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June 8, 2013 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:03:02
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program, the Jimmy Dore Show.
Hey, if you're like me, you like to consider yourself non-homophobic.
And if you're also like me, you tuned in to watch Behind the Candelabra, the movie on HBO about the life of Liberace as played by Michael Douglas, the 68-year-old thespian, and the story of him and his young lover played by Matt Damon, the 42-year-old actor.
Now, I just want to make you how I like to say I'm not a homophobic until I saw Matt Damon having sex with Michael Douglas on the screen.
Because I know those two actors, my advice would be if you're going to have a movie about two homosexual men and they're going to show them having sex, please have it be anonymous actors so I can enjoy the movie too.
I cannot growing up the way I grew up like a man, men always kid that they're attracted to other men and goofing with them.
So when I saw Matt Damon butt-banging Michael Douglas, I defy you to watch that scene with a straight face.
Matt Damon butt-banging Michael Douglas dressed up as Liberace?
That's not a movie.
That's an SNL sketch, okay?
And it's not me being homophobic because if it was Matt Damon having sex with Ben Afleck, that would be homo erotic.
Matt Damon having sex with Michael Douglas is homo-hilarious.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to me, T-Diagon.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore!
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's episode.
I'm joined on the phone from New York City from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and four sold-out shows in Washington, D.C. last week with Cinematic Titanic.
It's TV's Frank Frank Connip.
Hi, Frank.
Hello there.
How were your shows in D.C. last week?
They were great.
As you said, they were sold out, and we had a great time.
That's what I understand.
You got to remind me so I can give you a nice plug on the radio SM, all right?
That makes me feel bad when I don't plug my fellas.
Cross the glass.
I met in the audience afterwards.
I met some Jimmy Dore show fans.
Oh, isn't that nice?
That is nice.
Makes me feel good.
A little crossover cinematic.
Hey, I did this.
And I did a show with Josh Weinstein yesterday.
So isn't that something?
Oh, did you?
Oh, good.
Small Mark Thompson show.
Cross the glass from me, former writer for The Daily Show and the author of Morning Remembrance, hilarious obituaries of real dead people.
It's Ham Radio's Jim Earl.
Hey, Jim, how are you?
Hey, Jimmy, how are I?
Hey, you know, I saw you perform live last night, and I just must say, I was not impressed.
Anyway, let's get on with the show.
Next to him, hilarious Japanese man.
It's from Team Yasamur.
It's Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert.
Hi.
Glad you can.
Last week, Robert was in the internment camp.
They let him out this week to come tell comedy.
Thank you very much to the government.
Across from him, hilarious host of comedy and everything else.
It's our resident Latina, Steph Zemorano.
Hey, Steph.
Hey, Jimmy.
How are you?
Super duper.
Okay, next to her, it's a hilarious comedian, former writer for the Daily Show.
It's Steve Rosenfield.
Hey, Steve, how are you?
Good, Jimmy.
How are you doing?
I'm doing great.
Let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes.
Do you know Steven Seagal is in the news?
I don't know if you know that.
Steven Seagal, he led a delegation of top congresspeople to Russia.
That's right, to investigate the Boston bombing.
And I say, hey, anything that keeps him away from a movie is okay.
We're talking about bombing.
Yes.
And last week, I don't know if you heard about it, but Lou Dobbs and Eric Erickson at Fox News responded to the study about women and the workforce.
And Lou Dobbs' comments on Fox News were so sexist that he was banned from the network until the next day when his show started production.
You know, it's just a basic scientific fact that every time a woman becomes a breadwinner, Eric Erickson suffers erectile dysfunction.
And, you know, just on a personal note, I'm fairly kind of, you know, McDonald's has expanded breakfast after midnight.
They're going to have breakfast after midnight.
I heard about that.
And I'm fairly confident that McDonald's expanded breakfast after midnight menu will make America smarter.
So what's coming up on today's show?
Bob Dole says Republicans should close up shop for a little while because they're a little too crazy.
CNN's Anthony Bourdain goes to Libya to eat food like a badass.
And Aaron Burnett hosts a show on CNN.
And we're going to try to figure out just what the fuck she's doing.
Plus, Chris Christie called the special election.
You know, he usually combines elections to save money.
This time he combined fear and greed to save Chris Christie.
Plus, we got phone calls from Chris Christie.
Saxby Chambliss, Michael Douglas, calls in, and Congressman Jim Bridenstine and Judge Edith Jones.
That's all today, plus a lot, lot more on the Jimmy Dore Show.
So here's one, here's a great story.
Chris Christie, so what happened was Senator Laudenberg from New Jersey died, right?
He was old, 89 years old.
He died.
So what that leaves is a vacancy.
So now the New Jersey governor can appoint, they can appoint another senator that could serve for a year and a half.
Or they can call a special election, or they could just have the election for senator happen on the next regularly scheduled election, which is this November, which Chris Christie is also going to be on the ballot running for governor.
So Chris Christie in the past has always said that he likes to combine elections.
He doesn't like to have special elections.
He likes to combine them.
That's his theory because he likes to save money.
He likes big combos.
Yes, he does.
Elections are.
He supersizes these elections.
Elections are extraordinarily expensive.
Calling a special election is a really irresponsible thing.
nothing special about it.
So it's one of his principles is to...
What he likes about, to him, a special election is just like a between-meal snack.
So it was pretty...
He's a big guy.
He is.
So Chris Christie decided to call a special election instead of having the election for Senate on the same day he's running for governor.
And the reason is the person who's running for Senate is Corey Booker, who's the most popular Democrat in the state.
So Chris Christie theorizes that Corey Booker is going to draw a lot of African Americans to the polls to vote for Corey Booker.
Those are people who aren't going to vote for Chris Christie.
So Chris Christie decided, hey, I don't want all those guys showing up on the day I'm running for governor, so I'm going to have a special election the month before.
Also, it's not that Chris Christie thinks he'll lose the election if that happens, because he probably, no matter what, he won't lose.
But his margin will go down.
His margin of victory will go down.
And that will, as far as he's concerned, affect him in 2016.
He wants to have a really gigantic win this time around.
This is correct.
To be considered viable in 2016.
Yes, this is correct.
So that's the thing.
He's going to win anyway, but he wants to win by a huge margin.
So it makes it look better for him.
So he has more gravitas going into the 2016 election.
He wants more margin.
Who could blame him?
Who could blame him?
He's a big guy with a hefty appetite.
So he so.
He says margarine and the public says butter.
So he, this is a transparently craven, self-interested, screw the people, screw the money, everything.
This is all about Chris Christie, which Chris Christie's always been about Chris Christie, Right, yes.
So here we go.
And they asked him about this.
They had a press conference.
They go, wait a minute, this goes against everything you've ever said.
This is going to cost us money.
We know what you're doing.
Why are you doing this?
And he said, here's what Chris Christie had to say.
I don't know what the cost is, and I, quite frankly, don't care.
I don't think you can put a price tag on what it's worth to have an elected person in the United States Senate.
And I will do whatever I need to do to make sure those costs are covered because all the people of the state of New Jersey will benefit from it.
And we're not going to be pennywise and pound foolish around here.
Yeah, not like we were with that tunnel.
Remember how we were with that tunnel?
Remember how ridiculous that was and how it stopped our progress?
Remember how I did that?
I'm not doing that this time.
This time we're spending all the money.
I think the phrase pound foolish pound.
He didn't just have his stomach stapled.
What they use for staples, fudge?
We're not going to be pennywise and metric ton foolish.
So that was Chris Christie.
So no reporter yelled at him.
You're talking about literally a month.
Yes.
Actually, it's going to be three weeks before the election, the general election.
They're going to have this special election, and everyone knows exactly what it is.
And you're right, Robert.
Nobody yelled at him.
It wouldn't be nice if, you know, which would have been nice if someone went, we know exactly what you're doing.
So I see what's happening.
And it seems that like this was so transparently craven that even a lot of the news media got it, right?
So I was watching MSNBC and CNN, and they both kind of got it right, which is unusual.
So then I was like, well, I wonder how Brian Williams is doing with this.
Because I know Brian Williams is a big pal, Chris Christie.
It's great, though, that Chris Christie, you have to respect Chris Christie's strong principles, even if Chris Christie doesn't respect him himself, right?
And once again, Chris Christie stands up for what he believes, and in this case, wasting taxpayers' money on a completely redundant election.
And I'm not really surprised Christie doesn't like sharing elections any more than he likes sharing his waffle fries.
So does not care for it.
And the media loves Chris Christie because he's the real deal, a two-faced hack who'll do anything to be reelected.
That's for real, baby.
So here is Brian Williams.
Here's how he covers this.
So the important part, I think we can all agree, that the important part of the story is that Chris Christie's revealing himself to be an underhanded politician like everybody else who's just out there for himself.
He'll waste taxpayer money if it suits him and forwards his career.
So that's what this story is, right?
That's the story, not the fact that he called a special election, but why and what this tells us.
That's the story.
Here's how Brian Williams covered it.
Chris Christie said today he's calling for a special election to be held in October to fill the Senate seat of the late Senator Frank Lautenberg, who died yesterday at the age of 89.
A primary will be held in August.
Some conservatives were unhappy with this announcement today.
First of all, they don't like the cost, but they were also hoping for a November general election when Christie himself will be on the ballot in the governor's race.
The thinking there is that Christie on the ballot would give the GOP Senate nominee a better shot against the widely expected Democratic nominee, the mayor of Newark, Corey Booker.
Okay, so I don't know if you noticed, but Brian Williams told a totally different story that nobody else is telling.
No one else is talking about that.
That's not the story, by the way.
He's claiming that the conservatives don't like it.
Yes, well, the conservatives, what they don't like, Robert, is they don't like the fact that he didn't appoint a special Republican to sit in that seat for a year and a half.
They're upset that he didn't do that.
And if I was Republican, I wouldn't, I would be pissed off, too.
I would be, too.
So they are rightly upset at him.
And this is Brian Williams, again, not informing his.
He's not misinforming them.
He's just not informing them.
He's not telling them false things.
He's a story in a way that it's that he's like kind of he's still pushing forth the narrative that Chris Christie is a maverick.
Yes.
Because he's pissing off Republicans.
And to Brian Williams, that's a big part of the story.
And it'll give Brian Williams and the other pundits the fuel to later say, well, look at what a maverick he is.
He wouldn't be a Republican.
He got all the Republicans in his state mad.
And like you said, that's the wrong story.
But that's exactly, you're right, Frank.
I didn't even think of it like that.
That is how Brian Williams reported it, as if Chris Christie is this maverick who pushes against his own party and is independent and does what he wants.
Because after years.
He pushes against his own party, except when he supports every policy of his party.
Yes.
All the time.
All the time.
And even against gay marriage.
So that's how.
He's incredibly conservative.
Yes.
And yet he's portrayed in the media as a moderate because he shook hands with Obama.
Because he shook hands with President Obama and got money for his state when they just had a disaster.
That's considered being moderate if you actually help your own state after a disaster.
That's how bad the Republican Party's gotten.
And, you know, what's Brian Williams supposed to say, Frank?
Hey, my mistake, Chris Christie is actually full of shit like all the others.
I guess he can't because he spent all this time praising him.
He can't go say that.
So I just, that was very interesting.
And that's, so we're going to talk right now about Bob Dole came out, and this all fits together because Bob Dole came out last week and they were asking him about the state of the Republican Party.
He went on Fox News.
So I'm going to play a clip.
This is Bob Dole.
This is from one of His speeches when he was running for president in 1996.
How many years ago was that?
17 years ago?
Sure.
So here he is running for president in 1996.
Now, let's just take a listen to all the crazy ideas he had back then.
I worked on the food stamp program proudly.
He's proud of the food stamp program.
Now, they're all calling Obama the food stamp prep.
Food stamps are the worst things in the world.
It's socialism, right?
So he was for food stamps, probably.
And the WIC program and he worked on the food stamp program proudly.
And the WIC program.
They hate the WIC program now.
The conservatives had, you know, what WIC stands for?
Women, infants, children.
Yes.
So that's who they're upset that is getting food.
Takers.
The takers.
Women, infants, and children.
So he was for that.
This is 1996.
Keep going.
School lunch program.
I learned in my own life from my own experience that not every man, woman, or child can make it on their own.
And that in time of need, the bridge between failure and success can be the government itself.
Wow.
Talk about a taker.
What's the matter with that guy?
He stood up for the welfare queens.
That the less Republican person lost that year.
Ah, that's a great way to put it, Frank.
Yes, you're right.
It was Bill Clinton won, and he went on to deregulate the telecommunications industry, giving us this monolithic corporate-owned media that we had.
He went on to deregulate the banking industry, which led to our biggest economic crash since the Great Depression.
Yeah, so he repealed the New Deal, pretty much, is what Bill Clinton went on to do after he beat Bob Dole, who seems to be a New Deal Republican.
But the important thing is, he wasn't a liberal Republican, Frank.
Bob Dole was a mainstream, the standard-bearer of the conservative party in the Senate for decades.
He wasn't some crazy out there Rockefeller Republican.
This guy was dyed in the wool.
This is the guy that everybody would turn to to see where the party was.
But if I'm not mistaken, he was Ronald Reagan's running mate in 1976.
Am I getting confused?
He was Ford's running mate.
He was Ford's running mate, right?
Right.
He's a real establishment guy from way back.
I wouldn't be surprised if Bob Dole was for Social Security and Medicare.
He was a Kansas guy.
Back then, Kansas was pretty, you know, relatively populist.
Populist.
I don't know if you heard what he just said.
I was like, is that Bob Dole or Bobby Kennedy?
What the hell?
That was unbelievable, right?
Of course, this was before conservatives realized it was better to have dirty water, dirty air, violence against women, and only certain people voting.
Four years later, you know, four years after that, the Republicans had a candidate who almost got elected, didn't really get elected, but got to be in the White House anyway.
Yes.
And that's more to their liking.
You know, George Bush's mental capacity and the neocons, who he surrounded himself, that was more to the Republicans' liking than Bob Dole, an actor who actually, unlike George Bush, fought in a war and has had some real life experiences, was injured.
Yeah.
Lived through the Depression.
Yeah, lived through the Depression.
Someone who had that kind of perspective on the world, the Republicans weren't interested in anymore.
That's Bob Dole.
He was for the Clean Water Act, the Clean Air Act, the Violence Against Women Act, the Endangered Species Act, the handy, the disability.
What was it?
American with Disabilities Act?
And by the way, he was very recently for the U.N. A new version of the American with Disabilities Act that they voted down in the freaking Senate.
With him seated in the room.
So we consider the American with Disabilities Act, which was Bob Dole's legislation, right?
The conservative Bob Dole's legislation, the American with Disabilities Act.
And that's our value, right?
So we take care of the handicapped in America.
We want to export our values.
That used to be how Americans, we want to export democracy.
We want to export human rights.
We want to export capitalism.
And we wanted to export our values, which this was.
And they don't want to do it anymore.
They said, no, we can't.
We don't want the rest of the world to take care of the handicapped.
And they did it right in Bob Dole's face.
And what were you going to say, Frank?
I was going to say Bob Dole is a man with a disability who received help from the government and got health care, help for health care to heal from his wounds.
And he went on to become a candidate for president of the United States.
He wasn't just some slacker bomb.
Right.
Beating off the government, which is how they portray everybody.
Bob Dole is in that 47% that Mitt Romney talked about, who is just leeching off the government because he went to the VA to get to have his injuries from the war treated.
Bob Dole fought in the war.
Chris Christie fought in the war, too.
Burger Wars.
He was in the Battle of the Bulge.
Don't forget Bob Dole.
He went to school on the GI Bill.
Right.
So he's been the recipient of a lot of positive things for the government and tried to get back.
Chris Christie was wounded on Pork Chalk Hill.
Pork Chop Hill.
Battle of Pork Chop Hill.
Man, that was okay.
Sorry, Adam.
He wasn't long.
He wasn't wounded on Pork Chop Hill.
He ate pork chop hill.
That was after he was wounded and he got hungry.
And he ate the Hill.
So Bob Dole was making the rounds last week.
I don't know why.
He went on Fox News and they asked him about the current state of the Republican Party and he had this to say about it.
I think they ought to put a sign on the National Committee.
Doors says, close for repairs until New Year's Day next year.
And spend that time going over ideas and positive agendas.
Yes, go over positive agendas.
Boy, is this guy suffering from dementia?
He said that Beron Rahe, he went on to say that Ronald Reagan wouldn't make it.
And today he wouldn't be able to make it out of the primary today for Republicans.
Yes, because if Ronald Reagan were alive today, the Republicans would want him dead.
Sure.
He would not fit in.
In order to make it as awful as Reagan was, and let's not forget he was awful.
He was awful.
He could be kind of an affable guy who could make deals with people.
In order to make it in today's GOP, you have to be a Ted Cruz-level athletic.
Yes, that is correct.
Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, Michelle Bachman.
And Dole's going to be remembered by today's Republicans as a brave World War II veteran who tried to use the federal government to destroy liberty.
Yes, but he will be remembered.
And so, Rachel Maddow did a big thing on this last week, too, and she showed how far to the right they had gone.
And she used Bob Dole as an example about how far to the right that they have gone.
Like, they used to be reasonable.
This used to be things we all agreed on.
We need to give help children with dependent, women with dependent children.
We give Social Security, Medicare, clean water, clean air, violence against women.
There used to be things that weren't considered liberal or conservative, like disaster relief.
Yes.
Yes, for instance, disaster relief.
You didn't have to fight for a disaster relief.
Or the Violence Against Women Act.
It wasn't considered liberal or it was just considered a thing you should do because we're humans.
So a couple people made this point after Bob Dole did that.
That's what brought this up, right?
So, but what the point they didn't make, nobody asked or answered the question, why has the party moved so far to the right?
Why is it a death sentence to be a reasonable person in the Republican Party today?
And by the way, what's so insidious about this is that the news media still covers it as if they're the same party they were 20 years ago.
The news media doesn't go.
And by the way, this one party, which is now bad crazy, they don't.
They do what both sides do.
It's that same BS.
No matter how far to the right they go, it stays the same.
And so I'm going to give, so nobody's answering the question, why has the Republican Party gone so crazy?
And my thing is, we talked about it.
We teased it earlier.
Oh, I'm going to tease it even more because we're going to get to a Chris Christie phone call right now.
I'll answer the question: why the Republican Party has moved so far to the right in the second half of the show right now?
Let's get to our Chris Christie phone call.
So on the phone, I have Governor Chris Christie, who decided to call a special election to fill a Senate seat.
Governor, why not just have it on the same day as the regular election in November when you're on the ballot too?
Now, I want you to, and I want you to be honest.
Now, be honest.
Why did you do this?
Just remind the people I'm a big fan of Douchebag.
How I handled Hurricane Sandy by the fools, you mugumbos.
Trust is what we all deserved.
How do you mean it's what you deserved?
I don't, what is it?
People of New Jersey deserve the senator, and I deserve to win my race for governor by 20% of the vote.
Why do that and catch all this grief?
That's my question.
I mean, you could have just had the election all in the same day, and you still could have won your governor race by at least 10 points.
Why do it this way?
And I deserve to win by 20 points.
Okay.
That's who I am.
I do things big.
All right.
I don't eat till I'm full.
I eat till I'm tired.
I got you.
Of course, stopped eating after a few other white castles, but I finished the full growth at half because it's who I am.
Okay, okay.
But aren't you worried that this move reveals you for a typical politician putting self-interest before civic duty?
No, I ain't.
People love it.
What do you mean?
People love it when you waste public money?
That doesn't make any sense, Governor.
I got to tell you.
No, but people love it when I'm ballsy for no reason and act like I don't give a shit what people think of me.
It's actually a very interesting phenomenon.
You mean when you're talking like a macho guy, a tough guy, even though it's obvious you're acting in your own self-interest and wasting taxpayer money, you're telling me that people like that?
Like it.
They love it.
Why?
I'm not really sure.
I have a few theories.
Like what?
Share them with me.
Well, deep down, people generally hate other people and wish them ill.
And when someone is being addicted to someone who is not themselves, they find it entertaining.
Most people are pussies.
And it's the kind of thing they wish they could do and would do if they only had the balls and could afford to lose this shitty, miserable job.
Okay, okay.
So I get it.
That makes sense.
Watching you tell someone off, consequences be damned.
The people are getting a little bit of a feeling of having done it themselves.
Is that what you're saying?
It's called a vicarious thrill.
Huh?
What did you say?
What you were describing is called vicarious.
Yeah, I know what vicarious means.
Oh, really?
Is that why you didn't say it?
Governor, I'm familiar with the term vicarious, okay?
Yeah, but too bad your mouth isn't as familiar with it as you are.
It's a real shame.
See, my mouth is very familiar with that term, which is why I said it.
Okay, that's enough.
Let's move on, shall we?
See, a bunch of people just got off on that.
Got off on what?
On me busting your stagats right in front of your face.
What?
Bagoon.
People enjoy me.
Let me tell that to you.
That was stupid, though.
Doesn't matter.
Doesn't even matter that I'm wrong.
All I got to do is talk like I'm an ass, some schmunk, and people eat it up.
I do not.
It's great.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
I can't deny that you have the highest popularity rating of any politician.
Nobody and nothing gets a 75% approval rating.
I'm as popular as pizza and titties.
Okay.
Have you always known you had this power?
No, I first.
What?
You haven't known this, that you always had this power?
No, I first realized I had this power way back when I was doing a local college show, and a woman called in to bust my balls about cutting funding for public education.
She asked me if I sent my kids to private school while at the same time cutting funding for public schools, which was completely legitimate and of great point.
I didn't know what to do.
So what did you do in that situation?
I thought to myself, if this is what it's like to be governor, having to get bitched out by a pesky woman publicly held me accountable for my actions.
And I don't want any part of it.
And right then and there, I decided to chuck it.
What do you mean by Chuck Chuck Walk?
Being a governor.
I don't want it anymore.
So I told them broad to shut a flat mouth to a son of a business where I send my kids to school.
A bunch of other rude, inappropriate stuff to a concerned mother worried about a kid's education.
Yeah, you know what?
I do remember that was kind of what made you famous, right?
I thought for sure I was done.
The people would be outraged with my behavior, and I could go back to my life of screwing over poor working people in the private sector.
But instead, they evolved it.
Which proves that most people in New Jersey are deep down, hateful pricks who root for a bully.
It's like a parallel universe.
I could not be luckier.
So that's when you realized you had this power?
Yeah.
And then I tried to see how far I could push it.
Just how powerful my power is.
Yeah, what did you do?
The next thing I did was publicly demonize and bully a teacher.
She was bitching about me cutting education and cutting teaching pay.
You know, usual BS.
Yeah, and what did you do?
How'd you handle it?
Oh, I went full asshole on her.
I told her we didn't need greedy teachers like her in New Jersey and Dequira.
She didn't like it.
I thought for sure they would force the governor's mansion on that one, but they did.
The stupid April Smugs love me even more.
Hey, yeah, yeah.
That's when most people started to publicly like me, too.
And I knew that I had a full gift.
And then I decided to see just how powerful I was.
And I publicly called a Navy War veteran an idiot and had him removed from a public forum.
I was really out of line.
I mean, come on.
And what happened?
People fucker loved it.
Are you kidding me?
Brian Williams and Tom broke off invited me to join the regular People Haters Club.
It was a great day.
Wow, so you really, that is, that is amazing.
That's an amazing gift you have or a power that people like.
I don't get it.
That's pretty great.
Yeah.
I kicked some little boy in the nuts for no reason.
And what, what?
They carried me out of there on a shield.
Okay.
Cooks like 18 guys, but you know, whatever.
Yeah, okay.
Well, Governor, I appreciate that.
Yeah, I got a long day of beating up a little guy out of me here.
I should get going.
Okay, well, I appreciate you taking time.
And, you know, people are kind of starting to see through you now.
I just want you to know that it's going to be tough to become president.
But thanks for taking time with us today.
Hey, yeah.
Hey, guess what?
What?
Tell me.
Fuck you.
Okay.
Governor Chris Christie.
Okay, that was the inimitable Mike McCrae doing Chris Christie.
And you know what?
If you'd like to hear more of his impressions, coming up in the second half is a Michael Douglas impression that will, it's a sketch that is going to make you laugh.
Let's just put it that way.
I don't want to build it up too much.
But guess what?
You know what else there's going to be?
There's going to be a Saxby Chambliss.
Saxby Chambliss, who this week said that rapes happen in the military because guys are horny.
And so he calls in in the premium content.
That's what I'm here to tell you about.
The premium content.
So if you're not a premium member yet, you should become one because what you get is an extra 30 to 45 minutes a show every week.
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Like this week, we got Saxby Chambliss.
We've got a Judge Judith, what's her name?
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I'll let you know, I mean, in the premium content.
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It's donor.
Somebody corrected me, and I was like, I can't believe I was saying that.
Donator?
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You're a donator?
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Is that ever even a word?
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That's less than a nickel a week.
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Why are you being a knuckle?
What are you dragging your feet about this for?
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Okay, there's another way to help support the show this week, and we'll let you know about that later on.
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But let's get back to the second half of the show.
You got a Michael Douglas call coming up.
That's honest.
Sit down and get ready.
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laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing you So nobody's answering the question, why has the Republican Party gone so crazy?
And my thing is, we talked about it.
We teased it earlier with Bill Clinton.
Because of the Telecommunications Act in 1996, it got rid of all the ownership requirements for media.
So it used to be you weren't allowed to buy, you weren't allowed to own more than like, say, two radio stations in the same market or a newspaper and a TV station and a radio.
So they kept it separate because people understood that the news media is a finite thing.
There's only so much bandwidth.
And we don't want to have a conglomeration owning our information.
So we want to get as many different and varied voices into the airwaves as possible.
And that was why we had those regulations that kept corporations from owning too much media in any certain market.
Bill Clinton got rid of that.
So now we have, and the fairness doctrine is also gone.
So now we have Fox News.
We have right-wing talk radio, which is all of talk radio.
We have the Koch brothers about to buy all the newspapers.
And even when you have a city that actually has a quote-unquote lefty talk radio show, it's owned by Clear Channel.
Here in Los Angeles, Stephanie Miller's show is on AM 1150, which is owned by Clear Channel.
And so they keep thinking this is like, oh, a momentary shift in the base grabbing control of the Republican Party.
This is not.
This is systemic.
This is where we are now and forever.
This is going forward, right?
Because of the systems in place that keep it that way.
It's like David From said last year, it used to be that Fox News works for us.
And now we work for Fox News.
And that's exactly the problem.
I mean, it ain't changing.
It ain't changing.
Because they just did another study.
The Republicans in college, the college Republicans, when asked who they identify as Democratic leaders, said Nancy Pelosi, Barack Obama.
They mentioned elected Democratic leaders.
When they asked who was the leader of the Republican Party, they said Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, and Glenn Beck.
Wow.
So right-wing.
So that is the difference.
There is the difference right there.
Democrats don't look to their news people as leaders of their party, whereas the Republicans do.
And that's why their party is being, it's going down this rabbit hole.
We have Citizens United, we have Fox News, we have right-wing talk radio.
And I'll give you an example of how bad it is.
Here's just an example from last week.
How the facts are irrelevant, and still the news media pretends like Fox News is legitimate.
Bill O'Reilly was talking about, here's Bill O'Reilly from last Thursday.
You ready?
Here's this pretend scandal with the IRS again.
You mentioned the Clear Channel 1150 when I had that radio show with Mark Marin.
And Dr. Laura's office was up there.
In that same office seat up there?
Yeah, and I go there when she wasn't there when she wasn't in town.
I'd go in there into her office and I would rub myself on her gasp in her chair.
Out of boy.
So, you know, we're fighting the good fight, fighting the man.
Got a boy and the woman.
So here, you know what, actually, let's.
So Bill O'Reilly.
So Bill O'Reilly.
So here he is from last Thursday.
Here's Bill O'Reilly from last Thursday.
Is there now a smoking gun in the IRS scandal?
This man, former IRS Commissioner Douglas Schulman, visited the White House.
Ready?
157 times.
Incredible.
Okay, so there's your smoking gun.
So they keep trying to, so this is the boy who cried wolf, right?
So now that's happening at Fox News.
It's Benghazi, boy who cried wolf, right?
It's Obama spending $200 million a day on his trip to India, boy who cried wolf.
He does his birth certificate, boy, who cried wolf, okay?
He's socialist, boy, who cried wolf.
Obamacare is going to ruin, boy, who cried.
So it's this is constantly boy who Cried Wolf, and now they're doing it with the IRS.
Again, boy who cried Wolf.
So the next day, so this is his story.
157 times the head of the IRS visited the White House from 2009 to 2012.
100.
Okay.
The Atlantic came out the next day and debunked that.
They said, no, actually, what was happening was whenever the White House had an event, they would put this guy's name down, the IRS chief's name on the list in case he wanted to come.
So they were being nice to him, cordial.
If you ever want to come, they comped him.
Yeah, we'll put you on the comp list.
To be cordial to him, too, especially since he was a Bush appointment.
Since he was a Bush appointee.
So they're being nice.
They're reaching out.
Oh, and by the way, he's the head of one of the biggest departments in the Treasury.
Yes.
So it turned out Atlantic debunked it the next day.
And they said, yes, he was invited 100 and whatever times, but he only went 11 times, which turns out to be a little less than four times a year or once a quarter.
So no scandal.
Again, there's no scandal.
It got debunked.
So that was on Friday.
So they had all weekend at Fox News to figure out that their thing got debunked.
Here's Bill O'Reilly from last Monday.
You ready?
Here he is.
Here he is from last Monday.
We're not implying, insinuating, hinting, or doing anything else other than reporting the facts.
And so far, we've been dead on.
So he didn't dead.
He didn't correct it.
He came back out of it.
We've been dead on.
So I'm like, oh, he's going to pretend.
He's going to do that Orwellian thing and scrub what he reported last week and pretend this is what he reported.
But no, this is what he does.
Hold on, here's what he does.
Last week we told you that former IRS Chief Douglas Shulman visited the Obama White House 157 times.
The IRS boss visits the White House 157 times.
That's a big story.
Look, he shouldn't have been there that many times.
This is an independent agency and being too close to the White House is a problem for the IRS.
Now, so the Atlantic, three days earlier, had already debunked this stupid story.
But here they are on a news channel repeating this three days later incorrectly, and no one cares.
No one cares.
Well, next week.
It's one thing for O'Reilly to lie about it, but I was just shocking to hear Carl Rose.
Well, next week, next week, O'Reilly is going to correct himself, and then he'll be outraged that he only visited 11 times.
Yes, you're right.
Holy 11 times.
Where's his responsibility?
He should be there.
This kind of slackers.
They're slacking.
They're probably smoking dope with Obama.
That's why this happened.
So it's what, you know, well, here's a little bit more because they go on a little bit.
Oh, why do you think he was here?
We'll speculate a little bit.
I don't know.
I have no idea where it was.
The Obama administration continues to say the president had nothing to do with the IRS scandal.
However, we still don't know much about former IRS chief Douglas Shulman visiting the White House 157 times.
We still don't know.
Yes, we do know, Bill.
By the way, that's another one of those tricks that even if he had had the number right, he just says, there's still questions.
Yes.
Even long after there are no questions, just keep saying, there's still a lot of questions.
You know, it's like saying, there's still, the jury is still out on evolution.
No, it's not.
Yes.
For every single person who knows anything about science, no, there's no, the jury is not asked.
So this is called smearing.
Yeah, this is what this is.
This isn't journalism.
This is smearing.
Go ahead, Frank.
Yeah, I mean, Carl Rove was on the Sunday talking about.
Oh, you know what?
I forgot what I was going to say.
That's okay.
It's all right.
That's okay, Frank.
We're going to do a Chris Christie call now.
Hold on.
Oh, wait, you know, so let's finish this.
So.
Oh, wait.
I remember what I was going to say.
Okay, go get him.
Is that Carl Rove on the Sunday shows said, and Peggy Noonan has said this too, that the scandal comes down to the fact that the speeches that Obama made were a dog whistle that inspired the people in the IRS to investigate the Tea Party.
They don't have anything directly linking Obama to this.
And they're actually saying that is their main case, that it's a dog whistle that Obama said stuff, and that led to the IRS doing it.
And to them, that's the scandal.
That's the same thing as if he was directly related to it.
Exactly.
So I'm just saying that this isn't getting better anytime soon.
Oh, and by the way, you know, if NBC had said, by the way, Fox News has repeated over and over again something that is factually not true.
If NBC or any of the other news networks did that, this wouldn't happen.
Right, but they won't do it.
They won't do it.
But they'll never do it because then Fox News would go, hey, you guys are, that's just part.
It would just make them stronger.
It would just be more of the same childish.
But it would take, but you know what, Robert?
Correct me if I'm wrong.
Didn't Barack Obama want to ban Fox News from the White House Press Corps at one point?
Yes.
They didn't want to give them credentials.
And guess what happened?
The rest of the news media stood up.
The press corps was outraged, but the press corps was outraged that these serial liars, the opposite of a news organization, wasn't being allowed to keep polluting our political discourse.
They stood up for them.
It's unbelievable.
So that's what's wrong with.
The reason why is because most of them think that they might get a job at Fox News someday.
Yes.
And they'll take that money.
He's still looking at the big picture.
On the way in here, Frank, I was listening to the news, the one AM news station in Los Angeles, and they were now I fucking forgot what I was going to say.
Oh, they had out a report about the IRS or whatever, and they went to their correspondent, and you know who the CBS radio correspondent was?
Major Garrett.
Oh, right.
Major Garrett from Fox News.
Now he's working for CBS.
So it is, you're right, Frank.
It is all the same.
It's very incestuous.
They all know that they could end up there one day.
Juan Williams, for Christ's sake.
Yeah, any network Sunday talk show could just as easily be on Fox News.
Yes.
It wouldn't be the least out of place.
And in fact, as bad as Chris Wallace is, he sometimes is a tougher reporter, a much tougher interviewer than David Gregory or George Stephalup, I guess.
Or Bob, what's his name?
Schaefer.
Yeah.
Yes.
So even Chris Wallace on Fox can be better than those.
Those shows could easily be on Fox News, and you wouldn't know the difference if you didn't know who those people were.
You would be watching them and saying, oh, Peggy Noonan and Tom Brokaw and these people.
And also, you know, like people like Tony Perkins, who were fringe.
Newt Gingrich, who is a fringe person, yet they treat him.
Mainstream respectable, yes.
Yes, these are all the things.
And you know what?
And that's not a compliment to Chris Wallace that you're giving.
That's an insult to the rest of the news media.
That's just like when people say what a good job Jon Stewart does.
That's not because Jon Stewart's a good journalist.
That's because how horrible the actual journalists are.
Right, right.
Yes.
He's not actually doing journalism.
He's just looking at news clips, and he's pointing out the illogic in them.
That's all that Jon Stewart does.
I don't know if that's technically journalism.
We do that.
No, it's because it's a journalist.
As a comedian, sometimes he's bringing truths to the fore.
Some things are coming through in his comedy bits that are really true about what's going on, which you don't hear on news shows.
So that's why his comedy bits are better news than the actual news.
But they're still just comedy bits.
Michael Douglas.
We all know what happened with Michael Douglas.
He said he got the throat cancer.
Hey, Michael, I think we have Michael.
Michael, are you on the line?
Can I hear you, Michael?
Hi, Jimmy.
It's Michael Douglas here.
I'm sorry it took me so long to return your call.
I was busy performing Cunniling at my moment.
Well, that's great.
Good for you.
Of course I believe you.
Why wouldn't I believe that when you say you perform Cunnilingus?
Because if you didn't believe that I love women and performing oral sex, then I was going to ask you to explain to me how I got the kind of cancer you get from performing oral sex on a woman's vagina.
Because that's the kind I got, buddy.
A doctor said that.
Okay.
I believe you really.
Oh, sorry.
Got to come up for air.
What?
I really do.
I believe you.
I really believe you.
I wanted to ask you about behind the candelabra.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
What are you doing?
Okay.
I get it.
I get what you're doing.
Oh, yeah.
That thing.
Yeah, that thing.
I took that on because it was such a great acting challenge.
Don't you think we did a superb job of acting gay?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Definitely.
Superb job.
I mean, really stellar acting.
Me and Matt Damon.
Who I think is gross, by the way.
I know ladies like him, but I don't find him the least bit.
I mean, I don't find any man attractive.
Everyone is saying what a great acting job I did.
I tell you, I love eating pussy so much I got cancer.
Did I say that earlier?
Because that's fucking true.
I know.
It seems like you're overcompensating.
I mean, I see what you're doing.
You don't have to do.
People know you were acting in that movie.
People aren't worried that you.
I see what you're doing, Michael.
You don't have to do this, okay?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm telling you it's okay.
Sorry, I was busy sweeping all these sex crumbs out of my bed.
It happens when you do a good job going down first.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look, it's okay.
It is okay, Michael.
All right?
Just trust me.
I got to say, I guess this is just God's way of punishing me for having a kick-ass life.
Why?
How?
First, he gave my ex-wife more money than I even thought I had.
Yeah.
45 million.
That's a big divorce settlement, yes.
It's more than Donald Trump and Mick Jagger combined.
Yes, that is.
It actually is.
And for what?
What?
45 million so I could marry a Hollywood starlet less than half my age.
Yeah.
Sounds like a good deal.
Until you find out she's bipolar and her pussy gave you cancer.
Okay.
You know what?
I guess I never looked at it like that.
Well, maybe you should start looking at it that way, my friend.
Okay, Michael.
Michael Douglas got cancer from eating pussy.
Yeah.
I want you to take a second and let that sit in.
Really settle in.
Yes, it has settled in.
I got it.
How did you get cancer?
What?
Oh, that's right.
You don't even have it.
Yes, that's right.
I don't have cancer.
I guess we know who won that one.
Yeah.
I guess you got cancer and you win?
Is that how you're putting it out now?
All right.
to okay i can you know what yeah i know all right i'll see you michael i'm gonna go try to get some cancer in my dick michael douglas ladies the jimmy door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes or for other ways to subscribe go to jimmydoorcomedy.com and while you're there you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too remember
jimmy spells his last name d-o-r-e jimmydorecomedy.com chris matthews by the way so this goes along with the theme of today what's wrong with the right wing and how did it get that way and why it's never changing and um so
So the theme isn't cunnilingus?
The theme is not cunnilingus, no.
Can I just say that I contracted throat cancer not from cunnilingus, but from I fill my girlfriend's vagina up with plutonium-239.
It's a powerfully unstable element.
I don't know what I was thinking, but it just seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah, you know, sometimes in retrospect they don't make any sense.
Right now.
You know why they won't, the government won't do anything about stopping people from getting cancer from cunnilingus?
It's because of the pussy farmers down south.
I did not know that.
I get a check to not farm pussy.
What do they call that?
They call it being married.
All right, here we go.
So Chris Matthews, a very interesting guy, right?
By contemporary standards of journalism, he's actually one of the better ones because he actually thinks about what he's saying.
The main problem, however, with Chris Matthews is that he consistently seems to be thinking about what he's saying as he says it.
So you end up watching a man having thoughts and then reacting to those thoughts in real time.
Imagine if Wild Kingdom had just been about a schizophrenic howler monkey.
It's like that.
That's what Chris Matthews is like.
So here's Chris Matthews having a thought.
thought about the future of american politics and he's lamenting Here we go.
Here's Chris Matthews.
Now, my concern is the voter will go to the voting booth in 2016, not a million years from now, and really have no choice.
They'll have to vote Democrat just because what will happen is the Republican Party will put a ticket together which will have at least one of these crazy people on the ticket.
It's very possible that Ted Cruz will be on the ticket.
It's very possible that Rand Paul will be on the ticket or one of these people.
It's not at all possible.
It seems to me that it's going to run a ticket of two moderates.
Think about that chance.
Zero.
A Chris Christie with even a Rubio.
That's a moderate ticket by today's standards.
The Tea Party's pushing them so far over it.
So I don't know if you remember how he started off that sentence.
He started off by saying, here's what I'm concerned about.
Now, my concern is the voter will go to the voting booth in 2016, not a million years from now, and really have no choice.
And they have no choice.
He's upset that the Republican Party are going to nominate someone who actually represents what they think.
And so that people who are normal won't want to vote for them.
And he's upset about that.
Chris Matthews is upset.
He's like, why can't we just have more Republicans that I want to vote for running for office?
This is what Chris Matthews is saying.
Well, I'll tell you that if Chris Christie is the nominee in 2016 and is going against Hillary Clinton, you're going to hear a lot of Chris Matthews coverage skewered on behalf of Chris Christie because he loves Chris Christie and he has a history of hating Hillary Clinton.
Yes, yes.
He's basically saying, I like to vote for the more manly party, but they've gotten too crazy even for me.
Oh, Chris, what a Sophie's choice you seem to have on your hands there, huh?
You want to vote Republican, but they're all just too crazy.
Why can't we just have, you know, he voted for Michael Steele?
Just remember that.
He brags about it.
He voted for Bush, too.
Voted for Bush two times, voted for Chris.
And I'm sure he voted for against Clinton, too, because he hated Clinton.
Oh, he despised it.
That's how he made his bones railing it.
But he had a vicious hatred of Bill Clinton.
Let me ask you this question, Chris Matthews.
How much more Republican do you want the Democratic National Party to be exactly?
They're drone striking all over the place.
They've deported more immigrants than anyone in the history of anything.
They're not trying to reinstate Glass-Steagall.
The Obamacare plan is from the Heritage Foundation.
How much more, goddamn Republican, do you want to be?
Hey, how about this, Chris?
How about you address the problem that a two-party system with virtually unregulated money involved might give rise to stuff like this?
How about you talk about that?
I've got another idea, Chris.
How about you do something you never do?
How about you go away from this episode and continue thinking about the issues you just raised?
Something the kids like to call pondering.
Then take those thoughts, do some research around them, and then come back with a coherent analysis of the situation because that would be a real treat as opposed to the bullshit you sling at us on a daily basis.
So he brings on Dana Milbank, another hump, who was already once kicked off of MSNBC by Keith Olbermann for doing dishonest reporting and being caught.
So as soon as he was the co-host of the most unfunny web show ever, ever, where they thought it was a punchline to call Hillary Clinton a bitch.
So that was that was their big, that was high comedy.
It's not a punch.
That's a premise, not a punchline.
Exactly.
Good point, Robert.
So here's what Dana Milbank says to this whole thing about, because Chris Matthews is literally lamenting that the Republican Party isn't good anymore, that we don't have the P. You mean the party full of bad ideas?
Why can't we have more good people who you don't know they're full of bad ideas?
Why can't we have likable people like Chris Christie pushing horrible ideas so I can vote for them?
That's what he's saying.
Here's what Dana Milbank says to that.
I think that's true, but I think the Republicans are beginning to hear that Bob Dole message of closing shop for repairs for now.
And that's why there is some bit of good news for the Republicans.
I couldn't disagree with Dana Milbank more.
He thinks the Republicans are starting to listen to Bob Dole.
Are you out of your mind?
No evidence of that.
Are you kidding me?
Ted Cruz is their next nominee.
Are you out of your mind?
Are you kidding?
Yeah, the Republicans, they're starting to be less crazy.
They're starting to listen to Bob Dole.
Again, this really great analysis by Dana Milbank.
You know what?
There's actually more to that discussion about our two favorite humps on MSNBC.
But guess what?
The show's over, but I'm going to let you know what's coming up on the premium content.
Saxby Chambliss, Saxby Chambliss, is a senator, and he was at this hearing about the rape and sexual harassment in the military.
And he said it was because, you know, the guys are horny.
It's just hormones, he said.
So we got a phone call coming up from him.
What does he sound like?
Let's see.
Hey, first time on your show, Jim.
Let's acknowledge that.
Yeah.
Yes, first time.
It's going to be easy because no one knows what this guy really sounds like.
Yeah, that's the beauty.
Listen, now, Saxby.
What kind of a name is Saxby, by the way?
Oh, it's an old family name.
They go way back.
Way back, back, bang, back, back.
Okay, I got it.
South Carolina.
So you got that to look forward to in the premium content this week.
Plus, our discussion about the Saxby Chamblist.
Plus, we'll have all of Anthony Bourdain and his badass trip to Libya.
He went to Libya looking for stuff to eat.
I thought for sure we were going to get to it today.
We didn't get to it.
So that's in the premium content.
God, that's a good segment.
Enjoy that.
And plus, we got a phone call from a judge who's amazing.
She's actually a circuit court judge, and she got caught saying that Mexicans and blacks are more prone to crime.
And she said worse, actually.
We got that coming.
Plus, we try to figure out just what the fuck Aaron Burnett is doing on CNN.
And there's a lot more in the premium content.
And how do you get that?
You just go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You click on the premium thing.
It's real easy.
You just pick a $5 donation through PayPal, and it's super easy.
All right.
You just, and that's like, I don't know, what is that?
A dime a month?
It's less than the price of a cup of coffee.
So, okay, so that's what you need to do.
Also, we're running that Father's Day promotion.
You know what?
I think Father's Day, is this this Sunday?
So by the time you hear this, you'll probably have already gotten your Father's Day gift.
So I'll skip it this week about that.
Okay, so also thanks, everybody.
Use our Amazon.com box.
That's a great way to help support the show, and it doesn't cost you any money.
What?
It doesn't cost me any money.
What do I do, Jimmy?
Well, what you do is the next time you buy something from Amazon.com, you swing over to JimmyDoorComedy.com and you click on our Amazon box.
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So thanks to everybody who does that.
I'm very appreciative for everybody who does that.
Also, oh, I got to tell you about Frank Connip's pod.
He's got a new podcast.
And here it is.
I just released episode two of my podcast, which is called Pod House 90, which is an anthology of original radio plays that I write.
And episode two is up.
It's called South by South Satan.
That's funny.
It's called South by South Satan.
Yes, South by South Satan.
And it also features in small but pivotal roles, Jimmy Dore and Steph Samorano.
Yes, thank you.
I know them.
Emo Phillips and Emily Maya Mills and James Higgins and Janie Haddock Tompkins.
Dana Gould.
Dana Gould plays Satan.
Jay Elvis Weinstein, who you just did, Mark Thompson.
And Mark Thompson is in it as well.
Oh, wow.
So it's a great cast, and I thought it turned out great.
And it's on iTunes, and it's free.
You can go to frankconniff.com and find it.
And if you can't find it there, you can just click on Frank's name at my website and it'll take you right to it, okay?
All right.
Thanks, Frank.
We'll send everybody your way.
So there you go.
Make sure you treat yourself to a little bit of Frank's new podcast, his radio plays.
And I play the angry, over-the-top, alcoholic-abusive father.
It's a real stretch.
And I think I nailed it.
Okay, so congrats to Frank on his new show.
Also, I want to say this to thanks to Sean James.
If you need any problem, he helps fix our Macintosh and does everything for us computer-wise.
And if you've got a problem with your Mac, he'll fix it for you.
Send him an email at MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
And you can call him.
That's 347-695-0601.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Conniff, Jim Earl, Steve Rosenfield, Robert Yasamura, Mark Van Landuit.
I think I got everybody, right?
Steph Samurano and Steph Samurano.
Okay, all the voices performed by Mike McRae.
And you can hear, or you can catch Mike at mikemcrae.com.
I'll see everybody in Chicago.
Are you going to be there in Chicago to see me next week?
I'm coming there June 12th through the 15th or 16th, I think the 15th at the Rosemont Zany's, just outside of Chicago.
So if you're in the Chicago area, I'll see you at Zany's next week.
There's a link for tickets at the website.
Okay, so that's it for this week.
Thanks for listening.
I'll see the rest of you at the premium content.
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