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Nov. 3, 2012 - Jimmy Dore Show
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The Jimmy Dore show starts right now.
This presidential campaign was so depressing it took a catastrophic hurricane to cheer people up.
As the storm hit the East Coast, President Obama stopped campaigning in order to take charge of the cleanup efforts.
This finally got cable news anchors to talk about something other than how badly he did in the first debate.
Obama threw himself wholeheartedly into the recovery operation and refused to be political, which created the positive impression that he was throwing himself wholeheartedly into the recovery operation and refusing to be political.
Meanwhile, the disaster forced Governor Romney to simulate even more empathy than he could reasonably manage.
He augmented this by pretending to collect food he'd purchased himself and loading it into a truck while ignoring reporters' questions about whether he still wanted to get rid of FEMA.
Showing no compassion for voters in Ohio, Romney kept running dishonest ads about GM and Chrysler sending jobs to China, which would have been more shocking if they hadn't followed all his other dishonest ads.
Throughout this long campaign, Romney confounded and manipulated a great many people by starting out as a fake conservative and later becoming a fake moderate.
Many commentators thought this was a stroke of genius, as Obama would never be able to send off an opponent who wasn't really anything.
The depressing thing is that most of Romney's voters don't care what he is as long as he is an Obama.
To those who argue that a President Romney could break the current stalemate with Congress, I personally would be thrilled to see Obama have four more years to continue a progressive, forward-looking deadlock.
Nice job.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for bluffies.
The kind of people that are comments, maybe on tearing down our nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to your T-Value.
And now, there's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's episode.
I am joined in Studio Croft and BlasterMe, host of Comedy and Everything Else, the popular podcast.
It's our resident Latina, Steph Zamarano.
Hi, Steph.
How are you?
Hello, Jaime.
Pola, how are you?
Okay, next to him, it's the hilarious comedian host of Dream Tweet Podcast, the funniest and fastest podcast on iTunes.
It's my good friend Jonathan Corbett.
Hi, John.
How are you?
Hey, Jimmy, doing well.
I love John.
Give me a little taste of the Dream Tweet guy.
Oh, this guy.
Hey, Jimmy Dore.
Swinging a mess from Jimmy Dore.
Okay, that's how he hosts when he hosts the Dream Tweet.
Across from him, it's Emmy Award and Peabody Award-winning writer and author of Morning Remembrances, funny obituaries about really dead people.
It's Ham Radio's Jim Earl.
Hi, Jim.
How are you?
Hey, I'm doing great.
Thanks for the ham radios, Jim Earl.
Okay, I wanted to get all your credit.
I got them all in, right?
No, I got many more, but they're all just as bogus as the previous one.
Okay.
And on the phone, from all the way from storm-ravaged New York City from Mystery Science Theater 3000, it's TV's Frank Frank Connoff.
Hi, Frank.
How are you?
Hey, Jimmy.
How you doing?
Frank, how are you?
How are you weathering the storm, buddy?
I'm doing fine.
Chris Christie had all the Cinnabon sent to Higher Ground.
Okay.
And well, you know who's responsible for that hurricane, Sandy, right?
The gays.
The gays.
You know, I say if Christians, if there's certain evangelical Christians believe, truly believe gays control the weather, shouldn't you be nicer to them?
That's what I say.
Hey, Chris Christie, by the way, Chris, let's do some jokes before we get to the jokes.
Chris Christie, I don't know if you guys have seen the news, but he's big pals with President Obama.
Bloomberg has endorsed Obama.
Colin Powell has endorsed Obama.
If Mitt Romney could only get this many Republicans on his side, he might have a good chance coming Tuesday, Jim.
Could they see you keep that laughter inside?
You know.
Did you see that the Jimmy?
Yes, Frank.
I was going to, I had a comment about gays controlling the weather.
Oh.
I think it's true because I was with some gay people and I made some comments disparaging Steven Sondheim and it got pretty chilly really quick, let me tell you.
You know, Jimmy, Governor Christie is still urging everyone to stay inside their kitchen.
You know, I have a theory about why he might be cozying up.
I think there's a problem between Christie and Romney.
You know what it is?
I think he's jealous of Meatloaf.
Hey, I'm your chubby friend.
I'm your chubby pal.
And he's threatened by Meatloaf.
You know, they were calling, Frank, they were calling the storm the, why weren't they calling it Frankenstorm?
What were they calling it?
Yes, Frankenstorm, which, coincidentally enough, was my porn name.
It wasn't until I realized it was kind of stupid to give myself a name for when I watched porn.
Okay, and I don't know if you guys heard, but whenever there's a big natural disaster, a big hurricane, they always put a microphone in Mike Brown, you know, Mike heck of a job brownie.
And so he slammed Obama.
He said he was, this is true.
He said his response to the storm was too quick.
No.
Yes, that's true.
And he later berated Usain Bolt for running too fast.
That's true, by the way.
He really did do that.
And did you know that George W. Bush, speaking of the Hurricane Sandy, he's kindly offered to use his expertise in not pitching in.
You know, when Obama visited Christie, he had to give him a ride in Air Force 10.
He's a real big guy.
You know, I heard TMZ's reporting that Governor Christie, it's going so well, he might introduce Obama to his mom.
This is serious.
This is serious.
It's getting serious.
Okay, so what's coming up?
You know what?
The Republicans now dislike Christie.
So he might not be able to run as a Republican for president if he wants to.
So he's thinking of running as a third, fourth, fifth, sixth.
He's a large man.
He might be starting his campaign this early just so people get used to hearing the words running and Chris Christie together without laughing.
He can't run.
He can't run.
You know, it's weird TV guy.
Well, I mean, come on, Obama really had Chris Christie eating out of the palm of his hand.
There were trickers far.
He loves food.
Coming up on today's show, we have another right-winger talking about rape.
Rape is cool, ladies.
What are you going to learn?
Also, we're going to talk about Chris Christie and Barack Obama's bromance.
Johnson Nunu says Colin Powell's endorsement is based on something less than something.
Plus, Howard Kurtz, Media Watchdog, takes on Johnson Nunu.
Guess what?
Not much of a watchdog.
And Tom Brokoff gives us his opinion on what the tea party is really like.
Plus, we got phone calls today from Mitt Romney, Chris Christie.
Oh, and Tom Brokoff calls in.
Oh, good.
That's today on The Jimmy Dore Show.
Time for another installment of, oh my God.
Okay, in this week's Oh My God segment, you know, okay, I know there aren't too many Republican pro-life candidates that listen to the show, but if there are, let me just make a little suggestion.
If you're not in favor of abortion, even in cases of rape and incest, just say that.
Just say that it's an absolute thing and leave it at that.
Because when you try to expound on or justify that position, you seem to end up explaining what a hugely ignorant dick you are.
Okay?
Take, for example, here's John Costner, Coster.
He's running for Congress in the beautiful state of Washington.
And here he is talking to a covert liberal operative.
And it's a little hard to hear, but I'll tell you what he says afterwards, okay?
I just wanted to know, is there any time that you would agree with abortion?
So he's asked, is there any time that you would agree with abortion?
And here's what he says.
First of all, John, for your sake, just say no and change the subject.
That's what I would say.
Nope, there is no time.
And then, because I've listened to this tape a dozen times, and I still, every time I listen to it, I secretly hope he won't answer.
But he does.
Here it comes.
When a mother's life is in danger, I'm not going to make that decision.
So he says when a mother's life is in danger, he's not going to make that decision.
Okay, John, you're off to a bad start.
One quick note.
It's not your decision in the first place because it's not your effing body, which is kind of the point, John.
Still, relative to Todd Aiken, you're a kicking ass, my friend.
Okay?
He's doing good.
Here we go.
He's got more to say.
I know they go out.
Incest is so rare.
I mean, it's so very.
Yeah.
Incest is so rare.
Are you saying it's precious because it's so rare?
Like the white tiger of sex crimes?
Is that what you're saying?
He might mean his family.
Oh, just it's just occasionally in his family.
He is in a very northern part of the country, not being down south.
He might think that.
Maybe that's, I mean, I guess I see his point, but it's still a misstep, okay?
That's still a misstep saying that.
If for no other reason that I'm pretty sure victims of incest don't care that they're part of an elite few, okay?
But and then listen to how he refers to it, ready?
But the rape thing.
The rape thing.
That's how he refers to it as the rape thing.
I'm going to stop you right there and say, stop calling it the rape thing, John.
Might be a problem for a few people, like the people who don't view rape as this weird phenomena they've heard tale of, okay?
It's like Twilight.
Yeah, here we go.
Yeah, have you ever heard anyone say to anyone, hey, are you still into that whole rape?
Rape thing.
Okay, here he goes.
You know, I know a woman who was raped and kept her child, gave it up for adoption, and she doesn't regret it.
He said he knows a woman who got raped, got pregnant, and kept the child, and she doesn't regret it.
In fact, she's a big pro-life proponent.
She's a big pro-life proponent, he says.
Okay, John, not bad.
Sounds like the evidence for your position.
You know, that one woman who happens to share your values out of the countless women who are raped in this country every year.
Just a quick little potential argument.
I have a feeling there are plenty of women who have terminated their rape pregnancies that also don't regret the decision.
Yes.
You ever think about that?
He's got binders full of rape women.
Back him up on this, I believe.
So what I've heard.
Okay, so he's got more to say.
No, he has more.
He's got more to say.
On the rape thing, it's like...
Oh, he's...
He says it.
He says it again.
John, I'm just going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you refer to everything as the thing.
Okay.
No, wait, was so he's in Washington.
Was he in a Seattle grunge band called the Rape Thing?
It sounds like it.
Maybe he just calls everything the thing.
Oh, I was in that band.
I was in the band thing, and now there's that rape thing.
And he says that no matter how demeaning it sounds.
For instance, I think he refers to his wife as my wife thing.
Okay, so here he's got more to say.
Hang on a second.
She doesn't regret it.
In fact, she's a big pro-life proponent.
On the rape thing, it's like, how does putting more violence onto a woman's body and taking the life of an innocent child, that's not a consequence of this crime?
How does that make it better?
You know what I mean?
Yes, John, I know what you mean.
Unfortunately, I do know what you mean.
What he means is that he presumes to know what a woman is feeling after she's been the victim of rape, and that a tiny collection of cells is already a magical soul descended from the penis of a rapist.
Thanks so much for weighing in, John.
Now just move away from politics.
Could he get out of politics?
He's a nightmare.
Every time I hear his voice, I cringe.
All I can think about is the rape thing and that they can make it seem like it's some sort of, you know what, you were raped.
Go ahead and have the baby.
You'll be fine.
I don't know.
I'd kind of like to hear his whole opinion on this whole Penn State thing.
Stephanie, tell us where he touched you.
In my brain.
And in my heart.
Oh, that's horrifying.
He talks about rape like it's a leg cramp.
That thing.
You don't want surgery.
Just shake it.
Walk it off.
Walk it off like the rest of them.
I know a woman who walked off a leg cramp.
Yes, walk it off.
And she's a big proponent of walking off leg cramps now.
Yeah, okay.
I'd go shopping with you if it wasn't for this darn rape.
You're not going to bring out that whole Holocaust thing, are you?
Okay.
He's got more to say.
Child, that's a consequence of this crime.
How does that make it better?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, but she has to live with the consequence of that crime.
So then the interviewer says, but she has to live with the consequence of that crime.
And there's a few, there's a few ways he could respond to this.
Let's hear how he did respond.
Well, I know kind has consequences.
Okay, that's not a good one.
He says crime has consequences, and how does it make it better?
Well, can I point out how it will make it better?
Like, for instance, if you're a 14 or 15-year-old girl who was raped, you're 16-year-old or any age, and you don't have to go through a, your life has already been devastated, and now you don't have to go through a nine-month order of a pregnancy.
I would say that that does make it better.
I can answer that question.
It's not a freaking child yet.
Yeah.
It's just some cells, a little bit of, you know, cytoplasm.
I know a zygote that was a result of a rape, and he was very happy.
As I get, as I go, I knew as I go too.
And you are no zygote, my friend.
If sperm is a child, then I have towels involved in working in it.
Frank, you're miracle towels.
You kill millions of people every day, Frank.
When he says make it better, how does that make it better?
A post-rape abortion doesn't make things better.
He's talking, he talks like it's bacon bits on a salad.
You know, you're not making it better.
And a post-rape abortion is designed to prevent things from getting worse.
You know, like that's what it's like.
Like if someone forces salad down your throat against your will, till part of your mind and spirit broke into, and then you know, maybe later you wouldn't want to have salad tongs hanging around your neck all the time, you know?
Let alone care for the tongs and nurture them, even when they remind me every day of the worst salad eating incident of my entire life.
That would be what the person is.
Maybe, you know, maybe, just maybe the woman is the one, the rape victim, is the one who should decide what would make her life better and not better right after she's been raped and raped and impregnated.
Yeah, I think this guy's got it covered, though.
He's on it.
Yeah, he's got this one.
Yeah, he does, definitely.
This has been, oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
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You know, that the Jimmy Door show, we do a live show or two every month around the Los Angeles area.
Our next one is tomorrow night, November 3rd at 10 p.m.
We're doing two shows, 8 and 10 p.m., at the improv in West Hollywood on Melrose and Crescent Heights.
It's called The Joke the Vote Show.
All the jokes you need to hear before you vote.
We've got some hilarious comedians on that show.
I'll be headlining.
Steve Agy from the Sarah Silverman Show was going to be there.
Three-time Emmy Award-winning writer from Bill Maher and the Daily Show.
David Feldman will be there.
Paul Gillmartin's doing his jackass and offensive Republican character.
Lots of hilarious people.
That's tomorrow night, November 3rd, 8 and 10 p.m. at the improv on Melrose in West Hollywood.
We're going to give away a pair of tickets right now, five pairs of free tickets to the first five callers at KPFK 818-985.
KPFK 818-985-5735.
If you call in right now, we'll set you up with a pair of free tickets.
Now, let's get back to the show.
So, Chris Christie, ladies and gentlemen, is really hanging out with Barack Obama.
Well, first of all, Chris Christie came out, and I guess people don't want to leave their houses on the coast sometimes.
And so he has to come out and tell them.
And you can tell he gets a kick out of it.
So here he is.
Given my typical subtlety and understatement, I mean, listen, I said this yesterday.
If something looks like it's stupid to do, it is stupid.
Staying on the Barrier Islands for 36 hours of hurricane-force winds of 75 miles an hour more sustained, not gusty, is stupid.
And, you know, I think all of our mothers taught us: if we could avoid it, don't be stupid.
So don't be stupid.
So here's.
Did his mother ever hand him a Kleeneck?
So it should be noted that he's saying to a popular, he's telling people not to be stupid, a population of people who elected a family guy character as governor.
Okay.
She said, yeah, his mother taught him, don't be stupid.
Always order the economy size ice cream.
Okay, so here he is giving his big speech to him and Obama really.
And so I discussed all those issues today with the president, and I'm pleased to report that he has sprung into action immediately to help get us those things while we were in the car riding together.
So I want to thank him for that.
He has worked incredibly closely with me since before the storm hit.
I think this is our sixth conversation since the weekend.
And it's been a great working relationship to make sure that we're doing the jobs that people elected us to do.
And I cannot thank the president enough for his personal concern and compassion for our state and for the people of our state.
And I heard on the pro conversations with him.
And he looks like he's lost weight and he's very smart.
I think the president really is his sharp dresser and the way his energy has got more to say.
He's got more to say.
I was able to witness it today personally.
And so we're going to continue to work.
State government is here.
We're doing what we need to do.
We're coordinating with FEMA.
And I want to thank you, Mr. Fugate, for being here and for the input he's already had in helping to make our operation even better.
And we will move on from here.
So I want to thank him for being here today, for bringing his personal attention to it.
And it's my honor to introduce to all of you, the President of the United States.
Wow.
Wow.
So there's a theory that something went down between Christie and Romney.
And that's why Christie's doing this, right?
To undercut Romney and make the president look better.
I mean, there's a lot of this is this is Chris Christie going full Tony soprano mode, right?
Or in this case, a la mode.
Get it, Frank?
Because he's big.
He's a heavy guy.
First of all, and how heavy do you and how heavy do you have to be for people to call you the fat Tony Soprano?
Big.
Well, I think that even before the hurricane happened, or when it happened, but regardless of the hurricane, I think Chris Christie looked at Obama as someone throwing him a life raft out of the modern Tea Party Republican Party, which I think he probably thinks is going to hurt him in the future.
So that's why he sounds like a girl blogging about the prom.
It's really a falling out because just like 18 days ago, Chris Christie was railing on how incompetent President Obama was.
Yes, that's a great point, Steph, because up until this storm, Chris Christie, you know, he thought President Obama was a pot-smoking socialist Kenyan who's going to give all our white money to lazy blacks so they could buy cell phones, Nikes, and flat-screen TVs, but just one little hurricane.
And the next thing you know, that biracial president ain't half bad.
Huge.
Maybe he wants to be in Obama's cabinet.
At least get inside the cabinet.
At least get in the cabinet.
Nutter butters inside that cabin that he is so eager.
You know, I heard that Hoboken was under 500 million gallons of water, and Chris Christie offered to do a cannonball.
Chris Christie actually called me.
Oh, yeah, let's see.
So we have on the phone from New Jersey, Governor Chris Christie.
Governor, I understand you and this.
Yes, I am.
I understand you and the president seem to be coordinating your relief efforts quite well.
Yeah, well, he's still doing a good job.
That's all.
He's got a job to do what he's doing.
Okay, now, listen, about the damage to New Jersey.
The president has been Stella.
Absolutely Stella.
He's given me and New Jersey everything we need so far.
So, hey, Adsoff did a great job on a camera practice.
Okay, listen, Governor, that's great.
I call the president.
He takes my call immediately.
And if one of my assistants is going to White House, they get back to me in like 50 minutes or so now.
This guy's back in the domino, do you hear what I'm saying?
Chris, Governor, I got it.
Now, listen, moving on.
I want to imagine another president doing a better job.
And remember, all the other presidents were white, so that's what he said.
Something.
I mean, this guy is a fool, giant.
Just governor, we got it.
President Obama.
He's all over the storm rescue and cleanup.
Now, I wanted to ask you about it.
He was all over it before it even started.
He streamlined declaring it's a federal disaster area, which opened up lots of help and federal resources before the storm, which was essential to make it so dynamic wasn't even worse than it was.
Listen, that's great to hear.
It's a bad line that's good to hear.
Instead of running around having our fake supplies in Ohio like Ben Robby, he's doing a job people electing him to go.
I mean, I'm voting for Ben Robby, but Obama still is a sexy man, isn't he?
Governor, get a hold of yourself, buddy.
Wait, wait, wait.
What the fuck is going on here?
I'm sounding like a bosado.
It's just Obama.
You know what I mean?
Well, I think about him now.
I swear to God, something moved in my face.
Governor, you're starting to sound like Chris Matthews.
You mean I'm excusing myself when I reported the Catholic Medophile thing?
No, no, he said Obama gave him a thrill up his leg.
Yeah, and I felt something move under my front butt.
Well, there it goes again.
What do you say to people that are upset with you?
What do you say to people that are upset with you and say you're fawning over the president and hurting Mitt Romney's chances of winning?
I say, stick a ganoli up your ass and shut the fuck up.
I'm sorry, but when things are going fine, I can pretend to not hate Mitt Romney.
But something about stress and tragedy and my destiny for him starts to break through like Ricardo Cheese and spinach break into a stuffed show.
Delicious.
Hold on, I gotta take this.
Oh, hey, Barry, good to hear from you.
Hey, thanks for the case of Double Stuffed Oreos.
They really tough of me when I'm stressed like this.
And I add it.
Oh, yeah, he was passing out fake cables like a real storage.
He looked like a Cesaro with his head up as ganola.
Sure, we'd love to.
Tom?
Well, normally I bring my own shares, but I got swept up at the store.
No, no, don't worry.
No problem.
Just back the table up to the staircase so they can sit on the steps.
No problem.
That's how I said whatever my mother-in-law is.
No problem.
Okay, bye-bye, Michelle.
But, Governor, who was that?
Yeah, it was Barry.
You know, Mr. President.
Wow, you guys are on a first name basis?
I didn't know you were getting along that well.
Yeah, we're getting great comments.
Well, listen, I appreciate you taking time out and enjoy your dinner at the White House.
I can't wait.
We'll have all sorts of laughing fun.
Bye, Kevin.
And to start.
Jimmy, how you doing?
It's Mark Wahlberg.
That's right.
It's me, Mark.
Give me a call.
Hey, I gotta say something about Romney.
What's with all this who knew terror...
Terrorism was what?
When?
I mean, seriously, it took two weeks for them to say it was a terrorist attack.
Is that so wrong?
I mean, what are you going to do at that time anyway?
Oh, yeah.
If you had known it was a terrorism attack, what are you going to do?
Call your mother, Mark, and tell you that you love her?
What are you going to start reading all those books that you never got to?
Because there's a terrorist attack?
Are you kidding me?
Trust me.
All right.
Barack Hitman.
Hillary was on top of that.
You tell me when it's time to be scared.
You tell me when you need Mark Walker to be there and save the day.
And I'll do that.
But that's fine that they took two weeks.
I don't know why he's freaking out about it.
Oh, and guess what?
That ambassador guy?
He still would have been dead.
I mean, they could have said it was some sort of horrible, like, unicorn attack or something.
But he still would have been dead.
All right?
That's all I have to say about that.
It's just driving me nuts.
As far as I'm concerned, Mitt Romney can suck my fat one.
And you know it's a fat one.
All right, I'll talk to you later, okay?
Goodbye.
Okay, right now we're up against a break.
We'll be back in one minute.
This is the Jimmy Doer show.
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Thank you.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome back to the Jimmy Door Show.
I'm joined in studio by host of the popular comedy podcast, Comedy and Everything Else, our resident Latina at Steph Zamorano.
Next to her, from the host of Dream Tweet, the funniest, fastest game show on iTunes, it's Jonathan Corbett.
Hi, Jonathan.
Next to him, it's Emmy and Peabody Award-winning writer and author of Morning Remembrances, funny obituaries about real dead people.
It's Ham Radio's Jim Earl.
And on the phone, from Mystery Science Theater 3000, we have TV's Frank Frank Conniff.
What's coming up on the second half of the show?
We're going to talk about John Sununu.
He pulled a Sunono again on ES on CNN with Piers Morgan.
And we're going to talk about that.
Plus, Howard Kurtz from Media Watchdog, Howard Kurtz, shows us how it's done.
And then we talk about Tom Brokaw.
Tom Brokaw has a couple of words about the Tea Party.
We have phone calls this half hour from Mitt Romney and Tom Brokaw is going to call in.
Yes, but right now, let's talk about.
First of all, let's talk about Colin Powell gave out his endorsement.
Now, Colin Powell, he's been the one guy pretty much every Republican respect from the time he helped cover up the My Live massacre as a young major in Vietnam to the time he boldface lied to the United Nations as Secretary of State.
Every Republican and every blue dog Democrat trusts this guy's judgment, okay?
That's what I'm saying.
And so now, so he endorsed Barack Obama again, which made the right wing go crazy.
And so now enter John Sununu.
In case you don't know who John Sununu is, he's the bond villain behind the Republican Party.
And he was making sure that that rogue agent, Colin Powell, didn't upset his plans for world domination.
So here he is on Piers Morgan talking about the Colin Powell endorsement of Barack Obama.
Final question: Colin Powell has decided to opt for President Obama again, despite apparently still being a Republican.
Is it time he left the posse, do you think?
Well, I'm not sure how important that is.
I do like the fact that Colin Powell's boss, George Herbert Walker Bush, has endorsed Mitt Romney all along.
Okay, so you notice that he mentioned George Herbert Walker Bush has endorsed Mitt Romney and not the most recent Bush, George Yellowcake Walker Bush, right?
You notice that you know, yeah, so that so he's not bringing up okay, so he's not following the election, yeah.
And George, is it George Herbert Walker Bush is the one who is the really nice guy who used to let John Sununu use government planes and stuff, right?
Yeah, he used to let he used to let John Tununu illegally take government planes to his private functions.
Yes, right.
And so, so and FYI, George Herbert Walker Bush, right?
That's the older but he's in that Matlock watching years of his life right now.
So I'm just saying his endorsement probably would mean more to like the senior citizen nutritional supplement or something.
Go ahead, Jim.
George Jr. is the one who urged, who got Sununu fired.
Oh, really?
Yeah, he's the one who urged his dad to get rid of Sununu.
Oh, no kidding.
That whole plane, that whole little scandal thing.
Oh, Sununu left in disgrace.
Wow.
And, you know, that whole thing, you know, and again, you know, so I'll say George Herbert Walker Bush's endorsement doesn't mean that much.
I say Colin Powell's doesn't mean that much because, you know, he gave that presentation to the United Nations, which was all false.
And then his excuse was, well, I got tricked.
They didn't tell me the truth.
You got tricked by George Bush?
That's not, you know what I mean?
That doesn't say a lot about your.
He's got more to say.
Here we go.
And frankly, when you take a look at Colin Powell, and when he says, by take a look, when you take a look at Colin Powell, he means look at his skin.
That's what he means.
Seriously, if you've ever, you never notice his skin isn't like ours.
He may as well just say, and take a look at him, wink, and notice that.
Like, why not just say it?
You know what?
If that's what you believe, you just say it.
He actually winks in this next clip.
Here we go.
You have to wonder whether that's an endorsement based on issues or whether he's got a slightly different reason for preferring President Obama.
And that's when he winks, John, and then he mouths the words, you know what I mean.
Yeah.
Maybe there's a different reason.
You know what I mean?
And that reason is because Obama promised Colin Powell free abortion on demand.
Yes, that's it.
Yes.
He's got more to say.
Here we go.
What reason would that be?
Well, I think when you have somebody of your own race that you're proud of being president of the United States, I applaud Colin for standing with him.
Well, I'm glad he clarified his statement because now it sounds even worse than it did before.
That's right.
I can't hear him clapping.
He says he's applauding.
It doesn't seem to be a real thing.
Well, when he says applaud Barack Obama, he means like that kind of ironic, dickish, slow clap applause, you know.
But it's true.
I think he's saying, I applaud Colin Powell because I've applauded many black people because they're great entertainers.
They have incredible natural rhythm.
And I applaud many, many of them.
You know, but, Frank, that's a good point, but I think...
He is.
But I think, you know, what Sununu is saying is kind of true.
When you have a president that is of your own race, it's almost impossible not to be proud and endorse him, which is why John Sununu has been proud of every second of his life and endorsed every president ever, except this one guy.
Except this one guy.
And you know what?
He felt Sununu felt really bad that he couldn't vote for both Bush and John Kerry and both Bush and Al Gore.
And he said, well, they're all white.
They're all white.
If he had a natural inclination to vote, vote for them.
I have to vote for Bill Clinton and Michael Chukakis because they were part of his race.
Yeah, they're both white.
It's hard to make a decision.
And he would like, if possible, to vote for the white half of Obama if he wished part of that that was.
Yes.
So this is really, this is a called play.
This was planned, right?
The Romney team obviously sent Sununu out to the first open mic available to completely deflate any power a Colin Powell endorsement might have.
And clearly the best way to do that is by calling him just another colored guy.
And that's what they're doing here.
So Secretariat Powell endorses Barack Obama, which can make a huge difference, unless, of course, you have a guy like Sununu willing to go on national TV and call Barack Obama the N-word.
Yeah, that guy we held up as a hero of our party, Colin Powell, and for the country for 40 years, that guy who gave credibility to George Bush Jr.'s administration.
Yeah, when he disagrees with this, he's just another colored guy.
And when he goes on Piers Morgan, he's reaching hundreds of people.
Hundreds of informed people.
And this is who Mitt Romney's people sends out to get the people that are still undecided.
Yes.
I guess that's what he's doing.
I don't know.
But you know that I think the worst thing about this clip is that almost no one called John Sununu on this.
Mitt Romney never so much suggested that what Sunun did might be even a problem.
And Piers Morgan didn't follow up and ask why Mitt Romney's polling among white men in, what, the upper 60s?
Right.
Well, I think it's funny.
I think it's funny that people will quote statistics like, hey, 99% of black people are voting for Obama, as if that shows that black people are racist.
What it really, that's like saying, hey, you know, 99% of the Jews voted against Hitler.
It's like they get it.
They know who their enemy is.
How many Mormons are voting?
I imagine Romney's doing pretty well among Mormons.
Yeah, yeah.
But Pierce Morgan did catch him.
Here's how Pierce Morgan, he wouldn't let him get away with that.
Here's how he ended the interview.
Johnson Nunu, not to talk to you.
Wait a minute.
Oh, man.
Oh, that British investigative.
John Sunude, Johnson New, nice to talk to you.
Johnson Newton.
Nice to talk to you.
Johnson Needu.
I like it.
It's like he goes, yeah, you know, I think Colin Powell's just voting for that guy because he's black and I'm saying racist stuff.
Well, that was nice.
Good to talk to you.
Okay.
Well, you know what, in British terms, that's like a routehouse kick.
Nice to talk to you.
Oh, is that what that is?
Oh, okay.
There's a lot of layers.
See, to me, it seemed like Sununu was like, hey, I have information.
9-11 was an inside job.
Well, that's good.
Talk about it next time.
Bye-bye.
Let's leave it there.
Bye-bye now.
Coming up, share.
You know what?
Mitt Romney.
Mitt Romney actually called me.
Joining us once again is presidential candidate Mitt Romney.
Governor, what are your thoughts about Hurricane Sandy?
I'm Jimmy.
I cracked like this show, the Candid Spirit of America.
I mean, think of it.
Despite all the adversity, I was able to stage a phony rally that did absolutely nothing to help any storm victims.
I'm feeling very proud right now.
I'm feeling very proud.
Now, at that event, didn't you actually buy $5,000 worth of canned goods that you gave to your supporters who then handed them back to you?
Yes.
And those dead beat 47% are mooters.
Better pay me back if they know what's good for.
But I must say, it was so wonderful when I gave him Canvas to pretend to give to me that I then pretended to give to the Red Cross.
Jimmy, where we all band together to pretend miraculous things can happen.
But, Governor, this hurricane wasn't pretend.
It was real.
Well, I know that.
For instance, I know that subway service had to be suspended in New York City.
This really upset me, especially after one of my aides explained to me what a subway is.
Did you know that New Yorkers travel in underground trains?
It's amazing.
You never knew about subways, Governor?
When you're in New York, haven't you ever heard the rumbling under the sidewalk?
Oh, I always thought that was the sound of their car elevators.
Governor, I have to say, it doesn't really seem like this hurricane has had a personal effect on you.
Are you kidding?
I was really worried about the strong winds blowing my tax returns into view.
And I'm very concerned about tropical storms because most of my money lives in trouble.
I have to ask you, what do you think about New Jersey Governor Chris Christie's new friendship with President Obama?
You think he's just doing it to position himself for the next presidential election?
Oh, give me a break.
Chris Christie can't move into any position without going into cardiac arrest.
You don't think he has presidential ambitions?
Well, a reporter asked him, what about 2016?
And he replied, for my New Year's resolution, I'm going to try to get down to that late.
Are you saying that Chris Christie is a large man?
I'm just saying that his main concern about the power outage was that it caused all the ice cream in New Jersey to melt.
So, yes, to answer your question, I am standing here solo.
It sounds like Christie's friendship with Obama is really bugging you.
I thought you guys were buddies.
Yes, I've always said nice things about Chris Christie.
I flatter him.
But you know what doesn't flatter Chris Christie?
Spandex.
You know, if you're elected, will you still support him?
I'll provide him with less support than a saley post-epileptic mattress.
And if I'm elected president, his state won't get so much as a Skittle from my administration.
Because he was so nice to Obama?
Because he's a greasy, ungrateful, fat fuck.
Well, Governor, thanks for joining us.
Good luck next Tuesday.
Don't forget about me, Jimmy.
Don't forget about me.
As of next Wednesday, I may be traveling on a streetcar named Obscurity.
Jimmy, when you speak of this in future years, and you will speak of it, please be kind.
Wow, Governor, you're finally starting to show a more vulnerable side.
I like it.
Go literally fuck yourself, you double-jointed fragment.
So now we're going to talk about media watchdog Howard Kurtz and how he reviewed the Johnson Unu happening, right?
We just talked about John Sununu saying that, hey, why black guys vote for people because of the color of their skin and probably trying to make it sound like a nice thing.
That was the best part about that.
Hey, why wouldn't you be?
Sure, being a dumb racist is fine, right?
It's a good thing.
I applaud you.
I applaud you for being a shallow racist.
That's what Johnson Unu said.
So here's Howard Kurtz.
Now, Howard Kurtz hosts a show on CNN called Reliable Sources.
And what it does is it reviews the media's coverage of the news, right?
So he's a media watchdog, but he's not that good of a media watch.
Like if he was a real watchdog and someone broke into your house, he would have his teeth firmly planted into the mailman.
Okay.
That's the kind of watchdog that Howard Kurtz is.
Again, tough crowd in the studio.
Tough crowd.
I'm getting frank.
I'm getting real jokes.
I know.
So laugh out loud.
So I'm getting, I got Frank Connoff laughing all out across the goddamn country.
People 10 feet from me are faring at me like a dog.
All right, here we go.
Ready?
Eat your hair.
I know.
It's beautiful.
Here we go.
So here's what here's Howard Kurtz's assessment of what John Sununu said.
What Jununu said was blunt and probably dumb, but the idea that African Americans would feel some solidarity with the first African-American president doesn't strike me as a horribly racist thing to say.
Says the millionaire white guy who ought to know.
And by the way, that's not what he said, Howard.
He didn't say, well, you know, a black guy feeling some solidarity with the first black person.
That's not what he said.
He said he's voting for him because he's black.
That's what he said.
He goes, well, he's being blunt.
He's being blunt.
He said, if you look, you know, I'm nodding my head here.
So if you look.
He's saying Colin Powell is throwing away any integrity he has.
Yes.
Just voting for somebody because of his skin color.
That's what he said.
And Howard Kurtz doesn't think that's a particularly racist thing to do.
He's just saying he's being blunt.
You know, when Bull Connor was hosing down those people on the bridge, he was just being blunt.
It was just him being blunt on the bridge, Bull Connor.
Yeah, he was cooling them off, you know.
He was being frank with them.
He was being frank and blunt.
And so he's got more to say.
He's the perfect angry white man.
He's inflammatory, which is why he's out there because he gets attention.
He's inflammatory.
This is what Howard Kurtz is saying about John.
He's inflammatory, which is why he's out there because he gets what's inflammatory about what he said, Howard?
Let's break it down.
What's inflammatory about him saying Colin Powell is endorsing Obama because they both have the same skin color?
What's inflammatory about that is it's racist content.
That would be what's inflammatory.
Yet you missed that whole part.
You got it.
He's inflammatory.
He gets a lot of attention.
He's being blunt, but you're missing the racist parts, which again, Howard Kurtz showing us why four years in a row, he won the world's shittiest detective prize.
But it's kind of part of that whole way that the mainstream media is about cranks like Trump and Sununu and like they'll say about Ann Culture.
Oh, she certainly does say some provocative things, doesn't she?
Yes.
You know, like it's some amusing thing that, well, what do you really think, Ann?
You know, if it's some cute innocuous thing, and that doesn't have any impact.
What is it with the media's like almost overwillingness to downplay horrible things that politicians say?
After seeing John Sununu in this campaign, you can't come to any other conclusion than that he is a horribly reprehensible human being.
Who was not above, who was not above race baiting with a straight face on television?
He's not only.
He was already discredited 20 years ago, and they're bringing him back as if he's someone to be respected.
Right.
Like Howard Kurtz is acting like Sununu is like a cut-up.
Yeah, yeah, except.
He provides them with material, so it's a win.
And that's why it's a win for CNN as well.
The fact that we're talking about it, and it went viral.
Like that to them is a success.
It's why George Stephanopoulos will have Ann Coulter on a Sunday morning show.
Sitting next to us.
And it's like he says, you know, well, he's he, Kurtz literally said, you know, Sununu is getting attention, so he's doing his job.
Like, that's the end in and of itself.
Yes, that's a toddler's job.
Very nice, John.
Yes.
Thank you.
Yes.
So, again, just want to point out that there's a show that's totally devoted to being a watchdog for the media.
And that guy is blind as a bat.
They're watching out for cut-ups.
And there wasn't one person who was a minority on that panel that day either, right?
No, they're talking about racism with the four white people.
I'm going to guess all four millionaires.
That's how I prefer to hear it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm not kidding.
A spoonful of sugar.
I don't need diversity.
Here we are talking about the racism with four white guys and one Latina, but at least we're on the right side of the racism issue.
Do you know what I mean?
My pug is black.
Yeah.
Does that?
And they actually have a budget.
The dog's Chinese custody.
Do you know what I mean?
This is public radio specifica.
There's no budget.
I have to produce this show.
There's a guy who lets all the his whole job is to book that show.
There's a person that's all he does all week is book the show for reliable sources.
He's the talent coordinator for reliable sources.
That's his whole job.
Don't sound like the topic was race.
Oh, wait.
Yeah.
I'm wrong.
And you're going to have that topic.
You couldn't find a black guy hanging around CNN.
You couldn't find a black guy to come in and talk about it.
Hey, I'm a minority.
You are?
What's up, Kyn?
I never once used the word Schadenfreude.
Okay.
Or meme on Twitter.
Never use that word on Twitter.
Or meme.
That's right.
That's a new one.
I don't know.
I don't know exactly how to do it.
You know what?
Now that you have used the word Schadenfreude, I hope you fail.
And when you do, I'm going to enjoy it.
Yes.
Thank you.
Okay, so now let's move on to Tom Brokaw.
Tom Broca was giving his, he was asked his assessment on who at the ground game, who's really excited about voting this year.
And he had this to say.
Here's who he consulted on it, ready?
A source within the Tea Party who is saying, look, and the Tea Party were much more effective and much more highly motivated in the get-out the vote efforts that we're making in Ohio and Virginia and other places than the paid get out the vote operatives of the Democratic Party.
Whether that holds up or not, I don't know.
But I do know that the Tea Party is highly motivated during all of this.
So there he is, Tom.
Tom has the situation upside down and backwards.
I don't know.
He's with some great, great reporting there.
He talked to one guy in the Tea Party, and now he thinks the whole Tea Party is really motivated.
Well, Frank, the guy was wearing a tri-cornered hat.
I think it's pretty official with tea bags hanging from it.
Anybody you want to talk to?
Anytime I hear Tom Brokaw talk now, I just imagine him with a martini glass just sitting there and just mumbling his ideas.
I love Tom Tom Brokaw.
I just repeat every crazy thing some unnamed source might say to me without question.
He doesn't ask questions like, hey, is that true?
Or aren't you guys crazy funded by the Koch brothers?
He doesn't ask any of those questions.
When somebody from the Tea Party tells him that the Tea Party's excited, it's the exact opposite.
He's making it sound like the grassroots organization is Mitt Romney's more salted the earth, but the Barack Obama supporters, they have to be paid to come out.
That's exactly what he said.
Tom Brokaw.
Well, no, that's according to his source at the demolition derby he went to.
Do you like how he goes?
Now, if that holds up or not, I don't know.
So what he just basically did was said nothing.
You just reported something, and then you said you can't vouch for it.
So you might as well have said vouch.
Here's what he says is going to happen next Tuesday.
My guess is it's going to be very, very close, but it could all turn around on Tuesday and go one way or the other for Peter Canada.
Can we?
Can we go to print with that, Tom?
Can we quote you?
Okay, I got a phone call from Tom Brokaw.
Now, I don't know how good this is going to sound.
And he was doing it on a cell phone.
So here we go.
So I have on the phone celebrated and trusted newsman, Tom Brokaw.
You know, Tom, I noticed you have it all backwards with your reporting on the get-out-to-vote efforts by each campaign.
You made the mistake of acting like the Tea Party isn't funded by corporate interests and duping low-information voters.
Well, generally, the Tea Party is what I like to call it.
Grassroots organizations.
But most of their money comes from the Koch brothers.
And the Koch brothers get most of their money from coal and oil.
Yeah, so how is that grassroots?
And coal makes the electricity and oil makes gas.
I still don't.
And who uses more electricity and gas than anybody?
All the average people in the country.
So the money is really coming from the average American.
That's about the biggest bunch of bullcrap I've ever heard, Tom.
Well, Jimmy, it may turn out to be bullshit.
It may not, but I found that you say something and then say the opposite with a pensive look on your face, it makes people think you're smart.
But you are smart, Tom, aren't you?
Well, Jimmy.
Come on, Tom.
You might live in a bubble surrounded by millionaires and sycophants and be completely out of touch, but you're not dumb.
I mean, for some reason, I don't want it to turn out that you're dumb, are you, Tom?
Domino, because I got on a broadcast thing with a speak impediment.
I'm smart enough to deliver the news in a way that avoids sitting on a rich and powerful toes so I could climb a corporate ladder like a monkey and live as good as Laura.
So you're actually not smart?
Did you say the movie broadcast news?
You're not going to tell me that.
You remember the William Hurts character, how he came across as informed, concerned, and dignified while he was really a vacant, shallow corporate climber.
They looked at an innocent man as an important safeguard of democracy, but as an acting exercise.
You're not telling me it's that bad, are you, Tom?
No, I'm telling you it's worse.
I make broadcast news look like Edward R. Merle.
I got no word from the military, for fuck's sake.
Yeah, that's disappointing, Tom.
You know what's really disappointing?
The eggs on my muffin.
I like them running, and they are overdone.
How Carlos, the eggs are overdone, and what on God's earth is within holidays.
I bet you used land of like butter in that, didn't you?
Didn't you?
You go to Bristol Farms, then you get the beluga butter, and you come back here and make the world number one newsman, a proper eggs benedict.
Do you hear me?
Listen, Jim, I gotta go working on a new book.
What's it about?
Well, I like to say one step ahead of my colleagues.
I know that the white population continues to shrink here in America.
So while fellow morons like Donald Trump continue to pander to old Whitey, I'm writing a book that preemptively sucks up the new brown majority, the greatest immigration, about how all immigrants make our lives better by cooking and cleaning and fixing our cars.
It sounds like a great book, Mr. Broca.
I look forward to it.
Thanks for taking time with us.
All right.
Yeah.
you you That was the inimitable Mike McRae doing the voice of Tom Brokaw.
He also did the voice today of Mitt Romney in a sketch written by Frank Conniff, and he did Chris Christie.
It's Mike McRae who can be reached at mikemcray.com.
And I want to remind everybody, the big show at the improv 8 and 10, November 3rd, Saturday.
We'll see you there.
Links at jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And thanks for your support on the show.
Thanks for using the Amazon.com box.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Robert Yasamura, Jonathan Corbert, Steph Samurano, Jim Earle, and Frank Conniff.
God bless all those people.
Okay, that's, and I'll say, I want to thank Dan Van Kirk for doing the voice of Mark Wahlberg.
Dan Van Kirk, thanks very much.
New voice on the show.
Gentlemen who donate their time and talent to make the show possible.
Sean James, our Mac genius.
If you've got a problem with your Macintosh computer, you send him an email at MacHelp at SeanJames.com and he'll fix your computer over the internet.
It's amazing.
And you spell Sean S-H-A-U-N.
Also, Frank Pulaski from Dreamtime Films, who takes some of the bits we do on the show, and he puts video to him.
He's amazing.
It's Frank Pulaski from Dreamtime Films.
Also, Don Quixote, we got a new logo.
Guess what?
We got a new logo for the Jimmy Dore show.
Did you notice?
And Don Quixote made the caricature.
God bless Don Quixote.
Thanks for doing that for the Jimmy Door show.
Okay.
I feel like a big shot having Don do that for me.
Okay, that's it for me.
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