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July 21, 2012 - Jimmy Dore Show
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The Jimmy Dore Show starts right now.
The Jimmy Dore Show starts right now.
This week, George Zimmerman was interviewed on Fox News by Sean Hannity.
Zimmerman was the neighborhood watch volunteer who voluntarily shot and killed Trayvon Martin.
Legal experts say Zimmerman was shrewd for doing the interview and thus creating a sympathetic impression of himself, especially among racists.
But Zimmerman may have serious difficulties as a result when he runs out of places to stash all the money they'll be sending him.
His responses to Hannity's question suggested what his defense would be.
He had no regrets, but wished there was something he could have done that would have created a different result.
Not pulling the trigger, maybe.
But that's just water over the dam.
His attorney is expected to utilize Florida's stand-your-ground law, which says that if you're being threatened, you can use deadly force, especially if it's your word against a dead black guy in Florida.
Of course, if it can be proven that Zimmerman is racist, he won't have a friend in the world.
Just a couple billion acquaintances who totally agree with him.
Zimmerman expressed the belief that Trayvon's death was God's plan.
One wonders if, should Zimmerman be sent to prison for life, whether he'll still be such a big fan of God and all his other plans.
As for Sean Hannity, there's been speculation that he's a strong supporter of Zimmerman and has offered to help pay for his defense.
Maybe Hannity thinks the prisons are already too full of half-white, half-Peruvians as it is.
In any case, I'm sure he was disappointed that he could not find a way to blame all this on Obama.
Okay.
Okay.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for people that are.
Comments maybe on Tearing Down Our Nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say it's hard to talk to your T-Value.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore, everybody.
Welcome to this week's episode of the Jimmy Door Show.
I'm joined in Student.
Well, on the phone, we have Luke Russert.
Hi, Luke.
How are you?
A pleasure to be reporting live for the Jimmy Door Show, as well as NBC and its various entities.
Is that right?
I don't know if those are words.
Okay, Luke, I appreciate it.
We're going to come back to you later in the show.
Okay.
Awesome, dude.
Okay, cross the glass for me, former writer for The Daily Show and hilarious comedian.
It's Steve Rosenfield.
Hey, Steve, how are you?
Good, Jimmy.
How are you doing?
I'm doing great.
Good to hear your voice.
Next to you, host of the popular podcast, Comedy and Everything Else.
It's Steph Zamorano.
Hi, Steph.
Hi, Jimmy.
Our guest this week on the comment everything else would be Matt Besser, founder of the UCB Theater.
Okay, across from you from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Cinematic Titanic now on Hulu.
It's TV's Frank, Frank Connoff.
Hi, Frank.
Hello there.
How are you?
Good.
I'm great.
You look like you're getting ready to go boating.
Really?
Yeah.
That was no boating accident.
No.
That was no accident.
Next to you, the host of the Mental Illness Happy Hour Podcast, chosen one of the top 10 podcasts of 2011 by the Onion AV Club.
It's Paul Gilmartin.
Hi, Paul.
Jiminy.
Good to see you.
Okay, let's do some jokes at the top.
Hey, did you hear that Chris Christie is going to be the keynote speaker at the GOP convention?
Did you hear that?
And the GOP is really excited that he's going to have such a huge presence there.
The city fire marshal, not so much.
He's a large man, Jimmy.
City Fire Marshal, not so much.
The GOP convention will promote, will promote a platform of restraint and austerity.
So the perfect choice for keynote speaker is the fattest guy in New Jersey.
Okay.
Hannity interviewed George Zimmerman to tell his side of the story.
Trayvon Martin, unavailable to be interviewed because he was shot dead by a racist.
That joke retweeted by Henry the Fons Winkler, ladies and gentlemen.
And we're going to, what's coming up on today's show?
Well, Romney surrogate John Sunudu Zununu says that Obama should learn how to be an American.
Yeah, like by opening a Swiss bank account and teaching horses to dance.
Do you think Sununu is just cocky because 15 years ago he got one half of 1% in Iowa?
Well, we're going to talk about that.
Hey, you know what?
There's John Sunudu, not a lot of people know.
Nothing like getting lessons on how to be more American from a guy born in Cuba to an Arab father.
How about that?
That's John Sununu.
And his mother, born in Greek, born and raised in El Salvador.
That's John Sununu telling Barack Obama how to learn how to become an American.
That's right.
So that's coming up.
We're going to talk about that.
We're going to talk about Mitt Romney.
Mitt Romney has they want him to release his taxes.
Is he going to do so?
I don't know.
I think he got a better chance of seeing Mel Gibson starring in Filler on the Roof.
Fiddler on the bottom.
That's all that got?
I thought that was funny.
I thought it was too, but you know why it didn't get a bigger laugh, Ball?
Because I told that on the Young Turk show about 60 times, if that's true.
And they were both there.
All three of them were there.
I know.
I know.
About eight takes.
George Zimmerman sat down with John Hannity to get to the truth.
We're going to talk all about it.
Plus, we got Luke Russert's on the phone with us.
Coming up later, we're going to have Mitt Romney calls in.
Chris Christie will be with us and Rip Torn's coming up.
That's today on the Jimmy Dorsey show.
I'm going overboard.
Time for another installment of Oh My God.
Okay, and this week's Oh My God segment, Reverend Williams.
I don't know if you know who Reverend Williams.
He's the founder and president of an outfit that goes by the name of the Coalition of African American Pastors.
So, you know, they're Christian, they're African Americans, I'm going to think very tolerant of the gays.
And the group's sole reason for existing appears to be attacking African-American leaders and organizations from the right.
Right.
Among other things, Owens thinks a man having sex with another man is wrong.
Well, let's listen to it.
Ready?
So here he is talking about, this is Reverend William Owens talking about men on men's sex.
Now a few months ago, the Commercial Appeal carried an article with a young...
So just so you know, he said the commercial appeal carried an article.
He was charged with having sex with a dog.
I think Now one that was in his civil right.
Will we go down that road?
But whatever we choose to do?
We'll call it our civil rights.
Well, if it's a civil right for a man to marry a man and a woman to marry a woman, what's the difference?
And a man deciding he wants to have sex with the dog.
So this morning, we want to.
Well, I'm going to guess it's a lot different.
One is an animal who does not give its consent, and the other is a human being who gives its consent.
Oh, well, if you haven't been around the dogs, I've been around Paul.
A lot of them give their consent.
But you get them drunk.
Yeah, you got it.
It takes a little bit of catnip, as they say.
You know, what that guy said is so beyond insulting to so many people.
And the way he said it was just that slow, arrogant southern draw.
And that's exactly Bill O'Reilly has made the same argument against gay marriage.
Yeah, he actually has.
Yes.
So he's got a little bit more to say.
Also, if you notice these statistics when people that you don't know they're homosexuals and they get caught into something, they will tell you it was early childhood that they were molested sometimes by family members, sometimes by their father, or sometimes by a friend.
So did you hear what he said?
If there's people who are homosexual and you don't know it, and they get caught into something, they'll tell you that it was because they were molested as a kid.
What?
What?
People you don't know are, and they get caught into something.
That was his, I don't even know what to say about that.
My wife, my lovely wife, and I just adopted a baby.
And some of a different amount, really meaning no harm, meant all well.
I have six children.
My youngest son is 35.
Orange, tell me why would you adopt a baby at your age?
Well, a baby, a child, is formed by four years old.
That child has developed the basics.
When you catch a person murdering and killing with no conscience and doing certain things, it happened in early, very early childhood where that child was neglected, that child was abused, it starts early.
and homosexuality spread because somebody abused children.
That's how homosexuality spreads.
And it's nice how he compares it to a crime.
Yes, that's right.
Does he have a hound dog at his feet while he's saying this?
I was just going to say, when's Robert Johnson going to stop babbling?
Isn't that?
That was pretty, that was pretty.
It was based on zero facts.
Yeah, that's what he's saying.
I like the whole thing.
I like the whole thing.
When they get caught into something, they will tell you it was early childhood that they were molested.
I know.
He adopted a kid.
I'm like, oh, boy, oh, boy.
It sounds like he's about 75 years old.
Yeah, yeah.
He's like, he's got to be at least.
He said his youngest kid is 35, and he just adopted another kid.
In a few years, he's going to introduce it to Morgan Freeman, and maybe they'll have a relationship.
Caught into that.
You don't want to.
Maybe he's gone and laid it too.
This has been, oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
So Mitt Romney's been having some trouble, right?
Because he said he retired from Bain Capital in 1999.
And then Bain Capital did a lot of outsourcing and offshoring, and they ruined a lot of people's lives and fired a lot of Americans.
And so Mitt Romney wants to distance himself from that.
So he said he retired at 1999 to go run the Olympics, and he never went back.
But then when you check the documents, the SEC documents, it said that he was still the CEO of Bain Capital until 2002, right?
Everybody, these are the facts as I understand them.
And so, in fact, he was asked point blank.
So I just want to clarify this then.
After February of 1999, you never attended a single meeting for Bain, a business meeting, even by phone attending a meeting regarding Bain or Bain-controlled entities.
You've asked quite a few questions there, so let's go through.
I didn't involve myself in any way with Bain Capital's enterprise after February of 1999.
Except that I was, you know, the chief managing officer and I was the CEO.
It's a typo, Jimmy.
Except for that.
And plus, they were paying me.
Except for that.
Except that I was drawing a salary.
I don't want you to believe that I worked at Bain, but please elect me because I worked at Bain.
Very nice, Frank.
And you know what?
You want to know why it's okay that even though he was listed on the SEC documents as the CEO managing partner of Bain, you know why it was okay?
Because he retired, ready?
He actually retired retroactively at that point, David, because he didn't.
He retired retroactively.
That's one of my favorite things to do on the weekend.
Oh, I just go retire.
Retired.
You guys are very refreshing.
You're going to get about hours of retroactive napping.
You guys don't know how to retire retroactively.
Here's how you all you do is you have to pray really hard and then look really deep into some glowing stones.
Make sure you're wearing your magic underpants and then you can retire years before you actually did.
It's simple.
It's simple.
You know, I just want to know, you know, can I retire retroactively if I self-deport?
Steph, it's called my religion.
Please don't make fun of it.
Actually, the four of us left this show about a month ago.
Yes, retroactively.
And we've never looked back.
Right.
I don't have a joke for this, but it'll be fun retroactively.
You're so retro.
You're so retro.
So he's got this problem, right?
This is an obvious problem.
He's got another problem where he won't release his tax records.
He just won't release his tax records.
And which there's a young lady on MSNBC, Crystal Ball is her name.
I like Striper.
No kidding, right?
I hope.
You've got to be kidding me.
Her name is actually Crystal Ball.
Yes, here's what she has to say about Mitt Romney.
Such a risk-reversed person that it is shocking that he didn't clean this up in advance.
And that was the point, actually, that George Will made as well.
Why didn't he think this through?
And nobody is ever saying this, but maybe Mitt Romney is not that friggin' smart.
Has anybody thought of that?
He transfers his company in Bermuda to his wife's name the day before he's sworn in as governor.
He won't really.
So what happened was when they were vetting him, right, to be to be vice president, he gave like 20 years of his taxes to 23 years.
23 years.
But now he won't release the last three, four, he only released the last year.
And the speculation is that Mitt Romney didn't pay any taxes in 2008 when the economy crashed.
That's what everybody thinks.
So he knows he's going to run again.
Why wouldn't you, why would you do that?
Maybe he's not so smart.
Yeah, he is that smart.
Well, I think it seems like he's smart if you're not for a greedy businessman, he's smart.
He's smart at doing greedy businessman type of things.
But if you're running for office, you have to have a whole other set of people.
He doesn't talk like a smart man because a smart Person knows how they're coming off.
Yeah, and he doesn't talk like somebody who knows how you're going to react to him.
Yeah, but I think that's different from, I mean, I don't doubt that he's really intelligent, but I think he's just, he doesn't have political skills or his political skills are very limited.
Being smart with numbers is different than being smart with emotions and empathy and all the other things.
Perceptives are foreign to him.
Perceptives are foreign to him.
I think he lacks the ability to put himself in other people's shoes.
But we really shouldn't judge him until we've walked a mile into his tasseled loafers.
Luke Russert on the phone.
Luke, do you have any information?
Do you know if Mitten Romney why he's not releasing his taxes?
Good question, Jimmy.
I think what most likely the Romney camp would say as a response.
Yeah, I don't want to know what they don't want to know what they would say.
I'm sorry, go ahead.
Yeah, I don't want to know what they would say.
I want to know what you found out.
Did you do any investigating?
I know what they would say.
Can you tell me what the reason is why he's not releasing it?
I did, Jimmy, and I talked to members of the Romney camp, and they told me that the reason papers aren't shown is that there's no relevant information included in them that little voters would need to know.
Okay, that's Luke Russert.
Luke Russert doing some great reporting.
Okay.
I'm going to go collect my $250,000.
And by the way, I'm sorry, Paris, a little, I'll be honest with you.
I'm so stoked about Dark Knight Rises.
I don't know anything about the tax returns.
Have you seen Bain?
Holy shit.
This is going to be so sweet.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Okay, Luke, you're.
All right.
This is Luke Russer reporting for the Jimmy Door Show.
Okay, thank you, Luke.
I appreciate the hard work.
The Jimmy Dorr show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Hi, everybody.
We're back on the Jimmy Door show.
I'm joined in studio, a former writer for The Daily Show.
It's Steve Rosenfield, the host of Comedy and Everything Else at Steph Samurano for Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's Frank Conniff and the host of the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast.
It's a guy named Paul Gilmartin.
On the phone with us is Bill O'Reilly.
Hi, Bill.
How are you?
Always a pleasure, Mr. Program.
It's my pleasure to have you on.
Thanks, thanks for taking time out.
I appreciate it, Bill.
Hey, I always enjoy a giant waste of my time.
Okay, you know what, Bill?
G just jump in whenever you feel like it.
By the way, we're going to talk about the Sean Hannany Trayvon thing later on, and so just keep that in the back of your mind.
Right now.
Yes.
So right now I'm talking about John Sununu.
Johnson Nunu, former governor of New Hampshire, born in Cuba to an Arab father from Palestine and a Greek mother from born and raised in El Salvador.
And so he had this to say about Barack Obama on Fox News.
He has no idea how the American system functions, and we shouldn't be surprised about that.
Yes, Barack Obama has no idea how the American system functions because he wasted all his time graduating from Harvard and teaching law school.
And maybe he would have learned something about America.
And also rising to the highest level of the American government.
He has no idea how it functions.
Has no idea.
He's got more to say.
Because he spent his early years in Hawaii smoking something.
Yeah, he was smoking something.
Yeah, Obama was busy smoking weed and daydreaming while George W. Bush was honing his entrepreneurial skills by snorting coke and getting hammered.
Well, that's exactly why I voted for Obama because I thought this is just the kind of lazy stoner that I can relate to.
You know, because that was me.
I was a lazy stoner back.
And this guy, he spoke to me in a very profound way.
Okay, he's got boredom.
No idea how the American system functions, and we shouldn't be surprised about that, because he spent his early years in Hawaii smoking something, spent the next set of years in Indonesia, and another set of years in Indonesia.
And frankly, when he came to the U.S., he worked as a community organizer, which is a socialized structure, and then got into politics in Chicago.
Yeah, and yet somehow he managed to become a conniving crony capitalist.
How did he do that?
And they say Mitt Romney flip-flop.
I love how this guy has painted somebody who has traveled the world and gave of himself to his local community.
He has spun that into a bad thing.
Hey, what's community organized?
What's that, Bill?
Well, this is clearly unfair.
What you're doing.
Okay, you're attacking him for attacking Obama in the same way he's attacking Obama.
You're making him seem like the other, which is a bunch of nonsense.
Now, I don't know exactly what Sununu means, but I'm pretty sure it's an anagram for something extremely patriotic.
Give him the benefit of the doubt here.
I've been a fan of his ever since the Iran contra scandal.
Remember when he was involved in that?
I sure do.
I remember when he was flying around the country on military jets for personal expense?
Oh, that was a big scandal.
Military is involved in that.
That means it's not a scandal.
It's not a scandal.
It means he's got military experience.
Yeah, that's what that means.
Okay, he's got a little bit more.
Very admirable.
He's got a little bit more to say.
There has been no experience in his life in which he's earned a private sector paycheck that meant anything.
Hey, you know who else never earned a private sector paycheck?
Dwight Eisenhower.
You're right.
I never realized Eisenhower does suck.
I mean, I thought that he helped the Allies win the war, but all of his paychecks were for the government.
You know what?
We got to take so you know what?
Then Ren Rush Limbaugh had this to say.
Rush Limbaugh talk, he was commenting on what Sununu had to say, and he said he missed.
What did he miss?
What did he leave out, Rush?
The only thing he left out was that Obama's been mentored, educated, bent, and shaped by a bunch of communists.
Yes, you know, mentored by a bunch of communists, you know, at Harvard Law School, you know, where all the communists go.
Harvard Law School.
Like Mitt Romney, who also went to Harvard, except he wasn't going there to be educated by those communists.
He was a spy trying to find them out.
I knew he was a commie.
Didn't Limbaugh just say in shape?
I knew he was a commie the minute he hired Tim Geithner.
I mean, that just gave it away.
Rush Limbaugh is like one of those Japanese guys that doesn't know World War II is over, but his jungle is clear.
You know, you just, you know, you just wait.
If this American hating socialist gets re-elected, you won't even be able to recognize this country anymore with its slightly fairer tax code.
What kind of a country is this, huh?
You know what?
Can I just say this?
The first time I heard him saying this, and John Sununu saying that stuff, like if I didn't see the video myself, I would think these were cartoons written to make them look like buffoons.
But I did see the video, and so the only thing I can think of is that these guys are lacking that shame gene in your brain that makes you embarrassed when you're supposed to be humiliated.
That's the only thing I can think of.
Well, part of Romney's strategy is to take his faults and paint, you know, calling Obama an outsource sorcerer and all these things.
Yeah.
And also accusing him of crony capitalism.
It's all these things that are that Mitt Romney gets accused of, and they're accusing Obama.
Well, you know what?
I actually, hey, Bill, are you still there?
Always here, Jimmy Dorothy.
Okay, Bill, I got actually sat down with Mitt Romney to ask him a few questions, and let's listen to this, okay?
You did.
That's quite a scoop.
That's quite an interview.
Yeah, I got it.
I got the Republican nominee, Bill.
Let's listen.
Okay, we are joined once again by presidential candidate Mitt Romney.
Governor, how's it going, buddy?
My answer to that question is I'm not going to release my tax returns, so stop asking me about that.
I didn't ask you about your tax returns, buddy.
Oh, oh, okay.
Sorry, Jimmy, but I'm a little stressed out these days.
Go ahead.
Ask me whatever you'd like.
When are you going to release your tax returns, Mitt?
Jimmy, I will tell you because I feel like I can confide in you.
And since nobody listens to your show, this will be just between us.
Okay, great.
So tell me.
I cannot release my tax returns because of the horrible revelations about me that will come out if I do.
Like what, Mitt?
Like, for instance, I have a Swiss bank account, and I have millions stashed in offshore accounts in the Cayman Islands.
But, Mitt, everybody already knows that.
Really?
Yes.
Well, Big Boy, here's another thing I don't want to know.
I once strapped the family dog to the roof of my car.
Mitt, again, that's common knowledge.
It's become an iconic story about you.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Well, what about the fact that I was a bully in foot school and beat up a gay kid?
Yeah, I already know it.
Okay.
Okay.
How about the company Bane Capital profited from that made money by disposing of aborted fetuses?
Mitt, everybody knows that too.
You had a yard sale where you sold a whole table of aborted fetuses.
Oh, yeah.
We moved a lot of embryos that day, Buster.
They sold even better than my toy rack.
So, Jimmy, what you're saying is everybody already knows all this stuff about me?
They sure do, Mitt.
Well, then, how the heck did I end up becoming the presidential candidate of the Republican Party?
Damned if I know, buddy.
Jeez, I haven't even mentioned how all the Republicans hate me.
I'm a wealthy, greedy bastard, and they still hate me.
Gosh, I must be a tremendous douchebag.
That's the only explanation I can think of.
Well, Jimmy, my candidacy can probably survive all that, but there's one revelation that if it gets out, it's probably going to sink me.
What's that?
Well, the thing is, I have this wholesome, squeaky, clean Mormon image, but sometimes when I'm being interviewed, I'll end the interview by spieling some sort of filthy, profanity-laden insult to the person interviewing me.
Yeah, that's another thing I already know about you, Mitt, but I don't think you're to blame for that one.
You don't?
No, if you're going to blame anyone, blame the hacky comedy writer who doesn't know how to write an ending for a sketch.
Thank you, Jimmy.
I appreciate you shinting the blame to Frank Comet where it belongs.
Oh, and one other thing.
What's that?
I hope you get your dirty sh** gnawed off by a bunch of angry f**k weasels.
You mouse farting f**k jumper.
Ha ha ha.
Okay, that was the most disgusting thing I'll ever heard on radio.
Okay, that was Mitt Romney calling in.
All of the voice of Mitt Romney and all the voices you hear on the show today, done by the inimitable Mike McRae.
And Mike McRae can be found at mikemcray.com.
Tours as a stand-up comedian, and he's coming to a city near you.
Check out mikemcray.com.
And speaking of live shows, I want to let everyone know who's in the Claremont, California area.
This Friday and Saturday night, we're going to be at the Flappers Comedy Club in Claremont, California.
Coming out, two shows tonight, two shows tomorrow, 8 and 10.
And guess what?
Sunday, July 22nd, that's this Sunday, July 22nd.
We're doing left, right, and ridiculous in Hollywood at the Hollywood Improv Lab on Melrose, one block west of Crescent Heights.
That's right.
Left, right, and ridiculous, LA Weekly's pick of the week called Completely Offensive and Very Funny.
It's the funniest show you're ever going to see.
It's packed with sketches, stand-up comedy, plus a bunch of videos of talking heads saying some of the dumbest stuff you've ever heard.
And I have a celebrity panel to help me make fun of them.
Who's going to be there from Mystery Science Theater 3000?
Frank Conniff, TV's Frank, will be there.
Three-time Emmy Award-winning writer David Feldman from the Bill Maher Show and The Daily Show will be there.
Plus, Emmy Award-winning writer Kevin Rooney will be there, plus a lot more surprises.
And a link to that show is at my website, JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And tickets are very affordable.
And this is the Jimmy Doerr show.
We're up against a break, and we'll be right back in one minute.
Hi, podcast listeners.
Hey, I want to tell you a story.
I was taking phone calls today at the radio station.
You know, we pre-record the, we pre-record the show, and then we give away a few tickets.
And so I take some calls.
And a guy called in today to complain.
I swear to God.
He called in and I said, hi, KPFK, you're a winner.
Can I get your last name?
Is this KPFK?
Yes.
I can't believe you're doing a comedy show today.
What?
I can't believe you're doing it.
This is a National Day of Mourning.
What the fuck is wrong with liberals?
I don't understand.
So every time there's a shooting, comedians have to, they don't get to work.
I wonder if he calls after he got done talking to my show.
He called, does he call Jay Leno?
Did he tell him to not do his show?
Is he going to call Bill Maher, tell him not to do his show tonight?
Is he going to tell the people at the LA Times not to run their cartoon section?
Folks, I don't, I don't mean to bore you with this.
I think this is interesting because it blows my mind when this stuff happens.
And it happens all the time.
You know, those phone calls we did with Mike McRae, where he was pretending to be a KPFK listener from the past, complaining about the Marx brothers and stuff.
It's literally that level with some people.
It's wow.
Anyway, so that's that story.
I eventually just had to hang up.
I was like, okay, well, I hear you.
And he kept really wanting to yell at me.
And he said, this, I can, I recognize your voice.
You're one of the guys on that show, aren't you?
I go, yeah, I am.
I go, I don't know what to tell you.
The show's pre-recorded.
We had no idea that this was going to happen today anyway.
So what are you going to do?
It's pre-recorded.
He goes, well, why even run it?
And I was just like, you know what?
I heard everything you had to say.
I have to go.
Thanks.
And it was that.
So, okay, anyway, so that's that story.
I hope you enjoyed it.
I hope you enjoyed it.
I hope you appreciate the abuse that I have to take to entertain progressives.
Okay, and you know what?
This podcast, strangely enough, even though I get abused by the listener, it's made possible by the support of the listeners.
That's right.
That would be you.
And we run promotions from time to time.
And we're going on one right now with this website called redenvelope.com.
Have you ever been there?
They have these really cool upscale gifts for anything like a birthday or a wedding or a congratulations or the anniversary.
You go there, they have like really cool gifts.
Like, for instance, Jimmy, what are you talking about?
Well, they have like what they call a five-star terrycloth robe, like this up, cool, kick-ass robe.
I'm like, I would get that.
And they have stuff like a wooden watch, like this upscale watch that's made out of wood.
And so they have, you know, really nice stuff like that.
So it's stuff you would get for someone as a gift.
Anyway, so this is redenvelope.com.
If you're going to give someone a gift, you go to their website, you buy whatever you want, and then when it says enter a promo code at checkout, you enter Jimmy D. And then you're going to get 20% off your entire purchase, huh?
And then they're going to send us a little something to help support the show.
It's a win-win.
They really have cool stuff.
I hope that.
I don't know if those are the two things to tell you about, but I saw that watch.
I was like, that looks cool.
And it's made out of wood.
So it's one of those things.
So it's go over there.
And if you end up buying something, use the promo code Jimmy D, and that'll help us help you get 20% off your entire purchase.
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Plus, you can make a donation and we send you something nice in the mail.
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Let us know.
Thanks for supporting the show.
Now let's get back to the second half of the episode.
Hi, welcome back to the Jimmy Doer show.
I'm joined on the phone.
I have Governor Chris Christie.
Hi, Governor.
Hey, how you doing?
That lady.
Nice to tie that.
Hey, Governor, I'm also joining.
We'll be right back.
I'm also joining studio, former writer for The Daily Show, hilarious comedian Steve Rosenfield, the host of Comedy and Everything Else, Steph Samorano, from Mystery Science Theater 3000 TV's Frank, Frank Connoff, and the host of the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast.
It's Paul Gilmartin.
We're all here and we're talking about what happened with John Sununu new and what happened with the Mitt Romney campaign.
Governor Christie, do you have any comment?
I know that you just got named to be the keynote speaker at the GOP convention coming up.
And are you pretty excited about that?
Oh, yeah, it's a great honor to be invited to be the keto speaker for the public survey.
And you got to go into a training regimen for that or anything?
I assume that, you know, the parks, you know, come along with it, you know, this fall of a buffet and whatnot.
I'm trying to scoop you guys on the fat jokes.
I know.
It's got like a bandalier of fat jokes across this.
Governor, I think you're going to do great.
I think you're going to have them eating out of your hands.
Oh, man, see?
That's what I'm talking about.
Okay, well, Governor, we'll come back to you right now.
I want to talk about some more of this John Sununu.
Here's the thing he got in trouble for.
We played all the stuff he said earlier in the day about Barack Obama being a, well, I'll hear it.
He has no idea how the American system functions.
And we shouldn't be surprised about that because he spent his early years in Hawaii smoking something, spent the next set of years in Indonesia, and another set of years in Indonesia.
And frankly, when he came to the U.S., he worked as a community organizer, which is a socialized structure, and then got into politics in Chicago.
There has been no experience in his life in which he's earned a private sector paycheck that meant anything.
Okay, there you go.
You know who else didn't ever have a private sector paycheck when he was Bill Clinton, who was the last guy to balance the budget.
Right.
And you know, it was very clear in that that Hawaii is not America.
I mean, that was a very clear that he was consciously making because he said he was in Hawaii smoking something.
Then he went to Indonesia.
And then when he got to America.
Yeah, well, he went to, he made it sound like he was in Indonesia twice.
Yeah.
Well, what he's saying is that he was in two places that aren't physically attached.
But here's the comment that got him in trouble.
This got him in trouble, right?
The president, in making that statement, doesn't understand how America works, doesn't understand how business works.
And I wish this president would learn how to be an American.
Boy, I got to tell you one more time.
It's nice to have a guy born in Cuba tell Barack Obama how to be more like an American.
Barack Obama, black kid born to a single mom, worked his way through college, doesn't understand how America works, but you know who does?
Mitt Romney, a guy who's never bought groceries for himself and has a wife who teaches horses to dance.
I will use that punchline until November.
And the thing is, is there are legitimate things to criticize Barack Obama about, but they can't because they're in sync with the things about him that he should be criticizing.
We've said this before on the show.
Yes, the things that the legitimate things they should be criticizing him for, they don't because they agree with him.
And that is the problem that people like.
So they have to invent this story that he's a socialist.
So they have to invent this story that he's just in the moderate wing when their party used to have a moderate wing.
It's the government takeover of health care.
That's what he's doing.
It's the exact same.
What it's so funny, Frank, you said before that, you know, you can't criticize Mitt Romney for the stuff he did while he was at Bayonne Capitol, but you can criticize Barack Obama for the stuff Mitt Romney did when he was governor.
Right, right.
Oh, by the way, that's a complicated joke, but it's still very solid.
And by the way, did you know that Ann Romney has a movie about her teaching horses to dance?
No, Hoof Loose.
You know, those horses don't want to dance.
I'd vote for her.
I'm sorry, say again, Governor.
If she could teach Cornish hens how to dance, I remember that Peter Gabriel video?
Yeah.
That's Governor Chris Christie and John Sunood who tell a guy, again, born in Cuba to an American Arab dad and a mother who's Greek, born and raised in El Salvador, telling Barack Obama how to be good.
Please learn how to become more like an American.
But, Jimmy, that is a great American tradition, is to be from another country and say, I know what American is and you're not, you know, closing the gate.
Right after me, the gate closes.
Everyone after me is a foreign schmuck.
I understand it, and I'm from whatever.
Well, we all remember how Mitt Romney pulled himself up from the bootstraps hanging from his trust fund, right?
We all remember that.
Okay.
And his father, by the way, this has been pointed out before, George Romney, was the first guy, apparently, from what I've heard, was the first politician to release his tax record.
He released 13 years of his tax returns.
He was the first.
Which is kind of an awesome thing, and Mitt Romney is not proud of that.
No, but that was something shameful that my dad did.
Yes.
So he got in trouble.
Most of them are in Spanish.
Can you imagine your biggest problem is you have to hide how rich you are.
Right.
Can you imagine?
We should all have such problems.
You know, Paul, I'm going to start doing that right.
I'm going to start every night before I go to bed.
I'm going to start imagining that because according to Napoleon Ill, that's how you make it.
It's like the secret.
You're going to start imagining it.
It'll happen.
It'll come true.
No, the secret is actually the years 1999 to 2000.
So he got in trouble for saying that.
All that stuff he said about smoking pot and Indonesia.
No problem.
But the thing that got him in trouble was when he said hey, I wish he would learn how to be an American.
For whatever reason, they made him apologize.
I made a mistake.
I shouldn't have used those words.
And I apologize for using those words, but I don't apologize for the idea that this president has demonstrated that he does not understand how jobs are created in America.
It's funny.
He talks kind of like Trump, doesn't he?
Yeah, well, he does.
Well, that's what I'm saying.
It's like, so Mitt Romney has no problem being with Trump, who's a blatant race baiter, but somehow they make Sununu apologize on that.
That's what didn't make any sense to me.
And if you don't think that the right wing is completely freaking out about Barack Obama having a black president for another four years, here's Rush Limbaugh.
I mean, we've already heard him call him a communist today.
I think it can now be said without equivocation.
Without equivocation, this man hates this country.
You just proved that.
Oh, that should be the, oh, my God, Jimmy.
That's what I. Oh, my God.
First of all, I'm glad he said without equivocation because you know, if it's one thing Rough Rush does is he's an equivocator.
He always says, to be fair.
Give him a break.
If you're seeing a guy, he needs a sandwich.
Governor, I say we do a quick comparison, right?
Please knows or subway.
President Obama, President Obama, who hates America, tried to get all Americans health care.
Rush Limbaugh, who presumably loves America, told poor children they should learn to find food in dumpsters.
So I guess when Rush's love comes to his country, it's more of a tough love kind of a thing, huh?
Governor?
Well, what's wrong with Donald Peven?
Hey, there's food there.
Go for it.
Just let them know what a food is.
What's the problem with that?
But I'm guessing, Governor, that in the dumpster outside of your house, there's never any food.
Okay, Governor, here comes one more thing.
Governor, they are putting a lot of weight on your shoulders, pardon the pun, to carry the Republican Party because listen to how they're freaking out.
Here's Rush Limbaugh's latest freak out.
Do you know the name of the villain in this movie?
Bane.
He's talking about the new Batman movie.
The villain from the Dark Knight Rises is named Bane.
B-A-N-E.
What is the name of the venture capital firm that Romney ran and around which there's now this make-believe controversy?
Bane.
The movie has been in the works for a long time.
Your release dates been known, summer 2012 for a long time.
Do you think that it is accidental that the name of the really vicious, fire-breathing, four-eyed, whatever-it-is villain in this movie is named Bane.
Yes, it is.
It is an accident.
Because it wasn't written like that.
Actually, it was originally in a graphic novel at I-293.
It goes way back, actually.
Can I just say it must be so liberating not having to edit your thoughts based on logic?
OxyContin must really open up your consciousness.
And what any fanboy knows is that the real villain in Batman is in Bane.
It's Joel Schumacher.
Let me just say this about Rush Limbaugh.
You know, if Rush Limbaugh wasn't a thing and you did a sketch in which you just said verbatim the things he says, you would be considered a comedic genius.
You would just have to repeat what he said.
I mean, this is like, again, I said it earlier, like if this would be what I thought would be a cartoon someone would write to make these guys look like buffoons.
But it's like you can't, Paul, it's like your character.
You can't outdo these guys.
You just rearrange the words.
Yes, you just present the ridiculousness.
You just verbatim say what they say.
And, you know, sure, most people instinctively think Rush Limbaugh is funny.
Like, we think it's funny.
But millions of registered voters who totally believe this stuff.
Think about that.
I mean, it's funny, still funny, but not in a ha-ha kind of way, more like in a Russian tragedy.
Well, my hope is that some people have made the point that maybe Rush Limbaugh's influence is overstated because he says all these stupid things and we always talk of it.
The media always picks up on it.
But, you know, is he really getting through to people out there?
You know, there's not a lot of information about how many audience members he gets to.
And it might be his influence these days might.
I mean, he has influence, I think, on influential people.
Obviously, the Republicans won't do anything without his okay, but I don't, but I'm hoping that he doesn't have quite as much influence on the people listening to the radio.
The point is, maybe you should be mining for Dennis Prager clips.
You know, I know you guys can't see the clip or people listening can't see it, but let me just say, as Rush Limbaugh, as he is saying this, he's looking at notes on his desk.
As he's saying the stuff about the Batman movie in Bain, he's looking at, that means he had to write down a flowchart or something to remember this strained logic based on a hominy.
And he never took a second, which would literally take a second to say, oh, let me research and see when the Bain character was first introduced.
Right.
He didn't even take that second.
He counts on his listeners to not do any research.
He has the opinion first and the facts don't matter.
And let me just say, listen, in my day, you know, when somebody went on insane rant, they didn't bring notes.
It's called craftsmanship, you fat.
Sorry about that, Governor.
Yeah, I wonder what he thinks this conspiracy thing is behind the movie title Fast and Furious.
Yeah, that's a good point.
Yeah, there was already, oh my God, there was already a thing happening at that time.
The first one came out in 1998 or some shit.
Wow, they were really ahead of that time.
Okay.
Well, Governor, I appreciate it.
Can you give us any clues as to what you're going to be talking about before we say goodbye?
We're going to be talking about at the Republican convention?
Uh, and small government.
Okay, Governor, I appreciate you taking time out to talk with us.
Yeah, go f*** yourself.
laughter laughter laughter laughter Hi, welcome back to the Jimmy Door Show.
I'm joined in studio by the host of the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast.
It's Paul Gilmartin from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Cinematic Titanic.
It's TV's Frank Frank Conniff, the host of Comedy and Everything Else at Steph Zamorano and former writer for the Daily Show.
It's Steve Rosenfield on the phone with us.
We have Bill O'Reilly.
Hi, Bill.
How are you?
Good to be back.
I think I fell asleep for a little while.
I'm awake, though.
Okay, Bill, we're going to talk about George Zimmerman right now because he was interviewed by Sean Hannity.
And FYI, if you're indicted on a felony and your lawyer gives you the okay to go on Sean Hannity, I would say fire your fucking lawyer.
As a matter of fact, I'm going to use that as a hypothetical test question for any prospective attorneys I might engage with.
Let's say I killed a black teenager on his way back from buying candy.
Also, I'm kind of stupid and weird.
Think I should do talk shows?
So here he is.
The first question out of the box.
Here's Sean Hannity.
Time has passed since this incident with Trayvon.
How do you feel about it now that you've had some time to reflect on what has happened?
I haven't really had the time to reflect on it.
Really?
Because, first of all, weren't you in solitary confinement?
You didn't have the time.
You've been arrested.
The rest of the world has had time to reflect on this.
You haven't had time.
Hey, Sean, if I was the kind of guy who thinks things over, I wouldn't have shot that kid just because he was black.
Okay?
How about that?
Not a thinker.
Here we go.
I think he was in solitary confinement, right?
I think I was in jail.
Obviously, I was in solitary confinement, and I had a lot of time to think and reflect.
But I just decided against it.
I was in solitary at all the time in the world.
And I read a book.
I just thought, no, no.
I spent most time thinking about how it sucked that I was going to miss seeing Rock of Ages.
Here we go.
He's got more to say.
I just think it's a tragic situation.
Yeah, it's a traffic situation that I'm in trouble for murdering that black kid.
That's a really tragic.
That's what he's saying.
Okay.
I hope it's the most difficult thing I'll ever go through in my life.
Yeah, I hope it's the most difficult thing I ever go through in my life, with the possible exception of the entire rest of my life.
Okay.
Okay.
So that's so that hasn't reflected.
Hasn't reflected on what he did at all.
Hasn't had time, even though he was in solitary confinement.
And then Sean Hannity, you saw how he pressed him on that.
He said nothing.
He just let it go.
So he's just let it go.
Okay.
So here we go.
Sean Hannity was too busy high-fiving him.
I think Sean Hannity was mainly thinking, oh, crap, I'm never going to get my money back.
So here's, what do you mean by that?
Because he's, you know, supposedly he keeps on.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Oh, there's a rumor that he's contributing money to the defense of Trayvon Obde.
And that's why he agreed to be on the show.
Yeah, there's a rumor.
There's a rumor.
It's just a rumor, but it's true.
Rumor has it.
It's the weirdest thing when you watch the interview.
It's completely true, I can tell you from the inside of my.
Oh, that's Bill O'Reilly.
Sorry, say it again, Bill.
Yeah, you heard it.
You heard it from me.
Absolutely true.
I threw in some cheese as well.
Here's a situation.
This poor quasi-midget halfhead walks into a situation they should have been in.
And some horrible things happen, and now the liberal media is all over them.
We're trying to help them out.
Well, here's how...
You know what I was saying when I was when Mark O'Mara, his lawyer, is sitting besides George Zimmerman.
It's the weirdest thing because he sits there stoically, and you would think the whole time he would be flinching because of what he's saying is so wrong.
And he just sits there like a statue.
I mean, it's amazing that he doesn't have an answer ready for that.
Have you reflected on this?
Now, what do you think?
No, I didn't reflect.
But you were in solitary confinement.
Still didn't reflect.
Nothing.
No reflect.
Like, wouldn't they think that's going to come up?
Yeah.
It's amazing to me.
Jerry Sandusky and now this guy, it's like that's absolutely going to be used against him in court to show that he has no remorse.
Has no remorse, none whatsoever.
Much as this upcoming clip.
So here he is.
Here's how it all started.
Here's how he says it all.
Why did he leave his house in the first place?
Here we go.
I was going to Target to do my weekly grocery shopping.
He was going to Target.
Turns out Trayvon was the target.
That's what I thought.
Sunday nights was the only nights.
Well, here he is.
Now he rescinds that statement, and he says, well, wait.
Sunday after we mentored the kids, we would always go grocery shopping.
Sunday after they mentored the kids, mentored.
He's a kid mentor and a kid murderer.
He does everything.
And I'm guessing the mentoring all took place at the firing range.
After we mentored, I'm sorry, after we mentored the kids.
You slimy son of a piece of garbage.
We can do our cooking for the week, so...
I wanted to go to Target and I headed out.
And that's the last time I've been home since that you know.
Because I brought my gun with me.
Yeah, so let's let me say I'm going to go to Target.
Hey, wait, let's stop at home first.
We've just gotten done mentoring the kids.
Let's stop at home so I can pick up my 9mm.
If you need to do the electronics section in Target, you need to be armed.
laughter laughter laughter laughter Okay.
I just think that's funny.
It's like, hey, we're all done mentoring kids.
Let's go to Target to get our groceries for the week.
Wait, got to get my nine millimeter.
Cover me.
I'm going into dairy.
I'm lactose intolerant.
And here's the thing that bothers me the most.
They keep referring to him as a neighborhood community watch volunteer.
He's not a community watch volunteer.
He's a vigilante.
Those are two Different things.
The Community Watch is a real organization with rules.
Go ahead.
Even if it was, I love how they paint Barack Obama as bad for being a community organizer, but this guy is okay killing people under the guise of yes.
So here's Sean Hannity asks him, What made you become a why were you a community watch person?
How long were you involved in that?
And why did you become a community watch person?
In August of 2011, there was a home invasion.
A young lady was home with her nine-month-old baby.
Now, first of all, notice what he's not saying.
He's not saying, yes, I was a community watch follow.
He doesn't say that because he knows he's not.
You know what I mean?
So he starts to tell the story about someone who got a home invasion in his neighborhood.
Here we go.
And they broke in her sliding glass door.
She barricaded herself in the upstairs bedroom.
And my wife was home by herself.
And she saw the people that burglarized her run through our backyard with their belongings.
And even though my wife wasn't certain what happened, that was enough to scare her and shake her up.
And I promised her I would do what I could to keep her safe.
And that included carrying a nine millimeter and then pulling it out and shooting a black kid who was unarmed.
I would do that too.
When he told his wife that he, he also said, and luckily I have a long history of violent behavior, so this will work out great.
Yeah.
Yeah, honey, I don't know if you know, but I've already been arrested for assaulting a police officer.
I'm going to protect you.
I'll be perfect for this.
Believe me, this is going to work out.
It's also interesting how he says that my wife was uncertain about what happened.
Yeah.
Like at what point, like, how uncertain is this woman about her entire life?
All right, I'm with you.
Go ahead.
With Bill O'Reilly?
Hey, Penny, the Trayvon Martin character jumped Mr. Zimmerman.
That's not what we want.
We only know that.
Well, that's a fact, and you know it.
Okay, so here they ask him.
They ask, here's some more questions.
We have some more questions for him.
Ready?
There we go.
Sure, blow me off.
Is there anything you regret?
Do you regret getting out of the car to follow Trayvon that night?
No, sir.
Does not regret getting out of the car.
Does not regret regret.
How is this not going to be used against him?
How does he not regret?
He does not regret that.
He doesn't regret getting out of the car to follow Trayvon.
Doesn't regret it.
Here it goes.
And you know, it's also not edited out.
I can't believe it.
I can't believe that part of this is.
This lawyer is sitting right beside him.
This is aired.
This is very Jerry Sandusky-y.
Very, it's like, you can't believe this lawyer is letting him say this stuff.
Here we go.
Do you regret that you had a gun that night?
No, sir.
Doesn't regret that he had a gun that night.
Do you feel you wouldn't be here for this interview if you didn't have that gun?
No, sir.
You feel you would not be here.
I feel that it was all God's plan, and for me to second-guess it or judge it.
Is there anything it's so so?
He didn't have time to reflect on it, but he did have enough time to figure out it was God's plan that he carry a gun, get out of his car, and end up shooting and killing a kid who wasn't doing anything.
His only real regret is he wasn't able to go shopping at Target.
His only real regret is that he got in trouble for it.
His only real regret is that he didn't arrest him.
The idea that it was all, I mean, even if you believe that kind of crap, how can you believe that you killing an unarmed God's plan?
And by the way, he's a Christian.
Hey, hey, you hear that, Christian?
This guy's one of yours.
No backsees, okay?
He's not one of ours.
And yeah, because God thought Trayvon Martin looked suspicious in a hoodie.
God did.
Sometimes God doesn't have plans we understand.
Sometimes God has sort of mad cat Keystone cops types.
We know what they're about.
You know, I'm pretty, I'm no Christian scholar, Bill, but I'm pretty sure there isn't a single sect of Christianity that doesn't hold people responsible for their actions.
If there's a sect, let me know because I would love to cheat on my wife and claim it's God's will.
And that's a little awkward because my wife is sitting right across from me.
Oh, yeah, I was going to say, text me later and I'll wake up.
I'll wake up.
Hey, don't forget this Sunday, 8 p.m. at the Improv Lab, it's Left, Right, Ridiculous, the funniest show ever, with the funniest video clips ever.
Okay, there's a link at the website for that show.
Plus, Friday and Saturday, we're in Claremont.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by everybody by Mike McRae, Frank Conniff, Steve Rosenfield, Robert Yasamura, Steph Zamorano, and me.
That's right.
Even I helped write this goddamn mountain.
What do I got to keep swearing, Jimmy?
I don't know.
So let all the voices today done by Mike McRae.
And thanks for stinting in Mike.
I appreciate it.
Also, want to say thanks to the two gentlemen who help support the show by lending their talent and time to the show.
Red Frank Pulaski at Dreamtime Films.
He takes some of the clips from the show and he puts video to them in a hilarious way.
And you can see those over at my YouTube page.
We put them up on the Facebook page, sometimes at the website.
Also, would like to, so that's Frank Pulaski at Dreamtime Films, a great video editor.
Thanks for all the work you do for us.
Plus, if you have something wrong with your Macintosh, I know a guy who can fix it for you right over the internet.
Don't even have to leave your house.
His name is Sean James, and he helps me on a weekly basis to keep my computer going.
He really knows how to fix stuff.
And how do you get a hold of him?
You just email him at machelp at seanjames.com.
You spell it S-H-A-U-N.
Okay, so that's it for this week.
See you at the shows this weekend.
And until, hey, I'll see you in Canada.
I'm going to be up at the Montreal Festival with Lewis Black on July 27th.
Okay, so we'll see you there too.
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