All Episodes
Previous Next
Sept. 20, 2014 - Jimmy Dore Show
55:16
20140920_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_9-19-14
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Numbers interest me this weekend.
A new study finds that more than half of all members of Congress are worth at least a million dollars.
Better than one in two are millionaires.
Five of nine members of the Supreme Court are also millionaires.
So, of course, is the president.
The Clintons have made more than $100 million since leaving the White House.
Former White House Majority Leader Eric Canter, who has no Wall Street experience, is getting $3.5 million a year from a boutique Wall Street investment bank.
But fear not, because the people covering them are just as wealthy.
Chelsea Clinton, of course, just left her $600,000 a year reporting job at NBC, and never has anyone used bigger air quotes when saying the word reporting than I just did.
And Luke Russard denies it, but page six is reporting he's getting half a million dollars a year to appear on Meet the Press.
And today's show host, Matt Lauer, has been rewarded for losing today's stranglehold on first place in the ratings.
He got a two-year extension for $20 million a year.
Plus, three days a week, NBC has to send a chopper to get him at his horse farm in the Hamptons and fly him to 30 Rock.
But before you scoff, bear in mind that means he has to drive two days a week.
And by drive, of course, I mean sit in the back seat while a 67-year-old chauffeur who can't retire drives.
Oh, failure.
But of course, these journalists are doing a bang-up job.
Americans know what's what, at least.
I mean, 70% of Americans think ISIS has the ability to attack America with what?
A sword?
They don't have an Air Force.
But the march to war continues on the airwaves, airwaves that are getting increasingly older.
The median age for not network news shows, but all network television shows is 53.9 years old for all four networks.
Wow.
The median age of the O'Reilly factor is 72.
Oh my God.
Which explains why Bill is always shouting.
Bill is always shouting.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for 11 blackbase.
The kind of people that are.
Bill Benz may be on tearing down our nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you, T. Doug.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I'm joined in the studio to my right from Turner Classic Movies.
What the flick on the Young Turbs Network.
Wow.
That almost sounded like swearing.
It's Ben Mankowitz, ladies and gentlemen.
Hi, Ben.
How are you?
James.
Oh, wait a minute.
I don't have your microphone on.
Now.
James, I'm well.
Okay.
Okay, on the phone, all the way in New York City from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
And please check out his new podcast, Pot House90.
Dracula has risen in the polls.
It's Frank Conniff.
Hi, Frank.
How are you?
Hello there.
Yay, it's good to hear your voice.
Across the glass from me, Ham Radio's Jim Earl, the author of Morning Remembrance, real fake obituaries of real dead people, right?
That's what they are.
You're going to read one later today?
I sure am, Jimmy.
Okay, fantastic.
Hey, you know what?
I've had it up to here with all these beheadings.
Very nice.
Next to him, the host of Common Everything Else and the new blog, The Miserable Liberal, it's our resident Latina.
It's Steph Zamarano.
Hi, Steph.
How are you?
I see, I see.
All right, across from her, our hilarious comedian writer and our resident Japanese man, it's Robert Yasamura.
Hello, Robert.
How are you?
Ohio.
Ohio, Gazaimos.
And you got Gazaimo.
Okay.
Listen, let's do some jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
Did you know that the GOP, because Scotland right now, right now, Scotland is voting whether they're going to secede from the United Kingdom or not.
And by the way, the GOP does not have time to focus on people voting in Scotland.
They're too busy preventing people voting.
Here in America.
Did you hear Sean Hannity is worried that parents aren't teaching their kids that gay is not normal?
He is.
He's worried.
He said he's afraid that pump-peep parents aren't teaching their kids that gay isn't normal.
And he fears a dystopian future blighted by tolerance and love.
Hey, by the way, I don't know if you heard the new police.
The police have stopped targeting unarmed blacks and are on the alert for truly violent felons, the Palin family, ladies and gentlemen, because they got it a little bit of a fist of cuffs.
Uh-oh.
Hey, by the way, did you know?
So Obama was re-elected, and Hillary is still the frontrunner.
So Fox News's 1,100 Benghazi segments had really have a devastating impact, haven't they?
I almost said segments.
I said segments or something.
I said something different.
Hey, let's talk what's coming up on today's show.
Hey, I hate the working poor, and so should you.
We're going to talk about that with Eric Erickson.
Plus, Tucker Carlson tells us what the conspiracy theory is around education.
Luke Russert, both sides do it.
Stops in today to let us know that both sides do it when it comes to Benghazi.
And I'm not kidding.
We also are going to talk about John Kerry, John Kerry, who gave testimony about why we should go back and fix things in Iraq.
We have to go fix it.
And all is going to take us a few more bombs.
Plus, we got phone calls today.
Who do we got phone calls from?
Let me look.
Peter King, Morgan Freeman, Luke Russert calls in.
Plus, we got Mike from St. Louis.
He's going to let us know what's happening in Ferguson.
Plus, a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
The End And now another reading from Morning Remembrance.
Funny obituaries of real dead people read by Jim Earle.
S. Truitt Kathy, the southern entrepreneur who in one lifetime transformed a small hometown business into a global symbol of homophobia and cancerous lab rats is now undergoing death conversion therapy.
Chick-fil-A announced Kathy's demise, but refused to disclose the exact cause because, quote, it would take too long to list all the ingredients.
Truitt Kathy is credited with inventing the first fast food chicken sandwich.
It may not sound like much, but it sure beats taking the wrap for a series of mysterious smothering deaths in the early 50s.
In 1964, Kathy presented First Lady Lady Bird Johnson with a Chick-fil-A sandwich during her visit to Georgia.
One year later, 2,000 American soldiers died in Vietnam.
LAUGHTER The devout Southern Baptist became famous for closing his stores on Sundays so employees could spend more time at home with their families and in the process learned to really hate life.
The company's official statement of corporate purpose says that the business exists, quote, to glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us and to make him fat.
Interesting fun toy.
The change advertising slogan, Eat More Chicken, contains the deliberately misspelled words more and chicken, so they can legally get around actually offering customers more chicken.
You know, Jimmy, in an effort to promote healthier eating habits, the company's website now features an online meal calculator.
Really, you don't say, I just ate lunch at Chick-fil-A.
Can you use that online calculator thing to determine the fat, sodium, and caloric intake of my last meal?
Of course, Jimmy.
I have the online meal calculator open now.
What'd you have?
Well, let's see, let's see.
I got the deluxe chicken sandwich.
Don't change the chicken sandwich.
That's their signature product next.
Waffle potato fries.
Oh, yeah, those are good.
Love the waffle potato fries.
And for a beverage, I ordered the medium Coca-Cola.
Oh, refreshing Coke, uh-huh.
Any condiments?
Just a smidgen of buttermilk ranch sauce.
Got it, buttermilk, rant sauce.
Okay, now I hit the results button.
How'd I do?
According to this, tomorrow morning, you're going to have a stroke.
I should lay off the ranch sauce, right?
I don't know, Jimmy.
I'm not your goddamn witness.
Anyway, Kathy requested his body be breaded and deboned and his soft white buns delicately buttered and garnished with nothing more than a couple of pickles.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Thank you.
So John Kerry testified in front of the Senate the other day, warmongering, telling us why we have to go back into Iraq and fix things because, you know, we've been fixing it for the last 10 years.
We just need another 10.
And, you know, John Kerry, by the way, who defines what a mission creep is, a one-time protester of pointless and endless wars, is now a champion of pointless and endless wars.
So what I really liked was when he went on in front of the Senate and he was testifying, all the Code Pink people were sitting behind him with their Code Pink signs.
And let's just check it out.
Their signs said stuff like, you know, a more war breeds extremism.
War is not the answer.
ISIL must be defeated.
Period.
End of story.
And collectively, we are all going to be measured by how we carry out this mission.
I love that those pink signs are behind his head as he's saying that stuff.
We must defeat ISIS.
War is not the war that creates more extremism.
It's right over his head.
It's right there.
I love it.
I love it.
By the way, those pink signs, that's the only anti-war message I've seen on national television so far.
So Kerry did something truly bizarre.
then spoke directly to Code Pink.
And let's remember, Code Pink, their whole...
Their whole reason for being Code Pink is they're anti-war.
They think we could solve problems without war.
That's what they're advocating.
That's their whole raison d'être.
By the way, don't go to codepink.net.
It's not that.
It's not that.
It's different.
You don't want to go.
I found that out there.
Yeah, but it is inexpensive.
So here he goes.
He's got a message for Code Pink.
I protect the right of Code Pink to protest and to use that right.
But you know what?
I also know something about Code Pink.
Code Pink was started by a woman and women who were opposed to war, but who also thought that the government's job was to take care of people and to give them health care and education and good jobs.
And if that's what you believe in, and I believe it is, then you ought to care about fighting ISIL.
So John Kerry invites the most ardently anti-war group in history to join him in his newest war in the Middle East bombing on bombing raids in Iraq.
He then went on to invite Jews to join him in eating pork for peace and the Amish to enroll in college.
Obviously, John Kerry knows a thing or two about Code Pink.
He knows that military invasion and airstrikes are Code Pink's preferred manner of persuasion.
I like how he says that Code Pink wants the government to take care of people.
Well, John Kerry thinks they mean take care in like that New Jersey mafia way, take care.
Code Pink, you want us to take care of these people, right?
We're going to take care of them for you.
Yeah.
I like he goes, if you care about health care, education, and jobs, then you'll support destroying ISIS.
Why?
Does ISIS vote Republican?
It's going to cost billions of dollars to fight ISIS.
So that's money that could have been going to health care and schools.
Yeah, we could have just been wasting it on health care, schools, cops, firemen, roads, and bridges.
But thank God we're not wasting it on that.
And we found another war to sink it into.
Isn't that fantastic?
This is the most statesman-like John Kerry has been, I think, since he voted for the first war.
Voted for the first Iraq war, right?
Yes.
We can't have another war.
I'm still making payments on my last three ones.
Yeah.
I hope we can get refi this war, right?
If we can get a lower rate and lock it in.
I got to call Wells Farber tomorrow.
Yes.
So here.
One thing I'll say on his behalf is he is winning the war against charisma.
Very nice.
So, but why should anti-war and code pink become a pro-war in Iraq and in the Middle East?
Can you tell me, John Kerry, why should they?
Because ISIL is killing and raping and mutilating women.
See, they want to kill, rape, and mutilate women, and we only want to kill and mutilate them with bombs, right?
Does ISIL play for the NFL?
Ah.
I just think we're totally losing our heads over this.
Oh, you know, sure, we've proven that billions and bombs kill lots of women and civilians like we did already in Iraq, but we don't rape them, so that's gross.
We're about killing, like we did in Fallujah, right?
That John Kerry, make code pink.
Come on board.
Don't you want to go into Fallujah with us again?
Come on.
Do you guys, Code Pink?
You have any white phosphorus?
Do you have any?
I know how you anti-war people like the chemical weapons.
You like to light up the sky at night.
Okay, so, but for reals, why should people anti-war people become pro-war, John Kerry?
Tell me.
They believe women shouldn't have an education.
They sell off girls to be sex slaves to jihadists.
And that's precisely why we are building a coalition to try to stop them from denying the women and the girls and the people of Iraq the very future that they yearn for.
Yes, see, so bombing Iraq and Syria right now is all part of our pro-women, pro-education agenda.
What's the only way to educate and liberate women at the same time with billions of dollars in pro-education, anti-rape bombs, of course?
They don't want women to be educated.
They don't want women to have rights.
I guess this is bad news.
We're bombing Saudi Arabia.
Fantastic.
Yeah.
I guess they're just like, I don't know, everyone else in the Middle East.
Yeah.
And friends and enemies, indistinguishable.
Yes, indistinguishable, exactly.
And Ben, as you told us last week, Saudi Arabia beheaded how many people in August?
Oh, just like 31 people in August.
Okay.
How many stonings?
Yeah, right?
They say a surprising number.
They still do stonings, right?
Stonings is more of a winter execution in Saudi Arabia.
Come on, guys.
There's two sides to every beheading and stuff.
And by the way, you know, the Taliban, the most misogynist of all organizations, and that's saying something.
That is saying something.
We didn't go after those guys until they pissed us off.
And they spent decades being terrible to women.
I mean, really oppressing them in new and innovative ways.
And it wasn't until September 11th that we went after them because they pissed us off.
Yes.
You know, Robert, if we want to stop groups that don't want women to have an education and deny women a future, we're going to have to kill about half of everybody in the Middle East right now.
And actually, a surprising percentage of people in this country.
Yeah, a good amount of Republicans in Congress are going to have to go.
Yeah.
They just voted against Frequent Pay for Women.
Right.
That's going to have to be an airstrike on Capitol Hill.
All right.
Yeah, what about the vocal, what do you call it?
Boca Harango.
Boca Ratani.
Boca Ratani.
Boca Ratan in Nigeria.
You know?
Yeah.
I like their hit song, Lighter Shade of Veil.
*laughter* Ha ha ha!
*music*
Last week, President Obama announced we will still be fighting terrorism across the world, utilizing the latest technology and warfare so we can make the world a better place and safe from ISIS.
I feel safer already.
Some people may be asking, why is it that the United States is always the country to police the world against terrorism?
Answer?
Because we're pretty darn good at it.
That's why.
Just look at the results.
Whatever America chooses to do, we can't help but excel at it, even if it is war.
See, at the root of everything, we're a violent country wearing designer clothing, texting on our smartphones while we turn a blind eye to torture and the loss of our civil liberties.
But stay abreast regarding Kim Kardashians' breasts.
We invade, we abuse, we torture, we ignore, and we forget.
And look where we are today.
More war just without designer boots on the ground.
Didn't a dude named Eisenhower warn America about the military-industrial complex?
But what does a dead old white guy know, anyways?
It's September 2014, and we are still in Iraq and Yemen and Pakistan and Syria and Somalia and Afghanistan.
We will never leave alone the Middle East as long as there is oil to protect from the evildoers.
We must solve the problem of the world not through peace, but through killing.
So democracy may live on and oil can flow freely.
On the other hand, who really has time to think about war when everyone's fantasy football league has suddenly turned into a nightmare?
Am I right, ladies?
I am 0-2.
Even though Congress isn't going to vote on authorizing military force against ISIS, a lot of them are still happy to voice their opinions about it.
So we thought we'd give our old friend Peter King a call and let's see if we can get him on the phone.
I'm going to call him up right now.
Holy Christ, what?
Congressman, it's Jimmy Doer.
Are you okay?
Are you all right, buddy?
Oh, yeah.
Sorry, Jimmy.
I just got out.
One of my kids on the other line.
He's pushing my buttons, you know.
No, if you want me to call you back after you're done talking to him, I can call you back.
No?
Yeah, fair.
Let that old bastard wait.
Here's him right.
Can I ask you what he's got you all riled up about?
What has your kid got you riled up about?
Hey, yeah.
Jesus Christ.
He wants to buy a Prius like some kind of eco homo or something.
Mark, why don't you just go stab you in the heart?
He might as well take the car, load it up with my grandkids, and drive it right up my ass, through my heart, and out my fucking face.
Peter, you know, I drive a Prius, right?
You know that I drive a Prius?
Well, yeah, sure.
You're a pussy.
I mean, it's all part of your putsy lifestyle.
Okay, well, listen, what did you say?
What?
What?
What do you mean?
You gave a brief interview to the website, The Business Insider, recently.
Yeah, sure.
It sounds like you also might do.
Yeah, well, in which you implied ISIS might bomb lower Manhattan.
You said that, right?
You're goddamn right.
I did you.
They say shit like that.
I stand by it like a guy who stands next to things.
But why did you say that, Representative King?
Jimmy, I know terrorists, okay?
I mean, I supported them for years.
Yeah, I know, right?
That's with the IRA.
You're an advocate of the IRA.
That's code one.
Yeah, yeah, that one.
There's someone who knows supports and may or may not have been a terrorist.
I can tell you we do crazy shit.
Boy, I'm lower Manhattan, mix Coke with Pepsi, watch Game of Thrones from the middle.
Crazy shit.
You know, I don't doubt that, but well, did you just say lower Manhattan?
Why did you say lower Manhattan specifically ISIS would bomb?
Why then?
Why did that?
Upper Manhattan is mostly, you know, your sort of ethnic types, you know, like Puerto Ricans and such.
Yeah.
I'm just saying terrorists from Florida kill Whitey.
It gets my retention from the authorities.
That's really terrible, Representative King.
That's horrible.
Yeah, I think it's terrible too.
I mean, I'm white here.
I'm a white or black, so we seem to get a pass on this one.
Okay, listen.
Everything you're saying is terrible, okay?
I mean, you don't think it's super irresponsible to suggest ISIS is going to attack you when you have no evidence to back that up, do you?
Hey, look, Jim, I'm just saying what everybody is thinking here, okay?
No, no, you're saying what everyone is afraid of here, Peter.
There's a big difference to what you're doing.
That difference would be what, yes, smart guy.
You also said that there are no terror threats from Al-Qaeda on September 10th, 2001.
Point made.
Okay.
But there were terror threats from Al-Qaeda before 9-11.
They had already bombed the World Trade Center once before.
What are you all of a sudden?
Show the guy who fact-checks shit.
And then you said we shouldn't be ruling out troops on the ground.
You said we shouldn't be ruling out troops on the ground.
So I don't, you did say that, right?
You said that.
Why would Obama rule dead out?
The best part.
Everybody loves troops on the ground.
No, they don't, Congressman.
The majority of Americans are war-wary.
They don't want to get dragged into this thing again.
Americans are war-wary.
We don't want to be dragged in.
Well, they will when they realize you're the remote shit scientists will bomb lower my head.
Yeah, but that's why I'm spreading the word.
So soon everybody's going to be like, holy shit, lower manhood, and you mean where all the white people are and a good rescue?
We can set troops in it right now.
That's how that works.
Yeah, I know that's.
You know what, Congressman?
I didn't call you to argue with you today, okay?
I didn't.
No.
Argue with me.
At least you're a man about it.
Unlike Get the Tree is there while we're on the audio line.
I tell you, it's a human tit milk.
Did you say that what?
Did you say it's because of the human tit milk?
Did I just hear you correctly say that, Mr. Tim?
What does the human titmook?
You know what I was sucking on?
Whiskey from a lamb shank.
Really?
Whiskey from a lamb shank.
That's what you suck on.
I don't know.
Look, I got to get back to the kid on the other line before he starts a whale call.
I'm doing something.
Okay, great to talk to you, Representative King.
Yeah, I know it was.
Okay, Representative King.
I love that.
I think my favorite part of talking to Peter King is still just when he calls you Jim.
I like it too.
*music*
Benghazi.
The fragrance so captivating, they'll never want to let you go.
Benghazi, mysterious, preoccupying, infatuating.
Benghazi.
Watch them go from grasping for straws to grasping for you with a new scent that will drive right-wingers to distraction.
Benghazi.
Tonight, make something out of nothing and let that special someone finally get to the bottom of you with Endazi.
Thank you.
*Mario plays*
Hey, thanks, everybody who's left a nice review over at Amazon for the book.
And thanks, everybody who's bought the book.
And I think I would like to invent the word boughton so I can say thanks for boughtoning.
Anyway, and it's exciting.
It's more fun than I expected to have written a book and go talk about it on other people's shows, talking on a bunch of shows.
We did Jay Moore show last week, who was sweet enough to tweet out that it was his favorite book he's read all year.
Now, I didn't ask him how many books he's read this year.
Didn't want to know.
That was nice.
And then he had me on the show.
He was very sweet about the book.
Adam Carolla gave me plenty of air time.
He was very gracious as a host.
And also, we did the WTF with Mark Merin that will air later this year.
So it's been a lot of fun.
Thanks, everybody, who's gotten the book and left a nice review.
And I really appreciate it.
It's been a lot of fun.
Also, thanks to everybody who's used that Amazon box at jimmydoorcomedy.com.
When you buy something from Amazon, you just go right over to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Don't go to Amazon.com first.
Go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Boom.
It's all done.
You just click on that Amazon box that's right on the front page, and then it takes you to Amazon.
And then when you buy something, they send us money.
It's just that easy.
It doesn't change the way you shop at Amazon.
It doesn't cost you anything.
But it sure does help us over here at the Jimmy Doors show.
So thanks, everybody who does that.
And we'll get right back to the second half of the show.
Music.
*music*
Welcome back to the Jimmy Door Show.
We got a lot of stuff coming up in the second half.
Phone calls from Luke Russert, Morgan Freeman, plus a lot more.
I'm joined on the phone from New York City and Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's TV's Frank.
Frank Coniff is here with us in the studio from Turner Classic Movies.
It's Ben Mankowitz, also hilarious comedian Robert Yasamura and a host of Comedy and Everything Else.
And from the blog The Miserable Liberal, it's Steph Zamorano.
Now let's get back to the studio.
So Benghazi has already been scrutinized several times over by several different congressional committees, all of which concluded that Benghazi was a tragedy, but there was no administration conspiracy and there was no cover-up.
So it's been investigated.
I think seven different congressional committees, six sending on one outside one.
And in fact, even the bipartisan U.S. Senate Select Committee concluded that Ambassador Stevens acknowledged the need for more security in Benghazi, yet also turned down available U.S. military resources.
And General Carter Ham, the head of the military in Africa's command, twice asked Ambassador Stevens to employ another team of security team, and twice Stevens declined.
That's from that U.S. Senate Select Report.
All right.
No conspiracy.
And then, but it doesn't matter to the Republicans because they've got nothing to run on because Barack Obama's a Republican, so they got to keep making up stuff.
And what this is really is to try to, well, we're going to get to what this is really about.
Sydney also just, as was mentioned earlier, Fox News did 1,100 segments on Benghazi.
That's not a made-up number.
That's a real number?
That's a real number.
It's not a made-up number.
Wow.
Okay.
So they bring on Luke Russert to talk about what the new Benghazi hearings are doing.
And here's what.
Pedal to the metal.
This is full-blown Luke Russert.
That's how we look at it.
Good to see you this morning.
What do we expect out of today's hearing?
This issue has been politically very radioactive for some time.
There's folks On the right, that say that this is a cover-up that the Obama administration moved forward to the degree of Watergate and Richard Nixon.
Oh, so on the right, they say it's just like Watergate, but what else?
Folks on the left say this is nothing more than the GOP just trying to pad their numbers ahead of the midterm and throw some red meat to their face.
What's the truth?
I guess we'll never know.
But Luke has reported both sides because both sides do it, ladies and gentlemen.
Luke Russert is the Benghazi hearings of people.
He also sounds like Mike McRae.
I don't know that I've ever heard Luke sound more like Mike.
Sound more like Mike than right there.
Yes, I agree.
Like Mike McRae made up an impression of Luke that wasn't based on how Luke sounded.
And Luke was like, that is good.
That is very good.
I need to do that.
Go ahead, Frank.
I was going to say, McRae is really dead on it.
Who wrote that?
So, yes.
You know, and I did just want to add that it sounds, you know, Luke definitely can memorize all those talking points.
Yes, it's amazing.
Instead of cutting through the talking points and debunking obvious BS, Luke Russert repeats it, right?
But you cut him off.
He probably is about to get to the truth.
Oh, he's going to get to it.
He just got done saying that the Benghazi is just as bad as Watergate.
Yes, Susan Rice appearing on a Sunday news show is clearly as bad of a cover-up as Watergate was, Luke.
Very good.
Well, Luke is like Woodward and Bernstein.
He believes follow the money.
And by that, I mean his own money that he makes for being on everything.
So here he goes.
He's got more to say.
What's interesting, though, Jose, is there was a press conference yesterday from the Democrats on this panel.
So this is what's interesting.
Not the fact that what he just said was all BS and that this whole thing is BS, that this is all political theater.
That's not the interesting part.
Here's the interesting part.
He said, look, we have had no meeting regarding what the long-term strategy of this committee is.
We have had no planning in terms of what the rules of the committee are going to be.
So we are really sort of lost in the wilderness right now, so to speak.
So that's really funny.
So that's the interesting thing, Luke.
That couldn't be less interesting to me right now that they haven't gotten together and set the rules.
That's the interesting thing.
The interesting thing, again, would be this is all a croc, right?
That would be this has been investigated.
How many times, Luke?
Keep an eye on is what questions will this committee seek to answer that have not already been answered by the other seven investigations that have gone forward in some capacity on Capitol Hill?
Yes, that's going to be interesting to see what questions get answered that haven't already been answered in the other seven investigations that have answered every question so far.
So there have been already seven investigations about this.
Maybe you want to lead with that, Luke, instead of first repeating the Republican talking point before you tell us what's really happening.
And guess what?
Those seven investigations have turned up.
Boom, boom, zero.
Nothing.
No conspiracy, no malfeasance.
Maybe you lead with that.
They've already investigated this seven times.
They've asked every question seven times.
The answer keeps coming up nothing.
Yeah, but Jimmy, what about the question?
What about Benghazi?
What about Benghazi?
That's right.
What about Benghazi?
Maybe they're just asking one question per investigation.
So here goes Luke Russert again.
He's got more.
What are those questions that they want answers to again, Luke?
I know one question and answers is: how do you run out the clock between now and the November elections without doing anything without doing anything?
Luke Russert, how do I run out the clock before they say thanks for joining us, Luke?
Do something else.
Oh, I can't remember what else I read today at Mediite.
Okay, here we go.
The question they really want to get at were those talking points that Susan Rice had on the Sunday shows after this horrific incident.
Were those cooked for political purposes?
So far, there's no clear evidence that that's the case, but they want to investigate that again.
Was there a stand-up?
They want to investigate that again.
And, you know, you mentioned it, but two of those committees, at least two, maybe more, but two of those are chaired by Republicans.
By Republicans.
Not just Republicans, Republicans in the House.
And they've already declared there's no scandal.
There's no anything.
But Luke keeps reporting this as if these questions need to be answered.
As if they haven't already.
Well, I guess this is the question that's going to get answered today.
What about Benghazi?
No clear evidence.
No clear evidence.
I'm sorry, but Walter Cronkite would walk on here at this point and go, this is a huge circle jerk.
Yeah.
And that would be some of the best journalism ever.
Yes.
He would come on and he would say, I think by any measure, it is clear now that the journalism war is lost.
Yes.
I think Walter Cronkite at this point would be just like he was when he reported the Kennedy assassination.
Yes.
Right.
Oh, my God.
I don't believe what's happened to this country.
This man is actually on TV.
So here we go.
This guy's actually a panelist on Meet the Press.
Okay, here we go.
An order given to those security personnel in Benghazi, protecting the ambassador.
He said, was there a standdown order?
So he's asking all those same questions that have already been debunked seven times.
Luke keeps bringing them up on national television as if they're still real questions.
Okay.
So far, there's been 15 reports, but nothing definitive as it yet the CIA denies it.
So these are the types of questions they want to answer again.
It does come at a 2-0 $3.3 million cost of taxpayers, Jose.
Oh, yeah.
There you go.
It does come at a cost.
So those, again, those questions have been asked and answered.
Luke keeps forwarding them and giving them a platform and repeating them as if there's still a question about this Benghazi.
All right, Luke.
Go ahead.
I will say this for Luke.
He really did fill up that air time.
Yeah.
He really did.
He really, he managed to start talking and say stuff until his time was up, and he really pulled that off.
You got to give it to him.
So Luke has been talking now, Frank, for five minutes, and he's repeated every BS talking point surrounding Benghazi at least twice.
And so now how about you just tell us what's really going on now, Luke?
What's really going on with the Benghazi hearings?
And here we go.
And then politically, Luke, we've got to talk about Hillary Clinton.
You know, there's a lot of talk about what may happen in 2016 and whether this is being utilized by the Republicans to try and hit her image and affect her possibilities for a future run.
There is absolutely no doubt from high-ranking aides that I've spoken to, even high-ranking Republican elected officials I've spoken to over the past six months, that they understand that this is being done to some degree in order to try and put the mud on the tires of Hillary Clinton, as one said to me a few months ago.
So Luke, this is just political theater intended to smear their opponent's presidential nominee, meaning it's all BS then.
So I'm certainly glad you didn't lead with this information and didn't even give it to us.
And you had to be prompted by the hosts to reveal the real purpose of the Benghazi hearings.
You had to be prompted five minutes into after you've repeated every wrong thing and misinformation.
Finally, he actually has some information that a Republican told him months ago that he's been sitting on, but it took Jose the host to twist his arm and get it out of him.
Wow, throwing mud on the tires and Luke Expert.
Luke Russert is an expert at mud-level reporting.
You know, if Hillary received a memo that said Libyan forces were determined to attack a U.S. consulate, Republicans wouldn't think anything wrong happened at all.
It's obvious that cheese is falling off the cracker on the whole mud on the tires thing.
So, Luke, you just said what the real purpose of this committee is, is to put some mud on the tires of Hillary Clinton.
Why don't you just go ahead then and do the rest of the Republicans' job for them, which is to repeat the worst smear about Hillary Clinton ever.
Repeat it yourself on national television.
You know how to do it.
Just repeat an unbelievably slanderous, completely false, unsourced accusation that has not been confirmed by any credible news source whatsoever.
Can you do it, Luke?
I think you can.
There's a lot of, shall we say, skepticism from these Republicans that Hillary Clinton was not involved directly in what happened in Benghazi and that she was somehow part of an active cover-up.
You've seen a lot of media reports about that regarding this one official who says that she was basically shredding documents that hasn't been substantiated by any news sources so far.
Okay, let me play that part again.
Regarding this one official who says that she was basically shredding documents that hasn't been substantiated by any credible news sources so far.
No, the worst smear you could possibly think.
It hasn't been vetted by any, it hasn't been confirmed by any credible news source.
You mean you're repeating now complete whackadoo stuff you've read in right-wing websites?
That's exactly what he's talking about.
He's repeating a bogus smear of Hillary Clinton that it's not been sourced or confirmed by any credible news source.
So as a principled reporter with integrity, he would never repeat improbable stories like that on television.
Oh, wait, it's Luke Russert.
Okay.
I'm eager to find out how he ties us in with that murder.
I was about to say, I've already written it down because I think that some of those documents she was shredding, it's unconfirmed at this point.
But they may have had to do with the payments to the guy that she hired to kill Vince Walsher.
Right.
I think they had to do with the land deals in Whitewater.
I really did.
Well, Vince Foster was going to expose the truth about the land deals.
That's why they killed him.
Yes.
And Republicans.
I don't think Bill Clinton had anything to do with that.
I think it was just Hillary.
Just Hillary.
It was just Hillary.
Yeah, I'm sure Republicans know that Obama told Hillary to order the IRS to kill ambassadors in Benghazi, right?
That's probably right.
Well, someone said it, so it's worth reporting.
Come on.
You know, as far as political theater goes, this is getting kind of boring.
Kind of boring.
Although I will say, I did do a cartwheel in excitement when I saw Luke Russer do his Both Sides Do It.
I don't know.
Joining us on the phone right now is MSNBC correspondent himself.
It's Luke Russard.
Hey, Jimmy.
Thanks for reminding everybody that I cover Capitol Hill.
By the way, cover is a slang term we reporters use to be reporting a story, not actually covering it, as in, you know, like breathing ourselves on top of the story to shelter it from the rain or, you know, something like that.
That's not what you mean.
Why are you laughing?
Why am I laughing?
What do you mean, why am I laughing?
Okay, Luke, I think I knew all that already.
I think that's why I'm laughing.
Well, I just thought your listeners would get a kick out of hearing a behind-the-scenes tidbit.
I was really fascinated when I first found it out yesterday.
When you found out what the beat meant.
So, Luke, tell me what's happening on your beat.
Can you tell me what's happening on your beat?
What?
You're beat.
You're Capitol Hill.
You're beat.
You're beat.
I don't understand what you're even saying, dude.
Do you mean beatbox or keeping the beat?
No.
As in music?
Because I am not a musician, man.
I'm a shit, dude.
Journalist.
Yes, that's right.
That's it.
I'm a journalist.
Yes, that's what it is.
Non-musician, sir.
What is this beat you're talking about?
I mean, beat as in a beat you cover as a reporter.
Capitol Hill is your beat.
It's an expression that your beat as a journalist is Capitol Hill.
Well, heck, I've never heard that one before.
I don't really like it.
As you may already know, I once said on the air that the best way to stop the drug problem is for people to stop getting high and go into clubs on weekends, guys.
Music fuels that kind of thing, so I do not approve of it.
Wow, Luke, you really, really don't like music, do you?
No way, Jose.
And I'm talking to you, Jose Feliciano.
Keep your druggy music away from me.
Do you think Jose Feliciado music is druggy music?
Hell yeah.
Have you seen him?
It's like he's pretending to have glaucoma just so he can get medical marijuana.
No, no, Luke, actually, he's actually blind, Luke.
Yeah, I know he's friggin wasted, man.
If you ask me, music is a national security threat.
What?
What do you really, you don't like music, do you, Luke?
You really don't like music, do you?
No, I do not.
When it comes to leisure activities, I'd rather enjoy something that's peaceful, wholesome, and for you the kind of sordid behavior musicians engage in.
That's why I prefer pro football.
Okay.
Okay, Luke, tell us, what are some of the stories you're working on right now on Capitol Hill?
Oh, that reminds me.
Here's another behind-the-scenes informational fun fact that I think your listeners will love.
Did you know that Capitol Hill is an actual hill?
Yes, I think I knew that, Luke.
I had been noticing for a while that when I walk to the Capitol, it slopes upwards.
And then Bill Roker, who works at NBC, is some kind of scientist or something, told me that when there's that kind of an incline, the scientific term for it is Hill.
That's when I put it together.
Capitol Hill.
Capitol Hill.
Pretty nazeballs, huh?
Luke.
Yeah, pretty amazing.
Luke, you know, I'm afraid to ask you actual questions about real policies.
Jimmy, all I can say is, and these Benghazi hearings are going to be off the hook, man.
Really?
On the one hand, you have Republicans who have no facts or data to back up any of their claims.
And on the other hand, you have Democrats who have facts and data that prove the Republicans have no facts and data.
So in other words, both sides are totally equal and equivalent.
That's not the case at all, Luke.
That's not the case.
I mean, this is going to be the both sides do it event of the year.
It's going to be the Woodstock of both sides do it.
It's going to be the World Series of Both Sides Do It.
Luke.
The Super Bowl of both sides do it.
Luke.
The Nathan's hot dog eating competition of both sides do it.
Luke.
The Twin Cities laugh off on both sides do it.
We're out of time.
Luke Russert, thanks for joining us.
I really appreciate it.
Both sides do it.
Yes, I know, Luke.
They do it.
Jimmy.
Yeah.
Both sides do it.
Yes, I know both sides do it.
Both sides do it.
Okay, Luke, please, Luke.
We got to.
Guess what?
What, what, Luke?
What?
Chicken blood.
Also, both sides do it.
Okay.
Okay, but both sides do do it, Luke.
They do.
Okay, Luke, I really appreciate it.
So, Well, yeah.
Yeah, but both sides do do it, Luke.
You know that.
Yeah, well, yeah, totally.
In all honesty, both sides do it.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Hey, I mentioned it at the bottom of the hour that we're doing the big stand-up show over at the Melrose Improv at the improv.
That's at Melrose and Crescent Heights in West Hollywood.
That's in a couple of weeks on a Saturday, October 4th at 8 p.m.
I'm headlining the big stand-up comedy show over at the improv.
But right now, I'm going to give away a pair of free tickets to the Jimmy Door show listener.
So if you call right now, our special Jimmy Door Show hotline, that's 323-375-4170.
That's 323-375-4170.
We're going to put your name on the list, right?
The free ticket list to come see the big show October 4th.
That's Saturday, 8 p.m. show.
That's in West Hollywood, Melrose and Crescent Heights.
It's the world famous Hollywood improv.
That's right.
So call right now, our special Jimmy Dore show hotline: 323-375-4170.
That's 323-375-4170.
Call right now, and we're going to give you a pair of free tickets to the Jimmy Dore show listener to come see the big stand-up show.
I'm doing the headline in the big show over at the improv.
That's at Melrose and Crescent Heights.
That's Saturday, October 4th.
That's in two weeks.
That's an 8 p.m. show.
So I'll give away, I'll give you a pair of free tickets if you call right now.
That number out one more time: 323-375-4170.
That's the Jimmy Door Show hotline.
323-375-4170.
Call that number and claim your pair of free tickets to come see the big stand-up show.
I'm doing October 4th, 8 p.m. show at the Melrose Improv, the world famous Hollywood Improv at Melrose and Crescent Heights.
So if you call our hotline right now, claim your pair of free tickets, 323-375-4170.
And if you can't get through on the phone, there's a link for discounted tickets for Jimmy Door Show listeners, and it's a big discount over at my website, JimmyDoorComedy.com.
So you go over there, you see the link, you'll see the right one to hit.
Okay, so I'll see you all October 4th, 8 p.m. show, the world famous improv on Melrose and Crescent Heights.
Call right now, 323-375-4170.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Okay, so I got a phone call from a regular person in Ferguson.
I want to see what's happening in Ferguson.
So I called this guy, Mike, and from St. Louis.
Let's hear what he had to say.
Ready?
Yeah, you know, I live here.
You guys are talking about the, you know, the crap going on in Ferguson.
Yeah, Ferguson, which, by the way, even exactly, I live in St. Louis County.
I'm not even exactly sure where that is.
Be honest with you.
Way up north.
Up near around Olivet.
Blackjack.
That's another.
I would have expected Blackjack.
You would have expected what?
I would have expected this incident to happen in Blackjack.
Oh, where's Blackjack?
Up near Ferguson.
Well, you know, Blackjack, first of all, it's got black in there.
Yeah.
Second of all, that's a nice baton.
That's a what?
It's another name for a police baton.
Blackjack.
Oh, I hear you.
But why?
So why did you, you know, you said you didn't know where Ferguson was.
You said it almost like you were that made that was like Ferguson's fault and not yours.
Well, yeah, I don't know why, you know, we're being dragged.
I live in South County.
I live down in Afton.
And I don't know why we're probably moving up to Shrewsbury there in the last couple months.
Well, why, you know, I don't see why St. Louis is being dragged into this.
You know, we're all this all because of racism.
And yeah, don't you think in our county?
What do you mean, right?
We're not a part of that.
You know, it's not our fault down here.
We're, you know, we're not segregated at all.
What?
How could you not be?
In South County, there's no black people.
So you can't be segregated if there's not black people or what we're in.
That's how we solved our segregation problem.
So there weren't any blacks.
All depends on where you draw the boundaries.
So what is the basic feeling in South County in the part where there's no blacks?
How do you, how do you, what's the overall feeling about?
Well, the main thing we're concerned about is this shit season the fucking cards are having.
I don't know what they're doing.
They got, you know, they got to do something with the bull.
Yeah, I get you, but they need a new pitching coach.
What the hell are they thinking?
Okay, listen, can we get it?
It wouldn't hurt to have a new third base coach either.
No, no, no.
Listen, Mike, what I'm asking is what's the general feeling among your people about the situation in Ferguson, not the Cardinals?
Well, you know, the last thing you want to do when you turn on the national news is to have, you know, a bunch of crap, but it's happening, you know, 10 miles away on national.
We look at local.
Yeah, sure.
There's going to be problems in North County and North St. Louis where the blacks are.
Where you got your shooting, most of your shootings.
You know, that's not national news.
Right.
Why is Brian Williams' crooked face talking about that shit?
I guess because it was such a blatant, you know, execution style murder and was in broad daylight.
They don't know what happened.
They don't know what happened.
Okay, guess what?
There's about 10 more minutes to that Mike from St. Louis phone call.
And of course, it just gets better.
And if you haven't subscribed to the premium, this would be the week to do it because it gets even funnier.
Plus, guess what else is in this week's premium content?
I talked to a guy from Scotland the night before or the night of the election.
Yeah, before, before we knew how it was turning out.
And, well, here's a little piece of it anyway.
And we talked about everything, but of course, I had to ask this question.
And so ever since then, you guys have been itching to secede.
And now you're actually going to do it, it looks like correct.
I think we are.
I feel good about it.
Okay, glad that I've been drinking since noon.
Now, why do you can I ask you?
This is a little unrelated.
Why do you guys wear skirts?
First of all, they're cool Celts and you know it.
They're not skirts, they're completely tailored differently.
Fucking tired.
What old tire answering that fucking question?
And if they're only for ceremony occasions, we're not walking around in the streets.
I'm wearing dungarees just like you, Sonny Chuck.
That is a treat.
This week's premium content is definitely a treat.
And how do you all get that, Jimmy?
Well, you go to jimmydoorcomedy.com, goddammit, and then you click on the premium and you make your $5 donation.
That's it.
But you can save yourself $5.
You pay all at once for the year and it's only $55.
Anyway, you're smart enough to figure all that out.
October 4th, World Famous Hollywood Improv, Melrose and Crescent Heights in Los Angeles, right here.
I'll be headlining the 8 p.m. show.
That's a Saturday.
That's in two weeks.
And guess what?
I have a link over at JimmyDoorComedy.com for discount tickets for the Jimmy Door show listeners.
Guess what that discount is?
It's amazing.
You can get tickets for $5 with that.
If you got to use that, use the code DOR, D-O-R-E, but you have to use that link over at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
So you'll see it.
Click it.
Use the code DOR, D-O-R-E, get you that $5 ticket for the 8 p.m. show October 4th at the World Famous Hollywood.
I like saying that World Fair.
Ad restaurant Hell's Kitchen, but I think they switched it actually.
I don't know if it's the same kitchen.
Doesn't matter.
They've remodeled the place.
See you there October 4th.
Okay.
And I don't know who's on that show yet, but everybody else who will be on there will be really funny.
All the voices performed on today's show by the one and only the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
Today's show was written.
This writer was written by Frank Conniff, Robert Yesamura, Mark Van Landuitt, Steph Samurano, and somebody else.
Okay, that's it for this week.
▲
Export Selection