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Nov. 15, 2014 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:01:21
20141115_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_11-14-14
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Before we get to the show, I want to let everybody know who's in the San Francisco, San Jose area.
I'm going to be telling jokes up there Thanksgiving weekend, November 28, 29, and 30 at Rooster T Feathers Comedy Club in Sunnyvale.
So there's links for tickets over at jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Thanksgiving weekend, Sunnyvale, California.
Rooster T Feathers, see you there.
Now let's get to the show.
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Is everyone as excited as I am that Mitch McConnell has been re-elected and now the majority leader?
Wow.
It's like a dream come true.
Approximately 800,000 people in the state of Kentucky voted for Mitch McConnell.
I think they did it on purpose to further annoy anyone with a brain.
Now with good old Mitch to lead the Republican Party, you can get ready to say goodbye to the very programs that have helped Americans survive.
Say adios to food stamps, welfare, WIC, Medicaid, and unemployment insurance.
Oh, and don't forget Republicans want to eliminate the minimum wage altogether.
But only teenagers work minimum wage jobs, so who cares?
Look out, IRS, Department of Labor, Environmental Protection Agency, Department of Education, and Department of Commerce.
We all know the GOP will try to eliminate all these departments because they are the ones that put too much regulation on businesses.
The conservatives won't stop there either until they push through legislation opening our national parks up to oil and gas drilling.
Hey, mommy, is that old faithful?
No, honey.
That's an oil rig.
According to an article in USA Today entitled The Most Miserable States in the USA, Mitch McConnell's home state made the list.
Kentuckians have some of the most unhealthy behaviors.
Less than 60% of those surveyed said they ate well all day.
The worst among all states.
While the smoking rate was the highest in the nation, unhealthy habits in the state likely contributed to poor physical health.
People in Kentucky are among the most likely to complain about lack of energy and sleep.
And nearly 30% said health issues prevented them from going about their normal lives.
And Mitch's solution is to abolish the Affordable Care Act.
Get this little factoid.
Kentucky's population is the most reliant on prescription drugs with 19.3 prescriptions filled per capita.
Wow.
I can't help but think Mitch McConnell is the reason behind the high use of pharmaceuticals in Kentucky.
But I'm no scientist.
Thanks.
Mr. Black.
Hey.
Hey.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
...up-minded, lowly-lovered lapdies.
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say.
It's hard to talk to you, Kigaggy.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I'm joined in the studio to my right.
Hilarious comedian from Team Yasamur.
It's Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert.
How are you, Jimmy?
I'm doing good, buddy.
Good to hear your voice across the glass from me.
She's from the Miserable Liberal.
It's our favorite Latina at Steph Semberono.
Hi, Steph.
How are you?
Doing great, Jimmy.
Okay, on the phone all the way in New York City from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's TV's Frank.
Frank Connif is with us.
Hi, Frank.
Hello there.
Yay.
Frank, let's do some jokes before we get to the joke, shall we?
Now, Frankie, you know, Frank, that I'm not a scientist.
So I can't say if climate change is real or not.
Also, I'm not a musician, so I can't hear music.
I can't tell if music sucks or not.
Hey, by the way, PBS.
Frank, is this true?
PBS might air Mystery Science Theater 3000s?
Yes, it is.
It is true.
I think that'll be a good fit, Frank.
You know why?
Because you guys talk over movies almost as much as Charlie Rose talks over his guests.
That's right.
That's a nice joke.
Jimmy, if I could, if I ever get the chance to interview Charlie Rose, I would ask him if you could interrupt any historical figures with him.
Ha!
That's great.
Hey, by the way, did you hear that there's a spacecraft let this literally happen?
They've been working on this for 10 years.
They got a spacecraft to land on a comet that's traveling something like 80,000 miles per hour.
I don't know how they gauge that, but that really happened.
And a spacecraft landing on a comet is like a cool real-life version of a shitty Jerry Bruckheimer movie.
I like to think of it as a high-tech version of the Dukes of Hazard.
Think that the rebel flag is on top of that particular satellite.
Hey, by the way, did you hear that the U.S. and China have a new climate deal?
Yes, President Obama signed a climate change deal with China, and the deal might help ensure the survival of the very planet we live on, but seriously, what's in it for us?
You know, of all the people who contracted Ebola while in the United States, nobody died of it.
Who contracted the Ebola in the United States?
So not one person is dying of Ebola in the United States right now.
So I guess the media's non-stop hysteria about it a few weeks ago was certainly prescient.
And by the way, net neutrality is in the, it's back in the news.
Ted Cruz says net neutrality is the Obamacare of the internet.
Wow.
Yes.
Zingo.
And Ted Cruz is Joe McCarthy for the internet age.
Yay.
Ted Cruz is turning the keep the government out of my Medicare crowd into the keep the internet off my worldwide web gang.
You know, Obama says he supports net neutrality, which just proves the Republican theory that the internet was born in Kenya.
You know, once they blocked his Attorney General's nominee, because he nominated that woman to be general attorney general.
She's perfect.
She's perfect.
Once they have blocked this Attorney General's nomination, ended Obamacare and impeached Obama, the GLP is going to start working with the president.
I don't actually even think that's true.
I don't either.
I have deja vu like we did that joke on his show before.
Exactly.
Isn't that funny?
But I bet we did something similar.
Hey, do you know they made James Inohoff, James Inohoff, Senator James?
They made him chairman of the Senate Environment Committee.
And that, Robert, I know that sounds funny to you, but that is going to ensure the planetary survival of Bizarro World.
Hey, do you know George Bush was invaded?
It was invaded.
I wish.
But, you know, George Bush was interviewed again, and they asked him questions about his Iraq invasion.
He says he has no regrets about invading Iraq.
The innocent people killed because of his policies, they were unavailable for comment.
Hey, did you hear about that Starbucks supposedly has sodomite semen in it?
Did you hear about that?
What?
Yeah, I tried the Starbucks coffee that supposedly has sodomite semen in it, and it sure didn't taste like any sodomite semen I've ever had before.
I feel like they roast the semen too much.
Jimmy, I just have to say that if you're tasting semen, that automatically means that it's sodomite semen.
That is automatically.
It's reduces to say that.
Yes, it is redundant.
Yeah, it's already said.
Yeah, it's already said so.
Hey, by the way, so what's coming up on today's show?
What is coming up?
Well, we're going to, I watched Meet the Press on Sunday, and it didn't turn out good.
Chuck Todd does something that is rarely seen on Meet the Press.
He listed some important facts.
What?
Yeah, that happened.
Plus, Luke Russert goes out to meet people.
Plus, there was, hey, a closeted homosexual priest who was made cardinal just got demoted, just got demoted by the Pope.
And it's a more interesting story than it sounds like.
We're going to talk about that.
We were also going to get to our interview with the young man who traveled 30,000 miles around the world on a motorcycle and they made a documentary about it.
But apparently his motorcycle stopped about 20 minutes south of KPFK.
And he didn't make it.
So we'll see if he makes it.
But I don't think he's going to make it.
So that's coming up.
Plus, we got phone calls today from Luke Russert calls in.
Ted Cruz calls in, and the Pope calls in.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Hello, who's this?
This is Jimmy.
Jimmy, we have slain the African-American dragon and brought him low.
Oh, is this Senator Cruz?
Is that who this is, Senator Cruz?
Yes, Jimmy, it is I, Senator Ted Cruz, the most popular senator in the world.
Yeah, I don't think that's true, Senator.
I don't think you're the most popular.
We have thrown off the shackles of our horrible black master and we are finally free.
Okay, listen, listen, that's not what happened, but I gather you're really happy about the election results.
Am I right?
Jimmy, if joy were food, then I am a big, fat, Chris Christie-type fat person.
That makes sense, Senator.
But you know, many pundits think that the Republican victory was only possible because they suppressed your wing, the Tea Party wing of the party.
Well, that is just not true.
What do you mean?
How could you say such a thing?
You hurt me, Jimmy.
Senator, if I recall, the vast majority of the vast majority of fresh Tea Party candidates lost their primaries.
Did they not lose their primary?
What?
Yeah.
I don't recall that.
You must be thinking of France.
You know, I'm not.
As a matter of fact, one of the biggest hurdles that Republicans had was separating themselves from the government shutdown that you, Mr. Ted Cruz, orchestrated.
That was their big hurdle.
That doesn't sound like something that's true at all.
Yes, it is.
I mean, I'm pretty sure I would have heard about that.
From whom, Senator?
Who do you talk to who doesn't tell you what you want to hear already?
Because that's what I think happens.
We have brought America aloft on the wings of liberty, and she soars like an eagle over Purple Mountains and things like that.
Okay.
So, Senator, what do you plan to do with your new majority in the next session of Congress?
What do you think?
Well, I'm glad you asked, Jimmy.
Okay.
We are going to repeal the Hitler law that is Obamacare.
After that, it will all be just gravy.
Delicious, delicious gravy.
Okay, Senator, it's not good.
We all know, Jimmy, gravy is the sauce of freedom.
Okay.
You know, I can't help but notice that you didn't say repeal and replace, which seems like the current Republican line, isn't it?
Oh, we're not going to replace it, Jimmy.
If anything, we're going to destroy all the legislation around health care and let the market reveal its wisdom.
Okay, you know, I'm not sure I understand what you're saying.
How about you give me, for instance, can you give me...
What?
Jimmy, if you want to say you are a doctor and perform colonoscopies out of the back of a van, then who am I to stop you?
What?
Who are you?
You're the federal government, Senator.
That's precisely the sort of behavior you're supposed to stop.
The market will work it out, Jimmy.
I mean, if you're not good at colonoscopy, then you'll lose all your customers.
Because they'll die.
Probably near the restrooms at Walmart's across this great land.
Okay, sir, can't you see that health care is clearly different from widgets?
Normal consumer forces don't apply because people die without doctors and medicine, Senator.
That's the difference.
You're wrong, Jimmy.
What do you mean?
As a matter of fact, tomorrow, I'm going to go have a prostate exam from a man named Hector in the back seat of his Chevelle.
Okay, just for your own safety, I would urge you not to do that.
We've driven a Moorish tyrant from the castle, and the bells of our deliverance are ringing like something that rings a great deal.
Okay.
Okay.
Senator, I was just wondering, how do you intend to actually repeal Obamacare?
Through a simple majority vote.
What?
Senator McConnell will shout Obamacare and then we'll all shout back, heck no.
I don't know.
And we'll all go home and never know suffering again.
Okay.
Okay, that's not going to work.
The president is going to veto that bill, and you're all going to look like the idiots that you are, okay?
Idiots?
Yeah.
Or heroes, Jimmy.
Idiots.
You're going to look like idiots.
Not here.
In which case, we will move to plan B. Oh, really?
What's your plan B, Senator?
Mike Lee and I will burn down the Capitol building using oily rags and good old American gasoline.
Okay, Senator.
All right, you're not going to do that.
You'll know what I mean.
And a mighty Phoenix will rise from the ashes.
And by Phoenix, I mean a mighty bird that tastes like flames and gravy.
Okay, Senator.
Senator, Senator, you do know that the Affordable Care Act is actually kind of popular with the American people.
Not among my constituency.
Oh, really?
Who is your constituency?
Mainly large corporations and clinically insane people who don't trust doctors.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah.
I see.
That's your constituency.
I got it.
One of my constituents told me the doctors put tracking chips in you and impregnate you with alien babies.
Did you know they did that?
Okay.
No, Senator, they don't do that.
Okay, that's why.
My work here is done, Jimmy.
Okay.
Time I'm moving on to spread the good news to more people.
Okay, thanks for calling in, Senator.
I appreciate it, Ted Cruz.
And that good news is that we have defeated our ebony overlord, and anyone can now provide a colonoscopy.
Okay, Senator Ted Cruz.
Thank you very much.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them, too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Thank you.
So I was watching Meet the, I was watching Meet the Press.
First mistake.
First mistake.
Because, well, you know, I just, I really, at this point, I cannot tell if Chuck Todd and Luke Russert are sincerely trying to deliver news or they are doing a spot-on parody of horrible corporate futures.
I cannot tell.
If that's true, they're our comedy heroes.
I'm not, Frank, it is awesome.
So, Frank.
You know, I didn't like David Gregory that much, but I still feel like let's just Chuck Todd.
Oh, there we go.
That's Chuck Todd.
So, here, so it turns out Chuck Todd was thinking the same thing a lot of progressives were thinking about the results of the last election.
Here, I'll give it to you.
He runs down some, here's some facts that come from, this is amazing.
Chuck Todd is going to list some facts that are actually relevant and important and good to know.
Here we go.
Unemployment rate has fallen more than four points since the bottom of the recession to 5.8%.
The stock market has risen from a recession low of $6,500 to an all-time high on Friday.
The deficit, the issue that has inspired the Tea Party, has shrunk to its lowest level compared to the size of the economy since 2008, though.
The debt accumulation, of course, is still growing.
Gas prices are low, bankruptcies are down, and consumers are bullish about job prospects.
And yet, Americans disapprove of the job the president is doing on the economy.
And there's a reason for that.
Oh, my God.
Hey, let me just stop before we get to the reason.
But those are facts about the economy that could have better informed voters in this last election instead of mindlessly giving airtime to false Republican talking points.
But remember, by Chuck Todd's own admission, it's not his job to sort out what's true or what's not and what a politician says.
Could they disapprove of the job the president is doing, Chuck, on the economy?
Could they disapprove of the job the president's doing on the economy because of the horrible job guys like you are doing on the news?
Maybe you're doing a horrible job about the news of the economy.
Maybe if you would have shared stuff like this before the election, instead of saying Catherine Grimes was disqualified and repeating every right-wing talking point you ever heard, maybe if you did that, could it be that the jobs coming back pay less than the jobs lost and the American worker hasn't had a pay raise in years, Chuck?
Could that be the reason?
And could it be that the increased profits are continuing to be funneled upward at a rapid pace and wrenching just a few and stagnating the rest of the economy for all of us?
Is that it, Chuck?
Is that it?
No.
The real reason is, are you ready for this, Frank?
Here's the real reason.
The recovery is concentrated in more densely populated areas.
That's why.
It's not any of those things I said.
Here's the question again.
Let me give you the question again.
Down and consumers are bullish about job prospects.
And yet, Americans disapprove of the job the president is doing on the economy.
And there's a reason for that.
The reason for that, I say, is because he does a horrible job communicating the ideas of the economy.
Plus, the other part of the ideas is that the economy is leaving the workers behind as it has been for the last 30 years.
And you're not communicating that to the people.
Maybe that's it, Chuck.
So here's what Chuck Todd says.
What's the disconnect between the good economy and the presidential's low approval rating, Chuck Todd says?
The recovery is concentrated in more densely populated areas.
He says it's because the recovery has been concentrated in more densely populated areas.
I haven't heard that from anyone else.
Have you, Frank?
No, I think Chuck Todd's brain, unfortunately, is not a densely populated area.
Ha.
So, Robert, how about, I mean, it doesn't even make sense.
No, because, I mean, well, yeah, and also it's like, so the recovery is happening where all the people are.
Yes.
You mean the people who vote?
Yeah.
So logically, should they be voting?
What he just said makes absolutely no sense.
I haven't heard anyone else say that.
That's why I'm asking you guys, if you've heard anyone else say that, Steph, you haven't heard anyone else say that, right?
That the reason why there's a disconnect between the good economy, by the way, there are two economies.
There's the economy for the upper 5%, the people who own everything, and corporations in Wall Street.
And then there's the economy for everybody else, people who work for a living, who earn a wage, and who generate those profits.
Yes, those people aren't experiencing any of the robustness or the comebackness of this economy.
In fact, in real wage terms, people are earning less money now by $3,000 median income than they were in 2000, which is amazingly dangerous.
For us to have job growth without salary growth is amazingly dangerous for an economy.
No doubt about it.
Well, that's why, well, I think that's what the disconnect is between the numbers of the economy and people being dissatisfied with Barack Obama's handling of the economy was exactly what you're saying, is that they're not experiencing any of the benefits of this economy coming back.
In fact, they've lost money.
And the jobs that are coming back are lower paying jobs.
All this stuff flits right by Tuck Todd.
Chuck Todd says the reason why people have a low approval of President Obama in the middle of good numbers for the economy is that the economy is doing better where people live.
So economy is not doing good where people don't live.
And that would mean that the people who don't live where they don't live are upset about it.
I'm just trying to follow Chuck Todd's, I'm just trying to follow it.
And it's very hard to follow.
I think that you're wasting your time trying to follow that particular rabbit down a hole.
The economy is having a bad effect on people who don't exist.
Oh, it's the worst for them.
Yes, yes, it is.
But strangely enough, those facts don't inspire further questions in Chuck Todd's mind.
For instance, why are the economic gains only going to the richest people in our increasingly bifurcated economic system?
Or why do voters in Georgia and other states continuously vote against their own interests and elect politicians who support legislation that favors those who extract money from the economy instead of contributing to it?
That question doesn't pop nothing.
None of those questions come to his mind.
None of them that's it.
Because the next thing he said was this.
Here it is, what NBC thinks their response should be to that data, that the economy is doing well overall, yet people don't approve of the president's handling of the economy.
And here's what their solution to that question was.
So we asked NBC's Luke Russer to visit the America, but the recovery has left behind.
Oh, my God.
They sent Luke Russard out.
Truly went to the Oracle of Delphi on that one.
They sent Luke Russert out to talk to people who've been left behind in the economy, Which means everybody, except the people, ironically, that Luke Russert hangs out with.
So Luke had to go meet some new people.
Is he doing investigative research here?
Luke Russert decided to put on some freshly pressed shirts, some khaki pants, and some topsiders, and go interview some poor black people who have been left out of their recovery.
And before he did that, I understand that he visited his birthplace on third day.
Yes, he did.
He stopped by third base.
Yes, they decided to send Luke Russert.
And you want to hear Luke Russert's report?
Here it comes.
Far from cities.
No, I don't want to be an a-hole.
But I'm going to stop it already, Frank.
I don't know if you heard, but he's doing a thing.
And I could be making this up, maybe, but I don't think I am.
Robert, does it, I'm going to play it again.
Now, I want everybody's opinion on this.
Do you guys think he's doing a fake voice?
I think he's trying to sound, he's doing a voice like he used to hear when he was a kid of guys doing voiceovers on news reports.
Let's listen to his fake news reporter voice he starts out with.
Ready?
Far from cities.
Far from cities.
Luke Russer, you don't sound like that.
Luke, you don't sound like that.
It sounds like he's doing the beginning of a film.
I would play it again.
Here he is.
Far from cities, far from...
He does not sound like that.
He sounds like a ninth grader trying to sound like he is Gravitas.
He does not sound like that.
So I wouldn't be surprised if the NBC people focus grouped him and told him to do that.
Oh, no, I'm sure they did.
It's to sound more authoritative when you do reports.
Instead of doing what the focus group actually said, which was fire this guy.
He's terrible.
Yeah, I'm sure they said fire this guy.
He is terrible.
Okay, so here's Luke.
I'm going to give it, here we go.
Here's.
Far from cities.
And often too far from the campaign trail.
Rural America is not feeling the economic recovery.
And now Luke is saying that they're not feeling the economic recovery, and he's going to go on to do a four-minute report that gives you less than zero answers of why they're – Unemployment in Georgia stands at roughly 8%, the highest in the nation.
And in the small towns, jobs with a future are hard to come by.
We might be in a recovery in some areas, but not in rural America.
Not in Marchboard, Georgia.
Tough times.
Okay, so he interviewed a guy.
I don't know who that guy is.
The guy says there's tough times.
He's just kind of reiterating the premise of the whole spot.
Now he goes to a barbershop to talk to a black guy.
Luke is wearing a blue checkered, very well-pressed shirt and a tightly cropped haircut.
And I can't see what kind of pants he's wearing.
I'm going to guess topsiders he's wearing.
If I don't work, I don't eat.
So he had to go see a black guy at a barbershop to hear him say, if I don't work, I don't eat.
Again, these are some more profundities.
I really feel like I'm getting informed here.
I really do, too.
Marshallville and other middle Georgia towns once thrived growing peaches, but Jobs left, and the work never came back.
What's not working for them?
Washington.
You can't control if I could control stuff down here.
And lunchtime barbecue.
That's it.
That's it.
What's not working for them?
Washington.
That's it.
He doesn't say what is not working or what Washington needs to do or what is Washington's policies that have led to this, what they should do.
He didn't talk to any community leaders who needs want to see change.
He talked to another guy who doesn't have a clue about the economy.
All he knows is that he's not working.
Maybe the guy said Mr. Washington wasn't helping him.
Yeah, maybe here we go.
So now he's talking that he just, he just moves on.
He goes on, he talks to another guy.
Barbers and clients say they have been left behind.
If a president voice can't be heard, senator voice can't be heard.
So how can my voice be heard?
I get it.
You guys have been left behind.
I got it.
They've been left behind.
Nobody has a voice for them.
We are now over a minute into his report.
He's just restated the premise of the report four times.
You know, it'd be great if he had said, well, how am I going to be heard?
And Luke Russer told him very honestly, well, not through me.
Yeah, not this report.
There's nothing I'm going to.
So here he is.
He goes.
Now, he went to Georgia to talk to people who have been left behind.
He talked to a barber, two people I don't know what they do, and a guy who does barbecue.
They all said the same thing.
They just restated the premise of the thing, of his piece.
And now he's going to talk to a guy who has a solution.
He's a job creator.
He's a white guy in Georgia who's a Republican.
Ready?
Finish slightly.
Feeling ignored.
Small business owners like Tony Bass, who owns a landscaping truck company nearby.
He wants to create jobs.
He wants to create jobs.
Luke Russer, repeating right-wing talking points that there's a guy who creates jobs somewhere.
That's a right-wing talking point.
Okay, that's good.
That's our first one.
Here we go.
Owners like Tony Bass, who owns a landscaping truck company nearby.
He wants to create jobs and pay his employees higher wages, but says taxes and government regulations stand in his way.
Okay, so that's two right-wing talking points back to back, huh, Frank?
Back to back.
So the problem right now with the economy, according to Luke Russard's report, is that we need more tax cuts and less regulations.
That's the only solution he's put forward so far is that we need less taxes and more, and I mean, less, yes, less taxes and less regulations.
If Luke Russert has spent any more time in that state, he probably would have been gerrymandered into a Republican congressional.
Here we go.
Only time we hear from the federal government is if we're in trouble.
And while business has returned to some degree, it's not booming.
Wall Street investors, and they're all H-A-P-P-Y.
But small business owners, I can't say there's that much enthusiasm.
And so Wall Street's doing really well, according to the Republican businessman.
He is correct about that.
This is true.
And he's saying small businessmen are not doing that.
And he's correct about that.
But again, they leave out the problem part.
What's happening?
This guy, all they did was repeat two right-wing corporate talking points.
Okay, that was it.
Here we go.
There's more to this report.
In fact, there is a helpless feeling here in rural America that the political system is not set up for them.
Okay, again, he's restating the premise of the thing over and over and over and over.
There's a feeling here that the politicians don't care about them, that the system isn't set up.
Go ahead.
You know, you don't hear as much repetitive stuff at a Philip Glass concert.
I don't know who that is, but I'm sure that's hilarious.
Bart's telling me it is hilarious.
I'm sure it is.
They don't seem to want to do anything.
They're fighting each other.
This is your father's furniture store.
His father sold furniture, but had to close down in the 80s when jobs and customers left.
And that has nothing to do with nothing now.
It has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with anything.
But, Jimmy, I have a feeling Luke related to that guy because that guy got his job through his father.
Here we go.
There's just a little bit left to this fantastic field report by Luke Russert and freshly pressed shirt.
Out of Washington, come listen to people in small rural towns.
And while the struggle continues, rural Americans voice an unending desire to be heard and not forgotten.
We all need to vote and hope and praise.
For meet the press, Luke Russert.
That's it.
Wow.
He went and he talked to some people who restated the premise of his report four or five times.
He talked to one right-wing white guy who's a job creator who said they needed tax cuts and less regulation.
The exact thing that got us here.
That is the proposal that Luke Russert's, he's pushed forward.
That's the proposal.
Wow.
I got to say, wow.
Luke begging the question, Russert.
I never.
That's the most devastating portrait of poor rural America.
Let us now praise famous men.
I didn't see that documentary, but I'm sure it was fantastic.
He sounds like a regular, I think he's going to be changed, much like Bobby Kennedy was when he traveled through the Delta.
Do you remember that?
Remember how Bobby Kennedy came back changed?
He couldn't believe there was that kind of poverty in America.
I'm sure that.
Actually, though, it's kind of telling that Luke Russert going to rural America to visit poor people gave him more empathy for rich Republicans.
Ha!
Ha, ha, ha.
you you you Guess what's coming up in the second half?
We got phone calls from Luke Russard.
Plus, one more example of some horrible stuff Luke Russert did that's coming up in the second half of the show.
Plus the Pope calls in.
Music.
Music.
Thank you.
Hey, before we get to that Luke Russert phone call, I want to say thanks to everybody who uses our Amazon.com link when they buy something from Amazon.com.
It's a great way to help support the show that doesn't cost you any money.
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Okay, let's get back to the second half.
We've got great stuff coming up.
And I'm going to let you know about the premium content coming up later on.
Okay, here we go.
Welcome back to the Jimmy Door show.
We got phone calls from the Pope and Luke Russert coming up in the second half.
I'm joined in the studio by Frank Conner from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and two hilarious comedians, Steph Samorano and Robert Yasamura.
Let's get back to the studio where we're talking more about the horrible reporting at NBC News.
Okay, so Luke Russert did a variation of this report on Joni Ernst.
Joni Ernst, if you don't know who she is, she's the maniac who just won Senate in Iowa.
Here's Luke Russert, the way he described Joni Ernst on election night.
Joni Ernst, she's a veteran.
She's 44 years old from the high-level GOP members I have spoken to.
When she goes to Washington, if she is to win tonight, which the indications are that she will, she will be a force to be reckoned with.
A lot of people are going to want her endorsement in Iowa when they run for president in 2016.
She could be a kingmaker, not only because of her veteran experience and being a female, because of what state she'll represent.
Someone to keep an eye on for sure.
Okay, so there you go.
She's going to be a kingmaker, according to Luke Russert.
He said that a bunch of times.
Right.
She's still gender biased.
Yeah.
He broke down the state of play in Iowa during an interview with MSNBC's Tamarin Hall.
He said, quote, that's what Democrats have been trying to push here in the last few hours, that Joni Ernst is against you on the issues.
Unfortunately, where she's beating Bruce Braley, the idea of who cares about more about people like you, that's where she's winning.
Joni Ernst's charisma, her momentum, seems to be giving her a little bit of an edge right now as we head into the final day, Tamron.
So he keeps saying that her charisma, she's beating them, she cares more about the people.
So this is from Talking Points memo.
An hour later, reporting from the same spot in West Des Moines, Luke Russert explained to host Andrea Mitchell why Joni Ernst was reluctant to throw her support behind Mitch McConnell.
He eventually made his way back to the candidate's irresistible style.
Here's what he said, quote, she does not want to have any real connection to Washington, even to the bitter end.
On that point, playing Ted Cruz, she doesn't want to do that.
On her selling point, one of her selling points is that she's been able to be very conservative, but also have an understanding tone.
That's what the Des Moines Register wrote about her.
All that being said, though, Andrea, as we go to the final hours here on Election Day in Iowa, Joni Ernst is really trying to ride this popular charisma, the personality narrative that she has, being a woman Republican, the first woman from Iowa to go to the Senate, also being a veteran.
So a couple hours later, he was then on with Now with Alex Wagner.
He said the following.
So we're starting to see a repackaging, if you will, of Joni Ernst in the final weeks, making the race about personality and charisma, something that's greatly beneficial for her over Bruce Bailey, who's not able to match her on those traits.
So he just keeps talking about her personality.
He keeps talking about her charisma.
And by late Tuesday, Ernst had capitalized on all that quote-unquote charisma.
And it was time for NBC's roving reporter to swap storylines.
If it was her undeniable charm that put Ernst in a position to win in the first place, what would she reap now that the victory had claimed?
So that's what, this is from Talking Points memo.
He then went on to say she's going to be a kingmaker, somebody to keep an eye on for sure.
He just kept saying that stuff over and over and over.
Over and over, over and over.
So much so that Talking Points memo broke it down.
How many times he said that over and over, that she's going to be a king.
He just loves to come.
He loves to repeat conventional wisdom.
And he pretends that he goes, well, the Des Moines Register said this.
Yeah, but what did you say?
Did you ask her a question?
You're in Iowa.
What did you ask her about her extreme positions?
Did she say anything?
Did you question her staff about her extreme positions?
Did you talk to any of the voters about her?
No, he's just there repeating what he's heard other people say.
And what other people have said is that she's got a lot of Christmas.
She's going to be a kingmaker.
Right.
I mean, he's a guy who...
Jimmy, I'm just happy that we have MSNBC as our progressive voice.
Yeah, MSNBC is our progressive voice.
Okay.
It really is having Luke Russert talking about Joni Ernst to Andrea Mitchell is like someone of no substance or content talking to somebody with no substance or content about somebody with no substance or content.
content.
Music.
Okay, so joining us now on the phone right now, I got an NBC news correspondent.
I got Luke Russert on the phone.
Luke, can I hear you?
Are you there, buddy?
Luke?
Joni Ernst is the crown jewel of this class.
Thanks for her charisma charm.
She managed to win a tough race.
She could be a GOP kingmaker.
Yeah, Luke, I heard you say that exact same thing several times on TV after the midterm election.
You repeated it over and over again.
Well, that's because Joni Ernst is the crown jewel of this class.
Thanks to her Christmas charm, she managed to win a tough race.
She could be a GOP Kingmaker.
Luke, Luke, all you care about is optics.
Is that all you care about?
Don't you care about her policies and the substance of the issues that they're running on, Luke?
Jimmy, brah.
That is an insulting question.
Why?
Of course I don't care about the substance of the issue.
Why would you even bother asking me that?
Because, well, I guess you have a point, Luke.
I guess you have a point.
Hell yeah.
Can we just backtrack a bit so I can remind everyone that Joni Ernst is a crown jewel.
Charisma and charm, she managed to win a tough race.
She could be a GOP Kingmaker.
Luke!
Luke, please.
Luke, please stop saying that.
You're driving me crazy.
Would you stop saying that, Luke?
Thank you very much.
But Jimmy, dude, I'm so proud of myself for memorizing that talking point.
Isn't that what real journalism is all about?
No, that's not what it's all about, Luke.
I'd appreciate if you'd stop repeating that talking point because we've heard it plenty already, okay, buddy?
Okay, sure.
No problem.
Jimmy.
Yes, Luke.
Joanie Ernst is the crown jewel of this class.
Thanks for Christmas charm.
She managed to win a tough race.
She could be a GOP Kingmaker.
Got it in double figure stag on you, dude.
Luke, let's move on.
The other day when you were guest hosting on the cycle.
I'm the crown jewel of that show, Jimmy.
Of the cycle.
I mean, the other hosts make out like they're so smart and knowledgeable about topical issues and junk.
But there's this one dude there, Ture, who doesn't even know his last name.
I mean, come on.
Come on.
Luke.
I'm sure she'll never forget my last name.
What got me this job in the first place?
That is true, Luke.
But the point is, when you were on the cycle, you asked a guest this question.
If the Supreme Court ends up cutting Obamacare, would it be a silver lining for the Democrats?
That made absolutely no sense.
Can you please explain that to me, Luke, please?
Jimmy, I wasn't talking about the substance of Obamacare because, to be honest, I have no idea what that is.
I don't really keep up with the current events.
I mainly read the sports section.
What I was talking about was the idea that if the Democrats lose their signature achievement, the thing they wanted more than anything else, it could be a win for them.
Okay, Luke, that doesn't make how so, Luke?
How could that be?
People feel sorry for them.
Or my friends, but right now, what the Democrats need from the American public is a good ditty fuck.
Okay, that's enough.
Luke Russert, I appreciate it.
Thanks for joining us, Luke, today.
I appreciate it.
Thanks very much.
Wait, Jimmy, aren't you impressed that I didn't say both sides do it during this phone call?
Yeah, I am impressed about that.
Although your reporting over the last week proves that, if anything, you've gotten way, way worse as a journalist.
Yeah, you're right.
My future is bright at NBC.
I did say both sides do it because in this case, both sides don't do it.
Only one side, the Republican side, has Joni Ernst.
And Joni Ernst is the crown jewel of this class.
Thanks to her charismatic arm, she managed to win a tough race.
She could be a G-O-P Kingmaker.
Nailed that talking point again.
Aboogia.
Okay, Luke Russert, ladies and gentlemen.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
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And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
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Thank you.
So, one of the most basic truths is that power seeks its own ends.
That is, after a while, no matter how good one's intentions, no matter what initial motivations, power will seek to preserve itself and enhance itself.
Nowhere has this been more evident than in the Catholic Church.
Hey, you got a priest more interested in his own ambitions than ministering to the parishioners?
Fantastic.
Let's promote the F out of that guy.
Hence, I bring you former Archbishop of St. Louis, Raymond Burke.
Now, Archbishop St. Louis of St. Louis, Raymond Burke, he's a real a-hole conservative.
In fact, in 2004, in the middle of our country's big illegal war in Iraq and our leader's public embracing of war crimes and torture to cover it up, well, Cardinal Burke of St. Louis didn't take down George Bush or Dick Cheney.
He decided to insert himself in the political race for presidency by saying John Kerry, he would admonish him if he tried to receive the sacrament of communion.
He said, quote, I would have to admonish him not to present himself for communion.
Just putting himself right in the middle of the election, again, murdering live people is okay with him, but aborting a fetus for any reason at all is murder.
And I can't think of an analogy that would be crazier than that one.
Though you deny someone their religious rituals because of their politics.
That's what he does.
He was also the chairman of a board of a hospital, and he resigned because that hospital is putting out a charity concert.
And they were going to have Cheryl Crowe play in it.
And here's what he said.
My concern involves a fundraising event, which is to take place on this coming Saturday at the fundraising event.
The featured artist will be Cheryl Crowe.
It is unacceptable to the church that it feature any person who is in such grave error regarding the natural moral law and the church's teaching.
Okay, no, he's not a psychotic, self-hating gay guy at all.
No, that's not at all.
I hate to hear what he has to say about Bonnie Ray.
This guy sounds like, you know, the nerd who either goes on a rampage or he becomes a Catholic priest.
Or becomes a Catholic priest.
That's this guy.
We can't do that because it's like exactly how he said it.
So then, notorious.
You have to understand that in the, you know, in the distant era in our nation's history, becoming priests is what people did before there were gay bars.
Satisfying.
That is so funny.
So, when Notre Dame gave Barack Obama an honorary degree and have him speak at their college, he said, this cardinal archbishop guy said that, quote, the proposed granting of an honorary doctorate at Notre Dame University to a president who so aggressively advocates an anti-life and anti-family agenda is rightly the source of the greatest scandal.
So, giving Barack Obama talking about the greatest scandal, not buggering children, giving a president an honorary doctorate.
What a nightmare.
The buggering children, not so not a great scandal.
He then said he would have denied a Catholic funeral to Ted Kennedy because of his pro-choice politics.
This is a guy who, no kidding, he also got a priest excommunicated for holding a Christmas Mass in an unsanctioned facility and got a nun censured for saying that she thought women should be able to administer the sacraments just like men.
Boy, I definitely want to go to this guy for some compassionate counseling.
The only thing he's ever did that I agree with is he canceled the performance of Nonsense.
Nonsense.
Nonsense.
Ha ha ha!
Ha!
Ha!
So can you imagine?
Can you imagine when this guy was a priest, what his parish soup kitchen was like?
Yeah, I'd like to help you with your starving and all, but first, where are you on stem cell research?
Pretty much everything this guy says might as well be, I think the Catholic Church really needs to go back to being a weird little cult with complicated and secret rules.
That's this guy's idea of a good church.
He was then rewarded for being an a-hole by Pope Benedict, who was also an a-hole, who brought him to Rome and made him the chief justice of the Vatican Supreme Court.
And by the way, when he got there, this Mr. Moral, Mr. Morality guy, can't stomach Sheryl Crow or John Kerry or Ted Kennedy.
He wore such lavish costumes when he got to Rome that the other cardinals had to ask him to tone it down.
I'm not kidding.
I'm going to put pictures up at the website.
So you go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
I'm going to put pictures up there of this guy.
He literally dresses up like the gayest Elton John cartoon thing you would ever see him wear.
He has a 30-foot cape.
Yeah.
He literally has a 30-foot cape that it takes two guys to carry, and he wears it on purpose with a straight face.
I have cap envy.
He was dressed so elaborately that it was surprising that Scott Thorston wasn't at his side.
I don't know who that is.
I've been brought his long time.
Oh, I saw that.
I saw that movie.
So, no, he's just a normal guy, Frank, who likes to dress up like a maniac on an LSD trip.
Yeah.
How this guy is not wearing a wizard's hat and wielding a magical staff made from the true cross, I'll never know.
Well, there's not much difference between that kind of stuff and the Catholic Church, so it's not a big deal.
No, no, you're right.
No, in fact, he was legally allowed by the Catholic canon law to wear what he was wearing.
So it just goes to show you how crazy these guys are.
By the way, Benedict didn't just bring him to Rome for that particular position.
He gave him like a bunch of other promotions while he was in Rome.
In fact, he was in the College of Cardinals.
Yes, he was very influential.
He was promoted to the College of Cardinals.
Well, you know, the guy, I think it was a while ago, I think it was Cardinal Law of Boston.
Yes.
And he was involved in that whole scandal.
And he was morally reprehensible.
He covered up for pedophiles.
He was basically an accessory after the fact to many heinous crimes.
He got sent dumped as Cardinal of Boston, but then he was transferred to the Vatican, and he was still a really big deal in the Catholic Church.
Yeah.
He was promoted, essentially.
Yes, yes.
Well, thank God Pope Francis cares less about unborn fetuses and he cares more about actual people and compassion.
So he fired that guy and now that guy is gone.
Well, he's not, it's actually more insulting than that.
He made him like the crossing guard.
You made him this weird...
It's like...
The scandal again that this guy's involved with His scandal is that he's a crazy right-wing maniac.
And that Pope Francis.
And he's very openly been critical of Professor Francis.
And when the Pope released his recent statement saying that, you know, the gays, we need to welcome them in.
We need to focus more on compassion and helping people and less on being rigid about sex, right?
So this guy went crazy when the Pope said that.
And he said it publicly that he disagreed with the Pope.
That's not what the Pope is saying.
And he's not, we need to talk about abortion more.
He even said that.
And so the Pope is like, wow, this guy is just like out of control.
By the way, I'm the Pope.
So now you're fired.
So I'm the Pope and now you're the cross.
He literally made him the.
I think his exact quote was, I'm the Pope, bitch.
So then Rachel Maddow's watching.
So I learned about this through Rachel Maddow.
She did a thing on this.
And then Rachel Maddow brings on this religious scholar to talk about the Pope demoting this guy in Rome.
And Rachel starts it off.
Listen to what she says.
This blew me away.
Listen to what she says.
So I'm a Catholic.
I'm a lifelong Catholic.
She's a Catholic.
She's a lifelong Catholic.
After she just did a story talking about this guy who was the bishop who got promoted to be the chief justice, she's the one who told me what a crazy maniac this guy was.
Yet she's still a part of that church, that church who hates her, has hated her for all those years.
And now there's a Pope who doesn't hate her.
So apparently, I don't understand.
What is the psychology there?
Let me hear her say it again.
So I'm a Catholic.
I'm a lifelong Catholic.
But I'm not sure.
Of what's wrong with your brain that would make you want to be an open homosexual and a Catholic, a part of a group who has hated you since you were born.
That's yeah, I mean, she's a Catholic in her own eyes, but she's not a Catholic in the eyes of the church.
Yeah.
Obviously, she sinned in their eyes.
She sinned every day, you know, for her whole life.
Apparently, she's not familiar with Christopher Hitchens or Sam Harris, or she hasn't heard any of the arguments against that thing that she proclaims publicly that she, I'm a part of a group that hates me.
I say it publicly, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
And I know people don't think I'm a maniac.
It just goes to show you that even someone is down to earth as a person.
MSNBC has for a long time been a very Catholic place.
Chris Matthews.
Oh, Chris Matthews, yes.
Tim Ruster.
Phil Donahue.
Yeah, so it's maybe it's just that she's just told the company line, maybe.
I don't think that's it.
She definitely has a problem, right, Robert?
No, The thing is, like, I grew up on the East Coast.
Like, I saw a lot of people who were Catholics like that, where they were like, I don't buy into the majority of it, but I still consider myself a Catholic.
Is that like a black Republican today?
Like, hey, I didn't have a trouble voting, so it's cool for me.
No, it's more like an atheist Jew.
It's more like on that level where they're like, I go to church when it's required of me.
I still feel guilty when I touch myself.
And I don't believe the rest of it.
Yeah, you know, I grew up Catholic in New York, and, you know, one day I finally realized that I was capable of being an alcoholic without the politics.
That's fantastic.
Now, I grew up Catholic in the Midwest.
And I saw through that stuff in sixth grade.
So, so here's Rachel Maddow, a Rhodes Scholar, still down with Catholicism and a group of people who have been dedicated to her demise since she was born.
They just recently, this Pope now just recently stopped saying we should kill you.
He still doesn't think what you do is cool, by the way.
The Pope still thinks that what you do is a sin.
He doesn't think it should be the focus of everybody's work.
Right.
But he still thinks that Rachel Maddow is a sinner and that her very being is a sinful thing.
Like, he does think that is, they do think that.
Yeah, but it's, I grew up around this.
It's the weirdest thing, but there are a lot of people who are like, I just, you know, I like the ritual.
It was a family thing.
It's something I'm used to.
I know.
I don't like, I object to it as much as I'm part of it.
There are people who I know a woman in Minneapolis who's a good friend of mine, and she's part of a Christian church, and she's extremely liberal.
She's extremely pro-gay.
And her whole thing is, I want to change this church from inside.
You know, whereas my thing is like, I hate the church, so I don't want to be a part of it.
I don't want to have anything to do with it.
But some people who grew up with it and still have an attachment to the rituals, they want to preserve the church, and they want to bring it into the 21st century, which this Pope, to a certain extent, is starting to do.
Yeah, so what I'm what, yeah, so I, yeah, so he's trying to bring Dungeons and Dragons into the 21st century.
I totally, I totally get that.
I mean, that just, that's just crazy.
We're going to try and bring this thing that's completely anti-intellectual, has been a great source of grief, persecution.
In fact, persecuting gays still.
And yeah, we're going to, this is a great thing.
It just, to me, there's some kind of psychosis that's involved.
To me, it's like a black guy who's a Republican.
It's a gay guy who's also a log cabin republic.
You are actively, you know, it's like, well, the reason.
Can you imagine a black guy joining the Klan saying, I want to change it from the inside out?
Joining us now on the phone is Pope Francis.
Hi, Pope.
How are you?
Hey, Jimmy Jacobus, how are you doing?
Listen, I wanted to talk to you about your firing or demoting of Cardinal Burke from the Chief Justice spot on the Vatican Supreme Court.
Yes.
No, no.
No, a lot of people know Cardinal Burke.
Cardinal Burke.
Yes, Cardinal Burke was a real...
Who is this again?
Oh, no, no, Cardinal Burke, the guy you just devoted from Chief Justice of the Vatican Supreme Court.
doesn't ring a bell yeah no that he was the guy who no ding ding He's the guy who wore all the capes.
Oh, okay.
Now, is this CCG?
Yeah.
Now, did you fire him over the capes or because you really...
But the cape, I'll be honest, they did not help.
He was how you say a little extravagant.
He was a little extravagant with the cape.
Yeah, I've seen pictures of it.
He had one cape that was 30 feet long and it was red, and it took two guys to carry it for him.
Now, is that he said that he was allowed to wear that as a cardinal.
Is that true?
Keep in mind, I am the Pope of the Catholic Church.
I think that was a little bit of flamboyant.
Yes, this is what I. A little bit of crazy.
Yes.
Who guys to carry your cape?
And so what kind of man does that?
So you're okay if it's a cape, but you carry it yourself.
I don't understand.
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with the cape, but not a 30-foot cape.
What if it is, right?
Holy gosh, that's all the time we have for the Pope Call on today's show.
There's more to the Pope Call.
Plus, you know, the whole show that Chuck Todd does could be, I could do a whole show on every segment that he does.
I'm not kidding.
Plus, he doesn't think when he's talking.
He's nervous when he's talking, so he's moving his body in weird ways.
And of course, I can't show you that on the podcast, but I'm going to show it to you on a video soon.
We're going to get back into posting videos on the Young Turks channel.
We were doing that pretty consistently, and we stopped for a few weeks, and we're going to get back at it.
So I'm going to get we're getting back into the studio with a live studio audience.
So I want to remind everybody, if you'd like to be a part of the live studio audience, it's starting very soon within the next couple of weeks.
Send me an email at jimmydoor at earthlink.net, and I'll put your name on our live studio audience list.
And when we do that, we'll send you an email and we'll set you up, okay?
So don't forget to do that.
Oh, and thanks to everybody who came out last Friday for the big TV taping of my hour special.
It was quite a thing.
It was a lot of fun.
It went way better than I thought.
And my voice held up.
And we had a heckler, which made it exciting, actually.
I don't like to ever give hecklers credit because they never deserve it.
But it really, it really was kind of interesting.
Okay.
So go ahead and get the premium for this week, and you'll hear the rest of that Pope Call.
There's a lot more stuff we talk about in this week's premium episode, okay?
So it's only $5 a month, $55 for the year.
That saves you five bucks.
And you're doing the right thing.
You're supporting the show.
Okay, so thanks to everybody who already does that.
You just go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You click on premium.
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We'll send you a passcode.
And if you've already done that and you haven't gotten your passcode, because things flip through the cracks over here, I'm a comedian.
And so if we haven't gotten your passcode and you've made your donation, send me an email at jimmydoor at earthlink.net and we'll get right on it, okay?
All right, so that's it for this week.
All right, all the voices today performed by the one and the only, the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
All the jokes today written by Frank Conniff, Mike McRae, Mark Van Landuit, Robert Yasamura, Steph's Amurano.
A big shout out to a gentleman who donates his time and talent to the show to make our show run.
It's Sean James.
And if you've got a problem with your Macintosh, he can fix it for you right over the internet.
Send him an email at MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
And you spell Sean, S-H-A-U-N.
And I'll see everybody November 28th, 29th, and 30th in San Jose.
I'm going to be in Sunnyvale, actually.
The Sunnyvale Rooster Tea Feathers, one of my favorite comedy clubs.
It's intimate.
And I'll see you there.
Those are three days, the Friday and Saturday and Sunday after Thanksgiving.
I'm going to be there telling jokes with my good buddy Dave Reinitz.
So I'll see you guys there.
If you're in the San Francisco, San Jose, Sunnyvale area, I'll see you at Rooster T Feathers November 28, 29, 30, the weekend after Thanksgiving.
Those are links for tickets over at jimmydorecomedy.com.
Okay, that's it for this week.
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