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May 10, 2014 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program, the Jimmy Dore Show.
So everybody's heard about the scandal surrounding real estate billionaire and owner of the LA Clippers, Donald Sterling.
Audio recordings revealed that Sterling didn't want his mistress to be seen in public with black people.
NBA fans were shocked to discover that this 80-year-old billionaire was a racist.
I say, show me an 80-year-old billionaire who isn't a racist.
Yes, Donald Sterling is a slumlord.
Yes, Sterling refused housing to black people and Latino families with children.
Yes, Sterling tried to push minorities out of neighborhoods he bought property in.
And yes, Sterling was sued by the Department of Justice for racial discrimination in his business practices.
But we can all agree that the worst thing Sterling was ever involved in was the TMZ recording of its private conversation.
I think people are missing the real story.
Donald Sterling is a billionaire.
Billionaire.
Should that be allowed?
Is it good for a society that one single person has that amount of money?
To quote Fran Leibowitz, nobody earns a billion dollars.
You steal a billion dollars.
Listening to the recorded conversations between George Sterling and his mistress, excuse me, I mean personal assistant.
I'm sorry, I mean gold digger.
Americans can learn that not only does wealth not make you a good person, it also doesn't make you smart.
In this country, people confuse wealth with intelligence.
So show me a man who is worth a billion dollars, and I'll show you a man who doesn't have a billion dollars.
Remember when a single person has that much capital, there's only so much trickle down they can generate for an economy.
And if it's Donald Sterling with an 80-year-old prostate, the only trickle down is the middle of the night over his slippers.
It's easy to see how sports franchises are so profitable when they have taxpayers footing most of the bills for building arenas and stadiums.
And plus lots of tax breaks too when they do make money.
So, which also explains why ticket prices for these publicly subsidized games are so affordable to regular working families.
And if you're a Clippers fan who is outraged by the behavior of Donald Sterling, display your outrage by showing up and supporting your team, which puts more money into Donald Sterling's pockets.
That'll show them.
Some people want to pressure Donald Sterling into selling his ownership of the LA Clippers.
He purchased it for $12 million in 1981, and its current value is now estimated upwards of a billion.
Yeah, getting him to sell the team a sale that would pocket him upwards of a billion dollars would be quite a moral victory.
You see, in a plutocracy, no matter how bad the wealthiest mess up, they still come out the winner.
Music.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
...the up-minded, lowly-livered lefties.
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you guys.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's episode.
I'm joined on the phone from New York City and Mystery Science Theater 3000, where they just came back from England doing the Mr. How are you?
It's Frank Conniff.
Hey, Frank.
Hello there, County Ho.
How was England, buddy?
I understand you enjoyed it.
I loved it over there.
It was really great.
I've become an aglophile mainly because they put a lot of gravy on their food.
Yes.
Chris Christie would go nuts over there.
Oh, he would become...
His weight would...
Cross the glass from me, hilarious comedian and the curator of the fake gallery right here in Los Angeles.
It's Paul Kozlowski.
Hi, Paul.
How are you?
Hi, I didn't go to England, but I have bad teeth.
Across from him, hilarious comedian, the host of Comedy and Everything Else, our resident Latina at Steph Zamarano.
Hey, Steph.
Hey, Jimmy, I love my union.
All right.
And I love you that you love your union.
Next to her, it's Hilarious Comedian from Team Yasamura.
It's Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert, how are you?
The better for your asking, sir.
How did you enjoy Claremont, California?
I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Good for you.
It was a fun weekend.
Okay, so let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes.
So I don't know if you guys saw the White House correspondence dinner, but it's great.
It's every year they have it, all the press that covers the White House and in politics in Washington.
They get together with the politicians.
It's a big chance for journalists to personally thank the politicians for all the misinformation they spoon feed them on a daily basis.
And hey, guess what?
Fox News hyping the Benghazi story again.
What?
Yes.
This time, I bet it has a huge impact and sends Romney straight to the White House.
Hey, Daryl Issa cares about the victims of Benghazi so much.
Yeah, almost as much as Clive and Bundy cares about the plays of August Wilson.
Hey, Charles Krautheimer, he's back on the climate change.
He's denying it again.
Charles Krautheimer says that climate change is quote-unquote superstition.
And it's not a real tangible thing, you know, like WMDs that we found in Iraq.
Those punchlines live for a long time.
Charles Kraunheimer looks like Dr. Seuss Truhem.
Yes, he does.
Yes, he does.
He looks like a super villain.
He looks like an experiment gone bad on a Twilight Zone, right?
Where they make their...
Yeah, he writes for the super liberal Washington Post.
And he's a doctor who's against healthcare for all, which is nice.
He's a doctor, doesn't believe in universal health coverage.
Isn't that nice?
Hey, did you know that the CNN, the CNN did a poll, and they found out that a lot of people believe Flight 370 was abducted by aliens.
That's true, folks.
That's a true Paul.
Also, they believe even crazier theory that CNN is a news network.
Hey, by the way, I don't know if you saw, but the Monica Lewinsky came out.
She's got a book.
She's talking about her experiences post-scandal.
And Maureen Dowd, by the way, has a column this week where she berates Lewinsky for writing about the Lewinsky scandal, a subject that Maureen Dowd hasn't stopped writing about since 1998.
Yes.
And a new, by the way, a new report says climate change, by the way, is really happening and it's already being felt in all parts of America except at RNC headquarters and Fox News suits.
Hey, GOP is excited that Monica Lewinsky's back in the news.
It reminds everybody of all those awful Clinton years when the economy was booming.
Awful.
That's a juxtaposition.
Sure.
Why would people hate those Clinton years if the economy was booming?
They didn't.
That's the whole point.
Oh, I get it.
Yeah.
Hey, just so you know, Star Wars Day doesn't make your crush on a girl that turns out to be your sister any less creepy.
Ah, all right.
We got a lot of stuff coming up on today's show.
Hey, by the way, I forgot to tell you guys, you know, when Stephen Colbert did the White House correspondence dinner, every wash, remember when he was the comedian?
And every Washington, D.C. pundit claimed that he bombed and they all wrote him off and his career.
And Colbert will soon ascend to the Letterman throne, the absolute top of the heat pinnacle of TV comedy career, which proves once again that the Washington Press Corps can always be counted on to be wrong about absolutely everything.
By the way, Joel McHale, great job.
My favorite thing, though, more than the jokes, more than the footage of the White House dinner, is the next day when you have humorless pundits.
The most humorless ones saying, well, I don't know.
I just don't think it was, you know, how you could have hit a little better on those.
I think he went a little over the top.
He was a little over.
He could have really reigned it back then.
That's what you want in a comedian.
Somebody reins it in.
I want to point out that they all went crazy over Obama's orange as the new black joke.
And I really think that joke has been around for a while.
About John McCain?
I mean, maybe about John Boehner?
John Boehner, yeah.
I mean, I know I've heard.
Yeah, I felt like I, when he said it, I laughed, of course.
It was funny.
I didn't see it.
It's a really good joke, and I'm not saying that whoever wrote it stole it, but I'm just saying that that joke has been around for a while.
Definitely.
And by the way, speaking of getting stolen from, someone stole our, what is it, the NPR promo that Mark Thompson did for us that was written by Mark Van Landuet.
You know, and we're going to play at this show right after this pop, probably.
And it was stolen by a show called, I don't remember what it was called.
Oh, fine.
An NPR show?
No, some podcast that's pretty.
Hands-on, they stole it?
Yeah.
Without giving credit.
Without giving credit, they played it.
Oh, the whole thing.
They didn't redo it.
They just played it.
I can't find this.
It's all right.
We'll go back to the next one.
We'll go back.
I'll go back.
Okay.
You're going to tell us what's on this week's show?
Oh, what's coming up on today's show?
We got phone calls from Bill O'Reilly.
Bill O'Reilly.
Peter King calls in.
Plus, fuck John Boehner calls in and a lot lot more.
Or maybe even Herman King.
We'll see.
Okay, we're also going to talk about the death penalty gets botched in Oklahoma and everybody's cool with it on Morning Joe anyway, except for Morning Joe.
Plus, we've got, say, hey, what did Jesus say about the poor?
He said to pit them against each other, right?
We're going to take a look at a North Carolina guy running for Senate.
Plus, hey, pot.
It's still, Sean Hannity can still scare the crap out of his viewers about pot.
It's amazing.
We're going to check in with that.
Plus, Will I Am was a guest on Meet the Press with David Gregory.
Turns out he wasn't even close to the biggest douchebag.
Plus, a lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Jimmy Dore Show.
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Very nice.
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And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
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Thank you.
So Oklahoma effed up an execution recently.
This is just me, but if you're going to have a morally wrong state-sponsored murder program, you really need to stick the landing.
But of course, this is Oklahoma we're talking about here.
So even after doctors and lawyers said that they should delay, they plowed ahead anyway.
And so when things went all shenanigans, they sent Senator Tom Colburn to appear on Morning Joe to say nothing to see here, folks.
So let me just give you a little bit more background on this, right?
So there was Oklahoma was going to execute this guy, bad guy.
His name is Clayton D. Lockett.
And what he did was he shot a girl with a shotgun and then buried her alive.
She was 19.
So he's the worst of the worst, right?
And so what they did was they were going to give him the lethal injection.
What actually happened was 13 minutes after a doctor administered a lethal injection at the state's death chamber in McAllister, Lockett then lifted his head and started mumbling.
Right.
He should have been 100% unconscious.
So this is supposed to happen is you're supposed to give him a sedative that makes him unconscious.
And then after the doctor declares he's definitely unconscious, then you come over and you give him the other drugs that make him stop breathing and stop his heart.
It's a sedative, a paralytic, and then ultimately the thing that stops him.
The humane death penalty.
This is the humane death penalty.
They probably gave him one of those mumbling injections instead.
Yeah, I've had those.
Yeah.
And so what happened was, so after about 20 minutes of him not dying and him mumbling, and one of the people said that they heard him say he mumbled, oh man.
Oh man, is what he said out loud, according to witnesses.
And then they came over and they shut the curtains.
And that's the moment when he said, either those curtains go or I do.
Okay.
So a witness, Ziva Brandstetter, told MSNBC that Lockett was thrashing about and appeared to be in pain.
The state blocked off the scene from witnesses a few minutes after the trouble started by drawing the curtain on the execution chamber, the death chamber.
Isn't it weird that there's a death chamber?
The United States government has a death chamber.
I've got one.
I know you have one.
To be honest, though, the curtains are there because it also doubles as a puppet room.
Right.
Yes, it does.
So let's get.
So now let's get to here's Tom Colburn.
You know, but also, wasn't the, wasn't this an experimental drug?
Yeah.
And there's no transparency also to this whole system that they had in place that it was the first time that they were going to do this.
The reason why doctors and lawyers had said you should delay is because this was an unproven drug because the drugs that they used to use went off the market.
No one wanted to be associated with the death penalty.
The European manufacturers refused to sell these drugs to the United States.
So they basically have to have these drugs made up by private pharmacologists.
They were using a newer drug that they thought would do the same thing that they had had mixed up privately, and they had no proof of what was going to happen.
And the governor was told point blank: you should not move ahead.
You don't know what's going to happen.
You should not move ahead.
And the governor said, no, we execute people.
This is what we do.
But in all fairness, if you're being put to death, wouldn't you say something like, oh man, something's wrong here?
Not if I was unconscious.
Not if the drugs had worked properly.
Like, I still don't even understand the whole idea.
Why they don't just sedate them.
Why can't I just be sedated before I die?
They do.
It's supposed that was the drug that did not work.
But there are plenty of proven drugs that work to sedate somebody.
If they can put animals, I just had a cat put to sleep.
If they can do that, why can't they put humans?
What did your cat do?
He raped a bunch of the sedatives that you're talking about are not available to death penalty to people who are going to conduct next.
Right, so this all goes down to the problem of people who get into the business of making medicines and get into the doctoring business and the healthcare business.
They have to take it.
They have to take a oath.
It's called a Hippocratic Oath.
And the first thing is they do no harm, right?
So that's when they found out that they were taking the drugs that they were making to help people and using them on purpose to kill people.
They wouldn't sell them to them anymore.
So that's the whole point about medicine.
And that's the whole point about a doctor.
That's why they can't get doctors to do this stuff because the doctor has to take an Hippocratic oath, which means I won't do any harm to someone physically ever.
And the doctors who do do this do so completely in secret.
My doctor took the hippopotamus oath.
And I don't want to tell you.
What an examination is like with that guy.
What's that?
Chris Christie.
Okay.
I just want to say that you know your lethal injection isn't working when it gives you an erection that lasts longer than so here comes Senator Tom Coburn.
And here's what he has to say about it, right?
Now, I have a lot to say about this, and we're going to say it.
But first, I want to let Tom Coburn say what he has to say.
Let's hear what he has to say.
The doctor that was there said they lost IV access, right?
Which means the drugs that were pushed didn't get there.
So it's not the, it's the procedure.
You're right.
It's about procedure, but it's not about the policy, and it's not about the drugs.
It was about the procedure.
But it's, again, anytime you're doing anything with a body, things can go wrong.
Okay, and that's there you go.
That's Tom Coburn.
By the way, I forgot to mention he's also a real-life Dukes of Hazard character.
Had a four-episode arc back in 81.
And in case you didn't notice, he also just said absolutely nothing.
He said nothing.
He's like, well, this is a problem with the procedure, not the whole.
So here.
Things can go wrong.
Things can go wrong.
I like how he's just very dismissive.
Hey, it's a medical, things can go wrong.
Are we talking about a soccer game or an execution?
Are we talking about installing a new dishwasher?
What are we talking about?
Things can go wrong.
So here, he's got a little bit more to say about it.
Here we go.
The generalization that it's botched time and time again really doesn't hold up.
There have been some errors.
But I think if you look statistically, that's, you know, as a percentage, it's a very, very small number.
One.
Number two is every medical student knows how to do this.
I think this is just an error on the part of individuals to not follow a protocol that should have been followed.
And if we were perfect at everything, you all wouldn't be on TV and I wouldn't be here.
It's like a baseball game.
A lot of errors.
Yeah, I don't even know what he's talking about.
A couple hits.
So my favorite people are the ones who contradict themselves in the same sentence.
Like when he said, any med student knows how to do this and then immediately said, this is just human error from a doctor who should know how to do this, as I just stated.
Also, by the way, procedure was followed.
Okay.
So again, neither Joe nor Mika feels the need to ask, Senator Colburn, just exactly what the fuck are you defending here?
Nobody, at no point, they go, are you defending something?
What exactly are you defending?
Inhumanely killing people?
I don't understand what you're defending.
So let's stop for a second and think about this.
If Colburn here was having a procedure and a vein collapse and he had a heart attack 10 minutes later, he'd sue the F out of that doctor and that hospital and he'd win.
In that scenario, the procedure he's having is unblocking him so he's not so full of shit.
Yeah.
Now, the next guy to speak about this is Donnie Deutsch.
Oh, boy.
Yes.
One of the great minds of our time.
He once had a CNBC show called The Big Idea, which was basically a motivational speech by him every night of the week.
And you want to know what Donny Deutsch's bona fides is to be on a news show?
Well, he inherited his father's incredibly successful advertising firm.
Then Jedi mind-tricked the world into believing he knows anything about anything.
And yeah, that justice and policy guru known as Donny Deutsch decided to weigh in.
So what a better guy to discuss the botched execution in Oklahoma than a guy who inherited a business from his father and has been wrong about everything.
Well, let's hear it.
Here's what Donny Deutsch has to say.
This is what I like to call Donny Deutsch missing the point.
Teon Carbon, what was his crime, by the way?
Oh, he was murdered, right.
Yeah, yeah.
And we talked about it.
So Donny Deutsch asked Joe Scarborough, what was his crime anyway?
The guy who's so by the way, when the execution was botched, the guy died 40 minutes later.
He had a heart attack.
That's how he died.
So they pulled the curtains at around 20 minutes so nobody could see what they were doing.
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
So here's, so now Donny Deutsch is, he's going to take the tack of asking, well, what did this guy do?
I bet this guy was horrible anyway, right, Donnie?
Tean Carter, what was his crime, by the way?
Oh, horrific murder and right.
Yeah, yeah.
And we talked about this yesterday.
He shot a 19-year-old woman and buried her alive.
And just absolutely horrific.
The other man on death row, his crime was equally horrific as well.
Sam Steiner.
And where we're stumbling.
What's that says?
Right.
And we're stumbling the fact that his death maybe happened a few seconds slower.
No, no, we're.
I like that.
That's what I love.
And we're stumbling over his death happened maybe two seconds slower is what Donny Deutsch says.
That's why you're on the panel, Donnie, for your flip reactionary thoughts about one of the most controversial topics of our generation.
And wow, Donny Deutsch is such a dick that he's about to make Joe Scarborough be the adult in the room.
Not once, but twice.
Here it goes.
Here's Joe Scarborough.
We're stumbling because when you have somebody, well, first of all, the entire game.
I'm not losing a club.
Well, maybe you should lose sleep on all the Constitution of the United States.
Oh, my God.
So Donnie Deutsch.
So Donny Deutsch says, this guy's a bad guy.
I'm not losing any sleep over that he was hurt.
And Joe Scarborough says, well, maybe you should lose sleep over the Constitution.
Yeah.
Because it's in the Constitution that we can't do this.
And you're going to be flip about breaking the Constitution whenever you feel like it.
And here's the, so here's the bad.
I just want to take a moment and break this down for people.
Okay, go ahead, Frank.
Jimmy, I just want to say that I find it hard to believe anyone who's on a show that starts at 6 a.m. doesn't lose any sleep.
So here is what's wrong with the death penalty.
And people, first of all, I can't believe Donny Deutsch.
He says this thing about, well, he's a bad guy.
So why do we care how anybody treats him?
Now, Donny Deutsch has got to be mid-50s.
He's on a news show.
He hangs out with news people.
He did a news show and he has never heard the arguments against that stupid question.
The hero is why the death penalty is wrong.
Anyway, you don't want the state to be in the business of murdering its own citizens because ultimately they're going to murder innocent people accidentally, but also on purpose because human beings are horrible and evil.
Okay.
And we've seen, right?
This is a country that had slavery up until 100 years, 100 and a half years ago.
And we've denied black people the right to vote up until about two generations ago.
Okay.
So we're not that good.
All right.
We have a lot of nefarious people doing dark, horrible things in our country.
So you don't want them to be able to kill someone.
All right.
With state sanction.
The second thing is the reason why, why do you think, Donnie, that they have a death chamber with curtains?
Why do you think they don't do it in the town square and televise it?
Because that would make us feel like the barbarians we are, Donnie.
So what we try to pretend is that there's a proper way to do this horrifically barbaric thing that devalues our entire culture.
And that the way we can do it is if we do it in some side of a lab behind curtains with an authority watching, it's all bullshit.
All it does is try to mask what's really happening here, the loss of our own humanity.
See, when you kill someone, there's a reason why we don't burn down arsonists' house.
Why don't we go to an arsonist's house and burn down their house?
Why don't we go to a rapist's house and rape a rapist?
Because no one wants to become a rapist.
Plus, those rapists are ugly.
And they are ugly, but nobody wants to become a rapist because we understand that no matter what this rapist did, I'm not going to let his actions make me also now become a creepy raper.
But we don't see the connection between a murderer now making us go down to his level and also become a murderer, which is exactly what happens.
And if the goal of the death penalty is, well, let's call it what it is.
If the goal of state murder is to make a less violent society, we're failing miserably because studies have shown that the death penalty increases violence.
It's not a deterrent.
So all it's really doing is appealing to the darkest side of our humanity, which is revenge.
And what that does is it makes the whole culture more violent and less human.
So it takes away from us and our society.
I don't not want to kill that guy in a brutal way because I feel sympathy for him.
I don't want to kill that guy in a brutal way because I care about my society, because I'm evolved, unlike you, Donny Deutsch, who apparently hasn't ever asked this question before about the death penalty and decided to sound like a sixth grader who never thought about this before.
And he decided to do that on national television when he is asked for his opinion.
You don't even know the argument against the stupid thing you're saying, Donnie?
You didn't like read up on it before you went on the goddamn show, knowing that this was going to come up in the morning?
No, you did none of that, except you decided to sound like Sarah Palin level intellect in the morning.
Why can't we just kill people brutally?
How could that everly have a negative effect on our society?
And that's why you should be against the death penalty.
And that's why when Phil Donahue said that we should have the death penalty if we're going to do it, why don't we do it out in the open?
Because you don't deliver justice in secret.
And if you're delivering justice in secret, that implies there's something wrong with what the fuck you're doing.
People say to me, and then here's another bad argument that I'm sure Donny Deutsch would make if he was given the chance.
People say, well, if something happened to your kid, if somebody murdered your wife or killed your daughter, you'd want them dead, wouldn't you?
Which is the question that they asked Mike Dukakis.
And he whiffed on that question.
And here's the answer to that question.
When somebody says that to me, I say, of course, I would want the guy who killed my wife to die a horribly miserable death.
I want him dead when I get my order wrong in the drive-thru.
What does that prove?
You know what that proves?
That proves you don't let the victim decide what the punishment should be.
You have an impartial judge decide what the punishment would be.
One that serves society, not one that serves a victim's thirst for revenge, because then it makes us a bloodthirsty culture, which we already are.
You know, everyone's talking about, you know, how bad it was for this guy.
But has anybody thought about the guy that was about to go next in the next room listening to all of them?
No kidding.
No kidding.
No, no, that's funny And true.
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Right now, let's get back to the second half because there's a lot of great stuff coming up.
We got phone calls from John Boehner and Peter King, plus a lot more.
Let's get back to the studio where I'm joined by Frank Conniff, Steph Zamorano, Paul Kozlowski, and Robert Yasemura.
So, what I don't understand is when the economy goes bad, the people who get angry at the poor.
And I've always said, and I'll say it again, that if you ever find yourself being angry at someone lower on the economic ladder than you, there's a pretty good chance you're being manipulated by someone higher on the economic ladder than you.
You know, the people, my brother is convinced that people on welfare are all scammers.
He's like, oh, the people around welfare, they're all scammed.
Yes, they're such scammers that they've rigged the system so that they are now the poorest people in this state.
Oh, that's quite a rigging.
God damn it.
How did they manipulate the system so now they qualify for welfare?
Oh, those goddamn fat cats at the bottom.
I've always been angry at the fat cats at the bottom.
And so that just doesn't make sense to me, right?
The people who get angry at poor people.
And so, well, we've all read the Bible a little, right?
Mostly involuntarily, I'm sure.
And we all remember that in Luke 14, when Jesus said, but when you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind.
But what a lot of people don't realize is that Jesus meant to do that, invite the poor, crippled, lame, and the blind so we can pit them against each other.
And here is Speaker of the House of North Carolina, Tom Tillis, who just won the primary, the Republican primary, to run for Senate.
So he's the Republican Senate nominee.
And here's what he had to say in October of 2011 about people who receive public assistance.
Hey, but what we have to do is find a way to divide and conquer the people who are on assistance.
So what he opens out with is saying that we need to find a way to divide and conquer the people who are on assistance.
Okay.
We have to show respect for that woman who has cerebral palsy and had no choice in her condition that needs help and that we should help.
And we need to get those folks to look down at these people who choose to get into a condition that makes them dependent on the government and say at some point, you're on your own.
We may end up taking care of those babies, but we're not going to take care of you.
Yes.
See, now, if first, my first question is, what the fuck question was he answering that elicited that response?
Did someone say to him, Mr. Medical thing he was doing.
He wants to, he somehow feels that we can cure cerebral palsy by making them dicks.
Was the question, Frank?
Mr. Tillis, do you have any outside-the-box ideas for sticking it to the poor?
Funny, you should ask because, yeah, I just happen to have one.
And you got to love how he starts the whole thing by saying, we have to find a way to divide and conquer people who are on assistance.
Yes, because if America needs nothing else, it's a strong strategy to completely dominate the most helpless citizens in the Republic.
Thank you, Tom Tillis.
And by the way, if you didn't pick up on it, when he says, people who chose to get into a position where they are dependent on government, what he's talking about is unwed mothers, right?
Can you do that?
Can you be against abortion, contraception, meaningful sex education, and anything else that might inform decisions around the most powerful biological urge ever and also tell women to fuck off when they get pregnant?
Can you do both those things, Jimmy?
Well, people like him are always saying the poor have to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and do things for themselves.
So he's saying that the poor should pull themselves up by their bootstraps and destroy each other.
That is exactly.
You have to take the initiative.
So, Jimmy, I'm not familiar completely with the Bible.
That was Luke 14?
Yes.
Was that before or after he found out that Darth Vader was dead?
That was before.
Okay.
That was before.
So this guy, Tom Tillis, has a little bit more to say.
Well, you know what I did?
I just noticed that he said something to the effect of maybe we'll take care of their babies too.
Yeah, they got to take care of their babies.
He says, we're going to take care of their babies, but we're not going to take care of you.
We'll take care of the babies, but we're not going to take care of you.
And that'll teach them.
There's no way that that doesn't make sense, right?
Your kid is going to get food and stuff, and you just have to sit there starving and regretting your decisions to have a baby.
Unless your kids are nice and give you a bite.
We wanted you to not have an abortion and give birth to this baby.
And now we want you to help us make that baby an orphan.
Yes.
Well, because the babies have to go ahead and pull up their booty straps.
Their booty straps.
Hello.
Nice.
Yes.
Actually, no, we're just going to give the kids to people with cerebral palsy.
Yeah, have them care for the kids.
I want to know who the kids can look down on.
Yeah, who are the maybe their parents, too.
So here he's got a little bit more to say.
Let's go.
Yeah, We've got to start having that serious discussion.
It won't happen next year.
Wrong time because it's going to be politically charged.
One of the reasons why I may never run for another election office is because some of these things may just get me railroaded out of town.
But in 2013, I honestly believe that we have to do that.
Yeah, he they, yes, we need to start having that serious discussion about pitting the cripples against the poorest in our society.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure he doesn't understand what the words need, serious, or discussion means.
Jimmy, if it was the cripples against the poor, who would you, if you were betting, who would you side with?
The poor could probably outrun the cripples.
Yeah, you're gonna, we're gonna be rooting for the uh the handicapped.
I guess that's the proper terminal, nomenclature, right?
Uh, who would win, though?
I mean, what are the odds?
I would say the poor, yeah.
I would say the poor because you know what?
They're they're crafty, yeah, and they're resourceful, and they have those chairs and they know the poor are lazy.
They might be too lazy to run away.
So, uh, I like how he says at the end, some of these things might get me railroaded out of town.
Really?
Did you hear him?
Some of the pitting the pitting the handicapped against poor mothers, single mothers, might get him railroaded out of town.
He thinks that he thinks he's kind of a revolutionary thinker, this guy.
He's sure that by vilifying the powerless, what he's really doing is speaking truth to power somehow.
And fortunately for him, he wasn't railroaded out of town because the town he lives in is a gerrymander district of defectives.
Plus, douchebag railways doesn't go through that town.
I just wonder.
So, if they if they did railroad him out of town, you probably need a lot of hobos on the railroad.
Yes, well, let's just remember Luke 20 when he said, Then he looked up at his disciples and said, Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.
And blessed are you who are hungry now, for you will be filled.
Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.
And most blessed are they who turn cripples against the poor, for they really are the shit out of me.
I'm sorry.
Okay, so last week, Jerry Adams, who's the leader of Sinn Féin, which is the Irish Republican Army's wing, their military political wing, and he was arrested.
The English police arrested him last week for a murder of a woman from 1972, right, Robert?
Now, what was this about a paper from the Boston University?
This is really infuriating, actually.
So, the Boston, Boston College was doing a large, basically truth and reconciliation program where they were taking testimony from a lot of former IRA guys and trying to get on the record a record of the history of the IRA.
And it was supposed to be secret and sealed for a certain number of years to let these guys die before it was presented.
And what happened was that the English government got wind of it and subpoenaed it, and they got it.
No kidding.
And that's how, and they found one guy on the tapes who said, if that woman was killed, it was on the orders of Jerry Adams, no doubt.
And that was the basis for his arrest.
Really?
So a Truth and Reckoning Commission, which is supposed to bring people together by acknowledging all the horrible stuff that happened, but we're all going to come together.
They didn't really do that.
They actually went ahead and arrested him.
Right.
But they let him go.
But it was, I mean, they let him go?
They never had any evidence besides a little bit of hearsay evidence.
They don't have enough on him.
But what's really chilling about that is that it sets a horrific precedent.
Yes.
That if you are a college or anybody who isn't doing technically journalism, you have no protections.
That's weird.
Why would you know protections about that?
And they have journalism protection.
That doesn't seem right.
And what's worse is that the Justice Department did not back Boston College in the slightest.
What?
Boston College more or less didn't hold it.
What?
I know.
They didn't protect the liberties of the privacy of their citizens.
And Boston College more or less didn't protect its own either.
I've been to Boston College.
I mean, you know.
I'm surprised that Eric Holder didn't call out a drone strike on himself.
Are you kidding me?
And, you know, Peter King, Representative Peter King of Long Island, is a big fan of their personal friends with the IRA terrorists, which was something my editor didn't believe.
And she thought she wanted to take it out.
And, you know, anything that was good, she wanted to take out.
But I fought her on it.
And actually, I got Peter King.
He left me a message about it.
And let's hear what he has to say.
Jimmy, it's goddamn Peter King over.
Cheeseburgers, Jimmy.
Did you see the arrest of my boy Jerry Adams?
He's like my best friend ever.
The British just arrest him like it's like it's nothing.
It's Jerry freaking Adams, man.
The guy has kissed on the mountain more than once.
And the British are like, hey, why don't you come down to the station camp for some socialized medicine of prison rank?
I mean, they let him go, but still, you know, they say they killed some bride in 1972.
Hey, I got a question.
Who did it?
No.
No.
It was the early 70s.
Everybody was killing women.
I mean, we didn't fucking know better back then.
And look, not one person is born out.
He was probably drunk.
Who among us is not going on a horrible drunken vendor and mistakenly ordered the execution of a housewife.
I asked you.
I bid you, sir.
Tell me.
And they're all like, we read in this Boston college paper thing.
Cheeseburgers and feces, Batman.
An academic paper?
You're telling me you're going to jail my best friend, a man with whom I have children.
They're going to jail him for four days based on some thesis project from a college in Boston.
And it's not even Harvard.
Well, I tell you what, I got this paper here from the Schenectady Bridge University of Phoenix that says all British people are secretly gay and should shut the fuck up.
And look, I'm not saying Jerry did it.
I mean, this is a man with whom I own a cabin and a polka dose.
You know, maybe it's because she shouldn't have been running a mouth to a cops.
Yeah.
You know, maybe don't be a snitch.
That's all I'm saying.
So I guess that's my message to all you kids out there.
Keep your mouth shut.
Hey, you think you saw something?
No, you didn't.
Okay, Jimmy.
I'll drunk out you next week, you old fucking fucko.
All right, that was Peter King.
The Jimmy Dora show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
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And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
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Our school district just completed the Common Core tests provided online, you know, on the internet.
Let's just say there were some technological snafus, you know, like the internet went down.
See, if you want to compete in the modern educational system, you must be armed with lots of technological equipment so kids can test.
And we know how important tests are in real life.
Ultimately, Common Core requires a lot of access to technology, which means there will be an even greater disparity of resources for schools, especially in economically disadvantaged districts.
Thus, the educational gap will grow bigger, larger.
You get the point.
Hey, I don't need more technology in my classroom to deliver engaging instruction.
You know what I need?
I need smaller classes.
How can teachers be expected to be at the top of their game in their classroom when their classrooms are filled to capacity?
I teach over 170 students daily.
14, 15, 16-year-old teenagers.
It doesn't take a critical thinker to figure out that large class sizes will be a detriment to the student.
Not to mention increasing the odds of my nervous breakdown.
We don't need more expensive technology that will become obsolete in a short period of time.
We don't need more technologically driven activities on a computer or online testing.
We need smaller classes.
It doesn't take a smart board or an iPad to be able to comprehend smaller class sizes will affect a student's academic experience in a positive way.
In the meantime, Common Core will require schools to spend millions and millions of dollars on computers and smart pads just so students can take convoluted Common Core tests endorsed by Bill and Melinda Gates.
I wonder why Bill and Melinda Gates are so involved with public education.
I just can't figure it out.
I guess I need a computer.
All right.
Nice.
Nice.
So it's kind of amazing to me that people are still scared by marijuana, especially people who are Fox News viewers.
He very still afraid of pot.
You'd think there wasn't anybody old enough to still be afraid of pot, but apparently they are and they watch Fox News.
And by the way, marijuana legalization is a fairly straightforward policy question.
We are asking if the freedom to ingest pot as one does tobacco or alcohol is or isn't outweighed by its societal harm.
There are a few other issues involved, but that's basically it.
Is the bad so bad that it should restrict a freedom?
Hmm.
I wonder if Sean Hannity can unpanel a group of citizens who will completely miss the point.
So sure, pot legalization, he says Sean Hannity is sure that pot legalization in America is a sign of its decline.
And he got another a-hole from Fox Radio.
Here's he's got a whole panel.
And the first guy we're going to hear from is another guy from Fox Radio to agree with Sean Hannity, except he's so full of it that people actually start laughing in his face in the middle of what he is saying.
So here is the guy from Fox News.
Because they were baked that day.
Here we go.
Morally, do you see this as part of America in their morally, do you see this as part of America in decline?
Oh, I have to think absolutely that's the case.
we have here is a case of money over morality.
And you know, right now...
And he teases him just right.
Morality, do you see this as part of American decline?
Morally?
Bam.
Yeah.
What does God think about pot?
That's his question.
What happened to the good old days when no one smoked pot and black people knew their place?
Okay, so here he goes.
Here's this guy's answer for him.
Here's his answer.
Here we go.
I have to think absolutely that's the case.
What we have here is a case of money over morality.
And, you know, right now, it's really funny.
Folks, we're watching the Chuckleheads.
You know, we're watching these folks doing what they're doing out there and getting a good laugh about it.
But when the body count starts rising, when people start dying, that may be, yeah, yeah, it's real funny, isn't it?
Real funny.
Real funny to talk about.
But this is a classic example.
This is a classic example, Sean, of people just not giving a damn anymore.
Okay, so it turns out, surprisingly, Sean chose the perfect guy for that moral question.
40-year-old virgin Todd Starnes, a racist who thinks that same-sex marriage causes bad weather.
We could do a three-part series about the pretend world in which Todd Starnes exists.
That's that guy, Todd Starnes, who just started saying stuff about the body count, the body count.
Take that one in.
Body count from pot.
Also, the jitterbug is making the kids fornicate.
He literally just said a body when the body cart count starts with pot.
By the way, there is no lethal dose of marijuana.
In case you're not sure about this, there's a lethal dose of water.
There is no lethal dose of marijuana.
Just so you know, no one's ever died from marijuana.
Okay?
Never happened.
Never gonna happen.
Never will happen.
Okay, so now let's go.
But Sean Hannity said.
I like the way he doubles down indignantly.
Yes.
Like people laughing him.
He's like, this is serious.
Yeah, that's right.
Keep laughing.
Yeah, keep laughing.
You'll see.
You'll see.
No.
No.
I live in a city where pot is more readily available than beer.
Trust me, there are no bodies in the street.
And I like how he tries to attach morality to a weed that grows naturally.
Like that weed is immoral.
Oh, that tree's good.
That one needs to go to purgatory for a little while.
That tree over there, soup as a saint.
That tree never was high once.
Look, it even won't even grow high.
It's only six feet tall.
That's how you know it's a good moral tree.
So here is someone, someone now is going to make a good point about the real problem is prescription drugs.
And where is your program to deal with that?
That address prescription drugs and Ambien and Xanax and Valium and all these other drugs are all.
Okay, so that was 10 seconds of someone making sense, and that is the limit on the Sean Hannity show.
Someone saying something based in fact.
Shout that bitch down!
Ugh.
So, Mr. Speaker, is that you?
It's Jimmy Dore.
Oh, look, great.
Are you okay, Mr. Speaker?
Passing a stone.
I'm sorry to hear that.
That's painful.
It could be worse.
Thankfully, I've got an incredibly wide urethra.
Okay.
What do you got, Jimbo?
Well, I wanted to talk to you about this Benghazi committee you're setting up.
Oh, man, I'd rather just get back to passing the stone.
Well, you seem genuinely outraged.
Jimmy, I can act morally indignant at Ryan Seacrest if I have to.
That's one of my skills.
So, you're not really upset about this recent memo from Deputy National Security Advisor Tom Rhodes to Ambassador Rice.
Man, that thing is just standard operating procedure.
It's a spin memo.
I've got 12 of those things in my inbox right now.
Really?
What do your spin memos say?
You really need to ask.
Obamacare, repeal and replace.
Do not say we got fucking nothing and don't actually care about poor people's health at all.
Oh, here's one I like: as far as you know, Lindsey Graham is not some weird self-hating closet case.
He's a manly man who totally has sex with women all the time.
Where do these spin memos come from?
I don't know.
The Koch brothers, Chamber of Commerce, whoever else has their fingers up against my prostate this week.
Pretty much all of them say bring it back to Benghazi.
And you do?
Fuck yeah, I do.
Turn around the camera sometime.
You'll see a Koch Brothers agent miming, slitting my throat and mouthing Benghazi over and over.
So you said you're setting up a select committee to investigate this.
What do you mean by select?
I don't fucking know, man.
I think liquor companies do.
You got a shitty liquor?
You got a slightly different shitty liquor?
You call that select.
Like Budweiser select.
They could just as easily call it Pisswater 2 Electric Boogaloo.
So you're not going to actually handpick the members of the committee?
Tell you what, I'm going to throw a handful of my vomit down the hall, and anyone it hits has to be on the committee.
And what is it that you expect this committee to find?
Haven't you been listening?
I don't expect them to find Jackal, man.
There have already been 13 hearings and 50 briefings on this shit.
We could have cured cancer by now.
What I expect them to do is run out the clock till the midterms and hope to God that Americans never figure out that we have no fucking ideas at all.
Can you imagine what would happen if they asked Louis Gohmert what his actual ideas are on anything?
Within two minutes, he'll have on his tinfoil hat and he's babbling on about the elders of Zion.
So you guys really have no ideas at all.
Yeah, sure.
Obamacare.
That was our fucking idea.
That thing was practically read by the John Birch Society.
We're totally painted into a corner here, and I'm trying to hold together the party with both hands and my dick.
What about pay equity?
What were your ideas on that?
Well, my idea was to pretend it wasn't a problem.
Oh, women make Western men.
Whoop they freaking do.
That's a good idea compared to some of these jackals.
Mitch McConnell wanted to release a statement saying, yeah, that's what bitches get.
You're welcome.
Look, Jimmy, this stone is shifting.
So I got to go with a stranger.
I'm sorry, sir.
Why would you whiz through a strainer?
I'm keeping the crystals.
I have a crash project I'm doing with them.
What?
Sorry, Jimmy.
I got to go down.
My P-hole is at full dilation.
Four centimeters.
Okay, that was John Boehner going through some changes.
He's having a tough time.
God bless John Boehner, huh?
Hey, let me want to let you know what's coming up in the premium content this week.
Bill O'Reilly calls in to bust our balls about the Sean Hannity segment we did on pot, and it's hilarious.
And he talks about lots of other things.
We talked to him for about eight minutes.
Plus, we're going to, Will I. Am was the guest on the Meet the Press or Press to Meet, as we like to say.
And it turned out he was a good guest, and everyone else was their same old shitty self.
And we take a look at it.
Plus, there's a lot more to that Sean Hannity pot segment that we didn't get to.
You must hear it.
It gets even crazier, like as in way crazier.
So there's all that, all that content in this week's premium content.
And how do you get the premium content?
You just go over to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You click on premium.
You make your $5 donation a month.
That's all it is.
You know how much that is.
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We'll send you a passcode.
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There's all kinds of ways.
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Okay, thanks to everybody who makes a contribution to help supporting the show, either by being a premium member and getting all the extra premium content that goes all the way back over a year now or by using our Amazon.com box.
Thanks for doing that.
Today's show, by the way, guess what?
It was written.
That's right.
It was written by Robert Yasimura, Mark Van Land, do it.
Steph Zemarano, Frank Coniff, and Mike McRae.
All the voices, of course, performed by the one and only Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
And Mike, guess what?
I forgot to ask him about this, but he's got a new service.
If you want to have Mike McRae call and leave a message on your machine or an outgoing message or on someone else, someone else's machine as a character that he does, he'll do it for you.
You know what?
Let me get all the information and I'll let you know all about it next week.
But if you're already excited about it, you can go over right over to MikeMcRae.com and he's got it set up over there.
Okay, I'll let you know all about that next week.
I want to say thanks to a gentleman who donates his time and talent to help make my computer work so I can do the show at Sean James.
He can fix your computer if it's a Macintosh right over the internet.
That's right.
Right over.
You don't have to leave your house.
And you can get a hold of him by sending him an email at MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
And you spell Sean S-H-A-U-N.
And you can also call him because if your computer's not working, you'll have to call him.
His number is 347-695-0601.
Okay, that's it for this week.
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