigation into, which although that's not like 100% determinative, you can still obstruct an investigation if there is no underlying crime.
But the absence of an underlying crime, I think, is at least worth noting.
So what people are really screaming about right now is that Charlotte, Trump didn't commit this crime, but he obstructed the investigation that would have found out he didn't commit a crime.
Exactly right.
And you can also, and also, you know, then there's also the fact that the reason we know all these damning details about Trump, all the most supposedly damning details, are because our through witnesses that the Trump administration voluntarily provided.
They didn't assert executive privilege over anybody.
They provided a lot of documents.
The most damning stuff comes from Donald Trump's own counsel, Don McGahn.
So it's like, it's just curious to accuse Trump of obstruction when the most damning evidence supposedly against him comes from witnesses that he furnished.
And, you know, and also, and the reporting on all this has left out the fact that Don McGahn, according to the New York Times, told Mueller that he didn't think that Trump was ever obstructing the investigation.
Trump was expressing frustration that the investigation was impeding his duties as president, which, you know, I think makes sense because he was being accused of being a traitor for two years.
And Mueller, even though he knew that wasn't true, wasn't saying anything.
Right.
And no one can.
Here's one more thing.
Go ahead.
Well, no one can also show what, aside from Trump's tweets and his, you know, and things he said with his mouth.
No one can actually show any specific actions that Trump took that really impeded Mueller.
And also, Jimmy, also in firing Comey, his intent was clearly not shutting down the investigation.
It's been interpreted that way because of the interview he gave to Lester Holt.
Right.
But if you look at two things, if you look at Comey's own memo of talking to Trump, his first memo, Comey says that Trump is encouraging him to find the truth because he's saying it's all bullshit, basically.
And then also, if you look at the interview with Lester Holt, later on in the interview, this is the part where no one shows where Trump says he wants the investigation to continue.
He wanted to even prolong it.
He just didn't, he didn't want Comey in there because he didn't trust Comey anymore.
Now, Comey had done things that, you know, first of all, everybody wanted Comey to be fired anyway because of the Hillary Clinton thing.
That's right.
But even put it, even putting that aside, Comey, before Trump even got into office, Comey presented Trump with a briefing in which he told him that there's this allegation out there that the Russians have a P-tape of you.
And then later on, Comey also.
By the way, by the way, what Trump knew that wasn't true.
So when Comey tells him that, that the Russians have a P-tape, guess who knows that's not true?
Trump.
Yeah.
And Comey also said in public testimony in Congress that we're investigating whether or not there was coordination between Trump and Russia, and we're investigating whether there are any crimes being committed.
So Comey himself as FBI director did a lot of really explosive things publicly that, you know, that understandably annoyed Trump.
And also Trump was trying to get him, Comey, to say, well, at least say that I'm not a target of the investigation, right?
And Comey wouldn't even say that either.
So basically, Comey, in his capacity as FBI director, was helping fuel the suspicion that Trump was a Russian agent.
Because by the way, not long after Comey briefed Trump on the P-tape, that was leaked.
Yes.
And, you know, which, you know, and that led to the publication of the Steele dossier.
So Trump had many reasons to be angered with Comey and feeling as if Comey was undermining him.
And by the way, my own personal theory is that Comey wanted to get fired.
No kidding.
Because Comey wanted to leverage all this into a book, into a book deal, which he got.
And then he rebranded himself as some patriot.
It would be like if I got fired from MSNBC.
Holy shit, would that be great for my brand?
Well, exactly.
And he, you know, Comey was, you know, everybody hated Comey on the liberal side, right?
So if you're Comey, you're facing a public relations crisis.
You know, the dominant networks in media, MSNBC, CNN, New York Times, Washington Post, according to them, you're all a villain.
So what better thing for you to do than to rebrand your image, as many of these neocons, by the way, have done, than to all of a sudden come out as being, you know, standing up to Trump.
But of course, within a very narrow context of trying to, you know, go along with this narrative that he's a Russian agent, not actually challenging him on his real policies, you know?
So for Comey, it was a great move.
And the problem is so many people have been duped into thinking that his firing was some grave injustice and an attack on the Republic.
I know.
Not at all.
He knew that the crime Comey was publicly talking about and stirring up people about was non-existent.
The crime that he was investigating didn't happen.
So they have to show intent that he was trying to cover up a crime.
There's no crime being covered up, which is why there's no, which is why there's no obstruction.
So it's not, again, not hard.
Mike Morrell laid this out in Politico two freaking years ago, why they'll never get an obstruction charge.
He was the one who explained why they have to prove intent and why they won't be able to prove it.
Mike Burrell, the former director of the CIA, laid this shit out in Politico.
Of course, nobody ever talked about that part of the article.
They had some bullshit headline on and about Russia, and nobody ever talked about the stuff where he talked, where I talk about.
This is from the Huffington Post in a highly criticized press conference ahead of the mid-April release of the redacted version of the Mueller report.
The attorney general, William Barr, remember when he had that press conference everybody went crazy about?
So this is what they're talking about.
In that press conference, he said, William Barr said that he pushed Mueller on whether the special counsel's team would have sought an indictment but for the OLC opinion, the OLC opinion being that you can't indict a sitting president, right?
That's what the OLC opinion is.
And so Barr was like, well, if that wasn't there, would you have pushed for indictment?
And Mueller said no.
Well, here, Mueller, Barr told reporters, said, I was not saying that but for the OLC opinion, he would have found a crime.
So Mueller has already previously said that whole thing about me not being able to charge him, that's not why I didn't charge him.
I just didn't find evidence of a crime.
That's what Mueller was telling Barr.
And if he didn't tell Barr that, he's never told anybody else that Barr's lying.
In fact, in fact, what Mueller explained this week and in his report was that under his interpretation of the OLC's view and Justice Department policy, he couldn't even attempt to reach a decision on whether the president committed a crime.
He, hang on, he could have reached a conclusion, the Attorney General Barr says, the OLC opinion says you cannot indict a president while he is in office, but he could have reached a decision as to whether it was criminal activity or not, which is exactly what we talked about before.
A prosecutor's judgment that crimes were committed, but that no charges will be brought affords no such adversarial opportunity for public name clearing before an impartial adjudicator.
That's what Mueller's team wrote.
But that's exactly what Mueller did in his press conference.
He accused the president of committing crimes by saying, I couldn't clear him, which is what a prosecutor never says.
So you're actually accusing, I think he might have committed these crimes because I couldn't clear him.
But now Trump has no public court to go fucking clear his name.
The exact thing he's pretending to care about, he's actually sabotaging.
That's what a huge corrupt liar that Robert Mueller is.
Even though he looks like he comes right from Central Casting, he's the guy with integrity.
He's a war liar.
Okay.
If they accuse Trump of committing a crime without justice, so blah, blah, blah.
So watch this.
So Mueller and Barr then had to issue a statement jointly addressing this very thing we're talking about.
And here's what they said.
The attorney general has previously stated that the special counsel repeatedly affirmed that he was not saying that but for the OLC opinion, he would have found the president obstructed justice.
So let me unpack that sentence for you.
What that sentence actually says in plain English is the attorney general, meaning Barr, has previously stated that Robert Mueller affirmed that he wasn't considering the OLC's opinion that you can't charge or indict a president.
That wasn't entering in to Whether or not he concluded Donald Trump did something criminal.
So why did he even bring it up at the press conference?
Because he's a political actor and he has a constituency to serve and it's the oligarchy.
That's why.
So going on and going, so the special counsel, so they're saying that had nothing to do with Mueller not finding criminal activity.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
I hope so.
So then the next sentence is the special counsel's report and his statement today made clear that the office concluded it would not reach a determination one way or the other about whether the president committed a crime.
There is no conflict between these statements.
And that comes from the Department of Justice and Peter Carr.
So that's Barr's office.
That's him.
And then, and a spokesperson for the special counsel's office.
That's Mueller.
So that's Barr and Mueller, spokespeople, saying there is no conflict with what Barr and Mueller agree on, which is that the idea that you can't indict a sitting president had no weight bearing or influence on whether or not Mueller was going to tell you if Trump committed a crime or not, and if there was evidence of it.
So this gets real wordy because they use double negatives and not not and all that stuff.
But what it's basically saying is what Mueller did at that press conference is reveal himself to be another political actor and a liar, right?
It's so head spinning.
But yeah, the fact that basically, you know, obviously Barr's team must have gotten Mueller to sign on to that to affirm what Mueller obviously told Barr, which Barr actually quoted him on, because Mueller's press conference sowed confusion.
Because again, the dominant narrative is being the opposite of that.
What Mueller fueled in his news conference and what has been the prevailing thinking was that the oh, that if not for the OLC memo, Mueller would have charged Trump with criminal activity.
And that right there directly contradicts that.
But of course, a joint statement carries less weight than, you know, and gets less attention than Mueller's news conference.
And Mueller, not even directly saying that the OLC memo prevented him from charging him, from charging Trump with a crime, but strongly hinting that.
And so the whole thing is so cynical.
It makes everyone's head spin.
And there's so many more things if you look at what Mueller's team has done that just speak to how disingenuous they are.
So according to Barr, when Mueller came to him and said that we're wrapping up our report, we're not going to reach a determination.
Barr said, all right, fine.
We want to get this report out as fast as possible.
So whenever you submit it, make sure that you highlight what part of it is the grand jury material so we can know which part we have to redact, right?
You know, and that will allow us to get this report out quicker.
This is according to Barr and Mueller hasn't contradicted this.
Of course, what happened?
Mueller submitted the report and none of that grand jury material was highlighted.
And of course, which means that Barr cannot release the report immediately because you cannot release grand jury material to the public, which means Barr and his team had to go, along with Mueller, had to go through the whole report and redact all the grand jury material, which delayed the report's public release,
which then was blamed on Barr and led to this impression that Barr was engaged in a cover-up and was hiding it from the public, which then Mueller and his team fueled even further when on the eve of Barr's testimony to the Senate, they released this letter that Mueller had written to Barr, which gave the appearance that Mueller was accusing Barr of covering it up when really he wasn't.
He was just saying that Barr's summary did not fully capture the substance and context of our report.
He was not saying that Barr had mischaracterized Mueller or he had misrepresented anything.
He was just saying that basically Barr's four-page letter didn't fully capture the substance of a four-hour page.
Well, how could it?
Exactly.
Exactly.
But it gave the appearance and it was a negative.
That somehow Barr was covering shit up, right?
That's the appearance that they were giving.
So Barr, even though he released the whole port, by the way, this is the news story that Rachel Maddow 100% got wrong.
And the news crawl, her producer got right.
We did a video on that.
Check it out.
Is where Rachel Maddow was saying that William Barr, 68-year-old.
I don't know why she made a big deal out of him being 68.
Like that's old or something.
Like that's ancient in today's world.
I don't know.
Jack LaLane was still tugging locomotives when he was 90.
Anyway, so she made a big deal out of how William Barr was somehow being sneaky and not telling us what was in the Mueller report.
Turns out her producer knew better.
Mueller was actually helping Barr do that redaction.
I just want to put that, this is, if you show this, I don't know.
See, they are, this is, this is what they are parsing negative statements.
If we had confidence the president committed a crime, we would have said so.
We did not, however, make a determination as to whether the president did commit a crime.
Like, what the F are you guys, that's, it's, you, did he commit a crime or not?
Well, we don't have any evidence of it, but I don't have any confidence that he didn't.
That's, that's the, that is a cowardly move.
And that's what Robert Mueller is.
Robert Mueller's a liar.
Robert Mueller's a coward.
He'll lie us into wars.
And, and he's a political actor.
So Robert Mueller doesn't have integrity.
Get that out of your head.
He's the head of the FBI.
You don't get to be the head of the FBI and have integrity.
Boy, I think it's Chris Christie on the line.
Hello.
Hey, yo, Door.
Listen up and listen up closely.
Got a question, please.
Have you had one of them IHAP pancake burgers yet?
A what?
Oh, don't play dumb with me.
You play dumb with me.
You're some hotshot journalists, aren't you?
Then how can you not be up on your foreign policy matters day?
What has IHOP got to do with foreign policy?
Oh, boy.
Because it's the International House of Pancakes, all right?
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
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Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Connoff, Jim Earl, Ron Placone, Steph Semerano, and Mark Van Landowick.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
That's it for this week.
You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Don't freak out!
I'm not kidding.
Don't freak out!
Don't freak out.
Do not, do not, do not freak.
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