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Nov. 9, 2012 - Jimmy Dore Show
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The Jimmy Doer show starts right now.
This week, President Obama won re-election.
Obama's victory was made even sweeter by the idea that Romney really did think he was going to win.
Maybe he got thrown off by too much praying.
Anyway, that's about the most I've ever enjoyed someone else's disappointment.
Most of what's now being said about the campaign was known long before election night.
For one thing, that Romney depended too heavily on white voters to win.
Couldn't they figure that out just by going to one of his rallies?
Another unreported piece of information that should have been obvious was that Obama's supporters hated Romney just as much as Romney's supporters hated Obama.
We were all worried about Romney becoming president, not just those people on Facebook.
The pundits also didn't seem to think black voters or younger voters would turn out for Obama the way they had the last time.
This was obviously based on information they got from the Romney campaign.
It's also a huge shock to Republicans how badly they did with Hispanic voters.
Maybe that goes back to all those times Romney promised he would do nothing for them.
Toward the end of the campaign, news stories focused on how close the polls were, not on the fact that Obama supporters had been voting for a month.
These same polls put Obama ahead in nearly all of the swing states, yet it took Hurricane Sandy to stop Romney's fake momentum.
By the end of October, even women had apparently turned on Obama and decided they didn't need to control their bodies after all.
The media seemed to consider Romney's pathological dishonesty off limits, as if it wasn't fair to call Romney a liar just because he was constantly lying.
Now, of course, the pundits are focused on how bad a campaign he ran and what a bad message he conveyed.
They should be asking, why did he only lose by two points?
We don't know how the next four years will unfold, but neither Mitt Romney nor his secret plan to create jobs will have anything to do with him.
All in all, not a bad week.
All in all, not a bad week.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
Up-minded, lowly-livered lefties.
The kind of people that are.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say.
It's hard to talk on your T-Valu.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Door.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's episode.
I am joined in studio across the glass for me, hilarious comedian, former writer for The Daily Show.
It's Steve Rosenfield.
Hey, Steve, how are you?
Good, Jimmy, and it's great to be back in town.
Good to see you.
Across from him, hilarious comedian, former writer for The Daily Show.
It's Jim Earle and author, author of Morning Remembrances, real obituaries.
No, funny obituaries of real dead people.
In your face, Door, Romney lost.
So next to him, hilarious comedian, former voice of Donald Trump on this show.
And you've seen him on Parks and Recreation on NBC.
It's Ben Zelovanski.
Hey, Ben, how are you?
I'm very well, Jimmy.
Thank you.
Sitting to my right, host of Comedy and Everything Else, the popular podcast.
It's our resident Latina Steph Zamarano Olaf.
Ola Diney.
On the phone, all the way from Minnesota.
It's TV's Frank from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
Frank Conup.
Hi, Frank.
How are you?
Talking in Hurricane Sandy.
And you know, Chris Christie has done a great job.
I don't know if you knew that, because there was so much property damage in New Jersey that it's been really hard for him to really sit around the house.
Okay.
Okay, today's show is going to be all the video clips of people saying dumb stuff and the right wing freaking out over the election.
It's going to be the whole show, pretty much.
We might make fun of Juju Chang, her cover of Hurricane Sandy.
But right now, let's get Tom Brokaw.
The predictions, do you remember the predictions?
Here's Tom Brokaw giving it to us straight.
Yes, it's going to be very, very close, but it could all turn around on Tuesday and go one way or the other for Peter Candidate.
And I got to say, he nailed it.
That's why he makes the big bucks.
He was right.
It went either way.
It did break for one of them at the last moment.
Can I tell you?
I'll tell you, though, he nailed that one prediction Tuesday.
He did know what day it was going to be.
So here's Dick Morris, I'm just gonna do a lot of, It's Robert Yasamura.
Say hi, Robert.
Say hi, Robert.
Hi.
Okay, it's raining here in Los Angeles, and I know the people on the East Coast had it tough recently, but they don't know what it's like when it rains in Southern California.
When it rains a little bit and gets down into the high 60s.
Yes.
What a nightmare.
So Dick Morris had a prediction also.
Did you remember Dick Morris's prediction before?
So this, here we go.
Landslide.
The rights for New York Week magazine actually said that there was a possible Obama landslide coming.
My goodness.
Well, on Friday, I looked at the real poll numbers by an organization that I can't name, but I trust it.
Okay.
We all know that the best poll numbers are kept secret.
We all know that.
I think you can't name the poll organization.
You know, not to go there anymore for poll numbers.
That would be nice if he did that for.
Well, here's his other prediction, another prediction.
Romney will win this election by five to ten points in the popular vote and will carry more than 300 electoral votes.
But Dick, what are you trying to say?
We're going to win by a landslide.
It will be the biggest surprise in recent American political history.
But only to him.
Okay.
Okay, that's Dick Morris.
Now we're going to go here to the point.
You know, in fairness to Dick Morris, though, he was crunching a lot of those numbers.
And so as part of the counting, he had to take his shoes off.
And that's distracting for him, obviously.
You know, the only prediction Dick Morris ever made that came true is that he'd get an orgasm from sucking a hooker's toe.
There's Larry Kudlow.
Here's our favorite, our favorite financial analyst, Larry Kudlow.
I'm now predicting a 330 electoral vote landslide.
Yes, that's right.
330 electoral votes.
Okay, that's Larry Kudlow.
And now you wonder why the stock market crashed with guys like that.
Although, you know, in defense of Larry Kudlow, he did revise that from an earlier prediction that Romney would win 1,100 electoral votes.
Yeah, he did rein it in.
Here's Rush Limbaugh right on Monday.
My friends, I've been looking at all of the data that you have been looking at.
I've been trying to separate feelings from thoughts and come up with some sort of an educated prognostication.
You know, common sense tells me this election isn't going to be close and shouldn't be.
So all of his intellectual analysis told him that his audience wanted smoke blown up their ass.
It really works then.
It really makes you miss the real sage, thoughtful advice of Jimmy the Greek.
He's got more to say.
Rush had more to say.
My thinking says Romney big.
All of my feeling, if you understand, all of My feeling.
All of his feeling is cheesecake is where my concern is.
But my thoughts, my intellectual analysis of this, factoring everything I see, plus the polling data.
Not even close.
300-plus electoral votes for Romney.
Hey, as long as we're making stuff up, let's make it a landslide.
They're just words.
He's using that same math that Romney's budget plan used, I think.
But I think he was with that prediction.
He was directly quoting Frankenstein, wasn't he?
I just can't, I can't even get over his mouth noises.
I don't even know.
Half the time what he's saying, his mouth noise is distracting me.
He's reached the point where he is straining to speak.
So it's like a, my friends, an obese lizard.
You know what?
Say it again, Frank.
In the place that Rush goes to every night, Oxy Cottonland, Romney did win.
I love how he goes.
Common sense tells me this election isn't going to be close and shouldn't be.
Yeah, I mean, Obama, he's not even really the president.
Not really.
So now, so after.
By common sense, he means racism.
My racism.
Yes, common sense.
That's right.
That's a synonym in right-wing talk.
So the day after, here's the day after Rush Limbaugh, okay?
So he has to find a re he told his audience, big is going to go big.
And here's what he says on Wednesday.
Ask anybody, you guys, my brother.
I had people telling me, asking me, Monday and Tuesday, please tell me we're going to win this big, please.
And I didn't.
I never privately told anybody I thought we're going to win this big.
Okay, wait a minute.
I got a tape from Monday saying.
All of my thinking says Romney big.
Not even close.
Okay, but see, do you see what he did there?
He said personally, privately, I never told anybody we were going to win big.
He lies to his audience deliberately.
Here's what I've been to do.
This has been pointed out by Lawrence O'Donnell pointed this out last night.
That he for on Monday, he said he's going to win big, and then they didn't.
On Wednesday, he says, hey, listen, I told you guys that he was going to win big.
But listen very closely how he says it.
It's really, it's important.
Ready?
Here we go.
For the election, my thoughts, when I would think about this, I told you this on election.
There's no way Obama wins this, but my feeling, I felt concerned.
You can ask anybody.
You guys, my brother.
I had people.
Let's ask his brother.
Can I ask his mate?
Yeah, she's the one I think she gets the inside track on that.
Does his brother have worth mouth noises?
Does it sound like Winston Churchill?
We will flatten you in the middle and in the ocean and...
This is pretty.
I mean, what Rush is basically saying is that anyone who I trust, I told the truth.
Yes.
You idiots who listened to my show, you know, I told something.
It's your own fault.
He literally just did.
I mean, it's like, like, to me, I can't overstate, like, this should be colossal.
This should end his career.
If you're an audience member and you're going, oh, so Rush tells us bullshit, but he tells the truth to people behind closed doors.
So I guess I'll keep listening and then I'll just, whatever he says, the opposite, I'll just believe.
Well, he, how does he keep an audience after something like this is my question?
Well, because his audience wants to be treated like children.
And he knows that.
He treats them like children.
He protects them from the truth.
That's all he's doing.
I should have smelled a rat when he said he was analyzing the facts and using intellect.
Red flag there.
I knew that was.
All right, so let's move on.
So that was how he had that.
That literally happened.
I can't overstate how crazy that is.
Now, Laura Ingram was talking with Ann Coulter.
Oh, wow.
Oh, Lord.
You know, I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation because flies have a very short lifespan.
Quite an Algonquin bitch table, that I don't, I'd have to believe that, I think.
What, table?
Yes.
So here's Laura Ingram talking to Ann Coulter.
And Ann Coulter, not taking it well.
Not taking it well.
First of all, she invents another reality.
Here, you'll hear it.
I'm pretty pessimistic about the country.
I think, despite what you said being true, I think Romney.
First of all, if Ann Coulter is pessimistic about America, that can only be good news for America.
Okay.
Despite what you said being true, I think Romney ran just on his own force of will, a magnificent campaign.
I think he was the perfect kiddie.
Yeah, he ran the perfect campaign, especially if you hate winning.
Force of will.
The personality of Mitt Romney couldn't push a piece of paper across the floor.
So a humiliating defeat in a year that should have been a gimme was magnificent.
Yes, according to Ann Coulter, according to Ann Coulter.
Okay, she has more to say.
Hang on.
Candidate.
So Laura Ingram can't believe her.
You think he ran a magnificent campaign?
Yeah.
On what basis are you saying that?
He's got his clock cleaned.
I mean, I had a positive magnificent campaign, Ann.
I can't believe Ann Coulter, who is a truth teller on issues from the economy to social issues to racial demagoguery is saying that Romney ran a magnificent campaign with Eric Fernstrom and Stu Stevens at the helm.
How could you possibly conclude that?
No, I said he did.
I didn't say the campaign was magnificent.
It was better than Ronald Reagan's.
There were no, Romney didn't, they had to start inventing gaps out of thin air.
She said it was better than Ronald Reagan.
Ronald Reagan won both of his elections.
That would be a bit, she's really missing a major part of this.
It's supposed to win at the end part.
Better than Reagan's, except for outcomes.
Except for that, what did you say, Frank?
Jimmy, I haven't seen that tape of Laura Ingram and Ann Coulter arguing, but just for my own purposes, play any chance so they start wrestling.
So you think they are hot?
Yeah, he was a great candidate, Romney.
He won 48% of the vote, and nobody even liked him.
So that's not easy to do.
Yeah, it's kind of like this is kind of like human nature.
Ann Coulter's crazy about Romney now that she can't have him.
Right?
And I think Romney.
Speaking about a woman, we're talking about a woman who's been teabagged by Janesh D'Souza.
What?
Allegedly.
Allegedly, we should say.
Okay, she has a little bit more to say.
Hang on, they're still talking.
Romney is the first Republican candidate I've seen where I don't get nervous when he talks.
He's a beautiful speaker.
He's articulate.
He has an articulate vice president.
Yeah, he.
Yeah, he Never made Ann Coulter nervous when he spoke.
I guess Ann spent the entire campaign heavily sedated.
She sounds like it.
The trees are the right height.
Oh, I lost all the Cadillacs.
I like firing people.
Are you kidding me?
Every time the guy opened his mouth.
I think there's one word that comes to mind when I think Mitt Romney, I think smooth.
Yeah, yes.
Yeah, he was extremely articulate compared to Rick Perry.
Okay, here, she has some more to say.
Okay.
Something Reagan certainly did not have.
He was so good in the debates, as I knew he would be.
He had a serious plan for fixing real problems.
He concentrated on...
Yeah, in fact, his plan was so serious, he couldn't even tell us what it was until he became president.
That sounds serious to me.
Okay, so she really wrapped.
Serious about a new plan every day.
Yeah.
So here, and here's how listen to how Ann wraps it up.
Tell me if this isn't a little un-American.
That was the important issue.
He concentrated on the economy.
We have 8%, more than 8% unemployment.
People are suffering.
The country is in disarray.
Yeah, and can you believe the economy is bad, but not bad enough to elect a guy like Mitt Romney?
Okay, she's got a little bit more.
Mitt Romney cannot win in this economy, then the tipping point has been reached.
We have more takers than makers, and it's over.
Yeah.
So there she goes.
She says it's over.
America now has more takers than makers.
So isn't what she's saying is America sucks?
Isn't what she said the majority of Americans are not good people, that she doesn't like America?
I'm hoping she's saying she's out of here.
She's saying that it sucks because of Obama, America has been taken over by people of color who just want handouts and they're too lazy to work.
And this has been all of the pundits, all of the conservative pundits have been saying this.
O'Reilly has been saying it.
They've all said it.
It's all about people just want the government to take care of them.
They don't want to do any work.
So it's, you know, this is the second term of racism now.
They're saying it's the end of the world for straight white males.
And I'm not even done trashing it yet.
Do you think Ann Coulter thinks she's a maker?
Yeah, I think she thinks she's a maker.
She says she makes exactly.
It is.
I think we all know that.
She makes money, I guess.
But it is true.
I think we have the tipping point has been reached.
I guess that's because the majority of voters don't like being divided into takers and makers.
I sure don't.
Well, on the bright side, Ann Coulter's.
Go ahead, Frank.
I was going to say, I think Ann Coulter should realize that the world is made up of losers and disusers.
The Jimmy Dora show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Thank you.
Hey, I wanted to give a big thank you to everybody who made it out to the improv last weekend in Hollywood.
Oh, standing room only shows, two of them right in a row last Saturday.
That was a lot of fun.
Joke the vote.
That was a fun time.
Thanks to everybody.
Man, guess what?
We're doing it again.
But this time out in Claremont, California, this next Friday and Saturday, November 16 and 17.
We'll see you out there.
It's at Flappers Comedy Club, which is at 532 First Street in Claremont, California.
And for the first time, we gave away two-for-one tickets for people who emailed me directly.
It worked out perfect.
Isn't that something?
So if you're a podcast listener and you want to come see the show out in Claremont and you want to get a special deal, you email me, JimmyDoor at Earthlink.net.
That's my old-timey email that I use for the website.
So email me there.
Tell me you want a two-for-one for next Friday or Saturday in Claremont.
Either you pick the show.
Two shows Friday, two shows Saturday.
Saturday early show is at seven.
I think it starts at seven.
Seven and nine are the shows on Saturday.
So give me an email at jimmydoor at earthlink.net and we'll send you, we'll put you on the list.
We'll hook you up for two-for-one tickets, okay?
So do that.
We'll see you next Friday, Saturday, Flappers Comedy Club in Claremont, California, not Burbank, Claremont.
So if you're near Claremont, you know if you are or not.
It's a nice college town.
We'll see you out there.
Now let's get back to the show.
And today's show is all about clips of the right wings alternative reality bubble and when it bursts, what they say about it.
And so it's kind of an enjoyment.
It's all frosting today on the show.
So let's get back to the show.
Okay, I'm in studio.
We're talking with, I have across the glass for me, former writer for the Daily Show, Steve Rosenfield, from Team Yasamura Yasamura.
It's hilarious comedian Robert Yasimura, former writer for The Daily Show, Emmy Award-winning writer.
It's Jim Earle.
We have from Parks and Recreation, hilarious comedian Ben Zalavansky's with us, the host of Comedy and Everything Else, Steph Zamorano, sitting in studio.
And on the phone from Mystery Science Theater 3000, we have TV's Frank Frank Conniff, and we're going over all the clips of all the right-wingers freaking out over.
This is going to be a fun day.
I just decided I'm not going to try and do anything except just play these clips and have fun with it.
This is fun for me.
I don't get to enjoy it very often, but so this is fun.
Okay, so here, now here's, let's, let's slip down to, so here's what, here's what Bill O'Reilly said, why that Mitt Romney won.
Here's Bill O'Reilly's explanation.
If Mitt Romney had a guy as smart as Obama's chief strategist, David Axelrod, the governor would be celebrating, I should say.
So he's saying it was because it wasn't because of his policies.
It wasn't because Mitt Romney was a horrible candidate who didn't have a center or a core and people sniffed it out.
It wasn't any of that.
It was just because David Axelrod is so smart.
So here he is on election night.
And here's how he figured out what is wrong, why the election turned the way it did.
It's a changing country.
The demographics are changing.
It's not a traditional America anymore.
And there are 50% of the voting public who want stuff.
They want things.
And who is going to give them things?
President Obama.
He knows it, and he ran on it.
Yeah, they want stuff like affordable health care, equal rights for gays, equal pay for women.
You know, stuff like the right for women to make their own reproductive health choices, stuff like a chance to earn a living in a decent job that won't be outsourced to a slave in China.
You know, stuff like stuff like freedom from religion or stuff like a federal emergency management agency that actually can manage federal emergencies and manage natural disasters.
Would that be the stuff they want, Bill?
He has a little bit more to say.
Hold on.
Whereby 20 years ago, President Obama would be roundly defeated by an establishment candidate like Mitt Romney.
Because he's black.
That's exactly what he said.
Listen to this, Steve.
Hang on.
you're very the white establishment is now the minority.
That's exactly what he meant, Steve.
You were making a joke, but that is exactly what he meant.
That's the Pat Buchanan story, too.
That's, you know, his book.
Didn't Pat Buchanan come out with a book a few years ago saying, hey, white people are going to talk with MSNBC.
Say it again, Frank.
I said Pat Buchanan's last book was so racist, even by his standards, that they finally kicked him off of MSNBC after 20 years of him spouting race, racist stuff.
Yeah, I have to hand it to O'Reilly.
Chris Christie wants stuffing.
So, in that respect, he's a big man with a healthy appetite.
He's a plus-size governor.
Here's what Kyle Rove said.
You want to know, here's why Mitt Romney lost.
You ready?
President has a real, he succeeded by suppressing the vote.
My God.
The president succeeded by suppressing the vote.
And how did he do that?
By saying to people, you may not like who I am, and I know you can't bring yourself to vote for me, but I'm going to paint this other guy as simply a rich guy who only cares about himself.
53% in the exit polls said that on election day that Mitt Romney's policies would only help the rich, and they voted for Obama by a nine-to-one margin.
Of the 21% of the elected who said the most important characteristic in a president was that he cares about people like me, they voted for President Obama by almost a nine-to-one margin.
They effectively denigrated Mitt Romney's character, business acumen, business experience.
But that couldn't actually be the result of people looking at it rejected reality.
How dare Obama accurately paint his opponent when he could do things that Karl Rove would do, like claim his opponent had a black child out of wedlock.
I think he did a hell of a job suppressing those nine-to-one voters.
Yes, the nine-to-one voter.
That was pretty.
He's like, well, the people who thought that Mitt Romney didn't connect with them voted for Barack Obama.
Yeah, that's what's supposed to happen.
That's exactly how it works, Carl.
Okay, so here's what Haley Barber had to say this morning.
Ready?
They decided they're going to have this negative personal campaign to try to convince people that Romney was a bad person.
How'd that work out?
Yeah.
And I'm going to get those Duke boys.
Haley a barber.
What about Haley Mills?
Parent trap.
What kind of name is that for a man, Haley?
Okay, he's got more to break.
They said he was a vulture capitalist, that he was a bona fide bureaucrat married to an equestrian.
Oh my God.
They call him a bureaucrat married to an equestrian?
Well, do they have no shame?
The only bone to pick I would have with that is that he's not qualified enough to be a bureaucrat.
A bureaucrat implies a certain amount of equality.
Yes.
Besides, that's what Nit, that's what Nitwit Gimbrich called him.
Anyway, he could quote everybody in the primary.
I want to know.
Is Aaron Romney like a harsh equestrian or more of a lipstick equestrian?
Very nice.
That has to be my closing line.
I've got to go.
Okay, Frank, thank you.
Great job.
Bye, Frank.
We have Haley Barber on the line.
Let's see if we can get him on the line.
Hi, Jimmy.
This is Haley Barber.
I heard what you were saying earlier about me.
I'm hired to the president.
I'm not racist.
Yeah, well, Haley, I know you're not a racist.
You say that, but what about those commercials that the campaign rate Romney was on stage with Donald Trump, a race baiter?
He said nobody ever asked me for my birth certificate.
The campaign has been really.
Oh, Jimmy, this is Haley Barber.
I know who it is.
I don't know if you don't, but President Obama is black.
Yeah, I know he's black, Haley.
That's what this is all about.
That makes it worse that he's black.
That's why you shouldn't be doing these things.
I know who it is.
Would you quit saying who it is?
I know who it is.
Okay.
We didn't use his skin color against him.
That would be the equivalent of a political malfeasance.
You're saying that if you didn't use his skin color against him, that would be political malfeasance?
Wow.
Are you eating?
Would you quit?
What are you eating, anyways?
It sounds like you're eating a turkey.
I don't know.
I'm sorry, Jimmy.
I'm just having a play to twitch bars.
What?
Twitch bars.
Dipped in what?
Some butter.
Okay.
But that accusation that you gave that he's a vulture cap, that Barack Obama painted him as that was something that Rick Perry said.
This is Haley Marlborough.
I know.
People don't care what all of people said what about who, where, and whatnot.
Would people care about the fact that President Obama is black?
Yeah, I. Haley Marlborough.
Would you quit eating?
Okay, you know what?
If you're not going to quit eating, I'm going to hang up.
Thanks for talking to us, Haley.
Okay, Jimmy.
Haley Marlborough.
Okay.
Okay, you're racist.
Some Haley Barber.
Okay, that was it.
What was that again?
Yeah, I think that was Haley Barber.
Okay, hope you all.
I'm going to be doing some shows at the Flappers Comedy Club, huh?
The Clappers Comedy is at 532 First Street.
Links for tickets are available at the website, JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And we're doing a new thing.
If you want to get a two-for-one special for those shows in any of the shows, Friday or Saturday, two shows each night, email me at my old-timey email address, jimmydoor at earthlink.net, and I will put your name on the guest list for a two-for-one.
And I'll send you a confirmation email back, huh?
So we want to see you next Friday, Saturday, November 16, 17.
Right now, don't forget, oh, that's it.
All right, so we're right up against the break.
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Now let's get back to our show.
We got Tom Brokock coming up on the second half, plus Jim Earl Reed's Morning Remembrances and Mitt Romney.
Welcome back to the Jimmy Door Show.
I am joined in studio by the hilarious crew across the glass from me.
Former writer for The Daily Show, it's Steve Rosenfield from Team Yasamura.
It's Robert Yasamura, Emmy Award-winning writer and author of Morning Remembrances.
It's Jim Earl.
And from Parks and Recreation, it's Ben Zelavansky.
To my right, the host of Comedy and Everything Else, our resident Latina, it's Steph Zamarado.
We're talking, we're playing video clips of the right-wing freak out over the Barack Obama election, and it's just going to be fun for us.
It's all frosting this week for us, okay?
We're just playing those clips.
But right now, on the second half of the show, we're going to play the clips.
What they thought went wrong, the Republicans, what their ideas of what went wrong, and what their answers are for the future, okay?
So right now, let's go ahead and let's kick us off.
Can we kick us off with a morning remembrance, Jim?
I say we do.
I keep forgetting to play them.
I say we do another one.
Lou Anderson, who played Claribel the clown on Howdy Duty.
Remember howdy do?
Sure.
Sure.
Lou Anderson, whose iconic portrayal of Howdy Duty's mischievous Claribel influenced future clown Courtney Love is now jamming up in heaven with John Wayne Gacy.
Anderson's popular character, Claribel, became famous for communicating with others using horn toots and water squirts.
Two things Anderson started doing again when he turned 80.
Many believe Anderson's portrayal of Claribel as a mute was a stroke of comedic genius or just the producer's little way of never having to pay scale.
A distinctive feature on the hit show were the on-stage bleachers of 40 kids called the Peanut Gallery, so named because Fear Poop arcade just didn't seem appropriate.
Anderson requested he also be remembered for a lifetime spent working as a respected and accomplished jazz musician.
I don't think that's going to happen.
Thank you so much.
So what went wrong?
Well, we're going to check in.
I was watching, or I had a Steph was watching Fox News, and the night of the election, I couldn't watch any of the election coverage because I myself was hosting the Young Turks election coverage.
How'd that go?
Well, we went really with Ben Mankowitz from Turner Classic Movie and myself.
We were hosting the Young Turks, and we did get 130,000 viewers.
That's good.
So here is, so Steph was watching Fox, and she noticed.
So they had a pundit on who he kind of outlined the problem for the Republicans pretty well.
In the exit polls, others have commented, and I saw it from the beginning on the question of whether you want bigger government or small government, the defining philosophical issue.
It's about a 10-point margin, even with this somewhat more Democratic liberal electorate tonight for smaller government.
Yet the Republicans are not winning with that.
That tells you something is wrong.
Okay.
Okay, what's wrong is that when you ask people do they want larger government or smaller government, they always say smaller government.
But when you ask them what you would like to cut, they don't want to cut anything.
When you said, hey, how about we cut Social Security?
Nope.
How about if we cut Medicare?
Nope.
How about if we cut defense spending?
Nope.
People are afraid to cut defense spending.
People don't want to cut anything.
And that's so when people in theory are for smaller government, in practice, people like government.
They like highways.
They like FEMA.
They like NASA.
They like public schools.
They like public universities.
People like the FDA.
People like their government.
And this is the, you know, the conservatives have successfully scared liberals into thinking that people are afraid of government.
They're not.
We're takers.
Yeah.
Well, I think that exposes that that paradigm is bull.
It's bull.
Like, I mean, the idea of like big government, small government doesn't mean anything.
No.
It's one of the most meaningless things, but it was one of the greatest quick kind of tangible ways that people could be like, I'm into small government.
It was a quick thing for them to say that sounded good.
Yeah, well, Ronald Reagan started that whole thing.
He turned everything around when he started saying the scariest words in the English language are, I'm from the government and I'm here to help you.
Right.
Well, tell that to somebody after Hurricane Sandy.
I don't think they would feel the same way.
I think they would be glad that somebody from the government was there to help them, just like they would have been glad had someone from the government showed up after Hurricane Katrina, but no one did show up.
Well, I think the problem is that it's not a choice between big government and small government in this election.
It was a choice between some government and no government.
I think, yes.
And people like to say that it's moronic to say, well, I'm in favor of small government without knowing the context in which you're saying that.
Right.
In other words, it's like saying, you know, I always want to be in a smaller car.
I always need a bigger car.
Well, you don't always.
You know, like, I prefer a smaller car.
Oh, all right.
Well, you're going to drive up to the top of Mount Everest.
Oh, well, maybe in that case, I would need, you know, we're in a lot of trouble right now, so it might be time for a little extra government.
And then when things are back in order again, you can ease off again.
But it doesn't, it's such a pointless thing to cling to as an absolute.
I couldn't, I couldn't.
Well, I couldn't agree with you more.
A, and B, here's Michael Steele, who goes one step further, and he outlines what the actual problem is in no uncertain terms.
For the Republican Party, you know what our new reality is?
Every month, 50,000 Hispanics turn 18 years old every month.
That's 600,000 Hispanic youth every year.
Do you really think this party wants to spend the rest of the next 15, 20, 40, 50 years in the political desert?
If they do, great.
Here's your moment.
If you don't, you got to get real with the new reality.
Okay, and the new reality is demographics.
Yes, I mean, there aren't enough white men to go around for the Republicans to keep winning.
Barack Obama won only 41% of the white vote, but he won 71% of the Hispanic vote, okay?
And the white vote is shrinking.
The Hispanic vote, just like he just said, is growing.
And so here, here is Bill O'Reilly's idea and how to show up that Latino vote.
Ready?
And the Republican Party has to rethink strategy.
In hindsight, Senator Marco Rubio would have been the best choice to run with Nick Romney.
It's not a knock on Congressman Paul Ryan.
He hid very well.
Yeah, he didn't even win his home state.
He very showed up, which is important.
Yeah, he did very well.
Half of Life is showing up.
Yeah.
Just that the GOP needs to send a powerful signal to Hispanic voters that the party respects that.
Yes.
It would be nice as policies that respect him.
Yeah, you don't think that would be send a powerful message?
You don't do that through immigration legislation or policy that respects them.
You just put a Latino on the ticket.
That's all.
It's a two-point plan.
Put a Latino on the ticket and then build that wall as fast as you can.
Okay, so the bigger, so here's another guy on Fox News.
There's another pundit, and he explains what the GOP's problem is.
Look, we have a bigger problem here for the Republicans.
Look at the Senate race.
Look at the presidential.
Romney has won one state so far of the swing states, North Carolina, barely.
The Republicans have lost ground in the Senate.
A senate that's overwhelmingly had Democratic seats.
They are losing Hispanics, women.
The branding problem for the Republican Party is reminiscent, as I like to say, of the Whigs.
If they don't do something to expand their appeal in the middle, they are going to keep getting these close elections.
Okay, so that's from Fox News.
This is election night, and it's killing me that I can't, I don't have this guy's name, this pundit.
But so he's on there and he's giving it, he's laying down the this is what it is, Megan.
It's the middle, right?
So we're losing the middle.
And if we can't, so they lost by 3 million votes, by the way, when it was all said and done.
The president won by 3 million votes.
So they, and they can't, they can't win the middle.
So here is what Megan Kelly responds with, right?
So we're talking about that right-wing bubble that they lived in, right?
The first half of the show, we played all those clips that show them saying, oh, it's going to be a landslide for Romney.
It's going to kill.
But Romney's going to win.
He's got everything.
We're going to win the Senate.
And then, of course, reality actually punctures their right-wing bubble.
And then they start saying stuff like this.
Here's what Megan Kelly says when the guy says we have to go towards the middle.
Here's what she says.
But this is an interesting conversation because when you look at that popular vote and you see how divided the country is and how actually more have voted for Romney than have voted for Obama tonight.
Look at this.
Okay, she's saying that as the vote is still being tallied, and we all know that Barack Obama is going to get more votes as the west west.
The Western states start to report he's going to overcome this.
Look how Mitt Romney's getting so many more votes, not counting California.
Oregon or Washington.
Okay, so she just tries to correct him.
He tries to correct her.
Okay, no, but totally divided.
But here's my point.
Look how divided.
And it's actually divided right now in terms of the raw numbers and the popular vote in Romney's favor.
Okay.
She keeps quoting this unfulfilled statistic.
It's still coming in.
You can't, in the middle of counting the gumballs in the jar, tell me what the number is.
We haven't counted the votes yet.
I have to make this point really quick before we get to California and Oregon.
Please, I can't, because I won't be able to say it afterwards.
So let me just say it right now.
So we just keep saying that Mitt Romney's winning.
Mitt Romney's winning until he isn't.
Okay, so this is.
By the way, this is after they called the election.
So she keeps still pretending this popular vote thing.
That's awesome.
So why would those so here's her question?
This is her big question.
People who voted for Mitt Romney be asking themselves now, we have to reevaluate who we are, our values, what we stand for.
No, when it comes to immigration, when it comes to some of these women's issues, why would they say we need to reinvent ourselves just to appeal to a very sliver in the middle?
Because if you don't, you're going to keep losing elections.
That's why they would say that, Megan.
Hey, Mitt Romney actually called and he left me a message.
Oh, terrific.
I wonder what's up for what's up with him going forward, I think.
Here we go.
Hello, James Doar.
It's me, Governor Mitt Romney.
Now that the campaign is over, I can tell you Mitt is short for Mittanyahoo.
Yes, I'm a secret Mormon Jew.
Well, Jimmy, I'm calling you because everyone is gone.
Wow, they all left really pretty fast.
It was like Oriental sling Godzilla.
And they took everything that wasn't nailed down.
I can't even wash up because three of my kids pulled out all the copper plumbing here.
My wife just made a high-pitched whistle, and a horse danced into the hall and swept her off and disappeared into the night.
Majestic.
Hey, Jimmy, here's a little-known fact about my campaign: I never fired anyone.
Not one of those incompetent pieces of advisors.
The guy who wrote the Jeep's going to China had that destroyed my credibility in Ohio.
Up until 20 minutes ago, that guy had a job with me.
The speechwriter that wrote the 47% speech, I promoted that guy and let him look at my wife's tits for 20 seconds.
I like being able to fire people, quote unquote.
Guess what?
Not fired.
In fact, I gave that guy an evening with one of my daughters.
No questions asked.
You know where all those guys are now?
Polishing their resumes with my tears and selling the rented furniture I fucking paid for.
Well, I bet you're wondering what old Mitt's next move is going to be.
Well, I could probably do a lot of good for some of the poor and suffering in the world.
After all, I am wealthier than God.
I have tons of contacts and lots of experience.
But that's not how we Republicans play any fuckos.
I'm going to go make more money just because I can.
I will make more money than most people do in a year for one 20-minute racist speech.
I could show up to one board meeting a year at some corporation and make enough money to send a couple of brown kids to college.
And what am I going to do with that money instead?
Nothing.
I might just make YouTube videos of me doing unspeakable things with money.
Hey, Africa.
Need more research at the malaria?
How about you watch me wipe my ass with a stack of hyundies?
Oh, man.
Eastern European orphans, you'll love watching me jizz all over these bear bombs.
Suck it.
You'd think I give all that money to the Mormon church, really.
You mean the God that didn't make me president?
I'm going to give money to that guy.
No, sir.
From now on, it's all coffee and hookers for the Mitt Man.
And I'm in now.
My plane is fueling right now.
Hey, Jimmy, text me your address and I'll send you a postcard from Fucktor of Thailand because this bird is free.
Well, Jimmy, see you when I fuck you.
I'm not going to do that.
That was the inimitable Mike McRae.
Mike McCray can be found at mikemcray.com.
He's coming to a city new year near you doing a stand-up comedy.
You can pick up his CD.
He's hilarious.
Mike McRae at Mike McCray Doc.
Right now, let's get back to the discussion.
I'm joined in studio by former writer for the daily show Steve Rosenfield, a former Emmy Award-winning writer, Jim Earl.
I'm also joined by comedian Robert Yasimura from Team Yasimura.
Steph Samurano from Comedy and Everything Else, our resident Latina sits in.
Plus, Ben Zelovansky, hilarious comedian who you've seen on Park and Rex on NBC, is with us.
And We're talking about the forward, what's happening with the Republican Party and their freak out over the election.
Let's get it back to the discussion.
The question now going forward is, so how is this going to affect the Republicans, right?
How will this affect the Republicans?
Well, I think they're going to really take a good, hard look in the mirror, question some of their core beliefs, and join the rest of us here in the 21st century.
And I think, oh, wait, what?
I'm sorry?
The Republicans.
The Republicans.
Oh, I think they'll keep doing the same dumb stuff.
You know, actually, Boehner said today that, you know, the president won and he's willing to compromise, but it's got to be a fair compromise that doesn't include tax raises.
That's not a compromise.
That's an evolved position.
That's your same position.
That's exactly what he said, Robert.
It's the same position.
They're in such big trouble because now at this point, they need non-whites and racists.
How are they going to racist, please?
The secret here is to make the Latino population hate itself and become racist against itself, and then they'll vote.
Much like they did with women, Republican women, right?
It's shameful on their belated parts.
I'm very conflicted being a Latina female here.
This must be awful.
Are you ashamed of your lady El Parsons?
So let's see how is this going to affect the Republicans going forward.
Let's hear what they have to say, right?
So we're going to check in with Mark Levin first.
Now, if you've never heard Mark Levin or Levin, Mark Levin, he is the definition of a histrionic personality disorder.
So here's.
I can't wait.
So here we go.
I want to make a statement to the Republican Party, and I want to make a statement to the president and his people.
And I want to make a statement to the media.
Okay, they're all listening.
They're all listening.
Everybody in the world is listening to Mark Levin.
Conservatives, we do not accept bipartisanship in the pursuit of tyranny.
Period.
We will not negotiate the terms of our economic and political servitude.
Period.
We will not abandon our children to a dark and bleak future.
We will not accept a fate that is alien to the legacy we inherited from every single future generation in this country.
We will not accept social engineering by politicians and bureaucrats who treat us like lab rats rather than self-sufficient, independent human beings.
There are those in this country who choose tyranny over liberty.
They do not speak for us.
57 million of us who voted against this yesterday, and they do not get to dictate to us under our Constitution.
Okay, so it sounds like he's handling it.
They got it going forward.
It seems nice.
He realizes there's a mandate for the president.
They haven't won.
He's won re-election now twice.
The people are definitely behind him.
And Mark Levin's offering an olive branch to work.
Work together.
You can tell he's a real stickler for that Constitution by the fact that he thinks that the winners of the election don't get to call the shots.
Yes.
I am so for the Constitution that I'm against the Constitution.
I think he's reading the Constitution right to left.
I think that's the problem.
In his favor, no weird mouth noises.
Yes.
He actually has more to say.
Here we go.
We are the alternative.
We will resist.
We're not going to surrender to this.
What does that mean?
We're not going to surrender.
Because he's a nut.
You're going to go take over the White House.
What are you going to do?
You lost.
You lost.
Just be a grown-up for one time in your life.
By the way, you know what?
I love what he's saying.
We're not going to take this.
Yeah, you are.
Yeah, you are going to take it.
You're not going anywhere.
You're going to continue to make money with your dumb show.
Why don't all the people who promise?
Why don't all the people who promise to leave just leave?
Be passive.
We will not be compliant in our own demise.
We're not good losers.
You better believe we're sore losers.
A good loser is a loser forever.
Shakespeare, I think, wasn't that.
We're called purists.
He needs a nap.
I think that's what you tell your kids in Little League, right?
A good loser is a loser forever.
Did you lose?
Feel bad.
Doesn't Mark Levin know that all his meds will be covered under Obamacare?
First of all, I'd just like to note that this guy has a nationally syndicated radio show.
They all do.
But when I was a kid, Steve, before the death of the fairness doctrine, this guy would have at best had a pirate radio show out of his mom's garage that reached maybe three blocks.
He's doing that thing where somehow conservatives are the oppressed victims in America, you know, like the black people in the Jim Crow South were.
Try to imagine what Mark Levin is like when the gas company guy comes to read his meter.
Hey, why don't you just put shackles on me now, you big powerful gas man?
You know what's funny?
Like they, all these guys, you know, I always love to hear white male straight Christians talk about how oppressed they are.
Yes.
Now they don't have any power.
But now, like, we're, we're getting to a point where, like, you know, we could actually oppress them if we wanted to.
We're getting there.
We're getting close.
You notice how everybody agrees that the demographics of this country are changing.
And people that think the way we do are excited about that.
But on the other side, they are freaking terrifying.
of pulling their hair.
You heard Bill O'Reilly say that with a...
20 years ago, a sh ⁇ like Barack Obama would have been shut down.
Yeah, exactly.
Quadiac guy showed his face around Boston.
I'll tell you this.
You know, if we still had a poll tax, this wouldn't have happened.
Yeah, this guy wouldn't be winning Massachusetts in the 80s.
I'll tell you that.
It's great.
It's a great feeling.
They're just completely terrified.
It's also interesting how Mark Levin doesn't even care about what's happening in Florida.
Are they still standing in line today voting?
Yeah.
Right.
Well, that's because of all that voter suppression that Obama did.
That's why you have to wait in line 12 hours to cast a vote.
So here's Charles, here's Charles Karheimer, Charles Carlin on Fox.
And here's what he says is going to happen.
So now he's pretty, he's more reasonable.
He's not Mark Levin, right?
Or Levin.
He's a psychiatrist.
This guy's, so here's what he says is going to happen going forward.
I think the real story here is that Obama won, but he's got no mandate.
He won by going very small, very he's got no mandate.
He won the election, but you know what?
It doesn't mean anything.
George Bush actually lost the popular vote in 2000, but he had a mandate somewhere negative.
And we are left as a country exactly where we started, but a little bit worse off.
The Republicans are in control of the House, probably a little bit stronger.
They're not going to budge.
There's no way in which after holding out on Obama for two years, they're going to cave in.
So they're not going to get it.
No matter how many elections they lose, no matter what happens, they're not going to cave in because they control one-third of government.
And that's the people have spoken.
The people have spoken.
Whoever is the minority party gets to call the shout.
Why should they cave in?
Michelle Bachman, by the way, squeaker, Michelle Bachman, this happened the week before the election.
So she was at a debate, and I'm just going to play this.
So her opponent says, accuses her of political speech.
And listen to what she has to say back.
It's insulting to say that these are political speech because that's one thing I do not do is political speech.
I want to just, we're going to switch gears because I think we need to move on.
Yeah, we need to move on because people are finally giving Michelle Bachman the treatment she's deserved.
Sometimes the best journalism is to laugh in her face.
And doesn't it bother you that we don't see stuff like this more often?
And the reason why we don't see stuff like this more often is because Michelle Bachman doesn't have to go on real media.
Michelle Bachman can live in a bubble of Fox News and Mark Levin and Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh.
She doesn't ever have to confront people who will laugh in her face.
And half of those people laughing at her are her own constituents.
But remember, she ended up winning.
Okay, joining me today is legendary journalist and World War II geek Tom Brokaw.
Tom, thanks for joining us in the studio.
Oh, well, it's my pleasure, Jimmy.
But you should know that calling a person a geek is something no member of the greatest generation would ever do.
They would use ethnic slurs and a racial epithet or call the woman a slut just for wearing shorts in the summer, but they never use derogatory words like geek.
And that's what made them the greatest generation.
Okay, well, thanks for the history lesson.
And speaking of history, what is your take on the election?
Well, Jimmy, the conventional wisdom center will be a closer outcome than it turned out to be.
And Jimmy, when conventional wisdom turns out to be wrong, it diminishes us and makes us weaker as a nation and as people.
What are you talking about?
I have no idea.
I'm just saying things that make me sound like a wise elder statesman with a deep gravitas.
You don't even know what it is that you're saying, Tom?
I don't always want to do what I'm saying.
I have no idea who you are or where I am.
As you look down, you may notice that right now, I'm wearing my underpants on the outside of my clothes.
Okay, okay, but do you have any analysis of the election, Tom?
Well, is there anything else you wanted to say?
I'm like, what about the fact that so many pundits made predictions that were completely wrong?
Well, not me.
If you recall, I had predictions that the winner would either be Barack Obama or Governor Ben Robney.
As we like to say, the news business nailed it.
You know, Jimmy, it takes years of experience as a journalist to develop these kinds of prognosticatious skills.
Mr. Brokaw, why is it that people in your profession can be wrong about everything and still keep your jobs year after year after year?
That's called a perk.
But seriously, Jimmy, we're not wrong.
We are sometimes factually challenged, I'll give you that, or truth-immude, or some might say, horseshit abundant.
But, Jimmy, we are never wrong.
Actually, just about the only journalist who wasn't wrong this year was Nate Silver.
Oh, please, Jimmy, give me a break.
That little swirp.
Who the hell does he think he is?
Was facts and figures.
Good solid reporting is always based on idle speculation.
I'll tell you what, the Nate Silver would have lasted one minute in World War II.
Assuming they even let him out of the camps, General Patton would have slapped his spreadsheets right across his stupid dirty face.
Well, Tom Broca, I'd like to thank you for joining us today.
Well, Ernie Pyle would have taken a copy of Stars and Stripes, folded it five ways, and shoved it up.
Tom, we got to go.
Gober Pyle would have given a good grudge rape while yelling, shut the way up, bitch.
Tom Brokaw, it's been a pleasure.
I'll tell you what, Jimmy, if you ever get Nate Silver's balls out of her mouth, maybe I'll come back.
Okay.
Great job.
Thank you, Tom Brokaw.
Thanks, Ben.
This is my pleasure.
Ben, who is Ben?
I'm a former anchor of the likely news.
Sam Broca.
Thank you, Tom Brokaw.
Now, you'll excuse me.
I'm going to go back to Monsanto and interview some more fish.
Yay, Benzela.
Thank you, Ben.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Now let you know that today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Connoff, Steve Rosenfield, Robert Yasamura, Jim Earle, Ben Zelovansky, and Steph Samurano.
The voices today done by Ben Zelovansky did Tom Brokaw.
Mike McRae did Mitt Romney.
And Haley Barber performed by yours truly, huh?
And I want to take time out to thank the gentlemen who donate their time and talent to the Jimmy Dorr show.
First up is Sean James, who's our Mac genius.
If you've got a problem with your Macintosh, you email him.
He'll fix it for you right over the internet.
Sean James, and you reach him at MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
You spell Sean, S-H-A-U-N.
I want to thank Don Quixote for loaning us, for making the great caricature for our show.
He made a caricature of me for the Jimmy Door show, and it's our new logo.
And God bless him.
He does great work.
Don Quixote, thanks, Don.
And also want to thank Frank Pulaski, who takes some of the bits we do on the show.
He puts them together.
He puts them together and puts video over them.
We put them up on our YouTube page and Facebook, and they're great.
Thanks to Frank Pulaski from Dreamtime Films.
Okay, that's it for this week.
This is the Jimmy Door show signing off.
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