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June 30, 2011 - Jimmy Dore Show
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20110630_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_June_30_2011
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Yes, this is Christopher Hitchens.
I would be remiss who were not to express a certain gratitude to Jimmy Doer for inviting me on his program, though I believe he does present an evil more pernicious than that of Mother Teresa.
All the celebrity voices on the Jimmy Dore Show are performed by other celebrities.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say...
It's hard to talk in your keyboard.
So sit back or sit up or keep driving.
Now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody, and welcome to this week's Jimmy Dore show.
Guess what?
I'm on vacation.
So what I've decided to do is put together a little best of some of my favorite interviews.
And at the top of the show, the voice of Christopher Hitchens was performed by the one and only James Adomi.
And James Adomian is a frequent guest.
If you don't know who James is, you've seen him.
Maybe you saw him on Last Comic Standing.
He does hands down the best George Bush impression along with many, many others.
And he's been a frequent guest.
So we decided, or when I say we, I mean I decided to share with you some of my favorite moments from James Adomi being on our show.
That's what we have in the first half of the show.
He sat down when President Book's memoirs, President Bush's memoir came out.
We had James as George Bush to talk about it.
So we're going to play that in the first half.
Plus, and then in the second half, our good friend Greg Proups stopped by a little while ago to sit down and get his take on things in the world, America, Canadia.
And it was one of my favorite interviews.
I'm sure if you don't know who Greg Proups is, you should.
He's a mainstay on that show.
Whose line is it anyway?
Among many, many other things.
And that's coming up in the second half.
Plus, we'll have a little surprise at the end.
So right now, let's get to our interview with James Adomian as George Bush from last October, last October, when George Bush's memoirs came out.
We sat down to get the president's take on all things.
Right now, we're going to talk to the president himself.
We're George Bush.
Hello, Mr. President.
Thanks for having me down again.
Well, you've written your book.
Jimmy Door, I'm glad I opened up the Jimmy Door.
I appreciate that.
I appreciate you bringing a little levity to the show, Mr. President.
Thank you.
No, if levity is still hunging around next to me, I'm going to hunt him down and send him to GBA.
Okay.
Now, you've been doing your tour.
How's your tour been going?
It's been going good.
We're mostly doing door deals, splitting a door at places.
I had a couple cancellations.
I'm not that much of a draw.
Really?
Certain parts of the country, but I'm working my way into the circuit.
think I'm impressing people.
I have a regional agent and I'm a Carl Rove, sometimes.
Sometimes I just get a hateful clown.
Now, you've revealed a lot of things in your interviews with Matt Lauer.
First of all, how'd you choose Matt to be the guy who interviewed you?
Well, Matt Louder is a fellow who...
Oh, I'm sorry.
Is he listening in?
How you doing, Rush?
Matt Lauer is a courageous Americanizer.
He's always been out there.
And, you know, I see him on TV.
I talked to him before.
And he breaks it down in terms that I think the American people understand or understandful of.
So when I have a message that needs to be messengered, I think he's the wings to carry him to Christ's lips.
No, Mr. President, you've been you've revealed a lot about yourself in the book that we haven't known before, specifically how you developed a lot of your stances on pro-life and and such.
But you say in the book that your mother, Barbara Bush, had a miscarriage.
God bless her to death.
God bless her and a butter biscuit.
So you said that when she had a miscarriage, that she put the fetus in a jar and showed it to you.
Yeah, the miscarriagers are out there.
And they're attacking our children at a young age.
Sometimes they can attack you and sneak up with an abortion even when you don't want one.
Really?
It wasn't her choice.
She's forced to into it by the evil God.
Was that...
And so how did that affect you?
I mean, does she ever bring that up on holidays?
Well, sure.
I mean, I mean, mama was good with pickling anything.
If fetuses was in season, she'd pickle that and serve it up on Memorial Day.
I mean, I have memories of just sitting down there with the good pickled fetus and a hound dog hot dog.
And then maybe a side of stem cell caviar.
All right, no, I want to get into some of the stuff.
A lot of people blame you for the economic downturn we're in right now.
I think they should get a job.
Yeah, okay.
Just don't have time to sit around being blamers.
But you say in your book that, well, first of all, let's just play what you say about you were talking to Matt Lauer, and you were talking about job growth, and there's what you said.
I appreciate that.
For nearly 53 weeks, we had consecutive job growth, the longest period in one of the longest periods in American economic history.
The tax cuts, in my judgment, stimulated economic vitality, and a lot of jobs were created.
Okay.
Now, you can.
Not only do I stand by those words, I stand on them.
You know, when you say you created jobs in your administration, you created 3 million jobs.
Yeah, they were in my administration.
Contractors.
3 million jobs.
Now, as opposed to Bill Clinton, during his eight years, he created 23 million jobs, roughly 20 more million than during your administration.
Well, there was inflation in numbers of people between then and then.
No, there really wasn't.
If you go back in time to the time that I was president, one job, one job was worth more than when Clinton was president.
And Ronald Reagan.
There's inflation.
No, President Bush, you don't understand what that means.
Ronald Reagan created 16 million jobs.
Bill Clinton created 23.
You created 3 million jobs.
Well, I tried hard.
If you go down in the basement with raw materials, you're trying to whoop up jobs.
But here is what, and the 3 million jobs that you did create.
Many of those 3 million jobs created in finance and housing, which as we all know was a bubble that has since gone bust.
There's nothing more fun than watching the bubble go bust.
Just we took a nice bubble bath with the American people, and you got to play around with saggy baggy elephants.
Okay.
Bubble and bubble, pink elephant bubbles.
No, but how do you fun time?
Now, when you're out there and you're meeting the people and you're explaining to them about your economic record, what are you saying to the people about you?
I mean, you did leave us with big deficits and the jobs that you created really went away.
And now we have everybody's getting highest rates of foreclosures in the history of our country.
What do you say to all this?
Well, I think you just asked your own question.
I know the people out there are living through the foreclosurizers.
The problem with the foreclosure is that you don't take it far enough.
I think we've got to go for five closures, six closures.
Once you get to that level, people start getting used to being pushed around from house to house.
And maybe they start asking, stop asking for stuff.
Now, you've been quoted as saying that you have to look at your debt as a ratio to the GDP.
Well, you got to look at the ratio to the numbers of a billion BP per unit.
But that's in the aggregate.
Okay.
Now, this is all stimuli.
I stimulized it.
Now, you said that.
I know I said it.
But I also did it.
But let's talk about TARP.
Now, a lot of people don't realize that you were the one who started the TARP funds, and that was your program.
Oh, yeah, that's my program.
And TARP stands for assets re-people.
Program.
What it stands for is a program that puts a TARP over people from getting them wet when they're a major bank.
Yes.
And so...
I don't know what...
I don't read the fine print.
I just shoot from the billboard.
Now, here's what you had to say about the TARP.
If you were president again, though, and TARP came up again, you would do the exact same thing.
Absolutely.
Given the same circumstances.
Well, yeah, if you face the same circumstances and you get to live here a second time, which you do from time to time, you get to do it over.
I think if it's the same circumstances, you better do it the same way.
Or else you might come to a different conclusion.
Let me ask you, just to get back, just before we leave the economy and move on to the other problems in your administration, you said that you have to judge your economic record.
You created jobs.
You say that your debt to GDP ratio was low.
But creative jobs.
I mean, you got your show while I was president.
I'm going to take credit for that.
Yeah.
Mr. President, isn't it true, though, that the vast majority of the jobs you created were in the public sector for like defense and security after 9-11?
And in fact, in the private sector, we lost about a million jobs.
Well, I don't think in terms of sectors, if there's anything I want to get rid of, it's any kind of private public.
Well, the jobs that I created were in what we needed.
And we needed job people to clean up fear.
Because we spilled a lot of fear all over the place.
Well, here's what two economists had to say.
They think that's the most important thing to remember about your economic record.
This simple figure that people should keep in mind when it comes to putting it on that credit card for our kids.
When George W. Bush came to office, they had over a $200 billion surplus.
And when he left office, we had a trillion-dollar deficit.
The biggest rate of change on the largest scale of any country ever in the history of the world.
Okay.
Well, yeah, I mean, there you go.
If you're going to go to Humpty Dumpty University, I can drum up an economist for you.
Okay, well, I don't know what that has to do with what those guys just said.
Everybody's got an economist.
I've got economists who say that I created 500 surpluses.
Okay.
Out of a trillion, 100 billions.
We're talking with President George Bush in his new book, Decision Points.
I appreciate that.
The points had to be decided on, and they're the points that I made my decisions in.
Now, didn't you double the deficit from $5 trillion when you entered office to more than $12 trillion when you left office?
Well, yeah, I doubled it, but that's just think that's because it's negative numbers.
When the deficit gets big, it's easy to double it without knowing what you're doing.
Okay.
I actually have a question.
I was curious, President Bush, that, you know, just, you know, how did you come about writing this book?
Was it hard for you?
Did you collaborate?
Was there a ghostwriter?
Well, I'm not going to, I'm not going to reveal any revealed things.
But what I will say is that when you sit down and you wrangle a book like this, you got to sit face to face with words.
Words that may have hurt you over the course of your living time on the planet or outside of it.
And you're going to sit down and you're going to think, oh, well, what do I want to say?
And what am I capable of not saying?
And you've got to find the happy medium place on the extremes of both.
And basically when it comes down to it, what I wanted to say was I did what I did.
I'm happy with it.
All I had to do was lay low for a couple years and look.
The proof eats pudding.
And Obama came in, made things worse.
Whenever anybody is president, things get worse.
What I'm trying to tell you, people, is things are always getting worse.
Now, you know, a lot of people.
And eventually we're all just going to end up like a pickle fetus.
Now, you don't seem to really have learned a lot from, I mean, the economy, the wars.
You said you would.
I learned plenty.
or learned, hola, yo me gusta, sup policias.
That's not the kind of...
I learned that.
So remember it.
Here's what we asked for reactions from certain people.
Here is Colonel Wilkinson, who was the chief of staff for Colin Powell.
Here's what he had to say about— Here's what he had to say about your appearances with Matt Lauer with Matt Lauer.
It's another proof for me that this is a man who doesn't know how to do critical self-analysis.
And even if he does, he doesn't know how to deal with it after he's done it.
So what do you have to say to him?
I understand the speed at which he talks, but I think I have plenty of critical self-analyzers around me.
And I think there's so many of them trying to critical self-analyze me that I tell them to shut up, and that's how I deal with it.
Now, can we get— And what you got to do is, you know, You sit down, you focus on Jesus climbing up on that cross, and you got to go.
I don't think he actually climbed up on the cross.
I think he was nailed to it.
Yeah, well, he climbed up on the cross and he nailed himself to it.
And then after he saved everybody's sins, he climbed back down and walked off into the sunset.
That's what I did.
I did.
I was terribly, I'm terribly inspired, folks.
Mr. President, I have one last question.
The timing of your book seems very strange that you waited till after the midterms, which may have kept you from being associated with, say, the current Republican Party and the Tea Party.
Were you told by senior members of the Republican Party to stay off the radar till after the midterms?
Well, no, I was just waiting until after the World Series.
I want to see how the baseball teams go.
I don't follow politics anymore.
Once you leave the field, I'm done.
I leave my blessings to the younger generations, and I walk off to collect the wheat from the chaff.
Okay.
You said that.
Can we talk about torture?
Sure, but if you talk about it too much, you might have to experience it.
Well, here's what you had to say to Matt Lauer.
Let's talk about waterboarding.
Okay.
We believe America is going to be attacked again.
There's all kinds of intelligence coming in.
And so I said to our team, are the techniques legal?
And a legal team says yes, they are.
And I said, use them.
You see, we recorded some of that interview in bed together.
Just smoking cigarettes, just looking out at the moon.
He's good.
He doesn't interview.
So you, who brought up the idea of waterboarding these people?
Well, I mean, they're generals.
I don't know their names, just generals, people who look like Army soldiers.
When you become president of the United States, you're surrounded by people who look like they're Army soldiers.
And they go, oh, there's 9-11 needs to happen.
Oh, there's Iraqians are out there terrorizing theirselves.
And we need to go in before the shape of a form comes in the taste of a mushroom stool.
And sometimes they're going to say, the water borders need to happen.
That sounds like fun.
Because usually what the Army men say is, oh, we got to go out there.
We could kill him.
We've got to make sure we assassinate him before he assassinates himself.
So when they say something fun like waterboarding, you say, you know, hang loose.
But here's what you said.
Just jump on board.
But it wasn't previously legal.
And when Matt Lauer asked you, well, here's what you said.
In your opinion.
Because the lawyer said it was legal.
It said it did not fall within the Anti-Torture Act.
So I just want to play that again just because it's kind of stunning your response to Matt Lauer here.
Why is waterboarding legal, in your opinion?
Because the lawyer said it was legal.
It said it did not fall within the Anti-Torture Act.
I'm not a lawyer.
Yeah.
I'm not a lawyer.
Yeah.
So I don't know if you know this, but a big part of the job of being president of the United States is that you have to, you're always surrounded by laws.
Yeah.
So when you don't bring that skill to the skill set, you got to be surrounded by people who tell you what the right thing is.
So you're saying that if a lawyer tells you to do something, even commit a war crime, if a lawyer says it's okay, that you're going to do it?
Yeah, because he's a lawyer.
He put in the time and effort to now get to tell you what the law is.
I mean, there's a lot of lawyers that right now, the law in America is that abortion is legal, but you wouldn't do an abortion because you know it's wrong in your heart.
I know it's wrong in my heart, but I would find a lawyer who agrees with me.
Okay.
When you find a lawyer with the agrees with you, he understands.
I don't know if you ever have been in legal trouble, but you can't be a very powerful Bush without growing up around lawyers.
And they come in and they know what you want.
I want to torture somebody or I don't want to get out of a DUI where I ran over a kid.
Erase him from the history books.
You know, they bring a lawyer in and he's going to make that, he's going to turn the law into what it needs to be.
And that's the magical thing about freedom.
Okay.
Well, President Bush, I just want someone made the, I was reading an article yesterday and some.
I get waterboard.
I've been waterboarded.
I've been waterboarded.
Really?
Yeah.
What do you mean?
I'll show you.
It's like...
All right.
Just a little water goes up your nose.
Yeah.
I mean, they were thirsty.
You know, we were on the radio.
No one could really see that you did that.
Yeah, but the lawyers did.
Okay.
President Bush, I just want to say you put a funny anecdote at the end of your book, and someone made the observation yesterday.
I was reading online that the funny story you'd like to tell is two weeks after you were president, there you are picking up the mess.
You're walking your dog in the park and you have to spec with a plastic bag, you have to lean over and pick up the dog's mess.
And how funny.
The most powerful man in the world a week before, now you're picking up after your dog's mess.
And I was just thinking, wow, and now the rest of the country, I wasn't thinking that.
The guy who wrote it said, now the country's following you around, picking up after your mess.
Well, it's about time because if I just went pooping all over the place, people would step in it.
All right.
I can't pick it up myself.
President Bush, I want to say thank you very much for coming in.
Let me leave you with a gift.
I want to give you this.
This is a pickled fetus jar.
It's really good in wintertime.
For memorializing?
Yeah, this is one of my babies that was born with empathy.
You can't be a Bush.
We can't let you in the family.
So we went ahead and called it a miscarriage.
And it's just, it'll be my Thanksgiving gift to you.
Okay, thank you very much, Mr. President.
Thanks for taking time off.
I appreciate that.
Thanks for having me down here, liberalizers, President Bush.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
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Okay, welcome back to a special best of episode of the Jimmy Doer Show.
We're playing some of our favorite clips from some of our favorite interviews.
Right now, we're going to go back to another time.
Our favorite, one of our favorite impressionists, James Domian, hilarious comedian, great impressionist, does a great George Bush.
He visits the show frequently.
And here's another time he sat down to talk to us as former President George Bush.
Okay, I'm here with James Adobian from the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, and George Bush is here with us also.
Hello, Mr. President Bush.
How are you today?
I appreciate that.
It's good to be here, Jimmy.
It's good to be down here to talk to all the fine people from KFBW Radio.
No, It's KFPK.
Right, KFP Chang's China Bistro.
So, Mr. President, what have you been doing since the election?
What I've been doing is basically what I was doing when I was president.
I've been taking a lot of time off.
I've been down at the ranch clearing brush.
Yeah.
And I'm watching.
I'm watching the way of the world's falling apart, just like I was when I was in office.
And what would you do differently right now?
Well, you know, hindsight, I've always said hindsight is 50-50.
And so when you're looking backwards at the past, it's behind you.
I do a whole lot different right now.
I know.
Can I ask you about health care?
Sure, you can ask me about health care.
I'm not going to answer about it.
I think the beautiful thing about health care is that if you're working, you have health care because employers want their people to be healthy to come to work.
You know, a lot of people cry out and saying, oh, there's poor people who don't have health care.
The Lord Jesus Christ is the one who said the poor will always be there.
So why worry about it?
Well, when you say people working, I mean, people who work at Walmart don't get health coverage normally.
Well, it's their dumb fault.
What kind of idiot's going to go work at Walmart?
Well, they're the biggest retailer in America.
You're saying that the biggest retailer in America doesn't provide health care, and that's not a problem for our society?
So they are contributing products to the health of people.
When you go in there, you buy a rain boot or a bucket of corn.
And it's helping you be healthy already.
Sure.
Okay.
Now, what?
What do you want them to take your thermometer to?
No, no, not at all.
Now, let's talk about some other issues.
Let's talk about now Iraq and how do you – You're welcome.
I remain firmly confident in the Iraqistanis.
I know there's a lot of criticizers out there that said that we should tuck tail and run.
But I always said that we cannot do that.
Our world changed on September 9-11.
Now, how about how do you feel about Afghanistan?
Now, the policy actually, a lot of people said that you had forgotten about Afghanistan.
neglected that war in favor of Iraq.
And now...
I think sometimes the best way to run a war is to forget about it for a while.
Well, I'd flip the tape.
You know, you have the war room, flip the table over, play risk for a while, and then when you get your mind off it, you go back and sure enough, you're still there.
They didn't win.
It ain't like a war ain't like a football game.
You don't have to watch it all the time.
It lasts for days.
A war can last several days.
Well, actually, the Afghanistan war is now longer than World War II was.
I appreciate that.
And I think it took a president as tremendifying as I am to have a war that could beat World War II.
I mean, if they say that that was the greatest generation, I mean, I only need to look back at my generation of myself.
What?
Didn't Tom Brokoff say that I was now I'm the greatest generation.
No, not you.
The generation is the greatest, not you.
Doesn't matter.
We'll move on, President McClintock.
I appreciate that.
Now, I understand you got involved in Haiti, and you were seeing that.
I did, but as I get older, I have to be in favor of loving.
Of what?
I have to be in favor of loving.
Of loving.
Oh, I was hating.
No, no, I said Haiti.
No, not hating.
I understand.
I'm fully understandful that the country of Haiti is out there.
Yeah, no, you were seen.
It was pretty much blown up in the press that you had shaken hands with someone from Haitian, and you then wiped your hand on President Bill Clinton's sleeve, and people it was caught on videotape.
Do you have a response to that?
Yeah, my response is so.
Okay.
Have you ever been to Haiti?
No.
Well, they had an earthquake and all their money evaporated in the earthquake.
Oh, okay.
Now that the earthquake came and destroyed their money, their hands is dirty.
Yeah, and then you got to.
Well, you wiped off.
They're all hungry.
They hadn't eaten in a while.
I know.
I know.
So let's talk about how did you feel about Stupak when he stood up because he was trying to outlaw abortion and he didn't want to vote for health care.
Well, I believe when it comes to abortion, I'm a firm believer that life begins at perception.
And so I have to stay.
Not only do I stand by Stupak, I stand on him.
Okay.
Now, immigration is coming to the front right now because of this Arizona law.
Immigration is coming to the front.
Yes, it does.
It's coming up to the front.
I think the problem with immigration is it's always coming in.
Yeah, and it's never going.
Immigration never goes out.
They want to have a law there, a law there to make sure that they spike them on their bottoms and send them back.
And I think it's fine because I have tremendous respect for Mexicans, whether they believe from Mexico or Guatemala or other countries.
I'm tremendously respectfulized of the Mexican peoples.
Okay, now, President Bush, you're going to be debating Alan Grayson, I understand, this Sunday.
Well, I wouldn't call it much of a debate.
If you have me going in there walking in like a hurricane full of freedom, okay.
And then I'm going to go up against that ridiculous teddy bear.
That's not a debate.
That's not even a fair fight.
That's not a fair fight.
No, I'm going to walk away from it.
Because you're a cowboy.
I'm going to burn his feet in the fire.
Well, thank you very much for stopping in with us, President Bush.
Thanks.
I appreciate that.
God bless the United States of America.
God bless you all to death.
Okay, and that's I hope you're enjoying today's special best of episode of the Jimmy Dore Show, where we sit down with James Domian as President Bush.
And coming up in the second half, we're going to talk with the hilarious comedian Greg Proups in one of my favorite all-time interviews on the show.
But right now, this is the part of the show where I remind you that this show is made possible entirely by the generous donations of our listeners.
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We love those too.
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Now, back to the second half of the show.
Hi, and welcome back to the second half of a special best of episode of the Jimmy Door Show.
The second half is going to feature an interview we did with one of our favorite guests and what a hilarious comedian, Greg Proops, from about a year and a half ago.
So here we go.
Enjoy Greg Proups.
One of my favorite comedians of all time is here with us.
You might know him from his work on Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Right?
That was when I first saw you as a comedian.
Became a big fan of you as a comedian.
Then I saw you on the television.
Whose line of days?
We are now, you currently star as Max Madigan in the Nickelodeon sitcom True Jackson.
I do, actually.
That's fantastic news.
And you also have a show coming up on the Science Channel.
Want to tell us about that?
All right.
Right now or later?
We'll talk about it later.
Okay.
People like to know what's coming up.
Yeah, no, you were billboarding everything before.
I think it's a good idea.
And in a few minutes, more jokes.
In a few minutes, more jokes coming up.
We will be hitting humor almost presently.
That is Greg Proops, our guest, ladies and gentlemen.
Thanks for showing up, Greg.
How have you been?
Where have you been doing?
I'm good, Jimmy.
I've been doing lots of things.
I've just been traveling around like a mad person all over this great country of ours and Canadia, the secessionist state to the north.
Yes.
How do you find our country?
What are some of your observations?
Turn left at Montreal.
Oh, golly.
Please don't hit scan.
How do I find our country?
I didn't even let you finish the sentence.
No, you got it.
How do I find our country?
Well, you know, we're fabulously uninformed.
This is the land of people who feel very strongly about things but have no facts to back them up with.
And that's what kind of rankles my giblets the most.
On every side, by the way, people go, they should always do this, or I think this, and I'm just really passionate about it.
And then their redoubt is to yell or cry or pull a gun or whatever.
And those aren't, that's not disgusting.
I lived in England for years and the English have very few good qualities, but one of them is they conduct arguments with meticulousness.
An argument is absolutely conducted in England.
Nobody just starts yelling or pulls a gun or starts crying or goes, that's what I believe.
People lay out a series of statements and back them up with stuff they've learned.
And then the other person does it.
And whether they hate each other, detest each other.
And they have some dorkimatas over there that really roast people.
Now, some people have made the observation that that might be true in England because they have the monarchy.
So they get all their reverence out of the way with the queen, you know, and the prince and all that stuff.
We don't have that here in America.
So people treat our elected leaders as if they're some kind of monarchy.
I suppose.
It's a misplaced love in any case.
Here people feel that things are controversial.
Things like women are controversial or race is controversial as opposed to those being facts of life that we deal with every day.
And you as a comedian in clubs, and I play clubs, I run into this every week of my life.
I'll say, we have a black man as president.
We fought a civil war, so this would never happen.
Everyone gets mad.
And then I'll go, it's historic he's black, but it would have been more historic if it was a woman.
And the crowd goes quiet as if the idea that a woman could be president.
What do you mean?
You know, like, absolutely, you know, and I don't know whether people are conspiring or it just shocks them so much.
And you think, surely you watch the news.
This can't be the harshest thing you've heard all day.
Don't you always think that when you're telling a political joke?
I know.
I'm surprised at what really ruffles people's feathers, especially in Hermosa Beach.
Oh, I know.
Hermosa Beach.
With suddenly Hermosa Beach is deepest, darkest Confederacy.
These are wealthy, educated people.
Yes.
Don't make fun of, don't make fun of Schwarzenegger down there.
I'll tell you that.
Oh, and I would do nothing else.
See, to me, though, I don't think our job is to take one side or another.
I think our job is to lambaste everybody.
And also, I think it's the public's job, which they never uphold, to have a catholicity of taste, to be able to understand, like they do in their regular life.
They can use doublethink all the time.
Like you said, your brother who drives a bus and is worried about the estate tax.
Somehow he's able to juggle those two contradictory thoughts.
Why you wouldn't be able to laugh at something you don't believe in, right?
If I tell you a joke about Bush, but you like Bush, well, I can't laugh at that because I like him.
Like, well, how is that having a sense of humor?
Right.
That's the opposite of having.
If I make fun of Obama and you like Obama, you can't go, well, that's uncool because he's president now or whatever.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You're taking the same tack that everyone did before.
You know what?
Well, when you said it would have been more controversial for a woman or more historic.
Historic, yes.
Now, how do you mean that?
There's been 42 men.
He's the 43rd man.
Oh, okay.
He's a black man.
He's a man.
Oh, okay.
You see, he is a seed-bearer, not an oviparous one.
Therefore, if a woman, that would be different than another man and even more historic, because we haven't had a woman.
Oh, okay.
And nobody wants to hear it.
I realize this.
People are at Trader Joe's right now, just pouting their dashboard.
It's the truth.
It's the truth.
And it's because people are afraid of women more than they're afraid of men.
I mean, Sarah Palin, obviously, Minister of Ministras, if you will, Ministrix of Misinformation.
I mean, she is not in possession of the facts.
She just feels a lot of things and isn't afraid to talk.
As the Scarecrow once said, there's people without any brains who do an awful lot of talking.
She likes to talk about liberty and the troops.
Real America.
And Real America.
And who's real and who ain't.
And family and Alaska.
Things we would have no idea about.
Yes.
I don't know anything about that.
Right.
As Tom, what did Tom Lahert say in that song years ago?
We are the folk song army.
Every one of us cares.
We all hate poverty, war, and injustice, unlike the rest of you, square.
How would I know what family's like?
I'm a poisonous Democrat.
How would I know what liberty is?
So people, so you think, so now the Hillary Clinton, let's shift.
People are, you think, so people are afraid of women.
It's obvious people are afraid of Hillary Clinton.
Yes, they are.
Even the guys from the Washington Post, did you see that thing they did?
They do their Talking Heads Theater, whatever.
Saliza and Dana Milbank.
They do it.
Dana and Milbank, always funny.
They do, oh my God, two hilarious guys who are just getting it done over there at wapo.com.
And they do this thing, they video every week where they try to be like Jon Stewart and they try to be comedians.
You know, they're just basically, you know, writers who, that's why they're not even on radio.
They're in the, you're in the newspaper.
Right.
You know, I mean, funny in print, maybe.
We try to keep you, we don't want you to be seen or heard by people.
And what are they, first thing they do is they go and They want to be seen and heard by people.
And they did a thing about all the different beers that they were having at night.
And they thought, oh, you remember that?
And they said, oh, man, Hillary Clinton.
And then they showed a micro brew called Mad Bitch.
They're like, oh, she would.
Is that funny?
You're a columnist for the Washington Post.
What do you do?
You're not a community.
Comedians do that because we're jackasses.
We are not news people.
We do not have responsibility.
No.
No, we don't.
We're not journalists.
No.
People say to me, I've gotten a, you know, people ask this all the time.
Isn't it incumbent upon you to show both sides of an argument?
No.
No, no.
I'm a jester.
I have a funny hat on.
Yes.
You're drinking.
My job's to make you laugh by pointing out the most obvious thing I can think of in the cleverest way I can.
Yes, I'm not.
That always stunned me.
I don't work for the Washington Post.
I'm not an editorial person.
Then calling someone a mad bitch is a whole different kettle of fish.
Yes.
Were you to call Laura Bush a mad bitch?
That would be a different thing, right?
Somehow Hillary's female member is so huge she can take it.
Well, they immediately took.
Thank you.
Take time.
That was very nice.
They immediately took that video down from the website.
So as soon as people realized how ridiculous it was.
Well, I mean, they have every right to say it.
It's just that, as you say, they're journalists and they should be a little more considered.
Okay, well, we're talking with my guest, the hilarious comedian, actor, writer, producer, Greg Proups, is with us, and we'll be right back after this station break.
We're in the middle of a special best of episode of the Jimmy Door show, and we're sitting down with our friend Greg Proups.
And right now, here's one of my favorite phone calls that we got from Charlie Sheen clearing up a few things.
Okay, fine.
You don't want to call me?
I'll expose you to this magic right over the phone.
Okay, first thing, yes, I said I had tiger blood, but I didn't mean coursing through my veins.
That's crazy.
I meant that I keep it in a jar and use it as salad dressing.
Second, I didn't mean to say that I have Adonis DNA.
I meant to say that I have Adonis V D. I get that one confused a lot, actually.
And lastly, when I said I was a Vatican assassin warlock, what I meant to say was that I'm a bipolar, drug-addicted porn freak with near-lethal amounts of free time and money.
The Vatican actually discontinued their Assassin Warlock program six months ago.
All right, call me back or I'll melt your face.
Winning.
Okay, that was Spenzelansky as Charlie Sheen.
And right now, let's get back to our interview with Greg Proups.
This one goes out to the people in Isla Vista.
All right.
I don't know where that is, but I like how you say it.
It's near UCSB, man.
Oh, fantastic.
If you can twist one and ride your mountain bike at the same time, you're the most popular dude in Isla Vista.
Then we'll roll over to the Taco Bell.
Too deep.
I can't do any of those things.
I can't do any of those things.
I can't roll one.
I always use a pipe.
Yeah, you do.
And riding a bike, I've no.
No, I wouldn't ride a bike anyway.
You're not missing much.
Yeah, I'm not.
Oh, thanks.
I had a horrible accident one time.
But let's get back to.
So you think, so I'm really intrigued by the Hillary Clinton.
Now, you saw what happened to her just recently, right?
I did.
And a reaction to that?
Yes.
And just this very morning, I was on the HuffPo as I was eating micronola, and I couldn't help but notice that they had run an Associated Press article, that lefty gathering news source, Associated Press, and the Associated Press called it an outburst by her.
Well, I think an outburst.
Outburst?
Yeah, well, maybe when you yell or take off your mic and throw it down or whatever.
I've conducted an outburst.
I'm sure you have too.
To simply go, no, I'm not that person, and that's another person you're talking about.
I wouldn't call an outburst.
But because she's a woman, you see, and she talked out loud and said something that men may feel insecure about, that makes it an outburst.
Like when black people say, a policeman beat me or whatever, they're being controversial.
See, it's controversial that that happens.
Well, I'm willing to have that debate.
Well, thank goodness.
I'll have that debate.
I know what you're going to try to do is take away my health care in the next few minutes here and my ability to choose the rich doctor that I want.
I won't have it.
Now, how do you feel about the have you been watching these town hall?
There's a guy who showed up with a gun to the department.
Yes.
There is a book called The Dead Zone by Stephen King, if anyone remembers that fine piece of literature from the 70s.
And there was a crooked politician in it, and he conducted fake rallies and he had bikers as enforcers.
And everything in the last 12 years has really reminded me of that.
Where what undoes him is he grabs a child when someone's got a gun on him and that ends up on the cover of Newsweek, him holding the kid in front of him.
He's shielding himself with a baby.
Yes, which in essence, the whole last administration did for eight years.
They did it metaphorically.
And he was held up as a crooked politician.
And I always think of that when these things come along.
The election in 2000 when all the people angrily burst into the counting room where the Chads were being counted and all of them had been funded and could be identified as to where they had come from and who had paid for them to be on this field trip where they could angrily burst in as a patriotic mob, much like the Boston Tea Party.
They're just regular people who happen to all be employed by Republican congressmen or Republican lobbying organizations.
When you say someone brings a gun, it doesn't surprise me at all because that's the ultimate way to end the argument, like crying or screaming.
When you bring a gun out, that's the end of that.
And it's a photo op and it shows how controversial this whole healthcare thing is.
Oh, it's very controversial.
I think you would want to give it to everybody.
Yeah, even though 73% of the people poll after poll have showed that they prefer a public option.
No, no, no, Jim.
But it's controversial.
Yes.
So you're saying that 30% of the public, less than 30% of the public are the people who are stopping these debates.
Right.
That's what the news media would like to believe, that there's such a sons of liberty fomenting midnight meeting notes passed in a hallway upswell of hatred toward this healthcare plan that Obama's foisting upon us, that they are showing up indeed at meetings with guns.
When I think it's, you know, jiggery pokery, you know, someone's paid to come be a lunatic and disrupt and scream and all that stuff.
And you know, yeah, democracy is messy.
There's going to be yelling and stuff.
But I can't believe that the people who are opposed to this healthcare thing are thinking I'm locking and louding and going down.
I'm going to show this meeting what healthcare reform is all about.
And that's when I take out my jammy, you will know the mighty right side on this one.
I have, you know what?
Let me, I have that guy.
What's his name?
Hardball.
Chris Matthews interviewed that guy who brought the guns to the meeting.
And Chris Matthews, his show is called Hardball, and he likes to underhand his hardball questions.
I don't know if you've seen that.
Yes, he also raises his voice immediately.
Should someone be right or use a fact.
He's the one who said Obama gave him a tingle up his leg.
You may remember when Bush, after 9-11, he also had a tingle then.
Yeah, he did.
So anyone who's in power that's popular at the moment, gosh, he gets it a lot of it.
Oh, I get it going.
He nuts.
And here we go.
Here is the guy who, what's his, I forget the guy's name.
Let me see.
I'll find out.
His name is Kostrick.
Yeah, that's right.
Kostrick.
So he asks him repeatedly, Why did you bring a gun?
And of course, he never answers the question.
He goes, Well, in America, we have the second.
He goes, Yeah, but why did you bring a gun?
And so I think I have it queued up to the right place.
Let's see.
I'm going to play his one more answer about why he brought a gun to a healthcare town hall.
And that sign that you quote Jefferson from, what does that bring to a debate that this country's engaged in?
And we're looking at your gun right now and your sidearm there.
What did you, and it's loaded.
You pointed that out.
What are you doing to help this debate?
Okay.
Well, sometimes when people are mired in their position, you can try to pull them out of it a little bit, but sometimes if you show the other end of it, you can pull them a little bit in your direction.
Clearly, I'm not advocating violence.
Clearly, no violence took place today.
Clearly, when I show up to a town hall meeting with a firearm strapped to my leg, I'm clearly not advocating violence.
It is a peacemaker, Jim.
A loaded gun at a town hall.
First of all, why are we having him on TV?
And secondly, as you say, softballs, that's not the question, isn't why you brought a gun.
You saw him standing there with his Liberty sign and it said Liberty on it.
Yes.
It's always 1775 with a lot of people.
Yes.
Well, what a black guy's president is.
Oh, my goodness.
It's never been so 1775.
Oh, all of a sudden, because that's when we used to have slavery.
Yes.
And it's exactly, frankly, if you want to oppose Obama, rock on, but on the grounds that he's black, wow.
Yeah, well, weak.
But they hide it.
They don't say that.
They mask it in liberty.
They're tea-bagging and guns.
Yes.
The teabag thing was fantastic.
I've never had so much good material.
Did you go to any of the T Mag?
No, just the idea that it was never clear what they were upset about, but they had teabags and expected that to be taken unironically by a highly informed public.
Then news reporters, particularly Anderson Cooper and in noteworthy, were forced to use the word teabag a million times and gritting their teeth through it every second.
And talk about inadvertently being for gay rights or any rights for that matter.
Teabagging is delightful any time of day.
They were so vague about what it is they were mad about that I decided it was the hue of the president's skin at that point.
Well, there's no doubt.
The hats they were wearing alone were shocking.
Not since Reagan's funeral.
Have that many ugly white people gathered together and worn the worst hats I've ever seen.
Which funeral?
Because they buried, you know, they buried George Bush three times.
And as I like to say, I mean, Reagan, I say George Bush, I meant Reagan.
At none of those Reagan's funerals did anybody remember to cut his head off and drive a stake through his heart.
I'm desperately looking for a clip from Anderson Cooper, which I used to have of him saying teabag a thousand times.
Yeah, he loved he couldn't help himself.
I'm on the tea baggie waggy.
Let me just say that.
It's a juggernaut.
Throwing teabags over the fence is the most pusilanimous reaffirmation, as Warren would say, the Jeffersonian ideals of democracy.
The idea that you're recreating the Boston Tea Party by throwing a teabag over the White House wall is maybe the weakest metaphor and poorest symbolism.
They need a symbolist coach, is what they need.
That's where commies came in big time in the old days.
They would give you a monster symbol to hang things on.
And that's what the right wing used to be better at it.
But then lately, you remember the flip-flops during that convention with John Kerry?
Yeah, purple band-aids and now teabags.
Like, come on, aim a little higher.
Well, for whatever their purposes, here's what Anderson Cooper has to say about teabagging.
It's hard to talk on your teabagging.
Is it just both?
May I say, on both ends?
Whether you're the tea baggie or the teabagger, no matter what, Anderson Cooper says.
It's hard to talk on your teabagging.
Yes.
It's hard to focus, let's be honest.
I just couldn't believe that one.
And then this guy with the gun, and his sign said liberty on it.
Well, who's impinging on your liberty?
You're wearing a loaded firearm in a public place where women and children are gathered, you moron, where the president's going to be speaking.
Right.
What liberty is being a pinge on of yours?
Other than wearing a suit of armor and driving up in a tank, I can't see what else.
Yeah, he was.
If you lit up a joint, would he panic and shoot you?
I mean, there's another kind of liberty.
There's a thousand guns of liberty.
Clearly, he's not advocating violence, Greg.
Clearly.
Ladies and gentlemen, help me thank my guest, Greg Proops.
Thank you for stopping by.
It was fantastic having you in here.
Did you enjoy your visit?
I did, Jim.
What a great show.
Where can we tell people they can find you on the web?
Thank you.
I'll be at gregproops.com.
And you can even email me on my website and I will email you back.
Oh, I've emailed with you.
It's fun.
Yes.
Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it through.
Greg.
Cheers, you guys.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Thank you.
Welcome back to a special best of episode of the Jimmy Door Show.
I'm playing clips from some of our favorite interviews from past shows.
Here I am coming up right now.
There's a clip.
I was sitting down with David Feldman and hilarious comedian, three-time Emmy Award-winning writer David Feldman.
And I was sitting down with James Domian, and James Adobian slips into a little Gary Busey here, which I think you're going to enjoy.
Have you noticed Starbucks doesn't have an anti-gun policy?
So in California, you can walk around with a gun as long as it's not concealed.
Yeah.
I don't know.
And I've noticed since the started that when I said like a medium, they don't go.
It's event day.
Oh, really?
They're behaving now.
They don't correct you behind the counter at Starbucks because they think I might be caring.
Hey, David, a medium is a grande.
Anyway, so I didn't mean to correct you.
But is it really?
I can tell you're not carrying.
I carry loaded firearms with me at all times.
Who's that?
Is that Gary Busey?
Gary R. Busey, private citizen, first class reporter from DNA.
That guy is a maniac.
Well, maniac, but I am a maniac.
A maniac is a man altogether needing incomplete assistance.
Communism.
I love you.
I'm allowed to say these things.
I'm allowed to say these things because I believe in rape, reaction against predatory enemies.
And I carry a copy of the Magna Carta with me at all times.
Why do you carry the Magna Carta?
That is the last true free document written in the English language.
You got the Constitution?
Now, the Constitution, the Constitution is a haggling document with a deity that I do not recognize.
Really?
I thought you were.
Monarchy, a deity, a satanic cult.
We are facing the greatest threat from Obama, ordinary black appearance masking antichrist.
You can read more about this information at my website, www.garybuseyisthetruth.org forward slash truth forward slash beaucy dot htm.
I ran out a number of the subdomains to a lot of little pit piglet websites.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Thank you, Gary.
You know, I actually met.
I don't know if you remember when we met, Gary.
It was doing a show called The Test on FX.
Of course I did.
I stared into your eyes.
You know what I saw?
What'd you see?
I saw purity under stressful secretive instances.
What is that?
What does that come out to mean?
Pussy.
laughter laughter laughter Okay, that was James Domian as Gary Busey.
Right now, a couple of weeks ago, we played this on the show.
You probably heard the Governor Chris Christie from New Jersey took a helicopter ride at a taxpayer expense.
And well, and we kind of gave him a lot of grief about it on the show.
Well, Governor Christie called me and left me this message.
Hey, Jimmy Door, this is Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey.
A little birdie told me that you were busting Stugats over taking a helicopter to a soccer game.
Let me explain something to you.
Well, you're going to let the governor of New Jersey.
You are allowed to serve them out of perks.
Just because I take advantage of these perks does not be that different than anyone else.
I'm talking about certain specific perks, like a helicopter.
I can take you to soccer games.
I know.
Certain people want me to apologize for it.
Let me tell you something.
I'm not in the business of apologizing to anybody about anything.
You understand me?
I don't apologize.
I don't go and say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm not the governor of Delaware.
I'm the governor of Canta, New Jersey.
I'm not in that business.
I'm in the business of busting unions and balancing the budget on the backs of the working class and eating funnel cakes.
That's my business.
Eating funnel cakes and can always inspire you.
And yeah, I'll say whatever I find on the beach and stick out of my face.
How about that, Jimmy Door?
And I'll take my helicopter.
I'll eat my helicopter.
How about that?
I'll stick the helicopter in my bed damn bug owned space.
I'll eat all of it.
Let me tell you something else about helicopters, Jimmy Door.
Those blades are really sharp that spit around.
Be a shame if somebody's had that caught up in there.
I don't think they can sew that back together.
Now, listen to me.
I don't want to hear any more about you busting my balls.
I'm going to come over there to pass a day at California and give you your summer bin Laden treatment.
And by that, I mean I'm going to eat you.
Goodbye.
Okay, special thanks to Governor Chris Christie.
That's Mike McRae calling in.
And that's our best of episode today.
If you missed any part of today's show, it is available as a podcast for free from iTunes or for other ways to subscribe.
You can always go to JimmyDoorComedy.com and get a download there for free.
And you can comment on the episodes.
Plus, you can email me and I'll email you back.
That's at jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Right now, thanks to everybody who made today's show so much fun.
Our guests, James Domian, is George Bush and Greg Proups and my producer, Ali Lexa, David Feldman for sitting in.
Steph Samurano, Robert Yasimura, Mike McRae, Benzelavansky, Steve Rosenfield, and everybody else who helps make this.
And especially to you for listening.
Okay, that's our show.
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