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May 23, 2015 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Hey, America.
Here's a fun fact.
Citicorps, JPMorgan Chase, Barclays, the Royal Bank of Scotland, and the United Bank Switzerland have agreed to plead guilty to felony charges and pay billions in criminal fines.
The offenses range from manipulating the value of dollars and Euros to rigging interest rates.
Isn't that neat?
They will pay fines totaling $2.5 billion to the Justice Department.
In addition, the Federal Reserve is imposing fines of more than $1.6 billion on the five banks, so they probably won't ever do that again.
Michael Corbett, Citigroup CEO, Jamie Diamond, J.P. Morgan Chase, CEO, Anthony Jenkins, Barclay CEO, Ross Maxwell McCune, the Royal Bank of Scotland, Sergio Armadi, UBS CEO.
These turds are a bunch of white-collar criminals who allow their banking institutions to continue unethical practices because all they have to do is pay money out of the profits they illegally procured.
Duh.
They are doing the crime, but they're not doing the time.
Did you know that Iceland didn't bail out their banks?
Instead, their country helped the citizens and forced the banks to bail out the people, making them right off the mortgages of their citizens.
Only three banks remain, but under the control of their government.
And did you know, Vietnam sentenced a director of a Vietnam bank to death for fake loans amounting to $89 million?
Two other bankers were sentenced to death.
In China, economic crimes are subject to a range of harsh penalties, including death.
Now, I'm not for torture.
I'm not for the death penalty, but it would be nice if these bankers resisted arrest.
I would doubt anyone would riot if a volunteer deputy accidentally gunned down a couple of bank CEOs.
A Mexican girl can dream, can't she?
Thank you.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you, T-Value.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore!
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I am joined on the phone all the way from New York City.
You know him, you love him from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
And now the podcast, Pot House90.
It's TV's Frank, Frank Coniff, is with us.
Hi, Frank.
Hello there.
Yay, good to hear your voice, buddy.
In the studio with me, our resident Latina from the blog The Miserable Liberal and the host of Comedy and Everything Else.
It's Steph Zamarano.
Hola, Jimmy.
Hola, how are you?
Muay Bian.
Also with us, it's the moron who writes the great monologues.
It's Michael Elliott Spitzer Schirtzer's with us, ladies and gentlemen.
Hi, Michael.
Hey, Jimmy, I feel like my net worth just doubled because you gave me another Jewish name.
All right, let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes.
Hey, Frank, somebody told me that keeping up with the Kardashians was the worst TV on television.
Has Mark Helper ever been on that show?
No.
Then it's not the worst TV show ever by a long time.
I don't know if you watch The Mad Men, Michael.
Do you watch The Mad Men?
I do not, Jimmy.
I watched it.
I watched the finale.
And I, like so many other people, I was so upset with the Mad Men finale that I vowed to never watch it again.
All right.
Hey, moving on to presidential politics.
There are now 20, 20 candidates will run in the GOP primaries.
But when all the dust settles, Michael, only 20 of them will not be our next president.
And speaking of that, I wish the press and people would stop asking GOP candidates about the Iraq war.
It distracts us from their stupid and incoherent thoughts on a host of other issues.
Hey, did you hear Bill Bill O'Reilly, a little bit of a hot trouble?
Gawker posted a story that said that he's a wife beater.
No.
Yes, that's what Gawker and turns out Bill O'Reilly's only actual combat experience when he beat his wife.
You know, the idea that Bill O'Reilly is capable of domestic violence is plausible only if you know anything about him.
Frank, these jokes are killing.
All right.
There's no Robert Yasimura here, so.
Yeah, too bad.
You know, and yes, so this has really happened, and Bill O'Reilly's already responded to it.
And, you know, based on what Bill O'Reilly always says on Fox News, I'm going to bet that his violent behavior was triggered because he listens to rap music.
Yes, absolutely.
Jeb Bush having a tough time talking about whether it was a good idea to go into Iraq or not.
He's also on the fence about New Coke.
Not sure.
And you know, thousands of innocent people died in the Iraq war, but the real tragedy is that it's awkward for Jeb Bush to talk about it.
Yeah.
Tell me if you can guess what this is, ready?
Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.
Anybody know what that is?
That is a brief summary of every David Brooks column.
He wrote another column in the New York Times pretending that the Iraq war was just a mistake.
It was just an oopsie.
Oh, my God.
Right, Frank?
Yes, he did.
Yeah, it was just an oopsie.
Read that column and then read his weekly standard column from the lead up to the Iraq war.
And it's really something to read, let's tell you.
Yeah, it could have happened to anyone.
Iraq War.
Could it have happened to anybody bent on invading Iraq already before they became president?
Right, that's an important thing.
He likes that critics of the war were anti-Semitic.
I'm not making that up.
Oh, my God.
Well, let's switch to entertainment news, Frank.
David Letterman retired this week.
Did his last show.
And, you know, I want to make a video about the sad state of late night TV post Letterman, but I need a lip-syncing celebrity, so it'll go viral.
So famous actor Simon Pegg recently said that geeks have infantilized our culture.
Yeah, and you know, that got me so mad I threw my Transformers action figures across the room.
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
Hillary Clinton, will she ever answer a question?
The answer just may surprise you, or will it?
Plus, we compare and contrast Hillary Clinton with Bernie Sanders, a real Democrat.
Plus, Chris Christie gets asked about his unapproval rating.
The answer just might surprise you.
And we take a look at some propaganda from NBC about the Iraq war.
Plus, we check in with the GOP Frontrunners.
They're at the South Carolina Freedom Summit.
And boy, oh boy, we've got some audio and video coming up.
Plus, we got phone calls today from Barack Obama, Rick Perry, Bernie Sanders, and Chris Christie.
That's today.
And a lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You know, there was a lot of controversy on Twitter the other day when Simon Pegg, an actor in the Star Trek movies, said that people who love geeky sci-fi comic book movies have infantilized our culture.
Here with his response to this is Professor Humbert Humperdink, who teaches a course in cultural studies at Columbia University.
Welcome, Professor.
Thank you, Jimmy.
I took strong humbridge to Mr. Pegg's dissertation.
Many of our popular science fiction and comic book movies explore themes and pose societal critiques that can be found in some of our greatest literature.
Oh, really?
How so, Professor?
Well, the storyline of Star Trek, for instance, echoes the Iliad and the Odyssey by Homer.
And comic book heroes are our modern myths worthy of the Greek gods who are so often studied and analyzed in academia.
So you're saying that people who enjoy comic books and sci-fi movies are not immature nerds who refuse to grow up?
That's exactly what I'm saying.
I myself see the collective wisdom of the ages in the face of my Xeno warrior princess figurine.
Even more so after I massage my testicles with it.
What?
And there's a complexity of narrative in the X-Men mythos, particularly in the Dark Phoenix saga.
That is positively Shakespearean.
Many times in my studies, I have evoked the immortal bard, intoning a perfect Elizabethan iampic pentameter to stick or not to stick this Wolverine action figure up my butt.
Okay, well, you see, Professor, right there, you are perpetuating the cliché that grown men who are into superhero comic books are depraved infantile nerds with no social skills.
Well, that is what I am here to debunk, Jimmy.
And there is nothing wrong with my social life.
Look, I'm not saying I'm some gad about Lothario.
I have a normal dating life with the typical relationship issues that afflict all modern men.
Like what?
Restraining orders, attorney fees, ankle bracelets, you know, the usual stuff.
Are you even a professor at Columbia University?
I am a professor, and I am at Columbia University quite often because I live on the upper west side of Manhattan.
And I am truly a fixture there.
In fact, there are pictures of me in every security guard group on campus.
You know, I can believe that, but I really don't believe that you're a professor.
I'll have you know that I had my name legally changed to professor.
Just to show how multifaceted I am.
I'm not just a comic book and sci-fi geek.
I also love Gilligan Violet.
Well, whatever your name is, if you came here to win respect for geek culture, you failed miserably.
I'm sorry, but you're really creeping me out.
So why don't you just run along and masturbate all over your comic books or whatever it is you guys do?
That is so insulting, Jimmy.
The proper term is graphic novel, not comic book.
Well, Professor, Professor, thanks for joining us.
Thank you, Jimmy.
And please, somebody love me.
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So I don't know if you're paying attention to the presidential campaign, but Bernie Sanders threw his hat into the ring.
And he's running as a Democrat because even though he's an independent, which means he's not beholden to money, to big money, what it means is that he had to become a Democrat just to be a viable candidate for president because you need a party structure to run.
So now he's running as a Democrat, but he is a social Democrat, which scares the hell out of people when they hear the word social.
But all it means is that he's for an economy that works for the people instead of an elite group of plutocrats.
So why do I bring this up?
Because I was watching Hillary Clinton.
She was somewhere holding some kind of a private, it was in public where she's getting together to meet with regular folk.
She's getting ready to meet with regular folk.
And she hasn't taken a question from a reporter since April.
Yeah, she hasn't taken a question from a reporter since April.
So she's sitting down in this public forum and she has quote-unquote regular people around her and she's doing listening.
She's trying to learn from them.
Because apparently she doesn't know what's wrong with the country.
So apparently that's still a mystery to her.
What's wrong with things?
She has to go do a pretend listening to her to people.
This is big, this is all acting.
What Hillary Clinton is doing right now is acting.
Okay.
It's all acting.
It's got nothing to do with who she really is or what she really wants to do or how she wants her vision for America.
So here she was at an event in Iowa, and Ed Henry, who I'm no fan of, he blurts out a question to her.
I think the question may, well, here, let's listen to it.
Just wait, wait, Will.
I'll give her interview in the moment.
Yeah, maybe when I finish talking to the people here.
How's that?
So he says, hey, I just have some questions for you.
And she's, hey, hey, oh, oh, oh, wait, wait, when I'm done talking to the people here.
She's at a public event.
A reporter wants to ask her a real question.
She doesn't want to have any questions asked of her, you know, because she just wants to be the leader of the free world.
And you can't ask them questions because she's already talking to pre-selected, hand-picked, normal people in Iowa that she's pretending to talk to.
And here, here's how he tries again.
I might.
She goes, I might.
I might.
It's like a big jaw.
I'll play it from the top.
And it's just.
Wow.
Just wait, wait, Will.
Yeah, maybe when I. He says, you know, we haven't been able to ask you a question for a month.
And she says, well, maybe when I'm done talking to these people, here it is.
Finish talking to the people here.
How's that?
I might.
I'll have to ponder it.
I will put it on my list for due consideration.
So that's hilarious that she was not going to talk to a reporter while she's running for president.
Jimmy, remember, it's Ed Henry.
Yeah, he's a reporter, and she hasn't taken a question from a reporter since April.
You're stretching the definition of reporter.
The point is, she hasn't taken a question from a reporter.
I don't know.
I mean, Obama is the same way, kind of.
Yeah, we rip him for it.
Yeah, and if he doesn't talk to the press, we rip him for it.
I don't give him a pass because I'm going to vote for him.
But that's not why I'm giving Hillary a pass.
I'm giving Hillary a pass because she's when she's running for president.
She's running against whoever the Republicans are going to be, and she's also running against the press.
They are her opponents in her race for president.
They are against her.
Most of everything they write about her, and there's a lot of legitimate stuff you could write about her that's critical.
But most of what they write about her is complete bullshit.
So I don't blame her for not wanting to talk to them.
I'm saying, I don't blame her for not talking to the people that cover her.
She should find who the good journalists are, and she should talk to them.
Okay.
Listen, you know, as far as Hillary Clinton is concerned, I've been watching her dodge these questions.
She announced April 12th that she was running for president.
So she's been dodging question.
I just think she needs to go and take like an improv class.
That's my recommendation because she does not do well on the fly.
It's like they've told her, don't go answer any questions quite yet.
Let's decide what your platform is.
And then we'll weigh in.
That might be a smart strategy on her part, politically speaking.
Well, Frank, here's what I'm saying.
It turns my stomach because it makes me feel like, oh, we're going to get another corporate candidate, which we are, and that it's all staged and we're going to get more of the same and we're going to drift a little farther right in the country.
And here's what I want out of a presidential candidate.
Bernie Sanders went on, he went on with Wolf Blitzer, and just watch the direct answers Bernie Sanders gives to really tough questions, questions that usually make progressives stumble, stutter, backpedal, and waver.
And watch how he answers this.
Watch his vision for the future.
Everybody in this country, regardless of their income, if they have the ability, they're going to get a college education.
And today I just introduced legislation that would make public colleges and universities tuition-free.
Where's the money going to?
First of all, let me just say this.
We're the richest country in the world by far, still.
We have an economy twice, listen to me, twice the size of China's.
They have billions of people.
We have 300 million.
We have more money than any country in the history of the universe.
Corporations are flush with cash.
They're sitting on money.
Wall Street is toppling records.
They're paying record billion-dollar fines.
It doesn't even touch them.
We are the richest country the world, the universe has ever seen.
And so when politicians tell you we're broke and we can't afford to send kids to college for free, or we can't afford to have smaller class sizes in high schools, or we can't afford hospitals or libraries or to build our roads, they're lying.
When politicians tell you we're broke, they're either full of shit or they're using a Texas math book.
Nice.
Okay, so we've got more money than we know what to do with in America.
We just don't want to spend it.
We're going into the dark ages.
When Ronald Reagan hooked up with the religious right, that was the beginning of the dark ages in America.
in the end times.
Ha ha.
Ha ha.
But this, but would you agree with that assessment, Frank, that now ignorance dominates our political, They're anti-science, anti-anything that actually works.
They all about emotions, anger and hatred and crony capitalism.
OK, so that so here's so.
And then you have the Republicans and.
Nice job, Michael.
So here's Bernie Sanders letting it out.
We're going to send everybody to college for free in America.
What a great, what a boon that would be.
By the way, other countries, that's how they help their economy.
When Finland had a horrible economy, they decided to put three teachers in every classroom, start paying teachers the same way they paid engineers, and they had classroom sizes of 20 or less.
They are now, and wait a minute, they are now in the top four countries in the world as far as education, and their economy is booming, and that's because they invested in their people.
Go ahead, Frank.
Yes, that does happen, but they pay a price for that by having good health care.
So here's Bernie.
Let's hear Bernie Sanders lay it down one more time.
Public colleges and universities tuition-free.
Where's the money going to come from?
A tax on Wall Street speculation.
BAM!
BAM!
He just goes right after him, Frank.
Did you love how he didn't hesitate for a second?
Wolf Blitzer, where's the money going to come from?
Where's the money going to come from to send our kids to college?
That's the question.
Okay, so and Bernie's right there with the answer.
That's what I love, Bernie Sanders.
He's not afraid of a question, and he's got an answer for your stupid corporate news question.
Notice how Wolf Blitzer is never like, where is the money going to come from to bomb Iraq?
No one ever, Michael, that seems like such, that seems like such an obvious point, but it's never made enough, and I'm glad you made it.
It's like, there's a lot more money that goes into destroying the deserts.
No one ever says.
You're educating our children.
I haven't heard one person say in Congress or on anywhere.
I haven't heard one person say, where are we going to get the money for these ISIS bombs?
Where are we going to get the money to fight ISIS?
One aircraft carrier could spend like thousands of kids.
The F-35.
That doesn't seem a really efficient way to get kids to school, Frank.
You know how much money we've spent on the F-35?
$1.5 trillion, which turns out is enough money to wipe out all the student debt.
Yeah, but how many of them could actually fit in those?
Which was ineffective against box cutters.
Yes, which was very ineffective.
Exactly, Frank.
We had these $1.5 trillion F-35s, and there were still a bunch of cavemen who were able to ram the two biggest buildings in New York City and then fly a plane into the Pentagon after that.
Where were those F-30s?
Where was that $1.5 trillion?
Where was it?
You know, maybe if we would have sent somebody to college with that money, they could have figured out that somebody was going to try and hijack these planes.
But no, we spent $1.5 trillion on these planes, which are completely ineffective from protecting us from hijackers.
I would just like to take umbrage on behalf of cavemen.
I think that was a little unfair to them.
I agree.
So Bernie Sanders, that's what I, so here we go.
He's got, he comes right at Wolf Blitzer.
Where are we going to get the money?
Free, where's the money going to come from?
A tax on Wall Street speculation.
And that's exactly where it should talk about that.
What does that mean, a tax on Wall Street speculation?
No, he asked that question because he has no idea what it means.
That's what.
This is the part where Wolf Blitzer starts treating him like a crazy person.
He's saying insane things.
Well, literally, Wolf Blitzer does not know what Bernie Sanders is talking.
He goes, talk about that.
What do you mean when you say tax on speculation?
Because I have no idea what you're talking about.
And I'm the head news guy over here.
I don't know if you saw me on Jeopardy, but at the end of I was there with negative $50 million.
Here we go.
Wall Street speculation.
And that's exactly where it should talk about that.
What does that mean, a tax on Wall Street speculation?
What it means is right now, you have people who are becoming phenomenally wealthy by speculating in derivatives and every other type of esoteric instrument that they can.
People are getting very rich on Wall Street.
What we're going to impose is what exists in dozens of countries around the world, a very modest tax on the transference of large amounts of stock.
Do you like that answer, Frank?
Yeah, it sounds like common sense and very reasonable.
Sounds like common sense, very reasonable.
It sounds like the kind of thing a Democrat used to always say back in the 70s, and it doesn't sound like the kind.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like this kind of thing, you know, reasonable people used to say.
But again, Ronald Reagan married his party to the religious right, and our political, our body politic has been in the dark ages ever since.
And that's why somebody like Bernie Sanders saying something like this is so mind-blowing, and you never hear it.
And that's why Wolf Blitzer, he doesn't even know what to say anymore.
Go ahead, Michael.
Just completely contrary to the way that Hillary interacts with the public, Bernie Sanders did an Ask Me Anything on Reddit where he actually answered questions like a good amount of questions and with substantive answers to the point where people were actually satisfied, which doesn't all that happen all the time.
I read that.
Yeah.
And it was very satisfying.
Exactly.
That's the perfect adjective.
I was like, look at that.
There's a complete answer.
Exactly the kind of answer.
Anyway, so here.
Obama did one, theoretically, you know, and answered like six questions that were probably plants.
Yeah.
So here he is.
He's got more.
He confounds Wolf and he keeps going.
But does that mean a very modest pay for tuition-free education?
More than that.
This is a very effective and progressive way to raise money.
The estimate is it could bring in as much as $300 billion a year.
You think Republicans are going to go along with it?
No, of course not.
Do you see his next question?
Do you think Republicans are going to go along with this great idea?
Not like, hey, that's a great idea.
What a stupid question.
My God.
So do you think Republicans are going to go along with this?
Well, then if they're not going to go along with it, it's not going to become the law.
No.
Why would you even bring up something unless the Republicans already agree to it, Bernie?
Why would you even think to do something if the Republicans, if the people who oppose you don't want to do it?
Why would you bring, like Barack Obama knows how this works?
If you want to do a health care plan, you do their health care plan.
And then they still pretend that they don't like it.
You know, that was so dumb.
Even Don Lemon looked at that and went, wow, what an idiot.
That's hot.
But if the Republican, why would you even bring something up, Frank, if you know the people who oppose you politically?
The reason why you're running is to have your ideas out there instead.
It has nothing to do with what is happening to the public or what's affecting them.
You know, they had Newt Gingrich was on the campaign trail in 2008, and he said nothing but what can be proven to be lies.
He said lies on the entire time he was on stage.
He said nothing but lies, and then CNN hired him after that.
So it's all just a game to all these people.
They don't care about how politics affects people, how government affects people.
It's just all a game of who's going to win, who's going to lose, who's up, who's down.
And it's nothing more than that to people like Wolf Blitzer.
Yeah, I remember Newt Gingrich told a lot of lies.
One of them sticks out at me in particular.
He said, I'm a patriot.
Ha!
Ha.
Yeah, well, you know, and he said racist things.
He said lots of racist things.
He said lots of racist things to the point where we're at.
And I forgot about this.
He had as a guest, aside from those segments, he had as a guest David Brooks to talk about his new book about character.
Huh?
Bernie Sanders got a little bit more to say to Wolf Blitzer, corporate news journalist at CNN.
One of the N stands for news, Michael.
Oh.
The other N stands for not.
It's going to be passed tomorrow.
But I think what we have to do.
You think Republicans are going to go along with it?
No, of course they're not.
Well, then if they're not going to go along with it, it's not going to become the law.
No.
Well, I don't think it's going to be passed tomorrow.
But I think what we have to do is...
I mean, to a Republican.
Could you imagine him saying that to Mitch McConnell?
Well, Nancy Pelosi's not going to go along with it, right?
Well, then it won't become a law.
What are you guys doing?
Why would you propose something if the Democrats aren't going to go along with it?
He would never.
Am I wrong about that?
No.
No, you're not.
Not even a little bit.
Right.
Okay.
The American people will go along with it.
The American people think it's absurd that our young people are leaving school deeply, deeply in debt, and young people can't afford to go to college.
I believe we've got to join Germany, Scandinavia, many other countries around the world and say if you have the ability, regardless of your income, you're going to be able to go to college tuition free.
So you want to raise taxes on the very wealthiest people in this country?
Absolutely.
There's another gotcha question.
That was Wolf Blitzer delivering a GOP talking point.
Yes, So you want to raise taxes, huh?
So that's all he took away from that.
So you want to raise taxes?
Not like, well, you want to help the country.
Wow, that's a great idea.
Oh, so you want to bring us in parody with other nations, Western nations who have figured this out.
You want to do that?
No.
What does he say?
So you want to raise taxes, huh?
And Bernie Sanders doesn't flinch.
Doesn't flinch.
Do you know any other Democrat who could answer that like this?
Here we go.
You're going to be able to go to college tuition for the very wealthiest people in this country?
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And the wealthiest people in this country?
Absolutely.
Let me tell you something.
That's a winning message.
Yeah.
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And now, back to the show.
Welcome back to the Jimmy Dore Show.
We got a lot coming up in the second half.
We got phone calls from Chris Christie, Rick Perry, and Bernie Sanders.
We're going to have him on the phone later on in this half hour.
But right now, we have a phone call from Barack Obama.
So let's get to that.
Hello.
Well, hello, Jimmy Dore.
President Obama, is that you?
Yeah, Jimmy Dore, I've decided to grace you with my presence again, despite the fact that you were real prick last time.
Mr. President, that's not really nice.
It's sort of early to start name-calling, isn't it?
All I did was ask you some candid questions.
Loaded questions, Door.
Well, you would know something about loaded, wouldn't you, Mr. President?
Is that a reference to how many people I've killed, Jimmy Dore?
Why, yes, it is, Mr. President, but now let's get to the reason you called.
What's up?
What's up?
Wow, Jimmy, you talk so street.
I thought it was Joe Biden on the line.
I'll tell you what's up, Jimmy Dore.
I've decided to cut back the amount of military-grade weaponry that's available to the police.
What do you think about that?
Well, Mr. President, I think that's a surprising and uncharacteristic step, and I support the action.
The prize thing is uncharacteristic.
You mean like the show being funny?
Are you trying to roast me right now?
It's not wise to start trading pointed bars with a professional comedian.
Well, let me know when one arrives.
Bang!
Headshot.
You know, you know it.
Yeah, you'd know a thing or two about headshots, wouldn't you?
Look, your insults are like drone strikes, constantly bombing and fired with no idea who they're aimed at.
Oh, yeah.
Well, your show is like Joe Biden.
It almost never makes sense, and it touches people inappropriately.
Sir, you've raped the Constitution so much, even the Republicans recognize it as legitimate.
Jesus Christ, Dorr.
That doesn't make me feel good.
I told you you didn't want to do this, sir.
Did you want to get back to the discussion about police weapons?
Yeah, let's do that.
You see, after all the stuff that happened with Occupy and the death of Freddie Gray in Baltimore, Mike Brown in Ferguson, Eric Garner in New York, Tamani Grin in Brooklyn, and Oscar Grant in Oakland, I just felt like now was the right time to cut off the spigot of military weaponry making its way to local police departments.
And just a mere six years into your term.
So inspiring.
What exactly are you trying to say, Jimmy Dore?
What I'm saying is it's great you've decided to take this step decades after tanks, machine guns, and other scary things have hit the streets of America.
Oh, you make it sound so terrible, Jimmy.
It's not like the police have a tendency to just kill people or anything.
Mr. President, what are you talking about?
Police killing people is the exact reason there were riots, which brought how overly armed the police are to the public's attention, which forced you to take this action.
I mean, you just listed a bunch of people the police killed.
What the fuck are you trying to say, Jimmy Door?
I think I just said what I was trying to say pretty clearly, sir.
What you've done is similar to trying to put the fire out once the house is burned down.
Oh, you're going to talk to me about burning down homes like you're some kind of expert?
I suppose it's an area where you have more expertise.
You're goddamn right, Jimmy Dore.
I'm racing Kissinger for the record of most houses destroyed by a Nobel Peace Prize winner, and it's close, Door.
It's close.
It's close.
All right.
Well, I wish you luck with that then.
I don't need luck.
I got Israel.
That's true.
They do burn down a lot of homes.
All right, President Obama.
Thanks for the problem, Jimmy Dore.
Thanks for the chat, you crack ass motherfucker.
Barack Obama, ladies and gentlemen.
The Jimmy Dore show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Thank you.
Okay, so now we're going to get back to our conversation about Bernie Sanders and his conversation he had with Wolf Blitzer.
He had just gotten done telling Wolf Blitzer he wants to make college free for everyone in the United States and he wants to pay for it.
Well, Wolf Blitzer said, how are you going to pay for this?
He said, I'm going to tax the Wall Street.
I'm going to put a tax on Wall Street.
And it blew Wolf Blitzer's mind.
And he said, so you want to raise taxes?
Bernie Sanders says, I want to raise taxes on the very wealthy, certainly.
So that's where we're going to pick up our discussion of me saying what a great idea that was.
And I am joined on the phone from New York City.
You know him, you love him from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's TV's Frank Frank Conniff in the studio with me, comedian Michael Schertzer, and from the blog The Miserable Liberal.
It's Steph Zamorano.
You're going to be able to go to college tuition for so you want to raise taxes on the very wealthiest people in this country?
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And the wealthiest people in this country?
Absolutely.
Let me tell you something.
That's a winning message.
That's a winning.
That's like the, you know, that's like gay marriage.
That's that's like the minimum wage.
That's a winning message, taxing the filthy rich in America.
And by the way, Stiglitz, Nobel Prize-winning, yeah, Nobel Prize-winning economist.
And also, my favorite gum.
And also my favorite gum.
He said that since 1980, the bottom 90% in America has gotten zero money.
All the money that has gotten made from the 80s, from 1980, has gone to the upper 10%.
So, yes, we should maybe tax those people because that's where all the money.
You know, when you ask Willie Sutton, they asked him, why did you rob banks?
He said, that's because that's where the money is.
Hey, why are you going to tax Wall Street?
Because that's where the money is.
Jimmy, I hate to bring up another radio show, but on the John Fuglesang show, he had a guest, John Laboutlier, who was a Republican congressman from the Reagan era and a conservative.
And he said, and this was a month or so ago, he said that, well, he was advocating for Elizabeth Warren to run for president.
And he was saying that if she ran, she would win the presidency because the message that Bernie Sanders is articulating there, he said exactly what you're saying.
And this is a conservative saying this.
He said that is a winning message that people will respond to.
That is.
That's a winner.
I'm so.
And he was saying, and the point he was making, too, is that none of these candidates have a message.
Right.
Yes.
Bernie Sanders has a message, and it's the same message as Elizabeth Lauren had.
And he was saying that when you have a very simple, strong message like that, and Reagan had it on the other side.
Yes.
In 1980, it was a very simple message about cutting taxes.
But he was saying that that era is over now, and that a very simple, strong message of we're going to tax the wealthy, and we're not going to let Wall Street ruin America anymore.
He was saying that he thought that could be a winning message that could get Elizabeth Warren elected president.
Except she won't run.
And I don't think Bernie Sanders is electable.
But you know what?
And you know that I'm a Hillary supporter, but I'm really glad that Bernie Sanders is running.
And I think his one of the really positive things that can come out of it, and it seems like it's already happening, is moving Hillary to the left and forcing her and also forcing her in the debates that are going to come up to debate Bernie Sanders and to defend herself against what he's, I'm sure he's going to say the same things to her that you're saying about her right now.
Well, you know, I was just reading an article with Bernie Sanders being interviewed on Mother Jones, and he says this quote.
And I want you to try to picture any other candidate running for president to say this.
He's responding to the question about, you know, like being so cynical about Washington and making progress.
And he said, what I will also tell you is that I have four kids and seven grandchildren whom I love very much.
I'm going to do my best to try to create a country in which children are not living in poverty, in which kids can go to college, in which old people have health care.
Will I succeed?
I can't guarantee you that, but I can tell you that from a human point of view, it is better to show up than to give up.
He's our FDR.
Well, he is.
He's our FDR, except he doesn't have money or influence or real power.
But here is.
So I just want to say, so let me just.
Here's Hillary Clinton.
I have gotten an enormous amount of good ideas, good information from doing these roundtables.
And I want to thank all of you for participating in this one.
What we want to do now is maybe take a picture and then maybe have our elected officials come and join a picture and we'll be able to do that.
And then I might, if you know, if I can learn something, I might come over and say a few words and take a few questions from the press.
But why don't we take, let's see, Barbara, you got us here, and then maybe we can get Bill and Jeff and Timmy to join us too.
So she's staging a photo op.
That's what she was doing that whole time.
If some of the elected officials want to come and say, so you can have that or you can have...
People are getting very rich on Wall Street.
What we're going to impose is what exists in dozens of countries around the world, a very modest tax on the transference of large amounts of stock.
Okay, so there you go.
So we were lucky enough to get Bernie Sanders on the phone to talk to us.
But there was a little bit of a problem, and the problem is that Bernie and I are in agreement on policies.
We're both progressives, and we both see things kind of the same way.
And to the point where we could actually even finish each other's sentences, right?
So it's hard to do comedy with someone who you're in agreement with.
That's all I'm saying.
You need conflict to have comedy, right?
You need hypocrisy.
You need contradictions.
You need things like that to point out.
You need at least a differing of opinions on how things should be or how things are or what we should do.
So we agree a little bit too much.
We kind of finish each other's sentences.
Enjoy my conversation with Bernie.
Bernie Sanders.
Hello, who's this?
Hello, Jimmy.
This is Senator Bernie Satis.
Wow, Senator Sanders, how are you doing?
I'm doing well.
Thanks for asking.
I hope this finds you the same.
Yes, I'm very well.
It's a pleasure to finally talk to him.
I'm a big supporter of yours.
I'm aware of that, and I'm flattered.
It's always a special joy to talk to another progressive.
Right.
I feel the same way.
Someone who actually truly takes the side of Main Street.
Over Wall Street.
Right.
Someone who feels the strategy and diplomacy should provide the solutions to our international problems.
Rather than allowing the military-industrial complex to essentially dictate our foreign policy.
Exactly.
Someone who feels that the tax burden shouldn't fall on the middle and working classes.
But rather, the multinational conglomerates that heretofore have been getting away with murder.
Not only literally, in the sense of human and ecological costs, but also as far as tax loopholes.
Precisely.
Someone who feels that elections should not be financed by large, in my personal opinion, unconstitutional super PACs.
But instead, by individual donations by citizens.
Thank You yes, and that is exactly what you have done, raising millions of dollars already by individual donations averaging 43.
Thank you very much.
That is so great, Bernie.
Wow, we agree on just about everything.
Just about everything, yes.
Wow, Bernie, there isn't really a lot of comedy here, then is there?
No, there is not.
Kind of a problem for this show, wouldn't you say?
Not for me.
Why not?
Because, Jimmy, my ultimate goal is to destroy the Jimmy Dore show.
What?
Erase it from the pages of history.
Bernie, why?
We're allies.
Look, Jimmy, I'm sorry.
But the truth of the matter is that my platform is most succinctly described thusly: I want an America where there is no need for the Jimmy Dore show or any left-leaning political satire.
I can kind of see this.
I want to send you packing back to the nightclubs.
I want to reduce Frank Carniv to writing for television programs.
I want Robert Yasimura wandering the streets aimlessly, taking awful photographs of flowers and shit.
I want Michael Schutzer dressed in a chicken outfit, dancing around in front of El Pollo Local.
Not because they hired him, but because that's how severe his psychotic break will be after losing his first and only writing song.
And I want Stephanie to be reduced to having a salary doubled, if not tripled, because the noble profession of teacher should be glorified, not vilified in this country, if I have anything to say about that.
Oh, boy.
And after you, I'm going to go after even bigger fish, the daily show.
Imagine that handsome smug foreigner starting his new job shitting on our beloved nation right at the moment when we start to turn things around and finally get it right.
I'm going to send that smiling prick back to District 9 for a thumb in his ass.
So politically, you're a hero, but comedically.
I'm the joker.
I'm less loved.
I'm your worst nightmare.
I really don't know what to think about this.
I know.
Now, there's one kosher pickle you find yourself in, my friend.
Yeah, this is the weirdest way I could imagine that I can conceivably get talked into supporting Hillary Clinton.
Now she is a friend of the Jimmy Dore show.
Yeah?
If she wins the whole kit and caboodle, she'll be sending you guys at a KFPK, a lovely fruit basket with a little Iran war inside.
Yeah, pretty much.
I lived on a kibbus for a year as a Jew, and I'm even like, Hillary, take Israel's dick out of your mouth once in a while.
Well, Bernie, I'm going to have to let you go and sort things out in my head.
Nice talking to you, though.
You too.
I'm a big fan.
I love how you've helped the progressive movement.
And it's my life goal to dismantle everything you've ever worked for.
Okay.
Thank you, Bernie.
You're welcome.
Take care.
Okay, Bernie Sanders, ladies and gentlemen.
All right.
I'm watching MSNBC, The Last Word with Lawrence O'Donnell.
He's got a strong jaw.
He's got a very strong jaw.
And whoever dyes his hair, I got to call them because you can't tell.
One day it's brown, one day it's gray, one day it's blonde, one day it's sandy brown.
It's great.
You can't tell.
Whereas you can tell with me.
He manages to always keep his hair the color of pomposity.
So I'm watching him.
He runs a here's NBC News.
They're doing a news report about what's happening in Iraq because ISIS just took over a couple of big cities in Iraq.
Now, let's remember who ISIS is.
In 2003, the United States illegally invaded a sovereign country called Iraq because we wanted to steal their oil.
We wanted to kill their people and steal their natural resources.
And we wanted to create a power base in the Middle East.
Okay, that didn't happen.
So what happened was all those guys who were running Iraq, which was a Sunni government, Saddam Hussein was a secular leader in the Middle East.
Put in place by the United States.
And so what we did was we overthrew him and all the people who he had running the country.
And now they formed ISIS.
And now they're going to take over their country again, right?
So it's a Shiite-Sunni fight.
And now Shiites are running Iraq and Iran.
So our plan backfired.
And it's just a hole where we just send trillions of dollars while we have 40 kids in classrooms.
Kids graduate college with hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.
Here's the NBC.
They're doing, here's their report on ISIS's new land grabs in Iraq.
The retreat from Ramadi was fast and humiliating.
Iraqi troops in dozens of armored vehicles in a race for their lives.
Forcing them out.
ISIS fighters who shot this propaganda video showing a city abandoned by the army.
ISIS gunmen controlling the hospital in the city center.
Well, I like how the NBC newsmen referred to it as a propaganda who shot this propaganda video to show the ISIS running the city, as opposed to this video, which is also a propaganda video for the West.
What are you talking about?
This propaganda video?
What do you so?
Anyway, so here we go.
Iraqi troops fought for just two days, leaving behind Americans.
So, you know, those Iraqi troops that we spent billions and billions and billions of dollars training so they could fight the enemy.
They didn't want to fight the enemy.
They fought for two days and they left.
You know why?
It's not their land.
That's a Sunni area.
So the Sunnis are taking back over Sunni land, and the Shiites don't give a crap and they keep going back to Baghdad.
They keep tucking their tail and running against from the fight because they don't care.
That's not their land.
It's like asking people from Oklahoma to go fight for land in Alaska.
They don't care about it.
It's not their land.
So they tuck tail and they run all the time.
And people are like, ISIS is on the move.
ISIS lives there.
ISIS lives there.
They live there.
That's where they're from.
Okay.
So when we go over there, there's a little bit more to this report.
Supplied weapons and tanks.
But it's a setback for the U.S. A decade ago, NBC News was in Ramadi, where hundreds of American troops gave their lives to hold the city.
Today, when I heard that, that's what made me want to get this clip.
Hundreds of American GIs gave their lives to hold this city.
Hold it from who?
Hold the city from the people who live there?
Hold it from the people who are already governing that country that we were illegally invading and overthrowing.
You mean that?
You mean holding it from those people?
So that's talk about a propaganda video.
So the NBC guy says, oh, we were here 10 years ago in Ramadi and the Americans are giving their lives to hold the city.
Hold it from who?
And this is what people don't understand.
If they were in Oklahoma City, you'd go, yes, they're trying to hold Oklahoma City from ISIS.
But guess what?
ISIS isn't bombing us.
They're not, no one's over here fighting us over here.
You know where they are?
They're over there fighting us over there.
You know why?
Because we're over there.
Why are we over there?
Everybody says we've got to confront ISIS.
Why?
It's not our country.
I think that any success that ISIS has, Bush and Cheney should get a residual check.
Yes.
And they're like, oh, but ISIS, they're worse.
They're horrible.
Let me tell you something.
Anything ISIS has done, we've done.
And so have our allies done.
Saudi Arabia, by the way, who's our buddy in this war against quote-unquote terror and these savages called ISIS, they're setting records for how many people they've beheaded this year.
Saudi Arabia setting records for how many people they've beheaded.
They're our buddies.
That's the guy that George Bush went over and held hands and made out with.
Yeah, I remember that.
That was lovely.
So the American people are so – and I get these people right now, these people who don't understand anything about anything, And they're just as frightened as Chris Matthews is about ISIS can I give you an example of somebody who doesn't know anything about anything yeah Jeb Bush came out today and said ISIS didn't exist when my brother brother was president al-Qaeda in Iraq was wiped out when my brother was president there was no al-Qaeda in Iraq he also said knowing what you know now Mr. President would you should you have kept 10,000
troops in Iraq or 15,000 or 4,000 that's his big ass lie that they're perpetuating that because that agreement to leave Iraq was made during the Bush administration that's right yeah and and Obama couldn't and not that he should have but even if he wanted to he couldn't resend that because the conditions were if you leave your troops over here we have the right
prosecute them for war crimes.
Right.
And since we know that if we leave troops there, you better believe there are going to be some war crimes.
We couldn't agree to that.
And Obama actually tried to get troops to stay for longer.
He tried to negotiate that but couldn't get the deal.
I mean, they built a whole green zone over there.
They don't want to just leave it, you know?
So I'm doing a story.
I was on The Young Turks, and we were doing a story about in Russia, they have a day where they go and celebrate diversity, and it's for standing up for the LGBT community in Russia.
So in this video, they were beating the crap out of these people, and all they do is they release balloons.
And there was a video showing how these thugs in Russia beat the crap out of these gay people who are supporting.
They're releasing balloons.
All they want to do is release balloons.
Cops were arresting people.
And, of course, you know they've been passing all these draconian laws in Russia to demonize and persecute gay people, right?
Calling them pedophiles, and you can't be a gay person, can't be around gay people, all this stuff, right?
They're doing all this stuff.
And we all know what happens in Africa, Uganda.
They pass laws outlawing being gay, and you can kill someone for big.
And that's because the Christian right in America is over there proselytizing in Africa and getting people to do all this stuff.
Okay?
So the whole country of Russia has gone crazy.
Crazy Christian hating the gays, persecuting them, putting them in jail, beating them.
And so is the continent of Africa.
Okay?
So that's all the Christian hating the gays.
So I was commenting on the story on the Young Turks, and I made them mention that all religious fundamentalisms, they're all crazy.
They're all equally crazy.
And, you know, and I'll give you an example, a quick example of, you know, everybody made a big deal how ISIS released that video of them burning that Jordanian pilot alive.
They were like, wow, what, can you believe that happened?
And now I've got to find this.
Hold on.
Hang on.
Now I've got to fucking find it.
Hold on.
I'll fucking find this.
And everybody talked about how horrible that was, that they burned alive a Jordanian pilot, who had just been bombing them, by the way.
All right.
So anyway, that's horrible that they did that.
And then I was reading, and I don't know if you remember last year, the three Israeli teen bodies were discovered, and they were killed by Palestinians.
And then the Israelis, they retaliated by killing a Palestinian boy, 16 years old.
Well, here's how they killed him.
In an apparent revenge killing, Israeli settlers abducted and murdered a 16-year-old.
His name is Monad Abdul Kinder.
In the early morning hours of July 2nd, they murdered him, abducted him, and murdered a 16-year-old boy.
The autopsy revealed he was burned alive.
Right.
So that was before the ISIS burned alive that Jordanian pilot.
The settlers, the Jewish settlers in Gaza were burning alive a 16-year-old Palestinian boy.
So again, any of the people who don't understand what I'm talking about, please stop writing me because you're not smart enough and you don't get it.
And stop listening to my show.
Don't stop listening to the show.
So here's somebody named Val something over at my page.
She says to me, she says, Jimmy, that Jesus freak lady in the story I was commenting on, she says, but now I ask you, Jimmy, what do Islam extremists do to gay people?
How can you say that all extremists are equally bad?
Jimmy, you can't be this naive, can you?
What do Islam extremists do to gay people?
They do the exact same thing that Christian extremists do.
They persecute them and murder them.
What are you talking about?
Actually, in Afghanistan, they have sex with them.
In Afghanistan, they do.
It's a pretty common thing to have sex with boys.
With boys in Afghanistan.
I saw that documentary too.
That is true.
Whatever her name is, that's what they do with them.
Yeah.
She said, all religious extremists are equally bad.
How so, Jimmy?
Well, how so?
She says to me, go for a walk in the deepest Christian areas in the United States or anywhere in the world.
Then go for a walk in Raqqa, capital of Islam state.
What do you think would happen, Jimmy?
I will, I'll tell you what would happen.
We would watch your beheading on live leaks.
They'd kill you just because you're a non-Muslim.
So I ask you again, how are all the extremists equally bad?
So what I say to that person is, if you went for a walk in Iraq over the last 24 years, what do you think would happen to you?
You'd get blown to pieces by one of the thousands of Christian bombs.
We've been dropping on them nonstop since the first Christian president, George Herbert Walker Bush, started bombing Muslims back in the early nineties.
How many Muslim bombs have you had to dodge in the United States?
Zero?
So I find this brand of, I find this brand of ignorance and piss poor thinking, particularly tiring and annoying.
Especially since I've already explained this, but people like you cling to stupidity, fear, and ignorance like a drowning man to a life vest.
Go ahead, Frank.
Wow.
Well, I was just going to say that it's just crazy when someone says, or this person is saying, you know, how can you say that our extreme religious people are as bad as their extreme religious people?
This is such a good thing.
It's like, our extreme religious people are actually pretty moderate.
Yes.
And by the way, lots of Jews live in Iran.
Lots of Jews.
There's lots of, guess what?
There's lots of Jewish texts.
temples inside of Iran so it's this kind of ridiculous knee-jerk these Sam Harris groupies who don't understand they they don't read Chomsky they have no they they have such a narrow-minded worldview if you go strictly by numbers,
the number of Islamic people and Muslims who don't engage in violence and just believe in what they believe and then go about their day peacefully.
That number far outweighs the number of Christians because there's just so many of them.
Yes.
The percentage of the ones who are crazy are the small percentage, as are the crazy Christians are the small percentage, too.
Well, it's just amazing.
But Frank, I wouldn't even, I would go.
So what I do then is I take the other leap and I go, well, if you're going to say that Muslim violence is especially scary and especially to be feared, what do you say about the United States violence?
We've occupied two Muslim countries for 10 years.
One of them completely illegally for oil.
We've been bombing Iraq for four straight presidencies.
How many more bombs can we drop on these Muslims?
You know, like I tell people, if we found out there was oil in Salt Lake City and we started bombing it for 20 years straight, there'd be a lot of Mormon terrorists.
Okay, I hope you're enjoying the extra long show today.
I didn't want to cut that discussion off in the middle.
There's a lot more to that discussion, actually.
There's a lot more stuff we have to say about ISIS and Sam Harris, who I want people to remember I'm a big fan of when it comes to his talk about atheism.
But if you read Chomsky and you apply logic to the situation, you see that when he tries to extrapolate his atheism about terrorism, foreign policy, state power, he's woefully, woefully, it's almost like any, it's very childlike logic, and it's really easy to drive a truck through because I can do it.
Okay, so we're going to talk about more about that in the premium.
In fact, here's a little sample of what's coming up in the premium.
We got a call from Rick Perry.
We got a call from Chris Christie.
I got a phone call into Chris Christie.
I want to ask him.
Hello, is this Governor of New Jersey?
Let me see.
Are you the governor of New Jersey?
So I guess that would mean...
That's right.
I am.
I don't you forget it.
Look, I called because I wanted to ask you about the $300,000 of taxpayer money you spent on food in 2012.
$83,000 of that sum was spent just on concessions at NFL games.
You got to understand.
In New Jersey, ballpark concession quarters like Bull Mate cooking.
And you made 53 shopping runs at Wegman's grocery store, spending over $76,000.
I had no choice.
I go there for payday.
Payday?
That's the only grocery store that starts payday chocolate bars with the fudge center that oozes into the bottom of the rapper.
I love Reese's pieces more than I love my wife.
Reese's pieces.
Don't you think that kind of spending abuse makes you look irresponsible and unpresidential?
That's the big deal.
I like to order for the table when I eat alone.
You're spending public money on yourself while you're cutting teacher salaries and state pensions.
Look, there's no free lunches in this country unless it's on the taxpayers' time and I'm hungry.
How do you think voters will respond about this and the billions you misuse with the Port Authority and using Hurricane Sandy relief money for political purposes?
This don't mean shit.
I told a few jokes on Jimmy Falloon and the whole thing is forgotten.
Hey, there's a lot more to that Chris Christie phone call.
Plus, we have a hilarious Rick Perry phone call where he talks about announcing his announcement for him announcing to run for president.
So check that out.
That's in this week's premium.
Plus, it's a double episode, right?
So we've got that hilarious Prince Charles phone call from last week.
It goes on for about seven minutes.
We also have Rick Perry, Chris Christie.
Plus, we have a lot longer discussion about ISIS.
We have the Republican presidential candidates they all went to a North of Freedom Summit in North Carolina, and they all gave their best.
Hey, I want to kill some people and see if I can get cheers out of saying it in a speech.
Hey, Christian conservatives cheering at the top of their lungs when someone says, I want to kill someone.
Okay, you think I'm that's that's not hyperbole.
That's straightforward.
Then my recommendation is let's load our bombers up and bomb them back to the seventh century.
Yay, massive killing with lots of bombs.
Yay, just like Jesus.
Okay, so that's in the premium content this week.
And don't forget, how do I get the premium content, Jimmy?
You go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You click on premium, you make your $5 donation.
And, you know, if you want to join for the whole year, we give you a month free.
So $5 a month.
We give you a month free.
That's $55 for the whole year.
Okay, so go over to JimmyDoorComedy.com and become a premium member.
And if you have and haven't gotten your passcode, send me an email at my old-timey email, jimmydoor at earthlink.net, and we'll get you your passcode right away.
Okay.
So thanks for supporting the show.
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Thanks for your support.
All right.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Mike McRae, Mark Van Landuitt, Michael Schertzer, Frank Conniff, Robert Yasimura, and Steph Zamarano.
All their voices today perform by the one and only the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
We'll see you June 13th at the improv.
That's an 8 p.m. show.
Discounted ticket links over at jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Saturday, June 13th, 8 p.m.
We'll see you there at the improv in Hollywood, California.
Okay, that's it for this week.
Until next week, this is Jimmy Door saying you be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
You go insane.
Same in an insane world.
Insane world.
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