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Sept. 11, 2015 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:02:13
20150911_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_9-11-15
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program, the Jimmy Dore Show.
Next week will be the second Republican presidential debate.
On the stage will be the top GOP candidates.
With the current cast, it's like a wacky sitcom called Hate is Enough.
Lots of people will be watching Jeb Exclamation, real name John Bush, to see if he can say something to pull his numbers up.
Jeb is considered the smartest of the Bush brothers, George, Neil, Marvin, Pierce, Skippy, Bottle Cap, and Alfalfa.
Jeb Bush is proof that the Bush family truly believes in no child left behind.
The other favorite of big money donors is Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, who proves $80 million can't buy you charisma.
Every time this empty dullard opens his mouth, his billionaire donators hear their money being flushed on the toilet.
Rounding out the parade of personality disorders is Ted Cruz, who looks like a cross between Joseph McCarthy and Charlie McCarthy.
Then there's neurosurgeon Ben Carson with his bizarre positions on healthcare, homosexuality, and judicial law.
He's been gaining popular support from social conservatives, but strangely, no support from neurosurgeons.
Considered a moderate, Ohio Governor John Kasich will be there to tell you he's just a humble working-class boy who made millions working for Lehman Brothers screwing over his own state.
From Mike Huckabee, expect tedious tributes to Kim Davis, the pious Christian county clerk of Kentucky, you know, the thrice divorced woman who's denying marriages to same-sex couples because she feels a need to guard the institution of marriage.
That's like paying Bristol Palin to talk about abstinence or George Zimmerman about neighborhood safety or Paul Wolfowitz about foreign policy.
Hang on, are you starting to see a pattern here with Republicans?
This time around, former CEO of Hewlett-Packard, Carly Fierina, may be on the debate stage.
Her main qualification for Republicans is she's fired more people than Donald Trump.
And with Trump getting all the airtime, nobody notices the elephant in the room with type 2000 diabetes.
Of course, Chris Christie.
Chris Christie was the Republicans' one-time bully du jour, but now his numbers are falling faster than his insulin levels after a chocolate marshmallow waffle boat.
The main interest, of course, is Donald Trump.
GOP voters don't appear to have tired watching him bluster, bluff, and BS his way through policy questions.
At this debate, viewers will get to see what group of people Trump calls rapists and then adds, quote, that group loves me.
Republicans are excited about the prospect of putting up a wall across Mexico, but not fixing our crumbling infrastructure and education system.
This is all part of the Republican new tactic of reaching out to Latino voters and then grabbing them and deporting them.
GOP voters praise Donald Trump for his tough talk on immigration because Donald Trump knows all about the problem of anchor babies.
Just ask his anchor wives.
The Republican hysteria about immigration is puzzling since recent net immigration is at 0%.
Zero.
You know, zero is always something that animates Republicans, like Planned Parenthood having zero to do with human trafficking, Iraq having zero weapons of mass destruction.
And with this group of zeros, Republicans have zero chance of winning the White House.
White House.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
Up-minded, lowly-livered lofties.
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you guys.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore!
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I am joined in the studio by hilarious comedian, the author of the blog, The Miserable Liberal.
It's our resident Latina Steph Zamarano is with us.
Hi, Steph.
Hi, Jimmy.
I love my union.
Yes.
Yes, cross the glass from me, young comedian Michael Schurtzer is running the board.
Hi, Michael.
Hey, what's up, Jimmy?
Not much is up.
Let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes.
So this week was Labor Day.
And on Labor Day, on Labor Day, Republicans commemorate the scabs and strikebreakers who valently fought against everything Labor Day stands for.
That's painful.
You know, many GOP candidates spent Labor Day weekend in celebration of Kim Davis, a woman who won't do her fucking job.
I have a question.
If Donald Trump, if Trump is called the Donald, why isn't Cheney called the dick?
Hmm.
Nothing?
Did you hear that Donald Trump and Ted Cruz have joined forces in order to protest the Iran deal?
Yeah, and they're going to make a bio pick out of this.
Yeah.
Hollywood's getting involved, and they're going to call it the Uncredibles.
Did you hear Trump went to the U.S. Open and they booed him?
Yes.
But he said it was not a big deal.
It was a very light booing.
I've been booed by much larger and less civilized crowds than this.
There's a very light buoy.
Me and my anchor wife were able to enjoy the tennis very well.
Did you hear that?
So Kim Davis, the county clerk in Kentucky, when she came out to give a speech that a big rally for her, they played Eye of the Tiger, which is so cool that she liked it so much, she's going to play it at her next three weddings.
You know, the band is actually pretty upset about that.
Yes.
They're seeking legal action against her.
As they should.
As they should.
Whenever a Republican uses someone's music, you can guarantee they're going to ask him to stop using that music.
Yeah.
Unless it's Ted Nugent.
Right.
It's weird that they're not going with Ted's music anyway.
Yeah, why not just use Ted Nugent?
You know, he's not going to make a stink.
Couldn't afford him.
Maybe that's it.
You know, the Pope, this new Pope is something, huh?
The Pope is changing the annulment policy.
You know what annulments are?
So regular people, when they want to get out of a marriage, they get divorced.
Catholics have a thing called annulments.
And what that means is that it's all cool.
Your marriage never happened.
And God.
You wipe it off the book?
Yeah, it costs a lot of money, by the way, to get this done.
And they go, yeah, yeah, it turns out you really never had a marriage.
So it's like you were never married.
And we're going to let you out of this because you gave us a lot of money.
It's like a whiteout for marriages.
It's like whiteout for marriages.
Like, it's not a divorce.
It's like it never happened.
So it's a loophole for divorce because God finally decided 2015 it was okay.
Yeah, it's a loophole for rich donors.
It's not a loophole for poor people who don't get annulments.
That's not true.
Everyday people get annulments.
Like Brittany Spears got one.
Yeah, there you go.
So, yeah, so the Pope is changing the annulment policy in the Catholic Church, making it easier for couples to get relationship decisions approved by celibate weirdos.
And I don't know if you've been following the Hillary email scandal story.
Oh, no.
But let the Hillary email story be a lesson to all of us.
If you don't commit a crime, it will haunt you for the rest of your life.
Coming up on today's show, the president and CEO of the Hispanic Chamber of Commerce sat down with Donald Trump and he went on MSNBC to talk about it.
And we're going to talk about that.
Mike Huckabee gets taken down on Morning Joe Ball.
Yes.
Journalism breaks out, especially if you know on Morning Joe Ball.
Plus, the race for mayor of Nashville, Tennessee just got ugly.
How ugly?
It just may surprise you.
Or will it?
Plus, fact-checking is coming to CNN, and we're going to talk about it.
Yes, fact-checking is now coming to CNN.
Plus, we have phone calls today from Mike Huckabee, John Boehner, and we're going to go back to the vault for a Donald Trump phone call from 2013 because it turns out it's more relevant today than it was back then.
All that plus a lot, a lot more on today's Jimmy Dore Show.
All that plus a lot, a lot more on today's Jimmy Dore Show.
So everybody likes to make a joke and dismiss how crazy Donald Trump is by saying he's going to deport 11 million Mexicans because you could never do that.
Jorge Ramos is like, how could you do that?
What's your plan to do that?
And everybody's like, what do you do?
Round up 11 million people?
Because they would never round up millions of people.
I don't know.
Have we ever rounded up people in America before besides the Japanese?
Because we rounded up the Japanese.
We took all their stuff and we put them in prison camps just for being Japanese.
A lot of them American citizens.
Also, Michael, did you know this?
In 1929, we started a thing in America called Mexican repatriation.
Did you ever hear about that?
No, I didn't.
So yeah, it was from 1929 to 1936, coincidentally, during the Great Depression, when there was another demagogues exploiting economic insecurity in America and blaming the powerless, the Mexican immigrant.
Also, so how many did they deport?
So they rounded up people, Jimmy, and they deported people in 1929.
I mean, they didn't even have fuel injection back then.
Did they even have trucks?
How were they able to get all these people?
Well, they rounded up 2 million Mexicans and sent them back to Mexico.
Guess how many of those were citizens?
1.2 million of them.
So that happened already in this country, where they rounded up during a depression, during economic insecurity.
Political demagogues come along and exploit it and they blame the people of no money and no power who are actually doing work in your society.
And they rounded up 2 million Mexicans, 1.2 million of them who are U.S. citizens and deported them.
Is Mexican repatriation at that time just mean like encouraging moving to California or no?
It sends them to Mexico.
Oh, that's fine.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
You're ahead of me.
I was doing a joke there.
By the way, Obama has deported over 1.5 million individuals during his term.
Yes.
Yes, he has rounded up over a million himself.
He's rounded up over a million himself, but these were citizens.
1.2 million of them estimated to be actual citizens.
Right.
And then as soon as World War II started, turns out we had a labor shortage in America.
The Depression was over, and we needed workers.
What did they do?
They started importing Mexicans back into America.
The Broncaro program.
The Broncaro.
Is that how you pronounce it, Broncaro?
No, is it Bracero?
Bracero?
I think they said Bracero.
She's a resident Mexican.
She's the resident of Mexico.
I'm going to just.
So they had this program called the Bracero program where they would import Mexican workers because we were low on workers.
Well, even after we weren't low on workers anymore, they kept us going.
I'm going to guess maybe it's because, I don't know, industrialists and corporate corporatists wanted to keep exploiting cheap labor, maybe?
So they kept this going, this program of bringing Mexicans back into work here until in the mid-60s.
Guess what else happened during that time?
During another economic downturn in 1954.
Yeah, people, this show requires research.
Yes, there was in 1954, the Attorney General Herbert Bronwell utilized special tactics to deal with unsanctioned border crossing and residents in the United States by Mexicans.
What does special tactics mean?
Well, what that means is he implemented a program called, and I swear to God this is true, Operation Wetback.
Shut the front door.
Operation Wetback.
Wow.
By the way, in the 1930s, these citizens were repatriated back to Mexico.
It's such a nice term.
It feels good.
It's the same way junk on eBay is refurbished.
And then in the 50s, so in 1954, Operation Wetback.
Wow.
We had such great cultural sensitivity back in the 50s, didn't we?
PC wasn't so much of a thing.
What were the other names they passed up?
Operation Beaner Be Gone?
Operation His Panic.
Panic.
Get it?
Yeah, I got it.
Operation Bigot Boner.
How about that one?
Operation Latin?
No.
So Donald Trump.
He wants to deport 11 million immigrants and their U.S.-born children, meaning citizens.
Sounds crazy until you realize the history that we've done this before.
We've rounded up millions of Mexicans and deported them.
Oh, by the way, in 1954, they deported 1.3 million people in two years.
Wow.
Close to, you know, everybody, people bicker about the numbers, but that's a pretty good number.
So we've done this.
We've rounded up Mexicans before in this country.
So when people say that, you know, people are like, oh, I know I was one of them.
Then I dismissed Donald Trump.
Like, yeah, you're never going to round up.
That's what the line is now.
Jeb Bush just said it.
How are you going to do that?
You can't do that.
Well, guess what?
You can do that.
They did it before.
And believe me, if Donald Trump gets in power, there'll be a big push to do that again.
I guess the argument isn't, how are you going to do that?
That shouldn't be the reaction.
Right.
Right.
The reaction is, oh, yeah, how are you going to do that?
it's like if Hitler said, I'm going to kill six million Jews.
What are the details?
Yeah.
How are you going to do that?
You're not an engineer.
I just wanted to make those points.
We've done this before.
I didn't know that.
So I wanted to share that with the folks that listened to the Jimmy Dorse show.
That when I say, hey, Donald Trump is classic spouting classic fascism, right?
Demonizing strong military, all the things, misogyny, all the things he's doing, right?
Nationalism, scapegoating people for our economic problems.
So when I say that, people are like, somebody said to me, literally, somebody wrote to me and said, Donald Trump isn't smart enough to even know what fascism is, let alone implement it.
That's so funny.
You know, you don't have to be a genius to be a right-wing maniac.
You don't have to have a high IQ to be a brutal dictator.
You don't have to know what fascism is to be a fascist.
So I'm not, this isn't hyperbole.
And it's amazing that what the news media will and won't say.
They won't say Donald Trump is racist.
They won't say it blatantly.
They'll say his controversial immigration comments are controversial.
Anyway, we're going to talk more about that coming up.
Thank you.
you you you Mike Huckabee went on morning blowjob and they did the reverse cowboy on him.
Yeah, so they so Mika asks him straight out.
So Joe starts, Joe Scarborough starts making the point because this is all about Kim Davis and the clerk in Kentucky who's been married three times or divorced three times and she won't give a marriage.
But Joe Scarborough's making the point.
Well, what if someone else wouldn't give a divorce?
Because that's also against the Bible.
Jesus talked a lot more about divorce than he ever talks about gay marriage.
And that's the point he makes to Mike Huckabee.
More explicit about divorce equaling adultery.
So what would you think if a judge in Arkansas said, I'm not going to divorce these people because Jesus Christ said that divorce is an abomination and it is adultery.
You know, a judge in Chattanooga, in fact, dismissed a divorce case before him because of the Supreme Court case.
He said if the Supreme Court doesn't think.
So he doesn't answer the question.
He says, I keep trying to get Mike Huckabee to answer this question and he keeps dodging it.
This is a dodge.
So he said, what would you say if a judge in Arkansas said, I won't give you, he goes, well, there's actually a case.
Yeah, that's not what I'm asking you, Mike.
I'm asking you, what would you do about it?
What would you say about it?
Yeah, if questions were bullets, Mike Huckabee would be Neo in the Matrix right now.
Yes, yes.
I think that the people of Tennessee are smart enough to define when marriage begins and what it is.
Then obviously the Supreme Court doesn't think they're smart enough to determine when one should end.
I don't want to hear about that.
And so he's dismissed it.
Mike Huckabee on the marriage.
Why don't you?
Because that's important.
So here comes Mika Brzezinski.
And let's watch how good of a journalist she can be, how good she's going to be at holding people's feet to the fire when A, they don't get ratings.
B, already a great, big majority of Americans are on your side on this issue.
And you got him dead to right.
So let's watch all of this.
Ready?
So let's watch how good she could do it when the majority of Americans, the popular opinion is on your side and the guy your feet you're holding to fire doesn't get ratings.
Ready?
Here we go.
Asked you a question.
Would you support a clerk who would not give Kim Davis a third or a fourth marriage license?
You.
Boom.
You.
That's the question, Mike.
So she's not letting him dodge, right?
Isn't that nice to see?
I wish everybody was not a ratings getter that came on that show because maybe they would do this to everybody.
Here we go.
I'm not sure if I follow that question.
He doesn't follow it.
What?
He doesn't follow the question.
Not following the question.
You know what?
That's what it takes to be a good Christian.
Backbone, the courage of your convictions.
Which he doesn't have either of those two things.
And the ability to backpedal.
Right.
He's a coward.
He demagogues.
That's what cowards do.
They demagogue.
They don't have the courage to actually make a stand on things they actually believe in.
They try to manipulate people's opinion.
That's what he's doing.
Can I hear it?
And he can't answer a straight question.
Can I hear him say that again?
Yes, that was fun.
Watch her kind of take over.
I dismissed it.
Mike Huckabee, I don't hear you.
Because Mike Huckabee, I asked you a question.
Would you support a clerk who would not give Kim Davis a third or a fourth marriage license?
You.
I'm not sure if I follow that question.
Two plus two equals what, Mike?
I don't really know what you're saying.
I can't follow it because if I answered that honestly, it would totally undermine my argument.
Totally undermine my argument.
If I answered that honestly.
So.
I totally don't understand the question.
The question.
It's too nuanced.
Yeah, it's totally.
You used a name and circumstance.
He says, I'm sorry.
I don't think you should get married more than once or twice.
And you're asking for your third or fourth license.
You're asking me.
That's a different nature, Mika.
No, I'm not a different person.
Okay, so it's amazing how quickly he was able to follow the question after not following it.
Yes.
No, no, no.
That's a different question.
Wait a minute.
You followed it, but you didn't follow it, but now you know exactly what she meant.
And it's of a different nature.
How does that matter?
It doesn't matter.
Why don't you go ahead and just answer the question?
He won't answer it.
One second ago, he didn't follow.
Now he's categorizing it in nature.
And watch how he just devolves.
Just supporting the money.
There's a difference between a marriage between a man and a woman and a marriage between two men or a marriage between two men.
So you would support.
Let me answer your question.
I'd love it.
Okay.
What we're talking about is whether or not we can redefine marriage.
Not whether or not that a person can have more than one, because the law clearly says what people can do.
They can have a divorce.
We have laws for that.
We have laws for marriage and remarriage.
Now, as a gay person, yeah, we have laws now.
So that was Mika's chief.
Well, Mika is getting a little mouthy.
Yeah.
She is feisty.
Yeah.
Now we have laws for gay marriage.
And he says.
So if you're still in the middle of the morning.
What law is that, Mika?
Can you quote me the statute?
Can you quote me the specific...
That's the, so he keeps he when it's moving.
Yes, he keeps moving the goalposts and he keeps, he's like Jell-O trying to nail jello to a wall.
He won't take a stand biblically or legally on this.
Whenever It's convenient to twist this argument this way.
He twists it that way.
And that's what I mean.
So, Mike Huckabee, the worst of all, he's Donald Trump a much better person than Mike Huckabee because Donald Trump doesn't pretend to be irreverent and have reverence for an invisible man in the sky.
He doesn't try to manipulate you that way.
No, he likes to eat crackers.
He likes to eat crackers.
He likes to have a cracker and a little wine.
Mike Huckabee sounds like one of those sovereign citizens people.
He's like, quote the statute.
Quote the statute.
How about here's the statute?
It's called the 14th Amendment.
Equal protection under the law, you knuckleheads.
And the Supreme Court decision.
Yes.
Yes, and the Supreme Court.
The Supreme Court.
Hello.
Governor Huckabee's Jimmy Dore.
Oh, hey there, Jimmy.
How the devil are you?
Meaning, what sort of devil are you?
Just a little Lucifer citizen journalist with a few questions, Governor.
Well, I've always got time for the godless.
You never know when you're going to change a heart or a mind with the truth of the gospel.
Well, we'll see about that.
I wanted to ask you about your little jaunt up to Kentucky.
How are you doing up there?
Oh, I'm in my element, Jimmy.
Enjoying some classic southern hospitality, which I describe at length in my book: God, Guns, Grits, Gravy, Goobers, Gook Hating, Grilling Squirrels, Gold Standards, Geese, Goats, Groping, gotcha questions, and gabortion.
So you're being well treated up there then.
Well, these simple country folks know me to be one of their own.
But when one of us is fortunate to have a national platform to espouse Christian conservative values, people get excited and, I'm humbled to say, bust out their finest paper plates for the occasion.
So, what do you think about what's happening up in Rowan County?
Well, Jimmy, it's no secret that I, and many like me, think Kim Davis is a hero.
Really?
A true Rosa Parks.
Just like Rosa wouldn't let herself get pushed around by Democrats who wanted her to move to the back of the bus, Liz wouldn't let herself get pushed around by a gang of homosexuals who are trying to get her to do her job.
Uh-huh.
And for her brave stance, she paid the ultimate price.
What?
Wait, she's dead?
No, no, no.
She spent a little stunty time in jail.
How courageous.
What's next for Brave Kim?
Well, her and her amazingly supportive husband plan on taking some time to sit around in their overalls, contemplate their personal relationship with the Savior, and eat a lot of jello molds with canned fruit in them.
And after that, and much prayer, decide what her next move will be.
Next move?
Wouldn't that just be going back to her paper-pushing job that shouldn't have warranted any attention in the first place?
Goodness no, Jimmy.
She has the spotlight of righteousness on her, and that spotlight is bright.
She knows she has been chosen, like Joan of Arc, to bear the standard of Christ in the next phase of the culture wars.
Political office, commentating on Fox News.
Who knows?
Maybe even a reality show.
Only God knows for sure.
Oh, so she's going to capitalize on her newfound fame.
Wonderful.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Do you have a problem with capitalism?
No, not per se, but Jimmy, capitalism, like lights-out missionary position sex between a disinterested married couple, is a beautiful gift from God to this great nation.
And you can't have capitalism without people capitalizing on things, even in a gauche and tawdry manner.
Governor, don't you see that you people have lost this?
The gay marriage thing, it's over.
Gays can get married now.
You have to move on and find something else to be medieval about.
I mean, look at where you've been reduced to, competing with Ted Cruz to see who can rally around a disobedient clerk more.
Ah, Jimmy, that's where you're wrong.
That is the next phase of the culture war.
Really?
Low-level civil servants?
Jimmy, once other so-called low-level civil servants see the riches that are about to be piled upon Mrs. Davis by conservative or simply incredibly cynical media entities, they will be chomping at the bit to become the next caught-on-tape, foaming-at-the-mouth hillbilly gay basher.
All you have to do is, in a recalcitrant manner, prevent a gay wedding in some logistical way and make sure you are filmed, and then you are set for life.
Whether you're the guy who unlocks the church doors, the clerk who files the marriage license, the limo driver who refuses to remember how to get to the reception hall and drives around aimlessly until he runs out of gas in the middle of nowhere.
There is no end to the army of Christian soldiers who can temporarily prevent a gay union of any kind.
So that's phase two, temporary inconvenience.
Jimmy, Jesus himself said, Lo, verily I say unto thee, blessed is he who prevents the wicked from unraveling wickedness by tricks, scams, bloviating, tantrums, or just being a loud dick.
Amen.
He didn't say that in the Bible.
He said it to me in my brain.
Yeah, like the part where he specifically forbids gay marriage, I guess.
Oh, no, that's in the Bible, too.
It's implied.
He didn't explicitly mention it because there weren't gay people yet.
So gay marriage wasn't a problem yet in Jesus' time.
Even if that weren't a completely banana statement, you just said, divorce and adultery were problems back then.
Jesus challenged them vehemently, and yet no cultural conservatives want to outlaw any of that or even talk about it.
Well, that's because divorce and adultery is common in the conservative world.
And I wouldn't have any popularity whatsoever if I condemned it.
So I don't.
Did I just say that?
Can you do me a solid go back and just delete that last part?
Okay.
Okay, Governor, I appreciate you calling in.
I'm going to blame this on demons.
Okay.
I guess so at ease with you.
I say things that are honest and that I shouldn't say.
Yeah, that's the Jimmy Doer curse, right?
I lull you into his.
It is a curse.
You are of the devil.
This is, but I'm proving torture doesn't work.
This actually works better.
This is good interrogation.
I make you feel like we're actually friends.
I want to be your friend so badly.
Okay, Governor, we can't.
We look forward to talking to you.
I want to tell you all about the horseshit we're up to.
Yes, I can't wait to hear you on your next completely transparently craven political stunt in which you demonize another minority.
Okay, I'll talk to you in a few days then.
And now a quick word for our listeners in the UK.
By the time this show drops, the election for Labor Party leadership will be over.
And unless the Labor inner circles pull off a successful dirty trick, it looks like Jeremy Corbyn will be elected by overwhelming numbers.
And this has the British political establishment shitting in their trousers.
While war criminal Tony Blair cashes his checks from dictators, the Blairites in Westminster are desperate for their own survival.
It is past the proper time to purge these pro-war careerists, just like they tried to purge thousands of labor voters from potentially voting for Corbyn.
The Tory pundits are posturing that Corbyn will be the best thing to ever happen for the Conservatives.
Don't buy that bullshit.
The broadsheet buzzards that hang around Andrew Neal's hairpiece don't have a clue.
I want to give the British people more credit than the political establishment does.
If the British people choose another Oxbridge millionaire that serves the billionaire oligarchs over a man of obvious decency and integrity like Jeremy Corbyn, the UK deserves what happens to them.
If the British people choose more failed austerity policies and the continued privatization of public services, I hope you enjoy the queue at the food banks while your pensions are stolen by the London banks.
Last election, the Tories demagogued immigration in Scotland and economic uncertainty.
Now that the Conservatives are in power, have all the immigrants vanished?
Has Scotland disappeared?
Are you better off?
Will the suckers who vote because of fear and xenophobia ever wise up?
Last election, the pointless Labor Party wouldn't even make a solid stand against austerity.
At the very least, that ends with Jeremy Corbyn.
Big thanks to everybody who thinks about the Jimmy Doer show when they buy something from Amazon.com.
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It's very easy.
The next time you buy something from Amazon, swing by JimmyDoorComedy.com, click on our Amazon box on the front page.
And then when you buy something on Amazon, they send us money.
It doesn't change the way you shop and it doesn't cost anything, but it sure does help support the show.
Now let's get back to the second half.
So Javier Palomares is the president and CEO of United States Hispanic Chamber of Commerce.
Now, I understand that all the people who are members and board members of the Hispanic Chamber of Commerce are probably going to be very pro-corporate corporations, pro-business, anti-worker.
Right.
And they are.
But their Taco Tuesday is popping.
It really is.
That's funny.
And so this guy, Javier Palomares, sat down with Donald Trump.
He went and had a meeting with Donald Trump, which I thought was kind of weird.
Like, you want to go meet with Donald Trump.
Whew.
You know, that's kind of, if you're a Hispanic and you want to meet with Donald Trump, that's pretty close to being a black guy.
You're saying, I would like to meet with George Zimmerman.
I'm sure there are a lot of black guys that would like to meet with George Zimmerman.
Yeah.
I'd like to hear what George Zimmerman has to say.
Or David Duke.
I'd like to hear what David Duke's ideas are on things.
What are David Duke's ideas?
So here's what he said.
He sat down.
He sat down with Chris Hayes.
And so think about, I'm not here to critique Chris Hayes today.
This is all about the Javier Palomares.
And here's what he had to say about his meeting with Donald Trump.
No, I have to say, first and foremost, that this meeting is in no way to signal any kind of endorsement or support of Donald Trump or his views.
No, it's just because I'm a fame whore like anybody else.
I'm willing to sell out my own people for myriad reasons.
And rubbing shoulders with a super famous racist billionaire American TV star is, of course, one of them.
So, here we go.
He went on, and here's some more of why he went and met with Donald Trump.
For about three weeks or so, his team had been reaching out to mine about potentially putting together a private conversation.
Given his bombastic statements in the past, given the fact that we represent 3.2 million Hispanic-owned firms that contribute $486 billion to the economy, I felt it was important, our association felt it was important to give him at least an opportunity to explain his views in further detail.
Yeah, you know, we need to have Donald Trump come in and explain his new his views are so nuanced and murky.
It's hard to tell how he feels about Hispanics, isn't it, Steph?
I mean, does he think they're all rapists or are they all drug addicts?
I can't tell.
So I would certainly appreciate some explaining.
Yeah.
But really, Chris Hayes gets to the heart of it.
He says, so what's Trump really like in person?
Basically, basically, that's what we really want to know.
And here's what he says.
In that context, I was in New York today.
He happened to be in town today.
We met for an hour and a half.
It was actually, I was very surprised.
The Donald Trump that I met today and that I sat with today was very different from the Donald Trump.
What do you say on that meeting?
Yeah, he was very different, Michael.
For instance, he didn't even have his thugs throw me out of the meeting or anything.
And he never once wagged his finger at me and told me to go back to the Hispanic Chamber of Commerce.
So it was very different.
It was very different than the Donald I've seen.
He didn't call me names.
He didn't want to kick me out of the country.
He didn't have his thug throw me out of the room.
So yeah, it was very different.
Very different than the Donald I've seen.
This is weird, right?
But seriously, what was it like meeting the Donaldson?
The Donald Trump I sat with today was hospitable.
He was a gentleman.
He listened much more than he spoke.
He asked questions.
Yes, he asked questions like, you're Hispanic.
Have you raped anyone today?
Hey, let me ask you a question, Hispanic person.
Are you on drugs or are you trafficking drugs?
And why are you in my country?
Did he ask you those kind of questions?
Were those the kind of questions he asked you?
I'm just wondering what kind of questions he asked.
So he's got more.
He's got more.
We continue to disagree, particularly on the wall.
We agree.
So this is a guy who basically, I don't know why he met with Donald Trump.
I'm just guessing basically what I said at the top.
He's a fame whore.
He's a star banger like anybody, and he wants to rub shoulders with a real famous dude like Donald Trump, right?
Yeah, he's always dreamed of having a prime time interview, and he knows that anybody who even like folds Donald Trump's socks will get coverage.
Yeah, so he wants, yes, and now he gets to go meet with him, and now every newscase is going to have him on to talk about it.
Okay.
On this notion of mass deportation of 11 million people.
And we continue to disagree on the fact that we will not use Trump properties.
But by way of example, when he asked, would you consider using Doral after our discussion?
I said no.
And he said, because of the situation as it stands right now, I said.
Because of the situation as it's, did you hear the word, the word parsing they're doing here?
Yeah, what situation?
What is that?
He's asking, Donald Trump asks the Hispanic Chamber of Commerce president if you will consider using my hotels for your functions.
And he says, no, we won't.
And Donald Trump says, is that because of the situation as it stands?
As it stands right now?
What is that situation?
Why wouldn't you be able to describe exactly what the situation is on a news show?
You know, because the situation of, you know, you, I don't know, whipping up hatred against Hispanics, demagoguing an entire and smearing an entire race of people, calling us criminals and rapists, and I don't know, scapegoating us for all the problems of our economic insecurity when you know all the problems belong, all the blame belongs on Wall Street and to our crony capitalism, which you brag about taking place in, taking part in.
Yeah.
So that's the situation.
The situation is that Donald Trump is saying all this horrible stuff about Hispanics.
He's demonizing them, blaming them, and calling them all criminals and rapists.
That would be the situation.
I haven't seen a situation so gross since Jersey Shore.
Yes.
The situation.
You know what?
It seems to me that he would have gotten just as much airtime if he had refused to meet with Donald Trump.
Yeah.
I mean, honestly, I really think he would have garnered even more, you know, inner vision.
I agree.
Right, but then he would have had morals.
Here we go.
What are we doing there?
When he asked, would you consider using Doral after our discussion?
I said no.
And he said, because of the situation as it stands right now, I said yes.
And he said, Javier, I understand, and I respect your position.
Isn't it great that he respects his position, that he won't use the properties because he's so disrespectful to Hispanics?
But he was very respectful about me not using his hotels because he's very disrespectful.
You know how Trump's been disrespectful to Hispanics?
Well, when I called him on it, he was very respectful to me.
I think Trump was just worried that he would use the facilities without his consent.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, you're not going to use Dorothy.
He was like, you're not using Dorrell, are you?
Because we can't have.
You might use it anyways, you know, like Hispanics are want to do.
He totally respects you, Hispanic Chamber of Commerce guy.
How could you ever think otherwise?
He respects your positions.
He totally respects.
You know, that's certainly a concern with Donald.
So Chris Hayes asks him, hey, do you think you're getting rolled by Donald?
You're getting played.
You're getting rolled by Donald Trump.
And he says, You know, that's certainly a concern with Donald.
But the reality of it is, I feel that the man that I spoke to today has come to the realization, certainly his team has, that he's not going to see the White House without getting at least 50% of the Hispanic vote.
So like him or not, whether he agrees with me, whether he agrees with the views of my community, whether I agree with his views, the reality of it is nobody, Republican, Democrat, male, female, is going to see the White House without getting at least 50% of the Hispanic vote.
And I think Donald has come to that realization.
And so what he's, I guess he's saying is Donald has come to that realization, and so he better start pretending he doesn't hate Hispanics pretty fast.
Yes.
Because we all know how he really feels.
What does he say?
So Donald realizes now he needs Hispanic, so he's going to try and BS us into not what he's not going to want to build the wall.
He's going to stop that kind of rhetoric?
No, he's just going to make Mexico go havesies instead.
Go Havsies.
He's like a Dutch.
So here's the question.
Chris Hayes, God bless him.
He asked a great question.
And this is a question that I would want asked, and it got asked, and so I'm going to play it.
Here it is.
Is there an argument for a kind of social sanction of Donald Trump?
The things he's been saying have been so inflammatory.
I mean, that video yesterday was ugly.
It appeals to the ugliest instincts in people around race, around immigration, not to even meet with him.
I mean, to basically say this is out of bounds.
This is off the table of the acceptance.
Yeah.
So unfortunately, Chris, there is no social sanction in society anymore, in polite society.
You can do and say the most heinous, horrible things.
And if you're in the group, if you're part of the group, it's okay.
Donald Trump's been doing that for quite a while.
He chased the president around for four years, asking him in a very racist way, asking him for his long-form birth certificate.
And then when he did, he said he wanted to see his college records.
And then when he, so, yeah, you're allowed to be a certain people are allowed to be racist.
Other people aren't.
It's Paula Dean, not allowed to be a racist.
Donald Trump allowed.
So polite society doesn't sanction Donald Trump.
Not only that, they embrace him.
We talked about this, how the mainstream news media can't wait to sit on his lap on his helicopter like he's Santa Claus.
How they giggled about him throwing Jorge Ramos out of the press conference on MSNBC?
That's the lefty network giggled about that, by the way.
So that, no, there is no, that's a great question, Chris.
There is no social sanction.
I wish you would ask that question of mourning Joe Ball on your own network.
Hey, when Donald Trump comes out, are you guys going to keep laughing it up with him?
Is there a social sanction?
Maybe you don't have him on anymore.
Maybe you introduce him as the racist running for the GOP nomination.
I don't know what kind of social.
So Chris sees a need for social sanctions from Hispanics, but he doesn't ask that of anyone else in society.
I guess I am criticizing Chris Hayes a little bit.
A little bit.
But that's not really, it's not a criticism of Chris Hayes, but we don't ask anybody out.
All of a sudden, we can see, hey, because all the businesses cut ties with Donald Trump, so there was that social sanction, but that was more of an economic sanction because they were afraid of losing business.
Yeah.
But as soon as people aren't afraid of losing business, they can't wait to hug Donald Trump.
In fact, because Donald Trump gets ratings on television, all the news people are embracing him.
They can't wait to have him on their show.
Come on.
No social sanction for Donald Trump.
Ted Cruz is endorsing, not endorsing, but like joining up forces with him because he knows that he'll get more coverage.
He said that.
He's doing what YouTubers and Viners do, which is like cross-collaborating because he knows he'll get more views.
So here, there's a little bit more to this guy.
Whether I agree with his views or not, my view is not the issue here.
What we have done today.
So Chris asks him that question, and this is his answer.
Like, shouldn't there be a social sanction?
Shouldn't you not meet with him as a form of social sanction?
Before Donald Trump, the same courtesy that we've afforded everyone else.
So he's just saying, we are affording Donald Trump the same courtesy, everybody else.
Same opportunity that we've afforded every other candidate to include Senator Ted Cruz, to include Senator Bernie Sanders, to include Governor Martin O'Malley, to include Governor Jeb Bush.
Next month to include Governor Casey.
So see, I just pretend that there's no difference between any of them.
They're all we meet at everybody.
Everybody's the same.
We meet with everybody.
We don't match.
We don't even check to see what's wrong with them.
We meet with everybody.
Right.
Is there something that I would like to ask this?
This is the question Steph came up.
Is there something, is there anything that someone could say that would make you not meet with them?
What would be an example of that?
What could Donald Trump say that would make you not meet with him?
Is there any because he's already called you a rapist and criminals?
What else could he already blamed you for all of our economic problems in our country?
He already wants to deport you, even if you're a citizen.
What other thing could Donald Trump say that would make you not want to meet with him?
Is there anything he could say?
Maybe cunts?
He needs to explain himself and his views to the Hispanic community.
I love this idea that he needs to.
Listen, the reality of it is he needs to explain himself and his views to the Hispanic community, and my constituency deserves to hear directly from the candidates.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes, because that's why you met with him in private.
And that's why you met with him in private.
And that's why you had lunch with him, I'm sure, at one of his hotels.
And, you know, it's just Donald Trump has to explain him because people are still very confused about what.
This isn't a case of where you found a pack of cigarettes in his coat, and you need to go, hey, where'd these come from?
Is this somebody else's coat?
Are you carrying cigarettes for your friend?
This isn't a Brady Bunch episode.
We know what happened.
We know what happened.
He doesn't have to explain himself.
He's explained himself.
That's the problem.
We know exactly what he's saying.
That should be the problem.
But it's not because I'm in the Chamber of Commerce.
Donald Trump can help us make money.
It's all about making money.
And we'll overlook anything to make money.
And I mean, come on now.
Free lunch.
So, yeah.
I get an email from a listener saying they were listening to a Jimmy Door show from September of 2013.
And we did a Donald Trump phone call, and they said it seemed more relevant today than it did even back then in 2013.
I listened to it in Son of a Gun.
It does seem very relevant, and it's performed by the one and the only our good friend and hilarious comedian Ben Zalavansky performs Donald Trump, and so here we go.
Okay, hello?
Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, boom, boom, boom.
All right, shut up, hippies.
It's time for the Trump dump here on Pacific.
Donald, were you just singing?
Yeah, that's my theme song, Jimmy.
It's called Production Value.
Maybe you heard of it.
You don't have a show, Donald.
Yeah, no, I know that, Jimmy.
It's right.
It's not a show.
It's a dump.
And if there's one thing I know, it's how to produce an absolutely breathtaking dump.
All right, let's get to it.
Item one: I've been getting a lot of phone calls from some very powerful people asking me what to do because, as you know, I'm considered a major brainiac by anyone who knows I'm within earshot.
Now, I'm not going to tell you who's been calling.
Suffice it to say that this individual is so powerful, so highly placed, that he has access round the clock to a phone.
Let me put it this way: I'm like Papa Smurf, Jimmy, you know, from the Smurfs.
Uh-huh.
Remember that?
I'm like Papa Smurf.
Everybody comes to me for advice, and I look much better when I wear a hat.
But also, like Papa Smurf, if I keep telling all the other Smurfs what to do, they're never going to learn anything for themselves about how to defeat Gargamel or at least obtain a copy of his long-form birth certificate.
Donald, seriously, what are you talking about?
Item two.
I'd like to introduce a new segment here on the Trump dump.
You have segments now?
I'm going to predict celebrity participants for The Apprentice in the year 2033.
Okay, we're going to look into the future.
Now, this week, my prediction is that Taylor Lautner will be on the show.
Once the hunky star of the Twilight films, now a major D at Jerry's Deli and a fixture in the West Hollywood Rough Trade Underground.
And when at last he is chewed up and spit out by the male escort community, he'll finally be desperate enough to work with me.
That's 2033, Jimmy.
Mark your calendar.
Okay.
Donald, are you stinging out your bits?
I wasn't finished.
Donald, are you stinging out your bits?
Jimmy, listen.
If you interrupt me one more time, I'm going to have one of my security guys fly out there to LA and put a decapitated horse body in your bed.
Yeah, no, that's right.
You heard me.
You're going to get the headless body part.
The rest of the horse, Jimmy.
So I hope you have a big bed, big enough for a horse with no head.
I know, before you even ask, I know.
As for the horse head, it's going to be shipped to one of my world-class rendering plants in Bayonne for conversion to Ikea meatballs.
Okay, okay.
Next item.
I was attacked by a goblin when I was eight, and my parents refused to believe me.
But what?
That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
Item 12.
Liberals continue to go henny penny over this Newtown business.
Like that limey bastard Piers Morgan, for example.
Now, look, I have it on good authority that Piers Morgan is, in fact, a North Korean agent.
What?
That's right.
You know how I know?
No.
I heard he has trouble launching his missile.
You know what I'm saying, Jimmy?
No.
There's trouble in Whoopee Land.
What I'm trying to say with Piers Morgan.
And this guy, he's got the nerve to badmouth guns and to undermine our fabulous Second Amendment when every night he goes home and eats cold rice in a dark room like all North Koreans.
Jimmy, don't get me started on his male performance issues, okay?
He eats that rice because he can't prepare his noodles.
You're talking about Piers Morgan.
Yeah, that's right.
You're saying he's North Korean.
Yeah, that's right.
Okay.
And impotent.
Okay.
All right, now look, Jimmy, look at that.
He doesn't look North Korean, though, Donald.
What's that?
He doesn't look North Korean at all.
Well, you know, I don't see color.
I'm post-racial, Jimmy.
Even with the Chinaman.
Now, look.
You're going to like this, okay?
It's another new segment.
You claim to be a comedian, right?
Yes.
Now, you know, I'm dear friends with Jerry Seinfeld.
Did you know that?
Oh, I did not know that.
I mean, I assume so.
We're both New Yorkers, you know.
The only difference between me and Jerry Seinfeld is the stuff with his name on it is still valuable.
Now, look, anyway, so here's what I'm going to do in my new segment.
I'm going to solve America's problems using observational stand-up comedy bits, okay?
But I'm going to put my own spin on it.
I'm going to Donald up these bits, okay, like Jerry.
Are you ready?
Okay, I'm ready.
Okay, okay.
All right.
What's the art of the deal with health care?
I don't understand what you're doing.
What?
That's my book, Art of the Deal.
You didn't read that?
I didn't read it.
No.
Yeah, The Art of the Deal.
Yeah.
That's where I teach people the art of the deal.
Right.
Okay, so I'm incorporating that best-selling book, one of the greatest books ever written.
It was on the New York Times bestseller list for a record-breaking number of weeks for a book that wasn't all that good.
But now I'm incorporating that well-known book into my stand-up bits.
Okay.
So what's the art of the deal with healthcare?
Okay.
So instead of you saying, like a normal comedian would say, what's the deal?
You say, what's the art of the deal?
Yeah, that's right.
That's like your catchphrase.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
I got it.
You are funny.
So you get it.
I get it now.
Okay.
I guess you're not much of a reader.
No.
No, I'm not.
You're too busy with Mother Jones and your skateboarding magazine.
That's correct.
That's correct.
You're hippies with.
All right.
All right.
Hold on.
Let me get my notebook out here.
Okay.
I got some bits.
What's the okay?
What's the art of the deal with health care?
I think we should fix our mental health system without in any way fixing our national health care system and without raising revenues.
You guys, yeah, it's a bit.
Yes, I got it.
I'm going to put a check mark next to that one.
Okay.
I think that's solid.
I love it.
Okay.
All right, hey, Jimmy.
What's the art of the deal with school shootings?
I don't know.
What is the art of the deal?
Yeah, okay.
Oh, I could solve that problem, too.
I think we should put a lot of heavily armed men inside our schools to reduce the number of shootings.
That seems counterintuitive, right?
Because you get more guns and more violence, right?
I thought you understood comedy, Jimmy.
I don't know.
You may want to.
Where'd you get your degree in comedy?
You don't go to school.
You just.
I went to Wharton.
No big deal.
Okay.
But anyway, so you get an idea of what I'm doing here, right?
I did sit in on a few Louis Anderson comedy boot camps.
Oh, that's fabulous.
You know, Louis plays my Taj Mahal Casino in Atlantic City.
Yes.
Yeah, he's great.
Yeah, he's fantastic.
He brings in all these people with walkers.
Yes.
He's terrific.
He's terrific.
And, you know, so look, listen, comedy is what I'm trying to say.
You like it, right?
You don't.
What's the matter?
You don't like it?
I don't hear a lot of laughing in there.
You know, when I tell a joke, you're supposed to laugh.
Okay, I will, Mr. Trump.
I'm sorry.
I want to hear America laughing too, all right?
Okay.
But that's the seriously, if any of you out there, if you don't like my comedy, you come on down to Trump Tower, which I may or may not still own, and you fight your way through the several levels up to the top floor where a princess is waiting to be rescued, and there's a cache of gold coins.
All right, you lousy Italian plumbing bastards.
I dare you.
Hey, listen, he doesn't mean that, folks.
Please, up, Trump, but up dope, but Trump doop.
Item last.
Okay.
I am proud to announce my new line of Donald Trump brand marital aids.
Really?
Yeah, they're available at Sears.
Really?
In the back near the bathrooms on the second floor.
What are your marital aids?
Well, we got a special this week, Jimmy.
We got a Trump brand Mirkin.
What's that?
You know what that is?
No.
It's a pubic wig.
They used to wear those in the old days.
Yes.
Yes.
To keep your stuff warm.
You know what I'm saying?
Yes.
Right?
Yes.
I know now.
Right?
Nothing worse than cold stuff.
Nothing worse than cold.
So that's one of your marital aids.
You got a Mirkin.
Yeah, that's right.
You know, you got it's a, you know, it's a Trump brand Mirkin, is what I'm trying to say.
Yes, I got it.
You know, so if you want your unit to look like the top of my head, you go out and buy one.
Yeah, I got it.
Is that all?
Is that all your marital aids, or you have more?
Well, that's the most popular seller.
Okay.
We got a bunch of different kinds of things that, you know, you can clamp on there and stuff you can put in other places and you can strap to things.
So, you know, it goes in your various areas and around your whatnot.
But that's not that, but that's not all, Jimmy.
We got another special this week.
Trump rings.
Oh, what are Trump rings?
They're rings.
You know where you put them?
No.
Guess where you put them?
I don't.
On your finger?
Okay.
You put them around your Trump Tower.
You know what I'm saying?
I think I know what you're saying now.
At the base of your Trump Tower.
Right.
And what does that do?
Near the lobby.
Yeah.
I'm following your euphemisms.
You get that.
So get down to Sears right now.
It's real classy stuff.
Just look for my shouting face on the box.
Okay.
I'm serious, Jimmy.
This stuff will get you hornier than a couple of years in prison.
Okay.
All right.
Well, that's great.
Yeah, well, look, that's it.
Hold on.
Wait.
Bada dope.
Dope.
Okay, that's it for this week's Trump dump.
On next week's show, What's the Art of the Deal with Airplane Peanuts?
Until then, you've been Donalded.
Hi, this is John Boehner on the phone.
Hey, Speaker Boehner.
It's Jimmy Doer.
How are you doing?
Good.
How are you, Jimmy?
What's happening?
Listen, I just saw you on the TV demagoguing the Iran nuke deal the other day.
It is a bad deal, Jimmy.
Yeah, except most security experts, including those inside Israel, think it's a good deal.
The only people who think it's a bad deal are pandering politicians who have mostly been wrong about everything before.
That's a bad deal.
Bad deal, Jimmy.
Bad.
There's a lot more to that John Boehner phone call, but you know, we don't have time to get to it in today's show.
How do you listen to the rest of the John Boehner phone call?
You get the premium content.
What else is coming up in the premium this week?
Guess what?
There's a mayor race in Nashville, and you cannot believe the religious demagoguery that's happening in that race.
We got a couple of radio commercials we'll play for you that might be mind-blowing for you.
Also, CNN's decided to start fact-checking, and they've hooked up with an organization that helps them fact-check.
This is a real thing, and Jake Tapper brags about it.
And we talk about that plus a lot more in this week's premium.
How do you get the premium?
You go to jimmydoorcomedy.com, you click on join premium, and for $5 a month, you get access to all the great premium content.
And if you pay for the whole year at once, we'll give you a month free.
Isn't that a great deal?
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, and sign up and become a premium member, a donator, and a supporter of the Jimmy Dore show.
Hey, I told you about Politicon, So, guess what?
For the podcast listeners, I'm going to give you a first crack.
We're going to give away some tickets to come to Politicon.
There's going to be a lot of great people at Politicon.
And it's a pretty expensive ticket, but we're going to give away some free tickets for the Jimmy Door show listeners.
So, for those people who want to come down to attend our live taping of the Jimmy Dore show at the Politicon at the LA Convention Center, we're going to give away some free tickets to you.
Send me an email at my old-timey email, jimmydoor at earthlink.net.
And I'll get back to you via email and we'll let you know all the details.
So, that's going to be October 10th, which is when we're going to be doing the Jimmy Dore show.
We're actually going to be there the 9th and the 10th.
The Young Turks are going to be there.
James Carville is going to be there.
Alex Wagner from MSNBC, Newt Gingrich, David Axel, Rod Janky Uger, Doris Kearns-Goodwin, our least favorite U.S. historian, will be there.
There's going to be a lot of great Hugh Hewitt, that maniac right-wing guy is going to be there.
Michelle Bachman will be there.
The Yes Men are going to be there.
So, there's going to be a lot of great people at this event.
And we're going to be, they've asked the Jimmy Dore show to do a live show there.
So, we're really thrilled.
The people who put this event together are big fans of our show.
So, send me an email at jimmydoer at earthlink.net.
And we're going to get you set up to come see our live show at Politicon.
Now, those tickets are pretty expensive.
So, and there's going to be a lot, you know, all the people we make fun of, or a lot of the people we make fun of, will be there.
So, that's going to be great.
So, come to send me an email, jimmydoor at earthlink.net, and we'll set you up.
Today's show was written.
That's right, it was written by Mike McRae, Mark Van Landuitt, Steph Zamarano, and Michael Schurzer.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
Big thanks to Ben Zelavansky again, who recorded our Donald Trump phone call back in September of 2013.
I'm going to be in Cincinnati telling jokes at one of my favorite clubs, Go Bananas, October 4, 1 through 4.
So, I'd love to see you there October 1 through 4 in Cincinnati.
There's links over at jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Okay, that's it for this week.
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