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Sept. 5, 2015 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Today's show is brought to you by Casper Beds.
You can get $50 off of any mattress courtesy of the Jimmy Door show.
That's $50 off.
All you have to do is go to casper.com slash Jimmy and use the promo code Jimmy.
That's right.
Casper.com slash Jimmy and use the promo code Jimmy to get $50 off.
Now let's get to this week's show.
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show!
Another reading from the book Morning Remembrance.
Fake obituaries of real dead people by Jim Earle.
Thank you, Jimmy.
Dr. Wayne Dyer.
What?
Thought you sat on something.
Dr. Wayne Dyer, former Catholic school driver's ed instructor.
Dr. Wayne Dyer, internationally renowned motivational guru and one of the best-selling authors of all time, died Saturday after 75 tedious years of enduring his own bullshit.
Cause of death was not immediately disclosed, although it probably has something to do with the universe finally mastering the art of manifesting its incredible force by killing somebody.
When reached for comment, friend Tony Robbins said his death was, quote, but a transition from the living to the mystical realm of probate in a state division.
The author, whose title of doctor held less validity than the title of skipper did on Gilgonzil, was found dead, not dying with the music still in him.
Last year, Mind Body, Spirit magazine ranked Dyer as the eighth most spiritually influential person in the world after Mickey Mouse and Hitler.
A posting by Dyer's family on his Facebook page read, Wayne believed there was a spiritual answer to every problem, except parking.
Please repost this seven times if you really care about recycling.
Dyers, that was a joke.
Dyer's most notable fans included Ellen DeGeneres and Oprah Winfrey, who embraced his idea that the power of positive thinking was the foundation for personal fulfillment.
And when that doesn't work, there's always dog torture and chronic overeating.
Dyer requested because it remains to be buried, whereas three ex-wives can't get at them.
That was another reading from the book Morning Remembrance.
Fake obituaries of real dead people by Jim Earl.
available at jib earl.com It's the Jimmy Door Show.
The show for...
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to your T-Value.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hey, next weekend, next Friday, Saturday, September 11th and 12th.
If you're in the Baltimore area, I'm going to be telling jokes at McGooby's joke house.
So there's links for tickets over at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
That's next Friday and Saturday in Baltimore.
See you there.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I'm joined in the studio by the young and handsome Michael Schurtzer.
Oh, how kind, Jimmy.
All right.
Let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes.
You know, the Iran deal is a done deal now, and it's really a slap in the face to the pro-war chicken hawks who would piss their pants and cry like babies if someone slapped them in the face.
You know, despite the dire warnings of pundits who've never been right about even one thing, the Iran deal is happening anyway.
Innocent civilians and American soldiers could be dying right now, but Obama had to ruin everything with his stupid Iran deal.
So you heard about that clerk who won't issue the gay marriage license, right?
So that's all over the news.
Kim Davis is her name.
And turns out she was such a good Christian.
She's been married four times.
I bet Kim Davis was glad that the clerk who issued her divorce papers three times wasn't a religious nut like Kim Davis.
You know, I can't imagine why she's been divorced four times.
Did you hear that the author who said Idris Elba is quote unquote too street to play James Bond also is demanding to see his long-form license to kill.
Hey, did you hear the Pope?
The Pope said he allows priests to forgive women for abortions.
Even better, women are still allowed to not give a shit what priests think.
There's a new PPP poll out, and it reveals a scientific explanation for Trump's popularity.
Turns out his supporters are fucking morons.
Hey, did you hear, you know, Jimmy Kimmel compared Donald Trump's candidacy to Kanye West's candidacy, which is ridiculous because Kanye West actually has a chance.
It's kind of strange times we live in, Michael, when Kanye West is not the weirdest candidate running for president.
Kanye 2020.
Hey, by the way, Hulk Hogan, you know, he's in trouble for his racist comments.
He just pledged.
He said he wants to serve as Donald Trump's running mate because he knows racist statements that'll get you fired from the WWE make you a serious contender among the GOP.
I like that joke has got a lot of acronyms.
Acronyms?
Acronyms.
Okay, what's coming up on today's show?
Hey, do black lives matter or do cops' lives matter?
Or what does that even mean?
I don't know, but all lives matter.
What do they matter?
What they matter?
That's coming up.
Plus, James O'Keefe made some more videos.
We got phone calls today from Chris Christie, Bernie Sanders, Bernie Sanders, Bill O'Reilly, and Ron Paul.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
So I just want to give you a few statistics.
For the month of August in the United States, six policemen were killed.
Coast to coast.
The number of civilians in August killed by police, 103.
So it's 103 to six.
And then for the entire year, police have killed almost 800 Americans so far, 800 people, so far in 2015.
Now, we did it on the show before we broke down, you know, what percentage of those people are unarmed.
It's a huge pump.
So 776 people so far killed by police in the United States so far this year.
Of that number, are you ready for this?
161 of whom were completely unarmed when they were killed.
That's a lot of unarmed people being killed.
And some of the people who were killed who were armed when they were killed.
Like, for instance, Paul Castaway, who was a Native American man who was killed July 12th in Denver while holding a knife to his own neck.
And that's one of those classic stories of the guy was having mental problems.
He was schizophrenic.
They call the cops for help.
Cops show up.
The guy's holding a knife to his own neck.
Shoot him multiple times.
Kill him.
Cops say they feared for their life.
Okay.
And this is according to the Mint Press News.
It's where I got this info on Paul Castaway.
So, and then so the rest of those people were armed.
So 161 unarmed people.
The rest are armed, but by armed, you know.
They could be, the guy could have a screwdriver or a pencil or a knife.
Pencils are really dangerous because they facilitate education.
They do.
Or a gun.
By the way, being a policeman.
Not as dangerous as you would think.
Not even in the top 10 of dangerous jobs.
No, I know this because my grandfather was a cop.
My dad was a cop.
My oldest brother was a cop.
Half the neighborhood I grew up in were cops.
But according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, not a very dangerous job.
So being a policeman, dangerous job.
Not as dangerous as being a fisherman.
More people die being a fisherman than do cop.
Logging loggers, more dangerous than being a cop, loggers.
The next job, it says aircraft pilots and flight engineers.
They have a fatality rate of 56 per 100,000 workers or 71 total last year.
Another one is refuse and recyclable material collectors.
Trash and recycling collectibles is pretty tough.
They have 36.4 per 100,000 workers die.
Last year was 30 of them.
Roofers, much more dangerous than being a policeman.
Structural iron and steel workers, much more dangerous than being a policeman.
Helpers on construction jobs, much, much more dangerous.
Farmers, ranchers, and agricultural workers, much more dangerous.
Truck drivers, much more dangerous.
And natural resource mining turns out more dangerous than being a cop.
All those, oh, so just think about that.
Being a logger, being a miner, being all those jobs, much more dangerous than being a cop.
And this is according to Business Week.
I mean, Bloomberg Business, highest, most dangerous job, fisher, fisherman, then logger, aircraft pilot, iron steel workers, roofers, garbage collectors, farmers, rancers, truck drivers, power line installers, miscellaneous agricultural workers, construction workers, taxi drivers.
And then underneath taxi drivers comes police officers.
And police officers are in between managers of construction trades and taxi drivers.
So that's how dangerous it is to be a policeman.
Not very dangerous.
In fact, I've done a couple of those jobs that are more dangerous than being a policeman.
So not that dangerous.
So it's the 14th, according to Bloomberg.
I just counted it.
It's the 14th dangerous job in America.
So it's not as dangerous as people make it out to be, right?
But Jimmy, they would be so much higher on the list if they didn't shoot first.
They would, right?
So, and by the way, this is from the USA Today.
This is a headline.
Hey, second, that I just saw today as I was coming in to do the show.
Second video emerges in police shooting of a man with his hands raised.
That's from today.
That's from the newspaper today, USA Today.
There's a guy named Gilbert Flores.
He was 41.
He was killed on August 28th.
While the initial police report claims that he was resisting arrest after a domestic disturbance call, a video recording from a bystander shows Flores with his hands up before he was shot.
Bexer County Judge Nelson Wolf said the video was very shocking and looks very bad.
While another County County official called it, quote, disturbing.
Officers Vasquez and Sanchez were placed on administrative leave pending the outcome of the investigation.
I watched the video.
It's amazing.
The guy has his hands up completely, and then all of a sudden they shoot him.
So that's the kind of thing that keeps happening in America.
Mentally ill people, people in crisis.
You call a policeman.
It's like, hey, my brother's suicidal.
Call the cops to come shoot him because that's what they're going to do.
Don't call the cops.
Don't call the government to help someone who's mentally ill and is having a problem because they'll, hey, hello, this is, can you come help my dad?
He's having a psychotic episode.
Sure, we'll send some cops over to shoot him because that's what happens.
So there was a policeman in Texas killed.
They said he was killed because he was a cop.
Guy came up behind him, killed him.
It was in Harris County.
And here's the Harris County sheriff.
If you need more proof that cops are out of their minds and hate being held accountable at all for killing people, brutalizing people, or even being scrutinized for the job they do, here's, listen to this clip.
Here's the Harris County Sheriff talking about that policeman who was killed.
So at any point where the rhetoric ramps up to the point where calculated, cold-blooded assassination of police officers happened, this rhetoric has gotten out of control.
So he's blaming rhetoric for this cop's death.
So he's upset that people are protesting about cops killing people.
Hey, hey, so here we'll do a little bit, but let's listen to it.
You know the old saying that guns don't kill people, rhetoric kills people.
Rhetoric.
That's a great one, Michael.
Okay, ready?
Dangerous rhetoric.
So at any point where the rhetoric ramps up to the point where calculated, cold-blooded assassination of police officers happened, this rhetoric has gotten out of control.
We've heard Black Lives Matter.
All lives matter.
Well, cops' lives matter too.
Oh, because that's been the problem.
People have, cops are not getting enough respect in our culture, and people don't think cops' lives matter.
That's why he has to say cops' lives matter too.
Hey, and then he's, and he's blaming people protesting, cops killing civilians.
It's a, hey, you know what?
Guns don't kill cops.
Social messages do.
All right.
You see, those people who are against murders, they're the ones who are causing all the murders, it turns out.
This is how cops' brains work.
And by the way, absolutely zero connection between so far, there's no evidence that there's a connection between Black's Lives Matter and that cop being killed.
Could be any the guy could have a grudge against the guy.
The guy could be a maniac out of his mind.
Could have been his wife.
You don't know.
It could have been anything.
We have no idea.
And guess what it is?
It's irresponsible for a police officer to speculate and demonize black people for a murder of a policeman.
The black people who are offering solutions to end the out-of-control police culture in our country that everyone agrees is out of control.
Everyone at it is, except for the right-wing maniac fascists in our country, which there's lots of them, right?
We're going to play a few of those pretty soon.
But let's listen to the rest of what he has to say.
So why don't we just drop the qualifier and just say lives matter?
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, hey, enough with all this Black Lives Matter and questioning police behavior.
That's the kind of talk that gets cops killed.
Oh, by the way, so then they asked the district attorney later if there was any evidence that these two things were connected.
And let me see if I have that clip.
Man charged with the capital murder of the Texas death that he had a criminal record and a long history of mental illness.
Both the sheriff and the district attorney have acknowledged they actually do not know anything about his motivations.
I had some strong words I said earlier about some of the rhetoric around the country about related to law enforcement.
Do you still believe that has any connection to this case?
I have no idea whether it does or not.
So they just asked, so after that sheriff went out and gave that big speech about how this is the rhetoric has to stop.
That's why this guy was dead.
Cops lives matter.
Cops lives matters.
Hashtag.
Hashtag.
That's just hilarious.
Yes, even though the shooting has nothing to do with Black Lives Matter organization.
As a cop, my reflex and training is to blame the blacks.
Yeah.
This rhetoric is out of control.
Yes, that rhetoric that's out of the control is the rhetoric that points out that cops are out of control.
So we've got to get rid of the rhetoric pointing out cops are out of control because that rhetoric's out of control.
So his inference is also odd because the suspect is black.
He must be connected with Black Lives Matter, right?
So much for his plea for colorblindness.
Am I right?
So this Sheriff Hickman established absolutely zero connection between Black Lives Matter and the murder suspect, but he did establish that he's not very good at establishing connections.
The police, the group with the immunity from the law, the entire justice system covering for them and all the guns, they are obviously the victims here.
So sad.
So sad.
Now, I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea here.
It certainly is tragic when anyone is killed.
But what's comical in this situation, and of course, it's a tragedy that those police officers were killed.
That's horrible.
Like I said, I have lots of friends who are police officers in my family, my father, my grandfather, my brother.
So that's not what I'm not making light of that.
I'm making light again of how this tragedy reveals the brokenness of the police culture and how this police sheriff has no problem standing up.
Hey, did you see a cop got shot?
Oh, those blacks lives matter.
That's immediate.
So that's what this is about.
So now there was a in Minnesota.
I'm going to play this.
There was a Black Lives Matter rally, and somebody caught on video there was a 30-second chant.
And here's the chant that was happening: Pigs in the blanket, Friday bacon, pigs in a blanket, Friday hacing.
So it says pigs, they were chanting pigs in a blanket, fry them like bacon.
Yeah, that's a culinary chant.
And you go, yeah, wow, those guys are big fans of food.
So if I was a reporter at a major news organization, I would maybe find out who took that video and call the person and said what was going on there, or maybe talk to somebody, or maybe call there were cops right in front of that group.
They were like, you know, like they were escorting the protest, right?
And maybe you call one of those cops.
Maybe you do a little reporting.
Maybe.
Why would you do that, Jimmy?
Because it turns out what happened here.
Here's what Fox had to say about it.
Kevin, why has the Black Lives Movement, Black Lives Matter movement, not been classified yet as a hate group?
I think they're a hate group.
They hate police officers.
Well, they have strong feelings about how they hate them.
They want them down.
First of all, I love that they have Juan Williams on and there's Bill O'Reilly.
They hate cops.
And he's like, well, I don't think he doesn't go.
No, Bill, you're out of your mind.
And there's an out of control police culture in this country.
Juan Williams.
Well, you know, Bill, I don't think I don't mind at all.
Thanks for the 3 million.
I really appreciate it.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
This is what I'm here for.
Go ahead.
And here's Bill O'Reilly.
Well, they have strong feelings about how they hate them.
They want them down.
I don't know.
He says, I don't know.
He says, no, they hate them.
And Juan Williams says, I don't know.
I'm not sure.
They might hate them.
I'm going to have to agree with you, Bill, because if I disagree with you, you'd never have me on the show again.
And there goes my 3 million.
Pigs in a blanket is dead.
They're a hate group.
And I'm going to tell you right now, I'm going to put them out of business.
Bill O'Reilly, Bill O'Reilly, Fox News viewers getting upset over a 30-second pigs in the blanket video chant compared to Bill O'Reilly's month of chanting baby killer, Dr. Tiller, the baby killer, which actually did lead to a murder.
Right.
Actually, did lead to a murder.
Unlike Black Lives Matter.
And so what is the story behind that?
Why would they chant that?
Why would they chant?
I mean, Black Lives Matter, they're about nonviolence.
They're about, they have a 10-point plan, which is fantastic.
They're for ending for-profit policing.
They're for the demilitarization of police forces.
They're for body cams and filming police.
They're for community oversight, independent investigations and prosecutions, all these things.
And they want to end broken windows policing.
All these crazy radical ideas.
So why would they chant that?
So Chris Hayes, Chris Hayes brings that guy, brings on a guy from Black Lives Matter from Minnesota.
And here's what Chris Hayes has to say to him.
Reaction.
There are people who see that and say it's incitement.
It's a call to violence.
It's dehumanizing at the very least.
Do those activists, do you, do Black Lives Matter activists hate police officers?
Okay, I'm sorry.
That was from Fox News, obviously.
Was that from Fox News?
Oh, no, that was Chris Hayes doing a Sean Hanney Hannity impression, pretending not to understand what Black Lives Matter is about, pretending to not understand that there's a real problem in this country with police culture out of control.
And then he says to them, Do you guys hate cops?
Well, he had to ask the question.
It's a valid question, Jimmy.
He had to ask.
It's a valid question.
He could have said, no, obviously you guys don't hate cops.
and your organization is about this, and it's about that.
Obviously, it's this and that.
What was that chant about?
Could you explain it?
He didn't say it like that.
He said it like he just said it.
And here's how the guy responded.
Now, watch the listen to the answer.
Do you hate cops?
Was Chris Hayes' question.
Do you guys hate cops?
That was Chris Hayes' question.
No, not at all.
And I want to put that chat in context.
We had a great demonstration that day.
It was very exciting.
It was so exciting that I think the police who were along escorting the march wanted to be a part of the mark or part of the demonstration.
So on the way back, the officer leading the parade kept talking into his microphone and saying things to the crowd like stay off the medium, do that.
He was laughing and joking with the marchers.
So then the marchers kind of started chanting that towards him.
And it was more playful than anything.
So that was in a playful context, that channel.
At that particular demonstration, yes, that was because the officer was laughing and joking along with protesters.
People.
And the officer also said when they started chatting, he said back into the microphone, everybody loves bacon.
Okay, so now what it sounds like to me is that what happened was that the police officers and the protesters got friendly and they started teasing each other.
And they started to tease the for 30 seconds.
They chanted a teasing chant at the cop, pigs in a blanket, fry them like bacon.
And the cop was playing back with him saying, come, get off the street, get off the thing.
Hey, get over there.
Get off the meeting.
And he's playing.
And then the cop even said, everybody loves bacon.
Sounds like for a moment racial tensions had subsided and Fox News couldn't have any of that.
Could not have.
It sounded like that.
Like if you did a little reporting, if you did a little thing, even compliments to Chris Hayes, he has on the Black Lives Matter guy to actually explain himself.
Would have been nice.
They did a pre-interview and Chris Hayes would know that's what that was about.
So he wouldn't ask a question like that.
He wouldn't say, hey, do you guys hate cops?
Which is the kind of question you expect, you know, I don't know, on Fox News or the Glenn Beck show or from Megan Kelly or Bill O'Reilly or Sean Hannity.
Hey, do you guys hate cops?
It's like saying to a War Press war protester, hey, do you guys hate America?
Why do you guys hate America?
Aki White Wall Street, do you hate making money?
Why do you guys hate making money?
That's that.
That's what that question just was.
Again, I think Chris Hayes is a great guy, and I'd love him to be Godfather to my kid if I ever had him.
But he falls, he's inside of this corrupt culture.
It's called Corporate News.
Corporate News.
Corporate News.
*phone rings* you *Bell rings*
Hello, this is Jimmy.
Did you see me once again take down the blacks last night and put them in that place?
You mean, did I see you demagogue the Black Lives Matter organization on national TV?
Yes, I did.
Nobody does it better.
Nobody.
You mean nobody race baits better and uses dog whistles better than you?
Nobody.
Every racist in this country is drooling over Donald Trump.
Sure, it's easy going after Mexicans.
No risk of going after the people with no money who currently reside on the lowest rung of our society, a laner.
Well, let's see Trump go after the blacks.
He doesn't have the guts.
You think Trump is not as racist as you?
Oh, he's as racist.
He just isn't as courageous.
He won't go on TV and smear blacks like I do.
He won't even over-annunciate blacks like I do.
Bill, it sounds like you're having your own little racist off competition with Trump.
No competition at all, Jimbo.
Trump talks big with the Mexicans, but I've been calling them criminals for years now.
Big whoop.
Mexicans are rapists.
I hate Mexicans.
Spare me.
Let's see him be a racist right in Juan Williams' face like I do.
Yeah, I saw that last night.
Right, his black face.
I saw that.
And he's got a Mexican name, so it's sort of a double whammy.
I saw it.
I saw that last night.
There is nothing I like more than entertaining white geriatrics by spewing racist garbage right in Juan Williams' black face on national TV, and he just has to take it.
Or we take away his $3 million.
That's all it takes for Fox News to have a semi-famous black guy come on and receive racial insults.
$3 million.
I make that kind of dough while on vacation.
I don't know if I hate you or Juan Williams more right now.
Oh, it's Juan that you hate more.
And why do you say that?
Because he's black.
That's why.
And you are genetically engineered to hate blacks more.
This is science we're talking.
By racist science by racists.
I wear that as a badge of honor.
I know.
And you know, anyone who watches you for five minutes knows you're just about the worst kind of person in the world, willing to tear down your own country and scapegoat the most vulnerable in society for money and power.
And yet Jon Stewart comes on my show and we giggle together and we shake hands and everything.
So everybody thinks I'm a good guy who just has a different opinion on things.
I worry about how I'm going to get cover for my racism and lying now that the Jew boy Stewart is gone.
Yeah.
You know what, Bill?
I don't think you're going to need much cover because the mainstream news media seems to never want to call out a racist for being a racist or a fascist for being a fascist.
MSNBC almost called Donald Trump a racist last week and they correctly corrected themselves.
So I really, as far as Jon Stewart giving you cover to be a horrible person like he did all those years, I don't think you need that help anymore.
Well, I think you're right about that.
Well, that's a great thing about it because every time you say something racist, it becomes an is it over the line question.
It becomes a question.
They'll call you out.
It's just something for them to talk about.
So it spreads.
You get a non-racist at versus a racist on a two-talky head thing on all three of the networks.
It's beautiful.
Racism creates more racism.
Even Megan Kelly hates Black Lives Matter now.
So we're just taking racism and making it the other side of the argument.
Wow, that is super cynical.
That's like Goebbels stuff, right?
Hey, say what you want about Goebbels.
But he knew what he was doing, and he had a hot fucking wife.
All right.
I jerk off the mog the Goebbels every night.
I gotta go, Shimbo.
Where are you going?
Well, we got a party van lined up, and we're gonna take it over to scores, and we're gonna make Juan Williams sit in the back.
Okay.
All right, Bill.
Good to talk to you.
See you later, fuck face.
Hi, racist.
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All right, now let's get back to the show.
Welcome back to the Jimmy Door show.
Right now, James O'Keefe is at it again.
Let's get back to the studio.
I'm joined by the young Michael Schertzer.
And we talk about the latest doctored video thing from the right wing.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Amen.
you So, James O'Keefe is at it again.
Who's James O'Keefe?
He's that fantastic right-wing journalist who's totally a liar and actually now a criminal.
And he's been charged for his journalism.
That's how bad it is.
So, he's the one who put together those doctored videos where he pretended to be a pimp and he went into Acorn and turned out Acorn wasn't doing anything illegal.
In fact, the guy that he tried to pretend was trying to help facilitate prostitution, he had to pay that guy $100,000.
Yeah, that never gets reported, right?
All the stuff.
Acorn, by the way, is defunct because of James O'Keefe's completely bogus doctored videos that have been debunked.
But they still got rid of Acorn, right, because of it.
So, that's his feather in his cap.
A guy who did something criminal, completely a complete lie, a smear job.
Job well done.
Job well done.
He obliterated an organization which helps people help people who need help.
Again, the worst thing in the world, it's the people standing outside the Planned Parenthood in my neighborhood screaming at poor women who need health care.
It's the same thing.
James O'Keefe, a white guy trying to screw over an organization that helps poor people who are in need.
Okay, so his new thing is he's trying to get Hillary Clinton's campaign staff to take illegal campaign donations, and they're out there selling t-shirts.
And so, James O'Keefe sets it up to where a person who says she's a Canadian wants to buy one of Hillary Clinton's t-shirts, which is technically against the law, finance law.
You can't take because that t-shirt money is going towards Hillary Clinton's campaign.
You can't take money from a foreign person for that, right?
So, here he did a video, undercover video.
They ask him, Hey, I'm Canadian.
Can I buy one?
The worker, the campaign worker, says no, that's actually illegal.
I can't sell you one of these t-shirts.
And then, another person, another operative of James O'Keefe's pretending to be a regular person, says, Well, I'm American.
I could buy it for her.
Okay, so here, I'll play it for you.
So, we can't take contributions from anyone who's not in the middle of the money.
She traveled all the way from Canada.
So, the worker said we can't take contributions from anyone who's not a U.S. citizen.
And then, and then the O'Keeffe, the James O'Keefe operative, says, or the person who hasn't been identified, but I'm suspecting is a James O'Keefe operative.
If I know anything about James O'Keefe, this isn't random.
He didn't sit at a t-shirt table all day with an undercover camera, hoping somebody from Canada showed up wanting to buy a t-shirt.
Now, it sounds like a coincidence to me, Jimmy.
Total coincidence, right?
And he happened to have a camera there at that time.
So, here, Hillary, you can give her a cash partner.
Are you serious?
Can I give her the money?
She's American.
She should make a donation.
Okay, sure, I'll buy it.
She'll buy it.
The Canadian woman wanted to support Hillary's campaign, and Molly Barker broke the law by allowing our journalists to become the middleman.
Okay, so there's yeah, so the James O'Keefe middleman, it's a journalist.
Okay, so what she did was she went over and tried to figure out another.
So, here's James O'Keefe, journalist, trying to figure out ways that someone else can commit fraud.
Hey, how about if you commit fraud this way?
How about if you commit fraud that way?
How about if you commit fraud this way?
And it's all about selling a t-shirt.
This is his campaign finance fraud, right?
So, he calls a press conference, and freaking new reporters show up, which blows my mind that reporters would show up to this guy.
How many times do you show up to the guy who's been full of shit?
I guess forever.
I guess because it's just the other side of the story, and we have to report it.
And here's so, at the so he shows this video, and the reporters start giving it to him.
My first reaction is: this is about buying a t-shirt, right?
It's pretty trivial.
Do you know who this Canadian person is?
Do you have her name?
We do not.
We don't know.
So, probably not a Canadian.
Yeah.
Probably not.
You don't even know?
Probably not.
Probably not.
Probably some woman you put up to it.
Probably that.
Post to Hillary Campaigns.
Did you see the video?
So here, listen to this guy.
Listen to this.
He's pretending buying a t-shirt is a big name.
We do not.
My response to Hillary Campaign is: did you see the video?
I mean, did you see what they said?
Is this a joke?
As another reporter, is this a joke?
This feels like a prank.
So it could get worse.
Many of you might want to talk about, you know, me and my tactics and whether I did something wrong, but sometimes it just works this way.
These are not amateurs.
We have a sort of like SEAL Team 6.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
SEAL TEAM Six.
That's what.
Hey, listen, by the way, all the reporters there made fun of him.
Why even show up?
Secondly, New York Times didn't.
New York Times took him seriously.
They gave him real coverage.
They're a horrible newspaper.
New York Times is just a bad newspaper.
There's something wrong with them over there.
I like the comparison to SEAL Team 6 because I remember after they took out Osama bin Laden, they hung out and tried to sell merch.
Yes, that is what they did, Michael.
So again, another doctored video, another complete BS.
How many times will the press and the New York Times, by the way, gave James O'Keefe some pretty even-handed coverage?
Like they didn't go, hey, this guy's a total fraud, and I can't believe we even showed up.
They actually reprinted a lot of the stuff that he said and a lot of his accusations.
It's unbelievable.
They reprint, like the reporters there are making fun of this guy.
Like, this isn't even a story.
And then the New York Times decides to go ahead and report it as if it is a story.
The New York Times reporter Alan Rappaport, in an article which was headlined, quote, James O'Keefe, political sleuth.
That was the headline of the article.
Not James O'Keefe, political liar, complete phony, charlatan, debunked criminal.
No, no, he was he wrote that O'Keeffe, quote, fired an opening salvo into the 2016 coverage and quote, campaigns were put on notice Tuesday.
So, this is Media Matters reporting on it.
They said, Times, the New York Times accepted James O'Keeffe's framing of the exchange between the Canadian woman and the Project Farita staffer, writing, Mr. O'Keefe made the case that the video showed a willingness by the campaign to skirt laws that forbid taking donations from foreigners by using a conduit.
In fact, the video shows a Clinton staffer pointing out that foreign nationals are prohibited from buying the t-shirt in question.
But that's not what the New York Times reported.
They reported the exact opposite.
Yeah, if anything, it's the O'Keefe, quote-unquote, reporter who's guilty of fraud because they're the ones who are trying to come.
They know it's fraud and they keep trying to do it.
The staffer was like, No, we can't do it.
And then she's like, Well, I can do it.
I can do it.
Yeah, she volunteered.
Yeah.
So James O'Keefe reporter is committing fraud on purpose to try to show how someone else is committing fraud on purpose.
Thank you.
you Thank you.
Hello.
Hey, hello, Senator Sanders.
This is Jimmy Doer again.
Jimmy, my friend, my ally, and all things progressive.
You know it, buddy, and the guy you're trying to destroy.
Don't forget that.
Only as an unintended byproduct.
What can I help you with today, Jimmy?
Well, Senator, I just wanted to know if you had some time to answer some questions we at the Jimmy Doer show had for our favorite progressive.
I'm guessing you mean me.
Yes.
Of course, Jimmy.
I'll do whatever I can to help out one of my favorite, informative, yet hilarious comedy programs.
Okay, great.
Shoot.
Last week at a campaign stop, Donald Trump actually allowed a woman on stage to touch his hair to confirm that it's real.
Do you think it's a good thing having familiarity like that between a candidate?
God damn it, I'm so sick of these stupid fucking questions.
What I'm a candidate with an actual message, and I'm getting the impression that literally no one, let alone in the media, knows what to do with that.
Senator, you have to answer questions.
You're running for president.
Of course, I have to answer questions.
I know that.
I have availed myself to every nimrod within a 30-foot radius of my person for months now, and you know it.
The problem is that no one wants to talk about the issues.
They're just like this surface and scandal horse hockey.
Correct, right?
Like this goddamn blogger or whatever.
Anna Marie Cox trying to get me to comment on how the media talks about my hair differently than they do Hillary Clinton's hair.
As if I have some sort of control over how the media talks about anything.
Can you believe that?
That's pretty dumb.
You're telling me.
So I shut this dingbat down and tell her that the burn doesn't answer questions like that when America's on the precipice of economic and ecological apocalypse.
So then later she starts squeaking about how it's a legitimate gender issue and I'm ignoring gender issues.
The world's on fucking fire and I got to talk to this Tabitha Saurin acolyte about hairstyles and then probably I'm guessing Taylor Swift suck my dick.
Wow, Senator, you seem pretty upset.
I ain't fit to be tied to me.
Well, I'll try another question.
Hopefully it won't set you up.
Sure, sure, of course.
Sorry, I lost my temper.
It's okay.
I'll try to keep my composure this time, my friend.
Okay, listen, Senator Sanders, here we go.
Do you think Bill Clinton's infidelity should be an issue in Hillary's campaign in a sense that maybe it was her fault?
Also, a lot of people.
Oh, son of a bitch.
What?
These are legitimate questions.
No, they are fucking not.
I'm tired of people trying to gold me into trashing Hillary Clinton.
You got an entire Harlem Globetrotter's worth of Republican ninca boops on the other side just trying to say cunt into a microphone with regards to her.
Go talk to them.
Just leave me out of it.
Wow.
I see your point.
I mean, do you take your cues from Andrea Mitchell?
She had me on a show, and the first question to me was about some word scramble thing.
I don't even know what the hell she was talking about.
But the first word that comes up with Hillary is liar or something.
And what do I think about that?
What do I think?
I think that's a question for either a magic eight ball or Frank Luntz.
Not Bernie fucking Sanders.
Andrea Mitchell.
She's the Barbara Walters of Surface Politics News.
Married to Alan Greenspan.
I'm nice enough to give time to this power-worshiping Haradan, and she asked me that bullshit.
Bernie, don't play that.
Wow, I think we finally figured out how we're going to use you on the show.
Oh, yeah, ball is.
Well, I can't believe I didn't think of this before.
You're the straight man.
I call you drive you crazy like Edgar Kennedy or any of those classic slowburn character actors.
Except in my case, it's a slow burn.
Okay, okay, I like this.
I got one more question for you, Senator.
You better not screw this up.
You got one more chance, kid.
Yo, did those two dudes get with you the other day?
Senator?
Really, Jimmy?
You think I really can't see a D's nuts joke coming from a mile away?
What do you think I'm stupid?
Okay, well, Senator, D's Nuts is actually polling really high right now.
And I mean, D's Nuts is trending.
As a journalist, I have to ask you about these nuts.
Why are you on it?
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
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Thanks to everybody who already does that.
Now let's get back to the show.
Okay, no, we're going to go back to the interview Chris Hayes was doing with the Black Lives Matter activist from Minnesota.
And, you know, this isn't to pretend that Chris Hayes is the problem, but this is to show how even what's supposed to be the left-wing progressive news outlet, the mirror to Fox News, isn't often.
So let's jump back into here's some the next question.
The first question Chris Hayes asked him was, do Black Lives Matter's activists, do you hate cops?
Here's how he frames his second question.
So people have been watching the Black Lives Matter movement unfold.
And there are two things that I think have Black Lives Matter movement, raised awareness of police brutality, officer-involved shootings, etc.
So Chris Hayes, kind of under his breath, says that Black Lives Matter has raised the awareness of, what did he say?
And there are two things that I think have Black Lives Matter movement, raised awareness of police brutality, officer-involved shootings, et cetera.
Police brutality, officer volunteers, et cetera, et cetera.
It's like he almost starts to make a good point and swallows it.
Yes.
Yes.
Hey, hence, he almost says, hey, look, this is the good things Black Lives Matter have done that I've noticed as a reporter.
But he actually kind of says it under his breath and then swallows it.
You're right.
Now, what is he leading up to?
There's also been, I think, increased awareness of police fatalities these two in the last days.
And also, there's been an eye towards crime increases, particularly murders in these big cities.
What do you say to people who are going to make the argument already making the argument that cops are now tentative because of activists like you and because they're tentative, crime is increasing, and that blood is on your hands?
Again, that was one of my favorite Sean Hannity impressions I've ever seen.
That was a great job, Chris.
What?
The blood is on the hands of the activists protesting police brutality and death of innocent people.
And Chris Hayes will say, well, that's what the critics are saying.
And I'm giving him a chance to rebut them.
Right.
Well, again, you can frame your question any way you want, just like I showed you how he should have framed the first one.
He's framing them like Sean Hannity would frame them.
What's the difference now, Chris, between you and Sean Hannity, right?
So what he should have said there was, of course, we all know that it's been a nonviolent movement.
And thank you for explaining what that pigs in the blanket thing meant.
I didn't know.
Of course, we all agree with the 10 points that you put out.
Bernie Sanders is adopting.
And we all know that there's a huge problem with police brutality in our country.
We all know that cops are not accountable for murdering innocent people, unarmed innocent people.
They're not held accountable.
But that's not what he said.
What did he say?
He said this.
People who are going to make the argument already making the argument that cops are now tentative because of activists like you and because they're tentative, crime is increasing, and that blood is on your hands.
Again, so what is his response?
Here's his response.
No, not at all.
I don't think it's fair at all for people to connect any police murders to Black Lives Matter, but and we.
Which is what Chris Hayes should have said.
Of course, it's a big stretch to connect any police murders with Black Lives Matter.
It's a big stretch.
That's what he should have said.
Of course, we know that.
And we know that you guys are nonviolent.
That's the whole point of this.
There's been violence committed against your community since the beginning of this country.
Unbelievable violence, right?
And now, because of dash cams and body cams and cell phone cams, white America is getting a look at it, and it's horrific.
We're seeing black people being shot running away.
We're seeing black people being shot, holding their hands up.
On a daily basis, this is happening in America.
And Chris Hayes, Chris Hayes says.
Like you, and because they're tentative, crime is increasing, and that blood is on your hands.
He says that.
So here's his answer.
You can't connect the two.
No, we send the condolences out to the two police officers who were killed over the weekend, but you cannot connect those murders to Black Lives Matter, but we can connect Marcus Golden's murder, who was killed here in St. Paul by the St. Paul Police.
We could connect that murder directly to the St. Paul Police Department.
We could connect Tamir's Rice murder directly to the Cleveland Police Department.
We could connect Eric Gardner's murder directly to the New York Police Department.
So I think there's a big difference.
Yes.
So you know what?
You actually can, there is a direct connection to Tamara Rice's murder and horrible police, the police department in Cleveland.
There's a direct connection.
There's a direct connection.
They shot a 12-year-old kid with a toy gun in a park within a second and a half.
So there's a direct connect.
They choked Eric Garner on camera on a sunny street in Staten Island.
Over the alleged selling of cigarettes.
So there's a direct connection between Darren Wilson shooting 12 bullets at an unarmed kid 30 feet away running away with his hands up and then racists, a racist organization in St. Louis covering up for him.
And it was transparently racist.
Like the Justice Department did the investigation.
Turns out the whole goddamn system's racist.
But here's Chris Hayes saying, how do you know you don't have blood on your hands?
And of course, he's just saying what the critics would say.
That's not what he's saying.
He's saying what the critics would say, which is horrible.
You're supposed to debunk what the critics would say, Chris, and then ask a real question.
So there you go.
So that's what's happening in America this week.
Again, another videotape completely misinterpreted and used in a nefarious way to demonize black people.
And again, no one would be held accountable for that.
And by the way, this will never get debunked.
They'll be saying this on Morning Joe tomorrow.
They'll be saying this on Fox News forever.
And then when people like Jake Tapper and Chuck Todd interview someone and they use that videotape of pigs in the blanket, fry them like bacon, they're going to agree with them.
Yeah, that was horrible.
Just like Chuck Todd agree with Donald Trump that that videotape from Plant Pernet was horrible too, even though it's been debunked and he knows it.
So that's what will happen.
This will never get out of our society.
This will never get out of the culture.
This will stay in forever.
And again, another indictment of the horrible media, the horrible corporate media.
you Thank you.
Hey, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Hey, Jimmy, this is Cover the Chris Christie.
How you doing?
I'm pretty good, Governor.
How are you doing?
How you doing?
Okay.
Okay, Governor.
I'm not doing this right now.
What's on your mind?
There you go.
Just like everybody else, dismissing me.
What do you mean, Governor?
With this fossil trumpet erase.
Nobody's paid attention to me.
Yeah.
He's really taking the oxygen out of the room for guys like you.
I'm not going to lie, Jimmy.
It hurts.
I'm sorry to hear that, buddy.
But don't worry.
I'm not exactly one To roll over.
Not without a giant crowbar, at least.
Yeah, a fat joke.
But hey, at least it's attention.
We got another debate coming up.
I'm not going to let this fucking rich kid Blowhard dominate this one like the last.
Oh, yeah?
How are you going to do that?
Like I told Jimmy Phalan, I'm going to go nuclear.
Wait, what do you mean?
Explode the nucleus.
fucking fishing.
Yeah, I get the metaphor of the physics metaphor.
What I got to beat Trump in his own game, you know.
Bring out the charm and the bulls.
I got ziggers for everybody.
Hey, Brit.
You boy the long face.
Hey, Annity.
Been beating your wife lately, you Irish fuck.
Governor, I got to tell you, I'm not sure that's the right thing.
Guy, who gives a shit?
We're at Mexicans or rapists level discourse here.
A little ball busting ain't gonna hurt nothing.
Draw attention to myself.
Put myself set a stage like a great Italian operatic tenor.
Dol Ray, me, me, me, fucking me.
Okay, what if that doesn't work?
Well, then we have to become a little more, shall we say, heavy-handed.
What do you mean?
Lean in a little.
Like, hey, Ron Williams, you got any substantive questions for me?
No?
Are you sure?
Because it'd be a shame if you left here tonight, got in your car, and found yourself in a massive traffic jam of my devicement.
Well, that's some Cosonostra stuff, huh?
Yeah, you bet you still got us.
And everybody knows Trump is a big fucking wimp.
I'll shut him down like the wasp pussy he is.
Hey, Donald, how long you think that Polak wife of yours is going to stick around when she gets a taste of a real man?
What are you going to do about it?
Ha!
laughter That's below the belt, Governor.
It would be a shame if little Miss Mosma Dania, whatever the fuck, finds out that she's got a thing for front button and leaves your lily white ash at the same time that all the contractors' unions decide that Trump Enterprises owes them a few billion dollars.
Oh, very nice.
So, well, I look forward to that next debate.
You know, it's really weird how a rich little punk like Donald Trump, who grew up in Manhattan, is totally manhandling not only you, but the rest of the Republican field.
He really makes you guys look like kids.
Like wins.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, like, if you're holding your ass.
Yeah, I mean, if your whole thing is like being the rudest, misogynist, rudest, misogynistic jerk, you guys don't even hold a candle.
All right, now you just get me fucking worked up for no fucking reason.
I already told you what's going to happen.
You tune in to Fox.
Okay.
On debate night, September 16th, I'll show you what a fucking real man does to Donald Trump.
Okay, we're looking forward to it, Governor.
I'm going to take that thing off his head.
I'm going to deep fry it, pour a little olive oil on top, maybe some basil, and I'm going to eat it like a flatbread.
And I'm going to crack his skull open and eat his brains like Ray Liola.
All right, Governor.
Well, we look forward.
I'm getting hungry right now, for real.
I got to go.
Okay, Governor, thanks.
Bye-bye.
All right.
Bye-bye.
Let's see.
Hey, there's a Ron Paul phone call coming up.
I wanted to let everybody know who's looking for a bed.
We're excited about Casper Mattress.
We checked them out.
They're a good company.
No, we don't take advertising from everybody who wants to advertise on the show, obviously.
But Casper Mattress, we like them.
They're made in the U.S. They have a great return policy.
Try for 100 days.
And so that's why we have Casper.
So, again, I just want to remind everybody: if you're looking for a bed, you get your $50 discount.
You go to casper.com/slash Jimmy.
Use your promo code Jimmy, get your $50 discount, help out the show.
But who is it?
Who is this speaking, please?
This is Jimmy Door.
Oh, you again.
I wanted to ask you about your son Rand and the upcoming debates.
Oh, then Rand did a wonderful job in the first debate.
You thought he did?
He exposed that big old Chris Christie.
How was Chris Christie exposed?
He hugged a Negro.
Okay, you know, there's a lot more to that Ron Paul phone call, but we don't have time for it on today's podcast.
You can hear the entire Ron Paul phone call.
Plus, if you get the premium, and how do you get the premium content?
You go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You click on join premium, make your $5 a month donation, and then you get access to all the premium content.
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If you pay for the whole year at once, we'll give you a month free.
Isn't that a great deal?
What else is coming up in this week's premium?
The head of the Hispanic Chamber of Commerce had a meeting with Donald Trump.
And he came on the news to talk about it.
And wow.
Wow.
Wow, first of all, Hispanic Republicans.
That's what we're talking about.
And the Hispanic head of the Chamber of Commerce.
It's a doozy.
That's in this week's premium content.
So go over to JimmyDoorComedy.com, join premium, and get access and have all the fun.
Okay.
I'll see you in Baltimore next Friday and Saturday.
Links for tickets over at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Today's show was written by Mark Van Landuit, Mike McRae, Frank Conniff, Michael Schertzer, and Steph Zamarano.
All the voices today perform by the one and the only of the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
Okay, that's it for this week.
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