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Dec. 7, 2013 - Jimmy Dore Show
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20131207_The_JImmy_Dore_Show_12-5-13
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program, the Jimmy Dore Show.
This past Sunday and Monday, 29,000 people signed up for health insurance on the healthcare.gov website, more than had been able to the entire month of October.
In response, Republicans said, let's not forget that back in October, that healthcare rollout was a complete disaster.
On Monday alone, more than a million people visited the site, which can now accommodate 50,000 users at one time and 800,000 per day.
Meanwhile, Republicans countered that all of those technical glitches could have been prevented if Obamacare never existed.
But with the website apparently in working order, a re-energized Obama pledged to fight for his healthcare law and encourage people to buy insurance.
Despite this upswing in the president's fortunes, experts across the political spectrum agreed he was in a lot of trouble back in October.
Indeed, Obama's signature legislative achievement seemed in such jeopardy, many Democrats panicked and declared health insurance for all a foolish pipe dream.
Meanwhile, public opinion polls showed Obama's approval ratings dropped sharply among young people who've apparently lost interest in Obama, either because they're disillusioned or they have no attention span.
And congressional Democrats, facing re-election, worry that between now and next November, voters will maintain the exact same level of selfish ignorance they've shown for the last 45 years.
So while the intensity of the healthcare.gov scandal may now be fading, Republicans seem to have coalesced around the idea that in the entire history of the United States, that was the worst healthcare rollout ever back in October.
Good job.
I want to be back.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
the show for up-minded, lowly-lovered lefties.
The kind of people It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's our talking, TV.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I'm joined on the phone all the way from New York City in Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's TV's Frank, Frank Conniff.
Hey, Jimmy.
Hello there.
Hey, hey, hey, Frank, you got any gigs coming up?
I just cinematic Titanic on New Year's Eve Eve in the Keswick Theater outside of Philly.
Okay, so that'll be what, December 30th then, right?
Yeah, I believe so.
Yes, okay, because there's 31 days in Jimmy.
Double feature two movies for the price of one.
No kidding.
Yep.
Oh, I would love to have seen two movies for the price of one when I saw the Cinematic Titanic, which is a fantastic show.
You got calm, so why are you complaining?
Now, do you still do a little stand-up at the front of that show?
I do, yes.
Oh, so you get to go see Frank do stand-up and then do the hilarious mystery science.
So go see that New Year's Eve rock and EVV, the eve of New Year's Eve.
Cross the glass for me.
Hilarious comedian rehearsal.
Hilarious comedian, the former writer for the Daily Show.
It's Steve Rosenfield.
Hey, Steve, how are you?
Good, Jimmy.
How are you?
I'm doing fantastic.
Across from him, our resident Latina and the host of Comedy Everything Else, it's Steph Zemarano.
Hi, Steph.
Hi, Jimmy.
Hi.
It's good to be here.
All right, let's do some jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
Do you know Obamacare is going to cost billions less?
They found out this week that Obamacare projects CBO said it's going to cost billions less than expected, but Republicans say we can make up for that with another unnecessary war.
That's right.
So I don't know if you saw the Republicans got in a lot of hot water when the Republican National Committee tweeted happy birthday to Rosa Parks or saluted her for ending racism, ending racism.
They call a lot of flack because, of course, we know racism didn't end until we elected Barack Obama.
I actually say racism ended when George Zimmerman stopped murdering unarmed black teens and started threatening unarmed white girlfriends.
That's when racism really ended.
He crossed over.
That's when it ended.
I don't know.
Did you do any shopping yet, Frank, to do your shopping?
Not quite yet.
Is it just me, Frank, or is Black Friday starting to become really commercialized?
And then, you know, on Monday, I went to the mall really early to beat the lines for Cyber Monday.
And it works.
It worked.
I have one smart dude.
Get it?
I went to the mall.
Timmy, you weren't supposed to go to the mall.
For Cyber Monday.
No, no, that's not how you do it.
It's Cyber Monday.
So to go to the mall is absurd.
It is ridiculous.
This is absurdist humor.
It's unnecessary.
It's really unnecessary.
So, okey-dokey, we got a lot coming up on today's show.
We're going to be talking about Obamacare.
Looks like it got a shot in the arm recently, but the Republicans still down on it.
We're going to look at how the news media is covering it.
Plus John Boehner's plan to get patient-centered health care.
We take a look at it.
Plus the minimum wage.
Barack Obama's making a big push to try to ease the income inequality.
It's a little late.
Hey, Bill O'Reilly's still pretending to fight the pretend war on Christmas.
We take a look at it.
Plus, George Will knows what's wrong with Detroit, and it's not what you think.
Plus, Dianne Feinstein.
Plus, Dianne Feinstein.
Diane.
The second syllable.
Diane Feinstein tells us all about bombs.
Oh, if we got phone calls from Bill O'Reilly, The Pope, and John Boehner, plus Vince Vaughan.
That's all today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Jimmy.
Hey, hey, you said the Poppy with the Donkey.
For lack of that.
If this was a regular segment, that's what I'd call it.
There'd be like a heaven type music, you know, and I come in and say, hey, you step with the donkey.
I'm just speedballing.
If I did a show with Francis or Cobbala, I'd be all like, it's the pulpy with the gopey.
Or maybe if I did it for a Native American show, it would be the poppy with the hoppy.
I see.
I see.
Okay.
I'm just being a little silly belly.
It's just the poppy with the dopey.
Hey, hey, you know, I got a question.
Hey.
What the pope?
Seriously, I say, hey, why don't you not make the Christmas all about the capitalism?
And all of a sudden, everybody goes a rising.
What's a dance?
As a cuckoo bird.
I almost didn't even say it because I thought it was like such a no-brainer, you know?
Like, hey, think about the miracle of the savior.
And not so much with the flat screen.
Everybody is so mad at the media because I wrote that trickle-down economics doesn't work.
It doesn't work.
Oh, I'm sorry.
It definitely works.
We only have the richest world in the history of anything with the most poor people because it's working also.
Man, you know who's doing so much for the poor people?
A general general electric.
Get out of here with that, my friend.
Those guys are cuckoo birds.
Tell you what.
When the Harley Burton does a net good for the suffering, then I'll kiss Rush Limbo's back.
Okay, Jimmy.
This has been the Poppy with the Doffi, right?
And now, outro music.
Zing!
That was the poem.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So Obamacare rollout went horribly.
They promised the website would be ready by the end of November.
It's the end of November.
And Consumer Reports, who told everybody to forget it.
Don't go to the website even in October.
Well, here's what Consumer Reports has to say now.
They came back on the television.
Now, so you in the first month said you guys said stay away.
Now we're saying we're saying it's time.
First of all, so now they say it's time.
Oh, so that's good.
It's time.
It's ready.
Everything's working.
Here's what she said.
So that's the lady from Consumer Reports on with Chuck Todd and his Caesar haircut.
And here's, she goes on to say this.
There's something surprising, even surprising about Obamacare.
Something surprising.
The other wonderful piece of news that came out yesterday that no one seemed to notice is that for the very first time, healthcare.gov has a shopping function, a browsing function, something that it should have had from day one, but it's now there and it's working.
You can enter some very simple information about yourself and see all of the plans available to you.
Without putting financial data, without putting stuff that you may not want.
No financial data.
It won't calculate whether or not you have a subsidy coming to you, but it will show you the plans available to you in your area with the premium for a person your age.
And you can click through and see all the details.
And you can even look at the provider networks and preferred drug lists, which is hugely important to people.
It's terrific.
I've tried it.
It was working yesterday through the busiest.
Through the busiest times.
You tried it at noon, all the times where people were.
I tried it in mid-afternoon when it was at its peak.
All right.
So there you go.
Consumer reports, lady.
At first, they told you to stay away.
Now the consumer reports couldn't say enough nice things about it.
It's great.
They got a great shopping feature.
It tells you everything up front.
Sounds like you get all your choice.
You get to choose everything, right?
That's Chuck Todd dying a little bit.
He was hearing this.
Yes.
Good news is bad news.
Good news is bad news.
Yeah, I could hear him say, so John Boehner gave a press conference after all the success and after everybody's rallying around, we figured it out.
We got the website fixed just like we said we would.
It's a website.
It's not the whole bill.
It's not the whole law.
It was just a website, which they got going, right?
You know what I mean?
So John Boehner, what does he have to say to that?
Here's that.
This is very interesting what he has to say because he wants more choice.
All right.
Here we go.
When you look at Obamacare, what you see is a government-centered healthcare delivery system.
Yeah, because most of the healthcare is going to the government, I guess.
I don't know what is how is that a government-centered.
Okay, here we go.
He keeps going.
That's not what the American people want.
What do they want?
What do they want, John?
What do the American people want?
The American people want to be able to pick their own type of health insurance.
They want to be able to pick their own doctor.
They want to be able to pick their own hospital.
It sounded like the Consumer Reports lady said that's exactly what she was doing on there.
Yes, the American people want to pick their own doctor.
They don't want Obamacare where they can pick their own doctor, but the president is black.
That's not the way it's supposed to be.
That's not how they want it, right?
The trouble with Obamacare, it contains two words that John Boehner hates, Obama and care.
That would be the problems.
So in that order.
So here's, so get this.
What he thinks the public wants is talking points from last year.
Yes.
So he says what the public wants is their own doctor to pick, their own healthcare plan to pick, their own hospital to pick.
And so guess who says Luke Russert?
Luke Russert then says to him, oh, really?
If that's what the people want.
I'll be up for a vote in 2014 now.
Will you put it up for a vote in 2014 then?
Here he says it again.
Double.
Speaker, will that be up for a vote in 2014?
Will that be up for a vote in a bill in 2014?
And John Boehner.
He starts laughing and says, we'll see.
So basically saying, are you kidding?
You're asking for an actual proposal to solve a problem from the House Republicans.
I can't even keep a straight face when you ask that question, Luke.
Can't even keep a straight face.
You silly boy.
Like, he doesn't even think that that's a dumb thing to do, to laugh about that.
Like, it doesn't cross his mind like, hey, I'm kind of revealing that we have zero plans.
It's not going to come up for a vote.
That thing I just said that the American people want, not a chance in hell am I going to bring that up for a vote.
Feels that way, yeah.
Yeah.
Who doesn't want their own doctor?
You know, everybody wants to find their own doctor.
How does that keep me from using the new health care program?
Well, it's government-centered.
Just the way Boehner's healthcare is.
It's government-centered.
Because, Steph, they just want to...
I'm like, wait a minute.
People are going to go in.
They're going to enroll.
They're going to find out that all this is not true.
Right?
So why would the Republicans keep doing that?
Like, by this time next year, by the time there's the election next year for Congress, people are going to know about how good this healthcare thing works.
So I'm thinking, why do they keep doing this, right?
You know, I brought this up.
I brought this up to Jenk Uger, and what he said was that they just want to damage the Democrat brand.
And they can damage the brand for a couple of months before people figure out what they're saying isn't true.
But by that time, he says the brand will be damaged enough.
Just kind of just trying to, because that's what they've been doing the whole time Obama's been president, just throwing as much crap on the wall and seeing if what will stick.
Something's got to stick.
Benghazi, they tried to make that stick.
God damn, they tried to make that stick.
And it wouldn't stick, right?
They tried Reverend Reid.
I tried everything to make everything stick, and nothing sticked.
Go ahead.
But in the case of Benghazi, though, in all fairness, the only people who barked on that were extreme right-wing fringe groups like 60 Minutes.
Yes, you're right.
So the website's working.
People are finding out about Obamacare.
Everyone's getting happier except the people who don't want people to have health care.
And the good thing that's happening is that when the news media kind of does their job, it sticks out like such a sore thumb.
So the news media has finally started asking the Republicans, hey, you want to get rid of this Obamacare?
What's your plan?
They finally figured out that question.
So here, Chris Cuomo, of all people, had Ted Cruz on last week.
And let's listen to a little bit of it, shall we?
Let's just listen to a little bit of it.
How can we say that it's not working when it isn't implemented yet?
How can you say premiums are skyrocketing when they haven't put the plans into effect yet?
You're being a little dangerous with how much political spend you put on something that's so central to the well-being of so many families?
Bam.
Wow, Chris Cuomo, he's bringing out both barrels on that one.
Good question.
Did you hear that, Frank?
Don't you be a little dangerous putting that kind of a political spin on something that's so important to people?
Wow, that's like the way.
He's actually incorporating the idea that these things might have an effect on people.
And let's watch how Ted Cruz handles that question.
Well, I appreciate the adjective you toss my way.
You know, John Adams famously said, facts are stubborn things.
Here's some facts.
About 100,000 people have signed up and gotten new insurance under Obamacare.
About 5 million people have lost their insurance because of Obamacare.
Those are facts.
And those are real people that can't be spun away.
You know, when I go back to Texas, I travel the state and I see people all the time who come up to me, men and women across Texas.
Now, this is my favorite thing Ted Cruz likes to do because he did when he went to Afghanistan.
The same thing happened.
People come up to him.
People are going to come up to him and grab him.
They're going to grab him.
Please.
And they're going to say something desperate to him.
Watch.
They grab me by the shoulder.
By the shoulder.
Right?
He's a tall guy.
By the shoulder, Frank.
And they're afraid.
They say, Ted, you know, I just lost my health insurance.
I've got a child with diabetes.
I need my health insurance.
I'm scared.
Please stop this from happening.
Okay, and so I need my crappy health insurance.
Please stop them from taking away this crappy plan that doesn't cover my son's diabetes anyway.
Turns out the new health care plan does cover their child with diabetes that they never did before.
All children are now covered.
Right.
And if a pre-existing condition, definitely the child's going to be covered.
Bad example, Ted.
Ted, please make sure that my son's diabetes prevents him from ever qualifying for health care.
Yes.
Yes.
So Chris Cuomo pushes back against this kind of BS.
Those are real families.
And what do you say to them, Senator?
When they say, please help me, what is the fix that you offer them?
I looked at the list of bills that you've sponsored.
There's not one that offers a solution to the current problems with health care except to get rid of the existing law.
Is that enough?
Well, that's the only solution that will work.
All of these.
That's it.
That'll help that kid with diabetes.
That's it.
That's all he had.
That's all he had.
That's the only solution that's so he got so he looks as foolish as he should be looking all the time.
Finally, and Chris Cuomo did it because apparently CNN figured out that if you ask a question in the morning of some people tune in.
Like remember when they used to have Solo Dad O'Brien ask questions?
People used to tune in.
They went with this soft format.
People stopped.
No one's watching at all.
Good.
And so now they want Chris Cuomo to start asking questions again.
And this is the result of it.
Yeah.
Let's just a little bit more.
Band-aid fixes that the president is pushing, the congressional Democrats are pushing, won't fix the problem.
Every one of those bills, they have great titles.
Like if you like your plan, you can really, really, really keep them.
But if they were passed into law, it wouldn't fix the problem.
For the 5 million people who've lost their health insurance, they wouldn't get it.
You don't think that you have a responsibility as a U.S. Senator to do better than that in terms of offering a solution for what to do next?
Well, I appreciate you're trying to lecture me in the morning.
So that's what you say when you don't have an answer.
Well, you just made a great point.
I really don't have anything to say back to that.
Yes, I should have something better.
I don't, so I'm going to have to make it look like you're being an a-hole.
And didn't work.
Didn't work.
No, no, not at all, Senator.
I'm worried.
The same as you.
Anybody who looks at the situation has worries.
Families need help.
Sure, sure.
You're worried.
Did you speak out for the 5 million people that lost their health insurance?
I'm sure.
He's covering it doggedly.
We've been covering it doggedly, and you know that.
I'm sure you watch the show.
Bam!
I bet he doesn't.
Bam!
Ted Cruz thought he had him.
Are you worried about the fight?
Yes, we covered it doggedly.
Oh, damn it.
Here he goes.
Problem is, I don't have the power to fix it.
You do.
That's what a U.S. senator does is you sponsor law.
You know this.
It's not a lecture.
It's a concern.
I'm asking, what are you going to do about it?
Well, and I share that concern.
Yes, you do.
Of course you do.
You just got smacked down by Chris Cuomo.
Wait, when Chris Cuomo can throw you back on your heels with a little browbeat.
Wow.
And by the way, Chris Cuomo, you're not going to last at CNN.
You keep asking.
I've seen this before.
I've seen how this goes.
Too good.
Too good.
That's like losing an argument to Alan Poles.
Yes.
So normally, so normally when Ted Cruz, if something like that happens on CNN, like if that was Luff Blitzer, he would break.
That's when he would cut to, do you thank the Lord for your health care?
That's what he said.
Exactly.
And by the way, that's what happens.
And you see, Ted Cruz sounded a little defensive there.
Oh, you didn't give me a lecture?
That's what happens when a grown man has never been challenged on anything he's ever thought or said in his life.
Thanks for the lecture, mom.
Yeah.
I haven't heard a reaction like that since Joseph McCarthy heard at Law Last Senator Howard.
Let me know decency.
So this is catching on in the press, Frank.
This is catching on.
This is called critical thinking.
Here's Jake Tapper with Senator Lee, that Mike Lee guy, that nut from Utah who's in bed with Ted Cruz.
Here's what he said to Representative.
Senator Lee, where's the Republican bill that will solve the problem of Rising health care costs and the millions and millions of uninsured, making sure that insurance companies are not able to discriminate against people with pre-existing conditions.
Where's the alternative to help the American people who want some sort of healthcare solution?
You know, there are a lot of Republican proposals.
I just can't say any of them.
One of them is kiss my ass.
And the other one is die.
So here's David Gregory with Kelly Ayat, right?
So there's another Republican.
She's supposed to be a moderate.
Here's David Gregory, David Gregory.
Republican proposal that I'm aware of that would seek to address the problems, basically 40 million uninsured Americans that the Affordable Care Act seeks to address.
Isn't that true?
Well, David, I would say this.
Let's start with the principle that in medicine, the first rule is to do no harm.
So this is what it sounds like when you have no ideas and then the ideas that you actually did have are being implemented, but you are trying to distance yourself from them because a black guy is implementing them.
So this is exactly what it sounds like.
They have no plan.
They just have talking points exactly from last year.
These are their talking points of last year.
Okay, so here's Chris Christie.
They could come up with a Republican plan, like, say, Obamacare.
They actually did come up with Obamacare in 1993, right?
This is what I'm saying.
These are their ideas.
So here's Chris Christie.
He was asked, what would you do for Obamacare?
And he says this.
And therefore, what would you do?
How would you replace it?
Well, I guess I'm like sitting here and going to go through a complex issue like that with 1626 to go.
So he goes, listen, I'm not going to go through a complex issue like that with only 16 minutes.
He looks at the clock immediately.
He finishes the clock immediately.
16 minutes.
I can't talk about healthcare in 16 minutes.
16 minutes.
What are we?
This isn't a soundbite, Governor.
We're going to give you almost, we're going to give you a quarter of an hour.
Go.
Go.
Not enough time.
Quarter of a time.
Quarter of an hour.
Go.
I'll tell you what, Chris.
I don't know about you, but I'm really looking forward to Chris Christie's new book, Not Without My Butter.
I love that.
Hey, Chris, I would like to say, hey, Chris, you know what?
Just tell us all you can tell us in 16 minutes.
And when you get to the 16-minute mark of your healthcare plan, we'll stop it.
I just want to hear the first 16 minutes of your healthcare plan.
What is it?
Let's hear what your first, the first 16 minutes.
Start.
Go.
Oh, so you don't have time.
So he goes on that he can't, he doesn't have time.
Watch.
And that's the problem.
I mean, with all due respect, that's part of the problem with the culture here.
Somebody thinks that I could solve Obamacare in 14 minutes.
See, you're the a-hole for even asking me for a solution.
I'm a guy who's a governor who's trying to suppose to fix things, and then you ask me what my plan is.
That's the problem.
That's the problem with you people.
You think that your elected officials can fix stuff.
That is the problem.
Hey, I can't fix health care in 14 minutes.
Elect me president, and I won't do a effing thing about it for eight years.
You want to see stalling?
16 minutes is nothing.
Healthcare is coming.
Go ahead, Frank.
He can finish off an entire old-time buffet and do that in 14 minutes.
Healthcare is a complex issue, Frank, and he only deals with problems that he can blame on an idiot reporter.
See?
Asking me these questions.
The culture, asking me questions.
When he's president and he makes a State of the Union address, he won't be able to explain any of his policies.
And his State of the Union address will be like 10 hours in other.
Yes.
He can't boil things down at all.
Yes, I can.
Listen, I'd like to give a speech, but it's going to go on for about three or four hours, and I'll tell you all about healthcare.
He's never heard of bullet points.
He's got a little bit more to say.
He's got a little bit more to say.
Solve the healthcare crisis in 14 minutes.
People are tired of these focus group tested, blow-dried answers that people give that all sound the same.
I don't think so.
So I think there's a difference between blow-dried answers and answers that blow.
That would be what that was.
People are going to get tired of answers like that.
So this is what it looks like, Frank, Steve, Steph.
This is what it looks like when you don't have ideas and you're still trying to win elections.
This is what it looks like.
You have nothing to say.
And I know I've said it a million times, but it does bear repeating.
Obamacare is a Republican plan devised specifically because they won't permit single payer.
Everything unwieldy and problematic about this law can be traced directly back to the Heritage Foundation.
So whenever you hear any of the BS from Centorum, Boehner, Cruz, Chris Christie, or any of the members of the Legion of Doom, remember they are criticizing the program they have forced us to accept.
And all they are really saying over and over is we're just against the black guy.
And that's all this is.
So the reason why we're stuck with this market-based Obamacare is because these MFers won't let us have single payer.
So now we got to implement their plan and they crap all over it.
Wow, goddamn it, Jimmy.
That was a great point right there at the end.
Really nice way to button it up.
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Okay, let's get back to the second half of the show.
You you I got a phone call from John Boehner.
John Boehner left me a message.
Hey, Jimmy, this is John Boehner, Speaker of the goddamn House of Representatives.
Man, I am such a dick.
Did you hear me the other day shit mouthing the ACA?
I was making it sound like it's not a law.
Holy testicles, Batman.
Was there ever a law that's more a law than this one?
40 months to repeal law.
Supreme Court challenge law.
Presidential election law.
And there I am saying Republicans will protect Americans from this Law.
What the fuck?
Let me say that.
Republicans will protect you from this law.
This is what it's come to, Jimmy.
We're so backwards and shithouse crazy that we lawmakers are claiming to work against the law.
We're through the looking glass here, people.
Up is down, black is white.
And by black is white, I mean there's a black president, so it's like opposite day all year long.
I feel crazy, man.
Did you hear the part where I was like, we're doing all we can to help the economy?
What was I saying?
We aren't doing a thing.
I couldn't get these jackals to pass a don't kill puppies bill, let alone anything that might help anything.
We couldn't even pass immigration, whatever.
And two weeks later, I'm standing there talking about all the stuff we're doing.
How stupid do I think these people are?
Oh, yeah.
Pretty fucking stupid.
Well, okay, Jimbo.
Just wanted to brain dump all over your phone.
I think I hear a single mult calling my name.
Seriously, I hear that.
I'm not being metaphorical.
Time to get shit-faced alone and cry myself to sleep.
Speaker, go bye-bye.
Okay, John Boehner.
John Boehner, Speaker Boehner.
So they're still pretending to fight the pretend war on Christmas.
Bill O'Reilly, let's listen to him.
He's going to talk about the genesis of his fight to protect Christmas from the people who are at war with it.
Ready to hear his.
Hi, I'm Bill O'Reilly.
Thanks for watching us tonight.
The war on Christmas centralizes.
That is the subject of this evening's talking points memo.
Well, over the years, we've taken on the role of protecting the federal holiday of Christmas.
As you know, there are some Americans who are offended by any reference to Jesus Christ.
And that's what the USA celebrates on December 25th, the birth of the baby Jesus.
President Grant.
The baby Jesus.
As opposed to the birth of the middle-aged Jesus.
That would hurt.
The baby Jesus.
Signed the holiday into law after Congress passed legislation in 1870 acknowledging the country's Judeo-Christian tradition.
Yes.
Which involves slavery, by the way.
Which involves slavery, the Judeo-Christian tradition.
And by the way, so it wasn't of Christmas, it wasn't an official holiday in America until barely over 100 years ago.
It wasn't even an official holiday.
So that's kind of interesting, right?
You think about it.
I thought Jesus was born in America.
If you look back in the 1800s, in the early part of the 1800s, people were much less depressed during December.
Yeah, because it wasn't the holidays, sure.
Americans officially got the day off from work.
Everything was swell up until about 10 years ago when creeping secularism and pressure groups like the ACLU began attacking the Christmas holiday.
They demanded, demanded the word Christmas be removed from advertising and public displays, and many people caved into that.
Okay, that's not true.
ACLU never demanded Christmas be removed from advertising.
Advertisers did that because they are trying to sell products to more than just Christians.
That's why.
That's okay.
The ACLU never said a private company couldn't use Christmas.
So they go on.
So this is in it to win.
Now we have the happy holidays syndrome.
What is interesting this year is that Hanukkah will be over on Thursday.
So there are no more holidays between then and Christmas Day.
New Year's Eve.
It's just Christmas if you want to win both.
New Year's Eve would come after.
He said, well, you say happy holidays to me.
That's part of it.
To me, New Year's is part of when you say happy holidays.
Absolutely.
He's pretending like it just meant Hanukkah.
Or it means all of it.
The Kwanzaa, the Hanukkah, the whole deal.
The winter solstice, the Wiccans, whatever they celebrate.
Everybody celebrates something stuff that we don't even know what it is.
Yeah.
I think his point, too, is now that Hanukkah is over, Jews stopped being Jewish.
I think so.
Yeah.
Progressives.
The absurdity of the situation was brilliantly parodied today in the Mallard Fillmore cartoon strip by our pal Bruce Tinsley.
The following Christmas special actually mentions Christianity.
Viewer discretion is advised.
Wow.
So, wow.
A right-wing comic strip.
Wow, a right-wing.
How many of those are there?
Wow.
See, because comedy is always best when you're punching upward, and right-wingers can't do that.
They can't punch upward.
And they can't, even when they do, they can't do it in an honest way.
Snide is not funny.
This whole pretending that somehow Christians are an oppressed minority, that somehow Christmas is getting the boot in America.
It's on the run.
This is a comic strip.
This whole thing is fun.
But don't get me wrong, I'm glad he does it.
It's so, but he barely could muster the energy anymore, though.
After 10 years, you say, oh, here we go.
All right, here we go.
And then there's Macy's, a company that I generally like because it supports wounded warriors.
But this year they're attacking Santa Claus, who will help you, quote, with your holiday wish list.
And you know what's funny was when they started this a couple years ago, somebody actually went to the Fox News website and found out that they had all their holiday gifts also at the Fox News website.
So this is all just made-up, fake, phony outrage, but it works.
It must work.
It must keep working, right?
Because, and thank God he's there to protect Christmas, Frank, because if he didn't, who knows where Christmas would be.
I mean, I think he's also secretly been protecting football because he's protecting things that don't need protection.
You know what I'm saying?
It's like, what else is he going to protect?
Beer and strip clubs?
You don't need to protect.
The Pentagon.
Let's protect the Pentagon.
Make sure that people...
But we all know people that take that position about saying Merry Christmas.
Yes.
You know, I have a couple friends that really kind of stick their chin out when they say Merry Christmas.
Yeah, they like saying Merry Christmas in people's faces.
Yes, like it really is.
And that's my friend Todd.
That's my friend Todd Glass used to say, that's like calling everybody Bob.
No, my name's Jim.
Yeah, I know, but I don't care.
I like to call you Bob.
I like, I like it.
I like that name.
So that's what that is.
It's just you're being an idiot.
I'll just tell you that I've been referring to my state of mind as my Christmas depression, not my holidays.
Well, you know, it's funny because he cares so much about Christmas and the baby Jesus and wanting to help people.
But Bill has a different idea about, you know, like actually helping people.
Like if we have government programs that help people, here's what here's what Bill thinks about like food stamps and welfare.
Trying to convince people by saying that Jesus would feed the poor, Which he would.
We all know that.
Okay.
But would he impose a system that hurts one group to help another group?
So that's what he, that's what he said.
Jesus would feed the poor.
We know that.
They try to sell this welfare and food stamps by saying, Jesus, we know that.
But would he hurt one group to help another?
Well, I like that's how they look at taxation.
First of all, that's what all taxation is.
Taxation, by definition, is redistribution of income.
It takes your income that you have that you're going to spend on your stuff, and then they take it and spend it on something else.
I just read an article, something to the effect that the billionaires or the 420, you know, 1%, that if they were just increased their tax bracket by 6%, that would pull every child out of poverty in the United States.
Yes, we've got the money.
You know, Frank and I covered this last year, maybe two years ago.
I think it was maybe going back to 2011.
David Stockman, he gave us that piece of information that said since 1980, the upper 5% have created more wealth, have gained more wealth than the entire human race had created before it.
That's after cereal bubble, after cereal bubble, after cereal bubble, after this Reaganomics trickle-down after that, since 1980, they've acquired more wealth than the human race had created before it.
So we've got the money.
We've got more.
Corporations are sitting on $5 trillion.
They're not investing it.
So we've got the money.
We're giving $85 billion a month to Wall Street.
We've got this thing about we don't have the money.
And by the way, the deficits are no longer a problem.
Somehow they solve that problem.
Deficits have fallen sharper at any time in history.
They've fallen sharper.
I still want to tell you that.
And, you know, we've talked about this before, but all these Republicans who talk about fiscal responsibility were like drunken sailors.
John Bush was president.
Yes.
They're the ones who bankrupted the country.
We had a, we didn't have a deficit when Clinton was president.
Right.
We had a surplus.
We had a surplus.
And yeah, of course they never talk about that.
And it's also the Democrats' problem for bad messaging.
Like, they don't harp on that all the time.
So, hey, so Bill O'Reilly, here's what his problem is with the food stamp people.
The problem I have, as I stated, is that you're helping one group by hurting another group and a bigger group.
And so I don't know if Jesus is going to be down with that.
Yeah, Jesus wouldn't be down with taxing the rich to pay their fair share.
You know, the rich pay 15% tax, and the rest of us pay 35.
You know, it's the upside-down world, right?
And so, and it's bad for economies.
We all know that story in the Bible when Jesus turned the water into a hedge fund.
Well, you know, this is the holiday season.
I'm sorry, you know, Christmas, right?
Yes.
And aren't they already bent on cutting unemployment benefits?
Oh, yes, they cut food stamps.
This is all, this is all their part of this thing.
So he's got to protect Christmas, but screw the meaning of it.
Get rid of health care.
Get rid of health care, get rid of food stamps, quits, don't help the poor.
In fact, not only do they not help the poor, but they demonize the poor.
And they frame it in a way that says you have to hurt another group.
No, we're going to tax you.
The richest people in the world has ever seen, and we're going to then redistribute that income, which is what all taxes are.
And they love to do this new thing, too.
They go, oh, they refer to taxes as stealing.
They go, oh, you're going to steal money.
No, that's called taxation with representation.
That's not stealing.
It's their new talking point about Obamacare, too, that it's redistribution of wealth.
Oh, that's every, that's what all taxes are.
They're redistributing money.
That's we're going to take your money on the sales tax, and we're going to put it over here for a road.
We're going to take your money that you spend on this tax, and we're going to build a library.
And we're going to take your money over here.
We're going to build a tank and a bomb.
And we're going to take your money.
We're going to give it to Wall Street.
We're going to give $85 billion a month.
Nobody ever talks about that redistribution.
Not at all.
And you know what?
As a matter of fact, those food stamps help the local economy.
Yes, of course, because that money gets put right back into the economy.
So here's Bill O'Reilly's last point about not only does he not help poor people, but he's going to demonize them a little bit.
Here we go.
Some of the people who don't have enough to eat, it's their fault they don't have enough to eat.
Wow.
Classic.
Some of them.
I like how he says some, but he doesn't mean some.
He means just a hair under the majority.
This is what he means.
Listen.
Particularly with their children.
And this is where it really becomes dicey.
If you're an alcoholic or a heroin addict or a drug addict and you can't hold a job.
And I'm going to say that how many of what is the percentage of people on food stamps and unemployment and welfare that are heroin addicts, alcoholics, and drug addicts?
I don't know.
I'm sure they've done studies.
I'm going to guess less than the normal population because they don't have money for drugs, you moron.
All right.
They don't have the money.
Okay, here we go.
All right.
And you can't support your children.
And that's a circumstance of millions and millions of people, not most.
Millions and millions of people can't feed their kids because they're alcoholics or heroin addicts.
Millions upon millions is what Bill O'Reilly says.
And it's okay.
But a lot, a substantial minority.
Okay.
So not all, a lot, a substantial minority.
Someone says minority.
We know which minority.
That's right.
Yes.
And he's talking to a black guy, by the way.
Then it's your fault.
You're bringing the havoc.
And then you're asking people who may be struggling themselves to put food on the table to give their tax money to you.
And then you're not even going to buy food with it.
You're going to buy booze and drugs with it.
So that's called demonizing the poor.
Every drug dealer I've ever met accepts food stamps.
Yes.
Last time I went to buy weed, the guy said, do you have a WIC card?
That's what he had.
So that's why that's so ridiculous.
You can't spend when you get food stamps, when you get assistance, they give you a debit card that you can only use for food.
You can't use it for alcohol.
You can't use it for drugs.
So this is what's called demonizing the poor.
He doesn't have to resign for that.
Martin Brashere has to resign.
He doesn't have to resign for demonizing the poor.
The most despicable thing you could do, without a shred of humanity, not worrying one bit about poor people.
Screwed.
They're all drug addicts.
They're all heroin addicts.
You want to take my money so you guys could be drug addicts.
Merry Christmas.
Yes.
Merry Christmas, though.
Please say Merry Christmas.
Here's George Will talking about Detroit.
Now, Detroit, Detroit went into bankruptcy.
Now, why that's a big deal is because that means Detroit can now screw over all the people who worked for them for the last 50 years who are now getting a pension.
So now they can now slash their pensions.
Government employees.
Yes.
So here's what George Will.
So, you know, there are a lot of things that happen at Detroit.
I'm going to say the automobile industry completely cratering would be one of them.
They have, they had six, you know, back in 1960, they had over 600,000 high-paying high-skilled jobs, right?
Today, they have less than 200,000.
They have less than 100,000.
And they used to have 2 million people, almost 2 million people in the city.
They have less than a million.
So everyone left.
Everyone who had the means to get out of Detroit got out.
So now the only people that are left there are the people who didn't have the means to get out of there, right?
So that's what, so it's a half-empty city.
They have no tax base.
Wall Street came in and screwed over their mortgages.
So 70% of all the mortgages in Detroit were underwater.
So when this crash hit, it really hit Detroit harder.
Here's what George Will says is the problem.
Can't solve the problems because their problems are cultural.
You have a city, 139 square miles.
You can graze cattle in vast portions of it.
So now he says their problems are cultural, which is code, isn't it?
Which culture do you think he means?
Cultural?
Do you mean the culture of Detroit?
Or do you mean black people?
I'm pretty sure he means black people.
Okay, here we go.
Dangerous herds of feral dogs roaming there.
Dangerous herds of feral dogs are roaming in Detroit.
First of all, cows are at herds.
Dogs are in packs.
Okay?
So let's just keep that straight.
All right.
You have 3% of fourth graders reading at the national math standards.
You have 3% of fourth graders reading at the national math standards.
That's a word salad that Sarah Palin would be proud of.
If you're going to shame people for being dumb, maybe you shouldn't sound like an imbecile when you're saying it.
And maybe what you're saying should actually make sense and be coherent.
No one even calls him on that.
What did you just say, George?
Okay, he goes on.
47% of Detroit residents are functionally illiterate.
79% of Detroit children are born to unmarried mothers.
They don't have a fiscal problem, Steve.
They have a cultural collapse.
Okay, so what brought down Detroit?
Was it the collapse of the auto industry or NAFTA or horrible political leadership?
Nope.
It was unwed mothers.
I knew it was somebody with no money and no power.
I just knew it was.
It's not like Detroit rose and fell with the fortunes of the auto industry.
It's not like there was once a huge market for skilled labor that's now non-existent thanks to NAFTA and the exportation of jobs by people George Will whores for.
No, it's not the banks that left the mortgages underwater in Detroit.
No, according to George Will, what brought down Detroit was a lack of birth control.
Yes, it's the unwed mothers who pull all the strings in Detroit, Steve.
I thought it was them.
I thought it was the unwed mothers, or maybe it was the teachers, cops, firemen, and garbage men.
Nice to see George Will nailing those fat cats at the bottom again because it takes a big man to look at the situation in Detroit and blame the losers.
Hey, you know, you know what else has huge fiscal problems and loses money and could possibly go into bankruptcy is the Washington Post.
I wasn't aware there were so many unwed mothers working at the Washington Post.
So what he's saying is that is if you get a city full of Bristol Palins, it's going to go down.
Is that what he's saying?
That's not what he's saying.
What he's saying is, I mean black Bristol Palins, not white Bristol Palins.
He means the black ones.
And those herds of feral dogs don't help.
Cultural problems, like unwed mothers and dumb kids.
That's what brought down Detroit.
The dumb kids who can't read, they're screwed up their finances.
It's not the cultural problems like outsourcing jobs to third world countries and tax and trade policies that decimate the working class.
Not cultural problems like that.
The cultural problems that I can paint black with, blacks with, those kind of cultural problems.
Okay.
Seems like he has cause and effect backwards.
Backwards.
I think it's backward.
Jimmy Dore.
It's Bill O'Reilly.
Well, it's Christmas time again.
And once again, I am standing up in defense of my favorite holiday against the secular humanist thugs who are trying to call it a holiday.
The fact is, a vast majority of Americans celebrate Christmas because it has a deep spiritual meaning for them.
Plus, they get the day off, which is pretty much the same thing.
People ask, why do you have to say Jesus Christ?
Why not just say God?
Okay, I'll explain it to you because that's his fucking name.
And don't blame me because you don't believe it.
If Jesus Christ wasn't a son of God, why was he crucified for the sins of mankind?
Can you explain that, Jimmy Dore?
You can't, can you?
I didn't think so.
I can.
But because we separate church and state, we should never mention Jesus Christ in any public ceremony.
Like you've never dropped an important person's name to help your career.
You're a real boar.
The Constitution guarantees freedom for all religions, but especially if your religion happens to be the truth.
It's a sacred part of our Judeo-Christian tradition in this country that we embrace the Christian and we ignore the Judeo.
Americans already voted on who God is and Jesus wanted a landslide.
Yet you fascist vegetarians are still demanding a recount.
You'd love to plant out in people's minds so they start to wonder if the faith they hold so precious isn't just a bunch of crapsome sadistic month concocted 1,500 years ago so he could molest young boys, which it isn't.
You liberal pinheads won't be happy until everyone's an atheist and people treat each other with dignity and respect for absolutely no reason.
This is all my next book, Killing Christmas.
Excuse me, Jimmy.
I got to go drop a Yuleog.
Okay.
Okay.
you you you Okay, now it's time for a trip down memory lane.
We're going to listen to our first call ever from Mitt Romney.
And it's just the way without the studio laughter, just the straight phone message off my machine from Mitt Romney.
And guess what?
This is off our first best of CD ever.
It's called The Best of the Jimmy Door Show, White People Getting Nervous.
You can go get it over at JimmyDoreComedies.com.
Let's listen to it.
The first time Mitt Romney ever left me a message.
Hello, Jimmy, Jimmy Dore.
Please allow me to introduce myself to your listeners in case they didn't see the debate in New Hampshire because Sarah Palin was outside the auditorium flashing your tits or something.
My name is Mitt Romney, former governor of Massachusetts, husband to a lovely wife, father of five, grandfather of many, uncle of some.
I believe in America.
I shop at Brooks Brothers.
I'm a Sagittarius, and I hang slightly to the left.
And I want to be your next president.
Who let the dogs out?
Who?
Who?
You did, America, when you elected Barack Obama to be president of the United States.
Obama is the worst president we've ever had.
He's ruined America.
Just look around at the horror scape of mushroom clouds and burning crops that surround us.
Not only has he destroyed our country, he even had the audacity to go around the world apologizing for America's existence.
I would never do that.
And I've traveled internationally.
When I was 19, I went on a Mormon missionary trip to Europe, where I tried to convert Europeans to a religion where caffeine and alcohol are forbidden.
Instead of apologizing for America, I got beat up by a French rugby team.
I think that makes much more sense, don't you?
Are you down with OPP?
Yeah, you know me.
Or maybe you don't.
I was the CEO of a successful corporation.
I was governor of Massachusetts.
And as a devout Mormon, it is part of our belief system that my wife and I will become God and goddess of our own planet in the afterlife.
So as you can see, I have unparalleled executive experience, both terrestrial and celestial.
All I want to do is a zoom-a-zoom zoom and a boom-boom.
Just shake your rump.
Okay, that was another rat jingle.
That's right.
My wife and I are vaguely yet happily aware of hip-hop culture.
We're not quite the squares you would imagine.
We also enjoy American Idol, food that tastes good yet isn't too indulgent.
Jefferson Starship, not airplane.
That was too drug-oriented for my taste.
Kevin James movies.
No need for dirty comedy.
Family restaurants with crazy antique stuff hanging all over the walls.
And strapping dogs to the top of my car and zooming down the road.
So that's who I am, and that's what I'm about.
And to my fellow Republican candidates running for president, move, bitch.
Get out the way.
Okay, Jimmy.
Give me a call back on my creepy Mormon underwear.
Now with 4G service.
Dee's nuts.
Okay, that was Mitt Romney, the first time you ever called into the Jimmy Door show.
And that is available on a compilation CD of some of our best of stuff from the early part of the Jimmy Doer show, some of our favorite calls.
And you can get that over at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Treat yourself.
You're worth it.
God damn it.
Now, guess what?
What's coming up in the premium content this week?
Let's get a little taste.
I think Vince Vaughan called me.
So, Vince, you have a new movie coming out.
Hey, how are you doing?
Who are you?
Who am I talking to?
This is Jimmy Dore from the Jimmy Dore show in Pacifica.
Oh, like the big liberal guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's me.
Yeah, I hope.
Good luck to you.
I hope you get it all figured out with your progressive agenda.
Yes, thank you very much.
I prefer the term progressive.
Now, you have this movie coming.
That's what I said.
Go on.
Okay.
I don't have a lot of time here, buddy.
So, makes me laugh.
I can already tell.
You know what, Jimmy?
I can already tell this is going to go with the protected content.
30 seconds into some of these things.
get a feeling.
Ha ha ha ha.
Music Okay, so you can hear that call.
I read some of his bad movie reviews because his movie's getting bad reviews, and I read them to him, and then he responds to them, and it's pretty hilarious.
That's in this week's premium content.
How do you get that?
If you go over to JimmyDoorComedy.com, you click on premium, you make your $5 donation.
It's just that simple.
Okay, so plus we talk about Diane Feinstein's allergy to the Fourth Amendment, and plus lots of other stuff for this week's premium content.
It's a good one, as it always is.
Okay, that's it for this week.
Hey, today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Mike McRae, Stephen Amurano, Robert Yasimura, Steve Rosenfield, and Mark Van Landu at Ball of Voices this week performed, of course, by the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at MikeMcRae.com.
And a big thanks to Sean James.
He keeps our computer running, and he can keep yours running, too, if you have a Macintosh.
He fixes my computer right over the internet.
And you send him an email at MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
Spell Sean S-H-A-U-N.
Or you can give him a phone call, 347-695-0601.
That's Sean James.
Okay, that's it for this week.
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