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Oct. 23, 2015 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Today's episode of the Jimmy Dore Show is being brought to you by Harry's.
If you like to shave, please visit Harry's.com and use promo code Jimmy to save $5 off your first purchase.
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Hey, Joe Biden announced that he's dropping out of the race he was never in, but oddly vowed to keep campaigning anyway.
Wait a minute.
The narrative about Joe Biden that began as an imaginary conversation in Maureen Dowd's head turns out to not be real?
Shocker.
Boy, hey, Frank Connor's prediction that Joe Biden wouldn't run proved correct, so now his career as a pundit is totally fucked.
Sure is.
Joe Biden said he ran out of time to mount a winning campaign.
Joe Biden, who has been vice president for the last seven years in political life since 1973, said he ran out of time.
Oh, if only he would have started in 72, he could have been president.
The news media took criticism that they showered too much coverage on this non-story, has responded to the fact that Joe Biden is not running and never was running by planning two weeks of wall-de-raw coverage of what him not getting in really means.
I love you guys.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for up-minded low-income lefties.
The kind of people that are comments maybe on tearing down our nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk on your T-Value.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I am joined in the studio across from me.
You know him, you love him.
Emmy Award winner Mark Thompson is with us.
Thank you.
Keep your seats, folks, please.
From the Edge podcast.
Yes, very popular podcast.
Edge-show.com is where you can find it.
Edge-show.com.
I've been a guest on that show many times.
Frequent and, might I say, delightful visitor to our show.
Steph has been on as well.
I sure have.
Yes.
Also, on the phone all the way from New York City, you know him, you love him from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's TV's Frank Frank Connoff.
Hi, Frank.
Hello there.
Yay.
Good to hear your voice, buddy.
Frank, what do you got coming up this weekend?
This weekend, Trace Billieu and I will be at North Bar in Chicago Friday and Saturday night.
We will be riffing, doing live movie riffing show in the style of Mystery Science Theater.
Yay, all right.
That's going to be a blast.
Chicago's going to be a good one.
Yeah, it's going to be fun.
I love Chicago.
Yes.
Okay, also with us, our resident Latina, you know her from the blog, The Miserable Liberal, it's Steph Semarano.
Hi, Steph.
Hello, Jimmy.
Yay, and with us across, do you love your union?
I love my union, and I'm still here.
Hola, you're still here.
Trump has not gotten rid of you.
Not a chance.
You're 11 million and one.
Yo, Estoya Key.
Across the glass running the board, Hilarious comedian Michael Schertzer.
Hey, Michael.
Hey, what's up, Jimmy?
Let's get to some jokes before we get to the jokes.
Did you know in the U.S., 58% of people back legalization of marijuana and the other 42% are no fun to hang out with?
Did you know 42% of Republicans expect...
They are also no fun to hang out with.
Hey, Bernie Sanders defeats Trump by a wider margin than Clinton in the general election polls.
But SNL and the Daily Show are still making jokes supporting the establishment candidate and narrative instead of undermining it.
Such a brave take on political satire.
Hey, the Mormon Church has rebuked Kim Davis's application.
Did you know that?
What?
Yes, the Mormon Church has rebuked Kim Davis, you know, from Kentucky.
I didn't know she applied for Mormon church.
Well, you know you're fucked up when even the Mormons won't take you.
go door to door.
laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter Hey, did you hear Jim Webb?
Jim Webb dropped out, so he's the first Republican to drop out of the Democratic primary.
Hey, did you hear Fox News?
By the way, I've been reading a lot about the white supremacists who support Trump or else, or as they're also known, Trump supporters.
Fox News terror analyst, did you hear about this guy turned out to be a big fraud?
He said he was a CIA.
He falsely claimed he was a CIA agent in war zones that O'Reilly lied about being in.
Tell how it works together.
It's like a puzzle.
We, the people, are the ones who've paid for it.
So I think there should be at least a Springsteen concert doing the Benghazi hearings.
Am I right?
At some point, offer some added value.
By the way, I understand that the Mets beat my cubs, which I don't really follow.
Since I moved to L.A., I don't follow.
I used to be a rabid sports fan, and now my interest in sports is so low, Mark, that I only become aware of athletes now when they're found unconscious in whorehouses.
Huh?
How'd I do, Frank?
Really good.
By the way, don't you think there should be some kind of when you're in a whorehouse included in the price should be sort of an upgraded story when they find you face down foaming from the mouth.
I mean, you know, I get your pan for sex, but hey, dude, if I have a heart attack here, let's not say that I was with a whore.
Yeah, that's it.
Yeah, that's an extra 50.
Can you say I got lost and I stopped and asked for directions?
Or say that I was here, but you know, I'm here every Friday trying to get the women to embrace the Lord.
You know, I read Bible with them.
You don't have to go right with the story.
Oh, he had three hookers in Australia.
Yeah.
It's like that doesn't, there should be like, that should be one of the things you could buy, a story in case you're found dead.
Exactly.
Please check the story that you'd like us to go with should you be found here.
Hey, did you hear Paul Ryan?
Paul Ryan, he may become Speaker of the House as we go to air.
We're not sure.
But, you know, Paul Ryan wants to gut Medicare, decimate Social Security and reproductive rights.
Finally, a moderate Speaker of the House.
Am I right?
Am I right?
Hey, Siri, this is for real.
Serious inquiry here.
Does anybody know why Frank spent two hours watching Jupiter Ascending on Cinemax this week?
I sure as hell can't figure it out.
Okay, what's coming up?
Kill the Kunis is quite fetching, I will say that.
What's coming up on today's show?
Dewey beats Truman.
We got some predictions on who's going to win.
CNN already knows who's won the Democratic primary.
Plus, Woodward tells us a lot of stuff about Watergate.
never knew.
So we're going to talk about that.
That's coming up.
I'm Trying to catch up from the reruns on that.
Chris Matthews makes Rudy Giuliani sound a lot nicer than he really is.
Jeb Bush, Jeb Bush defends 9-11.
Can't understand why Trump keeps bringing it up.
We're going to talk about that.
Plus, we got phone calls from Bernie Sanders and Jeb Bush and a lot, lot more.
That's today on The Jimmy Dork.
Brian Williams, anchor man, broadcaster, millionaire.
He was there for the Iraq war.
He was there for the economic crisis.
He's been there.
He reads the news.
He wears a suit.
He'll be there for you.
Brian Williams.
Sure, he's a liar, but he's a liar you can trust only on MSNBC.
I got cancer from eating pussy.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Sean James helped fix my computer again this week over the internet.
If you have a problem with your Macintosh, send Jean an email at machelp at seanjames.com.
And he spells Sean S-H-A-U-N, and he'll fix it for you.
I was watching CNN, and right after Joe Biden announced that he wasn't going to run, they brought on Bob Woodward.
You know, Bob Woodward from All the President's Men.
Robert Redford played him in the film.
Robert Redford, right?
So he was like the dumber one.
Okay, keep straight now.
Okay.
So they asked him about what Bob Woodward thought about Joe Biden dropping out, and he said.
Probably a sensible decision for him, but it gives the nomination to Hillary Clinton for all practical purposes.
Dewey beats Truman!
Dewey beats Truman!
There hasn't even been a single primary, and that's a guy going on CNN.
There hasn't been a single, they've had one Democratic debate.
I don't find it stunning because everyone on TV says shit like that.
Yeah, I mean, I guess you're right.
Someone on the Chris Matthews show said, well, Joe Biden needs to run because it'd be helpful if Hillary had a credible opponent, you know.
And in the meantime, Bernie Sanders is getting record crowds.
30,000 people everywhere he goes.
No.
And he has a message that people are responding to, and they treat him as if he's this fringe weirdo that's, you know, they treat him like he's from the Lyndon LaRouche party.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, there's a desire on the part of the media.
First of all, there's obviously a desire on the part of the media to crown Hillary Clinton.
She's the mainstream candidate, and they have, for all the reasons that you detail here, a lot of interest in that.
But there's also, I think, they delight in sort of marginalizing these characters like Bernie Sanders.
And they point to this.
I was just reading this in the New York Times today.
They point to money.
And money is a great way to marginalize somebody who is coming at things in an unorthodox way.
I mean, even Obama had something of a grassroots money raising campaign, people may forget, before he became, you know, the lapdog of Wall Street.
And they point out that in the Northeast and some of the eastern states, that's where Bernie Sanders is making a financial show.
But if you go to the South, that's where Hillary Clinton is just kicking his ass.
And so I see what they're doing.
They're saying, hey, let's cut to Act Three, where this guy doesn't raise any money and his progressive ideas and socialist ideas are shown to be un-American or whatever it's interpreted.
Also, if I may just say, though, Bernie Sanders has raised a tremendous amount of money in this last quarter, and he's not far behind Hillary Clinton for cash on hand, which is like the thing to look at right now.
Even David Axelrod tweeted about it.
Bernie has a tremendous grassroots campaign that will continue to raise money, whereas Hillary Clinton has burned through all of her major donors and supporters.
Yeah, it's true.
They're saying her ability to continue in the South is still there.
That's a big pot of gold that Bernie's not going to have.
Super Tuesday.
So they asked him about, they asked Bob Woodward about Trump, and listen to what he says.
But the big question is: do we understand who Trump really is?
And is he in touch with reality?
I'm going to deport 11 million people out of this country.
You have any idea the logistics of doing that?
So Trump's a lunatic, not because of the stuff he's saying about Mexicans or our soldiers who get captured or the stuff that he's saying about he doesn't know anything about foreign policy or the stuff.
So none of that.
That's not why he's a lunatic because he doesn't know the logistics of exporting 11 million people.
He's not a logistics guy.
He's a lunatic.
He doesn't know the logistics of it.
By the way, everybody says that, that they can.
We've proven on this show.
They've deported over 2 million people in the 30s, Mexicans.
So that was in the 30s.
That was before they had cars.
So I'm just saying.
It can be done.
It can certainly be done.
So here's the thing I love, right?
So we've said this before.
Why do you hear so many crazy things coming out of news people's mouths?
So if a Republican, somebody in public life or a politician says something crazy, it doesn't get debunked.
It gets repeated.
They don't ever debunk it.
So here's a perfect example of that.
Here's Jake Tapper asking Bob Woodward a question about Benghazi.
There are a lot of Republicans out there saying Benghazi is worse than Watergate.
You obviously know a little thing about Watergate, know a thing or two about Watergate.
Is Benghazi worse than Watergate?
So he just, so some, he doesn't go, well, obviously that's stupid.
I'm a newsman, and I know the difference.
One's a manufactured debt hasn't, that's been investigated seven times already.
They've come up bumpkess.
And one was another big thing where he tried to subvert the Constitution.
So those are, but that's not what Jake Tapper does.
And by the way, I'll bet you anything Jake Topper has never asked anyone, do you think Iran-Contra was worse than Ortwater?
Right.
Right.
So here, so here, so that was the, so here's now Bob Woodward.
Here's how he answers it.
What he should say, well, here's what he says.
No, I haven't really heard anybody seriously say that.
The Republican congressman out there.
Well, well, so Jake Tapper's defense.
So he goes, no, I haven't heard a serious person say that.
And he goes, well, I heard Republican congressman.
He goes, so any the craziest thing you heard today in Congress gets repeated on your news show instead of just dismissed out of hand or debunked?
Does Woodward call him out on it at all?
No, this is what, well, he said, no, here it is.
Seriously say that.
The Republican Congressman out there.
Well, people died, and that's tragic, obviously.
But what are gave was the level of criminality in the documentation of that criminality, and Nixon and his people really tampering with the electoral system in deciding who the Democrats are going to nominate by spying and sabotaging the people who might be stronger candidates against Nixon.
So he basically just said, no, this is what they did.
Instead of saying, you idiot, instead of saying what I said, so you just repeat the craziest thing you've heard today on Capitol Hill.
So the craziest thing someone says, that's obviously stupid on its face.
You just repeat it?
Also, Jacob.
By the way, there were lots of, well, there were a few people, including Peggy Noonan, who's the one that I remember, who said that the rollout of the Obamacare website was worse than Watergate.
It was the biggest scandal ever.
Yes.
Yes, Bob Woodward has written a book about the guy who revealed to Congress that Nixon taped everything, all his conversations.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, so he's written a book about this guy.
By the way, this reminds me of a revelation that I came up with: that the Nixon administration was the first podcast.
That's a great.
So he said we learned, and we learned from those tapes that Nixon knew the bombing wasn't working.
So he had bombed three years in Vietnam.
Here's what he says.
We've done three years of bombing, and we've accomplished Zilch.
It is a total failure.
Well.
So that's what Nixon was saying privately.
We know now that we've been bombing nonstop for three years.
We've accomplished Zilch.
But.
Publicly, he was saying the opposite.
You talked to people in the White House at the time, and the idea was, oh, the bombing is going to win the war for us.
And it's a lie.
And, you know, the crimes of Watergate are of a very high magnitude.
But doing this, continuing the bombing, a war strategy that you know is accomplishing nothing, it borders on another kind of crime.
A war crime.
Yeah, yeah.
So it turns out we've been committing war crimes for the history of our country, right?
So if you read General Smedley Butler's from 1935, the banana wars in the South were all for corporate interests, had nothing to do with liberty, democracy, freedom, and nothing more than corporate takeovers of people's natural resources.
So again, and then here we are at Vietnam.
He's committing war crime.
So I guess if you bomb for three years, that's just one war crime.
I think each bomb would be its own war crime.
But they just call that one war crime, the whole bombing, that's just one war crime.
And he did it just to win an election.
So, I mean, that's how, but we have, remember, Sam Harris tells us to be afraid of the Muslims.
Yes.
It's the Muslims that are bad because they don't care.
They'll kill you for religion.
Whereas Sam would he apologize for he even, by the way, the Mylai, here.
So here's what he says about.
And the people in the military at that time, while we're losing thousands and thousands of our own people, thousands or more of Vietnamese who are being bombed, for what purpose, it turns out when you connect the dots, because the bombing was popular, and Nixon concluded that that would win the election.
It's just horrifying.
It's just horrifying, Jake Tapper says, that our president concluded he would win the election if he kept committing war crimes in a country where we didn't have TV cameras.
Yeah, but Nixon kept us safe.
I mean, the parallels are so eerie.
It's just, I mean, as you say, it's just history repeating itself over and over and over again.
And here they talk about the My Lai massacre that we found out because of those tapes, ready?
Of hiding war crimes where they know.
The Nixon administration, the Nixon White House, know about the Milai massacre, where more than 500 Vietnamese were slaughtered, innocent civilians.
And not only do they not admit it, but Nixon himself gets involved in trying to smear the people who are talking.
Yes, so now, so people, when Edward Snowden first came out and we found out that they're tapping our phones and listening and reading our emails without a warrant, and I had people, friends of mine, right?
Regular people who don't think about stuff much.
They just have lives to do.
And they would say, well, I don't care if the government reads my emails or listens to my phone.
I'm not selling Coke.
I'm not plotting to overthrow the government.
I'm not a criminal.
Who cares?
Well, it's not the guy who's the criminal that you have to worry about.
It's the whistleblower that you have to worry about.
It's the guy who finds out his local sheriff is up to no good.
And then the sheriff goes in and gets his emails and he gets it.
That's what this is about.
So the guys who were telling the world that the United States is committing war crimes, the president, the president of the most powerful country in the world, was out there committing a smear campaign against those people, just like they're doing against Edward Snowden and Private Chelsea Manning.
The exact same thing.
Smear campaign.
What's that guy doing running around telling the truth?
Go ahead.
And Bush and Cheney were, you know, several Milai massacres happened under their watch.
That's right.
Yes.
Yes, several.
So hang on.
So Butterfield is the name of this guy.
Calls Butterfield in on a plane trip to Key Biscayne back and forth over Thanksgiving of 69, and he dictates, this is how we're going to take.
This guy's a liberal Jew.
This guy's.
So that's how we're going to attack the people who are telling the truth about the Mylai massacre.
Parents are peacenicks.
And, you know, take everyone who participated in this in disclosing it.
The whistleblower put a tail on him.
Life magazine, Time magazine.
You know, there's no limit to this.
Let's smear people.
Let's discredit them.
So that's exactly so.
James Risen, the guy who was telling us about the CIA doing illegal things.
The New York Times washed their hands with him.
They prosecuted him.
So again, Edward Snowden, the whole thing, if you're a whistleblower and you tell the truth about war crimes that the government is committing, they will come after you.
So that's why, and that's why I love when John Kerry says, hey, why doesn't Edward Snowden come man up?
Why doesn't he man up?
Hey, you know what I say, John Kerry?
Why don't you man up and prosecute some of those guys who ordered war crimes?
Why don't you man up and prosecute George Bush and Dick Cheney and Condoleezza Rice and Don Rumsfeld or the guy who thought up the torture program that you paid $80 million to?
How about you prosecute somebody?
You're going to call out Snowden for not manning up, which is ridiculous.
We come here.
I mean, speaking of Manning, look what they did to the last whistleblower.
I mean, I don't blame Eddie Snowden for staying over in Russia.
I mean, my God, I mean, really, we torture, we tortured Chelsea Manning.
It's beyond.
For a year.
Yeah.
For a year, we tortured him.
I mean, real torture.
Real torture.
Read about what they did to him.
So here's Jake Tapper's question to Bob Woodward after he talks about all the horrible things that Nick.
Meet the new boss, same as the old boss, right?
It says crazy how we keep doing the same thing.
Do you think that we're in a day and age where people like that can't be presidents anymore?
Or is that naive to say?
Yeah, that's a little naive.
Oh, my God.
People like that can't be president anymore.
Are you kidding me?
We just.
That's the only kind of people we elect as president.
We just bombed the hospital for an hour straight last week, by the way.
By the way, and they knew it was a hospital.
They have cockpit recordings of the guys saying it's a hospital.
Everybody knew it was a hospital.
If Nixon was running on the Republican line, he'd be by far the most moderate mainstream.
Yes.
And think about that.
Think about that, that he would be the most moderate guy.
By the way, here is what Bob Woodward thinks of the job.
So we don't get a crazy man like that anymore.
Nixon, what we need the press for, ready?
Response.
So the question we just laughed at, Bob Woodward said is a great question.
The question, remember, here's the question.
Do you think that we're in a day and age where people like that can't be president anymore?
Or is that naive to say?
Well, that's a great question.
And it's our responsibility in the press to be very aggressive, but very non-partisan and fair-minded to find out who these people are.
Yes, and that's what that's he's living in an era called the past.
Exactly.
That does not exist anymore.
Bob Woodward sounds like he's high on Kwailus right now.
He does.
He still has drugs left over from his Felushi book.
Nice.
So I just thought that was amazing, right?
And you see, till today, we bombed a hospital in Afghanistan.
And here's what they say about it on ABC News.
U.S. strikes were called in, mistakenly hitting a hospital, leaving dozens of patients and staff dead or missing.
Okay, they didn't mistakenly hit the hospital.
They hit the hospital on purpose because the people on the ground told them there were Taliban people inside the hospital and to bomb it.
Even though Doctors Without Borders gave their coordinates of their hospital to the people who were doing the bombing.
So whenever they have a hospital, they send their coordinates out to every side.
Hey, here's us.
We're just helping people don't bomb us.
So they did that.
They bombed them anyway.
They admitted to have bombing them.
They've admitted to doing that.
A number of Afghan officials appeared to try to justify the deadly airstrike, alleging Taliban insurgents were hiding inside the hospital grounds and firing on security forces.
The hospital was, quote, 100% used by Taliban, said Hamdullah Danishi, acting governor of Kunduns, who told he told that to the Washington Post, adding that their firing was, quote, tolerated for some time.
So that's all made up, that there was no Taliban in there.
Doctors Without Borders swears there's no Taliban in there.
They make sure there's no arms allowed in their hospitals.
There was no Taliban in there.
Jimmy, to be fair, they did apologize.
They did.
The government did apologize.
Yes.
And they are having a new organization more conducive to what they're doing.
Doctors Without Morals.
Yeah.
Doctors Without Borders issued this statement saying, Doctors Without Borders have repeatedly denied the Taliban fighters were present in their hospitals, stressing that no staff members present that night reported fighting on the grounds.
In a strongly worded rebuke, MSF, which is Doctors Without Borders, characterized the statements of some Afghan officials as disgusting.
Quote, these statements implied that Afghan and U.S. forces working together decided to raise our AZE raise to the ground a fully functioning hospital, said Christopher Stokes, Doctors Without Borders general director.
Quote, this amounts to an admission of a war crime.
So again, I said as a flip, as a joke last week that when we talked about this, member of John McCain was upset that people were upset that they bombed the hospital.
He didn't understand war.
He was offended.
He said, hey, I'm offended that you don't understand the fundamentals of war.
And I said, I bet you Sam Harris is going to find a way to excuse this.
Well, he did.
Sam Harris went on a podcast and he said, why would we do that?
That would be the worst thing.
That doesn't make any sense.
That would be crazy for us to bomb a hospital.
We know this would get out.
It would hurt us more than help us.
Why would we do that?
It makes no sense.
I don't know, Sam.
Why would we bomb Iraq?
Why would we invade another country illegally?
Why would Nixon keep bombing Vietnam, even though it was doing no good and he knew it?
I don't know.
Maybe because we're run by a bunch of maniacs, homicidal maniacs who lust for power.
Maybe that's it.
and we're not the good guys.
*music* *Bell rings*
Hello.
Salutations, Jimmy Dore.
Salute.
Who is this?
Jimmy Dorr, you know damn well who this is.
The Jewish Brooklyn accent, the gruff tone of my voice, and my unwavering swag.
As the kids say.
Is this Senator Bernie Sanders?
You bet your tiny took us.
Okay, I probably won't.
That's not what I heard.
Well, you know what, Jimmy Dorr?
What, Senator Sanders?
We are not here to discuss your rampant homosexual proclivities.
Why does everyone always say that?
We are here to address important issues that the American people actually care about.
The one issue that is driving this country apart and bringing us further and further away from our foundational principles.
What is Citizens United, the shrinking middle class, Social Security?
Jimmy, it's the fact that the media went bananas over Larry Davids' impression of me on SNL the other night.
Never mind that we here at the Jimmy Dorr show have been doing these phone calls for nearly half a year now.
I mean, serious character development, plastic, and punchlines, but no.
Nothing talkish, not even a single media mention or out of the coveted.
Yeah, it's sort of like your campaign.
Precisely, Jimmy Door.
Plus, did you see all the end of this sketch?
Oh, you mean by suggesting...
What?
Are you fucking kidding me?
Yeah, that seemed weird to me also.
I am the longest serving independent senator in the Congress.
I've authored hundreds of bills that made life better for the American people, and I have been a constant voice of reason in the cacophony of chaos that is Washington, D.C. And they think I'm going to settle for being Hillary Clinton's Biden?
Bitch, please.
Geez, Bernie, what would be so terrible about being Hillary's VP?
I would be tied up tighter than David Kerradine after an orgasm.
Wow, that's a graphic visual image there, sir.
Awesome.
Everybody seems to be going baucus over the new Star Wars trailer like Princess Leia next to Job of the Hut.
Okay, that's a pretty dated reference, Bernie.
Fine, I'd be more helpless than Lamar Oldham in a brothel.
Okay, Bernie.
I would be a prisoner in the belly of the beast like Chelsea Clinton.
Come, Bernie, That's not nice.
These are nice people.
Is it nice to condemn one of the bravest whistleblowers this country has ever known?
Is it nice to have overseen the initial negotiations for a pipeline that will cause untold ecological damage to this country and little to no economic benefit?
Is it nice to advocate for war profiteers when peace is an option?
Yeah, I mean, I guess not, but you seem kind of worked up about this.
They were just making jokes.
I'm sorry, Jimmy Doer.
You're right.
I usually try to save my anger for more important things like football games or the Kardashians.
Bernie, did you just steal one of my jokes?
What do you mean, Jimmy?
Well, I have this new special on Hulu.
It's called Sentence to Live, and I'm pretty sure you just jacked one of my punchlines.
First of all, nice plunk.
Who do you think I am, Rand Paul?
Or maybe it's just a coincidence, Bernie.
I know that despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary, you are not a total fucking door.
Wow, thanks, Senator.
I knew you weren't just the villain we've portrayed you to be on the show.
This is weird, Jimmy.
We are getting along.
I know.
Because Mike McRae didn't write the sketch.
Well, I've got some meetings to attend to, Jimmy, so I'm going to leave you with the same words of wisdom.
Hashtag fail to burn.
All right.
That was Bernie Sanders.
Hey, maybe you're like me.
Maybe you have a beard and you want to shave it, and you're tired of going to the drugstore and having to call an employee over to open the box and spend a million dollars on a couple of razors.
So I have a solution for you.
Guess what?
Guess what I've been doing?
So I've been getting my razors through the mail through this company called Harry's, right?
Harry's.com.
And they're going to send you.
So I was already on board using Harry's stuff, and then they decided to be an advertiser, which is fantastic for several reasons.
A, I already use the product and it's great.
And they send you a starter kit, which includes, you know, they give you shaving cream, they give you aftershave.
They give you the razor.
They give you three blades.
They give you a travel things if you have to travel with your blades.
They really take care of you.
And that's a $15 starter kit.
Comes with a razor, a couple of blades, comes with some shaving cream, some aftershave.
That's $15.
Guess what?
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Welcome back to the Jimmy Door show.
Got a lot coming up in the second half.
B.B. Netanyahu calls in.
Jeb Bush calls in.
I'm also joined in the studio right now by Mark Thompson from the Edge podcast, Frank Conner from Mystery Science Theater 3000, Michael Schurcher, and Steph Samarano, the miserable liberal.
Let's get back to the studio right now.
So Jeb Bush is doing his best to remind us of what an asshole his brother was.
Because W had he had a way to deny reality on television whenever asked a question and the news people would push back zero.
So it was a very frustrating experience for me as a citizen to watch our society falling down, right?
And the destruction of news media and information.
Journalism is so important.
It's one of the three professions mentioned in the Constitution.
It has been bought by the criminals, the people they're supposed to be investigating.
So there is no investigations.
And George Bush got to be president for eight years, not elected either time.
Order war crimes to cover up an illegal war, and nobody goes to prison and he gets to come on TV and do interviews about his book.
So here he was doing an interview about his book.
This is a good taste of why, if you need a reminder of why we hated George Bush so much and what he did to our psyche, he was promoting a book here and he was asked a question about Jeb running.
And they said, do you think it'll be easier for him to have an advantage in the presidential race because his brother and his father was president?
And George Bush said this.
Yeah, I think you have to earn.
Earn your way into politics.
I don't think there's anything you're ever given to you.
Oh, my God.
I'm going to play that again because that's fun.
Ready?
Here we go.
Yeah, I think you have to earn.
Earn your way into politics.
I don't think there's anything you're ever given to you.
Yeah, nothing's ever given to you.
You know, I mean, sure, people give you baseball teams.
People give you baseball teams.
People give you a career.
You know, he was given the governorship, you know, stuff like that.
Or how about the 2000 election that happened in your brother's state that you actually earned the 2000 presidential election by getting less votes and actually losing it.
But then your brother's corrupt political organization in Florida and the Supreme Court justices appointed by your father made sure the guy with less votes would win that day.
And that's how you earned it.
Yeah, I mean, that's a guy.
He's been gifted everything.
I mean, he's been gifted literally everything.
Literally everything.
He said, Chief, he ran one business, oil business in Texas, and he was the only guy who couldn't find oil.
He's the only guy in Texas who couldn't find oil.
So that's the guy who says nothing's ever given to you in politics.
And then, of course, the reporter didn't push back, didn't say anything back to him after he said nothing's given to you.
He didn't go, you mean like accept the 2000 election?
You mean that thing?
So they asked him.
So then this has nothing to do with what I want to talk about.
But Bob Schieffer here asks him.
Has politics, my sentence has gotten a lot meaner.
Has politics gotten a lot meaner?
Bob Schaefer says that.
Now, here's a guy who's been around.
He was around for McCarthy.
Yeah.
He's asking if it's he was around for Vietnam War.
Well, go ahead, Frank.
Mr. President, has politics got a lot meaner since you tried to tell everybody that John McCain had black children?
Yes.
You spear John McCain.
Has politics gotten meaner since you out at a CIA agent to cover up your illegal war?
Yes, yes.
Has politics, I mean, that kind of politics.
Were you out a CIA agent?
Yeah, that was unbelievable.
What was her name?
Valerie Plain.
Yeah, the iPhone.
And look what they did to John Kerry.
I mean, how can you voting?
Yeah.
Here's a guy.
You've got a president who evaded any kind of service.
I mean, I understand he was technically in that.
Champagne division of the National Guard, which he didn't really show up for.
And he was in law for nine months.
Exactly.
And somebody had to turn.
You could turn a guy who actually went to Vietnam.
I mean, the darkest of assignments and took fire.
It's not like he was in the front office.
He got shot, got three purple hearts, and he doesn't award that to himself.
And somehow make that something that he didn't want to talk about because it was like too much of a yes, because real war heroes don't like to talk about it.
Like McGovern, it's not something you talk about.
I was killing people.
It's something you have to do.
It's not something you brag about.
Kerry went to Vietnam, but he still doesn't rate a heck of a job, Brownie.
That's right.
So they asked him, so Bob Schaefer, again, doing his best corporate lapdog bullshit job, asked George Bush if politics now is meaner.
Here's what George Bush says.
Older days, they hate to be one of these guys that talk about the old days.
You're able to do that yourself, by the way.
People were held to account for what they said.
There was a scent, there was a pushback.
Now there's just so much stuff out there, floatsome out there, that people say what they feel like saying without any consequences.
Yeah, thank God for that, huh, buddy?
Aaron Burst shot Alexander Hamilton in a duel to the death.
But politics is so mean these days.
They used to deny half the country a seat at a coffee table and at a lunch counter.
But now it's a lot meaner now.
By the way, and this guy says there's no consequence for saying stuff.
I guess there really was WMDs.
I guess we never really did order torture to cover it up.
I guess there was no such thing as Abu Ghraib.
There's no concept.
I guess you didn't swift boat John Kerry.
I guess you so anyway, so that's so he just wants to pop up and remind us.
And of course, Bob Schaefer goes right along with it.
It is meaner now.
You're right.
You're a nice guy, George Bush.
George Bush says the things that you'd say if you were an honorable man with a distinguished record.
I mean, he says these things like pushback.
People were held accountable for their whatever.
You have to earn what to earn those things that you in politics.
You should have to earn it.
These are all things that are laudable and would have the addition, if they had the additional virtue of truth.
Yes.
That would be great.
And in his case, they're completely just, they're like slogans.
They have the attitudes.
They have the imprimatur of a fraud.
Well, that's right.
His words.
He has such problems with words.
I think that's why Bush has entered into the visual arts now.
Yes.
Okay, so now I played that just to remind you because George, just Jeb Bush, Jeb Exclamation, is looking to be the next president of the United States.
And he wants us, he's trying to rewrite history.
And who's not letting him?
The media is, but Donald Trump isn't letting him.
So Donald Trump is hitting him.
And he said to a reporter that, you know, George Bush was president on 9-11.
And Jimmy, I googled that.
It's true.
And the news reporter said back to him, do you guys know what the news reporter said back to him?
Oh, come on.
You can't blame George Bush for 9-11.
Wow, I didn't know that.
So I don't have that clip, but I wish I did.
So he had to go answer.
What?
Why don't you have it?
When you talk about George Bush, I mean, say what you want.
The World Trade Center came down during his time.
If you look at the British Commission, you can't blame George Bush for that.
He was president, okay?
Don't blame him or don't blame him, but he was president.
The World Trade Center came down during his reign.
So here's Jeb Bush.
He has to go on with because he's also been saying, and by the way, because he said to Donald Trump, hey, he kept us safe.
My brother kept us safe.
Yeah, except for that one time, right?
Except for that 9-11.
That goes on your record.
You don't get a free pass for the worst terrorist attack in our nation's history just because.
And by the way, everyone saw it coming.
There are a lot of people saw it coming.
That's the most galling thing.
I mean, if this were really a sneak attack, it would be one thing.
Right.
But look, our official intelligence agencies identified the very methods by which this would happen.
And said this is that they're, yeah, they're going to fly planes.
They're going to hijack.
Richard Clark was going to, he wanted to resign from his terrorist post as he was the head guy in charge of going after the terrorists.
I forget what the official term is, but Richard Clark, he said, I was getting ready to resign because they wouldn't listen to me.
I believe he was the terror czar.
Okay, maybe.
But he said they won't listen to me.
I've been trying to tell them that this is happening and I can't even get a meeting.
It was easier to see a warning about 9-11 than it was to see an Angeline billboard.
Yes.
And by the way, you will never in your lifetime have as relaxing and as carefree a summer as the one George W. Bush had in 2001, pre-9-11.
That's right.
Yes.
And I also point out, too, that and the reason he's given a pass about this is because the press was basically the same as George W. Bush.
They were complicit.
And Gary Hart, several months beforehand, he had a committee about it, and he said this, the results of his committee investigating it, the commission, that Bin Laden was going to attack inside the United States.
It wasn't covered at all by the media.
They did story after story about Gary Condit.
You remember him?
Yes, because in the summer leading up to that, it was all Gary Condon and shark attacks.
Yes.
And also in the late 90s, when all of this activity was happening with Bin Laden and everything, it was certainly a story you could cover.
The media was obsessed with the blowjob that Bill Clinton got.
Yes.
That's right.
So Jeb Bush had to go on with Jake Tapper to answer some of these questions that Donald Trump is bringing up.
And let's just enjoy.
Look, my brother responded to a crisis, and he did it as you would hope a president would do.
By launching an attack on a country that didn't attack us and lying us into an illegal war and then ordering torture to cover it up.
That's what you hope a president does, right?
Am I right?
He united the country.
He organized our country and he kept us safe.
He united the country and he organized our country and kept us safe.
It's like when after Pearl Harbor when Roosevelt attacked Australia.
Yeah, right?
Remember, he did, and Brazil.
People don't remember.
I love to organize the country.
Organized.
I didn't quite get that.
I mean, it's all bullshit, but the organized number is.
No, our filing system got way better.
Right.
So here, yes, it did here.
And there's no denying that.
The great majority of Americans believe that.
And I don't know why he keeps bringing this up.
I have a feeling I know why he keeps bringing this up.
He's talking about Trump.
Why does Trump, I don't know, because it looks, makes, reminds people of what horrible people you are.
Maybe that's why he brings it up, because it reminds people of what incompetent doofuses you are.
And the only reason you're anywhere is because your father was the head of the CIA and then became vice president and then became president.
That's the only reason.
That's why he keeps bringing it up.
And the thing is, is the idea of a Trump presidency, I find incredibly scary.
And I really pray that it never happens.
But Jeb Bush has already said that Paul Wolfowitz is one of his major foreign policy advisors.
Yes.
He's bringing back all of the Iraq war people.
That scares me more.
I couldn't agree with you more.
Yeah.
Here.
Does anybody actually blame my brother for the attacks on 9-11?
Yes.
Tons of people.
Yes.
I would say most of the world.
Yeah.
They do.
They're totally marginalized in our society.
No, no, no, they're not.
Says the guy completely disconnected from reality.
If anybody knows marginalized from society, it's the Bush.
And so that, and so he's doing it again, that thing George Bush does, where he would just come out in front of a news person and say the opposite of reality, and the news person doesn't say anything back.
But Jake Tapper actually does push back on him.
Watch.
Obviously, Al-Qaeda was responsible for the terrorist attack of 9-11.
But how do you respond to critics who ask, if your brother and his administration bear no responsibility at all, how do you then make the jump that President Obama and Secretary Clinton are responsible for what happened at Benghazi?
Well, you just do it.
You don't think it through.
You just say things, and then what are you doing, Jake?
Why are you pushing back?
Soledad, stop this, please.
You're going to find Jake Tapper on a podcast pretty soon.
He keeps doing stuff like this.
What are you doing, Jake?
Well, the question on Benghazi, which is hopefully will now finally get the truth to it, is that, was the place secure?
They had a responsibility in the Department of State to have proper security.
There were calls for security.
It looks like they didn't get it.
And how was the response in the aftermath of the attack?
Was there a chance that these four American lives could have been saved?
That's what the investigation is about.
It's not a political issue.
He's just lying through his teeth.
He's just doing exactly what George Bush did.
It's not a political issue.
Like everyone, your own party, three people have admitted in the last week and a half that it's a complete political witch hunt.
Three different people have admitted it.
One of them was the majority leader in the House, you dummy.
And like all the things that he said can be applied to 9-11.
Yes.
Right, that's exactly right.
You could swap out exactly what he's saying about Benghazi.
And could you, if Al Gore had been president, you don't think the Republicans would be nonstop harping about how non-stop they would have tried to impeach him.
Yes, because that's what happens when you elect a Democrat.
He didn't think he doesn't, he's too nice to the terrorists.
He's too politically correct to go after the terrorists.
That's what they would have said about Al Gore.
The Republican slogan would have been gore did 9-11.
Yes.
It's not about the broad.
Go ahead.
No, go ahead, Mark.
No, no, I was just going to play another clip.
Yeah, I was just going to say that maybe 9-11 might not have happened if Al Gore was president because, you know, everybody complained about what a dull, wonky dork he was.
Exactly the kind of dork that would have gotten a memo that said bin Laden determined to attack inside the U.S. And he might have even read it because he's such a dull guy.
So that's such a nerd.
Yeah, those dorky nerds, they'd read all that stuff.
Yeah.
But it's a good thing we didn't elect him president.
You can't have a beer with him.
Proper security.
There were calls for security.
It looks like they didn't get it.
And how was the response in the aftermath of the attack?
Was there a chance that these four American lives could have been saved?
That's what the investigation is about.
It's not a political issue.
It's not about the broad policy issue.
Were we doing the job of protecting our embassies and our consulates?
And during the period, those hours after the attack started, could they have been saved?
So how do you do that?
Is you just apply a totally different standard to Benghazi than we apply to 9-11 because one was my brother and one was the Clintons.
So that's how you do it.
You just apply a different standard.
Well, the other thing about the Iraq war and 9-11 is, look, what happened after 9-11 is unspeakably horrible.
I mean, the trillions of dollars, all the lives lost, innocent lives, our guys who went over there.
I mean, it is the ripple effect has been, it's gargantuan.
So in any way, to put them in the same universe is crazy, which is why it's true.
This Trump thing is funny because, look, the American people weren't even for the Iraq war.
You know, so you have an unpopular war.
Certainly now it's, you know, nobody wants it to go near it.
It's radioactive virtually.
And to have this guy bring it into the discussion, a Republican, it's, I mean, a quote Republican.
Donald Trump quote Republican.
Donald Trump.
So Jake Tapper actually, what we just said about, he actually says it to him.
Well, that's kind of proving the point of the critics I was just asking about because you don't want to have your brother bear responsibility for 9-11.
And I understand that argument, and Al-Qaeda is responsible, but why are the terrorists not the ones who are responsible for these attacks in Libya?
They are.
Of course they are.
Of course they are, but if the ambassador was asking for additional security.
But if I just keep talking and I keep saying things with the ambassador and stuff, you know, if I just – I'm just going to keep – That's a proper point.
And if it's proven that the security was adequate compared to other embassies, fine.
We'll move on.
Fine.
We're going to move on from Benghazi.
He just said the longest investigation.
Fine.
We'll move on.
If it turns out.
And you know what?
The bottom line is the Republicans defunded security for embassies.
Yes.
They did not support funding for security.
Of course.
And it's like, I never hear this.
It's never loud enough from the Dem saying.
Because Democrats, again, are horrible on messaging.
They're horrible.
They have no organizational skills.
They don't have message.
And the news media is afraid to be called liberal.
So that's why they never push back against Republicans, but they always push back against Democrats.
Did you notice, too, like in the Democratic debate, like in the Republican debate, they had U Ewitt was a part of the panel.
Yes.
Extreme right-wing broadcaster, you at very way to the right.
And in the Democratic debate, they had the progressive equivalent of that was, oh, wait.
No, they didn't.
They didn't even have, they didn't have any equivalent on the left of you at in the Democratic debate.
They just didn't bother.
There was no need to because they didn't feel any need to prove the liberal side, but they always have to prove that they're conservative enough.
Yeah, so they didn't feel the need to throw a bone to the liberals, but they always feel a need to placate the conservatives.
And that's why the toughest questions asked of Donald Trump were at the Fox news debate because they already, they're not worried about that.
They know they're conservative.
No one's going to accuse them of not being conservative.
So you got the toughest questions of any of the Republican debates was at the Fox debate.
Hey, Lozy.
This is Jimmy.
Hello, it's Jeb.
Oh, hey, Jeb.
Wait, I just want to make sure.
Jeb, who?
Well, Jeb exclamation point.
Oh, that indicates you're excited.
But, you know, I need to make sure I don't have the wrong Jeb.
What's your surname?
Surname.
Last name?
Good Lord.
What an archaic concern that is.
These family names were saddled with, you know, like an old grandfather clock or something.
You know, in early Northern Europe, people would just use patronymics, which, you know, that would make me Jeb Barberson or Jeb McGeorge.
You know, if you're on the Celtic fringe there, I suppose.
Other times, people would simply use their trade as such an identifier, which would make me Jeb Governor.
I like that one.
I don't really see why we need to.
Is this Jeb Bush or not?
Yes, this is Jeb Bush.
Who wants to know?
This is Jimmy Dore.
Oh, hey, Jimmy.
I guess you got me.
Why are you running from the Bush name all of a sudden?
Well, isn't it obvious?
I'm catching all kinds of heck because of my brother and his presidency, which was like 20 years ago.
I mean, come on.
Especially Donald Trump, right?
That guy is really sogging like Galashes.
I'll tell you what.
I'm getting dern sick and tired with all his 9-11 cuff.
Well, not that I want to defend Donald Trump and his tactics, but I must say, you seem to really have some problems dealing with jabs about your brother's record.
You haven't really arrived at a sufficient talking point there.
Look, Jimmy.
Yeah.
Do you have an older brother?
Too many of them to tell you the truth.
Well, okay, then.
You understand that having an older brother is a heck of a thing.
You live in his shadow, but at the same time, you want to pave your own way.
Governor, was George W. Bush responsible for 9-11 or not?
Well, of course not.
Was FDR responsible for Pearl Harbor?
Okay, well, was Hillary Clinton responsible for Benghazi?
Governor?
Governor Bush?
Oh, hey there, Jimmy.
I went out to get some sandwiches.
You want one?
No, but anyway, you're on the phone.
Never mind.
Anyway, I needed some sustenance for this looming horde swoggle that we're about to get into.
Look, Hillary left our diplomatic outpost with insufficient security.
And I feel it's, you know, it's really worth looking into whether or not she.
President Bush ignored warnings about bin Laden striking the United States.
More indications of that just recently came to light, by the way.
And as a matter of fact, he was responsible for the country at the time, the entire population, not just one outpost.
Well, well.
Well, look how safe we've been since 9-11.
Have there been any 9-11 attacks since 9-11?
No.
And there have been several 9-11s since 9-11, according to my calendar.
Hillary Clinton had more than one email account.
What kind of weird cloak and dagger business is that?
That's just shady, shadiness in my estimation.
Governor, you are so weak on this issue, defending your brother's legacy.
What's going on?
You want to know the truth?
Yeah.
Maybe I don't want to defend it.
What?
You heard me.
George W., he was always a golden boy.
The next George.
That was just a chubby one.
They couldn't figure out how to name properly.
George got everything, all the attention.
He was going to carry on the Bush legacy.
But what about little Jeb?
What do we do with Jeb?
Oh, who cares?
Definitely won't let him work on Pappy's campaigns or anything.
No, sir.
Just send Jeb off to work for Neil Saving as a loan.
Send Jeb off to be governor of Florida, the dumbest state in the union.
Everybody thinks I'm stupid.
Let Jeb go pick somebody up at the private airport.
Well, I can handle things.
I'm smart.
Not like everybody says.
Like, dumb.
I'm smart and I want to be president of the United States.
Whoa, governor, I'm detecting some heavy issues here.
Yeah, well, maybe so.
Maybe you should seek some counseling.
I don't know.
We're wasps.
We don't deal with things that way.
Okay.
We just start needless wars and bomb people.
Okay.
Well, I'm sure.
You should try it.
It really does the trick.
All right.
Well, listen, Governor, I appreciate you taking time.
Talk to us about this.
I look forward to your pathetic attempts to cover up for your brother in the future.
I appreciate that, Jimmy.
And this sandwich is delicious.
Thank you.
So I'm sure you heard the news about what B.B. Netanyahu said about the Holocaust and the Palestinians that there was actually a Palestinian who talked Hitler into doing the Holocaust.
Anyway, we talked to him on the phone real quick, but we don't have time to get to it in today's show.
Here's a little piece of our conversation.
I doubt there was more than one culprit to go on a coaster.
You know, there's a lot more to that B.B. Netanyahu phone call.
Plus, we didn't include this in last week's premium content, but after the Democratic debate, Chris Matthews brought on Wayne Newton and Rich Little to give their insight into politics.
And we covered it, but I forgot to include it last week in the premium, so I'll include that this week, which is, you know, if you know anything about those two guys, it's hilarious.
So we break that down.
Plus, what else is coming up in this week's premium?
Glenn Beck went on NBC's Kathy Lee Gifford and Hoda show, whatever they call that.
And they did an interview with him.
Now, I don't know how recent this was, but I just stumbled across this interview that they did, Kathy Lee did with Glenn Beck.
It is mind-numbing.
I'm just going to say they call him a truth-teller.
They call Glenn Beck a truth teller, among many other things.
So if you want to hear that, you want to hear the Wayne Newton and the Rich Little, also the B.B. Netanyahu phone call.
Plus, there's a lot lot more coming up in the premium content this week.
It's a loaded one.
You got to get the premium.
How do I do that?
You go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You click on join premium.
It's $5 a month, less than a cup of coffee.
If you pay for the whole year at once, we'll give you a month free.
Also, are you in or around the Malibu Playhouse Theater?
Are you around Malibu?
We're doing another stand-up show November 14th.
That's a Saturday, November 14th.
We're doing another stand-up show with Laura Keitlinger, young Michael Schurzer.
I'll be on that show headlining.
A lot of great comedians.
It's a great place.
Dick Van Dyke was there last time we did the show there.
Dick Van Dyke was there, and Sam Elliott was there, and Ed Asner was there.
There's a lot of soap stars that were there.
It was great.
I love doing shows up at the Malibu Playhouse Theater.
So November 15th.
I'm sorry, November 14th.
That's a Saturday.
There's links for tickets over at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
So we'll see you then, November 14th of Malibu.
Okay, today's show was written by Mike McRae, Frank Conniff, Michael Schertzer, Steph Zamarano, and Mark Van Landuit.
All the voices today performed by Mike McRae.
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