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Dec. 10, 2011 - Jimmy Dore Show
57:10
20111210_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_12-8-11
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Tell Minch maybe on tearing down our nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say It's hard to talk to T-View.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy.
Hey, everybody, and welcome to this week's show.
We are coming to you from Studio B today in Pasadena.
I am joined in studio to my left from Team Yasamura.
It's Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert.
How are you doing?
Good to see you.
And next to him, former writer for the Daily Show, hilarious comedian, it's Steve Rosenfield, ladies and gentlemen.
Hi, Steve.
Hey, Jimmy, how you doing?
Good to see you, Steve.
You're looking good.
You look a little more awake today than normal.
I'm still trying to come up with an answer for the Thanksgiving question.
What I'm thankful for.
I really got stumped on that.
I was like Kane on that list.
You know, we were, yeah, it was like asking you about Livia or something, you know.
And we said we were going to fix that in post, and we never did.
We left it in.
We know you're not thankful for a damn thing.
Okay, so what's coming up?
What's coming up on today's show?
Well, on today's show, they say that Herman Kane is going to endorse Newt Gingrich.
But out of habit, both of them are trying to figure out a way to make it happen behind their wives' backs.
And I don't know if you saw on Saturday, you guys, but Herman Kane, Herman Kane, gave a beautiful and eloquent speech about why he's quitting the race because he's such a philandering scumbag.
Did he say scumbag?
And then he didn't say that, but it was implied.
Guess what?
There's going to be Newt Gingrich held a press conference with Donald Trump.
I don't know if you saw, because things have been going badly for the Republicans.
People say it's like a circus.
They need to do something serious and presidential.
So they had Donald Trump host a debate.
The go-to guy.
For real.
So we thought, yeah, we thought we'd get a joke to kind of serious us up.
So then, and they both had a dual press conference.
You know, showing breasts on TV is not allowed.
Yet when I watched Trump and Gingrich, I saw explicit footage of two a-holes.
What is that about?
And Trump is going to host the GOP debate.
The morally bankrupt and the ethically bankrupt will be moderated by the literally bankrupt, which is nice.
So we're going to talk about that coming up on today's show.
Plus, we're going to talk about how people see the Occupy Wall Street protest.
Frank Luntz has got some words of friend of the show, Frank Luntz, you know, that Republican pollster.
He's got some words about the Occupy Wall Street people that I think are going to surprise you.
Plus, we're finally going to get to that Newt Gingrich child labor clip that we've been teasing for two weeks now.
So even though everybody's been talking about it for a month, we're finally going to get to it on today's show.
Plus, we're going to talk about false equivalencies at CNN.
Plus, Donald Trump, a little insecure about his place in the world.
And my biggest pet peeve of what moderate Democrats do is on today's show.
Plus, we got phone calls from Rick Perry.
We got a phone call from Herman Kane and a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Door show.
Time for another installment of Oh My God.
Okay, this week's, oh my God, it's going to be a little bit of a complicated oh my God segment, but we're going to get to it, okay?
So we'll start off.
Let's start off with Jerry Sandusky.
Jerry Sandusky, of course, from Penn State was 60 counts of or 40 counts of sexuality.
Who's counting?
The grand jury.
I think once you're above five, it's Bad Man.
Yeah, it's all 40 counts of.
He's clean.
He's taking all those showers.
Oh, he is.
He's the cleanest pedophile on the Northeast Coast.
I got to tell you.
Right?
He showers like he was raped.
We're laughing at him, not at him.
Not with him.
Believe me, we're laughing at him.
He's not laughing.
He's afraid right now.
In fact, so he gave that Bob Costas interview where he was asked if he was sexually attracted to young boys.
And then he gave that ridiculous answer.
And so then he came and did another interview with the New York Times, and they videotaped it because he wanted to get asked that question again so he can give a better answer.
So he was asked, here it is.
Here's him giving a better answer to the question, are you sexually attracted to young boys?
What in the world is this question?
You know, what, what, what is it?
You know, am I going to be if I say, no, I'm not attracted to boys?
That's what you should say.
That's what you're supposed to say.
No, I'm not attracted to boys.
That's what you're supposed to say.
Okay, back to the tape.
That's not the truth because I'm attracted to young people, boys, girls.
Mostly boys.
Actually, you're attracted because you enjoyed spending time.
Right.
I enjoy.
That's what I was trying to say.
I enjoy spending time with young people.
I enjoy spending time with people.
Who are boys.
Who are in the shower.
I enjoy spending time with bad people who I can sexually abuse without fearing consequences.
In the shower.
I don't care who it is.
I don't care who.
So I'm going to just play it for you again.
And the guy from the New York Times is trying to dig you out of a hole.
Well, that wasn't the guy from the New York Times.
That was his lawyer in the background.
So you heard that guy in the background.
That's his lawyer.
And let's listen to it one more time.
Who's a bad lawyer?
By the way, Robert, good point.
This guy has got to be the worst lawyer in the history of Laura.
I mean, this guy, Gacy's lawyer was better than this guy.
Man.
He just got him executed.
Yeah, who's very good.
This guy keeps me.
He didn't keep bringing Gacy on TV to tell how he's attracted to boys.
What is this guy?
So here we go.
Here's this guy.
Okay, so here we'll play it in its entirety without stop.
In the world of this question, you know, what, what, what is it, you know.
He sounds like a pervert.
That's how I gotta be.
If I say, no, I'm not attracted to boys, that's not the truth because I'm attracted to young people, boys, girls.
Sexually, you're attracted because you enjoyed spending time.
So that's his lawyer going, yeah, but not sexually.
You're attracted to him because you enjoy spending time.
Remember that story, Jerry?
Not sexually.
Remember me ask you that in court?
Is Jerry Sandusky an ether head?
That's what I sounded like.
I got my wisdom teeth out.
And let me just say this about that.
Who else in the whole wide world would you know who would answer that question that way?
Right?
No matter who you asked.
Are you attracted to young boys?
Whoa, what?
Wait a minute.
Whoa, what does that have to do with the case?
Wait a minute.
I mean, if I say no, then, of course, that's not the truth.
I mean, I'm attracted to young people.
Why would you ask me a question?
Oh, you mean sexually attractive?
Oh, but I mean, if that's the way you answer that question, how many other tight spots have you gotten yourself into by not answering a question clearly?
You know, it's like, hey, do you like raping people?
Oh, well, if I said no, that, oh, you mean rape rape?
You mean sexually?
Bad rape.
Oh, no, I don't sexually.
Well, then, yes, that's what we're talking about.
You're going to get yourself killed.
Who answers that question that way?
Nobody.
Do you like heroin?
If I said no, that wouldn't.
I'm supposed to lie, right?
And say that I don't like boys.
I like all narcotics.
Okay, so that was Jerry.
So now let's move on to the rest of the today's Oh My God segment.
Now, this might surprise you as an oh my God segment, but it goes back to the Occupy Wall Street, right?
We like to look at how people are talking about the Occupy Wall Street every week and how it's changing.
So it's, for instance, two weeks ago, we had Sean Hannity saying this.
What have we seen here?
Violence, rape, arson, destruction of property, sex in public, masturbation in public, naked people, drugs, drug paraphernalia, you know, anti-Americanism, anti-Semitism, anti-capitalism.
Okay, Sean, you forgot.
You know what?
No, you got them all.
I'm sorry.
You got them all.
It makes it sound better than it actually was.
Yeah, it sounds like he's describing the Kennedy Compound South Labor Day festivities.
Yeah.
It really does.
Yeah, and he does make it sound more fun than it actually is.
Yes.
That's for sure.
It's just people standing around in the cold feeling miserable.
Right.
Right.
So, and then last week, Bill O'Reilly said this about the movement.
So the Occupy Wall Street movement is dead.
Finished as a legitimate political force in this country.
And that's a good thing.
Okay.
So, and Bill would know because he's never been part of a legitimate political force in his entire career.
Does he even go outside?
So here's, I know.
So here's this week.
I think there's just like a tunnel from his house to the Fox studios.
Yeah, and then the shivus is just kind of shit brought in magically like so.
Here's Frank Luntz.
Now, we all know who Frank Luntz is.
Frank Luntz is the guy, he's the right-wing pollster.
And what he's famous for is getting people to take words and use different words in their place.
Like, for instance, he was the one who suggested that the Republicans don't refer to global warming as global warming, but they refer to it as climate change, right?
He's all about that.
You don't think about the words, you feel about words.
So if you change the word about what you're talking about, it will change the debate.
And it does.
And it does change the debate.
So that's, by the way, that's called sophistry.
That's called sophistry.
And back in Greece, they hated the sophists for this very reason.
Oh, really?
They obscured the truth.
Wow.
Despise them.
You know what?
I didn't, you know, I don't know much about Greek history.
I only speak a little Greek, only two words: ouch and relax.
Speaking of Sandusky, we'll get back to that.
Okay, so here's Frank Lunt.
So here's Frank Luntz.
It's very Orwelly in what he does.
He takes out any negative connotations from words and puts it, use another word that doesn't have any negative connotations.
Okay, so here's Frank Luntz talking about Occupy Wall Street.
Now, we heard Sean Hannity, we heard Bill O'Reilly.
Here's last week, this list past week, of Frank Luntz talking about Occupy Wall Street.
I'm so scared of this anti-Wall Street effort.
I'm frightened to death.
Okay, they should occupy a job and take a bath.
I get that joke.
But man, they're having an impact on what the American people think of capitalism.
And so I'm trying to get that word removed and replace it with either economic freedom or free market.
So first of all, first of all, it's amazing that he's admitting that the Occupy Wall Street people, after Bill O'Reilly last week, declared them dead, that they're having an amazing impact, and he's afraid of them.
So at least he's admitting, like all those, see what Sean Hannity does and what Bill O'Reilly does and what all those other people do is a manifestation of their fear.
But what he's doing is just saying, hey, I'm afraid of these guys.
They're actually winning and I'm going to admit it.
And here's how I'm going to beat them.
I'm going to switch the words around.
I'm going to switch the words around.
So let's play this back again and we'll break it down.
He's so scared of this anti-Wall Street effort.
And I know you can't see the video clip, but if you looked at his face, he is scared.
I mean, I haven't seen that look on Frank Luntz's face since his old fraternity started accepting minorities.
Or that time the pizza guy forgot that extra crazy breath because he's kind of a tubby.
I don't know if you noticed.
Frank's been putting a weight on lately.
He's really let himself go.
He's making Newt Gingrich look in shape.
You got to watch out.
Okay, so here we'll play a little bit more of that.
I'm frightened to death.
Yeah, more like fattened to death.
Am I right?
Come on.
That's why he's eating so much.
He's scared.
That's right.
He's given Chris Christie, he's in that camp.
You know what I mean?
And if you ever need an example of fear-mongering, this is it.
I'm big, fat, rich, tough guy with so many Fortune 500 connections.
I never need fear anything again.
But even I'm afraid of these scary Occupy Wall Street people, which means that all you, the common man, should also be more frightened.
That's what he's saying.
That's what he's basically saying.
Okay, let's keep, let's go back to the clip.
Okay, they should occupy a job and take a bath.
I get that joke.
Yes, he gets that joke because it's an ad hominem attack that dismisses an entire nationwide movement, right?
In less than one sentence.
And you might say, hey, you just called him a fat guy.
Yes, but that's because I was dismissing him as a human being, not his argument.
Okay, that's different.
But to be fair, his argument does come from a big fat fatty, okay?
A pasty white fatty.
Seriously, I'm pretty sure he heard that joke at a Republican rib breakfast.
Okay.
Gingrich said that.
Go to the bathroom and take whatever.
Take a bath.
It might have been nice if between helpings at the mashed potato bar, he said to one of his cronies, Hey, that joke is ironic because maybe if we hadn't wiped out all those jobs along with the trillions of dollars, there wouldn't be an actual Occupy movement.
Man, that joke has so many layers, just like that taco dip.
Okay, let's go back to the clip play a little bit more.
But man, they're having an impact on what the American people think of capitalism.
And so I'm trying to get that word removed and replace it with either economic freedom or free market.
Yeah, they're not having an effect on how people think about capitalism.
I'm pretty sure capitalism did that all by itself recently, right?
What the protesters are doing, they're just engendering that dissatisfaction by standing in places, just standing there.
How dare they?
How dare they?
And not taking a bath.
You know, and him saying that they're having an impact on what the American people think of capitalism.
So he's trying hard to get that word replaced with either economic freedom or free market.
So it's not capitalism anymore.
It's economic freedom, Robert.
Sure, I feel free.
It's who made him in charge of getting rid of the word capitalism or getting rid of any word.
I don't understand that.
Well, because then the people, everybody on the right wing will start repeating it.
So then it gets into then the media starts repeating it, and then it just becomes part of our lexicon.
Like enhanced interrogation techniques, which is really torture.
There's no such term as enhanced.
They just made that up.
So that's none of those things, right?
Free ties.
Freedom.
Yeah, free.
Yeah, yeah.
So that would be a perfect example of that, Orwellian, kind of speaking.
They're trying to rename capitalism so it won't have any kind of any negative connotations.
Hey, that's not too Orwillian, is it?
Why don't we also put rat cage masks on the faces of our political enemies while we're at it?
You ever notice that it's never a good thing that needs to be renamed, right?
No one's looking for a less loaded term for puppies.
Okay.
And yet, jackwads like this have made a good living throughout the 20th century sanitizing the language by renaming bombs, anti-personnel devices, or prison camps, detention centers.
And crappy mortgages that should never have been issued become toxic assets.
I got to assume Frank Luntz's title at Fox News was recently redesignated from Big Fat Liar to Corpulate Misinformation Manager.
This has been, oh my God.
Oh my God.
Okay, and just a little tip for you: if you'd like to hear the phone call, I had a phone call with Jerry Sandusky, which I've been advised to not play on the radio, but I will make available on the podcast version of this show.
So if you get the podcast version, that's right.
If you missed any part of today's show or like to hear the extra bonus of that Jerry Sandusky phone call, you go to JimmyDoorComedy.com and you can listen to the show there.
You can download it for free.
You can comment on past episodes.
You can also get a copy of the show, a podcast of the show at iTunes.
There's lots of ways to get a hold of the show.
And tonight there's a live show of the show.
We're doing the Jimmy Person comedy show over at Flappers Comedy Club.
And you know what?
Why don't we go ahead right now and we'll give away a couple of tickets to that show.
We got some great people on the show.
Todd Glass is going to be there.
Wow.
Yeah, Ty Glass is hilarious.
I'll be there.
So let's just go ahead and do it right now.
If you call in 818-985-5735, that's 818-985-KPFK.
And we're going to give away five pairs of tickets for tonight's show at Flappers Comedy Club.
In Burbank.
In Burbank.
That's right, in Burbank.
So then if you show up, even if you don't get the free tickets and you show up and show your medical marijuana.
To get your Show Your Medical Marijuana card, you get in two for one.
So it's quite a deal or a half price.
So that's tonight, Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank.
There's a link at my website, or you can go to flapperscomedy.com.
It's an 8 p.m. show.
Okay, so we'll see you tonight at Flappers.
And you know, Herman Kane really did quit the race or suspend his campaign.
He gave a speech Saturday, and I'm just going to play some of the clips from the speech because they're funny.
So here he is.
Here's at the top.
These false and unproven allegations continue to be spinned in the media.
I like how he said they continue to be spinned.
Spin.
Spin.
Spinned.
He doesn't read.
They continue to be spinned.
And he over-enunciates it.
Yeah.
Too.
Okay, here we go.
Just letting you know, I really don't know how to use this language.
These false and unproven allegations continue to be spinned in the media.
And in the court of public opinion, so as to create a cloud of doubt over me and this campaign and my family.
That spin hurts.
It's the spinning that hurts.
I thought it was the cloud.
I don't know if it's the spin or the cloud or I don't know.
How about the women that you had sex with when they were found out?
Did that hurt?
Is that the part that hurts or is this the spinning?
Oh, is he referring to when he's saying spinning, he means screwing?
Is that what he means?
The screwing.
That really hurts.
He thinks he was screwed, but it's those women.
Yeah, it turns out.
All right, so here's some more of it.
The pundits.
The pundits would like for me to shut up, drop out, and go away.
And so I will.
By the way, he's wrong.
The pundits love him.
We love him.
Nobody that I know wants him to go away.
Oh, Herman.
Nobody.
Cain is 20 minutes of material every night.
When he says the pundits want him to shut up and go away, the pundits he means his wife.
His wife wants him to shut up and go away.
I am not going to be silenced and I'm not going away.
And a good way to prove that is by immediately suspending my campaign.
That'd be the best way to prove that you're going to.
Okay, here's some more.
Let me leave you with this.
Okay, so here he is.
Now, he was criticized before for he closed one of the speeches with a poem.
Oh, no, it was at the debate.
He read a poem.
Well, it turns out it was a song from Pokemon.
It was a song from Pokemon.
He was reading as if it was like this, like it had gravity, you know, like it was serious.
Like it was TSLEO.
So he bought it or something.
Right.
So people noticed that, right?
Certainly people with kids have heard that Pokemon song a million times and they knew it.
So here's what he had to say about that.
Watch how he dismissively, he gets upset that people found out it was from Pokemon.
Let me leave you with this.
I believe these words came from the Pokemon movie.
The media pointed that out.
How dare they?
How dare they?
Yeah, he says it like the Pokemon movie.
Like, so what?
Like, what are you stupid?
No, no.
You're the stupid one.
What are you doing?
All right, so here we go.
Life can be a challenge.
Life can seem impossible.
It's never easy when there's so much on the line.
That's the poem.
That's the Pokemon.
That's the Pokemon.
You want to hear the Pokemon poem again?
Here we go.
Life can be a challenge.
Life can seem impossible.
It's never easy when there's so much on the line.
Life can seem impossible.
It's never easy when there is so much on the line.
That's the poem he's quoting.
That's the regular Longfellow.
Couldn't he have thought of that himself without stealing that from a Pokemon?
You would think.
We actually, I talked with Herman Kane.
Would you like to hear something?
Oh, absolutely.
Okay, here we go.
Yeah, we sat down.
I called him, and here we go.
Let's listen to it.
Herman Kane.
Hey, Herman.
Hey, Jimmy, what you wearing?
Who are you talking to?
Come on.
What's your wife wearing?
Herman, cut it out.
Hey, more importantly, what's your niece who needs the help of a successful businessman wearing?
So, Herman, you really did it.
You quit.
They want me to shut up and go away.
Who's they, Herman?
Certainly not comedy writers.
I am not going to be silenced, and I'm not going away.
But you are going away.
You quit the race.
Jimmy, I suspended my campaign.
I did not quit.
Herman Kane is not a quitter.
Okay, so you're not quitting, but you aren't going to campaign anymore, and you're not going to be on the ballots.
That's right.
Suspend it, not quitting.
Well, if you're not campaigning and you're not going to be on the ballots, what's the difference?
Oh, lots of difference.
Lots of differences.
Name one.
Well, if you quit your campaign, you can't raise money anymore for your campaign.
But if you suspend your campaign, you can raise all the goddamn money I want, and nobody can catch me.
I mean, it's all legal.
But if you're not really campaigning, what do you need to raise up campaign money for?
You know, you don't get to keep the money that's left over, right?
Herman.
Herman.
Are you shitting me?
No, you don't get to keep the leftover cash.
Hey, hey, we don't get the kids to ban money.
What money?
What?
The campaign money we're raising.
Jimmy says if we don't spend it campaigning, we don't get to keep it.
And not to my knowledge.
Not to your knowledge.
What kind of bullshit are you telling me, Jerry?
Don't smoke another cigarette, you idiot.
Who are you talking to?
And save that stupid ass mustache.
Who are you talking about?
That's my campaign, man.
You're a mustache too, Marian.
Yeah, but I'm black, dummy.
Give me rules for that guy.
Herman, how do you mean different?
That's how we look better looking with a shady head, whereas you look like you're going to join some area of nation.
Didn't you wonder why I couldn't get my speech wearing sunglasses?
Because I'm black.
Herman, you were quoting Pokemon during your speech again.
Yeah, so don't you think the people who wrote Pokemon were experts, Jimmy?
And that's why they got hired to write a multi-million dollar movie in the first place.
Because they're experts?
Yes, riding experts.
But what's wrong with using something from them?
Okay, listen.
Listen, you said that these are all baseless allegations that have been spinned by the media.
And you have been accused by five separate women, four of them who claim sexual harassment, two of which were given cash settlements to go away.
And the fifth woman says she had an affair with you over 13 years, and you gave her cash too.
And she has 60 texts to prove it.
Yeah, they spended it like a spider.
It sounds like they just reported it.
Exactly, Jimmy.
They spended it by reporting.
Who told you that?
An expert told me that.
And they ought to know.
They're the experts.
That's just reporting, Herman.
They report it.
And that creates a cloud of doubt.
Herman, is there anything else you want to say?
And I'd like to leave you with something today.
Plop, plop, fear, spiers.
Oh, what a relief it is.
That comes from an Alka Seltzer commercial.
The media pointed that out.
Okay, Herman.
Thanks, buddy.
It was good talk.
Hey, hey, Jimmy.
Yeah.
Hey, did you see that?
You see the commercial for the girl with the dragon tattoo?
No, I didn't see that.
That bitch ain't got no eyebrows.
What the hell is that about?
I don't know what you're talking about, Herman.
The trailer for the movie, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
Yeah, with Daniel Craig and Christopher Plummer, based on the most popular novel.
You ain't heard of it.
Oh, is that a movie coming out?
I didn't know.
My son, this bitch ain't got no eyebrows.
No, I haven't heard of it.
I guess I should.
I'm still sexually harassed, though.
All right, Herman.
Thank you, guys.
I go up to that land of the north.
I know.
I got free time.
I ain't running for nothing no more.
I know you would.
Go back to Fly Women Across the Country on your wife back.
And I would have gotten away with it for one of those little kids.
What's this?
I don't know.
I'm just trying to pull the Scooby-Doo defense.
What is a Scooby-Doo defense?
Hey, I just said I would have gotten away with it for one of those little kids.
Oh, I mean, the media.
The kids, of course, and this analysis being the media.
Yeah.
And the pundits and the late night comedians always looking for jokes.
People like you.
That's what we do, though.
You kids.
That's what I'm talking about.
I got it.
I got you, Herman.
Hey, this is my favorite part of the show.
With you trying to hang up and me talking some nonsense to your ass, keeping you on the line.
I know.
All right, I gotta go now.
Come on, Herman.
No, you don't.
Yeah, I do.
This isn't a real time.
Quit acting like this is real time.
No, I have to have to.
Pre-recorded.
This is a pre-recorded bit, dumb.
No, this is.
I will have to get back to my show.
Oh, are you taking time out live?
Yeah, yes, I am.
I'm taking time out live.
Herman, what are you doing?
Don't lie to me.
You are.
Y'all fucking lying, motherfucker.
Goodbye.
Like you're having a conversation with Robin, Steve, and sit around there.
Get your ass out of my face with a bad movie.
Okay, have fun at the movie.
What movie?
With the eyebrows.
Oh, yeah, that girl ain't got no answer.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, that was Herbert Cade.
Thank you.
you you Hello, podcast listeners.
Are you enjoying my nondescript music in the background right now?
I like it.
It's kind of peppy, moves it along.
But there's going to be some information coming out right now.
That's what that music signifies.
Hey, is there information?
Yes.
Here's the information.
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Now back to the show.
Hi, welcome back to the Jimmy Door Show.
I'm joined in studio by Robert Yasamura from Team Yasamura and former writer for the Daily Show.
It's Steve Rosenfield is in studio.
What's coming up on the rest of today's show?
We got going to look at Newt Gingrich's candidacy and his economic program to have kids go to work.
Plus, Rick Perry's going to call in.
Yeah, we have a phone call from Rick Perry, plus Rip Torn's Hollywood drunk tank.
But right now, it's time for our good friend Jim Hightower.
Getting Congress to act on behalf of the people's interest, especially when it requires members to take a firm stand against the moneyed interests, can't be done by saying pretty please.
Congress is a beast.
To make it move, you have to whack it with a big stick.
Our biggest stick is a riled-up citizenry.
And that stick is growing bigger and rilier every day, particularly on issues of corporate arrogance and avarice.
As we've seen this year, the American grassroots are catching fire.
For example, at January's protest by more than 2,000 people at the Koch brothers secret billionaires' retreat in the California desert.
Wisconsin's mass rebellion against Governor Scott Walker's venomous anti-worker legislation.
November's resounding 63% vote in Ohio to repeal Governor John Kasich's union-busting law.
And of course, the ongoing Occupy Wall Street revolt.
America's citizens' uprising against voracious corporate power is clearly not going away.
To the contrary, 76% of the people polled by Hart Research support a constitutional amendment to overturn the Supreme Court's edict that corporations can make unlimited secret donations to buy our elections.
The same big majority supports an amendment to make clear that corporations are not people and do not have the rights of humans.
Congress is beginning to feel these grassroots rumblers and beginning to move.
In the past few weeks, three bills have been introduced in the House and one in the Senate to undo the Supreme Court's damage to our people's democratic rights, including Representative Jim McGovern's bill, HJ Res 88, that specifically rejects the fiction that a corporation is a person.
As he puts it, people govern corporations, not the other way around.
This is Jim Hightower saying, to be part of this big stick of people power, contact www.wethepeoplecampaign.org.
What do the corporate powers from Wall Street to Walmart have in common?
They hate the Hightower Lowdown.
You can see why at www.hightowerlowdown.org.
Okay, thanks, Jim.
Hightower.
And you can hear Jim Hightower almost every week here on the Jimmy Door Show.
Okay, and right now, let's get back to the show.
We were talking about how Herman Cain is suspending his campaign because he got caught having all these infidelities.
The thing that pushed it over the top was that it was found out he was having an affair, 13-year affair behind his wife's back.
And that's the thing that really got him out of the race.
And I just, and so now all the right-wing Christian conservatives didn't like Herman Cain anymore because of his philandering.
They went on through their support towards Newt Gingrich, a thrice-married.
And let's just remember this is who they're putting their weight behind right now.
Because they're tired of, let's remember, they're tired of Herman Cain's philandering, so they went with this guy.
Who once campaigned as a family values candidate has been dogged for years by criticism of marital infidelity.
Oh, come on.
How bad could it be?
Marital infidelity, right?
And that he left both his ex-wives when they had serious illnesses.
Oh, it's not like they had cancer or MS or something.
Both of them were sick.
One was in the hospital being treated for cancer.
The other had been diagnosed with MS. Almost always by his side when he campaigns.
His wife, Callista.
Yeah, no kidding.
She's not letting him out of her sight.
If she gets sick, forget it.
And he sniffles.
Forget it.
Yeah, two healthy women get sick around Newt Gingrich.
He's the factor in both of their lives.
Seems like it.
He is a cancer.
22 years younger than Gingrich.
Married in 2000, their relationship actually began seven years earlier.
Well, she was a young congressionalist.
Very young.
She was a congressional staffer.
Yeah, but it's not like he was having an affair while publicly castigating someone else for doing the same thing.
And the affair with Callista continued the entire time Gingrich was speaker, including when he called for the impeachment of Bill Clinton for lying about Monica Lewinsky.
So that's the guy they went to after they got tired of Herman Cain's philandering.
Seems like a lateral move, doesn't it?
I think one step forward, two steps back, huh, fellas?
So now he's hooking up with Donald Trump, Newt Gingrich's, and they have this.
He has this to say.
Donald Trump is going to have some kind of debate where he moderates it, right?
Because that's what they need to help let people know that the Republican Party is serious about beating Barack Obama.
They had Carnival Barker Donald Trump and reality show star Donald Trump host a debate, and Newt Gingrich is going there and here, and everybody's telling him not to, but here's why he's going.
Sometimes we have to get a certain sense of humor in politics.
The Donald has had the number one show in the country, okay?
He is a genuine American icon in his own right.
Why wouldn't you want to come and hang out with him?
First of all, guess who's telling everybody to lighten up and get a sense of humor?
It's that old cut-up Newt.
I impeached the president for consensual sex while I was banging my secretary, Gingrich.
Oh, see, when other people suck up to Trump, it's because they're godless Hollywood fame whores without a moral compass.
But when Newt does it, it's because he's Mr. Hilarious.
That's right.
You guys just need to get a sense of humor.
And, you know, a sense of humor is important to Newt because we're all still laughing at his explanation of why Freddie Mac paid him $1.6 million.
That's still funny.
Oh, woo!
Woo!
You know, and by comparison, Donald Trump makes Gingrich look less like a douchebag.
That's the important thing.
But, you know, Mitt Romney's not going to do the debate.
Oh, yeah, yeah, Mitt's not going to do the debate because he's suddenly grown a conscience.
I don't know if you noticed.
He has tastes all the same.
Or maybe he figured out that Donald Trump is famous ironically.
You know, and Newt didn't.
Well, I think what Gingrich really wants to know from Trump is, how do you hang on to fame 15 years after your time has passed?
I think that's to know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, then, wouldn't he be allying himself with Madonna?
I mean, there are a lot of people he could ally himself with.
Well, if Madonna runs a debate, I'm sure he'll do that one too.
Yeah.
And, you know, why wouldn't you want to hang out with Gingrich?
He's an American icon, you know, like O.J. Simpson.
Charles Manson.
But if people eventually stop playing golf with Simpson, eventually.
Yeah, the party ends.
And of course, Newt Gingrich admires Donald Trump.
He admires anybody who's fat and good at firing people.
Right?
Okay, so that's Newt Gingrich hanging out with Donald Trump.
And here's his idea for how to fix the inner city economic problems.
You've heard this already, but this is the first time we're playing it.
It is tragic what we do in the poorest neighborhoods in trapping children.
First of all, in child laws, which are truly stupid, most of these schools ought to get rid of the unionized janitors, have one master janitor, and pay local students to take care of the school.
The kids would actually do work.
They would have cash.
They'd have pride in the schools.
They'd begin the process of rising.
See, the cause of all our economic problems is paying living wages to people who would really work for a lot less.
That's really, that's his idea.
You get rid of the people in the inner city who actually have jobs, janitors at schools.
You get rid of those jobs, you replace them with child labor, right?
And then that's how you start an economy.
Secret weapon, they would learn a valuable skill so they could stop wasting their time trying to get an education and learn how to clean toilets, right?
And what and what liberals don't understand is not everybody can have dignity, you've got to earn it.
I mean, that's really his idea, you guys.
We don't want to invest in these communities to create sustainable jobs.
What we do is we fire some of the few inner city workers that actually have good jobs and then replace them with poor children.
Everybody wins.
Come on, where do they lose you?
Where do they lose you?
Where do they lose you?
Catapulting, sorry, catapulting ourselves back to the 19th century.
What?
What do you got to tell you?
I do not want to go to a toilet that has been cleaned by a child.
I want someone a little bit more thorough.
Yeah, I want somebody who's got a little bit more of a conscience about it.
I'm with you on that.
I hadn't even thought about that.
It's a very good point.
Okay, so let me go ahead.
Let's go ahead and play Rick Perry, right?
Because he called, you know, because all this talk about Newt Gingrich has really Rick Perry like out in the cold.
Nobody's talking about him anymore.
And he called in to let me know.
Jimstick, you old homo, how the hell are you?
I'm just kidding.
I know you are not of the homosexual persuasion.
But if you were, that would be okay, my friend.
The Rickster is just fine with you if you want to sit around nude and songs with your body all glistening, your eyes half closed and your mouth agate, but with a knowing smile.
Maybe wearing a fireman's hat.
Rick is okay with that.
Well, it looks like it's Gingrich's turn to make Romney look good.
Good luck with that, newt man.
I wish you well with your cheating on your wives with women, your questionable finances, and your whoring for Fanny May.
But you know what's going to take that Barney rubble-looking fellow down, in my humble opinion?
Being a smarty pants, no-auto history teacher.
He's all, I know that fact I'm supposed to know, and I can answer that question intelligently and directly.
Like anyone cares.
Makes me want to wedgie that guy and give him a swirly in an Arby's ladies' room.
Don't he know the Republican base wants their leaders at least as dumb as they are?
That is why no one should count out Rick Perry.
Yeah, I think my only weakness as a candidate is that I went to college at all.
I have made up for that fact by willing myself to forget most of what I learned and destroying my short-term memory through alcohol and voluntary head trauma.
Seriously, I don't even know who I'm talking to right now.
So you're going to go see that Jager movie.
You will go.
Me and a couple of fellows are going to dress up and get in line for the midnight show.
And I'm going as Clyde Tolson, circa 1950, when he had those perfect late 40s looks and that red scare glow about him.
We're going to sneak in some hooch.
And every time someone says, come in here, something, we're going to take a shot.
And then who knows?
Anything could happen.
Let me know, Jim Paul.
Hurry away.
Okay, that was Rick Perry letting us know.
And don't forget, if you missed any part of today's show, you can always get a podcast of this show for free at iTunes or at my website, JimmyDoorComedies.com, where you can listen to the shows for free.
You can download them for free or comment on past episodes.
It's a fun place.
Plus, you can watch all the videos Frank Pulaski puts together for it.
Okay, right now we're going to spend a little time talking about the media and the way they cover things.
Now, you heard everybody made a big stink recently about them misquoting President Obama and doing it very like Mitt Romney used that quote about the economy where President Obama was quoting John McCain.
John McCain.
And then they took it and they made it sound like Barack Obama was saying it.
And my point is like, you get to lie like that and nobody calls you on it.
Well, here's there was there was actually something that happened just similar to that that nobody really talked about.
But I saw this on CNN.
So I'm watching CNN.
And well, let's just play a little bit of it.
Well, tonight, the president's comments drawing fire from conservatives.
Who exactly was Mr. Obama calling lazy?
So he called, he was referring to some people as being lazy.
And well, here, here we go.
We've been a little bit lazy, I think, over the last couple of decades.
We've kind of taken it for granted.
Well, people will want to come here, and we aren't out there hungry selling America and trying to attract new businesses into America.
So the president was responding to the moderator's question at the APEC conference about what might be impeding foreign investment in the United States.
Mr. Obama responded by saying that local and federal investors and American CEOs weren't doing enough to promote the advantages of investing in America, saying we've, meaning the people in charge, have been a little bit lazy in that promotion.
And while it's clear to many that the president wasn't referring to the American worker, the GOP jumped on the comments as if he was talking about Americans in general.
First up, this ad by Presidential Hopeful Rick Perry.
Okay, so we get, okay, he was at the Apex Summit, and he was just saying that the people who are supposed to sell America to the rest of the world weren't doing, they were doing a lazy job of it.
And he was taking responsibility.
Yes.
He was saying the leaders, our business leaders, our political leaders.
He wasn't saying the American workers.
No, he's just.
So they decided to twist that on him, and they did this.
We've been a little bit lazy, I think, over the last couple of decades.
You believe that?
That's what our president thinks wrong with America.
That Americans are lazy.
That's pathetic.
And here is Mitt Romney.
Sometimes I just don't think that President Obama understands America.
Now, I say that because this week, or was it last week, he said that Americans are lazy?
I don't think that describes America.
And now, Rick Centaurum.
Barack Obama saying we're lazy.
Americans are not lazy.
What we have is a president who does everything he can to crush the people who work hard in America.
So the comment was clearly taken out of context as both liberal and conservatives agreed on NBC's Meet the Press.
I actually agree that he should have chosen a different word.
It is a distortion of what he said, but it left him open to this.
Okay, so I just want to recap here.
So what's happening, they're laying out the case.
Oh, okay.
So here's what the president said.
Here's how three presidential Republican candidates distorted it.
And now we're going to go to meet the press to watch some of the journalists all agree that this was distorted.
But they go right to Eugene Robinson, who actually is saying something else.
So let's just play that real quick, okay?
I actually agree that he should have chosen a different word.
It is a distortion of what he said, but it left him open to this attack.
So he just said that I agree the president should have chosen a different word because it left him open to this attack.
It was politically unsound.
Right.
Not that it was in.
Not the sentiment was wrong.
Right.
Not the sentiment was wrong, but that it left him open to a political attack.
Okay.
So now here we go.
My view is that the tape in the ad was out of context.
And therefore, I think that particular ad is pretty hard to defend.
Okay, so that was Mike Murphy.
That was a Republican strategist.
And he was saying, yeah, it was distorted.
It was hard to defend.
Both commentators said the president should have known better than to use that terminology, especially when he was highly criticized previously for similar comments to CNN's Florida affiliate, West TV.
Here's what he said: He said, This is a great country that has gotten a little soft.
We're getting back on track.
I would not trade our position with anybody on earth.
Now, keep in mind, this is an old argument.
There was just as much, if not more, outrage in 1992 when Japan's former House Speaker said this.
So now the news guy starts to, he goes, he goes on to quote the old speaker of the Japanese house.
This is what he's going to call.
He's saying this.
This happened in 1992.
He's going to quote something that the speaker of the Japanese House said.
A totally different country.
A totally different country.
Right.
And something that happened 20 years ago.
Yeah.
And so here's what that Japanese speaker said: The source of the problem is the inferior quality of U.S. labor.
U.S. workers are too lazy.
They want high pay without working.
Comments like that from any leader are political landmines.
Yeah, especially from a political leader from another country.
20 years ago.
20 years ago.
Okay.
He didn't even like us.
Yes.
Right.
Okay.
So he was attacking us.
So I have no idea why he brought those comments up, except that it was another example of somebody.
See, that was the wrong usage of the word lazy.
That was actually what they were pretending Barack Obama was saying, but he wasn't saying that.
Why would they try so hard to find a correlation to make it look like Obama was calling Americans lazy?
That's exactly what they're doing.
They had to like, how long did they serve?
What he's trying to say is that Obama is Japanese.
Yeah, okay.
So here's the Gritler company.
So for those on the left crying foul, perhaps a seasoned politician should have been and should be more careful with his language, especially in an election year.
And for those on the right who are jumping on the lazy bandwagon, perhaps they should remember that context is everything.
And there's always the videotape.
Just ask Andrew Breitbart and Shirley Sherrod.
No, am I out of my mind?
Okay, no, am I out of my mind, or did he just equivocate what Barack Obama did with what the people did by distorting?
Let me get so the Republican presidential candidates are in the wrong because they got caught selectively choosing clips to distort what the president said in a blatant attempt to misinform voters, otherwise known as lying to obtain political advantage, right?
And then the president is equally wrong because he should have known that these guys were scumbags and were going to lie about what he said, and he should have made it harder for them to distort his words.
So that's equally, that's what that guy just did.
He just made them put those on an equal footing.
So yeah, on one side, you got the liars, and on the other side, you have a guy who is not making it hard enough for those guys to lie.
He's not seasoned.
Right.
And in CNN land, those two are both equally wrong.
Oh, and by the way, how dare the president honestly answer a question that was posed to him?
Right?
You know, that's what he was doing.
He was answering a question honestly and thoroughly about our trade situation.
And, you know, and it's that, and that's what Obama, you know, that's what he gets for calling American CEOs lazy when he should have been attacking the Wall Street protesters.
Right.
That's what the right wing would say, right?
And it's funny that they go back to that Eugene Robinson saying, I agree that they made it sound like all the opponents.
No, he wasn't agreeing that the president was equally wrong.
But what he was saying was, don't use the word lazy, which is like saying the president can't use certain adjectives that can be taken out of context.
Also, prepositions.
He shouldn't use of.
Adverbs are tough, too.
Okay.
Okay, so let me see.
We only have a few minutes.
So I'm going to save the rest of the stuff for next week.
Oh, we still didn't get to my David Gregory clip.
We've got a lot of clips coming up next week.
Donald Trump, we have a clip for him next week.
You know what?
I'm going to go ahead and play that Donald Trump clip right now.
Here's Donald Trump talking about he was a little upset.
Donald Trump was upset that there was a they released a poll and they found out the poll found out that if Donald Trump endorsed you, it would hurt your chances of being elected, right?
So, you know, that made troll.
Here's how Trump reacted really calmly.
Here's how he reacted.
It depends on how the question's asked because I know about polls.
I know a lot about polls.
I studied polls at the Wharton School of Finance.
And you can ask a question.
Yeah, I'm sure he's he studied.
I'm sure he studied polls.
He studied polls at the School of Business where they study polls.
They don't do that at the political science wing.
No, they do.
They study polls at the business.
They do not study polls at the Wharton School of Business.
That's a social science.
That's where they study polls.
Okay, so let's keep going.
There's more Donald Trump coming.
There we go.
To tell me if somebody's going to be worse off if I endorse them?
I don't think so.
Because I have a huge following of people that are tired of seeing our country ripped off by China and OPEC and virtually every other nation.
And I don't really think that you believe that somebody's worse off if I give them, because I have a big following of people.
Big following of people.
You have good numbers on NBC a couple of months out of the year.
First of all, I love before Gingrich said he had the number one show.
He has like the number, the highest that ever show was like 42.
Yeah.
So it's not even close.
But I think it's funny.
He said that people are tired of China ripping us off, OPEC ripping us off.
And we've got to get back to, you know, just having American companies rip us off.
That's fair.
Well, I like that.
He says, and virtually every other nation.
Yeah, because Sudan has been really sticking it to us.
We're really the victim.
Lichtenstein.
Oh, those guys don't get me started.
It's his own version of the war on Christmas, where the dominant culture is somehow oppressed.
That's what he's doing.
America is somehow oppressed by all the rest of the world.
By the way, he did, I bet you the people at the Wharton School of Business were like, oh, my God, don't say that you went here.
This is bringing us down.
And it's like an endorsement.
You don't want.
It's a reverse endorsement.
Yeah.
And, you know, if candidates really needed endorsements from reality stars, don't you think everybody would be waiting feverishly for a press conference from Mike the Situation?
Okay.
And of course, Donald Trump, people do covet his endorsement because they need that crucial 15% moron vote.
Okay, we unveiled a new segment last week called Ripped Horns Hollywood Drunk Tank.
But guess what?
There was a hurricane in Los Angeles last week, and our transmitter got knocked out.
So Hurricane maybe stretching it a little bit, but there was some Hurricane Force wings.
Who cares?
The important part is that this didn't get played in Los Angeles last week, and it's our fun favorite new segment.
It's Ripped Horn's Hollywood Drunk Tank.
So, I'm going to play it again.
Maybe you heard it before, but we didn't hear it in Los Angeles.
So, here it comes.
Enjoy.
I know what's up.
Good morning, kiddies.
I've got my AM Rocks class, and Papa's ready to dish.
So, buckle the fuck up.
First on deck, another perversion of justice.
Conrad Murray, sentenced to four years in the Huscal for simply doing his job.
Balderdash.
The good doc was railroaded.
By the time he's a free man again, the top news story will be about how Bristol Palin revealed that she didn't know that Earth was a planet during the 2016 Republican debates.
All because he administered propofol to the late great Jacko.
So what?
Everyone's talking about propofol like it's Beelzebub jizz or some horrible thing.
Nonsense.
It's perfectly safe.
Hell, during my drunken brothel binges at Dangiers, I used to inject propofol directly into my Horatio hornblower just to last longer in the sack.
Let's just say that I personally know 12 Moroccan whores who would have found Conrad Murray not guilty and then given him in a fruit basket.
Case closed.
And in other not news, Miley Cyrus was caught on tape during her birthday party, admitting that she was a pothead.
One of her besties, Kelly Osborne, even went so far as to nickname her Marley Cyrus.
Yeah, that's sweet.
Get it?
Look, we all make mistakes.
Between 1986 and 1989, my career floundered as I dedicated an inordinate amount of time and energy to a misguided effort to murder Shelly Long with my bare hands.
In retrospect, that was a misallocation of resources.
I almost got her, though.
The point is: this is Miley Cyrus we're talking about.
Her father is the Cyrus known as Billy Ray.
Be happy that she's not injecting Clorox directly into her ephemeral artery.
A little bit of Mary Jane?
Back the fuck off.
Are we really going to lose our shit when some hilljack whose eyes are too close together uses a forest remedy to make all the smart talking go away?
Surprise!
Nature provides for its misfires.
Praise be.
So judge not lest ye be judged.
That's from the Bible, or the Necronomicon, or Beowulf, or the Charlie Sheen Roast.
Who gives a shit?
I'm out of shivas.
Until next week, screw buddies.
is ripped towards saying celebrities they're just like you except drunk and fucking beautiful and And that was the wonderful Mike McRae doing Rip Torn.
And today's show is written by Mike McRae, Steph Samurano, Robert Yasamura, and Steve Rosenfield, and Frank Connett.
Today's show was produced by me.
And I'd like to send out a thank you to the two guys who led their talents and time to our show to make it possible.
The first one up is Frank Pulaski from Dreamy Time Films.
He takes all our funny phone calls and puts video to them, and they're amazing.
And you can see them up on my Facebook page.
Some of them are all up on my YouTube page.
And then we put some of them up at the website, too.
So there you go.
Thanks to Frank Pulaski at Dreamy Time Films.
And our show wouldn't happen without the help of our Mac genius, Sean James.
Ladies and gentlemen, helps us out with all our Mac problems.
He can help you out too very easily.
And he can be reached at machelp at seanjames.com.
You spell Sean, S-H-A-U-N.
Okay.
Well, that's our show.
Thanks for listening.
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