Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show!
Hi, this is Jimmy.
Jimmy, it's John Bader.
Oh, Speaker Boehner.
Please, it's not Speaker Bader anymore.
Call me Tobacco Company Board Member Boehner.
Ah, yes.
You joined the board of Philip Morris, right?
Philip Morris.
No.
I wouldn't joy that group of thin dick drug pushers.
Get your facts straight.
Forgive me, Speaker.
I mean, tobacco company board member Boehner.
What company is it?
Reynolds American.
Oh, that's right.
The number two tobacco company in the U.S. Makers of many delicious brands, including Newport.
Newport.
Newport.
"A full flavor menthol that doesn't drown out pure tobacco taste." Uh, I used to actually Well, I guess.
In the 60s, Newport brilliantly visited housing projects and gave out free packs to children and babies.
Yep, that sounds like the worst thing a company could do.
Don't worry, you liberal pansy.
The practice was stopped after a woman died of lung cancer and her family sued, claiming she got addicted at age nine to a free pack.
Ungrateful freeloader.
Yeah, she was dead.
We also make Camel.
Camel, a blend of choice Turkish and American tobaccos to bring you full smoking satisfaction with camel quality.
Is that true?
Of course it's true.
It's all the package.
It's also the preferred cigarette of doctors.
Doctors?
Well, it used to be anyway.
Thanks to left-wing loons, today's doctors are forced to lie that cigarettes are dangerous.
That's the one with Joe Camel, right?
Yeah, you mean the confident, cool, globe-trotting playboy?
Loved by children, envied by men, wanted by women, friends with celebs of all races.
You mean that's O'Camel?
Uh, that's the one.
Although, wasn't it kind of evil to use a cartoon to sell cigarettes to children?
Come on.
Are you kidding?
It'd be evil not to.
Children with their underdeveloped brains and identities, they listen to cartoons.
They trust them.
Yeah, that's exactly why we shouldn't have any advertising aimed at children, let alone an addictive substance that causes cancer.
Nonsense.
Children of the future.
Without them, we wouldn't be able to profit off addiction in the future.
Yeah, I don't know how to react to that.
We also make palm ball, palm ball, a premium product at a sub-premium price.
Try Paul Ball Black for full flavor or Paul Ball White for a smoother taste.
Oh, God.
Honest to God, the way you say it makes it sound.
I really want one.
It's our most popular brand.
What makes it so popular, John?
Nicotine.
Okay, that's right.
What other brand does Reynolds American have?
Natural American Spirit.
Oh, yeah.
I heard of that.
That's the hipster cigarette for tree hugging queers.
That's right.
That's not what I was going to say, John.
These things are made of 100% additive-free tobacco.
They're for people who love themselves, but not enough to not slowly poison themselves to death.
So they're safer than regular cigarettes?
Of course not.
They're just more likely to be smoked by people who recycle.
We also make Kent.
Kent!
My parents used to smoke Kent's.
Those are the cigarettes I broke into smoking on.
Kent, its Micronite Filter offers the greatest health protection in history.
That's the slogan?
It was.
Until a bunch of losers died of mesothelioma because the filters were made of asbestos.
Asbestos?
People were putting asbestos right up to their lips.
It's miracle stuff, Jimmy.
Unfortunately, the hippies took over the government, so we can't use it anymore.
Don't tell anyone, but I've got my own stash.
Your own stash of what?
Asbestos.
Ah, okay, okay.
Cuban asbestos, Jimmy.
I thought you hated Cuba.
I do, but those commie Mexicans do two things right: cigars and asbestos.
Goes great with a room temperature glit finish, Trader Joe's Gherkins and mustard, mixed with the ashes of Turd of the Century Hookerbones.
Plus, it makes a great chest balm for carrying hangovers.
You know, I'm not sure that's advisable.
Another brand of ours is Doral.
Doral.
Premium taste guaranteed.
Yeah, that's not that great of a slogan.
It's for poor people, Jimmy.
Nothing they get is very good.
The old slogan was, taste me, taste me, come out and taste me.
Which they had to stop because it was too arousing.
Speaking of that, we also make the female-focused brands Misty and Capri.
Really?
Yeah, you know what makes a cigarette a woman's cigarette, Jimmy?
No, what?
Girth.
Girth?
Well, the opposite of girth, not girth.
Thinner, slimmer.
Oh, like Virginia Slims.
Exactly.
Women hate girth.
At least that's what my wife tells me.
Why do women smoke slimmer cigarettes?
Well, certainly not because we've been manipulating them with deceptive marketing for 80 years.
No, the truth is women prefer a refined, elegant, luxurious, smooth, full tobacco taste.
The kind you could only get from a 23 millimeter cigarette.
A thin cigarette is liberating and glamorous, and is the best way to attract a husband.
Plus, it doesn't offend a woman's delicate, tender sensibilities, nor is it too much for her weak muscles and fingers to handle, allowing her to maintain a grip, which reduces the risk of catastrophic fire, saving even more lives.
Wow.
Bottom line, Jimmy.
Women can't handle the thick, robust 25-millimeter cigarettes men like myself and President Obama smoke.
There's about a thousand things wrong with what you just said.
Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.
How do you think I got to where I am today?
Hey, listen, I gotta go.
I think my kids stole my Kway Loots.
They were a wedding gift from Lou Pearlman.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for people that are convinced me the on Tearing Down our nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to me, Kali.
Here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore!
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to the next week's Jimmy Door Show.
I'm joined in the studio from the Miserable Liberal blog.
It's our resident Latina, Steph Zamarano.
Hi, Steph.
How are you?
Hello, Jimmy.
Yay.
Also with us, comedian Ron Placone is here.
Hi, Ron.
Hey, Jimmy.
Good to hear your voice.
Also, our resident Japanese man, it's Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert.
Ohio.
Also with us, comedian Hank Thompson.
Hi, Hank.
Hey, good morning.
Yay.
All right.
Let's get to some jokes before we get to the joke, shall we?
Now, the big debate happened.
We all watched it, a big debate.
You know, Trump is taking criticism about his lack of preparation to heart, too.
He's already preparing to the excuses he's going to make after he loses the next two debates.
That's nice.
Good joke.
You know, I can easily picture President Trump going before the United Nations to make the case that Miss Universe really was a fat pig.
She was really a fatty.
Since Trump is always talking about how unhealthy Hillary is, it must have been upsetting for him to have to eat her shit at the debate.
I bet it was.
He sure washed it down with enough water.
Oh, by the way, speaking of the debate, a friend of the show, the writer for the show, Frank Conniff, former panelist, soon to be another panelist coming back after the election.
Frank Connoff tweeted this out.
Thank you, Bernie Sanders.
You moved Hillary to the left, forced her to be a better debater.
Tonight was a victory.
You had a hand in it.
Isn't that nice?
And that's what you're supposed to do when you're the winner.
When you win the primary, that's how you're supposed to handle it.
Like that.
Makes me want to now help you.
Makes me want to go towards you.
Makes me want to go with those sons of guns.
Ah, come on.
We're all on a safe team.
That's what that makes me want to do.
That's smart.
Good for you, Frank Conniff.
Spot on.
Now some more jokes he wrote.
You know, investors aren't sure how the next two debates are going to affect the markets, but the market on the corner of my block is out of Depends and Pepto Bismillah.
That's how it's going to affect that market.
You know, before the debate, Donald Trump called himself the quote Babe Ruth of debating, which is kind of like calling yourself a fat drunkard with cancer who achieved fame in a racist sport.
My favorite thing is he said that, and I was like, Babe Ruth was like a strikeout king.
Doesn't anybody know that?
He hit him out of the park a couple of times, but he struck out more than it than not.
Did you notice during the debate, Trump was sniffing and drinking water?
Did you notice that?
Oh, yeah.
Big time.
It's hard not to.
I know you're not supposed to speculate, but I think he has AIDS.
I think you're going to get some pushback for that.
And I got to say, I think it's worth it.
I mean, I know you're not supposed to speculate, but I already broke the rule.
I speculated on Hillary.
I speculated.
I don't know about you, but Trump won my vote with that Rosie Ozano slam.
Anybody else?
She was very mean.
I think we all can agree she deserved it.
She deserved it.
That's what a batterer says.
Could you hear what she said?
What are you talking about?
I never expected that I would hear Rosie O'Donnell's name during a presidential debate.
That that was going to be significant.
I always felt it was inevitable.
I had the bar really low for this one.
Like, I was surprised.
I was like, I thought there was an opening act of a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Where did that was supposed to happen?
That was the warm-up.
I got to tell you, watching that debate, it was really reassuring watching a presidential candidate win a debate against a shit stain her party helped create with its neoliberal policies.
That's a much better joke.
I knew Robert wasn't going to laugh at that joke.
I knew that wasn't going to get him because he's on the others.
He's voting Hillary.
Coming up on today's show, how long does it take to be a cop?
The answer just may surprise you, or will it?
We're going to talk about some debate coverage.
We got phone calls from Ted Coppel calls in today.
George Clooney calls in today.
John Boehner calls in today.
Plus a lot lot more.
A lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
So we've been talking a lot about police brutality.
I'm like, you know, they're trained poorly.
They're always trained to escalate instead of de-escalating.
So how much training do police get, Robert?
That's the question.
It takes more training time to become a barber than a cop.
Oh, it's according to CN.
That's according to CNN.
Way story by Holly Yan.
How long does it take to become a barber?
So let's go.
By the way, if a barber is shooting at my head, I want him to have that training.
Me too.
Okay.
Well, North Carolina, you need 620 hours of training to be a police officer, and you need 1,500 to become a barber.
So more than double the training to become a barber than it does.
And you wonder why they keep shooting unarmed black guys left and right.
So that's roughly 12 weeks.
And then their training, it's not to de-escalate.
So they have short training, and the training is bad training.
It also explains why black guys get such cool haircuts.
And North Carolina, it takes 1,528 hours to become a licensed barber.
The state's minimum police training requirement is 620 hours.
Well, to be fair, we're talking about North Carolina where barbers are still expected to do certain levels of surgery.
Yeah.
They still do leeches.
Do you know how the barbers got the red poll?
Isn't it because of bleeding?
From the Civil War, that guy would come and bleed on the things.
Anyway, let's keep going.
It's not just North Carolina, too, by the way.
In California, New Mexico, and New York, you can get a badge hundreds of hours sooner than you can use a pair of barber shears.
Like, for instance, let's go to Massachusetts.
It takes at least 900 hours to become an officer in Massachusetts.
Become a refrigeration technician, a thousand hours.
Takes more training to fix my fridge.
I got to be, I've dealt with refrigeration technicians in Massachusetts, and I got to tell you, they're no better than the cops.
They're really not very nice.
They don't care if you eat.
But a lot of that has to do with it has to do with the unions.
So the unions have control over licensing.
And so what they do is they say, well, it's the way it used to be with apprenticeships and things.
They would just put control measures in to keep their market from being flooded by journeymen.
Police officers aren't like that.
I mean, they have a union, but they have no incentive to keep the numbers of police officers down.
So they're like, yeah, just bring them in, whatever.
But let's just keep this in mind.
It takes more training time to become a barber than it takes to teach a cop not to be racist.
I know.
I'm not saying it's right.
The training is also rigorous, right?
They have the tasering women tests, the escalating violence evaluations.
Sure.
The midterm macings.
Sure.
And the planting of evidence finals.
And if you pass, they give you a gun.
Oh, that's great.
Isn't that nice?
And barbers have to protect and sweep to protect and sweep.
That's very nice.
But this is the problem is, like I was saying, a lot of the licensed journeymen that we're talking about, the reason why their Training is so extensive is because of guilds and unions.
It falls upon the municipalities and the state governments to determine these training levels, and they're falling down.
So, in this instance, the unions are doing a better job of regulating their own industries than your government is at regulating people who carry firearms around your house.
Michigan, police officers, a little bit less than 600 hours to be a cop.
To become an electrician in Michigan, 4,000.
Electrical signs specialist.
Well, to be fair, it's Detroit's there.
4,000 hours.
How about Louisiana?
Louisiana, 360 hours.
I would not have guessed it was even that much.
To be copied, me neither.
I would have assumed just as long as your cousin Carl can get you the job if you're in.
Yeah, I'd imagine like during Mardi Grow, they're just like, you look nice.
Here's a badge.
Are you not drunk?
I had a few.
It's fine.
Louisiana has the lowest minimum training requirements because they know the witness will eventually vomit and pass up.
Look at that.
500 hours to become a manicurist in Louisiana.
Less hours to become a cop.
And you wonder why this is happening?
And by the way, that training, all wrong.
They're training them to escalate.
Whereas they're teaching the manicurists how to de-escalate almost any situation.
Any situation.
A hangnail.
You got a low.
Here it is.
How about California?
California, 664 hours to be a cop, 1,600 hours to become a cosmetologist.
So if you want to be a licensed cosmetologist, you're going to need more than, you're going to need around 1,600 hours.
It's not quite triple.
How about Florida?
In Florida, 770 hours to become a cop, 1,760 hours to become an interior designer.
To be fair, Florida might be the one place where the cops are probably better off no training.
Because from what I can tell of Florida cops, the training they get is all bad.
Those who complete a five-year interior design program still need to get 1,700 hours of experience before they can get a license.
So you got to go through a five-year training program to be an interior designer, and then you got to go, you need 1,700 hours of experience before they'll give you a license.
To be fair, though, if those interior designers didn't get those hours, they would be just ruining black people's homes.
It says here, it says those who complete a two-year interior design program in Florida need 7,000 hours of work experience.
Isn't that something?
So cops, you barely need to even go to a tree.
You need to get fitted for your suit, and then they measure your hand for your gun, and then you're done.
So I think part of this kind of piggybacking on what Robert said about the unions is the cost of failing for an electrician or an interior designer, they're impacting business for everybody.
So they need to maintain a high standard in order because there's money on the side of the table.
The cost of a cop making a mistake.
Now, look, it's death or it's wrongly imprisoning somebody.
And sometimes, you know, cops do a lot of good things too.
They don't make a lot of news stories when they help somebody.
But to me, I'm seeing the breakdown of the social contract.
We have a culture that's been trained that the government is the problem.
We don't believe that the government can be a positive influence in people's lives.
And that's on purpose.
So that they wouldn't have to spend money on services to people.
Therefore, they can justify cutting taxes.
It all sources back to Reagan economics, basically.
Yeah, I say we agree.
I think we all agree that what we need to do in America is put the service back in protect and serve.
Agreed.
We need to put the serve back in there.
So when a cop shows up, he doesn't have a gun and a billy club on his hip.
He shows up.
Well, I'm going to try to help you.
You have a problem.
I know how to help.
I'm more of a community helper.
And if you need a gun in this situation, I know the guy to call to get the gun.
But most of the cops show up unarmed.
By the way, it used to be that, first of all, cops didn't carry guns for a long time.
When they were finally given guns, they didn't like it.
They were not happy about it.
Really?
Most municipal police officers, when they were first told, like, you can carry guns, they were like, I don't want to carry, that would create a much worse situation.
Well, it has.
And the reason why they carry billy clubs, more, it wasn't so much to like do violence.
It was more so that they could hit the pavement to call for other cops.
Really?
That's why they were called Tommy Knockers.
It was like tact-tac-tac.
They were called Tommy Knockers.
This is a lot of information coming from our Japanese man on the panel.
I've studied your ways.
He hasn't.
He has studied.
So again, I don't have time to fact check this in real time.
So we'll have to take Robert's word for it.
I don't know about the Tommy Knockers thing, but I do know that they would rattle on.
Now he's backpacking.
They would rattle on the pavement.
It was a way to call people instead of using a whistle.
It was a way of calling another cop from like over a block.
Okay.
They should still be trained more and their training is trained differently.
I mean, like, other places in Germany, you know what they do?
They actually use the old concentration camps, A, because it is a lot of space, but they train police at the old concentration camps and to teach them the lesson that when power becomes corrupted, this is what can happen.
I heard they don't do that anymore to teach them that lesson.
Now they just show them American news.
But they used to.
They used to use that space.
So Denmark, three years to train a cop.
Three years to train a cop in Denmark.
Here averages nine months less.
Here it averages around five minutes.
It's about 12 weeks or something like that.
It's less than a semester in college, really.
Yes.
Okay.
So I think we've got it.
We're getting closer to the problem, the training.
So I've said this before, and it's okay to hold your nose and vote for Hillary, but when you then lie on her behalf, it hurts her.
She's having a hard time getting people to vote for her, right?
Half the country won't vote, and the other half of the country is never going to vote for her.
And she's going after Republicans.
That's how bad it is because the left, she can't crap on them hard enough.
She picked Tim Kaine, Ken Salazar.
The whole deal.
So my point is, when people lie and go, oh, she's not corrupt.
Do you have any quid pro quo?
Like all that stuff.
It doesn't help.
It would help more if you just said, yeah, I know she's horrible.
The other guy's more horrible.
Let's pick it up next.
We'll start working as soon as that November 9th.
That would get you more votes.
I said that before.
That would get you more votes.
You know what doesn't get you more votes when you have to trade in some of your journalistic credibility.
Now, we know that NAFTA could not get passed through the Congress.
George Herbert Walker Bush signed NAFTA with Canada and Mexico, but then he couldn't get it through the Congress.
The Democrats were blocking him.
And then Bill Clinton picked up that mantle and he says, I'll get it through.
I'm a Democrat.
Like I've been saying for a long time, is that when a Democrat champions a right-wing policy, he splits the natural opposition to that right-wing policy and it sails through Congress.
That's what he did when he deregulated the telecommunications industry.
That's what Bill Clinton did when he gutted welfare.
That's what Bill Clinton did with NAFTA.
George Herbert Walker Bush could not get that through Congress.
Bill Clinton did.
So it was Bill Clinton who got it ratified.
George Herbert Walker Bush signed it.
In people's heads, saying Bill Clinton didn't sign NAFTA means he didn't have anything to do with it, which he had everything to do with it.
So I'm watching Rachel Maddow, and she fact-checked Donald Trump, which is very useful.
But again, stop doing this.
Here's what happened.
And I don't want to assault Rachel Maddow's character.
I'm sure she's a nice person, and if she was dating my sister, I'd be happy about it.
Well, and she's a pretty thorough journalist.
And if I, yeah, she's normally pretty thorough.
When she overlooks something, you know, it's on purpose, like what she did with John Ralston.
That was not good.
So here's another thing.
So she's going to fact-check.
Here we go.
Live and in real time.
He did say a lot of untrue things.
Bill Clinton did not sign NAFTA.
George H.W. Bush signed NAFTA.
Donald Trump did in fact sit.
So then she just sails right past that one.
So now if you're listening at home and you're watching, you're like, oh my God, it was George Bush.
It wasn't Bill Clinton.
I always was told it was Bill Clinton that did NAFTA.
It was Bill Clinton.
He just didn't sign it.
He just didn't sign it with Mexico and Canada.
It was already signed.
But the hard part is getting it ratified.
Which is getting the Congress to ratify a treaty is tremendously difficult.
Tremendously difficult.
I think we're supposed to be better.
That's why I like being on the left because you don't have to lie.
And we're not supposed to.
Like, that's not a lie.
But it is an obfuscation.
But it's like, it's almost, it's you're using facts to mislead.
It wasn't Bill Clinton who signed it, but he did get it ratified and get it through Congress.
Because George Herbert Walker Bush couldn't.
That would be a more honest reading of that.
By the way, I would have loved for Lester Holt to turn to Donald Trump and say, so what was in NAFTA?
Just ask him.
Yeah.
And I guarantee you, he couldn't have.
I bet you he wouldn't.
Because let me just say something.
TPP and NAFTA are unbelievably complicated treaties.
Like they have so many friggin' moving parts.
Right.
So you see, you just need to know the summary of it.
The summary of it is that it's against working people.
It's a race to the bottom.
And the TPP takes sovereignty away from local governments and gives it to an extrajudicial corporate court that I don't even know where they meet or whatever.
That's kind of true.
And it's kind of not.
I mean, the TPP is highly problematic.
And in its current form, it really shouldn't exist.
But there are lots of things in there that you'd be like, oh, yeah, I agree with that.
And there's a lot of parts that you'd be like, oh, heavens, no.
The red flags are just pretty like, oh, man, environmental, all this stuff.
But this is more about this.
But I'm saying, like, NAFTA is another thing where it's like, it's so complicated.
And he's just picked it up as a talking point of being against NAFTA.
And he has no idea what NAFTA is.
Like, he really has no idea what the moving parts of it are.
He just thinks, like, well, my constituents didn't like it.
They don't even know what NAFTA did.
They really don't.
Well, everyone knows that it screwed over working people and that now companies, if a union stands up to a company, the company just goes to Mexico.
And that's what's been happening.
And there's no blowback for it.
There's no price to be paid.
And I just want to say this about that.
Like, you can tell people the truth about the Clintons.
You know, it's so funny that the right-wing stuff, the right-wing can't get done.
They leave it up to the Clintons, right?
Like NAFTA, deregulating the telecommunications industry, deregulating Wall Street.
The Iraq war couldn't get done without Hillary Clinton.
It wouldn't have got done without Hillary Clinton.
It's amazing, right?
And now we got Barack Obama pushing the TPP.
Another thing that if it was a Republican president pushing it, the Democrats would be united and the Independents too would be united against it.
So this isn't like an unsubstantiated theory.
And, you know, when Rachel Maddow is reduced to misinforming her viewers in an effort to try to salvage Clinton's liberal credibility, you know, the left is in trouble.
You're using a technically accurate fact, but you're not giving the, you're making a cynical mission.
Oh, and it's almost like a lingual trick, too, which is a shame because the second one is very clear.
He did, in fact, call climate change a hoax.
By the way, they were deleting his texts.
I mean, his tweets during the debate.
BuzzFeed found it, though.
BuzzFeed nailed it real quick.
They were deleting.
Trump is so pathetic.
Trump is so pathetic.
He's so pathetic.
And yet, people are afraid that Hillary might lose to him, which is why people are so angry at me for saying I'm going to vote third party.
People are so angry.
What is that?
It doesn't, like, what they should think is, oh, my God.
People are really sick and tired of not having a choice.
People are really sick and tired of no matter who I vote for.
It's for more war.
It's for Wall Street.
It's for big pharma.
No matter who I vote for, it's for fracking.
No matter who I vote for, it's for fossil fuels.
No matter who I vote, people are tired of that.
That's why Hillary's hurting.
She's having a, or a guy like Trump who's a maniac, a psychopath, a racist.
All those things.
You would think anybody would be able to slam ducket.
People are done.
I'm telling you, people have a bigger problem on their hands.
Trump is what neoliberalism gave us.
He's not the problem.
He is a problem.
But he is a symptom of 30, 40 years of neoliberalism.
This doesn't help.
Let's be better.
Hey, Monday, October 17th.
We're doing a live Jimmy Dore show.
You want to come check it out?
It's going to be in Burbank at the Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank.
We did it there about a month ago.
I think it was in August we did the show there for the Burbank Comedy Festival.
If you heard that show, you know how much fun it is.
There's a link for tickets, discounted, heavily discounted over at the Jimmy DoorComedy.com.
I think they're actually complimentary right now.
So they sent me a link for complimentary tickets.
So I put that one up at my website.
So go get, claim your complimentary ticket before they make me take down that link.
And we'll see you on Monday, October 17th for a live Jimmy Dore show, Burbank Comedy Fest.
No, it's the Burbank Flappers Comedy Club.
And hey, guess what?
Thanks, everybody, who helped support the show by using our Amazon.com link.
It's a big deal.
If you don't do it, I wish you would.
We don't encourage anybody to shop at Amazon, but if you're going to buy something from Amazon anyway, here's what you do.
You go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
You click on our Amazon box.
It's right on the front page.
It takes you to Amazon.
And then when you buy something, they send us money.
You know, it doesn't cost anything and it doesn't change how you shop at Amazon, but it sure does help support the show.
And I really mean it.
So again, we don't encourage you to shop at Amazon.
But if you're going to anyway, have some of that money, go to a good progressive cause like the Jimmy Dore show.
All right, we got a lot of great stuff coming up in the second half.
Let's get to it.
Hey, let's call up MSNBC political correspondent Luke Russert.
You know, Luke quit his job at the MSNBC or so they say.
And he quit politics altogether.
So let's see if he's got something to say.
Dude, this is Broheem Central.
Please leave your head trips after the beep because there's no room for them here.
No drama, Brohima.
Talk to the white man's hand.
Beep.
Well, I guess Luke's busy right now.
That's too bad because I really wanted to get his slay out of the presidential debate.
Dude, it's me, Luke.
I was here the whole time, bro.
Fake out.
Ah!
Yeah, I was really convinced when you said beep instead of having a real beep in there.
Really clever.
Yeah, I was just sitting here waiting for someone to call.
Yeah, yeah?
Like, you know, every day.
Then you called.
If this is a bad time, we can talk some other time, really.
Nonsense, Jimmy.
How may I consult you journalistically with my innate and inherited knowledge of politics?
Plus, I have a BA in communications.
Totally bisque.
Yeah, I know you have a BA communications.
What do you think Hillary's biggest mistake of the night was?
Well, that's easy.
Her no-double-takes strategy.
I mean, she had so many opportunities for Slow Burns to react to what Trump was saying, you know?
Like when he said something stupid, she could come back with some and a duel or two.
And then she could slap her forehead and slowly drag her hand down over her nose and chin and exhale loudly like Curly Joe did.
He was the best curly, by the way.
All the other curlies were too mean.
I'm not talking about the first Curly who died of a stroke.
I'm talking about Joe Dorita.
He had a gentle nature to him that appealed to a whole new demographic of emotionally challenged children and brain-damaged adults.
So overall, Luke, what were the debate highlights for you?
Do you want my takeaway, Jimmy?
Or do you want me to unpack it?
Because unpacking is different than a takeaway.
Much more work evolved.
But I can do both if you want.
I have a BA in communications.
Whatever you want, Luke.
Here's my takeaway, Jimmy.
Last night was all about national security and gender.
Let me unpack you for that.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah, dude.
That's okay.
I may be 31, but I'm still with it.
I'm on fleek with the news.
Here's my takeaway: Clinton told the audience they can't trust Trump with nuclear weapons and that he doesn't respect women.
And Trump said, no way, Jose.
He said, homie, don't play that.
But didn't Trump lack of preparation really hurt him in that debate?
Yes, Jimmy.
Trump's decision to skip mock debates before Monday's sham debate put him in a difficult position to competently govern our mock democracy should he win the upcoming mock election.
Any other highlights?
Jimmy, I'm still trying to maintain after an epic birthday blowout at my pad this August.
There were kegs in the front yard, kegs in the living room, kegs in the backyard, and kegs in the bathroom.
Kegs.
Yeah, dude, kegs.
Kegs.
Come on, man.
Yeah.
Where did people go to the bathroom if there were kegs in the bathroom, Luke?
In the keg room, dude.
I have a BA in communications.
I love your bisky podcast, bro, huh?
Hey, Luke, so what have you been up to since you left MSNBC?
Hey, let's get one thing straight.
I didn't leave NBC.
I left NBC.
That's what I said.
You left NBC.
Oh, sorry, dude.
I thought you said I was fired or something.
Because I totally wasn't.
I left a sweet job with a huge salary and great benefits because I wanted more time for myself and my family and reflect on other endeavors that I've long wanted to pursue.
So you got fired?
Yeah.
They dropped me like a morning turd, Jimmy.
But I'm working on a new book.
Well, that's encouraging news.
What is it?
My new expose on hermaphrodites in Congress.
What, Luke?
It's called Both Sides Do It with Both of Their Sides.
No, Luke.
Okay, dude.
Later.
Sports Center's coming on.
No, Luke.
Okay.
Thanks for talking.
Later, dude.
Later.
Dude, hang up.
Later.
You cracked me up, man.
Okay.
Later.
Later.
Now you got me doing it.
Dude, you're outrageous.
Later, later, later, later, later.
Hey, so if you're like me, you watched the debates between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump last night.
Donnie, tiny hands Trump.
Ma, tiny hands.
Manos, the tiny hands of fate.
But then, and then if you're also like me, you watched people talk about it.
I watched the debates.
I talked about the debates on camera.
And then I came home and I watched more people talk about the debates on camera.
Because I'm a maniac.
Right?
So I'm watching.
You know, they have that.
This guy is that historian.
Right?
Rick Overton's here with us.
Hilarious comedian.
Rick Overton.
Now, you know Michael Betzlos.
Yes, Michael Betzlos.
That's his name.
He's a historian.
And what I like about him is that he gives me hope.
Right?
Because I won't look like a jackass dying my hair when I'm his age.
Right?
That's what I. Because I like dying my hair.
I don't like gray hair as much as he does.
And so here.
But he has a very interesting.
Most people talk about the debates and they talk about the land.
And you very rarely hear like an original idea.
And this might not seem that original.
But it's an idea I don't think anybody really talked about.
Certainly not me.
Here.
Let's play it.
Let's see what he has to say.
You know, the other thing I think that this night really demonstrated is, you know, we sometimes wonder about how useful presidential debates are.
This night should convince us once and for all how important it is.
Because without a debate like this or the debates that follow, we would not have seen the side of Donald Trump tonight.
He could have read from the teleprompter between now and election day and voters could have cast their ballots without getting some pretty important information about it.
I thought that at first I was like, you know, these debates are pretty much a sham and a hoodwinking of the American people.
And they and if you have a dissenting voice, they arrest you like they did Jill Stein.
They arrested her again yesterday.
Right.
Took her off of the took her off the campus, even though she was invited on and she was doing TV interviews.
Disrupting things because students gathered around her.
Yeah.
On campus.
Yeah.
A speaker.
That's disruptive to have students gathering for any reason on a campus.
On a campus.
Students.
So they arrested.
They get kicked her off.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's disruptive having people participate in this whole political system right now.
You want to get to know a candidate?
Arrest them.
Arrest them.
Some of us remember the last time they did that and it was very expensive.
Let me tell you.
Cost us a war and a president.
As corrupt as the debates are, which they are because they're no longer run by an independent third body like the League of Women Voters.
They're run by a special commission that when I say special, what I mean by that is they're literally the people from both campaigns.
They pick the people and then they pick the people who run the whole thing.
So it's totally scammy.
But he is right.
Like Donald Trump on stage last night, so unpresidential that you couldn't help it.
And you know me, I'm not voting for Hillary and I'm not a Hillary fan.
I think it's time to break the fever of neoliberalism and that Donald Trump isn't the problem, that he's the symptom of the problem.
And the problem is neoliberalism.
So we have to figure out a way to break it.
keep voting for it isn't the way So, I don't know.
I thought that was really smart that he said I thought it was good.
Yeah, it's good.
The more you see our candidates, the more you see the people who want to lead us talking, the better.
And Lester Hull, I thought, did a better job than expected about.
That's why I say Lester Holt is no Brian Williams.
No, I'm Lester Holt.
By the way, Brian Williams claims that he was Lester Holt.
So let's listen to what he says.
And then, in particular, listen to what Brian Williams says afterwards, because it's pretty stunning.
You know, we sometimes wonder about how useful presidential debates are.
This night should convince us once and for all how important it is because without the debate like this or the debates that follow, we would not have seen the side of Donald Trump tonight.
He could have read from the teleprompter between now and Election Day, and voters could have cast their ballots without getting some pretty important information about it.
A great point.
These, as I said, don't have force of law, but they should have force of public pressure.
This is part of what we do.
Michael Beschl.
This is part of what we do.
Brian, again, puffing up your importance and your resume.
This is part of what we do.
You mean what you do is play the camera feed from an event put on by the two parties to promote their candidates.
Is that what you mean by this is what we do?
Because that's what you just did.
Rick Overton?
I love the subconscious.
That magnificent mechanism that has toppled kings over and over with the right slip in the right place because the subconscious seems to know there is an accounting later at some point and wants to do the right thing.
The last good ember, the last dimber of good in someone is that sub guy.
And they'll say something that they'll drive in the car.
Go, wait a minute, did I say that or think that?
And they'll look on the oh my God, I said that aloud.
Oh, I didn't mean to put it that way.
And they'll get emails the next day.
Hey, nice going there.
You started up the whole thing with Jimmy Dore.
I love how he says public pressure.
That part of how to do that.
That's what we do.
We manipulate with public pressure rather than merely report to about something else.
We bear undue influence into a circumstance is what his subconscious just actually told us.
He just said out loud, oh, yeah, we reshape shit.
Yeah, he, when he says public pressure, he means corporate.
The only pressure he's ever when he says public, what when has Brian Williams really ever put public pressure on politicians to do anything except what the corporation already wanted them to do?
Do you remember when he spoke out against the Iraq war?
Okay, hold on.
When did he put the Brian Williams was in the tank for the Iraq war, right?
Go ahead.
I was going to say, we shouldn't forget subconscious's babysitter denial.
I mean, this is the lie that he tells himself every night before he falls asleep in order so that he can fall asleep.
Yes, I mean, because it's not.
He's not a knight of the realm, protecting, you know, bravely standing up against the forces of evil and keeping the people safe.
He chose poorly.
This would make Rachel Maddow crack up.
Have you ever noticed how much they just laugh at nothing?
Rachel Mannow and Brian Williams, they can't stop laughing at each other if you watch.
It's fun to watch.
Debates are a good way of seeing how politicians conduct themselves, just like war zones are a good way of seeing how TV news anchors will try to soak in reflected glory of actual journalists.
Brian Williams makes a lot of money.
So don't feel bad for him.
When I punch, I'm always punching up, and most of the time, it's millionaires who are the target of the punches.
So don't worry, millions of dollars insulate you from comedians' barbs.
Believe me.
Millions of dollars.
I'd say that's a pretty good rule of thumb for a comedian these days: always try to be David against Goliath.
Yeah, punch upward.
Punch upward.
It's cowardly to punch down.
And so when you see it.
That makes you look like a coward.
When you see people smearing Bernie, when you see people smearing Jill Stein, that's punching down.
Underdogs, kicking underdogs who are just trying to get up rather than they really are getting up, is you're making sure they don't even get up onto both legs at once.
Right after he says, this is what we do.
We put public pressure.
And now we're going to sell you an oil rig.
Yeah, yeah.
That's about part of his public pressure.
You know, some days it just doesn't seem worth reading the teleprompter.
There must be an easier way to earn $15 million, right?
$300.
Yeah, who books that?
Who does book that?
Who books that wrong?
Think about this.
A quarter million dollars a year is five grand a day, five grand a week.
So half a million dollars is $10,000 a week.
A million dollars is $20,000 a week.
$20,000 a week for just a million.
Now, all those hosts at MSNBC and what have you, they're making at least $5 million.
I know Chris Matthews was making $5 million like five, 10 years ago.
So you know they're making more than that now.
So think about it.
I add a zero for every decibel zero he puts on his voice.
Right now, I'm pushing to be a billionaire.
$5 million is $100,000 a week.
Now, I'm not a math surgeon, but I'm pretty sure I'm doing the math right on that.
A week.
And you go like, oh, God, I didn't even cash last week's check.
I got another $100,000.
That's up.
That's just in two weeks.
Another day, another $380,000 check.
How are you?
All right.
Way to go.
Well, Brian Williams, this is what we do.
you you you I'm Tim Coppel, and this is bullshit.
Tonight, we look at the mass of feces and vomit turned real live boy that it's Donald Trump.
And later, we better fond farewell to Charles Osgood.
At first, professional apprentice generally agree that Monday's ship circus, pretending to be a debate, was lost by Donald Trump.
Won by your mom.
But will it make a difference?
The answer, fuck no.
40% of Americans are already willing to vote for Mr. Trump.
And statistically, there is enough people to conclude that America must end.
It's time to shut it down.
We had a good run, but now it's time to sell what we can to China and return governance to Britain.
If that prospect frightens you, perhaps it's time for you to kill yourself and your family.
Because clearly this isn't working.
I leave it to historians to decide what went so horribly awry.
But chances are good that it had something to do with Texas.
And so fare thee well, America.
I don't miss your fried food, catchy pop music, and your almost comically easy access to firearms.
I've got a gun now, and I'm pointing it at myself in the mirror, looking super cool.
Also, I'm nude.
And now, this past Sunday saw the last episode of CBS Sunday Morning, hosted by my old friend, Charles Hosgood.
A show that did for the news what a prairie home companion did for comedy.
Made it so mild it might as well have not been there.
Charlie is headed off the hosting reins to Jane Pauley.
Who, by the way, hubba-hubba.
That's Jane Pauley is a spicy meatball.
Charlie Osgood did with Charles Carol before.
Miss Pauley will kill my good friend and eat his heart, thereby taking his strength.
From one turos to another.
Good luck, Jane.
And remember, keep it boring, baby.
My friend Charlie, I will miss seeing you on Sunday mornings when I'm coming down for my Coke binge.
My fondest memory of our friendship will always be our Bob Crane-esque sexcapades in the Midwest.
So that is how I will choose to remember you, Charlie.
Paul Steep inside a meth dealer named Teronica in a basement just outside Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Happy Sunday, old friend.
Happy Sunday.
Happy Sunday.
I'm here with Mark Van Ladwood and Steph Saberano, the miserable liberal.
We're talking about the debates.
You know, no, I can't bring myself to give my vote to either one of the major political parties that are both bought by the military-industrial complex, Big Pharma, Wall Street, and the fossil fuel industry.
We're going to get more war no matter who we vote for.
And it's not clear which one will bring even more war.
All right.
So people are using the argument that I need to vote for it.
I need to vote for more neoliberalism.
And you know what I say?
I say Trump isn't the problem.
Trump is a symptom of 40 years of neoliberalism.
Trump is the result of it.
And if we vote for neoliberalism again, the next Trump is going to be even worse.
Maybe it will be somebody who's just as evil as Trump or even more, who isn't a maniac on the outside and isn't an incompetent.
Imagine if Ted Cruz was the Republican nominee.
That guy could get evil done.
And there's a reason why half the country is considered poor in poverty and Hillary Clinton still can't get them to vote for her.
Why?
Because they know she offers them nothing.
So people say, well, even Bernie Sanders is supporting Hillary Clinton, that somehow I'm such a maniac.
I'm so outside because I'm literally not willing to support a Democrat or a Republican in 2016.
That's what I've been told.
Anyway, here we go.
Here's what Bernie had to say about it.
People forget Bernie talked about this.
Here's what Bernie said about it.
So first, I want to say, as a student, I'm very excited to be voting for the first time tomorrow for you.
So thank you.
My question is, many of your supporters are staunchly opposed to Hillary Clinton and are considering writing you in, voting for a third-party candidate, or not voting at all if you don't win the nomination.
I believe you will win the nomination and the presidency, but if you don't, will you encourage your supporters to vote for Secretary Clinton?
Jake, thanks for the question.
And let me answer it in this way.
So the question is, let me recap.
The question is, if you don't win the primary, will you urge your voters, your supporters, to vote for Secretary Clinton?
And here's what Bernie Sanders said to that exact question.
We have the answer, what he really wants us to do.
Here it is.
First, I think it is, you know, we're not a movement where I can slap my fingers and say to you or to anybody else what you should do because you won't listen to me.
You shouldn't.
Now, you make these decisions yourself.
I think if we end up losing, and I hope we do not, and if Secretary Clinton wins, it is incumbent upon her to tell millions of people who right now do not believe in establishment politics or establishment economics, who have serious misgivings about a candidate who is to receive millions of dollars from Wall Street and other special interests.
She has got to go out to you and to millions of other people and say, yeah, I think the United States should join the rest of the industrialized world and take on the private insurance companies and the greed of the drug companies and pass a Medicare for all.
I think that, says Secretary Clinton, that for the young people in this country, you should not have to leave college $30,000, $50,000, $70,000 in debt because we're going to make, as many other countries around the world do, public colleges and universities tuition-free.
I think Secretary Clinton is going to have to explain to millions of young people and a lot of other people that climate change is a real crisis and incrementalism is just not going to solve it.
So that's...
So the point that I am making is it is incumbent upon Secretary Clinton to reach out not only to my supporters, but to all of the American people with an agenda that they believe will represent the interest of working families, lower-income people, the middle class, those of us who are concerned about the environment and not just big money interests.
And then she chose Tim Kaine.
Tim Kaine is right to work.
Tim Kaine is for more deregulation of Wall Street.
Yes.
Tim Kaine is for more fracking.
Tim Kaine is pro-TPP.
So after Bernie said that, that's what she has to go to do.
Remember, it's incumbent on him.
And I've said that too.
It's up to Hillary Clinton to come get your vote.
She's the winner in the primary.
She has to come over to Bernie Sanders' supporters and make them come on board.
She needs them.
And what did she do?
She did nothing.
She went the other way.
She's been trying to court Republicans ever since.
Ever since she beat him in the primary, she's been courting Republicans, which is a mistake because she can't, you're not going to beat Republicans by trying to get other Republicans to vote for Democrats.
It's just not going to, especially you, the most hated Democrat in the freaking country.
Why not just go after your base?
Barack, go after the people that Barack Obama went after.
Go after the people.
And if Ralph Nader could cost anybody an election, you'd think you'd want to go campaign with them.
If he cost Al Gore the election before, maybe you make sure that guy can't, that means he can win you an election.
Why wouldn't you go campaign with him?
So Bernie Sanders already said, you shouldn't listen to me.
You should make up your own mind.
That's what he really believes.
And that's what I'm doing.
So in this election, I'm going to be voting for the lesser of four evils.
Jill Steiden, what's the lesser of four?
People don't even know.
What does Jill Steiden stand for?
Well, here's what she stands for.
Jill Stein on the issue, she will cancel college student debt.
Boom.
Hey, if we could have wars, $3 trillion, $4 trillion wars when nobody ever talks about how we're going to pay for it, imagine what that would do for the economy.
How much more money.
That's almost the equivalent of taking a trillion dollars and putting it in people's pockets.
There's a stimulus program that we never did.
Paul Krugman and all the other real economists said we should add a $2 trillion stimulus back in 2009.
We should add a $2 trillion stimulus, which we didn't.
So that's a great idea.
Betcha Paul Krubin would be on board for that.
We'll make public college education free.
We already know that we can do that in this country.
Supports ending the racist war on drugs.
I think everybody's for that except the government.
Everybody's for that except the government and this police state we live in.
She supports a legalization of marijuana.
Again, everybody supports that except the government.
Isn't that funny?
The government bought by alcohol and the guys who make Viking.
Oh, huh.
Isn't that funny?
But how are we going to keep our prisons full?
She says we'll reduce the unnecessary military spending.
We'll fight against climate change.
Supports campaign finance reform.
Opposes the TPP and NAFTA trade agreement.
Supports single-payer public health programs.
We'll bring troops home from 800 bases, 800.
There's over 800 bases, by the way.
I've already looked into this.
They don't know how many bases there are in the world.
They say it's over 1,000.
The Pentagon, there's a lot of them are secret, so we don't know about them.
But they put it around 1,000.
She'll end the Patriot Act and overturn Citizens United and the Patriot Act.
Do you ever hear anyone say that?
I don't hear anybody even talking about it.
And the Patriot Act.
She's going to provide a legal pathway for citizenship.
She's going to create a Green New Deal for 25 million new jobs.
What a great idea.
And we'll close tax loopholes and end corporate welfare.
Forget the lesser of evil and fight for the greater good.
Jill Stein.
I think that's what I'm going to do.
I think it's important we create political space on the left for these ideas.
I think they need to be heard by a lot of people.
Just like when Bernie started talking to people, everybody was like, that's a great idea.
We're all about it.
Because they certainly weren't about Bernie because of his good looks and his charm.
Okay.
He was a 74, five-year-old Jewish bald guy yelling at you with his hands like this, doing everything wrong.
Doing everything wrong.
So we need to have this.
We need to have more of this.
And this is the importance of third parties: they expand the political discourse.
It's not about them winning.
It's about putting issues on the table.
And if you don't have third-party voices or voices that dissent from the two-party system, you're going to have Democrats that are just involved in the classic bad marriage where Democrats are telling potential third-party voters, you can't leave your abuser because you won't be able to find anyone better.
And in the meantime, you can keep hoping for the little crumbs of social progress that the Democratic Party has conceded over the years.
With things like the drug war, things like interventionist war, the third parties are actually where the American people are.
And it's the two parties that are not with the American people.
So it's not about winning.
It's about expanding the discourse.
And also, your vote, if you're voting for a third party, that is a much more powerful vote because not only are you sending a message, but you're helping that party get federal funding.
It gets past the 5%, then it's federally funded.
That means it will have more money to speak to the American people in a louder voice.
And also, the Democrats are ripping on Jill Stein and the Green Party.
The Green Party, to be a viable political party, legally has to run a presidential candidate.
They're not doing it to offend moderate liberal sensibilities.
They have to run a presidential candidate.
And I believe that the Green Party is saying the most important things that are being said in this election cycle currently.
Let's start a movement.
Like I said, 10 years ago, the party that's ruling Greece right now was polling at 4%.
Now they're ruling Greece.
I know they have a different style of government, but let's just keep in mind, it's time.
You know, the definition of insanity is do the same things you do.
You've always done and expect a different outcome.
So we've done this before.
We voted out of fear.
We voted against the Republicans.
We voted against that.
And it's time to stop because this is what we're left with.
We're left with more war.
We're left with more deregulation of Wall Street because then the banks are going to crash again.
We're left with war criminals not prosecuted.
We're left with income disparity greater than the Gilded Age right now.
And half the country in America right now is considered poor or living in poverty.
Half, half the country.
Did you know that one in four children in America live in poverty?
One in four live in poverty.
Poverty, not poor, in poverty.
So that's why it's time.
And all these white guys keep wagging their finger at me and telling me that I got to vote for Hillary Clinton.
These guys who grew up in cul-de-sacs and now have no idea what real pain is like in the real world, have no idea.
These guys are telling me I have to support because Trump and the Supreme Court.
And let me tell you, that Supreme Court argument is the same argument they give you every time a Republican runs.
It's the same time.
It's the same argument.
Take Trump's name out of it.
It's the same argument.
Oh, we can't let Jeb Bush win.
Why?
Supreme Court.
Oh, we can't let Ted Cruz win.
Why?
Supreme Court.
We can't let Marco Rubio win.
Why?
Supreme Court.
That's what over and over and over.
That has nothing to do with Trump.
So it's time.
It's time to create political space.
Exactly what Mark said on the phone.
It doesn't matter if Jill Steiden wins.
need to get these ideas out there.
So I'm about to call George Clooney, but I'm always a little nervous to do this because, you know, I mean, we're sort of pals, I think.
I don't know.
Well, here goes nothing.
*Bell rings* Yellow.
Hey, George, George Clooney.
Who's calling, please?
It's Jimmy.
Jimmy, who?
Jimmy Door.
I have no idea who that is.
No, Mr. Clooney, we've spoken several times in the past.
I'm the host of the Jimmy Doer show on Pacifica Radio and on the Young Turks Network.
Yank in your chain, buddy.
Yankee it hard.
Got your name coming up in my phone right here.
Oh, you had me going for a minute there.
What are you up to, buddy?
Yanking it hard, as a matter of fact.
You caught me in the middle of my forenoon constitutional.
Got to keep all the gizmos working.
Watch out.
Well, I just want to see if you had a few minutes to talk.
Well, sure, I do.
What do you want to rap about, you online provocateur, you?
Well, we're primarily a political show, but...
Bananas, huh?
You're a Jill Stein man, correct?
Yes.
Yes, I am.
Well, that's bananas foster, my friend, with a side of creme fresh.
You know, there's a lot more to that phone call.
And the way you hear it is you become a premium member.
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These are all great ways to help support the show.
And so, you know, lefty voices don't really get rewarded in the media.
So we, yeah, this is why we're doing this.
So thanks, everybody, for doing that.
Hey, we had a great, great time recording the shows with all our guests this week.
Rick Overton, Ron Placone, Steph Sabarado, Mike McRae, Mark Van Landuet, Hank Thompson.
Everybody was great.
Mike McRae did all the voices.
You know that.
You can find him at mikemcray.com.
So we'll see you October 17th.
That's the next live Jimmy Door show.
It's going to be at Flappers and Burbank.
It's the 17th.
It's a Monday night, 8 p.m.
Go over to JimmyDoorComedy.com and you click on that link.
So thanks again to listening to the show.
Thanks for being a premium member and helping support the Jimmy Door show.
That's it for this week.
Until next week, this is Jimmy Dore saying you be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.