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Dec. 30, 2017 - Jimmy Dore Show
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20171230_1229_TJDS_PODCAST
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Season screens and God bless America, Jimmy Door.
Oh, hello, the former leader of the free world, Barack Obama.
On behalf of the Obama family, All Rights Reserved Register Trademark, we wish you a merry holidays slash New Year's.
Except Michelle, who really does not care for you at all.
Why?
Perhaps it's because you're a godless atheist who refuses to say God bless America.
What's your damn frequency, Kenneth?
You know, I'm not a fan of that phrase.
Guess how many times I've said Merry Christmas in public.
I can't guess.
Tons more times than any president ever.
That's how many.
What do you think of that?
Not important to me.
We are at a crossroads, loser.
And it's time to either stand up for the American way or take the fork less travel.
What does that even mean?
It means may God grant all of us the wisdom to ask what concrete steps we can take to reduce things that are bad in favor of things that are good.
Michelle and I are thinking of you and setting our thoughts and prayers.
Okay, I can't tell what you're specifically referring to.
That's because we need to step back and look at the situation in order to reach a meaningful bipartisan consensus.
What situation are we talking about?
I'm glad you asked, Jimmy.
Because it's the goal of the Obama Foundation to inspire and empower people to change the world.
But I can't do it alone.
We need your help.
Will you join us?
For what?
To inspire the best minds of America to commit to a new era of hopefully on the strivers.
But for what?
Make no mistake about it.
This has always been about something bigger than politics.
It's about the character of our country.
What?
I'm forever grateful for the service and sacrifice of all those who have serviced and sacrificed for our country.
Will you join us?
What?
What the fuck are you talking about?
Did you even see the interview Prince Harry did with me?
No, and I don't give a shit.
Oh, my God.
He's fifth in line for the throne.
Don't you know anything about the history of American democracy?
A little bit, yeah.
I warned against the free use of the internet to distort people's understanding of complex issues by spreading misinformation.
Oh, you're talking about Donald Trump's tweets.
Oh, yeah, well, that too.
But I was mainly referring to that Snowden guy and Julian Assange, that traitor.
How could he be a traitor?
Julian Desange isn't even an American citizen.
But I bet he wants to be, right?
That's called treason before the fact.
Google it, dipshit.
Hey, I like that.
That's a replace E. pluribus unum.
Google it, dip shit.
Rolls off the tongue, like whenever I say, make no mistake about it.
Well, why do you hate Edward Snowden so much?
He worked for the CIA and NSA.
Don't Democrats now love the CIA and NSA?
We must encourage civil discourse, Jimmy, but not with the leakers.
They make it difficult for the ordinary citizen to find common ground between extreme right-wingers and the crypto fascists.
Wasn't Daniel Ellsberg a leaker?
There's a big difference between leaking and taking a leak.
It's leaking when it's done to your own party, but when it's done against your opponent, it's called taking a leak.
It's always good to take a leak.
Never hold it in, Jimmy.
I think we can reach a consensus on that, can't we?
Michelle and I are inspired by all those Americans who embrace their power to drive change.
By the way, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Now you're speaking gibberish again.
I hear you and understand your concerns, Jimmy.
Like I always say, the trick to making every election matter is to ignore the will of the voters.
In conclusion, I hope our little conversation was of use to you.
Make no mistake about it.
Let's call once here.
It's the Jimmy Door Show.
the show for the kind of people It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you, T-Value.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
Hey, let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes.
We just got one joke today, but it's from the Burger King James version of the Bible.
Well, avoid changing the frying oil for as long as possible.
That's from the Burger King Days version of the Bible.
Hey, our next live Jimmy Door show is February 16th.
That's a Friday, February 16th.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com for a link for tickets.
We're moving our live show to Friday night in Burbank, California.
That's February 16th.
We'll see you there.
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
Why did Apple slow down their iPhones?
Is it really happening?
Yes.
Why did they do it?
The answer just may surprise you, or will it?
Plus, we're going to talk to the progressive teacher who's going to knock off Dianne Feinstein in this year's primary for the U.S. Senate in California.
That woman's name, Allison Hartson, and she's here with us today.
We're going to talk to her.
Plus, you won't believe who's in charge of the EPA Superfund cleanup site.
It's the EPA chairman's personal banker who has been banned from banking for life.
Okay, maybe I blew the story, but it's coming up.
Plus, phone calls.
We got lots of phone calls you heard from Barack Obama.
And plus Chuck Schumer and Liam Neeson.
That's coming up, plus a lot lot more.
That's today of the Jimmy Door Show.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to the Jimmy Door Show.
We have a special guest today.
Allison Hartson is running for Senate against Diane Feinstein and everybody else.
And she's a progressive.
She's a Justice Democrat.
And I first became aware of Allison when she was working for Wolfpack.
I don't know if you know what that is, but that's an organization that is trying to get money out of politics.
And she's been very successful at doing that.
In fact, she organized over a thousand people in California to pass AJR1, a resolution in support of the constitutional amendment to end corruption in politics.
She then went on to be the national director for Wolfpack, passing this resolution in four other states.
So she's a big winner.
She knows how to organize and she's got the right politics.
Please welcome Allison Hartson.
Hi, Allison.
How are you?
Hi, Jimmy.
I am so good.
And I'm so excited to be here.
Yay, yay.
Well, you know, I'm a big fan of your work with Wolfpack, and you've always had the right ideas.
So why don't you tell everybody what made you want to get into this race for Senate?
It was my experience with Wolfpack.
So as you mentioned, Wolfpack's sole mission is to get an amendment to the U.S. Constitution that will overturn Citizens United and related cases so that we can get big money out of politics.
And in a matter of a few months, I became the California state director.
I organized thousands of volunteers throughout the state, and we got our measure passed through the California state legislature.
I then went on to do the same thing in New Jersey and then again in Rhode Island with full bipartisan support.
And so I'd say that because it was my experience traveling around the country and working with legislators in almost every state where I realized that if we're going to actually get the progressive policies passed that we need to, we're going to have to do it ourselves.
Being on the outside and asking them to do the right thing, asking them to vote their conscience, asking them to protect the people against corporate interests, it's not working.
And so, and it's definitely not working fast enough.
And so we have to continue to grow the outside grassroots.
It's so important, but we've also got to be on the inside.
And so my goal in running for U.S. Senate is to take our voice and our movement directly to the doorstep of Congress.
All right.
Well, that's that, but people don't realize how hard it was for you and the organization to get that stuff passed, like especially Rhode Island, right?
When you started, the vote was something like 26 to 1 against it, correct?
Yeah.
What I learned through Wolfpack is how legislation really gets passed and the 1,001 ways that it dies.
And that's really important too.
It's important to have that kind of experience when going into work in the legislature because there is a difference between policy and politics.
And you have to figure out how to meld those two together.
And part of being a representative of the people and working with other representatives, the representatives of corporations, but hopefully that won't be for too long.
Part of that is understanding how people work.
It's relationships.
You know, you go into it naively thinking, okay, we've got the policy, we have the right ideas, it's common sense, let's go in and get it passed, and then nothing happens.
How does that, how is that possible?
And then you start to see the ways in which personality dynamics work, like in a play yard, like in like grade school.
Right.
You know?
It's just kind of grown-up grade school, right?
It is.
To some degree, it is.
Just having that experience, yes, is really important.
But I did absolutely learn how difficult it is.
It takes so much work.
There's one legislator I worked with who said that people talk about conspiracy theories and how it's a conspiracy when good legislation dies.
And he says, no, it's a conspiracy to get legislation passed.
So there's that too.
And so, yeah, it's a lot of work, practically blood, sweat, and tears from volunteers throughout the entire country.
But it was also really motivating too, Jimmy.
The number of people who have come together, they're working full-time.
Many of these people are parents with kids.
I can't tell you how many of our volunteers were giving their children a bath while on a conference call with us to discuss strategy for passing our legislation the next day.
I mean, it's just incredible how many people around this country really are stepping up to do the right thing.
So we need to keep that going while also running for office.
So we've highlighted on this show the inability of elected Democrats to answer the straight question, which was posed at a San Diego congressional town hall.
What is it that the Democrats stand for?
So let me not say the Democrats, but let me say you as a progressive running for Senate, what is it that you stand for?
And so just answer that real simply.
Progressive policies.
I guess if I had to put it into just like a very quick phrase, I really want to get back to putting policy over politics.
Which policies?
We definitely need Medicare for all.
Oh, no.
Single payer.
Okay.
I mean, at this point, we're talking about it so much, it's almost like obvious to me, but it can't become so obvious that we don't keep talking about this because we have to fight for it.
Okay.
We need Medicare for all.
We need a living wage tied to inflation.
And I say living wage specifically, not $15 an hour, because by the time we pass it, it may be higher.
Right.
And I don't know that $15 an hour federally is going to be good enough.
Maybe it will, maybe we'll need it to be even higher in some states and they'll deal with that and we'll take the average.
But we need a living wage and we need to tie it to inflation.
We also need free college for all.
For all students who earn their way into college, we need universal preschool.
So preschool is a really good indicator of people who are going to wind up in college.
So investing in preschool is also an investment in college as well.
Really?
So people who go to preschool are more likely to go to college?
Crazy.
I didn't know that.
Oh, you really didn't?
No, they studied that?
Yes, yes.
In the first, and actually, it depends on also some cultures determine preschool starting at a certain age.
Here we look at preschool, I think, starting around age two or three, something like that.
But there's a huge movement right now happening for educating children at like birth and how important the first three years are.
So one of the things I'm really interested in is actually universal preschool, like starting at birth or six months even.
And it wouldn't be necessarily mandatory, but for those who want it, they would be able to do it for free.
Because what happens is when kids start to read and they start to gain an interest in learning, it accelerates that and feeds on itself through grade school, through junior high, through high school, and it increases their chances of going on to get a higher education.
By the way, I was a high school teacher for 10 years prior to doing Wolfpack.
So that's why I'm talking about this and I'm so passionate about it.
I'm a huge supporter of public schools.
And I chose to teach in a public school, even though there were people who told me it's a mess.
You should go into private schools.
You have smaller class sizes.
They're doing better things.
But when you look at what's happening with our charter schools in particular, they're pulling funds from our public schools.
Right.
And obviously that's going to hurt our public schools even more.
And then they turn around and blame educators in the public sector for the failure that's happening in the public schools.
And look, there are real honest conversations we need to be having about how to strengthen and improve our public schools.
And I want us to have those conversations, but it has to start with what's the root cause of it all, which comes back to the fact that because our government is being privatized, so too are the sectors that the government is operating.
So that means that our public schools are also being privatized while also being defunded because we invest more in the military industrial complex.
We invest more in our prison industrial complex and we invest more now in charter schools and then turn around and go, wow, all of these bad teachers, if they would just work harder.
Yes.
It's so beyond offensive.
So I think that helps you give a good idea.
Yeah.
Well, we try to tell people on this show that privatizing and taking the unions away from teachers is not the answer because what we want to do, what they do.
See, here's the thing that they don't do, Allison, in every other part of these capitalist free market society.
If you want economy, if you want a better person to sign up for your job, you raise, you entice them with more money or a better path or something, Right.
They don't do that with teachers.
They're doing the exact opposite.
They're making it less attractive to be a teacher.
And then they wonder why they're, they act like there's a line from here to Florida for people waiting to become teachers.
There isn't.
There are teacher shortages now in Wisconsin because qualified people don't want to go be scapegoated for society's problems, right?
That's what's happening.
Isn't that what would you say to that?
That's exactly right.
I don't know what the exact stat is now, but I know that teachers have one of the highest turnover rates.
See?
Isn't that good?
And I think it's within like the first three years.
And that's a huge, huge problem.
Like we go into teaching because of our love for community, our love for children, our belief that if we can provide equal opportunity for everybody through a quality education, that you can aspire to do and be whatever you want in your life.
And with all of these good people going into education with those ideas and leaving and saying, I'd rather go work in the private business sector if this is the way my life is going to be.
I mean, it has to do with low pay.
It also has to do with lack of support.
We don't have enough training.
I remember my first year, my first three years was insane.
Like everything that was thrown at me that I had to figure out all of my own on top of this kind of like jumping through hoops through support, supposed training and support, but not like really a lack of support.
And that's because of the lack of funding.
It's because there isn't the kind of support that we really need in those classrooms, which includes a smaller class size.
I'd like to see a smaller ratio of teacher to students, which we were talking about a couple decades ago.
And now all of a sudden nobody's talking about that anymore.
And it's not that we don't need to make our classes more rigorous.
We do.
We do need to have really be encouraging our students to be critical thinkers.
And I was known as one of the toughest teachers on campus.
I really, really believe that we've got to make some improvements in our classrooms.
But the way to do it is not through defunding us and increasing our class sizes and then pointing at us for all of the failures.
Right.
Scapegoating.
Well, you certainly know your stuff.
That's fantastic.
It's.
Oh, and you know, one thing I wanted to add too, because we were talking about like preschool and this goes up to third grade with like reading level and increasing your chances of going to college.
The other side of that is though students who fall behind in reading, I think it's by the third grade, the chance of them winding up in prison is significant.
Oh, no kidding.
Yeah.
Wow, you really do know your stuff.
Well, let me ask you this.
First of all, it's very encouraging.
I never heard politicians talk about education that way.
I think half of it is they don't understand it.
I can't believe of all of the politics that we talk about in this country, how much we are not talking about education below college.
There's a lot of talk about college for all, and we need it.
And I'm going to fight for it.
But we are not talking about secondary education and preschool enough.
Not even a skosh.
And I've even been advised by people to not talk about it because it's not the controversial, exciting, sexy thing to talk about in politics right now.
Well, damn it, I'm going to make it because it's that important as far as I'm concerned.
That sounds like the stuff they used to tell Bernie Sanders, right?
Yeah.
Right?
Nobody's.
Anyway, y'all, I wish Bernie, you got to have, you got to be handsome and you got to be good speaking and you got to do this with your thumb when you talk.
And turns out he didn't do any of that stuff.
He did all the wrong stuff and he filled stadiums.
Yeah.
So, and the reason why was because he had a message that people are hungry for.
People are hungry for authentic, for authentic politics.
So much so.
And we haven't been getting it ever, especially since 1992, coincidentally enough.
I wonder what that year was.
Oh, I know.
So you're running as what they call a Justice Democrat, right?
So tell me why, what does that mean and why are you doing that?
Justice Democrats are running as like the left wing of the Democratic Party, essentially.
We are running as progressives against establishment Democrats.
And I couldn't be prouder to do that.
And it's really nice too to have the support of an organization that is able to help us run these campaigns.
And then also, we have 51 Justice Democrats running across the country at this point.
There's three of us running for U.S. Senate, and then the rest are running for Congress.
So imagine even a fraction of us getting into Congress.
I feel so supported just knowing that that many people around the country are doing this alongside with me.
I just couldn't be prouder.
Now, a lot of people would say that you're being divisive.
We already have a senator in California who is a Democrat.
Well, she's not a Democrat.
Just because you have a D after your name doesn't mean you're a Democrat.
And I think that people are waking up to that reality.
Just because you have an R after your name doesn't mean that you're a Republican.
And so she is a corporatist.
Some people think that she's a Republican or a dino, not a dinosaur, but a Democrat name only.
And she's proven this time and again with her votes.
You know, she voted for the Bush tax cuts.
No kidding.
The Bush tax cuts gave us $1.5 trillion of debt.
And she's not going to pay for that.
No, you know who does?
We do through austerity.
That's right.
We are going to pay for that.
Our kids are going to pay for that.
That's what she voted for.
She voted for the Iraq war.
No kidding.
The Iraq war cost $7 trillion.
So she voted for us to spend $7 trillion to kill hundreds of thousands of civilians for an illegal, what I consider to be an illegal war.
Voting for a war where you don't have hard evidence that justifies us going into that war, as far as I'm concerned, is treason.
She does not deserve to be sitting in office.
I can't believe that she's still sitting in office after the votes that she has cast.
She supported the TPP.
She's against Glass-Steagall.
She supports the death penalty.
What's the difference between her and a republic?
You're kidding me.
Oh, she was for the TPP.
Yep.
She opposes Glass-Teagle.
If people don't know what that is, that's the New Deal banking regulations that the Clintons repealed in 1999, along with the Congress.
And then within 10 years, our economy crashed because they started treating investment banking as casino hopping, right?
And gambling with our money.
So I'm sorry.
Go ahead.
What else does she vote for?
She is for the war on drugs.
In 2010, in 2010, she led a campaign against legalizing marijuana.
No kidding.
She is against Medicare for all.
Yes, we know that.
Yeah.
We know that.
She says that she says that Medicare for all means a complete takeover of our health care by the government.
That's what she said, which I'm like, has she been watching Sean Hannity?
That's our democracy.
I understand how this works.
That's her job to understand how this works.
Even if you're going to be against it, at least understand how it works.
It's absurd.
Yeah.
She doesn't even understand.
She's pretending, though.
Yeah.
She's pretending to not understand how it works.
And she's echoing her corporate donors' talking points, which is that Medicare for all is a corporate takeover.
I mean, I've got to- She knows that's all she has to say to scare people.
And it is.
It is a copy paste of a corporate Republican talking point.
Yes.
Wow.
So, and it's good that people are hungry for people to call them out.
You know, just like people in the Republican Party were hungry for somebody to call the Bush war family out for the Iraq war and for not protecting us on 9-11.
And then when someone did, which happened to be Trump, they went nuts for it, right?
And so I think that's, you know, on the left, people are also hungry, which is why we got Bernie Sanders was so popular.
People are hungry for someone to talk about the issues that affect our lives in an authentic and honest way and not give us BS like when they asked Dianne Feinstein about single payer and she gives us a talking point.
People are sick and tired of that.
And that's why I think you will appeal to people because you are authentic.
You are already involved in doing the hard work of getting legislation passed to return our government and our elections back to the people, right?
So you would be for government financing, right?
Public financing of campaigns.
I don't see any other way.
We have to replace privately funded elections with publicly funded elections.
I mean, those are our two options.
I agree.
Well, if that means a complete takeover of our elections by the government, I don't know if I'm there yet.
I don't know if I'm there yet.
That's what Diane Feinstein would say.
Right.
So she knows enough to use modern day phrases, those catchphrases like I'm not there yet, but she still doesn't understand what the thing is.
She's pretending she's out of touch and doesn't understand what the thing is.
She knows what she's freaking everybody.
Every person she grew up with has Medicare and has had it for 20 years.
So she knows how Medicare works.
Yeah, of course she knows.
That's what drives me nuts.
She's in her 80s.
So everybody in her whole life has been on Medicare and she knows exactly how it works.
So that is her gaslighting her own constituents and pretending to not know.
And that's why I'm glad you're running because you are not pretending to not know.
You do know and you have no problem saying you're for single pay or Medicare for all, which the majority of the country's for, especially Democrats.
80% of Democrats support it and 61% of Americans.
Yes, look at that.
But you know what?
They don't care.
When's the last time they actually voted?
Because the majority of people supported something.
Right.
So none of it fools me.
I'm not surprised by any of it.
But you know what?
I continue to be disgusted.
And I hope that that never ceases.
Yeah, I know, right?
Yes.
I was always wondering, when am I going to get burnt out on outrage, you know, or outrage fatigue?
But I still have a lot of outrage, right?
So I guess it's right there.
I still care.
I think it's a good thing.
Yeah.
Because the minute we become complacent and just allow this to be the new normal, we're done.
And so, yes, I have my days of being so angry.
I have my days of being extremely sad.
And then I talk myself and walk myself through that to use that as my motivation to keep fighting.
We have to do it.
What do you think needs to happen in California?
I know you're running for Senate in California.
What would be the biggest thing that would be the biggest change if you became the senator and replaced Diane Feinstein?
I think being a voice in terms of the things that we need, obviously I'll be working on federal legislation, but with that seat of power comes a huge responsibility to speak responsibly about the policies that we need federally, but also for our state.
We have a lot of corporate Democrats here in the state of California as well.
Yeah.
And so we need to get more progressives in our state legislature, more progressives in our local communities running as well.
But the more of us who get in there, we can push them left because they're going to see how popular this movement is.
And part of that is going to be whether or not I can actually, and I can't, vote on the legislation here in California.
I can have a seat at the table at least to talk to our legislators about what we really need to be doing here and leading the way in California.
I think we're the fifth largest economy at this point.
Yeah, fifth or sixth is what I keep hearing one or the other.
But because of that, we lead the country on a lot of issues.
And we have to make sure we're leading on the right issues and that we're leading progressively.
Dianne Feinstein hasn't progressed with California.
You know, she's been in office for, she's been in Congress for a quarter of a century.
She's been in government for half a century.
And while it's pretty remarkable, I have to say that when she started, she ran as a woman in more of a man's world in that day than even today.
And I really do give her mad props for that.
And she led the way in that regard.
But on all of her other policies, she hasn't progressed with California.
And that does make a difference in terms of her representation because leadership rolls downhill.
And what our senators and our congresspeople look like, so too will our state legislators.
This is the way business works.
This is the way life works.
This is the way psychology and just human conduct works.
So it's in that way alone, I think my position is going to be very important.
So you didn't run third party.
Right.
You decided to go inside the Democratic Party.
But in California, it's a different kind of situation, right?
There isn't really a primary in a sense where there isn't a Democratic primary and a Republican primary.
There's one primary and the top two vote getters then go to the general election, right?
So we'd like to see it be two progressives, right?
Yes.
That would be great because then it's a win-win.
Yes.
Right.
So, but everybody, even if they're a Republican in California, pretends they're Democrat, right?
And then they get to, because there's nothing in it for you to run because the whole state is running.
We have a super majority of Democrats in the state legislature right now.
And it's kind of a crime that they haven't passed single payer here at the state level yet because of that.
So we know that running as a third party is an impediment.
But what would you say is your biggest hurdle that you have to get over?
Is it name recognition?
Yeah, I would say it's definitely name recognition.
I think that it's pretty obvious I am on the right side of policy.
Or correct side.
I would say you're on the correct side.
The correct, thank you.
That's a much better word.
But and I have an incredible team around me, you know, with Genk and TYT and the Justice Democrats and the support of the progressive movement that we've got going on here.
But yes, name recognition, of course.
And money.
Money is going to be a challenge, but I think we've got it figured out.
Oh, well, how?
So the average Senate race in California costs about $10 million.
And I have a feeling they're going to end up spending more than that.
We think we can do this with a million or a couple million dollars.
But that means that we need everybody who can to give us 10, 15, 20, 27, 30, $45.
And we've done that so far.
We raised a quarter of a million dollars in the first four days after we launched.
Oh, no kidding.
Yeah.
And that's in small donations.
That's right.
Also, with like over 6,000 people donated to us.
Oh, that's fantastic.
So just so truth be told, I'm one of them.
Yes.
Yes, you are.
And thank you.
So I want a full disclosure.
Yeah.
And thank you so much for that.
And that's how we're going to do it.
So right now we have another goal of another $250,000 before the end of the year.
And so By doing that, we're going to be able to invest in content ads online so long as we still have a running internet.
Yeah.
And I'm going to be doing a lot of traveling.
My plan is I'm going to hit every single one of our 58 counties, and we are going to do a grassroots movement, much like Bernie did.
We have the infrastructure to organize volunteers throughout the state.
In fact, right now, January 13th and 14th, we are organizing house parties across the entire state.
Our goal is to have 50 house parties that weekend alone.
And people are going to be phone banking.
They're already doing it.
People are going to be canvassing and knocking on doors talking about my campaign and what policies I'm going to be fighting for.
And so that's how we're going to do it.
It's going to be a challenge.
It's going to be a lot of work, but that's as it should be.
Anybody's interested in getting involved, whether it's volunteer or donate money or both, whatever you can do, go to my website.
It's allisonhartson.com, A-L-I-S-O-N-H-A-R-T-S-O-N.
On there, you can find everything that you need to get involved.
All right, Allison Hartson, she's running as a Justice Democrat in California for Senate.
People can go to your website and they can volunteer if they want to volunteer.
They can make small donations, the whole deal.
So thank you for coming in.
Good luck on the campaign trail and we'll be looking out for you.
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You know, we do not encourage anyone to shop at Amazon.com, but sometimes you have no choice, or sometimes you're going to anyway.
And if you're going to shop at Amazon.com anyway, we say have some of that money go to a progressive cause like the Jimmy Dore show.
So then we'll take some of that Amazon money and make videos about how horrible Amazon is.
It's a great symbiotic relationship.
So the next time you're going to buy something from Amazon, please think of the Jimmy Dore show.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, click on our Amazon link, and when you buy something, they send us money.
It's just that easy.
Help fight back and support the show at the same time.
Hey, it's Chuck Schumer, leader of the resistance.
Hello, Chuck.
Please don't call me Chuck.
It's the meaning of the stature of the great office I hold.
It's not a responsibility I take lightly, serving the public good while actually serving no public good at all.
It's a cross I bear for this great democracy, and it deserves a respect greater than some informal patronym as Chuck, okay?
I apologize, Senator.
Call me Shoom or the Shoom.
Really doesn't matter because when I retire, I'll never have to deal with you proletariat turdlumps ever again.
I'll be living north of Sacramento with Jerry Brown on his llama farm, riding horses and screwing the help.
Such is the result of my great legacy as a peacemaker.
So why did you support Donald Trump moving our embassy to Jerusalem?
Because I advised him to do it.
Once you advise somebody to do something, it's over, fella.
That's all she wrote.
No going back.
But why?
Because it's the eternal capital of the Jewish homeland or some shit like that.
I don't know.
According to whom?
Well, according to your Bible, you should read it.
It's like the what happened of Christianity.
A whole lot of blaming, clichés, and fairy dust.
Americans eat that stuff up like meat glue and then get colon cancer.
So you're risking greater violence in the Mideast due to someone's interpretation of a confusing mismatch of essays written by 40 different sources over a period of 500 years.
Not just any mishmash, you heretic, specifically John 316, Exodus 422, and Jenny 8675309.
That was her number, okay?
Not the Palestinians.
Read your goddamn Bible.
So how are you going to beat Republicans the next two elections if you support things like Trump moving our embassy to Jerusalem?
You don't even have a platform to run on.
Who says we don't have a platform?
Ridiculous.
Of course we have a platform.
We don't have a platform.
Can you believe this guy?
Don't be a nut.
So what's your platform?
Oh, you mean platform?
Oh, well, that's different.
We got nothing.
Not a Zilch Bupkis.
Know what this is?
No.
Read your damn Bible.
It's small round fecal pellets dropped by a goat.
That's what we got.
But don't despair.
We got a lot of other stuff to run on.
Yeah, like what?
Hold on to your seat.
We're going to propose moving our Ukraine embassy to Moscow.
Why?
Because it's the one true Ukrainian homeland.
That's it?
That's what the Democrats are going to run on next year?
Of course not.
We also want to move our British embassy to Philadelphia and our German embassy to Paris.
Viva la restance.
That's French.
Who says the American people don't want change?
Oh, yeah, Nancy does.
She's great, isn't she?
But moving our embassy to Jerusalem supports Netanyahu's right-wing occupation.
How could you possibly be proud of advising him to do this?
Because it's a foreign policy victory for the Democratic Party and centrism, you pacifist freak.
The optics are great.
You don't like it?
Tough pistachios.
That's why I'm Senate Minority Leader, and you're not.
And one day when I'm president, I will perform the ultimate compromise, moving our Eurasia embassy to Oceania.
Watch this space.
Watch this space.
Hey, just when you thought the Trump administration couldn't get any worse, they do.
Dave Dayon tweeted this out.
Friend of the show, Dave Dayon.
He says the guy now in charge of cleaning up Superfund sites was Scott Pruitt's personal banker.
Scott Pruitt's the head of the EPA.
And the guy now in charge of cleaning up Superfund sites was Scott Pruitt's personal banker, banned from banking industry for life by the FDIC earlier this year.
Oh.
So there it is.
That's a picture of the guy.
That sounds like it's good.
There's the fellow.
You're too shady for banking, but we got a home for you in the EPA.
It's just the planet.
Albert Kelly is the guy's name.
So here's from the intercept.
Banned from the banking industry for life.
A Scott Pruitt friend finds a new home at the EPA.
The Environmental Agency has tasked a banker who was banned from the banking industry for life with oversight of the nation's superfund program.
Hey, seriously, why don't you just put Chris Christie in charge of nutrition for kids?
Why don't you come on, right?
Come on.
This is amazing.
You're going to put...
The FDIC had, quote, reason to believe that Kelly violated a law or regulation by entering into an agreement pertaining to a loan by the bank without FDIC approval.
Boy, you got to really be trying in this day and age to break a bank rule because there aren't any.
You got to be really, really trying.
I mean, I think the first banking rule is be a dick.
That's the first rule.
Be a predatory capitalist and get rid of any humanity you have.
Two weeks later, EPA administrator Scott Pruitt appointed Kelly to lead an effort to streamline the Superfund program.
Like these guys are break.
Imagine if progressives were as brazen as this.
It'd be like, well, progressive president Bernie Sanders appointed Medea Benjamin as Secretary of Defense.
That's the equivalent of this, right?
Except Medea Benjamin isn't a crazy pick.
It's actually sensible that you would want someone who's not interested in more war.
But that's if liberals, if progressive or lefties governed like right-wingers did, that's what we would have.
We'd have Cornell West on the Supreme Court.
Yeah.
Right?
We'd have stuff like that.
That's a real progressive, a real lefty.
Righties get in.
They do real righty shit.
Lefties get in.
They do righty shit.
They gave us a corporate health care plan.
They explained the banks.
They expanded the wars.
They made the tax cuts permanent.
They opened up the Arctic to drilling twice.
This is what lefties do.
They do right-wing shit.
Can I tell you, Jimmy, just where it says right there that Kelly is going to lead an effort to streamline the superfund?
I don't even know what that means.
Streamlined.
Jimmy, are you going to lead the effort to streamline?
I'm going to stream this.
Right now, there's too much red tape.
What does that mean?
What is he going to streamline?
Means he's going to cut a lot of programs, I guess, that help clean up the environment.
I think that's what streamlined means.
Streamline means we're going to, you know, that thing that helped clean up the water there.
We're getting rid of it, right?
Streamline means he's going to take a leak in every water well in this country.
In July, the FDIC went even further, banning Kelly from banking for life.
I didn't even know that was something that could happen to a person.
You can get banned from banking for life?
Like, how come he's not in prison?
You can't work in this industry.
Oh, my God.
No kidding.
Why isn't he in prison?
Well, because, Steph, I'll tell you, because the bankers run our government.
That's why.
And the EPA slogan is, give us, you're fired, you're corrupt.
But Pruitt, who had received loans from Kelly's bank, apparently didn't find Kelly's unfitness to serve in the financial industry as disqualifying his longtime friend from serving as a top official at the EPA.
So this is what happens when you let Barack Obama open the Arctic to drilling twice.
This is what happens when you let Barack Obama reverse a decades-old rule and allows now fossil fuel companies to export oil and gas to other countries.
And what that does, that's why we have pipelines underneath our country everywhere because of Barack Obama.
This is what happens.
Okay.
So you remember that?
Do you remember this?
So this is how you get this EPA when you have a lefty in charge of our environment and he does horrible stuff like open the Arctic to drilling twice.
Say all of the above, meaning we got to drill more.
We got to have more fracking.
This is what happens.
People go, well, there's no difference.
We got to break up this establishment.
I'm going to vote for an anti-establishment candidate.
I'm going to vote for Trump.
That's what you get.
And then, of course, Trump is worse than anything, but he's not an establishment guy.
And people like that.
So this is what happens.
I'm sorry, Steph, did you want to say something?
Well, yeah.
So I found on EPA.gov from E. Scott Pruitt administrator on May 22nd, 2017.
That's when Kelly had already been positioned.
Albert Kelly was given this position.
And I'm trying to find out what's the definition of streamline, but I can find some of the recommendations that they want to be established.
And I think these two things trouble me.
They want to utilize alternative and non-traditional approaches for financing site cleanups as well as improvements to the management and use of super fund special accounts.
Don't know what special accounts mean.
And the next bullet, there's several bullets, but these are the two that kind of screamed at me.
Reduce the administrative and overhead costs and burdens borne by parties remediating contaminated sites, including a re-examination of the level of agency oversight necessary.
Can I summarize everything you just read?
We're going to privatize things and give the contracts to our friends, and we're not bringing the scientists in anymore.
That's exactly what I think is exactly what you just said.
That's awful, right?
So the government isn't going to do the cleanups anymore.
We're going to give it to private corporations.
A lot of times the private corporations who cause the spills or whatever the cleanup that, right?
I'm sure something.
Sure, we're going to have DuPont clean up their DuPont spill, and we're going to pay them to do it.
I bet that's what this is.
That's what it sounds like.
Yeah, that's exactly what it sounds like.
And it's like, hey, is this safe to do?
We should maybe consult a scientist.
Nah.
Too much red tape.
Yeah.
Too much return.
And they'll go, it's clean, right?
Is it clean?
Well, the corporation said it was clean, so it's clean, even though it's not clean.
And they got all their billions of dollars.
Right?
Yes.
There's another way to funnel government money to private corporations.
And that's what this is.
And guess what that's called?
That's called neoliberalism.
That's exactly what Bill Clinton did.
That's exactly what Barack Obama did.
That's exactly what Donald Trump is doing.
Funneling government money to private corporations.
That's neoliberalism.
So this memo is all a bunch of lip service.
You know, you can read between the lines.
And one more bullet says to improve the agency's interaction with key stakeholders under the Superfund program, particularly other federal agencies at the federal facilities and federal potentially responsible parties.
Okay.
And you skip down and it says, in addition, the task force should propose recommendations for better addressing the liability concerns of state, tribes, and local governments.
Yeah.
It's all, it's not, none of this is good.
Five years from now, they're just going to refer to oil drilling as mineral liberation.
They won't even call it.
We're setting them free.
Really, they've been trapped too long inside the earth and they want they want to live and breathe free, the oil carbons.
They're tired of you treading on them.
They want to live free.
Okay.
So again, keep this in mind.
How do we get here?
Since 1980, we've been practicing neoliberalism in America and it's been ramped up by Democrats.
And people don't want to hear that.
People want to talk about Russia until Trump goes away.
And then when Trump goes away, they're going to go to sleep again.
Meanwhile, 63% of the country can't afford a $1,000 emergency.
So again, that's really important to not let your eye get off the ball like the rest of the goddamn country.
They've already done it, which is why the Democrats are going to have mixed results in 2018.
What do you, I mean, maybe it's too early to tell.
It's not even 2018 yet.
But if they keep going the way they're going now, which they are, I don't see them changing.
Do you see the Democrats doing anything?
They still don't have a fucking agenda.
The Democrats don't have an agenda.
Other than to stick with their previous agenda, which will lose another thousand seats.
So they're counting on exactly what Nancy Pelosi said after the election.
She said the Americans don't want to change and that the government flips every two years in elections.
Why is that?
Because they want change every two years because the Democrats didn't do anything for them.
So if a party gets in power and actually does something for them, maybe they'll get re-elected.
Imagine if the Democrats right now were pushing for single payer at the top of their lungs.
Imagine if Barack Obama did it for eight years.
Imagine if every time Barack Obama got in front of a microphone, he said we need single payer.
Imagine that.
We'd have it by now.
I was going to say, we would have had it a long time ago.
We would have had a long time ago.
We wouldn't be talking about it anymore.
And how come he never pushed for it and never pushed?
And the public option never brought it up again, never brought it up.
So imagine if the Democrats actually had an agenda like the Republicans do.
Imagine that.
And then when they got in power, they did everything to implement it.
Imagine that.
Right now, the Democrats won't even vote to save the DACA people.
Right now, the Democrats rolled over on DACA.
The Democrats did.
So why would those DACA people, why will they ever stand up for Democrats?
Why would they?
Well, because we're not as bad as the Republicans.
And that's exactly their plan.
We won't, we'll be lesser of two evil, not as shitty as the Republicans.
That's how you get this.
That's how you get Trump.
Do you understand this?
This isn't new.
I didn't make this up.
Everyone knows this is how it happens.
When the government turns its back on its workers and the majority of its people, you're setting the stage for a right-wing demagogue, for totalitarian.
That's what's happening.
You know, Democrats give you nothing to vote for.
Republicans give you something to vote against.
And that's because there's one party and it's the money party.
That's right.
But still, still, you know, still you should write some more articles about Russia.
You should write some more articles about Jill Stein in Russia.
You should write some more articles about Bernie Bros.
You should write some more articles about sexism and Bernie Bros.
What about actresses that care about the environment?
Oh my blood.
They're ruining this country.
They drive me nuts.
That's the, of course, you know the message of this show.
Neoliberalism sucks.
So I have an iPhone.
Here's my iPhone right here.
And this is an iPhone 6 Plus.
So it's big, like I can't, it's big.
And it's been slowing down.
And a lot of people who own older iPhones, meaning not eight or 10, they have noticed that their iPhones slow down.
Well, why is that happening?
Well, CNET, here's why Apple says it's slowing down older phones.
It says it's because your battery doesn't hold the charges well.
The older batteries start to lose your ability to hold a charge and they drain faster.
And so people's phones were just cutting off like that.
This is what Apple says, right?
So this is true.
That is, that part is true, according to what I can ascertain.
Did you know battery technology, by the way, has not really, it took like 10 from 2006 to 1996 to like 2007, it took that long to double a batteries increase.
And then since then, it's only increased 30% since 2007.
Did you know that?
I didn't know that on cell phone batteries.
I didn't know that, but I believe it.
I mean, I mean, they kind of design it so that you have to get a new one every couple of years.
Yeah.
I mean, they want it to be that.
That's why it's like you have to, you know, update your software.
You have to do this.
And eventually your phone just.
I hate updating the software.
Everyone just hates that, cringes through it.
Some people call it planned obsolescence.
Yes.
So here's what Apple says.
Apple says the aging battery means your phone could have trouble.
No, this is not Apple.
This is from CNET.
It means your phone could have trouble operating or might unexpectedly shut down, as happened to the iPhone 6 and 6S last year.
I mean, those phones are still new, right?
That your battery goes that quickly.
The processors of those devices wanted to hit faster speeds, but their batteries couldn't handle the demand, prompting some phones to simply switch themselves off.
So I guess if you're, you know, I've noticed my battery drains a lot faster and stuff like that.
So to address that, Apple's iOS software, starting with last year's iOS 10.2.1, which I have installed, incorporated better power management capabilities, the company said.
So that happened when I got rid of my old car and I leased a new car because I hate putting $10,000 down on a car.
I just can't do that anymore.
So I just lease a car, no money down, make a payment.
I love that.
Anyway, it wasn't hooking up with the Bluetooth, my phone.
So I had to download the new operating system.
And I was like, I got locked out of my Apple account for two days.
It was horrible.
It was horrible.
Anyway.
Well, here's a quick insider tip, though.
This is something I've been doing.
My cousin turned me on to this, and I've been doing it ever since.
Always put your battery on low power mode.
And you have to do it because it'll automatically, like when you get to a certain charge, it'll just take it off a low power mode where it's like, oh, your battery's at like 80%.
So here, your charge.
But always like go into your settings, put your battery on low power mode.
That'll always help it last longer.
So do you have an iPhone or what kind of components?
Oh, I have an iPhone.
Yeah.
Oh, so we all have iPhones.
Okay, so that's a good tip, Ron.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I always make sure I do that.
You know what, Jimmy?
I just wanted to say that I wanted to go back to, you know, you're talking about the battery charge and everything like that.
One headline for Apple Insider says, criminal lawsuit over iPhone battery slows down filed in France where planned obsolescence is illegal.
Oh, okay.
So let's get to that in a second.
The operating system slows down your device to prevent it from shuttings out, Apple says, but only in cases of cold temperature or a low battery charge or very old batteries.
Instead of your processor completing a task immediately, it will spread that out over more attempts to help manage the power consumption.
So you can see how there's a problem with this, right?
So the problem is they didn't tell you they're doing that.
So that's the big problem.
So what Apple should have said, which they didn't, which was a conscious decision, by the way, for them not to tell you that they're doing this.
And they should have said, you know, we're at the mercy of battery technology like everybody.
Everybody else's phone has the same battery technology.
Nobody has a better battery, right?
Because I just told you about that.
So say, well, we've, and people often have problems with their smartphones when they get a few years old.
They shut off because of blah, blah.
And they should have said, so we've come up with a fix.
Right.
And if you want to implement this fix, here it is.
We'll give you the option to go like this to have your phone go slower or you can let it shut off if it happens or you should replace the battery.
Now, the problem is the battery.
You need to get a new phone.
They really want you to get a new phone.
They want you to get a new phone.
So what they wanted you to do is like, come on, this phone is going slow.
Fuck it.
I'm getting a new phone, which is what I've done in the past.
Me too.
I have done that in the past.
God damn it.
Fuck this phone.
Right?
And I'm like, I'm just kidding.
It's freezing up and it's not doing what it's used to be so much better.
And then I went and got a new phone.
So that's really what a lot of people feel was happening.
I also feel that was happening.
Do you feel that was happening around with your iPhone?
Yeah, I've noticed, but I thought it was just I was reaching that earmark.
Okay.
Like I thought it was just a lot of people.
I mean, you think what was happening was them trying to make you buy a new phone.
Yeah, of course.
Absolutely.
So that's the big problem.
So if they would have just been transparent, we hear that word a lot.
If they would have just been transparent about it and said, hey, you know, we've Got a fix for older batteries on cell phones in our cell phones.
Boom.
And here's, and you can either implement it or not.
You give it to the consumer.
They didn't do that.
And so a lot of you, I don't know if you've heard, a lot of people went nuts about it.
So Apple's huge apology for slowing down your old iPhone.
Apple has issued a formal apology to its customers, which tackles the accusation head on.
Plus an inexpensive $29 battery replacement.
So that's big difference from their $79 replace.
So it used to be to fix that problem with your old battery slowing down or your phone flowing down because of your battery, you'd have to buy a new battery from Apple because you can't do it yourself because it's too hard.
And they make it that way on purpose.
Yes, they do.
That's another thing.
That's another thing.
They make it hard to replace your iPhone 3.
Yeah, they don't want you to touch the screws.
They changed all of that.
So you could have fixed this problem with a $79 new battery from Apple.
But now Apple's like, okay, after the big hubbub, they're like, okay, we got caught.
You guys are right.
We're sorry.
And we're going to let you fix this problem for now $29, which to me tells me that's how much the battery actually costs.
And that was their markup.
So their markup was, what's $80 to $30?
I don't know, Jimmy.
Do you really think they're giving it to us at cost?
So their markup was over 100% on that battery.
Oh, yeah.
That's amazing, right?
The moral of the story is, catch us on our bullshit.
You will be rewarded.
Yeah.
But only for a limited time.
Boy, now you know.
I'm going to try more bullshit.
The markup on that battery has got to be 50, over 100%.
No wonder you should buy Apple stock.
Yeah.
Right?
Anyway, so plus an inexpensive $29 battery replacement that Apple promises will immediately return an iPhone 6 or later phone to its original performance.
I'm going to go get that.
So anyway, Apple's found a way to...
Now Apple's very close to being a regular computer company.
Yeah.
Don't you think?
Especially when they effed up, they effed up iMovie and then they effed up Final Cut.
I'm sure they effed up.
Oh, iTunes has been effed up forever.
Yeah, it's like they just used to be such a user-friendly and awesome tool.
That was the whole thing about it.
And then all of a sudden they were just like, ah, are you guys having fun?
We're ruining that.
Yes.
Okay.
I thought it was just me because it made me exhausted the changes.
They changed it.
And I don't think, anyway, they need a leader and they just have regular nerds.
And the problem with, you know, nerds, when I say nerds, I don't mean in a pejorative.
I mean nerds like computer geniuses.
I don't mean that like, you know, but the problem with having computer geniuses design computers is that they don't have real world experience, right?
They're not regular people like we are, right?
So they're like, oh, we'll just update it.
Nobody wants to fucking update it.
Stop it.
You're not fixing it.
You're making Arnold laugh very hard.
So when I was up in Cupertino, which is where Apple is, they have I would just, so you walk, you drive around and there's just swarms of people on the corners waiting across the street.
And they all work at Apple, right?
Because it's this huge campus, right?
And so I just would slow down by the red lights and I would roll down my window and go, hey, can you, does anybody know who fucked up iMovie?
Does anybody know who did that?
I'd like to talk to them.
Do you remember how great iMovie was?
Do you remember how easy and accessible and that you could do so many fun things and then they destroyed it?
Destroyed it.
Same thing with the same thing with the and for the longest time you kept the old programme.
I still have it.
I still have it.
So jealous.
It's iPhone HD 08.
I'm not iPhone.
It's iMovie HD 08, I think, and I still have it.
And there's all these weird things I have to do to make it work on my computer.
You've seen me have to do it.
I have to go into a bundle and tip this and then click that, hold it down, click over there.
It's all this.
And then all of a sudden, iMovie HD08 will appear on my computer and I'll use it.
Anyway, I could talk for all day.
So anyway, thank you.
There it is.
There's the iPhones.
Go get your $29 battery and your phone won't be slowed down no more and you don't have to upgrade.
I think your phone is ringing right now.
Should you answer it?
Just in case it's Apple?
Ah!
Leave the briefcase by a tree, Dor.
Hey, Jude, this is Apple Cole.
Hey, look, what have you been doing?
You know, you got a really got a real pretty wife there, huh?
It'd be a shame if something happened.
Now let's talk about upgrading that MacBook Pro.
No.
No.
Hello.
Yes.
Good, because I don't have much time.
And I have to make this might only take a moment.
But then again, I could be wrong, and this could take longer.
What I'm trying to say is I'm not very good at estimating time.
You should see me in the morning before I've had my coffee.
I'm all like, whatever.
This is of the utmost importance.
Do you have a pen and paper, handy?
Yes, go ahead.
That's too bad, because it would probably be much easier just to type this into your laptop or something.
I can make do with a pen and paper, Liam.
Okay, you don't have to jump down my throat, Jimmy.
It was just a suggestion.
Okay, shall I begin?
Yes.
Before I continue, I feel it most important to refresh everyone regarding my CV.
That means curriculum vitae.
Do you know what CV means, Jimmy?
Yes.
Good.
It means curriculum vitae.
I have starred in such epics as the Teakin series, the gray, non-stop.
Run all night.
Unknown.
Hard powder.
The commuter.
The gray commuter.
Unknown powder.
Non-stop and hard all night.
The hard gray commuter.
And a little thing I did in high school called Fungus, the rotting world around us.
I'm sure you're familiar with the scale of my work.
Hey, you know, there's more to that phone call.
We don't have time in today's podcast.
Well, we do have time, but we're just going to make you become a premium member so you can hear all of our phone calls in their entirety.
Plus, you get our live streams that we do every Saturday.
Those are like an hour and a half long.
You get to hear everything.
Lots of premium material.
If you become a premium member at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Special thanks to our guest, Allison Hartson, who is going to unseat Dianne Feinstein in this year's Democratic primary.
Fingers crossed.
And we'll see you Friday, February 16th in Burbank, California for a live Jimmy Door show.
Links for tickets at jimmydoercomedy.com.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Mike McRae, Jim Earl, Ron Picone, Steph Zabarano, Barry Lang.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only the inimitable, Mike McBray, who can be found, MikeMcRae.com.
Today's show was produced by Brian Granillo.
That's it for this week.
Until next week, this is Jimmy Door saying you be the best you can be.
I'll keep being me.
Do not freak out.
Here you go.
Here we go.
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