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Feb. 28, 2015 - Jimmy Dore Show
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On March 7th, the Jimmy Dore show is live at the sound stage at the YouTube Space LA, YouTube Space LA.
If you want tickets, send an email to JimmyDore at earthlink.net and we'll put you on the guest list.
JimmyDore at Earthlink.net, put March 7th in the subject line, and we'll see you at the Jimmy Dore Show Live, March 7th at the YouTube Space LA.
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show!
The Jimmy Dore Show!
you you It seems like everybody's in trouble because they're lying about their military record lately.
Well, guess what?
A 33-page report recently concluded that the Army's culture is rife with, quote, dishonesty and deception at all levels of the institution.
What?
From the most junior members to the senior army officials.
And I say, this is news to people.
You're talking about an organization whose main objective is to kill people and control territory.
Were we under the impression that they've been doing it with kindness and honesty?
Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel, who recently resigned because as the only enlisted combat soldier to hold the office of Secretary of Defense, he was against sending soldiers back into Iraq.
And all the people in the administration that never saw combat were all for sending soldiers back into Iraq.
So Chuck Hagel had to go.
But before Hegel left, he wrote a memo expressing concern for the ethics of the military.
And then he sent that memo to all those people whose ethics he questioned.
And I bet they read it, reflected deeply on themselves and their impact on society, and had a total change of heart.
So it's probably all taken care of.
Rare Admiral John Kirby, the Pentagon's press secretary, said about Chuck Hagel, quote, I think he's generally concerned that there could be at least at some level a breakdown in ethical behavior and then the demonstration of moral courage, end quote.
Doesn't that imply that there were morals and ethics to begin with?
What's more moral than drone bombing wedding parties or anal rehydration?
From the report, it says, quote, eventually their signature and word become tools to maneuver through the army bureaucracy rather than symbols of integrity and honesty.
This desensitization dilutes the seriousness of an officer's word and allows what should be an ethical decision to fade into just another way the army does business, end quote.
Really?
They are desensitized to lying?
Well, considering that they spend their entire lives planning and trying to kill other people, I think a little desensitization is understandable, if not absolutely necessary.
They're not only killers, they're professional killers.
You got to be a pretty shitty killer if you get your heart all broke over a stupid lie.
Just another piece of evidence that Americans think killing in war is super cool and moral and everything else is really bad.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to Kevali.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I'm joining the studio across from me, hilarious comedian from Team Yasimura.
It's our resident Japanese man, Robert Yasamura.
Hi, Robert.
How are you?
Ohio.
Ohio to you.
Across the glass from the Young Turks.
It's our resident Hispanic.
It's Edwin Umanya.
Hi, Edwin.
How are you?
Hola.
All right, Ola.
Ola to you.
Also here, it's Michael Elliott Spitzer Schertzer, ladies and gentlemen.
Hi, Michael.
How are you?
Hey, Jimmy, I'm doing great.
Thank you.
Our resident white man.
Our resident.
Yay.
Hey, did you have CPAC starting starting this week?
CPAC is going to.
Oh, I got to get my girlfriend a present.
Naha.
So that stands.
CPAC stands for the conservative PAC.
And CPAC is all a buzz.
It's got a lot of talk about the exciting developments in bigotry and intolerance over the last year.
It's ironic.
The Japanese are doing some really good things about the efficiency of bigotry and intolerance.
It's amazing.
They're efficiency masters, if nothing else.
They've made it much smaller and much faster.
And did you hear today big news about net neutrality?
And the FCC is now going to categorize the internet as a utility and they're going to enforce net neutrality, which, you know, I don't know.
I was really looking forward to the internet being ruined.
Nice.
So Rudolph Giuliani.
Friend of the show.
Friend of the show.
Got himself in a little hot water saying a lot of ugly, race-baiting, thinly veiled racist things about Barack Obama.
And then doubling down on him.
And then double down on him, that he said he doesn't love America and he's not raised like me and you.
Rudy, I don't know if you know, was raised by felons, and he's a thrice divorced womanizer.
So I don't know how he wasn't raised like Barack Obama.
That's for sure.
Whose grandpa was in that?
Anyway, I'm talking about Rudolph Giuliani.
He has a lot of Sicilian.
Yes.
So, you know, when you hear Rudolph Giuliani talk about the trip ever heard the American exceptionalism, what he means by that is that white Americans can be exceptionally huge assholes.
I think that's what he means.
I think he means everybody except me, I think, is working.
He loves to tell that Giuliani loves to tell that story of how amid the wreckage of 9-11, he was able to find his racist dog whistle and it still works.
Just for the record, Giuliani showed up in front of a camera.
That's what he did.
That's what he did on 9-11.
Yes, that is exactly what needed to happen.
Yes.
But let's not build a 15-year career out of that, shall we?
Well, Giuliani was once admired and respected, Robert, but that's the kind of baggage you have to lose if you're going to succeed in the GOP, let's be honest.
And he's even bringing up the Jeremiah Wright thing.
He brought it up with Megan Kelly on Fox.
And I don't know about you.
I know you're laughing, Enwood, but I'm worried that Giuliani bringing up the whole Jeremiah Wright thing is going to hurt Obama's chances of winning in 2008.
Ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!
And Giuliani was right, Obama.
He vetoed the Keystone pipeline, proving that he has no love of country, that country being Canada.
Hey, did you hear Paul Wolfowitz?
Paul Wolfowitz, friend of the show, one of the architects of the Iraq invasion.
They're going to greet us with open arms.
Yes, sure.
Sure, and they're going to bet it'll pay for itself and all that stuff.
He went to the IMF.
And he, yes, so CNN asked Paul Wolfowitz for his advice on stopping ISIS.
And then CNN went to Charles Manson to discuss how to prevent Hollywood cult killers.
They did.
They recently did a survey.
Did you hear about this survey that came out this week that the majority of Republicans want to make Christianity the national religion of the United States?
They really do.
They want to have a national religion.
So, hey, Rudy, these are the folks that hate America, okay?
Those would be the folks, the ones who want to establish a national religion.
Yeah.
Bill O'Reilly's in a little hot water.
You know, the trust and credibility that Bill O'Reilly hasn't even remotely come close to building up over the course of his career is now gone.
He's really ruined that.
Really now, guys.
He's ruined from here on out.
Yes, boy.
But, you know, Bill O'Reilly's job is very secure.
You know, firing a Fox News host for lying would be like firing a food network host for cooking.
I watched the, I don't know about you, but I watched a little bit of the Oscars, and Sean Penn got in trouble, made that green card joke.
And, you know, after Sean Penn's green card joke, digital-smelling salts were administered to the myriad of Margaret Dumonts on Twitter.
You got to know what Margaret Dumont is to get that joke.
Imagine who wrote that joke.
So Frank Conniff wrote that joke.
Yes.
So often.
And Margaret Dumont, who is the woman in all the.
She was the straight person in all the Marxists.
Marx Brothers shows.
Oh, my.
I never.
And they would say, and you probably never will.
That was a joke they like to do to Margaret Dumont.
She was always being offended.
So that's why that joke's hilarious.
Hey, by the way, Jennifer Hudson, Jennifer Hudson, constant reminder that Simon Cowell doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
We're going to talk about some of our favorite interviews from the red carpet at the Oscars.
Plus, more Mayor Giuliani.
He gives a speech to the Iranian American community of Arizona event.
Didn't know that was a thing.
Plus, we're going to look at Bill O'Reilly's lying record.
It's going to be fun.
You know, this only comes around once a lifetime.
And there's, plus, we got phone calls today from Benjamin Netanyahu.
Chris Christie calls in, and Bill O'Reilly is going to call in to talk about the scandal.
Plus, a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Man, I promise you snowplows will get out to you eventually, so could you stop busting my balls?
Hey, Governor Christie.
Which line did I pick up?
It's me, Jimmy Doer, buddy.
Oh, great.
Jimmy Dore, now we're doing this.
Who are you talking to just then?
Yeah, my fucking mother.
I've been stuck in the house for weeks.
I need my insulin while I'm on the wrack.
So, yeah, you guys have gotten a lot of snow and ice this with her.
How's that been?
How should I know?
I don't live with this shithole steak.
What?
Come on.
You're the governor.
Now, how do you not live in the state?
Well, a girl can give away all her secrets.
But still, what have you been doing about the snow situation?
Pretty much nothing.
Pretty much nothing.
How can you be doing nothing about one of the worst winters on record?
Jimmy, what makes you think I give a shit about a little ice and snow when I haven't even finished with holding Eric Aid Sandy money yet?
This shit is all going to work itself out.
Because News Flash snow melts at all over it.
But what about all the business?
What about all the businesses that suffer?
I mean, doesn't your state lose millions of dollars a day when things like this happen?
Millions of state's economy is so far from the toilet and stuff, but it doesn't even matter.
It's that bad.
Let me put it this way, Zebby.
Standard and poor is just raiding our state bars.
What are you fucking crazy thinking about these fucking bonds?
That's a real rating.
That's a rating they give?
That is now.
Speaking of your economy, I understand you just had a court decision that says you can't welch on pension payments to public employees.
Yeah, that happened.
Some bitch judge type lady with a fancy contracts illegally binding.
Having the letter pose.
Governor, you can't.
Yeah, I don't like women pretty much at all.
Unless there's ever be some parmesan.
Am I right?
So you're going to.
I'm right.
So you're going to pay those retirees?
I could do that.
You know, I could just, you know, murder them.
Sort of, oh, you taught Fort Grade for 30 years.
That's beautiful.
Let me just get you this pension payment of my jacket here and bugo.
No more pension payment.
Governor, you can't do that.
Why not?
Because you can't.
Seriously, why not?
Because you can't.
It's illegal.
But I really want to.
So listen, how's your presidential campaign coming?
Oh, you just had to bring that up, huh?
We couldn't have just kept talking about killing teachers and all things parmesan.
Governor, I would think you'd want to.
You just had to bring it up.
Well, for your FYI, Mr. Question, man, things are not going very well at that front.
I am currently losing to Mr. Handsome Dead Presbyterian Scott Walker.
Yeah.
Oh, that actually brings me to the last thing I wanted to talk to you about.
I guess it was at a Scott Walker event that Rudy Giuliani said the president doesn't love America.
I'm sorry, Rudy, who?
Rudy Giuliani.
Still not getting it.
Rudy Giuliani, former mayor of New York City, 2008 Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani.
Oh, you mean the guy from those lifelong commercials?
He said something?
I hadn't heard.
Governor, come on.
Why are we discussing what 9-11 McBaldy said?
Randall Stahn's last solo album is more relevant than that guy.
I kind of agree with you.
Jesus, Giuliani is about two months away from doing infomercials on Fox News for Nutra System.
I got things stuck in my ass crack while worthy of conversation.
Well, I kind of have to ask, do you think the president loves America?
You know, I'm not going to get something to that kind of gotcha journalism that might reveal what I really think it would save people.
So you're not going to answer the question.
Jimmy, I'll answer this question.
Do I love America?
And the answer is yes.
I love America so much.
I want to slather it with whipped cream and fucking doggy style.
That's how much I love this fucking country, okay?
Do you want me to edit that out?
I stand by my words.
I want to have sexual intercourse with America.
You pleasant the reporters and eat all sorts of animals made of parmesan.
Christie 2016.
All right, that was Chris Christie.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Hey, people have been asking where Steph has been.
She's in rehearsals for Young Frankenstein, the musical, which is starting this Friday and running through March 7th at the Pasadena Community College.
At the end of the show, I'll tell you how you can get more info to go see that show.
So, you know, Bill O'Reilly got into a little trouble.
People are scrutinizing his.
David Korn over at Mother Jones pointed out that Bill O'Reilly said he's covered four wars with a pen, meaning that he was a war correspondent in war zones.
He said he was in the war zone of the Falkland Islands.
Turns out he wasn't anywhere near the Falkland Islands.
He was actually in Buenos Aires, Argentina, which is about 14, 1,500 miles away from the Falkland Islands.
Jimmy, isn't it Falkin Islands?
No, it's the Falkland Islands.
Well, you know what?
Are we going to have to bleep that?
I don't know.
The Falkland Islands.
And so what Bill O'Reilly actually covered was the war ended, and then there was a protest in the capital of Buenos Aires.
The people wanted to keep fighting, but they wouldn't.
The war was over.
So Bill O'Reilly was covering a protest.
And they used plastic bullets and tear gas.
They didn't shoot anybody.
He said they were shooting, gunning them down and right in front of them.
And he had to save his cameraman who had blood.
He had to save him.
And he saved the tape at the same time.
And they used that tape on that.
They did use the tape that he shot on the news, but it was a tape of a protest after a war.
It wasn't of anything that happened during a war.
It was, again, 1,500 miles away from the Falkland Islands.
So I think that guy's a Falkland liar.
And so here's what he had to say about David Korn, the reporter who broke the story.
He comes right at him.
Basically, David Corn, a liar, says I exaggerated situations in the Falklands War and the Salvadoran War.
Here's the truth.
Everything I've said about my repertorial career, everything is true.
Okay, so there you go.
Okay, well, we're done there.
So we all, now we know that's not true.
We know he wasn't there.
He was in Buenos Aires.
We all know that he even said that all the other reporters were afraid to leave the hotel.
He was the only one out there.
All the other reporters, including Bob Schaefer, has said he's full of it.
Nobody was hanging in there.
Everybody was out covering the protests.
Bill's making that up too.
He had a little bit more to say about David Corn.
All because an irresponsible gutter snipe.
Gutter snipe.
That's got to be my new favorite.
Gutter snipe.
That's going back up.
That's an old timey, right?
Yeah, that's a far-left zealot who has attacked Fox News many times before.
By the way, that far-left zealot, David Korn, worked for Fox News from 2002 to 2007.
Inside job.
Yeah.
So there, so yeah, that guy worked for Fox News for was on Bill O'Reilly's show all the time.
Bill O'Reilly would compliment him on his reporting.
I remember seeing David Corn on Bill O'Reilly's show all the time.
All because an irresponsible gutter snipe, a far-left zealot, who has attacked Fox News many times before, spit the stuff out on the net.
And you know what?
Nothing's going to happen to David Corn.
Nothing's going to happen to David Korn.
Nothing's going to happen to you.
Nothing's going to happen to David Corn.
Brother Jones and the far-left websites couldn't care less about the truth.
See, you just throw it right back at them.
But Bill O'Reilly is the number one defender of truth and honesty.
Yeah, it's Bill.
It's like, hey, why did you beat your wife?
Why'd you beat your wife?
What?
Why did you beat both of our wives, Bill?
Just to injure.
This is a political hit job.
Real journalists knew the story was B.S. from the jump.
They knew Korn was trying to take the Brian Williams situation and wrap it around my neck for ideological reasons because he has a history of attacking Fox News.
Attacking Fox News.
Attacking.
Fact-checking is now considered attacking Fox News.
Well, it is.
Yeah.
It's right up there with gotcha questions.
You know, where you ask somebody a reasonable question and they know how to answer it.
Yeah.
Oh, it's a gotcha question.
You mean, yeah, that gotcha question, like, what's your alternative to the Obamacare that you want to repeal?
Hey, hey.
Hey.
In the words of Cosby, we don't talk about that.
Yeah, we don't talk about that.
We don't answer that.
And if you want to be a serious reporter.
You want to be a serious reporter?
Okay.
So Bill O'Reilly has gotten himself in trouble again because he talks about first of all, here's what Fox News.
So he keeps pretending he was in El Salvador and he saw nuns get shot in the back of their head by death squads.
Now, there were nuns who did get shot in the head by death squads in El Salvador.
It happened a year before Bill O'Reilly was there.
Right.
So Bill O'Reilly said this.
A lot of people understand.
My mother, for example, doesn't understand evil.
When I would tell her, hey, mom, I was in El Salvador and I saw nuns get shot in the back of the head.
She almost couldn't process it.
She couldn't process it.
Yeah, she couldn't process that.
Because she knew that he was lying.
Yeah, I think that's.
She was like, really?
You were there.
She couldn't process the fact that he was there and you actually saw it.
So Fox News has come out and they've said that here's their statement about the El Salvador thing, right?
So he's literally said he was there.
He said, you heard him, just say it.
He was there a year after that happened.
He wasn't there when it happened.
We know that for sure.
So now Fox News says, while in El Salvador, reporters were shown horrendous images of violence that were never broadcast, including depictions of nuns who were murdered.
The mention of the nuns on my program came the day of the Newtown massacre.
So this is what, this is Bill O'Reilly.
This is O'Reilly's statement I'll sell there.
The segment was about evil and how hard it is for folks to comprehend it.
I use the murdered nuns as an example of that evil.
That's what I am referring to when I say I saw nuns get shot in the back of the head.
No, no, you would say I saw pictures of nuns who got shot in the back of the head a couple years after it happened.
Not that I saw nuns get.
Git means active.
That's an active verb.
I was there.
I saw them get.
I went to El Salvador and watched some really scary television.
He says, so no one could possibly take that segment as reporting on El Salvador.
So he's saying that, no, I was just using an example of evil.
I wasn't saying that I was there when it happened.
I said I saw pictures of the violence, and no one could possibly take that from me saying that as me saying I was reporting on El Salvador.
Oh, the only problem is he said the same damn thing seven years ago.
Sure.
Okay.
So here's what he said seven years ago.
I've seen much, much worse behavior on the masculine side than the feminine side in my life.
All right, I've seen guys gun down nuns in El Salvador.
He just said it.
He said it seven years ago.
He has seen a person guys gun down nuns in El Salvador.
Right.
So he's totally, you know, caught.
Here's what Fox News says, here's what Fox News says.
They say Bill O'Reilly has already addressed several claims leveled against him.
This is nothing more than an orchestrated campaign by far-left advocates, Mother Jones, and Media Matters responding to the unproven accusation du jour has become an exercise in futility.
Fox News maintains its staunch support of Bill O'Reilly, who was no stranger to calculated onslaughts.
So they're saying that this is all just a smear.
And so that's the difference between a real news organization.
And NBC, we criticize the mainstream news media because they are lapdogs of the powerful and they would never speak truth to power ever.
But at least they did get when a guy got caught in a blatant lie on their news, they did suspend him.
And it may make a big deal.
They're like, wow, you know, we trade on our credibility.
If we don't have that, we don't have anything.
Fox News has nothing to do with their credibility.
If they have credibility, they couldn't care.
That would hurt them.
People don't turn into Fox News to get the news.
That's what's funny.
They get confirmation.
They get their bias confirmed.
They get.
At least MSNBC actually has news.
You can learn things on there.
So they are too much in the tank for the Democrats.
But they do do reporting where they give you the fact.
They're not going to misrepresent facts to do a partisan hit job.
That's all Fox News does.
Fox News.
By the way, they're climate change deniers still at Fox News.
Oh, yeah.
They don't even trust.
So this is a news organization that categorically denies climate change, science.
They don't believe in science and they call themselves a fact-based news organization.
Thank you.
By the way, I think that there's a second lie in Bill O'Reilly's statement, which is, I don't think he talks to his mom.
That's funny.
So Bill O'Reilly's also been caught in a lie where he says that he, that he was there.
So there was an acquaintance of Lee Harvey Oswald who shot President Kennedy.
That's what the Warren Report said.
And so he, in 1977, Bill was trying to get an interview with the guy, and Bill O'Reilly said that he had followed the guy to Florida.
And as he was about to knock on the door to interview the guy, he heard a gunshot blast, and the guy had killed himself.
He blew his head off or killed himself with a shotgun.
That's what Bill O'Reilly said.
Well, turns out that didn't happen.
Bill O'Reilly wasn't that Bill O'Reilly was nowhere near.
He was in Florida.
I'm pretty sure he went to Florida.
There's a guy who was a colleague of Bill O'Reilly's wrote a book called The Last Investigation about the Kennedy.
And in his book, he writes, about 6.30 that evening, I received a call from Bill O'Reilly, a friend who was then a television reporter in Dallas.
Funny thing happened.
The guy who shot himself, his name is DeMora Schitz.
I can't really say his name right.
DeMoran Schultz.
Funny thing happened.
DeMorran Schultz's attorney, a guy named Pat Russell, he calls and says DeMorris Schultz committed suicide this afternoon.
Is that true?
That's what Bill O'Reilly asked this guy.
He asked this guy being confirmed.
So Bill O'Reilly wasn't even in Florida.
So we now know that's so, and this is in his book.
Right.
This is in his book, right?
So then they asked Fox News about it.
Fox News says, we're not, you called the publisher.
Call his publisher.
So they call his publisher, Henry Holt and Company.
And they say, quote, we fully stand behind Bill O'Reilly and his bestseller, killing Kennedy.
And we're very proud to count him as one of our most important authors.
Yeah.
So there's a little bit more.
They say this one passage is immaterial to the story being told by this terrific book, and we have no plans to look into this matter.
So, hey, there's some incorrect facts in the book you're publishing.
I'm not looking into it.
Fine.
Who cares?
Not looking into it.
I would have had more respect for them if they had just said, look, we're whores.
Yeah.
Okay.
Do you know how his books sell?
Do you know how much money he's given us?
Okay, so now one more of Bill O'Reilly.
You're going, Jim, this is a long Bill O'Reilly segment.
Yeah, I know, but how often does stuff like this come along?
Well, with Bill O'Reilly every day.
But it's now that other people are pointing it out, which is nice, right?
So Bill O'Reilly likes to talk about what an athlete he was as a young man.
And he went on a show called the Dan Levitar Show.
And he was talking about what a great now, though, this is Keith Oberman found this, I think, a year ago.
He found this out, and he was busting all O'Reilly on this on his show.
So this is through Keith Olbermann's reporting that I got this.
He said on the Dan Levitar show, he said, we won most of the time in all the sports that I played.
This is true.
This is a quote.
He said, I played on the Marist College football team.
We were undefeated our senior year.
That was a pretty good deal.
It was such a good deal that he said he led the nation in punting.
He wrote an article about how great he was, and it was in the Super Bowl program.
Hey, we're going to get to the rest of that Bill O'Reilly call in one minute.
But right now, I want to say thanks to everybody who uses our Amazon box when they buy something from Amazon.com.
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Okay, we're going to get back to the second half.
And I'm going to let you know at the end of the show how you can go see Steph in that play.
She's in Young Frank assigned at the Pasadena Community College, which is running through March 7th.
She's hilarious.
If you've never seen Steph in musicals, she's going to steal the show.
I know it.
Look for links for tickets at Steph's Facebook page, my Facebook page, and over at jimmydorecomedy.com.
Welcome back to the Jimmy Door show.
We got a lot coming up in this second half.
We got phone calls from Bill O'Reilly.
He calls in to talk about his scandal.
We also get a phone call from Benjamin Netanyahu to talk about his speech to the Congress.
And we're also going to check in with Rudy Giuliani, gave his speech to an erating organization in Arizona.
But right now, let's get back to the studio and our phone, our conversation about all of Bill O'Reilly's many, many, many, many, many lies that he's been caught in now.
And he's just about to tell us about his sports lies.
But I'm joined in the studio by comedian Robert Yasamura and Michael Schertzer and from the Young Turks at Zedwin Umana.
So let's get back to the studio right now.
This is through, this is Keith Oberman, found this.
I think a year ago, he found this out and he was busting all O'Reilly on this on his show.
So this is through Keith Olbermann's reporting that I got this.
He said on the Dan Levitar show, he said, we won most of the time in all the sports that I played.
This is true.
This is a quote.
He said, I played on the Marist College football team.
We were undefeated our senior year.
That was a pretty good deal.
It was such a good deal that he said he led the nation in punting.
He wrote an article about how great he was, and it was in the Super Bowl program.
This is true.
This is true.
Here's Bill O'Reilly talking.
What happened with Keith Oberman reporting?
So here he is on the Dan Levittar show, and they ask him about Keith Oberman reporting this fact.
What happened with Keith Oberman reporting in 2005 while he was with MSNBC that you graduated in 71, but that Marist didn't have varsity football until 78, so he's accusing you basically of never having been 78.
So here's what Bill O'Reilly says.
Kicker there.
Well, number one, I never comment on smear merchants.
And number two, it was a man.
He has all the good put-downs for people he wants to discredit.
Smear merchants, gutter snipes.
Club football team in a club league.
He was in a club football team with a club league.
Oh, okay.
But it was varsity football in the sense that we played Georgetown, Catholic U, Fordham, Manhattan, Iona.
So, you know, look, it's just, you know what it is, guys.
You know what it is.
So that's you inflating your resume once again, Bill.
That's what it is.
It's varsity because he says it's varsity.
It says, well, it's just like varsity.
It's just like, by the way, so he then told a story to his biographer about when he was a senior in college.
By the way, I assume his biographer is the lowest self-esteemed biographer of all time.
This is a true story, Robert.
And he told his biographer that when he was a senior in college, about he, how about how he, Bill O'Reilly, an alleged lifelong Mets fan, was allegedly offered a contract to play for the New York Mets.
Here it is.
I'll play it for you.
Oh, I'm sure that's true.
They scouted me.
I went to Shea Stadium and threw for them.
And then a guy walked out in the mound next to me on a right field bullpen and started throwing, and I looked over.
He was about 5'10.
He threw twice as hard as me.
Tom Seaver, his rookie year.
I didn't know who he was.
It just blew me right off the mount.
When was Tom Seavers' rookie year?
So Tom Seaver's rookie year was 1967 and when O'Reilly was 18.
Yeah.
In his biography, he put the tryout in his senior year of college, which would be 1971.
By which time the Mets had already won the World Series and Tom Seaver had already won the Cy Young Award.
But the hardest thing to believe about that story is that Bill O'Reilly, an alleged lifelong Mets fan, didn't recognize Tom Seaver.
So then they start to ask him on this Dan Levitar show about all the problems he had with his sexual harassment.
He had to – with that woman he harassed, his producer, and he had this out-of-court settlement member with the loofah and this dirty talking and the phone calls.
So here's what – here they go.
I'm not going to get into any of that stuff.
So if you guys have another question, I'm good.
If not, we'll say goodbye.
Wait a minute.
What do you mean you're not going to get into any of that stuff?
I don't understand.
We'll see you guys.
Thanks for making the time.
I appreciate it.
Hey, Jimbo.
Hey, Bill.
How you doing, buddy?
Oh, you know, not so hot.
I'm in a little bit of trouble.
Why, Bill?
What happened?
Well, you know how all you lefty liberals came down on Brian Williams for stretching the truth about being hit with an RPG in Iraq?
I don't think it was just liberals, Bill.
Everybody was mad at him for that.
And he didn't stretch the truth.
He lied.
It was disgraceful.
Well, all you libs crucified Brian Williams for telling a little white lie.
Bill, I got to push back there.
It wasn't a white lie.
A white lie is saying something like, hi, Bill.
I enjoy your show.
Well, well, Bill, you're a good-looking man.
Say you got hit by an RPG in a military convoy when you didn't.
Reveals you to be an untrustworthy newsman.
Yeah, whatever.
Fake.
And now your war reporting record is getting scrutiny and...
You know me, Jimmy.
I don't go down without a fight.
Bill, tell me, how did you let this happen?
Well, you know how it goes.
I was just doing my thing, being the number one broadcast journalist of all time.
Number one?
Where did you get those numbers from, Bill?
And suddenly, since people started realizing that Brian Williams was telling fibs, they started to look into whether what I say is true or not.
A couple of numb nuts from that muckraking, baby-killing Marxist rag, Mother Jones, checked into my coverage of...
the falklands war back when i was at cbs they had the audacity to say that i was lying about my coverage well bill you were lying i read the Mother Jones story, and it sounds like you exaggerated the danger you and your news crew were in.
Isn't that accurate?
Okay, look, what you don't get is that I was there in a war zone.
No, Bill, you were not in a war zone.
That was the Falkland Islands.
You were in Buenos Aires, Argentina, which was 1,500 miles away.
Listen, Gunnar Snipe.
Maybe you see the video I show from CBS from that time that confuses the issue.
Yes, I did see that video.
Really?
You saw the CBS video and you weren't the least little bit confused as to whether or not I covered a war or just a war protest?
No, I wasn't.
It's clear you, it's clear you were covering a protest about the war and not the actual war.
You stinky little lick spittle.
I will fucking kill you.
Bill, where do you come up with these old-timey insults?
Gutter snipe, lick splittle?
What you don't get is that the median age of my audience is 72 years old.
That's true.
When I use an insult like Gutter Snipe, it reminds the old folks of the simpler time when all the presidents were white.
It comforts them, but a stupid, cloth-eared bin like yourself would never understand that.
A bint?
A bint.
Bill, you know, Keith Olbermann also pointed out how you lied about your sports prowess, too.
You said you were trying out for the Mets alongside Tom Seaver, but now we know that couldn't possibly be true.
Okay.
Yeah, that was okay.
I admit that.
It was a mistake.
It wasn't Tom Seaver.
It was Mickey fucking Mantle.
Bill, you're doing it again.
Look, this is done.
This conversation is over.
I'm not going to discuss this with you anymore because you, sir, are crazy as a hood owl.
Bill, it's not over.
No, it is over.
I released a video from that time that does just enough to confuse the mouth breathers who watch my show.
I have plausible deniability.
Yo, Bill, no, it doesn't.
You might have confused your audience, and you might be able to kind of lie about this still, but it's not working.
That's because you're a half a bubble of a plum.
I don't need a gunner snipe stick-up artist like you giving me the business.
I've been a reporter, and I've been a teacher.
And when I was a teacher, I taught the young idea how to shoot.
Bill, shut up.
I was shut up.
Shut up.
Bill.
Shut up.
Bill, I was.
Shut up.
Bill.
Shut the fuck up.
Bill.
You better shut your mouth or I'll come at you with everything I fucking got.
I'll put you in a war zone where you fucking belong.
I'm a civilized man.
All right, Bill.
Good to talk to you.
Okay, you take care, Jimmy.
All right, that would feel all right.
All right.
All right.
Okay, so former Mayor Rudolph Giuliani gave a speech at the Iranian American Community of Arizona event.
That's right.
All four of them?
That's right.
That's pretty funny already, right?
So now, first of all, the Iranian American community in Arizona consists of about one family and a prisoner they transferred from Guantanamo.
This is the state where they keep people in labor camps, which Sheriff Joe Arpaio once affectionately referred to as concentration camps.
Isn't that funny?
Yeah, that's a true story.
That's funny.
That's really funny.
You know, in the scorching hot desert is hosting an event where they take the moral high ground on Iran's nuclear program, which our own CIA says is not even close to the development of nuclear weaponry.
Our own CIA says that.
So all these people beating the drum for Iran's nuclear, our own CIA debunks them, okay?
But nonetheless, the brilliant people of Arizona and their handful of Muslims prostituting U.S. foreign policy aims decided to hold a symposium and they asked Rudy Giuliani to speak.
That's right, because they wanted to bring some of that northern racism down to the Sunbelt.
They wanted somebody with exactly no foreign policy experience.
Zero.
To come and talk to them.
Yeah.
That's perfect.
And so in his speech, he got a little, you know, got some facts wrong, which what's a big deal?
So in his speech, he was talking about how he believes that the current president of Iran, Hassan Rouhani, has been secretly enriching the country's uranium since early 2003.
Here he is.
Here he is saying it right here.
The president reformer who runs Iran, Rouhani, in 90, in 03 and 05, continued to enrich uranium while they had a standstill agreement with us.
He did it secretly and bragged about it, and we're negotiating with him.
Now, the interesting thing about that is that Rouhani became the president of Iran in 2013.
Yes.
And he's saying that he's been lying to us since 2003.
So, again, even though our own CIA says Rudy is full of it, that doesn't stop him from talking like he's a gunslinging cowboy, the man who was nowhere on 9-11 and everywhere afterwards waving the flag, beating the drum for war, and feeding off the sadness and despair of those affected by the tragedy.
He goes on to flex his nuanced view of foreign policy, and here it comes.
This is like playing poker with a guy who cheated you twice before.
You know who does that?
A moron.
Yes, so he compares international relations to a card game, saying this is like poker playing poker with a guy who cheated you twice before.
You know, it does that a moron, even though Rouhani just became president in 2013.
Right.
Indeed, you know who compares geopolitics to card games?
Morons.
Morons would be the answer.
You know who calls the president a moron when they themselves have the facts wrong?
I don't know, maybe an irrelevant tragedy pimp willing to disgrace what was left of his tattered reputation for brief attention from maniacs.
Tragedy pimps.
That's the Christmas.
And morons.
Yes, and more.
And yet, that received a round of applause.
Oh, of course.
It's big with mobs.
Yeah.
That's the kind of line that goes over really well with Briled Up Moms.
Goes over well with dim-witted maniacs, bloodthirsty to send other people to war, right?
At an open mic, it wouldn't have played.
He then went on, swear to God, Rula F. Judy Line went on to make the proclamation that despite the United States possessing one of the world's largest nuclear arsenals and being the only country to ever use nuclear weapons, despite all that, Rudy Giuliani feels as though it's his place to declare that Iran should never have nuclear energy for any reason whatsoever.
I've never seen anyone so confident in themselves, but yet divorced from the fact sense.
Well, I've got to go back to Brian Williams or Bill O'Reilly.
are listening to the Jimmy Dore Show.
Thank you.
So I'm watching the red carpet because at the Oscars.
Not just your red carpet.
Right, because I got a grant to do research and find what the most vapid, vacant interviews were ever conducted.
And I was like, oh, so maybe I should check in with the, what are they doing on the red carpet?
It's the interviewers.
It's like they don't ask them straight questions.
It's like they all try to make conversation like they're at a party with them.
You're not at the part.
You're a reporter.
You're working.
Ask them a question.
So here's what I'm talking about.
So here is who's the girl from Melanie Griffith and her daughter, who is, she's in 50 Shades of Gray, I guess, right?
Melanie Griffin's daughter.
Oh, really?
Did you know that?
I didn't.
Oh, yeah.
So she's in that.
Is this her daughter with Don Johnson?
I guess.
I don't know who she had the daughter with.
I'm going to guess, Don Johnson.
She has two names that mean penis.
I never knew Don meant penis.
We are such infants on this show.
Okay.
Well, how about the greatest name of all time, Magic Johnson?
Are you kidding me?
Yes.
Both a name and a description of the evening.
Yes.
So here's the woman from ABC, who, by the way, her pink dress looked fantastic.
It really did.
I don't normally say this, but she really had a fantastic dress on.
Because it looked good.
It didn't look stupid.
And anyway, so here she is.
I know I'm just like them.
So here she is asking a question.
You are part of the problem.
You know that, don't you?
I'm just telling you, though, that dress does look good.
I'm not kidding.
It was pink.
It had a big slit that you could see her cleavage.
So her slit, and it was tight, and she had a nice figure, and it was a good dress.
So anyway, so I can't believe I know.
I know.
I can't believe I actually have a feeling about this.
So here she is interviewing Melanie Griffith and her daughter about 50 Shades of Gray, and here's how it goes.
Dakota Johnson.
Yeah.
50 Shades of Gray has done so well at the box office.
Feels like everybody has seen it.
Have you?
So she says, have you seen it?
And to Melanie Griffith, because her daughter's in it doing sex stuff.
She's a sexually explicit movie.
Yeah.
Her daughter is the main girl.
Yeah.
The girl in the movie.
She gets spanked.
She gets spanked the most.
Yeah.
So, by the way, they did a movie called The Secretary.
Much better movie about this kind of thing.
I don't know if you've.
Did you ever see the movie The Secretary with James?
Great James Fader?
Fantastic.
That's a real movie about this.
Maggie Gillenhall.
Yeah.
I heard.
Yeah.
So they already did this movie.
I don't know why they're doing it again.
I guess because they can sell tickets.
That's why they're doing it.
Because they didn't do a book that was a bestseller beforehand.
That's right.
So here is Melanie Griffith's answer.
Did you see the movie?
No.
Naivi.
What do you, yeah, what do you have to say?
You don't want to see it?
Maybe one day.
I don't think I can.
I think it would be strange.
No, I don't think so.
I think it's fine.
I think that one day you can see it.
So she's saying, I don't think I can see it.
And their daughter says, I think one day you'll be able to see it.
And the interviewer is going, yeah, like it's awkward.
Why are you, you're making it awkward.
Why are you bringing this?
Why are you saying, ask them a question about the movie?
Ask them a question about show business.
Ask her a question about the Oscars.
Did you see it?
Ah, yeah.
And she won't let it go.
I think so.
And I'll just tell you until you see it, she's really good.
Yeah, there are those scenes, but she's also just a really good.
Well, she's a really good actress.
I don't need to see that to know how good she is.
Damn, spoken like a mother, right?
Melanie Griffith, huh?
She used to be a sex symbol herself, and now here she is.
I don't need to see that stuff.
Why do you got to show it?
It sounds like my mom.
Surely that's all I do.
Let's talk about that of sex.
My mom, all the music today, it's all about sex, sex, sex.
There's more to life about than sex, Jimmy.
I'm like, mom, you had 12 kids.
Maybe you're not the person.
So here it just goes on this interview.
Here you go.
See it.
I'm like, you can see it.
And you're just like, no.
Because she doesn't want, you know, I mean, there is that red room.
So why do you keep, she won't stop talking about it, the interviewer.
But, you know, come on.
Why are you having this awkward conversation?
Yeah, this would be a perfect time for a segue.
Yes.
Segway into a question.
No, she just keeps going.
It's okay.
It's a movie.
She knows that.
And there's two more.
She tells me to see it.
I've seen it.
We'll see definitely.
I don't know yet.
It's not definite.
Because by the last scene in the movie, which I had to see for research.
Oh, come on.
She will not stop talking about, did you see it?
Did you see it?
Are you going to see it?
It's growing.
There's those scenes, but there's those others.
When did reporters turn into the annoying person at the party?
That's exactly what she is.
She is the annoying person at the party.
She's trying to make clever conversation, and she's just obnoxious.
They're not reporters.
No, she's an actual – she is a reporter from Channel 7, but she's doing the red carpet.
I know it's not real reporting, but you are an interviewer, and you are – can't you – You're a professional.
Anyway, here, there's more.
To me, I was like, oh, good.
They're definitely going to continue the story.
Well, I hope so.
That'd be nice.
Yeah, it would be nice.
And you're pretty great.
What's next beyond 50 Shades of Craig for you?
So she's at the Oscars.
It hasn't even started yet, the Oscars.
She's in 50 Shows.
What's next?
How about the Oscars are next?
And I enjoy this moment.
How about what's next for you?
You go to the Elsa's come.
Oh, my God.
Hey, that was, hey, you won the Super Bowl.
What are you doing next?
What's next for you?
What?
Could you just, and then she says this.
I don't know.
I have a couple of films coming out this year.
I don't know when, but at some point.
Oh, isn't that fun?
I don't know.
I'm going to get a couple million dollars.
I don't know.
I don't know whether they're calling her wedding or whatever.
I don't know what it is.
Whatever.
My life is.
You know, I did really have to work hard.
I was born into show business.
I don't know if you guys know that.
This is amazing because it really is a meeting of minds of like, hey, there's a reporter who doesn't know what they're doing.
And here's an actress who never talked to her agent about like when they ask you this question.
Here's how you answer it.
Exactly.
Yes.
Here's exactly.
Here's how you answer it.
What's coming up?
I don't know.
I have a couple of movies coming out.
Could you answer an intern at William Morris Endeavour, who is supposed to give her a call?
Yes, who is dead right now because of that.
Could you answer it in a way that shows you to be more of privilege and out of touch?
That's what that is, right?
That's completely, you don't know how that's going to come off to everyone else in the world.
I guess I have a couple of movies.
Whatever.
Why don't you ask my maid?
She's over there.
Where's my driver?
So it got worse.
What?
So that guy Cumberbatch?
Yeah.
I don't know what his first is name, David?
Benedict Cumberbatch.
So he's a big star now.
I don't see movies, so I don't know.
But so, Benedict, do you know who it is, Michael?
So that's a good name.
That's an action.
That's a Chick Cumberbatch.
That's a real name.
I'm not sure if I can do it.
Cousins say Engelbert Humperdink, I think.
Anyway, by the way, Engelbert Humperdink, made-up name.
Yes.
That's not his real name.
Why would you anyway?
So here's the red carpet.
The woman is interviewing Benedict Cumberbatch.
And listen to her first question.
So it was raining on the Oscar night here in Los Angeles.
Very rare that it's raining, but it was raining.
It wasn't a monsoon, but it was a little bit of a drizzle.
A little bit of a drizzle, a little bit, a little bit more of a drizzle.
Not a big deal.
Here's what she says.
So here's her first question.
You ready?
Cumberbatch nominated for the imitation game.
Great to see you.
Great to see you too.
Anything can happen here at the Oscars.
Oh, yeah.
How was it getting here with the rain?
How was it getting here with the rain?
How was the traffic?
How was it?
Yeah.
How was the traffic?
Are you kidding me?
That's your question to a guy.
You have a television camera, billions of people watching.
He's nominated for the biggest award in acting.
And your question to him is, how are you dealing with the rain?
And what is he supposed to say?
You know, it's the weirdest thing.
The rain is folding on me just like the rest of the regular people.
I didn't, I wasn't ready for that.
In England, it doesn't fall on us.
The stars.
That's all false on commonness.
Asking about the traffic and the weather in one question.
That's what your barber does.
Even my barber doesn't do that.
My barber has better conversation skills than that.
And it's not like he drove.
Like, yeah, he didn't drive.
Well, I don't know.
In the backseat, how did I get here with the rain?
Well, I had an umbrella from my house to the car, and the car has windshield wipers.
And then we drove here.
I got out another umbrella.
I had a little bit of trouble, mainly because my driver wouldn't stay steady.
It was because I was pin slapping him, not because of the rain, though.
Why don't you ask Melanie Griffith's daughter's maid that question?
Ha ha ha ha!
*music*
you I got a phone call from Bibi Netanyahu.
Oh, yeah.
I didn't get the first half of our conversation tape.
We were just talking.
And then as I was talking, I was like, hey, I should press record on this.
So that's what happened.
And right in the middle, I was explaining to him why it was wrong for him to accept this invitation to speak in front of Congress because the president is our head of state and he's supposed to.
Anyway, so here, this is what happened.
You weren't invited by the president, which you kind of broke protocol.
I was not invited by the president.
I was invited by Speaker John Boehner.
Yeah.
And do you see how that's kind of It makes me laugh.
Why does it make you laugh?
Because let's be honest here, shall we?
Yeah, I mean, you know, people are now for the first time.
It was always, for whatever reason, American politicians were worried about losing favor with Israel.
Now, people are upset with you because Israel's losing favor with the United States because you're not just losing politicians, you're losing the people.
The people aren't behind you doing this, BB.
Bang surprise that I get to give a speech in front of the Congress.
It's like being surprised that the CEO of a corporation gets to give a speech in front of the mail room.
I'm on this shit.
Don't you forget it.
I am BB.
Hey, of course, there's a lot more to that phone call from Bibi Netanyahu.
I mean, there's a lot more.
Because, of course, he tells me to not be naive.
Don't be naive.
Don't be naive.
Thank you.
And there's a lot more to that call, too.
And if you want to hear it all, you know what you do?
You become a premium member.
It's only $5 a month, and it gets you access to all the extra bonus content.
$5 a month, less than the price of a cup of coffee.
And how do you do it?
You go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
You click on join premium.
And if you make your $5 donation, but if you pay for the whole year at once, we'll give you a month free.
So you make your $55 donation for the whole year, for the whole year, and we'll save you a month.
So isn't that nice?
So go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, click on Join Premium, and it's a great way to help support this show.
Don't forget, March 7th.
If you'd like to come see the Jimmy Door show live, send me an email at my old-timey email, JimmyDoor at Earthlink.net.
Put March 7th in the subject line, and we'll put you on our guest list to come see the live Jimmy Door show we're doing at the special out sound stage at the new YouTube space, LA.
If you know where that is, it's right where the 90 and the 4405 cross.
They say it's Playa Del Rey.
So it's right over there.
So send me an email at my old timey email, and we'll get you on the guest list.
Would love to see you next Saturday, March 7th at the new YouTube Space LA, which is an impressive space, and it's a 7 p.m. show.
People have been wondering where Steph has been.
I mentioned at the top of the show, she's doing a musical.
She's doing a play.
It's Young Frankenstein, the musical, and it starts Friday, February 27th.
That's tonight.
And it runs through Saturday, March 7th.
Okay, so there's also, there's matinee shows if you want to see it.
I'm going to put a link up over at JimmyDoorComedy.com under the post for this podcast.
So you click on Steph's name under the post of this podcast, and it will take you right to all the information on how to go see Young Frankenstein.
It's at the Pasadena Community College.
Starts Friday, February 27th, and it runs through Saturday, March 7th.
And Steph's got a big part.
She's playing Frau Bucha.
So it's going to be hilarious.
I'll see you there.
Hey, guess what?
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was Written by Mike McRae, Robert Yasamura, Frank Conniff, Steph Zamorano, and Michael Schertzer.
Okay, all the voices you know were performed by the one and only the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
And a big shout out to our man who donates his time and talent to make sure this show gets done.
He fixes my Macintosh every time something goes wrong.
You'd be amazed how often stuff goes wrong.
He fixes it right over the internet.
He's in New York.
I'm in Los Angeles, and he fixed it lickety split.
And he'll fix your Macintosh too.
You just send him an email at MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
And you spell Sean S-H-A-U-N.
All right, that's it for this week.
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