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April 4, 2015 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program, the Jimmy Dore Show.
This week, Indiana and Arkansas are competing to see who wins the state most hostile to gays award.
You know, the weird thing is, whenever I'm in Indiana, my first thought is, Jesus Christ, this place needs more gay people.
But the good people of Indiana feel that laws that tell people who they can marry, what they can eat, and where they can go are the keys to religious freedom.
See, in Indiana, laws have to change because Christians feel they're suffering discrimination because they can't discriminate against others.
Yeah, it turns out that religious bigots need laws to protect their civil right to violate other people's civil rights.
So Indiana's legislature passed the Religious Freedom Restoration Act, which should have been vetoed just for having that stupid name.
And by the way, you don't need a Religious Freedom Act.
We have a thing called the United States Constitution that has a First Amendment.
Right.
But the people of Indiana simply want the right to wrong whomever they'd like.
If they feel doing so is within their realm of religious affiliations, why is that so hard for you fags to understand?
Little known historical fact, Jesus was a carpenter that refused service to customers who spent too much time at the Roman bathhouses.
Governor Pence of Indiana has made the case that tolerance is a two-way street.
But on Governor Pence's two-way street, some people have to sit in the back of the bus.
And that bus is making a U-turn backwards into history.
It's great that we live in a society where people pray to a fake deity in a religion they chose to be a part of and they have the freedom to discriminate against real people who didn't choose to be gay.
It makes so much sense.
And the Indiana GOP is sticking up for wedding cake bakers, photographers, and florists all across the state.
First of all, I challenge you to find me a florist in Indiana who's not gay.
And secondly, again with the Christians being forced to make wedding cakes for gay couples.
Apparently the Republican Party isn't the party of business.
It's the party of bakers.
It's unsettling when liberals have to explain to right-wingers exactly what the free market is.
It's an economic space that has to be open to everybody in order for it to work.
Wait a minute.
Is this gay money?
We don't take gay money here.
You take your gay money somewhere else.
Yes, corporations know this is bad business.
Walmart, the nation's largest retailer, asked the Arkansas governor to veto a similar bill.
And now even the Disciples of Christ Church has unanimously voted to relocate its 2017 convention from Indianapolis to somewhere else.
Sorry, Governor Pence.
In the free market, bigotry isn't selling like it used to.
And what if, and I say, what if God just really loves getting blown by other dudes in bathroom stalls?
You know, like so many Republican politicians do.
Is it really our place to judge what God wants to do on his own time or in his own bathroom stall?
I say no, but Governor Mike Pence and the state of Indiana apparently disagree.
Thank you.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
the show for up-minded, low-libered lefties.
The kind of people It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to K Value.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's episode.
I'm joined on the phone from New York City.
You know him from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's TV's Frank, Frank Connip.
Hi, Frank.
How are you, buddy?
Hello there.
Yay.
Also with me in the studio, hilarious comedian and the author of the miserable liberal blog.
It's Steph Zamarano, our resident Latina.
Hi, Steph.
How are you?
I'm doing great, Jimmy.
Oh, Steph, you're not Italian.
I'm not.
I'm Mexican.
Okay.
Jimmy, you should know that by now.
And I forgot to mention to you, but I'm actually in a documentary that comedian Bonnie McFarland created, and it's called Women Aren't Funny.
Oh, really?
Yes.
Isn't that nice?
Also with me across the glass, hilarious comedian Michael Elliott Spitzer Schertzer is here.
Hello, Michael.
Hey, what's up, Jimmy?
And from the Young Turks, it's Edwid Umanya.
Edwin, how you feeling?
Good, good.
Fantastic.
Let's get to some of the jokes before we get to the jokes.
You know, a lot of people make a noise at Bo Bergdahl.
His trial started, right?
Bo Bergdahl, he was the soldier in Afghanistan, walked away from his post, spent five years as a captive of the Taliban.
That's a tough five years, boy, I'll tell you that.
And all the draft dodging, warmongering, chicken hawk neocons are outraged about the cowardice of Bo Bergdahl.
Yeah.
Bang.
Bo Bergdahl, he stands accused of conduct unbecoming a foreign policy quagmire cluster fuck.
Hey, by the way, do you know the Middle East?
I don't know if you guys follow the news, but I do.
The Middle East is getting taken over by religious extremists, and that's raising fears that the region will soon turn into another Indiana.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Yeah.
Hey, I don't know if you guys go to the movies a lot, but the new Transformer sequels and spin-offs are coming out.
Thanks, Obama.
He was an executive producer, right?
Yes.
Hey, April Fool's Day this week.
April Fool's Day.
In honor of April Fool's, the entire day of Fox News programming was exactly like every other day of Fox News.
Hey, did you hear Chris Christie opposes legalizing pot?
Yeah, he came out this week.
He said he opposes legalizing pot because he has deep disdain for anyone who needs an artificial stimulant to get the munchies.
He called, he said Chris Christie said pot was a gateway drug.
And if anyone can prevent traffic from getting across a gateway, it's Chris Christie.
I'll tell you that.
Am I right?
Hey, by the way, if hate and fear are part of your business plan, you should ask the Indiana Chamber of Commerce what their state can do for your company.
They have a subsidy.
You know, I always, whenever I'm from Chicago, and I remember one time somebody was, they were asking me, hey, how do you get to Indianapolis?
And I was like, well, you just take 70 west, and then you turn right at the wrong side of history.
Hey, criticize the governor of Indiana, Mike Pence, all you want.
But this strategy just might make him the big winner at the 1956 GOP convention.
Did you hear the Indiana pizza shop said they won't serve gays?
But if their Burning Cross doesn't arrive on your lawn within 30 minutes, it's free.
You know, the only remaining support for the Indiana anti-gay law comes from a fringe hate group.
It's the entire 2016 GOP presidential field.
Yes, it is.
It's true.
They all support it.
You know, it's a bit ironic, Frank, that thanks to Mike Pence, Governor Mike Pence, you don't need to watch gay porn to see what a huge asshole looks like.
Good point.
You don't.
You know that the new Arkansas, the new Arkansas has a new religious freedom law.
And it's so creepy, even the banjo playing kid from Deliverance is distancing himself from it.
Hey, did you see the documentary on Scientology that was on HBO?
It's called Going Clear.
And oddly enough, Going Clear is the first good John Travolta movie in quite a while.
The Uber driver gets pulled over by an NYPD cop, and people pretend like that's not what happens all the time.
We also take a look at Glenn Beck, Glenn Beck, using a little McCarthy tactic on another right-winger, Grover Norquist.
We're going to check that out.
Also, Indiana, Indiana, Indiana.
We're going to talk about Indiana's gay law.
Plus, Mike Pence went on George Snuffalupagus' show, and he could not say the word yes or no.
So we're going to talk about that.
Plus, we got phone calls from Harrison Ford, Bill O'Reilly, and Mitt Romney.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
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So Governor Mike Pence, we all know what happened in Indiana.
They're a little upset that they have to bake gay cakes.
If I knew you were coming on my face, I'd have fake the cake.
Just a plethora of penis pastries.
So they got upset and they passed this law.
It's called the Religious Freedom Restoration Act.
Oh, restoration.
Yeah, which is just like, hey, let's let everybody know we don't like gays.
Okay.
It sounds like a show on the Holman Garden channel.
It definitely sounds like there's, yeah, it does sound like that.
Here is Governor Mike Pence.
He went on to George Snuffle.
Now, here's the thing about when you go on the George Snuffalopagus show, the only person he's ever pushed back on has been Dennis Rodman.
Okay, so he had Dennis Rodman after he came home from North Korea, and he really gave him the business.
Dennis Rodman, by the way, was wearing sunglasses and was drunk.
And George Snaphanopoulos really wanted to let him know how upset he was.
That was really great because Dennis Robin hasn't served in office since then.
He really took him down.
He really, he ended his political career right there.
Right there.
So here's Mike Pence.
He had to go on George Snuffalopagus' show, and I didn't expect him to push back, but he does a little bit.
And he kept asking him for a straight answer.
And I'm going to play all of the different times George asked him a straight, can you just give me a yes or no?
And it's going to be, hopefully it's as much fun as I think it will be for us just to listen to this, and we'll hear how many ways Mike Pence, the governor of Indiana, won't answer a yes or no question.
Okay, here we go.
So this is a yes or no question.
Is Advance America right when they say a florist in Indiana can now refuse to serve a gay couple without fear of punishment?
Well, let me explain to you, the purpose of this bill is to empower and has been for more than 20 years, George.
This is not speculative.
The purpose of this legislation, which is the law in all 50 states in our federal courts, and it's the law by either statute or court decisions in some 30 other states.
Okay, so he still hasn't even gotten to any part of his answer.
Let me just play that again.
And let's watch how long it takes for him to even start to answer the question.
So here's the question.
So this is a yes or no question.
Is Advance America right when they say a florist in Indiana can now refuse to serve a gay couple without fear of punishment?
Again, you find me a florist in Indiana who's not gay.
And I'll eat my daisies.
Right?
So here, so now he asked him yes or no answer.
And let's see him not give the yes or no.
Here we go.
Well, let me explain to you the purpose of.
So he's going to explain to you the purpose of what?
This bill.
What's the purpose of the bill?
Is to empower and has been for more than 20 years, George.
This is not speculative.
The purpose of this legislation.
What is the purpose?
You still haven't gotten to it.
Legislation, which is the law in all 50 states in our federal.
Just get to it.
What is it?
It's the law of the land.
What's the purpose?
It's in all 50 states.
What's the purpose?
It's not about a media monomer.
Here we go.
And it's the law by either statute or court decisions in some 30 other states.
He just won't get to anything.
He's just talking.
So George Snuffalupagus snuffs it out.
No.
Yeah.
So he keeps asking.
So the guy just keeps going.
He wouldn't even tell you what the point of the bill was.
He talked for 30 seconds.
I do like that he worked in speculative.
I like how, yes.
Yeah.
No, I thought he was talking about my friends back that I really like.
So this is what's called obfuscating, right?
And he thinks that George is going to be like George always is and just let him off the hook.
Yeah.
Right?
That was the shocking thing about this segment is it created the illusion that Snuffleupagus is good at his job.
Yes.
No, it's not true.
Well, what something like this does is it shows you that George Snuffalopagus does know how to do his job.
He just chooses not to.
Right.
And the only reason, and I'm like, well, why would he push back so hard against Mike Pence here?
And the reason is because corporations are against Mike Pence here.
Oh, that's a great point.
Absolutely.
So they're all against the corporations know that gay people have a lot of money.
We want to make money.
And being anti-gay is bad for business.
And so that's why it's just like what Kamal Bell said when he was talking to Chuck Todd about Fox News.
Chuck Todd said, We don't get to bark because people won't come back on my show.
Chuck Todd said that.
We don't get to bark at our guests.
And Kamal Bell said, Yeah, but people on Fox News, they bark all day long, and it's because they're barking in defense of the status quo.
If you bark in defense of the man in defense of corporate America, you can bark all day long.
And that's what George Snuffalopagus is proving right here.
He's pushing back against Pence and this right-wing bill because corporations say it's okay to push back.
And here he goes.
He pushes back.
So yes or no, if a florist in Indiana refuses to serve a gay couple at their wedding, is that legal now in Indiana?
George, this is where this debate has gone.
With misinformation and it's just a question, sir.
Yes or no?
Well, there's been shameless rhetoric about my state and about this law and about its intention.
And all that rhetoric just happens to be accurate.
And that's the kind that really ticks me off the most.
There's been so much misinformation by Mike Pence.
So here he goes.
He tries again.
That was one of your supporters who was talking about the bill right there.
It said it would protect a Christian florist against any kind of punishment.
Is that true or not?
George, look, the issue here is, you know, he will not answer it.
He tries again.
So when you say tolerance is a two-way street, does that mean that Christians who want to refuse service or people of any other faith who want to refuse service to gays and lesbians, that it's now legal in the state of Indiana?
That's a simple yes or no question.
George, the question here is-It could be- Yes or no?
Should it be legal to discriminate against gays and lesbians?
George, you're following the mantra of the last week online, and you're trying to make this issue about something else.
What I am for is protecting people's rights to discriminate.
He tries one.
Lenny didn't sound his thumb talking to George enough mice and men.
No.
So here he goes.
He tries it one more time.
Final question.
Final yes or no question, Governor.
Do you think it should be legal in the state of Indiana to discriminate against gays or lesbians?
George, it's a yes or no question.
Come on.
Users don't believe in discrimination.
Okay.
We've just codified it into law, but we don't believe in that law.
So that was pretty remarkable.
I don't know.
I hope it had the impact I was hoping it would have to play those back to back like that.
But so, yeah, so I figured it out.
I'm kind of proud of myself.
So here he starts to do that meme.
He falls away from his talking point for just a second.
And he starts, and he says this.
The issue here is, you know, is tolerance a two-way street or not?
So what he's saying is that you want us to tolerate gay people, but you need to tolerate us hating gay people.
Right.
That's exactly what he's saying.
Yes.
So you need to tell, if we have to tolerate that gays get to live in our state, then you have to tolerate that we get to discriminate against you for being gay.
That's tolerance on a two-way street, right?
That's what he's saying.
That's what they try to say.
What about our tolerance?
Yeah, that is such exactly what it seems like the right wing has been doing since Ronald Reagan.
They haven't been talking honestly about any situation, and they've been saying stuff like that.
It's like back in Germany in the 30s, how the Germans tolerated the Jews living there.
And then the Jews had to also tolerate being slaughtered.
It's a two-way street.
George, anti-Semitism is a two-way street.
Isn't it a...
They're discriminating against our right to make our society better by getting rid of them.
Exactly right.
Two-way street, Frank.
Two-way street.
So here he goes to play the victim.
He plays the victim here.
Indiana is the victim.
Here, Indiana steps forward to protect the constitutional rights and privileges of freedom of religion for people of faith and families of faith in our state.
And this avalanche of intolerance that's been poured on our state is just outrageous.
This avalanche of intolerance that has been poured on Indiana over their intolerance is just intolerable.
It's literally what he's saying.
He's trying now, now they're the victim.
Now they're the victim.
The people who want to codify discrimination in law are now somehow the victim.
Okay, here.
And now you think, if Governor Pence is naive as he pretends to be, instead of being troubled by the possible consequences of this law he just signed, instead of being troubled by it, he doubles down on it.
Here you go.
George Snuffalopogs gives him an out, and he doesn't take it.
Let's try to get to that clarification.
You're talking about one fix that people have talked about is simply adding sexual orientation as a protected class under the state civil rights laws.
Will you push for that?
I will not push for that.
That's not on my agenda.
So, see, he just proves that he doesn't want to represent his entire state, only those businesses who want to discriminate because of religion.
That's who he doesn't care about the other people who might be discriminated against.
He only cares about the people who are going to be doing the discriminating.
He just proved it right there.
Because if he did care about gays or anybody else's civil rights, they would try to work on a fix, which now he is, by the way.
Now he is because of.
Because it's like you said, he cares about corporations.
Yeah, now, as soon as corporate America got in his ear, then he was like, oh, I'm going to need corporations to run for president if I ever want to run for president.
And you think Mike Pence is going to run for president, Frank?
I don't know, but like I said before, every Republican that is running for president agrees with this law and doesn't have any problem with it.
So he should run.
He wouldn't stand out from the crowd at all if he did run because they all are for that.
This would help you, I think, in the Republican primary.
Yeah, it's how you win the primary and then don't get elected in the general.
You know, Jeff Bush, who a lot of people say will be the nominee, he's, you know, he's supporting it.
He says he's all for it.
But you know that in the general election next year, he's going to get his Etcha sketch out, and he's going to moderate his opinion about it, and then in the general act like he's not as radical about it.
Right.
You're correct.
And by the way, they keep this.
Here's another misinformation talking point for the people who support this bill is they say that, hey, this is just like the Religious Freedom Restoration Act that the federal government passed that Bill Clinton signed.
Right.
It is not.
Okay, so that was about protecting religious freedom against the government.
This is about people who in private business against other private citizens.
So those are different bills.
Those are not the same thing.
So that's.
And you know what?
A lot of people on Twitter, some people on Twitter, have been saying to me, hey, Democrats supported this kind of thing.
And you know what?
It's like, yeah, you know, 20 years ago, Democrats would have been total weaklings on this and would have supported and did support stuff like this.
And, you know, Obama was against gay marriage just a few years ago.
But the difference is they changed with the times, you know.
Right.
They're not just staying stuck back in that era from the past.
Yeah, I mean, I will say, don't be too smug.
I mean, Democrats, it was Chuck Schumer who introduced the Religious Freedom Restoration Act, right?
Right.
And he's the likely successor to Harry Reid.
Right.
Because, you know, this Democratic Party is such flaming liberals.
I know.
And Chuck Schumer is going to be the majority leader, but I'm really afraid that all of the attention and publicity is going to make him uncomfortable.
And I'll just say this one more time about in Arkansas.
I saw a guy interviewed who wrote the bill in Arkansas, who, by the way, looks like he should be on one of those Gator catching shows as opposed to being in a legislature.
And he's one of those guys with no neck and a goatee to make it look like he has a chin.
You know what I mean?
One of those things.
And here, Mike Pence, they won't admit what they're doing.
They're gutless.
You know, it's like if you're such a tough guy that you don't want to have to accommodate gays, why don't you have the guts to say it?
But you think they won't.
They go, no, no, no, this isn't about that.
It's not about, this isn't about, this isn't about, that's on about.
Why?
Why don't you say, yeah?
I don't like gays.
Why not just say it?
Because you're gutless.
And this is just pandering.
That's why.
And that's the thing that's funny.
For heaven's sake, I say thanks, then we have a problem with them ourselves.
Yes.
I mean, every.
Oh, you know what?
I just wanted to hear him not answer the question again.
It's unbelievable how it can go so long.
Do you think it should be legal in the state of Indiana to discriminate against gays or lesbians?
George, it's a yes or no question.
Newsiers don't believe in discrimination.
Newsiers don't believe in discrimination.
On the phone, we have Fox News host Bill O'Reilly.
Hi, Bill.
How you doing?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Doing real good.
I hear you and all your little comedy queers aligning it up about the Indiana situation.
Well, let me just tell you and your little crew of Tinkerbell something.
What?
That Indiana law was just a protection for the folks, the ones who are religious and God-fearing and don't like gays.
And they don't want to have to be baking any gay cakes, all right?
But, Bill, shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Bill.
Shut the fuck off.
Bill, you're going to the shut up thing a little early in our conversation, aren't you?
Well, Jimmy, to be honest, this is a little backward, even for my taste.
And it's not the easiest thing to defend.
No kidding.
It makes no sense.
And the Republicans are, I got to tell you.
Shut up.
Shut.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut.
Shut up.
Shut the fuck up.
Bill.
Bill, come on, Bill.
Cut it out already.
I want to.
I just wanted to ask you about the GOP's penchant for being on the wrong side of history.
Oh, shut up.
Shut the fuck off.
Bill, Bill.
Bill.
Shut your.
Bill.
Bill.
Okay.
You know what, Bill?
Okay.
Okay.
You win.
I'll shut up.
Okay, Jimbo got to go talking to you.
You take care of that.
Okay, Bill.
Thanks for calling.
Anything more you want to say?
I don't really think.
Bill, what do you think about this thing happening in Indiana and Arkansas?
Look, here's the deal.
This is not discrimination because there's no such thing as discrimination against gay people because being gay is a choice.
Oh, okay.
There's no such thing as discriminating against people whose favorite color is blue.
No.
constitution.
Well Bill, you never You're not born gay, but you're born black or white or any of these other Chinese or whatever these fucking things are.
So you're saying that you can't discriminate against gay people because you're choosing to be gay.
If people are forced to serve people, they don't care that their religion says are doing something bad.
It'd be like saying to a restaurant, you need to allow people to rob you blind, like go to your cash register, rob you blind, even though you think stealing is wrong.
Bill, this is, you're not making.
What do you mean?
That makes perfect sense.
Don't even act like it doesn't.
Ha ha ha ha.
Don't even pretend that that was not the most crystal clear logic you've ever heard in your fucking life.
Fucking queer lover.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
*music*
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Now let's get back to the second half of the show.
Welcome back to the second half of the Jimmy Door show coming up.
We have phone calls from Mitt Romney calls in, plus Harrison Ford calls in.
But right now, we're going to talk about the cop in New York City who pulled over an Uber driver.
I'm joining the studio to talk about it.
You know him, you love him from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's TV's Frank Frank Connoff is on the phone all the way from New York City in the studio with me from the Miserable Liberal blog.
It's Steph Zamorano and from the Young Turks.
It's Edwin Umanya and comedian Michael Schirtzer.
Let's get back to the studio right now.
So, I don't know if you saw the video.
There was an Uber driver who's been in the country for about two years.
And he had a what kind of an accent would you say, Indian from India, maybe?
I can't tell what kind of back, but he was in foreigner.
And he seems like a nice guy.
There was a New York police cop who was part of the special terrorist joint terrorist with the.
So, there's federal officers, there's New York Police Department.
They're on a joint task force to fight terrorism.
And so, that's like a pretty elevated position to be in if you're a New York cop.
You're not a regular, you wear a suit to work every day, and you're it's it's a it's a yeah, it's an elite group of people.
So, this guy, this cop, was uh parking his car, his unmarked, unmarked car.
And you know how if you stop on a city street and you're gonna you're waiting for someone to pull out of a parking spot, you put your blinker on, you're letting people know behind that you're waiting.
So, you're just not stopped in the middle of the street, you're waiting for this guy to pull out.
So, but he didn't put his blinker on.
So, this guy stops.
This cop stops.
He's waiting for a parking spot.
The guy in the Uber car behind him just sees the guy stop.
He doesn't put his blinker.
He doesn't know what he's doing.
So, he beeps at him.
So, the cop gets out of his car, comes and starts berating the Uber driver for beeping at him, like threatening him, swearing at him.
It was so bad that the passenger in the car started videotaping it.
And I'm sure you've heard a lot of it.
I'm going to play some of it now.
You understand me?
Sir, I'm not saying you understand me?
Yes, I understand.
Okay, so stop it with your mouth.
Stop it with your for what, sir?
For what, sir?
Stop it with that bullshit and realize the three vehicle and traffic law violations he committed.
Okay, okay.
You understand me?
Yes, I don't know what fucking planet you think you're on right now.
I'm not planning, sir.
I'm here planning as a planet.
I say, I'm not planning.
Yeah, I'm not anything.
So, he's just the guy.
He sounds like my dad was never drunk.
I never saw my dad drunk, but if he was, that's what he would probably sound like.
Right?
Doesn't that sound like somebody's alcoholic dad?
It was this guy's an ex-marine.
It's like he's just yelling.
And this is just another person.
He doesn't even know this guy.
And all this guy did was beep at him.
And this guy, by the way, he's a public servant.
This guy, he's dedicated his life to protecting people, serving the people of New York City.
He gets beeped at by another person in the country, and that's how he reacts to it.
So it was so over.
I mean, we just caught the back end of that.
So now the cop slams the guy's door, slams the guy's door in his face.
He's treating the kid like he's a like he's treating this Uber driver like he's this guy's stepchild or something.
He's being a jerk to him, and to say the least.
And it was so bad, the guy in the backseat started taping.
And then they have this conversation after the cop walks away.
This sucks.
Sorry about that.
Pick the wrong guy.
So now that so they can.
Oh, no.
And the cop comes back.
So the cop comes back.
So the guy in the back seat says, Wow, you picked the wrong guy to beep at.
And then the cop comes back.
Pick the wrong guy.
Whoa, with five fucking feet.
You understand me?
Pull over.
Oh, my God.
I have this on video in case you want to.
You have?
Yeah.
Okay, thank you so much.
In case you need to submit it to someone.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, send me your email.
I'll send it to you.
Okay.
I'll give you my card.
Who talks to a person?
The guy beeps at pull over five fucking.
Who does this?
And by the way, I'm glad they give this guy a gun.
That's the kind of guy you got to go.
Hey, we should give that guy a gun.
Let's have him run around with a gun, huh?
Yeah.
Okay.
No, that's crazy.
That's really inappropriate.
So that's the guy in the back seat.
There's two people in the back seat, and they're saying things like, wow, that's crazy.
That's an abuse of power, obviously.
Having a power trip.
Yeah.
Yes, definitely.
No, it's not your fault.
Listen, it's not your fault.
And they're trying to tell, they're telling the Uber driver that it's not your fault.
Don't worry about it.
This guy's just a dick.
Yeah.
To put it mildly.
I mean, you shouldn't be slamming your car.
He shouldn't be slamming your car door.
He should be throwing things around.
He doesn't have a right to open your doors.
Swearing at you, saying the F-word in your face.
You weren't under arrest.
I think he's just on a power trip right now.
Because he wanted.
Because he wanted.
He didn't have a blinker on.
No.
I mean, if you're going to park, you're supposed to put your blinker on.
That's the way this works.
That's what I'm saying.
No, no, I know.
But if you don't know, I would just not say anything.
Don't say anything.
So then he says, yeah, that's what I'm going to say to him.
They're like, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't say anything to him.
Right.
So they already know.
They already, so this is, but see, by the way.
The hubris of the cop with two passengers in the back seat, too.
Yeah, with the huber.
Again, by the way, this cop is doing this in front of other people on a broad, in broad daylight on a city street.
This is what this cop is doing.
And hang on.
Well, we're going to finish, and I'll make my commentary in a second.
Yes, sir.
So they tell him, just say yes, sir.
No, sir.
Don't give him any trouble.
Just couldn't.
You couldn't be more compliant.
This guy could not be being more compliant.
That's it.
And let me tell you something.
The next time you do it again, you can get.
Okay, what?
You don't let me fucking finish.
Can you believe this?
Maniac.
The cop comes back.
So the cop comes back and he said, okay, now you better remember this next time.
Okay.
And he says, okay.
And he goes, okay, what?
You better let me fucking finish.
Like, this guy is an out-of-control maniac.
Okay.
And he keeps going.
Stop interrupting me.
Apologize.
I'm sorry.
Who do you think you're talking to here?
Son, I'm not saying nothing.
No, every time I open my mouth, you have something to say.
When you're driving up my ass when I'm trying to park the car, and then you have to do something with your hands.
Son, I just say, I Don't care what you have to say.
Do you understand that?
People are allowed to park in this car, park their cars on the side of the street without your interference and then your opinion about what's going on.
Okay, especially when the person you're doing to are the police.
I don't know where you're coming from and where you think you're appropriate.
He could not be nicer.
He couldn't.
Okay, sir.
I'm sorry.
I apologize.
I apologize.
I'm sorry.
I apologize.
Couldn't be more compliant.
And this cop just wants him to say something.
He wants to punch this guy and he wants to arrest him.
Doing that?
That doesn't is not the way it works.
How long have you been in this country?
I must tell you.
Almost how long?
Two years.
I got news for you.
And use this lesson.
Remember this in the future.
Don't ever do that again.
The only reason you're not in handcuffs going to jail and getting summons in the precinct is because I have things to do.
That's the only reason that's not happening.
Because this isn't important enough in there.
You're not important enough.
And what is wrong?
What is wrong with this guy?
By the way, by the way, I want to make the point.
Let me just two more seconds left.
Let me play it off.
Don't ever do that again.
Are you a fair?
Yes.
So now he talks to the guy in the back seat.
He says, Are you a fair?
And he says, Yes, I am.
And he says, You're a fair.
Yes.
And this guy is taking time out of your day for his vehicle and traffic violations.
No, you are taking time out of the fair's day because you're being a jerk.
That's why.
And then he just walks away, and the cop just walks away.
And the cop just walks away.
And now, let me make the point.
Well, first of all, the president of the Detectives Endowment Association, so that's like the Detectives Union.
Right.
He said, he said the past five days have been emotionally draining for the members of the Joint Terrorism Task Force dealing with one of their fellow fellow detectives' heart attack.
So somebody worked without a heart attack.
I remember when my dad had a heart attack, I was just addicted to everybody.
Yeah, I just started, I went around swearing at people in their face on the streets, complete strangers.
I just started swearing at them.
Wow, they have to deal with a lot of people in their lives on this terrorist task force.
So we should give them guns and the authority to do whatever they want.
How do they deal with dentist appointments?
He said, he said, so this is funny.
So the president, Michael Palladino, the president of the Detectives Endowment Association, said, despite what some people think, cops have feelings too.
Yes.
He said he's not, I'm not trying to minimize the significance of what occurred.
I am simply pointing out that cops are just like everyone else.
They have families, friends, and other things going on in their lives too that may affect their behavior at times.
Is this saying that this cop is like everyone else is a searing indictment on humanity?
Yeah, because that's what, well, first of all, that's what you think everyone's like.
Wow.
What kind of bubble do you live in if you think that everyone acts like that sometimes?
You know what, Jimmy?
He says to this guy, you know, if I didn't have any other things to do, you'd be in handcuffs right now.
And the fact is, is that I'm sure in many instances, every day, there's no camera taping it.
And that guy is handcuffed and taken into jail because he has brown skin and he hasn't done anything wrong, but he's still going to spend, he's still going to have his life completely fucked up by cops.
Yes.
That happens all the time.
There's no dispute.
He said, here's this guy, Michael Palladino, says there is no disputing that we are held to a higher standard, and that is why this incident is so newsworthy.
Detective Cherry is a person of good character and an excellent detective.
He really should not be judged by one isolated incident.
Yeah, he's excellent.
He's spending his day yelling at this guy.
Meanwhile, a terrorist is putting a dirty bomb under the Empire State Bill.
Right, right.
And he's messing around with an Uber car driver who couldn't be more polite.
Right.
And that's what he's focusing his attention on while terrorists are running all over the place.
Yeah, that's and that, by the way, that's how he treats someone who could not be more compliant.
And I want to make my point.
My point is this: that so when white people who don't have many interactions with the police and the interactions they do, they have as white people.
So what they don't realize, by the way, that so that cop that cop is in a position, an elevated position inside the police force.
So you don't get to have that position if you yell at people like that all the time.
I saw Van Jones make this point the other night on CNN, and he said, so obviously that guy knows who he can yell at like that and who he can't yell at like that.
Because if he yelled at everybody like that, he wouldn't have that job.
He only yells at some people like that.
Some people he knows he can yell at like that.
And he knows the difference.
And that's the difference.
It's the unequal enforcement of the law.
And I've seen it.
I remember the first time I was talking like that, I was talked to like that by a police officer.
It blew my mind because I was white.
And I was just a kid.
I was in high school.
And a police officer talked to me like that.
And I didn't do a goddamn thing.
I had my bipes.
He thought somebody's 10 speed was my 10 speed and it wasn't my 10 speed and it wasn't parked correctly.
It was laid on the ground in a parking lot.
And this cop just started swearing.
I was a kid.
He started swearing at me and telling me, who the F do you think you are?
You're going to F and talk to me.
He goes, pick that bike up.
And I go, it's not my bike.
Who the hell do you think you are talking to me like that?
I'm not your effing parents.
I'm the effing police.
You don't effing talk to me like that.
You better pick that effing bike up.
And I'm just like, what?
This guy's a maniac.
Maniac.
A maniac.
And that's so this happens a lot, by the way.
So this doesn't, so this might not happen in gated communities or to white people who are dressed nicely.
Well, this guy is making a big deal.
He's like, how long have you been in the country?
I mean, there was a total element of racism in that whole thing.
Yes.
Absolutely.
Yes.
And I think, in fairness, we do have to be a little bit compassionate.
Like, it has been a rough week for them.
That joint terrorism task force is super busy fighting religious fanatics in Indiana.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I just want people to know that that's not that unusual.
That's not that unusual.
And the only reason that it's getting attention is because someone filmed it finally.
So it's when someone happens to have, you know, I have a camera on my phone, but it's not a, I don't have any more stories left in my phone.
So if that happened to me, I couldn't film it.
So it was just lucky that someone there had space on their phone, had their phone.
I guess, and who knows how long it was going on before the guy pulled out his phone.
Yeah.
And you notice how the cop tried to like create a dynamic where he was like, you know, sort of kindred with the passengers.
You're a fair.
He's wasting your time, too.
It's like, nah, man, you are the problem here.
He was like, don't we all want to get on this dark guy?
Yeah.
We should all get on this immigrant.
He's a jerk, isn't he?
The juxtaposition between how he was talking to the Uber driver versus how he talked to the fairs.
Right.
It's just like a perfect example of how he treats people.
Right.
So that's, you know, I just want, I just can't.
And I know, by the way, and people say, well, you anti-cop, cops have a hard job and all that stuff.
And my dad was a cop.
My grandpa's a cop.
One of my best friends is coming out to visit me in April from Chicago.
He's a cop.
And that's why I know that was a cop.
My brother was a cop.
That's how I know this isn't that big of a stretch.
And most people who become cops, it's because they like the power.
They like the game.
Most people, if you say, hey, there's a fight down the street, we'd run the other way.
But cops go, great.
I want to go get involved.
And that's the kind of people we need to have as cops.
I understand that.
You can't have a bunch of Phil Donahues as cops, okay?
You got to have guys like this kind of little bit of a jarhead, but we need to keep them on a short lease, which we don't do anymore in America after 9-11.
We don't, the cops have impunity to do whatever they want because you might be a terrorist.
And it's all about they have to fear for their safety.
It never used to be that way.
It used to be that the citizen safety was paramount, not the cop safety.
It's flipped since 9-11 that now it's the cop safety that is paramount and not the homeless guy or not the mentally ill guy or not the unarmed black guy or not the naked unarmed black guy or not the unarmed black guy selling cigarettes or not the 12 year old kid in a park.
It's not their safety that's important.
It's the police officer's safety that's paramount.
And that's not the way it used to be.
It used to be you became a cop because you wanted to serve your community and you protect your community and you're going to sacrifice your own safety for your community.
And that's not how it is anymore.
They sacrifice your safety for their safety.
Your safety comes second.
Hey, I thought your 8-year-old baby was going to shoot me.
So I shot her first in her crib when I was doing a drug raid on the wrong house at 4 o'clock in the morning because guess what?
We have tanks and M-16s and we have flash grenades.
So we use them even though we don't have to because we live in a police state now because there's money in it.
I think the hardest part about the situation of when I was watching Van Jones speak on CNN and then they had that police officer, retired police officer, and he came right out and he said, well, this guy is going to be in a whole lot of trouble.
Yes.
And what kind of trouble was that?
He's going to catch hell.
He said, yeah, but what did, and then what did he admit that that hell was?
Possibly two-day suspension.
Yes.
Oh, my God.
Is it with pay?
The inhumanity.
He's going to get two-day suspension.
He's going to get a two-day suspension.
You know, I'm glad that cops are making the world safe from people who sell loose cigarettes and jaywalkers and now from polite Uber drives.
Yes.
Yes.
They're really doing their job there.
Yeah.
This cop you can get in touch with with the Uber Asshole app.
Hi, this is Jimmy.
Who's this now?
This is Jimmy Dore.
Who's this?
It's, you know, it's Harrison Ford.
Mr. Ford.
Wow.
Wow.
Why are you calling?
I'm a lot of painkillers.
Well, that's right.
You had that plane crash in Santa Monica a few weeks ago.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was me.
So how are you feeling?
I have this phone, you know, and there was a number in here and it said, this guy is cool.
So, are you?
Are you cool?
I'd like to think I'm cool, Mr. Harrison.
I'd like to think I'm cool, Mr. Harrison.
Come on, man.
You know what I mean.
Are you, you know, cool?
Do you mean do I smoke pot?
Jesus, don't say it out loud.
The man could be listening.
Um, okay.
Yes, Mr. Ford.
I'm cool.
That's great.
I mean, that's really great.
So you want to get high?
Right now?
Yeah, sure.
It'd be like phone sex, but only with pot.
And, you know, not sex.
Uh, you know what, Mr. Ford?
I really can't get high right now.
Mind if I do?
Uh, not at all.
I already did.
So you wrapped shooting on Star Wars Episode 7.
What was that experience like?
Oh, come on, man.
I don't want to talk about that stuff.
Just real quick for our listeners, all right?
What was the question now?
How was...
The question was, how was working on the new Star Wars?
It was, um...
Good.
Anytime I get to shoot a movie without George Lucas, I'm pretty content.
Oh, you don't like George Lucas?
No, he's fine.
It's just that the guy is like the Thomas Kinkade of filmmaking, man.
Did you see those last three films?
You mean the Star Wars prequels?
They were, like, fucking tacky.
The price of soundtrack wasn't by Up With People.
Yeah, I didn't care for those movies either.
You didn't see them.
Don't fucking lie to me.
I'm sorry.
I'm going off script.
Yeah, but if I had seen them, I wouldn't have cared for them.
I guarantee that.
Say yes.
Yes.
I am high all the time, man.
For me, not to enjoy a movie is virtually impossible, okay?
I've watched Battlefield Earth four times, dude.
If I'm telling you a movie is bad, it's got to be like two girls, one cup bad.
I hear you.
I hear you, Mr. Ford.
you see that um two girls one cup uh i didn't see it but i do know what you're talking about it's not a good film boy you know really this sort of make you think intense thoughts man listen listen uh Mr. Harrison Ford, how is your recovery going?
Well, it's great to be out of the hospital.
You didn't like the hospital?
Oh, no.
It's so boring.
They only let you smoke pot like twice a day there.
Pretty much the same Wolfgang puck food over and over.
That's not what the hospital is like for most people, Mr. Ford.
Yeah, and then Callista would come in every day and give me a handy, which is nice.
But, Mr. Ford, you might not want to talk about it.
I still couldn't ejaculate her or anything.
So it was nice to just watch her tiny little child hands playing with my junk.
Jesus Christ.
They go, right?
So you're going to keep flying, Mr. Ford?
Why wouldn't I?
Well, you're in your 70s now, and you've survived three plane crashes.
Well, yeah, you know, I've been thinking about that, and I'm starting to think I might be some kind of god.
You know, not a god exactly, but maybe a demigod like Achilles or Batman or something like that.
Man, Dilauded is amazing.
Did I pronounce that right?
Yes.
You're on Dilauded?
I mean, three plane crashes won't kill me.
I've got this weird wood sprite fairy wife.
I work with Steven Spielberg.
So, yeah, I definitely might be a god.
Mr. Ford, I definitely don't think you're a god.
Come on, man.
We're just talking here.
You know, we're spinning it out and figuring it out, man.
All right.
Okay.
Yeah, you're right.
You want to know something crazy?
Yeah.
I have no idea who this is.
It's just Jimmy Dore.
Yeah, that doesn't mean anything to me.
I have a radio show in Los Angeles.
Okay, Jimmy Dore, whoever you are.
So I'm just going to go, you know, I'm going to go to sleep now.
Okay, that was Harrison Ford, ladies and gentlemen.
Good night, Mr. Ford.
Sleep tight.
Wow.
*Mario plays*
What's up, Jimmy?
It's Mitt Romney.
Hi, Mitt.
Just wanted to say hi and see how you and the fellows are doing.
Ah, we're doing good, buddy.
Thanks for asking.
The morons in your party are once again pandering to the religious nuts.
Oh, geez, I miss it.
You miss what?
You miss pandering to religious nuts?
Oh, geez, Louise.
Yes, of course.
Nothing makes me feel more alive than saying whatever the people in front of me wants to hear.
Mitt, that sounds so empty.
How did you get that way?
I guess I was just raised right.
Hey, you and I both know there's a lot more to that Mitt Romney phone call, but in order to hear it, you got to get the premium content, right?
It's the bonus content for our donators.
And how do you get that content?
Well, there's a ton of that content.
All you have to do is go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You click on join premium.
You make your $5 donation for the month.
That's all it is, a $5 donation a month.
Or if you pay up front, we give you a month free.
So if you pay for the whole year, instead of $60 for the year, we'll give you a month free.
It'll be $55 for the whole year, huh?
And that's a great way to help support the show.
That's what it's all about.
Supporting the show, getting extra content, enjoying more of the Jimmy Dore comedians.
Okay, today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Conniff, Robert Yasamura, Michael Schertzer, Steph Samarano, Mark Van Landuitt, and Mike McRae.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only, the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
And thanks to everybody who stopped by my website, JimmyDoorComedy.com, and filled out that six-question questionnaire.
It's a very brief questionnaire.
It might take you five seconds.
It might take you 10 seconds.
So thanks, everybody, who did that.
It's really big help.
And if you haven't done so, please swing by, JimmyDoorComedy.com.
It's right at the top of the page.
You just click on the questionnaire.
You answer six very quick questions and you're done, but it's a big help.
So thanks, everybody who did that.
Okay, that's it for this week.
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