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Oct. 16, 2015 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Today's episode of the Jimmy Dore Show is being brought to you by Harry's.
If you like to shave, please visit Harry's.com and use promo code Jimmy to save $5 off your first purchase.
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Okay.
This week, NBC announced that the cutting-edge satirical comedy show SNL has booked Donald Trump to host its November 7th show.
Good God.
It's confusing because most people know that Trump hosting an NBC comedy show will give a boost to his presidential campaign, and that's the job of NBC News.
Lauren Michael says he hopes this puts a rest to the rumors that SNL was becoming irrelevant and worthless as a voice of modern-day satire.
He says he's excited.
It'll look great because he's hired Lenny Riefenstahl to direct.
If anyone with a soul watches the entire episode, I predict it'll be called Triumph of the Ill.
Don't worry.
After some good-natured ribbing, audiences will see that the race-baiting, misogynistic, xenophobic, fascist douchebag is really a good sport.
You'll remember that NBC is the same network that severed all ties with Trump and the Miss University pageant over his racist remarks.
But when you hear the first 20 jokes about Trump's hair, you'll realize the purpose of satire is to speak truth to ratings.
You'll love as dancing Donald's tamp dances across the grave of satire.
Of course, there's going to be advertising.
That's what this is all about.
And NBC is sure to sell lots of beer and pillowcases with holes cut out.
I predict this will be the best SNL episode since George Wallace hosted uttering his famous phrase, segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation after the break.
You know, in the golden age of Saturday Night Live, Donald Trump would have done a sketch with Michael O'Donoghue where Michael would stab Trump in the neck with a fork until he died.
And it still wouldn't make it into the best of collection.
MSNBC and CNN's new programming strategy is to run Trump speeches non-stop, which makes it kind of ironic that at the same time as SNL is on, if you change the channel, you'll find MSNBC and CNN showing footage of Trump that is actually hilarious.
Nice.
Bye.
I want a heart attack.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
Up-minded, lowly-lovered lapdies.
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you today.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I'm joined on the phone all the way from New York City.
You know him, you love him.
From Mystery Science Theater 3000, it's TV's Frank Frank Connoff.
Hi, Frank.
Hello there.
Yay, good to hear your voice.
Great job, by the way, at Politicon.
Yes.
You too, and Robert and Mike McRae and everybody.
And Steph.
Yes, we were making it happen.
Robert had a great sketch.
And thanks to all the fans who made it out to Politicon and packed the room for us.
Paul Gilmartin.
Paul Gilmartin was on there.
Liz Winstead, also fantastic on the show.
And by the way, thanks to everybody who bought my book there.
I was the number one seller at Politicon.
No pay.
All right, let's get to also cross for me is a hilarious comedian you saw on my Politicon.
It's Robert Yasimura.
Hey, Robert.
Oh, hi.
Next to him, our resident Latina, it's Steph Zamarano from the Miserable Liberal blog, Steph Zamarano.
Hi, Steph.
Hola, Jimmy.
Also running the board, hilarious comedian Michael Schirtzer is here.
Hey, Michael.
Hey, what's up, Jimmy?
Let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes.
You know, America, did you hear what Rupert Murdoch said?
Rupert Murdoch said that America needs Ben Carson to be president because America needs a real black president.
No, no.
This is coming from Rupert Murdoch, a guy who doesn't even run a real news channel.
I got to tell you, amid all the current house madness that's going on with the speaker and all that stuff, people are mentioning Paul Ryan.
Oh, a lot.
They're talking about drafting.
And Paul Ryan, he is a refreshing throwback to the shitty GOP policies of just a few years ago.
Did you hear Obama went to Oregon to get to that?
I did.
Yeah, to visit the people who got shot and their families and the thing.
And there was armed protesters, people who don't like Obama, decided to bring their guns and protest them.
And, you know, the armed protesters of Obama's trip, they vow to continue their noble fight against the tyranny of basic human decency.
And can I just say this?
They will never find a private Hillary email message that's anywhere near as awful as the stuff Trump and Carson say in public every day.
Ex-Benghazi committee aide, there's a new guy.
He's saying that the whole thing's a sham.
And that comes as a shock to everyone except people with even the slightest connection to reality.
Hey, Columbus Day was this week.
And my Columbus Day wish is that maybe one day, Donald Trump, Ben Carson, and Mike Huckabee, and the other GOP candidates will discover America.
Can you see what Sarah Palin said about Columbus?
No.
She said, I'm not kidding.
She said he was a great American, for one thing.
If it weren't for him, we'd be overrun with savages.
You know what's nice about that?
Instead, we created a complete genocide for Native Americans.
Yeah, and those savages might try to wipe us out.
If only he had had a helicopter to shoot at savages with.
Yes.
All right.
What's coming up on today's show?
What about the savages that have knocked up Bristol?
Let's go.
They bought her a burger.
I don't want to hear it.
By the way, Frank, I was watching when Rich Little and Wayne Newton were on last night.
Oh, wasn't that great?
And we're going to talk about it.
I saved your jokes for the second.
I missed Rich Little.
Oh, my God.
Are you kidding me?
Oh, my no.
I was the one that found Wayne Newton, right?
Oh, my God.
I know.
I know we're going to talk about it.
It's so exciting.
And Chris Matthews goes, do you do Donald Trump?
No, he's really hard.
Everybody does Trump.
Everybody does Trump.
Ben Zelavansky does Trump.
You're kidding me.
What's coming up on today's show?
Hey, who still doesn't know anything about 9-11 or Iraq?
It's the guy in charge of the committee, John McCain.
Also, NBC loves Glenn Beck, and they know you will too.
A Bloomberg poll tells us 80% of Republicans and Democrats agree on something, but you'd never know about it.
Also, the debate.
We talk about the debate.
Plus, we got phone calls today from Mike Huckabee, Bernie Sanders, Mike from St. Louis, and a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Jimmy Dore Show.
So it's a weird phenomenon.
It seems like the Republicans have gone so far off the rails that the only way to get attention now, since Donald Trump is leading in the polls, is to be as outrageous and racist and inappropriate as possible.
Trying to be as Neanderthal and dark age thinking, knuckle dragger, appealing to the knuckle draggers.
And so on debate night, Mike Huckabee tweeted out: I trust Bernie Sanders with my tax dollars like I trust a North Korean chef with my Labrador.
Hashtag DemDebate.
And then right underneath that tweet, John Fuglesingh wrote, as opposed to your son Dave with a Labrador, because his son killed a dog.
And then he used, it was alleged that Governor Huckabee stopped the prosecution of it.
Okay, so anyway, with that in mind, we wanted to call Governor Huckabee and ask him a few questions about this and see what other crazy stuff he's saying that he hopes get picked up and repeated in the mainstream news media so he gets attention during the era of racist Trump.
Here we go.
This is Jimmy.
Jimmy, it's me, the huckster.
Oh, is this Governor Huckabee?
Yeah, the huckster.
Is that your new nickname now?
I've been the huckster since I wrestled in middle school.
Then for a while, I was the Reverend Huckster.
After that, I was just Governor Huckster.
But now I'm just a good old huckster.
Oh, do you mind if I don't call you that?
Sure, if you want to be a huge pussy.
To what do I owe the pleasure, Governor?
What?
Why are you calling me?
Jimmy, did you watch the Democrat debate last night?
I actually did.
Well, I'd just like to say I trust Bernie Sanders with my tax dollars like I trust a North Korean chef with my Labrador.
Okay.
Yeah, I saw that you tweeted that last night.
Hashtag Orientals eat dogs.
Okay, Governor, that's kind of dumb stereotype that all Koreans eat dogs.
Oh, you poor liberals think it's racist to deplore a brutal dictatorship.
Yeah, I saw that you tweeted that as well.
Hashtag Bernie Sanders is a brutal Korean.
What?
Hashtag blessed.
Governor, no one was defending the North Korean state.
They just thought that using a racial stereotype was a little offensive and was kind of lame.
But they do eat dogs.
Seriously, I had a Korean chef offer to dog sit my Labrador, and I said, no, thank you, sir.
No, thank you.
Yeah, I don't think that happened.
It totally did.
And Scraps, that's my dog.
Scraps was all like, rottro.
Governor, Governor, you just made a lame joke.
I think if you leave it alone, the whole thing is going to go away.
Go away.
I don't want it to go away.
This is the most coverage I've gotten since my dick popped out during a concert in Stockholm.
That wasn't you.
That was Lenny Kravitz.
Jimmy, my base is finally fired up about my controversial stance against Korean dog eating and Bernie Sanders saying stuff.
Yeah, I don't think that I don't think they're that fired up, Governor.
I mean, you haven't broken 5% any polls since you entered the race.
I know, Jimmy.
And actually, even after I said black people aren't citizens.
You said what?
Oh, yeah.
In early September, I compared Kim Davis to Martin Luther King.
Oh, my God.
And then said Dred Scott is still the law, and black people can't be citizens.
What system of thinking would even lead you to go from a Kentucky clerk to ignoring, I think, two different constitutional amendments?
And I got nothing for that.
That's at least as offensive as Trump.
I should have been on HuffPo for three days for that one.
But I get buckets, mister.
I mean, what do I have to do, Jimmy?
Set myself on fire like a godless Oriental?
Governor!
Do you believe anything?
Yes, Jimmy.
I'm glad you asked.
I believe I need money.
Lots and lots of money.
And the only way I'm going to get that money is by saying horrible things.
For instance, did you know American Indians owe us reparations for all the favors we did them?
That's a terrible thing to say, Governor.
Thanks for saying so, Jimmy.
I really hope that's the one that puts me on the map.
Hear that, you savage Indians?
Give us our money or what you call wampum.
Governor, there is no way you are going to win the primaries, let alone the general election.
Well, then why did Jesus tell me to run for president?
You do understand that I'm an atheist, governor, and I don't believe Jesus speaks to you.
Oh, he speaks to me, all right.
He comes to me late at night and says things like, Huckster, you're the best.
And I sure do hate homos.
And you're so handsome, I think you should be president.
Yeah, you know what, Governor?
I kind of have to go.
Well, thanks for talking to me, Jimmy.
Remember, Bernie Sanders is a Jew who eats dogs like a yellow devil.
Okay, Governor.
Hashtag.
Black Lives Can't Vote.
Okay.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
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And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
So you know how the story is always in the mainstream media that Washington is dysfunctional, our country's polarized, the Tea Party, the lefties, this, that nobody can get.
Well, guess what?
It's about Citizens United, right?
That's the one that opened the floodgates to money Pouring into the political campaigns.
And it turns out, according to Bloomberg, a recent Bloomberg poll showed 78% of Americans are in favor of overturning the Supreme Court's 2010 Citizens United.
Because you know that?
Turns out.
I'm not shocked.
Turns out.
Turns out that this is according to Media Matters.
Unhappiness with the decision cuts across all demographic and partisan ideological lines.
Turns out, get this.
United.
80% of Republicans oppose Citizens United, and 83% of Democrats oppose it, and 71% of Independents.
So of self-described liberals, conservatives, and moderates, 80% say that that decision should be overturned.
And why do I bring this up?
First of all, that's...
Well, and he's also a beneficiary.
Another reason, and I'll tell you in just a second.
So that's a pretty big that poll.
So you know how much coverage that poll received in the mainstream news media.
When I say mainstream news media, I mean ABC Worlds Tonight, CBS Evening News, NBC Nightly News, PBS News Hour, and how about all the Sunday shows on ABC, Fox, NBC?
Sure.
So you know how much coverage that poll got on that said 80% of Democrats, Republicans, and moderates all want Citizens United overturned?
Tons, I assume, too.
Yeah, that's a really big amount.
I'm guessing most of those outlets covered it, right?
Yes.
Well, according to this, zero mentions.
Interesting.
Zero mentions.
Now, you say, Robert, why wouldn't they mention that?
That's a big story.
It seems odd that they would bring that up, that 80% of almost the entire country.
What other issue are 80% of Democrats and Republicans agreeing on?
I can't think of one.
No.
Right?
So let me just say, why wouldn't they talk about this?
Well, it turns out if you think about it through Citizens United means that billions, literally, billions more dollars will go to all the news broadcast network stations.
Absolutely.
And that's why they didn't report any of this.
Right.
Got zero.
Oh, yeah, that's a great point.
Zero mentions.
80% of the people in the country want to get money out of politics, which means no more political campaign ads the way we've seen since Citizens United for sure.
And that doesn't get that got zero coverage.
Right.
They would have reported it, but Donald Trump didn't say anything about it.
Yes.
It's, yeah.
I wish Trump would have said something about it.
Also, here's the New York Times published.
This is from a website called Courts.
The New York Times published an incredible story last weekend.
It did an investigation to see how many people really control the money in politics.
Turns out 158 families control nearly half the amount of money for the 2016 president.
Oh, dear lord.
158 families.
Jesus.
158 families.
158.
There's more people at my show on Saturday at the Politicon that control America.
We have 300 million people in this country.
And 158 families are controlling all the money or half the money in all of professional politics right now.
That is insane.
Even the mafia isn't controlled by that many families.
I mean, that is the definition of an oligarchy.
There's more people that make decisions in China.
I mean, there's less concentrated power in China.
I mean, there's a couple hundred guys in charge of deciding who you get to vote for in China, at least, right?
I mean, it's crazy.
But at least we're going to either elect a Clinton or a Bush into the White House.
So that'll solve everything.
All right.
All right.
*Muchas music*
So why do you think we've been in a perpetual war and we will be forever?
Because it's awesome.
Because it is great.
Well, here's the guy who's in charge of the, you know, we bombed a.
So just to get everybody up to speed on this story, we're back fully fighting in Afghanistan.
The Taliban took over a city called Kunduns, I can't pronounce it correctly, in Afghanistan.
And so the U.S. military is going to take it back from the Taliban, the people who live there.
And we're going to take back the city.
And turned out we bombed a hospital that was being run by Doctors Without Borders.
And Doctors Without Borders said that the bombing that the U.S. did, by the way, we use a C-130, which is a gunship that should not be used in residential areas anyway.
And they used it, and they killed Doctors Without Borders said it killed 10 of their doctors and 12 patients.
And they're calling it a war crime.
And the head of operations for the United States in Afghanistan has called it a mistake.
And it's, again, we bombed it for like an hour straight.
It's a horrible thing.
And keep in mind, this is from the Marine Corps Times.
They were talking about the rules of engagement.
And back in 2009, Army General Stanley McChrystal, he was then the commander of the U.S. forces in Afghanistan.
He issued guidelines about rules of engagement, about when we can bomb someplace, when we can shoot.
He directed, quote, leaders at all levels to scrutinize and limit the use of force, such as close air support against residential compounds and other locations likely to produce civilian casualties.
So General McChrystal was on this a long time ago and he restricted this kind of thing, this very thing.
But there was a lot of pushback against it.
A lot of people still want to bomb civilian places.
So there's been a big back and forth between where they can bomb, where they can shoot.
In fact, according to the Marine Corps Times, it says Marines in Afghanistan have complained that insurgents regularly hide their weapons in fields and ditches, making it easy to blend in with civilians after a firefight.
So I guess what they're asking for is can we just go blow those civilians up and stuff like that?
Because that's what we do.
So, okay.
And here's one more really important piece of information.
General Petraeus gave a directive where he said, quote, we must continue our efforts to reduce the loss of innocent life to an absolute minimum.
Every Afghan civilian death diminishes our cause.
If we use excess force or operate contrary to our counterinsurgency principles, tactical victories may prove to be strategic setbacks.
So keep that in mind.
That's from David Petraeus.
There's been a lot of pushback.
A lot of people want to keep doing this.
John McCain chairs the Armed Services Committee that holds hearings about that stuff.
And here, maybe, I think you're going to get an insight into why we've been, again, At war nonstop since 9-11.
Is the United States headed toward a permanent presence then in Afghanistan?
Oh, I think we are, just as we have a permanent presence in South Korea and in Japan and in Germany and other places.
So, hey, we just need to be permanently all over the world.
It's cool.
Because we're already doing it somewhere else, that means it's cool to do it otherwise.
We need the permanent force in Afghanistan permanently.
But we need to fire a few more teachers to afford it.
Where we fought conflicts does not.
Now, here comes the, and here I bury the lead.
Here comes why we're been at war since 9-11 and we will be forever, because this guy chairs the Armed Services Committee.
Listen to what he says.
I mean, that we would continue to see casualties, but I am totally sure that if we pull everybody out to the degree as it's presently planned, we will see the Iraq movie again.
And that is the place I would remind you where the 9-11 attacks were inaugurated.
What?
Yeah, you remember how in Iraq they inaugurated the 9-11 attacks after the premiere of the Iraq movie?
Were they sworn in?
The attacks were sworn in?
I don't understand.
First of all, he's saying, again, Iraq did 9-11.
They didn't.
That's the chairman.
This is 14 years later.
He's still saying that.
Iraq did 9-11.
They didn't.
That's the chairman.
The name of the movie is actually Iraq Does 9-11, and it's a porn.
You can see it's not a good porno.
Yeah, you can see where he'd be confused.
He spends all of the meetings playing poker on his cell phone.
He does, actually.
Then they asked him about that, us committing a war crime by bombing that hospital for an hour straight.
As you know, there have been allegations of a war crime against the United States because of what the U.S. has said was an accidental bombing of a hospital in this country.
Yeah, uh-huh.
Big deal.
Uh-huh.
Come on, move it along.
None of you.
City of Kunduz, Afghanistan.
I have a very specific question about that, Senator.
The airplane that was used is called an AC-130, a very powerful gunship, fires an incredible volume of artillery shells in a specific spot.
This is a gunship that's so powerful that it's been involved in killing civilians in the past, and human rights groups have said this just should not be used in an urban area.
Speaking yourself as a military man, as a former pilot.
So, by the way, we're better than the terrorists, by the way.
Just keep that in mind.
Even though we, because we use warships that should never be used around here.
And we're better at being terrorists than the terrorists.
Yes.
So when the terrorists, they have to use IEDs and stuff.
We make this stuff at Boeing.
We taught the terrorists how to be terrorists.
That's right.
By the way, if you're going to bomb a hospital, use a C-130.
One of the big things that the selling points of the AC-130 is its optics system.
So they were looking right at the thing that said hospital.
I mean, they knew what they were looking at as they were shooting at it.
So here he goes on to here.
It goes along.
By the way, that's why we're better than the terrorists, because we do it for oil and they do it for religion or whatever.
Was that the right weapon to choose in that situation?
The right weapon to choose is the weapon that most rapidly and effectively and efficiently kills the enemy.
And I have seen, as you mentioned, these gunships in action.
They have saved American lives by being able to suppress the enemy and enemy fire.
This tragedy, and it's a terrible tragedy, would not have occurred if the Taliban had not attacked the place to start with.
It's the Taliban's fault.
It's the Taliban.
So when they blow up hospitals, it's more evidence that they're horrible subhumans.
But when we do it, it's evidence that they're horrible subhumans.
Either way, it's because they're horrible subhumans.
Was there a lot of return fire coming from that Doctors Without Borders hospital for an hour?
And so I find it ludicrous and insulting that people would say because of this terrible accident that somehow war crimes are committed.
To call that a war crime distorts the definition of a war crime.
When you referred, Senator, to the Taliban attacking the place, did you mean to suggest the Taliban were at or in the near vicinity of that hospital because Doctors Without Borders has denied that?
I'm saying that they weren't.
you know how Doctors Without Borders are such big liars.
Oh, they're just fucking...
They have no borders when it comes to truth.
No.
Just go right over the border and start lying like crazy.
Yes.
And they attack the hospitals.
So we had to attack the hospital on top of that.
Because they attacked the hospital.
Because that makes sense.
And I think they're called Doctors Without Conscience.
And also, people are really sick of how negative the war is.
And this was friendly fire.
Yes.
Yes.
Here we go.
We're at or in the near vicinity of that hospital because Doctors Without Borders has denied that.
I'm saying that they were in the vicinity because they were in Kunduz.
In the city of, okay.
So he's saying that the Taliban was in the city that that hospital was in.
So it was okay for them to bomb that hospital because the Taliban was somewhere in that city.
Yeah, they were in Kunduz.
By the way, he literally just said that.
This guy, okay, John McCain, head of the Armed Services Committee, he is directly responsible for creating rules of engagement.
Yes.
Okay.
So he is one of the people who says, yeah, go ahead, use an AC-130 in a heavily populated city.
Go ahead and use the most damaging, huge, huge, overpowering form of air support you can get your hands on.
Go with that.
Okay.
And can we also just take a moment and appreciate the moans that he was giving when he was describing this terrible mass murder?
He's like, it's like he was listening to an audio book of 50 Shades of Gray.
That's just regular old man noise.
I make them all the time.
It's pretty obvious that fire was coming from the Taliban in the city.
I am not saying that there was anything but a terrible tragedy, but to think that everything we do is with pinpoint accuracy lacks a fundamental understanding of what warfare is all about.
Yeah, so if you get upset that we bombed a hospital for an hour straight, that's because you lack a fundamental understanding of what war is all about.
And he's offended.
Yeah, he's offended at that you would be upset that we shelled a hospital where Doctors Without Borders were for over an hour.
That's where he, that's what he would be up.
John McCain takes offense.
You're really stretching that definition of war crimes.
I like the way John McCain outlines specifically this is the kind of thing that happens during war.
This is a friendly fire incident.
And I don't know why everybody's against war.
Yeah, why is everybody so upset about this?
Well, first of all, let's put it this way.
So if the Taliban started shelling a hospital and their excuse was to United, there were some Marines in the city, that's why we shelled a hospital.
So again, it's just a completely backwards.
When they do something horrible, it's because they're horrible.
When we do something horrible, it's because they're horrible.
because we're awesome.
I would love to hear what Sam Harris has to say.
I'm sure there's a reason why we did this, and I'm sure Sam Harris can also find a reason that this shows that the Taliban and Muslims are even worse than us.
Well, it's because when we do it, it's not because of Christianity, but when they do it, it's because they're crazy religious people.
And I always say if we discovered there was oil in Salt Lake City and we bombed it for 30 years straight, there'd be a lot of Mormon terrorists.
*music*
Hey, maybe you're like me.
Maybe you have a beard and you want to shave it, and you're tired of going to the drugstore and having to call an employee over to open the box and spend a million dollars on a couple of razors.
So I have a solution for you.
Guess what?
Guess what I've been doing?
So I've been getting my razors through the mail through this company called Harry's, right?
Harry's.com.
And they're going to send you.
So I was already on board using Harry's stuff, and then they decided to be an advertiser, which is fantastic for several reasons.
A, I already use the product and it's great.
And they send you a starter kit, which includes, you know, they give you shaving cream, they give you aftershave.
They give you the razor.
They give you three blades.
They give you a travel thing if you have to travel with your blades.
They really take care of you.
And that's a $15 starter kit.
Comes with a razor, a couple of blades, comes with some shaving cream, some aftershave.
That's $15.
Guess what?
If you go to Harry's.com and you use the promo code Jimmy, so go to Harry's.com, use the promo code Jimmy, and you're going to get $5 off your starter kit.
So instead of $15 for the three razors and the other three blades and the razor and the shaving, you're going to, it's going to be $10.
Shipping is free.
And so that's the, by the way, that's the only way I've been getting the razors through the mail for a long time now, at least most of this year.
And it's the only way to go.
It shows up.
That's such a headache.
Anyway, so I'm excited that Harry's is advertising also because they have a social conscience.
They give 1% of their time, their employees, and 1% of their money profits to helping people.
They support lots of charities that help people bridge the opportunity gap.
So that's another great reason to buy from Harry's if you're going to buy razors.
So this is what I'm asking you to do.
Go to Harry's.com, and Harry's is going to give you $5 off if you type in my code Jimmy with your first purchase.
That's Harry's, H-A-R-R-Y-S.com and enter coupon code Jimmy at checkout for $5 off the starter set.
And you start shaving smarter today.
Welcome back to the Jimmy Door show.
We got a lot coming up in the second half.
We got phone calls from Mike from St. Louis calls in later.
Bernie Sanders is going to call in in this half hour.
And we're going to give you our take on the debates, the debate that happened the other night, what we think Bernie Sanders needs to do and say, and who we really thought won the debate and all that good stuff is coming up.
But right now, here's a word from our miserable liberal, Steph Zamorano.
Yes, I watched the Democratic debate along with 15 million other people.
I guess the entire event was planned by Ms. Debbie Wasserman Schultz, chair of the DNC.
Wow.
Way to go, Deb.
What a collection of dullards, huh?
But I'm getting ahead of myself, aren't I?
Let us begin with Cheryl Crowe.
I like Cheryl Crow.
I have nothing against Cheryl Crowe, but with all the talent we have in the United States, the Democratic Party decided to go with Cheryl Crow.
I'm sure glad the Democrats committed to their theme of more white people on stage, please.
I mean, they could have gone with Christina Aguilera.
She's got white hair too.
Except she's Ecuadoran, I guess, too ethnic.
Seriously, why not anyone else?
Maybe next time the national anthem will be played by a band of mariachis and really freak out the conservatives.
Now, I was relieved by the civility and cordiality each Democrat running for president demonstrated.
Sure, Lincoln Chafee is a nice dude.
Just impromptu public speaking may not be his thing.
I have a long history of working with the situation of black Americans.
Must be one of the standout quotes by Jim Webb that night.
Another nice white dude.
And then we have Martin O'Malley, another nice white dude running for president.
All pretty vanilla.
I know.
I know we have a president who is half black and white.
So shut up already, right?
Okay.
Bernie Sanders did a great job getting his message out.
They all felt the burn.
And former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton stood her ground in a fabulous Capish pantsuit.
I loved the color and the cut of the suit.
It worked.
And yes, I know it sounds sexist bringing this up, but we were all thinking it.
In the meantime, I still can't wait until the next Democratic white people debate.
Happy, belated Indigenous Peoples Day, everybody.
Hey, Senator Sanders, it's Jimmy Dore.
Hello, Jimmy Doer.
Hope you were doing well.
Let's try to do this phone call in an expedient and efficient manner.
I'm sure you have more important things to do than those I do.
Okay, Senator, what did you think about the debate?
I thought it went well.
I thought I was able to communicate my points to the American people, and I thought I won.
And the fact that the media said Hillary won is a bunch of horseshit, to be perfectly frank.
You know, I have to agree with you, sir.
What do you think about the performances of the other candidates on the stage last night?
Everyone has their Achilles' heels.
You got Martin O'Malley.
He's going to be torn to bits by the Black Lives Matter crew.
If you mark my words, being mayor of Baltimore, it's not exactly a laurel wreath to those people.
Plus, it doesn't help that his name sounds like a cop bar in Milwaukee.
Come on down to Martin O'Malley's, where the N-word flows like Jameson's.
Not that I have it much easier with the African-American community, considering I remind every black person in America of their landlord.
Never mind the fact that I actually marched for civil rights in the 60s.
I could have jumped in front of James O'Reilly's board, and these people would still look at me and think, do I owe this motherfucker rent or something?
And then you got Lincoln Chafee hopping around political parties like Frogger.
Did you see him defend that horrible vote he made in Congress by saying it was the first day?
It was my first day in Congress.
I was confused as it's combobulated.
So what, you six-foot-tall Yankee candle?
Oh, it was my first day of grade school.
I was confused.
I didn't know what my classroom was.
Okay, but it still doesn't explain why you took a dump in the middle of the playground.
Not a justification.
And then you got Jim Webb.
Well, yeah, what did you think of Senator Webb?
I don't know.
He's there, I suppose.
He was in the Vietnam War.
He's got that Vietnamese wife of his.
Tell me that's not some kind of fetish.
Anyway, whatever.
Let's move on to the main course.
Senator Clinton.
No, Ferdinand Cooper's smart eyeglasses.
Of course, I mean Hillary.
What did you think of her debate performance?
Well, Jimmy, of course, she was neoliberalizing all over the fucking place, as would be expected.
I mean, sure, climate change, gay rights.
She's got her head screwed on right with those.
But she exposed her Achilles heel so violently, it was like she was playing hacky sack.
Which is the banks, Jimmy, the big banks.
She stood by the decision to eradicate the protections afforded by Glass Steakle and then had the audacity to stand by her record of Wall Street amicability.
Did you hear what she said?
Yeah, yeah, I did.
I went down there to Wall Street and told them to cut that out.
Are you fucking kidding me?
You tried to stave off the greatest economic crisis in our lifetime by visiting a pack of sociopaths and behaving like the exact scolding school mom that you have paid publicists millions of dollars to help you not look like.
That would be like Jim Webb saying he tried to get more funding for veterans' benefits by smoking out of a corn cob pipe and picking his teeth with a reed.
You gotta be tennis over here.
Wow.
Yeah, an off this nice guy.
I beat her caboosh in that debate.
And when it comes to the primaries, I'm gonna wipe the floor with one of her dumb pensuits.
Well, some say you have an Achilles heel yourself there, Senator.
Oh, yeah, what would that be?
Aren't you opposed to gun stores being held responsible when they sell guns to someone who shoots someone?
Of course I'm opposed to that.
I'm from a rural state.
What does that have to do with anything?
It's a different kind of gun ownership.
We've got our owners up here where we are, Jimmy.
Look, these people are hunters and such.
It's different in L.A. where you live.
If you had been at the Carmy store last night instead of Flappers, you could have been iced yourself.
I can see why you'd be paranoid and irrational about the subject.
Well, overall, level-headed up here.
Okay, well, listen, I appreciate you taking time to talk with us about Senator Sanders.
Great job at the debate last night, and we'll check in with you again next week.
Okay, I look forward to it.
In the meantime, forget my number and that you ever talked to me.
All right, Senator.
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send him an email at mackhelp at seanjames.com and he'll fix your computer right over the internet like he did for me today.
So the debate on Tuesday, they actually debated policy issues with intelligence and substance without immature name-calling.
And the Republicans called it a disgrace to our political process.
I couldn't believe, first of all, Hillary made a strong case.
She let us know she wasn't liberal on marijuana still.
She's still not, and she still doesn't understand that Edward Snowden did a good thing for America.
She's still, she's still, I mean, it was really she.
Well, Bernie, Bernie didn't even go all the way with Edward Snowden, though, either.
No, no, no.
I mean, well, it's one thing to say, hey, he should come home.
Maybe he should go to jail for a year or two or whatever.
Yeah, he broke a law or whatever, but he also did a great good.
And my analogy was that, you know, it should be wrong and illegal to push an old lady down on the street, no matter when you do it.
Except if a bus is coming at her, right?
And that's kind of what Edward Snowden did.
Good analogy.
Did you go to analogy school?
That was good.
I'm sure I heard someone else make that before me.
I just remembered it.
All right, community college.
Easy.
Thank you.
Anyway, so Hillary said that Edward Snowden should come home, get a fair trial, and be found guilty and executed.
I guess that's what she meant because that's what they would do to him.
That's why he's in Russia.
That's why, Daddy, did you see what they did to Bradley Manning?
They tortured him for a year straight, literally tortured him.
We're in the business of torturing people now.
Do you understand that?
And in that, nobody gets prosecuted for war crimes or torturing.
Do you understand that's what they revealed?
And that's why he's not here.
It's unbelievable.
We're in the torture business, and business is booming.
Yes.
He's in the same country as Gerard Depardieu.
Imagine what a nightmare that is.
I'm just going to go right with my favorite moment of the evening, which was when Lincoln Chafee was asked.
Now, Lincoln Chafee, first of all, on the debate stage, there was only of the five candidates, only one of them was a Democrat their whole life.
Running for the president, Democratic, right?
So there was Jim Webb, ex-Republican, Lincoln Chafee, just a few years ago, Republican.
Hillary Clinton worked for Goldwater.
And Bernie Sanders has never been a Democrat.
And that leaves Martin O'Malley.
He's the one guy who was a Democrat.
Talk about a big tent.
Four out of five people running weren't even Democrats.
That's a big tent.
Here's Lincoln Chafee getting my favorite question of the evening.
Governor Chaffee, you've attacked Secretary Clinton for being too close to Wall Street banks.
In 1999, you voted for the very bill that made banks bigger.
The Glass Sea was my very first vote.
I just arrived.
My dad had died in office.
I was appointed to the office.
It was my very first time.
I had a pink eye.
That is so awkward.
That ingrown toenail really got to me, and I didn't know what to do next.
And so I said, yes.
Whatever you guys want.
I just allowed for the banks to crash our financial system because it was my very first vote.
I'd never done it before.
I didn't.
I didn't realize it was a real vote.
I thought that they were hazing me.
That's relatable, right, guys?
You know what it's like, first term senator.
Peer pressure.
How is everybody else voting?
Was he a senator?
I think it was his first time in the Senate, right?
But it was a Senate or Congress.
Senate, Senate.
Senate.
Yeah, Senator.
Where was he?
His dad died and he was appointed to a seat.
Right.
In what state?
In Rhode Island.
He actually, and then when he was elected, he won by a landslide.
All 10 residents voted.
It's a small state, you see.
Wait, was he a Republican at the time?
Yes, he was.
And he's the only Republican to vote against the Iraq war.
And props to him for that.
Well, and he got, didn't he get he got but he got thrown out of office, didn't he?
No, well, I think he by the law, but then he was elected governor after that.
Okay.
Okay, ready?
So here we go.
Here we go.
The glass sequel is my very first vote.
I just arrived.
My dad had died in office.
I was appointed to the office.
It was my very first.
Are you saying you didn't know what you were voting for?
I just arrived at the Senate.
I think we get some takeovers.
And that was one.
It was my very first vote.
And it was 95, 99 to 5.
It was the recording.
Let me just say.
What's that to say about you?
I'm out of guests.
I have a flat tire.
I didn't have enough money for cash there.
My dust didn't come back from the cleaner.
An old friend came in from out of town.
Someone stole my car.
There was an earthquake.
A drive of flood.
Rocket!
It was my ball!
I cried!
I cried!
That's immediately what I thought of, right?
What is that?
What is that first?
Best job Belusi from the Blues Brothers.
My son was at the cleaners.
I got a flat fire.
My governor had a gas.
There was a flood.
I thought I got him out of the live ball.
That's exactly what he sounded like.
It was unbelievable.
This guy.
He wants to be president.
This guy wants to be president.
This guy.
The glass sequel was my very first vote.
I just arrived.
My dad had died in office.
I was appointed to the office.
It was my very first.
Are you saying you didn't know what you were voting for?
I think we get some takeovers.
That was one.
It was my very first vote.
And it was 95, 99 to 5.
It was the recording.
Let me just say.
What do you got to say about you that you're casting a vote for something you weren't really sure about?
I think you're being a little rough.
I just arrived at the NBC with the mayor of my city.
My dad had died.
He'd been appointed by the governor.
It was the first vote.
And it was 90 to 5 because it was a conference report.
But let me just say about income inequality.
We've had a lot of talk about.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, my God.
It was 9 to 5.
It was a lot of people voting for it, all right?
Okay.
It was so quiet in there you could hear him bombing.
It was, that was.
Well, he could have easily just said, well, you know, I thought it was a good idea at the time, and now I know I made a mistake.
Right.
It's a very easy thing to answer.
And by the way, take responsibility for your shit.
How about that?
Yeah.
I mean, and why, and why didn't they just come back at him and go, so why didn't you abstain?
If you didn't understand what you're voting for, why didn't you just abstain?
And he could have said, you know, my judgment got better.
And then a few years later, I voted against the Iraq war.
Right.
Yes.
I actually did a very, I trolled Chris Hayes last night.
What?
Because Chris Hayes said, am I the only one wondering?
I can't be the only one wondering about Lincoln Chaffee, you know, of how, oh, how awful Lincoln Chafee is.
And then I sent him a message.
Trump dominates your show.
You run his speeches unedited, and yet you're wondering about Lincoln Chafee.
Fuck you.
Good for you.
And I was actually surprised that it got, I got like a big kind of a lot of people like favorited it, you know, because I think a lot of people agreed with that.
So my point is that, you know, Lincoln Chafee is not, you know, he was actually, I don't know if you heard tonight, he was rushed to the hospital with a charisma deficiency.
But, you know, but I, but people like him, we shouldn't completely berate them just because they're really bad on TV.
Donald Trump is really good on TV.
You know, that's not necessarily a sign of moral character.
So I watched the debate, and everybody I watched it with was pretty sure that Bernie Sanders had won the debate.
Did you have a debate, Party?
I did snack.
I was covering it for the Young Turks online.
Here's what, here's, I was watching Chris Matthews, and this is what he said.
Well, you know, I've had this debate.
There are some who have come in and said Hillary won.
A lot of people, all the producers, by the way, and all the guests tonight, basically with Robert Costa sort of hedging it from the post, say Hillary won.
Everybody.
So all the guests and all the producers on Chris Matthews' show, except for one guy who was hedging, said that Hillary won.
So that's basically what everybody said on every mainstream news show was that Hillary won.
Hillary won.
Hillary won.
Okay.
What do you mean by Bernie Sanders?
Like we win in Iraq or what?
Bernie Sanders.
Bernie Sanders won 68% in the MSNBC.com poll.
Sure.
Bernie Sanders won 55% in the Daily Cost Poll.
Bernie Sanders won 54% in the Time.com poll.
And Bernie Sanders overwhelmingly won the CNN's own Facebook poll.
Not that you'd know it from what the pundits were saying on CNN itself.
CNN's own freaking focus group said that Bernie Sanders won.
And Fusion's focus group said that Bernie Sanders won.
And Fox News's focus group said that Bernie Sanders won.
But if you turn on the news on TV, what they say is.
You know, I've had this debate.
There are some who've come in and said Hillary won.
A lot of people, all the producers, by the way, and all the guests tonight, basically with Robert Costa sort of hedging it from the post, say Hillary won.
Okay.
Except that voters don't think that everybody inside the Beltway who works for network news thinks that Hillary won.
Right.
Anybody else thinks that Bernie Sanders won?
I happen to believe Hillary won.
Okay, hold on.
Give me the on YouTube.
Yeah.
Fine where she says, I represent Wall Street.
Got it.
Okay.
Well, the reason why they say that Hillary won is because their goals are completely, their standard for winning that debate was completely different.
They were looking for her to stay to win on a net in the general.
That's what they were looking at.
They weren't even looking at the primary debate.
They were looking at like this, did she hold her centrist position for the general?
Well, they're just assuming she did.
The thing is, is part of why the media thinks she won is because she did do very well, and it went against their previous narrative about her, which is that she was in huge trouble and that her Campaign was teetering,
and that Joe Biden had better get in because Hillary is totally screwed, and she's screwing the Democratic Party because her campaign is in the toilet, and it was a completely fictional, made-up narrative by the media.
And this debate, where 15 million people saw her be the opposite of what the media portrayed her as, can only be interpreted, even it can only be interpreted as a win for her.
And you can still say Bernie won the debate because Bernie did great as well, but it was a huge win for Hillary Clinton.
But the point is that she won against herself.
Yes.
She won against expectations going in.
So he gets this question about being a capitalist.
And I'm just going to give, here's the question.
You don't consider yourself a capitalist, though.
Do I consider myself part of the casino capitalist process by which so few have so much and so many have so little, by which Wall Street greed and recklessness wreck this economy?
No, I don't.
I believe in a society where all people do well, not just a handful of billionaires.
Okay, so he.
Damn, he was also asked two weeks ago or last week on Chuck Todd.
Are you a capitalist?
And he said no.
And so I understand he's trying to be brutally honest and he doesn't want to run from the term democratic socialist.
But what he needs to say is thus.
He needs to say, what I call myself as a democratic socialist, we're all democratic socialists here, by the way.
Do you believe in social security?
Do you believe in Medicare or fire departments or a military or roads and bridges or libraries or public education?
Then you're a socialist, a democratic socialist, just like me.
Right now, the capitalistic economy we have is rigged in favor of the 1%.
What I want to do as a democratic socialist is take our capitalist economy and rig it so it's in favor of the workers.
And that's what I mean about being a democratic socialist.
And he doesn't say that.
He keeps saying things that people can't put their finger on and they can't really put their, they understand he's angry, but what it sounds to most people, I think, this is my fear, I could be wrong, is that when most people hear him say stuff like that or admit to being a democratic socialist or say he's not a capitalist, what they fear is that he's a Marxist or something worse and that he's going to make and he's going to make everybody equally poor.
Because that's the rap against people like that.
It's like they're not going to make anybody rich.
They're going to make everybody equally poor.
I agree.
That would have been a great thing for him to say, but he didn't say it because his father just died.
No, but seriously, though, when Joe, when Bernie Sanders' father died, that's why he voted against the emancipation property.
He's an old man.
I think you're right, but I think that Bernie Sanders' agenda, this is another instance where agendas are coming into play.
And I think Bernie Sanders' agenda at this moment in time is to try to get the really false moral patina off the word capitalism.
Because that's really what he's fighting against is this constant assumption that has grown up since the Reagan era that capitalism is by its nature necessarily moral and it's not.
Well, so people make the false assumption that capitalism equals democracy.
That's what they think capitalism equals, because we're going to go to Iraq and we're going to bring McDonald's and Kentucky Fried Chicken and Exxon and we're going to teach them about democracy and liberty.
No, that's capitalism.
They've got a lot of capitalism, by the way, in China.
A lot of cap, but they don't have a lot of freedom, democracy, or liberty.
A lot of cap, but they don't have a lot of freedom.
you So on the phone, we have Mike from St. Louis who just lost to Mike Cubs from Chicago.
Hi, Mike.
How are you doing?
Did you call me to gloat, huh?
Yeah, listen.
You're from Chicago, right?
Yeah, it's a much better city than St. Louis.
What?
What did you fucking say?
It's a great city.
Listen, what do you think of Chicago?
The city of assholes.
Why do you...
Yeah.
Chicago, city of assholes.
Okay.
All right.
Listen, I wanted to ask you about what's going on with Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton.
They're coming out for gun control.
And what do you think about that?
Well, you know, I mean, it's just clearly not going to work.
Why?
You know, whatever they, hey, Hey, you and I both know there's a lot more to that hilarious Mike from St. Louis phone call, but to hear it, you got to get the premium.
And how do I get the premium?
You go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You click on join premium, and it's $5 a month.
Does it get any jets less than a cup of coffee?
And then that gives you access.
So if you pay for the whole year up front, if you pay for the whole year up front, we give you a free month.
So isn't that nice?
So pay for the whole year up front.
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And by the way, so we've got a ton of more stuff to say about the debates and what happened and the media's coverage and the winners and the losers and what they should have said.
And so we've got a lot more of that that we just don't have time to get to in a one-hour podcast, especially if since I didn't, anyway, so how do you hear all that?
You get the premium content.
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Okay.
October 22nd, I'm doing a show in Burbank, California.
It's going to be a fun show.
A lot of my friends will be on it.
And so come on out.
I'm going to give you free tickets to come see it.
It's next Thursday.
That's October 22nd.
It's an 8 p.m. show at Flappers in Burbank.
And if you've ever been to Flappers, it's a great place.
Send me an email at jimmydoor at earthlink.net and I'll put you on my guest list.
And if you can't make it to an email, send me a phone, give me a phone message, 323-375-4170.
Go ahead and call 323-375-4170.
That's the Jimmy Dore Show hotline, and we'll put you on the list for that show.
It's next Thursday, October 22nd at Burbank, the Flappers in Burbank.
We'll see you there.
Guess what?
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Mike McRae, Frank Connett, Mark Van Landuitt, Steph Zamarano, Robert Yasamura, and Michael Schurtzer.
All the voices today perform by the one and the only, the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
Okay, that's it for this week.
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