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May 17, 2014 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show!
The Jimmy Dore Show!
Benghazi.
The fragrance so captivating, they'll never want to let you go.
Benghazi, mysterious, preoccupying, infatuating.
Benghazi.
Watch them go from grasping for straws to grasping for you with a new scent that will drive right-wingers to distraction.
Benghazi.
Tonight, make something out of nothing and let that special someone finally get to the bottom of you with Ben Dazi.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
the show for gut-minded, lowly-livered lefties.
The kind of people It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say.
It's hard to talk to your T-Value.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hey, everybody, welcome to this week's episode.
You know, I had a tooth ripped out of my head.
It was a molar and a cracked root, so I didn't have time to get to the show this week.
I had frozen peas on my jaw and high on Vicodin, which is more fun for other people, I think.
Me, it just makes me constipated and itchy.
Anyway, so what I've done was I went back.
I'm like, hey, I wonder what I was talking about this same month last year or the year before and the year before that.
Anyway, so what I've done is taken some clips, some jokes and things from this month from years past and put it together in this special episode.
And I'll tell you, I get a kick out of going back and listening to the old episodes because I've forgotten the jokes and then I get to enjoy them.
So here's some jokes that made me laugh out loud all the way through.
And let's get to the old-style way I used to do the billboard with Paul Gilmartin.
Here we go.
Here we go.
you Donald Trump, possibly the perfect Republican candidate.
He had no political experience and his supporters were idiots.
He's not running for president.
Yeah, he says he wants to spend more time being full of shit in the private sector.
But it turns out the real reason he decided to get out was because the media was attacking him.
And we explore the question, just when are rich white millionaires going to get a fair shake in the media.
The answer just may surprise you.
Plus, Rick Santorum says John McCain doesn't understand torture.
But what Rick Santorum doesn't understand is that John McCain spent four straight months with Sarah Palin.
And the IMF has demanded the resignation of its chief financial officer, Rapy LePu, saying that they are in favor of raping the third world in general, but they draw the line at MAIDS.
Newt Gingrich kicked off his presidential run with his 36th visit to the meet the press.
That's 12 visits per wife.
Like the wise sage he is, he imparted the wisdom of what it takes to be president.
Somebody who offers to lead America has to be much more disciplined and much more thoughtful than an analyst.
An analyst can say anyone to, because there's no downside.
But the person to whom you're entrusting leadership of the United States had better think long and hard before they say things.
He then went on to make a gap so big it turned his entire party against him, had him apologizing to anyone who would listen, and ended his political career.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has admitted to fathering his son out of wedlock 10 years ago.
Maria and the rest of the Kennedy family were shocked by the news that it was only one kid.
And let's remember, Arnold Schwarzenegger was in Batman and Robin, so this is not the worst thing he's ever done.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Music Time for another installment of Oh My God.
Okay, so we have three clips to play in today's Oh My God segment.
Delicious.
We're going to start with the real reason Donald Trump didn't run.
Okay.
And let me just set this up by saying, did you ever know somebody with a personality disorder, you know, like someone with a borderline personality or even a full-blown sociopath?
Sure, you have.
You've probably dated one or worked for one or one was your mother during menopause.
One of my personal favorite things is what sociopaths do is manipulate a situation to make it seem like they are the victim.
And then a few weeks later, you're like, wait, she cheated on me.
Why do I feel sorry for her?
Well, keep that in mind as you listen to this next clip from Fox and Friends as they explain why Donald Trump really got out of the presidential race.
So mainstream media went after him with the long knife.
Suddenly, he represented a threat to perhaps Barack Obama.
And the mainstream media went right through the correspondence dinner where the president attacked him for about a half hour.
Seth Meyers attacked him for about a half hour.
SNL attacked him.
The Daily Show attacked him on a regular basis.
Every late night show was attacking him.
Every other network was attacking him.
And then the capture of Bin Laden.
He didn't have a chance to really answer because he was on the news.
Oh my.
Truly.
God, that is.
Wow.
Good times.
That's right.
Donald Trump is a victim.
And believe me, the Donald was a serious political candidate with a comb over.
He had a hit reality television show, an almost laughable sense of public policy.
You could feel it.
This was the guy.
Yeah, I get the feeling that Fox and Friends would characterize David Berkowitz as a mislabeled dog lover.
He's a persecuted gun owner.
He's not a dog whisperer.
He's whispered to by dogs.
I mean, according to Fox and Friends, Donald Trump was, you know, it was like he was Bobby Kennedy just taken from his two swords.
We expect a lot from the leaders of our nation, but no one would expect them to be able to sit and listen to a comedian tell jokes about them.
No.
Oh, no, not at all.
That kind of pressure is unfair.
Unbelievable.
And did you catch how he said the mainstream media went after him with long knives?
Which that's a reference to the night when Hitler assassinated all his political enemies in the Nazi Party.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
So it's pretty apt an apology.
I mean, it's a good analogy.
You know, Hitler killing his enemies or, you know, criticizing and mocking your political enemies.
Those are pretty close to the same thing.
Sure.
Okay.
The mock is mightier than the sword, Jimmy.
It's like they're upset at the liberal media.
Oh, you've been.
Oh, that's it.
We've had it with you, liberal media.
Enough of you questioning public statements made by people who intentionally put themselves in the limelight.
And I love at the end how they say that, and then Donald Trump couldn't get in the news cycle because the U.S. military killed Osama bin Laden.
That was so insensitive of the military to bin Laden.
I mean, Barack Obama was just, he was just doing that to torment Donald Trump.
And he might as just, it's like he raped him twice.
It really is.
First, the jokes, then the killing of an enemy.
And don't forget, it preempted a celebrity apprentice, too.
So it was like a digital.
Oh, I didn't even know that.
Yes, it did.
Yes, it did.
I think the Hague has got a new case.
I like how they say, oh, maybe Obama started to get afraid of Donald Trump.
Yes, because Barack Obama is uncomfortable when he beats someone by 50 points.
That's what he was getting afraid of.
I do feel bad that the one thing about them getting midlad that I do feel bad, if it did make Trump not run, I do feel bad about that.
It would have been fun to have it run.
I so wish he was.
You know, we're still waiting to hear about those incredible results.
His investigators in Hawaii.
I still was waiting for people to interview him about that.
I was looking forward to him going to OPEC and saying, guys, you've had your fun.
Now it's over.
Yeah, I want him to swear.
I wanted him to swear at China.
I was waiting for him to say MF to China and to Saudi Arabia.
Hey, we want your effing oil.
Anyway, I think Fox and Friends, that's the type of show that thinks that maybe they should cover the Harlem Globetrotter Washington General game.
I have people that actually have been studying it and they cannot believe what they're finding.
You have people now down there searching.
I mean, in Hawaii.
Absolutely.
And they cannot believe what they're finding.
Yeah, they can't believe what they're finding.
They found his birth certificate and they can't believe that I won't shut my mouth.
That's what he's really saying.
They cannot believe.
It's there exactly how he said it.
They've certified it and they can't believe that I'm running around like a maniac.
Okay.
I think that's what he meant.
Okay.
So here's the second part of the oh my God segment for today.
Now Arnold Schwarzenegger.
So he's a right-wing guy who fathered a child outside of marriage.
He had the mother of that child live in his house, worked there every day side by side with it.
He's pregnant the same time his own wife was pregnant.
Wow.
That's cool.
Wasn't that Mickey and Maude, the Dudley Moore movie?
Remember that?
He had got two women pregnant at the same time.
Oh, really?
Is that what they think?
I did.
Okay.
Wow.
Good poll.
And that was like he didn't, you know, I think Schwarzenegger must have wanted that part or something.
Fine line between art and reality, right?
So here's what, so I've got a clip of him talking about the importance.
Well, you'll just, this is just listen.
This is all a lack of parenting.
If the parents would do like in, like I did, the homework with the kids and work with the kids and read with the kids and do those things with the kids, it would be a whole different bulk.
Except for that one kid.
Except for that kid.
Except for my one kid, who I've denied for 14 years so I could become governor.
Can you imagine?
He really did.
He has a kid.
The kid's out there.
The kid doesn't know who his father is.
He doesn't let his own kid know he's his father so he can be governor.
Right.
And then he rants against single moms.
And then he rants against the problem with the, they got to do what I, and then he's got, he had created a single and he vetoed gay marriage twice, too.
Oh, did he really?
He believed he did, yes.
He eventually reversed himself.
And then I think when the political tide turned, he supported it.
But before that.
But what parents really need to do.
This is all a lack of parenting.
If the parents would do like in like I did.
And then, you know, father a kid outside of marriage and then deny him for 14 years so you could taint some personal power and then end your marriage immediately after getting out of politics.
If they would just do like I did, things would be good.
And also, when I think he was mad too that when people have kids, they don't spend tons of money keeping the mothers quiet and buying them a house and keeping them out of the way.
Yes, that is true.
Yeah.
That shows parental responsibility.
And the dads today don't do that.
No.
I mean, he's setting an example.
When you bang your maid in your wife's bed and you impregnate her, what you do is you set her up with a nice little house in Bakersfield.
And that's what Jesus would do.
A lot of people are so irresponsible, they'll only have one child with one woman at a time.
They don't care about very selfish.
You know, speaking, Arnold actually called me.
Hello, Jimmy Duard.
This is Arish Warsivenga.
Yeah.
Everyone talks about my history of grouping women.
I've been very upfront about my history of growing women.
I've admitted.
But one time.
10 years ago.
I grew up the lady so hard that it's made of baby.
It was a miracle.
I am discovering new ways of making human life.
That should be the story.
No one is talking about it.
Goodbye.
Very articulate.
Very articulate.
I have heard that message before, and it gets better.
It gets better every time you hear it.
Actually, I'm going to play that one more time for people.
I want to hear it.
Okay, here we go.
Because, you know, Arl doesn't call it.
Jimmy Duardis is Arishwara.
Yeah.
This is the way everyone talks about my history of grubbing women.
I've been very upfront about my history of grubbing women, I've admitted.
But one time.
10 years ago.
I grew up the lady so hard that it's made of baby.
It was a miracle.
I am discovering new ways of making human life.
That should be the story.
No one is talking about it.
Goodbye.
Yes.
Okay.
Okay.
I didn't think I would be having this much fun ever with Arnold Schwarzenegger, but we are.
Okay, so we'd even get to our last oh my God clip.
So here's, of course, and then we have the standard Glenn Beck stops in to scare the hell out of people.
What's happening and scare the hell out of me, Land?
Things in Israel are going to get bad.
They're going to spread across the Middle East.
The things that I've told you are coming will come.
It's only a matter of time.
And there are forces in this land And forces all over the globe that are trying to destroy us.
Okay, be careful.
They're coming forward.
They're trying to destroy us.
There's force.
And everything I said that is going to happen is going to happen.
You could put him in an Ed Wood movie and people would go, that's a little much for the movie.
How is he not standing on a corner wearing like a gunny sack gown with a sign in his hand?
I'm with you.
He's that guy.
He is.
They don't have those guys on the corner anymore because there's Fox News.
There's Fox News.
They don't need a bullhorn.
Yeah.
Okay, Glenn, close it out with something extra crazy for me.
I want you to know the very gates of hell are going to open up.
Not to be an alarmist.
Wow.
Okay.
This has been, oh my God.
Oh, my God.
The Jimmy Dora show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Thank you.
Okay, welcome back to the show.
I am in studio joined by Frank Conniff from CinematicTitanic.com and from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
Also with us from Dinner and a Movie on TV as Paul Gilmartin, although dinner and a movie will not be with us after September 10th, making it an extra tough September 11th this year for all of us.
And also from Team Tweeting at Team Yasamura, great that you had some pretty great tweets lately, Robert.
It's Robert Yasamura.
Okay.
So time for another installment of, oh my God.
The thing I like about the right wing in America is that once they've been told a fact over and over, they accept it.
And so, for instance, with Barack Obama, there was all the birther thing and then his birth certificate.
We wanted to see his birth certificate.
So he produced his birth certificate and it shut up Donald Trump, at least for a little while.
And I was watching Fox Business.
That's a great channel, by the way.
Oh, boy.
I got to tell you, I think that was the channel everybody was watching in 2006.
And so the fact that you were watching it meant that its ratings doubled that night.
Well, people don't watch Fox Business because people who need business information don't need a spin.
They need it.
They need the business information.
Anyway, so here's the people.
So they did.
So we're watching Fox News, Fox Business News.
And so here they're talking about Barack Obama's birth certificate, the long form that he released.
And well, let's see what they have to say.
It's really been photocopied again.
A book.
You see that?
It kind of folds back to almost like the binding of a book.
Yes.
And then for some reason, there's a green border around it that had to be photoshopped in.
I'm trying to figure out what it is.
Well, this whole border is suspect.
I mean, if you're taking a scan of something, it would, to your point, it would be white.
Why is this the color of the same that this?
Okay, so they're going over Barack Obama's long-form birth certificate.
Why can't a misfired drone ever hit that room?
There's more.
Why always poor Afghan villages?
And then never where it could do some good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
April 25th, 2011, two days ago, is when this was requested from the state registrar, registrar Alvin Onaka.
So we'll keep our eye and we'll keep digging.
Hey, listen, it may or may not be, but certainly opens up the can of worms that there are at least questions for it.
Okay, Pam, hang on.
Very quickly, Pamela.
Yes, there are questions.
So they're looking at the long-form birth certificate saying, I don't know, if there's a color over here, and why is it that it wasn't signed by Reagan?
I don't know.
Wait a second.
You sure you were listening to Fox Business and not Fox Forensics?
Because wow.
Those guys are on the American.
They're going to dig deeper, which means, well, we might talk about it again next week.
Yeah, we're going to go.
We're going to say the same thing next week.
By the way, that can of worms is sealed tight.
Yeah.
By the way, I got to say, like, I am so tired of hearing Republicans say, I'm just asking questions because I feel like saying to them, yeah, that's a push-poll.
That's what's called a push-poll.
Oh, that's you're asking loaded questions.
That's what Trump said through the whole birth of thing.
He always said, hey, I'm just raising this.
Yeah.
Well, he can answer the question tomorrow.
He released the birth certificate.
Why won't he talk about his Nazi past?
So here come some more from that same program.
Pamela, this doctor right here, the guy who signed it the four days after the birth, he passed away.
But his wife today, TMZ, had his wife saying, I had no idea.
She didn't know about it.
His son said, I had no idea.
It came as a complete shock to him as well.
If you gave birth to the president of the United States, don't you think your family would know about it?
Maybe he doesn't know about it either.
I mean, I think it's very telling.
First of all, he was supposed to know when he decided that he was doing it for the future.
This kid's going to be the president's son.
You hear Hell to the Chief.
Push, breathe.
That's hilarious.
I mean, it raises questions.
The fact that I don't know what my dad was doing in August of 1961.
I couldn't tell you what he was up to with that.
You didn't know if he was giving birth to the president of the United States?
Yeah, and it raises some serious questions.
It's funny that they say, yeah, the guy's dead.
So the guy, the doctor who signed the birth certificate, probably died before Barack Obama became president.
So why would that guy ever know that he, how could he ever possibly know?
The guy wasn't president yet.
There's more to this.
It gets fun.
It's even more fun.
What do they edit out of that show?
I'd like to know.
No, they go right live to tape on that show.
Okay, here.
That for three years he didn't release it.
There's a big question there.
We have to say, why?
Why didn't he release it after three years?
Remember something.
Every single president has been scrutinized.
Bush, every document of Bush.
And when they didn't find what they wanted of Bush, they actually forged the gold standard of journalism.
Dan Raga forged documents for his service in Vietnam.
And they knew he volunteered for Vietnam.
But we are not allowed to see the birth certificate.
We're not allowed to see school records.
We're not allowed to see his applications.
The school we're not allowed to see the passport who went to Pakistan when it was under martial law in 1981.
I mean, look how the media protects this man.
He's the president.
He answers to us.
All right.
All right.
We want to point out Alvin Anaka, PhD.
He's the state registrar.
We'll keep an eye on that name as well.
Casey, I want to say thank you to Panama.
When she says he reports to us, does that mean high-strung people from Long Island?
Exactly.
And what do the other goodfella wives think?
Yeah.
We're going to keep an eye on that state registrar.
That's my favorite.
What is an interview at Fox News like?
Like, okay, speculate wildly.
Just like, I like your bona fides up to this point, but can you say some really crazy shit now?
And I, you know, seriously, I really hope that, you know, when Trump is interviewed again, that people say, what's the status of that investigation that you said was producing incredible things that you couldn't believe?
So obviously it must still be ongoing.
Sure.
And Somebody did ask him about it.
Oh, did you?
And he said that he said, well, the way he got around the question was, well, no, I had an investigation, and now I had, I called him back.
I don't need him anymore.
I called him back.
Well, I thought they were finding stuff, you know, but nobody, nobody.
Yeah, he's so.
So, in other words, the only possible explanation is if he really did have the investigation, which I don't think he did, but he's either a fool that he was believing what these people were telling them so they could spend another week or two in Hawaii and live it up, you know, or he's lying.
Those are the only two possible explanations.
I really like the one where Trump has a secret army of crime fighters.
I really like that.
I think he would make a great president because I think impulsive and overly dramatic are two great qualities in the paper.
Exactly.
Okay, we didn't get a huge, oh my God.
I got to say, those two clips were about as crazy as they come.
Yeah, they are.
But because we knew it was Fox News.
Right.
Yeah.
The oh my God is already established.
Okay, so now let's let's let's let's go on to there.
There was this lot of happening on the Sunday shows this week.
First of all, Arnold Schwarzenegger, by the way, a friend of the show, he's getting divorced.
And they asked him why, and he said it was because he wanted to spend some more time banging young women before he died.
And actually, he called into me.
Hello, Jimmy Doer.
It's me, Arnold.
Once the Terminator in the Gulvernada, and now the Duval Nader, because I'm also the butt and boobs grabber nature.
Jimmy, it's wrong that I'm not allowed to run for president.
I am as American as any other person who was born and raised in a foreign country.
All right, I admit, I sound like a Nazi who threw the Van Tra family into a concentration camp just so I could hit on Julie Andrews.
But I love America.
And I mean, all of it.
From the shores of Malibu to the purple mountain majesty of Brantwood.
I mean, how screwed up is it that Trump and Gingrich can run for president, but I'm not in the house now.
I got more pruning one afternoon in my trailer on the scent of kindergarten corp than all of these guys have gone in their whole lives.
I'm just more presidential than Trump and Gingrich.
Believe me, I spent thousands of hours admiring myself in the mirror.
And I can tell you for a fact that I am more presidential gravitas in my face than the rest of the Republican period as in the entire bodies.
Okay, Jimmy, give me a call back.
Okay, that's Arnold Schwarzenegger letting us know how he feels about the divorce.
I didn't know you and Arnold were that close.
Well, he's a friend of the show.
He listens.
I know he listens to it on the iPod.
I know that in his hummer, I'm pretty sure.
Anyway, okay, so back to the show.
And again, on Sunday, we're talking about torture.
And we had to, and why do we have to hear from Liz Cheney whenever torture comes up?
Well, she's got the credentials, right?
She's a torture freak and the soulless daughter of the most universally despised politician in America.
So let's give her a microphone, shall we?
Liz Cheney, actually an attorney at international law, and her reading of the law in her reading of the law means, yeah, the world needs less rights.
So here is Liz Cheney, the nicest Christian mother of two to ever tout the benefits of war crimes and torturing other people's children.
And here she is on national television defending torture to a bunch of nice white men in suits.
Let's hear how that sounded.
Liz, does this reignite this debate as to whether these enhanced interrogation techniques work and should be brought back?
I think it does.
I think the fact that you clearly have the current CIA director saying that part of the intelligence came from enhanced interrogation.
It's important to remember, you know, Chick Burlingame, who was the pilot on American Airlines Flight 77 that flew into the Pentagon, he himself was subjected to these techniques when he went through SERA training.
These are not torture.
These are techniques that we know worked.
That debate is over.
It worked.
It got the intelligence.
It wasn't torture.
It was legal.
Seems to me the key question now is.
Okay, well, there it is.
She said it, and none of the other people in sueds contradicted her.
Well, because she said the debate is over.
Yeah, she said it, and nobody contradicted her.
So that settles it.
Liz Cheney, although being the farthest thing from an interrogation expert as you can get, she ought to know.
But what you didn't hear, Jimmy, was when she said the debate is over, then she hit a tiny little suburban gavel.
Well, the best part of this little comment by Liz Cheney is yet to come.
Here we go.
We've got this trove of intelligence, what looks to have been perhaps the biggest trove we've ever been able to get a hold of.
If that leads us to other Al-Qaeda operatives, it's not clear to me that we have any way to effectively interrogate them.
We don't have enhanced interrogation anymore.
We read people their Miranda rights.
We are not detaining people at Guantanamo anymore.
We're not detaining people in the secret prison sites.
It's not clear to me what the administration will be able to do to get this information.
Yeah, I mean, if you're not willing to act like a bunch of Nazis, how are you ever going to push back against evil?
Right.
What about making them watch Fox Business News?
That is unnecessary.
She's like, hey, hey, you just came from some godforsaken country or unimaginable poverty and ultra-violent totalitarian government created a hotbed of terrorism.
I honestly don't know how I'm going to get intelligence out of you without a secret rape room.
And how did we ever get intelligence before, you know, during any of the other wars?
But she's talks, I love how she talks about like this golden age is over.
You know, we can't do that anymore.
That was, you know, that was a great era when we were torturing people.
And the family would gather around the rape room.
And listen to the cries.
And I love that it's like, you know, if we hadn't tortured someone 10 years ago, we wouldn't have gotten this information now.
Yeah.
Which is the biggest BS there is.
Which is why we need to start torturing now to make sure we get information in 2017.
Proactive torture.
And also, you know, we got up in London and we got all this information, but she's saying, but we didn't go about it the right way.
So it's not valid.
Well, and she brings up Chuck Burlingame, right?
Who was the guy who piloted the.
And the name of the character Brian Keith played on the Sampeck Impost series, The Westerner.
That's absolutely true.
Wow.
Cinematic Titanic.
Well, she says how Burlingame went through waterboarding and seer training, but he did that because specifically because it is torture.
Because, you know, other countries who don't live up to our standards and values torture their prisoners.
Right.
So that's why we would do that.
They didn't waterboard Burlingame to honor him.
They did it to prepare him for torture.
So her argument amounts to, well, if torture is good enough for our heroes, it should be good enough for our prisoners, too.
That's really what she's doing.
That's like that Alice in Wonderland kind of logic.
Okay, I hope you're enjoying this look back at some of our favorite oh my gods and our torture segments.
Well, we got more coming up on this torture segment.
We're going to have the rebuttal to Liz Cheney from actual interrogators, and that's going to be coming up after the break.
We are up against a break right now.
We'll be back in one minute.
This is the Jimmy Dore Show on Pacifica.
This is the Jimmy Dore Show.
This is the Jimmy Dore Show.
Bye.
Welcome back to the Jimmy Door show.
We've got a lot coming up in the second half.
What we're doing is taking a look back at some of our favorite Oh my God segments.
And when we left off before the break, we were right in the middle of Liz Cheney telling us how cool torture is and how effective it is.
And well, we've got even some more, even worse stuff coming up.
But we're going to have some rebuttals to all her garbage in this second half, plus a lot more.
Let's get right to it.
Along with me and Frank, it's Robert Yasamura and our old buddy, Paul Gilmartin.
Remember when he was on the show?
Well, he's on our look back.
Let's get back to the studio.
But as we all know, torture doesn't work.
And I mean, how do I know that?
Well, I didn't ask an expert like Liz Cheney, Don Rumsfeld, or Liz Cheney's dad.
I got it from my information from an interrogator who interrogated prisoners in Iraq and Guantanamo, who said, quote, without a doubt, torture and enhanced interrogation techniques slowed down the hunt for bin Laden.
They gave us the bare minimum amount of information they could get away with giving us to get the pain to stop or to mislead us.
Quote, I never saw enhanced interrogation techniques work in Iraq.
I never even saw harsh techniques work in Iraq.
In every case I saw, they slowed us down and they were always counterproductive to trying to get people to cooperate.
In fact, the National Defense Intelligence College, the National Defense, that's a thing.
That's a real thing.
The National Defense Intelligence College issued a study entitled, You Ready for This?
Educing Information.
And it says in that report, the very nature of the use of physical force would seem to undermine the likelihood of useful connection with a source.
It might also increase a source's hatred of the United States and interests in suicide or willingness to be killed.
The preponderance of reports seemed to weigh against their effectiveness.
So now that's I so that I know that I found that information because, and I'm just a guy with a public radio show.
And now, when and uh, there's here's another, here's another guy we can listen to.
He's here's a the actual uh guy that I was just quoting, and here's what he had to say about it.
That's correct.
And you know, when you look at the use of waterboarding and enhanced interrogation techniques in the case of the trail of evidence that leads to Osama bin Laden, what you find is time and time again, it slows down the chase.
Um, in 2003, when we or two, when we have Khalid Sheikh Muhammad, we have the person most likely to be able to lead us to bin Laden, and yet we don't get to him until 2011.
Uh, you know, by any interrogation standard, uh, eight years is a long time to not get information from people, and that's probably directly related to the fact that he was waterboarded 183 times.
The other piece of this story that we don't know yet, okay.
So, so I found that out, and then there's another guy who was another interrogator, and he had this but the fact is that it transgresses Uniform Code of Military Justice, the Convention Against Torture, the Geneva Convention's Executive Order 1233 for the CIA.
It's quite clear that the information that eventually broke the case and let us find Osama bin Laden was obtained a year after any enhanced interrogation techniques were stopped with him and had nothing directly to do with them.
So, I think the answer for that narrow fact is that the current rewriting of history is wrong.
So, I just gave you about four different sources.
But were any of them Lynn Cheney?
And none of them were Liz Cheney.
Well, it's Liz Cheney.
Oh, Liz, what are they?
What are they all pale in comparison to a single John Yu memo?
Yes, and to the guys who ordered torture defending it.
So I got all that information.
I just gave you four different credible sources of information, how they laid out how that was actually counterproductive.
It doesn't work.
And the big reason why they don't do it is because it's immoral and against the Constitution.
But when Liz Cheney said that torture worked, and we know it, and that debate is over, she said that in front of some of the biggest brains in America.
You know, she was sitting there next to George Will.
I thought you said one of the biggest brains in America.
She's sitting there on a Sunday news show with these people who are these policy shapers.
And well, I bet they put her right in her place.
Here's what George Will said about it.
Interrogation.
It's an unanswerable question.
Could we have got it another way?
Perhaps, yes.
We don't know.
We know that we got it in part using enhanced interrogation.
Okay, so there you go.
So, George.
Part of the harsh interrogation techniques or torture techniques that they used is reading excerpts from George Will's baseball book.
But so there she, so there he so apparently ABC News and Christian Mahompor and George Will didn't have access to the same information that I just shared with all of you.
Or someone even like presenting the argument opposite that.
There is, yeah, there is even a person to come on to talk about how what we just talked about.
But like I think I said last week is that the mainstream media is very much pushing the idea that torture worked because the mainstream media was complicit in the everything that led to it.
And in order for them to live with themselves, they have to lean towards the idea that all this stuff was good because they played such an essential part in making these bullshit wars happen.
The thing that kills me is that not only did they not have someone on to rebut her, like the people I just played for you, but it was as if those people didn't even have access to that information.
George Will doesn't, he doesn't go, wait a minute, I'm going on the ABC News this week, and maybe I should look into this torture thing to see what the real facts of it are.
They don't.
They just, he's talking like he heard the information on an elevator on the way up to the studio.
And they're not even talking about like the what they're citing is the Leon Panetta statement.
And they're not even citing that statement.
They're citing what somebody else said about that statement in the sense that like if you actually look at what Leon Paneta said, he's very murky about it.
Like he doesn't hedged.
He never says enhanced interrogation is an A to B to bin Laden.
He never says that.
Well, you can't, you know, that's the thing, too.
You can't just take two points in time and then string them indefinitely.
You can't go, okay, we tortured a guy and then we eventually caught him.
So those two things connect.
No, they don't.
Well, the same people who are saying all this, their original argument about Obama anyway, was that he was too weak on the war on terror.
And, you know, from what they said before this happened, Barack was the kind of guy who was never going to catch bin Laden or do anything that was strong for a country because he just didn't get it.
And he just disproved that, but yet they're still living in that old mindset.
You know, that the CIA people or whatever who are just like meticulously doing the boring work of going through intelligence and figuring stuff out.
Like they get no props from the Bush people.
You know, people really doing the hard work of gathering intelligence.
The people who really did the work.
Bush would just get rid of all those people and just have it all be based on torture.
Yeah, we just need to start torturing people.
Well, it gets even worse.
Now we're back to Fox Business.
And here's a doctor, a guy named Dr. Zudi Jasser, who is Fox News' go-to commentary.
I hate him just when I heard his name.
He worked in the same building as Vinnie Boomba.
Dr. Judy Zudi Zud with the Z Zudi Jasser, who is Fox News go-to commentator on persecuting Muslims, because he is himself a Muslim who thinks there's a massive Islamic conspiracy to create Sharia law in the United States.
Yes, this is true.
And just to give you an idea who this guy is, he's a Syrian American who voluntarily lives in Arizona.
You know, most people.
What's his name again?
Most people with a suntan won't live voluntarily in Arizona.
His name is Dr. Zudi Zu Dhi Jas.
I loved him when he was with Woody Herman's band.
He was a star witness at Congressman Peter King's radicalization hearings.
You remember that, don't you?
Sure, sure.
The inflammatory show trial designed to convince us all that our brown neighbors were going to kill us.
Yeah, he was a star witness at that thing.
He's like the one guy who gives testimonials for homosexual re-education camps.
That's who this guy is.
Okay, so here he is talking about torture on Fox business.
Jasser, the head of the CIA, Leon Panettik, point blank, said waterboarding was one of the techniques used and it aided in the capture of bin Laden.
Any questions?
No, I mean, I think ultimately we have to realize that the Judeo-Christian and in Islam, we believe that there's just war.
Oh, you know who else thinks there's a just war?
Al-Qaeda.
Okay, keep going.
Unless you're a pacifist, you have to believe that ultimately targeting individuals, a morality is going to win over evil by the use of some force and coercion as transparently necessary.
We're transparent with it, and I think it was moral.
We got bin Laden with it, and ultimately we just have to be transparent and clear about it.
But to say that we're not going to use it at all as naive as the yeah, because we all know Jesus wasn't a pacifist.
That's right.
Jesus wasn't a pacifist.
And let's see, either you're a pacifist or a torturer.
Those are your two choices.
Those are your two choices.
You're either a pacifist, and if you don't torture, you're not grown up because you don't realize that we need to do this stuff.
That's just the way it is.
And you know, we never used torture in the 40s, and that's why we never won World War II.
How could we possibly do it?
It makes you wonder why the Inquisition didn't go better.
And I didn't think that anyone would ever do that.
I didn't, even people pro-torture people, I didn't think they would say, hey, this is the moral thing to do.
It's the good Christian thing to do.
We're going to be.
And it's great that they're basing everything on like restaurant, you know, establishing the Bush administration's place in history as doing a great job on the war on terror.
And they're betting everything on just everyone accepting that torture is great.
You know, it's like that's their only thing that they're hanging it on.
And did you think it's amazing?
Did you catch where he said that?
He basically said that, you know, we might make right.
Because if we do this, we're going to eventually win.
So that makes us right.
Okay, so we have to take a break.
But before we do, I have one more phone call from Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Jimmy, this is Arnold Schwarzenegger again.
Okay, admittedly, I've done things with young women a married man should never do.
But I'm telling you, these chicks, they throw themselves at me.
Sure, they tore themselves at me because I'm holding them down.
They're trying to headbutt me and get away.
But that's the kind of one-on-one campaigning I'd be doing right now if Congress would only amend the Constitution on my behalf.
That's not what you ask, is it?
I know I've let Maria down, but in my defense, women with Naraya's religious and ethnic background are not exactly what you would call sexual adventurers.
Let me put it this way: marrying a Canada woman means that when it comes to sex, you've lost the Irish sweetstakes.
And why is it everyone is so excited about President Obama killing bin Laden?
I've killed dozens of terrorists in just about every movie I've ever made.
But I even gotten one Oscar nomination.
No!
And don't forget, when I became governor, I stopped making movies for eight years.
For that reason alone, I should be getting the Nobel Peace Prize for contributing to the betterment of society.
Don't you think?
Well, anyway, got to get to the drugstore and stuck up on Viagra.
At my age, sometimes your erection can be subject to a re-competition in your pants.
Hasta la vista, Jimmy Dua.
Ah!
Okay, this is the Jimmy Door show on Pacifica.
The Jimmy Dora show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Thank you.
Hey, Jimmy, this is John Bader, Speaker of the goddamn House of Representatives.
Beautiful day, huh?
Summer is upon us.
I love the hot weather.
The humidity slows down poor people and makes it harder for them to sponge up the government.
Yeah, how can you not feel great on a day like this?
Well, okay.
There was an election this week in upstate New York, a district that used to be as safe a bet for us as there was for Republicans.
Hell, up until a few months ago, we could have run Charles Manson if he was a Republican.
He would have been elected in that district.
And not just because conservatives love how anti-Hollywood Chuck is.
But okay, we lost the election to a Democrat.
But come on, that's not a big deal.
These things happen for any number of reasons.
Like, oh, hey, there's just off the top of my head, the fact that nobody likes us anymore.
Oh, yeah.
Thank you.
I'm sorry, Jimmy.
I'm a little emotional.
But it pays me to know.
that people seem to have this perception that Republicans want to destroy Medicare just because that's exactly what we've been trying to do for the last 50 years.
We're just trying to make life fun and adventurous for senior citizens by replacing Medicare with a voucher program that would add suspense and tension to their lives.
Just like an episode of Matlock or the Hallmark channel, which as we all know, seniors love more than life itself.
And once privatization of Medicare kicks in, life itself might not be an option anymore.
But our program requires seniors to get out of the house and go from doctor to doctor, desperately trying to get covered by companies that would sooner give Stephen Hawkins dance lessons than even look at these people's vouchers.
It'll be as if seniors are on a non-stop roller coaster ride with no access to their blood pressure medication.
Doesn't that sound exciting?
All right, Jimmy, call me back on my droid.
Time for another installment of, oh my God.
Okay, now this is going to be an extended, oh my God, this week.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
And there we go.
We got the reaction you're looking for.
On to the next.
You know what?
This, this could be called, this segment of Oh my God could be subtitled the week in douchebaggery.
And this week we travel to the great state of Oklahoma, the state that recently voted to amend their constitution to ban Sharia law.
Yes, right.
And representing the 84th district of Oklahoma is douchebag Sally Kern.
Yes, this 64-year-old former teacher has represented the 84th in the Oklahoma State House since 2005.
But her breakout year was 2008.
Sally comes out at us with this old chestnut.
You ready here?
It's kind of hard.
You really can't hear the audio is a little muffled, but she's talking about gay people.
She said this in 2008.
They show that no society that has totally embraced homosexuality has lasted more than a few days.
So it's for Daniel in this country.
And this stuff is daily and it's spreading and it will destroy our young people.
It will destroy this nation.
She was asked if she would apologize for saying that about gay people, that if it's deadly and it's spreading and it's killing our young people.
And she said no.
She had studies to back it up.
Does it mean I'm shallower if I'm more offended by the audio quality of that?
Was it that bad?
Should I take it out?
No, leave it in.
Okay.
Leave it in, but it's bordering on almost makes me want to jab an ice pick into my ear.
Well, it sounds like it was a part of a track on an old Pink Floyd album.
You know, I was looking for some type of reference to make about it.
It just, it's just refreshing to know that you don't have to live around hills to think like a hillbilly.
You know, when she said that, she didn't apologize because she was just starting.
Yeah, that's right.
She was because the same month that she introduced and authored a bill that would mandate students who cite young earth creationism in their work, they would still get passing grades in their science classes.
That was a bill that she forwarded.
And she's in later that same year, she co-authored a bill that students could not be penalized for religious content in their schoolwork.
Live the dream, Sally.
And by the dream, I mean the one in which the entire state public school system becomes as credible as Oral Roberts University.
Okay, but there's more.
In June 09, she then authored the Oklahoma Citizens Proclamation for Morality, which, among other things, would publicly blame homosexuality and President Obama's recognition of Gay Pride Month for the economic crisis.
Oh, my God.
Yes.
Do you feel the First Amendment?
Your ass is grass when Sally comes to town.
And I know what you're thinking.
What could Sally possibly do to top that level of ignorance and full-blown crazy?
Well, she does not disappoint fellas because about a week ago, Oklahomans were debating a constitutional amendment to outlaw affirmative action.
That's right.
Affirmative action in Oklahoma.
Really?
Affirmative action is a big problem in Oklahoma.
Pretty sure you could solve that problem by just giving bus tickets to anybody who'd rather not be living in Oklahoma.
Anyway, Sally was debating the subject and she said this.
You know, I think, you know, God gave us two ears so we could hear both sides of the argument.
We have heard tonight already that in prison there's more black people.
Yes, there are.
And that's that's tragic.
It's tragic that our prisons here in Oklahoma, what are they?
99% occupancy.
But the other side of the story, perhaps we need to consider, is this just because they're black that they're in prison?
Or could it be because they didn't want to work hard in school?
That's what happens.
I taught school for 20 years and I saw a lot of people of color who didn't want to work as hard.
They wanted it given to them.
Matter of fact, I had one student that said, I don't need to study.
You know why?
The government's going to take care of me.
That's kind of revealing there.
So ignorant and really not a great speaker on top of it.
Yeah, you know, I think Katrina is a perfect example of the black people bringing it on themselves.
They had three full days.
They were warned to go ahead, get a college education, get a better paying job, and get an SUV.
And they chose not to.
How dare they not reverse 200 years of institutionalized racism?
How dare they?
Now, I will say in her defense, yes, there are people of every race that feed off the system, and people of color are certainly no exception to that.
But, you know, when there's a teacher telling you that the colored kids don't work as hard, it just, I don't understand how someone could say they're still institutionalized.
Her mistake, her mistake in modern Republicanism is not speaking in coded racist language.
She's speaking in blatant, overt racist language.
You know, I never thought I'd say this, but can we get her pension back?
Well, she went on.
She wasn't done.
She does because affirmative action not only handles the people of color, but it also handles women.
She had this to say about women.
Another thing we hear, and we heard about what women make.
Well, you know, they make 77 cents on a dollar less.
Well, did you know there's a study by Dr. Warren Farrell that when you take all variables in...
Here we go.
Here, here's the study.
Into account, for example, actual hours worked, experience, work hazards, commute distance, and performance evaluations for the same work women make more than men.
Did you know that?
Well, come on.
Warren Farrell.
And that's like an unimpeachable source.
Yeah.
I've just heard of him for the first time.
Yeah, and it's a study.
So, you know, it's official.
She has more.
You see, women usually don't want to work as hard as a man because, I mean, get me.
Wait a minute.
Now, listen to me.
Women, hang on.
Women tend to think a little bit more about their family, wanting to be at home more time, wanting to have a little more leisure time.
That's all I mean.
I'm not saying women don't work hard.
I think women work very hard, so don't take that the wrong way.
You just said that they didn't work as hard.
She just said that.
She just said, women don't.
Well, that's a, I'm not saying that they don't work hard.
They just don't work as hard.
I want to know who she ran against that lost.
Well, in her last campaign in 2010, she's running against a woman, and in her campaign flyers that she sent around, she implied that her opponent was a lesbian.
Oh, my God.
That was part of like her.
She's great.
She's great.
That should get you more votes.
That's the thing.
More dudes would vote.
I would vote.
The worst thing is that she has a glass ceiling in her trailer.
Okay, she had a little bit more to say.
That's factors you have to keep in mind.
Okay, women like to be willing to have a moderate work life with plenty of time for spouse and children and other things like that.
That's all I meant.
Okay.
They work very hard, but sometimes they aren't willing to commit their whole life to their job like a lot of men do.
That's all I meant by that.
So.
So in your face, half the population of the earth, because Sally Kern just put you in your place.
And that place is not the workplace, baby.
And for this, she did apologize.
And then when she was formally reprimanded by the State Assembly, she said, in effect, I don't know why I'm being reprimanded.
I already apologized.
She was actually reprimanded.
They passed a bill to reprimand her for that.
And it passed 74 to 16, meaning 16 people didn't have a problem with anything she just said.
She never saw the reprimand because the person who was supposed to bring it to her was black.
He was too lazy.
All right.
And that.
This has been, oh my God.
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
Okay, so get a little to that.
There's our show featuring some of our favorite oh my gods from a few years ago.
And what was the year?
Do you think you're trying to figure it out?
It's off in the same month, May, from May, but it's from 2011.
Doesn't seem that long ago when I listened to him.
I'm like, this anyway, but that was it.
That was the month, 2011.
Those are the oh my gods.
And I'm still, I forgot about that Liz Cheney thing.
That is still stunning to me.
Still very stunning.
Okay, well, listen, I appreciate everybody listening to the show this week.
I hope you enjoyed that.
I put it together.
Thanks for your patience with my physical ailments, the flu, and then the ripped out tooth.
I have to get one of those, it's like where they take a screw and then they literally screw it into the bone in your jaw and then they seal it up and they let it like adhere to your bone for a few months and then they open it back up and then they screw a thing on it and then they screw a tooth on it and it's called an implant.
It's the new way.
They don't give you a partial or a false tooth anymore.
They do that.
Well, I did that on one side of my mouth.
And when they opened up my jaw to put in the tooth and screw it on, the screw fell out.
Did not adhere to the bone.
So now I got two open molars in the back.
Who gives a crap about this?
All right.
Anyway, so that's my style.
I can't believe I'm sitting here telling people about my teeth.
Okay, that's our show for this week.
I want to let everybody know that on July 12th, we'll be coming to San Francisco with the Young Turks tour.
That's Ben Mankiewicz, Jenk Uger, Anna Kasperian, and yours truly.
So if you're in the San Francisco area around there, we're going to be doing a big theater up there.
So I'll have links up at the website for that when links become available.
But just keep that in mind.
July 12th, we'll be up in San Francisco.
And then the week after that, I'm going to be at Las Vegas at the Bally's Casino.
Okay, so that's going to be, I think, the 16th through the 20th of July.
Okay, so those are my two big road dates coming up.
One to let everybody know about it.
Today's show, well, it wasn't, it was written.
That's right.
It was written.
Paul Kozlowski, how about his Benghazi thing at the top?
That guy, that was a killer.
Thank you very much to Paul Kozlowski for that.
Very funny.
Also, today's show was written by Frank Conniff, Robert Yasamura, Steph Zamarano, Mike McRae.
And you know what?
I think this show was recorded in 2011 before Mark Van Landuit started working with this.
So I still want to mention his name.
Also, a big shout out to Sean James, who donates his time and talent to make sure the show gets done.
And you know how he does it?
He fixes our computer right over the internet.
And if you have anything wrong with your Mac, he can fix yours too.
You give him a call at 347-695-0601 or email at MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
And you spell Sean, S-H-A-U-N.
Okay, so that's it for this week.
I think we're all up to date.
All the announcements, everything.
No premium content this week because we didn't do a new show.
Okay.
But last week's premium content, 48 minutes of premium.
That's like a whole new show.
Hold another show.
So that's a great way to help support the show.
If you'd like to get the premium content, it goes all the way back to, I think, March of 2013.
All that extra content, you can just become a member, a donator, $5 a month.
That's less than the price of something that's cheap.
And you go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, you click on premium, you make your donation, and guess what?
You get access to all that premium content.
Thanks for everybody who's a donator and makes this show possible.
Okay, that's it for this week.
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