All Episodes
Previous Next
July 8, 2011 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:01:16
20110708_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_7-7-11
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
It's the Jimmy Door show.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say.
It's hard to talk to you, T. So sit back or sit up or keep driving.
Now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore!
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to today's show.
I am Jimmy Doerr joined in studio from Mystery Science 3000 from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Cinematic Titanic.com.
It's Frank Connoff.
Hi, Frank.
How are you?
Jimmy, good.
How are you?
Good.
And from Dinner and a Movie on TBS and the Mental Illness Happy Hour Podcast, which I'm on this week.
I'm the guest.
I gotta tell you, it's your best show so far.
It's Paul Gilmartin.
It was a good one, Jimmy.
And then to my right, directly, hilarious comedian and former writer for the Daily Show.
It's Steve Rosenfield.
Hey, Steve.
Hey, Jimmy.
You sound good, Steve.
Oh, I feel good.
I'm not on any pills, unlike you guys.
I'm taking it straight, baby.
So what's coming up on today's show?
We need a balanced approach.
We need to take on spending in domestic programs, in defense programs, in entitlement programs.
Okay, so that's President Barack Obama outlining his position.
And sir, he's willing to make major cuts in Social Security and Medicare.
And it just shows his bargaining genius.
He's trying to move to the right of the Tea Party and lulling the Republicans into a false sense of security by giving them everything they want.
His message is you can destroy, you can't destroy Medicare and Social Security because I'm doing it first.
We're going to talk about Barack Obama.
I said it's going to take a Democrat to ruin Medicare and Social Security, and he's doing it.
And so there's going to be huge cuts in Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security.
But we can now get Skype on Facebook, so who really cares, right?
Bounces out.
Kaylee Anthony, right?
And we had the verdict, and the media is so outraged by the verdict because, you know, I guess there's no children that are ever killed in three wars that we're fighting in.
So that's good.
And fake news was hacked into Fox News Twitter feed, and nobody noticed.
We're going to talk about that.
We're going to have a conversation with Mitt Romney about his flip-flopping.
The Governor Chris Christie calls in today.
Barack Obama calls in today.
John Boehner is going to call in today.
Plus, Jim Hightower's got a report.
That and a lot, lot more coming up on today's Jimmy Dore Show.
We'll be right back.
Time for another installment of Oh My God.
Okay, so it's this week's Oh My God.
And, you know, most of us have at least one older relative who's a horrible bigot.
And every Thanksgiving, they make everyone really uncomfortable by casually saying something like, you know, if the Jews and the Mexicans ever start interbreeding, then we got real trouble.
And for those of you who don't have such a relative, there's Pat Robertson.
He's like that guy for all of America.
And yes, he too makes things very uncomfortable in front of the other industrialized nations.
So here's a little Pat Robertson for you, talking about, because New York voted to allow gay marriage.
And Pat Robertson had a response.
I think we need to remember the term sodomy came from a town that was known as Sodom.
And Sodom was destroyed by God Almighty.
And the thing that they practiced was homosexual activity.
And even they tried to rape angels who came down there.
So I was like, that's the kind of people they were.
Angel rapers.
First of all.
Oh, God, I'm going to give birth to outrage.
I just want to just, and everybody, can I just ask everybody in San Francisco, please stop raping the angels.
What did they ever do to you?
What did they ever do to you?
That's different.
What are they wearing, though?
That's what I want to know.
I want to know what those angels were wearing.
But that's different.
They were wearing those different from the long-running show, Rape by an Angel.
Well, they're wearing the fuck-me wings.
Okay, there's more.
There's more.
Jesus didn't, when he spoke of Sodom, he didn't say anything about the homosexuality.
He talked about just the fact that business was as usual until God decided to destroy it.
And he sent an angel down there and he said to Lot and his family, get out now because I'm going to destroy this whole area.
So that's where sodomy came from.
We use the term sodomy and it means sodom.
Okay, let me just say, Pat, the people who know where the word sodomy comes from don't watch your show.
And the people who didn't know it don't need any scholarly reason to be homophobes.
And Jesus did not preach homosexuality.
He was just hanging around with his 12 male friends all the time.
It was implied.
It was implied.
No women anywhere to be seen.
Was this on his TV show that he was saying?
And the 700 Club.
But let me just say that, you know, we all, did anyone ever think that Sodom wasn't destroyed by God?
Is there people out there going, I think what happened to Sodom was that it wasn't able to sustain an entirely anal sex-based economy.
Is that what people, there's more.
He's got more.
What's it like?
Well, we're heading that way as a nation.
And in history, there's never been a civilization ever in history that has embraced homosexuality and turned away from traditional fidelity, traditional marriage, traditional child rearing, and has survived.
You know, but on the bright side, they all had the best musical theater.
It works out.
And, you know, that's the thing, too.
God can only take so much gayness.
Yeah.
And then he's going to smite you.
If our civilization has to be destroyed just so we can have Stephen Sondheim musicals, I'm willing to make that trade.
So is he saying that all great societies were destroyed by gay bashers?
Is that what he's saying?
No, by gays.
Okay, but the gay, okay.
They were too gay, so the gay bashers came in and finished them off.
Right.
He's got a little bit more to say.
Here we go.
There isn't one single civilization that has survived that openly embraced homosexuality.
So you say, what's going to happen to America?
Well, if history's any guide, the same thing's going to happen to us.
It's not a pretty world we live in right now, and we need all of God's help we can get.
And I don't think we're exactly setting ourselves up for his favor.
Can I just say, look how he says, no society has ever embraced homosexuality and survived.
News flashed to Pat Robertson.
No society has ever survived at all.
They all die eventually and change into something else.
That's the way civilization works.
That's the way history works.
And he'd know that if he ever read anything else besides a 2,000-year-old magic book and Reader's Digest.
And he said in there, it's not a pretty world.
Has he ever gone to a gay neighborhood?
It's so beautiful.
It's like it's so charming and beautiful.
And they have nice shops and everything.
And it's really pleasant to walk around.
And mind you, this is the guy who months ago or a year or so ago was calling for the assassination of Ugo Chavez.
Yes.
So that is his way to a more perfect world is to continue the carpet bombing and the assassination.
Yeah.
That's like what Jesus do.
And I just want to say I appreciate you dropping the H and Hugo Chavez like that.
That was nice.
You're like introspective.
It lets the Chicanos and the Hispanics know that I'm bored.
I'm not just another person.
It proves you're not an homosexual.
Okay.
So, Pat, let me just name two civilizations that were okay with homosexuality, ancient Greece and the Roman Empire.
Pretty successful civilizations.
And yes, they fell, but I'm pretty sure that it had more to do with lead and the drinking water and poorly made alliances than it did with consulting a dents buggering each other.
Okay.
Did he have the same history teacher as Michelle Bachman?
I've seen paintings of Greece and Rome falling, and there was definite jazz hands.
I just, okay, so.
Have we reached our quota, by the way, of musical theater jokes?
No, we haven't.
Because Niero was playing the soundtrack to Westside Story on his violin.
You know, the whole thing when he says embrace any society that has embraced homosexuality.
To me, that's the problem with Christian fundamentalists.
They don't know.
They confuse tolerance with advocacy.
And let me just say to Pat Robertson, do you know what you'd have to do in order to support gay rights, Pat?
You know what you would have to do?
Nothing.
You wouldn't have to do anything except shut up.
All you'd have to do is stop bashing them, lay off the boys for a little while.
And, you know, I'd be willing to wager my house that Pat Robertson doesn't even know personally any openly gay people.
I think that's openly gay.
That openly.
He knows a lot of gay people.
Gay people.
He just doesn't know they're gay.
So for him, wouldn't even have to do anything.
It wouldn't change his life whatsoever if we had gay.
Anyway, and that's the kind of tolerance gay people are looking for, Pat.
Just don't do anything.
And if they want, but then if they wanted your advocacy, they'd want you dancing in a leather thong on the 700 club float in the Fire Island Pride Parade.
And I agree, that would be unfair.
But that's not what they want.
And by the way, I'm glad you brought that stereotype up because I am for gay rights, but at a certain point, I think certain portions of the gay community are their own worst enemy.
While I understand the celebratory feeling behind the gay pride parade, is that really the best way to win over Middle America is by dressing like Marie Antoinette and having a sparkler hanging out of your peehole.
I looked it up.
It actually is.
Yeah.
You know, I see what you're saying.
African Americans didn't get the right to vote by dancing like Bojangles down Main Street.
I just.
But the truth is, seriously, though, I think the story of gay people in our society lately has been their embracing of traditional values.
They want to get married.
They want to have families.
They want to live conventional suburban lives.
They want to go to PTA meetings.
They want all of the things that conservatives espouse in terms of America and the traditional things.
They just want to be gay doing it.
They can't all write novels.
Some of them are going to have to have kids.
And that, to me, is the best way to convince Middle America that you are just like us.
Because they are willing to suck all the fun out of being gay.
I'm not touching that line with my 12.
But in my mind, that's the route to go is just continue the.
Yeah, you know.
I just think it's funny that.
I mean, like taking paupers and going in glory holes, that's like old school.
You know, that's not the thing.
It's so 80s.
It's at my house, it's like that, but nowhere else.
And you know, I'm sorry, but I just got to bag on us for a second.
I just think it's time that we kind of laid off the stereotype.
If we really are for gay rights for people, shouldn't we at some point stop just piling on with the stereotypical jokes?
I know we want to have fun.
I'm just showing up.
Those jokes are funny.
But at a certain point, doesn't that harm people's push for equality?
When we constantly do that, I think it does.
Well, I'll tell you.
Let me get one more good joke in on their expense before I let you.
You know, there's a difference between, you know, everyone knows the difference between an angry heckler and someone who doesn't know what they're doing.
And I just think we don't know what we're doing.
I would like to tell gay people that I'm not going to engage in stereotypes, but they're all too busy watching glee.
Well, I just love that Pat Robertson thinks that even if we tolerate homosexuality, that God's going to come down and smite our name.
Really, there's a global recession, climate change.
Pakistan has the bomb, but he's pretty sure gay people getting married is the thing that's going to get us.
That's what I call outside-the-box thinking, my friend.
And by the box, I mean the accumulation of human knowledge and reason.
And how do you, if you consider yourself to be a religious person, how do you consistently ignore the bombing of villages and the assassinating of people?
They're doing it for freedom.
They're doing it for liberty and freedom in Jesus.
And also, hasn't he been involved with diamond mines and stuff that has exploited?
Yes, but those are Christian diamond mines.
Okay.
Okay.
And Michelle, I wanted to, we're going to dovetail this into Michelle Bachman's husband.
And let me just say that.
Speaking of gay people.
Speaking of gay people, Michelle Bachman's husband, you know, Paul, I don't want to get away from that question too quickly.
Aren't we part of the problem when we make stereotypical gay jokes?
I think what we're doing is the overall inertia of this show is pro-gay rights.
We're in favor of gays.
And I don't think it serves us to deny that there's certainly some great things about gay culture, like musical theater.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think here and there it's okay.
It just felt like we were starting to pile on.
And I kind of felt like I was starting to be a hypocrite.
It's a great thing to be able to write a song, Paul.
Yeah.
It's like saying black guys have big penises.
It may be a stereotype, but it's one of the nicest plus side of the legendary.
Well, if you're all willing to avoid gay stereotypes, I'm willing to walk down that yellow brick road with you.
So Michelle Bachman's husband is Dr. Marcus Bachman.
Now, he got his PhD from a correspondence university, which calls itself an adult distance learning center.
That's true.
I looked it up.
Also known as a truck stop.
So you know he's a real doctor, and he's one of the doctors that will give you gay therapy.
Well, he'll help you pray the gay away.
And he actually, so he had this to say about gays recently on a talk show.
We have to understand barbarians need to be educated.
They need to be disciplined.
And just because someone feels it or thinks it doesn't mean that we're supposed to go down that road.
That's what's called the sinful nature.
Okay, no, I don't.
Wow.
Hold on just a second to just soak that voice.
I'm not saying to talk about it.
Isn't it how ironic that the guy who's most ardently against the gays has a lisp?
And also ironic, how mean was it for the person who invented the word to describe lisps to make it a word that the people with lisps could never be.
It's a good way to test the word.
did you say lisp?
Blaine Capach had a very funny tweet about this.
He said, Michelle Bachman's husband, I think, cures gays by sucking the homosexuality out of their penises.
Thank you, Blaine.
And you know, it's, you know, his gay fantasies seem to involve barbarians.
And I always thought they involved Vikings, but I don't know.
Yeah.
Hey, you know what?
Actually, Michelle Bachman's husband, he called me.
Oh, he gave me a message.
Yeah, here he is.
Hey, Jimmy.
Marcus Bachman.
What's up?
Just call him because I'm kind of bored, I guess.
So Michelle is running for president.
Did you hear about that?
She told me she's going to.
I was like, you go, girl.
That's great.
She said, you know, God told her to do it.
Save America or whatever.
And I was like, sounds about right.
You've seen her giving speeches and stuff.
She really looks focused.
So I don't know what I'm going to do with her going on the campaign trail for so long.
Oh, my God.
Please vote for her, Jimmy.
Anyway.
I guess I'll just have to throw myself into my work.
In case you don't know, I run a clinic where I treat gay men.
I recently got in some trouble from the lame stream media because I said on a radio show that homosexuals are barbarians who need to be disciplined.
And, okay, I admit, I misspoke there.
Maya Coppa.
What I should have said is that homosexuals are barbarians that need to be disciplined.
And that's what we do at my clinic.
And the business really picks up when Michelle is out of town for some reason.
So let's all support my wife and her little campaign thingy and keep her out on that grassroots tour so I can focus on my important clinical work without the threat of waking up to find her lonely, unkept beaver in my face begging for attention.
I have to tell her that it's shameful before God, and she starts crying and puts it away.
And Jimmy, if you or any of your cute little radio friends think you need treatment, we will fly you up to St. Paul, no problem, first class.
And don't worry, like we always say, to undergo treatment, you don't need to be all gay.
Just a little bit will do.
Toodles.
Okay, that's Dr. Marcus Bachman calling it.
That's our first call into the show.
And, you know, I'm friends with these people.
It's what happens.
All right.
So that actually, that's.
This has been, oh my God.
Oh, my God.
Okay, so that was a pretty long, that was an extensive.
But it was really worth it.
That was a high mass for that.
That was a high bass.
Oh, that's, I've never looked at it.
All right.
So I want to very quickly, let's get into Barack Obama.
He gave a speech, and let's just, the thing I like about Barack Obama, he's going into negotiate this debt ceiling thing, and he's going to try and keep the government open.
And, you know, he starts from the middle of the Republican position, and then he moves a little bit more to the right.
And, you know, he's getting his clock cleaned again.
There's a Democrat in the White House.
We have the Senate, the White House, and still Obama's jumping off point is that sick people and poor kids have to start sacrificing along with taxing the millionaire.
So, okay, so he's basically having a middle-class garage sale to raise money for the company or the country.
Yes, that's a great way to put it.
Yes, here we go.
Let's say, here's what he had to say the other day.
To get there, I believe we need a balanced approach.
We need to take on spending in domestic programs.
You know, a balanced approach.
You know, we need to balance taking away medical care from the poor, elderly, and the needy.
And that will be balanced by an imperceptible 2% tax on income over a million dollars.
That sounds pretty fair, right?
I mean, and the one thing most economists agree about right now is that the federal government, in the middle of the worst recession we've seen in decades, should not be cutting spending right now.
Yet here is a Democratic president saying that we have to do just that because the Tea Party wants us to do that.
Not what economists say we should do, not what the average citizens want us to do.
Not even what Ronald Reagan wanted us to do, right, Frank?
Taxing millionaires and billionaires is very popular.
Very popular.
So over 80% of the country, 80%, that means like 30% of Republicans are on board with this, and we still can't get it done.
So again, I'm saying with Barack Obama as president, we have a government not responsive to its people.
Over 70% of the people, including the AMA, wanted a public option.
We didn't get it.
So now we're starting to get into that banana republic kind of a land where our government is not responsive to the people at all.
When can you remember the last time 80% of the people in America wanted something and it didn't happen?
So besides, you know, recently with people, everybody wants us out of Afghanistan.
We're not getting.
Everybody wanted the public option.
We didn't get it.
Everybody wanted bank regulations we didn't get.
So our government is no longer, it's been hijacked by a small plutocracy of people.
And Barack Obama is one of them, by the way.
Ronald Reagan raised spending to help us get out of the recession.
In fact, Ronald Reagan doubled federal spending to get us.
He doubled the deficit and doubled federal spending.
And he had the biggest deficit spending in our nation's history, second only to FDR.
Okay, here we go.
More Barack Obama.
In defense programs, in entitlement programs, and we need to take on spending in the tax code.
Spending on certain tax breaks and deductions for the wealthiest of Americans.
This will require both parties to get out of our comfort zones.
You know, the comfort zone, you know, like the Democratic comfort zone of standing up for the poor, elderly, and disenfranchised.
We got to stop doing that for a little while.
Yeah, so we can appease a small group of maniacs on the right who are out of step with the economist, 7% of American people, and the majority of their own party.
We've got to get out of that comfort zone.
It's the people who are going to be out of the comfort zone who rely on medication or whatever or doctor's visits to make them feel comfortable.
They're not going to have that comfort anymore.
Rich people, you're going to have to do with one less horsepower on your yacht.
Middle-class people, you're going cancer alone.
Yes, and that's fair.
That's called shared sacrifice.
It'll be down to only $1 billion.
But you know what, Paul?
You were directing that from the bottom up.
So it was class warfare.
But if you had directed it from the top down, it wouldn't have been class warfare.
But it does sound fair.
I mean, Let's face it, the poor, sick, and the elderly have had it pretty good for a long time, right?
Being sick, poor, and elderly, and all, you know.
And so when I see a sick, poor, and elderly person, I'm just so consumed with envy.
Oh, I'm like, they've got it all.
And now we need, according to Barack Obama, in order to be fair and balance the budget and be a grown-up, we have to start taking away the minimal stuff that those people have in an effort to appear that we're being fair to the richest people in the world.
We don't want to be unfair to people who couldn't possibly feel economic pain ever.
Right.
Even David Frum.
Now, David Frum coined the term axis of evil.
And he's a little flummoxed at Barack Obama himself.
Here's he's from yesterday on the president's own weakness has invited a lot of this problem.
What he has done, his weakness has constantly empowered the most radical people in the Republican Party and disempowered people like John Cornyn, who are dealmakers.
Now, John Cornyn has to worry about primary challenges.
And every time the president has retreated in the way that he has, he has proven John Cornyn's potentially primary challenger.
Right.
Oh my God, I'm agreeing with David Feldman.
Well, he's right.
He's exactly.
I mean, you know, when a right-wing Republican is flummoxed at Obama being a pussy, wow, you have really let down your base.
I know, and I mangled that joke.
So go ahead.
But this is David David From.
So he is a Republican.
He is a former Bush speechwriter, and he is blaming Barack Obama.
When he's upset that the president's being weak, he's upset that the think about that.
That's amazing to me that he's upset that the president's being weak.
He goes on to say this.
But the fact is, he has agreed with the Republicans that the deficit is right now at a time when unemployment is 10% and interest rates are 1%.
So he's saying that right now, when we need jobs, President Barack Obama, instead of making the Democratic case and then letting the Republicans make their case, Barack Obama is coming out and making the Republican case.
He's agreeing with them that, yes, we have to cut spending, which we don't right now.
We need to take care of our short-term problem, worry about the long-term problem later.
It's like he's in love with somebody that abuses him.
Yes.
Well, you know, like I said before, you know, we have to remember, Brock, growing up an African-American in America, it's much different than growing up a white guy.
And if you want to get ahead, especially in politics, if you don't become the editor of the Harvard Law Review as a black guy, the first black editor of the Harvard Law Review, by being a black guy who stirs it up.
Right.
You get there by making white guys comfortable.
You get there by making nobody's afraid that you're going to do anything that's going to offend them.
And that's Barack Obama.
So maybe somebody tells him he crossed the finish line.
He's president of the United States.
Now he can use his power.
Let's listen to a little bit more of what they now.
Watch how flummoxed David gets a little here.
He has agreed with them.
But do you think he's wrong about that?
And I even have a job.
So he stopped himself right there, David Frum, because he almost sounded like a screaming liberal for a second.
Barack Obama can make a Republican sound like a liberal because he goes, do you think he's wrong about that?
He just said Barack Obama has agreed with the Republicans that the deficit and spending is the problem.
And the host says, you think he's wrong about that?
And he almost screams, of course.
And he stopped himself.
He goes, of course.
Okay, listen, I have a job that I disagree with.
So he stopped being so enthusiastic.
David Frum is actually making the Democratic point here.
He realizes it and he catches himself.
I'm going to play that again so we can hear it.
But the fact is, he has agreed with the Republicans that the deficit is right now at a time when unemployment is 10% and interest rates are 1%.
He has agreed with them.
But you think he's wrong about that.
And I even have a job.
He's totally wrong.
I think he's wrong about that.
But why don't you?
Let me ask you this, David.
Why don't other people, why do other conservatives not seem to think that?
Now, there's two discussions you can have.
You can have a discussion about the proper role of government, about revenues, whatever.
There's another discussion to be having about what the priority is.
And that's what seems so mismatched to me, which is that the cover still wanted to fail.
And not jobs.
And not jobs, right?
And every.
But he's saying that he's saying the mismatches between Barack Obama and his own policies.
Everybody says they want jobs, but the poll that's been taken since like 2007 has said that the number one thing on Americans' minds is jobs.
So why isn't Barack Obama producing a jobs bill?
Yeah, why is the deficit like he's allowing the deficit to be the main issue in Washington, and it should be jobs.
Exactly.
But I wish Barack would stop behaving the way he is and re-embrace his roots as a moderate Republican.
Yeah.
You know, Barack Obama called me a few weeks back, and it sounded like he could have called me this week.
Let's listen.
Jimmy, this is Barack Obama.
I would like to take this opportunity to address the criticisms of my handling of this impending government shutdown.
We need to arrive at a compromise here.
And like I said yesterday, we need to start acting like grown-ups, adults, grown-ass men.
We put away childish things like principles, ideals, and convictions.
A grown-up lets the opponent frame the debate.
Grown-ups do what corporations tell them to do.
That's a very adult thing.
Now, I've been criticized on the left by folks who just don't want to grow up.
I hear, you know, Dennis Kucinich sitting there sucking his thumb, telling us that the workers should come first, like a child.
Bernie Sanders, more like Bernie Sandbox.
Another big baby.
Now, just imagine.
If Martin Luther King had more of the spirit of compromise about civil rights, he might just be alive today.
Well, come on, Jimmy.
Nothing and nobody are perfect.
We need to meet the Republicans halfway.
You know, in the middle of the other side.
Everybody knows the best way to build a bridge is to start from both ends, and we're just building our end a little further, which means that we'll be able to keep the government open.
And that in the future, your grandma won't be able to see a doctor every time she wants.
That way, everyone wins.
So hit me up.
I'll be on Scott Flaters.
Give me a buzz.
Okay, that one, I got to tell you, that phone call hits a little close to home, right?
It's a little too real for everybody.
All right, we're up against the break.
But before we go, I want to remind everybody, next Thursday, July 14th, we're doing another subversive comedy show at the Flappers in Burbank.
And who's going to be on that show?
Greg Proups from Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Todd Glass is going to be on that show.
David Feldman will be on that show.
I'll be on that show.
Many more.
Michael Costa will be on that.
Oh, no, he's not going to be on the show.
What day of the week is that?
It's a Thursday, next Thursday, July 14th at the Flappers.
And this is the Jimmy Dore Show on Pacifica.
Thank you.
Music by Ben Thede Hey, everybody, it's Moron.
How are you doing?
Some people have Been asking what happened to me.
How come I'm not calling in?
Well, it's because a tornado ripped out our freaking phone lines.
And Eric Cantor's being a prick, and he's not giving our city any relief.
So, what I wanted to do is buy a cell phone so I could call in and to the show and still ask Jim some questions.
But Jim said all his money for the show is tied up and getting a new board.
Anyway, my thing is I'm asking you to go to JimmyDoorComedy.com and click on donate.
And Jim says you become a great person.
But what I say is if you do that, maybe Jim will give me some money so I can get a cell phone and then I can call in.
And we could be like old times before this horrible tornado thing happened.
So I'm asking you because I miss you.
And if you miss me, all you do is go to jimmydoorcomedy.com, you click on donate, and then we'll be able to talk again.
And if you subscribe at the yearly membership of $55, Steph says she's going to send you a CD of Jimmy's comedy, and it's hilarious.
It is.
And he's not even telling me to say that.
And some of you may be wondering if your telephone got ripped out.
How are you calling in now?
Well, I'm two towns over in a Sunoco gas station, and I'm using the payphone, and it's gross.
So go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, you click on donate, and everybody gets back together again.
Okay, see you then.
Bye.
���� Okay, we're back on the Jimmy Door show.
I'm joined in studio from Mystery Science 3000.
It's Frank Conner from the Mental Illness Happy Hour Podcast.
It's Paul Gilmartin from the Daily Show.
It's writer Steve Rosenfield.
What's coming up on the second half of the show?
Jim Hightower is going to stop by with a commentary.
And then when we come back, we're going to talk about Kaylee Anthony, right?
We're going to talk about that.
Mitt Romney and I have a phone conversation about his flip-flopping.
And Governor Chris Christie calls in to let us know where he's been on vacation.
Coming up right now, here's Jim Hightower.
America's long, long war in Afghanistan has drained more than 1,500 precious lives and about a half a trillion dollars from our country.
But finally, this enormous outlay paid off with the capture and killing of that al-Qaeda demon, Osama bin Laden, who attacked America and was the reason our military went into Afghanistan.
Oh, wait.
Osama wasn't in Afghanistan, was he?
He was comfortably ensconced in Pakistan, whose leaders are supposedly our allies.
And it wasn't the costly Afghan war effort that got bin Laden.
It was old-time spy work, culminating in a raid involving a small team of Navy SEALs, a dog, and two helicopters.
So why have two presidents and a decade of Congresses dumped so many lives and so much money into a country that poses no threat to us?
Hardly a powerhouse.
Afghanistan is an impoverished, anarchic, largely illiterate land of ancient tribal factions and fractious warlord thiefdoms.
They have no desire or ability to attack us.
The only reason we're given for being in Afghanistan is that we must keep al-Qaeda terrorists from establishing bases there.
But like bin Laden, Al-Qaeda left this country years ago and now operates transnationally in Pakistan, Yemen, Uzbekistan, and elsewhere, including England and Germany.
Yet, we're told we must continue to pour American lives and dollars into Afghanistan.
But why?
To create a central, democratically elected government with a 300,000-member army and police force, we're told.
But why?
To stabilize the country, they say.
But why?
To keep al-Qaeda out, they repeat, closing the endless loop of a Kafka-esque rationale.
This is Jim Hightower saying President Obama has finally started a slow withdrawal of U.S. troops, but that'll take at least three years, more than $300 billion, and untold numbers of shattered lives.
The question remains: why?
Okay, we're back.
Thanks, Jim Hightower.
You know what?
Let me just go ahead.
Mitt Romney, we'll just get this out of the way because Rip Romney's been flip-flopping like crazy lately.
So he's been saying this about Barack Obama.
He didn't create the recession, but he made it worse.
The economy was in recession.
And he made it worse.
And he made it last longer.
He didn't cause this recession, but he made it worse.
Okay, so he made it worse.
Okay, that's been his line.
And then it got pointed out to him that the recession actually hasn't gotten worse, that we're not losing jobs anymore.
We're gaining jobs and our GDP has actually been growing.
And so it's actually not worse.
And so then he said this.
I didn't say the things are worse.
What I said was that the economy hasn't turned around.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
So, yeah, so I actually got a chance.
Apparently, the flip-flop industry is booming.
Booming.
So I actually got a chance to sit down and talk with Mitt Romney.
And, well, let's listen to what we have to say.
Hi, Mitt.
I'm here with Mitt Romney.
Hey, Mitt, good to talk with you.
Hi, Jimmy.
Always good to talk to you, too.
Really?
Well, why do you ask?
Well, it's just that I've heard otherwise, Mitt.
I heard you said, in fact, that I was a dumb f.
Didn't know it.
No, no, I never said that.
That's not true.
I never said you were a dumb f didn't know shit.
What I said was that you had dumb luck and you knew you're.
Oh, well, that's different.
Oh, it sure is.
Come on.
I love me some J to the D. Mitt, why do you do that?
Do what?
Why do you try to talk street?
It doesn't.
It doesn't sound like I think you think it sounds.
Oh, come on, Jimmy.
All our polling says it sounds contemporary and makes people think I'm just like them.
Like when I wear a Levi Strauss slack and checkered shirt with an open neck.
No, it doesn't, Mitt.
Talk to the polls, Jimmy.
First of all, they're not Levi Strauss slacks, Mitt.
They're just Levi's.
And they're not slacks.
They're jeans.
Do you seriously not get that?
That makes you sound more out of touch?
In fact, it sounds stupid, Mitt, and you look ridiculous.
Whoa, who let the dogs out?
You know, it's you're your funeral, buddy.
It's getting hot in here.
So take off all your slacks.
Mitt, listen, the reason I want to talk to you is because, you know, you have this reputation as a flip-flopper.
Oh, I don't think I do, Jimmy.
Mitt, come on.
You can at least admit that you have a reputation as a flip-flopper.
Look, look what you did on abortion.
I'm against abortion 100%.
But I don't know what you mean.
Well, didn't you used to be for abortion when you were governor of Massachusetts?
Yes, I was in favor of abortion then.
So you can see how that's a flip-flop saying you're for abortion and then not.
I never said I was for abortion.
What I said was I was in favor of a woman's right to choose.
Very different.
No, Mitt, no, you didn't.
You didn't say that.
Yes, I did.
No, you just said you were for abortion when you were governor.
Nope.
Okay.
All right.
Listen, let's move on.
Well, what I really wanted to get to today is that you went around saying that, quote, Obama didn't cause the recession, but he made it worse.
Remember when you said that?
Yes, he didn't cause the recession, but he made it worse.
Okay, but then when that got debunked and you were proven wrong on that, that the recession actually hasn't gotten worse, you flip-flopped and you said that he didn't make it worse.
I never said that.
I said he hasn't turned around.
No, you just said that he made it worse.
You just said it.
If you can get with us, then you can get with that.
If you can get with it, then you can get with that.
Mitt, stop.
Listen, Mitt.
Did or did you not say that he made the recession worse?
Hey, listen.
Barack has not turned our economy around.
He actually made it worse.
You just said it.
You just said it right now.
You just said he made it worse.
Hey.
Look at my wrinkle-free dockers and my polo shirt.
Does that do anything for you?
No, it doesn't, Mitt.
But thanks for taking time.
It's been a good talk.
I appreciate you stopping by.
Thanks, Jimmy.
Always a pleasure.
And Skeet, Skeet, Skeet, Skeet.
Okay, buddy, thanks.
Goodbye.
Okay, that was our conversation with Mitt Romney, Mike McRae, doing the voice of Mitt Romney.
Oh, that wasn't actually Mitt Romney?
I was going to say he's in big trouble after this gets out.
Oh, right, because he admitted to a lot of stuff he shouldn't have.
All right, let's do, let's go write it to the Kaylee Anthony story.
And a lot of people are coming down on Nancy Grace about this, right?
She's Nancy Grace.
Very unpleasant woman.
First of all, here's Nancy Grace.
Here's what she had to say.
What exactly, what do they do over at the Nancy Grace show?
This is what they do.
Because what we do every single night is to try to tell the truth about crime and justice in our country.
Yeah, they do that, and they sensationalize tragedy for fun and profit while modeling eye makeup trends of the 80s, 90s, and today.
Yeah.
And more importantly, providing a good lead-in for the Joy Behar show.
Yes.
And what she doesn't mention is they only represent the cases where the victims are white and adorable.
I think that's what bothers people the most.
Well, I like that she makes Casey Anthony famous, and half the time she spends making her famous, and then she spends the other half of the time complaining that she's famous.
Mm-hmm.
The only good thing I think to come out of the fact that she was found innocent is watching Nancy Grace implode in self-righteous anger.
Here's what she has to say.
Now, there's nothing we can do about a jury, and there's nothing we can do about that jury verdict.
Except, you know, besmirch it and the jury process on television.
And, you know, it's funny that the only 12 people in the whole world who thought that woman was innocent ended up on her jury.
Isn't that amazing?
That is pretty amazing.
Yeah, it is.
And I mean, how do you find a jury of her pairs?
I mean, where do you find 12 people who go out partying for a month after their kids drowned?
I mean, I don't know.
There's only one thing that we can keep doing, and that is to keep on seeking justice as to whether this case can actually.
Yeah, okay.
Keep on seeking justice.
And by that, I mean sensationalizing it on television every night for ratings and fame.
Okay.
But a lot of the media went crazy.
My God, it is a stunning verdict.
I think that this is incredible.
Do I necessarily agree with this verdict?
No, I don't.
Apparently, just claim there's a Zanny nanny and it will save your fanny.
How does a good mother go to a liberal body contest when her baby is missing?
Let me just say, the devil is dancing tonight.
On Dancing with the Stars.
Dancing.
Okay, she's not...
But they were...
I didn't even know this was a show, but it's like their version of The View.
Did you know that they had that?
Yeah, The Talk, right?
It's called The Talk.
And so here's a woman on the talk.
She's an Asian woman.
Don't know her name.
I didn't do the research on this clip, but here it is.
Okay.
Anne scene.
I wonder if she ever got that choked up over a dead soldier.
Yeah.
Or over a dead Iraqi or in Afghanistan or how about those dead kids who are killed by the drugs.
They're the kids that are killed in horrible tragedies every day.
Every day.
Every day.
Did you hear about what the video guy had offered Casey Anthony a million dollars to pose nude and then people that use vivid vivid videos of porn.
Oh, yeah.
Yes.
And so I've never heard of it.
Oh, yes.
So people wrote to him in droves and said, I will no longer purchase your product.
Yes.
And so he's rescinded the offer.
But I just want to know what did some of those letters.
It is with a heavy scrotum that I write this.
So here's the clip, actually, of Nancy Grace talking about what you said.
Tom Mom's first money offer is rolling in from Vivid Entertainment, according to DMZ.
Wow.
So is it a point where you can tell me it's a porno?
It's for a porn movie, but Nancy, there's been some late news.
It is being withdrawn.
I've got to read this because it's amazing.
It has become obvious to us that fans and people in general want nothing to do with Casey Anthony, and that includes a triple X movie.
We want to make movies that people want to watch, and we now believe that we underestimated the emotional response that people are having to the verdict.
A movie starring Casey Anthony is not what people want to see.
Wow.
So porn company, they wanted to come out and apologize.
They didn't want anybody to get upset at their bad taste.
Yes.
And I think they've sleazy.
They finally realized that there is already in the world enough sadness attached to masturbation.
Tragedy, right?
But she won't be making movies, but she will be on Two and a Half Man.
And then, you know what?
If you didn't understand what that meant, Nancy Grace is going to break it down for you right now.
You ready?
She's going to break it down.
So I guess people like their porn, but they don't want to see taught mom and their porn.
That would bother them, right, Jane?
Is that what that what you're getting from this?
Yeah, that would be that would be what we're getting from this.
They didn't get that from that.
Thanks for clearing that up.
I appreciate that.
So here they had a juror be interviewed, right?
So here's what a juror said, and let's listen.
There wasn't enough evidence.
There wasn't anything strong enough to say exactly.
I don't think anyone in America could tell us exactly how she died.
If you put even just the 12 jurors in one room with a piece of paper, write down how Kaylee died.
Nobody knows.
We'd all be guessing.
So it's cause of death that was a problem?
How can you punish someone for something if you don't know what they did?
Okay, now I feel she's making a good point.
I think that it was a mistake of the Prosecution to ask for the death penalty.
Yes.
It was a mistake of the prosecution.
How do you prosecute someone for first-degree murder?
You don't know how the person died.
You don't know where they did it.
You don't know when they did it.
You don't know how they did it.
Yet you're still going to somehow, you know, when you look at it that way, you're like, wow, that's a pretty weak case.
She went on.
She had a little bit more to say about that.
But how did she die?
If you're going to charge someone with murder, don't you have to know how they killed someone or why they might have killed someone or how?
Those are important questions.
They were not answered.
So I got to say I'm sticking with her.
And then he asked, well, this is from Nightline last night, and they had an exclusive with her.
So he asked one more question.
How much this is, and this is ABC's William Hurt.
Did the fact that this was a death penalty case weigh on you in the course of the trial and in your deliberations?
Well, it weighs heavily.
It's pretty, it's the ultimate.
It's ultimate.
It's as big as you can get.
Someone else's life in your hands.
So if they want a charge and they want me to take someone's life, they have to prove it.
You have to prove it.
Or else I'm a murderer, too.
I mean, that's a mistake in the prosecution, is it not?
Steve, you seems like it.
Yeah.
Okay.
I think that I heard that the main turning point in the jury room came when Henry Fonda convinced Lee J. Cobb.
But I got I got to say that the reporters who got to.
And I just think he dropped the ball.
He didn't ask.
I don't think he's that pretty, but go on.
Okay.
So then here is here's here's what the defense attorney here's their theory of what happened.
Oh, wait, no, here, here's the 911 call that Casey made to the 911.
Okay, here we go.
You last saw her a month ago, 31 days.
Some 31 days.
Why aren't you calling now?
Why didn't you call 31 days ago?
I've been looking for her and have gone through other resources to try to find her, which is stupid.
Which is stupid.
That's not stupid.
That's intentional.
That's not stupid.
You didn't make a mistake.
You weren't being dumb.
Every day for a month, you went to bed knowing your daughter was missing, got up knowing she was missing, didn't report her, went out drinking.
That's not stupid.
You're covering up something.
She did Google her, I heard.
So here's the defense attorney.
They're asking the defense attorney some good questions.
Does a good mother wait 30 days before reporting a child missing?
That whole aspect.
Okay, now let's listen to how much of nothing he says to this question.
Because that's the big thing.
Okay, if you didn't murder her, why didn't you report it?
And so here's his answer.
That whole aspect of the Casey Anthony case is really just a myth.
It was never disputed that she passed on July 16, 2008.
But what he means when he says that she passed, meaning the baby died on July 16th.
All right.
He's trying to.
Who is this guy?
He's a defense attorney.
Oh, okay.
That 31 days has just been kept out there, I think, a lot through various media reports, and people just can't get that out of their mind.
The actions.
Yeah, because it happened.
Yeah.
Yeah, because that's what happened.
Okay, here we go.
That she took were obviously not things that anyone can condone.
However, this was not a murder case.
It never was.
And the jury saw that.
And thankfully, our system worked.
He said nothing.
What he says is this is the youngest case ever of autoerotic asyxiation.
I mean, he's basically, he just said nothing.
He said, yes, that 31 days is the myth of that's not a myth.
That happened.
And then Barbara Walters lets him off the hook instead of just coming back with that same question and saying, wait a minute, how do you go from a baby drowning in a pool to 31 days later, it being in a swamp with duct tape over its mouth?
How does what happened?
How did that happen?
Hold it, wait.
Barbara Walters let an interviewee off the hook.
I've never heard of that before.
Here's some more.
He's the most fascinating person in America.
So here's what the defense attorney did.
Here's what they say happened.
Kaylee Anthony died on June 16, 2008 when she drowned in her family's swimming pool.
And then some and then we just waited 30 days to call the cops.
And in the meantime, we put duct tape over her mouth and stuck her in a swamp.
What's wrong with that?
She is of Cajun ancestry, and that is traditional burial.
Okay, there's one more.
Here we go.
But the most did you go out dancing and partying.
And what do you say about that?
I think what we proved in court was that people grieve in many different ways.
Wow!
Oh my God.
He earned his money, I think.
People grieve in many different ways.
Like not grieving.
Some people grieve by not grieving and then actually acting like a murderer would act.
You know, that's how I agree.
Paul, they go, hey, Jimmy, I'm sorry to hear about your grandpa died.
Why did you act?
How are you handling it?
I go, well, I'm just acting like a murderer.
Yes.
Would act.
I'm covering stuff up, lying to the cops.
I'm getting duct tape, putting it over my grandpa's mouth.
That's how I react.
Then I'm going to go out partying.
I grew up watching the Dick Clark dance show, Dick Clark's Grief Party.
Right before kids take the LSATs to apply for law school, they should play them that clip and say, be forewarned, you might turn into this.
This guy.
Now, this guy's only been out of law school for like five years.
So this is a big case for him that he got this and that he won it.
And he just, you know, he didn't win it.
What happened was the prosecution was horrible.
And nobody, I can't believe that nobody pointed that out.
There wasn't one lawyer watching this case that said, hey, can I just tell you that they haven't proved how the girl died, who did it, when it happened, where it happened?
They haven't proven any of that stuff.
And that's what you have to prove.
And they didn't do...
You can't get the death penalty unless you prove those.
They could have got something else, and they probably would have gotten something else had they asked for it.
It almost seems like the government is impotent.
Thank God that we don't have that on a national level.
He's a lawyer is advertising his services in a negligent mother magazine.
Okay.
I should give credit.
Negligent Mother Magazine was an actual national ampoon magazine parody back in the 70s.
Oh, was it really?
Yes.
Very hilarious.
You know what?
John Boehner called in.
He gave me a call the other day.
Jimmy Door, John Boehner.
Have you noticed I haven't been crying much lately?
That's because I've been excreting all my bodily fluids by pissing on the poor and the working class.
I'm calling to gloat about how we Republicans are going to get many of our legislative goals met.
Thanks for this whole debt ceiling thing.
We're going to get Obama and the Democrat Party to allow us to decimate much of Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security.
I tell you, Jimmy, I've never felt younger.
Mainly because we congressional Republicans are acting like petulant little kids.
This whole episode has added years to my life.
And unlike millions of Americans, I can afford to grow old.
Well, I'll tell you, Jimmy, I'm sick of Obama yelling or tweeting or whatever about us Republicans giving tax breaks to rich people and their private corporation jets and yachts and thoroughbred race horses.
Of course, those things are what keep our economy humming.
But what I mean is I keep millionaires humming because they're so happy that they don't have to pay their fair share of taxes.
And the manure that the racehorses poop out provides jobs for poor people that may be low-paying, but at least they're also demeaning.
Cleaning up manure industry is proof that the trickle-down theory works.
It's just that these days it's trickling down out of a horse's ass.
But, Jimmy, I'll admit we can't build up our economy just on the trickle-down theory.
There has to be a lot more trickling up as well.
Poor people have to be willing to be denied medical care and a decent education.
That way, the money they aren't getting for those programs can trickle back upwards to the people who really need it.
Hedge fund billionaires.
But poor folks don't seem to want to do that.
For God's sake, where's their compassion?
Where's their empathy for large corporations that might have to actually pay taxes on the billions of dollars that they rake in?
It's just so God, I'm sorry.
I thought I was all done crying, but the plights of the wealthiest 1% always get the water where it's going.
I gotta go, Jimmy.
Call me on my droid.
And by that, I mean Jim to bed.
Okay, that was Boehners is clearing things up, letting us know what's happening.
Now, I want to let people know that if you miss any part of today's show and/or you want to hear some of these phone calls again or some of the hilarious things we say, you can get a podcast of the show for free.
That's right.
You can go to iTunes, subscribe there, the Jimmy Door show, or you can go to the JimmyDoorComedy.com and you can subscribe there too.
Okay, I want to let everybody know that because people, some people go, hey, where can I hear your show?
JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Go there, subscribe for free.
Get the podcast.
And I also want to let people know next Thursday, July 14th, Greg Proops, Todd Glass, David Feldman, Paul Gilmartin, Jimmy Door.
We're doing the Subversive Comedy Show.
That's next Thursday, July 14th at Flappers Comedy Club.
You can go to JimmyDoorComedy.com for a link right there.
And how is Jimmy Dore spelled?
D-O-R-E.
Thanks for asking, Paul.
Now, I want to get to very quickly to Chris Christie, a lady called into his weekly show.
He was on a, I don't know if it's weekly, but he was on a local show.
He's actually on IMAX big screen.
He's a big man.
And they said, you know, you're cutting all these funds for public schools.
Where do your kids go to schools?
And he responded by saying it's none of your business where my kids go to school.
And now he's taking a vacation and he won't tell anybody where he's going on vacation.
And he said when Corzine took a trip, he's like, you got to be, you should be transparent and tell people when you're going to vacation.
So, you know, anyway, he called in.
He called into my, he called me the other day.
Yeah.
Hey, Jimmy, this is Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey.
You seem to be very interested in where I've taken my vacation.
You want to know where I went on vacation?
Go f yourself.
That's where I am.
I'm at the GoFelf Resort as far in the Grand Cavens.
We come here every year.
The kids love it.
Kids love it.
Listen, right back my family on vacation is none of your goddamn business.
It's not the business of you.
It's not the business of the taxpayers of New Jersey.
It's not the business of nobody.
So quit asking everybody.
All you need to know is that I'm eating cannolis and funnel cakes like a garbage disposal.
I'm putting a nice layer down on my front butt.
I'm going to get a tan on it so it looks like a giant pumpkin just adopted Halloween.
His front butt?
Jimmy, just because I'm an elected official doesn't mean I'm beholden to explain my whereabouts.
And I'll tell you this.
Any person who may be following me in order to ascertain said whereabouts will soon find themselves more concerned with the whereabouts of their head, hands, and feet.
That was an explicit threat of murder.
I've been getting a lot of questions lately.
And I don't like questions.
Questions come from people who need answers and people who need things a week.
Like that lady Gaye who asked me why I said my kids apply to school.
Like I told that bitch to her face, it's not a goddamn business.
I don't ask where she sends kids to not learn anything.
Don't ask about mine.
I send my kids to Catholic school for the same reason as everybody else.
Because my wife and I are very busy and simply don't have time to provide all the senseless beatings and molestations at home.
Well, I should not have to answer these questions anyway.
It's a little thing called Tosa Nostra.
We New Jersey governors have a code of silence.
We keep a mouth shut.
And when I got funoops like you and your little radio friends slapping my friggin bottles together trying to get me to answer questions, I got aggravated.
And when I get aggravated, people start to dissipate.
It would be a shame if nobody ever hides from Jimmy Darby again.
Or Frank Conniff.
Or Rabbi Yatamura.
Or Paul Gilmartin.
Although, Paul, I'm actually a big fan of your podcast, the mental illness happy hour.
It really helped me move past some issues I had with my mother.
It's nice to know you're not alone, you know.
Thanks.
But the rest of you still got shut up or I'd be shut.
Wow.
Okay, and that's the show for this week.
Did you enjoy it?
I enjoyed bringing it to you.
Thanks to everybody for listening, and thanks to everybody who's made the extra effort and gone over to JimmyDoorCompany.com and made a donation to the cause to keep this show coming to you.
If you want to hear more on again, if you'd like to hear all these phone calls, Governor Chris Christie, Bill O'Reilly, Morgan Friedman, all the calls.
If you enjoy the show, show your support.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, click on donate, become a great person, and then we're going to send you something nice in the mail.
And I know we're in the middle of recession, so if you're having a hard time making a donation, another way to help support the show is to go to iTunes and leave a nice review.
It actually makes a difference.
It actually makes a big difference and helps the rankings of the show.
You know, iTunes is kind of a mystery to me how all that stuff works, but I know if you go over there and leave a nice review, it does make a difference.
Okay.
I also want to remind people, next Thursday, July 14th, the Jimmy Dore show is doing the Subversive Comedy Show at Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank.
And we got a great show for you, too.
Greg Proves from Whose Line Is It Anyway, among many other shows.
Todd Glass, you know, from everything from Last Comic Standing, regular on Jimmy Kimmel, one of the funniest comedians ever.
Paul Gilmartin will be on the show.
I'll be on the show.
Jonah Ray will be on the show.
So you go over there and here's a special offer at the door.
You flash your bed at a marijuana card, you get in two for one.
Also, you mentioned the Jimmy Dore podcast will get you in for two for one.
How about that?
That's a special gift to the Jimmy Dore podcast listeners.
So this Thursday, coming up at the Flappers Comedy Club, Thursday, July 14th, 8 p.m.
We'll see you there.
And I also want to thank everybody who helps make this show possible.
My producer, Ali Lexa, and the writers of the show, Robert Yasamura, Frank Conniff, Mike McRae, Steph Samurano.
And I also want to thank my in-studio guests, Frank Conniff, Paul Gilmartin, Steve Rosenfield, also Steve Rosenfield for helping write the show.
Does a great job.
Okay, that's our show.
▲
Export Selection