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Dec. 23, 2017 - Jimmy Dore Show
59:32
20171223_1222_TJDS_PODCAST_-_revised
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Chris Christie's on the line.
Yellow.
Merry Christmas.
You got a problem with me?
Well, no, I really haven't thought about you in quite a while, Governor.
Because I like it when people are up at my grill, Jimmy.
Keep riding me and they're going to be picking iron out of your liver.
Follow me, because I'm following you, get it.
Is that a threat?
That ain't no threat, tough guy.
It's a promise.
I also promise you this.
I will violate your personal space with my steamy nacho breath until your pompadour collapses like a cheap suitcase.
Capisch.
Yeah, I get it.
Let me ask you something.
What?
Are we happy yet?
Because I'm happy.
Are you happy, laughing, boy?
Because I don't see no big smile on your face.
I got a big smile, and you ain't got none.
That makes me the happy one.
And you're not.
We clear on that?
Sure, I understand, I guess.
I mean, why are you so upset?
I ain't upset.
You'll know when I'm upset, sweet cheeks.
Oh, boy, will you know?
And I ain't upset, but I am a Ted disgruntled over something.
What about the newly elected Democratic governor of New Jersey?
He really crossed the line of human decency.
He posed with a big cardboard cutout of me lounging on the beach.
I got feelings, you know.
It was tacky.
Is that what we could expect from a Democratic governor?
Making jokes about a man hogging an empty beach after he closes it to the public?
Tacky.
Why?
It's such a terrible message that we're going to hold politicians accountable by making fun of the stupid things they say and do.
They write, especially during this jolly holiday season.
And I ain't shit you on that one, you sad check fuck bullshit state.
I don't have your war on Christmas, little man in a tight suit.
But seeing as how I'm a reasonable fellow, and you will not, I have decided to lay down my arms in this season of love and offer up a nice little poem about Santa Claus and his assorted bullshit.
May I?
Of course, it would be a nice change of pace to hear a nice Christmas poem.
Go ahead.
Gigs.
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house.
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
Except Uncle Tony, whose pathetic life at most was an omelet of darkness on top of bleak toast.
Anyway, it seems Tony had been up all night celebrating the loss of one more day in his life.
He drank past his limit, cramming food down his throat until his kidneys did bleed and his liver did bloat.
And his stomach sat a big ball of gluten.
While the pores on his face looked like cheese they were spilting.
His colon did keep buckle and shudder while it oozed a soft substance, much like butter.
Oh, yeah, Tony's a scumbag.
But wait, there's much more.
His son's a pusher and his mother will.
And all through the night, as his stomach did gurgle, he dreamt of a neighbor's freezer to burgle.
Just then through the hallway, Santa did skulk, dragging behind him his big bag of milk.
He laid down the presents one by one.
A pile of sawdust, a whole wheat bun, a bucket of ham, and when he was done, Tony was dead.
A vessel broke or something, and Santa was taken downtown for questioning.
the end and Merry fucking Christmas jerk off you It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for the luckies.
The kind of people that are.
Tell Benz maybe on tearing down our nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you if you guys.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Dore Show.
Happy holidays, Merry Christmas, and happy 4th of July.
Happy birthday if it's your birthday.
A lot of people born on Christmas.
Horrible.
It's the horrible, almost worst thing in the world.
Hey, listen, we got a lot coming up on today's show.
We're going to kick things off with our review.
We do this every year.
We feature Robert Yesemera, Steve Rosenfield, and Frank Cotta.
And we talk about the true origins of Christmas.
What are the true origins of Christmas?
The answer just may surprise you.
Or who will it?
Plus, then we're going to talk about Jill Stein.
You know, I just read how iPhones start slowing down after one year of use.
But I refuse to believe that until the Democrats start blaming Jill Stein for it.
That's the truth.
The current DNC's platform is, what did you eat at that dinner with non-Americans?
And when did you know you were going to eat it?
By going after Jill Stein, the Democratic Party officially admits it has nothing to offer the American people.
And we're going to take a look at the new McCarthy smear against Jill Stein.
Plus, CIA former deputy director Mike Morrell gave an interview with Politico magazine, and Politico buried the lead.
What was the lead?
The lead was Mike Morrell doesn't think there's anything to the Russiagate investigation.
Yes, that should be the headline.
We're going to show you exactly what he said.
Oh, by the way, I look forward to the Democrats blaming Susan Sarandon for anybody's bad reaction to The Last Jedi.
The Democratic Party's only hope this midterm election is that Trump's tax bill might be an even bigger political loser than being a Democrat.
Plus, we got phone calls today from George Clooney, the Kloonster.
The Kloonmeister calls in.
Plus, Chris Christie claws it and Bill O'Reilly.
Plus, we have a bunch of Christmas wishes on my answering machine.
That's coming up today.
Plus, a lot, lot more of the Jimmy Dore Show Holiday Special.
The End So people don't know the origin of Christmas, but I do, because I'm smart.
And I looked it up.
So here.
Did you Google it?
I did Google it.
Did you know that, first of all, Christmas became celebrated on December 25th?
You know, it's actually a pagan holiday.
It was called Satumalia.
Satumano, if I'm pronouncing that correctly.
That's some of my favorite kind of weed.
Isn't that Satumalia?
Satumal, it was the ancient Roman seven-day festival of Saturn, which began on December 17th.
And it was a celebration marked by unrestrained, that's very key here, unrestrained revelry and often licentiousness.
Licentiousness.
What is that?
Licentiousness.
Licentiousness.
That's called good.
Yes.
And then it says, and then it's a semicolon and it says an orgy.
Okay.
So that's, So that's how Christmas started.
It certainly would be very happy holidays.
It was a sex festival.
Even during the Victorian era, it had a naughtiness to it.
Yes.
Yes, it did.
That's why they banned it in Massachusetts for a number of years because of the pilgrims, because it was considered.
The Puritans did not like Christmas.
They thought Christmas was dirty.
It was dirty.
It was known as the one time of year fat guys could get laid.
Well, actually, one of the traditions of Christmas in England was that the wealthy and their servants would trade places.
And so you could order, if you're a servant, you could order around your master for the pinky.
So here are some of the festivals, observations, observance in the time of the Greek poet Lucian, right?
He said, in addition to human sacrifice, which they would have on this festival, they also had widespread intoxication, going from house to house while singing naked, which was how carolers got started.
This is true.
They would go to house to house singing naked while drunk, and then they would rape, and then they would have other sexual lies, is how you say it?
Licentiousness.
Licentiousness, right?
And then they would consume human-shaped biscuits, still produced in some English and most German bakeries during the Christmas.
And then after that, things got weird.
And so in the fourth century, in the fourth century, Christianity co-opted this festival of Satumalia in hoping to get pagans to become Christians, right?
So they decided to start celebrating this.
And Christian leaders succeeded in converting to Christianity large numbers of pagans by promising them that they could still celebrate Satamalia as Christians.
So that's how they got these pagans to become Christians.
The problem was that there was nothing intrinsically Christian about Satamalia.
So to remedy this, the Christian leaders named Satamalia's concluding day, September 25th, to be Jesus's birthday.
They just made it up.
Right.
Wow.
It's generally believed that Jesus was born probably in the spring, actually.
Uh-huh.
That makes a little more sense.
Jesus hated it because nothing is worse than when your birthday is on the same day as Christmas.
You don't get as many presents.
So the earliest Christmas holidays were celebrated by drinking, sexual indulgence, singing naked in the streets.
So that's that's how did we get ripped off?
That's how Christmas got started.
But even in northern European Europe, where it was the solstice festival, again, it was a lot of drinking and stuff because it's the end of that food.
You know, it's everybody basically like having like the last of the harvest food and hunkering down for the next couple of months.
So here's this thing about what happened in Massachusetts.
So the Reverend this guy's name is Increase Mather.
That's his name, Increase is his first name.
The Reverend Increase Mather of Boston observed in 1687 that the yearly Christians who first observed the Nativity on December 25th did not do so thinking that Christ was born in that month, but because the heathens' Satamalia Festival was at the time kept in Rome, and they were willing to have those pagan holidays metamorphosized into Christian ones.
Because of its known pagan origin, Christmas was banned by the Puritans and its observance was illegal in Massachusetts between 1659 and 1681.
However, Christmas was still celebrated by most Christians.
Some of the most depraved customs of Satomalia's carnival were intentionally revived by the Catholic Church in 1466 when Pope Paul II, for the amusement of his Roman citizens, forced Jews to race naked through the streets of the city.
An eyewitness account reports: quote, before they were to run, the Jews were richly fed so as to make the race more difficult for them and at the same time more amusing for the spectators.
They ran amid Rome's taunting shrieks and pearls of laughter while the Holy Father stood upon a richly ornamented balcony and laughed heartily.
Good times.
But then they changed it, though.
They fed them afterwards and they told them at the end of their run there was a Chinese restaurant.
So it all worked out.
That made them run very fast.
So then in the 18th and 19th centuries, rabbis of the ghetto in Rome were forced to wear clownish outfits and march through the city streets to the jeers of the crowd, pelted by a variety of missiles.
I'm guessing just stuff thrown at people.
And when the Jewish community of Rome sent a petition in 1836 to Pope Gregory the 16th begging him to stop the annual Satomalia abuse of the Jewish community, he responded by saying, quote, it is not opportune to make any innovations.
So on December 25th, 1881, Christian leaders whipped the Polish masses into anti-Semitic frenzies that led to riots across the country.
And in Warsaw, 12 Jews were brutally murdered.
Huge numbers were maimed, and many Jewish women were raped.
Two million rubles worth of property were destroyed.
That's all in the name of Christmas.
So that's how Christmas got started.
This is in the 18th.
Oh, anti-Semitism.
Is there anything you can't do?
So this is in the 18th and 19th century.
So that's the origin of Christmas, Megan Kelly.
Okay, just so you know.
It was a big orgy.
Santa Claus was still white, right?
And Santa Claus.
Okay, so you want to know how Santa Claus got started?
So Saint Nicholas was born in Parara, Turkey in 270 and later became the bishop of Myra.
He died in the year 345 on December 6th.
He was only named a saint in the 19th century, even though he died in 346.
So Nicholas.
When you're born in a three, you really know you're in ancient times.
Yes.
No kidding.
So Nicholas was among the most senior bishops who convened the Council of Nicaea in 325 and created the New Testament.
The text they produced portrayed Jews as the children of the devil who sentenced Jesus to death.
So this is Saint Nicholas.
All right.
So in 1087, a group of sailors who idolized Saint Nicholas moved his bones from Turkey to a sanctuary in Italy.
There, Nicholas supplanted a female boon-giving deity called the grandmother or Pasqua Epiphania, who used to fill the children's stocking with their gifts.
So they got rid of her and they just started to give all these traits to this guy, Saint Nick.
Because you couldn't say her name.
Couldn't say her name.
The grandmother was ousted from her shrine at Bari, which became the center of Nicholas's cult.
Members of his group gave each other gifts during a pageant they conducted annually on the anniversary of Nicholas's death on December 6th.
The Nicholas cult spread north until it was adopted by the Germans and the Celtic pagans.
These groups worshiped a pantheon led by Woden, their chief god and the father of Thor.
So this, so this is how.
Those are cool.
So Woodin, so this guy, so Wudin or Waden.
It's Odin.
You don't pronounce the W?
Odin?
Okay, so Odin had a long white beard and rode a horse through the heavens one evening each autumn.
When Saint Nicholas merged with Odin, he shed the Mediterranean appearance, meaning grew a beard, mounted a flying horse, rescheduled his flight from autumn to December, and donned heavy winter clothing.
So in a bid for pagan adherents in Northern Europe, the Catholic Church adopted the Nicholas cult and taught that he did distribute gifts on December 25th instead of December 6th.
So this is how Santa Claus got started.
So in 1809, the novelist Washington Irving, who's most famous for the legend of Sleepy Hollow, wrote a satire of Dutch culture entitled Knickerbocker History.
The satire refers to several times to be the white-bearded flying horse riding St. Nicholas used in his Dutch name, Santa Claus.
So this in 1809 is how Santa Claus really got started.
So he wrote this thing.
And then Dr. Clement Moore, a professor at Union Seminary, read the Knickerbocker history.
And in 1822, he published a poem based on the character Santa Claus, T'was the Night Before Christmas.
So that happened in 1822.
1823 was the first parody of the 1930s.
So then the Bavarian illustrator Thomas Nass almost completed the modern picture of Santa Claus.
From 1862 to 1886, based on that poem, Nass drew more than 2,000 cartoon images of Santa for Harper's Weekly.
Before Nass, St. Nicholas had been pictured as everything from a stern-looking bishop to a gnome-like figure in a frock.
But NAS also gave Santa a home at the North Pole, his workshop filled with elves, and his list of good and bad children of the world.
All Santa was missing was the red outfit.
So that came from this illustrator, Thomas Nass, in 1862.
He made up pretty much Santa, right?
Wow, he should be getting, his family should be getting royalty.
He should be getting, but then, guess what?
As Robert mentioned last week, in 1931, the Coca-Cola Corporation contracted the Swedish commercial artist, Haddon Sundblom, to create a Coca-Cola drinking Santa.
And this guy, this artist Sunblom, modeled his Santa on his friend Lou Prentence, chosen for his cheerful, chubby face.
The corporation insisted that Santa's fur-trimmed suit be bright Coca-Cola red.
And Santa Claus was born, a blend of Christian crusader, pagan God, and a Coca-Cola commercial idol.
So when Santa has a red coat, it's because of Coca-Cola.
It has nothing to do with anything.
This completely invented thing, Santa Claus.
I actually, the subtler thing that's interesting about this is when people are always like, Santa, this is, do you understand that the idea of Santa Claus is cultish?
It's the worst form of idolatry that is condemned in the New Testament and the Old Testament.
Yes.
Like it's at the point that there was a cult of St. Nicholas.
It was very common.
There were cults all the time at that point in the ancient world.
And that's exactly what Christianity and Judaism were fighting against were these weird splinter cults.
Yes.
And so for them to say, well, Santa Claus is part of the, is this sacred part of the canon?
No, it couldn't be further.
It's actually seditious to the canon.
I agree.
Yes.
So again, as a lot of things in life, what's come to be accepted as a truism in modern or in mainstream culture, the exact opposite would be true, especially when things are surrounding religion.
You know, they say on the first day God created man or and they say God created man in his own likeness and image.
When we all know anybody who's thinking rational and not completely devoted to fantasy knows that the reverse happened, that God didn't invent man in his own likeness and image.
Man created God in his own likeness and image.
And that's why God has a beard and looks like Santa.
So am I supposed to give Coca-Cola to my friends this Christmas?
So the exact opposite.
I love Coca-Cola.
You like Mexican Coca-Cola, friends.
Are you trying to tell me that there's no Santa Claus?
I'm trying to tell you.
There's no Santa Claus.
All right.
That's it.
That's all our show.
We're all done.
What do you guys say, Frank?
Go ahead.
I don't know if you can fit this, but this is an absolutely true story.
When I was a kid and I believed in Santa Claus, this friend of mine, I guess I was five years old, said he told me there was no Santa Claus.
And he said, Frank, when you get older and as you're going off to college, your parents are going to tell you there's no Santa Claus.
You're going after college.
As you go off to college, your parents.
Well, that was before the internet.
That's how it works for me.
That was before the internet.
Hey, I got some answering machine messages from your favorite personalities.
Here's some of them right now.
Hey, you douchebag fuck puddle.
Take that butterball turkey and ram it straight up your granddad's ass till he begs for mercy.
Oops, that's my Thanksgiving message.
Sorry, call you back later.
This is Kevin Spacey.
He wants your Christmas ham.
Well, fine.
Here's your fucking ham and all the fixins, just like you ordered, you miserable lemmings.
What am I happy about this Christmastime residuals?
Hey, you douchebag fuck puddle.
Take that chocolate buddy and ram it straight up your granddad's ass till he begged.
Goddamn, did I do it again?
I'll call you later.
Ha, ha.
I like that he gets the holidays mixed up.
Hi, Jimmy.
This is Jeff Bush.
I'm calling for my dad.
He wanted to ask if you knew who his favorite magician was.
Dad, I'm on the phone for crying out loud.
Yes, I did ask him.
But it's a message machine for crying out loud.
Okay, I'll tell him.
My dad says his favorite magician is David Kopp of.
Hey, let go of my buttock, dad.
Come on, gee whiz, for God's sake.
You can send my dinner down to the bowling alley because that's where I'll be again.
This is Senator Bernie Sanders.
This Christmas is rigged.
At the bottom, 99% of the Christmas ham can no longer afford a college education.
We already have 28 million hams without health care.
As a nation, we must do better.
Merry, Merry Christmas, Jimmy and all his co-followers.
This is Rick Perry.
And This year, I'm giving thanks for nuclear power and the big sea coal.
Clean coal.
Clean coal is so clean.
I wash with it.
That's right.
I said work.
Hey, Jimmy, this is George Clooney.
What's going on, buddy boy, my man?
You big red-faced Galoop.
It's a Klumeister.
What am I thinking about at Christmas time?
Ah, heck.
I think it'd have to be that episode of Friends where Joey got Monica's turkey stuck on his head.
But actually, real life, that could never happen.
Turkeys aren't big enough to fit the human head.
Sorry, guy.
Here at the Miserable Liberal and Ron Placo, and hey, hey, howdy, howdy.
I'm miserable.
They're doing it again.
They're doing it again.
They're doing, they're ramping up the red scare again.
Did they ever stop, though?
Well, just as soon as even the ex-CIA heads are coming out saying there's nothing there there with the treason charge of the Russian hacking with collusion with the WikiLeaks and the Trumpies, now they're like, oh, wait, Jill Stein's actually.
Jill Stein's actually the mastermind who has all the power.
Who next?
First, it's Susan Sarandon.
Then it's now Jill Stein.
Who next?
I'm going to say Molly Ringwald.
I don't know.
Well, let's not forget RT, which is part of the RT.
Most people get their news from RT.
I don't know if you know, they can swing an election, which is why they're very powerful.
Incredibly.
Which is why it's unbelievable.
Most people wouldn't even know an RT show if they showed it to.
They wouldn't even know where to find it on their cable.
They don't even know if they have it.
Most people don't even know they have RT if they have it.
All right.
So here's what they're doing now.
This is from BuzzFeed.
The Senate Russia investigation is now looking into Jill Stein.
Oh, the top congressional committee investigating Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election, presidential election, has set its sights on the Green Party and its nominee, Jill Stein.
Okay, ready?
Jimmy, is this a story from The Onion?
No, Steph, this is not from The Onion.
You would think it's from The Onion, but it's not from The Onion.
Okay.
This is a regular real news story that people are tweeting about today.
Dennis Traynor Jr., who worked for the Stein campaign from January to August of 2015, says Stein contacted him on Friday, saying the Senate Intelligence Committee had requested that the campaign comply with a document search.
So this is this when asked Monday what the committee was looking for from the Stein campaign, North Carolina Senator Richard Burr, the committee's chairman, responded, collusion with the Russians.
Burr said that the committee is just starting its work investigating two campaigns, but did not elaborate.
Stein did not respond to requests for comments.
Stein's name has also come up in the context of a 2015 dinner hosted by RT in Moscow.
She sat at the same table.
Trouble.
She sat at the same table.
I don't like it.
As Russian President Vladimir Putin and Michael Flynn, who served as Donald Trump's first White House national security advisor until he was ousted just 24 days into the job.
But were they playing footsie?
I think they probably.
Oh, that's what it is.
That's fucking unbelievable.
Traynor said he believes the committee is primarily interested in Stein's appearance on RT, quote, vilifying anyone who's ever appeared on or talked with anyone on the RT network.
I was just on RT.
I did a show with Jesse Ventura.
That guy's definitely a traitor.
He's definitely Jesse Ventura, Navy SEAL, governor of Minnesota.
No, don't like it.
Doesn't smell smells Russian.
A January assessment from the Intelligence Committee on Russia and election meddling called RT a propaganda outlet.
Let me help you, BuzzFeed.
A bullshit January assessment from the Lying Intelligence Committee on Russia called RT a propaganda outlet.
And the Justice Department recently ordered RT to register as an agent of the Russian government.
So now this is what people, so some people are tweeting about it.
Here's Jeremy Scahill, a guy who's on the ball.
And he says, regardless of what people think of Jill Stein or the Green Party, this Senate investigation sets a dangerous precedent, as does the lionization of the FBI, Comey, and Mueller.
Very short-sighted.
It will come back around.
Yes, so everybody is now, it's weird to see the left lionizing the FBI and the CIA.
Like they're good people.
They're boy scouts who just have the best.
The FBI infiltrates civic organizations and sabotages them.
That's what they do.
They did it to Martin Luther King.
They did it to Malcolm X. They did it to the Black Panthers.
They did it to Occupy Wall Street.
Acorn.
Acorn.
They'll do it to anybody.
FBI was involved with Acorn?
I think so.
I don't know.
Hold on that.
But I thought that was just the stupid right wing that took them down.
That was that James, whatcha.
But anyway, yeah, these aren't good.
The left is supposed to be suspicious of the FBI and the CIA.
What the F?
And he's saying this is going to come back around.
It's very short-sighted.
Yes.
So then this guy tweets this because the Senate requested her to come to this is what this is it.
This is exactly what happened during McCarthy.
He would call you, oh, we have a list and I want you to come testify.
And then people would just start smearing you.
And that's exactly what this is.
Jill Stein is a rush.
So the tweet that he's replying to says it's from a guy named Chris Geidner.
And he tweeted out.
It says, Scoop, the Senate Russia investigation is now looking into Jill Stein.
A former campaign staffer says that's and lists that and links to that article we just showed you in BuzzFeed.
And then this guy retweets it.
He's got a blue check.
I'll tell you who he is in a second.
Jill Stein is a Russian agent.
Jill Steiner.
He just keeps doing that.
Because if you keep repeating a lie, more people believe it.
That's how propaganda works.
He's just trying to get the most out of one tweet.
Like, what are you?
What are you, six years old?
Who does this work on?
So who does that guy?
I'll tell you who that guy is.
He's a former 2016 Hillary Clinton director of Rapid Response.
Rapid and repetitive response.
Like, that guy should be kicked out of public life for that.
Hey, everybody, this is the part of the show where I usually tell you to go to our Amazon.com link.
You know, we don't encourage anybody to shop at Amazon, but if you do, we say have some of that money go to a progressive show like the Jimmy Door show.
Doesn't change the way you shop at Amazon.
Doesn't cost you anything, but it's a big help to the show.
So the next time you want to buy something from Amazon, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Our Amazon box is right on the front page.
Click it.
It takes you to Amazon.
And then when you buy something, they send us money.
It's just that easy.
But we have a new thing, a new way for you to help support us.
Well, you can become a premium member.
You already know about that, and I'll tell you about it at the end of the show.
But we started a Patreon, right?
So because a lot of people feel more comfortable using Patreon than using PayPal or Amazon.
So that's another way you can help support the show.
We have a Patreon link.
Just go to patreon.com/slash Jimmy Door, patreon.com/slash Jimmy Door.
Go there.
You can become a patron of the Jimmy Door show.
And you know what matters more now than ever because our show has really blown up and gotten way more popular since we've been going on YouTube.
But we've gotten over a quarter million subscribers.
And so things are really happening.
And except YouTube pulled our funding out from underneath us, right?
So they don't want independent news anymore.
And YouTube's offering establishment news.
They're actually offering for a fee.
So they're funding independent news people like us.
So that's why we're offering Patreon.
That's why we're offering a premium.
That's why we offer the Amazon all these different ways.
And plus, we have the t-shirts.
We have all these different ways where you can help support the Jimmy Door show.
So thanks for doing that.
And if you're more comfortable with Patreon, use our Patreon link.
If you're more comfortable using our Pat PayPal, become a premium member.
So there's lots of different ways to support the show.
Thank you for doing that.
Now let's get on to the second half.
Hello.
Hey, Sport.
It's your pal, George Clooney.
How's life in the slow lane, babe?
Hey, George, things could be better, I guess.
I bet you're looking forward to jolly old St. Nick sliding down your fire hole.
Oh, yeah.
Hear about the pre-Christmas giveaway I arranged for 14 of my closest friends.
I surprised each one with a gift of $1 million, large, tax-free.
Least I could do, considering how long they let me sleep on their couches when I first came to H Wood.
That's Hollywood.
But didn't that, didn't that happen four years ago?
I know.
I can't believe it took that long for it to get out.
Who's your press agent?
I don't have a press agent.
That's obvious.
Just jerking you around, button.
So, wow, you gave away a million dollars each to 14 of your old friends.
1 million large.
Wads of greenback inside designer suitcases.
They helped me out.
They made it possible for me to one day give them a million dollars.
That's the true tale of Tintel Town, Sailor, Soldier, Tinker Taylor, Soldier.
That's how it works here.
And guess what?
Soon, you'll be receiving a very special Christmas gift in the mail.
What, really?
Yeah, but we've all been through some hard times.
I know you're still going through it.
You don't have to worry about putting your kids to school anymore.
But we don't have any kids.
See?
Wow, thanks.
How much?
25 large, my friend.
Wow.
$25,000.
No, $25.
But earlier you said $1 million large to describe a million bucks.
I just like saying the word large after any sum of money.
Just a conversational little flavor.
Know what I mean?
Okay, well, thanks, I guess.
You're welcome.
Hey, don't spend it all in one place.
Well, I guess you'll have to spend it all in one place because it's a target gift card.
A $25 gift card for Target.
Tax-free.
It's the end of the year, and my accountant said I should clear out my MasterCard points.
Think nothing of it.
I certainly didn't.
Okay, thanks.
Hey, my buddy.
Again, don't mention it.
I want you to know that right now, my right eyebrow is arching and saying my upper lip and perfectly accenting the square of my jaw.
Elegant.
Just like my daughter, who's like a goddamn gazelle.
My son, he's like a damn moose.
Life's so weird sometimes, right?
One day you're on the top, the next year, even more on top.
Anyway, have fun at Target.
large.
And he said, Glenn Greenwald says, Congress asks for docs to see if there's a connection between Jill Stein's campaign and Russia.
There's zero evidence there is, yet the mere congressional inquiry has instantly prompted declarations of guilt and treason like this.
Just please don't call the climate McCarthyite.
And here's Max Blumenthal.
He said, led by Dianne Feinstein, Democrats are exploiting Russia Gate to eliminate the political opposition to their left.
So I tell this is what we learned, I've learned through the Bernie Sanders campaign: when you're to the left of someone who considers themselves on the left, they don't attack your ideas because your ideas are better.
They smear you, and that's what this is.
So now they got to get rid of Jill Stein going forward because she has a green, they have a Green New Deal.
They have actual, they have an actual agenda that they could forward.
They have a platform, they have ideas, unlike the Democrats.
So they got to now get rid of it.
They got to silence her.
And that's what Max Blumenthal is saying.
Led by Diane Feinstein, Democrats are exploiting Russia Gate to eliminate the political opposition to their left.
The innuendo spread against Stein and the Green Party contains all the classical elements of McCarthyism.
And then Glenn Greenwald retweets that tweet.
He says, click on Jill Stein that's trending, and you'll see countless leading Democrats with large platforms strongly implying, if not outright stating, she's a Kremlin agent, all because of a congressional inquiry.
They couldn't better replicate McCarthyism if they tried.
I mean, let's look at their evidence.
What are their reasons for this?
The reasons for this is that she appeared on a news network, an American Bureau, a news network, and because she sat at a table, which, by the way, like at that event that she was at, she wasn't getting paid to be there.
She flew out there on her own dime.
I think also she ran against Hillary Clinton.
There's another reason.
We don't want to deal with you.
And so this is so ridiculous that Democrats used to make fun of people who said stuff like this.
How long ago?
I don't know.
Just a few years ago when we had a black president named Barack Obama.
Governor Romney, I'm glad that you recognize that Al-Qaeda is a threat.
Because a few months ago, when you were asked what's the biggest geopolitical threat facing America, you said Russia.
Not Al-Qaeda.
You said Russia.
And the 1980s are now calling to ask for their foreign policy back because the Cold War has been over for 20 years.
But, Governor, when it comes to our foreign policy, you seem to want to import the foreign policies of the 1980s.
We used to make fun of them.
Just to make fun of them.
Yep.
And Barack Obama nailed that joke.
He did.
He deserved a bigger laugh.
In fairness to him.
The delivery was solid.
The audience did not give him anything.
It was a solid delivery, but I think he kind of tipped the joke a little too heavy in the first part.
That's what happened.
He kind of stoked to get to it.
Yeah, he kind of gave the joke away before he could tell the punchline, right?
So, but I don't know if you remember this.
This is where they used to hang out.
They loved him.
George Bush looked into his eyes.
He saw a soul.
And then they went out at Kenny Bunkport, him and his dad and Putin.
They all went fishing.
I saw a soul and then I caught a soul.
But I guess this is okay.
You can do this, but you just can't sit at a table that Putin is at.
You can do that, though.
That's okay.
So again, do you see how we wear matching jackets?
I hope people, of course, the people who watch the show see how ridiculous this is.
You know what's funny to me is the people who like our hardcore corporate Democrats who still come to our show and comment on the videos.
That's hilarious to me.
I don't see, you know.
That's where you spend your day, really?
Okay.
How do you not see how ridiculous and counterproductive this is?
You know, I mean, like, if you don't like Joe Stein, that's fine.
You don't have to.
That's not what this is about.
Like, this is about like, this is, this is just Red Scare.
I mean, this is just ridiculous at this point.
There's no, we just gave you all the quote unquote evidence, which is an insult to the word evidence that we have to do this.
The woman appeared on a network and she sat at a table.
I mean, this is absurd.
Let's all remember, though, that the senator who's calling her to testify is Republican, just so people know that.
That guy, Burr.
Yeah.
So this is a weird time to be alive in the United States.
This is stuff that I thought we had gotten past.
Well, it's just like the Vietnam War.
Like, I thought we learned our lesson from Vietnam, which we learned a lot of lessons from Vietnam, just not to do it again.
We didn't learn that one.
We keep doing it over and over.
Main bullet point lost.
Yeah, we don't vilify the soldiers anymore.
That's a good lesson we learned, right?
We don't, but we still keep doing it.
And, you know, boy, oh boy.
I thought we were through past McCarthyism and Red Scare.
I mean, it's amazing to see those Democrats do that, right?
Joe Steiner's a Russian agent.
She got called to testify.
What the?
She's an environmentalist.
What the F?
That's what they're doing to environmentalists.
That's what they did to union people.
They're Reds.
You're in the union?
And they would come and get the teacher, the head of the teachers.
They'd go to a school.
They'd get the guy who was the union rep and they blacklist him.
And that's how they, that's how they get rid of it.
Well, maybe it's not just targeting the left.
I heard some rumors that they investigated Gary Johnson's campaign too, but he didn't know where Russia was.
They just dropped it right away.
So this article appeared in Politico.
Ex-spy chief, Russia's election hacking was an intelligence failure.
It's a catchy headline.
But when you start, so they did an interview with this guy.
Well, who is this guy?
Michael Morrell.
He's one of the career types who's broken with decades of practice to confront Trump, a veteran of nearly three decades inside the CIA.
Morell rose from within the ranks to become the agency's longtime deputy director, twice serving as its acting leader before retiring during President Obama's second term.
And then in the summer of 2016, he broke with tradition to endorse Hillary Clinton over Trump, and he has continued to sound the alarm ever since.
So that's who he is.
And so he goes on to, in the article, he talks about how we took our eye off the ball.
The problem's Russia, which is bullshit, just flat out.
Again, I'm going to remind people: Russia spent $65 billion on their military a year.
We're spending $700, okay?
And we're lighting the world on fire with bombs.
Am I wrong about that, Ron?
You read the article.
Did you think that that's the case he was making, trying to ramp up a Cold War again?
Yeah, well, the case he was making was he was just kind of saying, oh, we took our eyes off this, this, and this, because he sees all of these elements differently than I think you or I see them, you know, like the Facebook thing, for instance.
At one point in the interview, we talked about like, oh, totally overlooked that.
And, you know, to me, the idea of, okay, a bunch of random Facebook ads were bought from a country that has millions of people in it.
There was no cohesive theme.
This is not even a factor.
That's the way I see it.
But to someone like that, who is always thinking in terms of defense and more war, it's like, oh, this is a cyber weapon that I didn't see.
So it's kind of like getting into that mindset.
So that was sort of the gist of the interview.
So to me, this political article buries the lead.
The lead isn't that the 2016 thing was a failure of intelligence.
That's not the lead was what he's about to say now.
So here he is in conversation, and he says this, Morrell.
So let's talk about what I think the possibilities are going forward.
He means with the Russiagate investigation.
So, I would not be surprised if Bob Mueller concludes that the Trump campaign did not violate the law with regards to its interactions with the Russians.
He would not be surprised.
Like, if that happened, he would be like, yep, it makes sense.
I'm really open to that possibility.
Why is he open to the possibility that Trump didn't break the law and Mueller won't charge him?
Why?
Because as you know, this is Morrell talking.
The New York Times, the Washington Post, and every media outlet that is worth its salt has reporters digging into this and they haven't found anything.
Well, they think they find something every week and then they have to retract it and then they have to suspend the reporters.
But not CNN.
They're not doing that.
Neither is MSNB.
They don't suspend those reporters.
You can get stuff wrong and it's no big deal.
And I think that this is Morell talking.
And I think that had there been something there, meaning had there been something to this Trump colluding with the Russians over this hacking, if there had been something there, they would have found something.
And I think Bob Mueller would have found it already and it would have leaked.
So what this guy, Mr. Three Decades Insia, deputy director, what he's saying is if they had something, we would know about it.
They have nothing.
And every reporter in the world is working on this.
They found nothing.
So I think they're not going to find anything because they ain't nothing there.
That's what he's saying.
So he goes on.
So I'm really open to the possibility that there's no there on a crime being committed by the campaign and the Russians, right?
That interaction leading to criminal charges.
The second point I'd make is that I wouldn't be surprised if there were single individuals who were associated with the campaign who violated the law with respect to their interactions with the Russians on the election.
Paul Manafort comes to mind.
I think he has little to no integrity.
There's no way do you spend that much time with the old Ukrainian government and not bump up against Russian intelligence officers a lot.
As opposed to the integrity of the entire Congress and Senate, really?
I wouldn't be surprised if there were single individuals who face criminal charges with regard to their interactions with the Russians.
And Paul Manafort's a possibility, but that's different than a conspiracy by the campaign, right?
So this is what we've said.
Of course, of course, they're all corrupt.
And if you put an investigator in there, they're going to find crimes.
Are they going to find the crime that that was been screaming at the top of the media's lungs since the election?
He's saying no.
That's what he's saying.
He's saying if there was that crime, we'd already know about it.
It already leaked.
So he goes on.
The third thing I'd say is every FBI investigation that I've ever had visibility into or been involved in, the people who they're looking at actually don't end up getting charged with the crime they were being investigated for.
They get charged with something else, right?
So that's why, I don't know if you know, they got rid of the independent prosecutor for a long time.
After Bill Clinton, by the way, after Bill Clinton got impeached, they got rid of that.
So there's no more of that.
There's no investigations anymore.
Well, now that there's Trump, they decided we're going to get one.
Now they got Bob Mueller and he's going to find a bunch of crimes.
Whoever you investigate in Washington, you're going to find a bunch of crimes, right?
So you don't think there was quid pro quo with billions and millions of dollars being dumped into the Clinton Foundation from foreign governments?
And that's something else in this case could be the laundering of Russia organized crime funds.
That's what we predicted.
And if that was done by the Trump organization, if that was done knowingly, it's a criminal violation.
Okay, so now we're talking about totally different things.
Now we're not talking about anything that we've been talking about for the last year.
So what we've been talking about for the last year is Trump colluded with the Russians in a quid pro quo to hack the elections illegally.
He legally conspired somehow with the Russians to hack into the DNC's servers and John Podesta's servers and that through the election.
That's been the charge.
So now he's saying totally other things.
That's exactly right.
That's exactly what we predicted.
And why did I predict it?
Not because I'm a fan of Trump.
I'm an oppose.
I oppose him 100 percent.
But why we said this was because the DNC is a lying, cheating organization who just lied to the entire country and cheated half their party.
And they did it unbelievably uniformly.
And when they accused the Russians of hacking, they never allowed the FBI or the Department of Homeland Security to investigate their servers.
Neither did John Podesta.
So that's it.
Game over.
If you are a victim of a crime that you want to start World War III over, you call the cops and you have them come investigate the crime scene.
They didn't.
They called the cops and said, don't come.
That's what they did.
So that's how you know.
We'll never know what really happened.
And that's why now.
Now it turns out everyone's coming around to something we said a year ago.
Dumb jag off nightclub comedians.
Do you see how shitty your media is?
Do you see why we exist?
I don't.
I'd rather be out telling jokes.
Do you realize how bad your media is?
I mean, unbelievably bad.
And it's because Bill Clinton deregulated the telecommunications industry and now instead of having 50 media companies, we have six.
And it's real easy to get them all on the same page with propaganda.
I want to say like the most important thing like in regards to this interview is who the actual source is.
Let's take a second.
This is first of all an intelligence professional with over 30 years of experience.
Another thing to point out because everyone likes to, oh, sounds like a Trump apologist.
No, this guy has been apolitical his entire life until recently when he came out in favor of who?
Hillary Clinton.
He was that opposed to Trump.
And why does the intelligence community really as a whole oppose Trump?
Well, because he's somebody that because he's such a reactionary, because he's such a loose cannon, because he's just such a strange guy, he's not a safe bet in continuing the military industrialized complex as usual.
As we've seen, he said firsthand, hey, we're going to stay in there because they have resources, right?
You're not supposed to say that.
You're not supposed to say that out loud.
You're supposed to put a pretty face on it like Bush the first did, like Clinton did, like Obama did, like Bush the second did.
Every president in my lifetime has done.
Well, Trump in that regards is an outlier.
That's why the intelligence community is opposed to him.
It's not because they have some moral stance against him.
They're probably indifferent, but they see him as this outlier.
So even this person, who's never been opposed to anything politically in his life until now, because of that outlier description I just mentioned, even he's saying this is all we have to look forward to in regards to this.
And the media is still talking about it nonstop.
It's unreal.
Yeah.
So that's quite a thing you just said, Ron.
So this guy who's breaking 30 years of his tradition to come out and be political and go against Trump is now the guy saying, Hey, look, I've been around long enough to know how this is going to turn out.
Isn't this hilarious?
And it's just crazy.
And it's not like we got it right.
All we have been doing is been asking for evidence and saying, you got to stop this without evidence.
And at some point it became clear there wasn't going to be any evidence, which is why this guy's saying this now.
And they keep coming up with fake evidence every week.
It's a new fake evidence.
Oh, yeah.
It's a new gotcha headline.
Then you read between the lines.
You're like, seriously, you wasted my time again.
I just want to add to the whole idea.
When I see here, it's noting that laundering of Russian organized crime funds.
OK, gotcha.
And that they that's a criminal violation.
Right.
OK.
I think we already know that our country started an illegal war.
An illegal war.
And I don't understand.
Nobody went to prison.
Nobody.
But he laundered some money.
We're supposed to get him.
That's right.
I know.
I'm supposed to be upset about him laundering money in Russia.
Right.
When right now people's lives have been destroyed by this illegal war and this war machine that our country continues to perpetuate across.
It's awful.
It's awful.
That's a great point.
You guys are saying it's not groundbreaking news to you that oligarchs work together and do shady stuff.
All the time.
Across countries.
You mean how Hillary Clinton's campaign managers foundation and Trump's campaign manager were both taking millions of dollars from Russian backed governments?
You mean how they're both doing that to lobby against the United States interests?
That's weird.
So if I make if I make a speech in another nation, I'm not laundering money.
No.
So when Bill Clinton goes to Russia and gets a half million dollars put in his pocket, they're not laundering that.
They're just giving it right to him from a Kremlin backed bank.
And they're doing that because they like how he talks.
He has a hell of a closer.
Yeah.
They're not trying to buy influence.
They're not trying to get favors done at all.
Give you the double C. I definitely want to see what a half a million dollar speech looks like.
too i want to read it so here there's more to this so he's talking about uh and if this was done by trump organization and if it was done knowingly it's a criminal violation meaning uh the money laundering if it was done unwittingly this is more talking because you didn't do the due diligence that's required under u.s law for where the money is coming from from overseas then it's a civil penalty and the trump organization gets fined what the politics of all that is i have no idea that's the
third thing i'd say so he's got one more thing to say so he's saying that even if you catch him money laundering you got to prove his intent which they're not going to be able to forget they will not be able to do that they would get a lawyer to have them off and they probably plan for this ahead of time and that civil penalty is part of the cost of doing business that's right that's how oligarchs work the fourth thing he says is the obstruction of justice issue right because that's what they're saying now they're going to get trump on obstruction of justice he says in my view when i read the statute Boy,
it looks, you know, it looks like you could make a case.
Now, the hard part is intent, right?
You have to intend to violate the statute.
You have to intend to obstruct justice.
That's the difficult piece to prove there.
And they're not going to be able to prove that either because Trump's an idiot.
And all they have to do is go, this guy, look, this guy doesn't know what he's doing.
He didn't know that was obstruction.
He thought he was just, he was just making a bombastic statement on Twitter.
He didn't know he was obstructing.
The guy's a moron.
And you guys spend, you know, a whole year trying to convince us he's a moron.
Well, he's going to use that to his defense in court.
So, one more thing, he says, you need, so here's what he says: you have to prove intent.
He says, you need something on paper, or you need somebody who heard the president say something about what he was trying to do here, or you need him to tell you that, right?
Meaning obstruction of justice.
Well, he's not going to do that.
And so while it looks like to all of us, meaning it looks like obstruction to justice to all of us, that that's what he was trying to do, you've got to get to that intent part, and that's what's hard from a criminal perspective.
So if you believe what he's saying, it's all over.
Can we get on with the business of opposing Trump's policies?
Can we get on with the business of speaking about politics in a rational way?
MS, you think Rachel Maddow is going to do that?
And the fact that Rachel Maddow's reputation won't be hurt by this because the whole goddamn mass media is going along with it.
That she should be humiliated and laughed out of the business like Sean Hannity.
Remember what they wanted to fund Sean Hannity this year because he was talking about the DNC murder that they didn't want him to talk about?
They wanted to defund him because he was getting things wrong.
The whole goddamn news network, his client, science deniers.
But all of a sudden, so, but now Rachel Meadow can be just a fucking maniac for a year straight.
We pointed it out.
The intercept has pointed it out.
Lots of people have pointed it out.
It's just propaganda.
And so your Rhodes Scholar from MSNBC is a propagandist of the highest order.
And she's paid handsomely to do it.
$30,000, a workday.
And that's why we have a show.
Not because I'm smarter than them, but because we have, we don't, I haven't been paid off yet.
So I can tell you the truth.
That's why.
That's literally why.
There's no big money guy breathing down my neck saying, Jimmy, you like that money, right?
You like your house, right?
You want your kids to go to college, right?
You want to be able to take that vacation, right?
Well, just be just obfuscate around net neutrality and the Russian stuff.
Right?
Yeah.
So I don't have that here, which is why we're not doing anything heroic.
Well, in a sense, we are because everybody's been smearing us, calling us every name in the book, and saying we're Putin puppets and we're Trump apologists and we're, why don't we just join the, you know, all that stuff.
But all we're trying to do is tell you the truth and ask for evidence and point out where your government is lying to you and where your corporate media is lying to you.
That's all we're doing.
And we've been trashed for it, heavy, called lots of names by people close to us.
So, anything else you guys want to add to this?
Because that's stunning.
That's not some guy, that's not a Trump voter.
Well, you know, I want to try to end on something positive, especially for the holiday season.
Just keep in mind, everybody, don't give up faith.
Every time a neoliberal says, come on, collusion, a young progressive gets their wings.
I believe that.
Not giving up.
So thanks for your support.
Hello.
Jimmy Door, Bill O'Reilly here.
No spin there.
So don't spin it.
Don't.
Don't have time to chat, or just want to say hi and let your five viewers know we got a big show at the Honda Center with Dennis Miller tonight.
We really had a blast last night at Caesar's Palace in Vegas.
Heard of it?
Yeah, thanks.
And I wasn't fired, okay?
Gretchen Carlson's allegations are totally off base and politically driven.
Gretchen Carlson's allegations are politically driven.
She co-hosted Fox and Friends, Bill.
Very liberal show.
My question.
Would you rather be sexually harassed by me or Chris Matthews?
They fired you, Bill.
Just accept it.
I wasn't fired.
I was exited.
There's a big difference.
Okay, what's the difference?
Here's the difference.
Shut up.
I don't understand what exited is supposed to mean.
In corporate speak, it means they lock down all the office supplies and point to the exit and give you a knowing look.
Then you get millions and millions of dollars for signing a piece of paper.
Couldn't they just tell you to leave instead of pointing?
Yeah.
But that was the first time I've ever seen the exit, Fox.
Usually I got carried out on a litter by four naked interns in fez hats.
It was part of my creative process as a respected journalist.
So you weren't fired because of multiple sexual harassment charges.
I told you guys in my official statement that many allegations were false and politically driven.
Many?
What about the rest?
The rest were driven by an uncontrollable desire to have sex with me.
It's called reverse psychology.
Tell the truth, Jimmy.
Haven't you ever fantasized about my varicose nakedness?
No.
The come hither allure of my greasy comb over, leaving telltale oil stains on your speedo?
Nope.
My buddy Ebson Torso performing languid monkey dances over your salad?
No.
Sharing steamy lithitor kisses in the freight elevator.
None of this has ever driven you to knock on my office door late at night after I asked you there on false pretenses?
Come on.
No, except for the Lippertor part.
Hey, you know, there's more to that phone call.
We don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the whole thing?
You become a premium member.
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That's right.
Hours of extra content.
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Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Jim Earl, Mike McRae, Ron Placone, Steph Zamarano, and all the voices today performed by the one and the only the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
Special thanks to our guest, Frank Conniff, Robert Yasimura, Steve Rosenfield.
Today's show was produced by Brian Grebingho.
That's it for this week until next week.
This is Jimmy Dore saying, you be the best you can be.
I'll keep being me.
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