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Nov. 22, 2014 - Jimmy Dore Show
58:13
20141122_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_11-21-14
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Before we get to the show, I want to let everybody know who's in the San Francisco, San Jose area.
I'm going to be telling jokes up there Thanksgiving weekend, November 28, 29, and 30 at Rooster T Feathers Comedy Club in Sunnyvale.
So there's links for tickets over at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Thanksgiving weekend, Sunnyvale, California.
Rooster T Feathers.
See you there.
Now let's get to the show.
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Joining us now on the phone is former Governor Mitt Romney.
Governor, big thanks for taking time out and joining us.
I really appreciate you taking time out today.
How are you?
Yes, can you hear me?
Yeah, I can.
Yes, I could hear you, Mitt.
Thanks again for joining us.
I really appreciate you coming on.
Thanks, Jimmy.
It's great to be here.
And it's great to be so relevant.
Relevant?
Yes, it's pretty amazing how relevant I am to the current political scene.
Not to brag, but I've really made the zeitgeist my bitch.
Okay.
Well, I wouldn't say that, but I will admit you have been making a few Fox News appearances lately, so you got that going for you, right?
Yeah, so for having me come on to talk about what an incredible loser Barack Obama is.
I mean, the midterms were a disaster for him.
I can't imagine what it would be like to take such a drubbing in an election.
Actually, Mitt, you would know exactly what it's like.
You lost the Republican primary in 2008, and Obama beat you by a substantial margin in 2012.
So you would exactly know what that's like, wouldn't you?
Jimmy, it's not fair of you to bring up something that actually happened to me.
That's a cheap shot.
Well, I'm sorry, Mitt, but since it seems like you're not quite willing to face reality, I bet you're considering another presidential run in 2016.
Am I correct there, Mitt?
Are you guys considering?
Yes, I may run in 16.
But I do realize that if I'm going to succeed, this time I have to lighten up.
And Jimmy, I'm sure you'll be interested to know that along those lines, I've started doing comedy.
No, no way.
Yes.
In fact, I've joined an improv troupe, the Mormon Laffernackel Choir.
I've also performed sketches with another popular Utah comedy group.
Brigham Fun.
I'm also trying my hand at stand-up comedy.
Do you want to hear some of my jokes?
Not really.
I really don't want it, but do I have a choice?
Okay.
Say, that Chris Christie sure is fat.
Okay, how fat is he?
He's so fat.
He really needs to lose some weight.
Take that, Chris Christie.
You've been Romney.
Here's another singer.
That Hillary Clinton sure is stiff.
Oh, really?
How stiff is she?
She's so stiff, she really seems uncomfortable in social situations.
Ooh, sick burn.
That's another senator from Utah.
Sick burn.
Governor Romney, I'm not sure if you quite understand how jokes work or what jokes are even.
Do you?
Wait, wait, wait.
I also have some non-political material you might want to.
Oh, no.
Okay.
Okay, sure.
Say, Jimmy, you know what?
I'm on a seafood diet.
Oh, really?
Really?
Yes.
I've been eating a lot of fish lately, mostly salmon.
Italian protein is low in cholesterol.
You know, Mitt, I think you should stick to it.
Oh, I think I'm getting a phone call.
Wranglering.
Hello?
What's that?
You don't say.
Oh, you don't say.
Hey, hey, who was that, Mitt?
That was my wife, Ann.
Okay.
Okay, Governor.
That's his funny phone call.
That's enough, Governor.
Hey, don't interrupt me.
I don't come to your job and knock the dicks out of your mouth while you're working.
Mitt, nice heckler comeback.
That's a good heckler.
Oh, really?
That wasn't my intention.
I always assumed that you're employed as a homosexual male prostitute.
I was merely pointing out that, for the record, I've never come to your place of business that interfered with your work.
Okay.
Well, Governor, thanks for stopping by.
I really appreciate it.
Stop by.
Thank you.
And don't forget to fire your waitress.
Good night.
Okay.
Mitt Romney, everybody.
Hey.
Hey.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
...the up-minded, lowly-livered lefties.
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you, T. And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I'm joining the studio across from me, hilarious comedian, our resident Japanese man from Team Yasimur.
It's Robert Yasimur.
Hi, Robert.
How are you?
Moshi Moshi.
Ah, Ohio.
Ohio.
Across the glass from me, our resident Latina and the author of the blog, The Miserable Liberal.
It's Steph Zamorano.
Hi, Steph.
How are you?
I'm doing great, Jimmy.
And we're doubling up on the Hispanioles today on the show.
Next to her, it's our favorite guy from the TYT.
It's Edwin Umanya.
Did I say it right?
Nelded.
On the phone all the way from New York City from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and his new podcast, Pot House 90.
It's TV's Frank Frank Conniff.
Hi, Frank.
How are you?
Hello there.
Yay.
All right, let's do some jokes before we get to the joke, shall we?
Hey, the new holiday movies are out already.
Kirk Hangerman has a new Christmas movie out.
And by the way, when discussing Kirk Cameron's new film, be sure to say it's a shitty Christmas movie.
Not a shitty holiday movie.
Okay?
All right, good.
Hey, by the way, to show our support for the millions of Americans that Jonathan Gruber called stupid, I say we take away their health care.
Anybody else?
All right.
Hey, there's a new ISIS beheading video making the rounds, and the government officials are now deciding exactly how to best overreact to it.
The GOP is going to strengthen America by shutting down the American government because people who love America want to be Americans.
The freedom to close.
How dare you.
Yes, yes.
You won't want to when we're done with it.
Hey, did you hear there was a wedding that took place recently.
I don't want to tip the joke, but I just want to say this.
Anyone who says it's immoral for gays to marry should have a copy of Charles Manson's marriage license Shoved up their ass.
Bill Cosby getting a little bit of hot water.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, a little bit of hot when I say hot water.
30 years later.
30 years later.
But guess what?
Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh are both defending Bill Cosby, so at least he's got that going for him.
I bet you Cosby, when he heard that, was like, oh, maybe I should.
Yeah.
You know, Bill Cosby was at the height of his prestige and moral infallibility in the 80s.
You know, it's almost as if the Reagan years were total bullshit.
And if Bill Cosby really wanted to keep his sexual assaults out of the public eye, he should have done them on the Cosby Mysteries.
That is a good, incredibly insensitive joke because nobody watched that, right?
Yes, that's true.
Isn't that weird he did it?
Go ahead.
Jimmy, can I just ask, why is this such a surprise to everyone?
Don't you remember back in the day when he was doing those ads for Jell-O roofy pop?
So stupid.
Frank, what did you say Glenn Beck said?
Glenn Beck said the Associated Press raised Bill Cosby.
If you want to know what's wrong with the right wing and their perception of how women's issues work, there you go.
There you go.
Hey, by the way, as we're taping the show, you know, we record the show on Thursdays.
It airs in Los Angeles on Fridays.
And right now, as we're recording, President Barack Obama is giving a speech on immigration.
So he's going to go ahead and stop doing all the crazy stuff we've been doing to people who love America and want to come here and work.
Sure.
But Obama's immigration actions, they are illegal and unconstitutional, say the folks who didn't lift a finger to stop torture under Bush.
Okay, what's coming up on today's show?
Bernie Sanders went on CNN and it didn't go well.
We're going to talk about that.
Plus, Bill Cosby, he's had a little bit of trouble.
We're going to talk about that on the way with whoopy Goldberg and Don Lemon had to say about it.
Really insightful stuff.
Really insightful stuff from people who get a camera pointed at them every day.
Andrea Mitchell.
Oh, Andrea Mitchell provides a platform for Mike Rogers to completely sell BS about the XL pipeline.
That's coming up.
Plus, we got phone calls today from John Boehner, Mitt Romney.
Wow.
Mike from St. Louis calls in.
Oh, great.
We might even have a phone call from Herman Cain.
Oh, yeah.
Bill Cosby.
Wow.
And Haley Barber.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Thank you.
You know, journalists have a certain obligation to play devil's advocate as a way of forcing a subject to defend their position.
I get it.
You know, like they totally did during the run-up to the Iraq war.
You know how they did that.
By the way, there are people who aren't journalists who do this just because they think it makes them interesting.
I like to call these people assholes.
But I digress.
The American media has become expert at not doing this, meaning holding politicians' feet to the fire, right?
And when they do actually push back against a subject, it's at all the wrong times and for all the wrong reasons.
And as with all things wrong with modern journalism, we are led inextricably to CNN.
First, let's listen to Senator Bernie Sanders from Vermont.
Look, Chris, this country faces enormous problems.
You know, our middle class is disappearing.
We have more people living in poverty almost at any time in the history of this country and massive wealth and income inequality.
And what we've seen over the last six years is the Republicans doing hundreds and hundreds of filibusters.
We passed legislation.
We got a majority vote to raise the minimum wage, to do pay equity, to do a jobs program.
Republicans filibustered, filibustered and filibusters.
And I think what the president is finally saying, look, immigration is a serious problem.
We have got to do something.
And if you guys don't do it, and remember, the Senate last year passed a really good immigration bill.
What has the House done?
Absolutely nothing.
So what the president is saying, this country has problems.
I'm going to go forward.
If you guys pass legislation, I'll rescind the executive order.
But do something.
Address problems.
Okay, now that was from a recent interview on CNN's News Day program, and it's pretty great stuff by Bernie Sanders.
Well articulated, on point, resoundingly reasonable.
Hmm, I wonder if CNN can attack Senator Sanders for no reason at all.
Let's see.
Even if it means that by acting unilaterally, he threatens the relationship for any possible compromise.
If it was, if Election Day meant that there was some sort of new beginning, that now they will once again be at Loggerhead.
There could be a government shutdown and all of the other ripple effect.
Okay, that was the co-host, co-host Kate.
How do you say her last name?
How do you say her last name?
That was co-host Kate Bull Dan, a pretty 31-year-old woman who was very good at not storing basic information from the last six years in her brain.
Fun fact about Kate, her husband is a principal player at the Carlisle group, and together they are a DC power couple.
You know, the hallmark of a great journalist.
Did you hear the crazy stuff she said?
Let me play it again.
It means that by acting unilaterally, he threatens the relationship for any possible compromise.
If it was, if Election Day meant that there was some sort of new beginning, that now they will once again be at Loggerhead.
There could be a government shutdown and all of the other ripple effect.
Wow.
Yeah.
So she's saying that everything that's been happening for the last six years could keep happening.
That's exactly what she's saying, Robert.
She's like, you know, you know the things that the Republicans have been doing ever since they got control of the House?
And they're going to keep doing that stuff.
Do you know how they're going to be obstructionists, not pass any legislation that is meaningful?
And you know how they've had a record number of filibusters in the Senate?
Yeah, that's going to keep happening if the president does something.
Well, it's, you know, why can't Obama be, you know, if you say that this election, the Republicans won decisively, so that means the country doesn't want immigration reform.
You know, it's just like in the 2012 election when Obama won decisively, and then the Republicans really decided to support Obamacare then because he had won.
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
It's very funny.
That's fairly funny.
I mean, because that's what she's saying.
She's saying, well, that was supposed to be a new beginning.
And the Republicans are all saying this, too.
You know, that this is a referendum, and so Obama just has to do whatever they say.
And Bush also, don't forget Bush had a very bad loss in the 2006 election, and he came back and doubled down on the surge.
Yes.
And changed nothing.
So it's just ridiculous for them for her to single out Obama like that and say, you know.
Frank, it's one thing to, it's, again, like what we said at the top, it's one thing to hold politicians' feet to the fire.
It's one thing to earnestly push a right-wing talking point that is easily debunkable.
You know, again, they don't debunk bullshit.
They repeat it and they repeat it at the top of their lungs.
And, you know, this is the same network.
This is the same network that gives Newt Gingrich and Wolf Blitzer a salary.
Let's remember that.
This is the network that had for decades Larry King Live, a primetime show hosted by a doddering imbecile who made Jay Leno's interview style seem penetrating.
I know, and when they replaced him, they got Pierce Morgan, someone even worse.
Yeah, and this is a news network with Erin Burnett, a Goldman Sachs employee and wife of Citigroup's executive director who disparaged Occupy Wall Street and is out front, but never upfront about her conflicts of interests.
This is a network that had a smear campaign against Edward Snowden, led by Jeffrey Toobin, who assured CNN viewers that the NSA surveillance is peachy keen.
Even though CNN has less viewers than a knitting channel, they're adverse to taking risks, Frank.
You know, like actually informing their viewers.
I feel like...
Yeah.
I think their slogan is at CNN, it's 1984, and not even Big Brother is watching.
Okay, so that was, so she pushed back, and now let's go to, here's what Bernie says back.
Threaten compromise.
Is that what we say?
Well, for six years, we are trying to get the Republicans to support anything.
Look, the Republicans, and I have to say, I am an independent, I'm not particularly partisan, but any objective observer understands they have become a right-wing party, not a center-right party.
They have a right-wing base.
They have an agenda which does not want to work with the president.
And I think what the president is saying, look, we've got problems.
We have got to move.
So to say that we're going to break the wonderful harmony and working relationship that we've had for six years, that did not exist.
Okay, so Bernie Sanders acquits himself well yet again, but having the most reasonable person in the room make solid points is not how they do things at CNN.
Here we go.
Well, not that.
It's that they are threatening government shutdown, that they won't work with Democrats or the president if he were to do this.
Well, then the American people have to make a choice.
If they think the government shutdown is a response to the enormous problems facing this country, look, the American people in poll after Poland on election, they said we should raise the minimum wage.
Do you hear the Republicans talking about that at all?
The American people in poll after poll say women should get paid the same amount of money as men.
You hear the Republicans talking about that?
American people are disgusted with the Citizens United.
Well, they heard something, though, Senator, because they just voted in the Republicans in a very big way.
This was the lowest voter turnout since, what was it, like the 20s or something?
Well, what Bernie Sanders should have told this guy was that they had a huge majority of a small percentage of voters.
You're right, Edwin.
Very, very few number.
I think 2014 voters election had only 36% participation.
And guess what?
They didn't get all 36% of the people voting, which doesn't entitle them to a mandate.
2012 election had 58% participation.
And Barack Obama won 65 million votes.
That gives you a mandate.
Okay.
So that's so when over half the people vote and you get over half of those votes, that's when you have a mandate.
But Chris Cuomo doesn't know that.
Chris Cuomo doesn't peep.
He's not informed that exactly as Edwin said, this was one of the lowest voter turnout elections in forever.
Yeah.
Nothing, Frank?
I thought you were going to say something.
Yeah, I mean, all they do is they go to talking points.
They don't go to journalism school.
They go to talking points.
Did you catch the weird hostility in Chris Cuomo's voice?
Like he was saying, hey, hippie Jew, I'm done hearing about your fantasy world of polling data.
It did.
It was weird, right?
Like it was like he was arguing with them, not saying women should get paid the same amount of money as men.
You hear the Republicans talking about that?
American people are disgusted with the Citizens United.
Well, they heard something, though, Senator, because they just voted in the Republicans in a very big way.
Okay, and I guess Yes, they voted in Republicans, but you can't say it in a very big way because it was such a small turnout.
Yeah, again, it was a small turnout.
They lost Senate seats in red states.
In 2016, the Democrats are going to take back the Senate easily.
Easily, because all the Senate seats up then are blue.
Anyway, it's amazing.
And by the way, so when Barack Obama overwhelmingly wins two national elections, that doesn't mean anything.
Right.
But when they win.
I'm sorry, they're ignoring the facts of the last six years.
They're saying something that's completely fictional.
They're like, well, now that Obama is going to sign this order, he won't be able to compromise with the Republicans as if they've been compromising for the past six years.
Exactly.
Exactly what Bernie Sanders just said to him.
And by the way, not for nothing.
Not for nothing.
It's common sense that he's talking.
Right, yes.
But here's the thing.
Actually, if you do some serious political analysis, the opposite is going to be true because what's going to happen is that Obama's going to pass.
He's already putting through these executive orders.
And the Republicans are going to have to push back to appease their base.
And boy, are they going to look bad doing it?
They are going to look terrible doing it.
And I will guarantee that the Republican Party, not en masse, but a lot of them are going to have to come back hat in hand to pass some legislation.
Wow.
You know, Robert, what you say makes sense.
If they were normal human beings, they would.
But you remember, they don't care.
They knew that it was going to hurt them to impeach Bill Clinton, and they did it anyway.
They'll do it anyway.
They knew it was going to hurt them to shut down the government, and they did it anyway.
And they say, oh, look, it didn't hurt us in the midterms.
That's because no one votes in the midterms.
But it's going to kill them in 2016 if they do it again.
Anyway, And by the way, and what, you know, I predict the Republicans will never win another presidential election.
Not with their current agenda, not with their current platform.
Not with their anti-gay, anti-worker, anti-minimum wage, anti-immigrant.
You can't win with that.
Barack Obama, the Democrats jumping off point are 258 electoral votes.
Right.
Right.
Go ahead.
I think the Republicans, though, in the future, I think they're going to do very well winning elections to win, to lead tribes in the post-apocalyptic world.
So there's more stuff here.
We got more nonsensical talk, right-wing talking points from CNN hosts.
But there are a lot of lives in the balance.
What I don't understand here is that there's an absence of leadership by the party and the president.
And the party, I mean the Democratic Party, because you can't play the same game.
The Republicans are.
You don't have the leverage.
So the Democrats passed an immigration bill in the Senate, which, if brought to a vote in the Congress in the House, would pass.
But it will never be brought up for a vote because the Republicans control the Senate now and the House.
And Jagoff says the Democrats failed to lead.
In the middle of the president leading on immigration, Cuomo says he needs to show leadership.
Right.
This is always the Republican talking point.
You can always say he's failing to show leadership no matter how much leadership he is showing.
And then when he shows leadership, you say, well, why is he being an emperor?
Yeah.
Usurper.
He's being an emperor.
He's trying to be, he's being a monarch.
Yeah.
And then Chris Cuomo repeats that.
Again, instead of debunking that stuff, he repeats it.
That's the thing that kills me.
I don't mind someone pushing back on Senator Sanders, but push back on him with a real point.
Don't push back on him with an empty talking point that you should debunk whenever it's brought up.
You don't repeat it like it's an actual thing.
Okay.
So progressive, progressive politicians like Bernie Sanders and they're few.
They're very few and far between.
They're the only ones who get treated that way when they go on those shows.
Yes.
They get treated as if they're fringe people that are not worthy of respect.
And I've heard like Chris Matthews and other people say, well, who do the Democrats have in 2016?
Just like people like Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren who can never get elected.
And then on the other, when they talk about Republicans, they talk about Ted Cruz and Rick San Torb as if they're very viable people, you know.
Yes.
That are worthy of respect.
And Rick Perry, too, by the way.
And Rick Perry, they treat them as mainstream people.
And people like Bernie Saunders and Elizabeth Warren.
Elizabeth Warren, Chris Matthews was very, was much tougher with her than he is with just about anyone else when he had her on his show.
Well, that's because Chris Matthews is a horrible chauvinist.
Yeah.
He just is.
I'm going to say that in public to everybody in the world right now.
He's a fucking pig.
That's something that's known, except it's not talked about.
I did not know this.
I mean, you know, and I guess I'm not the most perceptive fellow.
I never, I noticed a lot of horrible stuff about Chris Matthews, that he's a corporatist.
He'll say whatever he thinks the majority of his audience wants to hear at any given time.
He has no spine.
He has no integrity.
And he did the most underhanded, horrible thing ever to Phil Donahue on television.
So he said, you hate America when he was doing legitimate questioning of our war policy.
Chris Matthews has this whole like machismo approach to things like that guy looks manly to me.
He's probably a good politician.
Yes.
Oh, he's terrible.
He's a terrible puzzle.
Yeah, but I like the cut of his jib.
You're a piece of shit.
Wow, you are really bringing it today, Robert.
Chris Matthews really should, honestly, he is the loudmouth uncle at the Thanksgiving table.
He is not a journalist.
No, he is not a journalist.
You are 100% correct, Robert.
And I've talked about this before in the show.
I've talked about it a million times.
But if anyone wants to know, and we've done segments about it on this show, but if you want to know the true nature of Chris Matthews, just look up his comments about the mission accomplished photo op.
Yes.
When would that happen?
He said everyone is a neocon now.
That's what he said.
And he had Gordon Liddy, the very first show after the mission accomplished photo op, Chris Matthews said to himself, he had G. Gordon Liddy on.
So in other words, Chris Matthews said to himself, you know, we're in a war right now, and this is really serious.
And I need to have Gravitas.
So who should I have on?
Oh, I know.
I'll have a homoerotic discussion with a convicted felon.
That was...
I'll have a homoerotic discussion with a homoerotic discussion with a homoerotic discussion with a Okay, there's a lot more coming up to talk about on that CNN horrible interview.
But guess what?
The immigration is on Steph Zamarano's mind, the miserable liberal, and she's got something to say about immigration.
So let's hear it.
Representative Michelle Bachman from Minnesota said this past week that immigrants given new protections by the president could become illiterate Democratic voters.
She went on to say the social cost will be profound on the U.S. taxpayer.
Millions of unskilled, illiterate foreign nationals coming into the United States who can't speak the English language.
Even though the president says they won't be able to vote, we all know that many, in all likelihood, will vote.
Bachman added, the president has a very single-minded vision.
He's looking at new voters for 2016.
People do vote without being a citizen.
It's a wink and a nod.
We all know it's going to happen.
A reporter actually asked Michelle Bachman a question regarding why she used the word illiterate to describe a group of mostly Spanish-speaking workers.
Bachman said her view was informed by trips to the border.
Some are, some aren't.
I've been down to the border.
The reason why I would say that it is I spent four days at the border and spoke to American Hispanics on the border.
That's what they told me.
Those are not Michelle Bachman's words.
Those words came from Hispanics who live on the border.
I'm not using a pejorative term against people who are non-American citizens.
I'm only repeating what I heard from Hispanic Americans down at the border.
That's what they told me.
It's nice to know she did her research, huh?
Bachman is working closely with Representative Steve Cantaloupe Cavs King to craft a strategy for conservative wing of the House of GOP.
To begin with, they will first have to look up the word strategy and proceed from there.
Hey, everybody, hope you're enjoying today's show.
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There's going to be a double episode this week, and we'll talk more about it at the end of the show.
Let's get to the second half of the show right now.
And Bill Cosby's coming up.
Thank you.
Welcome back to the Jimmy Doors show.
I'm joined in the studio by Steph Zamarano, Edwin Umanya, and Robert Yasimura on the phone from New York City in Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's TV's Frank Frank Conniff.
And we're talking about the horrible job CNN hosted interviewing Senator Bernie Sanders.
They sounded like a couple of tea partiers repeating right-wing talking points.
Instead of debunking them, they kept forwarding them.
So let's get back to the studio right now, and we're going to talk about some more of the horrible journalism that's happening on CNN in their interview with Bernie Sanders.
Plus, we got a phone call from Bill Cosby coming up later.
Here's some more right-wing talking points.
It happened before.
Right.
Presidents Bush and Reagan both did this.
But here's the difference.
So he's talking, here's Quiz Cuomo.
Here's the difference.
Chris Cuomo is talking about how, because President Bush and President Reagan, they all gave some kind of executive order to give some form of amnesty to illegal immigrants.
Right?
And Barack Obama's doing the same damn thing.
And here's what Chris Cuomo says to him.
Are you ready?
This is priceless.
The difference was that the Congress had been massaged in those two situations in the direction of the ultimate reform.
So when the president signed these executive orders stopping the families from being separated, Congress undid it quickly.
They were moving that way.
That leadership, that compromise has not been found here.
So the guys who have sworn publicly to oppose Barack Obama on anything he does.
Brock, why can't Barack Obama get them to go along with sensible legislation?
That's what he's saying.
So the president needs to give out massages.
And Obama is the one, because he's the one who won't compromise.
Barack Obama's not the one compromising.
Do you get this?
Why don't they massage the president to pass their freaking legislation?
What is he talking about?
And not once recognizing this bill would pass.
Would pass.
And this is an incredibly compromised bill.
It passed the Senate.
Passed the Senate.
It would pass the Congress if John Boehner would allow it to come up for a vote.
And he will not.
And of course, Chris Cuomo refuses to acknowledge that that's the problem, not that they haven't been properly massaged.
Okay, it gets worse.
They talk about the XL pipeline.
The Republicans talk about this as a jobs program.
Yes.
Do you know how many permanent jobs are going to be created on this?
How many?
30.
So he didn't know the answer.
Chris Cuomo did not know the answer to that.
How many permanent jobs are going to be created by the XL pipeline?
One of the top stories for the last year in the country, one of the top talking points about how many jobs are going to be created, the hosts of the only CNN, C stands for cable, N stands for news.
Network.
That's all they do.
That's all they're supposed to do.
He doesn't know that.
And by the way, it's a six-year story, not even a one-year story.
The Keystone XL pipeline has been in the news cycle ever since Barack Obama took the office.
Right.
But I'm talking, yes.
Here we go.
The Republicans talk about this as a jobs program.
Yes.
Do you know how many permanent jobs are going to be created on this?
How many?
35.
Why?
Why do you make it so?
Because you're.
Well, he says why.
He says why.
That's not a question to a statement of fact.
Why?
Why is it going to be that many?
Why are you only saying 35?
Because it's only 35.
Why?
Why am I saying it?
Or why is there only 35 jobs?
I don't know.
I'm not building the XL pipeline.
I don't know why there's only 35 jobs.
Chris Cuomo, that was a child's question.
He's a child.
He's unbelievable.
Why do you make it so?
Because you're defining it very narrowly.
It's not just about in the making of the pipeline.
It's what this oil will provide as commerce, how it changes our dependence on foreign oil.
There's a lot going on.
Okay, okay, very quickly.
This does nothing to reduce our dependence on foreign oil.
Because I don't know if you know this, Chris Cuomo.
That pipeline is coming from Canada.
It's Canada's oil.
And the reason why they're not piping it to North Dakota and all the way to the Gulf, they're piping it all the way to the Gulf, not North Dakota.
They're piping it to the Gulf so they can ship it to China, you fucking idiot.
This is going to do nothing to help our domestic production of oil.
Nothing.
This is a pipeline to enrich a private company in Canada so they can take their oil, the dirtiest oil there is, and ship it to China.
It doesn't do a damn thing for America.
It's not our domestic production.
It's Canada's domestic production.
It doesn't do anything for us, and it creates 35 permanent jobs.
And Chris Cuomo doesn't know anything about this issue at all except the right-wing talking points that he repeats.
And he knew that this was going to be – Immigration knew this was going to be one of them, and he didn't even take the 20 minutes it takes to Google it.
No.
No.
Yeah, that was unbelievable.
And what's really disheartening is this is Mario Cuomo's son, you know.
Yeah, well, let me just, yes, this is what, and by the way, and I'm a big fan.
He's kind of, Mario Cuomo used to be a hero of mine.
Yeah, it's like, what's Mario Cuomo?
Where did he go wrong?
I really hope that I really hope that when his kids get home for Thanksgiving, that Mario consistently beats the shit out of them.
And his brother, Andrew, is a piece of work.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
He's kind of horrible himself.
They're horrible at their job.
They're horrible people.
And I'm just going to say it.
That makes you a bad person, I think.
They're also institutionally corrupt.
And they're corrupt.
Is it a stretch for me to say that they're bad people, Frank?
No, I mean, Andrew Cuomo is a craven politician, right?
He did one debate this year for Governor of New York, and they asked him about fracking.
And you know what he said?
He said the great line that all Republicans say about climate change.
He said, I'm not a scientist.
Wow, you're kidding me.
I'm not kidding you.
He actually said that.
So then they asked Bernie Sanders if he's going to run for president, Frank, and here's what happened.
The Koch Brothers is not an easy thing.
How are you going to get elected president if you take on the billionaire class?
Don't you watch the elections?
Wow.
Oh.
That really just happened.
I'm going to play.
I mean, I'll give you a little hint.
A senior senator.
He's talking to a senior senator.
Senior senator.
Yeah.
You know, a man who's been in the Senate for a long, long time.
Very, very important, very thoughtful, very accomplished man.
And he talks to him like he's a 17-year-old snot-nose piece of shit.
Yes.
Yes.
By the way, remember, this was the network that fired Solad O'Brien when she started asking politicians about what they do for a living.
So, because acts of journalism will not be tolerated on CNN.
We predicted that on this show, by the way.
Yes, you predicted it, Frank.
You did.
You certainly did predict it.
When she was asking those really tough questions of John Sununu back in 2012, I said, I'm really looking forward to hearing her podcast.
Yes.
Remember when John Sununu was screaming at her, Soledad, stop this.
Yes, God.
Here we go.
Here's the run-up.
You know, we're going around the country.
Taking on the billionaire class in Wall Street and the Koch Brothers is not an easy thing.
How are you going to get elected president if you take on the billionaire class?
Don't you watch the elections?
On the phone right now, we got Speaker Boehner.
You know, since the midterms, we haven't had a chance to talk to our old friend, Speaker Boehner.
So I thought I'd give him a call today.
Let's see if I can get him on the phone.
Fuck me, Central.
What do you want?
Mr. Speaker, Jimmy.
Jimmy, hold on a sec.
Don't go away.
Everybody, shut the fuck up.
I want to take this call.
Hey, Carl, guess what?
If I want to hear your opinion about something, I'll rape it out of you, okay?
I'm going to be in my talking closet, and I don't want to be disturbed by you fucking jackals.
No, I'm not in there jacking it, you fucking perv.
Now shut it.
Okay, Jim Boy, I'm back.
It is like Ferguson, Missouri in my office right now.
Whoa, whoa, sir.
I don't think you should be comparing anything to Ferguson right now to make your point.
Why are you doing what?
What are you doing?
Okay, well, then, whatever race riot you want to compare it to, it's like that.
Are you guys celebrating your midterm victories?
What?
Fuck no.
Telling you it's like Watts of 65.
And you're what?
Why do you keep comparing your situation to black oppression, Mr. Pavitz?
Because bad things happen to black people, and something bad is happening to me.
What's the problem, Mr. Speaker?
You won the midterms.
Capital?
Yeah, I'm Capisch.
But what is the problem?
You won the midterms, Mr. Speaker, so I don't understand what bad things are happening to you.
Yeah, we won the midterms.
Jimmy, Republicans are great at winning shit.
Guess what we're not good at?
Governing.
Okay.
Are you telling me you didn't prepare to govern when every indicator said that you guys were going to take the Senate?
Are you telling me you're doing rabbits?
Every indicator said we succeeded in invading Iraq.
And were we prepared for that?
Okay, I guess I see your point.
I'll tell you, this whole party is like, what fucking can make you pregnant?
Which makes sense given your position on sex education.
That's hysterical, Jimmy.
Let me give that some applause.
Let me give that some applause.
Know what that was, Jimmy.
No, no, what was that, sir?
I banged the receiver against my dick there to let you know how funny I thought your joke was.
I apologize, Mr. Speaker.
No, Jimmy, you and I. You were just trying to cheer me up, and I made a little bitch about it.
No, no, Mr. Speaker.
No, no, no.
It's true.
I'm an old bitch.
A little minstreling bitch.
Okay.
So, Mr. Speaker, have you come up with a legislative agenda?
Well, we had one.
It was called Say No to Everything and Just Coast.
But then we won.
And then evidently, the secret canyon has grown a pair recently.
Yeah, yeah.
They're going to threaten to defund popular business.
Then we were going with the threatened to defund popular programs.
Yeah, how's that going?
He's not backing down, Jimmy.
Did you see that coming?
Honestly, Mr. Speaker, I did not see that coming.
The president not backing down.
I know.
This guy backs down if you just give him a tough look.
Dad, that is very true.
That's been our big problem with them.
I'm out of ideas here, ma'am.
So I figure we keep pretending to sue the president for a little while and keep saying Benghazi till we think of something.
Mr. Speaker, that sounds like a really terrible plan, if you ask me.
Well, what do you think I should do, Brayak?
I mean, if we actually enact the policies we champion, people are going to be like, oh, that's what you imagine.
I don't like that at all.
But if we don't start pulling the trigger on some of the stuff, the Koch Brothers are going to cut my dick off and show it to me.
Wow, Mr. Speaker, you're really profane today.
Oh, yeah, Miss Manners.
How about you go fist your own asshole?
Okay.
Okay, wow, that's a little over the edge.
Yeah, you heard me.
Inserted by neighbors.
Well, well, could you actually.
I'm sorry, Jimmy.
I just gotta, I really got into a pickle here.
You got any ideas?
Well, you could actually start looking at the issues that matter and looking for practical solutions without worrying about partisan politics and being re-elected.
That's what you could do.
You ever think about that?
Really, Chairman Miles, that's your solution.
I'll do that right after I ride my unicorn back from Pussy Island.
Okay.
You asked what I thought, Mr. Speaker, and that's what I think.
That's what I think you should be doing.
All right, I'm done with this conversation.
Now, if you'll excuse me, since I'm already in the closet, I'm going to take the opportunity to check it.
Yes.
Indeed.
Masturbation in a public space.
Watch for that.
I'm sorry, what happened?
Okay, okay.
That was Mr. Speaker.
Speaker, thank you very much.
Yeah, he sounds as hardy as I am.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
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Good.
Hey, so one of the venerable most beloved TV stars turns out to be the horrible, most worst kind of rapist there ever is.
And it took, here's Annibal Burris talking about it in Philadelphia.
Bill Cosby has the slumest old climate man talking for solid and I hate schizophrenia.
Pull your pants up, black people.
I was on TV in the 80s.
I can talk down to you because I had a successful sitcom.
Yeah, it was a great women, Bill Cosby.
So that was Hannibal Burris.
He's from Chicago.
I know him.
Good friend.
He's really wonderful comic.
Good comic.
And so he had the guts to go ahead and take on an icon on stage.
Good for him.
Well, Bill Cosby went on the AP.
He was doing an interview with the AP, and this is what happened.
I have to ask about your name coming up in the news recently regarding this comedian.
No, no, we don't answer that.
Okay.
I just wanted to ask if he wanted to respond at all about whether any of that was true.
There's no response.
Okay, there's no response.
Okay, then this goes on for about four minutes where Bill Cosby then says, are you going to take this out of the interview?
And he gets to get on the call, talk to your boss, get him to take this out of the interview.
It gets really crazy.
It got really crazy.
As the interview wound down, Cosby then continued the conversation.
The camera was still running, and Cosby and his wife were wearing lapel microphones.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Appreciate your time.
Thank you.
Now, can I get something from you?
What's that?
That none of that will be shown.
I can't promise that myself, but you didn't say anything.
I know I didn't say anything, but I'm asking your integrity that since I didn't want to say anything, but I did answer you in terms of I don't want to say anything of what value will it have.
I don't think it will.
Ma'am, what'd you say?
So now a producer off camera says, I don't think it adds value.
And he goes, ma'am, what'd you say?
Sorry.
What did you say?
I don't think it has any value either.
Yeah.
And I would appreciate it if it was scuttled.
I hear you.
I will tell that to my editors.
And I think that they will understand.
Well, I think if you want to consider yourself to be serious, that it will not appear anywhere.
Ha, really?
I appreciate what you say.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Thank you.
And we thought, by the way, because it was AP, that it wouldn't be necessary to go over that question with you.
And we haven't written about this at all in the past two months.
But then my boss is one of these.
So that's his wife taking off her lob.
That's all that's.
I love how apologetic this reporter is.
You know what?
It's his job to ask him stuff that's in the news.
Yes.
And it's his, and I saw someone on Twitter said something that was that I thought was really true.
He said, you know, journalists, they say, hey, listen, I have to ask this.
Hey, sorry, but I have to ask this.
But it's like, don't apologize.
You know, it's like your job is to ask people questions.
And he wouldn't have been asked that question on CNN.
Now, let's go.
So then the horrible journalism started around this, right?
So that was awkward with Bill, and he's trying to intimidate that reporter.
He's a young reporter.
He's trying to intimidate them, saying if you're serious, if you have integrity, you have blah, blah, blah, blah.
If you have integrity, you won't report on my raping 20 women.
Okay, so here is Don Lemon.
Here's Don Lemon, and he has one of the women who's accusing Bill Cosby of rape.
And here's what he says to her.
You said this last night, that you lied to him and said, I have an infection.
And if you rape me, or if you do, if you have intercourse with me, then you will probably get it and give it to your wife.
You said he made you perform oral sex.
Right.
So Bill Cosby was going to rape her.
She said, I have a disease, and you're going to get it and give it to your wife.
So he said, all right, he made her perform oral sex.
And this is what Don Lemon says next.
You know, there are ways not to perform oral sex if you want to do it.
I was kind of stoned at the time.
And quite honestly, that didn't even enter my mind.
Now I wish it would have.
Right.
Meaning the using of the teeth, right?
Yes, that's what I was thinking you're yeah, I didn't even think of it.
Biting.
So so when so when life gives you Don Lemon make Don Lemonade and then punch him right in the cock that's what I'd like to do Don Lemon is just going by the tenets of journalism who, what, where, when, and why didn't you bite off his dick?
So here is now Whoopi Goldberg also addressed this.
Now let's remember how Whoopi Goldberg is a sage.
Here she is talking about when Roman Polanski, I don't know if you remember Roman Polanski, famous director of Chinatown, they said he raped a 13-year-old girl anally, drugged her first, and then raped her anally, 13.
Now, he didn't do that.
And the reason I know that is because he directed Chinatown.
He directed a movie I really like.
That movie is tight, Robert.
Now let's say let's say maybe instead of casting Jack Nicholson in the lead role, he screwed up and cast, I don't know, let's say Burt Reynolds.
Okay.
Well, then it's rape.
Then it's probably it.
Then it's rape.
So here is Whoopee Goldberg talking about that case of raping a 13-year-old girl after you gave her Quailutes anally.
Was not charged.
I know it wasn't rape rape.
Yeah, there was a statutory rape.
Child molest, maybe?
I have to show it.
It was something else, but I don't believe it was rape rape.
And when we get all the information, somebody will tell me right here.
All I'm trying to get you to understand is when we're talking about what someone did and what they were charged with, we have to say what it actually was, not what we think it was.
Okay, now Sherry Shepherd, who doesn't know if the earth is round, is going to be the hero here.
She's actually smart enough, smarter than Whoopee Goldberg here, and has more character.
Here we go.
Feddy did.
He gave her Kway Ludes.
He gave her champagne.
She was drugged.
She was 13 years old.
He asked her.
He's a trans.
That's what I'm saying.
You're 13 years old.
She was still a child.
He actually, excuse me, initially he was charged with rape.
Go ahead.
And then he pled guilty to having sex with a minor.
Okay?
And he went to jail.
And when they let him out, 45 days.
And when they let him out, he said, you know what?
This guy's going to give me 100 years in jail.
I'm not staying.
And that's why he left.
So if Bill Cosby flees the country, Whoopi will have no doubt that he's innocent.
I guess that's so that's Whoopee Goldberg.
She's a genius.
So here she is talking about the latest rape allegations against Bill Cosby.
No one has met these other women as of yet.
And quite honestly, you know, look, having been on both sides of this where people allege that you do something, it doesn't matter now.
This is out of the cat's out of the bag.
People have it in their head.
And I have a lot of questions for the lady.
Maybe she'll come on.
She talks about it.
Yeah, maybe the lady will come on and you'll have a lot of questions for her.
Hey, maybe you want Bill Cosby to come on.
No questions for him, though, Whoopee?
No questions for Bill Cosby.
He wants the lady to come on.
Here we go.
I had one.
So here's the lady.
So here's one of the women who was accusing him.
And the next thing I knew, I was coming to slumped over the toilet when I went into the lawyer's office.
He laughed at me.
He treated me illusional.
Who's going to believe that?
Bill Cosby, Dr. Huxtable?
Yeah, so she was 17 at the time.
And the lawyer, she went and told the lawyer, and the lawyer laughed at her.
So she's 17.
She's an aspiring actress.
So it all makes sense why she wouldn't.
And here's what Whoopee said.
Wow.
Perhaps the police might have believed it.
She went to the hot or the hospital.
So she's, again, she's blaming her for not going to the cops.
That's unbelievable.
Very common for women not to report their rapes for exactly this reason.
This is exactly why women don't want to report their rapes because of people like Don Lemon and people like Whoopee Goldberg.
On the phone right now, we have the accused himself, Bill Cosby.
That's okay.
Listen, Mr. Cosby.
That's a whipper.
That's a whipper.
You've been a long, long time.
That's a whipper.
Listen, I just have one question for you.
What kind of person pays someone, gives them money who falsely accuses them of rape?
Who does that?
That's me.
I'm going to be supposed to be silent.
I'm going to be supposed to be silent.
Mr. Cosby?
Mr. Cosby, what kind of person, what kind of person.
So you're not going to answer.
Oh.
Okay, so you're not going to, if I ask you a question about it, you're just not going to say.
Scared splash for douche.
Okay, Bill.
Thank you, Mr. Cosby.
I appreciate you.
I didn't touch none of these white bitches.
So, So again, that's my only question is what kind of a person, especially someone who has all the money in the world, all the legal resources in the world, what kind of person then pays off someone who accuses them of drugging them and raping them?
I don't know, Robert Gope.
Okay, listen, it's been great talking to you.
And as this story unfolds, Mr. Cosby, we're going to call you back.
This is a one-time...
This is a...
Good talking to you.
This is David Lee Ross.
Okay, that was Bill Cosby.
Okay.
Hey, Herman Kane is coming up.
Oh, no, he's not.
Mike in St. Louis is coming up.
Oh, wait a minute.
Mike in St. Louis, Herman Kane, and a lot more content is available on this week's premium show.
It's going to be a double episode.
So that means it's going to be at least 45 minutes long.
Double episode.
What do you think of that?
How do I become a premium member, Jimmy?
Is it expensive?
No.
You get all the extra content, and it only costs you $5 a month.
I think that's a pretty good deal.
So let's go to how do you do it?
You go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You click on premium, you make your $5 donation, and you get access to all of it.
Hey, guess what?
If you pay all at once for the whole year, you'll give you a month free.
So just make your payment, $55 for the whole month.
Saves you five bucks.
I mean, for the whole year.
You know what I'm saying?
You guys are smart.
So thanks to everybody who's already a premium donor.
And I used to say donator, and then many people pointed out to me that that's a dumb way to say it.
So now I'm just going to say donor.
Okay.
Anyway, so thanks to everybody who's already a donor and helped support the show and gets access to all the extra stuff.
This week's premium show is going to be fantastic.
All the stuff we didn't get to from last week, because it's going to be a double episode.
Okay, so thanks to everybody who does that.
Today's show.
Oh, by the way, and I'll see you.
You know, I said it at the top of the show.
I'll say it again.
Thanksgiving weekend, I'm going to be up in Sunnyvale, California, right?
At San Jose, San Francisco area at the Rooster T Feathers telling jokes Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
There's a link for tickets over at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
I'd love to see you.
Okay, today's show was written by Frank Coniff, Mark Van Landuet, Mike McRae, Robert Yasamura, and Steph Zamarano.
Okay.
All the voices, of course, performed by the one and only the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
All right, that's it for this week.
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