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Feb. 24, 2012 - Jimmy Dore Show
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The Republicans have a problem now because they have to choose between a guy who can't win and a guy they hate who probably can't win.
The bottom line is Romney has the most money.
Yes, everything he says is creepy, but remember, Bush was like that too.
Yet people wanted to have a beer with Bush.
Of course, they couldn't because he was an alcoholic.
But people knew that and they still voted for Bush.
More people didn't, but their votes didn't count.
Nobody wants to have a beer with Romney, which works out fine because he's not allowed to drink.
But people don't even want to have a cup of coffee with Romney, which again works out because he can't have coffee either.
Anyway, I think Romney and Santorum are both excellent candidates, although Santorum is much funnier.
Why not have Romney be the nominee and Santorum can run on a hopeless third-party ticket?
Then everybody would be happy.
Politics is about compromise.
Sometimes you don't get what you want, and other times you still don't get what you want, but it's later.
Maybe Romney can have decaf.
not sure.
We'll be right back.
It's the Jimmy Dore show.
The show for...
Up-minded, lowly-lovered lockpies.
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's our popular key.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody, and welcome to this week's episode.
I'm joined in studio by the host of the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast, chosen, one of the top 10 podcasts in the world by The Onion.
It's Paul Gilmartin.
God bless, Jimmy.
Hey, Paul, you're looking good.
You're looking actually looking a little scruffy.
You got an audition for that Miami Vice remake later.
Is that what's happening?
I forgot.
I have socks on.
I got to take those off.
Next to him, hilarious comedian and former writer for the Daily Show, Steve Rosenfields.
How are you?
Good, Jimmy.
How are you today?
I'm feeling great.
Thanks for asking.
You look good.
You look all dressed up.
You got a nice dark navy blue shirt on, huh?
I like it.
You painted a nice picture for the listener, Jimmy.
I like people to know what it looks like in here.
Over to your left and next to me, to my right, it's from cinematictitanic.com and Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's Frank Conner.
Frank, where's Cinematic Titanic going to be?
At the Royal Oaks Theater in Detroit or just outside of Detroit?
Yes.
This Saturday, two shows.
Okay, so...
And after this, I'm going to the Miami Vice Audition.
It's for the Edward James Almost part.
Oh, okay.
Okay, Frank.
Okay, coming up on today's show, Santorum compared Obama to Hitler.
I don't know if you caught that.
And then Obama compared Santorum to Santorum.
So there's nasty mudslinging on both sides.
There really is.
And sorry, New Jersey gay people who want to get married.
Chris Christie vetoed the gay marriage amendment, saying that he will not tolerate an unhealthy, self-destructive lifestyle.
Okay.
He's a large man.
He's a large man.
That's the joke there.
Coming up today in the Oh My God segment, we're going to find out what happens when faith healing doesn't work right from Pat Robertson, what you should do and who's at fault.
Plus, Mitt Romney tells us how much he likes Michigan and how much he connects with people.
And we're going to talk about the religious bigotry of Rick Santorum and Franklin Graham, who is Billy Graham's son, who was on Morning Joe, being the opposite of a Christian.
Anyway, plus, we're going to get to that goddamn Alan West clip that we've been teasing forever and ever.
Plus, maybe we're going to get to Mr. A-Hole himself, Paul Ryan, later on in the show.
But right now, it's the Oh My God segment.
Time for another installment of Oh My God.
Okay, well, if you know me, you know I like to get high and watch Christian television.
And one of my favorite things to do was watch the faith healers.
And my favorite faith healer is Benny Hinn.
And the reason why is because he has a bald spot that he combs over wickedly.
And I always thought, you know, if you can cure my spine, you can straighten out my scoliosis.
You can certainly fix your bald spot.
And so anyway, so faith healing, it must work.
And so Pat Robertson got a letter from someone recently.
You know, Pat Robertson, right?
He's a guy who's really down to earth, doesn't make grandiose statements.
And here he is.
Somebody wrote in to ask him about faith healing.
This is Razman, who said recently, I prayed with you for pain in my knees, and praise God, my knees were healed.
However, I woke up the next day and the pain had returned.
It's like the healing was nothing more than a wonderful dream.
What happened to my healing and how do I get it back?
Well, people can give it up.
I mean, you know, you don't believe that it's real.
And you say, well, it's a wonderful dream, but you didn't receive it.
You've got to receive it, stand on it, take it, and praise God for it.
This is mine.
And you can ask it back.
I mean, this may be satanic and the things come back on you.
They come back and you need to rebuke it and command it to leave you permanently.
See, God gets pissed off when he heals someone and they're not sufficiently grateful.
He hates that.
He hates it.
And then he'll take back his healing.
And, you know, I don't know.
This might sound crazy, but maybe her knees hurt because she's praying too much.
Get up, honey.
It's weird, you know.
The less I started I was praying, the less my knees hurt.
And it was kind of an inverse relationship between prayer and knees hurting.
I don't understand.
Yeah, get off your knees.
Well, also, if her knees hurt, maybe God doesn't want her praying.
God doesn't like hearing her prayers.
And he smited her or smote her or whoever you say.
Got smited.
Smited her.
She done got smited.
She done got smited by God who's like, you know, quit bugging me with your prayers.
I'm busy.
I'm with you on that.
I mean, the chances, Frank, that Satan is what's causing this woman's knees to hurt.
He's too busy telling Obama how to destroy America.
I mean, that's so true.
That is really what's happening.
I know that Satan is the one who caused Mike out, or as I like to call Satan, a chopped liver.
That's what really causes my guy.
But Satan comes in the form of foods like that.
You know, I found out that in another clip I don't have, but Pat lets you know that the pain also comes back if you don't send in a donation.
That happens.
And you gotta hurt.
You've got to receive it.
You've got to stand on it.
You've got to take it and praise God for it.
And if that doesn't work, try Advil.
That's what I say.
Advil usually works.
Like three.
Well, considering how people of Pat Robinson's ilk don't want, probably don't want that woman to have health care.
You know, I hope that there's some faith healing involved in her life because she probably can't get medications to make it go away.
It's almost limitless the good things that Pat Robertson can smear.
You know, I pray.
I believe in prayer.
I believe in God.
I believe, you know, in a lot of things that he believes in, but the way he presents it and the way he twists it and perverts it is just limitless.
Do you believe in a personal God?
Do you know what that means?
A personal God.
So a deist.
I believe in a personal pizza.
I believe in the thin crust.
I believe in a deep dish God.
I believe in positive energy, but that's my God.
I believe in a flatbread Holy Spirit.
I have a personal God.
That's why I haven't had to hire a personal assistant.
Okay.
That's my personal God.
Does all my errands for me?
My belief is that prayer changes our energy because it humbles us.
Oh, okay.
But you don't.
So a personal God would mean a God who takes interest personally in your life.
Like, oh, Paul should get that promotion or he really needs this thing.
Whereas a deist believes that there is something controlling everywhere or a spiritual thing out there, but it doesn't really care about us individually.
Yeah, I kind of more believe that, and it's just kind of a universal law like gravity.
It's an energy.
Karma would be the closest thing to what I believe in.
Or Carla would be pretty close to iCarly.
Okay.
But my point being that it's not that far off from what he believes in, that there's something good and loving out there, but then he takes it down this horrible dark alley.
I think that you believe in prayer and spirituality, but I don't really believe that Pat Robertson does.
I think Pat Robertson has cynically taken people's need for that and created a huge business for himself.
If you listen to most of the stuff he says, this is not a, to me at least, this is not a person who really truly believes.
He just cynically makes money off of what other people believe.
I could not agree with you more.
I think it's obvious that all these guys, if you're a preacher on television, you're pretty much full of it.
You're not even pretty much.
You're all of it.
I mean, even, and, you know, that goes for anybody.
You know, the bishops who, you know, when you are a religious person who seeks power, it's just the antithesis of spirituality is seeking power and authority.
Paul just said humility is very important.
Yes.
How are any of these people like Pat Robertson humble?
They're not.
That would be the answer.
They'll say that they are.
And well, we're going to get into that later in the show, how everybody, how all these Christians love to point the finger at other people who aren't Christian enough for them, or they're not the right kind of Christian.
And that's what Jesus said, right?
Judge, lest you.
Just judge lest ye not get on a cable pundit show.
Yes.
Judge lest people forget about you if you don't say crazy things on Morning Joe.
Exactly.
Okay.
This has been, oh my God.
Oh my God.
The Jimmy Dora show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Now, the Republican presidential campaign is really heating up.
What looked like the ultimate or the inevitable Mitt Romney?
He's now struggling to keep his home state of Michigan.
He's from Michigan.
He's from Utah.
He's from Massachusetts.
The guy, when you're that rich, you have to be born in a few states.
So his father was the governor of Michigan, yet he is trailing, he's trailing Rick Santorum in all the polls.
And so he gave a speech where he wanted to let people from Michigan know how much he likes Michigan.
And let's just take a little sample of that, okay?
A little history.
I was born and raised here.
I love this state.
It seems right here.
The trees are the right height.
No.
He did not say the trees are the right height.
He did not.
No.
Not the right height.
They're not the right.
Oh, my God.
Every time I think that the candidates can't be more of a freak show, it's like they ought to be that little sideshow in Lollapalooza where the guy, you know, pounds a nail through his dick.
It's just unbelievable.
Well, you are proving again, once again, why you are indispensable to this program.
Because I know that Frank and I, and I'm sure Steve has seen this clip and we're sick of it.
Yet you, who I am amazed, can keep himself away from the news on a daily basis.
I can surprise you with things.
And then I get to see how I reacted the first time I heard.
Well, I'm glad my laziness is paying off.
No, it's really paying off.
No, it's our laziness because we're just sitting around watching people all day.
The trees are the rope.
Okay, it gets better, Paul.
I know it's hard to believe, but it gets better.
Here we go.
A little history.
I was born and raised here.
I love this state.
It seems right here.
The trees are the right height.
I like seeing the lakes.
I love the lakes.
Just something very special here.
The Great Lakes, but also all the little inland lakes that dot the parts of Michigan.
I love cars.
I don't know.
I mean, I grew up totally in love with cars.
It used to be in the 50s and 60s, if you showed me one square foot of almost any part of a car, I could tell you what brand it was, the model and so forth.
Now with all the Japanese cars, I'm not quite so good at it, but I still know the American cars pretty well and drive a Mustang.
I love cars.
I love American cars.
And long may they rule the world.
Let me tell you, I want to do well.
Oh, my God.
The desperation.
You know what he sounded like?
This is how I described him.
He sounds like a guy with no game who's trying to get laid by Miss Michigan.
Yes.
That's so fantastic.
He is equally.
I've never seen the perfect blend of desperation and dull.
As desperate as he is dull.
It's just unbelievable.
And also, you know, I'm going to Michigan this weekend and I've been there a few times doing shows.
And anyone who goes there can tell you the trees are not the right height.
They're not the right height.
They're not.
The first thing you noticed is how screwed up the trees are.
Why are they that height?
That doesn't seem like the right height.
What's with these trees?
The whole time I'm in Michigan.
So you know he's lying.
He goes, I love American cars.
Just not enough to bail out the companies that make them.
That's where I draw the line.
He loves his Mustang.
It's ideal for transporting dogs.
The roof, it's perfect.
You sit him on there.
He was born.
You know, he was born in Michigan, but for some reason, nobody remembers him.
Isn't that weird?
Well, he's forgettable as a presidential candidate.
Imagine how dull he was as a child in a crowd.
No kidding.
It's just like, it's like a guy.
You know what I wanted to do was Somebody was saying they knew him in college or in his 20s, and they said he was like this really charismatic guy that was surrounded by people.
I think it's when he was doing missionary work or something.
I just found that so hard to believe because he's so stiff.
I think it's just because maybe he looks like a charismatic.
He's one of those guys.
He's Johnny Bravo.
He fits the suit.
He looks like a guy who should have charisma.
Plus, he was rich.
So, you know, when you're rich and you're young, you just naturally have characteristics.
And he's handsome.
So he's a handsome guy.
And I mean, he's really a handsome guy.
You know what I'm talking about?
And of course, as soon as Santorum heard Mitt Romney mentioned trees, he was like, environmentalists.
Yeah.
He's not a.
Mitt Romney's not a tree hugger.
He kisses up to trees.
Yes.
He's a tree-brown noser.
Yes, he is.
He's a tree-brown noser.
Check out Rick Santorum, who couldn't get re-elected in his own home state, now running a national campaign.
That Rick Santorum.
Yeah, that rings out to him.
That Rick Santorum, who lost by 17 points in his own home state, they hate you where you're from.
What does that tell you?
The people that really know you.
To no one or whatever.
Well, that's the same thing true with Gingrich, not in terms of it's the people who know him in the Congress are the ones who really hate him.
It's the people who used to work with Newt Gingrich that are the most despised.
We know these people.
So if we elect them president, we're all going to be.
That's what people said about John Edwards, too, people from his home state.
We're like, oh, he's just loathed, absolutely loath in his home.
And this was before all the bottom.
He never ran for re-election ever, John Edwards.
He served one term in the Senate and then he's soon after that.
Yeah.
Do you want to, you know what?
Is this indulgent, but I would like to hear that one more time.
It was just so awkward.
I'm going to hear it one more time.
A little history.
I was born and raised here.
I love this state.
It seems right here.
The trees are the right height.
I like seeing the.
And you can hear the crowd laughing.
Yeah, they think he's making a joke.
But they don't know.
He's just that dull.
That he's just floundering.
He's just desperately like anything to say.
He couldn't be any closer to a parody of yourself than he is.
He is like one word away from a Saturday night live sketch.
I like bunnies and socks.
And I like the way my sweater keeps me warm.
He probably wanted to talk about how if you go to that liberal state, California, those redwood trees are so full of themselves.
They're so high taller than all the rest of the trees.
That's the wrong height.
That's the totally wrong height for a tree.
Damn, Kellen Obama height for a tree.
He wants the trees to all be tall.
We don't want that.
You know what?
All the trees aren't supposed to be tall.
I'm at Romney.
Okay, let's get back.
The lakes.
I love the lakes.
Just something very special here.
The Great Lakes, but also all the little inland lakes that dot the parts of Michigan.
I love cars.
I don't know.
I mean, I grew up totally in love with cars.
It used to be in the 50s and 60s.
If you showed me one square foot of almost any part of a car, I could tell you what brand it was, the model and so forth.
Now with all the Japanese cars, I'm not quite so good at it, but I still know the American cars pretty well.
And drive a Mustang.
I love cars.
I love American cars.
And long may they rule the world.
Let me tell you, I want to do well.
Paul, if he was talking to you, he would be like dinners and movies.
Love both of them.
Love going to movies.
I'm mentally ill.
Mentally ill.
I have been since I was a kid.
Oh, I like talking about it.
I like being happy.
I like ours.
Oh, yeah.
Depression, interesting.
Drugs, different kinds of psychotrophics.
I love being depressed.
I've enjoyed what as a kid.
I could be depressed for months at end.
That is just shocking.
That is just making.
Okay, so then.
I don't think that I have any challenge whatsoever connecting with people on an emotional level.
You have to have emotions.
Yeah, first you have to have emotions, Mitt, before you can connect with people at an emotional level.
He doesn't even have a level.
So Frank and I were guests on David Feldman's podcast this week, and he made a point that he went down to LACMA, the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, and he was looking at Monet, and he said he couldn't tell if it was good or not because there was no counter next to it showing how many views it had gotten.
He's like, how am I supposed to know if this is good or not?
I don't even know if it's popular.
No thumbs up.
No likes or dislikes.
So last night, I was, and I have the same, I share the same birthday as Carl Jung, the psychiatrist.
Sure.
Brilliant guy.
Brilliant guy.
And he, so there's a page with all his quotes, and I'm reading it.
And next to it is a counter of how many likes each quote has.
I couldn't effing believe it.
I'm like, this is David Feldman's joke.
Here it is.
They have like button next to Carl Jung quotes?
Oh, yeah.
Why not?
So much time on Facebook and get back to his practice.
Carl Jung, I know.
Why is he on Facebook?
He's hooked on it.
I mean, here's another weird thing.
The other day I went to my therapist and he live tweeted the session.
Is that okay?
I don't know if that's.
Well, did he do the good stuff or the bad stuff?
He did the bad stuff.
Then that's not cool.
But if he did the stuff that makes you look good.
How many retweets did he get?
That's where you want to ask.
It got a lot, but I refuse to accept it because I have low self-esteem, which is why I went to the therapist.
Oh, in the first place.
All right.
If he could tweet, can you imagine how many followers Manson would have?
Oh, I'd be following.
Now, Paul, you just joined LinkedIn.
And what do you have to say about LinkedIn?
What is your saying about LinkedIn?
LinkedIn is perfect in case you've tired of the other nine ways to get a hold of people.
Nine easier ways.
Nine easier ways.
Okay, guess who.
So now there's a lot happening in the Middle East right now that Iran and Israel, right?
Iran is pursuing a nuclear agenda, right?
Because everybody else has nuclear weapons.
Our mainstream media is pursuing a war with Iran.
Our mainstream media is pursuing a war with Iran, except the American people aren't big on it.
But the Israelis seem to be in Benjamin Netanyahu.
A portion of the Israelis.
A portion, correct.
Because there is a correct.
Yes.
So Benjamin Netanyahu actually called.
We actually had a phone call.
Who am I talking to?
Are we recording?
This is Jimmy Dore from the Jimmy Dore show and KPFK.
Hello, Jimmy Dore.
My name is Benjamin Netanyahu.
Leader of Israel.
Hello, Prime Minister.
Call me BB.
Okay, baby.
No, not no.
No, no, no, no.
Not baby.
BB.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Baby.
Bibi?
Bibi?
Okay, so that sounds very...
Yes, with Iran.
Yes.
We really, really want to go to war with them.
Well, why are you doing that?
Well, we feel that they pose a threat, an existential threat to the state of Israel.
You see, Iran has very vociferously pursued a program of developing nuclear weaponry, atomic bombs, against the wishes of the United Nations, much like Israel did in the 1960s.
So we see where this is going.
Yes, everyone forgets that, but we did that too.
We were first on board of that ship, my friend.
Oh, that's right.
Well, the problem with that, Madis Yahoo, is it's Netanyahu, not Madison Yahoo.
Oh, my apologies.
A Very common mistake.
The United States doesn't want to go to war with Iran.
That's the problem.
Well, I understand that, but that is not your decision to make.
Whether or not you go to war with Iran on the thing to save Israel.
That is not your decision.
What do you mean?
That's not a decision.
How could you be so arrogant to say that your foreign policy is simply beholden to your democratic ideals?
A citizen of the United States, a Gentile, could decide whether or not you go to war with Iran.
I mean, that's the height of foolishness.
I see what.
So, what you're saying is that the American political system is so screwed up that if you, a bunch of warmongers, want to go to war with Iran, that we're going to be sucked into it no matter what the American people want.
Well, of course, that's that's the whole that is what we call the gambit.
We know that uh, whatever Israel decides to do, the United States will jump in and assist.
So, we're sitting we're sitting in the catbird scene, my friend.
Yeah, I know, but American people don't want a war with Iran.
We don't want a war with the rights.
It is not your choice, it's not your decision.
Why are you being so selfish with your foreign policy?
Well, can you just stop all the saber rattling with the Iranians?
Why all the saber rattling?
Yes, yes, or in their case, scimitar rattling.
Get it because that's what I mean.
Our intelligence shows that Iran doesn't want to attack.
Oh, Jimmy, don't be naive.
I don't think I am.
Don't be naive.
You've seen the Israeli coast in the summertime, but well worth having a nuclear war over.
You know, I just want you to think about the dead young Israelis that will result in a war with Iran and think: do you are you still willing to send Israel to a war with Iran?
Well, I would be willing to send America to war with Iran.
Oh, really?
Absolutely.
And maybe not myself or anyone I know personally, but American, yes.
But they don't even want a war.
You're naive.
Naive.
You know, it's condescending and super annoying when you say that.
Don't be naive.
You're just going to keep saying don't be honest to God.
That's driving me crazy.
I wish you would stop it.
Don't be naive.
You know, I would say, you know, even if your biggest fear came true and Iran got a nuclear bomb, do you really think they're going to use it?
I mean, that's the beauty of nuclear weapons: that they're now everyone, when everyone has them, it's mutual assured destruction, so no one uses them.
Isn't that the whole idea?
Well, you see, Jimmy, you're missing the point here.
You don't understand Israeli foreign policy.
If Iran gets a nuclear weapon, it's not really that we necessarily think that they will use it.
The problem is that they said they would use it to defend themselves against an Israeli attack.
And that's an insult to us, so we must attack them with a nuclear weapon.
I don't see how you don't understand this.
How can you be so blind and so naive to not see this threat to us and to send all your 20-year-old children to fight for us?
Well, you know, we've had enough war lately in America.
Don't be so selfish.
You know, BB, I just have to say that I don't live in Israel.
I live in America on the West Coast.
And I just, I just don't.
I just don't think America should get involved in the war between you and Iran.
Oh, so you're in favor of a second Holocaust.
Why are you saying that?
Oh, I see how this is.
You, Jimmy Door, want to bring about a second Holocaust.
You are in favor of a second Holocaust.
No, would you stop saying that?
I'm not in favor of a second Holocaust.
All right.
All right.
I tot it down.
Granted, that's a very purely rhetorical device, but trust me, it is very effective in getting what we want.
I bet it is.
It's not right.
You should see the people's eyes.
Oh, they usually buckle.
I give it to you.
My friend, I respect you.
You do not fall for that.
You know, maybe be a little more careful how you throw that term around.
Bibi!
Yes.
So, Bibi, the Prime Minister of Israel, what else are you working on these days?
Well, I'm working currently on my first alt-country album.
It's called The Dude from Liquor.
I'm very excited about it.
I've been working with Jack White a lot in this video.
He's a very talented young man, and I can't wait for it to come out.
I'll drop some tracks with you when it's all finished.
Heard a bootleg track off that, and I, you know, just to be honest, that didn't sound good at all.
Sounded horrible.
Oh, what is it?
Some sort of second Holocaust that you're throwing at me.
Second Holocaust?
Why do you say that?
Why do you insist on promoting this second Holocaust?
I'm just insulting you.
This is why we need to go to war with Iran.
Because I'm to prevent second holocausters.
That's why.
That is why we are going to war with Iran.
Because I'm making fun.
Because people like you throw Second Holocaust around all the time.
I'm not.
You're the one throwing the Second Holocaust.
I'm just trying to make an old country album.
Yeah, and I said I heard it.
It wasn't.
And you insulted it.
Second Holocaust.
How dare you?
Okay.
All right, the BB.
Thanks for taking time.
I appreciate it.
Vos Vidania.
Okay, that was Mike McRae, and you can see Mike McRae doing his stand-up comedy from February 23rd and 24th in Tacoma, Washington at the Tacoma Comedy Club, Mike McRae.
And this is the Jimmy Dore Show on Pacifica.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Welcome back to the Jimmy Dore Show.
I'm joined in studio from the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast.
It's Paul Gilmartin, former writer for The Daily Show.
It's Steve Rosenfield, and from cinematictitanic.com and Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's Frank Conniff.
What's coming up on the second half of today's show?
Well, we find out if Barack Obama is really, is he a Muslim or isn't he?
That's what we're going to find out.
And we'll see if we get through that.
And we'll talk about Rick Santorum's bigoted religious baiting.
And then we get a phone call from Rick Santorum's sweater calls in later on.
That's coming up on today's show.
Right now, let's go.
There's this big debate, right?
So the right's going crazy, and everybody is doing that religious intolerance thing where they're like, hey, Barack Obama isn't a Christian.
I don't think, you know, he still might be a Muslim.
We're still not sure, even though you can criticize him for sitting in Reverend Wright's Christian church for 20 years and then also call him a Muslim.
Isn't that weird?
Only a Muslim would be that sneaky.
That's why, you know, they say Barack Obama's an elitist, too, and he's so sneaky.
He was a black elitist.
No one suspects.
Well, a lot of the elitists will camouflage themselves as community organizers.
People are broke.
Yes.
That was a brilliant move of distraction when he killed Osama bin Laden.
Yes, that was to, you know, that was just to throw the dogs off the scent.
It's like he's being a little too pro as Muslim.
Well, Sean Hannity said he never wanted.
He never wanted to kill Oslo.
If he had his way, if he had his way.
Yeah.
So and I'm assuming Sean Hannity had facts because he was probably holding his pen when he said that.
You never noticed that.
Always has the pen.
Got the Sharpie in it.
Usually the sign of somebody that feels in over their head factually.
So, you know, and the thing about Barack Obama, he really defers to power.
He's against gay marriage and he's a hypocrite.
So of course he's a Christian.
Now, Billy Graham, a famous preacher, Billy Graham, still alive, by the way, not in a hurry to get to heaven.
It's funny.
Yeah, that's weird.
It's funny.
It's like the Pope behind bulletproof glass.
Not in a hurry to get to heaven.
I think he'd be cocky about it.
Yeah, you think, yeah, go ahead.
I don't need, I don't need your I much prefer being 95 years old and having no control over any part of my body and being in constant pain.
That's much better than heaven.
Than heaven.
In fact, please look at me to the doctors quickly.
Okay, so he has a son who's a very mediocre preacher and only he makes millions of dollars because his father was a good preacher and so he gets to ride the coattails.
But he's very good at telling who is a Christian and who's not.
In fact, they asked him if they was on Morning Joe and he came on Morning Joe because he's willing to say crazy things like this.
It's not because he's smart or a good preacher.
So here he is talking about Barack Obama and his Christianity.
Do you believe that President Obama is a Christian?
I think you have to ask President Obama.
Okay, so you have to ask the person because he can't tell what's in their heart.
That's what he's always said.
You have to ask the person.
So it's funny because so we don't know if President Obama is a Christian, but what about Rick Santorum?
Is he a Christian?
Do you believe that Rick Santorum is Christian?
Oh, I think so.
Sure.
Oh, sure.
And why is that?
Because I apply a different standard to a white guy that I like.
That's why, than I do to a president, a black president that I don't like.
I apply a different standard, and that's what makes me a hypocrite.
And that's what makes that's part of what makes Franklin a hypocrite, right?
And but how can you tell that Rick Santorum, how can you tell that Rick Santorum is a Christian?
Well, because his values are so clear on moral issues.
No question about it.
And I got to tell you, if anybody can spot somebody with good moral values, it's Franklin Pierce, right?
Because I don't know if you know who he was.
Franklin who?
Did I say Pierce?
Yeah, I meant Franklin Graham.
Franklin Graham.
Franklin Pierce has been dead for 100 years, and yet he still has more clarity than Franklin Graham.
Yes, he does.
Because you can tell that Franklin Graham has a good eye for a good moral person because here's who he was supporting before.
We need God to give us a leader who will take this nation back to the road of integrity and prosperity, and we need somebody like a Donald Trump.
Oh, no!
No!
So God will give us someone like Donald Trump, someone with integrity.
Maybe he just thought because of all the gold plating that Donald Trump was a church.
Maybe that's what it was.
Yeah, maybe that's what it was.
So he's ostentatious enough.
They ask him, let's see, I don't even know what they ask him.
So you don't take him at his word when he says, I'm a Christian?
No, of course I don't.
He has said he's a Christian, so I just have to assume that he is.
Except, you know, I'm going to keep saying that he's not and stuff.
And I'm just going to, he says it, so I guess I have to accept it You know, when you put it to me like that, I have to No, they didn't.
That would have been nice had they asked him that.
They didn't have that clip that I had.
Okay, here we go.
And then, but he said, no, close enough, he makes money for Christians.
I'm not even sure he makes money other than the show.
Right.
I'm with you on that.
He's a Christian.
He gets a big per-episode free on that show.
So Franklin was then asked, he said this about why he's skeptical about Barack Obama's Christianity.
Islam sees him as a son of Islam because his father was a Muslim, his grandfather was a Muslim, great-grand-grandfather was a Muslim.
And so under Islamic law, the Muslim world sees Barack Obama as a Muslim.
But he accepts him.
He sex, you know, he says, so do you categorically deny that he's a Muslim then?
Because he says I accept him.
Categorically not a Muslim.
Well, I can't say categorically because Islam has gotten a free pass under Obama.
The Muslims of the world, he seems to be more concerned about them than the Christians that are being murdered in the Muslim countries.
This is a grown-up person saying this stuff.
The Islam gets a pass.
What does that get a pass?
What does that even mean?
Is Islam the religion gets a passion?
But when Obama told him that he was a Christian, he sounded sincere, but he was suspiciously black.
He was suspiciously black with a Muslim name.
Yes.
Right?
But what about Mitt Romney?
So are you just, maybe, is it because he's, how do you feel?
Is he a Christian?
Is he a Christian?
He's a Mormon.
Most Christians would not recognize Mormonism as part of the Christian faith.
Okay, so Franklin, what's his last name?
Graham.
Franklin Graham, kind of a religious douchebag, right?
Well, you know, they talk about elitists.
Christianity seems like a very elitist thing.
It's very narrow.
Only a certain group of people can fit into our club.
Mitt Romney's not in our club.
Barack Obama's not in our club.
It's a very, Jesus, very exclusionary.
I don't know if you know that.
Jesus, very exclusionary.
But he also, doesn't he also say that he thinks Kingridge is a Christian?
You know what?
I wish that would have been around had they asked him that.
They did.
And he said that he believed that he was a Christian, yeah.
So I feel a little embarrassed I don't have that clip because that would have been perfect to have.
Yeah, sure.
Barack Obama.
You don't need to build any more of a case against him.
Yeah, I thought I had already had.
I want to get to Rick Santorum.
He said this because he caused a big flap.
This is what started all.
He said this.
It's not about you.
It's not about your quality of life.
It's not about your jobs.
It's about some phony ideal.
Some phony theology.
Oh, not a theology based on the Bible different theology.
Yes.
So he was saying that Barack Obama, it's a phone.
It's not about you.
It's not about your jobs.
It's a phony theology, not based on the Bible.
So he said that, and that caused a big stir, a lot of flack, right?
So he went on with Bob Schaefer, Bob Schaefer on Face the Nation, said this to him about that.
So, Zender, I got to ask you, what in the world were you talking about, sir?
Well, I was talking about the radical environmentalists.
That's why I was talking about energy.
Yeah, he was talking about his environmental policy.
That's what it was.
When I heard him say his theology isn't based on the Bible, I was like, oh, windmills.
He's talking about windmills.
Is that what he's saying?
And just like when Franklin Graham said that, you know, Islam gets a pass under Obama.
I'm like, oh, he wants more offshore drilling.
Is that what he's talking about?
You just have to know.
I mean, it couldn't be more clear.
That's what he's talking about, right?
So Bob Schaefer asked him again, do you think the president is a Muslim?
Oh, because I've repeatedly said I don't question the president's faith.
I've repeatedly said that I believe the president's Christian.
He says he's a Christian.
But I am talking about.
Okay, so the president says he's a Christian.
I accept the president is a Christian.
I just like to pander to the ignorant by practicing dog whistle politics and then not having the integrity to stand by what I said.
It's classic gutter politics.
A woman described Obama as a Muslim and as non-American, and Santorum did not correct her.
Ignored it.
We play that on the show.
He didn't say anything about it.
He would have retorted, but he was at Mecca.
So this is Rick Santorum just appealing to people's prejudices and fears.
And it reveals him to be a run-of-the-mill race-baiting religious bigot.
But he's not afraid to publicly deny women's reproductive rights or shout his backward theology into a microphone anytime someone puts one in front of him.
So pundits and talking heads mistake his willingness to espouse backward religious beliefs for integrity.
Yes.
And it's ignorance.
They confuse ignorance with integrity.
And what does it matter if he gets elected and he really believes the crazy stuff that he's doing?
Is that going to make his stuff any less crazy?
Is that even an issue that he really believes it?
Yes, right.
They're like, well, no, he really believes it.
So I guess that makes it okay.
If you don't believe it, but you want to deny a woman reproductive rights, then you're a jerk.
But if you really believe it, wow, you're someone to be admired and you have integrity, but he doesn't have integrity.
And the guy who they're talking about as the vice presidential, Bob Oden, the Virginia governor, he's about to pass a law that's going to allow transvaginal ultrasounds to be inserted into women against their will.
Against their will.
If you want to.
It's going to be state-sanctioned rape, basically.
Yes, if you want to do that, if you have to get an abortion, they have now legislated that you have to have that procedure you just mentioned.
And it's not, I can't even transvagum.
I think he backed down that.
I just saw the Huffington Post.
Oh, really?
Oh, really?
Oh, interesting.
Look at that a little.
You know, it's weird, though, that, you know, the press gives people like Rick Santorum, every time he says something ignorant, they give him a badge of honor for it, right?
And instead of making sure these misstatements that he makes end up as a blah on his break.
I don't think they give him a badge of honor.
I think they print it because it's the least amount of work for them because it's something that people are going to read.
And if they can just put it out there and not have to do anything but just let it's a freak show.
You just have to pull back the curtain.
That's why they do it.
But people like runs itself.
But people, I'm speaking specifically of people like Chris Matthews.
Okay, people that aren't necessarily journalists, but are interviewers who can ask him who are supposed to ask him pointed questions.
The talking heads in general, I think, would all would mostly say that Rick Santorum is integrity.
He has a lot of integrity.
Yeah, I've heard it said a lot, especially by Chris Matthews.
Oh, my God.
They keep saying Ham of the Intelligence.
This guy, he really believes it.
He's one of those guys.
And that doesn't make it okay.
You know, who else really believes it?
David Duke.
That doesn't make it any better, that he believes ignorant stuff.
That's not okay.
And also, yeah, the guy who yells God hates fags at Marines.
He really believes it.
That doesn't make him okay.
Right.
And the fact that this bigotry is being marched forward, but the media isn't really treating it as that.
You know, they're not treating it as a threat, which is what I'm saying.
Because the right-wing, one of their tactics is to yell and yell and yell.
And so they wear you down to the point where you take the path of least resistance.
And that's one of the tools that they're very good at: they intimidate you through being organized and jumping all over you when you do anything that could be misconstrued.
I think, remember when Herman Kane was doing so well and we were saying, well, how can people possibly take him seriously?
But the fact that he had good poll numbers, the media took him seriously.
So you can't be too nuts to be taken seriously.
And this is why they talk about integrity because he has too many, he's too many voters, you know, Santorum.
And by the way, dismiss him.
Just to be fair, the far left also does the same thing with wearing people down with political correctness, which I don't.
I wouldn't call it the same thing.
I wouldn't call it the same kind of crazy.
The same tactic, I would say.
Tactic of wearing people down by sending letters and banning things.
And sometimes it's, I think it's done, but a lot of times it's just people that the thing I can think of most recently is the way the left got rid of Glenn Beck off of Fox News, which it does, you know, that is replaced it with something just as horrible.
But it wasn't really the left that got rid of Glenn Beck.
It was the advertisers who got rid of him.
Well, they put the pressure on the advertisers.
But it was the fact that it affected commerce, you know, is the reason that Fox News got rid of him.
And I think that, you know, the left raised very reasonable questions about Glenn Beck, and the advertisers very reasonably said, hey, if we associate with this guy, it could affect our business.
So we're going to get off him.
So I don't see anything.
Right.
It's all about the bottom line.
They couldn't care less about his ideology or the people writing protests.
And, you know, on the other side, there's the million mom March or whatever who objected to Ellen DeGeneres being the spokesman for JCPenney.
But they like tried to start a thing and nobody cared about it.
Nobody, and nothing came of it.
So it's, you know, that's how those kind of things have effect or don't have effect, you know.
Right.
I agree.
So, yeah, they did try to do that.
They tried to get her removed as a JCPenney spokesperson.
Didn't take it.
And that would be my point, too, that the right-wing people who feel the way Rick Santorum does are a real fringe in our society, whereas people who object to and maybe overly PC object to racist and bigoted things being said by people like Lynn Beck.
That isn't a fringe thought.
That's a lot of people.
I'm not talking about the people that are denouncing genuine, racist, bigoted comments.
I'm talking about that, you know, they want to replace certain words with softer words.
That's just draining.
Yeah, it's very annoying, as I was saying to my Native American friend.
And he's physically challenged, friends.
Guess who called in?
Rick Santorum Sweater called in.
Hi, go, Jim Marino.
It's me, Rick Santorum Sweater Vest.
I've been getting so much press since Rick started running for president.
I thought I'd give the public a little peek into what it's like to be the sweater vest of a hearty honk of a man like Rick Santorum.
Well, he's a hardy hunk of a man by my standards, which admittedly are a little low because after all, I'm a freaking sweater bat.
I mean, some people have wondered: why would a man who wants to convey a sense of strength and leadership wear a sweater bass?
I guess Rick decided that leather ass us chats weren't gay enough for him.
It's all part of Rick's sly subversive strategy to make hateful attacks against homo sexuals while wearing a piece of clothing from the Jim J. Bullock collection of men's passions.
Funny.
But as a sweaterbat, I do more than make Rick Santorum look like a dweeb.
I'm very practical garment.
When you're Rick Santorum and you spent all day being a gay-dashing, woman-hating, race-baiting fear monger, you don't want your bigoted intolerance weighted down by a slave.
Your arms can get very sweaty when you spend as much time pointing your finger in judgment as Rick does.
I've gotten to know Rick very well because frankly, he never takes me off.
Maybe I shouldn't tell you this, but at night, Rick removes all of his clothing except for me.
Times to be very sensual.
He likes the way I make his flesh feel all tingly when I ramp myself for real.
Yeah.
The truth is, he's a trans best jewel.
But there's nothing sick or twisted about it.
He doesn't use me for intercourse because it's not a man's place to insert himself into a woman's vagina.
That's the government's job.
No.
Rick prefers to look at himself in the bathroom mirror while slowly rubbing a Bible against me.
And I'll have you know that he considers every bit of sperm that he ejaculates all over the toilet seat cover to be a living, breathing human being deserving of protection by the personhood amendment.
Well, I've probably revealed a little bit too much.
I'd better be going.
Rick has bought himself a fanny pack.
And to be honest, I'm a little worried.
I feel that my status as the wussiest thing in Rick's wardrobe is threatened.
Oh, so long, Jimmy.
Stay fabulous.
Rick Santorum Sweater calling in, letting us know.
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All right, we're going to get to that Alan West thing right now.
I know I said I teased it and I teased it, and here it comes.
Okay, so here's Alan West, African-American Tea Party member, aka war criminal, aka male Michelle Bachman.
He has a history of making over-the-top Haid-filled rhetorical remarks.
He doesn't know why people get upset over his words.
He doesn't know why the media targets him by quoting him verbatim.
But mostly, he doesn't know what other Republicans call him behind his back.
Here he is revealing how important a vigorous, healthy debate of ideas is in this country.
Just listen.
This is a battlefield that we must stand upon.
And we need to let President Obama, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, and my dear friend, the chairman of the Democrat National Committee.
we need to let them know that Florida ain't on the table.
Take your message of equality of achievement.
Take your message of economic dependency.
Take your message of enslaving the entrepreneurial will and spirit of the American people somewhere else.
You can take it to Europe.
You can take it to the bottom of the sea.
You can take it to the North Pole, but get the hell out of the United States of America.
You know, if you close your eyes, I could swear it was George Washington.
You know, it's refreshing to see a black congressman who's politically to the right of J. Edgar Hoover, isn't it?
And it really sounds very grown up and certainly puts a new spin on the old saying, I may disagree with you, but I will fight for your right to get the hell out of my country and shut the fuck up.
These are the people that Barack Obama think about this, Paul.
These are the people that Barack Obama is trying to seem reasonable to.
I don't know why.
I don't know why he does it.
I don't know why he is trying to appeal to people that will never like him.
Ever.
But you know what?
I would say politically that with all these Republicans acting so crazy now that in a way, in terms of the populace, his reasonableness, his history of the last few years of trying to get along with them, of trying to be the grown-up guy and working, like I think that's going to pay off for him in this year's election because it's almost as if he knew that they're going to be so crazy.
So I'm going to go in the opposite direction.
You know, he never does like heated rhetoric about Rick ever.
Ever.
And I remember in 08 when he was debating John McCain, I was like, why aren't you attacking him?
I know.
You know, and I would get so frustrated, but then he ended up winning the election.
Because he didn't have to.
It's like, why?
He doesn't have to show that card.
I just wish his policies reflected that.
I agree with you, Paul.
100%.
I'm just saying that purely style from a style point of view.
From a political point of view, he's being very smart.
I think it is helping him.
I think Frank's right about that.
I think people like him a lot more than Congress.
Oh, they just believe that they do.
Yep, that is also true.
Alan West has a little bit more to say here.
Over the applause.
They're jumping.
We're ignorant.
Hooray.
Yeah, I say it.
Here's a guy, Alan West, right?
A guy who has been on the government payroll his whole adult life, never spent a day working in the private sector.
Here he is admonishing the president for crushing entrepreneurs.
So he went on sea.
So it takes a lot of guts to go up in front of a tea party crowd and say stuff like that.
Takes a lot of courage.
And here he is doing some Olympic backpedaling when he's asked about those comments on CNN.
Which is you're telling Obama and Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi to get out of the United States?
Explain that to me.
No, Solodad, Solodad, absolutely not.
And you know that.
No joke.
I am not being facetious.
I don't get what you're saying.
Well, the thing is, you should have listened to the entire speech.
You didn't listen to the entire speech.
We talked about the contrast between the quality of opportunity, which allowed a young man born in 1961 from the inner state of Atlanta, Georgia, to now represent the highest per capita income zip code in the United States of America.
That's the America that I love.
That's the America that's dear to me.
Not the America where people sitting far away in Washington, D.C. get to decide the winners and the losers in the free marketplace or decide who pays a fair share.
That's not American values.
That's not in concert with our Constitutional Republic.
And if you can't understand that, please come down to South Florida.
You and I can read the Federalist Papers and we can go over the Constitution and we can have a great chat about this.
So that was Alan West.
It was nice how he deflected and condescended at the same time.
Yes.
Oh, you know that's not true.
No, that's that's that's what you said.
No, that's exactly.
I'm not interpreting.
I'm quoting you.
Quoting you.
So can you backpedal more?
Yeah, I'm going to backpedal.
I'll talk about how I was poor and now I'm representing blah, blah, blah.
He backpedaled to the 1820s.
One of those old-fashioned Federalist papers.
Paul, it's that time of the show again.
It's time for your rant.
You're right.
My piece is about Benjamin Netanyahu.
I'm sure you guys know a while back, he thought his mic was off and he was visiting with, I think it was an Israeli settler.
I'm not sure who it was, but they were talking openly because he thought he wasn't being recorded.
And these are some of the things that he said.
The Arabs are currently focusing a war of terror and they think it will break us.
The main thing, first of all, is to hit them.
Not just one hit.
So many painful hits that the price will be too heavy to be borne.
The price is not too heavy to be borne now.
A broad attack on the Palestinian authority to bring them to the point of being afraid that everything is collapsing.
And then this woman says, wait a moment, but then will the world say, how come you're conquering again?
And he says, the world won't say a thing.
The world will say we're defending.
I think especially today with America.
I know what America is.
America is something that can easily be moved, moved to the right correction.
They won't get in our way.
They won't get in our way.
And so far, he's right because our representatives are afraid to go against the wishes of APAC, which is the political action committee that makes it so painful for our politicians to criticize Israel that they don't.
So the far right in Israel and America keep getting their way.
Recently, a sensible political action committee called J Street emerged, pro-Israel, pro-peace, pro-two-state solution, and very much in line with the values of a democracy and the Torah.
They encourage open dialogue about Israel, good and bad, like a democracy should.
Exactly what the APAC and far-right and Netanyahu don't want.
Of course, APAC and Netanyahu have vilified them.
That's right.
The APAC, whose high-ranking member, Steve Rosen, was caught stealing our secrets to pass on to Israel.
Because sharing information through diplomatic channels, I guess, would be getting in the way.
Imagine if an Arab political action committee was caught stealing our classified information.
They'd be closed down so fast they wouldn't have time to grab their hookahs.
I've started writing my representatives.
They pretty much ignore me, but when the warmongers start World War III under the guise of preemption, I'll at least be able to say, unlike my representatives, I tried to do something.
Ooh.
I like that.
You close strong, Paul.
Important.
Need to hear it.
Steve, are you prepared?
I had a rant.
Oh, I'd love to hear it.
The Republicans have a problem now because they have to choose between a guy who can't win and a guy they hate who probably can't win.
The bottom line is Romney has the most money.
Yes, everything he says is creepy, but remember, Bush was like that too.
Yet people wanted to have a beer with Bush.
Of course, they couldn't because he was an alcoholic.
But people knew that and they still voted for Bush.
More people didn't, but their votes didn't count.
Nobody wants to have a beer with Romney, which works out fine because he's not allowed to drink.
But people don't even want to have a cup of coffee with Romney, which again works out because he can't have coffee either.
Anyway, I think Romney and Santorum are both excellent candidates, although Santorum is much funnier.
Why not have Romney be the nominee and Santorum can run on a hopeless third-party ticket?
Then everybody would be happy.
Politics is about compromise.
Sometimes you don't get what you want, and other times you still don't get what you want, but it's later.
Maybe Romney can have decaf.
I'm not sure.
Okay, a Steve Rosenfield rant so nice.
We played it twice today on the show.
If you missed any part of today's show, you can always get a podcast of today's show for free at iTunes or at my website, jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And you spell my last name, D-O-R-E.
You can download the show for free.
You can listen to it for free, and you can comment on past episodes and watch some of the funny videos there, too.
There's lots of stuff to do at jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Today's show was written by Frank Conniff, Mike McRae, Steve Rosenfield, and Robert Yasimura.
Today's show was produced by me.
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