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Aug. 11, 2017 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:01:56
20170811_0811_TJDS_Podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Hello, this is Jimmy.
Well, hi there, Jimmy.
This is Attorney General, Jeff Sessions.
Hello, Mr. Attorney General.
What can I do for you?
Well, Jimmy, I'd like to ask you a few questions, if I may.
Oh, okay.
Shoot.
Now, I've heard on your little program before that you do there.
Sometimes you'll laugh overly hard at the little jokes that are set on there.
Big loud cat.
And sometimes disproportionately loud for how fun of the joke itself, even more.
Now, I personally don't understand any of the humor on your show.
But even given that, I can tell it's a lot of laughter.
Also, sometimes those big laughs are accompanied by a hacking cough.
Now, all this together, if I didn't know any better, Jimmy, if I were just a dumb y'all bug tucking the grubs outside, I'd be thinking that you do marijuana.
Yes, Mr. Attorney General, I do marijuana.
Oh, my.
Are you doing it right now?
I thought I. Yeah, that's not something that I even try to conceal.
This is California for crying out loud.
Marijuana is legal.
Yeah, yeah.
See, we're going to be having a little turnaround of this trend that we've been having in the war on drugs the past five, ten years.
Do you understand?
We in the Justice Department feel that there's just a little too much freedom going around out there.
Yeah, yeah, you can't have too much freedom.
Now, Jimmy, like I said in the past, good people don't smoke marijuana.
And I think bad people should be in jail, don't you?
Seems pretty cut and dry to me.
Good grief.
Now, we're going to start cracking down on marijuana use because of all the killing sprees and the traffic fatalities and such.
This will basically mean a bunch of black men will be going to prison where they will provide free labor, which is a shame, but it doesn't mean we're not going to do it.
I'd like to send you there too, Jimmy, but that's a bit of a sticky wicket.
I can't get to you yet, but I will.
And in the meantime, I'm giving you the opportunity to amend your ways.
Amend my ways.
Stop smoking marijuana.
Stop being an advocate for marijuana and start cooperating with federal law enforcement so we can find some dispensaries that aren't properly compliant with codes so we can send them and their families to prison labor camps for life so we can start having some justice around here I mean geez Louise if you're stretched out just drink a bottle of cognac or brandy every night like a normal person mr. Sessions I will literally die before I help you with any of this okay suit yourself Jimmy
but you've been warned quite frankly if the eloquent arguments against marijuana use presented by mr. Patrick Kennedy haven't gotten through your thick skull I don't know what will he's a lunatic and you're a moralizing hypocrite it's my job to expose frauds like you not help you and it's my job to put black people in jail so good men who don't smoke marijuana make money off of them i'll see you in hell show
The show for gut-minded, lowly-livered lefties.
The kind of people that are Hillbentz maybe on tearing down our nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say It's hard to talk when you're T-dagging.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dorn.
Hey everybody, welcome to this week's Jimmy Dore Show.
we get to the jokes before the jokes i want to remind you august 16th that's wednesday august 16th 9 p.m we got a live jimmy door show in burbank california 9 p.m august 16th that's a wednesday it's part of the burbank comedy festival go to jimmy doorcomedy.com for a link for tickets that's august 16th 9 p.m that's a wednesday burbank california see you there now let's get to the jokes before the jokes donald trump talking off the cuff about north
Korea this week proves what everybody has been saying for years.
Improv sucks.
It really does, you guys.
Hey, by the way, who would have thought that destroying every town in their country and killing three million North Koreans would come back to haunt us one day?
Who thought?
Not me.
Certainly not MacArthur.
You know, I hope Mike Pence, people are realizing he privatized the roads, gave it away to Indiana.
Not good.
I hope Mike Pence lets British corporations privatize our interstate system, though.
That way we can drive on the left side of the same shitty roads.
Am I right?
Come on.
Come on.
I just want to remind everybody, not so much of a joke, but a reminder that both political parties have enthusiastically supported the two most racist, greed-based, disastrous wars in American history.
That would be the war on drugs and the war on terror.
So just keep that in mind.
I said, by the way, I want to tell everybody, stop knocking Kamala Harris, Cory Booker, Deval Patrick.
I mean, why can't we trust ex-prosecutors, Bain Capital employees, and Wall Street cronies?
I mean, Rudy Giuliani turned out great, didn't he?
Hey, did you know, according to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, 75% of George Bush's water-based crimes have already evaporated?
True story.
Hey, it makes sense Mark Zuckerberg says he's no longer an atheist.
Did you hear that?
He's running for president, so he's no longer an atheist.
Because only someone dumb enough to believe in an external sky god would invent the unsolicited poke as a way to get someone's attention.
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
We're going to take a look at the real reason we're still in Afghanistan.
The answer just may surprise you.
Or will it?
Plus, Trump proposed a military budget bigger than last year's Obama budget by about $55 billion.
The Democrats voted for an even bigger budget than what Trump proposed.
The Mick resistance is fully supporting Trump's bloated military budget.
And we're going to take a look at that.
Plus, the Democrats willing to screw over Barack Obama's Iranian deal so they can play political games by putting sanctions on Russia.
How has the European allies of the United States reacted to our Russian sanctions?
The answer just may surprise you.
you yes it will so coming up on today's show phone calls you already heard the amazing jeff sessions called in new friend of the show coming up we got uh former chief of staff rinse prebus is gonna call in.
Also, Vladimir Putin calls in to talk about my sense of humor and my smoking habits.
Plus, a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Hey, everybody, welcome to the Jimmy Door show.
I'm here with the miserable liberal and Ron Placone.
I'm miserable.
Howdy, howdy.
So finally, the New York Times is telling us why we're really in Afghanistan.
Why do you think we're really in Afghanistan?
We got rid of the al-Qaeda in like five seconds, and we're still there 16 years later.
16 years.
We've been occupying another country.
16 years.
Let's just go right into it.
Here's what the New York Times, there's our headline.
It says Trump finds reason for the U.S. to remain in Afghanistan.
Minerals.
So we've actually reported this before.
So now Trump's president, now he's rediscovering minerals.
Because they discovered minerals in Afghanistan.
They're the rare earth kind.
We've talked about it.
Some people have said, well, it's all in this article.
Let's go into it.
Afghanistan's vast mineral wealth, which his advisors and Afghan officials have told him could be profitably extracted by Western companies.
So that's why Trump now wants to stay in Afghanistan because Afghanistan's vast mineral wealth, which his advisors and Afghan officials have told him, could be profitably extracted by Western companies.
Boy, it's so different.
So literally, what Smedley Butler said in 1935, that war is a racket.
We're occupying your country.
Can we steal your natural resources?
Yeah.
You mean, like always?
Mr. Trump, who is deeply skeptical about sending more American troops to Afghanistan, has suggested that this could be one justification for the United States to stay engaged in the country so we could take their natural resources.
And by the way, it's not going to come benefit Americans.
It's going to benefit Western corporations.
If we do take their rare earth minerals and we let Western companies exploit them or extract them or whatever, you ain't going to see a penny of it.
Just so you know.
Last week, as the White House fell into an increasingly fractuous debate over the Afghanistan policy, three of Mr. Trump's senior aides met with a chemical executive, Michael N. Silver, to discuss the potential for extracting rare earth minerals.
Mr. Silver's firm, American Elements, specializes in these minerals, which are used in a range of high-tech products.
In 2010, American officials estimated that Afghanistan had untapped mineral deposits worth nearly a trillion dollars.
An estimate that was widely disputed at the time and has certainly fallen since, given the eroding price of commodities.
But the $1 trillion figure is circulating again inside the White House, according to officials who said it caught the attention of Mr. Trump.
In 2006, the George W. Bush administration conducted aerial surveys of Afghanistan to map its mineral resources.
You mean the guy whose ethics lawyer is the person we turn to now for all of our ethical questions?
That administration.
I didn't know they did anything wrong.
Huh?
Crazy.
Under President Barack Obama, the Pentagon set up a task force to try to build a mining industry in Afghanistan.
I thought, what are we in Afghanistan for?
What are we doing?
I think we're trying to get tenure.
Four more years.
I thought it was spreading democracy, gentlemen.
I thought we were spreading democracy in the Middle East.
That's what we're doing.
A challenge that was stymied by rampant corruption as well as security problems and the lack of roads, bridges, or railroads.
So it's tough to build a mining industry because they lacked roads, bridges, railroads.
Plus, there was corruption as well as security problems.
But they tried.
It would be dangerous to use the potential for resource exploit.
Listen to this.
This is awesome.
It would be dangerous to use the potential for resource exploitation as a selling point for military engagement, said Laurel Miller, a senior analyst at RAND, who served until last month as the State Department special representative for Afghanistan and Pakistan.
Yes, it would be dangerous to use the potential for resource exploitation as a selling point.
What's your line of work?
Oh, I'm in sales.
What do you sell?
I'm in sales too.
I sell watches.
What do you sell?
I sell wars in the Middle East.
I sell a war in the Middle East.
It's a racket.
It's pretty profitable.
I sell wars for the exploitation of natural resources.
The barriers to entry are really quite considerable, and that kind of argument could fuel suspicion about America's real intention.
Let me just, let's just read this together.
So this woman who's a senior analyst at RAND, who served until last month, so this isn't this person, Laura Miller, until last month, was the State Department special representative for Afghanistan and Pakistan, says this.
It would be dangerous to use the potential for resource exploitation as a selling point for military engagement.
The barriers to entry are really quite considerable.
And that kind of argument could fuel suspicion about America's real intentions in Afghanistan.
Because none of those have happened yet.
No one's been suspicious.
Up until now, 16 years, we're starting to wander.
Yeah, you don't want to do that.
You don't want to tell people.
What she's really saying is you don't want to tell people the real reason why we're there because it would fuel suspicion about the real reason why we're there.
Right?
Yeah, pretty much.
Why are we there?
What is even the, what is even the reason they give anymore?
Because we're trying to get the government that we're propping up in Afghanistan to be strong enough to defeat the people who live in Afghanistan, meaning the Taliban.
So we have to get them propped up and make them strong enough so that they can defeat the Taliban, which they can't defeat now without our help.
So we're trying to tell another country how to run its country.
That's what we're doing.
Well, we're spreading democracy to them.
We've mastered it here.
Yeah.
Now we're sharing it.
We've mastered it.
We've mastered it.
40% of the elections in this century went to the person who lost for president.
40%.
40% of the elections in this century went to the person who lost the vote.
We're going to spread that around.
We want to spread that around.
So I don't even, really, so the reason they give now for why we're still there is that we have to shore up the Afghan government's military so they can defend themselves against the Taliban.
And apparently 16 years is not enough.
No, we got to go for a nice round 20.
Yeah.
So they're going to be training that Afghan army until they're all old enough to retire.
Right?
So you spend 20 years, you can retire, right?
The military, if you can spend 20 years, well, 16, four more years, they can all retire.
And then they got to train a whole new one.
So let's just reset that clock.
Yeah.
My brain is exploding that we're in Afghanistan.
I don't even understand it.
And I know we keep saying stuff like, you know, this is our longest war that we've ever been in.
This is super long.
This is 16 years and counting.
Was it at Russia that they were there for like nine years?
The war can legally get a license now.
The war can drive.
And pretty soon the world will be able to drink.
And be able to vote in two years.
Yep.
Four more years will be able to retire.
It's unbelievable stuff.
But there's more to this article.
It says: officials said he viewed mining, meaning Trump, as a win-win that could boost the country's economy, generate jobs for Americans, and give the United States a valuable new beachhead in the market for rare earth minerals, which has been all but monopolized by China.
So that's how you could use war, endless war.
You could use it to steal resources.
Officials said Mr. Trump was determined not to spend American lives and treasure in Afghanistan only to watch China lock up its rare earth deposits.
What the?
It's either China or Russia.
Which is their rare earth deposits, which are used to make products from the wind turbines from wind turbines to computer chips.
We're not a big fan of those wind turbines, though.
It's not really.
We didn't just have thousands of soldiers die here so you guys could keep your minerals.
That's what they're saying.
I didn't have spent all this money over here and all these dead soldiers so you guys could keep your, we got to get something.
We got to get payback.
I'm not just going to let China come in after we've been here bombing people for 16 years.
Those are our bombs.
We get to keep it.
That's what they're saying.
Mr. Trump's interest also reflects how his military advisors get this.
How his military advisors have struggled to present him with other persuasive reasons to send troops to the country.
So their whole job is to sit there and try to figure out a reason to give Trump that he would find acceptable to send more troops to Afghanistan.
That's what that paragraph says to me.
Their whole job.
They're struggling to find reason.
We got to send troops.
Why?
Well, because that's what we do.
But why do you want to tell?
Well, we have to come up with a reason.
Like their default position is we've got to send more troops to Afghanistan.
We got to keep the wars going.
Why?
That's what we do.
But now we have to come up with a reason that's acceptable to you.
That's what they're saying.
They don't need their own reason.
They just like it.
They're the military advisors.
Finally, we found more cool shit in the ground.
Yes.
Okay, so as I'm looking at this statement, all I keep thinking to myself is: where are the peace advisors?
Right, right.
Right.
They have struggled to present him with other persuasive reasons to send troops to the country where the United States has been in war since 2001.
Speaking to employees of the CIA, the president said the United States had erred in withdrawing troops from Iraq without holding on to its oil.
Now, that shocks a lot of people to hear Trump say that because we normally never say that out loud.
So the United States might have lost the war in Iraq, but BP, Shell, and Exxon did reap the oil.
So I don't even know what Trump's thinking.
We did get the oil.
BP, Shell, and Exxon have the oil.
They're reaping the profits.
So after years of sanctions on Iraq, those oil companies rushed in.
Oh, great.
We're invading for freedom and safety.
Maybe we could also get the oil.
They got the oil.
And as Trump said, the old expression to the victor belongs the spoils, Mr. Trump declared.
You remember?
First of all, everyone hates that Trump talks like that, but he's just saying outwardly what everyone knows is happening.
And they were like shocked by it.
Oh, you can't say we got to take their oil.
That's what we did.
It was a success, the Iraq war.
We got the oil into the Western companies.
Next time an Army recruiter knocks on your door and wants to talk to your 17-year-old kid, tell them this.
Show them this video.
Tell them, what?
What are we doing over there?
Nothing.
No what?
We're just ruining people's lives, dropping bombs for profit for oil companies and the military-industrial complex.
It's a nice symbiotic relationship.
And now that's, it's literally in the Washington Post.
I mean, it's literally in the New York Times.
Look at that.
I'm sure they talked, they couldn't stop talking about it at MSNBC.
This article came out July 25th.
Like how it almost reads like it's like a victory, too.
Oh, we found a reason.
Awesome.
We're sticking around, guys.
Sleep tight.
We're still going to be there.
So I'm shocked that made it into the New York Times.
But they often will print stuff like that.
But again, it's not what it's focused on.
It's not what the, you know, it's not their overarching theme.
Their overarching theme is Russia hacked our election.
We need to start World War III.
That's their overarching theme.
And that we're fighting the bad guys in the Middle East.
That's why we're there.
At least they let you know.
At least they're letting you know that this is what's going on.
But it's still reported in a funny way.
Like, you know, the Barack Obama administration, they tried this.
They don't go, hey, what are we there for?
What is going on?
But this is a good job by James Risen and Mark Landler.
It's a good job.
Okay, so now you know the rest of the story, why we're still in Afghanistan.
Wouldn't it be awesome if Trump got us out of Afghanistan and Syria?
Wouldn't that be great?
If he keeps speaking recklessly and a bunch of people are finally like, wait, that's what's going on.
Trump just says out loud what we've been doing in secret.
He just, that's just gross.
That's just gross of Trump to do that.
The Pentagon budget consumes 80% of individual income tax revenue.
No shit.
According to Business Insider.
Wow.
Wow.
Say that again.
The Pentagon budget consumes 80% of individual income tax revenue.
Wow.
So where does that lead us?
So that was eight years ago.
That was at the beginning of the Barack Obama administration.
Let's cut to 2017.
Now we have the resistance against crazy maniac Trump.
Half the country's poor.
50% of all wage earners in America earn less than $30,000.
People go bankrupt from health care all the time.
I'm going to give you one more fact.
They said the Pentagon spends more on war than all 50 states combined spend on health, education, welfare, and safety.
That sounds that I don't see how could that turn out bad.
So we have an economy of death.
We have a death economy in the United States.
Literally ran out of bombs in Syria.
And so now here we are in 2017.
Everybody's doing the Mick resistance because guess what?
Here's Forbes magazine.
60% of Democrats vote for a defense budget even bigger than what Trump proposed.
Even bigger than what Trump proposed.
Remember, Trump wanted to add an extra $55 billion on top.
We're going to throw another $55 billion on a Defense Department.
Bernie Sanders wanted to throw $60 billion into free college, and you thought he wanted to end the fucking world.
Donald Trump throws an extra $55 billion on the defense budget, and it barely gets reported.
Not only that, the Democrats put more money on top of it and vote for it.
It's from a couple weeks it wasn't for this isn't today.
That's why I'm saying nobody's really talking about this.
So this is from that article.
It says for the 2017 fiscal year that ends on September 30th, the Obama budget called for $582.7 billion, which included a base budget of $523.9 billion and the overseas contingency operation OCO budget of $58.8 billion.
Wow.
The Trump administration wanted to add about $54 billion onto that.
As the Defense Department's own budget numbers showed, it requested $574.5 billion in base budget and a $64.6 billion in OCO for a total of $639 billion.
So let's round it up to $640 billion.
Guess what?
The House's bill passed $696 billion.
So they were requesting, the Defense Department requested $640 billion.
The House passed a bill that gave them $697 billion.
Well, they wanted to leave a tip.
So almost $60 billion more, which would pay for free college for everybody.
Somehow they found it like that to put it into the budget.
Just like that, they found it.
I don't even remember a debate happening.
Imagine if we were going to give free college, the amounts of fucking hand-wringing that would be happening over that, the amount of finger wagging at freeloaders who want to get an education and contribute to our society.
You imagine all the bullshit that would be said on CNN and MSNBC and New York Times.
Can you imagine?
Here, not only does Trump give his extra $55 billion, they go an extra $60 on top of that.
Nobody even bats an eye.
There's no discussion about this happening in the culture, is there?
Nope, none at all.
And then when you hear the discussions, well, college wasn't free for me.
Why should it be free for anyone else?
Like, all right, well, if I want to buy a drone, it's not free for me.
So how about it's not free for anyone else either?
Let's not put that in the budget.
And who and who supported this fucking bill?
Of the 194 Democrats in the House, 117 voted for the bill.
They're such patriots.
Oh, resist, resist, resist.
They ain't resisting anything.
The Democrats aren't resisting a goddamn thing.
117 Democrats voted for almost a $700 billion bill.
What?
Almost $100 billion more than Barack Obama.
More.
$100 billion more.
They just increased the budget.
That's it.
Boom.
No one even talked about it.
So remember, Barack Obama's budget was $582 billion.
The budget they just passed is $697.
That's over $100 billion more.
You could send everybody to college for free for two years for just the increase in the budget, defense budget this year.
Not a peep about it from the corporate Democrats.
Not a peep about it from the Rachel Maddows and the Chris Hayes.
Have you heard anything?
I haven't heard a goddamn thing.
No.
Not a peep about it from Nancy Pelosi or Chuck Schumer.
Not a peep.
Our government's been taken from us.
Our government has been taken from us and they're bankrupting us.
They're doing this on the backs of fucking workers.
And who's doing it?
The goddamn Democrats.
In other words, this is how the Forbes article says it.
In other words, of the party that supposedly opposes rampant military spending and the Trump administration, 60% of them voted for this bill.
Trump's got no problem getting this stuff through Congress, baby.
Democrats are on board.
Here's how the Forbes article concludes: it says, There are things this country cannot afford.
One is a defense budget that embraces an 18.7% increase year-over-year growth, particularly when pressure on safety net spending increases with a growing population and increasing income inequality, while tax receipts are up between 2016 and 2017 by only 5.9%.
That's an awkwardly written paragraph.
So let me break it down for you.
It says there are things this country can't afford.
The Defense Department's budget just increased almost 20% overnight.
20% increase almost in the defense budget overnight, particularly when we're trying to cut social spending on Medicare, Social Security, Medicaid, everything they're cutting.
And by the way, they wiped out welfare in the 90s thanks to Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton.
And also, while income inequality is expanding, and while tax receipts only increased by 6%, so tax receipts increased by 6%, we're going to increase the Defense Department budget by 20%.
Where's that money come from?
Where's that money going to come from?
It's going to come from you.
It's going to come from stuff you want.
And this is the final paragraph.
It says, it seems crazy that the GOP, which fancies itself a champion of fiscal responsibility, agrees to this.
And the party in opposition, which has a glamorous self-image as some sort of resistance group, marches in step.
Both parties completely betraying their publicly held values.
Completely and totally betraying their publicly held values.
Both parties.
Our government's been taken from us.
The Princeton study told us that.
No one really likes to talk about that much.
They still pretend like we have power in this country and we don't.
A handful of rich people run this goddamn country for themselves, which is why we have the biggest prison population in the goddamn world because we use them as slave labor.
Steph?
You know, I'm just trying to find who are all the Democrats that didn't, that voted against us.
I'm having a hard time finding the list of people that voted for it and voted against it.
And I find that outrageous that it's that hard to find.
Yeah, we can find it.
So, Ron, anything?
Yeah, I mean, it's just, it's just so baffling to me.
Like, this is just that this is just accepted and this is like something you can't question because, you know, I mean, in the political arena, you'll just get smeared right away.
I mean, you know, Barney Frank got smeared.
I mean, anybody that even touches that gets smeared right away.
And there's got to be some kind of a way around it because it is just completely assbacked.
No one's even talking about it.
No one's talking to them.
They just increased the goddamn defense budget by $100 billion.
That could have paid for everybody's free college.
Nobody's fucking talking about it.
Well, at least they cut funding to public broadcasting.
That's going to free.
Oh, at least they did that.
That's going to free up a lot of money there.
I did come across another fact, and it said by 2033, we will be spending $60 billion on veterans, their medical treatments, and helping them.
$60 billion.
How about we just stop these wars and participating in all of this illegal war activity?
This is horrible, Jimmy.
This is horrible.
Again, this Is part of that thing when I, you know, when I interview people on the show who are smarter than me, and I say, how do you stop from blowing your head off when you read the paper?
How do you stop from this?
Is horrible what's happening to our country?
And the Democrats, which used to be the opposition party, are not the opposition party.
They are the party.
There's one party.
It's the money party.
That is a fact.
There's no opposition to these defense budgets.
There's no opposition to any of the foreign wars.
There's no opposition.
In fact, they want more of it.
The Democrats want more.
They're upset if Trump doesn't bomb Syria.
And I'm going to, I'm going to get, again, I stopped.
Please tell me in the comments if you watch the cable news.
I stopped watching because I can't take it.
It is unbelievable.
And so you tell me if they've talked anything about this, if they've made that comparison, like, oh, the extra $100 billion in the defense budget from Barack Obama, that could have paid for college and a lot more.
How are you going to pay for that?
How are you going to pay for that free college?
How are you going to pay for that?
We've been so brainwashed in this country by jackass corporatists.
Yeah, I wish I had a nice thing to say at the end, but I don't.
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Dollar Shave Club.
Go to dollarshaveclub.com slash Jimmy.
You got to do the slash Jimmy.
Okay, thanks for supporting the show.
Hey, everybody, this is the part of the show where I usually tell you to go to our Amazon.com link.
You know, we don't encourage anybody to shop at Amazon, but if you do, we say have some of that money go to a progressive show like the Jimmy Door show.
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Click it.
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But we have a new thing, a new way for you to help support us.
Well, you can become a premium member.
You already know about that.
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So because a lot of people feel more comfortable using Patreon than using PayPal or Amazon.
So that's another way you can help support the show.
We have a Patreon link.
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Go there.
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And you know what matters more now than ever because our show has really blown up and gotten way more popular since we've been going on YouTube.
But we've gotten over a quarter million subscribers.
And so things are really happening.
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And YouTube's offering establishment news.
They're actually offering for a fee.
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Thank you for doing that.
Now let's get on to the second half.
Oh, hi.
It's Vladimir Putin.
It's Vladimir Putin, everybody.
I never told you who this was, and yet you'll know install it.
It's me.
How is this possible?
Oh, well, I have caller ID, Vlad.
Very clever, Jimmy.
Very clever.
I enjoy this little dance with you every week, no?
No?
Yes.
No, yes.
Yes.
Very good, my friend.
We understand each other perfectly now, don't we?
Sure, I guess.
Good.
Because one day I might call on you to perform a favor for myself.
Is that clear?
Well, what kind of a favor?
I'd really like the password to your premium content.
My premium content?
Now, don't shit your Gorcas.
I promise not to give it out to the wrong element, like Cossacks or Gypsies.
Although I don't know why the fuck that would make any difference to you.
Unless you have a thing against Cossacks and Gypsies.
You're not prejudiced against Cossacks and Gypsies, are you?
No, of course not.
Okay, then how about Kulaks?
I don't even know what a Kulak is.
All about three rubles a pound.
That is all the Russian joke.
You left?
Laugh with me, Jimmy.
You see, I just thought the word Cossacks and Gypsies sounded kind of funny.
So I improvised and then threw them out there for a reaction.
I'm really into the yes and form of governing.
Okay, but I really can't give you the password to the premium content unless you become a member.
It wouldn't be fair to the other subscribers.
This game of chess we play, I grow very weary of it sometimes.
We do a little dance, we move our pieces to and fro.
Sometimes into victory, sometimes into a trap.
Who knows what fate will reveal to us today?
Our destiny is preordained, they say.
Yet we chose our own journey.
Look, there's a fork in the road.
Do we go through the forest or into the clearing?
This is not for us to say, Jimmy, for it is ours only to accept.
Yeah, but you still got to be a subscriber and pay for the premium if you want it.
It's really very inexpensive, and it's a great value.
Give me the fucking password, you asshole.
I'm not kidding this time.
I'm sorry, but that's for premium members.
But I already am premium member.
I'm the guy who keeps writing, hey, I'm first in the comment section the second after you post something.
Oh, you're that guy?
That's amazing.
I love you, but you annoy some people.
Yeah, but I'm still first.
You're just jealous because you wish you could be first and you're not.
Let's change subject.
Hey, I want to do short-form improv with you.
Give me a personality, a location, a time, and an occupation.
Okay, the personality is you.
The place is the Kremlin.
The time is 1:30 p.m., and the occupation is what you're doing right now.
Thank you.
It is I here now doing this.
And Curtin, that was very beneficial.
Now let us try.
First exercise.
Close your eyes and fall backwards into my arms.
Are you falling?
Yes.
Whoops.
I dropped you and your head hit the edge of my desk.
Later, the Los Angeles Police Department comes and miscendles evidence, and Thomas Moguchi messes up your autopsy sodiard is mystery for years.
Then you are forgotten with only a few scraps of paper left behind to remind others that you want at a podcast.
Wow, that was great.
Okay, you win.
I'll give you the premium password.
Don't be silly, James Door.
I already got it from my CIA connection.
You see, I can play games too, my friend.
We play chess well together.
Until next time, when we meet mysteriously on the phone.
So when will this call trap on the YouTubes?
Probably within the next two or three.
First.
Ooh.
I'm here with actor, comedian, and extraordinaire Rick Overton from the new Showtime series.
I've died up here.
Thanks, Jimmy.
Also here with us is Rod Placone.
Hey, Rod.
Howdy, howdy.
All right, so guess what?
This is a little bit of a complicated story.
They had the sanctions.
They just voted overwhelmingly to have sanctions against Russia, Iran, and North Korea.
Now, North Korea, I don't really care about, but Iran and Russia, I do care about.
So Iran is a democracy.
Just in case you didn't know, they actually have elections.
You know who isn't?
Saudi Arabia.
They're an oppressive theocratic dictatorship that denies women rights.
And they're spreading Wahhabiism, which is terrorism, all over the Middle East and Northern Africa.
Just so you know.
Whose passports did we find?
That's right, Saudi Arabia.
The people who bombed us or whatever attacked us on 9-11 were from Saudi Arabia.
Right.
But we went into Iraq and Afghanistan.
So Barack Obama achieved this great agreement with Iran to delay their nuclear program or to stop their developing a nuclear bomb.
Everybody hailed it as his greatest foreign policy achievement, right?
Was the Iran do.
So now what is happening is the Democrats want to sanction Russia.
Why?
Because the Democrats are desperate to distract everybody from how horrible of a party they are, how empty their message is, and the fact that their standard bearer left them with a decimated party.
Barack Obama left the Democrats with a completely decimated party.
Yeah, so that's why.
So the Democrats want to sanction Russia so badly that they were willing to upend their deal that Barack Obama had made with Iran.
They're willing to risk to jeopardize that deal.
That's how effed up the Democrats are.
Here's Reuters talked about it.
Here's Factbox.
What do the new U.S. sanctions on Russia target?
So the House and Senate passed this sanction bill.
They're going to sanction Russia.
It passed in the Senate.
Only two people voted against it.
Those two people, Rand Paul, Bernie Sanders.
In the House, three people voted against it, all Republicans.
Correct, Ron?
Yes.
So here's what they sell.
So here's what the sanctions do.
So they start off by saying the U.S. President Donald Trump reluctantly signed into law a sweeping sanctions bill against Russia, Iran, and North Korea this week.
Why was he reluctantly signing that?
Because he doesn't want to start World War III with Russia.
He knows this is all manufactured by the Democrats, and we shouldn't be doing this shit.
Also, he's against ISIS, and so is Russia against ISIS and Al-Qaeda in Syria.
We're not.
We're funding ISIS and Al-Qaeda in Syria.
Aha!
So, Trump reluctantly...
Because he knows they could override it on a veto.
They have 98 to 2 in the Senate and whatever, 400 and whatever to 30 in the House.
So he knows they'll override it.
He'll look weak.
He has to sign it.
So what's in it?
Lawmakers passed a bill to punish Russia.
Why did they do it?
They're punishing Russia over its alleged interference in the 2016 U.S. presidential election.
I didn't know we concluded that investigation.
I thought we were still investigating what there's they have proof that Russia hacked our election or that those those emails were first of all they say the WikiLeaks emails were banal There's nothing in them, but they also say that Russia hacked them in collusion with Trump and threw the election with them.
So you can't have it both ways.
Although they're doing it, they're having it both ways.
Why?
Because the bought corporate media allows them to have it both ways.
So Seymour Hirsch saw it a little differently.
Seymour Hirsch is now backtracking on his story.
What do you know about it?
Well, he's saying he believes Seth Rich is that he believes that Seth Rich is the source.
He believed it.
And then in his NPR interview, he recanted.
Oh, yeah.
Now he's saying, I didn't say that.
I just said I heard rumors.
He got a laser dot on his.
Something happened.
Something happened.
Yes, Seymour Hirsch.
Seymour Hearst said that he heard from a source that saw the FBI report that said, yeah, okay, but now he's backtracking.
So that's the problem.
Yeah.
Well, getting back to your question, Jimmy, I do think the Russian investigation is still going on.
I haven't heard anything like MSNBC has 47,000 headlines to cover a day now to replace the investigation.
So I'm pretty sure it's still going on, yes.
So here's what this new law does.
The law establishes a review process that allows Congress to block any effort by Trump to ease or lift sanctions on Russia.
So they're Handcuffing the president.
The president usually has complete control of foreign policy.
Now they're saying, no, if you want to do anything that you normally are allowed to, you have to first come get approval from Congress.
So this, again, is Trump going against the establishment of both the Republican Party and the Democratic Party.
And that's why people voted for Trump.
A lot of the people who voted for Trump was because they wanted to give a punch and throw a brick through the window of the establishment.
And it's still happening.
This is still happening.
So Trump, so what else is in this law?
Trump or any U.S. president must submit a report to the appropriate congressional committee describing the rationale behind any easing of sanctions on Russia and how it would affect the U.S. national security interests.
Congress would have at least 30 days to hold hearings and then vote on a proposed change.
So it's making him jump through all these hoops that he normally wouldn't have to jump through to carry out his foreign policy.
If Loftmakers back a joint resolution of disapproval, the president would be barred from changing the sanctions.
So it's handcuffing the president.
Also, new sanctions are introduced on entities, so they introduce new sanctions on entities doing business with Russian military or intelligence agencies, companies involved in Russian offshore oil projects, and those participating in Russian oil or gas line construction within Russia.
The law also ramps up sanctions against any entity involved in any cyber attacks on behalf of the Russian government or that is owned by or acting on behalf of such entity.
The president is allowed to waive these sanctions if he determines it is in the national security interest to do so, subject to congressional review.
So they're not allowing him to do anything without congressional approval when it comes to Russia and these sanctions.
Six executive orders signed by President Barack Obama are now codified, which would prevent Trump from using an executive order to revoke them.
So Barack Obama has six measures sanctioning Russia financially because he went into Crimea and that, I guess, drove us crazy.
Who sanctioned us when we went into Libya?
Who sanctioned us when we went into Iraq?
Who sanctioned us when we ran out of bombs in Syria?
Who sanctioned us when we ran a torture facility in Cuba, which is still open?
Who sanctioned us when we overthrew the Honduran democratically elected?
Who's sanctioning us?
The whole point of royalty is you get to do something that no one else is allowed to do.
Yes.
We escaped royalty and eventually it found us and we became it.
We just relabeled it to corporatism.
Yeah.
But those are royals.
They get to do anything they want and they flaunt the fact in the news that look what didn't happen to me.
That's right.
And will happen to you.
Well, the people who started the Iraq war are on TV.
Everybody loves them again.
Everybody loves George Bush.
Everybody loves Colin Powell.
They named an oil tanker after Condoleezza Rice.
Everybody loves them.
They're all reformed.
That son of a bitch is David Frum is a new, they love him because he hates Trump.
So anyway, so that's so they're not going to allow.
So what are those six executive orders?
They were targeted at Russia's financial services, blah, blah, blah.
Okay, it was because of what they did.
So the law also requires, get this, an interagency report on senior foreign political figures and oligarchs in Russia.
Their estimated net worth and sources of income.
Any indications of corruption and their connections to Russian President Vladimir.
So now we're investigating Russian billionaires.
Why?
Now we are.
Why don't we investigate United States billionaires and their influence on our fucking democratic process?
You don't want to do that?
No, I don't think you want to do that, do you?
So, but guess what?
So this is from the intercept.
With the European Union livid, Congress pushes forward on sanctions against Russia, Iran.
So you don't really hear about, I don't watch a lot of television news anymore, but you don't hear anybody really saying that a lot.
Do you, Ron?
Rick, do you hear anybody saying that?
That the European Union is livid over the United States putting sanctions on Russia?
Our partners, our friends in Europe, couldn't be happier with us right now.
They couldn't be happier.
They've got a big, fake, yellow, smiley face stuck over their faces right now, those pasted over our screens.
Here's what the intercept says.
The Russian sanctions have been met with the threats of retaliation, not just from Russia, but from the European Union, which is apoplectic that the United States is threatening to undo its regional energy policy.
So for stupid fucking petty politics here in the United States, we're willing to piss off the economic balance of energy with the European Union and Russia.
We're willing to piss off our allies in the European Union.
We don't give a fuck.
And we're willing to upend the Iranian deal.
We don't give a fuck.
Why?
Because we got to cover.
Because I'm telling you, those Democratic politicians and their minions in the media are soulless, empty corporate Cretans who don't give a shit about you, the country.
All they care about is themselves because they are narcissistic, sociopathic fucking maniacs.
And if you don't think that's true, why aren't they for Medicare for all?
And if you don't think that's true, why are they pushing for World War III with Russia?
Even though the European Union knows it's crazy and the Barack Obama administration also knows it's crazy.
We're going to get to that part.
The sanctions may be a symbolic move for Congress, but they are very real to Europeans who do business with neighboring Russia.
On Sunday, the European Union indicated that they would retaliate against additional sanctions on Russia, fearful that they would impact energy companies.
In other words, your political theater has a real implication for these other nations that are all pissed off at you now.
Yes.
Economic butterfly effect.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So the butterfly effect is when a butterfly flaps its wings, it's felt all over.
Is that what you're talking about?
Yeah, it doesn't just the butterfly flying in front of a frog, frog jumps to bite it, fronts in front of a car, car crashes, guy meets the woman who he marries that their kid creates the cure for cancer.
Right.
And that wouldn't have happened unless the butterfly went this way.
Okay.
See?
And it's always, it always leads to the cure for cancer.
It always does.
And every analogy.
A memo attained from Brussels by the Financial Times said that the European Union would, quote, stand ready to act within days if the bill was adopted without EU concerns taken into account.
So this is the kind of shit we're doing just for political theater, as Ron puts it here in the United States.
And that's all this is.
That is all this is.
Let's remember, Russia spends how much on their Defense Department every year?
$50 to $60 billion a year.
That's what they spend.
You know what we spend?
Close to a trillion?
Yeah, that's just a holiday bonus for us.
Yeah, that's just, yeah.
That's a missile system that didn't work.
Exactly.
Right now, it seems like America, American leadership is Captain Kirk in one of those early Star Trek episodes where the alien could make Kirk do whatever he wanted and manipulate his body.
Yeah.
And they're manipulating us to destroy ourselves while looking like that we are.
It's almost as if who's the alien doing that?
I think Saudi Arabia is the psychotelekinetic alien manipulating all American leadership right now.
And they're letting us make fools of ourselves to destroy our dollar because they're wiping us out through them.
Well, and no one mentions the petrodollar, Rick.
Do you ever hear anybody mention the petrol dollar?
No one ever talks about the petrol dollar.
I'll ask people about the petrol dollar on news shows, and they'll look at me like, you know, like a dog watching you do card tricks.
They have no idea.
Like, well, Petro.
Why do you think we're fucking friends with Saudi Arabia?
The most brutal dick.
They're the ones who are exploiting terrorism.
Why do you think the petrol dollar, baby?
That's why when we went off the gold standard, everything changed.
Okay, let's get back to this.
Even the French government, which has allegedly faced its own election interference by Russia, spoke out against these sanctions.
The French foreign ministry on Wednesday said the sanctions appeared to violate international law and that the European Union would have to respond due to the impact on firms.
The Iran sanctions threatened.
Oh, by the way, the Iran sanctions, this is from the intercept, threatened to blow up the Iran nuclear deal, a landmark foreign policy achievement of President Barack Obama's, one negotiated with both the European allies and with Russia and with China.
They don't care.
So the Democrats now have become as politically bullshit as the Republicans and as brazen and willing to hurt the country for political gain.
The Democrats now.
Now.
So now the MSNBC is mirroring what Fox was.
Now they're partisans 100%.
And you can't believe what they say.
I've seen them lie constantly.
And they push the narrative of their corporate overlords, just like Fox.
They've become worse because Fox News actually has an ideology.
MSNBC doesn't.
They just have corporatism.
Despite the fact the Trump administration has levied its own sanctions on Iran, the administration has certified that Iran is complying with the deal.
They're complying with the Barack Obama deal.
Iran is, and we're still sanctioning them.
Why?
Because Israel wants us to.
And so does Saudi Arabia.
Saudis want them out.
That's right.
And so we'll do it.
So it's got nothing to do with just like when we went into Libya.
It's got nothing to do with any, just like we're in Syria.
It's got nothing to do with safety.
It's got nothing to do with the why we go in Iraq.
Same goddamn reasons.
While the Iran sanctions bill was at an early stage, former Secretary of State John Kerry spoke out against it.
Even the Democrats who aren't in power are against this.
So John Kerry, Barack Obama's administration, again, he said it would jeopardize the Iran nuclear deal.
And the Democrats say, who gives a fuck?
I don't give a fuck about you.
I don't give a fuck about your country.
I don't give a fuck about foreign policy.
You know what I give a fuck about?
It's my own goddamn narcissistic well-being.
And this is what the party wants me to do.
This is what my donors want me to do.
This is how we distract the voters, the ones that we turned our back on.
I'm all for it because I'm a Democrat.
Two people voted against these sanctions: Bernie Sanders and Rand Paul.
Bedfellows.
Look at that.
Look at that.
Wow.
All right.
So the Democrats, even worse than you thought.
And the mainstream news media, even worse than you thought.
Are they reporting it like the intercept talked about?
How this is horrible and it's going to blow up the Iran deal and how the European Union is against this.
Even France was against this.
John Kerry, Barack Obama's administration is against this.
No, that's not.
I don't have to watch MSNBC to know that's not how they're reporting this.
Well, they're celebrating it and smearing the few that are voting against it.
Yeah, you're a Putin puppet if you're against these sanctions.
Yep.
98 to 2.
And everybody else in the world is against it.
98 to 2.
Everybody else, including the Barack Obama administration, is against this.
But I'm a Putin puppet if I'm also against it.
It's now the Putin puppet.
We now live in the not the Joe McCarthy or we live in the Charlie McCarthy area now.
With all the puppets running around here.
Well said.
So that's the real deal.
That's what's really happening with these sanctions.
They're bullshit.
It's 100% political.
It's deleterious to our Iran deal.
It's harmful to our country.
It ramps up war everywhere.
The prospect for World War III and it keeps us spending way too much money on the military-industrial complex.
But isn't that the point anyway?
Hello.
Hello, Chibi Door.
This is the name that dare not speak its name.
Reince Priebus.
You know, I was wondering about you, Reince.
We haven't heard from you in a while.
Is anything new happening?
Nothing much.
Let's see.
I decided to renew my Netflix account.
Got a haircut.
Oh, and I decided to go in another direction career-wise.
Yeah, I know you got fired, huh?
You say fired.
I say picking up a sweet $400 a week in unemployment.
And that's before taxes.
You're going to collect unemployment?
That doesn't seem fair.
You're a rich man, and you just had one of the highest paid jobs in the White House.
Yeah, you're right.
I should be getting $4,000 a week.
That way I can trickle down.
All I want is trickle down.
That's how our economy works.
Supply and trickle down.
You know, looking back on your long-storied six-month career at the White House, what accomplishments are you most proud of?
Leaving the Republican Party in the best shape it's been since 1928.
But a year later, the economy took a historic nosedive into the Great Depression.
And Al Julson dressed up in blackface and filmed the first talkie.
So you lose some, you win some, right?
After that Access Hollywood tape came out, yeah, you told Donald Trump to get out of the race.
Do you ever regret not convincing him?
Regrets are for losers.
Coffee's for closers.
But during your time there, there wasn't a single major policy achievement.
Uh-huh.
That's where you're wrong.
You see, by achieving nothing, we actually achieved something.
We reduced the legislative footburnt of the government.
It's almost like there was no government at all.
You know, many in your party say that in order to take that job, you swallowed your principles.
That's ridiculous.
I never had any principles.
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that Ryan's previous phone call.
How do you hear the whole call?
You got to get the premium.
How do I get the premium?
It's real easy.
You go to jimmydoorcomedy.com, click on join premium.
If you want to hear the audio premium, it's only $5.
That's the most affordable premium program in the business.
And I can't say it fast enough.
But we also have video premium now.
If you'd like to see Video premium, which I enjoy the heck out of.
It's very special, only $10 a month.
Become a member.
You're really helping support the show.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com and we'll see everybody August 16th.
You know that.
August 16th.
That's this Wednesday in Burbank, California at the Burbank Comedy Festival.
We're doing a live Jimmy Door show.
Tickets available at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Go get them.
We'll see you Wednesday, August 16th, 9 p.m. in Burbank, California.
Today's show was written, that's right, it was written by Mike McRae, Ron Placone, Rick Overton, Jim Earl, Steph Zamarano.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only of the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at MikeMcRae.com.
That's it for this week.
Until next week, this is Jimmy Doris saying you'd be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Do not freak out.
I'm not getting it.
Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
Do not freak.
Do not freak out.
Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
I'm not getting don't don't don't bring don't you don't don't don't don't break out Do not freak.
Don't freak out.
Do not freak out.
Do not freak out.
I'm not kidding.
Not freak out.
Not freak out.
You are now now rocking with that that's the fuck up.
Don't freak out.
Do not freak out.
Don't freak out.
Don't bring up!
Do not freak out.
I'm not kidding.
Do not, do not.
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