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April 18, 2015 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Hey everybody up in the Seattle area.
I'm going to be at Laughs in Kirkland April 30th through May 3rd.
See you there.
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program, the Jimmy Dore Show.
Have you heard MSNBC is getting killed in the ratings?
Yes.
It's currently in trouble from a new channel that actually reports news.
Recently, it's been getting beaten in key demographics by Al Jazeera America.
Wow.
Good.
Yeah, apparently being right-wing douchebags in the morning and Democratic Party cheerleaders in the evening isn't a winning rating strategy.
MSNBC is constantly being accused of representing the left.
But if you watch their lineup, they don't represent anything.
If NBC is so lefty, why can I count the number of times anti-war intellectuals like Noam Chomsky and Howard Zinn have appeared on my Zero Fingers Times?
And don't forget, they're the lefty network that fired Phil Donahue for being against the Iraq war.
MSNBC has recently lost 45% of their primetime viewers.
People are not watching their evening lineup of TV personalities because they have so very little personality.
In the morning, they kick off their programming day with dry drunk Joe Scarborough, surrounded by people who look like they're in a hostage video.
Yeah, did you know that the last quarter saw the MSNBC's morning staple, Morning Joe, lose its third straight quarter in both demo and total viewership to CNN's New Day, a show that's only 20 months old?
Yes, turns out that lefties don't want to get up extra early to watch pundits, plagiarists, Wall Street insiders, and other millionaires hanging out repeating accepted Beltway opinions.
It's must-see television, but only if you're on it.
Following the success of Fox News's The Five, NBC got the bright idea to have the cycle, which is only entertaining when their cycles are synced up.
I think the cycle should be named the Yawn.
Then onto the dynamic broadcasters like Rachel Maddow, who is in New York, and Chris Hayes, who's in Washington, yet they share the same hair and makeup person.
Both Maddow and Hayes at one time had stimulating programs, but are now hosting gray nebulous shows with no tangible individuality.
It feels like they can't make a stand on any issue that might upset the Beltway, the establishment, the corporation, or the crazy cat lady in Wichita, Kansas, who writes 30 emails a day to all sorts of organizations because she's really angry at her daughter married that guy who doesn't send her a birthday card.
And for all this tiptoeing around the truth that the hosts do, they could be professional ballerinas.
That's the one thing you can't say about Fox News people.
They don't hold back, you know, except for Shep Smith.
On weekends, they are locked down with lockup.
The show is particularly popular with New Yorkers who watch the people in prison cells envious of their living space.
I think the biggest problem with MSNBC is its total humorlessness.
Anytime a joke accidentally appears on its earwaves, there's immediately issued a panicked apology from MSNBC president Phil Griffin.
Hey, if the president of the channel has no loyalty to its people, why should viewers?
I worry, what if MSNBC goes away?
What would we do without hard-hitting investigative reporting like Andrea Mitchell and Luke Russert?
Sadly, MSNBC is not going away.
It will continue to crawl into the election cycle when it will reap the whirlwind of election advertising.
That is, if anybody is still watching.
Thank you.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
the show for up-minded, lowly-lovered lapies.
The kind of people that are It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you, T. Value.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I'm joined on the phone.
He's in New York City.
You know him and you love him from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's TV's Frank.
Frank Conniff is with us.
Hi, Frank.
How are you?
Hello there.
Yay, good to hear your voice.
In the studio with me, there he is, comedian and Japanese man, Robert Yasimura.
Hey, Robert.
Hello.
Hello.
All right.
Also in the studio with me, you know, we're from the Miserable Liberal blog and the host of Comedy and Everything Else.
It's Steph Zemerano.
Hi, Steph, our resident Latina.
Ola.
Amy.
Ola, how are you?
Also with us, comedian Elliot Spitzer Michael Schertzer is here.
Hi, Michael.
Hey, Jimmy, what's up?
Good to hear your voice.
Edwin Umanya from TYT is here.
Hi, Edwin.
Hey, Dorman, how you doing?
Yay.
Let's get to some jokes before we get to the jokes.
Hey, did you hear President Obama, you know, there's that gay cure therapy that they do?
Well, he wants to ban that.
Good for him.
He wants to ban the gay cure therapy, and this is going to be a severe setback for closeted conservatives who hate themselves.
Yeah.
Hey, by the way, did you know the NRA convention is happening right now?
So if you don't give a shit about safety of children and want to meet like-minded folk, the NRA convention is happening right now.
Yeah, the NRA convention, it provides a profound sense of community to men with tiny dicks who need to be among other men with tiny dicks.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, then I'm on my way.
I'm on my way.
McCarthy's car's already started.
Hey, by the way, there's one year anniversary of the Clive and Bundy Ranch standoff this week.
And in honor of that, I'm going to take a deadbeat racist douchebag to lunch.
Anybody?
Everybody's jumping in.
Marco Rubio's in.
So a GOP presidential candidate has to have what it takes to go from being a local disgrace to a national embarrassment.
Did you know Scott Walker once called for tightening gun laws?
Yes, that brief moment of reason and common sense is probably going to sink his candidacy.
And so Republicans are going to go to the polls to vote in the 2016 GOP primaries to determine who will ultimately be a Fox News commentator in 2017.
Most of the GOP presidential candidates will one day be difficult final jeopardy answers that cost contestants the game.
Hey, did you know Chris Christie opposes legalizing pot?
He said because it undermines his vision for a fat, angry America that can't control its Temper.
And he's also proposing cuts to Social Security.
Chris Christie, this is his winning strategy, is to propose cuts to Social Security, but he promises they'll only impact the lives of people who aren't him.
I was listening to the radio.
Some guy just used a really hackneyed, out-of-date expression, and I totally went postal.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!
Hey, did you see Fox News says Hillary Clinton went to Chipotle, made the news?
Okay.
Yeah, and Fox News says she went to Chipotle for her Hispanic outreach.
And then she went to McDonald's to win over the Irish.
Rand Paul's got a new slogan meant to appeal to women, but I don't think it's going to do the trick.
His new slogan is, Rand Paul, go buy yourself something pretty.
No wait.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Did you know Abraham Lincoln was shot 150 years ago today?
A tragedy even more so because of how scarce good Republicans became afterwards.
He actually just became eligible to get into a veterans hospital.
Nice.
That's the joke.
Snap.
Did you hear people are really scrutinizing Hillary Clinton's campaign already, and it just started.
A lot of media is focused on her campaign logo.
Did you know that?
Yeah, because the issue working people care most about is graphic design.
Did you hear some Blackwater guards got convicted this week for a massacre in Iraq seven years ago?
You know, convicting Blackwater guards, but not George Bush and Dick Cheney is like punishing the Imperial stormtroopers, but not Palpatine and Darth Vader.
Really?
You know, conservatives will never consider Obama a true Christian until he goes to war with a country that didn't attack us.
And here's a joke just for me.
I don't know, you know, after all the footage these last couple of weeks of cops beating suspects and shooting unarmed men, I had to watch the bad lieutenant just to lighten my mood.
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
We got phone calls from Mel Gibson, Chris Christie, and Hollywood Drunk Tank from Rip Torn.
Yay.
Plus, we're going to talk about shaming the poor in Kansas.
We'll also talk about the crash in the ratings at MSNBC.
And also the big lie about the jobs created under the Reagan administration that gets repeated over and over.
Also, we got a commercial from BP we're going to talk about, plus a lot lot more.
us today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
*music*
Promotional consideration provided to new jerk off.
Bothered by a jerk who won't leave you alone?
Spray a load of jerk-off right in his face.
Ha ha ha ha!
And that's it.
That's how it ends.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, JimmyDoorComedy.com.
If you have a Macintosh computer and you need it to get fixed, Sean James can help you fix your computer right over the internet.
He fixes mine all the way from New York City.
Send him an email at MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
We know that Republicans like to cling to their myths about Ronald Reagan.
Oh, sure.
It reminds them of a better time in our country when a president cut taxes and the deficit and strengthened our defense and protected the border, while in reality, Ronald Reagan raised taxes, gave amnesty to immigrants, illegally sold weapons to terrorists, tripled our deficit.
Sure.
But he was white.
I don't even say Ronald Reagan anymore.
I say the legend of Ronald Reagan.
The legend of Ronald Reagan.
That's exactly what's a good way.
So one of the things they like to do is pretend that Ronald Reagan created all these jobs that he didn't, right?
So here's George Will, and here he is.
He's going to.
George Will, by the way, as we all know, huge liar.
Huge liar.
Record liar.
On the record, caught lying many, many times.
He's going to be caught right here.
No, I'm going to catch him.
Nobody catches him on the panel.
Shocking.
So here, here we go.
Ready?
For the second year in a row, they blamed poor quarter to growth on insufficient global warming.
That is on winter, on an unusually cold winter.
Let your mind go back to November last year.
There was job creation of 321,000 jobs, and the administration said this is a miraculous achievement and a harbinger of things to come.
It wasn't a harbinger, and it wasn't miraculous.
During the Reagan recovery, there were 23 months of job creation over 300,000.
Reagan had a month of job creation of 1 million.
And this was at a time when there were 75 million fewer Americans.
So that's what's known as a lie.
And he's saying that in front of Moore Eliason from NPR and Juan Williams and all these other people.
I could see the nose on his bow tie growing.
And nobody sat there.
And first of all, nobody knew that that was a lie.
And nobody knew that, hey, maybe I should Google that on my smartphone so I could throw it right in his face because I know he's lying.
But as the magazine Business Insider pointed out, Reagan's so-called million job month in September 1983 was simply an outlier inflated.
That number was inflated.
There was a million job month, September 1983, but that was due because 675,000 communication workers were on strike and decided to go back to work that month.
That is some good job creation.
In fact, according to the Wall Street Journal's MarketWatch blog, the average monthly job growth during the Reagan administration, 168,000 jobs a month.
Okay.
Well, you know, you can't argue with juke statistics.
But it's true.
But apparently, nobody, I guess, on that show knew that.
Right?
Nobody knew that that was that tired old canard and people – and what – so people – Maybe he's not lying.
Maybe his solution to increasing job numbers is more strikes.
Oh, yeah.
Maybe that's what George Will is trying to say.
And by the way, did you notice how that, when, you know, when they say when someone lies, they go, they do that a lot or they touch their nose.
Yeah.
So George Will, let's listen to him again.
Let's listen.
He's going to get ready to sign.
Miraculous achievement and a harbinger of things to come.
It wasn't a harbinger and it wasn't miraculous.
During the Reagan recovery, there were 23 months of job creation over 300,000.
Reagan had a month of job creation of 1 million.
And this was at a time when there were 75.
Yeah, he swallowed.
He swallowed.
It was the bullshit.
Yeah, that's exactly what that was.
George Will, you can his tell that he's lying is when he shows up at the studio.
Frank.
Let me just tell you, by the way, that's not the first time that the Republicans have thrown out that number, 1 million job created in one month by Ronald Reagan.
In fact, that number has been more discredited than William Bennett's credit card.
Here's Newt Gingrich back in 2012 making that same claim when he was running for president.
We passed a series of tax cuts, a series of deregulations.
It was so successful that in one month, August of 1983, we created a million 300,000 jobs in one month.
Okay, so there's that lie again.
Like I said, we, like, he was a part of it.
He was in Congress.
So.
I also, by the way, love the fact that they're, I mean, the tax cuts did create some jobs, but no one ever talks about the long-term effects of Reagan and Alex, which tax cuts do not create jobs.
If they did, Robert, we'd be swimming in jobs.
No, it's more, it was more the deregulation that did it.
It was more defense spending.
It was gross over.
It was deficit spending.
He deficit spent us out of a depression.
And it's not like the American public was so happy with him.
You know, by the time he left office, the only reason George Bush Sr. won was because Dukakis was such an awful candidate.
But let me just say, like, no one ever talks about how Reaganomics really led to the drain of jobs long ago.
No doubt.
No doubt about it.
Well, that's why ever since 1980, the working man hasn't gotten a raise.
That's why, ever since 1980, the income disparity is now at the greatest it's ever been in this country, bigger than the Gilded Age.
So that's so, and by the way, at a time when the economy is going gangbusters, workers are not seeing any of it.
Gangbusters, we have records on Wall Street.
Corporations are sitting on trillions of dollars.
We had Jim Kramer I played earlier in the year on this show saying that the corporations are going to be so flush with cash, they're going to be embarrassed not to give their employees raises.
That was his idea.
So that's how, and at that same time, so this is Reagan.
This is the end of unions in America.
That's what this is about, outsourcing jobs, not creating things here in our country.
Closing down mental facilities?
Yeah, this is all about...
By the way, I heard a statistic yesterday, and people are welcome to look it up, but that the majority now, the majority of people on food stamps and social welfare are working.
They are employed.
Yes, people still.
We're going to get to that in the second half of the show.
So guess who pushed back on Newt Gingrich when he said that?
It's our old Goldman Sachs employee, Aaron Burnett.
Aaron Burnett.
Oh, Aaron Berneau, she's the RCNN.
Yeah.
So listen pushback on George.
So listen.
She's pushed back on Newt Gingrich.
This is back in 2012.
Okay.
All right.
So I heard that this morning.
I have to admit, Speaker, and I said, no way.
We ever have 1.3 million a month.
So we went back and checked the numbers.
And there has not been a month where we had that many jobs created.
September 1983, 1.114 million jobs were added.
But it seems a little unfair because more than half of those jobs, 640,000, were AT ⁇ T workers returning from strike.
So people returning from strike aren't new jobs created.
Are you taking credit for that?
So let's see how he responds to that.
Well, actually, I'm going to go back and double check that.
My staff had come up with that number, and that's where it came from.
And no, I wouldn't take credit for that.
I think that clearly is an anomaly.
But if you look at the overall So, no, he wouldn't.
That's the closest thing to a responsible answer I've ever heard come out of that man's mouth.
Right.
And it's not a good response.
It's just better than his normal shitty response.
Yes.
He said it was an anomaly.
It's not an anomaly.
It's the end of a strike.
He couldn't look that up himself because he was cheating on his wife at the time.
Which time?
You know, when your numbers are refuted by the Wall Street Journal and the Wall Street Jane, maybe you should forget about it.
Right?
The Wall Street Jane would be Aaron Burnett.
I also like the fact that...
Yes.
So that's Aaron Burnett back in 2012 pushing back against that bogus talking point.
Yet here is George Will.
Sitting in front of – Yeah.
What year is it?
Three years later?
So here's George Will three years later sitting on a news program, putting out that same BS in his very indignant, nerdy way.
And everybody just sits there like, wow, he's right.
I guess he's right about that.
Everybody just lets him say his BS.
I actually disagree.
I think that it's come down to the thing that George Will is.
He's the old grandpa racist in the room, and everybody just lets him say his stuff until he's done, and then they get back to talking about real things.
No, not on Fox.
I mean, that was what that was from, right?
Yeah, he was on Fox with Moral Liars.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, they don't go back to telling the truth when he's done.
They just tell their own lies.
Yeah, he's sitting there with Juan Williams and, again, Moral Liars, and neither of them are saying a peep.
And those are the liberals, by the way.
Yes, those are the liberals on this show.
That's the liberals.
And so it just shows you, again, the legend of Ronald Reagan, the BS, this meme, this tax.
And that was what Newt Gingrich was saying in that speech.
We cut taxes.
We deregulated.
We created a million jobs a month.
It didn't work then.
Doesn't work now.
That's not how you build jobs.
If tax cuts created jobs, George Bush cut taxes more than anybody, we would be swimming in jobs.
And so it's just Republicans are quick to credit Ronald Reagan for everything, except arming the Taliban and training Osama bin Laden.
It's just crazy that the Republicans'ultimate political hero is a man who went into office only because he wasn't cast by my three sons.
Let's see if this sounds better.
This is Jimmy.
Jimmy, it's Mel.
Mel Gibson?
Yeah, of course.
Who else would it be?
Yeah, I don't know.
You don't sound happy to hear from me.
Well, you know, of course, I...
I'm a huge fucking celebrity calling you a weird pirate radio show.
Yeah, I know.
It's just that...
I'm a pretty big get, man.
I mean, it's got a frigging Academy Award.
Yeah, I know.
the real client not the client they give to black people mr gibson they don't give different oscars to black people no they do it's all plastic and filled with candy for what possible reason Would the Academy do something like that?
Well, blacks can't be trusted with real Academy Awards.
Why is that?
They'll just sell them for crack.
You know, lottery tickets are Kool-Aid.
School cigarettes.
Mr. Gibson, this is why I'm a little uncomfortable getting a phone call from you.
What?
You can't handle how real I am, huh?
Mr. Gibson.
Jimmy, please call me Mel.
White people are allowed to call me Mel.
Actually, this is a little off topic, but what is Mel short for?
Is it Melvin?
No, weirdly enough, it's short for Melanin.
Why would your parents name you Melanin?
That's my dad for you.
Always joking around.
He nightens his kid Melanin, even though he hates black people.
I don't see how that's funny.
Trust me, it's pretty funny.
Just ask my sister, Nick.
Nick.
Nick.
Her full name?
Nig Totaro.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Mel.
This is kind of why I'm not excited to hear from you.
You're a pretty terrible racist.
And don't forget Holocaust and I. Yeah, and that too.
I mean, Mel, just as a matter of logic, where do you think six million Jews went anyway?
I think they hid.
They want fancy stuff, and I'm never like, we're all dead.
Aren't they not terrible?
False flag move.
Why would they do that, Mel?
Why would everybody keep believing it?
To make racists look bad.
Always making racists look bad.
Just going along on and around business, oppressing minorities.
And all of a sudden, people are like, did you hear about this Holocaust state?
And all of a sudden, we're a bunch of vassals.
What's the reason for the call, Mel?
I just wanted to say there's a new Mad Max movie, Mad Max Fury Road.
And no one should go see it because it's bullshit.
I'm sorry, but why is it bullshit?
Well, I'm not in it.
People don't understand.
Mad Max isn't just a character, okay?
I am Mad Max.
See, I didn't just create that character.
I really do kill guys with mohawks and crossbows.
The years my best friend was a feral child with a razor boomerang.
laughter laughter laughter Mel, my understanding is that production of this film got delayed for 15 years, so you were just too old for the part.
Well, I fixed that with my own script: Mad Max Golden Years.
And what happens in your script?
Oh, you know, mainly Max just drives really slowly around the waistline with his left blinker on.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
I see, I see.
Then some Jew corps pull him over, and they're like, Do you know how slow you were going?
And I'm all like, hey, if I get into another accident, my kids are going to take away my car.
Now, if you excuse me, I'm on diuretics and need to get to a bathroom.
But you're, you know, you're still out there.
I mean, you're going to be in Robert Robert Rodriguez's next machete movie, right?
Well, yeah, that's what I've been reduced to.
Playing the villain in an ironic beat picture made by some fanboy.
Oh, Jesus.
Mel, you know, saying that kind of stuff is what really's hurt your career.
You think so?
Yeah.
Even cut out of the Hangover 2.
The only thing worse than being cut out of the Hangover 2 is being in the Hangover 2.
At this rate, I'm going to be the Kirk Cameron of real people over here.
Kirk Cameron is a real person, Mel.
Sure he is, Jimmy.
Sure, there's some magical homophobe out there, and he gives presents to all the good children on Christmas.
You keep believing that.
Well, Mel, I'm going to let you go because this call has gotten too weird even for me.
Well, great talking to you, Jimmy.
I hope you get raped by a pack of okay.
That was Mel Gibson, everybody.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Big thanks to everybody who thinks about the Jimmy Door show when they buy something from Amazon.com.
Do you use our Amazon link when you buy something from Amazon?
If you do, thank you.
If you don't, please think about us the next time you buy something from Amazon.
How does it work, Jimmy?
Oh, it's real easy.
Next time you want to buy something from Amazon, you swing by JimmyDoorComedies.com.
You click on our Amazon box.
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And when you buy something, they send us money.
It's just that easy.
It doesn't change the way you shop on Amazon and it doesn't cost you anything, but it helps us support the show.
So thanks for everybody who does that.
And if you're not doing it yet, go ahead and do it.
Okay, now let's get back to the second half of the show.
There's lots of great stuff coming.
Thank you.
Welcome back to the Jimmy Door Show.
We got a lot coming up in the second half.
We're going to hear from Chris Christie.
We're going to take a look at Kansas'best attempt to shame the poor, just like Jesus said to.
But right now, it's time for...
Welcome to Ripped Horn's Hollywood Drug Tank.
Daddy's drunk and ready to dish.
On April 24th, ABC News will air Diane Sawyer's long-awaited interview with former Olympian and current reality show potpourri centerpiece Bruce Jenner.
Now, the last time I made a joke at the expense of the disord staff side, the Jimmy Door show got an earbagging from the entire academic community of the Pacific Northwest.
Don't watch my footing on this one.
The point being that this will be the first time that Ms. Jenner will discuss her transition and her plans for the future.
Vivid video.
Interestingly enough, the Kardashian sisters will not be there to participate in the interview because they will be in Armenia to mark the 100th anniversary of the Armenian genocide.
Operating in the capacity of a six-legged, freshly waxed vindication of the Armenian gender.
I have full faith in Ms. Sawyer's ability to conduct an informative and culturally constructive interview with Ms. Jenner.
The same way she did when she interviewed Kitty Dukakis about coming out as gluten intolerance.
What a fascinating and important moment in television journalism that was.
It has been 40 years since the release of Mighty Python and the Holy Grail, and I cannot conceive of the type of joyless fuck who wouldn't admit to its status as a comedy classic.
However, like much great art, posterity has perverted its legacy.
Much like how the Nazis repurposed Fogner's rig cycle to be racial propaganda, so we comedy lovers watched in horror as the Grail became the quote quarry for nerds everywhere.
What acne-ridden teen, blissfully unaware of his or her own body owner, didn't love a good grail quote off in between half-dancing, half-jumping to Hannah Ng by They Might Be Giants and giggling uncontrollably over their grape soda-induced sugar high.
And what bereaved geek hasn't taken solace in Python after the one attractive female in their foot clan, over whom he pined so, suddenly realized that she was pretty and could fuck football players if she wanted to.
As the go-to quick fountain for nerds, Monty Python serves the same purpose as The Simpsons for improv fags.
And Caddyshack for Roman Catholics.
In the age of reboots and remakes, nothing is safe or sacred, not even cult classics.
And so it goes that Fox plans on remaking the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Although many cynics may scoff at this proposition, I, for one, look forward to reliving anew the experience of sitting through this musical and trying to discern even one iota of entertainment value from that creepy piece of shit.
That's all I got on that one.
The great one is stepping down.
No, not Larry Sanders.
The real deal, David Leonard.
For my buddy, the king of late nights, since February 1st, 1982.
He's the tops have always said it.
The Ball State Ball Buster announced the guest lineup for its final show, after which the reins of the late show will be handed over to noted Vatican apologist Stephen Colbert, who I'm sure will do a fine job.
The only real bump in Leonardman's storied career was when a few years ago, horror of horrors, he had a consensual sexual relationship with an adult employee.
Well, the Panty Police got a hold of this intel and made such a stink that Davo had to address the matter on his own goddamn show, beating the most awkward and infuriating five minutes of television I've ever seen.
So watch it, Colbert.
I know you're a married man with kids, but guess what?
You're dealing with network-level interns now.
The sweetest of the sweeties.
Not these basic cablesmith college dykes.
So when you catch one of them staring you down like they want to stick their tongue in that fucked up little ear of yours, remember what the great one had to deal with as had pined for the glory days so long gone.
Rumor has it that Ernie Kovacs had a trapdoor installed under his desk so he could get Radio City Rockets dumbwaitered up to his cock while he was on air.
So what was the wiser?
Let's just say the flux went on his forehead while he was interviewing Truman Capote.
It wasn't because he was trying to restrain himself from punching him in the face, contrary to popular opinion.
The discreet blow job of the powerful television personality may be a thing of the past, but oh well, the show must go on.
Well, anyway, kitties, this is Rip Torn, bidding you farewell and reminding that celebrities, they're just like you, except drunk and fucking beautiful.
Yay!
And that was another installment of Rip Tarn's Hollywood Drunk Tank.
Rip Tarn's Hollywood Drunk Tank.
Okay.
Speaking of MSNBC's problems, I was watching the Chris Hayes show, and they're doing this thing in Kansas.
Kansas upset with the people who are poor.
They're angry at them again.
Yeah.
And they've they the Kansas Department of Social and Rehabilitation Services has announced several new rules that are expected to affect low-income families access to cash assistance, food stamps, and child care.
The changes, according to SRS Secretary Rob Sildecki, they are meant to help the poor.
They're meant to help.
You know, the way we help slaves.
Yes, the way slavery helped less.
Yeah.
You know, you know, that these changes are meant to help the poor find jobs and get off welfare while cracking down on fraud.
These reforms will aid the department's ability to eliminate fraud and abuse while at the same time helping recipients of TAMP, SNAP, and childcare systems move into full-time employment.
Because that's where the fraud is in America.
It's when we give food to poor people.
Yeah, that's where the fraud.
You know, you're not going to commit fraud if you're starving to death.
No.
That's true.
And they've rigged the system so now they're still the poorest people in the entire goddamn state.
We have to get rid of too poor to fail.
Yeah.
You know all those criminal masterminds sitting in the trailers?
Yeah, those criminal masterminds sitting there, the poorest people, those fat cats at the bottom.
Yeah.
Waiting in line to get their food staff.
Waiting in line.
So this is, by the way, this is part of a broader meme that the conservatives put out.
But what they do is they make it sound like it's this rampant cancer spreading across our society.
Right.
And so, and that's the way that they basically find ways to gut entitlements.
Meanwhile, we're putting billions of dollars and shrink-wrapping it on a pallet and shipping over to Iraq.
Right.
And by the way, the Pentagon and the black budget are rife with fraud.
Trillions of dollars.
We paid the guys who invented the torture program that we instituted, the CIA Institute.
We paid those guys $180 million.
That was their contract.
Two guys to get $180 million to come up with a torture program.
You talk about, you guys want to cut out fraud.
The Blackwater people that just got convicted, that was our tax dollars at work as well.
On September 10th, 2001, Donald Rumsfeld held a press conference to announce that he could not account for $2 trillion at the Pentagon.
$2 trillion they could not account for at the Pentagon.
And the next day we got attacked.
Isn't that amazing how that story just went away?
That's completely.
I thought it was because the poor people got food stamps.
Wouldn't it be weird if he was actually front paying the Iraq war?
That's where that $2 trillion is going to be.
Maybe that's already set aside.
So let's remember that federal welfare reform was enacted in the 1990s.
And so you really only get to stay on assistance for five years.
And then they cut you off.
So I don't know what people do after that.
Let's remember also that in Kansas, the money that people are getting has lost 28% of its value since 1996.
Right.
So they're getting less money.
They're poor.
There's less people on the rolls.
You know, Republicans want to crusade against fraud, except when it comes to Wall Street or anybody that's funding them.
Except when it comes to people who are really committing fraud.
Right.
The people who are really committing fraud.
Keep going.
Oil companies, fracking, Wall Street, that keep going.
You're committing fraud, but you also have it in your budget to hire lobbyists.
Yeah.
And you're not going to get busted.
Fox News was complaining about these poor people taking food out of Bernie Madoff's mouth.
So it imposes hard caps on how long recipients can get benefits.
After 36 months, poor people would hit the lifetime limit and not be able to get any further benefits in Kansas.
36 months.
Unless they can prove that they had an extraordinary hardship, such as a sexual assault, in which case they can get an extra 12 months.
But you have to prove it's real rape.
Also, shouldn't it be legitimately?
It also bans anyone who has two felony drug convictions from ever getting welfare and suspends anyone who tests positive for drugs after enacting a drug testing program in 2014 that costs $40,000 and turned up 11 positive drug tests.
Oh my God.
Yes.
This is a part of.
Talk about fraud.
There's your fraud right there.
You're paying somebody to administer a drug test to poor people.
That guy's making $40,000 to do nothing.
What about the fraud in Florida with Rick Scott?
Right.
Yeah, when he implemented drug testing.
Like, yeah, the drug testing, while his wife owned the company to administer those drug tests.
There's your fraud.
Wow.
Yeah.
I wish I'd gotten into the administering drug test business.
So here's the...
Sure.
Demonizing people who are poor and down on their luck.
The bill in Kansas bans welfare recipients from using their benefits or withdrawing.
So what happens, I guess, if you get like a debit card, and then that's your welfare, your tamp or whatever, and you can draw money on.
You can get cash, right?
So if you're a poor family, you can get some cash to help you live.
So this bans those people from getting benefits and using that money at movie theaters, nail salons, pools and spas, liquor stores, jewelry stores, casinos, racing facilities, tattoo parlors, cruise ships, lingerie stores.
I know that poor people who are really worried about money always rush to the movie theater to buy popcorn.
Yeah, if you're if you're so do people really white people really think that black people are sitting around all day loaded to the guilt go just eating lobster and steak watching flat screen TVs sitting on their leather couch flat screen TVs that they bought with their food stamps that they bought with their yeah even though you so they've made it so they can only withdraw $25 at a time which people need sometimes
to withdraw more because they have to pay their rent.
Right.
And they go, well, you can go into the bank and if you go up to the counter, you can withdraw.
You know, some people don't have – they don't have a bank.
Do you know that 17 million people in America don't have banks?
They're not – they – And almost all of them are poor.
Yes, of course.
So they have to go to the lending – to the cash lending places.
Right.
So less than 1% of all purchases and ATM withdrawals were made at bars, sports bars or strip clubs and all
all that means is they got money out right so we don't know if that's if they use the money there or not that's less than one percent right so there is no fraud there's no fraud happening in this program right and they're just doing this to beat up on people who are poor because that's what christians do in kansas right well oh yes you know i i just wanted to highlight when i'm listening to these people talk about the poor um they don't really want to give you any numbers and i think one of the most important numbers for us all to recognize is 13.4
or 16.5 million children are living in poverty that is one in five children in the united states living in poverty that should be illegal we are one of the wealthiest nations it's their fault step they won't get a job they're so lazy we've got to bring child labor back and then they could go to factories and work for a penny an hour well wasn't that new gingrich's big idea yeah that was ingrich's
idea exactly.
And by the way, in Kansas, their education system is so screwed up that these kids are never getting out of poverty because they don't pay – because no one pays taxes in Kansas anymore.
Their education system is going down the tubes.
Since Brombeck has become governor in Kansas, his reforms – I'm putting air quotes around his welfare reforms – have led to more than 23,000 people, a reduction
of 23 000 people and on their welfare rolls since he took office in 2011 that's despite a steadily increasing poverty rate in kansas yeah and people say it's not like people it's not like people are getting richer in can He's just not, he's just screwing over poor people.
He's kicking them off the rolls.
That's all he's doing.
His reforms are getting rid of the help they're giving to poor people.
His reforms aren't helping poor people.
Right.
And conservative politicians inside Kansas will champion the fact that so many people are getting off of the welfare.
But what they're not looking at is like food insecurity, the amount of people that are not eating, people that are dying from diseases that could otherwise be prevented.
Yeah.
So here is a senator from Kansas who went on the Chris Hayes show.
And this guy, this is what I wish this show was you could see the video, like what we do for YouTube, which we haven't done for a couple of weeks, but we're going to get back to our YouTube show very soon.
So I'll let you know.
But anyway, if I could show you this guy, he comes on.
He's one of the senators from Kansas.
He's all about this bill about screwing, you know, shaming and demonizing poor people.
And he's smiling the whole time, like smiling like, hi, look, look, I'm coming on MSNBC.
I don't care.
And so, and it's just, it's the kind of smile you want to smack off his face.
So here.
To be fair, I want to smack most smiles off most people's faces.
Well, to be fair, this is a guy who's got the one you should want to.
Okay.
So here we go.
So he asks – so Chris Hayes'first question is, is there a lot of problems with people who are on welfare in Kansas going on cruise ships and buying – What we know that there is hard evidence that individuals on TANF have used that money in casinos and strip clubs at liquor stores, tobacco shops.
TANF stands for temporary aid for needs.
So no, at a casino, you can get a bottle of water.
You can get a sandwich.
You can get a lot of things at a casino, right?
You can also.
You can meet William Bennett.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
Okay.
Beaty families.
No, I understand what it is.
But I just want to, I'm just asking if when you say there's hard evidence, we're talking anecdotal evidence or like a body of data that says we've got numbers that show a big portion of the money that's going is being spent on these things.
We never said a big portion was being spent on these things.
So you don't have any.
So there you go.
So no, in fact, I just gave you the numbers.
Less than 1%.
Right.
Less than 1%.
So it's not really a problem, but we're just going to crusade against it.
So we're going to crusade against it.
We're going to pretend like it's a problem because it really riles up our Christian white base who hate poor people because they're not really Christians.
They're just horrible people.
I'm starting to hate the poor people now.
So here, more.
Portion was being spent on these things.
So you don't have any evidence that.
I don't have any specific data.
No, we do have data.
No, we absolutely do have data that money was used.
And Kansas Watchdog compiled a great list of less than 1% evidence that showed where this money was being spent.
What percentage is being used on this?
What percentage?
No, he asked that question and he doesn't make the guy answer.
Well, cruise ship, that was just more structurally put in place because the cards aren't good outside the state of Kansas.
So you'll use this money in the state of Kansas.
What is he an engineer?
Structurally.
He's an engineer, everyone.
Structurally.
A lot of cruises happening outside Topeka?
Well, absolutely.
There's cruises every day.
Carnival Cruise, Wichita has Royal Caribbean Cruise Line.
We've got a headquarters here for that.
So obviously people from across Kansas use cruise ships all the time, Chris.
Let me ask you this.
And Chris just lets him go on that.
Chris just lets him go, like, you're just going to sit there with a straight face and say that with that stupid smile.
And you expect people to believe you that that's cool that you guys did that.
One of the things in this list here is the lingerie store.
And I mean, this sounds silly, but it's a genuine question.
Like, why do you care where people purchase underwear?
Should the government care where people buy underwear?
This is the nanny state turning into the granny state.
Nice.
I know that there's a lot of items that people can look at this bill and sensationalize.
So listen to this guy's response to this.
This is remarkable.
Should the government care where people buy underwear?
Well, Chris, I know that there's a lot of items that people can look at this bill and sensationalize, like the cruise ship or like lingerie shops.
TANF is really made.
Now, Chris is about to make this same point, but I'm going to make it first.
Chris Hayes didn't put the cruise ship thing in the lingerie in the bill.
You did.
You guys put that in the bill.
And now you're going to say some people are trying to sensationalize by reading what you put in the bill.
They're just listing what you put in the bill.
And if you think it's sensational, take it out.
Here we go.
For the necessities of life, for the gas to go in your car, for food, for utility payments.
With all due respect, I understand what it's for, but I didn't write the bill to put lingerie shops and cruise ships in.
So if you feel like those are sensational, you guys didn't have to put that in the bill.
Well, and the guy could not be smiling bigger the whole time.
Like, I really, I know here at KPFK in Pacifica, we're very anti-violence or anti-war, and I share those sentiments.
But if I wasn't one of those guys, I would want to kick this guy right in his face.
Well, Chris, we know.
Go ahead.
Just like when people have an emotional response that is antithetical to the situation, that's a sign of psychopathy.
Right.
That's a sign of psychopathy.
Oh.
He's insane.
Yes, he is.
Know that the money has been used.
So he couldn't be, it's like he's giddy that they're crapping on poor people.
It's like, look at I'm white.
I'm rich.
I'm not poor.
I haven't been down on my luck.
I haven't had an illness.
I haven't had a bankruptcy yet.
I haven't.
My house isn't underwater.
And I'm just, I don't care.
Poor people are bad.
They're mostly black.
Used in all these different locations.
But what we want to make sure that people are doing is getting quality of life services that the state of Kansas provides.
Degree completion program was the main impetus of this.
We last year had over 6,000 recipients of TANF get off of TANF and into the workforce.
No, that's not.
By the way, Robert, most people, you made this point off air.
Most people taking welfare benefits, what did you say?
They are working.
They are working.
Right.
That's 2021 Kansas.
I didn't have a job last year.
Have a job today.
Creating a pretend problem and then solving it hatefully.
And you know, this guy's smiling because, you know, the Republican, he's going to be a bigger star than the Republican.
Yes.
They're doing what professional wrestlers do.
Yes.
Yes.
You're right.
Good point.
We're going to go have a beer after this.
So here he's got.
So here's the question Chris has for us.
I noticed their firearms aren't on the list.
Can you buy a gun with TANF money?
Oh, good question.
Can you buy a gun with TANF money?
No, you cannot buy a gun with TANF money.
Okay, now I just want to let you know he just lied.
You can buy a gun with TANF money.
It's not on the list.
Sure.
We do not restrict everything that you can and can't buy.
But really, what this is trying to do.
And again, he's just smiling the whole time.
You can actually hear his smile.
You know, when you're on the phone with someone and they're smiling and you can hear it, you can hear this guy smiling, right?
I have a lot of people.
What's Frank?
He's smiling so much from it.
I thought he was Pete Holmes.
TANF is made for to get more people out of government assistance and into the workforce.
And I through our degree completely programmed Transformation.
Thank you.
Final question, Fresh, about government assistance.
$16 billion in farm subsidies have gone to Kansas between 1995 and 2012.
That's government assistance.
$16 billion.
Is that all?
$16 billion in farm aid has gone to Kansas since 1996.
Kansas is one of the states that gets about $1.20 in federal money for every dollar they say.
So they're a welfare state overall.
Is it fair to ask all those recipients to abide by this same list?
I believe that those recipients on the farm bill that have CRP or whatever, that there is.
I believe that, that, that, that, that.
So what he's going to say is, I believe that they follow the law, the rules.
Yeah, but you don't have those rules in place that they can't because they're white.
Teeting that, Chris, and they're abiding by the rules set in place by the federal government.
Well, here.
I thank God every day.
We have Pat Roberts in Washington, D.C., agriculture chair.
Senator Roberts is a friend of mine.
And I look forward to the Kansas State legislature restricting those farm subsidy dollars.
Kansas State Senator Michael O'Donnell, thank you for coming on.
You're good support.
Appreciate it.
So now I hate that he ended.
The reason why I wanted to show this clip was for that last part.
I don't know if you guys heard.
I'm going to play it one more time because this drives me crazy.
This guy is.
Now, I don't want to use hyperbole to say, oh, this guy's a piece of human garbage.
This guy is really a horrible person.
This guy's really, he's not a good person.
He's not a good sport.
Whatever you want to say.
No, what he's doing is evil.
It's nefarious.
It's some of the lowest form of...
Yes.
Yes.
Dying, even.
Yes.
And as he grants, as he marginalizes poor people, demonizes poor people.
It's despicable behavior.
It shows a complete lack of character.
It's the opposite of what a Christian is.
He's a horrible person.
I can't stress that enough.
This guy is not a good guy.
He's not legislating to help his people.
He's trying to hurt people with no power so he can gain more power.
And it's all done with a smile.
And it's all done with a smile.
And he's the whitest guy in the room.
And Chris Hayes ends the interview.
Farm subsidy dollars.
Kansas State Senator Michael O'Donnell.
Thank you for coming on.
You're a good sport.
Appreciate it.
He's a good sport.
He's a good sport while he's crapping on the poor.
He's a good sport while he's hurting poor people.
He's a good sport.
So we're all friends.
This is all just a goof.
Jimmy, if the sport is killing poor people, then he's actually a really good sport.
Yeah.
So that's just that.
So, you know what?
I saw Rachel Maddow interview a guy from the Koch brothers one time.
It was like Freedom Works or something.
And she ended the interview a lot different.
And I wish I had that clip, but I couldn't find it.
And she said, I want to be, I just want to take a moment and just say, I'm going to paraphrase what she said.
She said, I just want to take a moment because I want to be really clear on what I'm saying.
I think what you do for a living, I think you're a parasite.
God bless her.
That's the way to end an interview with one of those people.
And that's how she ended the interview.
I hope Chris is a good sport when his show gets moved back to the weekend.
We have on the line the Governor New Jersey giant man, baby, Chris Christie.
Thanks for doing this, Governor.
Yeah, whatever.
What are you up to, Governor?
Mind your own fucking dishes.
What are you doing?
Well, I'm in the middle of editing a new pilot.
Oh, yet another pilot.
That's the most thrilling news since this morning's frost warning.
Oh, chilly.
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Yes.
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Okay, today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Robert Yasimura, Mark Van Landuitt, Frank Conniff, Mike McRae, and Steph Samurano, and Paul Kozlowski.
All the voices today perform by the one and only the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
Also, Michael Elliott Spitzer Schertzer contributed some great jokes to the show this week.
Okay, that's it for this week.
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