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Nov. 8, 2018 - Jimmy Dore Show
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20181108_1108_TJDS_Podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
You know, while I was out intimidating people at the polls, a bunch of celebrities left me Election Day messages on my Real to Real message machine, like Jeb Bush.
Please vote, anybody?
Oh, come on.
Gosh darn it to heck even.
And Mitt Romney.
Oh, hi, Jimmy.
I'm really looking forward to loading up the station wagon again and torturing the family dog all the way to Washington.
Vote for mittens, because the people of Utah need more power to tell the rest of the country what to do with their waginas.
And yes, that's how you pronounce wagina with a W. If you ever get a chance to take a look at those golden plates, they're loaded with vagina references.
Wagina this, which I know that.
Thank God for the letter W, right?
Otherwise, we'd have to say vagina.
And Bernie Sanders called.
In this country, the top 1% of voters vote 99% of the time, while the bottom 99% only vote 1% of the time.
This is unacceptable.
Okay.
And Bill O'Reilly, haven't heard from him in a while.
Hello, Jimmy Dore.
Bill O'Hear, tip of the day.
Don't wash your produce before storing them in the refrigerator.
They'll stay fresher that way.
He does do those stupid tips.
And George Clooney.
Oh, hi, bud.
Say, you should have seen the wife, Amal, vote today.
The way she punched that Chad like a prize-fighting gazelle.
Paunch here, jab there.
And get this.
The twins, they ate my ballot.
Like a freaking moose.
Idris elbow has just voted sexiest man alive.
When did that election take place?
I demand a recount.
I see no dimpled chiseled chin, no prominent, squared forehead, no strong yet vulnerable eyes.
Hey, whatever happens tomorrow, remember I won't feel it nearly as bad as you guys.
So there's that silver lining.
Chris Christie called.
Hey, hat shut.
You could take that I voted sticker and put it with all the other I voted stickers you've been saving all over the years.
Then maybe you could make a pretty little collage out of or something, right?
Or put it in your little scrapbook of memories and shit.
Oh, wait a second.
That wasn't very insulting, was it?
Let me try again.
Hey, you could take that little ballot stub they give you, and you know what you could do with it?
You could display it proudly where your friends can see it and show everybody you care about democracy and shit like that there.
Well, that sucked.
What's wrong with me?
Sean Connery called.
This is Sean Connery, star of Jardo's.
Jardo.
Urging each and every one of you, miserable sons of bitches, to vote.
You miserable sons of bitches.
Here's how it lays.
The other guy pulls a knife, you pull a gun.
He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the moor.
That's the Chicago way.
Who is this Idris Alba man?
And my puppet master, Putin, left me a message.
Hello, my little American puppet with the goo-goo-googly eyes.
By now we know each other well, yes.
I urge you and all American puppets to vote the lesser of two evils.
And whatever you do, vote provisional bullet.
And please, no electioneering within 100 feet of the polling place.
And no polling within 100 feet of an electioneering place.
Which pretty much only leaves you with the parking lot of your local auto zone.
You have been a great crowd.
Tip your waitresses over.
Ha ha.
No, seriously.
Thanks for supporting live comedy before I poison everybody.
Mic drop.
Chuck Schumer called.
This is Chuck Schumer, Master of the Senate, urging you to vote today.
On the other hand, I don't want to be any trouble, so do what you like, of course.
Just as long as you don't vote for the other side.
And by other side, I mean those divisive niche progressives with their niches, the hoodlums.
Stop bothering people at restaurants.
What are we, savages?
Not that I have anything against savages.
I take back everything I've ever said and replace it with whatever you like.
Really, I don't want to be any trouble.
I'll just be over here.
Oh, former President Barack Obama called Lethman Message about voting.
Hello, this is current big-ass Netflix producer Barack Obama.
I'm calling to remind you to not forget to vote the lesser of your two evil consciences.
Come on, everybody.
Let's get it together, or I won't green light your next comedy special.
John McCain with the hero.
Okay.
Oh, Liam Neeson left me a message.
Jimmy, I need you to listen very closely.
You don't have much time.
You need to leave your house immediately and go to your polling place.
There, you will stand in line for three hours until you reach a table manned by a very confused group of individuals.
Tell them your complete name.
They will then look on a big roll of paper and say that they've never heard of you, that you do not exist.
This will be your cue to move to Scotland or Ireland or wherever the fuck I was born because I don't know anymore.
My accent is so confusing.
What am I German or Swedish or Welsh or some shit like that?
Anyway, once you are there, we can sit at my kitchen table and stare at each other until we die of fucking boredom.
That sounds good, right?
Alright, sounds good.
It's the Jimmy Door Show.
The show for blackbeast.
The kind of people that are comments, maybe on tearing down our nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say...
It's hard to talk when you keep adding.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say...
It's Jimmy Dore!
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Dore show.
Want to remind you, February 1st is our next live Jimmy Door show, February 1st.
That's a Friday.
It's in Burbank, California.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com for a link for tickets.
Those shows always sell out, so get there quick.
February 1st, that's a Friday, Burbank, California, JimmyDoorComedy.com for tickets.
Now let's get to the jokes before we get to the joke, shall we?
So the blue wave was not a blue wave.
They lost seats in the Senate and they barely squeaked by in the House.
I just can't believe 24-hour coverage of Trump is Fat Putin's gay lover Russia pissed apart crazy 3 a.m. tweets didn't pay off for the Senate It's weird these voting machines who makes them who owns them my voting machines ballot asked whether we should declare war on Fredonia Did I complain?
So I don't know if you saw this, but right before the election, Neil deGrasse Tyson put out a tweet scapegoating voters.
It got over 100,000 retweets.
So he said, look what happened last time you didn't vote.
Hey, Neil, when you see a planet orbiting a star in a different way than you expected or hoped, do you try to figure out why it went that way?
Or do you get angry and try to shame it?
I don't know if you saw Nancy Pelosi's speech, but she is so uninspiring.
The only time she'll ever give a speech that excites anybody is when it starts off with, I retire.
Jeff Sessions, more like Jeff out Sessions, am I right?
Come on.
Serious, though, it is a shame that Jeff Sessions stepping down as attorney general.
He had so much racism left to give.
Hey, Scott Walker lost.
That's nice.
Remember when Scott Walker took the unions away from teachers and Barack Obama snapped in the action and did nothing?
I just want to say, hey, will the last person out of Scott Walker's office, please turn off the lights, which, by the way, was likely made possible by a union electrician.
I displayed my I voted sticker mostly because there was no I picked up my laundry sticker to mark my other accomplishment from that morning.
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
Chuck Todd does a segment on the 2020 Democratic Hopefuls.
Completely ignores the most popular one running, Bernie Sanders.
Plus, we take a look at the confusing results from Tuesday's elections.
Was it a red tide?
Was it a blue wave?
Was it a mixture?
Did progressives win?
Did Centrist lose?
The answer just may surprise you.
Or will it?
We'll talk about that.
Plus, we got phone calls today from Jeff Sessions, Rick Perry, and our favorite voicemails urging everyone to vote from our favorite politicians and celebrities.
Plus, a lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Hey, everybody, welcome to Jimmy Door Show.
I'm here with the Miserable Liberal and Ron Placone.
Hello.
Ron Placon's got a big date in Austin.
November 10th.
Yep, ronplacone.com for tickets.
Be in Austin.
All right, everybody.
So I want to talk about the midterms.
And Slate has a good article.
It said, because there was a lot of these ballot initiatives that are always progressive, it seems like, or a lot of them were, and a lot of them won.
So this is what we're going to talk about.
Red state voters expanded Medicaid, legalized marijuana, and increased the minimum wage on Tuesday night.
By the way, when the minimum wage is on the ballot, it seems like it almost always wins.
Weird.
People want to get paid fairly.
Isn't that something?
Interesting.
If you want to motivate, instead of just telling people, vote, make sure you vote, what you can do is go, hey, we put something on the ballot that's actually in your interest to vote for.
You should go vote for that.
Instead of just vote, you should go vote for this because it's good for you.
So here's some of them.
So while I had people, they also backed a ballot initiative to legalize medical marijuana.
So in Utah, this is not in Utah.
So they elected Mitt Romney.
So they elected Mitt Romney.
But guess what they also did?
They also backed a ballot initiative to legalize medical marijuana that has been opposed by the Church of Jesus Christ Latter-day Saints.
That's what they did in Utah.
So we've been saying this for years, that people's attitudes are progressive in the country.
They just don't know it.
And they're caught up in this Republican Democrat, they can't, because they hate, like, for instance, you go to a red state, they just hate the Democrats.
And they see all the negatives about them.
And even if they're for a good thing, they can't bring themselves a lot of times to vote for them.
And I think that's what this is.
In frickin' Utah, they voted for legalized marijuana.
And then in Utah, they also chose to expand Medicaid.
That's in Utah.
In Utah.
Same people who voted for Mitt Romney voted to expand Medicaid and legalize weed.
Versions of this story played out all through the night as progressive ballot initiatives on marijuana, the minimum wage, voting rights, and Medicaid passed in red and blue states alike.
A reminder that even in parts of the country where Democrat politicians aren't popular, many of their issues still very much are.
You know, it's like, so you get, say you have something popular like Medicare for all.
So then if Hillary Clinton pushes it, a lot of people on the right are not going to want to vote for her anyway.
Do you see how you have to have the policy matched with the right person?
And some people just aren't going to vote for a Democrat.
Along with Utah, Blood Red Idaho and Nebraska also embraced Medicaid expansion.
I'm going to say Utah, Idaho, and Nebraska.
There's got what about 500 people live in those three states combined?
Each state gets two senators.
And look what they're for, Medicaid expansion.
Missouri residents voted to gradually increase the state's minimum wage to $12 an hour and to legalize medical marijuana, all while sending moderate Democrat Claire McCaskill packing in favor of the state's conservative attorney general, Josh Hawley.
With the left hand, Arkansas passed a minimum wage hike.
With its right, it re-elected Governor Aza Hutchinson, a Republican, who would oppose that measure.
So this is telling me that people in those states are for progressive ideas.
They just can't cotton to the Democratic Party, right?
Because it's the party of Clinton.
And it's the party of Obama.
Pelosi.
And Pelosi.
And Chuck Schumer.
So Florida also passed a felon re-enfranchisement bill, restoring voting rights to 1.4 million individuals, giving progressives an iota of hope for the Sunshine States.
So get this.
So Gillam loses in Florida, yet they pass this, the felon re-enfranchisement bill.
And as a lot of people predicted, Kyle Kalinske, Mike Figuerito, it was not a good idea for Gillum to campaign with Hillary Clinton and Debbie Wasserman Schultz, two of the most unpopular people in the state, if not the country.
And look, so the people came out, they voted progressive.
They just couldn't cotton a vote for Gillam.
And isn't that funny?
I think it had to be because they just couldn't bring themselves to vote for a Clinton associate.
I think that's a big part.
I think one of the things that this past election has shown us is there are two things, and one turned out to be enough to cause the person to lose.
One wasn't quite enough to help the person win.
But there's such a thing as a Beyoncé bump that Beto got in Texas, and there's such a thing that I like to refer to as the Hillary hump, which if Hillary helps you, you gotta overcome.
You gotta overcome you.
Yep.
There's no doubt Hillary hurt Gillum in Florida.
And there's no doubt that hurt him.
Absolutely.
No doubt.
And, you know, we were hoping that Gillam won.
We were telling that he is using bad strategy.
A lot of people, again, blatantly lying about what we say here at the show.
We've always encouraged people to vote for Gillam.
We always said that he was being screwed over by the party.
And some people get so upset at that, it makes their hair fall out.
So it's just amazing how people just blatantly lie about the stuff we say.
I get you don't like us because we're more popular than you, but Jesus Christ.
You have to blatantly lie about it.
So as we predicted, look at that.
So what doesn't that tell you something?
What does that tell?
That tells me the problem wasn't the progressive policies.
Colorado and Michigan both adopted nonpartisan redistricting commissions to avoid congressional gerrymandering in the future.
A handful of states passed automatic or same-day voter registration.
Now get this.
I love this is how the slate ends.
This is how they end the article.
Healthcare, higher wages, and getting high.
Democrats could pick a worse platform.
Thank you.
So just keep that in mind.
If there was a nation, Kyle Kalinske was talking about this today.
If there was a nationwide ballot initiative, that's what we need.
How about we get a nationwide ballot initiative to end the wars?
Yeah.
No kidding.
It would pass with flying colors.
Yeah.
I bet you'd be 70%.
I think so, too.
And, you know, that's one of those things.
The one thing that made me a little optimistic, and there were some things to be optimistic about, some things to be discouraged about, like most midterms.
But, you know, people entertain this idea that the Americans don't care about policy.
And I don't buy it for one second.
People were excited to get up and vote for wages and to vote for plot and to vote to end gerrymandering.
And even here in California, which, you know, the results were not what I was hoping for.
But when I walked to my polling place to go vote, I didn't see one sign for an official.
I didn't see one sign for anybody.
I saw a lot of signs for 10.
I saw a lot of signs for a public bank.
Those were all the signs I saw.
So I think people are awake to policy ideas that are out there.
They spent $75 million to defeat that Prop 10 in California.
They did.
$75 million to defeat Prop.
It just is a matter of money.
It really was.
So that was a rent control here in California.
They've pretty much eliminated rent control in California going forward.
So that was to give municipalities the ability to reinstate rent control.
And let's remember, inside every rent control law is the provision that says the landlord gets to make a fair profit.
No one loses money.
Anyway, Democrats, let's see if they go for health care, higher wages, and getting high.
Democrats could pick a worse platform.
Let's see, because right now the Democrats don't have a platform.
Their platform is we don't like Trump.
That's their platform.
No Trump, but where are guys Trump?
What are you guys for?
We're for good things and we're against bad things.
Are you for ending the wars?
No.
In fact, we're going to.
We're foreseeing a tax return.
Yeah.
So again, we're in the same.
This is, again, it's nice that the Democrats took over the Congress, but we're in the same position we were before.
We have horrible Democrats leading the Democratic Party.
There really isn't an opposition party.
And they won't run on things that people want.
The Democrats will not run on ending the wars, Medicare for all, free college, and a living wage.
That's all you got to do.
Okay.
And I'm just some, I'm a Jagoff nightclub comedian.
I can see it.
So I was watching, I got home early last night.
I was on the Young Turks doing the election coverage, but my health isn't the best.
So they let me leave early.
And I came home and CBS News was on inside my house.
And they were talking, first of all, they make these people stand up while they do the election coverage, which I don't think is fair.
Everybody else was sitting.
You can't tell they're standing up, but I could.
And watch why they say Nancy Pelosi should be Speaker of the House.
They're saying what she's going to use as, listen, this is awesome.
Watch this.
We're going to make it happen.
And she's one of the few in Washington left who actually knows how to cut a deal with the other side of the aisle, which will be part of her argument to fellow Democrats as to why she should stay on.
Hey, fellow Dems, I'm Nancy Pelosi.
I can cut a deal.
This time we'll only leave 16 million people without health care.
Okay, but here's the real reason.
She's going to tell you the real reason that Nancy Pelosi, this is her real argument for why she should be the Speaker of the House.
Here it comes.
You know the real reason, right?
That argument will also point out that she raised more than $100 million for Democrats during this election cycle, including some Democrats who said that they wouldn't support her for Speaker.
Listen to this figure, guys.
Since 2002, when Nancy Pelosi took over the Democratic Party in the House, she has raised more than three-quarters of a billion dollars.
And so that's the case that she makes to those Democrats who say it's time for new leadership.
Her argument is, right?
Who's the new leader?
If you all coalesce around someone, then, you know, perhaps I'll think twice.
But at this point, there is no one individual.
So, yeah, I mean, letting the person who raises the most money be the leader, that happens when you're a Boy Scout and you sell the most popcorn.
That's not how it's supposed to work.
Right?
I mean, then the head salesperson would just be the CEO of every company, right?
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And by the way, money talks.
It just don't say nothing voters want to hear.
So that's the real reason.
She's raised over three quarters of a billion dollars.
And she's horrible.
And the Democrats are wiped out.
And what do you, what?
Let's see if there's anything more.
That these younger Democrats have sort of rallied around.
All right.
Thank you so much, John.
So no, nothing.
So here.
So here's the problem with Nancy Pelosi becoming the speaker again.
Okay, so you see how in off-year elections, meaning the midterms, the party not in the White House usually takes over in the Congress Senate or has a good showing.
And of course, the Republicans did that to Barack Obama in 2010.
I think they switched 63 seats then.
I think it this time, the Democrats, just how many seats was it?
27?
Let's check.
26 seats.
So again, all the money in the world.
Hillary Clinton had all the money in the world, outspent Trump two to one, still lost.
Just one other thing is when you win an election because you're running against somebody, which in this case is Donald Trump, that doesn't give you an immediate to-do list.
So that's the tough part.
Was what is this a mandate to do?
Nothing.
To be unified.
That's what she would say.
To bring people together.
No more vision.
To be unified.
What is this a man?
That's the perfect thing.
That's the perfect.
That's exactly.
That was exactly right.
Just one other thing is when you win an election because you're running against somebody, which in this case is Donald Trump, that doesn't give you an immediate to-do list.
So that's the tough part.
Was what is this a mandate to do?
Not a quick answer to that.
Well, you know, the mandate would actually be a platform that the Democrats would have, which I see is non-existent.
Their platform is to not actually do anything, but to try to stop Trump from wrecking the status quo of their health care.
So of Obamacare.
So that's, again, that's better than not, but they should be pushing for Medicare for all and shaming Trump into signing it because the majority of Republicans are for it now.
So they should try to win a political battle.
That's what they should try to do.
They should try to win a political battle.
Of course, they're not going to do it because Nancy Pelosi's donors don't want Medicare for all.
Diane Feinstein's donors, Chuck Schumer's donors, they don't want Medicare for all.
So that's why we're not getting it.
They don't even want peace.
They don't even want to end the wars.
They don't even talk about ending the wars.
That never even comes up.
So there you go.
There you go.
That's a great point.
That's a great point.
What is this a mandate to do?
If you watch Nancy Pelosi's speech, she says nothing, but it's a mandate to do.
She says it's a mandate to do what the founding fathers wanted us to do: unity.
We'll have accountability and we will strive for bipartisanship with fairness on all sides.
We will have a responsibility to find our common ground where we can, stand our ground where we can't, but we must try.
We have a market, a bipartisan marketplace of ideas that makes our democracy strong.
A Democratic Congress will work for solutions that bring us together because we have all had enough of division.
The American people want peace.
They want results.
They want us to work for positive results for their lives.
Our founders believed in a principle that they knew must guide our nation.
First in our declaration, they promised life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
But they gave us guidance, e pluribusunum, from anyone.
The founders could never have imagined how vast our country would become, how many we would be, how different we would be from each other.
But they knew we had to be one.
Unity.
Unity for our country.
And that today, the American people have spoken to restore that vision.
With this new Democratic majority, we'll honor the vision of our founders for a country finding, having a legitimate debate, but remembering that we are one country.
We'll honor the sacrifices of our men and women in uniform and their families who have made us the land of the free and the home of the brave to build a better future worthy of their sacrifice.
And we must honor and respect the aspirations of our children.
Elections are about the future and what we do for our children's future.
So thank you all for making the future better for all of America's children.
God bless you.
We're for good things.
She was supposed to put her arm around both of them, but she kind of screwed that up and she's like, one's enough.
Good enough.
Good enough.
They get it.
They get it.
One's good.
They get it.
Their kids are here as a prop.
They understand.
So when this guy at CBS.
Because one of the things is when you win an election because you're running against somebody, which in this case is Donald Trump, that doesn't give you an immediate to-do list.
So that's the tough part.
Was what is this a mandate to do?
Not a quick answer to that.
And there's proof.
She's not going to do anything.
She didn't say she's going to do anything.
She's going to break.
She's going to fulfill the founding fathers' vision.
Who is she?
Sean Hannity?
What is she talking about?
She's going to fulfill the founding father's vision of unity.
What?
Unity?
You mean the people who just started a war so they could do what they wanted?
I don't, again, it just, that's not what no one voted for you for unity.
And he's exactly right.
What is what is your mandate?
It's not real clear.
No, none.
You know why?
Because the Democrats don't have a vision because they're paid not to.
All right.
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Hello, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Well, well, well.
Hello.
Well, well, well, well, well.
Is this.
Oh, Jimmy, you know who has come to call.
Attorney General Jeff Sessions.
Former Attorney General to you.
And to have one.
That's right.
You were just fired.
How are you taking it?
Oh, I'm enjoying a little hot toddy here in my South Carolina state as we speak, which reminds me, oh, Achilles.
Go ahead, warm me up, son.
I'm running low.
Doesn't sound like you're too bothered by this.
Bothered?
Boy, I have been waiting for this day for what seems like an eternity.
Really?
Well, of course, Jimmy, I have suffered nearly every form of unspeakable indignity that the human mind can conceive of while serving under that Trump administration.
A boss who had no faith in my principles, a public that tried to thwart my attempts to roll back civil rights.
I even most recently had my Methodist faith challenged by hecklers.
Right.
And imagine me.
Why, I have a marble statue on my desk right now of John Wesley himself violently separating parents and children at a border crossing.
It's one of my favorite pieces.
Okay.
And I will be so glad to be finally rid of those ghouls who infest the Trump administration.
That ghost daughter of his, that airheaded son-in-law, and that icky, icky Stephen Miller.
Oh, really?
Well, he is deeply committed to raining cruelties upon Brown people, and I must say I do respect him for that.
But beyond that, he is a deeply unserious young man.
Is that so?
Yes.
He would routinely prank call my office.
Can you believe that?
I will honestly miss the bliss of not knowing anything about this D's nuts business that I enjoyed before my tenure at the Justice Department.
I would imagine.
What do you think will happen with the Mueller probe now?
Oh, I don't give a shit.
Who cares?
Thank you, Achilles.
So, what are you going to do now?
Oh, I don't know.
I have a lot of Netflix to catch up on, of course.
You know, I never even saw Mind Hunter.
And, of course, my unfinished business with you, Jimmy Dahl.
Me?
Why me?
Well, don't you remember our first phone conversation?
How I was going to come after you for smoking marijuana?
I guess.
My irrational personal vendetta against any and all who partake in cannabis usage will not be abated during my sabbatical or tempered by my lack of office holding.
I will still see to it that each and every one of you will be behind bars if I have to perform a citizen's arrest myself, starting with you, Mr. James Dahl.
That's insane.
Well, thank you.
From a whackadoo drug addict such as yourself, that is a compliment.
Expect a call from me when you least expect it.
Make sure arrangements are made for your precious Brownie because I will be separating you from your Chihuahua and deporting him back to Mexico.
You can't do any of this, Mr. Sessions.
I can and I will.
I am a six-foot-four behemoth, and I cannot be stopped.
Oh, dear me, I'm slipping into another bourbon stupor.
I have to go, but I will be seeing you soon.
Achilles.
Very nice.
There were lots of confusing messages from the midterm elections.
Some progressives lost, like Andrew Gillam and Beto O'Rourke, but some progressives won, like Sherrod Brown.
Right?
Oh, yeah.
And then, and, well, also in Wisconsin, they got a new pro-labor governor.
Yep.
Same thing, the Michigan governor won, also, Democrat.
But in Indiana, I'm going to show you Joe Donnelly.
Joe Donnelly, just watch this commercial and you tell me if you want to vote for this guy.
If you're going to vote and you're going to vote, and let's say you're an independent, who would you vote for?
Socialists want to turn health care over to the government over my dead body.
Some in Congress.
Now, just imagine: eight or nine out of ten Democrats are for Medicare for all.
The majority of Republicans are for Medicare for all.
And what does this guy say running as a lefty?
Socialists want to turn health care over to the government over my dead body.
You're now appealing to the minority of the electorate.
So you're now you're cutting the legs out from underneath your own base, and you're not interesting people on the right.
The people on the right are for Medicare for all.
Some in Congress want to let insurance companies deny coverage for pre-existing conditions.
Not on my watch.
The radical left wants to eliminate ICE.
I support ICE in funding President Trump's border wall.
Extremes on the left and right want to cut defense spending.
I don't want our troops in a fair fight.
I want them to have the best.
So let's just recap.
He's against Medicare for all.
He's pro-military spending.
Pro-military spending.
We're spending $700 billion a year, $200 billion more right now on our military than we were spending at the height of the Iraq war.
We had a 40% increase in our military budget since the height of the Iraq war.
A 40% increase.
Do we have a 40% increase in our education budget, 40% increase in our library?
40% increase in any other budget?
Over my dead body.
So he's against Medicare for all.
He's for Trump's border wall.
He just said he's going to fund it.
He's for the border wall.
He's for more military spending.
And he's against Medicare for all.
Boy, what a great Democrat.
What's the point of voting for this guy?
President Reagan said, peace through strength.
I'm Joe Donnelly.
I approve this message.
And then he, what does he do?
He quotes Ronald Reagan.
Dude, just run as a Republican.
Well, you lost.
So when given the choice between a Republican and Republican, they picked a Republican every time.
You want to see another one of his commercials?
Here's another one.
You know, the only thing that was left out of that ad was him wanting to increase incarceration.
Yeah, I say we put more people behind bars, and maybe some of them are women who want to have abortions.
Let's lock them up.
Well, here's another one of his commercials.
Part, I'm an easygoing guy, but not when Mike Braun keeps lying about my record.
I split with my own party to support funding for Trump's border wall.
The liberal left wants to chop defense spending.
No way.
I'm not into a fair fight.
I'm about giving our troops the edge.
Why would you vote for the...
There's a whole party like that.
Border wall, more military spending.
That's what he leads with.
I voted to extend the Bush tax cuts.
And Mike Braun, he shifts jobs to China.
We've got to cut that out.
I'm Joe Donnelly.
I approve this message.
I think Joe Donnelly was inspired by Hillary Clinton.
Really?
I mean, everything that he stands for, am I wrong?
What would she be an argument with?
How did he do?
How did Joe Donnelly do?
He got his ass kicked.
Joe Donnelly got his ass handed to him.
And I love this.
This is from Linda Sunsoar on Democracy Now.
She goes, if you're not going to go all the way progressive, you're just not going to win against Donald Trump in 2020.
Right.
You cannot beat Donald Trump from the center.
You have to beat Donald Trump with alternative visionary plan.
Amen.
So I'll give you an example.
So that's Joe Donnelly.
Oh, he's in a red state.
Well, Claire McCaskill is also in a red state.
She's in Missouri.
The last time she ran, minimum wage was on the ballot.
People turn out to vote for minimum wage.
You know how when they would put same-sex marriage on the ballot, the Republicans would put same-sex marriage on the ballot to get to drive up vote turnout, and it worked.
Well, if you put minimum wage on the ballot, it drives voter turnout because people have something to vote for.
And so that's what people credit her getting elected in the Senate the first time, was that the minimum wage was on the ballot.
Well, it was on the ballot again.
Minimum wage hike is winning in a landslide and Claire McCaskill is getting destroyed.
So people love these policies.
They just can't cotton to these crappy Democrats anymore.
People like minimum wage.
People like Medicare for all.
They just can't bring themselves to vote for these crappy Democrats.
Here's Zach Carter says the Dems and swing states who voted against the bank bill, that new BS bank, Baldwin and Brown, so Senator Tammy Baldwin and Sherrod Brown cruise to re-election.
So right next door, there's Indiana and Ohio.
They're right next to each other.
Sherid Brown ran as a strong progressive, voted against that bank bill.
So did Tammy Baldwin.
They won.
And there were DSA-backed victories in Pennsylvania and Minnesota and Michigan.
Every minimum wage issue on the ballot won, and I believe they were all in red states.
Yeah, Missouri, Arkansas, and Arizona.
So there you go.
Why are you running as a, I mean, that's just straight up running as a Republican.
Why not run as a goddamn progressive?
At least you fall on your shield.
You know what I mean?
You go down fighting instead of go down bootlicking.
Because that's what that is.
That's bootlicking.
I don't know.
See, NBC Chuck Todd, this is amazing.
He wanted to show everybody how the 2020 presidential hopefuls and the Democratic Party spent their weekends.
You ready for this?
Here we go.
Welcome back.
Normally, this is the portion of the show we reserve for meet the midterms.
But our entire show is meeting the midterms.
So here's a quick look at how some potential 2020 Democrats spent the midterm campaign's final days.
Call it Meet 2020.
Former Vice President Joe Biden capped off a busy barnstorming schedule with stops in Ohio and Pennsylvania over the weekend.
Obviously, he believes this 2020 appeal is all about the Midwest and those working-class voters.
You know, those working-class voters that he offers absolutely nothing to.
Nothing.
Hey, remember when I was in the White House for eight years and didn't do a goddamn thing for you or your unions or your standard of living or do anything to make the banks treat you fairly.
Remember that?
Don't you miss those days?
We all miss those days.
Anyway, okay.
Senators Corey Booker and Kamala Harris both campaigned with federal Democrats in their home states.
There's a lot of House seats in both California, New Jersey that Democrats need to win to get the majority.
Booker was with his Senate colleague Bob Menendez as well in New Jersey and Harold.
Bob Menendez, maybe the poster boy for corruption in the Democratic Party, besides W. Wasserman Schultz, the guy should be in jail, and everybody knows it, and his own state hates him.
And the Democrats, instead of demanding he step down for being an obvious corrupt fraud, they rally around him.
...nominee Gavin Newsom in California.
Senators Elizabeth Warren and Kristen Gillibrand stumped for themselves, because guess what?
They're both on the ballot in 2018.
They hope to be on a ballot in 2020 as well.
Then there's former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who has spent more than a million dollars on a Michael Bloomberg, not a Democrat.
Right?
Am I wrong about he's an independent?
Two-minute ad that is airing in large markets around the country that stresses his independence, his anger at the Republican Party, and his love for a new party.
Take a look.
I've never been a particularly partisan person.
I've supported candidates from both sides.
But at this moment, we must send a signal to Republicans in Washington that they have failed to lead, failed to find solutions, and failed to bring us together.
You mean they failed to find solutions like stop and frisk?
You mean that kind of solution, Michael Bloomberg?
Michael Bloomberg, who instituted the racist stop and frisk policy and terrorized communities of black and brown people for years in his own city as a billionaire, is now going to wag his finger at someone else?
Yes.
And Chuck Todd's going to give him a platform uncritically.
That's why I'm voting Democratic.
It's quite an interesting potential launch to his presidential bid.
Interesting in a sense that I'm never going to bring up any of the relevant facts surrounding his candidacy.
That kind of interesting.
That it's because of the failures of the elites like Michael Bloomberg that we got a demagogue right-wing Democrat like Trump.
And that kind of interesting.
That's what I think Chuck Todd means.
Interesting in the sense that he's never going to really talk about the issues that are right and staring him in the face.
Another friggin' billionaire, racist billionaire is the hope for America who says he will not be running in 2020 as Texas Senate candidate Beto O'Rourke.
At least that's what he told reporters this morning in Houston.
Okay, so there you go.
There's his wrap-up.
Now, who did, first of all, fantastic, Chuck.
Really great job.
Secondly, secondly, Chuck, who did you leave out?
Again, he does another complete news report where he makes it sound like he's covered the issue, except he leaves out Bernie Sanders.
Why is that relevant?
I don't know.
He's the most popular politician in the entire country.
Let's pretend like we're informing you.
This is, again, pretends like he's informing you.
Because if he would have to, because if he would have really wanted to inform you, he would have showed you what Bernie Sanders was doing.
Bernie Sanders drenched in sweat after giving his third speech of the day.
Brothers and sisters, you are not living in a democracy.
You are living in an oligarchy, he said.
That's what he could have showed you.
He didn't.
Interesting.
And if you could say, well, he's only, well, he's only covering Democrats.
Bernie Sanders is the Democratic outreach person, whatever that bullshit title they gave him.
That's who he is.
Secondly, you featured Michael Bloomberg.
And the only reason he's wagging his finger at the Republicans right now is because of Trump.
So there you go.
So there's, again, another wonderful job by NBC News.
Now, if you remember Ed Schultz, what Ed Schultz told us, Ed Schultz told us that Andy Lack, the head of NBC News, forbade them from covering Bernie Sanders.
They were forbidden from covering Bernie Sanders, and that's why Ed Schultz got fired.
And there's Chuck Todd.
Here's Chuck Todd doing the bidding.
And why did Andy Lack say that?
Because what Ed Schultz said, they were joined at the hip with the Clinton campaign.
Really?
So corporate media and corrupt corporate politicians are working in collusion.
That's weird.
So again, now you know why people get their news from YouTube and why I will always have a job.
I will always have a job.
You know, I worry sometimes about the show and what have you.
I don't have to worry.
It's just my mental conditioning that makes me worry.
Wasn't it sad that a segment like this is even in existence?
Like, hey, we've been talking about the midterms a lot.
We should probably talk about something else.
Everything's fine on the planet.
I don't see anything wrong there.
Let's talk about corporatists promoting themselves.
That's a good use of 90 seconds.
And leave out Bernie Sanders.
So the corporate smearing and slanting is already started for the 2020 election.
It's already started.
There it is.
And tomorrow I expect to open up the paper in Washington Post and see 16 negative stories in 16 hours about Bernie Sanders.
I want to mention, too, how you mentioned how Michael Bloomberg, not exactly a demo, he's aligning with the Democrats right now, talking about maybe running in 2020.
So he's not a Democrat, quote-unquote, the same way as Bernie is not a Democrat.
So is Tom Perez going to instill this new rule on Michael Bloomberg?
No.
That will not be instilled.
Well, he's going to be sufficient.
He has not sufficiently attacked the party, Michael Bloomberg.
That's what Tom Perez will say.
Tom Perez will say, no, in his words, in his writings, he's been supportive of the Democratic Party.
A racist billionaire.
Isn't the NBC the network that brought us Trump?
They gave Trump a television show for years and years.
Even while he was as they were firing Paula Dean, they were giving him a new contract.
Donald Trump, I mean.
As the NBC was to, they couldn't, they couldn't take her because she had been revealed she said the N-word.
But Donald Trump, who revealed that he's literally Billy Bush lost his job.
Billy Bush lost his job.
Isn't that funny?
It is funny.
That is funny.
It's funny that his last name is Bush.
And it is.
That's all.
All that stuff is funny.
There's lots of irony, but nothing funnier than how horrible Chuck Todd is at his job.
That's he is the, he has got to be the, he is right up there.
See, I say he's worse than Sean Hannity.
Oh, absolutely.
And why do I say that?
Because people know who Sean Hannity is, right?
No, he's not fooling anybody.
He's not trying to fool you.
He's not pretending he's telling.
I'm a right-wing guy, and I'm giving you the right-wing, ultra-right-wing conservative point of view, and I'm in the tank for Trump.
And so you know what Sean Hannity says.
You know where it's coming from.
He's pretending he's an objective observer.
He's not.
He is a tool, and he is paid by the establishment, the oligarchs, to maintain oligarchy, which is why he pushes Bloomberg while ignoring Bernie Sanders and while ignoring this guy.
I don't know where he gets the, I really, honest to God, I followed him around on the 2016 campaign here in California.
It was exhausting.
And the fact that he's able to do this still at 70, whatever, seven years old or whatever he is is remarkable.
And the fact that he wants to do it, what does he get out of it?
But I'll tell you what Chuck Todd gets out of ignoring it.
He gets to keep his fat cat million dollars plus a year for doing nothing.
Well, the one takeaway out of this report is that all the other 2020 hopefuls are just going around promoting themselves.
Bernie Sanders is working on actual causes that help people.
Yeah.
Bernie got the $15 for Disney.
He's got the $15 for Amazon.
That's called public pressure.
That's using whatever bully pulpit you have.
That's called raising the awareness and getting press.
And, you know, that's putting a full court press.
That's without the goddamn Congress.
That's without the presidency.
That's without the cudgel of government.
That's just getting it done through social protests.
Direct action.
Let's do a little, let's get some direct action up here in this MFR.
I live in California now.
I'm originally from Chicago, and this is the bluest of blue states.
And we're very proud of how progressive we are.
And we're sending back to Washington Nancy Pelosi and Diane Feinstein.
And who's our other senator?
Besides Feinstein?
Oh, Kamala Harris.
So we're really progressive in California.
This is Diane Feinstein.
Do you want to see her speech?
I'm going to show you Diane Feinstein's speech.
Diane Feinstein is to the right of Ronald Reagan.
You might as well be voting for Newt Gingrich if you vote for Diane Feinstein.
Not only is Dianne Feinstein to the right of Ronald Reagan, she used to give him rides to preschool.
No, we make fun of politicians for being vapid, and we make fun of them for having empty rhetoric, and we make fun of them for speaking in platitudes.
This takes the cake.
This, I haven't seen, it's like it's Platitudes class, and it's her first day of class.
It's like she just got in.
So watch this.
This is Diane Feinstein, her victory speech.
There's still very, very big problems out there.
They're problems for.
She's just talked.
There won't be one specific in this whole thing.
There won't be one specific problem or a specific solution to a problem.
This is all about, you guys voted for me because you knew my name right and the media does a shitty job of covering us.
Yeah.
Okay.
Thanks.
So here we go.
Ready?
Here we go.
There's still very, very big problems out there.
They're problems for women.
They're problems for young women.
The me too movement.
There are problems in our economy.
There are problems in our economy.
She was going to go with there are big stuff problems.
There are problems.
We got big problems.
What is she?
Here we can.
Here's her problems.
To be straightened out.
Hang on.
We'll start again.
This is great.
There's still very, very big problems out there.
They're problems for women.
They're problems for young women.
The Me Too movement.
There are problems in our economy that need to be straightened out.
In our social structure that need to be straightened out.
There are problems that need to be straightened out around here.
And I'm going to give you those straightening outs.
America looks and they see a social structure that is crooked.
How do we straighten out this crooked structure?
Well, with problems.
She won't even go that far as calling anything out as crooked.
She just keeps saying problems.
You know, I felt so included at the very beginning of her speech that she talked about women problems and young women problems.
So I felt very much connected.
Education, all these things that make a great nation like ours, we can participate.
All these things that I'm giving lip service to because my campaign told me to.
All these things.
You know what?
Wouldn't it kill you if this was a prepared speech?
Well, why wouldn't it be a prepared speech?
She knew she was giving a speech.
It looks like she's got notes.
Let's see.
That make a great nation like ours.
We can participate in with specifics.
With specifics, which is the opposite of what I'm giving you right now.
Why would she even say that?
Isn't that wild?
It's pretty impressive.
I want to see that note card.
No kidding.
With problems and with specific.
Women, young women, home.
And I just want you to know that this is the greatest honor in my life to represent my city.
Yeah, okay.
You're not running for mayor.
You're running for at a statewide office.
You just read for a statewide office.
You're not representing your city.
You're representing the state of California.
Okay.
Hey, this is what this is what happens when your first victory was in the late 1800s.
You kind of just start phoning it in after a while.
Am I right?
And my state in the Senate of the United States.
And status quo.
Woo!
Woo!
Status quo.
Woo!
Woo!
Status quo.
What were they cheering?
It sounds like she was trying to fill in space because she couldn't even hit the time quota that was allotted to her.
But she's like, you just got to speak for like 30 seconds.
And she's like, okay, women and young women.
My position in the state in the United States.
Country, great.
All right, I'm done.
Big problems.
And we have specifics.
Would you like to know them?
I bet you would.
Big problems, little problems.
Some problems that we can wait on, but they're still middle problems.
It's like somebody mentioned to her, go ahead and make sure to include the Me Too movement and something on social media.
There you go.
And that's the person that California is sending back to the Senate.
The other person is Kamala Harris.
She's for mass incarceration.
And she didn't, but didn't incarcerate bank thieves.
Mnuchin was one of the people she was supposed to prosecute, and she didn't.
And she never gave a reason why.
And so it's Kamala Harris and Diane Feinstein, the bluest of blue states.
That's who we're sending back to the Senate.
And now do you wonder why our electoral system is broken?
Who the hell wants Dianne Feinstein from the bluest state in the world?
That's stunning.
So there you go.
Great job, Diane Feinstein.
I look forward to her going back and voting for more war, voting against Medicare for all, and voting against tuition-free college and voting against minimum wage.
I look forward to her being Joe Manchin of California.
California sends Dianne Feinstein to the Senate.
I think Bernie's right.
The revolution's working great.
Rick Perry's on the line.
Hello.
Oh, my Jesus Golden Rapture, Seven.
The Earth is going to die in 10 years.
You sound upset about that.
Upset?
Heck no.
What a relief.
Now I don't have to pretend I know what I'm doing anymore.
Energy schmergy.
Drill baby drill.
We only got 10 years.
Hey, you know there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Don't freak out.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Connoff, Jim Earl, Ron Placone, Steph Samurano, and Mark Van Landowicz.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
That's it for this week.
you be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Don't freak out.
Do not do nothing.
Do not freak.
You do not freak.
Do not freak out.
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