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Sept. 27, 2014 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Hey, before we get to the show, October 4th, that's next Saturday, 8 p.m.
World Famous Improv in West Hollywood, Melrose and Crescent Heights.
Get your tickets at jimmydoorcomedy.com.
I'll be doing a headline set a whole hour, so get your tickets over there.
There's a link for discount tickets.
You can get a ticket for $5.
Go over there, JimmyDoorComedy.com.
We'll see October 4th, 8 p.m. show.
Now let's get out with it.
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program, the Jimmy Dore show.
So on the line, I'm going to try and get a hold of President Obak Obama, Barack Obama.
I said, Back Obama, I mean President Barack Obama.
Let's see if I can get him on the line.
Hello, Mr. President.
Are you there?
Hello, Mr. President.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hello, are you there, Mr. President?
Jimmy.
Yeah.
Good to be here.
I thought you'd enjoy a visit from your favorite progressive politician who goes to war all the fucking time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes, it's great to hear from you.
Listen, is it true, Mr. President, these days you are engaging in behavior that, well, you know, isn't that much removed from George W. Bush?
You know what I'm talking about?
How did you know about my painting?
What?
What?
Yeah, just like former President Bush, I've been indulging a little bit in painting.
All of painting.
What kind of painting?
What kind of painting are you doing?
Well, mainly I've been padding myself into a corner with my forepaw.
Yeah, that's for sure, Mr. President.
Could you please tell us why you've become such a goddamn warhawk?
I would really love to know that.
Well, Jimmy, the thing is.
I just want to say.
That's in conclusion.
Mr. President, what the hell are you doing right now?
I'm drinking a latte.
I've been holding a cup of coffee in my hand.
What a bird.
Say that, Dora.
I just disrespected the hell out of you.
Well, listen, President Obama, I really don't care if you carry a cup of coffee around with you.
It doesn't matter to me.
Excellent, Jimmy.
I agree with my critics.
It was disrespectful of me to hold that coffee cup when I saluted those soldiers.
Really?
You think it was disrespectful?
Those soldiers have to stand at attention all day like that.
And my carrying a cup of coffee with me just reminded them how much they had to pee.
True, Jimmy Arnold.
Our military heroes have to go for long hours without relieving themselves.
And we try to be sensitive and not make it worse for them.
That's why the presidential plane is called Air Force One, not Air Force number one.
All right.
Back me up on this one, lady.
Who is come out of town?
Listen, Mr. President, with all due respect, maybe the issue is that America shouldn't pee its pants and overreact when a small group of terrorists make a couple of horrifying videos.
Maybe that's.
Jimmy, I would think you'd support the idea of internet videos having an impact on the world.
Maybe we see a little about those ISIL folks, but they know how to make a video go viral.
Has there ever been a Young Turks video that's had that kind of huge reaction?
No, well, there's never any sickening crimes against humanity that are included in Young Turks' videos, baby.
That's why.
Have you ever seen that What the Flick show?
Yeah.
I'd say Ben Mankiewicz did irreparable harm to the human race when he described Transformers 4 as, quote, a quirky and off-beat shaggy dog rom-com that tugs at the heartstrings while it tickles the funny ball.
I don't think he ever said that.
I don't think he said that.
Jimmy, I get all the what the flick reviews in my daily intelligence briefing.
Really?
Oh, I know what I'm talking about.
Really?
Also, I'll have you know that my bombing of Syria got a 97% press rating on Rotten Tomatoes.
Mr. President, I really just want to support you, but now you're just making stuff up.
You're just making stuff up.
Okay, let's just agree to disagree that it's wrong to agree to disagree.
That the agreeable way I address disagreements is not anything anyone can agree to disagree to do.
What?
Mr. President, Mr. President, I think my head is about to explode, sir.
Yep.
The drone that I sent to waste your ass should be there any second.
What?
Well, it's been great stopping by to talk to a fellow left-wing progressive.
What?
The immortal words of my favorite socialist read, Red Skelton.
Good night, and may God bless.
Okay, that was President Barack Obama.
I'll see you.
Thanks for calling in, warmonger.
Thank you.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you about you.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I'm joining the studio, the host of Comedy and Everything Else.
And from the blog, The Miserable Liberal, it's our resident Latina.
It's Steph Semarano.
Hey, Steph, how are you?
I'm doing great.
And I just want everybody to know you'll find a link to the miserable liberal on Jimmy's website.
Yes, you will.
On the phone from New York City in Mystery Science Theater 3000, it's TV's Frank, Frank Conniff.
Hi, Frank.
Hello there.
And I want everybody to check out Frank's new podcast, Pot House 90.
The most recent episode is entitled Dracula is Rising in the Polls.
Check it out.
Also on the phone from San Francisco, hilarious comedian writer, it's Mark Van Landuitt.
Hey, Mark, how are you?
I'm good, Jimmy.
Fantastic.
Let's do some jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
Yes.
Hey, no, Barack Obama made a big flap.
I don't know if you saw he saluted the Marines that stand by the side of his helicopter.
He had a coffee in his hand and he saluted him with a coffee in his hand, which made, of course, everybody who hates him go even happy that they got to scream that they hated him.
And you're right.
I don't know if you watched Fox or anything, but conservatives, they are the true patriots who would never hold a latte in their hands while cutting funds for veterans.
And Derek Holder resigning, leaving he's the, I think, third longest serving Attorney General ever.
And Fox News actually said that Eric Holder ran the Department of Justice, quote, much like the Black Panthers would.
Oh, no.
Just as Fox reports news, much like white racists would.
You know, in a speech to the United Nations Wednesday, President Obama challenged the gathered representatives of more than 150 countries, specifically Barack Obama, cited the threat from ISIS, the militant group ISIS, and he urged other nations to join the U.S. in the effort to, quote, dismantle the network of death, saying that the group only understands the language of force.
That's what Barack Obama said.
ISIS only understands the language of force.
Here's a fun fact.
Since 9-11 attacks, the U.S. has now bombed seven different Middle Eastern countries.
But remember, it's ISIS that understands the language of force.
And finally, by the widely reported, I don't know if you guys heard about this, there is a story of a woman who claimed to have a third breast surgically implanted through plastic surgery.
Well, turns out it's been exposed as a hoax.
Her name is Jasmine Trideval.
It's Tri-Devil is how it's written, but I'll pronounce it, Trideville.
She's a 21-year-old Florida massage therapist.
She claims she underwent $20,000 procedure to repel men and possibly score a reality show.
That's what she said.
But guess how the host got exposed, you guys, when a local news station uncovered an incident report from the Tampa airport revealing that that same woman last year claimed that a bag had been stolen containing, get this, a three-breast prosthesis.
Yes, I was disappointed.
Everybody was disappointed to learn that there's not really a woman with three breasts, but nobody was more disappointed than Larry Jenkins, the only man born with three hands.
So what's coming up on today's show?
We're going to talk about, we hear from an economist, Andrew Schiff, and he mixes economics with racism, and he doesn't know which is which.
So we're going to talk about that.
Plus, we're going to talk about Governor Rick Perry.
He's got some interesting things to say about abortion and Joan Rivers.
Yes, he does.
We're going to talk about that.
Plus, Tom Brokaw, he's got some words about what's wrong with America's warring culture.
Plus, we're going to get to that Megan McCain clip of it kills us today.
Plus, we got phone calls from, we got phone calls from President Barack Obama.
That's right.
Governor Rick Perry calls in, and Peter King calls in today.
Plus, a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Bye.
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Thank you.
you you Okay, so now I was watching Russian television.
Actually, I wasn't.
Somebody sent me this clip.
Her name was Steph and turns out that the unemployment rate for African Americans is roughly double that of white people.
So Russian television decided to bring on Andrew Schiff, who's a finance guy.
He's got a funny kind of economy.
Anyway, so here he goes.
The gap in the unemployment is big.
They bring him on, and here's the question.
Why do you think it is that there is such a huge disparity in unemployment rates between whites and African Americans?
It started all, started back with the New Deal and the Great Society, in which we've created a welfare state that breeds a culture of dependency.
In this country, we reward people financially if they have children, especially if they have children out of wedlock.
And of course, the rates of birth out of wedlock, particularly in the black community, have gone up, I don't know, 10 times the past 50 years.
So he's saying the problem is if we reward people financially if they have children.
That's a good point, Economist Schiff.
So are you going to be the brave crusader who demands that all tax breaks be eradicated for people with children?
If that's your plan, I know plenty of white suburban soccer moms who are willing to bust a cap in your ass right now.
Okay.
Okay, so he goes out.
He's got a couple of more stupid things to say.
Vast majority, 80, 90, I'm not sure the figure exactly, of young black children abort out of wedlock, where they particularly typically drop out of school.
They have no discipline at home.
Yeah, they drop out of school.
The black kids, they drop typically.
This is the typical thing.
They drop out of school and then they have no discipline at home.
I'm guessing this guy has never been to the black community or even driven past Adrian Peterson's house to see what kind of discipline goes on in the black community.
Okay.
There's some strict shit going on there.
Yes, that's some pretty strict stuff.
You know, he's still able to present his case, even though he doesn't have any data to substantiate.
He says that he goes, you're not sure of the data.
I'm not sure that's that.
I'm just going to make up something that sounds horrible.
Okay, so he goes on.
He's got more to say.
So he's going to tell us right now who's really responsible for the unemployment rate of blacks being twice as high as whites.
He's going to tell us right now.
They're failed after that, the dependency that it failed by a horrific public education establishment run by the teachers union, which does not have the interest of children really at heart.
They have the interests of teachers, and they're in the process of squelching all alternative options to get a good education.
Yes, yes, it's the teachers.
They're causing the unemployment.
After the kids get born into welfare, and then they have no discipline, then they go to school, and then the teachers don't teach them good enough.
I knew it.
It's not crony capitalism.
It's not a rigged tax system that rewards corporations for sending jobs to third world countries.
It's not a criminal justice system designed to criminalize young black men at a much higher rate than whites, which marks them unemployable for life.
No, it's the teachers who go into the inner city and devote their life to educating poor children.
Those are the rotten motherfuckers who are causing the unemployment rate in the inner city.
They don't want to help kids.
They got that teaching job so they could scam kids.
If you had the interests of teachers at heart, you would also have the interests of children at heart.
Because guess what?
Teachers want smaller class sizes to increase individual student guidance.
And what Schiff says is, not with my kid, you lazy teacher.
And Simney, you know, I kind of want to become a wealthy rich person.
Would you know how I would get in on some of that sweet city inner city money?
You got to know somebody.
It's all rigged.
Okay, so this guy, so it gets worse.
He goes on.
Young black men, boys, they drop out of school.
Then all of their idols and their role models are people that glorify the gangster culture.
Maybe they're athletes, maybe they're entertainers, but it's considered to be not cool among many African Americans to adopt a quote-unquote white culture, which involves working hard and studying and graduating and speaking.
Yeah, so the black mothers are lazy moochers who would rather take welfare than work, and the teachers are greedy jerks who put themselves before the kids.
And now Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan, Derek Jeter, Kobe Bryant, and Oprah Winfrey are all gangsters who teach kids to be criminals.
I wonder where they are.
Don't forget, don't forget the leader of the free world, the president of the United States, the commander-in-chief of our armed forces, that lazy, shiftless bum, Barack Obama.
Yeah, I forgot about that.
That's right.
He's from a single parent household.
Single parent household.
That's right.
He was brought up by lazy teachers.
Oh, by the way, Jimmy, I don't know if you knew that the last sentence he said was actually scientifically proven that you can't say anything more racist than what he has said.
It has been scientifically proven.
I like how he said that they have the gangster culture.
The blacks have the gangster culture.
And, you know, because...
Yes.
Yes.
And where did they get this gangster culture from?
Where did they get those ideas in the black culture to be gangster culture?
I don't know.
I was thinking about this the other night when I was watching Martin Scorsese's Goodfellas.
And I started wondering where all the gangster glorification is coming from in this country, Frank.
Well, all of the characters, as you know, in Goodfellas are exemplary white people, except for the Samuel Jackson character.
Yes.
Shiftless bum, who due to his own incompetence, he gets shot in the back of the head by Joe Pesci, who's just trying to help his society.
Yes.
Frank, if only black people could be as responsible as Wall Street investment firms and not expect handouts from the government and use their role models and use as their role models the total criminals that crashed our economy.
If only inner city blacks could do that.
Look up to Wall Street bankers who take billions and trillions in handouts from the government when they crash the economy at the same time stuffing their pockets with billions of dollars on the government doll.
If only blacks could look up to those people instead of.
If only blacks had exemplary role models like Clive and Bundy.
Yeah.
Yes, yes.
And we all know there's no white people on welfare either, even though they're the majority of people on welfare are white.
So there's more.
So wait, is there a curious example of corporations not wanting to hire people?
Here we go.
So here's, okay.
Why don't corporations hire black people?
Now, I've been working in the corporate America for close to 30 years.
And it's been in the Northeast, but I never really worked in the South.
I worked in California, and I worked in New York.
And certainly no company I've ever worked for, and I've worked for many, many big companies.
We were always falling over backwards to find qualified black applicants for any position we might have had.
The question is finding them.
It's not easy.
Yes, it's not easy finding qualified black candidates to come work in your corporation.
Those typical corporate types always wanting the public education system to produce their qualified workers for them, freaking freeloaders.
Yes.
That's an important point because corporate types, they always complain that they can't find qualified workers for their little niche jobs.
They never take the initiative themselves to go out to the inner cities to create scholarship programs to tell students the types of jobs that they want and the type of skills that they need.
And there will be this kind of job waiting for you afterwards.
So these corporations, they're lazy free riders, always expecting the public system to do all the work for them.
That's a great point, Mark.
And you also know, he makes a good point, though.
Corporations would love their thing that they love more than anything is hiring black people.
And they bend over backwards trying to hire them.
But according to Schiff, he just can't find any black people who are smart enough to work alongside white people.
He just bend over backwards, but they actually suffer from sciatica, so they aren't able to manage it.
None of the black people they want to hire are qualified enough to be white.
But wait.
Yes.
You know what?
I'll make one other point.
It's that he talks about that he's worked at a lot of big corporations.
I mean, who's he to talk?
He can't even keep a job.
You know, I just noticed that Andrew Schiff seems to really understand the subtle nuances of poverty.
Oh, if there's anybody who understands the black culture who's an expert, it's got to be a guy named Andrew Schiff, okay?
He certainly understands the nuances of corporate racism.
Yeah, he's throwing it out.
He said at the beginning, he said that income disparity began in the New Deal.
Yeah, before that, there was perfect income equality between black people.
Yeah, yeah.
Yes, everyone.
It's only when Roosevelt started the New Deal that it started to all go bad for black people.
Yeah, you remember how everything went downhill after the New Deal?
Remember that?
How we had states.
When we shipped slaves over from Africa, when they got here, they had guaranteed jobs.
So here's a curious example of corporations not wanting to hire minorities in the first place.
And let's listen as Andrew Schiff unwittingly reveals that his firm is not hiring minorities because they are a different race.
So let's listen.
He says, first he said they want to bend over backwards to hire blacks, and they can't find them, and they can't find him.
But now he kind of unwittingly reveals the real reason they don't hire minorities.
Ready?
Recently, I'm sure you've heard of the recent story of a man named Jose that emerged who, after changing his name on his job resume to just Joe, he then received a whole bunch of job offers.
He's certainly not the only person who has recorded things like this during their job search.
How extensive do you think is racial profiling in the HR department?
So there you go.
So there's a guy she brings up there was a guy who was named Jose, couldn't get a job interview, switches his name to Joe, gets a bunch of them.
She asks him about that.
Here we go.
Well, I don't, I mean, look, as I said, I've never really experienced it, but I do know, and I know plenty of times we've said, well, you know, why can't we get any black applicants?
So he's never experienced something like that happening.
The thing she just said, he's never experienced that.
This is what he just said.
Hey, here we go.
But I do know that many employers are particularly sensitive to lawsuits.
We have a very, very litigious culture.
And I do know for a fact that every time, many times, much higher extent, a minority employee is let go, the odds of getting sued are much, much, much higher.
Because it's very, very easy to claim racial discrimination.
So that may create a reverse bias.
That may create a reverse bias, a reverse bias.
That's not a reverse bias.
That's a bias.
That's a bias.
The reverse bias would be if the black guy was somehow suppressing or oppressing the corporation.
The bias, the straightforward bias, is the corporation institutionally keeping out black people.
That's the bias.
So listen to this mental gymnastics he does or these word salad.
An unintended bias by the part of the part of the employer.
An unintended bias.
Oh, they can't help themselves.
Unintended.
It may not have been racist to begin with, but now they know, just from a dollars and cents points perspective, that they hire this employee and it doesn't work out, the chance of getting rid of that employee is much, much higher.
I mean, the cost of getting rid of that employee is much higher.
It's actually happening right now.
I've seen it happen in my firm where you say, you know, we can't make that move because we're going to get sued.
So the move he's talking about is hiring a minority.
He goes, we can't make it.
It's happening in my, even though he started out by saying, I've never seen this personally, then he ends it unwittingly revealing that he's a liar and a racist and says, what's happening right now in my company?
We can't make that move because we're going to get sued.
That move meaning hiring minorities.
But can't they sue the people doing the hiring sue for physical injury after they've been bending over backwards so much and it hurts their spine?
And you know how corporations always get taken to the cleaners by penniless minority workers who have been fired.
You know how corporations have no resources to fight them and crush them.
You know who always wins against corporations?
It's the penniless minorities.
They always win.
And this guy's saying, you know, there's a lazy shitless culture in the black community with the rap stars and the athletes and they just don't want to compete in the white.
Well, but then he says immediately afterwards, if you like work really hard, if you go to college, if you go to graduate school, if you get every degree you can and become as qualified as a person possibly can be, you will not get hired if you're a black person and you might sue us.
That's exactly what he just said, Frank.
He just said it.
It's almost as if he's racist.
It's almost as if he's racist, isn't it?
You know, they're suing because that's what their gangster role models have taught them.
Yeah.
Yeah, their gangster role models have taught them to use the legal system.
This guy makes a good point.
It's a real tragedy how black people have the corporations by the ball.
Oh, don't they ever?
Oh, don't they ever?
Well, what he says is that it's an intended, unintended, intended racist hiring policy of not hiring minorities.
You don't believe me?
Trust me.
We do this at our firm.
He is like admitting in that example, he is admitting that it's harder for black people for qualified black people to get jobs.
Which is the exact opposite of what he was trying to say.
What he was trying to say.
So what about the ones who don't take welfare and don't idolize gangsters and have discipline in their houses and actually get up and work full-time jobs every day, all day, for very little money?
What about those people?
Should we pay them more to incentivize them to work more and harder and reward them with a livable wage?
Should we do that?
Here's what he says.
Especially, you know, if they're looking to raise the minimum wage in this country to $15 an hour for fast food workers, for instance, that'll be a devastating effect on marginally skilled minority, particularly young workers who will find themselves priced out of the labor market.
And then that will greatly add to the unemployment rolls.
Yeah, they're going to be priced.
So if minimum wage workers get a raise and they raise their minimum wage, they're all going to get priced out of the market.
So there'll be no, when you go to McDonald's, there won't be anyone there.
When you go to Walmart, there will be no one stocking the shelves.
If you just pay them less, they'll want to work more.
They'll want to work more.
It's the opposite of what they say about rich people and taxes.
You know, you have to cut rich people's taxes so they'll want to invest.
So they'll want to stay in your state.
So they'll want to do things.
You have to give them more money for them to do things.
But poor people, if you give them more money, you're just screwing them over.
That's according to this guy.
So if they're working full-time every day, you can't give them a livable wage.
The whole minimum wage issue has made fast food places so uncertain.
I can't even go to Arby's anymore.
He's saying that the corporations and employers who employ people who work minimum wage jobs right now, that they're not really necessary because if they raise the minimum wage, they'll just get rid of those workers.
That's what he's saying.
So what he's so is, he's also, by that logic, he's implying that the corporations who employ minimum wage workers today are doing it out of the goodness of their hearts because they don't really need them.
And if they raise their wage, they'll just get rid of them.
Because I guess they're doing work that isn't needed in our economy.
You know how corporations like to hire people to do work that isn't needed.
Sure, yes.
That's what these people like to say.
Okay, so he goes on.
He's got more to say.
Here we go.
The National Law Center did a study across various demographics, and it revealed that the problem was not necessarily one of education.
Rather, it showed that black women disproportionately held jobs in the public sector more than any other demographic.
That's within jobs in the public sector.
Does this mean, though, that private sector jobs are not really adopting the motto of equal opportunity employer?
What does that say to you?
Okay, so I'm going to give you a little background because you know he's lying when he answers this question.
Labor market, their labor market recovery masks a stark difference.
This is from the Brookings Institute, by the way.
This is a Republican think tank.
And they said that the labor market recovery masks the stark differences between the private and public sectors.
The private sector has now seen 54 straight months of payroll gains, totaling 10 million jobs.
The public sector has actually lost more than half a million jobs over the same period.
Okay?
This is from them.
All right.
So now here's what, here's his answer.
Well, I think, first of all, there has not been the public sector jobs survived the last recession a lot better than private sector jobs.
So he's just completely 100% wrong.
He has it upside down and backwards.
Okay, here we go.
You saw a much larger dip in the amount of private sector employees.
That doesn't really make a lot of sense.
So it doesn't make a lot of sense because we all know blacks are shiftless and lazy.
And even if they do get jobs, we should pay them non-livable wages because they're going to sue you.
That one of the reasons that African-American women are unemployed at a higher rate is because they drop out of the labor force because they are incentivized to have more children and have those children essentially placed on the public dole.
There's no limit.
The more children you have, the more money you get.
And it certainly helps if you're not married.
If you are married, you get less money.
So I think that's definitely part of the mechanics here.
Now, why that doesn't take an effect into white culture.
Because they're white.
That's why it doesn't affect.
So he just says that welfare incentivizes black women not to work to have more kids, but it doesn't incentivize white women who would also be incentivized to not work.
No, no, it doesn't because whitey has a better work ethic than blackie.
That's what he's saying, right?
Why can't blacks overcome our racist hiring practices?
Probably become the probably, probably because they come from single-parent households.
I bet you that's why they can't overcome their race.
Yes, yes.
So he just couldn't help himself.
Like, that's just race.
So that sounds like he is making a speech because he's running for the grand dragon of the KKK.
That would be an economy.
Go ahead.
Well, he's very articulate.
He did an even better job than in the articles for Ron Paul's newsletter.
Okay, we're out.
We learned a lot.
I think the reason why there's employment disparity is because there's people like Andrew Schiff in the world.
Yes.
Yes.
Hey, I'd like to help support this kick-ass podcast show thing, but I don't have the body to spread.
But sometimes I shop at abazon.com.
How can I help?
Is there a way?
Yes, there is.
You lucky son of a gun.
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Okay, got a lot of great stuff coming up in the second half.
We got, well, let's just get to it.
I don't have to tell you.
Okay, so you know that in Texas they've passed very restrictive abortion rules.
In fact, that was just overturned by a judge.
The judge said the ambulatory surgical center requirements, which that's what they tried to make.
So if you're going to have an abortion clinic or a Planned Parenthood place, they put this requirement saying that you had to have ambulatory surgical, it had to be an ambulatory surgical center, which most of the Planned Parenthood places, abortion clinics weren't that.
So they would have to close, right?
And the judge said the ambulatory surgical center requirement is unconstitutional because it imposes an undue burden on the right of women throughout Texas to seek a preventable to seek a proviability abortion.
I don't know what proviability means, do you?
Proviability?
That's a word.
Anyway, so proviability.
And so I would guess it's the ability to provide.
Right.
Yes.
Yes.
Okay, there we go.
We broke it down just like they teach us in school.
The Attorney General, Greg Abbott, who is pro-life, is going to appeal the decision.
And so they, so here is Rick Perry was asked a question.
A woman stood up.
He was doing some kind of a live interview where they take questions.
And so here, listen to her question.
So here, here he is.
By the way, he's got, he looks like Mr. Smarty Pants because he's wearing his glasses.
It's a good look for him.
And so she asked, and listen to how she specifically words this, if you can hear it.
Good afternoon, Governor Perry.
My name is Melissa Young.
I'm from Houston.
Today I heard you talk about anti-regulations and pro-access.
However, my question is, why did you side with those who voted HB2 regarding the ambulatory surgical center regulations that caused so many health care clinics to close down and prevent access to so many men, women, Hispanic Latinos?
Okay, we have the question.
Can you talk about your logic?
Thank you.
Can we talk about so that so though, by the way, the questioner did not want to made him very uncomfortable, right?
So now Captain Moron decides to bring up a real-life example of how the new regulations could have saved someone's life.
Except he doesn't use a death caused by an abortion procedure.
Instead, he brings up totally something totally unrelated in here it is.
That it is a state's right to put particular types of considerations into place to put rules and regulations into place to make a clinic be as safe as a hospital.
And it was interesting that when Joan Rivers in the procedure that she had done where she died, that was a clinic.
And I was just, you know, it's a curious thought that if they had had that type of regulations in place, whether or not that individual would be still alive.
So as an example of how he's trying to make abortion clinics safer, he uses the example of a clinic in New York City that's not an abortion clinic and someone died in it.
It turns out Perry suggested that if hospital-level standards were in place at the clinic where Rivers underwent surgery at her vocal cords, she may not have died, except that the clinic where Rivers was treated is an ambulatory surgery center.
So thanks for bringing up something that has nothing to do with what we're talking about and undermines your point.
You know, he also said that under that law, they could have saved Tody Fields' legs.
Tony Fields.
Ladies and gentlemen, Tody Fields.
That's a case my dad's listening.
It really sounds like Rick Perry was dared just to try to include Joan Rivers in his answer.
I think Rick Perry, you can tell that Rick Perry is a Joan Rivers fan.
Just say.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, definitely.
There's no doubt about it.
Oh, grow up.
So it gets better.
He keeps going.
But I think it's important for us as a people to understand that we're a very diverse country.
And there are going to be, you know, there are going to be rules and regulations put into place that you don't agree with.
And one of the beauties of this country is that we meet, we have open discussion back and forth.
And then at the end of the day, we go on about our business.
And by and large, civilly and respectfully respect those decisions.
Yes, one of the beauties of this country is that the regressive majority, driven by corporate money and religious whack jobs, can oppress half the population and deny them basic health care under the guise of helping them.
And we have such a complacent media that they easily get away with it in plain sight.
Yes.
Well, you know what?
Actually, to reiterate what Mark said about that, he is a Joe Rivers fan.
Did you hear that he actually sent the fashion police to the Texas border?
Rick Perry has a good point.
This is a diverse country, and some people have issues with women.
And if you're a woman, you're just going to have to tough it out until you get a Democrat-elected governor of Texas.
And fat chance of that happening.
Yeah.
You know, it might be just because I'm a woman that I could like kind of read between the lines what Rick Perry was saying.
Because what I heard him say was: at the end of the day, you leave and you shut the fuck up.
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah.
So here we go.
You know what?
They, you know, the Republicans and Fox News, they really do hate women.
There's like no, there's no ifs, ands, or buts about that.
You know, they had the Fox News guy the other day describing the woman who pilot who bombed ISIS as boobs on the ground.
I mean, they're just blatant about it.
Yeah, he referred to that as boobs on the ground.
I mean, it's just lame comedy, I guess.
I mean, it was done as part of a bilateral comedy alliance with Benny Hill.
But it's like, you guys are on a, you know, you're a news show.
You guys are gung-ho for this war.
You know, I don't know if you're allowed to joke.
If you're an actual news station, are you allowed to joke about it?
I don't know.
You know, speaking of Benny Hill, I can tell you something about every year, Joan Rivers would go to the UK and get all her medical needs taken care of by the National Health Service.
No.
Yeah.
Her husband was a British citizen, so I guess she kept all the benefits.
So Joan Rivers, who is a multi-millionaire, would use the horrible, evil, awful socialized health care system of Britain.
And then she'd come back here and get all her plastic surgery done in Tijuana.
But the point is, is that the, well, you know, Joan Rivers didn't die in England.
She did New York.
Yeah, she died of New York.
She didn't die in England.
Well, into her 80s.
She actually, I know many people know this, but over in England, she used their health care system to have any talent surgically removed from her daughter, Melissa.
So Rick Perry's got a little bit more to say.
Hold on.
So to the people who would say, as this questioner appears to, you've made the state less hospitable for people who view the world as I do on this issue, you would say what?
I would say we've made this state a safe place, is what I would say.
I think that's the at its base.
The decisions were made to make this a safer place, and that's what we did.
And if somebody didn't like it, come back to the legislature in January and change the law.
This is why elections have consequences, right?
Indeed, they do.
Okay, yes.
So I don't know if you heard he said it made he made the state safer.
Yes, the state is much safer with less health clinics.
Also, if we could just find a way, if Rick Perry and the GOP and the religious conservatives could just find a way to get rid of water reservoirs and street lights.
Oh, you know, those street lights, if we get rid of them, that'll make Texas a lot safer and Rick Perry logically.
There was that town in Texas recently that hadn't had any government regulations or anything in the fertilizer plant.
Remember what I'm talking about?
Yeah, I remember that.
Yep.
And West Texas, which is in the northeast part of the state.
So it's a very safe place.
Point taking.
Point takes.
They're all about safety in Texas.
That's what the point you're making.
Yeah, he's so concerned about safety.
They won't even regulate their fertilizer industry, so they blow up.
They won't even regulate their fertilizer.
Bye.
you Hey, I got a phone call from Rick Perry.
He's, you know, he made that stupid comment about Joan Rivers wouldn't have died had they had the regulations he passed to close abortion clinics in Texas.
You're going to, I don't know what you're talking about.
Yeah, it doesn't make sense.
But so now we, so I think he's going to call me.
He left me a message.
Let's listen to it.
Jimmy.
Rick Perry, governor of Texas.
Sorry, ringing your bell recently, but I have been bereft since Joan Rivers died.
I remember when me and the girlfriends went to see Joan perform in Austin.
Oh, my God, she was fabulous.
After the show, we spent the rest of the night wearing out the karaoke machine at the Iron Bear.
There's an ABBA disco party slam.
Y'all better step aside.
Hey, did you see my mugshot?
That was a huge.
My pollsters say it doesn't hurt my chances being president at all.
Voters like a candidate who's also a bit of a naughty boy and getting that drunken legend fired shows.
I'm able to get an important job done.
But now, because of the HB2 law, I've got all these women complaining at me.
You know, the kind you just want to tell them to do some of our hair recognition traditional.
Instead of that drab Jazz Burshiana outfit wearing some sumptuous tangerine vermilion just in time for the fall season.
The HB2 law says, sorry, Missy, in this day, you're going to bring your bottle of shame to fruition because of Jesus, the Bible, and low-income women don't contribute to political campaigns.
See, I could remember the third thing that time.
These glasses are really working.
As you know, business.
In fact, our new motto to women is: your health is our business.
It's just common sense.
Women don't get medical attention unless they arrive in an ambulance.
Otherwise, they're just faking it.
I did this for Joan.
If only all women's health clinics were closed down, Joan Rivers would still be alive today.
Jimmy, why don't you leave me in your massage?
How many times do I have to tell you that Dougie is just my secretary?
Sweet that you're a little jealous, but I need a personal secretary to take my dictation.
Okay, sweet buns, I'm late for my pedicure.
If you want to want to patrol your border, you can have my digits.
And when I say digits, I don't mean my phone number.
Okay, Governor Rick Perry, fantastic.
Very funny.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
And now a word from a real teacher, the miserable liberal, about the horrors and ridiculousness Of standardized testing and all the money we're spending on stuff that doesn't teach kids.
Recently, our school district decided instead of hiring more educators to reduce class sizes, our district opted for a new fangled diagnostic assessment program that has cost over $3.4 million.
It's called iReady.
I think it sucks balls, by the way.
Why hire more teachers to interact with students and assess their abilities when you can spend millions of dollars on technology that undermines the very concept of critical thinking.
The test is only expected to take 45 minutes, except it takes two hours, and still students haven't completed the assessment.
Ugh.
Here's the kicker.
Eventually, teachers will be trained on how to utilize this assessment program and use instructional strategies to help guide each student towards improvement.
Yeah, that's right.
After preparing my lesson plans, evaluating student written work, scoring tests, responding to parent emails, meeting with students, planning instruction, executing dynamic lessons, when am I supposed to find the time to review 168 student assessments, group students by their diagnostic levels, provide strategic interventions, and track their individual progress and still have time for life.
Now get this.
My students have begun to question why such an assessment has been imposed upon them.
They have gone as far as contacting the iReady business headquarters as well as our school district in hopes of having their one question answered.
Why did the Glendale Unified School District purchase a diagnostic assessment program without prior review or piloting of the program?
Turns out that when my students began their investigation and started to question the people in charge of purchasing such an expensive program, they quickly gained the attention of the school superintendent, who now plans to meet with those students and answer their concerns.
By the way, he will not answer their concerns in an email.
He does not wish to speak to more than one class of 30 or so students.
I can't help but wonder why now is the superintendent speaking to one small group of students instead of the entire school district regarding a program he boasts about publicly and stated that the district had done their homework when researching this product to purchase for millions of dollars.
Turns out when my students demonstrated real-life critical thinking skills, the superintendent took notice.
No assessment tool can really evaluate the value of their research or the real-life experience they will soon face when speaking to a grown-up in power.
Okay, now on the phone, we have Representative Peter King.
I'm going to try and get Peter King on the phone.
Hello, Peter King.
It's Jimmy Doer.
Hello, Representative Peter King.
Are you there?
Hello.
Hello, Representative Peter King.
This is Air Ray Warten, Peter King.
Oh, hold on a second.
Hang on a second.
It's already funny.
Right?
Okay.
Hang on, let me get him again.
Let's start again.
Okay, I'm trying to get Representative Peter King on the phone.
I think we got him.
Hello, Representative King.
Are you there?
Can I hear you, Representative King?
This is A. Ray Warden, Peter King.
What?
Air Raid.
We're not that light, civilian.
This is a blackout.
Don't you know there's ISIS out there?
A blackout?
What are you talking about?
What do you mean a blackout?
We're at war with ISIS, you maroon.
Yeah, but that's over there.
That's not over here.
You realize that your country's at war.
No, Congressman, I know we're at war.
Yes, I know this.
Why are you Betty Grable?
We're all in this together.
We gotta beat ISIS like we beat the Nazis and the Jihadanese.
I do have a victory garden.
That helps, right?
I have a victory garden, right?
I'm coming.
Your reefer mad suit suitors make me sick.
Reefer Mad Suit Suitors make you sick?
Is that what you're saying?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Well, well, listen.
I bet you're out selling your ration cards on the black market.
I'm already spending enough money on gas, okay?
When you ride in the carpool lane, you ride with ISIS.
Isn't that the real reason we're in the Middle East in the first place?
All this gas and oil, isn't that?
That's a trap.
What?
Loose ship ships.
What?
Loose lips sick ships out here to everybody.
Well, we don't have ships in the desert, so loose lips aren't going to sink our ships.
Listen, Far F. Those karmic causey A-Rams got sponge everywhere.
He is evolved.
Here's have walls.
I think you got that backwards.
It's supposed to say.
Your wife down at the shipyards has to cut a peekaboo haircut.
What?
It ain't the regulation.
Why does my wife got to cut her hair?
Everybody needs to do their part.
If it wasn't for my damn flat fleet, I would be with our brave boys in Iraq.
Doing what?
Doing what?
Advising.
Yes, you'd be advising.
Oh, I got you.
Yeah, so listen.
Shoot anyone with a beard, lads.
Don't beat the Kaiser Sheiks.
Those dirty sand huns.
Sand huns.
Senator, I don't like that kind of anti-Muslim talk on the show, okay?
Please, that's not nice.
We got boots on the ground, high rack, defending this great land of ours while you're down at the Juke Joint Jeterboggin.
What are you talking about?
We can't take any chances.
We gotta round up everybody in Westwood and Bay Ridge and put them into concentration camps.
What are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
I don't understand.
Oh, my God.
What is that?
What is what?
What is what?
It's a cell phone.
No, that was a cell phone.
That was a cell phone.
Everybody, head to the bomb shelters.
When you get there, turn on Fox News for our instructions.
Take your gas masks.
You'll need them after what I did in my paid.
Okay, listen.
I think you and the rest of the Republicans need to calm down, Congressman.
But it's children first.
And that includes me.
Yeah, okay.
Listen, we've been speaking to Representative.
I'm declaring martial law right now.
We've been speaking to Peter King, ladies and gentlemen, who's going nuts.
Buy bonds.
Buy bonds.
Okay, let Representative Peter King.
Wow.
I'm on the line.
We have a hilarious writer for the show.
You know him, you love him.
It's Mark Van Land.
You wouldn't know Mark.
You're also the curator of a fantastic jazz festival that's happening this weekend.
And tell us all about it.
Where is it happening at?
Indeed, I am.
It's not this weekend.
I'll make the big sales pitch for listeners in the San Francisco Bay Area.
Starting September, excuse me, starting Saturday, October 4th through November.
Come on out to San Ramon for the Adventures in Jazz concert series.
We will have an incredible lineup of artists.
The first concert will be two-time Grammy Award winner Madge Tolling with his awesome quintet.
Then we'll have Kelly Gray, a wonderful San Francisco singer.
Five-time Grammy-nominated Wayne Wallace will be bringing some Latin heat.
I like the Latin heat.
Latin heat.
We all got to have it.
You know, I saw Tito and Grammy nominated Taylor Igisti, who Dave Rubeck called the most amazing musician he ever heard.
Really?
And then we'll have an early December concert for the holiday season with international favorite Jamie Davis, who's sang with the Count Bassy Orchestra.
Wow.
And so it's going to be great.
We're going to have lots of surprise guests and jam sessions.
It's going to be a little fun.
So for tickets, go to sanramonjazz.com.
That's sanramonjazzz.com.
Come on out and hear some of the finest musical artists in America.
Wow.
And so when is that happening?
It's not happening this weekend.
It's happening when it's happening October 4th.
Oh, okay.
October 4th.
Oh, that's the same night I'm going to be telling jokes at the world famous improv here in Hollywood.
Ah, yes.
So if you enjoy the hard-hitting satire of Jimmy Dorr, you'll love the sweet swinging sounds of the Adventures and Jazz Music Festival.
Well, you know, I don't know if people and the listeners know this about me, but I'm a big jazz fan.
That might be my favorite music.
Wow.
So, yeah, I mean, I have it on my Pandora.
That's my jazz.
You know, I also like the swing and the big band and that whole thing.
But, okay, so people go to sanramonjazz.com.com and pick up the tickets.
You'll see me there.
I'll be hard to miss.
I'll be hosting many of the concerts and I'll be yelling and making things happen.
But, you know, don't ask me about politics while you're there.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
The word is out.
Okay, so if anybody's traveling up that way, go check it out.
And, God, I wish I could go.
I wish you could be here.
I wish I could be there too.
I wish I wasn't, you know, having to get ready for my special.
But actually, I am glad I'm getting ready.
All right, anyway.
All right, Mark.
Well, thanks very much.
And it's very cool that you're doing that, putting together some jazz music.
And why did you have to do it?
Anyway, I'll come to the December thing.
How about that?
Well, it does great.
Look, listen, I'm going to be putting on a lot of these.
I love theater.
I love movies, but music is my life.
Really?
If there's a jazz festival happening in the world, I want to be part of it.
I want to become the Eddie Brill of music festivals.
you you you you This portion of the Jimmy Dore show is brought to you by the new workout method that's catching fire all over the country.
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Investigate aside today or Daryl Issa will hold you in contempt of fitness.
So I got a phone call.
There's a guy.
Hello, this is hello.
This is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Jimmy Dore.
It is I, Morgan Freeman.
Oh, Mr. Freeman, how are you, buddy?
Good to hear your voice.
Morgan Freeman.
So name because I am a free man.
Because I am made of organs.
Okay.
I didn't know that.
My organs.
Yeah.
Or as they say in the south, Morgan.
Okay, okay.
So, Mr. Freeman, what can I do for you?
Morgan Freeman.
Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.
I know.
What could I do for you?
What could I do for you, Mr. Freeman?
I'd like to do something.
James.
Yeah.
It was three years ago.
The year was 2011.
A simpler time.
Right?
A slower time.
Okay.
All right.
What happened?
Three years ago?
A little film called Dolphin Tale took the nation by phone.
Really?
Because I don't recall that at all.
It captures the imagination of a generation.
I don't know.
Nothing would ever be quite the thing.
Yeah, I don't...
Music Hey, if you'd like to hear the rest of that Morgan Freeman call, you know what you do.
You go over, you become a supporter of the show.
It's only $5 a month.
That's less than 5 cents a nickel.
Okay, so that's $5 a month.
And you get to be a supporter and you become a great person.
And if you've made your premium donation and you haven't gotten your passcode, send me an email at my old timey email, jimmydo at earthlink.net.
There you go.
That's it.
And thanks to everybody who's left.
Nice review over at Amazon.com of the book, Your Country's Just Not That Into You.
It's really nice.
And people tell me that makes a difference.
So that's nice that you do that and everything's good.
Okay.
Boy, promoting the book is certainly a full-time job.
I'll tell you that.
I never had any idea.
Okay, so I'll see you guys October 4th at the improv 8 p.m. show.
There's a link for tickets.
So October 4th, so that's Saturday, 8 p.m. show.
It's going to be, I'm doing an hour.
And Alan Havey from Mad Men will be on that show.
He plays Lou Avery.
Also, you know him from his many prayers on Dave Letterman.
Also, Laura Keitlinger will be on that show.
You know her as Jackie Woodman from IFC and from Saturday Night Live.
So it's a great show.
I got a link for special tickets, a discount, $5.
You get them for, but you got to use the code DOR, D-O-R-E, and the link is over at JimmyDoorComedy.com, okay?
So we'll see you October 4th, 8 p.m.
That's a great deal.
It's at the World Famous Improv at Melrose and Crescent Heights, okay?
So we'll see you there.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Mike McRae, Frank Conniff, Mark Van Landewitt, Steph Zamorano, and Paul Kozlowski.
That's right.
Okay.
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