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Dec. 24, 2016 - Jimmy Dore Show
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20161224_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_12-23-16
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program, the Jimmy Dore Show.
Jimmy Dore!
This is Bill O'Wiley.
Merry Christmas, you atheist whole foods fuckhole.
That's right.
I said, Merry Christmas, not happy holidays, Jew face.
You secularists are a war with Christmas.
Not a holiday tree.
It's a Christmas tree, pagan.
Trying to take baby Jesus out of Black Friday.
Taking a Santa Claus out of the Virgin Mary.
Get out of her.
People tell me they dread seeing your family at Christmas.
Why?
I love it.
I just talk and everybody listens.
I tell them what's really going on out there in the world.
I know because I tell my Lumo driver and he says I'm right.
You share my bloodline.
That's why you gotta listen to me.
Oh, do you have a top-rated news show on cable?
No, then shut your fucking stupid mouth, Ed, or I'm talking.
Fucking dirt witch.
*crash*
Would I take another drink?
Yes, please.
Thank you, San Scotch.
Merry Christmas to me.
I only drink to stop my craving to drink.
Why do things have to change?
Why can't it be like when I was a kid?
I had hair and a chin.
Back then, you could call a cop to harass minorities and they wouldn't fuck your wife.
Got another text from Juan Williams.
Won't leave me alone since I was the secret sanity office.
You'll be happy to know I showed great racial sensitivity.
Gave him a jar of pickled pigs feet.
Stay on your side of town, brown boy.
Do I want to block future texts from this number?
Yes, I do.
Hello, Flora.
Merry Christmas.
I'm going to stay with you.
Wow.
Wow.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for people that are.
Comments maybe on Terry Downer Nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say...
It's hard to talk when you keep adding.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
It's the show that you can't get it.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Dore show.
Thanks for tuning in.
Hope you enjoyed the throwback phone call at the top of the show.
We got a couple more of those coming up.
We're going to have George Clooney going to call in later on and a few others.
Plus, Dave Anthony's on the show from the Dollop Podcast, which congratulations to Dave Anthony.
His podcast chosen one of the top 10 podcasts of the year by the Guardian newspaper.
Isn't that something?
If you haven't listened to the dollop, you're missing out.
I've listened to it, and it's great.
It's everything podcasting can be.
So check that out.
So Dave's on the show this week.
Also, we got a lot of things to cover.
We're going to cover what does the new economy mean for people?
Okay, we're going to talk about that.
What the hell is going on in Syria again?
We talk, we take a look at that through Barack Obama's eyes.
Oh, and Ron Paul calls in.
We have a nice phone call to kick off the second half hour with Ron Paul.
God bless Ron Paul.
I bet we're going to hear a lot more about Ron Paul, or I mean, from Ron Paul going forward during the Trump administration.
I'm sure he's got a lot of stuff to say about that jackass.
And we're going to see everybody Monday night at the live show in Burbank.
It's already sold out, so I don't even know why I mentioned it.
Maybe just to brag.
How about that?
So I can't wait.
And then next week, hopefully we'll be able to include some stuff from that live show in the podcast.
Or maybe not.
Who knows?
It's a crazy time of the year.
And it certainly is.
But before we get to all of that, we'd like to kick off our Christmas show with the history of Christmas.
That's what we do.
All right.
So I don't know if you remember, but this features Frank Conniff and Steve Rosenfield is on this show along with Robert Yasimura.
So enjoy the history of Christmas.
Christmas.
you So people don't know the origin of Christmas, but I do, because I'm smart.
And I looked it up.
So here.
Did you Google it?
I did Google it.
Did you know that, first of all, Christmas became celebrated on December 25th?
You know, it's actually a pagan holiday.
It was called Satumalia.
Satumalo, if I'm pronouncing that correctly.
That's all my favorite kind of weed, isn't it?
Satumalia.
It was the ancient Roman seven-day festival of Saturn, which began on December 17th.
And it was a celebration marked by unrestrained, that's very key here, unrestrained revelry and often licentiousness.
That's called good.
Yes.
And then it's a semicolon and it says an orgy.
Okay, so that's...
So that's how Christmas started.
It certainly would be very happy holidays.
It was a sex festival.
Even during the Victorian era, it had a naughtiness to it.
Yes.
Yes, it did.
That's why they banned it in Massachusetts for a number of years.
Under the pilgrims, because it was considered...
They thought Christmas was dirty.
It was dirty.
It was noticed for what time of year fat guys could get laid.
Well, actually, one of the traditions of Christmas in England was that the wealthy and their servants would trade places.
And so you could order, if you're a servant, you could order around your master for the kinky.
So here are some of the, here are some of the festivals observance in the time of the Greek poet Lucian, right?
He said, in addition to human sacrifice, which they would have on this festival, they also had widespread intoxication, going from house to house while singing naked, which was what, how carolers got started.
This is true.
They would go to house to house singing naked while drunk, and then they would rape, and then they would have other sexual licentiousness, right?
And then they would consume human-shaped biscuits, still produced in some English and most German bakeries during the Christmas.
And then after that, things got weird.
And so in the fourth century, Christianity co-opted this festival of Satumalia in hoping to get pagans to become Christians, right?
So they decided to start celebrating this.
And Christian leaders succeeded in converting to Christianity large numbers of pagans by promising them that they could still celebrate Satumalia as Christians.
So that's how they got these pagans to become Christians.
The problem was that there was nothing intrinsically Christian about Satamalia.
So to remedy this, the Christian leaders named Satamalia's concluding day, September 25th, to be Jesus's birthday.
They just made it up.
Right.
It's generally believed that Jesus was born probably in the spring, actually.
That makes a little more sense.
Jesus hated it because nothing is worse than when your birthday is on the same day as Christmas.
You don't get as many presents.
So the earliest Christmas holidays were celebrated by drinking, sexual indulgence, singing naked in the streets.
So that's that's how that's how Christmas got started.
But even in northern European Europe, where it was the solstice festival, again, it was a lot of drinking and stuff because it's the end of that food.
You know, it's everybody basically like having like the last of the harvest food and hunkering down for the next couple of months.
So here's this thing about what happened in Massachusetts.
So the Reverend this guy's name is Increase Mather.
That's his name, Increase is his first name.
The Reverend Increase Mather of Boston observed in 1687 that the yearly Christians who first observed the Nativity on December 25th did not do so thinking that Christ was born in that month, but because the heathens Satamalia Festival was at the time kept in Rome and they were willing to have those pagan holidays metamorphosized into Christian ones.
Because of its known pagan origin, Christmas was banned by the Puritans and its observance was illegal in Massachusetts between 1659 and 1681.
However, Christmas was still celebrated by most Christians.
Some of the most depraved customs of Satomalia's carnival were intentionally revived by the Catholic Church in 1466 when Pope Paul II, for the amusement of his Roman citizens, forced Jews to race naked through the streets of the city.
An eyewitness account reports, quote, before they were to run, the Jews were richly fed so as to make the race more difficult for them and at the same time more amusing for the spectators.
They ran amid Rome's taunting shrieks and pearls of laughter while the Holy Father stood upon a richly ornamented balcony and laughed heartily.
Good times.
But then they changed it, though.
They fed them afterwards and they told them at the end of their run there was a Chinese restaurant.
So it all worked out.
That made them run very fast.
So then in the 18th and 19th centuries, rabbis of the ghetto in Rome were forced to wear clownish outfits and march through the city streets to the jeers of the crowd, pelted by a variety of missiles.
I'm guessing just stuff thrown at people.
And when the Jewish community of Rome sent a petition in 1836 to Pope Gregory the 16th, begging him to stop the annual Satamalia abuse of the Jewish community, he responded by saying, quote, it is not opportune to make any innovations.
So on December 25th, 1881, Christian leaders whipped the Polish masses into anti-Semitic frenzies that led to riots across the country.
And in Warsaw, 12 Jews were brutally murdered.
Huge numbers were maimed, and many Jewish women were raped.
Two million rubles worth of property were destroyed.
That's all in the name of Christmas.
So that's how Christmas got started.
This is in the 18th century.
Is there anything you can't do?
So this is in the 18th and 19th century.
So that's the origin of Christmas, Megan Kelly.
Okay, just so you know.
It was a big orgy.
Santa Claus was still white, right?
And Santa Claus.
Okay, so you want to know how Santa Claus got started?
Saint Nicholas was born in Parara, Turkey in 270 and later became the bishop of Myra.
He died in the year 345 on December 6th.
He was only named a saint in the 19th century, even though he died in 346.
So Nicholas.
When you're born in a three, you really know you're in ancient times.
No kidding.
So Nicholas was among the most senior bishops who convened the Council of Nicaea in 325 and created the New Testament.
The text they produced portrayed Jews as the children of the devil who sentenced Jesus to death.
So this is Saint Nicholas.
All right.
So in 1087, a group of sailors who idolized Saint Nicholas moved his bones from Turkey to a sanctuary in Italy.
There, Nicholas supplanted a female boon-giving deity called the grandmother or Pasqua Epiphania, who used to fill the children's stocking with their gifts.
So they got rid of her and they just started to give all these traits to this guy, Saint Nick.
She couldn't say her name.
Couldn't say her name.
The grandmother was ousted from her shrine at Bari, which became the center of Nicholas's cult.
Members of his group gave each other gifts during a pageant they conducted annually on the anniversary of Nicholas's death on December 6th.
The Nicholas cult spread north until it was adopted by the Germans and the Celtic pagans.
These groups worship a pantheon led by Woden, their chief god and the father of Thor.
So this is how...
So Woodin, so this guy, so Wudin or Waden.
It's Odin.
You don't pronounce the W?
Odin?
Okay, so Odin had a long white beard and rode a horse through the heavens one evening each autumn.
When St. Nicholas merged with Odin, he shed the Mediterranean appearance, meaning grew a beard, mounted a flying horse, rescheduled his flight from autumn to December, and donned heavy winter clothing.
So in a bid for pagan adherents in Northern Europe, the Catholic Church adopted the Nicholas cult and taught that he did distribute gifts on December 25th instead of December 6th.
So this is how Santa Claus got started.
So in 1809, the novelist Washington Irving, who's most famous for the legend of Sleepy Hollow, wrote a satire of Dutch culture entitled Knickerbocker History.
The satire refers to several times to be the white-bearded flying horse writing St. Nicholas used in his Dutch name, Santa Claus.
So this in 1809 is how Santa Claus really got started.
So he wrote this thing and then Dr. Clement Moore, a professor at Union Seminary, read the Knickerbocker history.
And in 1822, he published a poem based on the character Santa Claus, T'was the Night Before Christmas.
So that happened in 1822.
1823 was the first parody of the night.
So then the Bavarian illustrator Thomas Nass almost completed the modern picture of Santa Claus.
From 1862 to 1886, based on that poem, Nass drew more than 2,000 cartoon images of Santa for Harper's Weekly.
Before Nass, St. Nicholas had been pictured as everything from a stern-looking bishop to a gnome-like figure in a frock.
But NASS also gave Santa a home at the North Pole, his workshop filled with elves, and his list of good and bad children of the world.
All Santa was missing was the red outfit.
So that came from this illustrator, Thomas Nass, in 1862.
He made up pretty much Santa, right?
Wow.
He should be getting, his family should be getting royalty.
He should be getting.
But then, guess what?
As Robert mentioned last week, in 1931, the Coca-Cola Corporation contracted the swedish commercial artist, Haddon Sundblom, to create a Coca Co-Cola drinking Santa.
And this guy, this artist Sundblom, modeled his Santa on his friend Lou Prentence, chosen for his cheerful, chubby face.
The corporation insisted that Santa's fur-trimmed suit be bright Coca-Cola red.
And Santa Claus was born, a blend of Christian crusader, pagan God, and a Coca-Cola commercial idol.
So when Santa has a red coat, it's because of Coca-Cola.
It has nothing to do with anything.
This completely invented thing, Santa Claus.
I actually, the subtler thing that's interesting about this is when people are always like, Santa, this, it's like, do you understand that the idea of Santa Claus is cultish?
It's the worst form of idolatry that is condemned in the New Testament and the Old Testament.
And yes.
Like it's at the point that there was a cult of St. Nicholas.
It was very common.
There were cults all the time at that point in the ancient world.
And that's exactly what Christianity and Judaism were fighting against, were these weird splinter cults.
Yes.
And so for them to say, well, Santa Claus is part of the, is this sacred part of the canon?
No, it couldn't be further.
It's actually seditious to the canon.
I agree.
Yes.
So again, as a lot of things in life, what's come to be accepted as a truism in modern or in mainstream culture, the exact opposite would be true, especially when things are surrounding religion.
You know, they say God created man in his own likeness and image.
When we all know anybody who's thinking, rational, and not completely devoted to fantasy knows that the reverse happened, that God didn't invent man in his own likeness and image.
Man created God in his own likeness and image.
And that's why God has a beard and looks like Santa.
So am I supposed to give Coca-Cola to my friends this Christmas?
I love Coca-Cola, so I'll pay.
You like Mexican Coca-Cola, friends.
Are you trying to tell me that there's no Santa Claus?
I'm trying to tell you.
There's no Santa Claus.
All right.
That's it.
But this is an absolutely true story.
When I was a kid and I believed in Santa Claus, this friend of mine, I guess I was five years old, said he told me there was no Santa Claus.
And he said, Frank, when you get older and as you're going off to college, your parents are going to tell you there's no Santa Claus.
As you go off to college, your parents.
Well, that was before the internet.
That's how it worked for me.
That was before the internet.
I'm here with the hilarious Dave Anthony from the Dollop podcast.
Hi, Dave.
Hi.
Also with us is the miserable liberal Steph Zamorano.
They had the Electoral College vote happen, Dave.
It happened.
There was an elector from Maine.
You know, there was a lot of shenanigans.
The Democrats were trying to Keith Oberman and Michael Moore were trying to get.
And I really like Michael Moore, and I really like Keith Oberman.
And I really cringed to see the shit that they've been doing lately.
I've cringed with a lot of people, but I like Michael Moore.
I don't like Keith Oberman.
But I was hard to watch Michael Moore go down that path.
It was like watching people try to catch a unicorn.
Like, what are you doing?
Like, it's not a thing that's going to happen.
And if it does happen, it's chaos in the situation.
It would be chaos.
Either you change the system before or you don't.
And we should have changed the system after 2000, and we didn't.
And the Democrats didn't want to do it, and they didn't.
Anyway, so here we go.
The electors.
So we don't really vote for the president in America.
We vote for someone else who's then going to vote for the president in a winner-take-all system state by state, which disenfranchises the popular vote.
And if it franchises franchise?
You want the franchise?
You want franchise with that?
I spent an hour today trying to find out who the DNC people are to vote for Ellison, and I couldn't figure out who they are.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Oh, let's talk about that in another video.
So here is a guy named, what's his name, Alexa?
David Bright.
David Bright was an elector in Maine, and he voted for Bernie Sanders on the first ballot.
And then whoever was running it was like, hey, what are you doing?
You can't do that.
So we're going to do it over.
We're going to give you a chance to stay out of jail.
And so he stood up and he made this speech.
Okay, so let's listen to it.
President, in my first vote today, I cast my ballot for Senator Bernie Sanders in Burlington, Vermont.
On the second vote, because I had taken an oath to uphold the laws of the state of Maine, I cast my vote for Secretary Clinton.
If my vote today could have helped Secretary Clinton to win the presidency, I would have voted for her on the first round.
But as the Electoral College meets all across the nation on this day, I see no likelihood that 38 Republican electors will defect from their party and cast their ballots for Secretary Clinton.
So Hillary Clinton will not become president, and there is nothing I can do about that.
Knowing this, I was left to find a positive statement I could make today with my vote.
I am not a Clinton elector.
I am a Democratic elector.
I do not represent Democrats all over the country.
I represent Democrats in Maine.
I cast my initial vote for Bernie Sanders not out of spite or malice or anger or as an act of civil disobedience.
I mean no disrespect to our nominee.
I cast my vote to represent thousands of Democratic Maine voters, many less than a third of my age, who came into Maine politics for the first time this year because of Bernie Sanders.
They organized, telephoned, and sent in their $27.
Many stood in line for hours in order to navigate our Byzantine system of caucuses and convention this spring so that they could be among the two-thirds of Maine Democrats who cast a vote for Sanders.
Most importantly, they did this to vote for someone they believed in, not to vote Against someone they feared.
Sadly, when the primary season was over and their candidate was not successful, many of them lost hope as well as interest.
Many felt the Democratic Party had not listened to them, did not care about them and did not respect them.
Their sense of loss in July became part of our party's loss in November.
Democracy is hard and messy and complicated.
And those of us who have been at this game for a long time have learned to take the defeats when they come.
But those lessons don't come easily for new voters.
So I cast my Electoral College vote for Bernie Sanders to let those new voters who were inspired by him know that some of us did hear them, did listen to them, do respect them, and understand their disappointment.
I want them to know that not only can they come back to the process, but that they will be welcomed back and that there is room in the Democratic Party for their values.
To go forward, the Democratic Party needs these young voters.
More importantly, America needs these young voters.
I can't do anything to change the results of the election this year.
But perhaps by encouraging these idealistic voters to stick around, I can change the results of elections to come.
That was better than any speech Hillary gave during the entire campaign.
Ever.
That was like, did he come up with that between the first and second?
Like, that's a great speech.
That's a great speech.
No, I'm guessing he went in with that prepared, probably.
He put it on Facebook before he actually went in and did it.
He did.
And, you know, he didn't have to, he didn't insult the nominee.
He didn't insult anybody.
He was, there was an uplifting message about future elections.
Keeping people inspired.
Yeah.
But why did people blame the money?
Right.
He blew it because it's clearly somebody's fault.
Yeah, obviously we should be shitting on people, the young people.
Why is he complimenting people who Bernie brought in and got him excited about politics?
That doesn't make sense.
You're supposed to blame those people and be angry that a corporate diswarmonger didn't become our president as if that would have made things a lot better.
Maybe it would have made World War III.
That's what people aren't really going into.
It would have made World War III.
So when people say, and by the way, that's not hyperbole.
People who talk about this stuff are saying we're closer to nuclear war than we've ever been in our life.
Ever.
So, and right now, I almost said NAFTA.
Right now, NATO is ramping up on the Russian border like crazy.
Which is what you shouldn't do.
And right now we're looking for a confrontation with the other superpower in Syria over fossil fuels, and we're lying about it.
And guess what?
Donald Trump doesn't want to have conflict with Russia in Syria.
And I say that's great.
You know who does want to have conflict with Syria?
Everybody else.
Everybody.
Hillary Clinton wants it.
Ted Cruz wants it.
The media wants it.
The media is angry at Barack Obama for not having a more muscular response to the hacking that has no evidence.
So this is great.
We need more of this.
That guy should run for something.
Yeah.
I don't think people quite understand that the whole thing with Putin, which, you know, I'm with you.
There's no evidence.
But the whole thing with Putin and the Ukraine and everything started because we courted the Ukraine into NATO.
And ever since then, this has been happening.
And so if we start putting guys on the border, he's going to do something.
And you know what he does?
He doesn't strike back with his army.
He goes into Estonia and he goes into Lithuania and he starts having people go in there and plant themselves and instigate stuff and start problems.
And then the countries destabilize and then he goes in.
That's how he does it.
And he did it in Ukraine.
And it's easy to fucking do.
By the way, that's what we're doing in Syria.
So we didn't invade Syria with an army.
We had people come in from outside agitators that looked like the people who lived there who weren't.
And under the guise of it's the Arab Spring.
And then they were armed and started killing Christians and they started killing people.
And that's what happened in Syria.
So it was armed protests.
It wasn't unarmed protests like we've been told.
They were armed protesters, outside agitators.
You're right, all that stuff you're saying about Putin.
That's how we went into Syria.
He was going to go into other places the way we went into Syria.
Through third-party actors and stuff like that.
Yeah.
Proxy wars is what we're doing.
That's exactly what it is, proxy wars.
Yeah, that's the scariest thing right now is what's going on with them.
And when the CIA came out with their stuff, man, when the CIA's involved and they're on the record about something, be scared.
It's 3 o'clock.
It is 3 o'clock, and we're going to talk more about Syria in just a second.
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All right, we got a lot coming up in the second half.
We got a phone call from Ron Paul, George Clooney, and what's really happening?
What is really happening in the new economy?
Plus a lot lot more.
Let's get to it.
Let's get to it.
Hey, we got a phone call.
Dr. Ron Paul, our favorite ex-congressman from Texas, Dr. Ron Paul, called us, and he had some Christmas wishes.
Let's listen to what they were.
My Christmas wish is, you know, as it's very simple.
It's a return to the gold standard.
I don't think that's too much to ask for.
Getting rid of giant sections of the federal government and, you know, forcing most people to have a level of self-reliance.
Like, that's too much to ask for.
Traffic lights serve no purpose.
We can really have a tradition, finally a traditional Christmas, a traditional American Christmas time without the federal government interfering.
So we finally say Merry Christmas to one another.
You know, just because I do simple things like that.
I just want to.
Yeah.
I got to go.
I'm going to go stand outside at night and stare into the forest.
Anyway, Merry Christmas.
Remember, Santa Claus is young socialist and should have no part in the Christmas tradition.
He just gives presents away.
Yeah, that's terrible.
That's terrible lesson to you.
Young people should work for their biggest bit.
Third century Turkish things just to show up and give them presents for free.
That just creates a dependence.
So, keep the Christ at Christmas and kick Santa Claus to the fucking curb where he belongs.
We're going to talk about Syria for a brief sec here because I just want to remind everybody that whenever the government's talking about Syria, meaning Barack Obama or the UN ambassador or a congressperson or John Kerry, that they're lying.
There's no doubt about it.
They're just lying.
Why don't they ever talk about what are we doing in Syria?
I watch news segments left and right.
Every time I watch a news segment about Syria, they could be interviewing somebody.
They could be talking about what they never talk about why we're there.
Never.
They never talk about why we're there.
Do you ever see him talk about why we're there, Dave?
Never.
So at first, they said Barack Obama wanted to go in and bomb Syria because they were gassing their own people using gas.
And we know when someone uses gas attacks because we sell that gas to a lot of people to do that.
So we know what that looks like.
Don't use this.
And so remember, he wanted to go and we got a bomb.
Everybody was for bombing them.
I was against it.
I said, I don't trust them that say we need to go in and bomb.
And it turns out that the UN Del Ponte says evidence Syria rebels use the gas.
Oh, wait, there are guys?
Oh, the ones.
Oh, the rebels?
You mean the ones we're training and funding?
Where'd they get that gas?
Turkey.
You mean our ally?
Meanwhile the guys who are terrorizing people with the gas?
So that's what I'm.
Go ahead, David.
Anything?
I just, you know, because I've been trying to follow it since.
And this is all.
This is from 2013, by the way.
So that's not new news.
Oh, yeah.
But who, I don't know who, No, there's no good guys.
Not at all anyway.
No, I think there's one group and they're way up in the corner near Turkey from what I read.
But they control almost nothing.
But there's no one to back.
No.
There's no one.
It's a nightmare that we set in motion.
And now you kind of just have to watch the disaster unfold.
I don't want anything to do with it.
I don't want to go in there.
It's a nightmare.
We're in Syria of fossil fuels.
Right.
So don't make any mistake.
And we're there at the behest of Saudi Arabia and Qatar.
And some people say Israel.
Now, I have a...
What are we going to?
Well, all right, let's say we get rid of Assad.
What do we put in his place?
ISIS?
Because that's who's fighting him.
ISIS and Al-Qaeda.
Who are we going to put in his place?
And is that what Israel really wants?
So anyway, here's what Barack Obama said last week about it.
For years, we've worked to stop the civil war in Syria and alleviate human suffering.
So there's three lies in that one sentence.
Three lies.
They have not worked to, let's just start it again up.
We'll stop it.
For years, we've worked to stop the civil war.
So they haven't worked to stop the civil war.
That's a lie.
And they were the ones, we're the ones ramping it up, and we're not trying to help people.
At one point, we had three lies.
We had two armies fighting each other that were both supplied by us.
By us.
Also, do you know about the Libya connection to this?
No, I do not.
Something we didn't realize when we destabilized and got rid of Gaddafi is how many weapons he had.
So he had an ungodly amount of weapons stashed all over that country, and they all made their way into different places and destabilized.
And one of the main places they went is Syria.
Like a lot of the weapons being used in Syria were dug up out of the ground in Libya.
Oh, so that worked out well for us going into Libya there.
Yep.
So let's listen to more he has to say.
Syria and alleviate human suffering.
It has been one of the hardest issues that I've faced as president.
We're inflicting human suffering in Syria.
So don't, and that's not hyperbole, and that's exactly what we're doing.
And again, we should get the F out of there.
The world, as we speak, is united in horror at the savage assaults by the Syrian regime and its Russian and Iranian allies.
Okay, no, the world is not united in that because everyone.
And I don't know why you call the Assad government a regime.
What?
That we could just call the Obama regime.
We're doing Fox News fucking words now.
Is that what we're doing?
Why is it the Assad regime?
They're the government there.
They won an election.
Well, whether you don't like the election or whatever, they're the government.
Why do you call it a reason?
That's just the city of Aleppo.
We have seen a deliberate strategy of surrounding, besieging, and starving innocent civilians.
Okay, now that's the terrorists doing that stuff.
And the moderates, they discovered.
Oh, the moderates.
They're moderately starving.
They're talking people moderates, but then they, after a bunch of people got kicked out of the neighborhood, they discovered the moderates had stashed all this food while the people were starving.
Oh, you're kidding.
The moderates.
The moderates.
So everything he's saying is a lie.
We've seen relentless targeting of humanitarian workers and medical personnel.
Entire neighborhoods reduced to rubble and dust.
Okay, the rebels.
Why?
What do you mean?
Why would Sadat bomb his own country?
Because he's trying to bomb the rebels who are invading his country.
Where is he supposed to fucking bomb them?
In someone else's country?
He's bombing them where they are.
They're in his country.
That's why he has to fucking bomb them there.
You jag off, and you're the one supplying the fucking terrorists with the guns and ammunition.
And you're training them in Jordan, and you're sending them into his country to try to overthrow his government.
Where the fuck is he supposed to bomb them?
You want him to come here and bomb them?
So there's a humanitarian crisis.
That's why we're there.
That's what Barack Obama is saying.
There's a humanitarian crisis, and we have to go protect people.
So that's why we're bombing Syria to protect people because of a humanitarian crisis.
So would it be okay for Syria to bomb us when we were invading Iraq because we're invading Iraq and that's a humanitarian crisis?
So they should come bomb us.
What about when we were in Libya?
Should they come bomb us when we go to Libya?
It's just up to us.
Just us.
Just we can bomb other countries in a humanitarian effort.
Nobody could ever bomb us.
So but when we invade a country like Afghanistan or Iraq or Libya, we don't get bombed, right?
When we're fucking killing people, we don't.
Okay, I just want to make this just when somebody else does it.
I just want to get this clear.
Barack Obama is a fucking liar.
Just get that in your head, just like the rest of them.
Remember when Isa Hauer left after, what did he say?
There's a shadow government in America.
It's called a military-industrial complex.
And what he was saying was, even I couldn't stand up to him, a four-star general, so you better watch out.
And here we are with Mr. Pretty Boy, Liberal Democrat.
We're now bombing seven, eight different countries.
He's trying to start a third world war with Russia.
We're setting up fucking NATO forces all around the border of the U.S. of Russia.
What the hell are we doing?
What is going on?
We're in Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya, Syria.
What the fuck?
And somebody else is the bad guy?
Somebody else is the bad guy.
We can't bring clean water to Flint, Michigan to our own goddamn people, but we're going to straighten shit out in Syria.
His ties crooked, too.
There are continuing reports of civilians being executed.
And these are all horrific violations of international law.
I mean, again, we just, do you know how many hospitals we've shot up?
Right.
in the past couple of years, like purposefully shot up and killed?
And then Yemen, where we are fucking giving money to al-Qaeda to fight.
Like, fuck off.
I couldn't believe it.
I could not agree with you more.
Responsibility for this brutality lies in one place alone, with the Assad regime and its allies, Russia and Iran.
How could you possibly say that?
The people that we're fighting against Assad, we're fighting with, is Al-Qaeda and ISIS.
But they're all good guys now.
All of a sudden, when they go to Syria, they stop chopping people's heads off and killing civilians, I guess.
And it's only Assad doing it.
They're there doing the hard work of peacekeeping, ISIS, and Al-Qaeda, El Nusra.
They're all doing the hard work of humanitarian aid.
Is that what you're telling me?
It's just the Assad regime.
Hey, I think they're all bad actors over there, which means we should get the fuck out of there.
This blood and these atrocities are on their hands.
So what about the blood and atrocities that are on your hands from Libya?
What about the blood and atrocities on your hand right now in Syria?
You ran out of goddamn bombs in Syria.
I know.
What about when you drone bombed a 16-year-old American citizen and your response was his dad was a bad guy?
You killed someone on purpose who was a citizen and a juvenile.
By the way, our drone program, our drone program.
What is a drone program?
That means we drop bombs in other countries killing people without a trial.
We don't try to arrest them.
We don't try.
We just kill people.
They're murder robots.
They're murder robots.
Right.
And we send them another.
Imagine if somebody had drones in our country killing people.
Imagine another country sending drones.
Oh, but he's a bad guy.
He's an enemy of our country.
So we're going to just drop bombs in your country to kill him.
Is that cool?
It depends what state.
Do not believe a goddamn word Barack Obama says.
Do not believe a goddamn word John Kerry says.
Don't believe a word you hear from the fucking media.
Don't believe a word you hear from the media.
Go ahead.
But here's the funny thing is he is almost the dove out of everybody else compared to other people.
Like he's actually stayed out of it more than everybody.
Like Hillary once wanted to go bug fuck crazy.
Why are we in Syria?
We're not there to help people.
Okay.
The economy's doing great in America.
I'm here with Dave Anthony from the Dollop podcast, the miserable liberal Step Samurano's with me.
And, you know, the economy is doing great.
And corporate profits are a record and Wall Street's at records by our military-industrial complex.
Wars are at record, wars.
Everything's at record except pay to people who are workers in America.
Well, it's kind of set up that way.
If you want to talk about out-of-touch leaders, our leaders are completely out of touch with the fact that half the country is poor or in poverty.
Half in the richest country the face of the earth has ever seen.
You've heard me say this a million times.
It's because it's been set up and it's because our leaders have sold out our country to corporations.
Just like Ned Beatty said in 1970, whatever in Network, he said there are no countries anymore.
There are only corporations.
And that is true.
So no one has an allegiance to our country.
There's only service to the dollar, which is service to the corporation.
So for instance, what's happening in America now, this new economy that we're going to talk about Uber in just a second.
Dave Anthony's here to talk about that.
This new economy is really about screwing people over.
Hey, things are so bad.
People have to work two and three jobs in our new economy.
Things are so bad.
Well, I don't know.
Here's what George Bush says.
Our enemies are innovative and resourceful.
And so were we.
They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people.
And neither do we.
All right.
There you go.
I totally forgot how he gets happy when he finishes reading a sentence.
He always did that.
He got so happy when he did it right.
And so what, so they never stopped thinking of new ways to, yeah, by like cutting Social Security, cutting Medicare, giving tax breaks to corporations who take good jobs and send them to desperate people in poor country.
Those are the kind of things that they think, how can we screw over Americans even more?
Hey, how about if we put a pipeline under drinking water reservoirs that takes that oil and sends it to other countries?
We'll even use it.
That's a good way to screw over our own guy out of here.
So that's what they do.
They are sitting up at night thinking of ways to screw over America.
And here's something weird.
This is from George Bush.
He would give these town halls, and he was on stage talking with a woman, and this happened.
There's a certain comfort to know that the promises made will be kept.
That's good, because I work three jobs, and I feel like I contribute.
You work three jobs.
Wow.
And so I bet you George Bush is going to say, that's horrible.
In America, you shouldn't have to work three jobs just to have a living.
We're the richest country in the world.
And we're going to have a program.
You should have one good job.
Yours is America.
People come here for upward mobility.
And if you're willing to work 40 hours a week, you're going to have a living wage and two chickens in your potnicks and all that stuff.
And I'm going to do, I'm going to make this economy work for Americans again.
Let's see what he says.
Yes.
Uniquely American, isn't it?
I mean, that is fair to say.
There's a certain comfort list.
Let's hear it again.
Let's hear it again.
We'll be kept by the government.
You don't have to worry.
That's good because I work three jobs and I feel like I contribute.
You work three jobs.
Three jobs.
Yes.
Uniquely American, isn't it?
I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that.
No, that's horrible.
That's a breakdown of our system.
That's what that indicates.
Isn't that fantastic?
So what he's trying to go is, look, Americans work harder than the rest of the world.
They're more willing to work harder.
You go to Europe, people aren't going to work three jobs.
They'll only work one.
And they probably want a goddamn union.
How great is it that you're not spending time with your children, man?
Let's give her a round of applause for never seeing her kids.
Isn't that uniquely American?
We leave our kids.
I'm surprised he wasn't like, and let me ask you, are you also, did you manage again on welfare at the same time?
Because you're not getting paid enough?
No, are those three jobs?
Are they all at different Walmarts?
So you're still poor?
So now he actually does have an ending to this.
So let's listen.
Get any sleep?
Oh, my God.
No.
No, you fucking asshole.
I said I'm working three jobs.
I'm not getting anything.
You get any sleep?
Because I saw this tweet from Luke Savage, who's a writer, writes about topical things.
And he said, no, yeah, the new economy is great.
And I'm like, well, what does he mean by that?
What is that all about?
So here's the tweets he's talking about, which goes into exactly what we're talking about.
She got the Golden Fist Bump Award goes to Mary of Chicago.
Shout out to all the impressive Lyft parents out there, like Mary, a longtime Lyft driver who was still on the road at nine months pregnant.
Isn't that uniquely American?
Isn't that great?
It's so great because she could get in an accident and the driver's airbag here and she could go right into right into labor.
Might in labor right there.
Well, Dave, funny you bring that up because when contractions persisted, she headed to the hospital, but not before accepting one last request.
The next morning, baby Maven Mia joined the Lyft family.
Like everyone isn't screaming in horror.
They're like, isn't that great?
Isn't that great?
She was going into labor and she still picked up.
That's how poor Americans are.
They still have to work through their fucking delivery.
Because she's thinking, she works for Lyft, so she doesn't have any maternity coverage.
She has no vacation time.
She has nothing.
So she has to work until the baby is crowning.
Literally.
Because she knows she's going to be out of work for a month.
It should be six months to a year.
And she's just going to take a month off before she gets going again.
Like, that's horrifying.
My water just broke, but I'm going to finish this story.
Oh, I appreciate you doing that, Steph.
Isn't that amazing?
Isn't that great?
Because we, you know, at Lyft, we don't provide anybody with any maternity leave or health care or anything or aftercare or daycare or any kind of care.
Nothing.
It's bare bones.
It's a horrible situation.
And we've set that up.
Take a look at her face.
Is that the face of someone who just won the golden fist pump?
It is.
She's so sad.
She's trying to smile very hard.
The fact that that woman has to work that hard, it makes me sad.
Oh, it's horrifying.
Makes me so sad.
But this is like the rewarding of the, like, you're employee of the month at Taco Bell.
But there's no one that gets out of war and goes, awesome.
I'm employee of the month at Taco Bell.
You're like, it's just, you know, this job is a job I go to, and there's nothing enjoyable about it.
And the only reason the Taco Bell job wouldn't give you joy in a sense is because you're not compensated.
Correct.
If you're compensated well, that's a great job.
The people at In N Out Burger are much happier and making good salaries.
When they make some of the main $11 an hour?
No, they make like $15,000 but some of the managers make over $100,000 a year.
They pay their employees well because they're a Christian organization, but not the kind that we think of that are.
Not a shitty trend, not like Chick-fil-A.
They're shitty even taking care of people.
And so they take care of their work.
So they take care of their workers in the way that Jesus would set up business, which is, yeah, we'll spread it around a little bit.
We're making a lot of money.
So they spread it around.
Yeah.
Well, you know what that saying I like to quote.
I don't know who came up with it, but money is a lot like shit.
You pile it up and it stinks.
Spread it around and make stuff grow.
So here's another one of these great things.
So this is, what is it?
Live Moss Market.
Your slogan is Live Moss.
Like Live More.
Oh, Live More.
Oh, so Live Moss scholarship winner, Ricarda, works 60 hours a week as a student with cerebral palsy.
A busy schedule can't stop her.
That's the saddest thing.
She has cerebral palsy and she's a student and you make her work more than a full-time job.
She's working a full-time job and a half.
And everybody's like, isn't that great?
That's fuck again horrible.
That's horrible.
A, that our students have to work full-time jobs just to get through.
She wants to go to college.
You know what that is?
She wants to make an investment in herself, which is an investment in our country.
That's not a cost.
That's why, who's going to pay for college?
College pays for itself because we're investing in America.
It's an investment.
When you put money in the bank, that's not like, where'd all my money go?
Oh, my God, we're losing money.
I keep putting it in a bank.
No, it's an investment.
And that's how stupid Americans are.
We want to make it as hard as possible for people to go to college.
We want to put as many roadblocks in the way so they have to leap over them.
Like, I don't know, you have to work a full-time job and a half with a disability, plus go to college.
What the F?
I couldn't get her to smile either.
How about we gave her a living wage?
So now she only has to work a full-time job.
Right?
What about 40?
If that said 40 hours a week, you'd be like, I mean, it's still terrible because she's got cerebral policy and she's going to school and she has to work.
But 60 hours a week, that is, you should, as a company, the insanity that you think you can put that up as advertising.
This is a great thing.
This is a great thing.
What?
This is like back in the 1900s, early 1900s.
Seven-year-olds, but Timmy put 70 hours in the coal mine.
He's the cool boy of the week.
Timmy skipped soccer practice to go dig coal.
That's good.
I bet he'll do that again.
Now that's going to pay off in the future.
And she brings her kids along to the Taco Bell to clean up to.
Oh, God.
Here's one more.
How debilitating is cerebral palsy, though?
I'm sure there's variations, right?
Some people have where you can't walk at all.
Some people can, I mean, I just wonder if working 60 hours a week is causing her a lot of pain or like what does it mean?
If you were fully healthy, it would cause you a lot of pain to work 60 hours a week like that.
If you were fully, nothing wrong with you.
Here's a guy, D-Rex.
I like that.
He says, I had an incredible Uber driver today in LA.
He's homeless, lives in his car, but he's making it work after losing everything.
Like it doesn't, he doesn't, I mean, I'm not mad at D-Rex or whatever in a sense, but it just shows you how messed up we've become in our culture that a guy instead of walks into this situation and goes, hey, we got to fix this system.
This is fucked up.
There's a huge corporation making tons of money off of people everywhere, undercutting cab drivers.
And this guy can't even afford a bot.
What is wrong with our country?
This guy has no benefits, has no nothing, no vacation pay.
They can't even tip him because Uber doesn't allow you to tip them.
That's what I would have said in the tweet.
I would have said, hey, I had an Uber driver today, homeless, lives in his car.
He's getting by.
He's making it work.
Fuck you for not letting me tip him, Uber.
Yeah, maybe say that.
That's why I take Lyft because Lyft actually does let you tip them.
So this goes to what's happening in our country.
That's somehow you're supposed to work two and three jobs.
That's the way you get ahead.
That's an old narrative from the 30s, okay?
That there was a time when immigrants could come to America and work really hard and get ahead.
And then their kids would have a better life and their kids would go to college and have, and it would be, that's over.
That's over.
We have less economic mobility in America's economy than they have in Europe.
So why would people come here anymore?
They would go there.
And if they could.
So that's what this is all about.
It's our system.
So I keep saying this over and over, but I can't say it enough because whatever I say it, most of the people don't believe me when I say this, is that we live in the richest country the world has ever seen.
Half the people, half the people are poor or in poverty.
We have corporations like Walmart that five people make $80 billion a year.
And everybody who works for them, that generates that income is living in poverty.
So that's what we have going.
By the way, we have fast food companies now making billions of dollars in profits.
And everybody who works for them is in poverty.
When they raise the minimum wage of $15 in Seattle, did you see how McDonald's, Burger King, and Taco Bell closed up and left?
Oh, they didn't?
What do you mean?
The economy is chugging along just fine.
They've got to really.
Somewhere people are spending money.
So you don't think they're operating at a loss in Seattle, all those fast food companies?
Again, and why is it that restaurant workers, we all like restaurants.
Why don't they, why aren't they allowed to have a living wage?
I love leading at restaurants.
Everybody does.
Why can't people who work at the places we love to go to earn a living wage?
What is that about?
All right.
So TGIF's is a small mom and pop operation.
And you try to make them.
So I read these, and the next night I'm watching Vice.
You ever watch Vice News?
I have watched Vice News.
They did one, a woman, black woman.
She's probably 45.
And she lives in Modesto.
So how she makes a living now is on Friday morning, she, or Thursday night, she drives to San Francisco, which is a two-hour drive about.
And then she drives Uber all weekend, sleeps in her car, takes as little rest as she can, and just keeps driving people around all weekend.
That's got to be safe.
And that, right?
That's the other thing.
So Lyft has a restriction.
They make you sign out after, I want to say 10 hours.
Okay.
Uber has no restriction.
You can keep going forever.
Right.
There are no restrictions.
Right.
So then she, at the end of this, she, you know, has her money for however long and she drives back.
And this was, even on Vice, I guess Vice doesn't really make any judgments.
But the way she was acting, it came across as a very positive story because she's like, well, I have freedom, but it's like, well, until something happens to your car or to you or to anything.
And then you don't have, then you don't have any money.
There's no, there's no safety net when you're working with Uber.
If anything happens, you're just screwed.
But the fact that this was like she was thinking it was a positive thing.
And you're like, there's, you're on your own.
You're out there on a limb.
And if anything happens, you're screwed.
That's not how society should work.
Not in the richest country in the world.
If we were a poor country and we didn't, we couldn't afford we were scraping by to you know afford our military.
I remember when they used to talk about a peace dividend.
Remember that?
There was supposed to be a peace dividend?
That was during Bill Clinton's presidency.
They would talk about a peace dividend because there was no more Cold War.
So we're not going to spend trillions of dollars on military anymore.
And we're all going to be able to put that money back in our pockets, pay less taxes, and even have more stuff because we're not going to be spending all that money on the military.
And that was called the peace dividend, and we never got it.
And as soon as people got serious about a peace dividend, we had a terrorist attack.
And now we've had non-stop war.
We're bombing in seven, eight different countries.
We're in Somalia now.
We're in Yemen, Syria, Afghanistan.
15 years in Afghanistan.
You know what I say?
Five more years.
we get a gold watch.
Ha ha ha!
Hey, Jimmy, this is George Clooney.
I'd like to share my Christmas wish list with you on your show.
Not a lot, I don't have, really, to be honest with you.
Some simple things in life, I suppose.
I'd like to run into you eating sushi one more time.
That'd be fun.
Ask Santa for that sit down on his lap about another Jimmy Door run.
Polygamy being legalized in the United States.
And me being married to about four soups at once would be nice.
Yeah, I remember I tried to, yeah, every year the Weinstein brothers, they throw a giant Christmas party and I play Santa sometimes.
And so we always like to play pranks on everybody.
So I dressed up as Sienna one year and everybody sat on my lap and filled their wishes.
And then at the end of the night, I fucked everybody's wife.
It was hilarious.
Everyone has good laugh.
There's like six or seven of them.
I banged all.
It was funny.
You know, that kind of Christmas cheer, Christmas spirit.
That's all I want.
Those are my wishes, just to spread that around.
Just me banging people's watches.
In the guise of practical jokes.
Just it's fun.
We have fun.
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call.
We don't have time to get to it.
But you know what?
A great way to help support the show is to become a premium member.
And you hear all the phone calls.
You hear all the extra bonus podcasts.
We're dropping two and three bonus podcasts a week now for the Jimmy Door show.
So why don't you become a member?
It's a great way to help support the show.
We don't do a Patreon thing.
We do our premium.
We do our bonus content.
It's $5 a month.
If you pay for the whole year at once, we give you a month free.
So it's even less than $5 a month.
Isn't that something?
So go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, click on join premium.
You make your donation.
And when you do, we'll send you an email that gives you all the passcodes and all the stuff and all the info on how to access the premium content, okay?
And if you've made your donation and you haven't gotten that email, send an email to jimmy at jimmydoorcomedy.com and we'll set you up.
Okay.
We'll see everybody Monday.
That show's already sold out.
Don't need to mention it.
You'll hear some of it, I'm sure, in later podcasts.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Mike McRae, Frank Conniff, Mark Van Landuit, Steph Zamorano, Robert Yasamura.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only, the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at MikeMcRae.com.
That's it for this week.
Until next week, this is Jimmy Doerr saying you be the best you can be and I'll keep being me.
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