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April 19, 2018 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:05:14
20180419_0419_TJDS_PODCAST
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Jimmy, yes, the phone.
It's Fitz Vaughan.
Should really pick up, baby.
It's Double V, the most popular calling character on your show.
Calling you again for some reason.
Can you hear me?
I don't have a cell phone, so I don't know how this shit works.
Look, baby, I gotta talk politics.
I'm itching and scratching over here going bananas.
Are you watching the news?
Do you watch CNN?
What do you watch?
You probably watch some boring McNeil Leir type shit where no one's even yelling about anything.
What a snooze.
My parents watched that shit growing up, but I wanted to fucking kill myself.
Anyway, can you believe this Comey shit?
Can you believe this unfathomable asshole?
First of all, let me tell you something.
I'll tell you something from bonafide personal experience over many years so you can take this to the fucking bank.
I'm a tall man.
Any man who's taller than I am, gay.
I don't know why that is, but that is 100.
This dude is a closet case, and that is the animus that drives him.
You can report that in your little show.
Just be sure to credit me, please.
Credit we're credited fucking dude, coachies.
He probably had a secret crush on Trump.
That's why he was investigating him to get closer and more intimate in some sick way.
Then Trump fires him, so now Stilts McGee is trying to take down Trump, who's the greatest president of all time, by the way, and the entire country in the process.
Oh, shit.
Hold on.
Let me call you back.
My mama booze is here.
Hey, JD, it's VB again.
Goddamn, Jimmy, these potstickers are so goddamn good.
I'm going to propose to them, marry them, and then murder them on our honeymoon.
That's how good they are.
Anyways, huh?
This Comey Chump needs to shut his trap.
I swear to God.
Look at this tall freak doing the rounds, right, on TV, going on the view.
The view.
You gotta be kidding me.
Stephen Colbert.
I couldn't even bring myself to watch that one.
Tell me, did they sing an Andrew Lloyd-Weber duet together?
That fruity program.
You know, I actually like Colbert on Comedy Central, but then he goes network, and it's like, Jesus, we get it.
You're a song and dance man at heart.
Fine.
He's a disgrace.
Comey's a disgrace.
The view has its moments.
I retract my earlier statement.
I just can't believe that we are living in peak America right now, and you libs and tankies are trying to shit all over everything.
You disgust me, Jimmy Doer.
Goodbye.
Sorry, I got a little carried away there.
I apologize.
I was out of line.
That was me being out of line.
I'll own it.
Who the fuck is Cardi B, okay?
And why is Bernie Sanders talking about her?
What is she?
Some rapper who shakes her ass around?
I'll be shocked if I'm wrong about that one.
Your boy Bernie is having dialogues and shit with rappers.
Killer Mike.
What?
You're a senator.
You don't pal around with guys named Kill or anything.
It's a bad look, baby.
Good luck with that.
Come next.
Do you want to run him again?
You can't have him talking to rappers.
It's not going to work.
It's up to you, Jimmy.
You got to get your boy in line over there.
All right.
Look, I got to go.
I'm going to let you get working on bleeping the fuck out of all this, and I'll take my hands off the air.
Thank you.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
...up-minded, lowly-lovered lapies...
The kind of people that are safe.
It's hard to talk to your T-Value.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Everybody, welcome to this week's Jimmy Dore show.
We'll see you June 30th in Portland, Oregon.
And maybe July 1st.
We may be adding a second show.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com for League for All Tickets.
Let's get to some of the jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
You know, I just ran into the Bin Laden kill team at the Glendale Galleria Cinnabon, and I got to tell you, really puts things in perspective.
I don't know about you, but I am outraged that Donald Trump is doing exactly the same deranged thing Hillary Clinton's been suggesting for five years now.
Hey, did you hear Eric Colder said he's thinking about running for president, Eric Holder?
Oh, by all means, let's add some more shitty Democrats to the Democrat turn stew because voters just love getting their stomachs pumped every four years.
Am I right?
People keep accusing Donald Trump of trying to start World War III, but you know, I kind of thought dropping 26,000 bombs a year on eight countries was World War III.
Nice.
I don't know about you.
What's my life goal?
I just want everyone to be happy before we start shooting each other for canned goods and drinking water.
That's all I want.
Hey, did you hear Joe Biden seriously considering a 2020 run?
And give it up for me because that's the first time I was able to get through that sentence without falling asleep.
I hope everybody had a good tax day.
Yes.
Yeah.
I'm filing for an extension because Russia ate my tax return.
Did you hear Scott Pruitt has a soundproof booth that costs like $40 some million dollars?
Scott Pruitt.
Scott Pruitt has a sound for Scott Pruitt.
And people are making a big deal out of his soundproof booth.
He just wanted a nice, quiet place to count those checks from the fossil fuel industry.
Come on.
Hey, did you see over in Ohio, the Richard Cordry campaign launched a series of attacks on Dennis Kucinich, tying Dennis Kucinins, no kidding, to the Kremlin.
The only thing they're missing is a photo of him sitting at a table with Susan Sarandon.
Am I right?
Ah, McResistance.
You know, the problem with Stormy Daniels' sketch of that guy who threatened her is that it looks just like every other guy who's ever threatened a porn star on behalf of a president.
Am I right?
Proposed title for Barbara Bush's new biography, The Womb with That Edi Amin Touch.
Hey, did you hear the NRA?
This is unbelievable.
The NRA says it'll support California's bullet train, but only if the final destination is somebody's family member mistaken for an intruder.
What's coming up on today's show?
Oh my God.
Turns out MSNBC just as corrupt as Sinclair Media.
And we have the receipts from Ed Schultz.
Enjoy.
Plus, a professor from Columbia goes on MSNBC and get this, tells the truth about the Syrian war.
How did that turn out?
The answer just may surprise you.
Or will it?
Plus, we've got definitive proof from the horse's mouth that all American wars are for oil.
That's covered from Colin Powell's chief of staff.
Plus, we got phone calls today.
Vince Vaughan calls in.
George Clooney and Jeb Bush calls in to discuss the sad passing of Barbara Bush.
Plus, we have special guest with us, Judah Friedlander, hilarious comedian Judah Friedlander.
His Netflix specialist called America is the greatest country in the United States.
It's on Netflix right now, and he's up for a Webby Award.
That's all today on the Jimmy Door show.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to the Jimmy Door show.
I'm here at the Miserable Liberal and Ron Placone.
Hi, Jimmy.
Hi.
Hi, Jimmy.
Hey, listen, we've told you about establishment media and the reason why we have a show.
The reason why we have people say, Jimmy, how come your show, how did it get so popular?
What's your secret?
And I tell them, all I have to do is tell the truth about Syria, and I'm immediately the best journalist in the country.
And that's all it takes.
There's a few other people telling the truth about it.
Glenn Greenwald, who's obviously a better journalist, but I don't think he has the comedy jobs I have.
So, although, although funny.
So we've told you that Phil Donahue got fired from MSNBC in the run-up to the Iraq war because he was an anti-Iraq war.
He was asking questions they didn't want asked.
At the time, MSNBC was owned by General Electric.
General Electric was a huge defense contractor and stood to make billions of dollars from the war.
So they fired Phil Donahue because he was against the war, and that's going to hurt their profits.
So they fired him.
And we know this is true because a memo was leaked later that revealed that.
They said they fired him because he had low ratings.
And it turns out he had the highest rated show on the network at the time.
Then they got rid of Ashley Banfield, MSNBC, because she also spoke critically of the war.
Boom.
And now, so that's just two.
And now here's Ed Schultz.
Ed Schultz was asked a question about working for MSNBC.
And, you know, I watched him when he first got fired from MSNBC, and he had nothing but good stuff to say about it.
And he was glad for the opportunity.
And now he's moving on.
He never said why he got fired.
Now he's going to tell you.
And I've told you a million times that as soon as Rachel Maddow or Chris Hayes goes against the war machine or says anything that caused Comcast a nickel, they will be fired.
And that's how you know they're good little, they're being good little tools because they still have those jobs and they consider themselves progressives.
And Ed Schultz is going to blow the roof off it right now.
Well, let me ask you that.
But let me go back, if I may, because you said what are the differences?
And I want to make this very clear.
And I hope your audience consumes this.
There was more oversight and more direction given to me on content at MSNBC than there ever has been here at RT.
Wait, whoo, huh?
Wait a minute.
That Putin's a fascist and the thing and the what, and he lets you say whatever you want, and you're an American.
And the opposite was true under our capitalistic system of networks and no.
Comcast was trying to control you?
That's a character.
So, come on, that sounds like Fox News.
You know what that sounds like to me?
That sounds like Sinclair Media.
Is that Sinclair Media?
Everybody's hair's on fire about Sinclair Media telling their hosts what to say.
Get ready.
And I think that it's very sad that that story is not getting out.
I think it's many times I was told what to lead with on MSNBC.
Had to what?
Sinclair Media, I thought.
I thought it was Sinclair Media that was fascist.
And it was Trump.
No one's screaming about this because it's MSNBC and they hate Trump.
You know what, Jimmy?
I don't really watch MSNBC any longer.
And maybe when I do it, it's for research or for fun.
It's only for hate watch.
Right?
Yes, hate watch, absolutely.
But I remember like when I would watch it and I would just go, everybody has the same leads.
Exactly, same story.
And I kept thinking, well, then do they only have one production team?
And this is what they decided to do?
Well, I hear you, Steph.
Here's more.
Many times I was told what I was not going to do.
And I've got a story that had I not been involved in it, I would have never believed it.
And Phil Griffin, who I consider a friend to this day, was a watchdog far more than anything I am exposed to here at RT America.
So remember what we told you, that the media, instead of being the watchdog for the people, they become the watchdog for the establishment, and then they become the attack dog for the establishment, which is what they did to Bernie Sanders.
They attacked him, which is what they do to Jeremy Corbyn.
They attack him.
That's why Washington Post wrote 16 negative stories about Bernie Sanders in 16 hours.
He tell you what to say?
Did he tell you an angle to take?
Often.
In fact, when Bernie Sanders was announcing that he was going to be a candidate for the nomination of the Democratic Party in Burlington, Vermont, I was the only cable host between Fox, MSNBC, and CNN that was there live to cover it.
Now, there were live cameras there, but we had coordinated with the Sanders campaign that at five o'clock he was going to make his announcement, and we were going to cover this on the Ed Show.
I go to Bernie Sanders' house that afternoon, an interview in the backyard, about a 15-minute interview.
The grandkids are running around.
It's a big day for the Sanders family.
He's going to announce that he's running for president.
We're going to carry it live later on in the day, and we're going to run this one-on-one tape with Bernie.
3,000 people are there on Lake Champaign.
It's five minutes to air, and I get a phone call from Phil Griffin.
You're not covering this.
I said, Phil, Bernie Sanders is announcing he's running for president.
He's going to be a president.
I don't care.
You're not covering this.
And it got rather contentious.
You're not covering the progressive voice who wants to upset the establishment, Applecart.
And people like Chris Hayes and Lawrence O'Donnell.
It's so funny.
Lawrence walks around like such a tough guy.
He's such a tool, just like all of them.
Because if he wasn't a tool, he would be fired like Ed Schultz.
He goes right along, just like Chris Hayes, just like Rachel Maddow.
They're neoliberal scum, and they're working against you.
I don't even need to mention Chris Matthews.
It's such a waste.
But Rachel, I don't think anybody thinks Chris Matthews is worth a shit.
That's why I didn't even bother with him.
But people are still fooled by Lawrence O'Donnell and Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow.
They're still fooled by them.
And the people fooled by Joyanne Reed, they're not fooled by her.
They're mental for her.
They're mental.
Jimmy, I'm just having a hard time accepting that our corporate media has no integrity whatsoever.
Are we sure they didn't just need him to rush to an empty podium and cover that?
Are we sure?
well, we're going to find out, I think, Ron, what he was told to cover instead.
I think we're going to find out.
Now you're asking me for opinion.
I'm giving you fact right now about what happened.
And other people who were there with me will attest to the fact and back me up that this is what happened.
We were told that we had to cover something down in Texas that was totally meaningless in another press conference in Baltimore, which was already been in the news for a few days.
Who's the head of that network?
Roger Ailes?
Oh, no, no, no.
It's Phil Griffin, who was also a neoliberal scum, who works against you.
He wants you so he can advertise to you and make money off you, but he doesn't want to give you accurate information.
And he certainly doesn't want to tell you about Bernie Sanders and a progressive.
And he certainly doesn't want to tell you about how empty, about how his company is the worst company in the world to work for.
He doesn't want to talk about any of that stuff.
That's who they are.
That's who MSNBC is.
And Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow and Lawrence O'Donnell don't have a shred of integrity.
Not a shred.
That's why I don't want to be in their club.
I don't want to be in their club.
I want to make fun of their club because they're corrupt.
And they're selling you a war right now.
They're not Roger Ailes, though.
He's just a good friend.
Rachel Maddow, who proclaimed Roger Ailes is a friend.
A friend.
A guy who would force women to have oral sex on him.
That's Rachel Maddow's friend.
That's how corrupted she is.
That's how part of the game they are.
Chris Hayes wrote a whole book about it, about how you become part of that establishment, even though you don't want it.
He is it.
And he doesn't care because they have not a shred of integrity.
Because if they did, they would be fired like Ed Schultz.
They're not going to tell you the truth about the TPP or net neutrality, the war.
Chris Hayes, they gave him three minutes to tell you the truth about Gaza.
Three whole minutes.
And everybody went crazy.
Did you see Chris Hayes was allowed to tell the truth for three minutes?
Three minutes.
Woo!
But then they were like, you better make up for it.
Start tweeting about Syria.
Say some wacky stuff.
And you know, when I watch MSNBC, I feel like, I don't know if you've ever seen a Crayola box of Colors of the Skin.
Yeah.
That's really what I think I'm watching when I'm watching MSNBC now.
He's got more to say.
We're covering Bernie Sanders live.
We're coordinated with his campaign.
And I'm told five minutes before, you're not covering Bernie Sanders.
Now, let me give you.
Now, do you need to know anything else?
Now do you know why the Young Turks coverage of Bernie Sanders, the Young Turks blew up during the primary.
And then after the Young Turks switched to Hillary, this show blew up because there was nowhere to get the truth.
You're never going to get it from mainstream news.
You're never going to get it from Rachel Maddow or Chris Hayes or Lawrence O'Donnell.
They gladly give their integrity over for $30,000 a day.
They stand in line.
They can't wait.
They can't wait to sell out.
It's funny to watch.
It's funny to watch because now when I bump into them and I will, I look at them and just laugh at them because I'm so much better of a fucking journalist than they are.
And I suck.
And I'm fucking so much better than they are.
I have my integrity.
I have my integrity and I get to say whatever I want.
And those tools have to have a boss who tells them what to do.
They give them lots of money.
You know, that also reminds me of Jank.
When Jenk was called into the office and having to, you know, like, hey, the White House, the White House, they want you to tone it down, tone it down.
Jenkin Uger, I'll play that video.
I'll get that video and play it.
They told him that we're insiders.
We're not outsiders.
I'm an outsider, by the way.
If you guys haven't noticed, I'm an outsider.
And as soon as I become a real threat, they will try to shut me down.
So that, but believe me, just like they did to him, just like they did to Phil Donahue, Ashley Bamfield.
As soon as I become a threat to the establishment, they will shut us down.
They're already trying to shout down Independent News.
You know that.
But that's not us specifically targeted.
They're targeting everybody.
Ron and I are sidekick outsiders.
You guys are sidekicks.
You're side outsiders.
Let's listen.
Now he's going to tell you why he thinks that happened.
Now, Andy Lack, so you know who Andy Lack is, Ron.
Andy Lack is the, he's the president of NBC News, correct?
Phil Griffin is the MSNBC president.
And Andy Lack is the chairman of NBC News, right?
So the reason why I want you to know that, because he's going to mention his name right now.
Here we go.
So he's going to tell you why he thinks that happened.
The opinion.
I think the Clintons were connected to Andy Lack, connected at the hip.
That sounds like Putin.
That sounds like what Putin does with his news agency, right?
Putin's connected with the Pravda at the hip.
I think that they didn't want anybody in their prime time or anywhere in their lineup supporting Bernie Sanders.
I think that they were in the tank for Hillary Clinton, and I think it was managed.
And 45 days later, I was out at MSNBC.
Bam.
Oh, you want to cover Bernie?
Sorry, you're fired.
Why?
Because Hillary Clinton is running this, okay?
Just like she's running the DNC, just like she rigged the primary.
It's not the Russians that are screwing with us.
It's Goldman Sachs.
It's JB Morgan.
But, Jimmy, it was her turn.
Yes.
We decided only one person gets democracy.
And in 2016, it was Hillary.
It was time for a lady president.
It was time for a lady president who's the most corrupted woman in the history of our country.
A warmongering maniac.
Completely sold out this country, gutted welfare, exploded our prison population, deregulated Wall Street, crashed our economy, voted us into a legal war after a legal war.
They don't have integrity.
That's the thing.
That's the core thing.
And that's why they suck so hard.
Because they're willing to say whatever their corporate lords tell them to say for money.
You know who else is just like that?
Criminals.
That's who else is like that.
They'll do whatever people say for money.
That's the other kind of people who do that.
And what Rachel Maddow and Chris Hayes do is criminal.
They're screwing over this country.
That's what they're doing.
And they screwed you out of a progressive candidate.
And then they tried to gaslight you.
Can you look me in the eyes?
Hey, Chris Hayes, can you look me in the eyes and tell me you're not bought and captured 100%?
Can you tell me what happened to Phil Donahue?
Can you, Chris Hayes?
Is such a pussy.
He will never have me jag off.
He'll have all he'll have pretend progressives on his show for fuck all the time.
Oh, look, you're progressive, right?
Yeah.
You're not going to say anything that's going to make me lose my job.
No.
He will never have me on that show because he's a coward.
Just like Coward Dean, just like Rachel Maddow, just like Lawrence O'Donnell.
They're all captured.
They're corporate captured.
They're all bought.
And this is proof, 100%.
They never said a goddamn thing when he got fired ever.
Did they?
Well, it's because they love to gaslight you and they love to try to convince themselves.
That's what I think.
Because I remember, and I don't know if you were at this panel.
I know we were both, we were all at the event, but at a Politicon, there was a panel and it was all like establishment media folk.
And then I think Anna Kasperian was the only like independent media folk.
And they said, they said something about along the lines of how, you know, Bernie Sanders really did not receive the press coverage.
He should have.
And one of them made a joke, like, oh, yeah, we have this big conspiracy against Bernie Sanders, and we're not covering it.
And they did.
And they all laughed.
You know who didn't laugh?
Anna didn't laugh.
And nobody in the audience laughed.
Nobody in the audience, not one single person.
And it's like, look, you're not going to fool us.
You're not going to fool us.
We're on you.
So, Ron's point to you, Chris Hayes, Rachel Maddow, Lawrence O'Donnell.
You're not fooling anyone.
You can act all indignant as you want and sit up super straight in your chair, Lawrence, and stick your chin out.
And you're just another tool.
A worthless tool who's hurting the country.
You have a platform and you waste it because you're a willing, useful idiot.
If you had any balls, you'd be calling out MSNBC's coverage.
If you had any balls, you'd be debunking this goddamn stupid war.
If you had any balls, you'd be talking about how the media suppresses people who act.
What does the U.S. government do?
Any country that wants to give their natural resources to their people, the United States invades with Marines and steals those natural resources and gives them to a corporation.
And that's exactly what MSNBC is doing.
We had a progressive that might get some stuff for the workers.
So they call out Rachel Maddow, Chris Hayes, Lawrence O'Donnell, and Ed Schultz.
Shut them down.
And you know, a lot of times people lose shows when their ratings go down.
Ed Schultz's ratings were great.
Again, again, it's him, Phil Donahue.
Their ratings are fantastic.
But you know who we got once we lost Ed Schultz?
We got more of Chuck Todd.
We got more Chuck Todd.
Chuck Todd tweeted this out about Sean Hannity because it turns out Sean Hannity has some kind of connection to Trump's lawyer, Cohn.
There's a clear conflict, dishonest journalism.
He's talking about Sean Hannity and Trump sharing a lawyer.
That's dishonest.
It's okay for Andy Lack and Hillary Clinton to decide to fire Ed Schultz.
That's okay, right?
So he tweets this out, going to find out what kind of organization Fox is today.
No serious news organization would allow someone this conflicted to cover this story.
Chuck Todd, I honestly believe he is so dumb, he believes that.
That's how dumb Chuck Todd is.
I'm not kidding.
Chuck Todd's a pretty dumb guy.
I'm dumb.
And that's how I know he's dumb because he's even dumber than me.
I can see through Chuck.
Chuck Todd doesn't know his asshole from a hole in the ground.
You ever see him interview someone?
You know, he admitted on his own show that he doesn't ask hard questions because he's afraid his guests won't come back.
He admitted that at his own show, Chuck Todd.
He tweets this out about, oh, what kind of a new, we're going to find out what kind of news organization.
Hey, guess what?
We already know what kind of news organization you work for because of what Ed Schultz told us.
But before that, Phil Donahue.
Hey, hey, why did NBC news fire Phil Donahue again?
Hashtag the more you know.
Because he was against the Iraq war.
Now we know what kind of news organization you work for, you puke.
Well, I think the second part of Chuck Todd's tweet was just a sentence that somebody wrote for him.
But I think that first part was honestly what he planned on doing that day.
Like, he was like, what does Fox do?
I'm not sure.
Like, I don't know.
Do they do movies?
I don't know.
And then underneath Chuck Todd's own tweet, his own followers came at him.
Someone says, Chuck Todd seems to forget Chelsea Clinton's $600,000 entry-level NBC news job.
Or Chris Cuomo covering Mario and all of the retired generals with consulting contracts.
Oh.
So that's the real sin of, I've told you this before.
The real sin of Brian Williams wasn't that he puffed up his war record and said he took enemy fire on a chopper when he didn't.
The real problem with Brian Williams was that he would bring on retired generals on his show to tell us straight dope about the Iraq war so we could make decisions as an informed electorate.
What Brian Williams didn't tell us was those generals he was bringing on to tell us what was going on in Iraq, they were being paid by defense contractors to advocate for more war and often specific types of weapons we should use.
Brian Williams never told his own viewers that, that the people he's bringing on to tell you the truth are being paid.
They're bought and paid for.
You know why he didn't tell you?
Because he's bought and paid for, just like Chuck Todd and the rest of those pukes at MSNBC.
The guy who did tell us that about Brian Williams won a Pulitzer Prize for it.
Brian Williams still never told his own audience.
And that's the kind of scum of the earth people that are in establishment news.
And that's why this show is taking off.
It's not about smarts.
It's not about intellect.
It's about courage to tell the truth.
And I'm not bought.
Chuck Todd, hey, how about hosting a party for Jennifer Palmieri before the primary?
And then you didn't tell anybody that you hosted a party for Jennifer Palmieri, who was Clinton's communications director.
You didn't tell anybody you hosted a party for her when you interviewed her.
Chuck Todd, actually dumb, just dumb.
He just doesn't know any better.
A guy like me could freaking tear him apart.
A guy like me can tear Chuck Todd Todd apart.
He's the number one newsman at MSNBC.
What a fucking dumb tool he is.
Honest to God, I want to see his ACTs.
Chuck Todd did not graduate college, just so you know.
Chuck Todd did not graduate college.
And there's a reason.
Okay.
All right.
So there you go.
If there's anything else you need to know about these scum of the earth people who are bringing you the news, who suppress the news about progressives and then gaslight you?
They gaslight you.
Is there anything worse than a news person gaslighting the public about the shit they're supposed to be covering?
No, there isn't, which is why Chris Hayes, Rachel Maddow, Lawrence O'Donnell are neoliberal scum.
And we see through them.
And you don't have guts or balls or courage.
You certainly don't have balls or guts to bring out a fucking progressive on your show.
I'll tell you that.
And I can't, I can't wait to laugh in your fucking face when I see you in public.
Hey, hope you're enjoying today's show.
Remember, we have a new thing, a new way for you to help support us.
Well, you can become a premium member.
You already know about that.
And I'll tell you about it at the end of the show.
But we started a Patreon, right?
So because a lot of people feel more comfortable using Patreon than using PayPal or Amazon.
So that's another way you can help support the show.
We have a Patreon link.
Just go to patreon.com slash Jimmy Door, patreon.com slash Jimmy Door.
Go there.
You can become a patron of the Jimmy Door show.
And you know what matters more now than ever because our show has really blown up and gotten way more popular since we've been going on YouTube.
But we've gotten over a quarter million subscribers.
And so things are really happening.
And except YouTube pulled our funding out from underneath us, right?
So they don't want independent news anymore.
And YouTube's offering establishment news.
They're actually offering for a fee.
So they're funding independent news people like us.
So that's why we're offering Patreon.
That's why we're offering a premium.
That's all these different ways.
And plus, we have the t-shirts.
We have all these different ways where you can help support the Jimmy Door show.
So thanks for doing that.
And if you're more comfortable with Patreon, use our Patreon link.
If you're more comfortable using our PayPal, become a premium member.
So there's lots of different ways to support the show.
Thank you for doing that.
Now let's get on to the second half.
Wow, that's George Clooney on the line.
I hope he doesn't call me Ranger and ask what's up.
Hello.
Hey, Ranger.
What's up?
Hi, George.
Listen up.
First time I met a mall, some trash came up to her.
They just came out of the blue.
I took a picture of her, and she was smiling.
Not said right.
That sounds that sounds romantic.
I said to my buddy Ben, Affleck, you know, I think I should ask her to marry me.
And Ben said, I think that's a good idea, too.
From that moment on, my life was changed because you never really know someone until you see them interact with a giraffe.
You know, I once went to a petting zoo.
Was there a giraffe?
I don't think so.
Come on, Jack.
I'm talking about a giraffe here, not some alpaca bullshit.
You and your Hollywood radical friends take part in during one of your weekend love-ins.
That's just weird.
Get it?
Why isn't Alpaca any less of an experience than a giraffe?
Alpaca are bullshit.
Giraffes are the real thing.
Of course, an alpaca is going to come up to you.
They're idiots.
They let people shave them.
Ever see someone shave a giraffe?
No.
I was just trying to relate to your experience.
That's all.
No worries, Jackson.
My wife is so cool.
She's like the coolest thing on the planet.
She's cooler than McMurdo Station.
That's a remote section of the Antarctic, commonly used for scientific studies and whatnot.
It's on Ross Island near the Ross Ice Shelf.
But you knew that, didn't you, Champ?
Are there giraffes there?
Are there two?
Nice one, pal.
No giraffes down there.
Too cold.
But one time I saw a polar bear come up to a mall and stand on his hind legs and gesture for food.
So I said to my buddy Paul McCartney, I said, Paul, I think I should ask her to marry me.
And what did Paul say?
He said I should.
Take that bird and fetch him a bifter and an ale, please.
You got to hang around with Paul McCartney?
It was a quiet afternoon.
Afterwards, Paul and I went back to our modest, lavish estate in Sunning on Thames, Berkshire.
We parked the Prius behind the boathouse and then had a jam session with holographic images of the dead beetles and Ringo.
I read where your neighbors are, Jimmy Page and Teresa May.
Is that true?
Oh, God, really?
They must be that old couple who keeps getting lost in my kale maze.
Biggest outdoor kale maze in the world, by the way.
Paul is a professional.
I'm the amateur.
She's like a gazelle at the top of their game doing her job as a gazelle, better than anybody I've ever seen.
I say she's like a giraffe, but it'd be weird.
Time for my anti-tan.
That's where I have the damaging effects of the sun's rays removed from my skin through the application of more eels.
More on that later, Champ.
Astalumbago.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to the Jimmy Door show.
I have special guests with us.
It's the world champion, Judah Friedlander.
Hi, Judah.
What's up?
Good to be here.
Now, check out Judah's Netflix special.
It's called America is the Greatest Country in the United States, and it's up for a Webby Awards.
Everybody check that out.
Go to judafriedlander.com.
It's a great special.
But right now, we're talking about what's happening in Syria.
And I just want to remind what people, what FDR said in 1936.
He said, we had to struggle with the old enemies of peace.
Business and financial monopoly, speculation, reckless banking, class antagonism, sectionalism, and war profiteering.
So that's what's going on right now.
We're dealing with the old enemies of peace, business and finance, monopoly, speculation, reckless banking, class antagonism, sexualism, and war profiteering.
That's what's happening right now.
That's why we're in Syria.
And I saw this.
I thought this was great.
I'm just thankful that Syria didn't bomb us for poisoning the children in Flint or gassing the natives at Standing Rock.
So now what I want to do is very quickly just remind people that we have a history of inventing a pretend problem that we can then invade someone's country and steal their natural resources.
So let's go back fully.
We all know that Vietnam was based on the Gulf of Tonkin, which turned out to be not true.
So the whole Vietnam War was pretend.
Well, it wasn't pretend.
It was real and it was horrible, but it was on a pretend reason.
And then the next one was the Gulf War, the first Gulf War with 1991 George Herbert Walker Bush.
And I don't know if you remember, but there was a problem.
The people didn't want to go to war because we still remembered Vietnam, even in 1991.
And so they had to figure out a way to get people to go on board with it.
And what they usually do is propaganda.
And here's a this is a great little piece that explains what happened.
Iraq attacks Kuwait, claiming the Kuwaitis are slant drilling into Iraq's oil fields.
U.S. President George Herbert Walker Bush pushes for a land war against Iraq.
But polls show the U.S. public is split 50-50 on that idea.
Then comes this eyewitness testimony.
So the country split 50-50 on us going into Kuwait and Iraq.
And then for a congressional committee from a 15-year-old Kuwaiti girl.
The claim is she cannot be identified for fear of reprisals.
So we have to keep this 15-year-old girl whose testimony is going to swing the war.
We have to keep her identity a secret because someone might come to get her for telling the truth.
Here we go.
Well, I was there.
I saw the Iraqi soldiers come into the hospital with guns.
They took the babies out of the incubators.
Took incubators and left the children to die on the cold spark.
The U.S. public is outraged.
The result?
Support for Land War Zooms.
Boom.
That's all it took.
That's all it took was that testimony.
And I remember, I'm old enough to remember when that, that's before the internet when that happened.
And I remember that being on the news, all ubiquitously shown on the news about how horrible.
And I was like, oh my God, we have to attack.
And here.
Turning point.
Desert Storm is launched.
135,000 Iraqis are killed.
An estimated 1 million Iraqis, many of them children and old people, then die as a result of 10 years of sanctions.
One small problem.
There never were any incubator baby deaths.
Not one.
The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation's investigative flagship program, The Fifth Estate, reveals the girl to be the Kuwaiti ambassador's daughter, given her lines and coached in acting by the giant American PR firm Hill and Knowlton.
It's one phase in a $10 million joint U.S.-Kuwaiti campaign of deception.
This man is lying.
I myself bet it 14 newborn babies that had been taken from their incubators.
This man was lying, and they had kids in incubators, and they were thrown out of the incubators so that Kuwait could be systematically dismantled.
There were a lot of people who participated in a conspiracy.
Yes, an out-and-out conspiracy of fake organizations, false documents, fraud, and disinformation.
So.
So now you know the rest of the story on the first Gulf War.
Do you remember the first Gulf War?
Yes, I do.
I believe it was 1991.
Yeah.
Yes.
Desert Shield, and then it was Desert Storm.
Yes.
And what was your feeling about it at the time?
Yeah, not good.
Probably.
I didn't know better.
At the time, I didn't know better.
I believe the news reports.
I believe that they were doing that stuff.
I didn't know any better.
There wasn't the internet back then.
I remember, I think, being against that.
The next Gulf War, I remember I initially was like, these guys know how awful Vietnam went and things like that.
They're not going to make that same mistake again.
They're not going to risk.
Then I was like, quickly I realized, oh, no, it's the same old thing.
Well, here's Colonel Wilkerson, who was the chief of staff to Cotton Powell during the first Gulf War.
And here's what he had to say about that first Gulf War.
Here's what he says about it.
Let me just back up a little bit and say that the first Gulf War, which of course was Powell's first we're going to cut it off and then we're going to kill it with regard to the Iraqi army, opened my eyes to a certain extent about the Middle East and about the Strait of Hormuz and the Persian Gulf and Saudi Arabia and others.
The reason we fought that war was not to uphold UN mandates.
It was not to prove that the New World Order was going to be established well by George Herbert Walker Bush.
It was to protect oil.
The reason we put forces down in the desert early was to keep Saddam Hussein from turning right and going into Saudi Arabia.
We knew if he did, his tanks would roll over the 82nd Airborne Division we'd put on the ground, but his tanks would be rolling over U.S. soldiers.
And that would be Kosovo for sure.
So my eyes began to be opened even more in this pragmatic way as to why the United States was using force in the world these days.
In this case, it was all about oil.
Of course, they would come back again in 2003 when we reinvaded Iraq and threw out all kinds of aspersions for reasons to the contrary, but we still were going back for oil, basically.
So this is a continuity, if you will, that gets established in terms of abusing me of my naivete, what little was left as to why the United States in the post-World War II period uses force so often.
So there you have it.
We went to the Iraq first time for oil.
We went there the second time for oil.
And we had to lie to the American public to do it.
So your government lies to you to get you to go to war.
And then the news media are stenographers because they're owned by the people who make profits off of war and they're funded by them.
Why do you think climate change is still a debate on network news?
It's because they're funded by fossil fuel companies.
It's not a debate in science.
It's not a debate in the real world.
But it's still a debate on Brian Williams' news show because he's funded by fossil fuel companies and the military-industrial complex.
Boeing does advertisements on Meet the Press.
Are you looking to buy a jet?
I'm not looking to buy a jet.
Why would they be doing that?
Because the news organizations are supposed to investigate people, and so they give them the money not to fund their investigation, but to fund their non-investigations.
And that's why Meet the Press is supported by Boeing, Halliburton, Archer, Daniel Midland, and fossil fuel companies.
So now we just got it straight from the horse's mouth.
And you're never going to hear this guy in MSNBC during a run-up to a war.
Did you see this guy anywhere on MSNBC or CNN or ABC?
Are they quoting him in the Washington Post or the New York Times?
Of course they're not.
Because Jeff Bezos is the richest megalomaniac in the world's history, owns the Washington Post, is in bed with the CIA to the tune of $600 million, and he sits on a Pentagon board.
So you know goddamn well that Washington Post is going to be pro-war in Syria.
And they are, just like they were pro-war in Iraq the last two times, and they're pro-war in Libya.
The United States media is ubiquitous in their rush to war before an investigation.
I always think of it this way, like when you look at wars and you want to figure out if this is a just war or not.
Because war should always be, first of all, it should never happen.
If it does, it should be a last ditch for just for survival.
Right.
But it's pretty much always rich guys starting a war and they send the poor guys out there to fight the war.
You know, now, if Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk and Warren Buffett, if all these billionaires are out there strapping on machine guns and going out to the Mid East to fight, I'm like, oh, well, maybe this is serious.
Maybe this is serious.
But until then, I think you can basically assume, all right, somebody's making a lot of money off of this.
Yes.
And that's what life is about.
It's about making money.
Life is serious.
Yeah, people don't get that.
I mean, the military industrial complex, they get it.
Yeah.
It's just.
So you always got to be suspect.
But the media is never suspect.
No.
Isn't that why?
The same people who covered Iraq and Libya are covering this war, and they're covered in exactly the same way.
That's why propaganda I find is it's fascinating because I think most cultures, no matter where you are, you always think it's that other country or culture that's doing the propaganda.
Or the party I vote for, they're giving me the real stuff, but it's that other part doing the propaganda.
It's like hardly anyone ever notices that propaganda, it can be everywhere.
It can be from all different angles.
It's not just those other people.
That's right.
And a lot of people don't see that.
And that's how effective propaganda is, that people often don't see it.
It used to be illegal for the American intelligence community, the CIA, to do propaganda on Americans.
Barack Obama lifted that restriction.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
I didn't even know that.
And he got rid of, and he also signed the National Defense Authorization Act.
And in Section 1021, he signed it on New Year's Eve.
And Section 1021 repeals habeas corpus.
So that's our great savior.
That's the Barack Obama.
And now you know why we have Trump.
Here's another thing I want to add about the whole Trump thing.
It's like, I was thinking about this the other day.
If things really were going Great in this country.
You know what I mean?
Let's say, you know, there was equal pay for women, health care.
You know, let's say pretty much everyone in society from every background is financially doing well.
People are safe.
Do you think Trump would have had a chance of winning?
No.
You know, like Trump Trump is.
I mean, I'm not saying Sweden's perfect, but let's just say Sweden, for example.
If he had run last year or whatever in Sweden, do you think he would have had a chance?
I don't think he would have had a chance.
So I think there's a reason he got elected.
There's a reason why he got elected, and it was because people are hurting, and the system was offering them nothing.
They're offering them more of the same.
They're offering them Hillary Clinton, the person who passed NAFTA and cut the legs out from underneath unions.
At the same time, they were gutting welfare, exploding the prison population, calling black kids super predators, and then they deregulated Wall Street, which crashed the economy within 10 years, and black and brown people got hurt the most from that.
And then you go, why won't they?
That's why they voted for Trump.
Hispanics voted for Trump, for F's sake.
But now I'm going to show you something that's got accidentally, accidentally got let out on MSNBC.
And so here you go.
This happened last Friday on the morning, Joe Ball.
So Jeffrey Sachs, chime in.
This is very different.
First of all, I'm like, who's Jeffrey Sachs?
I watch MSNBC all the time.
I almost never, I don't ever remember seeing this guy.
Why?
And I'm like, oh, so there's a new guy.
I'm like, I'm thinking did the CIA just pull a new guy out to push the war?
Who is this guy?
And listen to what he says.
And now you know why you're never going to see him on MSNBC.
Here it comes.
Than just a war between two countries.
This is as convoluted as it gets and could get out of Trump control.
I don't think people might really conceptualize, maybe even not this president, how out of control this could escalate.
It's true, but I think we have to step back and not put this in partisan terms.
This is a U.S. mistake that started seven years ago.
And I remember the day on your show.
It's funny, right?
I'm like, I understand what you said.
This guy will never be here.
This is a U.S. What a treat to hear someone like this.
Yes.
What a treat.
I can already tell it's like, you know, given to you straight.
Here it comes.
When President Obama said Assad must go, and I looked at you and Joe and I said, huh?
How's he going to do that?
Where's the policy for that?
Right.
And we know they sent in the CIA to overthrow Assad, the CIA, and Saudi Arabia together in covert operations tried to overthrow Assad.
It was a disaster.
Eventually it brought in both ISIS as a splinter group to the jihadists that went in.
It also brought in Russia.
So we have been digging deeper and deeper and deeper.
What we should do now is get out and not continue to throw missiles, not have a confrontation with Russia.
Seven years has been a disaster under Obama, continuing under Trump.
This is what I would call the permanent state.
This is the CIA.
This is Pentagon wanting to.
Yes.
They're just like stopped.
They don't know what to say.
No, they're like, oh, shit, he's telling us.
It's off script.
Please tell the truth about what's happening.
So he said, this is the permanent state, meaning it doesn't matter who's elected.
This is the CIA and the NSA.
This is the deep state.
Other people refer to it as the deep state, the intelligence community.
He calls it the permanent state, which I like that because it lets you know that this is the permanent war machine, and it doesn't matter who's the president or who's in power.
These are the people in power, the permanent state, the war machine.
That's what he means.
And listen, he goes on.
No way to do that.
And so we have made a proxy war in Syria.
It's killed 500,000 people, displaced 10 million.
And I'll say predictably so, because I predicted it seven years ago that there was no way to do this and that it would make a complete chaos.
So what I would plead to President Trump is get out.
Like his instinct told him, by the way, that was his instinct.
But then all the establishment, the New York Times, the Washington Post, the Pentagon, everybody said, no, no, that's irresponsible.
But his instinct is right.
Get out.
We've done it.
This is unbelievable.
He's saying everybody, New York Times, Washington Post, he's laying it down.
And you see the stunned look at like, oh my God, this guy, somebody forgot to pay this guy.
Somebody, is this guy not under contract?
Does he not know?
You just brought in someone off the street that they're going to tell you the truth.
What are you doing?
Look at them all just stunned sitting there.
Like, this is not how it's supposed to go.
Here we go.
Damage seven years.
And now we really risk a confrontation with Russia that is extraordinarily dangerous.
Reckless.
Admiral Servritas, President Trump had.
Reckless.
So there's a guy laying it down, Jeffrey Sachs from Columbia University.
And that's stunning.
That's stunning.
And it's funny that they all just don't go, wait a minute.
We started this war.
It was the CIA that went.
It wasn't a natural uprising.
No.
You mean all the stuff that everybody, I mean, we shouldn't be doing this?
This is actually us committing war crimes and this is us breaking international laws.
Yes.
We're breaking the international law by going into someone else's sovereign country and bombing them.
That's what we're doing.
Judah, anything?
Well, I agree with everything you're saying.
And also, if you look at regime change, and you can just look at like how it's just put morals aside, it's wrong.
But morality aside, why would you even think it would work?
Right.
That's like, let's say your neighbor's house, you walked over there once because some of the mail was delivered to you.
So you just dropped it off them and you saw their living room and you decided, oh, you know, you don't like it.
So the next day when they're out, you're going to break in and rearrange their living room and decorate it the way you like.
Do you think that's going to end well?
You know what I mean?
So it's like, morality aside, how is regime change ever going to fucking work?
You know, it's just wrong on every level.
It's never worked.
Yeah.
We tried to overthrow Syria in the 50s.
We did overthrow Iran in the 50s.
And then we installed a puppet called the Shah, who was a repressive right authoritarian, and the people rebelled against him.
And that's how we had the Ayatollah.
Yeah.
You know who talked?
I'm saying, you know who talks about this is one of my favorite movies is Starship Troopers, which a lot of people don't.
Paul Verhoeven did it.
And a lot of people don't realize it's actually a satire.
No, no, that's a different one.
That's a galaxy quest, I think.
This is a hardcore action sci-fi movie, but it's really a satire on American imperialism.
And the director's commentary track is the writer and the director.
They're talking about the Shah.
They're talking about U.S. imperialism throughout the Middle East and South America.
And it's great.
It's like right up your alley.
It's right with what we're talking about.
I'll check that out.
We've been doing that for so long.
So now they throw it to a guy who's been paid to advocate for war.
And he's a colonel.
And let's hear all the BSES.
So they go right from Jeffrey Sachs to this guy.
Dangerous.
Reckless.
Admiral Savritas, President Trump has said.
He's not a current.
He's an admiral.
So they go to an admiral.
Here we go.
Going back now several months that we should get out of Syria.
That was his advice to Barack Obama many years ago.
Get out of Syria.
What are the consequences if you walk away right now from Syria without responding to a chemical attack from the regime there?
Which I like how he unskeptically just repeats the government talking point that there was a chemical attack by Assad on his own people.
He knows that they never did an investigation.
He knows there's no conclusion.
He knows that the last two gas attacks have been proven to be false flags committed by the rebels.
He knows that, yet he doesn't say any of that.
Why?
Because he's paid not to say that.
And he throws it to this guy, like, hey, what if we pull?
So he's got to bring it back to war.
So what Willie is doing now is like, wait a minute, I hear what you're saying, but what's the bad that's going to happen if we pull out of Syria?
Bam, because he's killing people at Cambam.
So he's right back on script.
Willie is right back on script.
Did you see that?
Do you see?
That's why he's a pro.
It's like you don't even notice.
He just dismissed everything Jeffrey Sachs just said.
He dismissed it all and said, hey, what are the bad consequences of us pulling out after he does a gas attack?
It just ignores everything he just said.
That's a pro.
That's why that guy's out.
He's wearing a pocket square as he advocates for war.
That's why.
That's good.
When you're in a pocket square, come on.
Yeah, I think there are two problems with Professor Sachs's comments.
Although I certainly feel that sense of Middle East fatigue that we all have.
And of course, it's not just Syria.
It's Iraq.
It's Afghanistan.
It's Afghanistan, it's Somalia, Niger.
Come on.
And by the way, Afghanistan, it's going to be 18 years in Afghanistan.
Term Middle East.
I mean...
So what he's trying to say is that this guy is reacting emotionally.
He's fatigued.
He's not really thinking it through.
That's what he's fucking saying.
Here we go.
Been a whole series of things that have generated the kind of feeling that says, you know, let's just pull back.
Let's get out of the world.
Let's come back to the United States.
I think there are two fundamental problems with that.
One is the use of chemical weapons, I think, really does demand.
That's a double CK.
That's what that is right there.
Okay, because that is so not a chemical weapon.
Right now we're committing a genocide in Saudi with in Yemen with Saudi Arabia.
We don't care about people.
If we cared about people being poisoned by chemicals, we would be bombing Flint, fucking Michigan.
We don't care.
And you see, this guy's like, just like, what is he saying?
Here we go.
And a response from the international community at a level of military strike.
So I do support a strike here.
And secondly, and I think Professor Sachs is correct to say this is a massive humanitarian disaster.
I think the numbers are actually 600,000 dead and 14 million displaced.
So I'm in complete agreement with him on the scale of this, but I would like to see the United.
I would like to see some more bombing and destruction.
I understand 14 million people displaced, 600,000 killed, but they use gas.
So we need to kill a lot more people.
So it's bad to kill people with gas, but it's okay to kill people with nice Christian bombs who when they explode, they hug you to death, I guess, or something.
I don't understand.
So that's, again, just stupid.
But Jeffrey Sachs, what do you think about what that guy said?
Well, he's really anti-chemicals, which I know.
Just what you were saying.
It's like, so killing, you know, genocide with one weapon is okay, but with another weapon, it's, hey, let's say we're civilized here.
Let's not do that.
And guess who used phosphorus in Fallujah?
Guess who used phosphorus in Fallujah?
The United States.
Guess who uses depleted uranium jet bombs, which is a fucking war crime?
We do.
Even in Vietnam, I think there was stuff to crazy.
States trying to be part of the solution.
And here, what I would do is look back to the Balkans in the 1990s, which looked somewhat like Syria of today.
And there was eventually an international solution, and it included the U.S. and Russia working together.
We got a long way to go to get there.
But if we just step away from it, as attractive as that feels to us, I don't think it's the right decision, either for the country or for the international community.
So now that guy, just so you're clear on who this guy is, he's an admiral and he's a liar.
He is the worst kind of person in the world because I know the truth about Syria.
And I'm a nightclub jagoff comedian who doesn't know Dick and I know better than him.
That's how I know he knows and because he just got told it by a professor from Columbia University.
And so now he's continuing not to know.
And I'm going to guarantee you he's being paid by a defense contractor or somebody who's making money off of this war.
That guy right there, scum of the earth, liar.
That's who that guy is.
And he's an admiral.
And there isn't a pit in hell low enough for guys like that.
we've all had a lot of Middle East fatigue.
That term is just...
So they have to just go along.
But I would bet a lot of them know that they know what's going on.
Of course they do.
Yes.
They know it better than anyone.
Yes, they do.
So let's know Jeffrey Sachs is going to respond to this guy.
And here's what he says.
This is great.
I don't think it's attractive, but I think we have to understand how this happened.
This happened because of us.
These 600,000 are not just incidental.
We started a war to overthrow a regime.
It was covert.
It was Timber Sycamore.
People can look it up, the CIA operation.
Timber Sycamore, look it up.
Together with Saudi Arabia, still shrouded in secrecy, which is part of the problem in our country.
A major war effort, shrouded in secrecy, never debated by Congress, never explained to the American people, signed by President Obama, never explained.
And this created chaos.
And so just throwing more missiles in right now is not a response.
My only concern.
It's, by the way, not to walk away, to go to the UN Security Council, as the Admiral says, to agree with Russia on a strategy for ending the fight.
But ending the fight means that we stop trying to overthrow a government that we stop trying to support rebels who are committed to overthrowing the government.
That is where this war continues, because we, to this day, back rebels that are trying to overthrow a government contrary to international law, contrary to the UN Charter, contrary to common sense, contrary to practical path.
We can't do it.
And it's just creating ongoing crisis to the extent of facing an imminent confrontation with Russia.
So I think this is.
Goes against common sense, goes against the U.N. Charter, goes against international law.
We're doing all that.
Someone should now they have their justification to bomb us, except they don't have the might.
So if there was Another country stronger than us with a bigger military, they would start bombing us and they would tell their citizens, we're doing this because the United States is breaking international law, which is why we said we went into Kuwait, which is why we went into Iraq, which is why we went into Libya, because we're enforcing UN charters.
And we just showed you Wilkinson said that's not why we went in.
We went in for war oil.
So is there anything worse than this, dude?
I mean, isn't it amazing to see it happen?
It's almost happening like every five years now, like Libya.
It was Iraq, then Libya, now Syria, Afghanistan.
It's unbelievable.
Well, you know, these war manufacturing companies, you know, like Boeing, Lockheed Martin, you know, they got it would be interesting to know all the connections they have with the politicians because they make so much money.
And, you know, they're making all these weapons.
Someone's got to be using them.
They got to be selling them to somebody.
Yeah.
I find it interesting how so many people who are for regime change don't believe in climate change either.
It's like, you know, because we all want change, but maybe no, maybe no to regime change.
Yeah, not that change.
So after we did Iraq, the first time we had guys like Robert Mueller.
Now, they'll tell you Robert Mueller is his integrity, he's impeccable, and all, but he's the head of a spy agency.
Anyway, he was the head of the FBI.
Come on.
What does the FBI do?
They try to get people like civil rights leaders to commit suicide.
They bug everybody.
If you're trying to help the people, they smear you as a communist.
So you get it, right?
That's what the FBI is.
And here's Robert Mueller, guys, Mr. Integrity.
Here's what he had to say during the Iraq war.
As Director Tennant has pointed out, Secretary Powell presented evidence last week that Baghdad has failed to disarm its weapons of mass destruction.
Now, if you know anything about liars, you know this guy's got about 30 tells flying right off him right now that he knows he's lying.
He can't even make eye contact with the person he's talking to to tell him these lies.
He barely could get it out of his mouth.
Watch this watch.
Here we go.
Willfully attempting to evade and deceive the international community.
Our particular concern is that Saddam Hussein may supply terrorists with biological, chemical, or radiological material.
It's hilarious how much it's obvious he's lying and he knows it, right?
Well, he has that.
He says may.
So that's that's like his outclaim.
That's his outclaim.
Yeah.
And he says that's what we're afraid of.
We're afraid that Saddam may give chemical weapons.
Why?
Because we gave him the chemical weapons.
It doesn't say that part.
Yeah.
But we gave Saddam the chemical weapons.
So maybe somebody should invade us by your logic.
So that's who that is.
And let's just remember: Nikki Haley is pushing for war at Syria.
She says trust the USA.
And there is Colin Powell saying trust the USA.
Oh, wow.
Judith, thanks for being our guest.
Thanks for having me here, man.
Keep doing your thing, man.
Okay, brother.
Yeah.
Wow, that sounds like Jeb Bush's ring.
I hope he doesn't want to talk about his mom's health.
Hello.
Ridiculously rancorous radiant rats recklessly ravaging Rex Reed's restroom.
What?
Hey, you people, please stop it with the no wire hangers jokes, fellas.
All right.
She was nothing like that at all.
Come on, geez already.
Oh, I never thought that.
Well, good.
Thanks, Jimmy.
That's nice to hear.
Too many people see a very, very, very strong and unfeeling mommy.
I mean, mother like mommy.
I mean, mother, darn it like mommy.
And they automatically think she's like that Betty Davis character.
Actually, that was a book about Joan Crawford written by her adopted daughter.
Oh, yeah, sure.
I mean, I knew that.
But Barbara, I mean, mommy wasn't like that at all.
Completely the opposite.
Please.
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Conniff, Jim Earl, Ron Placone, Steph Semarano, and Mark Van Landuit.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only, the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
Special thanks to our special guest this week, Judith Friedlander.
Check him out at judithfriedlander.com and check out his Netflix special.
America is the greatest country in the United States.
That's it for this week.
Ah, you be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Don't freak out!
I'm not kidding.
Don't freak out!
Don't freak out.
Don't don't come up.
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