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Sept. 24, 2016 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:02:23
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show!
The Jimmy Dore Show!
This is Bibi.
It's funny already, right?
Mr. Netanyahu, this is Jimmy Dore.
Jimmy, my old friend, please call me Bibi.
Okay, Bibi.
How are you, buddy?
I am doing quite well.
Thank you for asking.
I have just returned from a pleasant visit to your quaint little country.
Very relaxing.
But I must say, every time I go there, it just seems like you all need to be whipped back into shape.
A lot of people have to have a stern talking to.
I guess you...
A stern baby talking to.
Who am I to name names?
But yes, Barack Obama, that one.
And right as I'm there, your country is racked by devastating terrorist attacks that only underscore the common threat facing both America and Israel.
You mean those dumpsters that blew up?
Yes, dumpsters.
Next time, entire cities.
You Americans, you're so cavalier.
ISIS, Hamas, regular Muslim people just walking around.
It's all the same threat.
Well, that's demonstrably untrue, Mr. Prime Minister.
That is demonstrably untrue.
When are you going to get your shit together?
Your president won't even declare a Muslim terrorist state of emergency after these attacks.
Yeah, probably because we don't have that.
That's not a thing here.
You're so naive.
Who do you think wants to bomb your malls and airports?
Mennonites?
Mooney?
No, Muslims.
The most dangerous of the M's.
I, for one, am glad that our president is not a fear-mongerer and that he hasn't used regular Muslims as scapegoats in this war on terror.
That's what I'm glad of.
Be a liberal at your own peril, hippie.
See what happens.
But I'm looking towards the future when your disobedient peace frog is out of that office which is oval.
Well, listen, that leads to an interesting question, Bibi.
What do you think about this election?
I mean, who do you think Israel would work best with?
That is a good question.
On one hand, you have Hillary Clinton.
Actually, Bibi, there are more than two choices.
Shut up.
Zip it.
For Schroeden.
I'm the Prime Minister of Israel, for Christ's sakes.
I have to deal with realities.
As I was saying, on one of two hands, Hillary Clinton.
All right, fine.
Hillary Clinton has shown herself again and again to be a staunch ally of the Israeli people.
Her neo-con warhawkish ways please me.
She represents a political tradition, a way of conducting foreign policy in the Middle East that is familiar, workable, and I predict, typically manipulable.
Yeah, tell me about it.
So I know that if she wins, somewhat of the roadmap that Israel and the United States will be looking at over the next four to eight years.
That is a good thing.
Good thing for Israel.
But conversely, I know also the ceiling that I will be dealing with.
That is to say, the limits of what Israel can exact from Poltis.
It will be a much higher ceiling than that Obama has afforded us.
That's certain, but a ceiling still.
Okay, all right.
I follow.
But on the other hand, you have Donald Trump.
And what do you think about him?
There is much that is troubling about him.
As your fellow comedian, Don Oliver, so brilliantly and side-splittingly hilariously pointed out, the name Trump used to be Drum, which is German.
Right, okay.
The prospect of an American president with a German last name is not a particularly pleasing one to my people, as I'm sure you understand.
I don't think that is a precedent that anyone is very eager to set.
I believe Eisenhower was a German last name.
And what would Eisenhower ever do for the Jews?
But beyond that, there is a disturbing rising tide of anti-Semitism in this alt-right movement that seems to be supporting Trump, and his campaign seems to be surreptitiously engaging them.
I can't argue with that one, actually.
But if we can look past that, a Donald Trump presidency might present Israel with some opportunities.
How so?
First of all, I have no reason to think there is anything anti-Semitic about the man personally.
As far as any stances on Israel that he has voiced, there are no red flags.
And he is a dullard and fed solely through his own ego, which is a type of man who is easily controlled if one knows what one is doing.
And he's a bully like me, so I will know how to communicate with him.
If everything falls into place, he could conceivably be the first American president to give Israel everything at once.
By Israel, you mean the hardline faction, right?
Like the Likud Party, which you represent.
I mean, from what I gather, there are many Israelis who actually don't like the fact that their prime minister is a bully who's adverse to compromise and reasonable diplomacy.
Am I right?
Fuck them.
I'm the prime minister of Israel.
They are not.
And I see the possibility of a great ally in Mr. Trump.
Say what you will about him, but he is a man who knows a good deal when he sees one.
And if so, I have the deal of the millennium for him.
Oh, yeah, what would that be?
If Trump, as president, spearheads America's acquiescence to Israel correcting the great error of that doddering fool, Sharon, and allows us to proceed with the resettlement of the Gaza Strip.
You're kidding.
You can't be serious.
And the bombing of Iran.
Ah, this is a nightmare.
Then once his tenure as president is over, he will have the right of first refusal to build and run a Trump casino in Gaza City.
What?
What?
The largest, most elegant luxury resort in the entire eastern Mediterranean.
Live life lavishly on the Levant.
I can see it now.
This is disgusting, BB.
I'll be a partner, of course.
I need a little nest egg for my own retirement.
That BB, this is insane.
You're like a bond villain.
Come on, Jimmy.
Come on.
We'll have a comedy club.
I'll give you three headlining weeks a year.
Uh, no way.
No way.
Come on.
I'm sure the region will be restabilized by then.
A suite facing the sea.
Ten grand in chips waiting for you.
What do you say?
Can I bring my own opener?
Who do you think you are, Don Rickles?
How dare you talk to me like that?
I'll book a YouTube star who's ever performed live before I give it to such demands.
Okay, that was BB.
That was great.
Thank you.
It's the Jimmy Dore show.
The show for weak-minded, low-related luxuries.
The kind of people that are.
Hellbentz may be on tearing down our nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say.
It's hard to talk when you're keydiving.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hey, everybody, welcome to this week's Jimmy Dore show.
Hope you enjoyed the BB Call at the top.
We're going to have some great guests this week.
We got Dave Reinitz, comedian Dave Reinitz from Flappers Comedy Club, is going to be here.
Mark Thompson is on the show.
Mark Thompson, Emmy Award winner, Mark Thompson.
He does a great podcast I've been a guest on called The Edge.
And you can find that at theedge-show.com, Mark Thompson's podcast.
We're going to have Robert Yasamura will be with us, Hank Thompson, Steph Zamorano, and we're going to have Reince Priebus is going to call in later.
And Mike from St. Louis is going to call in later.
And we've got a lot of great topics.
First, we're going to talk about stop and frisk.
And it might, our conclusions just might surprise you, or will they?
And then we're going to talk about: should you cover your laptop camera?
Guess who does it?
The answer just may surprise you.
Or will it?
Hey, how dangerous is it to be a policeman in America?
Who?
I know the answer to that will surprise you.
Hey, Charlie Chris gets big laughs.
Plus, we're going to have a phone call from Reince Priebus and Mike from St. Louis calls in.
Plus, a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Door show.
Hey, we're doing another live Jimmy Door show.
You want to come to a live Jimmy Door show?
You heard the last live one we did in August at the Burbank Comedy Festival.
We're doing it again in Burbank at Flappers Comedy Club, October 17th.
That's a Monday.
We're doing it on a Monday at 8 p.m.
That's right, Monday night, 8 p.m.
Wouldn't that be fun?
So come see a live taping of the Jimmy Door show Monday night, October 17th.
Now go to JimmyDoorComedy.com and we've got a link for tickets right over there and they're discounted.
Isn't that nice?
JimmyDoorComedy.com.
We'll see you October 17th, 8 p.m.
That's a Monday night, a live Jimmy Dore show.
Now, Trump was at his, this is outreach to African Americans, a room full of white people, staring at a couple of colored people on stage, people of color on stage.
Isn't it funny you can't say colored people anymore, but people of color is okay.
Yeah, you're right.
That is an odd fact.
And you can't.
This is the Sean Hannity thing.
This is right.
Yeah.
And so, um, it's no wonder if, you know, how does that go over in a black household where, you know, who's, hey, you guys want to go see Sean Hannity?
I mean, seriously, who in a black household would be excited about Sean Hannity?
If they even knew who he was, the little kids wouldn't know.
Well, I'm guessing a lot of these white people live with black people.
And in black households.
And so they're like, oh, I'm up for it.
So now, this is where he endorsed stop and frisk.
A lot of people's initial reaction.
What was your initial reaction, Hank, to the stop and frisk?
It's one of the craziest things he said.
So he wants to have it nationwide.
Nationwide.
Stop and frisk nationwide.
Yeah, it was already ruled unconstitutional.
And then he immediately praised Rudy Giuliani in the same breath because he's on his inner circle.
So it's not a surprise that he thinks it's an effective tactic.
But insane.
Insane.
He told a black guy that.
Oh, you know what we're going to do?
We're going to take everybody that looks like you and push you up against the wall and have government agents run their hands up and down your body.
I mean, his only best hope in that room was that people didn't really understand what stop and frisk really was.
You know, he did get some applause.
I presume that's from this crew that we're seeing.
But having said that, I mean, A, it was unconstitutional and ruled unconstitutional.
It's not just my opinion it's unconstitutional, but also maybe more to the point or as much to the point, is completely ineffective.
I mean, if you looked at the stats on stop and frisk, they were alarmingly poor.
I mean, I think less than 1% of the people that were stopped actually had firearms.
So either the policing is awful, meaning that you're stopping and frisking the wrong people, or it doesn't work as a policy.
Yes, plus it's unconstitutional, right?
So what they're doing, so what they did in New York was they took state officials, gave them guns, and sent them into poor black and brown neighborhoods and told them to terrorize those people.
That's what they did.
They terrorized those people.
They were stopped 5 million black guys.
That's more black guys than live in New York City.
They had 5 million stop.
Overwhelmingly, it's been proven that white guys are going to be more likely to have guns on them and drugs.
Yeah, and it's about, it's not so much about the one person they're frisking.
It's about everybody seeing it happening on the streets.
I mean, that's how the fear is spreading.
That's the terror.
So that terrorizes everyone else.
Imagine walking down the street, being like a cop can just top you and touch you.
So now everybody knows how horrible that would be to extend it nationwide, but nobody really screamed about it when it was happening in New York.
I mean, there were some on the left, but not really, right?
So that's the weird thing.
It's like, oh, now we realize what a maniac Bloomberg was.
Bloomberg had stop and frisk, and Hillary Clinton brought him on stage at the Democratic Convention.
Bloomberg, a billionaire.
I like fascist billionaires.
I really do.
He's one of my favorite.
Of all the fascist billionaires, he actually did stop and frisk.
Trump is only suggesting it.
He actually did it.
And Hillary Clinton brought him on stage.
So this whole thing, again, this whole thing that Trump is worse than, he's exposing how horribly corrupt our system is.
The entire culture, right?
Because when Hillary Clinton calls his followers deplorables, and they are, right?
David Duke.
But is David Duke worse than Jodeneg Raponte?
Is David Duke worse than Henry Kissinger?
Those are actual war criminals.
David Duke, far as I know, hasn't disappeared anybody in Honduras.
So here we are again.
When Trump says stop and frisk, Bloomberg did it to every black and brown person in New York City and Hillary Clinton didn't say anything.
And she brings that guy on stage, a guy who's already done stop and frisk.
And now everybody's horrified that Trump wants to export that to the rest of the country.
But it's okay that Michael Bloomberg did it.
Do you see what I'm saying?
Yeah, the context is everything, right?
In this case, he's speaking about a specific incident and a crisis in the black community, and he suggests this outrageous thing.
In the case of bringing Bloomberg on stage, it's lost in the noise of the political season, and that's why he's on stage in no way.
But anything that they point the finger at Trump at, almost to the thing, you can point at something horrible that we're already doing.
Like when he says we're going to build the wall, he just says it more demonstrably and more and more of an asshole.
Because we've got videotape of Hillary Clinton saying that, yeah, I voted for a barrier three times.
Some places will be a fence.
Some places it will be a barrier.
Really?
What are you going to put some Visqueen up?
A barrier.
And by the way, Fusion's reporting is that Barack Obama's, he's doing the exporting of Hispanics that Trump only dreams of doing.
So again, so she says, oh, they're deplorable.
She's hanging with war criminals.
He doesn't accept the science of climate change.
She's pro-fracking.
She doesn't accept the science on fracking.
So you can do this all day long, yet still I go on people's shows and they wag their finger at me and tell me I'm uninformed because I'm informed about her record.
And they tell me, how dare you?
Because Trump, it's the most intellectually lazy argument I've ever heard.
And it comes from everywhere.
And people say it like they thought of it.
That's not an original idea, Trump, Supreme Court.
That's not, you're not an original thinker.
So original thoughts scare a lot of people who are really comfortable with the status quo and the establishment, and they repeat corporate talking points handed to them by the DNC.
Jill Stein's anti-vax or Bernie's a sexist.
Again, here we are.
Anything you can point at Donald Trump, Stop and Frisk.
She's already endorsed it.
She already brought Michael Bloomberg on stage, the guy who implemented it.
I think that to be fair to her, I doubt, and that this is going to be, I know I'll be about to be thrown out of here.
You are.
I doubt, I doubt that Hillary Clinton would endorse Stop and Frisk.
I bring in Michael Bloomberg on stage.
I think he is viewed as, again, within that political environment of the convention, he's viewed as, look, this is one of our success stories, the mayor of New York and often spoken of as a viable presidential candidate himself.
If it was a rough retinum on stop and frisk, I think she would vote against it.
I'm talking about in today's world, okay?
Of course, I agree with you 100%.
on the environment, she's abominable.
That's my issue, and it's embarrassing.
It's embarrassing to have anyone left of center supporting these things that defile this planet the way Hillary Clinton's environmental policies do.
So when people say you have to vote for Hillary Clinton because of climate change, and they do it with a straight face.
It's absurd.
It's absurd.
It's absurd on its face.
She supports dirty energy and even beyond dirty energy.
I mean, now you're Mark Thompson.
You're an Emmy Award winner.
I am.
This is Mark Thompson.
Now, Mark, are you an official meteorologist?
No, I'm a trained weather forecaster.
So you are informed a little.
Yeah, a little bit.
But about climate change, I mean.
Yes, but you don't even have to get what I was going to say.
You don't even have to get to the climate.
When you talk about fracking, you're talking about defiling parts of the planet so that the water supplies are ruined forever.
I'm talking about, so we're not even talking about raising temperatures of the climate.
You know, is it natural?
Is it man-made?
Whatever.
I mean, that's not even arguable, but I mean, there are people who argue it nonetheless.
But I'm talking about ruining the water supply for ever.
That's a long time.
I mean, you can never again use these water supplies around so many of these areas that involve fracking.
I'm talking about in Oklahoma and in the central plains and even in California.
And it's also as a result, the ruining of these of water as a result of agricultural processes.
I'm talking about the meat industry and the these are the fecal matter and runoff from these huge industrial farming plants is ruining the water supplies.
Now, some of those water supplies we can bring back, but the same old environmental policies, which is what Hillary Clinton is all about, because she's in the pocket of corporate corporate interests without question, that just won't cut it.
That is not an environmental policy.
I mean, Obama's a better environmental policy than she has, and he's just an all-you-can-eat policy.
I mean, he basically tries to mollify everybody.
Exactly.
Yeah, and now he's trying to, he's pushing the TPP, which is also bad for Climate Change.
That's awful.
TPP is awful.
And as you say, Trump and Hillary, you get two people who are supporting TPP.
Well, Trump says he doesn't, actually.
Oh, that's right.
He doesn't.
He doesn't support it.
That's absolutely right.
Sorry, I misspoke.
Yeah, he says he doesn't.
Hillary also says she doesn't, but that was up until last October.
She called it the gold standard.
And then she was like, oh, this is going to hurt me.
Okay.
I'm against it.
And then as soon as she gets to be president, she's going to go, oh, we fixed it.
Now let's pass it.
And again, to go back to Trump just for a second on the environment, I guess I just, is there a great, he's an abomination on virtually every front, but he is anybody who sits there and says we need to do more.
We need to exploit our coal industry more.
I mean, coal is certainly the dirtiest energy there is.
Well, isn't fracking actually worse than coal?
Oh, well, I was thinking about, yeah, that's a great point.
I mean, it's arguable, I suppose.
Yeah, it's arguable.
That's what I, I mean, you know, I'm not a meteorologist, but I have hung out with Josh Fox, who made Gasland.
He's the one who told me about how methane is 80 times worse.
It's more dense of a pollutant in that it traps 80 times more warmth, put it that way, in the atmosphere than carbon.
Which is why, again, industrial meat production is industrial meat production, a big climate change.
People don't even realize that, that it's methane.
I got to stop eating burritos.
You're freaking me out.
We were going to mention that to you.
This is sort of an intervention.
Ha ha ha.
you you *music* Now, I don't know if you're paranoid like I am.
You know, the government's watching you.
You know, the government's watching you.
Do you put tape over your camera and people are like, oh, they can watch you through your camera on your computer?
That is such, what are you guys?
You guys are paranoid.
Whoa, the FBI guy.
Even the FBI guy says to do it.
Director James Comey.
Well, he said he does it.
Yes.
Director of the FA recommends covering camera.
He goes, heck yeah, heck yeah.
I mean, yeah, well, look at him.
He doesn't look good naked.
And also, I get mocked for a lot of things, much mocked for that.
But I hope people lock their cars, lock your doors at night.
I have an alarm system.
He says, if you have an alarm system, you should use it.
I use mine.
It's not crazy that the FBI director cares about personal security as well.
So he puts the tape over his thing.
In fact, he goes on to say that I think people ought to be taking personal responsibility for their own safety and security.
So there are some sensible things you ought to be doing.
And that's one of them, putting tape over the camera on your freaking computer.
Why?
Well, unless you've been working out, in which case you should put a better lens.
That's what I'm saying.
I'm very proud of myself.
Get better lighting.
They can look at me.
I'm very proud of myself.
I did 10 push-ups last week.
Very proud.
You want to get some below, you want to go below the belt line?
I'll show it.
I'll give you an Anthony Wiener next to my kid's head.
In fact, Comey goes on to say that it was common practice at the FBI in any government office to use physical covers over webcams.
I'm so glad this is just coming out in 2016.
You go in any government office.
We all have our little camera things that sit on top of the screen, Director James Comey said.
They'll all have a little lid that closes down on them.
You do that so the people who don't have authority don't look at you.
I think that's a good thing.
Hey, by the way, you know who else puts the tape over his camera?
Mark Zuckerberg.
Oh, yeah.
Mr. Face Fuck himself.
Huh?
Yeah, you know he does.
It just occurs to me.
I assume that this enters the public consciousness more.
We're going to see a physical cover built into laptop designs now.
You would think.
There's nothing alarming to me about this at all.
Are you trying to take the notion of, oh, my God, we're all or more just like, holy shit, what have we lost?
Like, oh, my God, I thought people were paranoid who did that stuff.
It turns out, no, you're supposed to do that.
Well, it's weirdly flattering of yourself, but it's definitely possible that someone can activate your thing if they know how to access your computer.
Yeah.
I'm sure.
I'm sure it's a lot easier because all you have to do is hack into someone's Wi-Fi and you're in.
Yeah.
And it's not hard to hack into someone's Wi-Fi.
What's my passcode?
It's Hank.
Comedy.
Comedy 1988.
Exclamation.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, I mean, I'm sure it's not too hard to hack.
I'm sure people can figure out what my.
With the proper base of knowledge and the proper incentive motive.
I mean, you people can find the instructions pretty easily.
If somebody wanted to hack me, they can hack me.
I think what protects most of us, though, is that it's just the overall amount of clutter.
There's just so many computers.
There's so many devices.
And there's so many.
It's kind of like being mugged.
Not that I'm dismissing the danger of that.
You know what I mean?
There's too many places you have to sign in with a passcode and a username.
Yeah.
Can I?
Why?
Oh, I just can't take it.
And now I know people have to do it for our premium.
Sure.
I know.
I don't know.
There's no way around stuff.
I have this new thing.
It's supposed to keep all your passcodes.
It's the one passcode thing.
Sean James is setting me up on it.
I still don't understand how it works.
But it's still really hard for me to understand.
Yeah.
There's a distant future where we all don't have to worry about that.
And there's some sort of solution.
But our culture hasn't figured that out yet.
So who's looking at me?
Who's coming into my world?
Who knows, right?
But anybody could come hack into you.
And then, for instance, the government can.
Let's say I was a dissident.
And I was, right now, let's say I was organizing against the TPP.
Well, those oil companies have lots of money.
They get private investigators on dissidents and people who are agitating.
And they do stuff like that all the time.
I'm sure Hillary Clinton didn't correct the record and all the...
They have endless money.
Wall Street, military, industrial, they have endless money.
They can hack in, get a picture of you, do or see what you're doing.
The same goes for microphones.
I mean, that's really more penetrating than the camera because it picks up the whole room noise.
Oh, my God.
And it's no different than just recording a digital signal off of a device.
The Edward Snowden thing on HBO with Glenn Greenwald, and they're in the hotel in Hong Kong.
It's pretty intense.
Yeah.
And he gets into that a little bit about, like, how cell phones and the hotel, they could easily figure out what room they're in and then turn on the speaker microphone on the phone that's on the nightstand.
Really?
It's good.
It's good, yeah.
And I want to see the new Oliver Stone movie, but...
I hear that's a little slow moving.
Oh, really?
Oh.
Well, so am I. I also understand that they think it's a very good defense for him to be...
Yeah, he'll be pardoned.
Pardoned, rather.
Yeah, that'll never happen.
That's never going to happen.
They're never going to pardon that guy because he's given secrets about people in government who are committing crimes.
Yeah.
It's never going to happen.
They want to get that guy.
Who would they pardon?
They would pardon, you know, drug kingpins and bankers and people who make big donations to their campaigns.
That's what they pardon.
And he's already pardoned by not persecution, prosecuting, like Bush, Cheney, the Wall Street crooks.
How could you prosecute him and not prosecute Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney, and George Bush for war crimes?
Yeah.
I mean, they'll do it.
How could you?
Because they have no conscience or integrity.
Of course.
That's how.
Yeah.
Barack Obama didn't even prosecute freaking torturers.
It would have created a political firestorm around...
It's impolite.
You know, it would have been in the news cycle.
It's impolite.
Yeah, you don't do that.
You can't actually hold people accountable who are, you know, powerful.
No.
Not at all.
But I also think this means director James Comey beats off at work.
Ha!
Let's see.
Do you think he looks like that kind of a guy?
Thanks to everybody.
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a link for discounted tickets over at jimmydoorcomedy.com all right we got a lot of stuff coming up in the second half let's get to it hey this is jimmy you have a collect call from friggin race previous will you accept the call yes i will accept the charges operator thank
Hello?
Hello?
Mr. Chairman?
Hey, Jimmy.
Thanks for taking the charges.
I owe you one, buddy.
No problem, Mr. Prebuss.
Why are you calling me collect?
Aw, man.
Someone broke into my vein and stole all the change out of the ashtray.
I mean, I finally find a payphone out here and then it's like, what the hell, man?
Where are you, Mr. Chairman?
I don't even know, Jimmy.
There are power lines and I passed a cracker barrel a few miles ago.
That looks like maybe it's a badger over there.
You know, I don't understand.
I just saw you on Face of the Nation this weekend and...
Oh, yeah.
They were like, let's try Priebus out there to polish up this turd.
It's not like he's trying to hold together a major political party with both hands in his dick.
Well, I just gotta say, Mr. Chairman, you gave a pretty vocal defense of Trump.
Well, what the hell else was I gonna do, Jimmy, huh?
Tell the truth?
Yeah.
I mean, yeah.
But you basically said you agreed with Trump when you said Hillary Clinton started birtherism.
Yeah.
And Dickerson let me.
Can you believe that?
The whole time I was praying he'd say, Mr. prebus you are a total fraud.
And then it would all finally be over.
But he never did.
I swear to God, I got more pushback from the lady of McDonald's when he asked for extra pippins.
It's not like I'm the first guy to ask for more sauce.
I mean, who finishes nine friggin' McNuggets with just one thing of sauce, I ask you.
But then when he brought up Kasich and the other Republicans who are refusing to back Trump, you said you might punish them if they want to seek the presidency again.
You said that.
Well, yeah, these guys knew the score.
I mean, they all pledged to support the candidate.
They all saw the boatload of crazy we ran last time.
For fuck's sake, Michelle Bachman ran last time, Jimmy.
Michelle Bachman.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
They might as well have said I pledged to support a maternal orangutan on cocaine if that's who the party selects.
I mean, Bobby Chindle was running this time.
The guy who manages to be crazy and boring at the same time.
And they knew he might win, and they all took the pledge anyway.
They all kneeled before the goathead, killed a white chicken, and proclaimed to the Lord Sassel that they would support their party's nominee.
Wait, what was the part about the goathead again?
So, yeah, if you break that pledge, I might make it harder for you to run for president.
And as it was in the old days, your children may be cursed and tormented.
Mr. Chairman, this all seems really unfair.
I mean, freedom of speech is a core principle in this country.
We're not talking about your little hemp sewing circle, Miss Harry.
This is the Republican damn party, okay?
Yeah.
We require blind loyalty here.
If Trump is the nominee, you support him.
If Danny Haster wants to bugger a few children, you help cover it up.
I'm sorry, Mr. Chairman.
Did you just say you helped cover up Denny Hassard's crimes against children?
Is that what you said?
Hey, hey, Buttercup.
This isn't your homo-cuddle bondage club here.
It's just a Republican freaking party.
You blood in with a jump-in, and the only way out is in a body bag.
And between those two points, you better toe the line, buddy boy.
If that means supporting a bigoted, compulsive liar who can't read for president, then you do it.
And if that means cheating Roger Ails and never-ending supply of Lafayette bookers and then having them murdered, well, that's what you do, too.
You did what, Mr. Chairman?
You're not hearing me, Jimmy.
You want lower taxes and smaller government?
Well, guess what?
Sometimes that means you gotta vote for a guy less qualified to be president than a Cleveland pimp.
Sometimes that means you gotta let Sheldon Adelson molest you in a hotel suite while everyone stands around and watches.
Because this is just a Republican motherfucking party, you motherfuckers.
This isn't the hair club for men where you can just do whatever you want.
Like now they admit women.
I mean, what the fuck?
Mr. Chairman, Mr. Chairman, you gotta calm down.
Seriously, Jimmy, it's right there in the name.
Hey, hair club for men.
Now there's all these goddamn half-ball chicks walking around.
I mean, what the fuck?
Used to be a guy could go to the hair club and walk around noon, but no.
Not anymore, Reince Priebus.
None for you.
Mr. Chairman.
Reines?
Hey, Jimmy, I gotta go.
It's starting to get dark out here, and night is when the dogs come.
I'm sorry, Mr. Chairman.
The dogs?
Jimmy, they're already here.
What?
Nice doggy.
Good doggy.
I might have a treat for you in the van.
God, Jesus, help me.
What?
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
Mr. Jimmy.
What is happening?
Mr. Chair, what happened, you think?
I think those dogs ate him.
It's a tough year for Reines Priebus.
So, Wells Fargo, we all, if you watch the show, you know, bankers are all criminals.
And the reason why they're all criminals is because they bought the lawmakers.
So now they told the lawmakers to rewrite the laws so that their criminal activity is now legal.
And even when they still break the law, they don't get prosecuted because the people who are supposed to prosecute them are also in the pocket of them.
And they say, oh, it would cause too much disruption to the banking industry to prosecute people.
So we don't.
So why does horrible things keep happening?
Because no one gets prosecuted.
If you don't prosecute somebody, it's guaranteed it will happen again.
So we're going to have another banking crash, and we're going to have much more banking fraud right out in the open, brazen, like what Wells Fargo did.
Wells Fargo created 1.5 million million illegal, corrupt, fraudulent accounts.
They charged their own customers.
They were ripping off their own.
They had to fire over 5,000 people.
And the guys at the top said they didn't know anything about it.
So here, it's a long story, but what they were doing was they were having their employees keep making these fraudulent, opening fraudulent accounts and closing fraudulent accounts.
And that way it would puff up their stock because it would make it look like to their investors that they're getting way more and way more accounts.
They got way more business.
They know they're that blah blah blah.
So they raised their stock prices.
The guys at the top who own the company, they cashed it in.
They're golden.
So here is Elizabeth Warren, and she's talking to the CEO of Wells Fargo after they just got fined $180 million and had to fire over 5,000 people for committing fraud against their own customers.
And it wasn't an accident.
So this means it's a business model built on fraud.
Wells Fargo.
So somebody should go to jail.
Nobody's going to jail.
Nobody's even losing their job.
He's not even asked.
They're not even asked to give back the money that they made from the stock raise in there.
So Elizabeth Warren has had enough of it.
And she said this just this week.
And this is in Congress this week.
You haven't resigned.
You haven't returned a single nickel of your personal earnings.
You haven't fired a single senior executive.
Instead, evidently your definition of accountable is to push the blame to your low-level employees who don't have the money for a fancy PR firm to defend themselves.
It's gutless leadership.
Other big banks average fewer than three accounts per customer.
But you set the target at eight accounts.
Every customer of Wells should have eight accounts with the bank.
And that's not because you ran the numbers and found that the average customer needed eight banking accounts.
It is because, quote, eight rhymes with great.
This was your rationale right there in your 2010 annual report.
Wow, that's really strong stuff.
Really strong stuff.
It's weird as she's so upset about these bankers because she's full-throatedly supporting someone who's in bed with those same bankers.
There was a guy running in this last primary who was for regulating them and rooting out all this stuff that's driving her crazy.
His name was Bernie Sanders.
She didn't support him.
That's gutless.
She's saying he's gutless.
That's gutless.
A guy finally comes along who's a progressive.
You're in a position of power to do something about it.
And now you're going to wag your finger.
Hey, but guess what?
The president is a freaking Democrat right now.
Do you know how much the value of your stock went up while this scam was going on?
It's all of my compensation is in our public.
Do you know how much it was?
It's all in the public filing.
Oh, you're right.
It is all in the public records because I looked it up.
While this scam was going on, you personally held an average of 6.75 million shares of Wells' stock.
The share price during this time period went up by about $30, which comes out to more than $200 million in gains, all for you personally.
You know, here's what really gets me about this, Mr. Stump.
If one of your tellers took a handful of $20 bills out of the cash drawer, they'd probably be looking at criminal charges for theft.
They could end up in prison.
But you squeezed your employees to the breaking point so they would cheat customers and you could drive up the value of your stock and put hundreds of millions of dollars in your own pocket.
And when it all blew up, you kept your job.
You kept your multi-million dollar bonuses.
And you went on television to blame thousands of $12 an hour employees who were just trying to meet cross-sell quotas that made you rich.
This is about accountability.
You should resign.
You should give back the money that you took while this scam was going on.
And you should be criminally investigated by both the Department of Justice and the Securities and Exchange Commission.
What I'm glad is that it's not just Elizabeth Warren saying that.
It's also Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton and Tim Kaine.
Oh, it's not.
It's not.
People in her party, not saying it's that, it's just her.
And this is her grandstanding.
I don't want to say grandstanding.
This needs to be said.
So it's good that she's saying this.
It's just weird that when she actually had a chance to, when she could have done something, when she could have stood behind a guy who wanted to put those guys in jail, this guy she's wagging her finger at, who controls our government, which is why he's not in jail, which is why he gets to take his $100 million and go home after he committed fraud.
So it's real hard for me.
I have really mixed emotions about Elizabeth Warren.
There was a chance to clean this stuff up.
You think it's going to stop under Hillary Clinton?
Do you really think it's going to stop under Hillary Clinton?
She picked Tim Kaine, who's to the further to the right.
He wants to deregulate Wall Street more.
And this is who you're supporting because you didn't have the guts to stand up for your country when it mattered.
I mean, it's just such an easy way for her to get her name on the scoreboard.
It just seems that I say that, but it's toothless.
What marks does it leave?
The guy's, so this is the price he pays for being a super wealthy corporate CEO.
Does he have to sit there and be embarrassed for that?
He gets embarrassed for a man.
He's got $145 million.
I think he's going to be okay.
I'll go to the principal's office.
I'll go to the principal's office.
And by the way, he looks around that committee and he's got, I own all these people.
Yeah.
We got this one little upstart.
She doesn't know her place.
Right.
So she doesn't know her place.
We'll show her her place.
Yeah.
So about two weeks ago, I'm watching NBC News and Nightly News at 6 p.m.
They highlight how two black women have been stealing cosmetics.
They show their picture and they ask not just one night, but two nights in a row, showing these two women stealing cosmetics.
And they highlight these women so everybody's on the lookout.
On the lookout.
These two women stole cosmetics.
Meanwhile, Wells Fargo is committing fraud against millions of their own customers systematically.
There's no picture on TV where those people were to go get those people.
There's no picture.
John G. Stumpf, Mr. John G. Stumpf, is a piece of shit.
Oh, that's a school teacher.
That's a school teacher.
In a country that took this kind of thing seriously, there'd be like a bailiff.
Some guy would come up.
Yeah, it'd be a courtroom.
And you'd say, sir, put your hands behind your back.
Please stand up.
A transparent back.
And they'd escort him out into a cage where he belongs.
But that's not what happens.
He just gets yelled at.
He gets into his limo, goes to gets a nice meal, probably yells at his wife about it or something.
You know what I mean?
Yes.
He has a bad night, maybe.
Probably not.
Talks to his lawyer longer than usual.
Big deal.
So there's not going to be, so I guess our real problem is again and again and again, there's no justice.
There's no justice for, again, we live in a completely corrupted society.
It started when we let Nixon subvert the Constitution and not have to pay a price for it.
So now people in power don't pay a price.
People get to do war crimes, stealing money from hardworking Americans, crashing the economy while putting money in their own pockets.
We order torture to cover up illegal wars.
And nobody, nobody goes to prison.
There's not even talk of it.
In fact, when some people stand up and say enough is enough, like Occupy Wall Street, the Democratic president lets union cops bust their heads from coast to coast, peaceful protesters.
That's the country we live in.
It's an oligarchy.
And that's why if you think voting for Hillary Clinton is going to help anything, you are nutso.
I'm not sure what you're getting out of shitting on Elizabeth Warren, who's one of the few people actively in government who agrees with you.
Well, I'm saying that a lot of people feel like me whenever they see her do this.
It's like there was a chance we could have really made a super big difference and you didn't.
And you called that guy gutless when your country needed you to make a difference and you didn't.
And you let your own Democratic National Committee be corrupted so much that they put their thumb on the scale for someone who's in bed with these guys and she didn't scream about it and she didn't say anything about it at all.
In fact, she's now supporting the candidate who's in bed with these guys, Robert.
That's why I'm saying this about Elizabeth Warren.
It doesn't take any guts to do what she's doing and it doesn't take any guts when she wags her finger at Trump.
What takes guts is to stand up to corruption in her own party, something she can do something about.
So that's what I'm saying.
And I have mixed emotions.
Like I said, I understand your point.
She's one of the good ones, right?
Elizabeth Warren.
We have the Consumer Protection Bureau because of her.
So it's, yeah, it's with a heavy heart that I say this stuff about her.
And it's about time, though.
People have to start standing up to the neoliberals in our own party.
And if she would have did it, if she would have got behind Bernie Sanders, we would have a different country right now.
Because Bernie Sanders would have won.
And she would win if she would have ran.
Anybody would have beat what's happening?
People want change.
And Hillary Clinton is status quo to the Nth degree and people know it, which is why she's neck and neck right now in the polls with an orangutan racist xenophobe who is a complete incompetent.
So we just witnessed another shooting of an unarmed black guy in the middle of the street.
His car broke down.
He had his hands over his head and the cop shot him dead.
I'm going to guess nothing's going to happen to that cop.
Just like nothing happened to Darren Wilson or those guys who choked Eric Garner on camera or the guys who shot Tamir Ross.
Nothing.
First of all, what are the most dangerous jobs in America?
Because cops say that their number one job is that they have to come home safe at night, right?
That's their number one job.
Barack Obama has said that cops' number one job is to make sure they come home safe at night, which that's not their job.
Their job is to make sure we come home safe at night.
That's why they're supposed to risk their life, which is why we're supposed to give them deference, respect, and a gun.
Okay.
All right.
So that's not their job.
Their job is to risk their life, right?
You would never hear a fireman say, my job is to make sure I come home at night.
Hey, there's a burning building.
No, thank you.
I got a wife.
So cool to see a fireman shooting at a five.
Just shoot it.
Shoot the fire.
If they called cops, cops would drop and start shooting the fire.
I told the cop, the fire did not respond to any of our commands.
We told them.
We tased it.
We tased it.
That's also a great way to get a kitten out of a tree.
Shoot it.
Yeah.
Just shoot it.
Don't risk anything.
So Time magazine did a thing, the most dangerous jobs in America, because it seems like cops are the jumpiest guys in the world, and then the state gives them guns.
They're the jumpiest guys in the world.
They're killing Americans left and right all the time.
They don't do it in other countries.
So what are the most dangerous jobs in America?
You think cops got to be way up there, right?
Because they're so jumpy, and everybody's got to be worried about cops.
Cops, cops, cops.
Worried about cops.
Turns out.
I thought it was like things like fishermen, oil rig worker, things like that.
Well, here, let's take a look, Robert.
Oh.
Here we go.
The number one, number one dangerous job, loggers.
A logger.
Couldn't have paper without loggers, right?
Couldn't have carpentry without logging.
Couldn't have stuff.
Couldn't have logs.
Now, does anybody say those loggers risking their lives so I can have a thank you card?
Nobody's saying that.
How about you send a thank you card to the logger?
No one goes, hey, those guys are risking their lives for us.
No one says that.
And by the way, you probably need wood and paper in your life more than you need a cop.
More than, I would say, every day I use wood and paper.
I don't use cops, hardly ever.
Number two, fishermen.
So the next time you're enjoying a bit of sushi, you say thanks to those fishermen who risked their lives.
They're heroes.
I don't even, they don't even wear bulletproof vests.
Number three, aircraft pilots and flight engineers.
Fatal injuries per 100,000.
110 loggers die per 100,000.
That's pretty.
80 fishermen die per 100,000.
64 airline.
Dan, I'm blinking on his last name, had a great joke, so I can't tell it.
I can't remember his last name.
Refuse and refuse and resolve.
So garbage men.
Garbagemen.
Number five.
Dangerous job.
So the next time you see that guy dumping your garbage in the back of a truck, you're going, that's for you, buddy.
Tough guy.
Risking your life to take out our trash.
And by the way, that doesn't include a lot of the OSHA issues.
Like those guys get exposed to a lot of really dangerous chemicals that cause all, well, especially recycling guys.
They get exposed to just horrible, like mercury.
Just the stuff I put in the recycling.
Oh, yeah.
But they get all the free porn I throw at them.
I think they do get all the free porn.
To be fair.
Number six, farmers, ranchers, and other agricultural managers, not even work managers.
Number seven, iron workers and steel workers.
Number seven, 25 out of 100,000 get killed every year.
Which is mind-blowing given the fact that they sit on girders hundreds of feet above the earth.
Dangerous job.
It's amazing how you almost never hear about steel workers shooting a building.
No, and it's dangerous.
They shoot it with rivets.
They shoot it with rivets, you're right.
And love.
So truck drivers are number eight.
Truck drivers and just drivers in general who like pizza truck drivers, anybody who does sales and drives.
Number nine, electrical power line installers and repairers.
Number nine, most fatal.
Oh, it's dangerous.
Incredibly dangerous job.
Yeah, have you seen that?
They fly up on a helicopter and they hold out like a rod to get to ground them.
It's crazy.
It's sci-fi stuff that those guys do.
Really?
Yeah, it's amazing.
And by the way, the pilot is number three on the list.
Yeah.
Well, they climb the towers as well.
How about taxi drivers and chauffeurs?
Number 18.
Takes a lot of guts to be attacked because they're getting killed left and right.
Number 11 of construction workers, trades, extraction.
So first-line supervisors of construction trades.
Number 12, construction laborers.
Cops aren't anywhere.
They're not even in the top 12.
Isn't that weird?
You would think with all the Americans we let them shoot and how pretend dangerous we make their job sound.
And it doesn't even crack the top 12 dangerous jobs in America.
Yet we're all been fed this propaganda that there it's a scary job and they stick their lives every day.
They don't risk their lives every day.
You know whose lives they risk?
Yours.
They're risking your life every day because the minute they get jumpy, they're going to shoot you.
Number 13, landscapers, lawn workers.
Number 13, higher than cops.
Really?
Yes.
16.4 per 100,000.
Yes.
Landscaping, long service, and ground sweep, groundskeeping workers, first-line supervisors.
Wow.
Yeah.
All right.
Number 14, maintenance and repair workers in general.
Number 15, police and sheriff for 15.
Total deaths per year of grounds, maintenance workers, 158.
Mechanics, 38.
And painters, construction.
So cops is 15.
So 97 cops a year.
And that's 13 per 100,000.
In fact, it doesn't even crack the top 10 of most dangerous jobs in America.
Fisherman, more dangerous.
I wouldn't think it cracks even the top 100 of causes of death in the country.
And the only reason why those loggers and fishermen are dying is the cops are shooting them.
Because cops are shooting them.
The cops are walking deep into the northwest.
That's right.
Shooting loggers and then just walking home.
Did you hear that?
Oh, shit.
I saw that guy.
That tree went for a gun.
Yeah.
Show your hands.
I'm holding a log.
Too late.
Yeah.
So just keep this in mind.
Oh, by the way, this is from that time article.
It says, whether it's logging, fishing, or agriculture jobs, when you're working in the wilderness type settings, you're not right there next to a facility that can bail you out.
So that means a lot of times you get hurt on the job when you're logging.
You're just dead.
Or you're fishing or you're too far away from medical help and stuff happens.
You're dead.
Yeah, so get to get a load of that.
What's striking to me is that the United States will get all up in arms about something that causes 97 deaths a year.
97.
A job that has 97 deaths a year, they will not get up in arms about firearms.
Firearms.
Which cause 12,000 deaths a year.
That's the conservative conservative number.
And that isn't going to include injuries.
Right.
They won't get up in arms about any number of things in our diet that are clearly causing huge, huge, huge numbers of deaths per year and also being a huge financial, social drain.
I mean, it's because cops still have this mythos around them that they've some kind of a hero there to save.
They're not.
Again, I know cops.
My grandpa was a cop.
My dad was a cop.
My oldest brother's a cop.
Some of my best friends in Chicago were cops or still are.
And they take those jobs because those are the best jobs they can get with their level of education.
And some of them were bullied.
And the other ones were bullies.
That's my experience.
Okay.
I mean, does anybody look at this list and think to yourself, oh my God, we need to have more respect and deference for roofers.
Yeah, how about, come on, give it up for the roofers and the garbage men, ladies and gentlemen.
More dangerous job than a cop.
They don't carry a gun.
They don't bring a gun.
Shoot that can.
They don't carry guns.
Fishermen, they're not shooting the fish.
Although it would make it more interesting, wouldn't it?
I would be greater TV.
But a fisherman's number one job is to bring fish home to his wife.
That's what's most important.
I've been saying that if you're going to hold your nose and vote for Hillary Clinton, that's fine.
The people who are doing that think that they're helping her when they defend her disingenuously.
It doesn't.
People know who Hillary Clinton is.
So you can't BS people about her anymore.
She's been in the public eye for 30 years.
We know who she is.
So that's why when all these lefty journalists who are revealing that they have just as much integrity as right-wing journalists, when they write articles about how could she be corrupt, what are you talking about?
There's no quid pro quo, blah, blah, blah.
Don't do that.
It doesn't help her.
Don't try to pretend she's honest.
Don't try to pretend she's not in bed with Wall Street and the people she's supposed to be regulating.
Say, I'm holding my nose and voting for her because Donald Trump is a true menace.
That might win you some votes.
Pretending that Hillary Clinton isn't horrible just makes people more angry.
It doesn't work.
We've pointed out on the show a million times how horrible guys like Peter Dow are and Joan Walsh and the editor of Mother Jones, that Clara Jeffery, just ridiculous things they're writing.
They were writing that Bernie was a sexist and he was a misogynist.
They were writing that stuff and how Hillary is a better candidate in November.
And we all knew it, that they were gaslighting us and they were all wrong.
So here's another example.
I'm going to give you another example.
Charlie Christ, former governor of Florida.
Owner of Charlie Chris Steakhouse.
Charlie Chris Steakhouse.
He's a sister of Ruth, Ruth Christ.
So he's at a debate.
He's running for the East Runner for Congress in Florida's 13th District.
He's very much a centrist.
Yeah, he's very much a centrist.
Now he's a Democrat.
Right.
Right.
That was the whole thing about him.
He was an independent, and then the Republicans say this guy is a rhino.
And so now he's running as a Democrat.
And so here's, listen to what he said at the debate just the other day.
And he was talking about Hillary Clinton.
Again, it doesn't help to lie.
It doesn't help to try to BS your own voters about Hillary Clinton.
How does that help?
Are you voting for your party's dominees, governor?
I am.
I am proud of Hillary Clinton.
I think she's been a very good Secretary of State, a very good senator from the state of New York.
Okay, stop there.
Stop there.
She was a very good Secretary of State.
She was a very good, although she Libya.
I don't say that's a good Secretary of State.
Just stop there.
People don't know enough to push back yet on that.
That she just was Secretary of State recently.
We don't know enough about how horrible she was and all the bad things she did.
We don't know about it yet.
We do know she didn't take sniper fire like Brian Williams.
So just stop there, but he can't.
He can't stop there.
He has to go one step too far.
He has to try to BS the voters he wants to support him.
Always a bad idea, especially when it's an aid of someone else.
Here we go.
The thing I like most about her is I believe that she is steady.
I believe that she is strong.
I believe that she is honest.
And I look forward to voting for him.
Governor.
Governor Chris.
Oopsie.
You just can't shut up.
You had to push it too far.
Just like Howard Dean the other day couldn't help himself.
Oh, Hillary's feeling great.
She's probably already in her bed talking to donors, Skyping with donors.
Can't stop.
You can't stop it.
You're just so used to lying for her.
You just can't stop.
Yeah, what I like about her is she's steady and she's honest.
Like you're lying about someone being honest.
Let me finish.
Let me finish.
That was laughter.
That wasn't booing.
That was laughter.
People laugh.
Laughing is an involuntary response.
Was it like people said if he ever says that, we're all going to laugh, right?
No, they just laughed because they didn't even know he was going to say something that stupid.
Not helping.
The thing that makes us different or supposed to, or I always thought made us one of the big differences of the left and the right is that the right wing is all about propaganda and fooling voters into supporting a right-wing corporate agenda that screws them over and only helps the wealthy.
I thought that was the right wing.
And then their pundits do the same thing, pretending trickle-down works and pretending that the more prep war is good and pretending all that stuff.
And now the left is doing it for her.
And that doesn't help.
It just makes the half the people who aren't voting not want to vote more.
Hello.
Hey, it's Jimmy Doar.
Is this Mike from St. Louis?
Yeah.
The very same in the flesh.
Are you?
It's been a long time.
Yeah, it's been a long time.
We miss you.
Look, what's going on with the election there in St. Louis?
What's going on in St. Louis?
Yeah, I mean, what's the general feel about the election and from where you're coming from, Mike?
How about the elector?
You know, quite frankly, I'll be honest, I'm scared of either choice, but you got to go with Trump.
The story terrifies me.
Trump terrifies me, but you got to go with Trump.
Hey, there's a lot more to that.
Mike from St. Louis phone call.
But how do you hear it?
You get the premium.
And that's a great way to help support the show, too.
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And so, and ask, talk to somebody who's already a premium member.
People are loving it.
Okay, so thanks everybody who does that.
And thanks to everybody who's, oh, by the way, don't forget, October 17th, we're doing a live Jimmy Door show.
Go over to JimmyDoorComedy.com for tickets.
And that's a Monday, 8 p.m., Burbank at the Flappers Comedy Club, October 17th.
That's a Monday.
Okay.
Hey, and if you have a Macintosh computer that needs fixing, guess who will help you fix it?
It's our man, Sean James, and he'll fix it for you right over the internet.
No matter where you are in the country, he'll fix it for you right over the internet.
You just send him an email at MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
And you spell Sean, S-H-A-U-N.
Hey, big thanks to Mark Thompson.
Check out his podcast at theedge-show.com.
Big thanks to Dave Reinitz over at the Flappers Comedy Club.
Love Dave Reinitz.
Also, everybody else on the show.
Of course, today's show was written by Mike McRae, Robert Yasimura, Mark Van Landuit, Jim Earle, and Steph Zabarado.
All the voices today perform by the one and the only the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
Okay, that's it for this week.
Until next week, this is Jimmy Door saying you be the best you can be.
Now keep being me.
Do not freak out.
Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
i'm not getting don't don't do you don't bring don't you don't don't do you don't do you don't Don't freak out.
Do not freak out.
Do not freak out.
I'm not kidding.
Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
Don't double up.
Do not freak out.
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