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Nov. 10, 2017 - Jimmy Dore Show
59:49
20171110_1109_TJDS_PODCAST
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Hello, who is this?
Oh, hi, Kevin Spacey.
This is Jimmy Dore.
Jimmy Dore?
I don't know a Jimmy Dore.
Explain who you are, please, immediately.
I have a podcast at a news analysis program called the Jimmy Dore Show, and I'm a regular contributor to the Young Turfs Network.
Oh, thank God.
I was afraid a member of the media was trying to get a hold of me.
Those people really are vipers.
You know that?
Apparently, the job of a journalist nowadays is to hear any old rumor and bend over backwards to try and prove its veracity.
Anyways, how can I help you, Jimmy Dore?
Mr. Spacey, I'd like to talk to you about the sexual abuse allegation.
Oh, Jesus Christ, you two.
I thought you just said you had a puppet show on the internet or something.
No, the Jimmy Dore show.
Whatever.
What do you think you want to know?
Well, Mr. Spacey, a lot of people were very dissatisfied with your public apology.
Some thought you were deflecting, using that opportunity to come out of the closet.
First of all, let's make one thing absolutely clear.
I have nothing to be sorry for.
Absolutely nothing.
But I did my due diligence and released a lame public apology like you do.
Oh, you don't like it?
Too bad.
Fuck you.
It's all you get.
Okay.
14-year-old Anthony Rapp drunk off his very first Tom Collins, please.
Who wouldn't?
Wow.
Wow, indeed.
You want to be mad at me, fine.
But at least do me the courtesy of knowing what you should be mad about.
Okay.
For the past 25 years, I've had every twink in this town six ways from Sunday.
And New York.
And London.
Every confused Midwestern golden-haired marching band or refugee with a Chardonnay-soaked stage mom willing to turn the blind, bloodshot eye to impromptu dance lessons.
I've had them all.
And guess what?
They're all working today.
Well, at least the good ones.
Oh my God.
I'm not a predator.
I'm a fucking gatekeeper.
Hey there, Johnny Cornstock.
Do you want to make it in show business?
Well, then wear something lacy because here comes Spacey.
That's how it works.
That's how it's always worked.
This is fucking awesome.
Yes, you're right.
I couldn't have said it better myself.
Let me ask you a question, Jimmy Dore.
Okay.
Do you like movies and television?
I guess so.
I mean, I'm not like an obsessive nerd about entertainment like a lot of comics, for whom pop culture is sort of entire personality.
Do you like movies and television?
Yes.
Then why don't you stop fucking with how we make movies and television?
This, all of this, is part of the process.
These are the grapes that make them whine.
Oh, really?
Quality entertainment can't be created without a systemic, almost ritualized pattern of sexual abuse of women and young boys?
No.
No?
No.
And believe me, I don't expect you to understand.
But trust me, if you peer inside a grand piano, nobody cares if you don't like what you see because you don't understand how it works.
Your job is to shut up and enjoy Beethoven's moonlight sonata.
I don't think you guys are going to be getting away with this much longer.
Oh, really?
We'll just see about that.
Sorry, Jimmy.
Love the chat, but I'm afraid I have to jet.
Yeah, it sounds kind of noisy in the background.
Where are you?
The Greyhound Station.
And the 345 from Iowa is just pulling up.
That one is always the ripest mango.
Cha-cha.
Cha-cha.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
Up-minded, lowly-livered lefties.
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you too.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hey, everybody, welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
This is the live Jimmy Dore show recorded in front of a live comedy club audience in Burbank, California on Monday, November 6th.
So enjoy this show.
This is called the Vindication Show.
We call it that because Don of Brazil has vindicated us.
But we weren't crazy.
And turns out the establishment was rigging the primary against the progressive.
So we're going to talk all about that this week.
Down in Brazil, we're going to take a look at it.
My guests on this week's show, of course, is the miserable liberal Step Sam Murano.
Also joined by the political vigilante, Graham Elwood, hilarious comedian Dave Reinitz, and from Will and Grace, it's the always funny Laura Kitling.
Our next live Jimmy Door show is November 20th in Hollywood at the Improv and December 4th in Burbank.
Okay, so the Hollywood show sells out very fast.
It's only 50 tickets.
We got phone calls also coming up today from Ron Paul, Rick Perry, Bernie Sanders, and Kevin Spacey.
Now sit back and enjoy.
I don't mean to sound like an airline pilot, but sit back and enjoy today's show.
It was so cathartic and so much fun.
I'm sure you'll see why.
you So the theme of tonight's show, the theme of tonight's show is vindication.
Look how good everyone feels.
Everyone feels fantastic.
Does this feel good?
Those gaslighting motherfuckers.
Who the fuck get down in Brazil?
God damn.
Takes the courage of a woman of color to bring down the DNC.
So let's remember what the Democrats and the Hillary Clinton...
Right.
So that's what we've been learning lately, right?
That's what we've been learning about the...
So it's a big club and we ain't in it.
And they're all falling money to each other and it's all fucking bullshit and we all know it.
Right.
Okay.
So Dylan Radigan told us that.
And he said, one time Dylan Radigan, he was on MSNBC, had a show on MSNBC.
And one time he told the truth about the banks.
And so now he's gotta do his news reports from a park.
And...
And so here he is.
Let's listen.
So again, while the FBI director example gives those with a partisan view against Donald Trump, and it's easy to be against Donald Trump.
The obvious fuel to suggest that he's a criminal who's a terrible guy, blah, blah, blah, under investigation.
Probably true.
But if you believe that, then you probably also need to consider that Hillary Clinton was taking money through her foundation to do weapons deals overseas while personally enriching herself.
And that Barack Obama is paid off by the private health insurance companies and the banks to make sure that we don't actually have proper health care or a functioning financial system.
It's hard to believe one and not accept the other two.
So that's basically.
And that's why Bernie was running, by the way.
Bernie wasn't running because they didn't think they were a good enough Democrat.
He was running because he knew the whole fucking system was corrupt, and that's why he had to run.
He didn't want to do it.
He did it anyway.
All right.
And let's remember, why did he have to do it?
Because, well, because of this.
Party, the Democratic Party prevented a fair and transparent process.
Was it unfair?
Well, first of all, I'll just reiterate that the Democratic National Committee remains neutral in this primary.
So every time Debbie Wasserman Schultz came on TV and said that, she was lying.
And who was she lying to?
She wasn't lying to the Russians.
She wasn't lying to Jeff Bush or Ted Cruz or Donald Trump or the Republicans.
She was lying to us, ladies and gentlemen.
She was lying to her own constituents, the Democratic fucking party.
That's right.
That's who she was lying to.
So that's what this show is all about.
And what happened?
What was the big revelation to prove that she was lying?
Well, Donna Brazil said that there was an agreement signed by Amy Dacey, the former CEO of the DNC, and Robbie Mook with a copy to Mark Elias specified that in exchange for raising money and investing in the DNC, Hillary would control the party's finances strategy and all the money that was raised.
So do you understand what's happening?
The way they're positioning this or the way they're couching it now is that Hillary Clinton saved the DNC.
She bailed him out.
What really happened was a fucking hundred billionaire oligarch bought the fucking DNC and bought the nomination.
She wasn't doing anybody a favor.
She was buying the nomination with money she got from oligarchs and other goddamn corrupt countries.
That's what happened.
Okay.
Her campaign had the right of refusal of who would make the party communications director, and it would make the final decisions on all other stuff.
The DNC also was required to consult with the campaign, meaning Hillary's campaign, about all other staffing, budgeting, data, analytics, and mailings.
And that's what Donna Brazil said.
And so it's over, right?
So now the genie's out of the bottle.
We know the truth.
The entire primary was rigged because the DNC was being run by the Hillary Clinton campaign.
And once you find that out, it makes you want to say, oh.
Thank you.
It's about fuck the system o'clock.
And I'm fucking the system o'clock hard as hard as I can.
And I'm trying to get Bernie and everybody else to stop getting progressives.
Oh, is that for me?
No, I think it's for me.
I think it's for you.
But I wouldn't mind one.
A little extra dirty, Jeffrey.
Thank you.
And that's okay.
It's totally God.
Okay, I forgot what I say, but.
Can you do Debbie Wasserman Schultz as well?
Fucking Debbie Wasserman Schultz.
I can hear it all night long.
I'm sorry.
I thought that was Grubhub.
He always is talking about Grubhub.
What he calls, oh, you know what?
I have a new.
Oh, you already did it?
So this is what's been happening online.
So now the new thing is people are saying this.
This is what's happening with the Hillbots.
They're saying, enough with the Donna Brazil DNC nonsense.
Can we focus on saving democracy from an unhinged moron, then return to internal squabbing?
Thanks.
I got your back on this one.
JD says, FYI, the way to save democracy from unhinged moron, ignore how we got unhinged moron.
rinse, repeat.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE So this guy points out my friend Jeff Miami Gator.
He points out that what she did to drive the D. So Debbie Wasserman Schultz, so she spent over $2 million extra a month that they needed to spend.
And I was just on a show in DC on the radio, and the gentleman who hosted it, I think his name is Garfield, he told me that if you take that $2 million a month times the five years that she ran it, that's 12 months a year.
It comes out to almost over $120 million extra they were spending that they didn't have to.
Right.
And so what were they spending that money on in off years?
They were giving it to their consultants.
Who were their consultants?
According to this, Wasserman Schultz kept two consulting firms, SKD Knickerbucker and Precision Strategies.
East had a $25,000 a month retainer.
And one of Obama's pollsters, Obama Polster, he's already president.
He's not going to run again.
They keep paying a guy $185 a fucking good game.
Right?
That's like, that's like, yeah, that's like being paid to coach the Olympic team after the Olympics.
It's like, yeah, you did a good job.
So, and who is that guy?
So Jim Reinish comes from SKD Knickerbocker.
Okay, so now we know that's where he's from.
And what was he doing when they were being paid when Debbie Wasserman Schultz was paying those consulting firms when they didn't have to?
What was he doing?
He was writing articles that smeared Bernie Sanders.
Yeah, intimidation.
The only thing Bernie Sanders supporters actually do.
Well, if you look, the guy who wrote it is John Rainish.
That's the guy.
Here's another one.
Here's another one.
Thank God we only have two more days of Bernie Sanders.
Same guy.
Oh, shit.
That's it.
That's that guy.
That's his name right there.
So that's what they were doing with that money.
So when you donated money to the DNC, they would take it and give it to that motherfucker, and he would write an article that would fuck over your interests.
That's what that really is, right?
That's what that is.
So they were working against you.
Give me your money, and then I'm going to work against you.
If you ever donated to the DNC, which I stupidly did, did you?
Okay, we all did it.
Okay.
And now let's remember what Donna Brazil says.
Donna Brazil said, whenever, so this is from the Washington Post.
Whenever Brazil got frustrated with Clinton AIDS, she writes, she would remind them that the DNC charter empowered her to initiate the replacement of the nominee.
If a nominee became disabled, she explains the party chair would oversee a complicated process of filling the vacancy that would include a meeting of the full DNC.
Brazil describes in wrenching detail Clinton's bout with pneumonia.
Pneumonia.
For pneumonia.
On September 9th.
So this is.
She had AIDS too.
She did have AIDS.
I didn't report it, but you know it.
So this is what I talk about, vindication, Laura, because I talked about this as serious.
I thought this is way more serious than people are letting on.
Well, it turns out Donna Brazil thought it was serious too.
She was the chair of the DNC.
She says this.
On September 9th, she saw the nominee backstage at a Manhattan gala, and she seemed wobbly on her feet and had a rattled cough.
Brazil recommended Clinton see an acupuncturist.
She's not a doctor.
She's not a doctor.
Two days later, Clinton collapsed.
Two days later, Clinton collapsed as she left a September 11th memorial service at Ground Zero in New York.
Brazil blasts the campaign's initial efforts to shroud details of her health as shameful.
So she called it shameful.
David Axelrod, who was Obama's advisor, also called it, they said they have a penchant for not telling the truth and secrecy.
So they were all coming at the Clinton campaign for handling it poorly because they lied about what happened when she passed out on September 11th.
She locked up and she fell face forward.
A metal thing came out of her pant leg.
I showed you that on my show.
And they said it was not.
She tripped.
That's what I'm trying to say.
She tripped.
She fucking tripped.
Okay.
And but Donna Brazil says this.
Donna Brazil says, after Clinton's fainting spell, some Democratic insiders were abuzz with talk of replacing her.
And Brazil said she was giving it considerable thought.
So I don't know if you remember, I talked about this on the show because Hillary Clinton had, at first they lied, they said she was overheated.
And then I'm like, well, if she was overheated, why didn't she take off her coat?
She didn't take off her coat.
She didn't take off her coat and she fell face forward and she lost her shoe and she was locked up.
And then they said she had pneumonia.
It was going around the Brooklyn office, right?
And I'm like, well, if she had pneumonia and it was going around the office, why did she come out a few hours later and hug a little kid who was like eight years old?
And they go, oh, uh-oh, it's not that kind of pneumonia.
It's only the pneumonia you get that's non-contagious.
And I'm like, there's that kind of pneumonia.
So I looked it up, and there is that kind of pneumonia.
It's called aspirational pneumonia.
And what that is, that's when you have a problem in your throat and you can't control the muscles in your throat and you swallow food and you get pneumonia from an infection in your lungs.
And that's the leading cause of death among people who have Parkinson's disease.
Which is why I said this.
Hillary collapsed.
Speculation she has Parkinson's.
That's why I said this, right?
Because they were lying.
They lied to us.
They go, oh, well, first she was overheated.
Then she has pneumonia.
Then I go, well, if she has that pneumonia, why would you let her own a kid?
They go, oh, no, no, it's not that kind of a different kind of pneumonia.
It's only the kind of pneumonia that people with Parkinson's get.
And then I go, well, what the fuck does she have Parkinson's?
And then people go, oh my God, what are you, a conspiracy theorist?
No, I'm a Jagoff Nightclub comedian doing a news show.
And I'm connecting the dots logically.
So I was supposed to be an asshole.
So you know the people.
Thank you for that.
By the way, that means a lot to me.
It really does.
So you know the people who tweet out this as if it's a slur towards me, right?
You've seen that happen.
You've seen people tweet or Facebook and say, look at Jimmy Doer, he's pushing a conspiracy.
I wasn't pushing a conspiracy theory.
I was trying to figure out why they were fucking lying.
And I think you're allowed as a reporter to ask questions about why a campaign was lying for 10 hours straight.
And especially since the DNC chairperson called the way they handle it shameful.
So whenever you see someone say this about me or tweet this out about me, you show them this video and you know that they're full of shit and they're trying to smear me because they can't fucking debunk my political ideas.
Yeah!
So that's what they do.
That's what the corporate Democrats do.
They try to smear me that way.
And I was being nice.
I'm just asking what the problem was.
Donna Brazil wanted to replace Hillary Clinton.
She considered replacing Clinton with Biden as 2016.
That's way worse than what I was saying.
I wasn't saying replace her.
That's way worse, right?
Facts, facts, science, they're all conspiracy theories.
Come on.
The theory of evolution.
Christians think that's a conspiracy theory.
I'm confused here.
So was Donna Brazil wanting to find this behavior shameful and wanting to replace Hillary Clinton before or after she fed her questions for the political act.
You bring up a good question, Graham.
I couldn't find any of that.
I wonder what chapter of the book that is.
I don't know, Graham.
All I know is I like the new Donna Brazil.
The truth-telling, Donna Brazil.
Did you ever think Donna Brazile would bring us so much joy?
*laughter*
So here's what Donna Brazil says.
Brazil writes that she considered a dozen combinations to replace the nominee and settled on Biden and Senator Corey Booker.
The duo she felt most certain would win over enough working class voters to defeat, but not Bernie Sanders.
What the fuck?
Okay, all right.
Again, it's proof that the DNC would rather lose than win with a progressive.
So now, moving on to Seth Rich.
Now, when the Seth Rich So I decided to cover it, right?
Because it was a story and it was real.
And so I covered it.
Here's how I covered it.
The first story I covered, the DNC staffer Seth Rich murder tied to WikiLinks question mark, and that's May 16th.
I covered that.
So we covered it and we covered that guy Wheeler who was who was the guy coming out saying he has all this information.
So we covered it, but we concluded, if you remember, we concluded by saying, well, this is what this guy's saying.
We're going to wait for proof.
We're not going to go forward unless we'd like to hear proof.
Unlike the DNC and the Democrats who throw this Russia shit around without any proof whatsoever, we're not going to throw this shit around without proof.
So that's how we reported it, which I think is really responsible, way more responsible than the rest of the mainstream news media.
Thank you very much.
Now, people use that to smear me.
Although the next day, May 16th, May 17th, Seth Rich investigator now back.
So we covered it in real time.
And then the next day, I have never seen the email say Seth Rich.
So that's the next day, 16, 17.
We covered it like a news show covers it.
So when you see people tweet that shit out or they Facebook or whatever they do, and they say Jimmy Doerr was pushing the Seth.
We weren't pushing, we were covering a story and then we debunked, debunked, okay?
So we weren't pushing anything.
We're asking questions and the fact is that the real mistake and the real error here is why aren't reporters allowed to ask questions about open murder investigations.
And you watch the show, so you know I had John Keriaku on the show from VIPS, which is Veterans Intelligence Professionals for Sanity.
They debunked the weapons of mass destruction bullshit.
They debunked the Russians down, hacked the DNCs and John Padett.
They debunked that shit.
And I had him on and I asked him about Seth Rich.
And he told me that conspiracy theorists, that term was invented after the JFK assassination by the CIA to discredit people who were onto their bullshit.
So John Karakow admitted that or confirmed it.
And then here we are, it happened.
You can see clearly how I covered it one day, next day, the next day.
But still, people who don't agree with us politically want to use this to smear us, okay?
So just keep that in mind.
Whenever you see this again online or on Facebook or on Twitter and people say, so you know that they're just being disingenuous and they're shaming news people for covering news.
That's all this is.
Because the Washington Post put out, they put me in the middle of that.
They're trying to shut down.
So Sean Hannity, remember they tried to get him kicked off the air because he was covering this?
And so that's suspicious to me, right?
Why is that suspicious to me?
Because Sean Hannity has been wrong about everything every fucking day of his life.
They didn't try to get him kicked off the air because he's wrong about climate change.
They try to get him kicked off the air because he's wrong about Seth Rich.
Something tells me you're fucking starting to cover up something.
He's been wrong about everything.
Why this?
If he's wrong about this, who gives a fuck?
Methinks thou protest too much.
And so what, and why do I say this?
Because Donna Brazil says she writes that she was haunted by the still unsolved murder of the DNC staffer, Seth Rich.
And she feared for her own fucking life.
Shuttling, shutting the blinds to her office window so snipers could not see her and installing surveillance cameras at her home.
Graham?
Did three fucking ghosts visit her at night?
What the fuck?
Who the fuck is this woman?
If I just showed up and didn't know, and I'm like, why does Donna Brazil?
She's out there fighting the fight.
You know what I mean?
She's out there.
This woman's keeping it goddamn real.
This Brazil.
Jeffrey?
Who the fuck is this?
I can't even.
I agree.
Why did she have this big turn?
What happened?
So there she is admitting the truth.
And what made me feel bad, and I don't know if you felt it when you watched the show, was that I was just covering a story and that a behemoth like Jeff Bezos's Washington Post would put me in the middle of a story trying to shut people up about talking about this, right?
And here is the head of the DNC saying that she was shitting her pants over it.
So all I'm saying is they're wrong when they try to shut up reporters when they ask questions.
It's always okay to ask questions about open murder investigations, okay?
And whenever somebody tries to shut you up about asking that question, they're trying to cover something up.
In fact, here's George Snuffalupigus.
So here's what he says to Donna Brazil about that.
Just mention Seth Rich, who of course was killed during the campaign.
Did you feel under threat?
Every day.
Wow.
You just mentioned Seth Richards.
You feel a threat every day.
But somehow, people use that story to smear me and discredit the Jimmy Dore show.
I was driving when there were white cops around.
But somehow, Yes, give her her due on that joke, please.
What?
But somehow, people use that Seth Rich story.
The fact that we actually covered it, a story that the chairman of the DNC pulled her blinds over and was concerned.
But the fact that we covered it, people use that to try to discredit us, okay?
And why would people do that?
Again, I have to tell you, you know this.
When someone tries to debate someone to their left, first they punch them, smear them, and then they talk about their ideas.
And that's what that is, right?
And it's not even someone on the left, like the Washington Post.
They did that.
They try to discredit me.
They try to discredit the Jimmy Dore show, just like Google and YouTube tries to get us to stop talking about terrorism and Syria and the real effects of war because they demonetize every fucking video.
I put together a video.
I should have brought it with us.
But there's a video I'm going to do on it when coming out of the page after page of videos that Google and YouTube has demonetized.
And by the way, when terrorist attacks happen in New York, they demonetize that.
I just said terrorist attack in New York, demonetized.
I don't want to hear what you fucking have to say about it.
I said, I did another video about, you saw it, about how the government used a terrorist attack in New York to try to take rights away from people.
Now, although let's not give that guy Miranda warnings, that's what John McCain said.
Well, why?
All of a sudden, we could just, so anyway, they don't want you to talk.
So they're demonetizing everything.
So they don't want, so they don't want us to say this shit.
And I'm going to fucking say it anyway because I don't know if you noticed.
It's a Monday night and there's a room full of people in Burbank fucking California.
And we're onto their bullshit, okay?
We're after their bullshit.
And we're not going to let them shame us into shutting up anymore.
I'm not going to, I have shut up about a lot of shit lately because of all the attacks we've taken.
I'm like, I can't take any more fucking, I can't take any more fire, right?
So I'll just report this and we'll leave that and we'll report.
And now we are vindicated and we are fucking 100% full door.
And I'm never letting them shut us up.
Ever.
I got another glass of courage.
I'm serious.
I don't know.
Steph can tell you.
Has it been a little bit more?
Things were a little tense around the home.
Things were intense.
A little tense.
And then Dawn of Brazil.
It's like early Christmas.
I've never slept so good in years.
I'm sleeping well.
My dog is giggling.
He's ready to get a second dog and call her Brazil.
That's a dud deal, by the way.
So there you go.
So there you go.
So now we got rid of the bullshit parking.
So whenever you see people come at me, right, and they try to smear me or discredit me, what do they use?
They use the Parkinson's thing and they use Seth Rich.
So both of those, Don of Brazil just fucking slammed the door on me.
Okay?
So now we're back to square one and Jimmy Dore's right about everything.
And that's what tonight is all about.
And that's what tonight's really all about.
You applauding while I say I'm right.
James Country.
being true.
Yeah!
Everybody, this is the part of the show where I usually tell you to go to our Amazon.com.
You know, we don't encourage anybody to shop at Amazon.
But if you do, we say have some of that money go to a progressive show like the Jimmy Dore Show.
Doesn't change the way you shop at Amazon, doesn't cost you anything, but it's a big help to the show.
So the next time you want to buy something from Amazon, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Our Amazon box is right on the front page.
Click it.
It takes you to Amazon.
And then when you buy something, they send us money.
It's just that easy.
But we have a new thing, a new way for you to help support us.
Well, you can become a premium member.
You already know about that, and I'll tell you about it at the end of the show.
But we started a Patreon, right?
So because a lot of people feel more comfortable using Patreon than using PayPal or Amazon.
So that's another way you can help support the show.
We have a Patreon link.
Just go to patreon.com/slash Jimmy Door, patreon.com/slash Jimmy Door.
Go there.
You can become a patron of the Jimmy Door show.
And you know what matters more now than ever because our show has really blown up and gotten way more popular since we've been going on YouTube.
But we've gotten over a quarter million subscribers.
And so things are really happening.
And except YouTube pulled our funding out from underneath us, right?
So they don't want independent news anymore.
And YouTube's offering establishment news.
They're actually offering for a fee.
So they're funding independent news people like us.
So that's why we're offering Patreon.
That's why we're offering a premium.
That's why we offer the Amazon, all these different ways.
And plus, we have the t-shirts.
We have all these different ways where you can help support the Jimmy Door show.
So thanks for doing that.
And if you're more comfortable with Patreon, use our Patreon link.
If you're more comfortable using our PayPal, become a premium member.
So there's lots of different ways to support the show.
Thank you for doing that.
Now let's get on to the second half.
Why is Ron Paul calling me?
Hello?
Why do they hurt my son?
I'm coming, Randy.
I'm coming, Randy.
My son's been attacked.
He needs some kind of medical practitioner immediately.
Well, aren't you a doctor?
I'm not that kind of doctor.
I used to work on women's hoo-haws, which really came in handy when I was an Air Force flight surgeon.
All I had to do was look out the darn window.
And any guy who comes up to me with shrapnel stuck in his lungs, I'm all sorry, I don't do lungs.
Come back if it travels into your vagina.
Saved a lot of lives that way.
When I came back, there were no parades.
Would you offer free health care to your son?
Oh, heck no.
That would be big government intruding on his life.
He'd have to agree to some sort of market-based solution before I start wrapping bandages and whatnot around his ribs.
Nothing is free in this world, especially a man's love for his children.
So you never did pro bono work for impoverished patients?
All my patients had to pay me out the you-know-what for my hoo-ha expertise.
It's the way our founding fathers intended.
But it's a good thing Rand has government health care, right?
I'm sure my son will do the responsible thing and immediately reimburse the insurance industry: $20,000 for the four-minute ambulance ride and subsequent x-rays.
And pay back the Department of Transportation for using the road there and a traffic light, too, and pay back the public schools the EMT personnel went to.
And the 9-11 guy who answered the phone and Jonah Salt for inventing the polio vaccine and giving it out for free, or he'd be in a wheelchair now, I guess.
So he's got some big bills to pay.
But why did his neighbor beat him up?
This was a snake attack by the left to force my son to use the government-run health care every politician uses under protest while experiencing great savings and convenience.
You once said when one gets in bed with government, one must expect the disease it spreads.
What did you mean by that?
I really don't know.
I just thought it sounded catchy at the time.
But you're against any kind of government regulation of healthcare.
Oh, absolutely.
I don't want Congress touching my son's ribs.
Let him roll around on the lawn, gasping in pain, unable to catch his breath.
He always was the weak one, anyway.
I mean, look at his hair.
I love him, but he's the shame of the family.
And that's a market-based emotion only a parent can have for his son.
And come on, this isn't about health care.
This is about a Democrat going crazy and trying to hurt a libertarian icon, me.
So you think the attack was politically motivated?
Do the math, Jimmy.
Rand likes to burn his medical waste right next to his neighbor's parkour track.
Connect the dots.
This was an attack by an environmental terrorist.
Hey, don't forget to mention my new book, The Ron Paul Family Cookbook: Market-Based Meals for the Corporate Family.
What's your favorite recipe for that book?
Spicy Crackers.
What's that?
Saltine soaked in ranch dressing and deep-fried and lard.
It'll have you crapping on both sides of the aisle.
But my favorite is a delicious cheese soup made from a box of Velveta.
You used a whole box of Velveeta for cheese soup?
Well, I just used the box on stuff inside it.
Okay, did we actually test the recipes?
Are the ingredients safe?
Find out for yourselves.
I certainly don't give a shit.
save my boy, but not with taxpayers'dollars.
Ooh, baby.
So here, so dog.
So this is from the Washington Post.
As she traveled the country, Donna Brazil writes, she detected an alarming lack of enthusiasm for Clinton.
Hold on, hold on.
Hold on.
Where the fuck?
How was she able to figure that out?
Was she from the pulse?
That's why.
Was she completely asleep in 2008 when Hillary fucking lost the primary then?
And all the Democrats were going, she's unelectable.
Why the fuck did she get to run again?
They were saying that, by the way.
Oh, in fact, Barack Obama said to Hillary in 2008, I think the Republicans want you to win because they're a fight that they're willing to take on.
That's exactly right.
Turns out they got that fight and they beat her.
They beat her with the worst fucking candidate in the history of the country.
They still beat her.
That's how fucking beatable Hillary Clinton was.
She's fucking beatable.
She's the Washington generals of fucking politics.
And gee, what a weird coincidence.
There was no other women running against her or anyone of color running against her in the primary.
What a weird coincidence.
It was all old white dudes because the minute you put another woman or a person of color, you see her for who she is.
A rich, fucking privileged white lady.
Yeah, that's who she is.
She's not fighting for anybody that's not fucking at her country club.
That's who she is.
In all fairness, she also wanted to put black people in prison.
Yes, and at that point, that's it.
I'm a super predator.
And I feel like it really didn't occur to her personally to have, you know, women behind her to have, you know, and the we're with her thing.
I don't think that would have ever occurred to her because I don't think she's really a feminist.
Yeah, no, she's not.
I don't think I'm sticking my neck out when I agree with you when I say she's not really a feminist.
I mean, Bernie is more of a feminist.
I mean, for sure.
How many feminists would Want to drop bombs on women all around the world, right?
If you're a feminist, you don't want to drop bombs on women and kids all around the world.
Yeah, the best way to get wage equality is to vote against fucking $15 an hour at a Walmart.
And you know, I mean, but honestly, as a woman, I felt conflicted because I remember thinking, like, of my friends who were voting, they're like, you're not going to vote for Hillary?
You know, it's like, no, I wanted Bernie.
And they're like, well, you have to vote for me.
Like, I'm not voting for other people.
Like, I'm not voting.
It's not about the best person.
It's like, you're letting women down by not voting for a woman.
Yeah, I voted for a woman.
I voted for a woman.
So did I. Yeah, I think we all voted for a woman up here.
I don't know if you vote for a woman, Laura?
No, I don't really care about women.
I'm talking about in the very beginning.
I'm talking about.
I know in the primary.
So people said in the primary, you know, that people said, well, I'm voting for Hillary Clinton at primary.
I'm proud of it.
She's a stronger person.
I'm talking about my own guilt about not voting for Hillary.
It's okay.
That's pride.
That's pride.
That is pride.
That's pride.
Yeah.
Amen, baby.
Let's do it right over here.
So Donna, but I, yeah, but I just always knew that Bernie was the, I mean, yeah, this felt like for the gay.
Yeah, you're right.
I'm just saying, like, I think that was kind of used against a lot of women.
Yes.
If you don't vote for Hillary, then you don't care about women.
So do you think that was...
I guess I'm saying something obvious, Jeff.
Yeah, I don't know.
You're saying that they use feminism to fuck mind fuck women into voting for something that was obviously against their own interests?
I am.
That is so weird.
I never thought about that.
And weird, Bernie never once said, if you don't vote for me, you're an anti-Semite.
Never fucking said that once.
Never played that card once.
So now here's what Donna Brazil also says.
She said, I did not trust the polls.
I said, I told them I had visited states around the country and I found a lack of enthusiasm for her everywhere.
I was concerned about the Obama coalition and about millennials.
But back at headquarters in New York, the mood was one of self-satisfaction and inevitability.
And Brazil's early reports of trouble were dismissed with a condescending tone.
Oh, do you know anything about a condescending tone from the establishment?
Do we know anything about a condescending tone?
You guys are like, I don't know.
I don't know anything about a condescending tone.
Brazil writes that Clinton campaign manager Robbie Mook and his lieutenants were so obsessed with voter data and predictive and analytics that they missed the big picture.
You fucking think they did.
They knew how to size up voters, but not by meeting them and finding out what they cared about, what moved their hearts and stirred their souls, but by analyzing their habits, she writes.
You might be able to persuade a handful of real simple magazine readers who drink gin and tonics and change their vote to Hillary, but you had not necessarily made them enthusiastic enough to want to get up off the couch and go to the polls.
Where was Donna before the election?
That's what I'm saying.
Yes.
Where was Donna Brazil?
And you know how I know this?
You know how I know that is true?
So what's weird is that that's what Donna Brazil was saying inside the campaign in her own head.
Of course they had to put a different face on it when they came out public.
But you think the news media, the news media would tell you the truth about what was happening, except the news media decided to take the PR line that the Clinton campaign was putting out and then they would just fucking repeat that.
And what does that make you?
That makes you a propagandist.
That makes you a shill.
Who was doing that?
Who was doing that?
Rachel motherfucking Maddow.
There it is.
So let's enjoy this.
Let's enjoy this.
I was watching this.
I watched this list.
Up anymore.
After looking at current polling, NBC moved all five of those toss-up states, what are usually toss-up states, moved them all over into the blue column, made them all lean Democrat column.
Another cause of alarm for Donald Trump with this map is that NBC has moved Kansas and South Carolina from dark red to light red, from likely Republican to lean Republican.
Not like, you know, you think with these with South Carolina and Kansas, you would think those would be not just likely, but likely/slash slam dunk slash guaranteed slash, obviously, this is Ruby Red, South Carolina and Kansas.
But instead, they're light red.
They're just lean Republican now.
South Carolina leans Republican?
Kansas leans Republican?
In terms of what's still a toss-up, there's only five states that are still considered a toss-up right now.
Florida, Iowa, Ohio, Nevada, Georgia.
Five states plus one.
Not a toss-up, got a toss-up, got a toss-up.
Remember how embarrassing it was for Mitt Romney because he believed his own turtle poll.
In one congressional district in May.
And if those are the toss-up states, if you do the math associated with all the electoral votes from all the states, if they go that way, if the lean Republican and likely Republican go red and the lean Democrat and likely Democrat go blue, if you're signing those out that way.
And then you say that Donald Trump has the best day in the entire world, completely outperforms expectations, and he wins all of the toss-up states.
He wins all five of those states plus that electoral college vote in Maine that he's after.
He wins all of the toss-ups, which would be insane because nobody wins all of the toss-up states.
Even if Donald Trump did win all of the top.
Come on.
Come on, this is fun, right?
Vindicated.
Vindication!
There's still a little bit more to this, though.
You want to watch it?
Because I do.
Oh, there you go.
Okay, so Donna Brazil was saying that the campaign seemed out of touch.
Not was going, oh, it turns out so is your fucking $30,000 a day newsperson.
Who'd have figured you give someone $30,000 a day, they'd be out of touch?
Not me.
I thought they would really know what was going on.
Turns out you can be gay and out of touch.
So I just wanted to show you that so we can all enjoy it.
And I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did being right, because I do.
And Rachel Meadow is way smarter than everybody in this room.
She's a rogue scholar.
And it turns out she likes to be stupid on purpose for $30,000 a day.
Which shows you the more important thing in life.
The more important thing in life is courage, not intelligence.
Because the most intelligent people we know are designing nuclear bombs, right?
It takes courage to oppose those motherfuckers, okay?
And that's more important.
That's more important.
It takes courage to stand up against bullshit like Rachel Maddow and $30,000 a day.
It takes courage to stand up against the status quo, which pushes McCarthyism and tells you that you are wrong and you're crazy if you think the establishment isn't doing what they're supposed to.
It takes courage to stand up against that because you risk everything.
And that's what's more important than intelligence.
Because if intelligence was important, then Rachel Maddow would be the greatest thing in the world.
But intelligence isn't.
Intelligence, decoupled from integrity and courage, mean fucking nothing.
They mean evil.
And all it took was $30,000 a day to fucking to unmoor her from her set from her core, from her integrity, from her principles.
That's all it took, was 30 grand a day.
That's all it took.
And that's what I'm saying.
That's all it will take for me.
I was going to say intelligence.
And I am a much better spokesperson for the establishment that she could ever fucking be.
I will trick more people than she ever thought of tricking.
Jimmy.
Intelligence means that you weigh your options, and she opted out of being truthful for money.
And courage means being poor like everybody here.
Yeah.
That's the difference.
I agree with you.
I agree with you.
Hey, it's Bernie Sanders on the line.
Hello.
Please don't interrupt me again.
You had your say.
Now it's my turn, if I may.
Are we clear on that?
Because I want to make this perfectly clear.
Sure, of course.
I'm sorry.
Go ahead.
Oh, great.
Now I lost my train of thought.
What was your question again?
I think it was hello.
Good question.
If I may, I'd like to answer the second part first, and that is the first part last.
If there's anything we must be clear on, and let me be perfectly clear by saying this, it's that the American people can no longer tolerate nor sustain an economic system where the top half 1% of 0.00.001% of the population owns 350% of everything in the goddamn world.
Understand?
Yes.
And now here's my answer to the first part of your question.
Yes, hello.
Can you give us any thoughts on the recent election?
Sure.
Firstly, and this is very important.
So far, 35 candidates supported by our revolution have won elections.
As you know, our revolution endorses candidates who support issues I championed.
But make no mistake about it.
We must not make the mistake of mistakenly mistaking the success for a full transformation in American politics.
But it is a beginning, so to speak.
That's all I have to say on that until I speak on it again in the next 15 seconds.
Chris Elizabeth says that what had been a bubbling concern among Republicans about their prospects in the 2018 elections is now a frothing cauldron of panic.
What is he?
The narrator, but top chef?
Jesus was such a shitty writer.
Look, we can't become overconfident in last night's results.
Right now, the Democratic Party is a frothing pot of bullshit.
And unless they make a seat change and actually stand for something, their only hope is for Trump to keep coming out in favor of Confederate monuments.
He also said Trump is a toxic taint.
Bubbling cauldrons of panicky froth and toxic taints.
This man is obsessed with filth.
Do you think any of these progressive electoral victories would be happening under a Clinton presidency?
Do you want my honest, forthright, and unvarnished opinion?
Of course.
If Hillary were president right now, the Democratic Party would be a bubbling cauldron of panicky fraud and toxic taste.
And you can quote me on that.
What do you consider our biggest threat today besides froth, panic, and taint?
Not to go off subject, but froth, panic, and taint is a law firm here in D.C. Anyway, the biggest threat today, I have to make this perfectly clear in the most perfectly clearest manner possible.
So let me just say this, if you will.
What was the question?
What do you see as our biggest threat today?
That's simple.
That the world is rapidly becoming an international oligarchy controlled by a tiny number of billionaires.
If we don't put a stop to this soon, we'll have a situation where the entire solar system is controlled by a tiny number of trillionaires, followed by the Milky Way galaxy being controlled by a tiny number of quadrillionaires, and a universe being controlled by an even tinier number of quintillionaires, and ultimately, an observable cosmos being controlled by a disembodied brain and a small Pyrex bubble of some sort.
I'd estimate the total area that brain protoplasm might control about 46 billion light years of measurable deep space distance.
So we really should get to work on this, is what I'm saying.
What?
Ooh.
We have to.
So we've only, I have about 99% of the show left to get to.
And we only have 20 minutes.
Literally, I overprise the show every day.
Jimmy Door slumber party.
Yeah!
Wait, what does that mean?
So we do a show that lasts for four hours or something?
No!
And then rotate.
I would rotate paneling.
I have an idea.
I do have an idea for this.
I have an idea that we all go out to Idahoild, right?
So no one here has anyone to know.
Do you know where Idawild is, right?
So you got that.
And then we rent the whole fucking place out.
And we're doing Jimmy Door weekend.
And then we have shows like this.
And then we have other people come on.
We have Jake Uger do a show.
And we have shut the fuck up.
It's still fun to meet Jake Uger.
I know he voted for Hillary, but I would not.
I know, I know, I know.
No, no.
This show wouldn't exist if it was not for that.
That is correct.
Jake Uger gives me a show on his own fucking network to say that, to rebut everything the main show says, okay?
And he doesn't say one dick thing to me.
I can say whatever the fuck.
He's never for a second ever said, hey, Jimmy, watch it.
Okay.
Nothing.
I say whatever the fuck I want, whatever the fuck I want it.
And he puts it on his main channel.
So you cannot disparage that guy for saying.
He just, he's wrong about some stuff.
No problem.
Hey, you know what?
I'm wrong about some shit too.
I'm sure.
I haven't found out what it is yet.
What are we doing?
Jan, well, ask your our rich dad to fund this Idolwide Week.
Hey, wait a minute.
Guess what?
I know what I'm wrong about.
I voted twice for Barack Obama.
I was totally wrong about that.
I thought he would do different.
So you're right.
And I should ask about, so we have this.
So there's a guy who likes our show.
There's a guy who's hooked up with a Nobel Peace Prize who likes our show.
Anyway, they've got a big deal.
And he wants to send us money.
Anyway, the point is, it always makes me uncomfortable when rich people send me money.
And they do, right?
Because there's a lot of altruistic rich guys out there.
Sign those fucking checks over to me, brother.
I know.
I agree, Graham.
I don't have a game.
I would never have a problem.
Because it makes me feel like I'm on.
I don't, whatever your agenda is, you have an agenda.
I don't know what it is.
They're not a corporation.
They're just a wealthy person.
And that's why I have to vet them very closely, like Trump does it Muslim.
I know.
That wasn't the right punchline.
So this happened.
So now the Clinton campaign is pushing back against Donna Brazil.
Yeah, what's up with that?
So that we're going to talk about it right now, Drinker.
I think so many things were in their living room.
Put it on pause, honey.
What are you easy?
God damn it, rewind.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
You're funny.
Anyways.
All right.
You know, I don't see God.
I spent two days putting this show together.
We're literally 10% into the show.
Literally, we're 10% into the show.
I'm not fucking kidding.
There's a Keith Oberman segment because it's going to blow your fucking shitholes over.
I'm going to get into it.
So let's get to this.
So here's what the Clinton campaign is.
Hold on, really quickly.
Can somebody order an order of fries for Jimmy if we can get an order of fries for Jimmy?
FYI.
Okay, he needs a little food.
Is this all I really break down this shit?
That's right, Petty.
That is right.
Stephanie, you ordered like a goddamn EMT.
You know what I mean?
Like, stats, if you try, I need to fry.
His sugar is low.
His sugar is low.
Come on, get over here.
Put it on his chat.
All right.
Claire.
She puts french fries on.
Claire.
There is so much show to get to.
You have no idea.
Tom Perez, yeah.
Come on.
I feel bad for these people.
People, every time you look over there, they look like, let's keep going.
OK.
You're right.
You're right.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE That's what they look like.
Yes.
Come on.
Let's fucking go, all right?
Get to it.
And I'm with you.
I'm with you.
Take it off, pause.
So...
Who could that be at this time of night when I'm usually in bed eating bonbons and weeping into my pillow?
Hello.
Yes, good evening, insert man or woman's name here.
Mass, speak to the head of the household.
There's no head of the household.
It's all chaos and disorganization.
Would you or your legal representative care to engage in a lively discussion on current events with the current Secretary of Energy, Rick Perry?
Sure, I guess so.
Thank you then.
Please stay on the line while this irritating music plays.
Music.
Hello, is this Jimmy Dore?
Wow, why?
Yes, it is Rick Perry.
As part of my job evaluation, I must occasionally talk to somebody other than Ma Sale for my family to show I'm thinking about people other than myself or my own immediate family.
Is that okay with you?
Go ahead.
Now, as you must already know through your knowledge and stuff, I recently suggested blowing up every mountain range and national park in America to help prevent sexual assault.
Are you aware of that?
I think you made some weird connection between increasing fossil fuel burning and stopping assaults.
Weird like a fox.
Have you ever been to Africa?
You mean you mean Africa?
Yes.
And I recently had a recent trip to Africa.
As you know, Jimmy, it is a large island nation somewhere in the Atlantic and Pacific Ocean.
There, a young girl told me she often reads by the light of a fire with toxic fumes.
Well, I think that's wrong.
I agree.
Why is she reading at all?
Who gave her a book in the first place?
These are important questions that only Jesus can answer.
But let's say God did approve of women reading books.
Hear me out on this.
There's nothing toxic about burning railroad ties soaked with oil unless you're downwind from the fire.
Then all you got to do is pick up your homework and walk to the other side of the fire.
That's called being proactive.
And that's why America needs to burn more fossil fuels so we can send our electrical nests to starving countries for a nice profit.
But what's that got to do with sexual assault, Rick?
Well, from the standpoint of sexual assault, when the lights are on, when you have a light that shines with the righteousness, if you will, on those types of acts and so forth.
Huh?
I should have added some kind of clause starting with then following the conditional subjunctive if clause, right?
Let me make my clarity somewhat more clearer for you.
I heard a lady say that there are people dying.
Let me tell you where people are dying.
And it are in Africa because of the lack of energy they have there.
They have such a big lack of energy there.
For example, I would go so far as to say they have a lot of big lack of energy, understand, and such.
You know, there's a lot more to that phone call.
We don't have time in today's podcast.
Of course, we have time, but we have to save stuff for our premium members.
It's a great way to help support the show.
Our audio premium is only $5 a month.
If you'd like video premium, that's $10 a month.
It's a great way to help support the show because nobody else is except you.
That's who we're answering to, our listeners.
Thanks so much for your support.
Our next live show in Burbank, California is December 4th.
That's December 4th for our next live Jimmy Door show in Burbank, California, and November 20th at the Hollywood Improv.
Links for tickets at jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Thanks to our guests this week, Dave Reinitz, Graham Elwood, Laura Keitlinger, and the miserable liberal Steph Zamarano.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Mike McRae, Ron Placone, Brian Granillo, Steph Zamorano, and Jim Earl.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only The Inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at MikeMcRae.com.
That's it for this week.
Until next week, this is Jimmy Door saying, you be the best you can be.
I'll keep being me.
Do not freak out.
Do not freak out.
I'm not kidding.
Not freak out.
You are now, now, rocking with.
That, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, our kid.
Don't freak out.
Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump.
Don't freak out.
Do not freak out.
Don't break out.
Don't break out.
Do not freak out.
I'm not kidding.
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