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Sept. 21, 2013 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program, the Jimmy Dore Show.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's podcast.
As you know, I am in lockdown mode trying to finish the book or not trying, actually doing it.
I'm actually accomplishing it because I listen to Napoleon Hill.
That's right.
They can grow rich.
Anyway, so here we go.
I put together a special podcast.
I hope you enjoy it.
I'm going to put in some stuff that you haven't heard on the podcast before that I've grabbed from some of the premium content so people get a taste of what's happening over at the premium side.
We're going to give you start off with a full call from Ron Paul.
And then we switch into we're going to cover that KTVU thing and the controversy over Patton Oswalt's joke.
And then we go into, we talk about Fox and their racism.
What else happens today on the show?
And then Herman Kane wraps it up for us.
Okay.
So thank you for your patience and allowing me to finish this book.
And boy, harder than I ever imagined.
Plus, the stress, I'm not saying the stress is too much, but I did spend a night in the hospital this week because they thought I was having a heart attack.
Okay.
So I've, okay, so that's what's happening.
And now let's get to the show.
Enjoy it.
We'll see you next week.
We'll see you next week.
It's the Jimmy Door Show.
The show for safe.
It starts talking to your TV.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore!
Okay, now, hi.
I'm on the phone with the Congressman Ron Paul.
Hi, Congressman.
How are you?
Well, I'm doing pretty good, Jimmy.
It's been a long time.
I've been able to talk to you.
Lot's been going on.
Yeah, it's now you understand you're starting a new TV network or tell me what's happening with that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's called the Ron Paul Channel.
And it's a subscription-only network.
And the tagline sums it up.
And it's our tagline is turn off your TV, turn on the truth.
So, hey, so that's the thing.
Oh, that'll be a logo.
So where do I go to turn on the truth?
Where can I turn it on?
It'll be part of it's a subscription thing.
It'd be part of a cable package.
It's on cable?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, really?
So I can just see it on my TV?
Yes.
Right there on your old boob tube.
But so it's on the TV.
It's actually on the TV then.
Right, yes.
But your slogan is turn off your TV.
Right.
Turn off your TV.
Turn on the truth.
Well, if I turn off.
But if I turn off my TV, I can't.
I won't be able to see your show because it's on the TV.
Well, yeah, yeah.
I mean, yeah, you have to be watching on television.
But if I follow your advice and turn off, see, this is and turn off the TV.
Turn off the TV, turn on the truth.
We're the truth.
The TV is what gives you all the lies, you know, sort of half-truth.
Yeah, I know.
Misrepresentation and what's really going on.
I know, but you're, but now you're on the turn off the TV.
I mean, watch our channel.
But how I have to turn it back on the TV then.
So what your slogan should really be is turn off the TV, turn it back on, and then watch our channel.
Okay, I'm starting to see.
Yeah, yeah, I get that.
Yeah, you see that?
Well, I'll tell you what you do.
Especially since...
Turn off the TV for like a few seconds as sort of like a ceremonial thing, like a symbolic gesture.
Right.
But then, you know, turn it back on and watch our channel.
Oh, okay.
That's not as catchy of a slogan.
Well, yeah, maybe it should be turn off your TV, but then turn it back on real quick and then watch our channel.
But that's a long.
That's not that.
I've never been good with messaging.
I guess not.
Okay, well, we'll be looking for it.
Yeah.
Oh, is that the kind of stuff that's going to be on your state?
What kind of stuff?
Yeah, well, how, you know, a lot of neo-Confederate propaganda will be on there.
Paula Dean will have a cooking show.
Oh, I see.
And we're going to have the Southern Avenger, the guy with the mask who works with my son Rand.
We're actually developing original content.
It'll be a superhero movie.
He's a real superhero.
Yeah.
Now, what is this?
Is the slogan for that movie going to be turn off your movie theater and turn on the truth?
Well, yeah, you should.
I mean, people, I mean, movies are, you know, they don't, they're a horrible source of information.
There's like the Lincoln from Steven Spielberg.
I mean, in no way depicting what a tyrant Abraham Lincoln really was.
He was a war criminal.
He expanded Abeist Corpus.
Right, right.
Well, there actually was a war going on.
And they say that's okay when there's an actual war.
Well, yeah, I mean, just because there's war going on doesn't mean the executive branch is imbued with unconstitutional powers.
Oh, I hear you.
I know that's a radical thing to hear today in light of everything that the government does.
They're policing the world.
But back then, they were just trying to police the South.
I bet if they had drones back then, I mean, they'd be droning plantations.
So this is the kind of insight and truth that we can look forward to on your new subscription cable channel.
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
Another tagline is it will be the gold standard of subscription cable services.
It sounds like I want to go back to the gold standard.
Yeah.
Oh, right, right, right, right, right.
So it sounds like you're still working out.
Get it?
Sounds like you're still working out that slogan, too.
Well, yeah, but we all have a lot of, you know, to talk about economics.
I mean, people need to learn, you know, the basic economic principles are true, you know, as opposed to the nonsense that drives the federal government, the Federal Reserve now, The Austrian school.
Yeah, so I get what you're saying about all of this.
Can I ask you real quickly before I let you go?
There's a proxy war, they say, that's happening in Wyoming right now between Cheney's daughter and Mike Etsy and you and the people in your Tea Party wing.
So there's the establishment.
Do you understand?
Do you know anything about this?
Oh, absolutely.
I mean, I think I'm down to messaging.
I mean, bad choices, both.
I mean, one, Chaney, a surname that you associate with a warmonger.
Yeah, foreign.
And the other one, Etsy, is, you know, the website where people put up their stupid bullshit that they like.
Either one.
They're both either one or you're going to have to overcome.
And neither of them are small government Republican.
Well, see, that's the thing, right?
So let me ask you one more question about the Rolling Stone cover.
They put the bomber, the Boston bomber on the cover in a really good-looking photo, like it made him look like a rock star.
Yes.
Well, what do I think about it?
Yeah.
Do you agree with them putting that picture?
Well, I feel, yeah, I know.
I thought it was a good, a good thing because what the main thing the government has done since 9-11 is leverage the fear caused by terrorism to expand the powers of the federal government way beyond what they were intended in the Constitution.
And showing that this kid looks like a Jonas brother, you know, shows that maybe we shouldn't be afraid of these people after all.
Oh, you don't.
But we should be afraid of them, right?
Well, well.
But didn't even turn out he was a terrorist.
I just want to say something you wouldn't hear anywhere in NL say.
And this might seem...
Oh, that's just a little diagonal.
I guarantee you that.
Whatever you hear on the Ron Paul channel is definitely something that you're not going to hear anyone else say.
Right.
We can make that vow right now.
Well, let me.
So as long as I got you on the phone, I don't know if you heard about Whitney Cummings had a little breakdown on the Howard Stern show where she started crying and said that she felt like their comedy community had turned against her.
Really?
I didn't know about this.
When did this happen?
I think this happened either this morning or yesterday.
Might have happened this morning.
Well, she just had to comfort herself with some warm milk, a blanket, and the two fucking TV shows that she had on.
Poor dear.
Poor dear, we're going to have two national celebrities.
Was the comedy community ever with her in the first place?
I don't know if they were ever with her in the first place.
She says the same people, she lost her support of the same people who once lauded her.
I don't know if anybody ever lauded her.
Lauded.
What is she?
A fucking Roman general?
I don't know.
She says, I knew we were in trouble when I was watching the show and the three chairs from The Voice came up and the whole screen and then they flip around and it's Christina Aguilera or Shakira, same difference.
What?
Wait, who said, wait, I don't understand.
Wait, she said.
Oh, because what about the view?
I guess she was watching and she said, I knew I was in trouble when I was watching the show and the three chairs from The Voice came up and filled the whole screen.
So turns out her show wasn't on, but The Voice was on.
And that's when she knew she was in trouble.
Oh, you mean they canceled her show, but didn't tell her?
It sounds like it.
Oh.
Well, I had a couple run-ins with her.
One time I went and I showed up for an audition.
And they told me to go in this room because some assistant made a mistake and I walked in during her audition.
Oh, really?
And she yelled at me to get the fuck out.
Is that real?
Is that a true story?
Yeah, yes.
Yeah, it is.
Whitney yelled at you to get the F out?
Yeah, and then...
Well, yeah, it's kind of a weird, but not, yeah, not, yeah, Ron Paul.
I was waiting outside, and then she came out and she was like, actually, thanks for coming in there while I was doing a character, and that worked out perfectly.
You coming in there.
And I was like, yeah, fucking whatever.
You just save.
It's nice that she cried, though.
She had two shows on the air at once.
You know, most comedians now.
By the way, I got a cast member on that show, and she didn't.
Which cast member?
The only TV show I've ever been a cast member of.
Oh, I got you.
And so, yeah, that was the Frank Calendo show.
So, yeah, I mean, most comedians never, A, don't even ever get their own pilot or their own deal, let alone get their own pilot, let alone get their own pilot picked up.
And she got two of her own pilots picked up.
So, you know, and now, you know, so she's had a great career already.
Well, it was probably government interference.
Ended up messing with her career.
You know, I mean, that's how it works.
You know, private enterprise does it's fine by itself, but there are probably all sorts of government inspections on this on this.
I don't know how show business works.
Probably all sorts of taxes on the show.
And unions, unions are a big thing in Hollywood, and they just bleed studios drive.
These poor television networks and movie studios could barely make a profit because of these unions.
Yes.
Yes.
If you come to L.A., you see who's driving around in all the Bentleys.
It's the union.
Yeah, it's the union workers making all the money.
It's all the sag after Nazis.
Jack booted.
Everybody talks about how easy actors have it once they retire.
The big golden parish.
Oh, yeah.
The pension plans for these things are astronomical.
For the non-famous actors.
So it shows, you know, Whitney Cummings, for example, you can be just as funny and talented as anyone on earth.
And the government will still, you know, come and shut you down for picking winners and losers.
Yeah, I don't.
It's actually about ratings.
That's how the winners get.
Yeah, that shouldn't.
I'm just going to say, apply my theories to things that I don't know anything about.
Well, I appreciate you taking a stab at it anyway.
Thanks for talking to us about it.
And so I look forward to your new TV channel.
I'm going to turn off my TV, turn it right back just for a few seconds, turn it right back on and get the truth.
There you go.
And maybe we'll get Whitney Cummings as a correspondent.
Oh, bads do that.
Yeah, yeah, we could do that.
Did you see Patton Oswald, by the way?
Did you see his article?
He had a little feud with Salon.
Oh, Salon.
Oh, I did see that tweet.
They're such, and I retweeted your thing about the daily show.
They're such a bunch of cowards over there.
I really can't stand Salon.
Did you see the part where he mentioned the JD show?
No.
Oh, Negro Ponte.
Okay, so if you read the article that Patton wrote, I don't know, I'd say Paris.
Oh, the actual blog.
Yeah.
I scanned it.
I didn't read the whole thing.
Okay.
Also, it's mentioned in the blog.
Yeah.
So if you read the whole thing, he says, yeah, so if you read the whole thing, he says, so goodbye, Salon.
I feel like I've graduated from you.
I've still got The Nation and Garrett Kaiser and Slate and Talking Points memo and the Jimmy Dore show and Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert and Jim Hightower.
Holy shit.
That's pretty nice.
That's great.
Yeah, that's a pretty nice mention.
That's nice.
In fact, my name was actually trending on Google.
Nice.
Yeah, somebody sent me a thing.
Hey, you're trending.
So that's what a Patreon, I don't know what that means, but that's what a Patton Oswald putting your name in a post will do for you.
Wow.
Yeah.
Anyway, it's a good read.
It's a good read.
Luther, and he is so in the wrong.
The salon writer.
Salon.
Yes.
Although I did have an argument with my wife's sister, who's a Hispanic Mensa member, and she thought it was wrong.
She thought Patton was.
Well, I guess there's got to be one.
People who don't understand satire, that you're allowed to say horrible things satirically because we know the person saying them doesn't mean it.
He's saying them in a way we I don't have to explain satire to you, Ron.
Oh, absolutely not.
My whole life is satire.
I see that coming.
All right, Ron, we look forward to your new TV show.
Thanks for taking time to speak with our premium members.
Well, hopefully I'll be able to come on again and again as we build up to the big premiere.
You might have to actually get a subscription to your channel.
I'd like to put the Jimmy Door show on your channel.
You know what I think, your listeners, I think your followers already hate me.
Oh, yeah, they don't care for you, one day.
No, they don't care for me one bit.
Because I point out when you contradict yourself and stuff.
Yeah.
And your weasly little argument about abortion, the way you don't stand up for what you say you claim to believe in.
But other than that, you're a great guy.
I love you, Ron.
Thanks for taking time.
Yeah, I'll wait a play, Bob.
I had gimmick.
I had gimmick.
So we all know what happened with the Asiana Airline and KTVU, KTVU, made a big mistake.
They were reporting the names of the crew, and this is what they said.
We have new information now.
Also on the plane crash, KTVU has just learned the names of the four pilots who were on board Sliapay are Captain Sum Ting Wong.
This is hilarious.
This is unbelievable.
These are cronux.
Something won.
Me too low.
How about a rehearsal, honey?
Yeah.
Get ready.
Listen how she pronounces F-U-K.
Here's how she pronounces F-U-K.
Ho-Lee Fuch.
Very careful with that pronunciation.
And here's our last one.
Bang, ding, ow.
Ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha Ha ha ha Ha ha ha Now, KTVU's excuse, KTVU's excuse was that they confirmed this with the NTSB, right?
And that, and the NTSB did confirm it for them.
And the guy at the NTSB, they're blaming an intern for doing that.
Well, isn't it someone's fault for letting the intern be the guy who fields the call from KTVU to verify stuff?
Oh, it's an intern.
Well, maybe you guys have a screwed up position.
Anyway, so that's funny that they could do it.
There's plenty of blame to go around.
Yeah, I'd love to see those.
What happened after 9-11?
What happened on 9-11?
An intern was watching the radar.
There's nothing weird going on here.
We had an intern watching the radar.
He was supposed to catch it.
Intern.
So that happened.
So then Patton Oswald, Patton Oswalt, friend of the show.
Friend of the show.
You know, probably, you know, definitely the top comedian of our time, if not all time.
So Patton Oswald took to Twitter after the day after KTVU's on-air screw-up, and he twittered, he tweeted, San Francisco news station KTVU has announced hiring PR spokesperson We So Sally to address the Asiana Airlines on air gaffe now Robert, you're an Asian man.
Sure.
Now, do you think that that joke by Patton Oswalt is aimed at Asian people or is it satire making fun of KTVU?
It's satire.
It's not offensive.
Okay, thank you.
So salon.com, whoever is the Margaret Dumont over at Salon, as Frank Connick would say, over at salon.com.
She got a, she got her panties in a twist.
She wrote, this seems to be a night where it's clear why race remains central and why crude and unsophisticated elementary school jokes about it need to be called out no matter how bullying the jokes teller may be you know she's right can we hear the recording again uh okay that's this this That just goes to the difference between artist and critic.
Right.
Yes.
You know, and critic never comes out good in that analysis.
So he was saying that the KTVU station read those names, and he says, in a classic Ron Burgundy style, read out on the air with all the oversight and fact-checking acumen of a gum eraser in a report on a crash of Asia.
So then he tweeted that thing.
Then Salon comes back with, so the reliably pedantic and thin-skinned Pat Noswalt wants to defend his poorly crafted joke rather than admit it fell short of being funny and fired off a barrage of Twitter attacks against Salon all afternoon.
So blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
By the way, I agree that he shouldn't have defended himself against something that moronic.
He should have just been like, you're Salon, you're idiots.
Like, I mean, like, you're not.
He said, Jim Goat, Jim Goad wrote in an essay, Cannibalism Among the Oppressed, that I take tremendous pleasure when my supposed enemies start shooting themselves with friendly fire.
I don't agree with Jim Goad about much, but he perfectly encapsulates the danger of the kind of wolf-ticket journalism you idiots are using to fill pixel space.
You're hurting progressives with your fear of language, your fear and irony, and healthy all-American bad taste.
And you do not understand comedy.
No, not at all.
And here's the best paragraph.
He says, so goodbye, Salon.
I feel like I've graduated from you.
I've still got The Nation and Garrett Kaiser and Slate and Talking Points Memo and The Jimmy Dore Show.
Yay.
And Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert and Jim Hightower.
And I think that's the best paragraph I've ever read.
Oh, that's great.
So tip of the hat to Pat Nobel for taking those prudes down over there.
Yes.
I'll put a link to this article.
It's at patentoswald.com, and I will put a link of it.
These are the people who are keeping Garrison Keillor on the air.
Because they're like, I want to listen to liberal jokes with no bite at all.
At all.
Well, they're the people who don't understand when we make jokes.
When Bill O'Reilly calls in and calls a woman a name and then we laugh, people will go, someone just called a woman a whore on the Jimmy Dore show and everyone laughed.
So you don't get that people laugh at Archie Bunker.
You don't understand that?
You don't get how that works.
Okay, I get it.
I get it.
How people laugh at Homer Simpson.
What makes you say that?
Chief stands while fucking inroad.
What's that old joke?
It's two bears fucking.
You bear fucking...
Right, right, right.
All right, right.
Okay, so now we're going to finish up our conversation about the Fox race baiting.
And Matt Kirchen has some incredibly good insight about race baiting in England's politics.
Well, they're so frustrated because a lot of their race baiting hasn't worked.
They tried it a million times with Obama, and Obama, let's not forget, was elected and then re-elected by a very comfortable margin.
Right.
You know, so this is driving them out of their minds.
It's driving them really crazy.
Yes.
Mitch McConnell, our number one job is to stop the re-election of Barack Obama.
Well, mission accomplished.
Okay.
Well, since you know, like, Fox News is like, they're all like that.
All the correspondents are like that.
So that's a solid wall.
You can't really go up against the whole network because that's their philosophy.
I mean, you can't take apart the whole network because that's what they do.
It's not like there's one racist on there.
They're all racist.
Now, that's what I'm saying.
It's not just Sean Hannity.
Why was Joe Scarborough pretending Sean Hannity's the problem?
Matt, what now?
It's also Fox is really frustrated by the liberal media for portraying Trayvon Martin as a guy who was unarmed and was walking home and had no criminal record whatsoever.
Oh, you mean accurately?
Yeah.
Yes.
Their accurate portrayal of a guy with no criminal record who was killed by a guy who had a criminal record and was known for being an unstable person and who shot him in cold blood.
And they object to that being portrayed.
Yeah, but people, it's funny how it gets reported over and over that he was the captain of the Neighborhood Watch, which he wasn't.
That's an incorrect fact.
That has been debunked, yet keeps being repeated over and over and over, including NPR, including NPR.
He keeps saying he's a neighborhood watch.
He was not a neighborhood watch.
He was a guy with a gun.
He was a neighbor.
He was a neighbor with a gun who followed people at night in the rain in his neighborhood.
That's who he is.
He's a guy with a gun who follows people.
It's a weird, creepy, racist psycho.
Who also, Frank, by the way, also had a restraining order put out on him.
How do you get to carry a gun when you have a restraining order against you?
I thought that was disqualified, Jim.
Martin is being portrayed by many people as a gangster as a criminal because he smoked marijuana.
This is Ted Nugent and many other people are portraying him this way.
And you're right about Paul.
This kind of ray, it's so funny that this is coming right after the whole Paula Dean thing.
Because this kind of racism is so over the top off the hook compared to Paula Dean.
It's unbelievable.
Yes.
Off says that.
Matt, what are some of your observations?
Now, how long have you been living in the United States?
I've been here on and off for six years.
Okay, so what are your observations about this?
Well, American politics is now, I mean, I don't know how much of it is.
I was about to say a lot of it's a bum, but it isn't.
Like, it's always been divided along race lines, which doesn't really happen to that extent in the UK anymore.
Really?
Like, because it's just, that's not so much the division.
I mean, there's definitely force along class lines in the UK.
It was, like, the southern strategy you just mentioned was tried back in the day.
That was done back in the day.
The Conservative Party weighed on that heavily, like, they played off anti-immigration.
Uh-huh.
There was one famous one.
I was just looking it up just now.
It was Peter, Peter Griffiths, in fact.
I'm sure he's the one that the family guy character was named after.
He was the Tory Party politician.
He gained the 1964 Smith, which is near Birmingham seat in the general election with a campaign that was just out and out racist.
There were leaflets that were not officially his, but were his Campaign that were posted around where, excuse the language on this one, but the leaflet said, if you want a nigger for a neighbor, vote labor.
So that would be the southern strategy.
That was 100% the southern strategy.
Yeah, so that's what they did here.
And so they've definitely played that up over the time.
But no, it's definitely the overt racism here.
Like, you couldn't say the things that were just being said on there.
There are definitely commentators who say it.
There was definitely newspapers like the right, like the Daily Mail or the Telegraph in the UK that would have columnists who would write very similar articles who would go, well, I'm just putting the facts out here.
These are just the statistics.
I will leave you to draw the racist dots between these two things.
So it definitely has that.
But I don't think mainstream politicians could get away with saying it's in the way they can in America.
I think in England, the thing that makes black people less threatening is they all have English accents.
You're right.
You're right.
Even that guy who killed that guy recently from the Al-Qaeda, that black guy who killed a soldier or whatever, the Navy guy.
Remember, he had an accent.
I'm like, he doesn't sound so scary.
He said he's got blood on his hands and a knife.
Okay, it's all right.
Robert.
If a serious candidate, like a serious Labor Party candidate, stood next to a National Front guy at a rally, would he get elected?
Would he be able to – I mean can you – It would be conservative, if anything.
But there are definitely parties that have.
We were talking about this just before we went on air.
There are like second-tier parties that have won seats in the European Parliament, like the British National Party, which is overtly racist.
Like the British National Party is the political party that was formed from the National Front.
And that has seats in the European Parliament.
Is it ever part of the majority coalition?
No, it isn't.
But in the European Parliament, it is part of a coalition of right-wing, extreme right-wing parties.
But in this country, if you look at it as the Republican Party being ex-coalition, which is basically what it is, we have two different coalitions.
The Republican Party is a coalition that always includes the most arch-racist groups in America.
Sean Thurman.
Oh, Stron Thurman's nothing compared to some of these guys.
That coalition is called the Republican Party.
Yeah, that's what I'm trying to say.
You know, if you're a Republican candidate for national office, at some point, you're going to stand on a stage with somebody who could well be a formal Klansman and you will get elected.
Yeah, I mean, or even worse, Donald Trump.
Donald Trump.
Yeah.
I mean, there are definitely borderline parties in the UK.
Like there's the UKIP, the United Kingdom Independence Party, which is gaining traction and getting a large number of votes now.
Right.
Which is like halfway between the BNP and the Conservative Party in terms of fascism.
Really?
And they're getting traction.
You know, their main policy is foreigners.
Like, that's their main policy.
It's catchy.
Yeah.
It's basically, that's basically what they have.
And so they don't say it a lot.
They don't, again, they don't say black people.
They go, the Polish and Jamaicans and blah, blah, blah, coming here, taking it.
It's still the same coming here, taking our job rhetoric and causing crime and report overly reporting.
Look at these rapes that Muslims did in the community.
Muslim rape.
Just keep saying those words together close, like enough, and eventually people will make the association without looking at any facts.
Isn't the Muslim, isn't like anti-Muslim feeling, the strongest anti-immigrant?
That's the one they're playing off at the moment.
Like that's the current, that's the current scapegoat.
Muslims and also Eastern European is the new, like Eastern European is equivalent to the Mexican prejudice in America.
Oh, really?
So that's the people who are coming.
The Europeans or something?
The Polish.
There's a couple of Eastern European countries that joined the European Union.
So now they can come and work.
You're Eastern Europeans.
Where are you going to get your sex workers?
I don't understand.
I'm with you.
That's insane.
Sex worker, plumbers, builders.
It's the same.
It's the same deal.
It's the cheap laborers and people now claiming they're coming over here and they're undercutting us and doing the job properly.
We are a very reasonable price.
A reasonable price.
They're worried about immigrants coming into England and taking women's clothes away from British men.
LAUGHTER Bye.
Bye.
you you So on the phone, we have Herman Kane.
Hi, Herman.
How are you doing, buddy?
Good.
How you doing, Jimmy?
I'm doing great, buddy.
How's your wife doing?
She's doing very good.
What's she wearing?
She's wearing those fishnet stockings with a crotchless.
Okay, you gotta knock it off right now.
Yeah, you went too far for me.
Not a lot of people can do that.
I know, Herman, I wanted to ask you about, you know, there's been a lot of, you had to drop.
I thought you would ask me what I was wearing.
Oh, what are you wearing?
Not a goddamn thing.
Don't you remember 2012?
We had time.
Three-page bill.
Go on.
So, Herman, I just want to get your take on the sex guy.
I'm sorry.
I'm so excited about Agents of Shield.
I don't know what to say.
What is Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.?
Oh, it's the new network television program based on the Marvel Universe.
Oh, really?
Oh, oh.
Yeah, with Nick Fury and the Agents of SEAL.
Don't you follow Avengers and superhero movies?
No, I do not, but it's nice to see you have such elevated taste in entertainment.
Oh, now you're being condescending.
What?
Yeah, yes, I'm being a little condescending.
So, Herman, what do you think about this Anthony Wiener and his Wiener scandal?
Well, he did it all wrong.
How so?
Well, he admitted to it and he apologized.
Oh, right.
You need to deny.
You need to say, I didn't do nothing.
But you actually had to end up.
That's someone else's dick.
I was hacked.
He had it right in the beginning.
Somebody hacked me.
That's what I would have done.
What would you do?
You do the same thing.
I email my dick to all sorts of motherfuckers.
Yeah, but what I'm saying is that if you had to drop out.
You eventually got forced to drop out.
But look how far I went before I did have to drop out.
I know, but Anthony.
That's what it's about.
Not about actually reaching the goals.
How about how famous you can get before you're forced to drop out from a sex scandal?
Well, I mean, Anthony Wiener's winning then because he's getting pretty famous off this.
I know.
He's playing it like a master, like I said.
Yeah.
No, you didn't say that.
The old mayor of New York, what's his name?
Juba Dooba-Doobie?
Yeah, Rudolph.
Rudolph Giugliani.
Yeah, him.
He had all sorts of piccadillos going on while he was in Gracie Mansion.
Yes, no doubt.
And he was a 12-termer.
Yeah.
No, there's no.
New York can handle some piccadillos.
I think the half of the New York Philharmonic is piccadillos.
I think it was the nature of these, the fact that, you know, it seems so brazen, so self-destructive, so crazy.
You know, no, when it comes, he's in the technological vanguard of cheating on your wife.
You know, it's like he has an accident.
It's all the old people who can't figure out how to use email are the ones who are upset about him.
Yet, with the time, get on Twitter.
You ever send a picture of me?
Who moved my cheese?
You read that book?
No.
Who moved my cheese?
The same concept.
The world is changing.
You need to change with it.
This is, you know, who moved my dick pic.
If this is just him, if he took a polar ward of his dick, mailed it to some bitch, and people found out about it, old people would be like, oh, hell, I done that.
We all done that.
So you have you done that?
Oh, Jimmy, I've done Polaroid, 35mm.
Oh, yeah.
I went to one of those tourist shops that got an old-timey old West picture of a front dick for black and white with a cowboy hat on it.
I mailed that to somebody.
Yes, I have.
But just because it's sent over the internet all of a sudden, it means it's bad.
Get out of my face with that shit.
Oh, okay.
All right.
I mailed that to someone.
Well, I spent a lot of money on that.
I'm not going to keep it to myself.
I don't want my home dick pic hanging out of my house.
I get you.
So, how is your wife these days, by the way?
You guys are.
Oh, she's doing just fine.
Yeah.
How's your relationship?
I'm so emotionally insulated from reality, I don't even know.
Men who cheat on their wives don't really process their wife's emotions.
Oh, I got you right.
It's living large.
But Chris Matthews says if you do it discreetly, it shows you you're a good human being.
King Hoo?
What?
Who?
Yeah, Chris Matthews.
He said, who?
He said that if you're going to cheat on your spouse, that if you do it discreetly, it shows what a good person you are.
Believe me, it damages your wife beyond belief, no matter what form it takes, whether people know about it or they don't.
So why did you do it so much?
I'm a sociopath.
I can't control my characters.
I'm not going to defend myself.
It is a fine line between just being a guy and a sociopath, though, isn't it?
It's very.
Oh, it's a tightrope walk.
It's very, right?
Come on.
Right over the Grand Canyon.
Yeah, these aren't bold stripes.
I'm a fucking Lewinda or whatever.
Walanda.
I'm a fucking Walinda.
Fucking Lewinda was that's what I was doing last week.
You know what I'm saying?
Ah, shit.
Limbaugh?
Who?
Cumulus.
Who's that?
We're one of the big races.
Is he with young Jeezy?
No, the Cumulus radio distributors.
So they're the ones who.
Oh, the media conglomerate.
They want to get rid of Rush.
Well, why would they want to do that?
He's the greatest man who ever lived.
He is the tribune of the conservative movement.
I'm just saying, maybe there'll be some openings for you.
Oh, I hope that this fat-ass white motherfucker.
That'd be great.
Oh, I'd get in there great, Jimmy.
Oh, would you be on my show if I was on Cumulu?
You could be my special liberal guest, like the, you know, the other view from the liberal dude.
Yeah.
And then we could do the audience.
You'd be like, what are you wearing?
And we do reverse of the whole thing.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Synergy.
Herman, I'm up for it.
Tit for tat.
Scratch my back, you scratch yours.
You take a picture of my dick, I take a picture of your dick.
And we mail to each other's girlfriends.
What do you say, partner?
Don't know what to call him.
I think he had no right to distribute that information that did not belong to him.
It belonged to the American people.
He didn't have the right to distribute that all around the world to wiggy dicky licky dicky licky leaks.
Do you disagree?
What is a person supposed to do when they find criminal malfeasance inside their government?
Everybody knows when you find criminal malfeasance inside the organization that you're a part of, you simply go to the next high level within that organization and they will take care of it.
Work for the Catholic Church, work for the Nixon administration.
It will work for whoever Edward Snowden was working for.
That's how we dealt with stuff in the pizza business.
So are you going to run again in 2016?
That looks like it was going to be Rand Paul and Chris Christie so far.
Maybe Marco Rubio.
You know what?
They'll be in there, but so will Rick Santorum.
Yeah, oh, definitely.
He's running.
Yeah.
New Gingrich is running.
So we're going to have the old school guys and the new school guys.
It'll be like a shitty comedy with Vince Bond and Owen Wilson.
We're going to haze the new dudes.
It's going to be the veterans versus the new dudes.
Yeah, there's going to be like locker room snaps and all sorts of things.
It's going to be going to be great.
I like Vince Bond and Owen Wilson comedies.
I do too, but they're getting long in the tooth.
They play the older guys fucking with the younger guys now.
I'm not saying it's going to be bad.
I'm not saying they're bad.
Hold on.
I'm not saying they're bad.
All right, Herman.
Well, I appreciate you talking with me.
Thanks for taking time out again.
All right.
And I just want to say this one thing.
What?
Pikachu.
I choose you!
Okay, that's our special podcast show for this week.
Special thanks to Matt Kershan again for sitting on the show in case you don't know the show.
It's written by everybody.
Frank Connoff, Steve Rosenfield, Robert Yasimura, Jim Earl, Mark Van Land, do it, Steph Zamorano.
All right, did I get everybody?
All right.
Of course, you know, the hilarious voices performed by the one and only Mike McRae, who also helps write the show.
Mike McRae can be found at mikemcray.com, Jim Earl's book, Morning Remembrance, available at jimearl.com.
Frank Connop's got a podcast, hilarious, called South by South Satan, featuring Dana Gould, Lorraine Newman, Emo Phillips, lots of hilarious people.
Thanks, everybody, who uses our Amazon.com link.
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Plus, become a premium member and you can get quality content like this extra every week when I'm not writing a book, all right?
Which is probably once a year, all right, for a few weeks.
All right, so thanks to everybody.
I got to get back to work.
And thank you very much for listening.
Thanks for being a premium member.
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And we love you all.
Also, those people who use Sherry's Berries when you send a berry, I appreciate it.
How do I do that, Jim?
Well, the next meme sent somebody a great gift.
You go to berries.com.
You click on the microphone in the upper right-hand corner.
You type in Jimmy D, and they're going to give you a deal.
What's that deal?
You get a half dozen of these big, huge strawberries for $19.99.
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I give them as business gifts all the time.
Okay?
There's my pitch for Sherry's Berries.
And everybody who's ever sent those seems to be 100% happy.
Okay.
Thank you for supporting the show.
It's important.
You know, we have to be able to support ourselves so we can do this show.
Thank you very much for doing that.
That's it for this week.
And hopefully, we'll be right back at it next week.
I was on schedule to finish the book by Friday, and then I had to go in hospital on Tuesday.
And things are Wednesday, I went in.
Okay, so things got backed up.
I officially have high blood pressure now.
My body manifests stress pretty efficiently.
Pretty efficiently.
Okay, thanks for listening again.
We'll be back at it next week.
Until then, this is Jimmy Door saying you be the best you could be, and I'll keep being me.
But that's not all.
Well, I'm going to give you a little special extra bonus.
This is a little, this is the stuff we talk about in between the stuff we're talking about on the show.
So when we think we're not recording, this is what we're talking about.
Yet I happen to have the record button pressed.
So I thought I'd give you a little taste of it.
And that's how we'll end the show this week.
Okay?
Oh, really?
And I've never really, so I basically need like 10 hours of sleep.
Who gets 10 hours?
What if you drank a lot of coffee?
Would that help?
Evidently not.
At least it doesn't make you want to shit your brains out and have a stomachache, right?
No.
Or have a heavy head.
That's what it did to me.
Oh, really?
Last time I tried to go back antidepressants, which I needed them, I was in Texas.
And I couldn't do it.
I took one.
I immediately started shitting.
My head was heavy, like felt like a bowling ball.
Yeah.
I was like, oh, this is fucking horrible.
How many weeks am I supposed to go?
They go, two weeks.
I can't fucking live like this for two weeks.
I'd rather be depressed.
I'd rather be depressed.
Well, that's what I said, Rob.
That I can deal with.
I'll treat it with scotch.
I'll be depressed with regular shitting.
That's a fair trade.
What'd you say, Frank?
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