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Sept. 14, 2013 - Jimmy Dore Show
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20130914_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_9-13-13
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show!
The Jimmy Dore Show!
Thank you.
you Thank you.
This week, NASA announced that the Voyager 1 probe has left our solar system and is traveling through interstellar space.
Which makes me wonder, why can't I even get out of town for the weekend?
Launched in 1977, Voyager 1 is the first man-made object in history to leave the magnetic boundary that separates the sun, planets, and solar wind from the rest of the galaxy.
Over the last 35 years, the space probe has traveled 11 billion miles.
So don't complain about how boring it is taking the five up to San Francisco.
Voyager famously carries a golden record containing greetings, sound effects, and music, which scientists predict within a few thousand years will become a collector's item.
The music also includes works by Beethoven, Mozart, and Chuck Berry.
But fortunately, no discount.
At the time of the probe's launch, President Jimmy Carter recorded his own message, saying in part, this is a present from a small, distant world.
We are attempting to survive our time, so we may live in yours.
Of course, Carter didn't even survive into a second term.
Voyager 1 is traveling at a speed of 39,000 miles an hour, but even so, it still won't reach the nearest star for another 40,000 years.
So don't be too hard on yourself for not finishing that screenplay.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
Up-minded, lowly-livered lefties.
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you, guys.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
And if you're a first-time listener, this is not going to be a normal show.
As I announced last week, putting together this book, we got a deadline October 1st, so we got to get it done.
And my brain is too small to be able to do more than one thing at one time.
But I did put together a special podcast for you guys this week.
It's all my favorite phone calls from the last couple of months.
Enjoy them.
Let's get right to them.
No more fucking around.
Let's get right to it.
So on the phone, we have who's on the phone?
Dorr O'Reilly.
Bill, how are you?
I figured you crybaby liberals would be whining about this Zimmerman trial verdict.
We're not whining.
Trayvon Martin was found guilty.
Got over it.
He was no, Bill.
You see, the problem with you, Jimmy, is that you don't have any common sense.
We've got lots of it, buddy.
When you see a dead black kid, you have to ask, what did he do wrong?
George Zimmerman was afraid for his life.
That's why he was following him.
Look, nobody knows what happened that night.
There's a dead black kid.
You can't explain it.
I can't explain.
Zimmerman said on Hannity that shooting Obama Jr. was God's plan.
Case closed.
Hallelujah.
Hallelujah, Bill.
Really?
What you kale-salad-eating lefties don't get about this verdict is when a Hispanic gets the same kind of justice as a white guy, that's progress.
To celebrate, I'm buying a gun for all my house queens.
That's very sweet of you.
The system works.
The jury has decided, period.
End of story.
I don't, I don't.
Which is exactly what I said after the O.J. Simpson murder trial.
I don't think you said that, Bill.
An America where a man goes to jail for shooting an unarmed black kid is not an America I want to live in.
Okay, Bill.
Wise up, Dorr.
Whitey's always going to win.
Okay, bye, Bill.
Bye, Bill.
Hey, who we got on the phone here?
Who's on the phone with me?
Jimmy.
Yeah.
Herman Kane.
Herman, how you doing, buddy?
Jimmy, do you know how much my speaking fees are?
No, how much?
They're like a bazillion dollars.
That's a lot of money.
Did you know about this?
No, I had no idea.
I swear to God, man.
What?
I went to do a commencement of some crazy Jesus college in the middle of Schittzburg, and they were like, we're going to pay you this much.
And I was like, what?
How much was it?
Like, do you want me to sell cocaine while I'm there or sell my dick or something?
And they were like, no, just say whatever you feel like for half an hour.
Seriously, a bazillion dollars, man.
That's not a real number.
That's a real number.
No, I don't think so.
I'll tell you one thing I don't want to hear no more.
What?
I can't pay back these student loans.
Because that is bullshit.
Well, Herman, what are you talking about?
You know how crazily expensive it is for someone to go to college these days.
And now Congress and the banks are going to double their interest rates at a time like this.
How are they supposed to pay for college and their loans?
All you got to do is run for president.
Say some crazy shit, drop out of the race, and go on tour, man.
Go on tour?
You can pay off your loans in like six friggin' paragraphs off the top of your goddamn head.
Well, not everybody's as lucky as you.
Seriously, I am a man who routinely quotes Pokemon for Christ's sake.
I know.
And they have given me so much fuck you money, I got myself a second mistress now just because I could.
Good for you, Herman.
It's a little scary how much money they give you.
How much?
Like, I'm afraid all the time that a leprechaun is going to appear out of nowhere saying, you stole my gold.
Here he is.
I don't think.
It's a crazy ride, my friend.
It is a crazy ride.
That's all I got for now, Jimbo.
Okay, Herman.
This is Herman Cain saying, Pikachu, I choose you!
Okay.
Okay Fact That was Herman Cain, everybody.
So on the phone, I have Governor Chris Christie, who decided to call a special election to fill a Senate seat.
Governor, why not just have it on the same day as the regular election in November when you're on the ballot too?
Now, I want you to, and I want you to be honest.
Now, be honest.
Why did you do this?
Just remind the people of a big fan douchebag.
I handled Hurricane Sandy by the fools, you mugumbos.
How do you mean it's what you deserved?
People of New Jersey deserved a senator, and I deserve to win my race for governor by 20% of the vote.
Why do that and catch all this grief?
That's my question.
I mean, you could have just had the election all in the same day, and you still could have won your governor race by at least 10 points.
Why do it this way?
And I deserve to win by 20 points.
Okay.
That's who I am.
I do things big.
All right.
I don't eat till I'm full.
I eat till I'm tired.
I got it.
Of course, I'll be after a few dozen white castles, but I finished the full gross at half because it's who I am.
Okay, okay.
But aren't you worried that this move reveals you for a typical politician putting self-interest before civic duty?
No, I ain't.
People love it.
What do you mean?
People love it when you waste public money?
That doesn't make any sense, Governor, I got to tell you.
No, but people love it when I'm ballsy for no reason and act like I don't give a shit what people think of me.
It's actually a very interesting phenomenon.
You mean when you're talking like a macho guy, a tough guy, even though it's obvious you're acting in your own self-interest and wasting taxpayer money, you're telling me that people like that?
Like it.
They love it.
Why?
I'm not really sure.
I have a few theories.
Like what?
Share them with me.
Well, deep down, people generally hate other people and wish them ill.
And when someone is being addicted to someone who is not themselves, they find it entertaining.
Most people are pussies.
And it's the kind of thing they wish they could do and would do if they only had the balls and could afford to lose this shitty, miserable job.
Okay, okay, so I get it.
That makes sense.
Watching you tell someone off, consequences be damned, the people are getting a little bit of a feeling of having done it themselves.
Is that what you're saying?
It's called a vicarious thrill.
Huh?
What did you say?
What you were describing is called vicarious.
Yeah, I know what vicarious means.
Oh, really?
Is that why you didn't say it?
Governor, I'm familiar with the term vicarious, okay?
Yeah, but too bad your mouth isn't as familiar with it as you are.
It's a real shame.
See, my mouth is very familiar with that term, which is why I said it.
Okay, that's enough.
Let's move on, shall we?
See, a bunch of people just got off on that.
Got off on what?
On me busting your stagats right in front of your face.
What?
Bagoon.
Let me tell that to you.
That was stupid, though.
Doesn't matter.
Doesn't even matter that I'm wrong.
All I got to do is talk like I'm an ass or some schmunk and people eat it up.
I do not.
It's great.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
I can't deny that you have the highest popularity rating of any politician.
Nobody and nothing gets a 75% approval rating.
I'm as popular as pizza and titties.
Okay.
Have you always known you had this power?
No, I pushed.
What?
You haven't known this, that you always had this power?
No, I first realized I had this power way back when I was doing a local college show, and a woman called in to bust my balls about cutting funding for public education.
She asked me if I sent my kids to private school while at the same time cutting funding for public schools, which was completely legitimate and a great point.
I didn't know what to do.
So what did you do in that situation?
I thought to myself, if this is what it's like to be governor, having to get bitched out by a pesky woman who publicly held me accountable for my actions.
And I don't want any part of it.
And right then and there, I decided to chuck it.
What do you mean by Chuck Chuck what?
Being a governor.
I don't want it anymore.
So I told them broad to shut a flat mouth to a son of a business where I send my kids to school.
A bunch of other rude, inappropriate stuff to a concerned mother word about a kid's education.
Yeah, you know what?
I do remember that was kind of what made you famous, right?
I thought for sure I was done.
The people would be outraged with my behavior, and I could go back to my life of screwing over poor and working people in the private sector.
But instead, they evolved it.
Which proves that most people in New Jersey are deep down, hateful pricks who root for a bully.
It's like a parallel universe.
I could not be luckier.
So that's when you realized you had this power?
Yeah, and then I tried to see how far I could push it.
Just how powerful my power is.
Yeah, well, what did you do?
The next thing I did was publicly demonize and bully a teacher.
She was bitching about me cutting education and cutting teaching pay.
You know, usual BS.
Yeah, what did you do?
How'd you handle it?
Oh, I went full asshole on her.
I thought we didn't need greedy teachers like her in New Jersey and the queen.
She didn't like it.
I thought for sure they would force the governor's mansion on that one, but they didn't.
The stupid April Smugs love me even more.
Hey, yeah, yeah.
That's when those people started to publicly like me, too.
And I knew that I had a full gift.
And then I decided to see just how powerful I was.
And I publicly called a Navy War veteran an idiot and had him removed from a public forum.
I was really out of line.
I mean, come on.
And what happened?
People Foger loved her.
Are you kidding me?
Ryan Williams and Tom Brokar invited me to join the regular People Haters Club.
It was a great day.
Wow, so you really, that is amazing.
That's an amazing gift you have or a power that people like.
I don't get it.
That's pretty great.
Yeah.
I kicked some little boy in the nuts for no reason.
And what?
What?
They carried me out of there on a shield.
Okay.
Took like 18 guys, but, you know, whatever.
Yeah, okay.
Well, Governor, I appreciate you.
So yeah, I got a long day of, you know, beating up the little guy out of me here.
Person, get going.
Okay, well, I appreciate you taking time.
And, you know, people are kind of starting to see through you now.
I just want you to know that it's going to be tough to become president.
But thanks for taking time with us today.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Hey, guess what?
What?
Tell me.
Fuck you.
Okay.
Governor Chris Christie.
See you next time.
So, hey, guess who I'm on.
Guess who's on the phone with me?
I'm talking to the new Pope.
It's Pope, you know, what's his name?
Francis Bergoglio.
Hello.
How I. Hey.
That's funny.
Hello.
Hello, Mr. Pope.
I read about your comments where you said you're not going to judge gay people.
And I was just wondering what brought you to that conclusion exactly.
If somebody wants to put me on the guest list of a disco party slam, or not to condemn them.
Wait a minute.
So what has been the response to what's been the response to your statement?
Well, I've been denounced by the Knight of Columbus, the American Family Association, and the Catholic League.
In fact, I've been excommunicated.
You've been ex-communicated.
They lost the paperwork, so I'm still Papa.
Oh, first of all, I think it's adorable that you call yourself.
Your name for the Pope is that you call yourself Papa.
That's adorable.
Yeah, okay.
And second of all, I'm pleased that you seem like a more progressive Pope than we're used to.
You really are.
You see, I am progressive.
I don't like to judge people.
That is unless they pray to their own God, then you're going to have to burn an everlasting flame.
Okay, so you don't judge people unless they pray to the wrong God.
I see.
Yes, yes.
So, so it's so it just the wrong God thing is the bad thing.
But if you are a mass murder and rapist who gets absolution, then you're going right up to heaven.
That doesn't make any sense that a mass murderer could go to heaven.
Excuse me, my socceri just came in.
Oh, your secretary.
It's a guy, I bet.
Have you been in an accident?
You can hardly walk.
He says he doesn't want.
I don't know why I'm talking in English either.
He says he wants to sit down.
Oh, he doesn't want to sit down.
I get it.
Hello?
Yes.
Hello.
I get it.
Hello, Jimmy Dore?
Yes.
I didn't know.
That reminds me, you made some provocative statement, comments about the Vatican having a gay lobby.
Do you remember making those statements?
The Vatican has a guy lobby, a guy hallway, a gay toilet, gay ceilings of your stupid place.
No, I haven't visited.
I have not.
The guitar dolls in the back rooms, they're all busy canonizing each other.
Oh, my God.
Okay, I get it.
I get it.
I get it.
The Cardinals are busy canonizing each other.
I get it.
I get it.
So now, getting back to your recent statements, I see many religious people point to the passage in the Bible that condemns homosexuality.
Esucho, Kissas.
Oh, a joke.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
So now getting back to your recent statements, getting back to your recent statements, I see many religious people point to the passage in the Bible that actually condemns homosexual homosexuality.
Oh, no.
That stuff in the Bible should not be taken literally.
Have you actually read the Bible?
No, I haven't.
You'd have to be in my case to believe anything and not the book.
Really?
There's a lot more to the Pope phone call.
If you haven't heard the rest of it, you know how you can get the rest of it?
You go ahead.
You subscribe.
Subscribe to the premium content.
It's only $5 a month.
The price of a cup of coffee, two cents a day.
It's nothing.
You don't even feel it.
$5.
But it helps support the show, which is the important thing.
Plus, it gets you all the access to all the extra phone calls, all the extra sketches, all the extra content we do, and we drop it in the premium content, which some days are, some weeks there's an hour of extra premium content.
Some weeks there's 20 minutes.
It's always a lot.
It's always funny, and it's always worth it.
So you go over to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You make your $5 donation.
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And if you haven't gotten your passcode yet, send me an email at jimmydoor at earthlink.net.
It's my old-timey email, and I'll send you a passcode right away.
It's just that simple, and it helps support the show.
Okay, let's get back to some more phone calls.
We'll be right back.
Okay, on the phone, we got Texas Governor Rick Perry.
Hey, Governor, I really appreciate you taking time to joining us.
What the hell, Jimmy?
Is that all you're going to say?
What?
What do you mean?
We are going to stand on your feet and talk and talk until all unborn fetuses in Texas are piled up in Planned Parenthood dumpsters.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
I get it.
You're talking about the Wendy Davis filibuster, are you?
The what?
The filibuster.
You're talking about the Wendy Davis filibuster, right?
Jimmy, don't come at me with your fancy East Coast Jew words.
I ain't talking about no peanut buster parfait or whatever the hell it is you're alluding to.
I'm talking about that bitch that won't sit down and shut her yap.
You are now on Texas Senate floor.
The Texas Senator Wendy Davis, is that who you're referring to?
Yeah, and don't get me wrong.
I've got nothing against her.
She's a perfectly attractive woman.
In fact, I would totally tap that if I weren't a closeted hell-nosed.
LAUGHTER But she messed up my abortion bill.
And I was so upset.
It completely ruined the spiritual weekend of love, tolerance, peace, and understanding I had planned at my niggerhead ranch.
Oh, man.
Paula Dane was going to cook up a big cut of deep-fried lard cake served to us by smiling Negroes in plantation costumes.
Okay, okay.
Well, when you say pretending to be slaves, yeah.
Yeah, pretending.
Sure, that's it.
You know, Governor, you sound pretty down, right?
Me?
Hell no.
Depression is an emotion, and we don't feel emotion in Texas if you're a real man's man like me.
I always look at the bright side.
You're saying that every cloud has a silver lining?
Is that what you're saying?
Clouds, silver linings.
There you go with that fancy Northeast science talk, Jimmy.
And I know about clouds and climates, and I don't want to know.
I'm just telling you that I got a good reason to be happy.
Really?
How so?
Are you kidding?
Texas just celebrated its 500th execution since 1982.
It is good to be alive.
Really?
And you're proud of this?
You bet your liberal call me ass.
I'm proud.
But, Jimmy, we don't take execution lightly in Texas.
I've looked into this, and I can assure you that at least two out of three men we put to death are guilty.
And that is a true statistic.
You could look it up.
So I guess in Texas, the death penalty is as natural as the turning of the earth, huh?
There you go with that crazy science talk.
No normal person could ever understand.
Turning of the earth.
How the hell would we be able to walk on the earth who was turning?
Jesus, Jimmy.
I will tell you this.
We put so many prisoners to death in Texas that my legacy is assured.
And what is that legacy?
America's number one pro-life governor.
Well, Rick Perry, ironically, thanks for joining us.
Go get fucked, Jimmy Dorn.
Go get fucked, Jimmy Dorn.
Guess who called me?
I got a phone call from Villow.
Oh.
Door, Spill O'Reilly.
So from what I can gather, you and your little Libtard friend.
That's the new thing we call you, by the way.
I love Libtard.
Hilarious.
You left these can come up with stuff that good because it combines liberal and retarded.
See?
It also lets you know that we're not going to be bullied by this whole calling people pards as bad PC bullcrap.
And you know who started LibtCard?
The people.
It came out on Twitter, caught fire.
And ideas like that, they come up from the grassroots and up to the big pundits like me, a mere servant of the people.
Conservatives are the true populists, Jimmy.
Uh-huh.
Granted, we may not support the mechanisms that would provide a living wage for most American families and work to suppress the vote in minority communities, but we'll sure as shit use a juvenile insult from one of Dana Lash's retweets.
Boy, that Dana Lash.
Even I think she's a clunt.
Anyway.
Anyway, Jimmy, your little Libtard friends are up in arms about my rant about how blacks are killers.
You just can't stop talking about it.
Here's what I'm talking about.
Why did he say that?
Why isn't he in trouble?
Well, I got news for you, Dum-Dum.
Ratings are up on the O'Reilly factor, especially among the coveted fringe demographic.
For the longest time, Roger Hales was always giving me an earbanging about how I didn't do enough to court the fringes on my show.
They loved Hannity and Glenn Beck and the seven psychos who replaced Glenn Beck.
When we saw me as sort of this semi-reasonable sellout who actually had a college degree, which is very suspicious to their narrowly set eyes, I realized that this was a problem and that I had to fix it.
So to that end, I go on the air with my comrade and harms Bernie Goldberg, unabashedly talk about how black teens are vicious killers, and boom.
Guess what, Dormouse?
I'm top of the heap over here at Quox.
In the lead.
And I'm on Cloud 9.
Roger Ailes just personally came down here and tossed out celebratory hamsteaks to my whole staff.
So regrets, apologies, you're out of your mind.
I'm doubling down, Paco.
Not only will I be front-loading all my shows from here on out with black killer stories, I'm going back and revising all my recent best-selling books, killing Lincoln, killing Kennedy, and killing Jesus, to make it so a black guy killed each one of them.
May not be quote-unquote historically accurate, but fuck it.
Your second editions are going to sell like hotcakes.
It's going to be great.
I got Lincoln getting killed by a disgruntled ex-slave who was furious that he actually had to earn a living all this stuff to pay for his own three squares a day instead of mooching off a rich businessman.
Kennedy was killed by a Black Panther.
Sure.
The Jesus one was tough because they didn't have blacks back then, of course.
So I invented a time-traveling nation of Islam guy from the future named Quasar X. I don't know.
Sci-fi isn't really my thing, but, you know, I think it works out.
Megan Kelly helped me out with it.
She writes her own Gen in the Holograms fan fiction, actually.
But she does it in this like Christopher Nolan Dark Night kind of way where it's, you know, it's kind of cool and it's like, you know, it could really happen.
Anyway, Jimmy, fuck you and your whole family, and I'll fuck you later.
Bill O'Reilly.
Okay, so guess what?
I have on the phone with us, we have Paula Dean.
Hi.
Hi, Paula.
Are you there?
Hi, Paula.
Hi, Jimmy.
Hey, you know, Sweetie.
Hey, I. Hey, you know what?
I heard that we saw some of your apologies.
We listened to some.
And what was going on with your apologies, exactly?
I saw clips of it.
I just can't write you.
What do you mean you saw Clint?
There are your apologies.
Could you tell us about your apologies, how you feel about your apologies?
Well, yes, I did, Jimmy.
I saw the apologies.
There's been some very hurtful lies told about me that I felt I had to address.
Like lies like what?
What kind of lies?
Well, like that I'm a racist.
Well, but you did use racist language, including the N-word, right?
Well, of course, sweetie, who hasn't?
Well, lots of, I'm going to guess lots of people haven't, Paula.
Did you have to understand that when I said him, I used a very sweet, oh, shook kind of southern accent, you know?
So it's kind of like a compliment.
I doubt when you use racial epithets, Yeah, I mean, Holland so we can see you.
There he is.
See, Paul, this is what I'm talking about.
People hear you talk like that, and you know what they do.
They start to think bad things about you.
But they ain't true.
They are true.
I ain't a racist.
I'm just a southern girl.
If I was racist, why would I have a friend who is black because the ace of spades?
Paula, Paul, you're doing it again.
He's what I like to call catastrophically black.
Paula, stop.
Just stop it.
Hey, you know what?
There's a lot more to that phone call.
And there's a lot more to our discussion about Paula Dean.
Paula Dean actually, the craziest thing she did, we didn't have time to get to it in the show today.
It's in the premium content, motherfuckers.
And what it is, is she was being interviewed in New York City in front of a crowd, and she told the story about how her grandfather couldn't cope.
It was supposed to be a sympathetic story about her grandfather, her great-grandfather, who was a slave owner who couldn't cope after the Civil War, and he blew his head off.
And we're supposed to feel sorry for him because he couldn't hold slaves.
It gets weirder.
She does that thing that Dr. Laura does, where they try to tell you, I'm not racist because I have a black friend.
And look how I love this guy, and it's their driver.
And, you know, that's called an employee, Dr. Laura.
And Paula Dean.
Anyway, and she does that thing where she says, oh, look, he's as black as the back blackboard.
Anyway, it's really crazy.
So we go all through that on the premium content.
Plus, you get to hear the rest of that Paula Dean call in the Chris Christie call.
Plus, it's a John Boehner call in the premium content.
And plus, we do the thing.
Oh, in Texas, they had that filibuster, and you can't believe the way Brian Williams' news covered it.
We go over that.
There's a lot happening, and how do you get the break to five dollars a month?
You're worth it.
How are you doing?
It's moron.
Hey, moron, how's it going, buddy?
I haven't heard from you in a long time.
What have you been up to?
I'm a good American.
I'm easily manipulated to vote against my own interests.
Yes.
And I always follow authority unless it happens to be a Democrat or a black.
Yeah, well, you know how I say that, right?
Yeah, I know how you say this.
Yes, you say.
I always say that, right?
Yes, you say that all the time.
Well, how does it feel?
Turns out, you guys, you did the same thing.
I did what, the same thing?
With Obama's.
I guess you voted for him and then he's trying to cut your Social Security and Medicare and sticking it right in your liberal asses.
That's not exactly.
That's not exactly what's happening.
You voted against your own interest, then, right?
No, I didn't vote against my own interest because Barack Obama.
And you voted against your own interest, then, right?
No, I didn't.
I didn't vote against my own interest.
Yeah, but you voted against your own interest, right?
Moron, we didn't.
No, because Barack Obama.
Yeah, you voted against your own interest.
Okay, all right, maybe we voted.
Well, listen, I actually have another question to ask.
Okay, what is your other question?
What?
What is your question?
Did you hear what they're doing in Tennessee?
You mean with the welfare?
I said with the welfare and...
Yes, sir.
They're making welfare kids do good in school instead of slacking off like the poor kids usually do.
Yeah, I know.
That's not.
That's kind of a bad idea.
Yeah, they're trying.
Yeah.
What they're doing is they're getting.
So if you're a kid and you're on welfare, and if you get bad grades in school, then you don't get the welfare no more.
Right.
Kids get bad grades, family gets less welfare.
Right.
That's America, Jim.
Free market incentive to get lazy asses off their lazy asses.
Well, you know, actually, Moron, they're not lazy.
That a lot of the people who are poor in America are working poor.
Did you know that?
Well, why?
Well, why else are they poor if they ain't lazy?
Well, they're actually working.
Anybody can make it in America, Jim, if they work hard.
You know what?
There's a lot of people who work hard every day that work full-time jobs, moron.
In fact, they're not able to pull themselves out of poverty.
In fact, that I'm telling you that most of the poor people actually are single women with children they have to take care of.
Here's my point, Jim.
What's your point?
I'm all for punishing the welfare poor and humiliating them for being so poor that they need the government to give them food like losers.
Okay, moron, come on.
Jim, one thing doesn't make no sense to me.
What doesn't make sense to you?
Well, let's say that the poor kids are lazy, which is likely because they're poor.
That's not true.
And so he, so let's say the poor kid gets bad grades, right?
Right.
And then his family gets less money for food and stuff, right?
Which that feels right.
That's a good feeling to deny poor, lazy people food and money.
But what does the kid do then?
I don't know.
I don't know what do you mean?
What does the kid?
What does the kid do then?
I mean, what?
I mean, not that I care, but where does the kid get the money for his food then?
Well, he doesn't.
He doesn't get money for his food.
What do you mean?
I'm saying he doesn't get money.
What do you mean he doesn't get the money, Jim?
He doesn't.
They don't get money.
How does the kid eat then, Jim?
This is my question.
Well, that's why this is a stupid idea, Moron, because this program is to help people eat, not do better.
What?
Let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater there, Jim.
Yeah, I know.
You can still make things bad for the poor, but, you know, the kids gotta eat, am I right?
Yeah, I know the kid.
That's why we need to get rid of this program.
Yeah, I'm right, right?
Yes, you're right.
The kids got to eat, but we got to do it.
I mean, the kids got to eat, right?
So this is a little glitch in our plan.
Yeah, it's more than a glitch.
It's a bad idea.
Maybe, hey.
What?
Hey, what about this, Jim?
Maybe we could put a sign on front of their houses that says, we're poor.
That would make them feel like shit, right?
I don't understand what this knee-jerk reaction is to trying to hurt poor people.
Don't you think that they...
I'm saying, don't you think that they have a hard enough life as it is?
And by the way, that wouldn't work because poor people live around other poor people, so they wouldn't be shamed about being poor around other poor people.
It's a bad idea.
Well, how about this?
Maybe we have some regular people or some rich people drive by and look at it.
That would work, right?
We just tell.
Right.
No, it wouldn't work.
That would probably make the poor people feel humiliated, right?
And horrible about who they are and their place in life.
Yeah, that would.
That's a bad idea.
That's why that's.
Why are you talking about whole people?
Is that your wife?
What?
What are you talking about?
Whole people?
I'm not talking about whore people, Terese.
I'm talking about poor people, right?
Poor people.
You know, the poor, like they're putts with a P. Poor.
No, putts.
Poor putts with a P. P, like prostitutes.
No, Teresa, it's about the put.
Are you using the easy wax vac I got you?
What did you get me?
I got you the wax fac.
Look, it's a clean and effective way to clean and dry your ears.
And yeah, the wax fac secret is safe and gentle suction.
All you do is attach the wax fac tip and insert it into your ear.
Yeah, yeah.
But I use cotton swaps.
Cotton swabs push the wax and debris further in your ear, which can damage your eardrums.
Yeah, so try it.
It draws away.
Look, your pants are torn.
Can a corn?
No, your pants are torn.
Babies, boy.
Okay, listen, Jim.
I'm going to go.
We're going to take off.
Okay.
Yeah, bye.
Bye, Jim.
Have a good one.
Okay, bye, Moron.
Hey, Teresa, how come you can't hear me?
Who's queer?
Now, nobody's queer.
How can...
Wow.
Wow.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
He was dumb.
He was dumb.
I feel smart, Jim.
He was definitely dumb today.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I have Governor Rick Perry's on the line from Texas, who's been experiencing a lot of trouble down in Texas.
Hi, Governor.
You got it, Jimbo.
So now, Governor, you've been experiencing a lot of problems.
People are saying that your lax regulation on businesses and industry have contributed to the West Texas explosion.
What do you say to that?
Yes, it was a huge tragedy.
Now, what was it that actually was now fertilizer?
We don't know why a fertilizer plant blew up.
You don't know why it blew up?
All we know is they're used to make explosives.
That would be a clue, don't you think?
That would kind of be a clue.
This is a mystery to all people.
We shouldn't jump to any conclusion.
Okay.
But do you have no ideas?
You have any ideas?
The investigators haven't concluded their work yet, but it is baffling.
This was a fertilizer plant, and we don't know what would have caused an explosion in a fertilizer plant.
You sure?
Usually ammonium nitrate is a very docile compound.
Isn't it highly explosive?
We don't know.
We don't understand.
Fertilizer is used to make explosives, right?
And didn't Timothy McVay use fertilizer to I believe that's yes.
That's one of the uses for it.
So yeah, it is a mystery why it all blew up.
So now you're taking a lot of heat, right?
You and Texas for not you didn't inspect that plant for two decades, right?
Two decades.
You didn't inspect that plant.
Well, that is the cost of freedom.
I really don't think that's the cost of freedom.
Just like, I mean, there's going to be school shit.
That is the cost of earning a gun is having people shoot places up every now and again.
That's just the cost of that freedom.
Yeah.
And this is the cost of the freedom not having federal inspectors coming down to Texas and walking around telling us what to do.
We don't like Yankee inspectors coming down and saying, oh, you got to fix this thing or it's going to blow up and kill a bunch of people.
We don't want to hear government people come in and say that.
So this is gigantic explosions that destroy entire towns are that that's the cost of the freedom from federal interference and business.
Well, it just sounds to me like you just keep saying business a lot.
Like if you just keep saying business, that somehow it'll sound like you're interested in business.
Because Texas is about business.
And if you ask business people down here, they know that business is booming.
See?
That was a bad choice of words there.
But this is a good time for business in Texas.
But you're doing it again.
You just keep saying business over and over.
Texas is business.
Business is Texas.
Okay.
So you're saying that people in Texas are more annoyed and feel more burdened by a government regulator asking questions and inspecting factories than they are about factories actually blowing up and killing people?
Well, darn toot and that's how people feel down here, or at least that's how I'd like to portray how they feel for political reasons.
Yeah.
But doesn't it bother you that innocent people were killed by the explosion?
No, man.
I sleep fine.
I just don't think about stuff.
You don't think about you don't you don't think about what happened about the lack of regulation having people die because of it?
You don't work that way, man.
What do you mean?
It doesn't work.
I mean, that's how politics works.
It's the people that don't think about stuff.
They usually kick ass.
What?
You know, some dude thinking about stuff all the time, he's not going to come across good, you know, and debate her on TV.
He's going to be one of those dudes like, oh, I'm thinking about things.
You know, like they got a weird thinking expression on their face.
You know, no one lets you see that.
And no one's in that, man.
Just have a guy not thinking about stuff.
That's you, right?
Say a bunch of Friday Night Lights shit and get all up in there.
So what if there's another tragedy that can be tied directly, if there's another tragedy that could be tied directly to a lack of regulation?
What about that?
We can only hope.
Are you really saying that?
That sounds horrible.
What do you mean?
What do you mean?
It's God's will, man.
How could it be God's will?
What's God's will?
That people died and that a plant...
So everything that happens, you can just sort of, you know, God did it.
So get off my ass.
How can you make the Bible somehow mean that God wanted those people dead?
Well, I don't think you read the Bible because the Bible clearly is on America's side and states rights where we don't have federal inspectors going around anytime someone's trying to run a business.
You're saying that the Bible's against regulation?
It's implied.
Really?
It's really the Bible.
If you take the right Bible study classes, that'll be made very clear to you.
Yeah, I don't take Bible studies.
Come on down here, Texas.
We'll take you Bible study while we'll get some barbecue.
And then we can roll up our sleeves and talk to business leaders.
What do you want to do?
Roll up what?
That's what I like doing.
Doing what?
You want to roll up your what?
Rolling up my sleeves and talking to business leaders.
What is that?
Is that a figure of speech rolling up?
Why do you want to roll up your sleeve?
I don't get that.
Yes.
What is it?
Because they like to do it too.
Who?
Business leaders like to roll up their sleeves?
Just a bunch of dudes rolling up their sleeves, sitting around talking about business.
In it like a Texas casual way.
With their sleeves up.
This is all.
Why don't you just wear short sleeves?
Oh, short-sleeved dress shirts?
Dude, no.
Why wouldn't you wear shirts?
Yeah, maybe if I worked at NASA in 1974, that would be the perfect shirt.
No man should be doing that.
Short sleeves would make sense.
Short-sleeve dress shirts.
Are you kidding me, man?
No, I'm just saying that if you're already rolling up your sleeves.
Maybe if I was a federal inspector, I'd wear shit like that.
Yeah, well, I'm just...
No, but if you already...
No.
What a role.
I look like a federal inspector.
No, I'm just saying that you could wear a short-sleeve shirt.
What am I, Matt Damon from the informant?
No, I'm just saying that you could already.
What am I, Dennis Kucinich?
Yeah, all right.
Listen, I don't know why you got such a shit.
What am I Michael Douglas and falling down?
I get it.
He wore short sleeves.
What about my Gene Ackman and Hoosiers?
Okay.
What about Kevin Costner and JFK?
Okay.
What am I, Chris Hardwick?
I don't know what that means.
What am I all in with Chris Hayes?
Yeah, okay.
All right.
So you don't like wearing the short sleeves.
I get it.
What am I, Newman from Seinfeld?
All right.
But a short sleeve makes sense.
Point is I don't wear those shirts.
Okay.
Okay.
Well, I appreciate you taking time out to talk to us today, Governor.
I don't know either, man.
We really got off track.
Yeah.
But hey, thanks for having me on your show.
I'll send you some ammonia nitrate in the mail in a gift basket.
Is that like a powder?
Are you sending a powder?
No, it'll be like clumpy.
Oh, okay.
Okay, Governor, thank you.
Thank you.
I know you're saying to yourself, Jimmy, how do I support this show, this dynamic wonder of comedy, topical political comedy?
Well, how do I help support it?
Well, here's a way that doesn't cost you anything.
There's a way that doesn't cost you anything.
Yes.
The next time you want to buy something from Amazon.com, if you use our Amazon.com box, they'll send us money and it doesn't cost anything, and it doesn't change the way you shop at Amazon.
How does it work, Jimmy?
Well, the next time you want to buy something from Amazon, you just swing over to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You click in our Amazon.com box.
It then takes you to Amazon.com.
And then you buy something and they send us money.
It's just that simple.
And you don't have to go to our website every time you want to buy something from Amazon.
Here's the trick: you go to our website one time, you click on our Amazon.com box.
It takes you to Amazon.com.
And when you get there, you just bookmark that page.
So the next time you want to go to Amazon, you just go to your bookmark, and it really helps support the show.
And a big thanks to everybody who already thinks about us when they buy something from Amazon.
And thank you in the future for thinking of us when you think about buying something from Amazon.
Now let's get back to the calls.
Okay, hello?
Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, boom, boom, boom.
All right, shut up, hippies.
It's time for the Trump dump here on Pacific.
Donald, were you just singing?
That's my theme song, Jimmy.
It's called Production Value.
Maybe you heard of it.
You don't have a show, Donald.
Yeah, no, I know that, Jimmy.
It's right.
It's not a show.
It's a dump.
And if there's one thing I know, it's how to produce an absolutely breathtaking dump.
All right, let's get to it.
Item one.
I've been getting a lot of phone calls from some very powerful people asking me what to do because, as you know, I'm considered a major brainiac by anyone who knows I'm within earshot.
Now, I'm not going to tell you who's been calling.
Suffice it to say that this individual is so powerful, so highly placed, that he has access round the clock to a phone.
Let me put it this way.
I'm like Papa Smurf, Jimmy, you know, from the Smurfs.
Uh-huh.
Remember that?
I'm like Papa Smurf.
Everybody comes to me for advice, and I look much better when I wear a hat.
But also like Papa Smurf, if I keep telling all the other Smurfs what to do, they're never going to learn anything for themselves about how to defeat Gargamel or at least obtain a copy of his long-form birth certificate.
Donald, seriously, what are you talking about?
Item two.
I'd like to introduce a new segment here on the Trump dump.
You have segments now?
I'm going to predict celebrity participants for The Apprentice in the year 2033.
Okay, we're going to look into the future.
Now, this week, my prediction is that Taylor Lautner will be on the show.
Once the hunky star of the Twilight films, now a major D at Jerry's Deli and a fixture in the West Hollywood rough trade underground.
And when at last he is chewed up and spit out by the male escort community, he'll finally be desperate enough to work with me.
That's 2033, Jimmy.
Mark your calendar.
Okay.
Donald, are you stinging out your bits?
Oh, wait, I wasn't finished.
Donald, are you stinging out your bits?
Jimmy, listen.
If you interrupt me one more time, I'm going to have one of my security guys fly out there to L.A. and put a decapitated horse body in your bed.
Yeah, no, that's right.
You heard me.
You're going to get the headless body part.
The rest of the horse, Jimmy.
So I hope you have a big bed, big enough for a horse with no head.
I know, before you even ask, I know.
As for the horse head, it's going to be shipped to one of my world-class rendering plants in Bayonne for conversion to IKEA meatballs.
Okay.
Okay.
Next item.
I was attacked by a goblin when I was eight, and my parents refused to believe me.
But at bay, what?
That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
Item 12.
Liberals continue to go henny penny over this Newtown business.
Like that limey bastard Piers Morgan, for example.
Now, look, I have it on good authority that Piers Morgan is, in fact, a North Korean agent.
What?
That's right.
You know how I know?
No.
I heard he has trouble launching his missile.
You know what I'm saying, Jimmy?
No.
There's trouble in Whoopee Land, what I'm trying to say.
With Piers Morgan.
And this guy, he's got the nerve to badmouth guns and to undermine our fabulous Second Amendment when every night he goes home and eats cold rice in a dark room like all North Koreans.
What?
Jimmy, don't get me started on his male performance issues, okay?
He eats that rice because he can't prepare his noodles.
You're talking about Piers Morgan.
Yeah, that's right.
You're saying he's North Korean.
Yeah, that's right.
Okay.
And impotent.
Okay.
All right, now look, Jimmy, look at that.
He doesn't look North Korean, though, Donald.
What's that?
He doesn't look North Korean at all.
Well, you know, I don't see color.
I'm post-racial, Jimmy.
Even with the Chinaman.
Now, look.
You're going to like this, okay?
It's another new segment.
You claim to be a comedian, right?
Yes.
Now, you know, I'm dear friends with Jerry Seinfeld.
Did you know?
Oh, I did not know that.
I mean, I assume so.
We're both New Yorkers, you know.
The only difference between me and Jerry Seinfeld is the stuff with his name on it is still valuable.
Now, look, anyway, so here's what I'm going to do in my new segment.
I'm going to solve America's problems using observational stand-up comedy bits, okay?
But I'm going to put my own spin on it.
I'm going to Donald up these bits, okay, like Jerry.
Are you ready?
Okay, I'm ready.
Okay, okay.
All right.
What's the art of the deal with healthcare?
I don't understand what you're doing.
What?
That's my book, Art of the Deal.
I didn't read it.
No.
Yeah, The Art of the Deal.
Yeah.
That's where I teach people the art of the deal.
Right.
Okay, so I'm incorporating that best-selling book, one of the greatest books ever written.
It was on the New York Times bestseller list for a record-breaking number of weeks for a book that wasn't all that good.
But now I'm incorporating that well-known book into my stand-up bits.
Okay.
So what's the art of the deal with health care?
Okay.
So instead of you saying like a normal comedian would say what's the deal, you say what's the art of the deal?
Yeah, that's right.
That's like your catchphrase.
Yeah.
Oh, okay, I got it.
You are funny.
So you get it.
I get it now.
Okay.
I guess you're not much of a reader.
No.
No, I'm not.
You're too busy with Martha Jones.
And your skateboarding magazine.
That's right.
That's crazy.
You hippies with.
All right.
All right.
Hold on.
Let me get my notebook out here.
Okay.
I've got some bits.
Okay.
What's the art of the deal with health care?
I think we should fix a mental health system without in any way fixing our national health care system and without raising revenues.
Yes, I got it.
I'm going to put a check mark next to that one.
Okay.
I think that's solid.
I love it.
Okay.
All right, hey, Jimmy.
What's the art of the deal with school shootings?
I don't know.
What is the art of the deal?
Yeah, okay.
Oh, I could solve that problem, too.
I think we should put a lot of heavily armed men inside our schools to reduce the number of shootings.
That seems counterintuitive, right?
Because you get more guns and more violence, right?
I thought you understood comedy, Jimmy.
I don't know.
You may want to.
Where'd you get your degree in comedy?
You don't go to school.
I went to Wharton.
No big deal.
Okay.
But anyway, so you get an idea of what I'm doing here.
I did sit in on a few Louis Anderson comedy boot camps.
Oh, well, that's fabulous.
You know, Louis plays my Ataj Mahal Casino in Atlantic City.
Yes.
Yeah, he's great.
Yeah, he's fantastic.
He brings in all these people with walkers.
Yes.
He's terrific.
He's terrific.
You know, so look, listen, comedy is what I'm trying to say.
You like it, right?
What's the matter?
You don't like it?
I don't hear a lot of laughing in there.
You know, when I tell a joke, you're supposed to laugh.
Okay, I will, Mr. Trump.
I'm sorry.
I want to hear America laughing, too, all right?
If I come down to where you people work, well, that's because your job went to Mumbai, but that's the but seriously, if any of you out there, if you don't like my comedy, you come on down to Trump Tower, which I may or may not still own, and you fight your way through the several levels up to the top floor where a princess is waiting to be rescued, and there's a cache of gold coins.
All right, you lousy Italian plumbing bastards.
I dare you!
Hey, listen, he doesn't mean that, folks.
Please.
Fight him last.
Okay.
I am proud to announce my new line of Donald Trump brand marital aids.
Really?
Yeah.
They're available at Sears.
Really?
In the back near the bathrooms on the second floor.
What are your marital aids?
Well, we had a special this week, Jimmy.
We got a Trump brand Mirkin.
What's that?
You know what that is?
No.
It's a pubic wig.
They used to wear those in the old days.
Yes.
Yes.
To keep your stuff warm.
You know what I'm saying?
Yes.
Right?
Yes.
I know now.
Right?
Nothing worse than cold stuff.
Nothing worse than cold stuff.
So that's one of your marital aids.
You got a Mirkin.
Yeah, that's right.
You know, you got.
It's a Trump brand Mirkin is what I'm trying to say.
Yes, I got it.
So if you want your unit to look like the top of my head, you go out and buy one.
Yeah, I got it.
Is that all?
Is that all your marital aids, or you have more?
Well, that's the most popular seller.
Okay.
We got a bunch of different kinds of things that you can clamp on there and stuff that you can put in other places and you can strap to things.
It goes in your various areas and around your whatnot.
But that's not all, Jimmy.
We got another special this week.
Trump rings.
Oh, what are Trump rings?
They're rings.
You know where you put them?
No.
Guess where you put them?
On your finger?
Okay.
You put them around your Trump Tower.
You know what I'm saying?
I think I know what you're saying now.
At the base of your Trump Tower.
Right.
And what does that do?
Near the lobby.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm following your euphemisms.
So get down to Sears right now.
It's real classy stuff.
Just look for my shouting face on the box.
Okay.
I'm serious, Jimmy.
This stuff will get you hornier than a couple of years in prison.
Okay.
All right.
Well, that's great.
Yeah, well, look, that's it.
Hold on.
with Okay, that's it for this week's Trump dump.
On next week's show, What's the Art of the Deal with Airplane Peanuts?
Until then, you've been Donalded.
Thank you.
So Bill O'Reilly called, he called back.
He left me a message.
Jimmy's all war.
Why no race war?
Get the fucking phone.
Get the fucking phone.
What are you playing fucking space invasion?
What kind of ring is that?
What was it talking about?
Oh, yeah.
Why no race war?
What's the matter with you people?
This country really lets me down.
Is it because he's a Hispanic?
The real victim in all this is this Zimmerman Carlos Mancia guy.
His life is never going to be the same.
I think what's in his future.
A book deal, a drive time and radio show.
The keynote speech at the Republican Convention.
You liberal pinheads get all mushy over a dead black kid in your neighborhood.
Would you want some ghetto thought walk around hopped up on Skizzles?
Armed with a sidewalk?
Skittle man.
What does you want?
Manslaughter?
Come on.
Chopped them little stakes.
I agree this Mexic has no right to shoot an unarmed boy.
That's what we pay cops for.
You're stealing the jobs.
This isn't about race.
This isn't about guns.
It's about sweatshirts with hoods.
Nobody should wear a hood unless you're a monk, a wizard, or a goth girl trying to worry her parents.
Race war.
Come on.
Why isn't this happening?
Race war.
Burn, baby.
Burn.
I need another drink.
The private dick with the reporter on my ex-wife is supposed to be here.
Amen.
Okay, fuck all.
Gotta go.
Remember, we're looking out for you.
Boom.
you Michael Douglas, we all know what happened with Michael Douglas.
He said he got the throat cancer.
Hey, Michael, I think we have Michael.
Michael on you, are you on the line?
Can I hear you, Michael?
Hi, Jimmy.
It's Michael Douglas here.
Sorry, it took me so long to return your call.
I was busy performing Cunnalingus on the woman.
Well, that's great.
Good for you.
Oh, what?
You don't believe me?
LAUGHTER Oh, what?
You don't believe me?
Of course I believe you.
Why wouldn't I believe that when you say you can perform Cunalingus?
Because if you didn't believe that I love women and performing oral sex, then I was going to ask you to explain to me how I got the kind of cancer you get from performing oral sex on a woman's vagina.
Because that's the kind I got, buddy.
My doctor said that.
Okay.
I believe you really.
Oh, sorry.
Got to come up for air.
What?
I really do.
I believe you.
I really believe you.
I wanted to ask you about behind the candelabra, okay?
Oh, yeah.
What are you doing?
Okay.
I get it.
I get what you're doing.
Oh, yeah.
That thing.
Yeah, that thing.
I took that off because it was such a great acting challenge.
Don't you think we did a superb job of acting gay?
Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely.
Superb job.
I mean, really, stellar acting, me and Matt Damon, who I think is gross, by the way.
I know ladies like him, but I don't find him the least bit.
I mean, I don't find any man attractive.
Everybody's saying what a great acting job I did.
I tell you, I love eating pussy so much I got cancer.
Did I say that earlier?
Because that's fucking true.
Yeah.
I know.
See, it seems like you're overcompensating.
I mean, I see what you're doing.
You don't have to do.
People know you are acting in that movie.
People aren't worried that you.
I see what you're doing, Michael.
You don't have to do this, okay?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm telling you, it's okay.
I was busy sweeping all these sex crumbs out of my bed.
That happens when you do a good job going down first.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look, it's okay.
It is okay, Michael.
All right.
Just trust me.
Jimmy, I gotta say, I guess this is just God's way of punishing me for having a kick-ass life.
Why, how?
First, he gave my ex-wife more money than I even thought I had.
$45 million.
That's a big divorce settlement.
Yes.
It's more than Donald Trump and Mick Jagger combined.
Yes, that is.
It actually is.
And for what?
What?
$45 million so I could marry a Hollywood starlet less than half my age.
Yeah.
Sounds like a good deal until you find out she's bipolar and her pussy gave you cancer.
Okay.
Well, you know what?
I guess I never looked at it like that.
Well, maybe you should start looking at it that way, my friend.
Okay, Michael.
Michael Douglas got cancer from eating pussy.
Yeah, I want you to take a second and let that sit in.
Really settle in.
Yes, it has settled in.
I got it.
How did you get cancer?
What?
Oh, that's right.
You don't even have it.
Yes, that's right.
I don't have cancer.
I guess we know who won that one.
Yeah.
I guess you got cancer and you win.
Is that how you're putting it out, Michael?
All right.
I got to get it back to.
Okay, I can.
You know what?
Yeah, I know.
All right.
I'll see you, Michael.
I'm going to go try to get some cancer in my dick.
Michael Douglas, ladies and gentlemen.
Wow.
Woo!
Woo!
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hey, that's our show for this week.
I hope you enjoyed it.
There's one more way you can help support the show I didn't tell you about yet, and that's by if you want to send somebody strawberries, big, huge, gigantic chocolate-covered strawberries.
If you go to Sherry's Berrys and you send them through them, they'll send us some money when you buy some strawberries.
Have you had those Sherry's Berry strawberries?
Do I need to tell you about how big they are?
They're gigantic.
They're the biggest strawberries I've ever eaten.
And they cover them in chocolate, yum, and then you send them to somebody, and then the person gets them and they go nuts, and then you look cool.
So, and how do you get the deal?
You go to berries.com, B-E-R-R-I-E-S, berries.com.
There's a microphone in the upper right-hand corner.
You click on it, you type in Jimmy D, and you're going to get a deal.
What is the deal?
You get half a dozen berries for $19.99.
That's a full 40% savings off their normal price.
Huh?
Good deal.
You can get a full dozen for an extra 10 bucks, and they're fantastic.
And when you do that, they send us money.
It's just that easy, and it's a win-win-win.
Everybody gets somebody, gets some great strawberries.
You look cool.
They send us some money.
It really works out.
So thanks for your support.
Thanks to everybody who uses the Amazon.
And thanks to all our premium members.
All right.
That's it for this week.
You know, you know who did the Mike McRae.
Big tip of the hat to Mike McRae for all the wonderful work on the voices.
The calls were written by Mike McRae, Frank Conniff, Jim Earl, Robert Yasimura, Benzela Vansky, Mark Van Landuet.
Did I say Steve Rosenfield?
If I didn't, I should have.
Okay, that's it for this week.
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