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Sept. 22, 2017 - Jimmy Dore Show
58:29
20170922_0922_TJDS_PODCAST
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Hello.
Yeah, is this Sean Spicer?
Can I get a little more monitor, please?
I can't hear myself over the roar of the crowd.
I'll try to adjust the levels and posts.
Okay.
Well, anyway, I like to thank the Emmy Academy for this award.
However, I regret that I cannot accept this great honor until LaVoy Finnecum is in possession of his ancestral homeland, the Malgoor National Wildlife Refuge.
What?
What's this all about, Sean?
Oh, yeah.
Hi, Jimmy.
I was just practicing my Emmy Academy Award acceptance speech.
You're kind of in show business, right?
How long does it take to win an Emmy once you start doing open mics?
I'd say you give it at least two years.
Why?
It's hard to come down off this high after my performance at the Emmys.
As we performers know, Jimmy, we artists feed off the love the audience gives us.
And in return, we give of ourselves.
Yeah, how did it feel being on the same stage with Stephen Colbert?
I can say this from the bottom of my heart, and I don't say this lightly.
He's the kind of co-worker who, whether it be a play, a film, or a crappy ward show, makes you perform 50% better.
I felt a lot of love that night.
Were you nervous?
No, I wasn't at all nervous.
Right before I hit the stage, Steven, I call him Sty.
Sty said, look, Sean, I'm going to tell you what I told Hank Kissinger.
Just go ahead and be yourself.
Don't be afraid of the crowd.
They want to like you.
And the rest is history.
I fucking killed.
And you're sure of that?
You saw the crowd, Jimmy.
I counted more LPMs than any other performer that night.
LPMs?
Last per minute.
Oh.
So this is the new Sean Spicer.
Let's just say I'm hoping to parlay this into other ventures, like opening up my own parking garage or a clothing line for plus-sized men or a comedy central sitcom called Spice Her Up with an exclamation mark at the end.
Spice her up.
So you're not discouraged at all by the bad reaction your appearance got?
Yeah, you know me.
I don't like to make Hitler comparisons, but if the Fury had access to some open mics after the war, he could have rehabilitated himself faster than you could say, David Frum.
I mean, picture it.
Hitler on a bare stage, save for a stool and a mug of coffee with the slogan perpendium on it.
He could call his one-man show Defending the Superman.
And what makes you think you can professionally write and perform comedy, Sean?
Well, duh, my honorary Harvard Fellowship.
Anyone from Harvard is automatically qualified for comedy.
George Bush, it's funny, right?
Mic drop.
Well, that doesn't sound very funny.
There's nothing funnier than being above the law, you idiot.
I've been spiced her, and you've just been spiced.
Mic drop.
*music*
It's the Jimmy Door show.
the show for...
...the up-minded, lowly-lovered lefties.
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to your T-Value.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hey, everybody, welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
Coming up November 12th, we're going to be in Portland just announcing that date.
Check Jimmy DoorComedy.com for link for tickets.
November 12th, we'll be in Portland.
Do it a live Jimmy Door show.
Hey, here's some jokes before we get to the jokes.
A lot of people are calling for taxing the rich.
I say taxing the rich isn't enough.
It's time for a urine test followed by a paragraph on where they see themselves five years from now.
Hey, I know it wasn't that hard to do, but they lowered the value of an Emmy to a bully trophy.
Yep, the Emmys really tops in its class of award shows when it comes to normalizing racist, misogynist authoritarians.
Hey, serious question.
Are all of Bill Maher's shows Verit Code approved now?
Come on.
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
Chris Hayes has a book review of Hillary Clinton's new book, and we juxtapose it against an actual journalist review of the book.
How does that turn out?
The answer just may surprise you.
Or will it?
Plus, Barack Obama is coming back in public life.
First, he's making a round of big money speeches for private equity groups and banks.
Oh, man.
Get rich off government.
It's just the way things are.
We're going to talk about that.
Plus, does the left really want to blow up the system?
Well, what do you think the system means?
The answer just may surprise you.
Or will it?
Plus, we got phone calls today from Sean Spicer, Bill O'Reilly, and Scarabucci.
Plus, a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to the Jimmy Door Show.
I'm here with the Miserable Liberal Staff, Zaborano and Ron Placone.
Hey, remember this?
We talked about this.
Hillary Clinton gave all those speeches to Wall Street.
A lot of people said that's why she lost the election because it showed how corrupt she was, taking half a million dollars for an hour of speech to the banks that were killing our economy.
And, well, now she says that giving those speeches were a mistake.
That's what she says now.
She's like, that was a big mistake.
Shouldn't have done that.
But apparently nobody learns in politics because I don't know if you saw this.
Barack Obama goes from White House to Wall Street in less than one year.
Is that a mistake for the Democratic Party?
How the F do you think this looks, Barack?
By the way, doesn't give a shit.
Barack Obama does not give a shit.
He doesn't give a shit what you think.
He doesn't care what happens to the Democratic Party.
Why do you think he pushed the TPP at the top of his lungs all the way through the election to make sure Hillary got elected?
That's awesome.
There he is.
You think that helps the Democratic parties?
Because most people see them as corrupt.
They're having the lowest fundraising they ever had since 2003, the Democratic Party, because people see them as completely in the pocket of Wall Street.
You think that helps the Democratic Party?
You know, it doesn't matter who gives a shit.
I did my time.
I'm cashing in, baby.
This is how it works.
So after the election, Bernie Sanders has been going around trying to get the country rallied for Medicare for all.
Barack Obama's been parasailing with Branson, right?
He's been on vacation after vacation, given a half million dollar speech after a half a million dollar speech.
That's what he's doing.
Bernie could do that.
Doesn't want to.
Barack Obama spoke in New York to clients of Northern Trust Corp for about $400,000, a personal person familiar with his appearance said.
Last week, he reminisced about the White House for the Carlisle Group, one of the world's biggest private equity firms, according to two people who were there.
Right out in the open, they do this shit.
Right out in public.
They steal from you.
Right out the corruption's right in your face.
And they know you're not going to do anything about it.
They know you're not going to say anything about it.
They know Trevor Noah's got his back.
Right?
Barack Obama, I got to go give a half million dollar speech.
Trevor Noah tweet at him.
Don't worry, we got your back.
Already working on the segment.
Yeah.
Next week, he's going to give a keynote speech at Investment Bank Cantor Fitzgerald's Healthcare Conference.
He was the president of the entire United States.
Financial services are under that umbrella, said former UBS group, AG executive Robert Wolf, an early supporter and joined the Obama Foundation board this year.
Isn't that nice?
He's the president of everyone.
So if he went and joined the Klan, you could make that same.
Well, he was president of everybody.
That includes the Klan.
That's again, all you have left is shit arguments.
And that's by a guy who's, again, did the revolving.
Here he is.
He's on the Obama Foundation.
He's a banker.
That's what Barack Obama needs on his foundation.
More bankers.
Right?
Why don't you let's get the banker's opinion on what we should do with your foundation.
Yeah, I just love the fact that he gives giving speeches to people in the healthcare industry, too.
Like he should just open up, like, oh, Jacqueline, yes, we can didn't include single payer.
Make some noise.
Hey, aren't you glad I kept that public option out of the Obama bill?
I did that for you.
You know, we controlled government.
The Democrats had the House, the Senate, and I was the president.
We could have passed anything we wanted.
I instituted a right-wing healthcare plan that was a giveaway to you guys anyway.
Aren't you happy?
Thanks for the half mil for our speech.
He doesn't look at Wall Street like, oh, these are individuals who don't want the best for the country.
He doesn't stereotype.
He knows that corporations are people.
He's so objective.
He judges people.
He doesn't stereotype.
He doesn't stereotype.
That sounds like what Trump was saying about the white supremacists of Charles Bill.
There's a lot of good people in there.
I want to stare at that.
They're not all bad.
A lot of good people.
Since leaving office, Obama has delivered public and private speeches that are true to his values, Kevin Lewis, a spokesman for the former president, said in an email.
Right in your face, they don't give a shit.
And you still call yourself a Democrat.
His paid speeches in part.
This is, again, this is again another mental gymnastics of the guy trying to, all you're left with are shitty arguments.
And here it is.
His paid speeches in part have allowed President Obama to contribute $2 million to Chicago programs offering job training and employment opportunities to low-income youth.
Now, if you notice the key part, I have it in red.
The key part of that sentence is in part.
His paid speech is in part.
So that means that, well, I'm not going to say how much of the speech he's actually donating to people, but in part, it helped him make those donations.
How much for the speech did he give?
I don't know.
I think maybe 10 bucks.
Who knows?
It's in part.
That's what that says.
That's in part.
So that's, again, mealy mouth words.
These are guys who are using all their mental acuity to justify blatant public corruption.
That's what this is: corruption.
You think Trump's corrupt?
What the F do you think this is?
You want to spend all, get your bush of a knot over fucking Trump all day?
Nobody gives a shit about this, though, right?
And the banks are bigger.
And Barack Obama had five over 5 million foreclosures baked into his plan to fix the banks.
So 5 million homeowners and their families got screwed over.
And here's his reward.
I'm still.
You don't have a public option.
You don't have a functioning healthcare system.
Here's his reward.
Now, I was going to say I'm still hung off on the fact.
Like, he doesn't judge.
He doesn't, you know, I know some people that used to do the Wall Street thing and then got off it.
And they all have the exact same story.
They're like, I couldn't do it.
I felt like I was giving my soul away and I could not participate anymore.
I've never heard anyone that's been like, you know, I just couldn't go about my integrity-filled work without feeling judged.
And you know, of course, my head is exploding when I see programs offering jobs training and employment opportunities.
He was in office for eight years.
Where's your job?
Where's the jobs program?
No jobs program.
Where's the jobs program?
This guy goes on.
Not everyone's going to be a Jimmy Carter who does purely good works after he gets out.
What?
This is your argument?
That's awesome.
It's unbelievable.
Not everyone's going to be a Jimmy Carter who does purely good works after he gets out, said Sean Coffey, a Democratic donor who chairs the complex litigation group at corporate law firm Kramer 11, Naftalis, and Frankel.
A guy that probably knows a lot about purely good works.
He's probably something he's quite fluent in, given that resume.
A corporate lawyer, an amoral corporate lawyer.
That's the kind of stuff lawyers say where they have to defend bullshit.
There it is.
Obama is used to being criticized, the attorney added.
I don't think getting any grief for doing this is going to bother him at all.
No kidding.
There's your Obama.
There's your Barack Obama.
Oh, I really, you know, I pine for the old days when our leaders had good manners while they were blatantly selling out our country to the highest bidder.
Oh, I missed the old days.
Oh, don't you?
Now we have a guy who's a jerk doing it.
I wish we had a more mild-mannered guy like Barack Obama screwing over our country, filling his pockets with cash from an industry he was supposed to be regulating, but didn't.
If Trump did this, you guys would be going nuts if Trump did this.
But Barack Obama's doing it, so Trevor Noel will do another segment about how it's cool as our society continues to crumble.
Barack Obama even gets comedy to turn neoliberal.
That's how fucking corrupted he is.
By the way, his Justice Department prosecuted no major bankers for their roles in the financial crisis, and he resisted calls it break up the biggest banks.
Just so you know, that's Barack Obama.
And then the banks made record profits under Barack Obama.
They got recordly big and made recordly profits while having record foreclosures.
How does that work?
You know, Jimmy, but Barack Obama did say that he would walk with a soft shoe in Wisconsin with the teachers and never showed up.
And never showed up.
There you go.
Way to go, Barack.
So we showed you this that Obama, he's given speeches again for Wall Street and one of the one of the biggest private equity firms in America.
One of them was for the Carlisle Group, a big private equity group.
And so what did he get for that?
Well, several years after the private equity firm Carlisle Group successfully pushed the White House to relax environmental protection agency rules to benefit two Carlisle-owned oil refineries.
Former President Barack Obama, as part of a series of paid speeches, made a stop at its conference last week.
Here comes the Quid Pro and the quote.
The three-day conference for current and prospective clients begins September 25th.
Obama will be paid about $400,000, according to a person familiar with the arrangement.
I could fly from here to Vancouver on a private jet 20 times for that amount of money.
I'm not a math surgeon, but I think so.
So, there you go.
There's your quo.
Back in 2013, Carlisle, working in tandem with Delta Airlines, which also owned a refinery, met with Obama's economic advisor, Robert Minsk, and an EPA official and signed a letter to the EPA with Delta and a refinery union leader as part of an effort to lobby the agency to relax its steadily rising requirements for mixing biofuels and petroleum-based fuels as part of the renewable fuel standards program,
Reuters reported in 2014.
So, just to sum up what this is, it was trying to get renewable fuel.
It was the EPA had a rule to try to get better and cleaner energy, right?
Put it that way.
And so, then the Carlisle group and Delta were like, hey, we need you to relax those rules because we're going to give you money.
And so they did.
Now, Barack Obama's cashing in, getting his checksies.
And suddenly it became an all-of-the-above approach.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
All of a sudden, he went from clean energy to all of the above approach.
And it certainly seems as if the administration has backtracked on its commitment to renewable fuels.
The question is: why?
Was there a backroom deal orchestrated by a big oil and high-rank official ranking officials in the Obama administration?
Melanie Sloan, then group executive director, said in 2014 press release: Before the campaign to influence the EPA's fuel composition requirements began, Obama's administration played a helpful role in Carlisle's acquisition of the refinery as well.
So here they are.
Here's Barack Obama manipulating the EPA regulations for this Carlisle group.
And even before that, helped them.
Well, let's see.
In 2012, the year before the EPA slackened renewable fuel standards at the industry's urging, the White House had sweetened the refinery purchase deal for Carlisle by modifying EPA rules on carbon emissions and promises of millions in state subsidies.
This is crony capitalism at its best, baby.
Here it is.
They own the government.
The government does what they want.
I give you money.
I'm going to give you a speech later, give you a couple million dollars when you get out of boom.
You know how this works.
But Carlisle's heroic intervention came with perks, as detailed in an August 2012 report by the Wall Street Journal.
In addition to a $25 million state subsidy contribution from Corbett, the EPA allowed the private equity.
That's the governor, Corbett.
The EPA allowed the private equity firm to transfer Sonico's limited emissions credits from another nearby refinery, effectively raising the cap on Philadelphia's facility-permitted pollution levels, the journal found.
So you see what's going on.
They're changing the rules to help this connected refinery make more money and not have to follow the rules.
This is why we want to get money out of politics.
Do you get this, right?
When it came time to lobby the EPA to loosen its biofuels rule the following year, Representative Robert Brady of Pennsylvania, who helped facilitate the Sunoco-Carlisle deal by serving as sort of a liaison between the White House and the companies, proved instrumental once more.
He told Reuters he phoned both Vice President Joe Biden and then EPA administrator Gina McCarthy to get them on board after fielding a call from a Carlisle executive.
So the congressman gets a call from a Carlisle executive.
He calls the Vice President Joe Biden and then he calls the EPA administrator to get them on board with the Carlisle groups what they want to have done to help them make more money by relaxing environmental protections and all that stuff.
And they did it.
And now he's getting some dough.
So there you go.
When Barack Obama, when he said he was for all of the above, I didn't know he meant revenue seeking.
When I said yes, we can, I meant fracking.
Ha, we got him.
I wonder what Barack Obama, who we voted for for Hope and Change, I wonder what he says when he gets to give a speech, how he opens one of those bank speeches, one of those equity group speeches.
He goes, hey, thanks for the change.
I got a pocket full of change.
So this is what's wrong with our government.
This is why we have Trump.
And he's doing it right out in the open.
And Barack Obama doesn't give a shit how it looks.
He doesn't care what you think about him.
And he doesn't care what happens to the party.
And this is how you're supposed to do government now.
This is what Hillary Clinton was saying in her book.
Everybody else take those speeches.
Why can't I?
So corruption is just normal now for the elites.
Remember, it's law and order for the poor and the workers and for nobody else.
Well, Jimmy, if we just passively accept so much corruption, but not too much, things will change.
Right.
So what they would say, what are you going to do?
What are you talking about, Caro?
You got purity tests?
Do you wonder why the Democratic Party is completely wiped out?
Because there's no reason for them to be.
Barack Obama admitted he's a Republican.
You think I'm kidding?
He's already admitted he's a Republican.
The truth of the matter is, is that my policies are so mainstream that, you know, if I had said the same policies that I have back in the 1980s, I'd be considered a moderate Republican.
I mean, you know.
So what is the point of the Democratic Party anymore?
He's literally sitting there bragging that his policies are Reagan.
You know, I'd be a moderate Republican in the 80s.
You're a black guy, president, the first black guy president, brags that he's a fucking Republican.
He can't stop stealing from you right in public.
Right in your face, he does it.
And no one cares.
No one cares.
Right in your face.
And you wonder why the Democrats are wiped out.
You wonder why we have the income disparity we have.
You wonder why?
Because our leaders are completely corrupted and they admit it.
He admits he's a fucking Republican right in your face.
And you wonder why we got Trump.
You wonder why Hillary lost.
You wonder what have the Democrats become?
What is the point of them?
There's no point.
This is the Democrats.
This is the guy they wish they had back, the guy who brags is a Republican.
Ah, so what are you going to say when Trump does this?
What are they going to say?
What are you going to say when Trump starts doing speeches for companies he helped out?
So do you understand why I said all the stuff I said earlier this year and last year about Trump being president and how horrible the Democrats are and how we got to get rid of this neoliberalism and how this is what brought us Trump.
And if we don't get rid of it now, we're going to have a worse Trump.
Do you get it now, maybe?
That's why Hillary Clinton lost.
Hillary Clinton lost because it's transparent that she's phony.
It's transparent that she doesn't speak to the workers.
And her record is illuminative of who she is, right?
She gutted welfare while exploding the prison population, calling black people super predators, while her husband then gutted the New Deal banking regulations.
At the same time, she voted for the Iraq war, learned nothing from it, Libya.
Then she also voted for the bankruptcy reform.
So now a bank can hung you to your deathbed for a credit card bill.
She did all this horrible shit.
Honduras, fracking, you name it, Wall Street speeches.
And she wonders why she lost.
That's why she fucking lost.
And here's why you really lost.
Because the Democratic Party is lost, right?
And we all know it.
And it's so lost that they don't have any trouble proclaiming on TV that they're actually Republicans.
You think I'm kidding?
Here's Barack Obama from 2012.
And someone said, wait a minute, they say you're socialist.
I know that there are a lot of Cubans or Venezuelans Americans who believe that.
That believe he's a socialist, but what is the truth, Brock?
The truth of the matter is, is that my policies are so mainstream that, you know, if I had said the same policies that I have back in the 1980s, I'd be considered a moderate Republican.
Yep, yep, yeah.
He has no, and that doesn't flip a switch back at the DNC.
Brock just said he's a fucking Republican, everybody back in the room.
Everybody get into the room.
We got problems.
No, everybody's like, yeah, that's right.
We're electre Republicans.
It's cool.
And no one sees a problem with that shit.
That's from 20 fucking 12.
He was proclaiming that's his defense that he's not a socialist.
His defense is, I'm a Reagan Republican.
I'm a moderate Republican.
That's the goddamn black guy with a Muslim name who we fucking elected over George Bush to smash the system is bragging that he's a moderate Republican.
That is fucking bullshit.
And that's why you lost Hillary, because you guys turned into Republicans.
And when people are given a choice of a Republican and a Republican, they pick the fucking Republican every time.
Yeah, because an actual conservative isn't going to vote for the pro-choice Republican because that's what the fucking Democratic Party is.
They're just pro-choice Republicans.
That's it.
And they're all in this giant corporate building.
There's a fucking couple floors for banking and oil and wars.
And then there's this little fucking corner.
And there's like two cubicles.
And one cubicle has guns and the Bible and the other cubicle has gay marriage.
And that's the Republican and Democratic Party in this huge fucking corporate building.
And whenever they're like, oh, I get those guys.
And everything else is the same.
Corporate profiteering, banking, the whole fucking thing.
And then they think they're so goddamn different.
And he just fucking said it.
Nope, not different at all, assholes.
Ha ha.
Do you think you voted for somebody different?
You voted for Reagan.
He just said it.
That's right.
When the mantra used to be, yes, we can.
I had no idea it was, yes, we can become Republicans.
Yes, we can.
Let's listen.
I want to explain one more time.
I don't know that there are a lot of Cubans or Venezuelans Americans.
But the truth is.
The truth of the matter is, is that my policies are so mainstream that, you know, if I had said the same policies that I have back in the 1980s, I'd be considered a moderate Republican.
I mean, you know, what I believe in is a tax system that's fair.
I don't think government can.
You mean a tax system that's fair for rich people?
That's what he means.
Solve every problem.
Yeah, we can't.
Government can't solve every problem, especially if we're not going to actually do any of the stuff that I campaigned on.
I can't fucking solve the problems.
No.
I think that we should make sure that we're helping young people go to school.
We should make sure that our government is building good roads and bridges and hospitals and airports.
Yeah, and I would have done something about that, but I was too busy worrying about the TPP and all that bullshit.
Although I fucking, who cares?
But, you know, we have a good infrastructure.
I do believe that it makes sense that everybody in America, as rich as this country is, shouldn't go bankrupt because they get sick.
So the things I believe in are things that I think most of your viewers believe in.
Mostly bankrupt, just not all the way.
Not all the way.
Just, I don't, because if you're too bankrupt, then I can't keep you in debt.
You know what I mean?
Because I need, my banking buddies need you to stay in debt.
So if you're on the street, I need you to work just enough to have a couple of credit cards and you use the credit cards to get your health care because we don't have it here because I'm too busy spending 55% of the budget drone striking civilians and poor people in the Middle East.
But go to McDonald's and clock the fuck in.
Yeah, exactly.
Or maybe inside he was thinking, it doesn't matter.
I hope I'm dead before this powder keg explodes.
Yeah.
So here, so that's why you lost Hillary, because you guys became Republicans.
Here's another reason why, because the DNC is totally corrupted and they're willing to cheat to give the nomination to a person they already know isn't going to win.
And this is back in 2008.
This is Christopher Dodd.
This is what he said.
This is a critical question.
Whether it's fair or not fair, the fact of the matter is that my colleague from New York, Senator Clinton, they're 50% of the American public.
They say they're not going to vote for him.
I'm not saying anything that people don't know already.
I don't necessarily like it, but those are the facts.
We as a party certainly have to take that into consideration.
And they didn't.
And they lost to Donna Tonahanz Trump.
That was in 2008.
You don't think they knew that in 2016?
He fucking knew it.
He said, I'm not saying anything that everybody doesn't already know.
Half the country will never vote for you.
And we have to take that into consideration.
Except if our donors tell us not to take it into consideration.
And it doesn't matter if she loses it, our gravy train will keep going.
Oh, we're not going to, okay, then we won't take it into consideration.
And they didn't, and they lost to Donald Trump.
And so all this bullshit finger pointing is exactly what it is.
Bullshit finger pointing.
And guys like Chris Hayes can say any nice fucking bullshit thing they want about it.
It's not going to fool anybody except the people who watch him and think they're getting the news.
It's not going to fool us.
It's not fooling Bernie Kratz.
It's not fooling the people who are going to make the next president of the United States.
I'll tell you that.
It's not fucking fooling us, okay?
So that's why she lost.
And it wasn't because the Democrats went too far left.
It wasn't because they paid too much attention to the Bernie Crats or because what Bernie said hurt her.
She lost because of the hubris of the corporate elite.
That's why she lost.
They knew she was horrible.
Nobody was going to fucking vote for her.
She's horribly flawed, inspired nobody, and they cheated to put her in there anyway.
That's why you lost.
I mean, when Chris Dodd is the voice of reason and truth, we're fucked.
Yes.
Is he back on The Simpsons now?
LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER MUSIC CONTINUES you Hey, you know our friends Dave Anthony and Graham Elwood.
You know, they're friends of the show.
Graham Elwood is the political vigilante.
Dave Anthony does the Dollop podcast.
Together, they both produce the LA Pod Festival.
That's right, the LA Podcast Festival.
And they've invited the Jimmy Doer show.
So that's fantastic.
It's October 6th, 7th, and 8th.
We're doing a live Jimmy Door show there.
That's right, October 6th, 7th, and 8th.
We're doing a live Jimmy Door show there.
But there's also lots of other great shows there, right?
So there's the My Favorite Murder, which is an ass-kicking podcast.
They'll be doing a live one.
Dave Anthony's the dollop.
There's the Jackie and Laura show.
There's so many great podcasts that are going to be doing live shows there.
Go to la podfest.com to get tickets.
That's la podfest.com.
That's how you get your tickets.
I'm going to be there.
The Jimmy Dorse show will be there.
We look forward to seeing and meeting our fans.
We get to meet you.
It's fantastic.
And You get to see lots of other great kick-ass podcasts going live.
So go to la podfest.com.
That's October 6th, 7th, and 8th.
See you there.
Hey, everybody, this is the part of the show where I usually tell you to go to our Amazon.com link.
You know, we don't encourage anybody to shop at Amazon.
But if you do, we say have some of that money go to a progressive show like the Jimmy Door show.
Doesn't change the way you shop at Amazon, doesn't cost you anything, but it's a big help to the show.
So the next time you want to buy something from Amazon, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Our Amazon box is right on the front page.
Click it.
It takes you to Amazon.
And then when you buy something, they send us money.
It's just that easy.
But we have a new thing, a new way for you to help support us.
Well, you can become a premium member.
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So because a lot of people feel more comfortable using Patreon than using PayPal or Amazon.
So that's another way you can help support the show.
We have a Patreon link.
You just go to patreon.com/slash Jimmy Door, patreon.com/slash Jimmy Door.
Go there.
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And you know what matters more now than ever because our show has really blown up and gotten way more popular since we've been going on YouTube.
But we've gotten over a quarter million subscribers.
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Thank you for doing that.
Now let's get on to the second half.
Welcome back to this week's Jimmy Door show.
We got a lot coming up in the second half.
Let's get back to the studio right now.
Oh, wow, it's Bill O'Reilly on the line.
And the caller ID says he's drunk.
Hello.
I was not fired.
Not fired, not fired, not fired.
Fired not.
No, with the firing.
Got me?
Bill, it's been six months.
You got to move on with your life.
Thanks for those words of wisdom.
You hear that, world?
Time to move on.
So what happened was Fox had a contractual clause where they said they could pay me a big amount of money and not let me in front of the camera with a microphone on the network ever again.
That's a lot different from getting fired, Pulso.
Well, why did they exercise that contractual clause?
Because they wanted to fire me, asshole.
Move on.
But you were accused of sexual harassment.
You said at the time that you did absolutely nothing wrong.
Do you still stand by that?
I'm going to tell you what I told my 12 lawyers.
I did not sexually harass all those hot bitches who wouldn't let me touch them.
I swear it on my nanny's big-ass titties.
There, can we finally talk about my new book, please?
It's called Killing Something.
Something's getting killed, and I talk about it.
Very important.
But did you provide Fox News with any evidence that might change their minds regarding these charges?
My legal team was very aggressive, and that's all I'm going to say about it.
I'd rather talk about my new book.
It's called Killing the American Boner: The Brutal Fight Against the Male Boner in the Workplace of Boners.
Co-authored by my friend, Boner Penism Jr.
Over the last six months, have you done any reflection, any soul searching regarding your treatment of women, Bill?
My conscience is clear.
What I've done is organize a legal team to find the real harasser.
Right now, they're all sitting in a room and aggressively pulling from me.
Ha!
Wow, I still got it.
High five.
Were there any self-inflicted wounds here, Bill?
You know, nobody's perfect.
Meaning?
Chicks will be chicks.
Look, I go to sleep at night very well, knowing that I did all I could to keep these misguided interns from remembering all the horrible things I did.
No, wait.
You got to remember that after Roger Ailes went down, there was a flood of lawsuits.
Dozens of other people were named, not just me.
Hey, can you name the others?
Of course.
There's William O'Reilly, Billy O'Reilly, Billy with an IE O'Reilly, Willie O'Reilly, Willie with an IE O'Reilly, Initial B. O'Reilly, O'Reilly O'Reilly, O'Reilly Common Bill, and about 40 other variants on the name Bill.
Plus, there are a bunch of other Bill O'Reilly's working there who can sound just like me.
So, there's that.
How many?
342.
And just so you know, I'm being fair and balanced.
I'm rounding up on that figure.
I have never mistreated anyone on my watch.
I did all that shit off my watch.
No spin air, right?
Is that what your lawyers say?
My lawyers say what I pay them to say.
You know why?
Because everybody has a price, Jimmy.
What's your price?
I'll give you 12 copies of my book if you take a shower with me.
I'm afraid that's not possible, Bill.
Well, fuck it.
We'll do it live.
We'll do it live.
So there are some people who reviewed her.
Yeah, her book is out.
And so Thomas Frank, you know, friend of the show, he wrote Listen Liberal, right?
So he also wrote What's the Matter with Kansas?
And so if you've read Listen Liberal, you know why I'm like this, right?
And you're probably like this too.
So I wasn't a radical until I read that book.
And turns out you're a radical if you won't vote for a corporatist warmonger who gutted welfare while exploding the prison population.
So Thomas Frank, here's his review of the book.
Everybody was saying that she doesn't take responsibility.
Does she take responsibility and take responsibility?
Does she take responsibility?
No, she does not.
She does not.
Although, interestingly enough, throughout the book, she claims that she is taking responsibility.
A big part of the book is.
No, seriously, a big part of the book is.
Yeah, so there you go.
So there's that.
And then what else does he have to say about the book?
Complaining about the media, but yes, she does reference the Bernie Bros.
And she goes after Bernie quite a bit.
It's there.
I think two pages got leaked earlier.
It actually goes, she goes on and on and on and on and on about it.
Okay.
You know what, really quickly, Jimmy?
Are we surprised that something from Hillary Clinton was leaked?
I say the Russians did it.
Probably Jill Stein.
So that's what a real journalist, that's his take on the book, right?
That she doesn't take responsibility.
She has a litany of people she blames, and she goes after Bernie, on and on and on and on, right?
Here's our good friend, Lefty, former union reporter from Chicago, now MSNBC millionaire, Chris Hayes.
Here's his.
He says, I'm reading the Clinton book, and it's quite good.
It's compelling and candid and written with a pretty remarkable intimacy.
It's worth reading.
Hey, so what did our now?
What does a real journalist say about that book?
I thought this, I was embarrassed to read it.
*laughter*
Really?
Were you embarrassed for yourself?
Billy.
The reason I was embarrassed, I was embarrassed for Hillary, because it's so churlish.
God, I wish I knew what that meant.
Me too.
Well, you know what?
You know what?
As a high school English teacher, you have a word like churlish come up.
You ask the kids to kind of guess what it means, churlish.
And it's like CH, and something like C. We know what that stands for for Hillary.
And then, right?
And then you have Hearl.
So it makes you puke her book.
I hope that helped you out.
Churlish?
Uh-huh, Charlotte?
I don't think so.
Thank you.
I'm very close.
I know I am.
And then I kept thinking, every time he says that he's embarrassed, you know, to read, you know, all I thought was looking at Thomas Frank as he's reading it.
He's like, oh.
Oh, my God.
Right?
I gotta hide this inside a porn magazine so nobody knows what you're doing.
Wait a minute.
She should have titled it Confessions of the Human Scone.
He goes on to say, also, I think the juicy, newsy tidbits give the impression it's some kind of score-settling rant, which it's not.
Really?
Let's go back to our real journalist.
She goes after Bernie quite a bit.
I think two pages got leaked earlier.
It actually goes, she goes on and on and on and on and on about it.
And I thought this was the worst part of the book.
I mean, I thought this, I was embarrassed to read it.
Okay.
There you go.
And then someone says, there's a degree of ranting, but it feels untethered because you get the sense she's done.
She's done running for office.
And Chris Hayes says, right.
I mean, people have this obsession with her as a calculating, as calculating, but the book seems the opposite.
This is like, oh, fuck, fuck.
What the fuck world are these guys like?
I bet you they never even read the goddamn book, and they just got emailed these Twitter talking points and just put them out.
It's so, it's like when you're on a forum for a product, right?
And you got somebody going, ah, this, whatever, it's a flashlight.
That doesn't work.
It kind of works.
And then someone comes and goes, boy, this flashlight sure does bright up the sky and it makes everything.
You're like, oh, some fucking asshole from corporate just fucking logged into the Yelp goddamn page.
Fuck, that's what that sounds like.
I mean, people have this obsession with her as calculating.
But, you know, Hitler is such a freewheeler.
She doesn't think ahead or plan.
How else could you lose to Donald Trump?
So he says, right, I mean, people have this obsession with those calculating.
And then this woman underneath says, my favorite part is when she talks about deciding to run for office at Oscar De Laurent's Dominican Estate.
Which Chris Hayes does not fucking respond to.
Coward.
Coward.
And then she says, I also like how she retreats depressed to an upstate hotel that costs like $800 a night.
Chris Hayes has not responded to that little woman.
Well, it must suck to be Chris Hayes.
It must be great to have all that money in $6,000 suits and you can look down your nose at Jimmy Door and all that stuff, which he fucking does.
And I would love to live that life.
I would love to look down on some jagoff like me from a Manhattan apartment, right?
But that's not accurate because the Trump Hotel in upstate is more than $809.
So we thought about it and we came up with some tweets that Chris would make after he read other books.
Like, if he read The Great Gatsby, Chris Hayes would say, golly, who knew the rich had it so hard?
There's another...
If Chris Hayes had read Mein Kampf, he would say the juicy news tidbits give the impression it's some kind of score-settling rant, which it's not.
Don't blitz through this Krieg.
You'll want to savor every use of the phrase, the Jews stabbed us in the back.
It's the perfect glass coffee table book.
That's pretty good.
About the Holy Bible.
It's easy to get drawn in by all the incest, rape, and murder in this book.
But there's also a fundamental contempt for science and logic that's so enticing, it'll leave you begging to be whipped.
What if he read The Odyssey by Homer?
I'm not a big fan of sailing, so I really didn't get this book.
How about if he read Ralph Nader's Unsafe at Any Speed?
An insult to freedom-loving Americans wishing to taste the thrill of slamming headfirst through a windshield.
What if he read the book Yertle the Turtle?
By analyzing evidence and connecting dots, the author reveals the insidious role Russian interference played in keeping Yertle from realizing his true place as leader of all turtles.
LAUGHTER But my favorite tweet about Chris Hayes' tweets was from Secular Talk Kyle Kalinsky.
And if you read this, he says he does a little scene like Chris Hayes is talking to his boss at MSNBC.
And he says, Chris Hayes says, I don't want to do it.
I can't defend her anymore.
Shadowy MSMBC executive, here's your check, Chris Hayes.
I'm reading the Clinton book and it's quite good.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE It's quite good.
There you go.
Do you think that this is an epidemic of journalism being populated by people that more than anything just want to be liked by the people they cover?
Well, that's access journalism, is what that is.
Yes, it's A thing.
But they see themselves as part of that class.
If you read Listen Liberal, he talks about the innovative class, the educated class, where all your problems are fixed through education and innovation.
And that's nothing to do with actual policy or actual rigging of something.
So I think that those news people see themselves as part of that, consciously or unconsciously, I think both.
As part of their, you know, they're them.
And I don't think they see themselves.
They're not looking to make enemies with the people they cover.
Except for people that they cover that the establishment doesn't like.
Chris Hayes wants to make an enemy Of activists and actresses like Susan Sarandon and Josh Fox, but he doesn't want to make an enemy of the head of fucking, you know, Exxon or MSNBC or Comcast, right?
Which is why he's never mentioned net neutrality and he's never mentioned the TPP, Chris Ace.
This is why.
So on one of her trips, she went to Vox, right?
And so here she is.
So just the unbelievable tin ear of these people, the tone deafness of the world they're living in right now.
You want to see it?
Here it is on parade.
Watch this.
We're running a raucous, pluralistic, diverse democracy where there are literally millions of different voices.
And you're gonna hear from Yeah, and, you know, I only really listen to some of those that are right in the middle.
The voices over here, the voices over there, you know, they're all deplorable.
Over here, they need to grow up because we'll never have Medicare for all.
They'll never come.
They all de Bernie's a misogynist, sexist.
So she's talking about millions of voices, but she only listens to a small fucking group of them, and they're called neoliberals.
That's all she listens to.
You see, and there's a tell in her language, which is that if you're running a democracy, well, point of democracy is you don't fucking run it.
We run it.
That's by definition what it is.
You know, I like her jazz hands.
That's what I like.
You know, I was a senator for eight years.
I bet the vast majority of people who came to the doors of my Senate office to talk to me, to advocate, whatever they were doing.
Drop off a bank money.
Listen to this bullshit line right here.
This is unbelievable.
Now, we know she's the poster child for money in politics, right?
Even her own campaign staff was like, why is she doing these speeches?
She's going to run for president.
This looks horrible.
Everybody knows that she's the poster child for what you're not supposed to do with campaign finance.
And here she is.
I bet the vast majority of people who came to the doors of my Senate office to talk to me, to advocate, whatever they were doing, were not political donors or certainly not political donors to me.
They were constituents.
They were citizens.
They had something to say.
And a bag of money.
And I had to tell them, hey, this is not how it works.
You go hire a lobbyist, someone who maybe knows Bill or works with a big corporation.
And then you take us on a trip somewhere.
Or then you make a big donation to our foundation.
You just don't get to waltz in here and ask me for a fucking favor.
You pile the bag of money at the end of the wall underneath a lava rock that has no light being there.
You buy me through people.
Yes.
And so part of what we've shrunk the political process to such a narrow set of questions.
And that's in the interest of both the far right and the far left, both of whom want to blow up the system and undermine it and all of this.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
So you see.
$10 an hour, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
First of all, what she does there is she makes a false equivalency of white supremacists and people who want Medicare for all.
She goes, oh, the far right and the far left who want to blow up the system.
The system want to blow up the system?
As if that's a bad thing.
Do I want to blow up the system?
You mean the system where most people live paycheck to paycheck, but you get $500,000 for one-hour speech from a fucking bank who you're going to deregulate?
You mean that?
You mean that system?
Yeah, I want to blow up that system.
You mean the system where we just spended $100 billion more on war without any debate?
Nobody talked about it.
Meanwhile, half a million, 30 million people don't have health care.
You mean that fucking system?
Yeah, I want to blow up that system.
That system where we elect a black guy with a Muslim name and he takes two wars and takes them to seven.
Yeah, I want to blow up that system.
Yeah.
The system that sucks wealth up to the 1%.
All the gains of the recovery from 2008, 2009 have gone to the upper 1%.
I want to blow up that fucking system.
Yes, I want to blow up that system.
Do I want to blow up a system that takes 5% of the world's population and makes it 25% of the world's incarcerated population?
We're the world's biggest penal colony.
I want to blow up that fucking system.
Thank you.
Yes, I want to blow up the system where there's a revolving door in politics with the people who are supposed to be regulated and the people who are doing the regulating.
Yes, I want to blow up that system.
I want to blow up that system that takes the richest country the face of the earth has ever seen and renders half of its population poor or low income.
Yes, I want to break up that fucking system.
You ought to touch millionaire.
And the fact that she doesn't know that she should also want to blow up that system is why she lost to Donald Trump because he said he wanted to blow up that system, which he was lying about, but he fucking knew what to say.
Yes, do we want to blow up the system that gives us two choices, one corporate warmonging motherfucker and another corporate warmongering motherfucker?
I want to blow off that system.
In the words of Hillary Clinton, I really don't get it.
I'm at a loss.
By the way, you should.
You should see your FBI file.
Oh.
She doesn't even listen to herself.
She doesn't have a friend.
Uma Abaddon doesn't say, hey, by the way, the system is really fucking people over.
I don't know if you know.
That's the whole problem.
People just don't fucking remote.
I don't know if you know that.
Yeah, we bailed out the banks on the back of the homeowners.
That's the system.
Nobody tells her that.
She doesn't have a friend.
No one goes.
And no, and then they put this out and nobody else makes that observation but a jagoff nightclub comedian.
I'm the only one.
Nobody at Vox.
Ezra Klein doesn't go, hey, you know, the system is fucked up.
No, he doesn't because the system is rewarding those guys at Vox like mother Voxers.
When was the last time she had $300 in her checking account and $1,200 worth of bills and went, what the fuck am I going to do?
When was the last time she went through that or anyone in her fucking party or anyone in the corporate media?
When was the last time she went?
I don't know.
I don't know if I can drive that far because I might not have the gas money.
When the fuck did she ever, when was the last time she was in that position?
Oh, in the 60s.
When the fucking last time was she, when was the last time she went, boy, I don't know if I can buy a fucking $500 Star Trek villain pantsuit because I can't pay my rent.
When was the fucking last time?
When was the last time she had to choose, when was the last time she had to choose between medicine and rent?
She has to choose between medicine or seeing a doctor because when she needs to see the doctor, they just go to that medical clinic they have set up in Hillary's fucking apartment for $8 million.
You remember that when she passed out at the 9-11 last time?
She just went, oh, we'll just go to Hillary's apartment.
We have a whole medical thing set up there, so nobody talked about what's wrong with her.
Wow.
And you know what, Jimmy?
You know, you say that, where's her best friend?
Where's one of her friends telling her, you know, what are you doing?
I think Bill is saying, go write another book.
Go do another speech.
Go out of town.
Go travel.
I think he has other plans.
Oh my turn.
You know, the sad thing is, is you don't even need her to remember what it was like to do those things.
She just needs to weigh the importance of someone's life who is living that way versus her wanting an eight-bedroom apartment in Manhattan.
Yes.
That's all.
She needs a moment of going, I got enough nice stuff.
Yeah.
People are hurting.
Maybe I should do the right thing.
I think you're breaking character.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
How are you, folks?
Wow, the human being came out.
That was uncomfortable.
I don't ever want to see that again, sir.
I feel dirty.
That's the first time Hillary Clinton ever brought out somebody's humanity.
That is not her forte.
I couldn't take it anymore.
I know.
*laughter*
Look, it's the brash and controversial Anthony Scaramucci on the line.
Hello.
Hey, Jimmy.
Pomi Tony.
Have you pre-ordered my book yet?
You have a book coming out?
Call me Tony.
You have a book coming out, Tony.
Yeah, I got a book coming out.
It's about my tenure as White House Communications Director, and it's called 10 Days That Shook the World.
Like the sound of that?
Because I did an online poll and 30% picked that title.
That title won.
How could that title win if it only got 30% of the votes?
Because the remaining 70% either abstained or voted for something else.
That's the way it works around here.
Got it?
Stop with the fucking drugs that are making your mind into mush.
You hear me?
I need you to pay attention and keep stirring the pasta sauce.
Make sure it doesn't stick to the pot.
Keep your nose clean and you'll stay out of trouble.
Understand me?
Yeah, I got you.
But what makes you think there's any demand for a book by Anthony Scaramucci?
I know the Pittsburgh guys always wanted some books.
And since I'm going to see them later in the afternoon to pick up a delivery, I'm pretty sure I'll get my money back.
It was only a 30-minute drive on the turnpike yesterday, but by the time I got there, the neighborhood was lit up like a Christmas tree.
I'm sorry, weren't you surprised to get canned after 10 days at work?
Nobody ever tells you that they're going to can you.
It doesn't happen that way.
There weren't any arguments or curses like in the movies.
See, your enemies come at you with smiles.
They come as your friends.
The people who've cared for you all of your life.
And they always seem to come at a time that you're at your weakest and most in need of their help.
I told you not to stir until the meatballs float to the top of the sauce.
Why are you stirring now?
Wait until the meatballs float to the top.
Are you listening to me?
I'm listening.
So how do you like your steaks?
Medium rare.
What are you, an aristocrat?
Stop busting my balls already.
I'm only kidding with you.
Sometimes you don't sound like you're kidding.
You know, there's a lot of people listening here, all right?
Don't bust my balls.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too.
No problem.
We're both sorry.
We'll be.
I'm sorry.
I'm just trying to be nice.
Everybody wants to be nice to me, and I know how to handle it.
Some people don't.
Hey, you know there's more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
That's a laugh.
Or we do have time, but you got to get the premium.
Check out the premium.
And it's the most affordable audio premium in the business.
$5 a month, $55 if you play for the whole year.
If you'd like to see video premium, that's $10 a month for that.
And you're really helping support the show.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
That's how we make everything we're on over here is on your premium support.
You can use our premium, PayPal, or you can use Patreon, whatever you're more comfortable.
That's what we're saying.
Hey, we'll see you November 12th.
That's right.
November 12th.
We're going to see you in Portland.
Also, October 6th, we're going to be doing the podcast LA Podcast Festival.
And our last show in Burbank, California for the year is going to be November 6th.
That's right.
November 6th, our last show in Burbank, California for the year, November 6th.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com for a link for all those tickets.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Jim Earl, Steph Zamorano, Ron Placone, Mike McRae.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only, the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at MikeMcRae.com.
That's it for this week until next week.
This is Jimmy Door saying you'd be the best you can be.
I'll keep being me.
Do not, do not, do not freak out.
Do not do not do not do not do not do nothing.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
Do not freak out.
Do not freak out.
I'm not do not freak out.
I'm not do not do not do you do it.
I'm not.
I'm not freaking you.
I'm not kidding.
Don't come the fuck up the phone.
Do not freak.
Do not freak out.
Don't bring out.
Don't bring up.
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