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Sept. 22, 2012 - Jimmy Dore Show
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The Jimmy Dore show starts right now.
This week, the hole Mitt Romney has been digging for himself deepened by 25 to 30 feet when a hidden camera video was released in which Romney called 47% of Americans lazy, self-pitying freeloaders.
The release of the video meshed perfectly with Romney's brilliant strategy of doing everything possible to come in second.
By now, it's obvious the word gaffe means something Romney says when he's speaking through a microphone.
The Republican candidate for president was apparently trying to make the point that he can only win over a small number of uncommitted voters because most people hate it when you call them lazy, self-pitying freeloaders.
When trying to explain his comments this week, Romney characteristically refused to take them back, which earned him the valuable support of three or four of our most obnoxious radio personalities.
Even before this hilarious screw-up, many conservatives complained that Romney was running a lackluster campaign and not fighting hard enough.
They don't seem to accept the fact that this is Romney giving it everything he's got.
Some other candidate might have been able to sell the Republicans' message better, but the message would still be the same, that the American dream is available for everyone who's willing to work for it or whose father leaves them enough money so they never have to work again.
Meanwhile, Republicans are hoping Romney can somehow kick Obama's ass in the debates.
I think it's safe to predict that whatever Romney says in those four and a half hours of live television, he'll refuse to take back.
Yay.
It's the Jimmy Dore show.
the show for the kind of people that are It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say It's hard to talk to you, T-Value.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore!
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's episode.
I am joined in studio cross the glass from me.
He's a former writer for The Daily Show and hilarious comedian, Steve Rosenfield.
Hi, Steve.
How are you?
Good, Jimmy.
How are you?
Oh, it's good to hear your voice.
Next to you, it's from the host of Comedy and Everything Else, our resident Latina.
It's Steph Zamarano.
Hi, Steph.
How are you?
Muy bien.
E Usted.
E Ustead.
That means me and Ed.
Okay, cost from you.
It's a hilarious comedian from Team Yasamur.
It's Robert Yasamur.
Hi, Robert.
It's great to meet that.
Look at you.
We got him back.
We got a resident Asian who's telling us all about the differences between the Japanese and the Koreans and the Filipinos.
The Filipinos are like the Guatemalans of the Asians.
Right?
Guatemalan should be so lucky.
Okay, next to you is from...
On the phone, that's Governor Mitt Romney, Republican nominee.
Hi, Governor.
Hey, everybody.
I'm here to mess up the audio of the show.
You won't hear the first part of every sentence I say.
Don't worry.
It's okay.
And next, and also with the Unstudio from Mystery Science Theater 3000, it's Frank Conniff.
Hi, Frank.
Hey, hey, hey.
All right.
What's happening?
Okay, so let's do some jokes and we'll get into it.
Hey, did you hear Pat Buchanan called Obama a drug dealer of welfare?
What?
Yes.
He did.
Yes, which I guess that would make Pat Buchanan the crystal meth lab of racism.
Okay.
Do you know who Josh Whedon is?
How does, you know what that is, Josh?
Creator of Buffy the Vampire Sling.
He directed the Avengers movie, too.
And directed the Adventure.
He did a lot of cool things like Firefly.
That's Josh Whedon.
A Dr. Harville Sigalog blog.
Don't forget that.
That was really cool, too.
He spoke at Comic-Con.
Josh Whedon was speaking at the Comic-Con convention, was as big a thrill to geeks as Paul Ryan's speech to Values Voter Summit was to assholes.
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
Well, we get to hear what Mitt Romney sounds like in private.
And let's face it, Romney caught on tape insulting working class is about as shocking as Jenna Jameson caught on tape having pornographic sex.
We talk all about the fallout from it, the defense of it, and what it means and what it doesn't mean.
Plus, Lynn Cheney continues to make appearances on the Sunday news shows.
It's a phenomenon I just won't understand.
Hey, ABC News and George Snuffle up against I got a question.
If you're having a Cheney on to talk foreign policy, why not invite a Kardashian on to discuss intellectual curiosity?
Plus, Forbes magazine is out with their 400 richest people in America's list, and Mitt Romney is not on it, which pissed him off so much, he had Bain by the magazine, fire everyone and give their wives cancer.
Okay.
He is a can do kind of guy.
Okay, that's coming up.
Plus, we got Mitt Romney with us.
Plus, we got Mitt Romney sitting in with us for their entire show.
Plus, lots more.
That's today.
Oh, Bill O'Reilly calls in later, drunk.
And that's coming up later today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Time for another installment of Oh My God.
Okay, this week's episode or installment of Oh My God, we're going to talk about, you ever listen to that Alex Jones show?
Did you ever listen to him?
No.
Info Wars?
Alex Jones, anyway?
Well, yes, I'm familiar.
He's, yeah, he's out of Austin, Texas.
Okay, so there's this guy named Joel Gilbert.
He made a film recently.
And he has a theory in the film that President Obama is secretly the son of American labor activist Frank Marshall Davis.
Wow.
Yeah, it's a kind of a bit.
So he's been making the rounds.
In fact, this movie has been promoted by the chairman of the Alabama GOP.
So, you know, Alabama GOP, we're talking first place I go after Rotten Tomatoes.
Here he is.
So here is Alex Jones with an interview of Joel Gilbert.
And they have a theory on who was really behind the Aurora Colorado shootings in the movie theater.
Oh.com with all these top Democrats saying in the last two years that a mass shooting would help Obama connect with the public, but in Oklahoma City would be even better.
Okay, so we got Alex Jones saying that apparently somewhere Democrats have been saying a big shooting would be good.
I'm sure that quote of Oklahoma City would be even better is a real quote.
I'm sure that's yeah.
He doesn't say who it was.
He just said.
And now the mother's saying she never said her son did it, but they made that up.
They're reporting multiple shooters.
I mean, if they so he's just pulling stuff out completely out of his butt, just completely.
He ran fast and furious, which is a false flag attack to blame the Second Amendment.
Would they?
Okay, again, another debunk thing.
Just this total parallel universe that's on the right.
It's just unbelievable.
Okay.
Do something like this.
I mean, I know there are folks that say they want to kill 25 million of us in re-education camps, but I guess they wouldn't.
They wouldn't.
Yeah, you know, there's people who say that little green man landed from outer space.
What is this?
So do you lay up worrying about every maniac who says yes?
The answer is yes.
Okay, more.
Wouldn't Do something like stage a theater shooting, would they, Joel?
Well, you almost, I hate to say it, but you can't put anything past them because you can't put anything past the Obama administration.
And if you do, if you do put something past them, I'll make it up anyway.
They hate both America and Chris Nolan.
Okay.
So here is.
They'll do something like stage a theater shooting, would they, Joel?
Well, you almost, I hate to say it, but you can't put anything past them because the capitulation, the lies, the dishonesty of the national so-called mainstream media and then some becomes more and more disturbing every day.
Yeah, that's the people who are disturbed.
It would be the people who actually know who the shooter was in Aurora.
That's the people who are disturbed.
Okay.
Wow.
And well, you know, to their point, I mean, after the Aurora shooting, didn't Obama say he was going to ban all guns?
Didn't he come right out?
Immediately.
And it's right after Kathy, after the Gabriel Gifford shooting.
Yeah, didn't he use those things?
They've been passing laws left and right, Frank, to ban guns.
I don't know if you noticed.
So here's some more of this guy, this guy.
Crazy B-Nutty.
Truth Teller McGee.
Okay, so now we're going to move on.
There's an anti-Muslim conspiracy theorist named Avi Lipkin.
He's been making the rounds on the religious radio shows.
And yesterday...
His name is Avi.
And yesterday he spoke to VCY America's Jim Schneider on Crosstalk about how President Obama plans to Islamicize America.
While this time Limpkin didn't talk about how the Freemasons and the Illuminati secretly control the world, Limpkin did claim that the useful idiots in the Democratic Party, including many Jewish people, are tools of President Obama's Islamic plot.
He warned that Obama's black agenda is closely linked with this fanatic Islam and part of the push to make sure America falls to Islam.
But here's my favorite part of it.
He talks about the 9-11 and who was really responsible.
And here we go.
No, I have to tell you guys something.
Before the 9-11 attacks, and in my first book, which came out in 1998, which is four years before the 9-11 attacks, I was talking about the 9-11 attacks.
And everybody said I was nuts.
And then when it happened, everybody said I'm a prophet.
I said, I'm not a prophet.
I just listened to my wife.
My wife listens to them.
They said they were going to take American claims and crash them into the World Trade Center.
The problem with the American people is the American people doesn't listen to what the enemy is saying.
Okay, so at first you go, well, that's kind of pretty prescient, right?
Because we all know that George Bush ignored what the Muslims were saying, ignores what Al-Qaeda was saying, ignored the CIA warnings about what they were saying.
So that's, bro, he's right on target so far.
I was going to say that Obama's a Muslim, he's a Muslim.
Okay, hey, guys.
I was going to say that Obama's a Muslim, he's a Muslim.
And if Muslims say that we're going to have a Muslim in the White House in 2008, then they have a Muslim president of the United States.
So he's saying that he can validify or he can validate the fact that Barack Obama is a Muslim because Muslims said that he was a Muslim.
Some Muslim somewhere said so.
What would they have to gain by that?
I just don't know.
I say Netanyahu, Netanyahu was a Christian.
And that's how you know how you can prove it?
I said it.
You know how I can prove this guy was responsible for 9-11?
He wrote about it in 1998.
Yeah.
And you know what?
It always gives someone great credibility when they say the prophecy came true.
Yes.
Yeah.
He's got a little bit more to say.
In all fairness, Barack Obama is my opponent, but if he were truly a Muslim, he wouldn't let his wife walk around bearing her arms.
That's very true.
That is very true.
Here we go.
And I mean, all you have to do is look what he has done, how he has ignored the Christian prayer breakfast, you know, national religious broadcasters.
And he's always quoting the Quran.
And his whole life is around Islam.
And the bottom line is he's going to make America a Muslim country.
And he's going to weaken America, make America an internationalized country.
And Agenda 21, you know, the takeover of American land, farms, forests, natural resources, will be done in order to accommodate 100 million Muslim immigrants who will be brought in in the next four years.
Plus, he has some crazy theories.
In all fairness, last Saturday, I went to Agenda 21, and they're the best DJ I've ever had.
Again, he's going to bring in 100 million Muslim immigrants.
He's going to take over all the farms, all the land, forest, all the natural resources.
This is the same guy who can't get the public option pass.
LAUGHTER This has been, oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
The Jimmy Dora show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
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And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
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This is the Jimmy Door show.
I'm in studio with Steve Rosenfield, former writer for The Daily Show.
I'm with Steph Zamorano, host of Comedy and Everything Else.
From Teen Yasamura, it's hilarious comedian Robert Yasamura.
Frank Connett from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
And on the phone, we have Governor Mitt Romney with us.
Mitt Romney.
Hi, Governor.
Governor Mitt Romney.
Sorry if I interrupt too much.
I have no sense of...
No, it's okay.
Hey, I just, you know, I saw a stat.
I don't have the visual cues that you guys do.
Now, Governor, we're going to get into your secret tape that was exposed this week.
But first, I have a question.
Oh, geez, Louise.
You know, I have a secret tape.
It's called The Pilot I Did for Bravo.
No one's ever seen it.
That's funny.
Okay, on the line, we have Governor Mitt Romney.
Hi, Governor.
I'm going to go ahead and play the videotape of you, but you were secretly talking to the other millionaires.
And then I'm going to play the tape of you defending it.
Before we do, can I just ask you, why are you defending it?
Well, I stand by what I said.
Why?
I mean, honestly, I'm in too deep to back out now.
And even if I punch an old lady, I'll still be at 45%.
Okay, there we go.
So let's go ahead and play it.
And I think we all know what happened.
Mitt Romney was caught on a tape saying, giving a speech, and he kind of spoke freely, what he really thought.
And well, let's play a little bit of it.
There are 47% who are with him who are defenders by government, who believe that they're evictions, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them.
Yes, that's right.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is why I need your money so badly because I just pissed off half the people who might have voted for me.
And let me just break this down.
Of the 47%.
Okay, Governor, of the 47% who don't pay federal income taxes, 28% of those people actually pay payroll taxes to the federal government.
So that's a misleading stats, right?
So if you minus that 28% who pay payroll taxes from that 47%, you know what you're left with?
That brings it down to 29% or something even less than that.
I'm not a math major.
What's 47 minus 28?
I'm going to 17 minus 8 is 9.
4 minus 2 is 1.
21?
No, 19.
That leaves 19%, Governor.
Is that why you have me here to do math?
19?
Yes, 19.
That was a stale-damn joke.
Hey, 19.
That's Reefer Franklin.
So 28% of the people of those 47% actually pay, they actually do pay a certain, they pay payroll taxes.
Yeah, I'm getting it from all sides on this one.
So wait a minute, I realize, yeah, Jimmy, you got to understand.
This video that was just released, some person was filming it, unbeknownst to me.
The comments were taken out of context.
And this was a sneaky thing.
And what I meant to say was: 40 years ago, we would have had you hanging upside down from a tree with a fork in your ass.
You're a nigger, nigger.
You're a nigger.
No!
Holy cow, Governor.
Wow.
He's really in trouble now.
Wow.
Okay.
Wait, what did I just say?
I've lost that for you.
That's like you just short up your base.
Okay.
Exactly.
That's who I was talking to.
So people like to quote this 47% statistic, even though it's not.
People know what I was referring to.
Yes, yes.
And these figures are sometimes cited as evidence that low and moderate income families don't pay the sufficient taxes.
Yet these figures and their significance and their policy implications are widely misunderstood, Governor, and you know that.
Like, for instance, that year that they pulled that stat from, 47% don't pay income tax, the year they pulled that stat from was from 2009 after they had after we had an economy crash and a lot of people lost their jobs, and then they instituted a lot of tax policies to help stimulate the economy, right?
So they cut taxes for people in that year, and that's the year that you always cherry-pick from.
So do you see what I'm saying?
Yeah, obviously, what else would I do?
I mean, that's clearly the year that would give me the best numbers for my rhetoric.
Oh, those pay.
That supports my narrative.
Politics, Buster.
Right.
So basically, 19% of people don't pay federal income tax.
And half of those people are senior citizens who pay no income or payroll taxes.
So these citizens and those people live primarily in the South and the Far West, which are traditionally Republican strongholds.
So those paying no taxes, actually, there are a group of people paying no federal taxes or payroll taxes.
And in 2007, so let's take a more typical year instead of 2009.
In 2007, a more typical year, the percentage of people paying no federal income tax was actually 14%.
And this percentage would be even lower.
Well, now, why would I go on stair anywhere and say that number?
It makes me look like an asshole.
And that percentage would be even lower if it reflected other federal taxes that households pay, like excise taxes on gasoline.
So people, almost everyone pays some form of federal taxes.
So that is such a lie.
But what it does is it makes half the country believe that they're being put upon by half the country who are sucking off the government teeth when that isn't actually what is happening.
Okay.
So we're going to keep, I'm going to play some more stuff and we're going to come back.
See, I realize you're getting hot under the collar.
And if you're like me, that causes problems that a good dry cleaner can take care of because these shirts are very expensive.
I think you're overreacting to all this.
I'm just saying that most of the people in the country, or at least 47% of them, don't contribute in the way the rest of us do.
What's wrong with that?
Okay, well, that's incorrect, and I just told you why.
But let me just play your – I completely ignore all of this.
And I just say what I want to say.
Okay.
So I'm going to play, this is you defending when they came out.
This is your defense of your 47% comment.
This is how America works.
It does not work by a government saying, become dependent on government.
Become dependent upon redistribution.
That will kill the American entrepreneurship that's lifted our economy over the years.
Yeah, yeah.
Redistribution kills economies.
Exactly.
That was a statesman.
Do you hear that?
That's why you give a speech, pal.
Yes, Governor, like you mean like when we redistribute the tax we take from poor scraping saps like you and we redistribute it by wasting it on teachers firemen veterans and garbage removal you mean like that kind of redistribution that kills economies yeah uh so we i already told you 10 of the households that don't pay any income tax are senior citizens and maybe when we end social security and medicare the elderly will stop sucking off the government teeth
by claiming the benefits they paid into their entire lives, and finally get off their fat asses and start some new innovative businesses.
That's what you're saying, right?
I guess my question at this point is, at what point in this exchange do you get everything off your chest and you just collapse into my arms and weep into my chest for a while?
You know, senior citizens, I have to say, have been, don't seem like they're doing as much as they used to.
Like, it's been several years since we've seen a rapping granny.
Yeah.
I'm with you on this.
And yet, it's still not long enough.
No, but back, you know.
Obama knows where some are.
I say we bring back the gong show.
Okay, so, and what about those lazy veterans, Governor, with their taking veterans benefits?
I'll tell you, until we take away those veterans benefits, we're not going to get veterans inventing profitable ways to treat their post-traumatic stress syndrome.
It's not going to happen.
We have to create...
Well, it's very unpatriotic to suggest that our veterans come home and have all these sorts of disorders.
I mean, that's just simply, it's an offensive thing to say about our men and women in uniform.
These men and women in uniform are parasites.
That's what they are, Governor.
Well, I didn't say that.
That's really not what I said.
No, until...
I'm saying it.
I assume that when you go into the military...
I was a Boy Scout when I was younger.
I was never in the service.
But I was a Boy Scout.
And we learn all sorts of ways to survive out in the woods.
And I assume the military learns these skills as well.
When they come back, they can, you know, if they can't find a job, they can go out in the forest and make sassafras tea.
You know, it tastes just like...
Well, Governor, what I'm saying is it's not until these parasites called veterans stop taking unemployment benefits and they get off...
Will they ever get off their lazy asses and ask their millionaire fathers for seed money and connections to form a company that...
that purchases other people's businesses and breaks them up for profit of a small group of already wealthy investors.
You see what I'm saying?
Hey, look, I can't get a word in edge-wise with you reading at me this way.
Let's play this.
Let me play this again.
This is how America works.
Yes, first, you make a quarter billion dollars, then you run for president.
Then, when people ask you how you're going to fix the economy, you say, I'll explain it right after I'm president.
Isn't that what you're doing, Governor?
He'll answer that out.
You don't want to, you know, electing someone a president.
It's like Easter morning.
You want to have some sort of surprise there.
You don't want to add all the good stuff.
Milk and a cow, whatever.
I don't know gross sayings like the way you performers do.
Governor, could you give us a preview of what you would do in your first 100 days?
Just like a couple of things we'd be surprised by.
Well, the one thing you'd be surprised by is I would invite 100 million Muslim immigrants here.
That's probably the most surprising thing.
All right, so here is Paul Ryan defending the 47% mark remark.
Here we go.
He was obviously inarticulate and making this point.
And the point we're trying to make here is: under the Obama economy, government dependency is up and economic stagnation is up.
Yeah, you mean, I'm going to make a completely different point from what Romney said because I'm not stupid enough to try to defend what came out of his mouth.
Is that what you're saying?
Yeah, I think that's what.
Governor, was Paul Ryan jealous that you are the one who went all I and Rand on our asses?
Let's listen to Paul Ryan one more time.
He was obviously inarticulate and making this point.
And the point we're trying to make here is under the Obama economy, government dependency is up and economic stagnation is up.
Oh, really?
Really?
Government dependency is up and economic stagnation is up.
What the fuck is going on?
It's almost like we're in a worldwide recession that started during the last administration and had its roots in the Reagan administration.
But that's crazy.
It's got to be Obama, right?
Well, he's the only black one out of all those people.
Do me a favor and stop playing Paul Ryan Clips.
I already am regretting enough that I chose Moral Oral to be my.
I have to live with it already quite a bit, as it is.
There should be a support group for people like you and John McCain who pick horrible vice presidents.
Oh, we've already had some back slappers over that.
Congratulations.
Here he goes.
He was obviously inarticulate and making this point.
No, he wasn't inarticulate.
What he was was wildly inaccurate, right?
Wouldn't you say, I would say you were more because, you know, that 47% that you talked about.
Do you know Michelle Bachman's family receives federal benefits?
But she's going to vote for Mitt Romney, provided the HBV vaccine hasn't made her too retarded to vote.
Trust me, do you know that there.
Thank you, Governor.
There are huge swaths of...
I mean, ah-ha-ha-ha.
Marcus Bachman gets government funds from the National Endowment for the Arts for his musical theater project.
So when you say that 47% of registered voters are firmly going to vote for President Obama, and then you say 47% of Americans don't pay federal taxes, do you know that those aren't the same people?
This is what I'm saying.
Do you know that those don't really cross over?
Because people like Michelle Bachman receive federal money, and she's going to vote for you, right?
Well, she receives...
She and her husband have a small business.
They run a clinic where they torture homosexuals on a daily basis and that they can undergo therapy to make them straight.
Which is a sort of a suicide-inducing enterprise.
But this is something that they need some government aid for.
Right.
But, Governor, my point is that there are huge swaths of the working poor that are more than happy to vote for you.
You're a huge swath.
Because they're convinced.
They're a general defense of these things.
Because they're convinced that the secret Muslim president is about to open a gay abortion clinic on their block.
That's why they're going to vote for you, right?
And remember the lady a few years ago holding up that sign, no socialized medicine and keep your hands off my Medicare?
Well, there are plenty of people like that who don't pay income taxes or receive government benefits that are stupid enough to vote for you.
So that's what I'm talking about.
You are really offending.
You're really talking about a lot of people who are going to vote for you anyway.
Well, if they're stupid enough to vote for me, then they're going to be stupid enough not to realize that it's my fault when I fuck them in the ass.
Oh boy, that Mike McRae, huh?
Why is it so funny when he swears like that?
Anyway, all right, you know that this show is made possible by the support of listeners just like you.
That would be you.
That's you.
That's what I'm talking about.
That's right.
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Okay, let's get back to the second half of the show.
Lots more coming up.
Bill O'Reilly calls in.
Everybody, welcome back to the Jimmy Dorcho.
I'm joined in studio by Steve Rosenfield, former writer for the Daily Show, Steph Samurano, the host of Comedy and Everything Else, the popular podcast.
I was going to say that.
Robert Yasamura from Team Yasamura, hilarious comedian, and from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's TV's Frank Frank Connoff on the phone.
We have Mitt Romney, Governor Mitt Romney's on the phone with us.
You can find Mitt Romney.
Hey, everybody.
You can find Mitt Romney at mikemcray.com, ironically enough, or strangely enough.
Yeah, why?
That's weird.
Okay, so let's talk about Mitt Romney's gaffe or the tape that got let out where you were speaking your mind about the 47% of Americans who you considered to be completely dependent on government and irresponsible.
Well, here I'm going to play one more clip and listen closely.
Let's just listen close.
10% of Americans pay no income taxes.
So our message of low taxes doesn't connect.
And you'll be out there talking about tax cuts for the rich.
I mean, that's what they celebrate every four years.
And so my job is not to worry about those people.
I'll never be fixed.
They should take personal responsibility and care for their lives.
No, he's never going to convince those people to take personal responsibility for their lives.
For example, the people who are over 65 and can't work anymore and live off Social Security and Medicare.
These people try to blame all their problems on Father Time.
Okay, back to you, Governor.
He was convinced a 5 to 10%.
I'm sorry, say again?
It wasn't worth repeating.
Okay, here we go.
They should take personal responsibility to care for their lives.
What I have to do is convince a 5 to 10% in the center.
Yeah, he's going to try and convince the 5 or 10% in the center.
And the way he's going to do that is by going way the hell over to the right.
Good plan.
Good plan.
Why does it seem you're doing that, Governor?
Well, it's, you know, I. Okay, we'll come back to you.
He doesn't know.
Here, you got more to say.
That are independents that are thoughtful that look at voting one way or the other dependent on, in some cases, emotion.
Oh, really?
Some people vote on emotion on whether they like a guy or not.
Okay, you know, you're going to lose 100% of those voters, right, Governor?
Those voters all base their votes on feelings.
Nothing more than feelings.
Now, so now that is some nice music.
So, can I?
I'm just going to make the point here that I've said it before, and we've proven it on this show many times that whenever a Romney says something, makes a very declarative statement, that there's always a videotape somewhere of somebody in Mitt Romney's family saying the exact opposite, right?
And we've shown that Mitt Romney has a lot of those.
When Ann Romney talked about a blind trust, there was the video of Mitt saying the opposite.
And now we have Mitt Romney saying 47% of Americans don't pay income taxes.
And if you don't pay income taxes, you'll never be convinced to take personal responsibility for your life.
Well, that's not fair.
Yes.
Guess what?
I was listening to a videotape of Mitt Romney's mother of all people said this when asked, hey, isn't Mitt Romney's dad a little out of touch when he was running for office?
And here's what she said.
There are those who say that since he's a man of considerable means, he really doesn't care about people.
Oh, so since he's a man of considerable means, he doesn't care about people.
And here's Mrs. Romney.
No, we've only owned our homes for the last four years.
He was a refugee from Mexico.
He was on relief, welfare relief for the first years of his life.
Whoa!
Oh, my gosh.
Mitt Romney's dad was on welfare for the first years of his life.
Hey, but let's not dwell on the opportunities my father had.
We must focus on the future and the opportunities we can no longer afford to let you miserable freeloaders have.
I think in all fairness, what you say about that he received assistance for the government.
My father was a war profiteer, so he had to during the Second World War.
What you're actually saying is that when you say it's not my job to worry about those people, those 47% who don't pay income taxes, it's not my job.
Well, what you're actually saying is it's not your job to worry about people who are exactly like your father.
And we'll be right back.
Oh.
And you know what?
Can I just tell you what really bothers me?
I think the really sad thing here is that when Mitt Romney points out that there are 47% of Americans who qualify to not pay taxes because their income is that low, that he doesn't stop and say, wow, maybe that's the bigger problem.
But what you'd say is, huh, my message of cutting taxes isn't going to connect.
Instead of saying, wow, we have a screwed up system where half of the country works and doesn't earn enough to actually qualify to pay federal income taxes.
And you know what's even worse?
That we've, most of those people are going to vote for you anyway because they don't realize when you demonize the poor like that, the people who you're actually demonizing don't realize it's them.
They think it's always somebody else and his skin is a little darker than theirs.
Right?
Right.
All right.
Are you done?
Yes, I am done.
The thing that I don't understand is why everybody thinks this is such a big deal.
I don't think this is going to cost Mitt Romney one vote because this is this not only this isn't not only their message behind closed doors.
This is their message in public and it's been their message.
This is what they've been saying.
What I'm saying, there's nothing I was saying there that's anything different.
Governor, I agree with this.
This has been your message on the stuff.
Here's Paul Ryan from earlier this year.
We risk hitting a tipping point in our society where we have more takers and makers in society, where we will have turned our safety net into a hammock that lulls able-bodied people to lies and dependency and complacency.
No, the risk we face is that most people start believing your bullshit and start joining you and demonizing the least among us while our economy is being reorganized on the backs of the working poor.
Wow, the safety net becoming a hammock.
I've never heard that.
That's a very clever piece of rhetoric.
It's something everybody can remember when they're saying horribly racist things.
Right.
Okay.
And Governor, they came out with the Forbes Richest 400 people today, and you weren't on it.
How did that are you?
Are you slacking?
What happened?
Well, no, I'm not on it because I've attached most of my wealth to trusts and corporations that aren't under my name.
Oh, I got you see what I'm saying?
So, if oh, Buster, if they're attached to my name like it was to theirs, you gotta be kidding me.
I'd be tops on that list.
So, so those people who are actually make the list, Bill Gates would be shining in my shoes.
They do it because they're not smart enough to hide their money in offshore accounts, right?
Well, they don't need to.
I mean, politicians need to hide their money.
They don't, these people don't have to hide their money.
So, here's the guy from Forbes magazine.
He was on Morning Joe this morning, and he had this to say about the Forbes 400, richest people.
Sure, I mean, we just hit a record this year: $1.7 trillion in aggregate net worth for the 400.
So, real wow, they hit a record this year in aggregate wealth for the top 400.
Wow.
So, so, in other words, those tax cuts really worked, and that's why they've been stimulating the economy so much.
That's why our economy is doing so well because we have the Bush tax cuts that help those people.
That is a pretty unbelievable stat.
Sure, I mean, we just hit a record this year: $1.7 trillion in aggregate net worth for the 400.
So, realizing that the country's not feeling as exuberant as this list, why don't we get everyone together in one room and talk about how we use the wealth, how we use the influence and the power and the mindset.
I mean, these people because the room you're supposed to have that meeting in was bought out by Bank Capital and they sold it off.
Can we clarify that?
That that's the aggregate of those individuals, yes, not the corporations that they own.
No, those are purely 500 individual people in their bank accounts, and their number is going up as the number of the GDP, the overall wealth of the country is going down.
Yes, and the thing that always confuses me is that if all of those people got together and said, Let's put half our income, half of our entire income, which is a lot of money, let's put that into stimulating the economy one way or the other.
The money that they have left would still be more than you could ever imagine, than anyone could ever imagine having.
Yes, no, it's never enough.
But, but here he goes on to say something some more from the Forbes guy.
He's very successful, smart people who know to solve problems.
Let's get together.
So, we had 161 people talking about how do we solve problems.
How do we talk about how do we use philanthropy and use the business mindset, the capitalistic mindset to solve problems?
So, we took the top 12, Oprah, Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, had a great cover.
Okay, so he's saying you get these guys who are great capitalists and they'll figure out how to solve our problems.
Except Bill Gates thinks he knows how to solve the problem of education, and his idea is our wrong ideas.
His idea is to privatize education, break teachers' unions, and create more charter schools, which we've already talked about as last week.
Charter schools perform no better or worse than the regular schools, and they have a higher teacher turnover.
They have a 50% teacher turnover rate at charter schools.
So, there's a lot of problems with charter schools.
We've talked about that before, and that's kind of the big problem when you go, hey, if we just let, again, if we just let a bunch of rich guys figure stuff out for us, they'll figure it out the best way possible.
No, those guys, you know, you have to huge difference between making a successful business and making a successful country.
Yes, a country is not a money-making endeavor.
Yes, it is an endeavor to create more stable, happy, and successful people.
Oh, you do that through business or capitalism.
Wrong.
And I think Bain Capital couldn't be a better example of that, where the Bain Capital exists for one and one purpose only, which is to create wealth for its investors.
But capitalism lifts everyone up.
Wrong.
These guys aren't lifting anyone up.
People's lives better.
The success of the small number of people, which is what's occurring here, and which is also what occurred at the end of the Gilded Age, actually means that the wealth is being sucked from the poor, and statistics and everything bears that out.
That money is coming directly.
There's a wealth transfer happening in this country.
So you're saying the poor are finally doing some good.
So there's a huge wealth transfer happening in this country, and it has been happening since Ray.
But with all this aggregate wealth, how come you need to think of the country as a great big hot air balloon?
And the rich people, like myself, are the ones inside the basket.
Everyone else is clinging to old scraggly ropes from the mountainside.
And as the balloon soars up into the sky, everyone's going up, even the ones who are holding on for dear life.
Everyone's being raised up.
Okay.
Okay, now here's an encore phone call from Mitt Romney.
This was originally aired in February of this year, but it sounds like it could have been recorded this week.
And after you hear it, I think you'll see what I mean.
So here's a phone call from Mitt Romney from February of this year.
Jimmy Doerr, it's Mitt Romney.
You've probably seen that new poll that says the more people know about me, the less they like me.
I'm sorry, but I just don't get it.
Why don't people like me?
If I were capable of human emotion, that really hurt my feelings.
Actually, there is a lot about me that is quite lovable.
For instance, did you know that I watched the puppy ball on the animal planet this past Sunday?
Man, those puppies were so cute.
I would just love to see them all strapped to the roof of a car, howling in vain and terror as an 80-mile an hour wind slaps them across the face like a rolled-up newspaper from a vengeful and angry god.
I wish it was so.
Folks, I did it again.
Conservative.
I let people get to know me in a way that will make them not like me.
But I'm telling you, Jimmy, people have the wrong idea.
They think I have gold-plated bathrooms or something like that.
Not true.
In fact, my preferred method of evacuating my bladder is to pee on poor people.
I like to go under bridges and write my name in here and haul over the carcasses of sickly homeless folks.
And sometimes I like to go to Skid Row and eat club sandwiches in front of starving indigent children.
Does that make me a bad person?
Okay, I admit, sometimes I eat a Monte Cristo.
According to some left-wing socialists, that would make me a bad person.
But I'll bet you $10,000 I can make people think I'm not some aloof, out-of-touch rich guy.
Come on, $10,000.
Put up or shut up.
Hell, I've got more than $10,000 in my change drawer.
Holy crap, I am wealthy.
I am so freaking loaded.
You must be really jealous.
Well, I want everyone to know that I'm having a really cool birthday party at my mansion with a pony and a chocolate fountain.
But most Americans are not invited because you're poor and you're ugly and I hate you.
I hate you.
Okay.
I guess I did it again there, too.
I guess some citizens won't like knowing this about me.
Jimmy, this is really messed up.
Because I believe everyone will love me once I'm president.
I will appeal to conservatives, liberals, moderates, libertarians, and independents, depending on whom I'm giving a speech to at any given moment.
So, Jimmy, please help me out.
Stop talking about me.
Stop mentioning my name.
If I'm going to win this race, I need everyone to forget about me by election day.
All right, buddy.
Well, I've got to go have a banana split.
I'll talk to you later.
Welcome back to the Jimmy Door Show.
I'm joined in studio by Frank Conner from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and by Steve Rosenfield, former writer for The Daily Show and hilarious comedian.
Also from Team Yasamura, it's Robert Yasamura and from the host of Comedy and Everything Else, the popular podcast.
It's Steph Zamarano, our resident Latina.
And on the phone, we have Mitt Romney's on the phone with us today.
So we all know what happened in Libya.
And I was watching Meet the Press with David Gregory, and he had this to say.
Liz Cheney, the daughter of the former vice president, launched a very serious attack that indeed Governor Romney amplified on.
And she wrote in the Wall Street Journal.
I want to show you.
That's great because that's very same week the Bush twins.
Wait, she launched the attack on the U.S. Oh, thank God somebody from the Bush administration, the masters of foreign policy, is here to tell us all which way the wind is blowing.
Thank God.
Here's what she had to say.
By the way, why do we listen to Liz Cheney?
I know.
Why?
Why is she put on television?
She must have a great agent because she has no credentials whatsoever.
He has no gravitas.
Their only thing is that her father is a war criminal and was the vice president.
We don't hear from anybody else's kids except Liz Cheney's.
In too many parts of the world, she writes, America is no longer viewed as a reliable ally or an enemy to be feared, nor do our adversaries any longer fear us.
Ask the mobs in Cairo who attacked our embassy or the Libyan mobs who killed our diplomats at the U.S. Consulate in Benghazi.
Ask the Iranians who make unhindered daily progress toward obtaining a nuclear weapon.
Again, if there's anybody I'm going to turn to for advice on the Middle East.
So this is just part of a concerted effort to undermine President Obama's perceived strength on foreign policy.
That's all this is.
And let's just remember that under a Liz Cheney administration, Egyptian and Libyan rioters would be terrified of us, and we would be on the brink of war with Iran pretty much every second of every day.
Well, when we're on the brink of war with them would be the better day because most days would be probably at war.
Yeah.
Okay.
Let's switch over from Meet the Press.
Let's switch over to ABC's This Week with George Snuffalopagus and was being guest hosted by Jake Tapper once again.
Here's their intro to the show.
From ABC News this week with George Stephanopoulos.
It's your voice, your vote.
My voice?
My voice?
Really?
Who do they have to speak for me?
Plus, full debate and analysis of the political fallout on our Powerhouse Roundtable with George Will, Jonathan Karl, General Wesley Clark.
Okay, a conservative journalist, conservative newsman, a guy from the Pentagon, and then...
Oh, a sonographer from the corporate reporting center, Gwen Ifill.
And then...
And Liz Cheney from...
And remember, this is the ABC because on ABC.
It's your voice, your vote.
Because it's your voice and your vote.
Well, I love how they brag about, they call it the power roundtable.
Powerhouse roundtable.
They're bragging that it's all really powerful people.
How about the smart, the people who, the smart roundtable, of people who are not listening?
Who have less power?
At least they still don't get it into their heads that you don't.
You don't get reliable information from powerful people.
Right.
Right.
Well, you can hear the irony in the voiceover.
Well, this is, first of all, it's hosted by Jake Tapper.
So basically, it's sarcasm.
It's forcing people.
The powerhouse roundtable.
By the way, Jake Tapper is my favorite porn actor.
That is the greatest.
It's for consideration.
He taped that.
So they're my voice, America's voice.
Four millionaire conservatives, a guy from the Pentagon, and Gwen Eiffel.
That's the voice.
Where'd your guest list come from?
A GOPAC convention?
Are you kidding me?
You couldn't get a better cross-section of America if you didn't try.
How about that?
It's unbelievable.
So, okay.
Yeah.
That's my voice.
If my voice is a corporate sonographer or a millionaire conservative, but if you're part of the other 95% of the American electorate, then your voice will have to be heard on the Jimmy Dore show.
That's right.
So here is Jonathan Carl, conservative, asking Wesley Clark, General Wes Clark about Obama and the Democrats on the Osama bin Laden killing.
And he feels they were bragging about a little bit too much.
Are you still at all uncomfortable, though, with how political that?
I mean, at the national political convention, this military operation is used as a political talking point over and over again.
So this is Jonathan Carl's question.
Isn't he like, aren't you embarrassed that the Democrats used the Osama bin Laden killing as a political football?
That's what he's asking.
It wasn't like it was an important event, killing him.
Yeah, I just want to go.
And so you were upset just as much when George Bush, I mean, George Bush ran on 9-11 so much, you would think he prevented it.
Governor, if you had killed Osama bin Laden, what would you be doing with it in your campaign?
Well, I wouldn't be grandstanding about it and running around and spiking the ball like our president's doing.
I just would, well, first of all, the first thing I would do is possumately, posthumously baptize him into Mormonism.
As all the Al-Qaeda, as all the Al-Qaeda operatives would be that we have military drone strikes.
So here's Governor Wes Clark's response to Jonathan Carl.
You ready, Governor?
Listen to this.
Since the Vietnam War, their consistent refrain has been.
And since the Vietnam War, their consistent refrain has been, Republicans are the daddy party.
Democrats are the mommy party.
Republicans are strong, robust.
Democrats are soft and weak and want to negotiate, want to apologize.
It's simply not true.
We're stronger.
We're safer.
Barack Obama has been a very robust, muscular, has a very robust muscular foreign policy.
So basically what Wes Clark is bragging about is that the Democrats no longer offer a viable alternative to the American people in foreign policy.
In fact, they've decided to beat the Republicans by becoming just like them.
Joining us now on the line is the one and only, it's Bill O'Reilly.
Hi, Bill.
How are you?
Well, I'll tell you, Jimmy, I don't mind telling you, I'm pretty peeved about the way Mitt Romney is being treated by all you liberal pinheads.
I don't even know why I'm on your show.
Oh, oh, wait, I remember.
I dropped dialed you.
That's right.
Now, Bill, come on.
Did you see the tape of Mitt Romney calling half the country deadbeats?
I really think he was talking out of his ass.
Look, Jimmy, we need a strong leader who's not afraid to talk out of his ass.
What?
Have you seen Mitt Trump?
No.
It's so hard, so firm, so patriotic.
I'm not even that gay.
And I would totally tap that.
You don't think that tape is damning?
No, I do not.
Well, it was a full-length recording of Mitt Romney speaking to a bunch of his fellow millionaires in a relaxed, conversational tone, giving his honest opinion.
So it was taken completely out of context.
Okay.
Bill, when Mitt disparaged the 47%, he was insulting everyday citizens, retirees, veterans.
Veterans.
A bunch of freeloaders, if you ask me.
Look, even though there was no reason for war, we were generous enough to send them to war anyway.
We gave them a job, a purpose, and something to be traumatized by for the rest of their lives.
That's more than most people have.
And how do they repay us?
They come back home from Iraq and Afghanistan expecting health care.
What do they need health care for?
I say this to our returning veterans: stop playing the victim.
For once in your life, show some courage.
Bill, after all they've done for us, your attitude seems pretty unfair, buddy.
Well, guess what, Mr. Young Turd?
Life is unfair, but that's a good thing.
It is.
Yes.
Look, have you ever read any of my books?
No.
Well, don't bother the crap.
They're poorly written and barely researched, but they are gigantic bestsellers.
People spend years and years writing works of literature that nobody ever reads.
I do all my writing on the John.
And by the time I've taken a dump, I've written another book.
Boom.
And by the time I've finished wiping my ass, I've made another million dollars.
Double boom.
So, yes, life is unfair, Jimmy.
And for some of us, that's the best thing about life.
Wow.
I guess I should thank you for giving us some insight into your creative process.
Hey, no problem.
It's my pleasure to boast about my success and rubber and your pathetic podcasting face.
And, Jimmy, I'd like to remind your listeners that my latest book, Killing Lincoln, is now available in paperback.
And my next book, Killing Kennedy, drops in November, just like how JFK himself dropped in November.
So you wrote about Lincoln getting his brains blown out and then immediately followed it up with a book about Kennedy getting his brains blown out.
Yeah, you know, I like to keep things positive.
And don't miss my new book coming out this spring, Killing Crochie.
Shocking truth behind the assassination of Jim Crochie.
I didn't know he was.
Jim behind it.
Well, read the book.
I didn't know he was.
There's a lot of people who don't know until I make it up and write it down.
Okay, well, thanks for joining us, Bill.
Go fuck yourself, Jimmy.
Go fuck yourself, Jimmy.
The voice of Bill O'Reilly, done by the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
Hey, I want to remind you, don't forget, tonight, tomorrow, September 21, 22, we're at Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank.
Stop by.
Two-for-one ticket link available at jimmydoorcomedy.com and at my Facebook page.
So you can get yourself a two-for-one this weekend.
Also, don't forget, next Saturday, September 29th, the last Saturday in September, it's left, right, and ridiculous over at the Improv Lab.
And there's a link for that show over at JimmyDoorComedy.com too.
Tickets only 10 bucks.
And you know, if you've seen that show, it's the funniest show ever in Los Angeles.
All right.
Today's show.
Hey, thanks to everybody who's used the Amazon.com box from the bottom of my heart.
All right, we couldn't do this without you.
And I want to say today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Conniff, Steve Rosenfield, Robert Yasamura, and Steph Zamarano.
I want to also give a shout out to Don Quixote, who was the animator who did the great caricature of me that we used for the Jimmy Door TYT show.
Big shout out to Don Quixote.
And also want to thank the two gentlemen who donate their time and talent to help make the Jimmy Dore show possible.
First up is Sean James, who is our Mac genius who can fix your Macintosh over the internet.
You don't even have to leave your house or apartment.
He does it for me almost on a weekly basis.
Couldn't get by without Sean James.
And you can get a hold of him if you email him at machelp at seanjames.com and you spell Sean, S-H-A-U-N.
Also, Frank Pulaski from Dreamtime Films take some of the bits we do on the show.
He puts video to them and they're great.
He is a deft editor.
You need video editing done.
Look up Frank Pulaski at Dreamtime Films.
Big thanks to him.
Okay, that's it for now for this week.
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