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April 29, 2011 - Jimmy Dore Show
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It's the Jimmy Door Show.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say It's hard to talk on your TV again So sit back or sit up or peek driving now Here's a guy who sounds a lot like me It's Jimmy Dore Hi everybody welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
I'm joined in studio from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and cinematictitanic.com.
It's Frank Conniff.
Hi Frank.
Hey Jimmy.
And from Dinner in a Movie on TBS and the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast.
It's Paul Gilmartin.
Hi Paul.
Hello James.
And Robert Yasimura who is not here yet but will be shortly is here.
Hi Robert.
Hi Jimmy.
Okay he's on his way.
What's coming up on today's show?
Well guess what ladies and gentlemen?
The president has released his long-form birth certificate but most of the birthers and teabaggers still find him suspiciously black It is confirmed and Fox News can confirm the president of the United States is a citizen of the United States period.
Okay, wow stay tuned to Fox for more breaking news from 1963 So now Donald Trump has been humiliated.
Just how humiliated is he?
Today I'm very proud of myself.
Okay, I guess not so embarrassed.
But so he showed him the birth certificate and I'm sure Donald Trump accepts it now and every we're going to move on, right?
That's what's going to happen.
The word is that he was a terrible student when he went to Occidental.
I don't know why he doesn't release his records.
Why doesn't he release his Occidental records?
Okay.
Are you kidding me?
Okay, and how?
I can't wait for oh my god.
Oh my God.
Okay.
That's right.
What kind of a student was he?
Why doesn't he release his Occidental records?
You know what?
And so Lawrence O'Donnell is so upset at Donald Trump.
He is asking NBC executives to, well, he's asked, he's calling on an entity and appealing to something that is non-existent.
The time has come to appeal to the fundamental decency of NBC Entertainment executives.
Okay.
Wow.
That was from the sci-fi channel, right?
Lawrence O'Donnell has quite a meltdown over that.
We're going to go into that.
Plus, he brought on the original birther, Orly Tate.
Orly Tate, who was known to be kind of crazy and obsessed about Barack Obama's birth certificate.
Well, we're going to talk about that interview.
Here's a little taste of how it went.
Is that his birth certificate?
Do you accept that?
Okay, are you going to let me speak?
No.
Okay, it got a little worse from there.
Okay.
Plus, it took Nixon to go to China, and it's going to take a Democrat to ruin Social Security.
And we check in with Dick Durbin, who can't wait to solve Social Security's problems that is going to start in 27 years.
Plus, ABC News sat down with Franklin Graham.
It turns out Jesus Christ is a birther too.
And Glenn Beck has some very good and relevant questions for the Department of Homeland, for the Department of Homeland Security.
Justice Department, where is the Homeland Security on the Black Panthers?
Okay, so we're going to talk more about that.
But Homeland Security should get out of the Black Panther.
Plus, there's a news Tuesdays with moron and a few phone calls from Haley Barber and the author of The God Delusion, Richard Dawkins.
And plus, an oh my God segment, even more coming up with Jim Hightower.
This week on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Okay, and now before we get to my, oh my God, I want to ask Frank, Frank, you got pulled over on the way in here today?
I did.
I got pulled over speeding over.
But he let me off with a warning, though.
He said, don't see water for elephants.
And now it's time for...
Okay, this week's, oh my God, I have two clips.
And the first one, well, it was Easter last Sunday.
I don't know if you guys know it.
I spent Easter by smoking pot and going to a pizza place in Portland.
Right now, but the president, now, none of the presidents have ever issued a proclamation for Easter.
George Bush didn't.
Bill Clinton didn't.
George Bush I never did.
But I was watching Fox News, and here's what they had to say.
Anyway, this White House has never had a proclamation on Easter, the most holy of Christian holidays.
Now, the president has released statements and proclamation on Muslim holidays, Ramadan, et cetera, et cetera.
And I'm Bob.
I'm not questioning his religion.
But people say, why wouldn't he do it on this?
No, how could you possibly be questioning his religion?
All you're doing is saying Muslim and Arab and then saying he's not a Christian.
That wouldn't be questioning his religion whatsoever.
And so it's good to see that they never let an opportunity to go by not to race bait and doesn't it?
I think that it, you know, he compensates for that on Easter that he's our first chocolate president.
Wow.
All right, now let's move on to the next Oh my God segment.
It was this is from Pat Robertson's show and he has some email questions people call in.
It's a little advice segment here.
Well it's time to bring it on with some of your email questions for the day.
Pat, this is from Ann who says, my husband has always been a flirt and loves to talk with other women he finds attractive.
He says he would never cheat on me, but his actions are starting to get to me.
What should I do?
And first thing is you need to make yourself as attractive as possible.
Oh wow.
I did not see that coming.
Okay, there's more.
There's more.
Let me back it up.
Every time I think Richard Martin is too cartoony, one of these jackasses does something.
Okay, right, here we go.
And first thing is you need to make yourself as attractive as possible.
And don't hassle him about it.
And he's not going to cheat on you.
He's just playing.
But you need to not drive him away.
We'll start hassling and hammering on him.
But make yourself as beautiful as you can, as fun as you can, and say, let's go out here.
Let's go there.
Let's go do the other thing.
Whoa!
Come on, that was just fun.
Because you see, wives should always be lovers too.
Run into his arms whenever he comes home to you.
Okay.
Oh, my.
That was fun, right?
Oh, my God.
This has been, oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
I love the way Pat Robertson has taken on this sort of Voldemort-like voice.
I love the combination of evil and winded.
It's just.
See, also, he had another big thing this week where he said, I don't know if you saw, he said That liberals love real women, love abortion.
Oh, that puts them on a level playing field with lesbians.
Yes, because they can't reproduce.
You know what?
We'll bring that in for next week, even though.
And speaking of lesbians, if you want to spice up your marriage, don't hassle him about the lesbians.
Don't dress up the lesbians.
I'm just saying.
Billy Graham has a son named Franklin Graham, and he pretends to like Jesus Christ just as much as any other fake phony televangelist.
And he was asked about, he sat down with Christina Anampo, and they were talking about the birther, and he had this to say.
Donald Trump.
When I first saw that he was getting in, I thought, well, this has got to be a joke.
But the more you listen to him, the more you say to yourself, you know, maybe the guy's right.
Okay, so, you know, I'm a huge atheist, and, you know, I look at all religious leaders as suspect at best.
But I got to say, Franklin Graham, you just made everybody pretty much look a lot better.
I mean, even the Pope who condemned Galileo, he just moved up a couple of notches.
The crazy guy and the crackhead/slash preacher at my grocery store, he just moved up in the rankings.
Because Franklin's.
I think Rainbow Whig John 316 just zoomed by him.
And his dad, who made anti-Semitic remarks with Richard Nixon in the Oval Office.
But he did it in a sweet voice, right?
Yes, he did.
Yeah, yes.
Because he said, I mean, I don't, here's what he else here.
Donald Trump.
When I first saw that he was getting in, I thought, well, this has got to be a joke.
But the more you listen to him, the more you say to yourself, you know, maybe the guy's right.
Yeah, maybe the more you listen to him.
You know, once you listen to nonstop, cowardly innuendo and shameless race baiting and appealing to the worst in people, after you hear that for a while, you just say to yourself, yeah, I think this guy might be right.
It grows on you.
It grows on you.
There's something about Trump, his whole demeanor that just, you know, just exudes spirituality to me.
Just a kind of peaceful, beatific.
I think we've dubbed the perfect name for him.
The Donald Lama.
This is a guy who really, after listening to Trump, who no one respects, just is a man of God.
He says, yeah, I think, you know, Frank Graham, I hope to God, for everyone's sake, that he never comes up with a cure for cancer because no one's ever going to believe him now.
And I hope that Franklin Graham never wants to have a church in a place where Donald Trump wants to build a casino because that's not going to work out anymore either.
That's exactly right.
All right, now we got to move on because we'll talk more about the Trump.
We're deep into the Trump thing.
And because the whole thing was, hey, they just wanted him to produce his birth certificate, right?
That's all.
In fact, here is a little...
He could end it simply.
Just show it to us and it'd be over.
He could just go get the birth certificate.
It'd all be over.
And I'm just.
Yes, he could just go get the birth certificate and it would all be over.
He got the birth certificate.
And so now, what do they say now?
The word is, according to what I've read, that he was a terrible student when he went to Occidental.
He then gets to Columbia.
He then gets to Harvard.
I heard at Columbia wasn't a very good student.
He then gets to Harvard.
How do you get into Harvard if you're not a good student?
Now, maybe that's right, or maybe it's wrong.
But I don't know why he doesn't release his records.
Why doesn't he release his Occidental records?
I heard.
I heard.
His whole, the whole idea of Obama having academic achievement is so suspect.
Yes.
All he did, you know, was go on to become president of the United States as if that's a yardstick of achievement.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
But how did he get into Columbia?
That's the thing I want to know.
Sure, he became president.
It's like saying, yeah, sure, sure, Buzz Aldridge went to the moon, but how did he get to McDonald's?
I mean, nobody knows how.
I mean, that's over five miles away from his house.
Why isn't there documentation of him driving the McDonald's?
Yeah, nothing.
I just release the records.
Why doesn't he release his GPS tracking?
We all want to know how he got there.
So, you know what's weird is on Tuesday before President Obama released his long-form birth certificate.
Again, what is a long-form birth certificate?
It's that thing nobody ever heard of until we had a black president.
It's like it's a birth certificate, but the director's cut.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
It's that thing that nobody else has ever been asked to produce.
Ever.
No one's ever been asked because it's always only been available on Laserdisc.
Well, Roger Ebert has his.
That's right.
He's the only one who had his Roger Ebert.
So I was watching on, this is on Tuesday.
I'm watching Chris Hardball, and he had Pat Buchanan, who was the nicest race baiter who ever attended Catholic Mass in Latin.
He said, all of a sudden out of nowhere, he just starts saying this.
This is before Barack Obama released his birth certificate.
He went to Occidental College, then suddenly he shows up in one of the best schools in the country, Columbia.
He vaults from there to Harvard Law School.
Suddenly he's on Harvard Law Review.
Suddenly he's the editor of Harvard Law Review.
We've never seen any grades of the guy.
These are legitimate questions.
Those aren't even questions.
You're just stating facts of what happened.
I know.
First, he got up in the morning, then he went to the bathroom, then he took a shower, then he got in his car, and then he went to work.
These are legitimate questions.
All of a sudden, he achieves, he achieves, I don't like it.
I don't like it.
It's a little dark.
I mean, Pat Buchanan, you can't underestimate what a racist he is because he also said that Soda Solomore was an affirmative action hire when she was put on this.
So anyone of color who achieves anything is going to be disparaged by Pat Buchanan.
So I hope MSNBC has him on all day long like they do.
Well, they do.
And it's unbelievable that that's the thing.
It's like how.
You should have a show called Race Baiting Today.
And, you know, and then they, and then you'll see, occasionally you'll see the MSNBC people or CNN people like talking about, you know, Glenn Beck or Rush Limbaugh, all the horrible things that Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck says.
What do you think, Pat Buchanan?
I think Whitey built this country.
He literally said that too, by the way.
He said the white man built this country.
And plus, Pat Buchanan, beyond Limbaugh or Beck, has, as a part of the Reagan administration and especially the Nixon administration, has had an active part in racial southern strategy, yeah, suppressing blacks.
So he's like Limbaugh and Beck aren't even in his class, really.
No, because he actually implements.
He actually has racism that he can implement into society, whereas Beck and Limbaugh can just kind of talk about it and throw stuff against the wall.
Here's Pat Buchanan with some more stuff.
Look, I know a lot of kids that have got phenomenal LSAT scores that can't get into any Ivy League school.
So what he's saying is that, wait a minute, I know a lot of white privileged kids who can't get into those schools.
How did this black guy get?
He obviously didn't earn it.
He obviously just something.
So what we think, I don't, what are they saying exactly?
So they're trying to discredit him by saying he's not as smart as people think he is.
He's got pushed along because of affirmative already president.
And I like how they're talking about him as if he's flavor flaved.
You know, he's been president for three years.
I have yet to hear him misspeak in a way that even approximates what George Bush did in his first month.
He said 57 states one time.
He said the United States, all 57 states, which is, it's actually, that could actually be seen.
Yeah, the guy who's actually a constitutional professor teaches constitutional law at the University of Chicago, which, by the way, is even more prestigious in certain respects than Harvard.
Yeah, that guy, he's the dummy.
But Sarah Palin and John McCain, who graduated at the bottom of his class at Annapolis, those were the guys.
Those are the real brainy acts.
Those are the people.
I can tell you that if you're a bad student and you have crappy grades, you know, you're going to do an open mic at a stand-up comedy club like I did and get into comedy.
You're not going to become a Harvard law professor.
Unless, of course, your father is one of the most powerful men in the country, and then you get to go to Harvard.
Yeah, and the same thing with Trump.
His father was a rich man.
He came from privilege and the resentment towards people who came up from nothing and achieved their goals.
And maybe there was help from affirmative action.
Affirmative action is a real thing.
It's a thing that exists in our society.
If you're going to have that argument, we shouldn't have affirmative action, which a lot of them think, but now they're tying that in with Obama as part of their race baiting.
So they're bringing up this to make, they're still trying to race bait.
So what it does is it makes Whitey, who doesn't have anything, go, look, black guys just get pushed along.
They just get pushed.
Where are the white people are the ones who are oppressed?
When's Whitey going to get up there?
When do the white people get their chance?
Those people genuinely believe that.
That the oppressed race in America is the white person.
When are the Indians going to stop pushing us around and get their boot off our neck?
So let's move on to Lawrence O'Donnell.
He went nuts yesterday a little bit.
He's a friend of the friend of the show.
So I'm just going to play stuff.
He was upset with Donald Trump, as if we were talking about something really important.
And in a sense, we were, I guess, because it does drive me nuts that a game show host who isn't even running for president, who isn't even running for president, got the president of the United States to dance for him.
Do you know, I mean, it's, I mean, it just took a couple of news cycles, and Donald Trump and the media were able to turn our country, the United States, into a joke country.
I mean, I'm afraid that Canada is going to come down here and try to pants us at any moment, and we're just going to have to take it.
Yeah.
So, okay, so Lawrence O'Donnell went.
So he was mad at NBC for having Donald Trump on and not shutting him up.
And he was saying that they got to tell us if his show is renewed.
So here's Lawrence O'Donnell going nuts.
The time has come to appeal to the fundamental decency of NBC entertainment executives.
I know some of these people.
I know they have that decency.
Really?
You must tell us now everything you know about Donald Trump's plans, and you must tell us tonight.
What fantasy world does this guy live in?
I have no idea.
What is he talking about?
At least, I think he feels that the NBC executives have fundamental decency, probably because he has a pilot for an hour-long show that he wants them to read.
Well, he was really trying to be ballsy with them.
Let's play.
Here's a little longer version of that statement.
The time has come to appeal to the fundamental decency of NBC entertainment executives.
You must tell us now everything you know about Donald Trump's plans, and you must tell us tonight.
You must now, tonight, before you leave your offices in Burbank, tell us if Donald Trump is coming back to work at NBC for another season.
Of course he is.
That's the whole reason.
He's not going to actually run for president.
He's doing this to boost his radar.
What's hysterical about this is that Lawrence O'Donnell was so easily Jedi mind-tricked into like playing along with this.
And then he brings this like false gravitas and sincerity to it.
I mean, like that.
It's not a problem at all.
So either he's in on it or he's the biggest dupe going.
You must release Snookie's blood alcohol content.
Okay, so here.
So he brought on Orly Tate.
We all know who Orly Tate is, right?
She's a friend of the show.
She's a friend of the show.
She's a Russian woman who's crazy, who's been screaming about the birth certificate.
She's a distress slash lawyer.
Dentist slash lawyer.
She's the biggest birther out there.
She was birther before birther was cool.
Yes, that's right.
She's a pre-she's been thrown out of her.
She's a hipster erase baiter.
So when he brings her on, Lawrence O'Donnell does, and he wants to talk to her about the birth certificate.
And he thinks he's going to get an apology from her.
He really does.
She then brings up, she holds up a document, his selective service.
She starts to bring out his selective service records.
I don't know what that has.
So here's how that went.
Here's how that went.
Tell us what the document is.
This is Barack Obama's selective service certificate.
And if you look at it.
We don't have to see it.
I want you to talk about the birth certificate that you saw today.
Okay, so she, so then you want to hear how the rest of it went?
This is kind of a he literally brings her on, and then he does this.
It's like, you okay.
Do you accept the veracity of the birth certificate you saw today for the first time in your life?
Okay, what?
Okay, first of all.
Yes or no on the birth certificate.
Is that his birth certificate?
Do you accept that?
Okay, are you going to let me speak?
No, I'm not going to let you talk about it anyway.
Your program is nothing.
That's Obama.
You have to tell me whether you accept the truth of that birth certificate.
Let me replace it.
No, no, no.
You're not going to do it.
This is not where you come to do your mouth.
Anybody else will be sitting there?
You're not going to talk about your nonsense.
I want you to talk about that.
You've never seen Lawrence O'Donnell's interview.
You've patience for this.
You've been for this document.
You've got this documentary.
Talk about the document that entered your life today.
He just proved that you were a liar.
Talk about that document.
Barack Obama is a liar.
Was he born in Hawaii?
He's not a bad person.
He was born in Hawaii according to the truth of that person.
Stop yelling, behave.
Will you talk about this person?
She's telling him to behave.
Will you talk about his brain?
Harvard is not preparing human beings.
This is Barack Obama's.
So this is the first time on this show, and you're not going to talk about his birth certificate.
Barack Obama is convinced.
Are you going to talk about his birth certificate?
Get her out of here.
Get her off the show.
Good for him.
Good for him for at least booting her off, not letting her.
I mean, it obviously took him too long.
He should have cut her off after 10 seconds.
Oh, no, no, no, Paul.
He either shouldn't have had her on at all, or he should have let her go and let her let out all the rope of crazy to hang herself.
This was monkeys throwing feces at each other.
This is not for O'Donnell.
It was the most surprising.
Having her on and then have her be crazy was the most surprising event in his life since he had Charles Manson over for a dinner party.
Yeah.
And then he started killing people.
So here, so Donald Trump yesterday after they released it.
Hold on one second.
So Robert, you're saying he should have let her manipulate the forum for her or her own more race payment.
Or just not had her on.
Yeah.
Like, but to have somebody on just to berate them, that's what Fox knew.
But isn't that one of the problems with the media is that they don't pressure people.
They roll over and let people avoid the questions.
And he's doing what we complain that the media never does, which is follow-up and not let them weasel it.
Well, I mean, I watched the segment when it happened, and what to me was a little disingenuous about it was he kept teasing it as Orly Tates is going to be here and we're going to give her the opportunity to apologize for what she and knowing all along he knows and I know and everyone knows she's not going to apologize so it was kind of like a setup it was like a false premise kind of you know and and and instead of him just yelling at her the minute she started doing that then he should have he should have said okay cut
off before he started yelling at her.
You know what I mean?
Okay, yes.
Now let me, we're up against the clock, so let me just play this.
Now Donald Trump's last television appearance last night, he went on with Rich King.
Rich King had the birth certificate for him.
He didn't want to.
John King, you mean?
No, I'm sorry.
I said Rich King.
John King, I'm sorry, on CNN.
And he, Donald Trump's like, I don't need to see it.
I'll look at it later.
And then he complained that the media, well, here it is.
Here it is.
You'll hear what he says.
But you raised this, saying the president should release this.
No, no, you raised this.
That's a question.
No, I did not raise this.
I didn't call a press conference in Palm Beach earlier this week.
I haven't been on all these television shows.
You raised this.
And every time I sit down with the press, all they want to talk about is the birth certificate.
Are you kidding me?
The other night you went on Anderson Cooper, and you said your investigators told you it was missing, or it wasn't there.
Excuse me.
What was that being said?
Excuse me.
Very simple.
I had people looking into it.
Now I don't have to have the people.
I can call them back.
I hope.
I mean, I haven't seen this.
Okay, so now it's the media's fault.
It's crazy, right, Paul?
Like, you can't even believe it.
It just keeps going.
And then he goes, yeah, but you told Anderson Cooper you had your investigators.
What did they find?
Ah, now I can call them back.
But you said they found stuff.
What did they find?
He won't even say it.
I mean, to me, the main things of the media, if they have Donald Trump on at all, what they should be hammering about, and nothing else, is, okay, you said that when Obama released his birth certificate, you'd release your tax returns.
You said that.
Where are they?
Are we going to see them later today, tomorrow, Monday?
They, you know, and also just that whole investigative thing, which was obviously all lies.
There either were lies that he had the investigators or they fooled him or they duped him.
It's one or the other.
There's no other explanation for the things he said before Obama put out his birth certificate.
Hey, you know, Pat Buchanan actually left me a message, you guys.
Oh, okay.
Jimmy DeWolf, Pat Buchanan, I want to come on your show to defend Donald Trump, to defend birtherism, to defend graderism, to defend multiple relocationism.
The truth of the matter is that we simply do not know anything about this Barack Obama.
Where was he born?
We simply do not know.
He hasn't proven that he was born in Hawaii.
And for that matter, he hasn't even proven that he was born in the first place.
Have you seen the president's navel, Jimmy?
I haven't.
Why hasn't this president simply shown the American people his navel?
Have you seen those photos of him at the beach shirtless?
I can't make out a belly button, Jimmy DeWolf.
Quit trying to marginalize birtherism, Jimmy.
It's a broad movement and it's developing many offshoots.
Some of my esteemed colleagues are after birthers.
They believe that only the placenta came out in Hawaii.
And explain to me what's wrong with wanting his college records.
Did he have the grades to get into Harvard?
Did he just get in because he was black?
Because if that's the case, then the notion that some underprivileged African American with an Arabic name can get into Harvard, become editor of the Law Review, and go on to become the president of the United States will expose affirmative action for the abject failure that it is.
I'm an Irish Catholic, Jimmy.
So don't tell me about being underprivileged.
150 years ago, my great-grandparents had difficulties getting hired for certain jobs for a relatively brief period of time.
you don't see me asking for some handout give me a call back Jimmy unsteamed and I need a loss okay this is the Jimmy Doer show on Pacifica hi podcast listeners I hope you're enjoying this week's show and I want to thank you for your generous donations this show was made possible 100% by the generous donations of our listeners that would be you if you go to jimmydoorcomedy.com there click on the donate button choose
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all the money you donate to the jimmy doors show goes right to improving and keeping the jimmy door show coming to you every week all right enjoy the rest of this show hi everybody welcome back to the jimmy door show i'm in studio with frank connor from mystery science theater 3000 and cinematictitanic.com and from dinner and a movie on tbs and the mental illness happy hour podcast it's paul gilmartin and from team yasamura it's robert yasamura and what's coming up on this half hour
Well, Dick Durbin's going to talk about Social Security.
Glenn Beck's losing his mind about the Black Panthers.
A Tuesday with more on Martin Bashir talks about how shallow Americans are.
But right now it's Jim Hightower, and he's talking about punishing the innocent while enriching the guilty.
A recent email to me pretty well sums up the big budget hullabaloo being pushed by Tea Party Republicans.
As the writer put it, remember when teachers, public employees, Planned Parenthood, NPR, and PSA, PBS crashed the stock market, wiped out half of our 401ks, took trillions in bailout money, spilled oil in the Gulf of Mexico, gave themselves billions in bonuses and paid no taxes.
Then he added, yeah, me neither.
Yet, it's teachers, the middle class, the poor, the elderly, the environment, and the idea of public service that GOP Congress critters and governors want to punish for the destructive deeds of Wall Street banksters and corporate elites.
For example, the GOP's widely ballyhooed budget plan doesn't just end Medicare as we know it, it ends it, period.
Instead of extending this efficient and effective health care program, they would toss the elderly under the bus of insurance profiteers.
Goodbye and good luck.
How is this for better irony?
Last year, Tea Party Republicans got elected to Congress by falsely claiming that Obama's universal health care program would require, quote, massive Medicare cuts.
And now, those same Tea Partiers are not merely voting to cut Medicare, they're killing it.
They're also trying to gut Medicaid, taking three quarters of a trillion dollars out of this essential health care program for poor families.
Would this savings help reduce the deficit, as they claim?
No, it would merely be redistributed to the super rich in the form of a trillion dollars in new tax giveaways.
This is Jim Hightower saying, the GOP budget plan shows who they are and whom they serve.
As one observer says, it's a measure of just how far off the deep end Republicans have gone.
That's former President Ronald Reagan's budget director speaking.
And we all remember what Lefty Reagan was.
Okay, thanks, Jim.
That's Jim Hightower, and he stops by the Jimmy Dorse show every week to bum us out in a folksy voice.
Okay, you've been hearing a lot of talk.
There are a lot of austerity measures have been people want to take in America.
They want to cut Social Security, even though it adds nothing to the deficit, which is weird that they want to cut Social Security and Medicare, and we need to cut our spending because every time I turn on the television, this is what I hear about our economy.
Meanwhile, the earnings avalanche continues.
eBay topped expectations and raised its full-year outlook.
Boeing delivered a 13% jump in profits, but weaker than expected revenue.
And Starbucks brewed up profits in line with expectations.
Its sales came in slightly higher than expected.
Johnson and Johnson led the Dow higher as rebounding sales gave them an earnings beat, Goldman Sachs earnings lighter than last year, but still well above estimates.
And a trio of tech profits after the closing bell, Intel, IBM, Oyahoo, all beating expectations on the top and bottom lines.
Okay, so the economy is booming.
I don't know if you guys have been watching CNBC, but the economy is doing great.
And the president, even corporate economy, doing great.
Corporations are making money hand over fist.
So we still need to, I guess, cut their taxes to bring it.
I don't know why.
We still need to cut taxes.
I would just, though, I would like to say kudos to the writer who came up with Starbucks's brewing up profits.
Brilliant.
You know, you just can't walk in off the street, Frank, and do that.
So here's Dick Durbin, a Democrat, a Democrat, who's talking about fixing Social Security in the year 2037, which is when we're going to start having problems.
Now, the audio is not the best, so prick up your ears and listen.
2037, as we know it, the Social Security falls off the cliff.
There's a 22% reduction in payments, which is really not something we can tower.
So he said in 2037, Social Security falls off the cliff.
That's Dick Durbin.
First of all, let me just say, yes, there are still grown-up people who voluntarily take the moniker dick.
I don't, I still, do you think he knows what that means?
And he's concurrently the majority whip, which really?
We still use that term?
He's going to go up to some of his black colleagues.
I'm the whip.
Yeah, I'm here to get you in line.
I'm going to whip you so you vote correctly.
So anyway, but so he is going to try and fix Social Security, even though it's solvent for the next 27 years.
And then after that, it'll be able to pay out 70% of its benefits for another 100 years.
And he's saying that we should fix that.
And I totally agree.
The only thing I disagree is I think we should fix Social Security, you know, after we fix literally every other problem in the country that isn't going, it is going to happen before the next 30 years.
I mean, you got to wonder what Dick Durbin's to-do list looks like.
Number one, get tickets and book hotel for 2024 Olympics, make plans for my 90th birthday party in 2031.
And yeah, then about 40 or 50 items down the list.
Eat food so you don't die today.
Well, you know, the Paul Ryan plan is such a radical right-wing agenda that I'm really glad that the Democrats have Dick Durbin, the progressive counterpoint to that.
Saying, yes, we agree with him.
Saying, Dick Durban, we got to cut Social Security because there's going to be a problem with it in 27 years.
You show me politicians won't even fix problems that are happening today.
That's why we don't have New Orleans anymore.
And if you fix the economy, though, won't that take care of it?
Won't that?
Yes, exactly.
You're supposed to grow your way out of the world.
If you get people to get jobs, if we cut taxes, that's supposed to increase revenue, more people paying into the system.
So somebody, let me, Frank, Paul, Robert, I'm going to ask you, why is he doing this?
Why would Dick Durbin do that?
He's high.
He's been Jedi mind-tricked by the right.
He's called out that talking point so much, even though he knows that that's not an accurate truth.
And this gang of six.
So again, the American people voted a majority of progressive legislators.
They want the country to go forward.
So every time there's a tough decision to make, they do it as if it's 50-50 countries.
I think because it's politically always safer to talk about things in the future than to talk about difficult choices in the present.
I think, you know, talking about inflicting some kind of pain 27 years from now, everybody thinks, well, I'm not going to be around.
Or I don't think that's going to be a lot of fun.
And so he gets to seem like a grown-up, even though he's undermining.
I mean, it's enough to make me want to run for Congress.
The question is, why is he not saying, how come rich people aren't paying more because we've got a deficit that is ballooning?
That's basically what we want to know.
If you're progressive, why don't we go to the tax rates that were there when – even approximating what they were when Eisenhower – But why can't we go back to the last time we had we weren't running a deficit?
Why don't we go back to the 90s?
It was also a different economy then.
It was before there was more global competition.
So you can't go back to that.
But you wanted to go back to Eisenhower?
No, in terms of the tax rate.
But I'd say we just go back to the tax rate under Clinton's.
Oh, yes.
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
Yes.
Okay.
I'm personally, I'm very concerned about 27 years from now because that's when my career is going to enter its Betty White stage.
But they cut, I mean, it's literally, it's two plus two equals four.
They cut taxes, right?
George Bush came in, cut taxes twice, right?
And then we've started running deficits.
When Bill Clinton had the tax rates up where they're supposed to be, we were running a surplus.
I saw Andrew Card on cable yesterday on CNN complaining about, you know, they were talking about the birtherism, but he was going, you know, it's the economy that we've got to be concentrating on.
This horrible economy.
I'm like, yes, the horrible economy that you were the chief of staff of the administration that caused it.
First of all, when they say that, why doesn't anybody ever say this?
Meanwhile, the earnings avalanche continues.
There's an earning avalanche continuing in the economy.
We've got to get out of the way.
So it's a jobless recovery.
And that's because they've wanted it that way.
But trickle economics works.
Trill was down really.
There was a depression, right?
So they had to institute the TARP, right?
We had to have this bailout of the banks because if we don't, we're going to have a depression.
So what they did, what we were going to have was a depression in the banking industry.
So what they did was they took the depression out of the banking industry and they shifted it over to the homeowners.
Exactly.
And that's exactly.
So now the homeowners are getting kicked out of their houses and people are losing their jobs and there's no investment in the economy, but the banks are doing great.
Right.
Because people's own poverty doesn't affect the stock market.
Right.
Exactly.
And that's all.
And it's the class division.
And the fact that we are watching the royal wedding and giving coverage to that shows that we don't really give a shit about class division.
I mean, we still love a good class division.
And look, I'm not a communist, but you're not.
No, it's when people talk about, you know, we should tax the rich and, you know, working class people should have union benefits.
People say, oh, you're engaging in class war warfare.
But if you give everything to the wealthy at the expense of the rest of the population, they don't call that class warfare.
That's like good democracy or good capitalism as far as a lot of these conservatives is concerned.
Well, because whatever happens.
But it's total class warfare.
And they, yes, it's total class warfare.
But they also believe in this Randian theory that whatever happens in a free market is moral.
Right.
Which matter what happens.
I'm so sick of people using that.
Right.
You know, because that was also floated by Ayn Rand, who was a bitter ex-communist, who had this pie-in-the-sky idea of what capitalism was.
She hadn't really experienced what happens when you don't have unions.
You know, all of this.
And she ended up using Medicare at the end of her life.
Oh, and by the way, capitalism gave us slavery.
Just to be clear, like, slavery is actually good.
That's what happens when capitalism is letting go of the capitalists.
Well, that's why they wouldn't.
That's what they said before the Civil War was if you get rid of slavery, it'll hurt the people.
It's going to hurt the economy.
That's the truth.
We can't have a good economy if we can't have slaves.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, I use that as an argument.
Yes, biggest argument.
That was why even Jefferson, who was, even though he owned slaves, he was like, we should probably end this institution morally.
He's like, as soon as they're done cleaning up the living room, it would wreck the economy.
It would totally wreck the economy.
Okay, now let's now exactly what we're going to do is we're going to move on to the royal wedding, right?
Because they've been forcing it down her throat.
They've been forced.
I mean, I guess the Today Show was supposed to go there for the whole week, and they decided not to because no one in America gives a crap about this.
But that's not true.
There are people that give a credit.
There are people flying over there.
Standing in line.
But yeah, I think the majority of people.
Yeah, it's not like back, I think, when Diane got married to Prince Charles.
Like Diane, I think that people were more interested back then.
I don't think people would.
So they asked Martin Bashir.
They go, Americans aren't interested.
So he's from, he's a new MSNBC guy.
He's from England.
And so they ask him, what can you say that would get the American people hooked into this royal wedding?
Why should they care?
And this is what Martin Bashir has to say.
Americans love celebrity and materials.
They love the lives of the rich and famous.
And that's where they can become obsessed with this story because nobody lives in a better place than Buckingham Palace.
Nobody gets married in a better church than Westminster Abbey.
It's going to be gilded.
It's going to be opulent.
And Americans love the drench of wealth.
Well, yeah, in addition to that, he also had some other reasons that were kind of shallow.
But, you know, that's just crazy.
And that just blows my mind.
Well, they kind of make somebody said that to him.
I think Willie Geis was interviewing him, and he kind of said that.
It's like, you're saying that Americans are shallow?
Go ahead, Paul.
Yeah, why don't we just push this to its ultimate and actually have all the Americans who've been laid off or lost their jobs watch the royal wedding with their faces pressed up against the window?
So they say this to Martin Bashir, that that might be, you know, you're saying Americans are shallow, and he says this.
I'm not saying that.
I'm saying that it's, you know, Americans are aspirational people.
And here's a couple who are aspirational.
Look at Kate Middleton.
All right.
I'm not common.
Oh, yeah, she's a real commoner.
They're real.
Those are just regular people.
Their royal family are the least aspirational people in the world because when you're born, you've achieved what you've aspired to.
You are like an important royal person just by having been born.
So it's the opposite of aspiration.
They make George Bush look like Horatio Alger.
Wow, nice pull, Paul.
I just like the name.
Oh, Horatio Alger is always a good.
I love him on SNL.
He's gained a little weight.
The question they should have asked of Martin Bashir is: okay, listen, I think he's right.
He's like, you know, Americans on the whole are shallow.
We have, you know, the Donald has.
Yes.
But the question to him should have been like, yeah, we are kind of shallow and like money.
How come we're not interested in the shallowest of all events ever?
Yes.
Oh, that's a good point, Robert.
Like, what is so crappy is European because it's European.
I think that's why.
Really?
Yes.
You think there's an anti-European sentiment going around?
Absolutely.
Well, I don't think it's conscious.
I just think we're so United States-centric.
I think that we're, I think it also, we are actually in the middle of an economic that's hurting the middle class.
Obviously, it's not hurting the corporate class or the bankers.
It's not.
No.
This is just a depression that's hitting the middle class and the poor.
It's not hitting the wealthy.
It is not hitting them.
So, you know what?
We're up against it.
We'll be right back after this.
Don't forget the Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free at iTunes or for other ways to subscribe.
Go to jimmydoorcomedy.com and click on the subscribe link and you'll be given all the options.
And how do you spell my last name?
Well, it's pronounced Door, but it's spelled D-O-R-E.
That's JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And while you're at JimmyDoorComedy.com, why don't you sign the email list and I'll let you know about all the shows we do around town and when the Jimmy Door show is coming to your city.
There's a Jimmy Doer fan Page at Facebook.
That's right.
We're connected, and we're Twittering.
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Okay, we're back in the studio.
Paul Gilmartin just had to go do some important show business stuff.
Isn't that nice?
Okay, bye, bye, Paul.
So, right now, you had some more.
You were just saying something about Martin Bashur.
Why does anybody ask Martin Bashir anything?
He's a bottom feeder.
I mean, his claim to fame is that he managed to get an interview with Michael Jackson, and it's the like sleaziest interview you've ever heard.
Yes, it's, I mean, I'm impressed he got the interview, but like, it's a muck-raking thing.
That's all this guy is.
He's pretty shallow.
I watch him almost every day, and you can tell he's pretty he, you know, he's more of an entertainer than a newsman, that's for sure, which they all are now.
And not all of them, not Rachel Maddow, not Dylan Radigan.
Although Dylan Radigan did have, did you see he had Breitbart on the other day?
Oh, I didn't.
Oh, I heard about that.
I didn't see it.
It broke my heart almost as much as Barack Obama.
It was unusual.
He was telling him he respects him.
He was telling him that you're a good sharpshooter.
And it was.
If any person should be completely completely discredited, it's Andrew Breitbart.
It's like saying McCarthy.
It's like if you had McCarthy on, hey, I like what you're doing.
You got a good eye.
But it was anyway.
So there's a new movie, Thor is coming up, right?
So Thor.
And I didn't even know that I gave this guy my number when I met him, when I met him in Dawkins, right?
Who the God Delusion?
He called my house and he left me a message.
Here it is.
Hello, James.
This is Professor Richard Dawkins, lecturer at Oxford and author of The God Delusion.
As a scientist and educator, I have made it my life's work to eradicate scientific ignorance, especially that which is informed by religious thought.
Therefore, I am particularly irked when major Hollywood motion pictures are released that seek to throw humankind back into an intellectual dark age.
I am speaking, of course, about the movie Thor, starring Christopher Hemsford, whoever that is, and Sir Anthony Hopkins, which portrays the Norse gods as actual entities.
When I heard about this, I nearly spit my Earl Grey tea out of my nose.
I've got my hands full trying to debunk existing theisms.
Now, this piece of rubbish will indoctrinate a whole generation of children into thinking that thunder is caused not from an atmospheric exchange of energy, but rather by a magical hammer wielded by the petulant bodybuilding son of an angry one-eyed sky god who lives in a golden castle approachable only by a rainbow.
I mean, honestly.
Christians already want to have their version of creationism taught in schools.
Must we also teach the North version?
That a giant primordial space cowl lift a frozen middle-earth free of its icy encasing over a thousand years.
The mind boggles.
Jimmy, I would like to use your show, which is in the forefront of rational thought, to instruct people to wake up.
We must discard the foolish religions of the past if we wish to move forward as a species, even if they are fun and entertaining.
Sorry if I sound a bit exhausted and crabby.
I spent all weekend running to every Easter egg hunt I could find and barking at five-year-olds that both Jesus and the Easter bunny are ridiculous myths perpetuated by their ethically bankrupt parents and are destroying the earth.
Do give me a call back when get a chance, Jimmy.
Okay, that was I'm impressed that his argument against Thor was not that it looks like a bad movie.
It's just I know it's a purely metaphysical.
You know, as long as we're playing some phone calls, Haley Barber decided he's not going to run because he said he didn't have the fire in the belly for it, but he certainly has.
I think he has got a lot of other stuff in that belly.
He's got a lot of stuff.
He's got a keg of chili in that belly.
And so he, so I think it was just because he had to fight against all that.
He has a lot of racist passes.
And there's a new, like, more modern brand of racism represented by Donald Trump that's out in the world.
And Haley Barber represents more old school.
Yeah, he can't keep up with the kids, the new kids today.
No, the new racists coming up.
Right.
So he actually called me and left me a message.
Hey, Jimmy, it's Haley Barber again.
Hey.
Yeah.
Okay.
I...
Sorry, I just stood up out of a chair.
Anyway, just wanted to give you a call to address all this hubbub about me pulling out for the 2012 presidential race.
I mean, it shouldn't be that much of a surprise, because on the off chance that the economy does pick up, whoever ends up running against this Obama guy is going to get a drumbin' like Longstreet did at Gettysburg.
Sorry, I'm a southerner.
My two metaphorical points of reference are the Civil War and the Civil War.
And me especially, you know, with my good old boy personality and Mississippi accent, I got no chance against some guy from Africa.
Just looks bad.
Not that it should be that way, though.
I ain't no racist.
Some of my best friends are a bunch of blacks.
I mean, Jimmy, some of these Melway elitist moralizers will call me a racist, but then they go send their kids to some East Coast boarding school where they got no darkies at all.
I mean, sure, these schools got yellers and red-dot engines and heaves and whatnot, but no straight-up, no room for cream black-a-fat Americans like I run with.
What these Yankees don't understand about us down here is that when I was a kid, they ran the Klan out of Yazoo City because the Klan uses overt violence against blacks.
We replaced them with the Southern Citizens Council, which uses overt economic threats.
Now, that's different.
We got a saying down here, Jimmy.
If there's no white hood, the racism's all good.
Yeah.
Sorry about that.
I've swallowed an entire deep proud trooper.
Anyway, just want to avoid all that hubbub and bear out gracefully.
I'm sure you understand, Jimmy.
Give me a call on my whiteberry.
Hubbub.
Okay, Haley.
Haley Barber, getting it done.
Thanks, Haley, for calling in.
We'll talk to him next week.
And also, it's time for Tuesdays with Moron.
Moron gave me a call.
Hey, it's Jimmy.
Who's this?
Hey, Jimmy, how you doing?
It's Moron.
Hey, Moron, what's going on, buddy?
Jimmy, you know me.
I'm a good American.
Sure.
I like to vote against my own economic interest.
Makes me feel good.
That's confusing.
And I may often manipulate to blame those lower On the economic ladder than me for my economic problems.
But what does bring you comfort?
But what does bring me comfort, Jim, is the fact that my Lord Jesus the Christ hates exactly the same people that I hate.
Tweet.
Isn't that nice?
So, Moron, the president showed his long-form birth certificate.
What do you think of that, buddy?
I say it's about time, Jim.
What?
Yeah, it's about why didn't he just do this a long time ago?
Because he already did.
Now there's more questioning.
It raises as many questions as it answers.
Like what?
What kind of question?
It raises questions about his college career.
Like, how'd he get into those places like Occidental?
How'd he get into Occidental Cal?
He was accepted into Occidental College.
Yeah, I know.
And then he went to Columbia University.
Yeah, how'd he do that?
He applied.
Sounds fishy.
What sounds fishy, moron?
How'd he get in?
Get in what?
How'd he get into Columbia, Jim?
Um, they accepted him.
He applied, they accepted him.
That's how he got in.
Yeah, but then I heard he was a bad student at Columbia.
Oh, really?
You heard that?
Where'd you hear that from?
Huh?
I said, where did you hear that Obama was a bad student at Columbia?
Lots of places, Jim.
Like where, Moron?
Well, for one, I just heard it from you and your previous question.
Okay.
And then, after he got into Columbia, with no family connections or big money or a legacy, he got into Harvard Law, where he then became the editor of the Harvard Law Review.
The most prestigious position you could hold there.
Exactly, Jim.
Exactly what, Moron?
Exactly.
How'd he do that?
How'd he do more?
Moran, what are you implying exactly?
Not implying anything, Jim.
I take the president at his word.
You take him at his word, but then you question what?
You sound like you're contradicting yourself.
How?
Well, you're saying you take the president at his word, but then you question everything about him, even how he got into college, even though he was the president of the Harvard Law Review, which means he was the smartest guy around.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
What?
How could he be the smartest guy around, Jim?
What?
He was black.
Moron.
These are all legitimate questions, Jim.
Hold on.
What happened to all the soup?
Did you eat it all?
No.
Did you eat it all?
Yes.
Now I gotta make more, and it's gonna take forever.
Oh, no, Trees.
I got you something that'll make it go faster.
What?
I got you the automatic RoboStir.
It stirs as you cook, and so now you don't have to stand over the stove.
No kidding?
RoboStir covers any size pot or pan, and gives soups and sauces the perfect texture.
It stirs for hours while you get other kitchen jobs done, Trees.
Sounds great.
But will it get to the bottom of the pan?
Of course it will.
The silicone feet and orbital turning action ensures that no spot is unstirred.
It's designed to stir every inch, Trees.
Will it melt?
No.
The silicone feet withstand temperatures over 500 degrees.
Okay, I'm gonna go make some soup.
Wait a second.
What's all this stuff on the RoboStir?
Oh, that's nothing, Trees.
I was just using it to stir a little paint.
Put some turpentine on it before you use it.
Are you kidding me?
No, it's not a big deal.
It's not a big deal.
I washed it right now.
I washed it right now.
Oh, my God.
Trees, what a minute there.
No, it's good.
I gotta get something nice.
No, it's not a big deal.
Okay, and that was another Tuesdays with Moron.
Moron calling in.
Thanks, buddy.
He just has legitimate questions.
That's all he has.
And I want to say, all the time,
the uh celebrity voices all the phone calls uh this week were done by mike mcrae wow mike mcrae at mikemcrae.com he's hilarious comedian uh he used to be on the frank colliendo sketch show and now uh he's uh touring as a standing up comedian and he does all our voices and he's hilarious i want to say thanks to him i want to say thanks to everybody who helps makes today's show helps makes helps makes today's show possible uh i want to thank my guests frank conniff paul gilmartin robert yasamura i want to thank the people who helped write the show steph
samurano mike mcrae robert yasamura and frank coniff and um i want to also thank my producer alilexa for getting it done making everything run smoothly and i want to thank you guys for listening and uh we'll see you when will we see them i don't know when we'll see them again we are we going on fun drive next week okay but we'll still even during a fun drive the jimmy door show still does a show you can get it as a podcast don't be a knucklehead if you missed any part of today's show you go to jimmydoorcomedy.com or
to go to iTunes and you can subscribe to this podcast for free that's right for free isn't that nice that's what we do here we let people have information with a little humor and we do it for free now how do you spell my last name d-o-r-e correct yes jimmy doorcomedy.com frank what is your website uh cinematictitanic.com cinematic titanic.com if they want to follow me on twitter too they can go to twitter.com slash frankconner i follow you on twitter you're always hilarious thank you and
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