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Sept. 25, 2015 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:01:32
20150925_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_9-25-15
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I'll see everybody in Cincinnati at the Go Bananas Comedy Club, October 1 through 4.
Link for tickets over at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show!
The Jimmy Dore Show!
Hello, Governor.
I'm a governor.
Governor Perry?
Who is this?
It's Jimmy Dore.
What month is it?
It's September, buddy.
Holy fuck, man.
Are you all right, Governor?
Jimmy.
Okay.
Sorry.
I've been on like a two-week coke jag.
Jesus Christ, where am I?
I don't know.
Where are you?
It's a motel room.
I'm going to go ahead and say it's Key West.
There's a dude in the corner.
Hey.
Hey, Amigo, are you still alive?
He's alive, so it's cool.
I can talk.
Governor, I was hoping to get your take on Scott Walker dropping out of the race.
He did?
Good.
I fucking hate that guy, man.
You do?
Yeah, man.
He's a friggin weirdo, man.
He's like a dead fish, flat affect, goddamn pedophile feeling motherfucker.
Wow.
I didn't realize he bothered you that much.
Oh, man, he creeps me out.
Like, I shook his hand once, and it was like holding a dead guy's dick.
It was all cold and spongy.
Just gross.
So why do you think he dropped out of the race?
At this stage, Jimmy, it's all about money.
If Dick Hand dropped out of the race, it's because he couldn't raise the dead presidents.
What happened to all his Koch brothers' money?
Oh, man.
You remember that audition they had back in July with Cruz and Jeb and all those assholes?
Yeah.
Word is they took one look at Scotty boy and they were like, no.
They were like, we're going to back someone who has a pulse, maybe.
But it wasn't his positions.
What positions?
That guy will say anything you want him to say if you supply him with, I don't know, the life energy of children, I guess.
So what do you think about the leaders so far?
Who's leading?
Well, the latest Iowa poll puts Trump, Carson, and Fiorina in the lead.
Holy shit.
What's wrong with America?
Hannibal Lecter wasn't available.
So you don't like those guys?
They're all goddamn socio-ass, Jimmy.
That's a pretty harsh assessment, Governor.
Jimmy, think about this.
Carly Fiorina, who may or may not have a dick.
But you didn't hear it from me.
Jesus, Governor, you can't say stuff like that.
I'm just telling you what I've heard about, Mr. Sister, okay?
Well, don't.
Don't tell me.
So this lady pretty much bankrupts Hewlett Packard.
So then she's like, oh, now I deserve to be the most powerful person on the planet.
Tell me that is not the thinking of a total Jeffrey Dahmer type.
And what about Trump?
Oh, seriously, how much did that guy's father not give him love?
Being the biggest attention whore on the planet doesn't mean you should be president.
It means you should maybe get into some Asian religions or something.
Maybe take a yoga class or Pilates or whatever.
So who do you think the next person to drop out of the race is going to be?
Oh, Ben Carson, most definitely.
What?
He's running second right now.
He must be flush with cash.
Yeah, but it's going to come out that he's got dead hookers buried in that basement of his or something like that.
Because that guy gets off on having the power of life and death over people.
You can tell.
Like his whole doctor thing, that isn't about helping people, man.
That guy definitely gets off on watching the lights go out in some poor drifters' eyes.
He probably makes a skin suit out of them and dancing around in the moonlight or some crazy shit like that, man.
I don't know.
So you don't think it will be one of the super low-profile candidates like George Pataki?
Who?
George Pataki, the former governor of New York.
You knew he was running, didn't you?
Is that who that was?
Oh, shit.
I thought that was the head weight or something.
Damn it.
I tipped him like 10 bucks and he didn't say anything.
Oh, man, I feel like a total douche.
Hold on, Jimbo.
What?
It's hacked on right now with you.
I swear to God, it's Hank Dori's email with you.
I'm going to tell Fulkie and he's going to stick our dogs on you.
Jimmy, I got to hang up.
The Columbians are here, and I got to deal with this shit.
Okay, okay, Rick.
Hey Walnita, how about you don't threaten me like a bitch, okay?
*laughter*
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
minded, lowly-livered lefties.
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to T. And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore!
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I'm joined on the phone.
You know him, you love him from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's TV's Frank Frank Connoff.
Hi, Frank.
Hello there.
Yay, good to hear you.
Good to hear you on the Skype.
Also in the studio with me, you know him, you love him from Team Yasamura, our resident Japanese man.
It's Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert.
Ohio.
Also, next to him, our resident Latina, it's Steph Zamarano, the author of The Miserable Liberal.
Hi, Steph.
Hola, Jimmy.
I'm still here.
Yes.
Donald Trump has not deported you yet.
You are still here.
Across the glass running the board, Hilarious Community.
Michael Schurzer.
Hey, Michael.
Hey, Shalom.
Shalom.
Let's get to the jokes.
Before we get to the joke, you know, the Pope is here.
And by the way, the Pope is Catholic.
But if we don't do something about climate change, a beer won't shit in the woods anymore.
Hey, remember the name Scott Walker, everybody, because it could win you a lot of money one day when it becomes a difficult final jeopardy answer.
That's right.
I got to say, dropping out of the race is a smart move for Scott Walker.
I think he'll do much better in the next GOP debate.
You know, that debate was good for Carly Fiorina.
She's gaining ground.
Polls show that she's gaining ground with gullible rubes.
But Trump supports staying strong with racist shitheads.
And after her success at the GOP debate, Carly Fiorina is hoping to expand her base by lying about a host of other issues.
You know, a lot of people, we all saw that anti-Muslim questioner at the Donald Trump rally last Friday.
No, that wasn't.
I thought it was Mike McRae doing a character.
But a lot of people were saying that anti-Muslim questioner was a plant.
There was a plant.
Somebody planted him to act to...
Yeah, you know, Mark Halperin is a big proponent of that theory, that the guy was a plant.
He finds it implausible that Trump is really an anti-Muslim racist.
When someone gives you a free helicopter ride, you're going to cut them a lot of slack.
Did you see that Donald Trump did a hashtag Ask Trump?
And here's a couple of my favorites at Frank Conifast.
He asked, hashtag Ask Trump, if you could be any tree that you'd bulldoze to build a shitty condo building, what kind of tree would you be?
Frank also tweeted, hashtag ask Trump, you say the Bible is your favorite book.
Do you have any other favorite books you've never read?
You know, it's weird that Ben Carson is a brilliant brain surgeon and Richard Dawkins is a brilliant biologist, yet they're both dumb shits.
I don't know if you saw what Richard Dawkins was tweeting about the 14-year-old Muhammad Ahmed, Muhammad kid, who made the clock.
Everybody, so that's what he was tweeting about.
Anyway, did you know Republicans don't think Obama's Christian?
Weird, the Pope does, but what does he know?
Okay, what's coming up on today's show?
We're going to take a look at liberation theology and what it means.
Who's for it?
Who's against it?
The answer just may surprise you, or will it?
Who's supporting the Pope in America?
Who's against the Pope in America?
Those answers won't surprise you, or will they?
Plus, is the Pope really being too political?
Shep Smith lets us know.
Donald Trump goes into the lion's den with Chuck Todd.
Comes out without a scratch on him.
Amazing.
We're going to check that out.
Plus, Ben Carson, he's not for religious tests unless you're a Muslim.
Then he's for a standardized test.
Also, we take a look at some of the crazy religious beliefs of our former president, George W. Bush.
Chris Matthews turns their Trump coverage into a positive.
How does he do that?
I don't know.
Plus, a lot, lot more.
We got phone calls today.
Oh, Brian Williams is back on MSNBC.
We're going to check that out.
Plus, we got phone calls today from Jeb Bush.
Pope Francis calls in Rick Perry.
Plus a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
*Mario plays*
The first three centuries of Christianity are hallmarked by radical pacifists, right?
They were radical, which is why they persecuted Jesus, right?
Jesus was a symbol of the poor, and that's why they killed him.
So in the 4th century, the Christian church was taken over by the Roman Empire, Constantine.
And so from there it is.
I saw that.
They turned the church.
They turned the church from people who stood up for the poor and were pacifists, and they turned them into their persecutors, turned into a church of the rich and the powerful.
And the cross went from being a symbol of suffering of the poor to a symbol of the shield of the forces of the Roman Empire.
And it's been that way ever since.
The rich, the persecutors, the privileged, the powerful.
And Pope John XXIII tried to reverse all that with Vatican II and bring back what they call now liberation theology.
And the people, the American corporatists did not like liberation theology.
They didn't like Vatican II.
It was right after that that we...
It was right after that that we backed the overt the military overthrow in Brazil.
Gutiart had successfully reestablished his presidency in Brazil.
And he had basic reforms which aimed at socializing the profits of large companies towards ensuring a better quality of life for most Brazilians.
He was labeled a socialist threat by the military and the right-wing sectors of the society, which organized major demonstrations against the government.
The coup was backed by the United States.
So the military overthrows this guy who's planning on nationalizing the energy companies and helping the people.
It's like this liberation theology was taking over there.
Well, so the United States says, we got to stop that right now.
Familiar story.
Familiar story.
Talk to us.
His slogan was feel the bird.
Remember, we talked about Smedley Butler, General.
Smedley Butler, the most decorated Marine who wrote the book War is a Racket.
He's told us all about stuff like this.
So we overthrow him.
And the coup subjected Brazil to a military regime, which was aligned with the interests of the United States government and that lasted until 1985.
So they had a democratically elected guy.
We overthrow him.
It's all that got to do with this liberation.
And that started a wave of right-wing takeovers in South America that made its way up into the 80s into Central America when they snuffed out the Jesuits, right?
They went in American-backed Salvadorian death squads.
A lot of nuns got killed.
Went in and literally massacred Jesuit priests because they were, for 10 years, they were trying to find a ceasefire.
They were trying to find peace because they saw how much the war was hurting the poor people.
And so they kept trying to find peace.
And the military leaders thought that they were in the way.
Right.
So that was the end.
They tried to snuff out the liberation theology.
That was pretty much the death knell of it.
Well, guess what?
So that, by the way, that was America backed those.
They trained those guys.
It's called the School of the Americas.
School of the Americas.
That's what it's called.
The John F. Kennedy School of the Americas at North Carolina.
In a lot of instances in South America, not only did we train those guys, our CIA actively participated in disappearing thousands of people.
Yes, but we're much better than all the terrorists.
Spooks on the ground.
We're much better than all the terrorists.
We're much better than they are because anyway, we have a lot of money.
Anyway, so within two years of that coup, in accord with the concessions promised to the United States government for its financial support of the overthrow in Brazil.
Foreign companies gained control of about half of Brazilians' industry.
Foreign companies gained control of half of Brazil's industry.
And by 1971, of the 19 of Brazil's 27 largest companies that were not state-owned, 14 were foreign-owned.
So within two, that is amazing, right?
I'm getting a lot of this information available readily on the internet.
Chomsky is the one who made me aware of this because he always likes to talk about how we love to laud the Eastern Europe.
That's when the Berlin Wall fell.
And then a week after that, in El Salvador, they went and they killed all those priests.
And nobody ever talks about those guys.
Nobody ever quotes those guys who are sticking up for the poor.
So here's an interesting little side note to that.
So that was liberation theology.
And then the United States backed the opposite of it, which was militaristic corporatism, which is what we're living under now.
And they killed a bunch of people.
They overthrew governments.
They killed priests.
They killed nuns.
This is all with the backing of the United States.
So this all happened.
And you don't hear about this because we did it.
Right.
So we don't ever talk about this stuff in America, right?
But we're much better.
We're much better than everyone else.
We're the good guys.
So here's an interesting part.
This is all coming around to the Pope's visit.
But interesting to this little story, that the President Guillard, right, who was overthrown, he was democratically elected.
He was a liberation guy.
He was going to help the poor.
The friction between the military and Guillard boiled over.
They sent a bunch of Navy guys went to protest bad conditions in the Navy.
But when they got there, they also supported his reforms, Guillard's reforms.
So the Minister of the Navy ordered the arrest of those sailors that were leading, right, that assembly.
And then they sent a detachment of Marines to arrest the leaders and break up the assembly.
Those Marines ended up joining the assembly and remained with the other sailors.
And that's what I say.
They go, people, like I was on Jay Moore's show earlier this year, who's a great guy, by the way.
He loves Jimmy Doerr's book, and I could not love Jay Moore or more.
And he said to me, what is a cop supposed to do at Occupy Wall Street?
A lot of people have said that.
And wouldn't it be nice if when they went out there to crack their heads and then they sat down and protested with them and said, no, we realize this is ridiculous.
We're a union.
I'm in a union.
I understand that we have to band together against a man and that I'm not going to take orders from Wall Street to crack the heads of my citizens who are petitioning for a fair.
That's because it happened.
It happened back in 64 in Brazil.
Isn't that great?
It's phenomenal.
So that's just so when people say, well, what should they do?
What should the cops do when they go, they could always, you know, just like what they told Oliver North during the Iran-Contra hearings, when you're given an illegal order, it is your duty to ignore it.
And to me, when someone tells you to break the Constitution and violate the rights of peaceful protesters fighting against tyranny and injustice in your own country, I think it's probably more constitutional to support those protesters and their right of free speech and their right to redress their government for grievances than it is to crack their heads in a brutal fashion.
So it turns out that 63% of Catholics in America have a big favorable view of the Pope, right?
So the Pope is a liberation theology guy.
He's a Jesuit.
Yeah, he's a Jesuit, right?
So he's all about that.
But he wasn't for 20 years.
He was on the wrong side.
So when he was in Argentina, he squelched the liberation theology people.
And he did it with such an authoritarian hand that he got suspended and sent in exile for a couple years.
And when he came back, he was a different guy.
And then he was this liberation guy.
And then he cared about, he saw, he always cared for the poor, but that was it.
He didn't see the big picture of like, oh, this is a system.
Right.
That this system isn't, there's an inequities built in.
And this is all.
So now he gets it.
Now he gets it.
Yeah.
So that's why they can't stand him, right?
So that's why if you, well, who doesn't like him?
People like this.
I hope I'm not going to get castigated for saying this by my priest back home, but I don't get economic policy from my bishops or my cardinals or from my pope.
I don't get economic policy from my priest or my pope.
He didn't even get his name, Jeb, from his mother, okay?
By the way, doesn't he have a doctorate in like chemistry or something like that?
He has a master's in chemistry.
I love that Jeb Jeb just said that Americans should, America should not be a multicultural society, but added that politicians should be craving opportunists who will say anything to get elected.
It's also weird that Jeb would do the Americans should not be multicultural society because it's coming from a guy who speaks Spanish, is married to a Mexican immigrant and has lived off his parents' trust fund financed by Saudi investment firms.
The fact is that his infallibility is on religious matters, not on political ones.
You were playing Chris Christie just now.
Yeah, and he didn't like that he, that the Pope participated in the coup against Colonel Sanders.
Well, Christie just said his infallibility is on religious matters.
Yes, and Jesus made it clear that poverty is not a religious matter.
That's coming from Chris Christie, the walking embodiment of the seven deadly sins.
I mean, these are, and these are guys who are happy to say, like, well, my religion informs me on public policy in terms of abortion.
Yeah.
Right?
So they're, I mean, they're, of course, more lie.
More lie.
You know, 53% of Catholics say the church is in touch with their needs and approve of its direction.
And the other 47% say the church is in touch with their children and disapprove of its erection.
Who are the people who don't like him?
Here's a person who doesn't like the Pope.
Marianne Hackett, president of Catholic Citizens of Illinois, does not share Fleming's enthusiasm.
Are you uncomfortable with this Pope?
Yes.
It's sort of like anxious, not knowing exactly what he's going to do next.
I mean, he might stop hating someone new.
And then where will I be?
Who will I have left to hate or marginalize or feel better than or spiritually superior than?
I mean, if I can't hate the gays and the immigrants, what am I supposed to do?
I just am very worried about behavior coming from a celibate man who walks around in a dress.
I'm fascinated by these Catholics because it's not like this Pope has said like abortion's okay.
He hasn't said that he's still like maintaining all that dogma, but he's just saying like maybe you shouldn't make that what you're Catholic about.
Like that shouldn't be the center of your Catholicism.
And there are all these people who clearly that was the center of their like that's and none of them are stopping going, hey, wait a second.
maybe we shouldn't.
Like, we were spending a lot of time just hating on gays.
Yes.
And we could have been feeding poor people.
And they're just like, wait, you can't.
Well, here comes one of those guys, actually.
So here's one of these traditional Catholic.
Here is a guy on Chris Hayes.
Listen, he is almost frighteningly popular.
This is a guy who doesn't like him, right?
So this is a guy, he writes for The Week.
His name is Michael Doherty, and he doesn't like the Pope because he's a conservative.
Listen, he is almost frighteningly popular, especially for a man who's throwing thunderbolts at the entire system of Western capitalism and the oppressors across the entire globe.
I like how this guy dismisses all the actual concerns of what the Pope has been laying out.
He's throwing thunder about all of capitalism, all the oppression.
Oh my God, this guy with the oppression.
I think he mistook him for Zeus.
I think so.
Many of whom he's meeting.
I mean, technically, he's meeting people on the tarmac that have tremendous power, and he's popular because of his critique of power.
But on the day-to-day...
These things are not allowed to coexist among each other.
Those two things.
You can't have the two.
Come on.
You can't hold two thoughts at the same time.
Running of the church, yes.
I mean, some Catholics like myself are looking at a synod on the family coming up in Rome in October and are worried about, you know, the fate of the faith.
So they're having a synod.
I never heard that term.
I don't know what that is.
That's another way of putting it, but it's a symposium.
I never heard that term.
But this guy's up on it.
He's super Catholic, man.
He's like Mel Gibson Catholic, this guy.
He's so Catholic, he doesn't support the Pope.
That's how Catholic he is.
He does, oh, that's awesome stuff.
That's become, yeah, that's awesome.
I'm so Catholic, I don't support the Pope.
So here he is.
He's upset that the Pope at this new synod might stop hating gays, right?
People like myself are looking at a synod on the family coming up in Rome in October and are worried about, you know, the fate of the faith afterward, if there's going to be some kind of compromise on doctrines around marriage or, you know, we worry about the effect of the annulment reform.
Is this sort of Catholic no-fault divorce being snuck past us?
So he's upset about other people being able to get divorced and he's upset about other people being able to get married.
People who aren't him and people have nothing to do with him.
So he wants to deny gay people to write.
So he uses all coded language.
We're worried about what he's going to do with the family.
We're worried if he's going to have compromises around marriage, meaning if he's going to let gay people get married, but you know that's so gross, you won't even say it in public anymore.
That's how gross you know it is.
You won't even say it.
And then he brings up this thing about annulment and he's on with one of the Kennedys, Carrie Kennedy, who is the president of the Robert F. Kennedy Human Rights Foundation.
And here's what she says.
You see, that is why he's popular, because the American Catholics, Catholics across the globe say, well, why are we so, so tough on people who are trying to get Catholics who are trying to get divorced, who may be in relationships that are completely inappropriate, where a woman is being beaten up and she can't get an annulment, and she can't get remarried and she can't leave her husband.
That just makes no sense.
And I think he's heard that.
It was nice to see someone say, a woman say that to a guy's face right on television and he just had to sit there and take it.
Yes, he did.
She's like, a woman's being beaten by her husband.
You don't want her to be able to get out of that marriage and get remarried.
What's wrong with you?
And he just has to sit there and take it because he's backwards.
He's overly religious.
And I don't know what it is about you.
He's so Catholic, he doesn't support the Pope.
Can you imagine being too Catholic for the Pope?
He's too Catholic for the Pope.
So the Pope went to the White House and he gave a speech.
And here's the first, first of all, he speaks way slower in English than I ever imagined.
And here's what he said.
He says he's from a son from an immigrant family.
As the son of an immigrant family, I'm happy to be a guest in this country, which was largely built by such families.
So he says, as an immigrant, I'm glad to be in this country again.
It's nice to hear Andy Kaufman is back.
It was nice.
Father Guido Sarducci is, so he said it's because this country was built by families just like this, immigrants.
And everybody applauds, right?
And then he says this.
I'm fine with encouraging that you are proposing an initiative for reducing air pollution.
Thank you.
He said he finds it encouraging that he's reducing.
He said in the audience, it seems clear to me also that climate change is a problem.
We can no longer be left to a future generation.
So he speaks really slowly, right?
Sounds like he's using Google Translate.
It does sound like that, right?
So he just said, congrats on trying to stop pollution and climate change is something.
It's too late.
We can't wait to work on this anymore.
So a lot of people are upset.
You know, a lot of conservatives are upset at the Pope and Fox News.
And Shep Smith, Shep Smith, straightens them out.
I don't know.
I think we're in a weird place in the world when following things are considered political.
Five things.
I'm going to tick them off.
These are the five things that Ron is in our president's agenda.
Caring for the marginalized and the poor.
That's not political.
Advancing economic opportunity for all.
Political?
Serving as good stewards of the environment.
Protecting religious minorities and promoting religious freedom globally.
Welcoming and immigrating, I should say, integrating immigrants and refugees globally.
And that political.
I mean, I don't know what we expect to hear from an organization's leader like the Pope of the Catholic Church other than protect those who need help, bring in refugees who have no place because of war and violence, terrorism.
These seem like universal truths that we should be good to others who have less than we do, that we should give shelter to those who don't have it.
I think these were the teachings in the Bible of Jesus.
They're the words of the Pope.
They're the feelings of the president.
And people who find themselves on the other side, that message, should consult a mirror, it seems like, because I think that's what we're supposed to do as a people, whether whatever your religion.
I mean, it seems to me, and I think to probably, as I would put it most clearly, thinking America is that's how we're supposed to roll.
I love when Shep Smith goes off the reservation.
It is one of my all-time favorite things.
And I assume it's always because he misses the morning meeting.
He must have missed a meeting this morning.
I'm worried what he said was so out of line with Fox News philosophy that he'll never get on Morning Joe.
So I think they put Shep Smith on there just to remind their audience of how subversive and dangerous gays are.
Am I wrong about that?
I'm wrong.
Hey, Jimmy, how do I help support your show without spending any money out of my own pocket?
Well, a great way to do that is the next time you buy something from Amazon.com Is to use our Amazon link over at jimmydoorcomedy.com.
It doesn't cost you anything, and it doesn't change the way you shop at Amazon.
But when you buy something, they send us money.
We don't encourage, we don't encourage anyone to shop at Amazon.
But if you're going to shop on Amazon, we say, let's have some of that money go to a good cause, like the Jimmy Dore show.
So thanks, everybody who thinks about the Jimmy Door show when they buy something from Amazon.com and uses our Amazon.com link at jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Now let's get back to the second half of the show.
We got a phone call from the Pope coming up.
We got a phone call from the Pope coming up.
Hey, welcome back to the Jimmy Door Show.
I'm joined in the studio by Frank Connoff from Mystery Science Theater 3000, hilarious comedian Robert Yasamura, also Steph Zamarano and Michael Schurzer.
And we've got a lot coming up in the second half.
We're going to take a look at how horrible Chuck Dodd did with his interview trying to nail down Donald Trump, what that means.
And also we have a lot more coming up.
Plus, Brian Williams is back on MSNBC.
But right now, I got a phone call from the Pope.
So let's get to our phone call from the Pope.
Hey, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Hello?
Hello.
Hey.
Hello.
Yes, hello.
Who is this?
You're on the Jimmy Door show.
Jimmy?
Yes.
Yes, this is Jimmy Door.
Who is this?
He said the Pope, Pope Francis.
Oh, Pope Francis, how are you, Your Holiness?
Bueno, bueno.
Or should I say, very good.
Yes, yes.
You've been working on your English, as we all saw today.
Very impressive.
Yes.
I know I want to come to America and get in trouble from Sarah Palin.
Oh, yes, Sarah Palin, uh-huh.
Yeah, you don't want to get a little joke.
Speak American.
Ah, very funny, Your Holiness.
Listen, listen, how has your stay been so far?
Oh, I love to be visiting your beautiful country and his beautiful people and Carls Jr.
Well, that's great to hear.
And still working on my English.
Many words I not know right away.
You know.
Yeah, of course.
Well, well, you're doing great.
Don't worry.
I can't imagine learning a new language at 78.
Yes, it is a challenge.
So, what are you up to later?
Well, Jimmy, I will be doing the thing.
Yeah, what thing is that?
The thing where I make the people eat God.
What?
What?
Eat God.
You make people eat God?
See?
Oh, communion.
You mean giving communion?
See, yes, I give a communion.
My English is not so good.
Yeah, yeah, no, no, no.
We understand.
And then I take prayers from the people who pray for family who is dead.
Yeah, right.
And they trapped.
That what trapped.
Are you saying trapped?
See?
Because they were not too bad, but not too good.
I don't know.
Hmm?
What?
So, so we play them out.
Oh, you're talking about limbo.
See, yes, limbo, limbo.
Oh, okay, limbo.
Okay.
We pray.
Right, right.
And then later after this, I go talk to the poor people and, you know, wash some feet, maybe.
Yeah.
Yeah, boy, you really like the poor people.
Oh, yes.
I am the Pope of the poor.
Blessed are them and their feet.
And when I talk to the people in the Congress, I will say to take care of them.
Yes, yes.
You know, I agree that a country as wealthy as ours should be able to help the poor and the working poor much better than we currently are.
Congress should indeed hear that.
You know, however, it seems to me that the Catholic Church could be doing a better job of that as well.
You know what I mean?
example, by advocating reproductive rights for women in extremely impoverished countries that are predominantly Catholic, and also I I know what you are to say.
We have, how you say so much gold and treasure and costumes.
You mean the unparalleled and ostentatious wealth of the Roman Catholic Church?
CC, yes, the unparalleled and ostentatious wealth of the Roman Catholic Church.
My English is not so good.
You know, I forget these words.
Right, yes, that listen, it seems to me some of that stuff could be liquidated and help out quite a few folks, no?
Many people say these things, yes, but the truth is not so easy, you know.
How so?
You see, many parishes and then dioceses are not having much money now because of the satanic rituals, you know, of the priests with the bambino pleasures that make Jesus weep and God angry.
The no-no, no, with the silk and incense and the Spongebob of square pants.
You mean the Catholic Church child sex Abuse scandal.
Is that what you mean?
CC yes, the Catholic Church sells sex abuse scandal.
in the main English.
You know what I'm saying?
Right, you're English.
So you're saying all those lawsuits have put a dent in the Vatican's bottom line?
Yes, see, we have we don't have the money for the polls that the people think we do.
Yeah, well, listen, Your Holiness, I hope you can get your house in order.
Well, as long as the quarterly earnings reports for the blue cheaper corporations in which the Vatican is heavily invested remain more or less positive, we can assume a pattern of sustained long-term income growth that will comfortably offset fiscal losses from these sorts of legal setbacks and keep our monetary fund dissolved.
Oh, okay.
Okay, well, thanks for bringing your ancient and unspeakable perfidities to our shores.
I don't know these words, you know.
I don't know.
I know, Pope.
Okay.
Okay, Popeye.
I appreciate it.
Thanks.
I leave it there, blessings.
Okay, blessings.
Yay.
All right.
The Jimmy Dora show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
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Headliners Ian Edwards and Theo Vaughan, it's October 9th.
Go to MalibuPlayhouse.org to get your tickets.
So we all heard what happened at the Donald Trump.
Should I play it?
About the guy asking the Muslim question.
Yes, definitely play that.
We have a problem in his country.
It's called Muslims.
We know our current president is one.
You know, he's not even an American.
We need this.
But anyway, we have.
So Donald Trump realizes it's an outrageous question because he says, come on, this is the first quiz.
So he already knows.
He knows he heard that question.
He knows that he heard what the guy said.
And he's actually already kind of making fun of how over the top this question is.
Except I didn't notice it the first time I listened or saw the video, but after he says, we know our president is one, Donald Trump says, right.
Yes.
He says, right.
Okay, let's listen.
Here we go.
I'll start it again.
Let's start from the top.
Here we go.
We have a problem in his country.
It's called Muslims.
We know our current president is one.
Mike from St. Louis is.
It's so weird that Mike from St. Louis, right?
Is one.
You know, he's not.
Right.
He says, right.
He says, right.
He agrees with.
Of course he does.
He's the guy who chased Barack Obama around.
He's talking about that.
For four years, asking for his law informed birth.
Not only does he not dispute that obviously.
He agrees with it.
Yeah.
Yes.
Not even an American.
We need this.
But anyway, we have training camps growing where they want to kill us.
That's my question.
When can we get rid of it?
We're going to be looking at a lot of different things.
And, you know, a lot of people are saying that, and a lot of people are saying that bad things are happening out there.
We're going to be looking at that and plenty of other things.
Man, Alex Jones can make you believe a lot of things, especially that a statement is a question.
Yes.
Now, the sad thing is that MSNBC was covering that live, right?
Because they cover everything Donald Trump does live.
Because if there's one thing Phil Griffin knows, it's what a bunch of progressive liberals want to watch.
After that, I think they were going to Hitler speeches.
This is really what they think people want to see at MSNBC.
Now, watch, here comes Tweety Chris Hardball.
He's going to pretend like that's a good thing that they covered Trump from the moment he walks out of his house in the morning until the moment that he's not.
Yeah, so they've covered Donald Trump's appearances uninterrupted from start to finish.
And here he comes to brag about the Donald Trump Muslim Question moment appearing on his network live.
So here's going to browse.
Here he goes, watch.
He said, we picked up this pearl.
Ready?
We picked up this pearl tonight to what Donald Trump said to a questter.
His first question, which he said, he glad he got that question at his town hall up in New Hampshire.
Let's watch Trump.
I'm so glad we went live with him because you saw him live.
Everybody else is now going to get it picked up a little late, but we got him live.
Let's watch.
Yeah, see, if you troll the gutter long enough, like MSNBC is doing, you're bound to find a nickel every once in a while.
Nice to know that airing live video of Donald Trump encouraging genocide is considered a pearl.
A pearl.
It's like showing 40 minutes of a Trump speech and you get that one little sound bite out of it, that that makes it all worthwhile.
Why can't you just have your reporter cover it and they can call you and say you can't believe what just has happened?
Yeah.
Just said something.
Check out the tape and then you can break in on that.
But the idea that in order to do that, in order to serve the public, you have to show his entire speeches.
It's just Chris Matthews justifying something that he knows is a shoddy journalistic practice.
Frank.
Are you saying, if it wasn't, Frank, I disagree.
If it wasn't for the brave investigative journalism of Chris Matthews, the world had no way of finding out that Donald Trump is a race-baiting demagogue.
What?
My theory is that the interns quit because they just wouldn't edit the footage.
They're like, we're not going to watch this whole thing.
Our eyes will bleed.
You know, Michael, it isn't every day you can give your media platform over to a presidential candidate spewing bullshit xenophobia.
And yet Chris Matthews and MSNBC manage to do it every single day.
And they are just as responsible for they are just as culpable for the Trump phenomenon as Trump is.
If I wanted to see a racist, misogynistic jerk ranting and raving for hours on end, I would turn on Morning Joe.
Yeah.
Chris Matthews proves you can cast pearls before swine.
And you know, just as the media helped the Iraq war happen, I think the media in this case is going to help Donald Trump get the nomination of the Republican.
Oh, no doubt about it.
Listen to Chris Harbaugh brags that he's giving them uninterrupted free air time at an hour at a clip on MSNBC.
He's bragging.
Listen.
Just keep it up.
It's got feedback.
We picked up this pearl tonight to what Donald Trump said to a questter.
His first question, which he said, he glad he got that question at his town hall up in New Hampshire.
Let's watch Trump.
I'm so glad we went live with him because you saw him live.
Everybody else is now going to get it picked up a little late, but we got him live.
Yes, so what Chris Matthews is saying, if only other people would get off their asses and slap Donald Trump rallies on their shows live, we would finally enter the new golden age of TV journalism.
Thank God.
Thank God because, you know, I like to have my outrage in real time and not delayed.
Yes.
Yeah, we're going to get...
Chris Matthews is aware that MSNBC has been criticized for this.
Yeah, he knows.
He was just sort of called out on it by Bill Maher when he had Bill Maher on his show a few days before this.
And so there has been chatter about it.
So this is Chris Matthews saying, hey, wait a minute.
No, this isn't an awful journalistic practice.
We're actually doing the public a service by showing Trump speeches uninterrupted because we got this little pearl that otherwise we would have had to have shown like maybe two minutes later.
Hey, we're going to give Donald Trump billions of dollars of free airtime.
Knock, knock, Mr. Matthews.
Here's your pullet, sir.
Basically, MSNBC has become the de facto producer of the spin-off of The Apprentice.
And now The Apprentice has less budget.
That's basically all.
Isn't it amazing, too, that of all of the news networks, the only one that Trump has a problem with is Fox.
He actually argued with Fox all the time.
He's banning them.
He won't go on them.
He's incredibly pissed off at them.
And meanwhile, I don't know if you saw him on Colbert last night, another incredibly disappointing segment, but he talked about Chuck Todd and said, oh, yeah, I called him a moron before, but I like him now.
I think he's a really good guy.
So these journalists don't seem to realize that when Trump praises you, it means you're a fucking horrible journalist.
So here is speaking of Chuck Todd.
So after that happened, the first journalist to get an interview with him was Chuck Todd.
Right?
So, and by the way, and Donald Trump called in to meet the press.
He didn't actually drive down the street and go into the studio.
He just called in.
So Meet the Press is so desperate for Trump airtime that they're taking phoners.
Yes, and by the way, also Face the Nation and George Stephanopoulos do it too.
And before Trump, Sunday shows never did this.
They never did phone or interviews.
A phoner.
A phone interview.
Come on.
Shouldn't we all be worried when Chris Wallace is the guy that weighs in and says, I'm not going to do phoners, Trump.
It's that in the Trump coverage, and I'm not saying the Fox News is great.
You know, they're horrible, but they are the best at covering Trump of anybody.
How ironic.
How ironic, right?
So pretty soon the MEC is going to put Trump's tweets in their news crawl.
They are, yeah.
They already do that.
If that was a joke, they already do that.
So here comes, that was a joke.
They already do that.
So here comes Donald Trump, and watch Chuck Todd is just going to go right at him.
Watch Chuck Todd.
So watch Chuck Todd go right at him.
Ready?
In responding to this controversy about the questionnaire at your town hall in New Hampshire, you tweeted out that you're not morally obligated to correct anybody who criticizes the president.
And I think you're right about that.
So let's just stop right there.
His question to him about that Muslim incident where he encouraged genocide, said the president was a Muslim.
Chuck starts off that interview with Donald Trump, the world's most famous and loudest birther, by telling him that he's morally correct.
What?
He just, I'll play it for you again.
Listen.
In responding to this controversy about the questionnaire at your town hall in New Hampshire, you tweeted out that you're not morally obligated to correct anybody who criticizes the president.
And I think you're right about that.
Did you hear what he just said, Robert?
He just said, he just told Donald Trump that he has the moral high ground against the people who are upset with him over this.
Chuck Todd.
Chuck Todd just told him.
A mob of people should come and murder you in your sleep.
Chuck Todd, instead of holding Donald Trump's feet to the fire, gives him a foot massage.
Exactly.
And it's also, I mean, he's saying something that's completely ridiculous because, in other words, if a president or if anybody, like, for instance, if Nixon in Watergate, like, if you were a politician or a presidential candidate, you were under no moral obligation to have an opinion about that or to say anything about that.
I mean, it's utterly ridiculous.
And also, what's even worse is that Chuck Todd, the purpose of that is for Chuck Todd to put Donald Trump at ease and tell him right off the bat, I am not confronting you.
Yes.
This is not a contentious interview.
I'm asking you something that you might be uncomfortable with answering, but I'm your friend.
And I already this is going to be okay.
So I'm going to give you cover.
I'm going to give you cover and please, please, please let me continue to have access to you.
Yes, let me.
So I'm going to let you off the hook at the top of this interview.
I'm going to completely let you off the hook by saying that you are moral.
You are more moral than your detractors.
You have the moral high ground here.
I'm not kidding.
He literally, you heard him.
It still doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
Chuck Todd doesn't matter what Donald Trump says.
Chuck Todd wants to be his friend so desperately.
Yeah, and he is.
Trump loves him now.
Yes.
You know, he'll be on his show as much as he wants.
And Chuck Todd, especially, it's meaningful to him because he has a show on every night now on MSNBC.
So he's in good shape with Trump.
Well, here's how the interview started.
My first guest, Donald Trump, who joins me now by phone.
Mr. Trump, welcome back to Meet the Press.
Good morning, Chuck.
I'm liking you more and more all the time.
Okay, there you go.
Yeah.
And Chuck Todd is not embarrassed by that.
Not embarrassed at all.
He should be mortified when he says.
And when Trump says that, he should say, well, don't like me because I'm about to interview you and you shouldn't like it.
I don't know if you know this, but they're changing the title of the show, Meet the Press, to Meet Your Friend.
Meet Your Friends.
Yes.
So here he's got Ben Carson on.
This is the big Muslim mourning over at Meet the Press.
And here we go.
Should a president's faith matter?
Should your faith matter to voters?
I guess it depends on what that faith is.
If it's inconsistent with the values and principles of America, then of course it should matter.
But if it fits within the realm of America and consistent with the Constitution, no problem.
So do you believe that Islam is consistent with the Constitution?
No, I don't.
I do not.
I would not advocate that we put a Muslim in charge of this nation.
I absolutely would not agree with that.
Okay, that's a black guy who's learned a lot from discrimination and marginalizing minority groups.
He's learned a lot.
He then went on after he did that.
He then went on to have his biggest fundraising day ever.
Yes, he did.
Ever.
So then he tried to.
So here he is clearing up what he said.
Ready?
So here he is.
So just see how many times you can count the contradictions in this.
Ben Carson's going to contradict himself so many times.
It wouldn't surprise me if he votes for a party that tries to stop him from voting.
Okay, here we go.
What about somebody who is of a faith that does not traditionally separate church and state, that traditionally has a theocracy that traditionally treats women in ways different than we do?
I see what's talking about.
He really shouldn't talk about Christianity like that.
What is he talking about Christianity like that for?
Wow.
He says they don't treat women as good as we do.
Sure, we pay them less, but we let them drive and almost let them make all their own medical decisions.
Almost.
We'd like to take some of the big ones away from them and give it to the government.
We'd like to put a man from the government in between a woman's doctor and herself because she's not smart enough to make her own decisions.
Islamic countries also persecute people after prison turns them gay.
Yes, that's right.
That's right.
If you don't want them to be gay, why would you send him to prison?
They're just going to turn him into be gay, Ben.
Here we go.
Treats gays in different ways.
They treat gays in different ways.
Ben's upset that certain religions don't treat women as good as Christianity.
They don't treat gays as good as Christianity.
Oh, you mean like they don't let them get married or something?
And they don't separate.
And he has a great grasp of what's a horrible atrocity in the world because he has said that Obamacare is as bad as slavery.
Slavery.
He did say that.
So just keep counting the con, so it sounds like he's projecting, right?
When they say you point a finger at someone, you have three pointing back at you.
If there's anybody who wants the marriage of church and state, it's Ben Carson and the rest of his crazy right-wingers.
They've been rallying to have church and state connected for a long time.
In fact, they all talk about how, well, he's going to say it.
We do.
Subjugates other religions.
Obviously.
So he's upset that Islam subjugates other religions.
He's literally subjugating another religion right now by saying it's not as good as ours.
That's why this religion isn't as good as ours, and that's why he can't be president.
So all the things he's claiming that Islam does, he's literally in the process of doing himself.
That would not be something that would be consistent with American values and our Constitution.
There's no question that our Constitution and our traditions have a Judeo-Christian base.
So he just said, we have a Judeo-Christian base, but if you, if you're, if your religion doesn't believe in the separation of church and state, then it's not a good religion.
He just bragged about that we don't have a separation of church and state.
He just bragged about it.
It's almost as if he's contradicting.
It's almost as if.
I like the way that the Republican Party at this point is just they're not even trying to put up the facade of internal logic anymore.
Yes.
They're just like, if you feel it, say it.
Hey, we don't like them.
We don't like Muslims and whatever thing comes out of my mouth, it doesn't matter.
I was surprised he was going to say, I don't like Muslims because they're named Ben Carson.
He was like one second away from saying that.
Oh, whoopsie-daisy, I'm letting the cat out of the bag there.
I'm actually, it's my self-hatred.
Anyway, I love how he says traditionally.
Their religion traditionally treats women differently, traditionally treats gays differently, traditionally subjugates other religions.
To conservatives, that sounds like a good traditional American value.
Ben Carson is standing for the Republican tradition of having batshit insane presidential candidates.
You know, Ben Carson just keeps reminding me of the borat of politics.
Yes.
Yeah, I heard that also he, you know, he's so boring and he's so low-key.
I heard that Cosby used him as a wingman.
You know, Ben Carson doesn't believe in evolution or the Big Bang theory.
The upside-down Republican world has a neurosurgeon that doesn't believe in evolution, and they also have a rocket scientist who doesn't believe in gravity.
Yeah.
Ben Carson and Donald Trump and Carly Fiorina are, this is all the chickens coming home to roost in the Republican Party because the Republican Party basically fostered a constituency that doesn't listen, that basically like hears what they want to hear.
So they hear the keywords that they want to hear.
They hear the feelings they want to hear, and that's it.
They don't care about logic.
They're not listening for the logic.
They're not listening for what the consequences of these positions might be.
They're just listening for their feelings being reflected.
And by the way, everybody is getting what they deserve.
Fox News is getting what it deserves.
The Koch brothers are getting what they deserve.
The entire Republican Party created this problem, and now they're getting what they deserve.
Yeah, and did you see that tape that was around the internet this week that was from C-SPAN of Ronald Reagan and George Herbert Walker Bush debating in 1980 and arguing over which one of them was more compassionate towards immigrants?
I did not see that.
Yeah, that'll give you an idea of how much things have changed.
Yeah.
You know, there's that, I don't know if you've seen that collection, Crazy Shit Neurosurgeons Say.
But Ben Carson said that anti-gay bakers might poison gay wedding cakes if forced to make them.
Wow.
That's Carson who doesn't believe in the separation of church and cake.
He also said that protesting police violence helps ISIS and al-Qaeda.
Which proves that anyone who votes for Ben Carson should have their head examined.
By Ben Carson.
By Ben Carson.
Well, obviously, at some point, he is a brilliant brain surgeon.
He was actually able to perform a lobotomy on himself, which is pretty amazing.
Well, it's funny that the Republicans always give lip service to the Constitution, the Constitution, the Constitution, founding fathers.
And they obviously haven't read it because if they did, they would notice Article 6, which says no religious tests shall ever be required as qualification to any office or public trust in the United States.
Yes.
So you know Brian Williams is back on MSNBC.
Quite a demotion.
I think he only gets half of his $10 million.
Seriously, what's the difference between $5 million and $10 million?
Oh, boy.
So if you have $5 million on you, you're like, boy, if I just had another $5 million, then I could get those gym shoes I wanted.
What is it?
Oh, if I could just get that extra $5 million, I could buy that car.
I mean, I just don't understand what else you need in your life.
But anyway, he's back on.
And you know, the old promo that they were running for, you know, Michael Douglas used to be the voice of NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams.
And now they ran that right before he got caught lying.
They did this whole thing about his trust.
Well, anyway, we recorded a new one.
So he's back.
And Michael Douglas called in and we recorded a new promo for Brian Williams and his new gig on MSNBC.
That's coming up in the premium content this week.
That plus a lot of other stuff happening in the premium content.
And how do you get the premium?
It's only $5 a month.
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And if you've already donated and you haven't gotten your premium code, your passcodes, send me an email at my old timey email, jimmydoor at earthlink.net, and we'll set you right up.
And everybody, the response has been overwhelming for Politicon.
So you can stop sending me emails about coming to Politicon.
So yeah, this overwhelming response.
So we actually are really appreciative to everybody who wants to come to Politicon.
Wow, that should be a fun show.
That's October 9th and 10th.
We're doing a live Jimmy Door show on the 10th.
That's at the LA Convention Center.
It's called Politicon.
We've told you about it.
You know about it.
We'll see you there.
And we'll see everybody in Cincinnati October 1 through 4 at GoBananas.
Links for tickets over at jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Mark Van Landuit, Mike McRae, Frank Conniff, Robert Iyasa Mura, Michael Schertzer, and Steph Samurano.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only, the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
That's it for this week.
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