All Episodes
Previous Next
April 14, 2017 - Jimmy Dore Show
59:29
20170414_0414Podcast
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore show.
Jimmy, former leader of the free world, Barack Obama here.
The big O. Hey, Jimmy, I need your cooperation.
Do you have a minute?
Sure, I guess.
My friends over at United Airlines need a seat for the guy who runs over your foot with the beverage cart.
Can I count on you?
No, I'm not giving up my seat.
Okay, let's sweeten the deal.
We'll give you $400 in redeemable vouchers for similar shitty flights at inconvenient times to places you'll never want to go.
No, I'm not giving up my seat.
So you refuse to volunteer voluntarily?
Yeah, that's right.
I can't miss my gig in Olympia, Washington.
You don't.
Don't you know Jimmy Carter deregulated the airline industry in the late 70s?
That's why you can no longer take an airline to Olympia, Washington.
Thank God.
That's called helping the consumer by hurting the customer.
But Olympia is the state capital.
Washington has a capital?
I know.
Why don't you rent your own small plane like Buddy Holly did?
Deregulation is good for small business.
Republicans aren't the only ones who can act like Republicans.
I think my term proved that.
How is that good for small business?
For example, we've created a demand for housing by demolishing hundreds of homes so we can build airports the airlines will refuse to use.
Now we finally have the parking spaces all you lunkheads love to whine about.
Consolidation is just another way to help consumers decide.
How?
By giving them less choice.
And boy, you should get down on your knees and thank me for that.
Thank you for what?
What have you done to help passengers?
Three years ago, my Justice Department sued to block a merger between American Airlines and U.S. Airways on the grounds it would raise fares, impose new fees, and reduce service.
That sounds great.
What happened?
The airlines hired former officials from my administration to lobby on our behalf.
So I bet you really came down hard on them for that, right?
Right.
Three months later, we approved the merger.
Isn't that great?
How is that great?
I created 10 new lobbying jobs.
Those guys were out of work, Jimmy.
It's all about a little thing called incrementalism.
One increment forward, seven increments back.
We worked with the industry on this.
Compromise is important, especially when your eight years is up and you've got a Washington mortgage hanging over your head.
I live near Ivanca and Jared.
Talk about the audacity of hope.
That stinks, Obama.
I care to differ.
Things are better now at United Airlines than they were one year ago.
Last year, United was fined $9 million and its CEO and two of the vice presidents resigned for accepting bribes from the Christie administration.
This year, that didn't happen.
See?
That's progress you can believe in.
But it's only April.
Nobody can deregulate like a Democrat can, Jimmy.
That's because we say we're against it and that we do it anyway.
Now, after they drag you off the plane, what part of your troubled pass would you prefer we bring up?
I have a choice.
Oh, yes.
For an additional $50 fee, we can upgrade you from breaking and entering to difficult personal life.
If you upgrade to difficult personal life, you get more legroom when they drag you down the aisle.
I don't know.
Go ahead and think about it, Jimmy.
But don't take too long.
Upgrades on degrading treatment sell out fast.
Can I put you on hold for a while?
I pull up your records.
Sure, okay, I guess.
Why do I always trust that guy?
I want to find that!
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
...the kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's much popular to value.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hey, everybody, welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
Want to remind you our live shows in Burbank and Los Angeles coming up May 1st and May 22nd.
We have another live show, June 10th.
That's in Chicago.
So go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Check out all our live dates coming up.
What's coming up on today's show?
United Airlines.
That's right.
There's a little bit of an issue with the United Airlines.
Hey, what happens if they overbook a flight?
They send some thugs on to beat the crap out of you.
That's coming up.
A senior citizen, by the way, that guy's senior citizen broke his nose, knocked teeth out, gave him a concussion.
We're going to talk about that.
And the CEO's response is what we're really going to talk about.
The CEO's response to the United beating of their own passenger.
We're going to talk about that.
Plus, CNN turns off Bernie's microphone.
No kidding, that happened.
Howard Dean, scapegoating peace activists.
A former veteran, Tulsi Gabbard, come out, calls for an investigation before we start a war.
Howard Dean, who it turns out is a draft dodger, smeared her.
So that's coming up on today's show.
Plus, we got phone calls today.
So you remember what happened with the United Pilot, with the United situation?
They kicked that guy off here.
I'll show you the video real quick.
Here it is again.
So what happened was I'll turn off.
So what happened was they overbooked the flight.
You know the story, right?
They overbooked a flight.
Nobody would get off.
They offered $400.
No one got off.
They offered $800.
Nobody got off.
Then they decided to just kick people off.
No more incentives.
So this guy originally that they're kicking off, here's some new information.
The guy that they kicked off was a doctor.
He was an Asian doctor who had originally volunteered to get off the flight.
Like, I'll be the person.
I'll leave.
I'll get off.
You need someone to volunteer.
He literally did that.
Then he finds out he wouldn't be able to take his flight until the next day at 2 in the afternoon.
And he was like, oh, no, I have to be at a hospital.
I have to do work at a hot.
That's why I'm going somewhere to go do work at a hospital.
So he said, oh, I'm sorry.
I can't leave.
I would have volunteered.
He did.
So then nobody else volunteers.
They computer generate his name and then they kick him off the plane.
Well, you know how.
So this is how they kick him off the plane.
This is how they kicked him off.
Ah!
Ah!
Oh, my God!
Ah!
Ah!
Get up.
Hey.
Oh, my God.
No.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Come on.
Better go.
Busted his left.
Oh, my God.
Look at what you did to him.
Oh, my God.
So that's what they did.
That's what they, so the corporation in their greed overbooks their flight on purpose, knowing that if everyone shows up, someone's going to get screwed.
Someone gets screwed.
They're supposed to offer incentives.
They offer incentives, not enough for anybody to take them.
And so then they kick, so the point of this video is to show you the horrible response.
So this is the CEO, Oscar Munoz.
And his first, I'm going to give you his first response.
first this is the first response to this munos said he was upset to see and hear about what happened at o'hare he added this is from the ap he added however that the man dragged off the plane had ignored requests by crew members to leave and become disruptive and became disruptive and belligerent making it necessary to call cops airport police so that's his first statement he keeps going this is still in the first statement he says our employees followed established procedures for dealing with the situation Like this,
while I deeply regret this situation arose, I also emphatically stand behind all of you.
And I want to commend you for continuing to go above and beyond to ensure we fly right.
So instead of being completely mortified by the situation and panic trying to make it right, he doubles down on, we are right.
And screw that senior citizen who we just smashed his face into a thing because we overbooked.
The guy had offered to get off the plane earlier.
Then he found out he can't fly until the next day at 2 in the afternoon.
He's like, well, that screws me too hard.
So screw you, but we can't screw United.
Screw the doctor and the patient he's supposed to see and the hospital he's supposed to work at.
Screw all those people.
But we have a flight attendant that needs to get to another flight.
So our needs come way before your needs.
That's United.
Our needs come.
We have to get this crew over to another flight.
So you got to get out of here.
You, the doctor who has to go to a hospital tomorrow morning and your patients who are waiting to see, screw you.
We come first.
That's what United is saying.
And he just doubled down.
We did it.
That's how you're supposed to do it.
This is how you're supposed to do it.
What are you running at?
Airline in Nazi Germany?
So it goes on.
So that's, you don't need that stuff.
Muna said that the airline might learn from the experience and it was continuing to look at the incident.
That's his first response.
Whose response?
That guy, the CEO of United.
And that just shows you that it doesn't take much smarts to become an executive at a corporation because that guy's not smart.
You know what he knows how to do?
Play the corporate game.
Because it's all about, you don't get to be the CEO of a huge corporation if you don't know the bullshit, backstabbing gossip environment of a corporation.
He didn't get there because he's smarter than everyone else.
He got there because he knows how to play the corporate game better.
He's not smart.
If he was smart, we wouldn't be doing a second video on him about how dumb he is.
He has a crisis, and this is how he handles it.
There's video of your customer getting the crap beaten out of him.
And his crime was he bought a ticket on your airline.
So now here's his second response.
Here's his second response.
Dear team, like you, I was upset to see and hear about what happened last night aboard United Express Flight 3411 headed from Chicago to Louisville.
While the facts and circumstances are still evolving, especially with respect to why this customer de this is his second attempt, especially he especially, this is what he wants to find out.
The facts and circumstances are still evolving, especially with respect to why the customer defied Chicago aviation security officers the way he did.
You mean sitting?
You mean the way he defied them by sitting there and saying, I have a doctor, I have to be somewhere tomorrow?
You going to give my seat to a flight attendant?
Because she has to be somewhere tomorrow?
Guess what?
I have to be somewhere tomorrow.
I'm a doctor.
No, no, we're more important than you.
We work for the airline.
You're just our customer.
And our customer is way down on the totem pole.
That's what this is.
To give you a clearer picture of what I've also included a recap from the preliminary reports filed by our employees.
So he goes on to recap.
Oh, so here he's still more from that second response.
He says, as you will read, the situation was unfortunately compounded when one of the passengers we politely asked to deplane refused.
And it became necessary to contact Chicago aviation security officers to help.
Hey, we got this guy, a doctor who we sold a ticket to who's supposed to be going to go to work at a hospital tomorrow in Louisville, but we got a flight attendant who needs to be in Louisville.
And so we're going to screw this guy over.
And he's not letting us screw him over.
Let's go get some security to help beat this guy up because he won't let us screw him over.
That's what's happening.
And you fucking wonder, oh, oh, capitalist is capitalism at its finest.
Our employees, this is, oh, this is second try.
Our employees followed established procedures for dealing with situations like this.
While I deeply regret this situation arose, I also emphatically stand behind, again, doubling down.
And I want to commend you for continuing to go above and beyond.
Oh, my boy.
And then he ends the second, this second and he ends it by saying, I do, however, believe there are lessons we can learn from this experience.
Oh, you think?
The lesson I think Munos might learn is that he's going to be fired.
I'm pretty sure they're going to elect the CEO.
They have to do something because as you'll find out, they're losing a lot of money over this because of Jagoff, because the dummy doesn't know how to respond when there's video of you bludgeoning and making your customers bleed.
When you're brutalizing your customers, all he did was buy a ticket to your airline, a doctor, senior citizen.
Treating our customers and each other with respect and dignity is at the core of who we are.
No, it's not.
Have you ever flown your own goddamn airline?
Nobody respects anybody and no one gives a shit.
Air travel in America has turned into flying greyhound buses and everybody knows it.
You and your bullshit, the utmost core of respect.
Blow me.
And then here's his final attempt.
After, guess what happened?
After his company lost $600 million, 2.7% of their value, people are cutting up their cards, their United credit cards, taking pictures and posting it to Twitter and Facebook.
They've also already lost.
I saw one estimate said they lost $1.2 billion, but the AP is reporting $600 million they lost.
That's according to the AP.
So after that, after they lose $600 million, I'm sure the members of the board are like, dude, everything you're doing is making this worse.
You're supposed to make this better.
And everything you're doing is making people even angrier at the United Airlines, meaning Munos, the CEO.
So here's his last, after they lose all that money, their stock is down.
This is what his final try.
The truly horrific event that occurred on this flight has elicited many responses from all of us.
Outrage, anger, disappointment.
I would also say shame blame with Shame shifting, blame shifting from you.
You should add that.
Scapegoating, blame shifting, deflecting.
How about that?
That would be your response.
That was the CEO's response.
Who should be fired?
I share all of those sentiments.
And one above all, my deepest apologies for what happened.
Still not apologizing to the guy.
Just to everyone else who's embarrassed that this happened.
Still not really apologizing for their policies, not apologizing for the horrible capitalist, unethical procedure of just, as a matter of routine, over-booking flights and then effing over people who have to get somewhere so you can make another dollar.
That's what they're doing.
They overbook flights so they can make another dollar.
And then if you get F'd over, you get F'd over.
I don't give a shit.
We got to make more money.
That's how the airlines do it.
And that's considered okay.
That's customer service.
That's customer service.
Like you, he continues.
This is his third try at apologizing.
Like you, I continue to be disturbed by what happened on this flight.
And I deeply apologize to the customer.
Finally, here we finally.
Third apology, third try.
I think this is the third paragraph.
Finally gets to apologizing to the guy.
And I deeply apologize to the customer forcibly removed.
That's not how it sounded like before.
You were upset with that guy.
You were upset with them.
The hell's that guy's problem?
No one should ever be mistreated this way.
How should they be mistreated?
How would you like to mistreat yourself?
They should be mistreated, just not this way.
You also need an English class.
I want you to know that we take full responsibility and we will work to make it right.
Too late.
You made it wrong.
And then you made it wrong two times after that.
It's never too late to do the right thing.
Too late.
You're wrong again.
I have committed to our customers and our employees that we are going to fix what's broken so this never happens again.
They're not going to fix this.
This isn't, by the way, that is a lie.
They will continue to overbook flights and kick their own customers off the planes.
They will continue to, this is not stopping.
They will overbook flights from now every day.
They don't care about you.
They care about making that one more dollar.
And if by making one more dollar they inconvenience you, their customer, go pound sand.
They don't give a shit.
Where are you going to go?
There's only four or five airlines in the goddamn country anyway.
This will include our thorough review of crew movement, our policies for incentivizing volunteers in these situations.
So that means he's not changing it.
So they're going to review their policies for incentivizing people to leave the plane that they have a ticket for because it's overbooked on purpose.
As a matter of course, that's their policy to overbook your flight.
So he's not changing that policy, but they're going to review how they screw you over.
Maybe we won't, maybe we'll try to screw you over less hard.
That's what he's saying.
How we handle oversold situations.
They're not going to stop oversold situations.
They're not going to stop overselling planes and creating this kind of conflict with their own goddamn customers.
They're not going to stop doing that.
That's what that means.
And an examination of how we partner with airport authorities and local law enforcement.
We'll communicate the results of our review by April 30th.
When I hope Oscar Munos is gone because I'm never flying United as long as he's the CEO.
Are you going?
I'm not going to.
I'm not going to fly United.
As long as he's a CEO, I'm not going to fly.
And this is what he ends with.
I promise we will do better.
Here's a little bit more from the AP story that we didn't report yesterday, but we're going to report right now.
This is interesting.
From AP, it says, after the passenger was removed, the four airline employees boarded the plane.
So they finally got that Asian guy.
They dragged him off the plane.
The four airline employees who had to get to another flight the next day in Louisville gets on the plane after they beat that guy bloody and dragged him off the plane.
Now the four United Airlines crew get on.
And what happens?
People on the plane were letting them have it.
They were saying, you should be ashamed to work for this company.
Okay.
Then what happened?
The guy they bloodied and bashed his head in on an armrest and then dragged off the plane.
He somehow got back on the plane.
And he's disorientated and he's running around.
This is what he looks like.
He's a doctor who just had three freaking cops beat the crap out of him and literally drag him off the plane.
He might be concussed.
I don't know what happened to that guy.
They smashed his face into an armrest and he immediately looked concussed.
He immediately went quiet.
And now he's disorientated, running around on a plane.
And what do you think the other people, there's kids on that plane that witnessed that.
There's children.
Hey, we're going to get ready to take a flight.
First, we're going to watch three cops brutalize a senior citizen as he's screaming and bloody his face.
Everybody up for that?
Now let's take a flight.
Now let's go on vacation.
So the guy comes back on, obviously disorientated, no one helping the guy.
In fact, they're going to beat the crap out of him again.
What happens?
A few minutes after the employees boarded, the man who was removed returned looking dazed and saying he had to get home.
In a video, the man can be seen standing in the aisle near what appears to be the rear of the aircraft.
That's what I just showed you.
Blood on his mouth, chin and cheek as he said, I want to go home.
Wow, it kind of breaks your heart a little bit.
I mean, for me, it does.
What happened next?
Officers followed him to the back of the plane.
And that's when another guy who was traveling with kids with high school students, he had it.
He's like, all right, enough of this.
We're getting off this goddamn plane.
You fucking Keystone cop morons.
Can't handle this goddamn situation.
You bloody a Guy, you drag him off, and now somehow he's back on running around dazed, and no one's helping him.
Now the cops come back on what mental midgets those cops are.
First of all, you couldn't even secure the guy after you beat him up and dragged him off a plane.
You couldn't even secure the guy.
You losers, which is why you're airport cops and not real cops.
But you still have all that urge to beat the crap out of a senior citizen in you.
Like a real cop.
So that guy gets up and says, We're getting the hell off this plane.
What's wrong with you people?
What is wrong with he gets up, takes this, and takes the kids off.
So another man traveling with high school students stood up at that point and said, they were getting off the plane.
About half the passengers followed, which is exactly what they should have did.
Half the pastors got up and got the hell off that goddamn plane.
And then United's told everyone else to get off the plane, too.
Hey, let's get everyone off the plane.
Maybe we want to clean up the blood.
Maybe we need to clean the blood up.
The guy bled everywhere.
That's the CEO of United.
And if anybody flies United while that guy's still CEO, it's on you.
I'm not flying while that guy.
That guy?
That guy's unconscious.
That guy's getting ready to do more evil shit.
That guy's getting ready to be a jagoff.
He's not changing the policy.
He doesn't give a shit about you.
That guy doesn't care that he's going to overbook his flights and screw his own customers over.
That's their fucking policy to do that.
That's their policy.
And his knee-jerk reaction when a video is shown of a passenger, a senior citizen being brutalized and literally dragged off his plane, his knee-jerk reaction is to blame that guy, his own goddamn customer.
Anybody who flies United while this guy is still the CEO, who buys a ticket now, it's on your conscience, I think.
But, you know, the whole alcohol, goddamn airline industry is horrible.
The whole goddamn industry is horrible.
There's no regulation.
That's why.
So now we have capitalism eats itself.
What do we have?
Four or five companies?
Left, Southwest, United, American, Alaska.
We don't have Continental anymore.
We don't have Pan Am.
We don't have.
Lots of them went out of business.
Anyway, this guy.
So it just goes to show you that people who wear suits and work for corporations, if you're ever around them often, they're fucking dumb.
They're dumb.
You know what their gift is?
They can endure meetings with other fucking morons who have nothing inside them.
That's their skin.
You ever been around a corporation and people who are in that's what their gift is.
Their gift is they're mostly dead inside and they can withstand non-stop meetings.
That's what corporations are and try to get something done good by the committee, which is why most stuff sucks.
And which is why this guy rises to the top of a shitpool, which is corporate America.
So United Airlines, bad timing, they announced an update for their app.
You want to know what it is?
It says United New app supports new drag and drop feature.
And of course, Nicotera, oh, I know that guy.
He said, bad timing on your app update.
Ah.
you Hey, everybody, this is the part of the show where I usually tell you to go to our Amazon.com link.
You know, we don't encourage anybody to shop at Amazon.
But if you do, we say have some of that money go to a progressive show like the Jimmy Door show.
Doesn't change the way you shop at Amazon, doesn't cost you anything, but it's a big help to the show.
So the next time you want to buy something from Amazon, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Our Amazon box is right on the front page.
Click it.
It takes you to Amazon.
And then when you buy something, they send us money.
It's just that easy.
But we have a new thing, a new way for you to help support us.
Well, you can become a premium member.
You already know about that, and I'll tell you about it at the end of the show.
But we started a Patreon, right?
So because a lot of people feel more comfortable using Patreon than using PayPal or Amazon.
So that's another way you can help support the show.
We have a Patreon link.
Just go to patreon.com/slash Jimmy Dore, patreon.com slash Jimmy Dore.
Go there.
You can become a patron of the Jimmy Door show.
And you know what matters more now than ever because our show has really blown up and gotten way more popular since we've been going on YouTube.
But we've gotten over a quarter million subscribers.
And so things are really happening.
And except YouTube pulled our funding out from underneath us, right?
So they don't want independent news anymore.
And YouTube's offering establishment news.
They're actually offering for a fee.
So they're funding independent news people like us.
So that's why we're offering Patreon.
That's why we're offering a premium.
That's why we offer the Amazon all these different ways.
And plus, we have the t-shirts.
We have all these different ways where you can help support the Jimmy Dore show.
So thanks for doing that.
And if you're more comfortable with Patreon, use our Patreon link.
If you're more comfortable using our PayPal, become a premium member.
So there's lots of different ways to support the show.
Thank you for doing that.
Now let's get on to the second half.
Hello, Jimmy Dore Productions Limited.
It's Andy Company.
How may I help you?
Jimmy, Mitt Romney here, former failed candidate for president of the United States under our Heavenly Father, the Romster.
Romney, Ramalonga Ding Dong, Nomney, the Mitster.
How's it hanging, Numnards?
Great.
We just hit over 221,000 YouTube subscribers.
I think people are really starting to get more involved in the political process.
Boring.
Hey, guess what?
I got some good news and some gooder news for you.
All right, what's the good news?
Oh, heck, it's all good news, Jimmy.
I'm seriously considering a consideration to run for the Utah Senate.
Wow.
I know.
Who would have thought a Utah had a senator, right?
We got two of them, and the whole state has less people than Burning Man.
Okay, and what's the other great news?
Hold on to your sacred underwear, Jimmy, because what I'm about to say is going to explode your trousers.
Somebody just found my binders full of women.
They found your binders full of women?
That's right, brother.
They actually exist.
This isn't like those metal plates Joseph Smith hit up his frock.
This is the real deal.
I shit you not, Sherlock.
Vindicated in the first degree, Nimrod.
I just mitt you with my best shot.
So they're real.
Yes, Jimmy.
Two binders of women, each weighing seven pounds, eight ounces, just like my first two sons, Tag and Spanky.
Spooky, huh?
So you don't think your Senate opponent might use those binders against you?
They're not binders full of pussy, Jimmy.
I'm not like Donald Trump.
Although I'd love it if he'd appoint me to some department he wants destroyed, like the Department of Separation of Church and State, for instance.
I think that's in the Constitution.
I can destroy that, too, if he wants.
So you're okay that your binder full of women are coming up again?
I also have binders full of black people, Jimmy.
You mean you're actively seeking a diverse staff for when you become senator?
Hell no.
I just have binders full of black people.
You've got to keep an eye out for rebellion.
That's how things roll here in Utah.
We're the eye on you, state.
Come visit sometime.
But you can't run for the Senate unless Oren Hatch bows out from the election.
That would be his eighth term.
I respect Orrin very much, but he's old, racist, and out of touch.
It's time to make room for a new generation of old, racist, out-of-touch men who are hip to the new bigotry.
And I'm just the man to take charge.
Take on this.
I have a great legacy of achievement.
I passed Romney care, took credit for it, and then condemned it under President Obama.
I move with the wind.
I'm very supple.
Yeah, we all remember.
Keep in mind that until Orrin has a stroke or is somehow poisoned, this is all just premature speculation.
Gosh, that sounded nasty.
Note yourself.
Increase Niley's self-flagellation to 12 lashes.
Gosh, that sounded nasty, too.
24 lashes.
Jimmy, do you have a monkey?
No.
Yesterday, I saw a YouTube video of a monkey taking a bath, and I swear he or she was telling me to run for Utah Senator.
The look in her eyes convinced me, along with the funny synthesizer music.
We all laughed here at the Romney household.
Your lifestyle makes me sick, by the way.
I have to go.
It's time for IT.
Hail, Satan.
So if you watch the Jimmy Doors show, you do so because you know the mainstream news media is effed.
It's owned by corporations.
Only six corporations control all the TV, radio, magazines, everything.
And so you can't get the straight dope, which is how we got, we went into Iraq the first time because New York Times, CNN, Washington Post, MSNBC, everybody was like, this is great.
Let's go.
We got to go get the rest.
And, you know, people like us knew that was a lie.
That's a military-industrial complex, manufacturing consent through the establishment media.
And they're doing it again right now.
And so now there's this push to go, oh, we got to get rid of fake news.
You mean the news that contradicts the already documented BS establishment news media?
You want to know what the fake news, my favorite fake news stories were?
The stories about the Iraq war printed on the front page of the New York Times above the fold that no one got in trouble for.
The editorial board at the Washington Post who said that you have to be a maniac.
It's hard.
It's hard to imagine how someone could still doubt that Saddam has weapons of mass destruction.
That's what the Washington Post said.
Talk about your fake news.
That's the Smarty Pants people at the Washington Post, the editorial board.
That's not some Jagoff reporter.
That's their big Smarty Pants people.
That's fake news.
Right now, when you turn on MSNBC and they're talking about Russia, Russia, Russia, and they're talking about gas attacks that Assad, that's fake news.
There's no investigation.
They haven't waited for the investigation.
It's manufacturing consent.
They did this before in 2013.
You know that.
It's been documented by many places that the gas attack in 2013 was implemented by the ISIS and al-Qaeda terrorists who were supporting in Syria, which no one talks about that either.
And when we talk about that stuff here on YouTube, now the corporation is taking our money away.
So if we start telling the truth about what's happening in Syria or it was the truth about the CIA funding and training ISIS and Al-Qaeda, which we are, if we tell the truth about that, the corporation says, no, no, take your money away.
And by the way, we're getting ready to start World War III, so we're going to super take all your money away.
Sure, it's a coinky dink.
So why do I say all this stuff?
Because just watch who you're not allowed to criticize.
Someone said, I forget who said that.
Someone's much smarter than me said, just watch who you're not allowed to criticize in society.
So here's Bernie Sanders.
Goes on CNN.
And watch how they cut him off after he makes a little joke.
You ready for this?
This is the most popular politician in the country.
Now CNN, who disparaged him all the way through the primary, along with MSNBC, now they can't get enough of him because he's a ratings getter and there's no threat to the establishment now because the election's over.
So now we'll use Bernie for money.
Until he says something they don't like.
Outfront now, Independent Senator Bernie Sanders.
And Senator, thanks so much for being with me tonight.
I want to start straight with General Flynn.
If General Flynn was lying those times when he said that sanctions did not come up, that he did speak to the Russian ambassador about sanctions before taking office.
Should the president fire him?
Well, this is a very troubling development.
And it speaks to the broader issue of Russia's involvement in our elections.
It speaks to the issue of President Trump being buddy-buddy with a thug and a murderer who is the head of Russia.
Name one head of a country who isn't.
Barack Obama did Libya.
Barack Obama took two wars, took him to seven.
We bombed hospitals.
Ran out of bombs in Syria.
Private Manning.
They tortured him.
Her.
We let thugs and butchers do anything they want to people who peacefully protest in America, Occupy Wall Street, standing rock.
Black people all across the country just murdered by cops.
So this idea that there's someone else who's a thug after we set the Middle East on fire.
Our country, the United States, set the Middle East on fire, and we're not learning.
We did it in Iraq, knocked off their dictator, killed a million people, did it in Libya, knocked off their dictator, turned it into a failed state haven for terrorists.
And now we want to repeat that in Syria.
We've been trying to do that since, I don't know, 2005.
People don't know that either.
People don't know that.
People think this is all new.
We've been trying to get rid of Assad since we've been trying to overthrow the Syrian government, the CIA, since the 50s.
Since the 50s.
And now it's super ramped up because they want to put a natural gas pipeline through Syria.
And by the way, whenever we talk, by the way, when we talk about this stuff, they take our money away.
And so it's discouraging us from doing it.
We're going to still do it.
And the people who watch the show have stepped up to support the show using our premium program or our Patreon or whatever.
There's plenty of ways to support our show.
So thank you.
But what I'm going to show you right now is watch this.
And now we're learning that may have been discussions between Flynn and the Russians about sanctions before this administration took power.
So this is very, very troubling, and I think the president is going to have to tell us what he's going to do about it.
So, so far, he hasn't said much, Senator.
I don't know if you've heard.
Here's what he has said.
You know, he was asked about this report about Flynn on his flight to Mar-a-Lago late today, right?
He just landed about an hour or so ago, and here's how he responded.
I don't know about it.
I haven't seen it.
What report is that?
The President is reporting that he talked to the ambassadors of Russia before you were inaugurated about sanctions, but he tried to...
I haven't seen that.
I'll look at that.
He says he knows nothing about it, hasn't seen any of these reports.
Is that a problem?
Well, I don't know.
Maybe he was watching CNN fake news.
What do you think?
You don't buy it.
That's a joke.
I know it was a joke.
I'm saying you don't buy what he said, obviously.
Aaron?
Yes.
I'm sorry, Senator.
I'm saying you obviously don't buy what he said.
You believe that he has seen these reports.
I mean, to your point.
Are we on?
It looks like we've lost connection with Senator Sanders, so let's just try to get that back up.
Do we have him back?
Okay, so what we're going to do is take a break.
I don't want to waste our time.
We only have the senator for a few minutes.
That was from a while ago, like over a month ago, I think.
Someone just sent that to me.
That's pretty awesome, huh, Arno?
Wasn't that funny?
As soon as he said it, hello?
Hell, Aaron?
Are you still out front?
Aaron Burnett?
Oh, I was just joking.
Just making a joke.
See you in fake news.
Bye.
Bye.
So That was beautiful.
That was beautiful.
Immediately, you heard the executive fuster, cut him off!
That's what would happen if I ever went on MSNBC.
That's what would happen.
I would say, I'm sorry, before you start asking me questions, how much do you make a day?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Chris, Rachel, Chris, Rachel?
I guess you lost him.
Well, I don't know.
Maybe he was watching CNN fake news.
What do you think?
You don't buy it.
That's a joke.
I know it was a joke.
I'm saying you don't buy what he said.
Carno!
Aaron?
Yes.
I'm sorry, Senator.
I'm saying you obviously don't buy what he said.
You believe that he has seen these reports.
I mean, to your point.
Are we on?
It looks like we've lost.
Oh, whoopsie daisy.
I don't really need to add much to that.
It's already really funny.
It's already super funny.
That's Eric Burnett, CNN, out front.
Well, those are some real tough, those are some tough talking journalists, huh?
They can take anything you throw at them.
They're real tough.
They're hardened.
They're hardened.
They've been on the streets.
They've been brushing elbows with criminals their whole life.
These freaking newsreaders.
Anyway, that was fantastic.
Aaron, are you still out front?
Aaron, are you still out front?
I wonder who this is.
Caller ID says, anonymous call from the Kremlin.
Hello.
Pull another string and you'll kiss my lips.
You're my puppet.
Snap my finger and you'll do flips.
You're my puppet.
Hello?
You're just a toy, just a funny boy.
You're my puppet.
Pull them blood of strings and you'll sing me a song.
You're my puppet.
Jimmy Door, do you know who this is?
Yeah, I do.
It's Vladimir Putin.
It is I, Vladimir Vladimirovich Chikikov Putin, Supreme Commander-in-Chief, Head of State, and current president of the highest office within the Russian Federation of Planets.
Okay, but why are you calling me your puppet?
Just because I'm not falling for the latest red scare paranoia?
Yes, that way it is a win-win for me.
Right wing looks bad, left wing looks bad.
You all look pretty stupid, is what I'm trying to say.
You guys are draining your resources and money for nothing.
We sit back and spend our retirement on French Liviera.
Meanwhile, you guys go broke and sell us back, Alaska, for two beaver belts and a sled.
But we're not your puppet, Vladimir.
Just because chicken hawks say we are, and more important, you're violating a copyright.
You can't use that song without permission.
Do not be alarmed.
I can use that song for the purposes of satire.
It's called Fair Use.
Last thing I want to get is on the wrong side of Library of Congress.
I sent in wrong form one time and they held up registering my cookbook for three years.
You wrote a cookbook?
Yes, cooking with Chernobyl.
Don't you mean cooking at Chernobyl?
No, we're talking about using town of Chernobyl to cook locally harvested deformed crops and mutant squirrel.
Seriously, you haven't eaten Waldorf salad until you taste one made with turkey surviving level 7 nuclear vint.
We call it turkey, but now they look more like big ostrich with bald head like Nikki Tokhrush.
Not nice to look at, but good eating and crunchy.
Just like original Khrushchev.
So how are sales?
Selling like radioactive hotcakes.
And cooking with Chernobyl is already hit series in Ukraine.
And way under budget.
Our chefs never live long enough to collect residuals.
And ratings are through the roof.
Oh, congratulations.
Jimmy, do you notice how when I leave out word the, it makes me sound more authentically Russian?
I guess.
So you don't usually leave out the word the when you normally speak?
No, I do it all for effect.
At home, you know, just hanging around chilling with friends, I sound a lot like Pat Sejak, only not as creepy.
Just an FYI.
Hey, Jimmy, can you do me a big favor before I leave?
Sure.
I'm trying to keep a low profile.
Can you stick this call of ours on your premium page?
I don't want anybody to listen to it.
Hey, shut up.
No, Jimmy, you shut up.
Okay, my friend.
This has been very productive.
We talk again soon, no?
Uh, no.
Yes?
No.
No?
Yeah, that's right.
Okay, by no, I mean yes, we'll talk again soon.
That is what you mean, also, no?
Yes.
Okay, now you are really confusing me.
Don't hang up yet.
Are we both agreeing to talk?
What an annoying man.
Who, Jimaro?
So, guess what?
I'm here with the miserable liberal Dave Reinitz and Ron Placone.
Hi, everybody.
Hello, Jimmy.
So, there's a real scary thing happening: the McCarthy Red Scarab thing.
The Democrats revived That.
And I just went to the Turner Classic Movie Festival where Lee Grant was featured.
She was a 24-year-old actress who gave a speech at the funeral for an actor who, instead of testifying at the House of Un-American Activities Committee, had a heart attack over it.
He said he goes, I got a weak car.
I don't think I'll be able to make it through the testimony.
He did at Art Deck and died.
She gave a speech at his funeral.
She was immediately blacklisted.
For 12 years, Lee Grant couldn't work.
They did that to teachers.
They would send FBI guys to teachers to schools.
Get the union leaders.
Get rid of them.
So now we're doing that in America.
Now we're doing a phony war again.
There's a false flag in Syria.
Why are we in Syria?
Nobody tells you.
We're there because we want to help people.
While we're killing kids in Yemen, Iraq, Libya, Afghanistan, no matter where they are, we'll kill them.
We want a torture facility in Cuba, but we're in Syria because we care about people.
We're in Syria because there's a pipeline they want to put through it.
That's why we're there.
And Tulsi Gabbard comes on TV to talk about it in a real way.
Like, hey, let's have peace because this is crazy.
We did this in Iraq.
Look how it turned out.
We did this in Afghanistan.
Look how it turned out.
We're doing this in Libya.
We did it in Libya.
Look how it turned out.
We want to do it again in Syria.
Let's not do this.
What are you going to replace Assad with?
And why do you want to overthrow him in the first place?
Why are we teaming up with ISIS and Al-Qaeda in Syria?
These are all the shit they don't talk about on the news.
The news won't tell you that it's ISIS and Al-Qaeda we're working with to overthrow Assad.
Yeah, we're training them and arming them.
ISIS and Al-Qaeda.
I bet that works out great.
So when we get rid of Assad, who are we going to replace him with?
ISIS and Al-Qaeda.
So here's Tulsi Gabbard come on and say, hey, this is all crazy.
Listen to what she says.
An investigation for these horrific chemical weapons attacks.
I'll be the first one to denounce him.
But the key is now with President Trump's reckless military strikes last night.
It flew directly in the face of the action that the UN was working on at that time to launch an independent investigation to find out exactly what the facts are, who was involved and who was responsible.
So that seems pretty sober.
That seems like, oh, thank God a grown-up came into the room and she said, hey, let's the UN do their investigation.
Let's find out what the facts are before we, I don't know, start a war.
Maybe we find out what the facts are before we launch Tomahawk cruise missiles into someone else's country and maybe start World War III.
Maybe we do that.
We wait for the UNN to investigate.
Sounds pretty, doesn't that sound rational to you guys?
Sounds perfectly rational.
Doesn't sound rational.
You have a master's degree.
You're a teacher.
That sounds rational.
Sounds sensible, sir.
You're a business owner, Dave.
Sounds rational to you, right?
Ron, what about you?
Now, you have a master's degree and you tour the country playing colleges.
What does it sound like to you?
You know, even though shooting first and asking later has always worked out swimmingly for the United States, I feel like this time, yeah, I'm with that too.
So she's saying exactly what Ron said, let's not shoot and ask questions later like we did in Iraq and Libya.
Let's wait.
Let's wait.
Let's get the...
Remember, good thing we didn't?
So thank God we have a congresswoman like that doing that.
Here's the thanks you get for doing that, for calling for sober investigations and not rushing to war.
Here's the thanks you get from that.
Now, these aren't right-wing maniacs.
Here's your left-wing warmongers.
That is Hawaii Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard.
She's an Iraq vet and member of the Foreign Affairs Committee, and she's casting doubt on the president's claim that the Syrian government was indeed behind the chemical attack that killed as many as 100 people last Tuesday.
Let's bring in Howard Dean, former Vermont governor, former DNC chair, and an MSNBC contributor.
Republican strategist Susan Del Percio, both front and center right here.
Good to have you guys.
Howard, how do you respond to Tulsi Gabbard?
I think it's outrageous.
There's a long, well-known history, both in our intelligence committee, Amnesty Intervac National, Doctors Without Borders.
Every single one of these agencies has said that Assad is using chemical weapons.
So then, yeah, I guess you would be for an investigation because you'll know how it's going to turn out.
The investigation will prove that it's definitely him.
And then we get to live by our standards of having an investigation before we invade another country.
Remember how we did in Iraq?
We were all sure.
Everybody was sure.
There could be no doubt.
We were all sure.
And by the way, this is a guy who was an anti-war candidate, ran against the Iraq war.
He used to say he's from the Democratic wing of the Democratic Party.
And here he is, couldn't be beating the war for drums more irresponsible.
Is there a bigger menace to the country than someone who beats the war for drunk and shame someone who calls for an investigation before we bomb someone?
These people are disgusting.
This is exactly what Chomsky talks about.
They're doing it right in front of your eyes.
They did it in the first Iraq war, and they're doing it now.
This is really happening right in front of your eye.
Hey, how does war propaganda work?
Here it is.
Even when accidentally someone came on to give a sober call for an investigation, they immediately bring on this.
And you know what?
I'm insulted every time I see Howard Dean.
You know, I had faith in Howard Dean once upon a time.
And, you know, when I see this Chiron that says former Governor Howard Dean, well, how about we say current lobbyist for pharmaceuticals and warmonger?
And warmonger.
And he wears that sweater like it's just going to soften him.
Well, it does because I get the impression he's more like Mr. Rogers pro-war.
Yeah.
There's more to this.
Barrien, he's murdered a half a million of his own people.
I can't.
How many people did we murder in Iraq, Howard?
How many people did he murdered a half a million of his own people?
How many people did President Lincoln murder in our civil war?
Is that what you call them murdered?
Or would you call those, what do you call those?
Abraham Lincoln murder Confederate soldiers?
Because that's what's happening in Syria.
There's a civil war, not so civil, because most of the actors are outside actors being supplied, supported, and funded by the United States, Saudi Arabia, and Qatar.
It's not a real civil war.
How many did we kill in Iraq?
Howard?
Should someone bomb us?
How many kids got lead poisoned in Flint?
Should someone bomb us?
How many heads did we crack at Occupy Wall Street?
How many people got injured at Standing Rock?
Should someone bomb us?
We run a torture facility in Cuba.
Should someone bomb us?
We set the fucking Middle East on fire, you warmongering jagoff.
Should someone bomb us?
Half a million Iraqi kids died because of our drug embargo in the night.
Should someone bomb us?
So this is war propaganda at the top of their lungs at 1,000 miles an hour.
This is war propaganda from a guy who used to be the head of the Democratic Party and now given a free seat on mainstream news media because he's willing to say this all day long and wag his finger at a veteran, a veteran.
Tulsi Gabbard is a veteran who's calling for peace.
And this piece of garbage, Howard Dean and he is sitting there going to shame her.
Let's listen to somebody.
Somebody might call Howard Dean a draft dodger.
I'll call FYI.
Is he?
Maybe he's why don't you go to war, Howard?
Howard, when did you go fight in a war?
Did you ever do that?
Maybe you should shut up then, you warmonger.
Imagine how you could make a statement like that, especially being on the Foreign Relations Committee.
She, he said, I can't imagine how you can make a statement like that, telling the truth in front of our war propaganda machine.
Why would you do that?
You know you're going to be ostracized.
You know we're going to wait.
You know we're going to do to you what we did to Ralph Nader.
Maybe you can make a statement like that because you have an understanding of foreign relations.
He answered that question in his own statement.
I don't know how you can make a statement like that in a foreign relationship.
Maybe because you understand how it works.
Maybe because you ought to do your job.
Why isn't she saying anything radical?
She's not saying, you know, make him make, make Assad Mr. America.
All she's saying is, let's look at what actually happened before we blow shit up.
She's calling for an investigation, and he's making that sound like she's crazy.
What do you want facts for?
And they're the mainstream media.
She's crazy.
And he's set up here as the Democratic prop.
Right.
So he's set up as the reasonable guy next to the Republican strategist who's going to say the same exact thing.
And I'm going to paraphrase George Carlin, but when it's bipartisan, you know that means there's an extra big load of shit being shoveled your way.
I don't know if that's the, I'm butchering it.
He said it much funnier and more succinctly.
But let's listen to some more Howard Dean.
Imagine what could possibly have been going through her head.
And I don't know, maybe facts.
What could be possibly going through her head calling for the UN to do the proper investigation?
Imagine she doesn't want a future in the Democratic Party or on establishment corporate news.
What could possibly be going through her head?
Maybe she doesn't want people to die because she's a fucking veteran.
She doesn't want more people to die.
You know how many soldiers commit suicide every goddamn day, you fucking warmonger.
And you want me to unite again around this shit?
Maybe what's going through her head is an understanding that Donald Trump is the one pushing the fucking button.
Yeah.
Oh, now what's going through her head?
What's going through your fucking head, Howard Dean?
You're calling for Donald Trump to start a war.
The guy who's who's unfit to be in the office, the guy who's an existential threat to our democracy, you can't have him in the commander-in-chief with his finger on the button.
let's have that guy start a war you If there's anyone lower in politics today than Howard Dean, please let me know about him because that guy is a scum.
He's a warmonger.
He doesn't care who gets hurt.
He wags his finger at a fucking veteran who's calling for an investigation before we start a war.
That's what this guy does?
Who could possibly defend this?
*music* *BEEP*
Hello, who's this?
Hey, Jimmy, it's John Spicer.
Hey, Sean.
Hey, hey, what's up?
How's it going, man?
It's going pretty good.
How about yourself, pal?
Not bad.
Just kicking it, kind of, kind of hanging.
Jimmy Door from the Jimmy Door Show.
You know, there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
We do not have time.
So, well, we do have time, but we're going to save it for our premium.
That's right.
So become a premium member.
It's a great way to help support the show.
Right now, our audio premium is only $5 a month.
If you pay for the whole year, you get a month for free.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, click on join premium, and become a member.
And then when you sign up, we're going to send you an email with all the information.
And if you've already donated and you haven't gotten your passcode, send an email.
Send us an email to jimmy at jimmydoorcomedy.com.
We'll see you in Chicago June 10th.
That's a Saturday, 2 p.m. show.
All right, we'll see you there.
Also, we'll see you May 1st and May 22nd.
Is that the next?
I think that's when our next shows are in Los Angeles.
One in Hollywood, one in Burbank.
We'll see you there.
Today's show was written by Mike McRae, Jim Earl, Robert Yasimura, Ron Placone, Steph Zamorano, and Mike McRae, and Frank Conniff.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only, the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
Okay, thanks again for your support.
It's a trying time for the Jimmy Door show, but we know we can rely on our listeners and they're coming through for us.
So thanks again, and we'll see you next week.
Until then, this is Jimmy Dore saying you be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Do not freak out.
Do not freak out.
Do not do not do not do not do not do nothing.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
Do not freak out.
Do not freak out.
I'm not freak out.
I'm not, not, not, not, not, not, not freak out.
I'm not kidding.
Do not freak.
Do not freak out.
Don't bring out.
Don't bring up.
Don't bring out.
Don't bring up.
Don't, don't, don't, don't dump the fuck up.
Don't freak out.
I'm not in it.
Don't don't bring out.
Don't you go.
Don't go.
Do not break out.
Do not freak out.
Don't freak out.
Do not do God.
Do not freak out.
Do not freak out.
I'm not in it.
Not freak out.
You are now, now, rocking with that, that, that, that, that, that, that I can.
Don't break out.
Don't freak out.
Do not freak out.
Don't bring out.
Don't bring out.
Do not freak out.
I'm not kidding.
Do not, do not.
I'm not, I'm not.
Do not freak out.
Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
Do not, do not, do not, do not.
Do not freak out.
Freak out.
Freak out.
▲
Export Selection