All Episodes
Previous Next
Feb. 17, 2012 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:06:50
20120217_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_2-16-12
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
I think with all the TV coverage of the GOP primary and the machinations of Congress, it's easy to forget other things going on in the world, like the Oscars.
People may not realize it, but there are some wonderful actors and movies that were nominated for Academy Awards, and I just hope that doesn't get lost in the shuffle.
Here's an interesting fact.
George Clooney and Meryl Streep have both been nominated for the performances just this past year.
Still, there are dozens of people who aren't even talking about them.
Sure, political issues are important, but can't we take a few minutes out of our day to find out once and for all if Jennifer Anderson is really pregnant?
I mean, either she is or she isn't.
We can't just be a nation of intellectuals voraciously reading books on economics and world history.
We also need to spend some time on Facebook, watching sports, and texting to our friends while we're driving.
So, hey, Mr. and Mrs. Einstein, lighten up.
You've earned it.
Nice.
It's the Jimmy Door Show.
The show for the won't be the kind of people that are.
Comments me be on Terry Downer Neeson.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's our talking, TV.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody, and welcome to this week's show.
We've got a great one for you.
I'm joined in studio from the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast, chosen one of the top 10 podcasts of the year by The Onion.
It's Paul Gilmartin.
Hi, Paul.
Jimmy Doidle.
Nice to see you.
You're looking good.
All right.
You got a lot of pep in you today.
Do I?
You certainly do.
You're in a good mood.
I think your medication's working.
Okay.
Don't speak too soon.
Over there.
We get next to him, former rather for the daily show, hilarious stand-up comedian who killed it Friday at Flappers.
It's Steve Rosenfield.
How are you, Steve?
Good, Jimmy.
How are you?
I'm doing fantastic.
I like your blue shirt.
I like the blue pattern I like.
I wore this on Friday.
See what I'm saying?
At home?
I've been wearing it since Friday.
Why would you take it off, right?
Next to him from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and CinematicTitanic.com coming to your city pretty soon, right?
Yeah, to Detroit in about a week.
To Detroit in a week, it's Frank Connoff.
Hi, Frank.
How are you doing?
Good.
How are you?
Frank, you look cold.
You got your coat on today.
No, I'm okay.
It's raining here in the Southland.
It is.
I don't know if you can hear it, but it is pouring here in Los Angeles.
So it's really neat because we never have that.
Yeah, I know.
Look out.
Just imagine if raindrops were dumb Republican candidates.
That's what it's like.
That's what it's like.
Yes.
And some of them are wearing sweater vests.
Thanks.
Hey, so CPAC happened last weekend.
And thanks to CPAC, going to see Phantom Menace 3D was only the second dumbest thing you could do last weekend.
Yes.
Coming up on today's show, Jerry Sandusky gave a press conference.
He's in the Oh My God segment.
We also talk, we find out something about Jerry Sandusky's lawyer.
Guess what?
He's a moron, too.
And CPAC happened.
Now, we're going to talk about the CPAC comedian that was there.
Yes, it's about as much fun as you think.
And who calls in?
Oh, we talk.
Also, we're going to check in with the Catholics.
They're being persecuted again.
Yes, it's happening.
Chris Matthews has a scholar on to talk about it.
Plus, we look at how the news handled Whitney Houston's death.
Well, we look how one news coverage news channel handled it.
And Bill O'Reilly calls in a couple of times.
Plus, Chris Christie's upset.
He calls in.
That's coming up today on the Jimmy Door show.
Time for another installment of Oh My God.
Okay, we're starting off the Oh My God segment with Jerry Sandusky.
Of course, Jerry Sandusky, our favorite pedophile.
When I say favorite, I mean the most hated paid pedophile from Penn State, who was back in court because he's under house arrest, but his back, the back of his house, people don't know this, the back of his house butts up against the playground in a children's school.
Dumb luck.
Dumb luck.
And so he's been getting complaints, or they've been complaining his neighbors that he's out on his back porch leering at children playing in the playground.
So he went back into court to try to get some of those restrictions relaxed, like so he could go visit his grandkids, so he could leave his house sometimes.
And so immediately afterwards, he gave a press conference and let's just enjoy.
My purpose, as I understood it for being here today, was first of all to support the motion that Joe Amendola made that involved me being sensitive to people who have been a part of my life for a long time.
Friends who call me and who want to be with me, who want to see me, and I have to say no, I can't.
And they ask why, so I ask Joe why.
I tell my friends want to see me, and I have to tell them I can't because I'm busy staring at kids next door in the playground.
Call me back later.
His friends have to ask why they can't.
So what's been going on in your life?
Is there been some reason why you never come by anymore?
We don't see what's been going on.
Have you been sick?
The flu or something?
Are you working late?
Why haven't I seen you?
Yeah, that pedophilia has been going around.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay, here we go.
And that's why he brought it up.
Our home has been open for 27 years to all kinds of people.
People who have stayed there, people, hundreds of people who stayed there, more than that who have visited there.
I've associated with...
Even though he had kept the basement door locked so boys couldn't escape, his house gotta be careful.
Not every door was open.
Not every door.
Right.
The back door was always open.
Can I say that?
Yes, you can say that.
Okay.
Okay, ready?
More than that who have visited there.
I've associated with thousands of young people.
And many of them who I wasn't even attracted to.
Right.
Dozens.
Over years.
And now, all of a sudden, okay, because of allegations and perceptions that have tried to been created of me.
Yeah, now all of a sudden, all of a sudden, all of the blue.
I mean, I've been raping kids for decades, and now all of us.
With immunity.
With impunity, I should say.
No one is allowed to come into the Chuck E. Cheese that's in my attic.
Because of these outrageous allegations, I have to close my candy store.
This is the thanks I get for showing dozens of boys how to take a shower.
It was helping.
He was helping.
Okay, here we go, more.
Now I can't take our dog on my deck and throw out biscuits to him.
Now all of a sudden these people turn on me when they've been in my home with their kids, when they've attended birthday parties, when they've been on that deck, when their kids have been playing in my yard, and when their kids have been sled riding when they've asked a sled ride in our home.
He's babbling that.
It's crazy because he's trying to paint himself in a good light by how open he is to letting kids come into his house.
That's not helping.
Come in and sled ride.
And I'm so great with kids.
With kids.
I love kids.
All the kids have come.
I miss those kids.
I have a dog.
My house is up against a school playground.
That's how much I love kids.
And by the way, did these kids think they were going to use his yard and go sledding without bringing anything to the table?
Come on.
My dog learned everything he knows about butt sniffing from me.
Horseplay.
That's horseplay.
Horseplay, okay.
That's difficult for me to understand.
It's difficult for him to understand.
It's difficult for him to understand.
Really, Jerry.
You can understand.
There's a law against that.
You took down an entire university's pro sports program.
One of the biggest sports programs in the history of our country.
And it's hard for you to understand.
And you know what?
The people that stand by me.
You know, if those people came back and said, you know, that door would open again.
That's the kind of people they are.
And I'm just grateful for them.
And I've got to go home and think about all the people who support us.
Think about all those kids.
So that last part didn't make any sense to me.
He was saying that I think about all those people who have turned on me, and all the people who support me.
And if those people came back, I would open it.
It doesn't make any sense.
But go ahead.
We've talked about his lawyer before, and the lawyer never said, Jerry, go to a press conference.
He's standing right behind you.
The lawyer is standing.
Now, here's the situation.
I think the lawyer must just like getting the publicity.
You know, it's got to be.
Because this lawyer, first of all, so you go, well, what is the guy who's defending Jerry Sandusky?
What's he like?
Why does he feel?
Maybe he feels an affinity with Jerry Sandusky.
Well, it's funny because he's now 63 years old.
When he was 40, he had a young intern working at his law firm.
She was 16 years old.
Her name was Mary Ivasil or Iavasil.
I take that for headaches.
Yeah, me too.
I take Iavasil.
And he took her.
When she was 16 years old, he helped her file an emancipation petition.
This was in 1996.
That's the same year she got pregnant by Joe Emilio.
Oh, really?
Whatever the hell is that?
What's Amendola?
Amendola.
Yes.
She became pregnant that same year that she filed.
Coincidence.
She then gave birth when she was 17 years old to his baby.
They didn't marry until 2003.
Wow.
I think it's pretty interesting.
It is interesting.
He's 49 years old.
He's having sex with a 16-year-old girl.
And now he's defending those two guys walking into court together.
They're like, they have an affinity.
They're on the same page.
We know that.
Jerry was lucky, you know, because when you're arrested for pedophilia, it's so hard to find an attorney who also raped a teenage girl.
It really is.
And I think with Joel Amendola on the job as his attorney, Jerry Sandusky can be confident that he's going to be a free man in about 30, 40 years.
You can hardly wait.
I mean, who better to defend Jerry Sandusky than a man who knows firsthand how sexy children can be?
And given Amendola's past history, I anticipate he's going to use the patented scumbag defend.
Never fails.
Never fails.
He's going to throw himself on the mercy of the playground.
Ladies and gentlemen, you could be witnessing the single greatest piece of lawyering in history.
Think of it that way.
All right.
Think of it that way.
Because by the time this guy walks into court, they will have hours of news footage proving he's too incompetent to stand trial.
This has been, oh my God.
Oh my God.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
I don't know if you saw CPAC, but it was pretty amazing.
Now, there was a lot of things I could have pulled from there.
You know, Ann Coulter, again, gave some great speeches about how all pretty women are conservatives.
And, of course, so here we go.
There was a conservative comedian.
And I really debated on how if I should even play this at all because, you know, you don't want to, I don't want to help him.
Yes.
I don't want to give any more attention to bad comedy.
My thing is that comedy, the reason what drew me to comedy, why I like comedy so much, is that it seemed to me as a young, powerless Catholic kid, the youngest of seven boys, my thing was that humor was the ultimate equalizer.
It was a thing that could expose ignorance.
And what I hate the most is when somebody uses comedy not to expose ignorance, but to promote ignorance.
And to shit on the underdog.
Yes, exactly.
Yes, yes.
Okay.
So here is a conservative comedian.
And we'll just stop and start.
I only have a couple of clips from him.
There was a 14-minute set, 14 minutes.
He managed to pack no comedy into almost zero comedy.
It was amazing, right?
So he came out and he found.
I was going to do the joke.
He managed to pack a minute of comedy into 14 minutes, but I couldn't say that because there wasn't even a minute.
There wasn't even a minute.
Okay, so he came out and he just often young comedians will ask me, Jimmy, it's so awkward to open a show.
How do you open a show?
Well, how do you open?
It's awkward.
And I'll say to them, when doing a comedy show, I always find it helps to open with a joke.
Any joke.
Any joke.
Open with a joke.
Tell a joke.
And it's amazing how many people just meander for minutes and minutes on stage before they tell their first joke.
This guy did that.
Jimmy, I'm sitting right here.
This guy did that.
This guy did that.
So I'm going to pick it up to when he kind of starts to tell jokes.
Ready?
Here he goes.
And what do you think about CPAC 212?
That's what I wanted.
Okay, so a little pandering.
What do you think about CPAC 2?
Do I want to?
I love that bit.
Yeah, that's great.
That's great.
I want some phony energy in here right now.
And what do you think about CPAC 212?
212.
Well, I can tell you right now, it sounds like he's going to challenge him.
He likes to confront his audience.
He does.
Kind of like Colbert at the Washington Press.
Very much, very much.
I'm excited to be here.
This is the big day I've been waiting for.
I smell my people out here, my God.
Okay, so another complete line of pandering.
I smell my people.
Still no joke in sight.
Not no joke in sight.
And there's this smell.
I smell them from here.
It's the smell of hatred and tolerance and ignorance.
That's that smell.
My people are here.
Okay.
I am looking at conservative Americans 3,000 sitting in D.C. Let me tell you why I love conservatives.
You believe in the Judeo-Christian values that our founding fathers stood on.
Okay.
To make this great nation.
Okay.
It starts off reinforcing.
Wow.
Starts off.
Wow.
Reinforcing the false mythos that the Republican Party allows them to, one, discriminate against Muslims and B, make law-based, not in reality, but selections from the Bible.
And this guy is everything you want in a conservative.
Okay, so Ready, he keeps going.
Let me tell you what else I love about you.
You think this is the greatest nation the world has ever known.
And let me tell you why else I love conservatives because you hunt, you fish, and you don't apologize for it.
And that's why I love conservative people.
Oh, my God.
Please turn this off.
Please turn this off.
So we're so serious.
Let me, let me.
I'm sorry, Paul.
Please.
You like to hunt, you like to fish.
And the punchline is, but you don't apologize for it.
That's the punchline.
That's brilliant.
That's a punchline.
Okay, ready?
Here we go.
Oh, I am so sick.
It's politically correct.
Don't shoot the animals.
They might get their feelings hurt.
No, if you shoot the animal, it will usually kill the animal.
It's not going to hurt its feelings.
Hurting its feelings is what I'm going to do to you right now.
When you shoot someone, that'll generally be a good thing.
And I'm a liberal.
And I'm not against hunting.
No, I'm not.
It's an honest way to gather your food.
I have no problem with hunting.
I have a problem with hack comedy.
You know, I have a good friend named Joe Keyes, Minnesota.
And he fishes all the time.
He goes to Minnesota every, but then when he comes back, he always apologizes to this guy.
Oh, I went fishing.
I'm so sorry that I, you know, I caught it.
I caught 18 walleye.
Because he's liberal, you see.
And so he apologizes for his outdoor.
I've fished all my life.
I've never apologized for it.
And I've never hunted, but I do eat meat and okay, ready?
You're conservative.
You don't even pretend to be animal rights activist.
Again, there's not a joke in sight.
Again, the voice is a little crazy, though, Jeremy.
The voice has a crazy quality to it.
So I think there's some comedy around.
And also, if you watch the clip, he's constantly walking back and forth on stage.
Trying to find a laugh.
Just creating.
The search goes on.
I mean, he is, you know, people talk about he is, I don't know what it is, but it seems like someone told him you have to sprint to each side of the stage continuously during your situation.
And it's like, if you do it 20 times, you're going to win a prize.
But he there is no prize and he keeps sprinting from side to side.
Okay, ready?
You people are like, see the bunny, shoot it, eat it, make a hat out of the right hand side bunny.
Yeah, that was a key bunny.
Is that a snake?
Not to boot right there.
Put that on.
See, that's a cute bunny.
No, it's a head.
And that's pretty much the relationship conservatives have with nature.
I don't have to kill this animal, but I'd like to, so it's fine.
Also, drilling in wildlife preserve is probably a bad idea.
But fuck it.
We have dominion over the earth, right?
Okay.
Here we go.
That's America.
Shoot it, Edie.
You got a head left over.
Hang it on your wall.
Why?
Because the founding fathers believed in personal responsibility.
If you're hungry, go find some stinking food.
You know, if you close your eyes, sounds just like Jesus.
If you're hungry, go find some stinking food.
All right.
Did you hear that?
The urban poor.
They should go out into the country.
You know, honestly, the most offensive thing to me is his volume.
It's really, the lack of subtlety.
That is way more.
It's not that he's even offensive.
It's just grading.
It's just grading.
You can tell it's offensive.
Well, I like it.
It's offensive not because of how conservative it is, but how unfunny it is.
How condescending it is.
Well, it's not condescending.
He's not condescending to his audience.
He's actually just insulting their intelligence.
Yes.
Yes.
And they love it.
And they love it.
It's like, hey, hey, you poor people in the inner city, why don't you grow a pair and start hunting and gathering or grow yourself some crops on that land that there isn't and that you don't.
And if that, yeah, that sounds like something James Monroe would have said.
Sounds like he's building the punchline.
Thank God we're not gay.
Yes, it does.
And Paul, you can tell he's right because he's screaming.
That's how you can tell he's right.
And his voice is deep.
Here we go.
He's aggressive.
That's how it used to be.
You know, that's what kills me.
When people try to redefine the founding fathers, you know, if the founding fathers were around, they'd be giving tax breaks to everybody.
Let me explain something.
The founding fathers were ruthless.
Yes, like Jesus.
Yes, the founding fathers were ruthless.
Fair enough.
They were ruthless enough that they owned other human beings.
That was pretty ruthless.
Like Jesus.
That's one of the reasons why we don't emulate them entirely, right?
And assume that everything they thought was the gospel because they used to, you know, own slaves and stuff.
Okay, here's more to this, ready?
Please, God.
There is.
These guys were about as conservative as it can be.
So if you didn't have a house back in the Founding Fathers, they didn't give you subsidies.
You know what else they didn't give you if you didn't have a house?
They didn't give you the right to vote.
They set up a joke.
As a fellow comedian, this guy makes me grateful that there are green rooms.
Okay, let's think.
Founding Father's Day, they didn't give you subsidies.
They gave you an axe.
Hey, Jedi, see them woods over there?
That's your new duplex.
Better get going, boy.
I think the snows are coming.
It's interesting that he's talking about the Constitution because his act is actually more dated.
The snows are coming.
Unfortunately, no jokes are coming.
I think it's a pretty good defense of fascism.
You have to look at it that way.
And if you didn't have a house, they didn't give you a subsidy.
They gave you an axe.
And that's just to let him the axe.
And that's to let all the people who are losing their houses right now in the biggest housing bubble since the Great Depression.
You know what you can do?
You can go and get an axe, and then you can go to the nearest woods and start building.
That's the Republican plan.
Right, let's start.
You know, this is like the central problem with conservative thinking.
It sounds good, quippy, simple, until you think about it for a minute.
And fortunately for the Republican Party, very few people who vote Republican think about it for a minute.
Yes.
All right.
So there's a little bit.
There's a little bit more.
Paul, I know this is bothering you, but I had to sit through this.
Paul is walking off the show.
I feel bad because Paul came in here in such a good mood, and this is turning into...
Okay.
Okay, here we go.
There's a little bit more.
We're all annoyed, Paul by Harold.
Yeah, we're all annoyed.
But you're going to have to do the work.
The founding fathers were men, not wussies.
It's the wussification of America that's killing us.
Yes.
First of all, can I just point out, can I just point out the irony that he uses the word wussification?
Because wussification is actually the watered-down version of the word pussy.
Right?
So he's actually watering down.
He's actually being a wussy using the wussified term for pussy, which I guess his audience, they could handle bombing Iran and torture, but they just can't use a funny term for genitalia.
That really gets on the wrong side.
The founding fathers weren't wusses.
Is that why they wore powdered wigs and short pants?
Right, here we go.
Are you kidding me?
And where does the wussification come from that cancerous ideology, or should I say, idiotology, that has made us begin to crumble from us in that cancerous polyp that I spend every Monday morning on Fox and Friends trying to destroy?
And of course, I'm speaking about political correctness.
He's really sticking his neck out.
That's what I like.
And you know what?
I would agree.
Political correctness is annoying, but if you think that's the cancer of America and not corporate power running unchecked, yes.
Also, are the great comedians that we all like who come from a more left point of view, like Chris Rock or Louis C.K. Are they politically correct?
I don't think so.
I wouldn't say that.
Or George Carlin or Lenny Bruce.
But they're really funny.
That's you know.
That's the difference.
So, you know, to be living in the world right now that we're in today and to be complaining at the top of your lungs about political correctness is like being on ground zero at 9-11 and complaining that the water bottles aren't chilled.
Also, it's, you know, a lot of those complaints about political correctness, they use it to, it's like someone uses the N-word and you object, oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't being politically correct because I expressed my hate.
I'm sorry, I'm not PC.
Yes.
Yes, it's a confusion.
They've used this I'm not PC as a cover for actually being racist.
Yes.
Yeah.
You know, okay.
Okay, here you go.
Let me explain something to you, my brothers and sisters.
I want to watch political correctness die in my lifetime.
Yes, you know what?
I would be, you know, I, but I share his animosity towards political correctness ever since political correctness shipped my job to China.
I don't know if you remember that happened.
And then political correctness denied me an MRI when I was sick.
I don't know if he's, and then bankrupted me.
That's the political correctness.
I don't know if you've noticed.
That's what's been happening.
And political correctness, oh, okay, there's a little bit more to this.
But first, I want to watch it suffer.
And if you thought that this guy was not going to paint himself as a victim, you were wrong.
By the way, my earbuds are two feet away from me in my cupped hands, and I can hear him.
He didn't need a microphone.
He has a microphone.
That's the thing about guys who scream as comedians.
It's like you have them.
I get Sam Kinnison was doing a character who screamed.
Actually, he's so out of date, I'm surprised he doesn't have a megaphone.
Hello, my darling.
Mike, a mind and a mouth and a First Amendment.
I'm going to do my best to take care of that problem.
It's called courage, my friends, and speaking the truth at all times.
I know that because.
So this is him patting himself on the back for having courageous courage.
As long as he has a First Amendment.
I agree.
It takes courage to go on stage and not be front.
With that act.
Are you kidding?
To go on stage with that act does take courage.
It takes courage to pander to people who agree with everything you're saying.
No jokes were used on the production of this act.
I am a Christian.
I am a conservative.
And I believe the United States is the greatest country on earth.
And because of those three belief systems, when I die, I'll be stuffed and mounted and put in the Smithsonian under the why he never got his own sitcom display.
Oh, bitter.
Oh, the Jews are keeping him from working somewhere.
Okay, now we're getting to the Jew stuff.
So let's just figure out the three reasons why he's not going to have a sitcom.
The first reason is he's a Christian.
And I don't know if you've seen network television.
There are no Christians and network sitcoms.
Okay, the second reason, one, he's a conservative.
And I don't know if you've also watched, there are no conservatives on television.
Can't find one.
Number three, the third thing was he thinks that America is the greatest country in the world.
So all the people who are in sitcoms, they all think other countries are the greatest country.
Every one of those people are not Christian, and they don't believe America is the greatest country in the world.
Jerry Seinfeld, of course, go ahead.
Israel, obvious.
That's the country he's thinking.
Name someone else.
Well, I'll just tell you that I actually got a nice paycheck at one time from a conservative sitcom star, Drew Carey.
Drew Carey.
Genuine conservative.
Genuine conservative.
He had a sitcom on the air for nine years.
And you know what's nice about Drew?
He's a conservative, but he's a nice human being.
He is.
His conservatism doesn't have a meanness to it.
There's nothing wrong with ethical conservatism.
But when you, like a Barry Gold.
My dad was an ethical conservative.
He's a fiscally conservative, but these people are mean-spirited, insecure.
Yes, I don't mind having a debate about ideas on how to govern.
Like, hey, I think that we shouldn't provide government services like education and have an EPA.
Okay, I'll have that discussion.
I'll say why I think we should have those things.
And if you legitimately think we shouldn't, then I think you're wrong.
That's a legitimate discussion to have.
But the problem is he's not.
These aren't legitimate ideas.
And Drew Carey, he proves that you can be a conservative without being a jerk about it.
Right.
Right?
And so, okay, so there's a little bit more from this guy.
But that's hilarious, right?
Because he's a conservative.
Drew Carey said he's one of the biggest stars of all time for ABC, that's for sure.
Okay.
He's all those three things that that's funny.
And he's funny.
Yes.
Because to stand up for what I believe in and what you believe in costs you something in a liberal media that doesn't have the courage to see their own dysfunction.
So I'm sitting here pointing it out every stinking chance I get.
That's what I do.
That's what he's so arrogant.
Stink is the word.
Every stinking.
I believe in the First Amendment.
I haven't read it.
Correctness kills me because it's so arbitrary.
What it does is it creates a counterfeit reality and demands you worship it.
There was a school in Washington that said they wanted to have a Halloween celebration.
So they told the kids you can dress up.
But here's what they actually told these kids.
But you can't dress up like a witch.
You ready?
Why?
Because there was a woman from the local Wicca chapter that was offended by the stereotype.
Okay, first of all, I don't believe that.
I don't believe that happened.
I don't think that's.
And also, it's Halloween time.
It's always the Christians who put down Halloween and say they'd see the woman and say they should dress up as well.
Exactly.
You'll notice, too, that the arguments of people like him, they pull out people that are one out of a hundred thousand.
People like him is one out of two.
Yes.
I know.
He's upset about the people that are in society.
Yes.
Things that don't really affect you whatsoever.
Yes.
Yes, those wicked people are, some of them are nutty.
You know, have lost a little bit of a grip on reality, whatever.
You know, the super politically correct people.
Yes, there's a point in there, but they're fringe.
Yes.
Yes, exactly.
You're getting upset about people that don't affect this country.
You affect this country.
Yes.
It all comes down to the gay people and Jews won't give him a sitcom.
Yes.
You know, Paul, it's what I always tell people when you see a comedian on stage.
Just remember that this is all he's doing all day.
That's all.
It's not like he was out bartending and he took a 10-minute break to come in and do a set, and then he has to go fix.
He's got another job he's getting.
This is it.
All day long, he's thinking about doing this, and he can say whatever he wants.
No one tells him what he can say.
No one wrote what he could say.
No one edits what he can say.
No one directs what he can say.
He can say whatever he wants.
And this is what he chooses to talk about.
He's upset at somebody, some pretend person at a Wicca thing.
It's all.
And he's also like scapegoating the fact that his career isn't what he wants it to be because of political correctness.
But the fact is, now you take Larry the Cable guy, who I'm no big fan of, but compared to this guy, he's brilliant.
He has a million.
Larry can write jokes.
He has a million jokes in his act.
Yes.
And he's going for the same audience, but he makes like literally like $50 million a year.
There's no censorship against him.
Nothing is holding back his career.
Right.
Because whatever you want to say about Larry the Cable guy, he's worked to put a ton of jokes into it that people actually laugh at.
Whereas this guy comes up with nothing, and he's bitter that his career hasn't gone further than it has.
Whereas these other people like Drew and Larry the Cable guy, it doesn't matter.
That has nothing to do with the fact that he's conservative.
Yes, so what I bring to the stage, what I use, I offer jokes and funny ways to ridicule people who think differently than me.
What he offers is loud yelling.
That's what he offers.
So if you think differently than him, his comedy is that he'll hate you loudly.
I'm flashing back to every comic I had to follow when I was doing stand-up.
And just this is that guy.
Yeah, you know, the midnight show.
The audience is drunk and this is all they understand.
Yes.
And you could try to go up there with a little bit of nuance afterward to maybe champion the underdog.
Maybe try to throw an idea out that try to be human.
Yeah, try to be human.
And you are greeted with, FAGIT!
Bring the other guy out.
Yes.
We've all been there, Paul.
We've all been there.
I think that's what's really bothering me.
But this guy, though, I don't think would be.
I've seen a lot of acts who are really hacky, who I think would do much better in clubs than this guy because, like I said, he has nothing.
Right.
He really has no joke.
He doesn't really have a drug one joke.
Yes.
Yeah, there's a lot of guys who are considered.
Like he's not even good enough to call him a hack.
Yeah.
It's an insult to hacks.
Yes, it is.
It is.
Hacks can kill.
Okay, there's a little bit more.
Excuse me, but if I offend you because you are a witch, who cares?
He hates me.
Are you serious?
He's taken down witches.
Since when did offending witches become problematic in the United Stinking States of America?
The United Stinking States of America.
I thought he loved this country.
When you make Lewis Black sound like he's whispering.
I've read about you.
You poison apples.
You throw hats on Gretel in the oven.
You kill the sinking princess.
You ride around on brooms.
I'm thinking if there's anybody I shouldn't have to fret about offending, it's a witch.
By the way, he is walking as fast as you've ever seen.
He's an Olympic walker right now.
And by the way, if I offend you and you're a witch, I don't know.
Isn't there a potion for that?
That's the first joke.
That's our first joke, ladies and gentlemen.
Our first joke.
12 minutes in.
I've gone to almost at the end of my second clip of him, and we got our first joke.
He's been writing.
Maybe some eye of newts, some bad wings, because I'm thinking if you can affect the stinking world with incantations, I think you'd have bigger fish to fry than being offended by a six-year-old in striped socks and a pointed hat trying to score a Kit Kat bar on Halloween, you dork.
Put a helmet on.
I would think that a political comedian in the middle of a global banking meltdown that is cratering our economy and during the country's longest running war ever, once he got on stage at a political convention, would have bigger fish to fry than making fun of a witch.
Well, you know, I think this is typical of a lot of people in the conservative movement.
Not all, but a lot of people, and that they don't care to know the details of what is wrong.
They want something that justifies the anger that they have, the vague anger they have inside themselves.
And so the witch, the politically correct person, these are all people that you can direct your anger at because it doesn't involve you having to learn anything, to read any books, to understand any nuance, that there might be two sides.
Because you might find out something that contradicts what you already firmly believe.
And then you're going to have to look inside yourself.
And it's upsetting.
That's why it causes feelings.
So it's hot.
Paul, we've talked about this before in the show, is they're the kind of people who start at a conclusion.
Yeah.
Okay, I like gasoline or I don't believe in global warming.
And then they go backwards and try to find the evidence to support it.
They do the exact opposite of what you're supposed to do.
And one of the reasons why I know that is I've been maybe not as extreme as him, but I've been that full of that much misdirected anger.
And I know what that's like.
Was that when you were getting married?
When I first started out doing stand-up, I was full of rage.
Really?
Yes.
And anybody, any, you know, I just wanted to push buttons.
I just wanted to take everybody down.
Yes.
But you did it in a funny way, Paul.
We saw you then.
You didn't see a lot of my sets early on.
It was just, it was.
I didn't see it.
Maybe it wasn't this loud and this, you know, whatever.
But it was hard for you to kill pigs because there was no CPAC then.
But it was, there was a mean-spiritedness.
There was a mean-spiritedness to it that I recognize in this guy.
But fuck, I was 24 years old and, you know, I went to therapy.
And eventually, I was part of the wussification of America.
You wussy.
It's just more sad than anything.
And I do genuinely think a lot of that guy's anger is that he can't write a fucking joke.
Yeah.
Yes.
And his fear that he's not good enough.
Hello, podcast listeners.
Are you enjoying today's show?
Are you enjoying us dissecting the conservative comedian from CPAC?
Okay, well, we're done with it for now.
But I don't know if you noticed, you're getting an extended show.
The podcast listeners have been getting extended shows lately because I just don't want to leave stuff out for the podcast listeners because they're my favorite listeners.
And this is the time of the show.
Usually I come to you about seven or eight minutes earlier at the 30-minute mark and let you know how you can help support the show.
First, I want to say, but I'm coming to you now at the 37-minute mark.
Look at that.
Seven extra minutes.
So I want to let you know, thank you Very much, everybody who took advantage of the promotions from Pro Flowers and from Sherry's Berrys.
Thank you very much.
That really helps support the show.
And we really could not do this show without the support of our listeners.
That's the only funding we get.
It comes directly from you, helping us out with our promotions or donating directly to this show.
KPFK again, public radio station that doesn't take any corporate advertising, doesn't take any corporate advertising.
So that's why this show is so good.
And that's why you get the opinions you get on this show, because we are beholden to no one except you, the listener.
And there's several ways for you to help support the show.
Some of them require you to spend nothing, nothing from you, except here's a great way.
Here's the way.
It doesn't cost you any money to support the show.
How could that be, Jimmy?
When you next time you want to buy something from Amazon.com, you go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, you click on the Amazon.com box, and then that takes you to Amazon.com.
And when you buy something, they give us a percentage back.
That helps support the show.
It doesn't change the way your shop doesn't change your shopping experience one bit.
And you get the same deals you get at Amazon.com, but guess what?
For free, they're going to send us some of the money you spend over there.
Isn't that something?
That is something.
And so, Jimmy, that's kind of a hard thing to remember.
I have to go to your website, click on your Amazon.
Well, here's the best way to do that.
If you go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, you click on the Amazon.com link one time, and then you bookmark it.
And then you bookmark it.
So the next time you go to Amazon.com, you just go to your bookmark for Amazon, which would be the link for our show.
And then boom, you're at Amazon.com.
You shop exactly the same way you normally do, except that some of the dough you're going to spend anyway at Amazon.com, they send back to us to help support our show.
Okay, that's the easiest way I can think of.
So JimmyDoorComedy.com, click on the link, set the bookmark for amazon.com, and you're all set.
You're helping the show.
You don't have to donate, take advantage of the promotions, buy proflowers, nothing.
And that's a great way to help support the show.
Bookmark, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, click on the Amazon.com link, bookmark it.
It's a great way.
Plus, everyone else, guess what?
We finally figured out the premium.
We're going to start making premium content available to people who become members over at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Membership starts at $5 a month.
And when you donate, we send you a nice something in the mail as a thank-you gift.
Your leaders get the DVD, the award-winning one-hour Comedy Central special Citizen Jimmy on DVD.
Other donators get a CD of Citizen Jimmy or my other comedy CDs.
So please take advantage of all the different ways you can help support the show to make sure that the Jimmy Dor.
Look at the talent we have on this show.
Frank Conner from Mystery Science 3000.
We have writers from the Daily Show, top comedians in Los Angeles.
I know I'm a little biased, but I think it's the best newsy politics comedy podcast out there.
All right.
And if you have a better one, let me know.
I'll listen to it.
Okay, thank you very much for listening.
Thanks for supporting the show.
We got some fun stuff coming up.
We got Chris Christie coming up in the second half of the show.
We got two Ron Paul.
No, no, two Bill O'Reilly's calling in.
Okay.
All right.
This is Jimmy Dore saying thanks for all your support.
Now let's get back to the rest of the show.
Music.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome back to the Jimmy Door Show.
I'm joined in studio by Paul Gilmartin, Steve Rosenfield, and Frank Conniff.
And coming up right now, well, you know, that New Jersey, the legislature, has voted to make gay marriage legal in New Jersey.
Yes, but Governor Christie has vowed to veto that legislation.
And he called me up, left me a message about how he feels about it.
Jimmy Door, this is Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey.
I'm calling to talk to you about gays.
Listen, gay people of New Jersey want to get married now.
I said you already can.
Don't you remember Governor McGreevy?
They said no to each other.
Whoa.
Do you believe that?
Wonders never cease.
Who's fought a face for the wedding?
Probably the one that hasn't committed suicide from shame.
Seriously, though, this is bananas.
They get so pushy about it, too.
Governor Christie, we want equal rights to get married.
Oh, yeah?
I want to rescue Marissa Tome from drowning in a giant van of marinero sauce.
But you don't get to live out every little bizarre scenario that pops into your pervert head starting to break it to you, Brittany.
But the other day, the New Jersey Senate and House of Representatives allowed to allow it against my wishes.
Well, everybody in Trenton girl pairs to gas all of a sudden.
Trust me, I could have marched in there and broken all their freaking legs.
But I'm a reasonable man.
So I made a compromise with them instead.
We'll put gay marriage on a state referendum.
Let the people decide.
That's how all civil rights have come about in the first place.
People vote for them.
If you want to protect the rights of persecuted minority, you ask the permission of the people persecuting them in the first place.
And don't forget to say pretty please with an entire jar of maraschino cherries on top.
Delicious.
And I know that the Rachel Madhouse of the world will be all over my front butt on this one.
But I don't care.
Speaking of, I saw Rachel Maddow, Chris Hayes, and Sam Seder on the same panel on MSNBC the other day.
How the hell does Rachel Maddow look the least like a lesbian out of that group?
Enough with the fucking glasses already.
But before I go, I just got one more thing to say about all this.
And I want your listeners to hear me.
I've seen what's been happening.
the Republican politicians will oppose gay rights.
I dare one of you fucking fruits to glitter bomb me.
Do you hear me?
Please bring it on because that will be the last fucking thing you ever do.
You got that?
You do that shit to me.
You think I'm just going to wipe my face and give it all Shuckshigabi look like me, Romney?
No, my friend.
You'll be whisked away by the New Jersey Secret Service.
AKA Big Coney and Carmine the reorganizer.
Never to be seen again.
And you will learn the interesting effect that four ropes tied to four bumpers attached to four Camaros can have on a human body.
Now, that's what I call a glitter bomb.
All right, Jimmy, I gotta go.
I appreciate all your radio time.
You've been a good friend to me.
I mean that.
I don't mean that sarcastically.
Okay, I made it awkward.
All right, goodbye.
Okay, Governor Chris Christie, let us know.
Chris Christie doesn't like being a glitter bomb, but he doesn't mind being cinnabombed.
Very good.
All right.
I'm going to say no.
Really, I like that.
Oh, yeah, there was a whole other clip of Brad Stein.
Maybe we'll do it next week, but it comes back to more of the pussification, the wussification.
Just the irony that he's saying wussification, which is the wussified fucking version of the word pussy.
Yeah, he's missing all the good irony.
He's missing all the good stuff.
It's like he's shouting what's wrong with conservatism, right?
You guys go, is that a bunny?
No, it's a hat.
Yeah, that's what's wrong with you guys.
But you know, like, even like when Ann Coulter does CPAC, and you know, her jokes are hideous, but she does have jokes.
You know, she does have jokes, yeah.
They've seen people come up with material, you know.
Yes, she actually does have clever turns of phrases.
Yeah, and there are a lot of things that you can make fun of liberals for the far left.
There's many things, you know, their sense of self-importance that they think they can rescue the world and they're trying to rescue the world and they enable people that are lazy or whatever.
There's many things you can make fun of.
Right now, the thing to make fun of is that their leader is actually Republican.
That's what I think.
Barack Obama is actually a conservative.
Yet they still make him out to be a socialist.
Yeah.
You know, so that's to me, that's the fun.
That's the funny part, the sad part.
Yeah, and the limousine liberals.
Definitely, there's something funny there, the Hollywood liberals that really just want to appear as if they're saving the world, but fly around, you know, like Lori David was flying around on a jet plane, promoting cleaning up the environment.
Everybody does their own thing, right?
You know, like, because some people take our animal rights activists, some people go, yeah, but there's babies who are, well, everyone has their own charity to do.
The thing I don't get is that Edgelina Jolie, like when you go to help babies in Africa, don't you, how many homeless people do you have to step over to get into the town car to take you to the airport to fly you over to Africa so you can start saving people.
That's why, I mean, I'm not saying that what she's doing is bad, or I just don't understand that.
But if you want to make fun of it, there's a joke there.
Yes, there's a joke.
There's a joke there.
Yes.
But that's public radio, something ripe for parody and making fun of.
So lame.
And so touchy feely.
You know, SNL and other people make fun of it.
But I think that's the big difference, I think, between conservatives and liberals, is that liberals enjoy making fun of their leaders.
Right, we make fun of a lot of those people on this show.
Yes.
We make fun of Brian Williams.
Brian Williams, Chris Matthews.
We make fun of Barack Obama.
You know, we make fun of anybody.
So there's this BS phony manufacturer controversy about contraception being pushed by partisan morons and some Catholic bishops who like to scream about condoms and also cover up child rape.
Well, here is Chris Matthews, who still defers to the closeted homosexuals who harbor pedophiles and dress up like Elton John on matters of spirituality.
He still defers to them.
And here he is quoting one of our, he's throwing it to one of our Catholic scholars.
I'm putting quotes around that.
Telling us what really happened in this controversy.
It turns out that the Catholics are being victimized again.
I mean, the Obama administration is requiring them to provide comprehensive health insurance to their secular employees in hospitals and schools that would include contraception.
Okay, Obama, you jackbooted thug.
But you got to listen to Catholic scholar George Weigel.
Here's what he has to say.
This has struck a kind of tribal nerve in Catholicism.
Wow.
Well, a tribal, that's good.
Heaven forbid people make policy based on rational responses to a problem.
Go with the caveman thinking.
Struck a tribal nerve.
You know, that same instinctual feeling that kept the Pope from turning in any of the molesters on his payroll.
That kind of tribal thing.
That's a tribal feeling that persecuted Galileo.
Yeah, that kind of tribal thinking.
That's one big tribe.
Yes.
Hey, it only took 300 years for the Pope to apologize for that.
So here we go.
Catholic Church has been beaten up for the last 10 or 11 years.
And I think Catholics are tired.
Catholic Church has been beaten up for the last 10 and 11.
You know what I say?
Yay, world.
Hey, why do you keep beating up on the Catholics?
All right.
Maybe it's the molesting and the covering up and stuff.
Still, can we all quit bullying one of the most powerful institutions in the world that refuses to take responsibility for one of the largest criminal conspiracies in history?
Can we please stop and who continue to demonize homosexuals?
And who continue to demonize?
They're protecting their molesters.
Their molesters.
Sure, okay.
Catholics are tired of the government and others beating up on the church.
Oh, yeah.
How the government beats up on the church with their appropriate criminal investigations.
I'm tired of the church beating off on our boys.
I'm tired of the church beating off on our boys.
And can you believe the government with their letting you keep your nonprofit status, even though you frequently make political recommendations to your parishioners?
I don't know how you Catholics carry on.
How do they take it?
How can you?
Can you believe it?
I mean, the people who brought you the Inquisition suppressed the science of Galileo and Darwin turned a blind eye during the Holocaust and molested children.
I mean, can you believe we are making them provide diaphragms to women who want to have sex?
I can't believe it.
I just can't believe it.
So the Catholic Church is the victim here, right?
And I would like to suggest to the Catholic Church that they talk to a couple of actual victims.
Like, I don't know, a victim of, say, molestation or homophobia and get a more woman and get a more empirical understanding of what victimhood is.
Yes.
But thank God for Chris.
This was on the Chris Matthews show.
Here's how Chris Matthews introduced him, by the way.
I think it's worth noting how he refers to this guy.
Buddy Scar George Weigel, who I recommend you read on occasionally said, on this issue, it's an emotional one for Catholics.
Let's listen to this guy.
This guy's our scholar on Catholic affairs.
He's smart.
This guy's our scholar.
Listen to this guy.
This guy knows what he's talking about.
He knows a lot of shit about it.
The guy who comes out and says that the Catholics are being persecuted.
The guy who comes out and says the Catholics are tired of being beaten up.
You're going to enjoy my rant then.
I am going to enjoy your rant.
Oh, yeah.
I'm going to do it.
See, the thing about Chris Matthews, I criticize him, but his show has to strike just the perfect balance, right?
Because on some nights, he has guests on who hate contraception and contraceptive rights.
And on other nights, he has guests on who hates gay marriage.
So he has to balance it up.
It evens out, really.
Yeah.
You know, Chris Matthews, to me, he's different from Fox in the sense that he's the kind of pundit who just always respects and worships power.
So people think he's liberal now because he's been very supportive of Obama.
But Obama, he really admires what a great politician Obama is and his ability to be powerful.
And that's why he praises Obama now and he praised Bush and compared Bush to Winston Churchill during the Iraq war.
So that's almost more dangerous than Fox, just someone who worships anyone in power and doesn't really question them.
He's called pandering.
Yeah.
Yes.
That would be, you know, he's a very obsequious person.
Right?
Did I use that word correctly?
I hope so.
I hope so.
And now Bill O'Reilly had now Bill O'Reilly called in.
He had something to do.
That's right.
Bill O'Reilly's also upset about this.
Jimmy Dore, this is Bill O'Reilly.
I know I haven't called you in a long time.
We've been very busy over here at Fox News with the 2012 Republican race.
You realize how difficult it is, how much of a tightrope it is to walk for a completely disingenuous news network to cover a presidential campaign of nothing but liars and cheats?
One false move, and someone might accidentally actually tell the truth.
We can't have it, Jimmy Doer.
We can't have it.
They say two wrongs don't make it right.
But I don't want to find out.
I'm sorry, JD.
I'm a little hot under the collar here.
I am so steamed, I can't even tell you.
I can't even think straight.
I'm in such a rage over this Catholic Church contraception insurance debacle thing, whatever it is.
But I'm a Roman Catholic, and I know when I've been told that I'm supposed to be angry about some shit.
So I've been walking around punching through walls and shrieking at mousy office girls all day just to pour off all the steam over this whole thing.
President Obama's war on the Catholic Church is so insidious and evil, I can't believe it.
He's declared war on us, Jimmy.
War.
They're coming for us poor Catholics.
It's like the Inquisition all over again.
Oh, wait, we did that.
It's like the St. Bartholomew's Day massacre of 1572 all over again.
Oh, wait, that's when we surprised and murdered hundreds of thousands of Protestants in Paris.
Well, unfortunately, most of the analogies I can think of for the phony, horrible things that Catholics are pretending are going to happen to us are actual horrible things that Catholics have done to other people in the past.
I'll get back to you on that.
Okay, Bill O'Reilly calling in and letting us know.
Can I just say, I would like to say something to all the news broadcasters everywhere.
You know, that moment between news stories or right before you go to a commercial, you don't have to fill that in with talking.
You can just go to the next story without saying anything.
Do you know how often Walter Cronkite gave an unsolicited editorial comment?
Twice.
Twice.
He got teary-eyed when Kennedy was shot and smiley when we landed on the moon.
So I was watching CBS News.
This is literally two hours after they found Whitney Houston's body.
And the news reporter here, the Weatherman, actually, reminds us who the real victim is.
11, where you'll meet the doctor who saved her singing career.
It should be a very interesting story.
Yeah, it should be a great show to watch tomorrow.
How would you like to be one of the producers scrambling right now to put together a Whitney obituary?
It's going to change the whole dynamic of that show.
A lot of work tonight.
Well, we should be in good shape, though, for the red carpet.
The storm that hit.
Yeah, we should be.
So, first of all, of course, he reminds us of the real victim here, the producer at the Graham.
Right.
Right.
Oh.
It's so unfair.
It is so unfair.
But on the bright side, you know, it's not going to rain.
It's not going to rain.
It makes you long for the organic fluidity of an elevator conversation.
What a nightmare, though, for that producer, huh?
But it may be a slightly bigger nightmare being, say, I don't know, a member of Whitney Houston's family, or maybe one of her employees.
Or I think, as we're going to discover, her drug dealer.
Bigger nightmare.
And by the way, who brought up that incredibly insightful point?
The weatherman did.
The weatherman.
How often have you been watching the night's headlines and thought, I wonder what the weatherman thinks about that?
It's the way the news is going to be.
I say we all go all the way.
And everyone should get to comment on everyone else's work.
Like coming out of the weather report, the sports guy should be able to say, by the way, I think that Doppler radar thing is bullshit.
I was flabbergasted.
I mean, that's kind of amazing that he said that.
And I don't think anybody was shocked by it.
Right.
You know, that she died.
Cracks are pretty insidious.
I know a couple people that can't put down the crack pipe.
And really, oh, yeah.
There is nobody harder to talk to on the phone than somebody in the grips of crack addiction.
Really?
Completely trapped in their own world, wound super, super tight, talk a myeloman.
And this isn't even necessarily when they're high.
Right.
There's just, it spins people into an insanity that is really, really hard to watch.
And expecting them to act normal is not.
You meet enough people that have kind of been in the grips of that.
And nothing surprises.
Nothing surprises.
I've seen a lot of people on drugs growing up in my life.
I grew up in a blue-collar, kind of a tough neighborhood, and nothing took people down quicker than crack.
Nothing.
It was unbelievable.
I've saw grandfathers.
I knew a guy who was a grandfather who was the cornerstone of the neighborhood.
Got involved in crack.
He was unbelievable.
It was done within six months, right?
Left his wife and families with a prostitute, the whole deal.
Yeah.
That's bad.
Okay.
So Bill O'Reilly called in again to talk about the Catholic thing, and I think we have to hear it.
Jimmy Doors, Bill O'Reilly.
Listen, I'm really upset about this whole birth control controversy.
The Obama administration has no respect for the Catholic Church.
I expected more from the president because I think he's pretty smart for a Muslim.
Obama's behavior has been downright scandalous.
And that is an outrage because when has the word scandal ever been associated with the Catholic Church?
Fucking never.
Jimmy, like you, I was brought up Catholic.
But unlike you, I still respect the teachings of the church.
I just thank God I don't live where you live in the depraved moral sewer of Pasadena, California.
And I'm proud to say my religious upbringing is what made me the deeply compassionate person I am today.
Millions of Americans look to me for spiritual guidance, and I am happy to lead them down a path of love and forgiveness.
And everyone else can go to hell and kiss my rich white ass.
Listen, Jimmy, the church's rules banning contraception are very important to Catholics because they give us great peace and comfort when we're using contraception, which is pretty much every time we have sex.
Now, I know some of you liberal pinheads are trying to turn this into an issue about women's health.
That's a lot of crap.
Don't believe it.
Don't believe it.
I happen to believe in the separation of church and state.
And that's why I don't think women's bodies should ever qualify for government assistance.
Because I don't believe that original sin should be covered by any healthcare program.
And Jimmy, I'm not sure if you know this, but women are just lousy with original sin.
It wafts off their naked bodies like satanic perfume.
And as a good Catholic, I've tried to scrub the original sin off their bodies with a loofah.
That just sounds divine.
Well, Jimmy, I better get going.
I've got to prepare to say some more insensitive things about Wendy Houston.
But there's one thing I can say about one of her more popular songs that no one will disagree with.
If learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all, then I am the greatest lover of all time.
So long, Jagoff.
All right, Paul.
Let's get to your.
Who's got the rant?
Somehow, an issue of Newsweek found its way into my house recently.
I hadn't read it in years.
And here are some of the gems of stories I found within it.
The first one is actually, it's on the cover that there is a war on Christianity.
Oh, sure.
That's right.
An article by Ayan Hirsi Ali calls it a rising genocide.
You know who she is?
She's the woman from Somalia who is just a darling of the right because she says all these things about Muslims.
Some true, but a lot of them very kind of inflammatory.
And it's understanding that, understandable that she came from a bad place and that she would have some bitterness.
She writes, the media's reticence on the subject no doubt has several sources.
One may be fear of provoking additional violence.
Another is most likely the influence of lobbying groups such as the Organization of Islamic Cooperation, a kind of United Nations of Islam centered in Saudi Arabia, and the Council on American-Islamic Relations.
Yeah, that's right.
The Islamic-controlled media is what is keeping us from talking about the war on Christianity and Muslim countries.
Also, she writes: A fair-minded assessment of recent events and trends leads to the conclusion that the scale and severity of Islamophobia pales in comparison with the bloody Christophobia currently coursing through Muslim-majority nations from one end of the globe to the other.
The conspiracy of silence surrounding this violent expression of religious intolerance has to stop.
Nothing less than the fate of Christianity and ultimately all religious minorities in the Islamic world is at stake.
You know, instead of falling for overblown, she writes, instead of falling for overblown tales of Western Islamophobia, let's take a real stand against the Christophobia infecting the Muslim world.
You know, Ayan is to the neocons what Ain was to the American imperialists.
Women who escaped bad countries, who are understandably bitter, but then whose bitterness is used by the right wing in our country to justify corporate imperialism.
Now, here's the part that was so ridiculous that I had to laugh out loud.
And this very issue, where she says there is no true Islamophobia, there's an article by Niall Ferguson endorsing war with Iran because Iran frightens him.
He lists the common arguments of why we shouldn't invade Iran and picks apart each one as only, obviously, as a removed intellectual could do.
I'm sure he's never seen combat or had a loved one killed by collateral damage.
I'm not saying there haven't been some humdingers in that Harvard faculty break room.
I know what it's like to have someone use and then not wash my mug.
You know, interestingly, one of the reasons he didn't list and then pick apart is that if we go to war with Iran, people will die, American and Iranian.
I suppose he didn't list that reason because then he would have had to list the reason he discounts it because nobody he loves is at risk to be a casualty in the war that he recommends.
So Newsweek, congratulations on exposing your hypocrisy and inconsistency in a single issue and saving me from having to crack open another one.
Since your policies are so closely aligned with him, you might consider renaming your magazine Newts Week.
Fantastic, thank you very much.
That reminds me, there's a great thing in Salon today by Glenn Greenworld, Glenn Greenwald, about an ABC report on Iran and how the media is all over again trying to gin up a war.
It's Iraq all over again.
It's Iraq all over again.
Stoked by APAC.
Absolutely stoked by AIPAC.
Yes, I don't think the country has a stomach for an Iran war.
But APAC does.
And they are going to push for it.
But all it would take is for one Iranian ship to fire a missile at an American ship.
Or what looks like an Iranian ship to fire a missile.
Yep, that's all on.
Today's show was written by Robert Yasimura, Mike McRae, Frank Conniff, and Steve Rosenfield.
And me.
I wrote some stuff.
Today's show was produced by me.
I'm a producer.
I also want to take time to thank the gentlemen who helped make this podcast possible by donating their time and talent.
First up, Frank Pulaski, who takes some of the phone calls and some of the bits we do on the show, and he puts a video to them, and they are hilarious.
It's Frank Pulaski at Dreamtime Films, a great editor.
You need a video editor.
He's your man.
And if you have problems with your Macintosh computer, here's a guy who can fix it for you.
Sean James.
He fixes all our computers here at the Jimmy Door show.
He's great at it.
All you have to do is email him, and he can fix it for you over the internet.
It is amazing to watch.
He really does.
And how do you get a hold of him?
MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
And how do you spell Sean?
S-H-A-U-N.
Okay.
▲
Export Selection