All Episodes
Previous Next
March 5, 2011 - Jimmy Dore Show
59:08
20110305_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_-_March_3_2011
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Hey, Jimmy, this is Charlie Sheen.
I'm a big fan of the show.
I love politics.
My dad was president for a while there, remember?
I'm calling because I'm tired of getting screwed over by the Today Show and Good Morning America and TMZ and Cat Fancy.
Man, I've been doing a lot of media.
Anyway, I want to come on your show and state my case in my own words.
I'm giving you the exclusive.
That's right, the very same exclusive I gave to 327 other shows.
As you can probably tell from my girlfriend situation, I have no idea what the word exclusive means.
Look, I know you and Mir Simpatico.
I'm on a drug called Charlie Sheen.
You're on a drug called medical marijuana.
We can do this.
me It's the Jimmy Door Show.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say.
So sit back or sit up or keep driving.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody, and welcome to today's Jimmy Door show.
I'm sitting in studio with the crew as always, Benzela Vansky from BennonAlets.tv.
Frank Conniff is here, a special guest sitting in again.
You know him from before, and you know him from Mystery Science 3000 and cinematictitanic.com, correct?
Right.
And Robert Yasamura is here from TeamYasamura.com, Twittering.
And what's coming up on today's show?
Well, why are the protesters in Wisconsin being locked out of the state capitol?
Republican State Senator Glenn Grotham tries to walk a fine line here by explaining why the protesters are being locked out without insulting them.
Well, we're trying to keep some people out of the building because right now the building's becoming a pigsty.
We can no longer continue to have all these slobs in the building.
Okay, there you go.
Nice fine line.
We're going to examine the Wisconsin protesters and what the real agenda is.
Hey, the stock market is booming.
Corporate profits are up.
And yet, according to former Bush press secretary Ari Fleischer, we still need to cut government spending on non-essential things, you know, like education and healthcare.
We're going to talk about it with Ari in his interview with David Gergen coming up.
And Tom Brokaw was on Morning Joe today, today.
And he, you know, he's America's most trusted corporate mouthpiece, and he has a fix for our budget problems.
A lot of people, my generation, are saying it's crazy that we have retirement at the age that we do.
We can move that up, for example.
Okay, finally, a multi-millionaire with the balls to say we need to raise the retirement age.
We're going to talk about that coming up.
And Mike Huckabee has positioned himself as a sensible conservative.
He's been on the record as saying that the people who question Barack Obama's birth are a distraction and he's above it.
And recently, he got a chance to put a birther in his place.
One thing that I do know is his having grown up in Kenya.
Oh, okay.
We're going to talk about that.
He's got himself into a world of trouble and he's been denying what he said.
So we're going to talk about that.
Plus, the Reverend Grant Storms of New Orleans.
Yes, Grant Storms of New Orleans, best known for his bullhorn protests against homosexuals at the yearly gay festival held in the French Quarter.
Well, he's in the news.
Do I need to tell you what he's in the news for?
I think you could make a guess.
Investigators say two people claim they saw Storms masturbating in his van while watching children on the playground.
Okay.
Well, you know what?
If you think that's funny, he's got a defense that you'll never believe.
And we're going to play it for you.
Plus, Charlie Sheen.
That's right.
Charlie Sheen's got a plan to fix everything.
And how is it going to work?
It's going to be good.
And everybody's going to win because they followed, guess whose plan?
Mine.
Okay, shortly after he said that, the police took his children away by court order.
I'm by winning.
So we're going to talk about all that stuff coming up.
Plus, moron's got a phone call, a little Jim Hightower for you, and I bet there's even going to be more stuff.
That's coming up today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Time for another installment of Oh My God.
Our Oh My God segment comes from Glenn Beck, right?
Now, we all know about FDR and what he did for workers, right?
He set up collective bargaining for them, unions.
He was a strong backer.
He had the workers' Bill of Rights.
I mean, there couldn't be a bigger lefty liberal than FDR.
But according to Glenn Beck.
In fact, FDR said collective bargaining would destroy us.
Yes, Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
Look it up.
Okay, and he's saying that because he knows none of his listeners will look it up.
They don't even know what that means.
Look it up or collective bargaining.
Look it up.
They would have to have books to look something up.
I think they think look it up means like over and out to look at trucker.
He just says that at the end of everything.
Roger that.
Look it up.
Look it up at the Liberty University website.
This has been, oh my God.
Oh my God.
And now back to the show.
Let's, you know, there's been a weird thing happening.
Now, if you remember back to President Obama's State of the Union address, he said this.
The stock market has come roaring back.
Corporate profits are up.
The economy is growing again.
And yet, we seem to be having to cut our budgets, and there's not enough money to go around.
We have to balance stuff on the backs of the teachers and union workers and cops and firemen.
And I don't understand that.
Well, right after Barack Obama gave his State of the Union speech, he was on CNN and David Gergen was talking to him.
Well, first of all, let me tell you who Ari Fleischer is.
You remember Ari Fleischer, don't you?
The irascible, chubby press secretary from the first few seasons of the Bush administration.
And he's back and adorable as ever with his crazy misrepresenting of the truth.
Okay, so here's Fleischer.
He's talking to David Gergen about how the Bush administration embraced the findings of a 2005 report from the National Academy of Sciences.
It talked about the impending doom of our broken economy and the best way to fix it and about developing a thing called the competitive agenda, the competitive agenda.
What's that?
It's a way to fix our economy.
And they said, above everything else, the number one thing we should do is invest in K through 12 education, hiring 10,000 new math teachers and science teachers a year and paying more money to attract the best minds into teaching.
In short, an educated populace equals a strong economy.
Here's David Gergen talking with Ari Fleischer.
Republicans have sort of said, basically, we don't like all this investment to become more competitive and everything.
So it's just like, we're spending.
But Ari, didn't George W. Bush embrace this whole report on being more competitive that came out of the National Academies of Science and Engineering and put it forward and got it approved on Capitol Hill?
Aren't people in the Republican Party fundamentally for this?
That's one of the reasons that Paul Ryan's right.
Both parties have contributed to what's now a crisis.
No spending.
Okay.
Did you catch that?
Right out of the gate, Ari lets you know he's back.
That's right.
He doesn't care about anything but cutting spending.
A recognized institution issues a report which says our long-term economic viability as a nation is contingent on education.
And the Bush administration tried to increase education.
And in Ari's opinion, they were reckless nanny-state lunatics on a spending spree.
Ari, stick to the scrib fleischer, ladies and gentlemen.
But would you expect anything less from a guy who sold us the Iraq war like he was selling an old lady a Ferrari with a tow package?
I thought he came out of four square in favor.
The point today is when you have a $1.4 trillion deficit, you can't look at things for 2006 eyes or 2004 eyes.
You've got to look at them 2011.
Did you catch that?
That's a nice little bit of sophistry there.
It's got numbers and metaphors.
The only trouble is it's total bullshit because if you look at the issues through 2011 eyes, we still have the same problem.
Worse, probably.
We're ranked below the top 25 countries in terms of education, and we're still ranked below the top 25.
Oh, and we manufacture even less stuff here than we did in 2005.
So education is even more important now.
And one more thing, the economy's going to hell.
So we need even more intelligent and creative workforce in the next few years.
But you see the way Ari makes you think the exactly opposite thing?
Spending increase, but I didn't hear President Obama talk about what specifics he would cut.
And this is the problem.
In Washington, the conversation always begins with the compassion as measured by how much more money can we spend for this group or that's not about compassion.
Does that strike anybody else as weird that Ari would say that?
Compassion.
It's educating children.
Is educating children compassion, Robert?
No.
If you educate them in the Catholic model, it's definitely not compassionate.
Okay, I've got one more clip I want to play by Ari.
Okay, here we go.
Would you be willing to take away the tax cut for the top people in order to pay for new teachers and science and math?
Are you asking me if they want to raise taxes to redistribute income?
No, too much.
I want to have teachers want it.
That's right.
According to Ari Fleischer, spending money on teachers is redistributing wealth.
But tax breaks for millionaires isn't.
Got it.
So Ari's in favor of redistribution of wealth.
He just wants it to go upward, not downward.
You know what you get when you don't invest in education?
You get a crappy economy in a crappy country.
And if you don't invest in education, you get to invest in prisons.
Wait, but we're way ahead of the curve on that already.
Building prisons makes good economic sense, doesn't it?
You know what else you get if you aren't willing to invest in education?
What?
More people that will vote Republican.
That's right.
That's exactly right.
If they build, as someone who went to detention a lot when I was a student, if they build more prisons, they could use that for detention rooms.
So that would work out pretty good.
That's a way to cut money on education, what you're saying.
I got you.
You know, detention is one of the cheapest parts of education there is.
So there should be more emphasis on that.
Maybe making schools all just, you go and you're in detention all day.
That way it'd be very cheap.
You eliminate the teachers.
You don't even need teachers.
You need one guy to sit there.
Doesn't even need to have a college degree.
Yeah.
And feeling resentful.
And I think I just solved the whole education crisis.
Thank you.
Although the college degree helps with the resentment.
It really does.
It really does.
My favorite thing about this clicking is that RA Fleischer goes old school.
And this is part of the general Republican thing where they're bringing back red baiting terms like redistribution of wealth.
Yes, right.
And the one that's currently in the news cycle is class warfare.
They're like these beautiful old red baiting terms and they're just bringing them back.
And I'm like, yeah, we're going to.
I love the people that use the term class warfare and think that it's directed up.
Like that.
Yes.
Like, oh, all these people without power are getting too powerful.
Okay, there's one more.
I get one more clip from Ari.
Let's hear what he has to say.
We can no longer afford a lot of the things we want.
That's what's got us into the deep hole.
We keep paying for all the things that we like.
We can't get away.
Wow.
That's right.
Never money for stuff that we like.
You know, stuff like schools, teachers, healthcare.
But there always seems to be plenty of money for stuff Ari likes.
Isn't that weird?
Wars, tax cuts for millionaires, bailing out Wall Street banks that stole pensions in the middle class and kick them out of their houses.
This is what passes for reason debate.
This is what you're up against.
Hiring teachers equals redistribution of wealth.
But let's remember.
The stock market has come roaring back.
Corporate profits are up.
The economy is growing again.
So why all the austerity measures?
I mean, that's from this year's State of the Union address.
Why all the austerity measures?
Why can't we, why don't we have money to invest in education?
Does anybody know?
Because they were unfunded mandates.
There are two reasons.
First of all, the Republicans, what would happen was that the Democrats would push through legislation to spend, which was very reasonable legislation.
And the Republicans would end run them and defund it.
They would refuse to raise taxes appropriately.
They would drop them, in fact.
So we already had all these unfunded mandates on the books.
Then they took all the pension plans, all the 401, every single thing that could be invested in the private markets, they did.
And when those markets went south, they find themselves contractually on the hook for pensions and benefits that they cannot afford to pay for.
So what they want to do is cut that spending because they are so freaked out about raising taxes.
Well, Grover Norquist said famously, I think in the 90s, that they want to shrink government, meaning what you want to do is cut the funding to government, which means cut taxes for the people who pay taxes that fund the government.
And his quote was, we want to get government so small that you can drown it in a bathtub.
And that's exactly what's happening right now.
What they're doing is defunding government and saying that there's a crisis because of our economy.
Even though the president just told everybody that the economy is boom, stock market's booming.
Those are the words he used, booming.
Corporate profits are up, which they in fact are up.
And yet we still have to cut, we have to raise Social Security for people.
We got to cut Medicare.
We got to cut back on the union's pensions.
What's happening here is nothing more than a power grab.
And by the way, there's about $2 trillion in pure cash in the private market right now that is being held in reserve.
Yes.
That is not being used at all.
But I think if we're just patient enough, it'll trickle down.
Right?
No?
Right.
I have this napkin.
Sure worked in the 80s.
Well, that's what the Republicans are not admitting.
And they still live as if the trickle-down theory works.
And like you just said, there's all this money that the private people have that they're not spending.
And the idea of giving millionaires tax cuts is, oh, we have more money now, so we'll invest it.
And then that'll all trickle down to everybody.
But they're not doing that.
And it's a completely different thing.
It empirically disproves the premise.
Everybody acts like we haven't tried this yet.
Yeah, this is what we started in 1980.
We started trickling down.
The deficits that they're all upset about were caused by Bush, too.
They never Mentioned that, you know, that we had a surplus.
Right, Clinton gave us a surplus, and then the Clinton administration.
No, but it's the Democrats who are doing all the spending.
Well, the problem is, we shouldn't even be having this discussion about, it shouldn't be about spending.
Like, that's the thing.
I mean, nobody likes the sound of spending.
We have to say, like, well, do you want teachers?
Do you want someone to pick up your garbage?
Do you want someone to come if somebody breaks into your house?
Do you want someone to put out a fire at your house?
Like, these are things people want, and things cost money.
And that's it.
Like, that's why any person, any of these, like, raging anti-spending people, if he's asked them to name one thing, they would cut.
They can't think of anything.
Well, that's, you know, the thing is, I saw this last night on the Rachel Maddow show.
They did a poll, and 77% of Americans are for raising taxes on the wealthy to help revenue for governments right now.
So that's 77%.
That kind of information is very hard getting through to the mainstream media.
Yes, because according to the Tea Party scenario, they try to make you think that everybody in America really wants to cut spending in the government.
That's what's on everybody's minds.
And it's actually very far from people's, from most people's minds.
My theory before, I don't think anybody really cares about the deficit.
They just think, they just hear it's a bad thing over and over and over, and it sounds like they better stop it.
And I think what's wrong in my life is because there's a deficit.
And there's even like in military spending, there's even like military programs that the Pentagon wants to cut that Robert Gates wants to cut.
And John Boehner won't cut him because his he represents we talked about the F-135.
Yeah, so they're very, the Republicans are very pro-military, and their favorite people in the military are drunken sailors.
Well, here, here is a perfect example.
Here's Kyle Rove, and he kind of lets the cat out of the bag about what this whole anti-union fight is about.
Here, I'll play it for you, and you'll see.
You keep having a couple hundred thousand people each year for half a million people leave the labor union movement every year, and pretty soon you start having crimp in the political budgets of these unions.
It has a direct effect on the presidential wage.
I mean, he said it.
That's what it's all about.
He just said it right now.
If you can get a couple of hundred thousand people out of the unions every year, a couple, and then that has a direct effect on the presidential election.
This is all about a power grab.
I, for one, can't believe that Karl Rove would be so calculating.
This is just is there, are there any heroes left?
Don't forget the Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free at iTunes or for other ways to subscribe.
Go to jimmydoorcomedy.com and click on the subscribe link, and you'll be given all the options.
And how do you spell my last name?
Well, it's pronounced Door, but it's spelled D-O-R-E.
That's jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're at jimmydoorcomedy.com, why don't you sign the email list and I'll let you know about all the shows we do around town and when the Jimmy Doerr show is coming to your city.
There's a Jimmy Door fan page at Facebook.
That's right.
We're connected and we're Twittering.
Jimmy Dore Comedy at Twitter.
Beep.
Jimmy, it's Charlie again.
I just want to come on the show and clarify some stuff because I'm starting to get an inkling like people think I'm crazy, like Michelle Bachman crazy.
I know if I don't address this stuff now, people might start talking about it on the internet.
They might even kick me off my show, Tuti and the Halfman.
I got to nip that in the bud.
The round-the-clock hooker parade doesn't run on smiles if you get my drift.
Call me back.
Let me know when the tower at KPFK is going to clear this F-16 for a landing.
I love Charlie Sheen.
Charlie Sheen, he's got my number.
He leaves me a message.
He's a fun guy.
I don't think he's going to mind me playing his personal voicemails to me.
I don't know.
I think it's very open of you to associate with people outside of the realm of comedy.
So we all know that this is a big...
Just a power grab.
This isn't about...
Well, how is it that regular people who don't have a pension, who don't have health care, instead of saying, hey, how come I don't have that stuff?
Instead of saying that, they go, hey, why do they get to have it?
Why do teachers and cops and nurses get to have all that stuff?
Well, I don't get to have it.
Why are they watching TV listening to anti-union rants from AFTRA members?
Oh, Frank Conniff, ladies and gentlemen, that is just perfect.
I don't know.
What do you have to do?
All the people on Fox and everything are all members of AFTA.
Everybody on right-wing radio is a member of that.
That's right.
They're all in the union and they all get their health care.
And yet, all of the pro-union stuff I'm seeing is by unpaid Huffington Post bloggers.
It's weird.
Well, that's what you get when you're a lefty.
Nothing.
That's why they timed this political move on the part of the Republican Party happen now because everybody who has a job is being made to feel because the economy is so bad, they're lucky to have a job.
So we can start taking stuff away from them left and right, and they will be happy just to be cashing a paycheck every week.
So this is the perfect time.
This is, again, one of the most brilliant political moves on the part of the Republicans I've ever seen.
My favorite thing was when I don't remember if it was Chris Christie or Walker or like one of these governors that said, you know, his attacking the unions and saying, you know, we can't have this situation where we have, you know, a working class where there's some haves and some have nots.
And like he didn't finish the thought, which is everyone should be a have-not.
That's what he's trying to have happen.
Well, here's Governor Christie.
This year, look at how other states are following New Jersey.
Then Wisconsin and Ohio.
They have decided there can no longer be two classes of citizens.
One that receives rich health and pension benefits and all the rest who are left to pay for them.
Yeah, so he's just trying to make a class of citizens who don't receive health and pension benefits.
That's what he's trying to do.
Race to the bottom.
Yeah.
There's one.
First of all, he acts as if he's on the side of people who don't have, like, he doesn't have a pension.
And like, is he somehow with you?
Yeah, I don't get that stuff.
I'm just the governor of the state.
I don't get anything.
And he's, Chris Christie is actually, if you look at him, he's in favor of collective barbecuing.
He's a large man, is my point.
Wow.
Very nice.
Yeah.
Very nice job, Frank.
By the way, how he says rich pension and benefits.
Like, that's what that's what the Republican argument has managed to do is make you think that these are luxury.
So it's luxurious warfare against people in your own class.
Yeah.
Luxury.
You know, I try, I got in my pension benefit and I drove it to Hawaii last week.
And then, yeah, I took my health care benefits and I bought a house.
Man, I went down to Cartier and got a bypass.
I got a stint.
We went to Wolfgang Puck's and I took out my pension benefits, and I bought dinner for everybody.
Wow, yeah.
I just can't be around all those hoity-toity people in the aisles at Ralph's.
Think they are.
This is really happening.
I mean, you know, you see, you know, going on Facebook is quite an adventure these days.
I see grown-up people who I consider to be sane saying things like, teachers are overpaid.
Those are direct quotes.
Teachers are overpaid.
Well, there's been a the anti-teacher thing is really intense now.
And there was someone on Fox saying, you know, hey, they get to go home at three.
I mean, they don't even work.
I mean, these are people seriously saying this, you know.
Yeah, they get to go over there.
They're not really workers and they're just freeloaders.
And, you know.
Every teacher I've ever talked to who grades papers says it's a 50-hour week.
Yeah.
It's unbelievable.
Steph sat here and graded papers for four hours last night.
If you went to the house, but she left at three.
Yeah, she left at three to come home.
I'll just say that the people who were my teachers when I grew up did not get paid nearly enough for what they had to put up with.
Of course not.
I mean, that was used to be.
But you went to a Catholic.
They should get.
Well, I went to Catholic and Public, and, you know, they should, for me, they should have gotten wise ass pay, you know.
Oh, yeah.
I just don't understand how people.
It used to be a true.
I mean, I remember when I started doing stand-up comedy, and it seemed like on a weekly basis, if somebody was talking to somebody in the crowd and they were a teacher, everybody would applaud.
Right, right.
Everybody would go, oh, yay!
Thanks for doing a job that we don't value enough to pay you right.
That was the whole deal.
Did you see Rand Paul was on Letterman last week or the week before, maybe, and they were talking about this.
And he was giving the example of why they should take away these benefits in Wisconsin.
He said something like, you know, the average teacher's salary in Wisconsin is $85,000 a year.
And without missing a beat, Letterman goes, it should be twice that without even thinking about it.
And Randolph was like, oh, well, he was just like, well, of course we value teachers.
I was just like, it was so great because they're working so hard to just sort of dig this into your subconscious.
Yeah, that is a lot.
They hit too much.
They hit too much.
And then it takes somebody like David Letterman to be like, no, that's not too much.
That was perfect.
That's why I love David Letterman.
Yeah, he doesn't mess around.
We're going to speak to David Letterman.
I'm going to play some David Letterman, but you know, I like to rip on the news because the news is horrible because it's all corporate owned and nobody could ever speak their mind.
Nobody can tell the truth.
And so consequently, we end up with horrible news on a nightly basis.
So here is America's number one newsman right now, Brian Williams, went on David Letterman, David Letterman on Monday.
And David Letterman asked him some pretty good questions.
And watch watch how Brian Williams handles it.
We're talking about the situation in Wisconsin, and he's all for that.
And I think he doesn't know what he's talking about.
But then I realize I don't know what I'm talking about.
So he's talking, he's talking with Brian Williams, and he's talking about the situation in Wisconsin.
Dave pretends that he's dumb right up front.
Always a good thing to do.
Pretend you're stupid because you're a comedian.
It's always funnier if you're dumb.
So what should I have said to him about the situation in Wisconsin?
Well, first of all, you made fun of his genes.
Little bit.
Yeah.
So they're talking about, let me just set this up.
They're talking about, he said, David Letterman said, I had a conversation.
He's talking about Rand Paul.
No, no, he's talking about Redmond.
No, no, he's referring to it when he's saying, I was talking to him, and he said this.
He was referring to his Rand Paul interview.
Right, right.
My wife, Dave, has a theory that all of us, and I'll go ahead and lump you and me in this group.
All of us who make too much money and never thought we'd have more than two nickels in life.
I grew up with zero expectation of having any money at all.
Same with me.
You should deny a tax cut.
There should be something on 10W40 or whatever it is that says, I'm going to put my tax cut into money for education in the United States.
That's my life sentence.
First of all, 10W40 is an oil.
He said 10W40 just now?
Yeah.
Not to suggest that Brian Williams might be out of touch.
What's funnier to me is that that slipped right past me that he said that.
No, that's what he puts on his popcorn in his whole movie theater.
Okay, so right now, Brian Williams is dodging the question.
He won't.
So there's your news, man.
And he's not even taking responsibility for what he's saying.
He's saying, my wife said it.
My wife says this.
His solution is people that are rich should decide of their own volition to gift this money rather than there being a government that makes these decisions.
Yes.
It should be up to people individually to decide maybe if they want to give something back.
Yeah, so that's your perfect mealy mouth try to play both sides of the fence.
It gets worse.
But now what I was trying to get at, I mean, is he right to want to relieve these people of their collective bargaining?
Public employees.
Is he right about that?
That that will save us money.
And I'm sorry I can't go there because right now.
Oh, because I'm paid by corporations.
And if I say they're anti-union, and if I say something that's actually accurate about the situation in Wisconsin, I probably will get a little angry notes in my mailbox.
Okay, and we're going to talk about more about this whip against the break.
This is the Jimmy Door show on Pacifica.
Hello, Jimmy Doer podcast listeners.
I wanted to take a moment to thank you for listening to the podcast and let you know we appreciate your support.
The Jimmy Doer show is made available for free to KPFK and the Pacifica Network, but we do not get any financial support from the Pacifica Network, right?
That's our gift to Pacifica and the people.
We donate the show.
And right now, I'm going to ask for the first time since I started doing the show, I'm going to ask for your support.
If you like the Jimmy Doer show and want to hear it again and keep it going and think it's important, or maybe if you think it's unimportant, but it's just funny enough for you to listen to.
If you swing by JimmyDoorComedy.com and become a member, first of all, we'd greatly appreciate it.
It's going to help keep the show going, and that's the important thing.
But then you become a Jimmy Door show member and you're going to get access to extra content.
We're going to start making extra content available.
We're going to post the audio from some of the live pop-in politics show we do over at the UCB Theater, some of the stuff from the Subversive Comedy Show, and extra interviews that we're going to post up.
And if you'd like to know a free way to help support the show, well, listen to this.
The next time you want to buy something from Amazon.com, first go to the Jimmy Door comedy page and you click on our Amazon.com box.
That takes you right to Amazon.com.
And then anything you purchase, they're going to send us a few dollars.
So it doesn't cost you anything.
It doesn't change the way you shop at Amazon.com one bit.
You have the exact same experience.
Doesn't cost you anything else.
What it does do is it helps support the Jimmy Doer show, which is what you really want to do, isn't it?
All right.
So thanks, everybody, for listening.
Thanks for your support.
We really want to keep doing this show, and we really need to have your support.
Okay, thank you very much.
back to the Jimmy Dore Show.
Hi, welcome back to the Jimmy Door show.
I am Jimmy Door.
What's coming up on the rest of the show?
We've got a lot of stuff.
We're going to talk about that preacher who got caught masturbating next to the anti-gay preacher who got caught masturbating next to a playground.
Tuesdays with Moron is coming up.
We're going to finish right now with Brian Williams, who was on David Letterman, and let's get back to some of that.
Bright is in the eye of the beholder.
It's a terribly subjective thing, and it's the debate they're having now.
You've heard Governor Chris Day in New Jersey.
You know what's going on in Indiana, Ohio, and Wisconsin.
And we've seen union membership.
Well, this used to be a labor nation.
Sure.
We've gone from a manufacturing base to not.
So that has killed union membership.
So I have to just watch this one and let other people.
All right, well, let me continue to ask you.
So he's just going to watch it.
I'm not going to weigh in.
I'm the guy that people turn to for news and information about what's happening in the world, but I'm going to wait and let other people do that right now.
I'm going to let other people take over because it's really important right now.
So that means it's really important for my paycheck that I stay out of it.
And I'm not going to support collective bargaining as my agent is negotiating my new contract at NBC.
Well, it's not even like they're saying, hey, Brian, what do you feel about this?
He's saying, hey, is there something factual that you can tell us about this?
Right.
Like the fact that if the unions go away, the middle class will collapse and that'll be the end of the country.
Like they're a thing.
You know, it's not like, hey, I wonder if this is okay or not.
Like, there are facts to be reported here, but he's got to stay.
He could sit there and get into the nuance and the detail of this issue, which is incredibly pressing.
He doesn't do it on this show.
He doesn't do it on his own.
He doesn't do it on his own show.
He's abdicated all the basic responsibilities.
He might as well give his opinion because he's not given what he's mandated to give.
Nuance is the name of the hairspray he used.
That's the closest he ever gets to.
Here's the deal.
You get to not have an opinion if you're Bob Woodward.
If you're willing to go and give as much detailed information as you can go find, then you can be objective.
You can try to maintain objectivity.
But he's willing to give opinions about, for instance, the fact that in the lead up to the Iraq war, they had generals on their show who had conflicts of interest.
And the New York Times won a Pulitzer Prize reporting this story.
And he has never mentioned it ever on his newscast.
And in a blog, he defended it.
He said, I know these generals.
They're great Americans.
So he had an opinion about being criticized for doing something that was so obviously journalistically wrong.
And we're talking about Brian Williams, not Bob Woodward.
No, Brian Williams.
Let's get back to that Letterman interview.
Some questions.
Maybe I'll learn a little something.
I value very highly.
But I'm just, I'm not, I'm just not terribly smart.
So now Brian Williams does that thing where he's pretending to be dumber than he is, which is not that that's unsettling in a newsman.
It's comforting in a comedian, unsettling in your newsman to pretend that you're dumber than you are.
And he's saying, you're not going to learn anything from me.
I'm not very bright.
Of course, that's the exact truth.
You're not going to learn anything from him.
No matter how smart you are or how smart he is, you'll never learn anything from Brian Williams.
Wow.
By the way, for most Americans, a newsman who's as dumb as them or dumber is very comforting.
That's why we got George W. Bush.
They want everybody in the world to be somebody they can have a beer with.
That's why we've always had a thing against Brian Williams ever since Holly Hunter picked him over Albert Brooks in drawing series.
Okay, back to the interview.
You're doing the right thing.
And then also, the GOP, they also want to reduce taxes for the extremely wealthy and large corporations.
So what does that look like?
Am I right to think that what we're doing here is taking a segment of the American population and hurting them while we're taking a tiny, tiny, tiny percent of the American population and improving their lives, which already are great.
Wow, look at the comedian laying it down.
David Letterman framed the issue perfectly.
He sets it up on a platter for Brian Williams.
It often looks like a hostage tape when I come on your show because I can't give opinions.
So there you go.
I'm just going to keep not saying anything.
Letterman pretends to be dumb and Brian Williams pretends to be funny.
Perfect.
The governor of the governor of Wisconsin said this weekend that the states have always learned that you never raise taxes on the wealthy.
This is the theory of incentivizing people to go out and spend that money.
This is the old trickle-down rigonomics, you call it what you will, but that's the theory.
That's the argument.
How about those Academy Awards, though, really?
Yeah, God forbid we talk about something.
I'm a newsman and you're trying to talk to me about news.
What is that about?
Can't we have more vacuous, empty talk on late night television because we don't get enough of that?
That is unbelievable what he just did there.
That is unbelievable.
But look, put it back up because David Letterman does not let him off the hook.
Now, how about the governor of Indiana, Tom Tom Screw, Mitch Daniels?
Yeah, Mitch Daniels.
And he's being referred to as an ideal presidential candidate by Tom Friedman, by the other columnists for the Times.
Yes, one who came up under William.
That's right.
And then also the governor of Montana.
Now, the governor from Indiana busted public unions and collective bargaining, I guess, a term or two ago, and he claims that everything is fine.
The governor of Montana, Schweitzer, Brian Schweitzer, continues to work with collective bargaining, and he says that his state is flourishing, and he wears a bolo.
Oh, good.
So we got some more comedic relief from the newsman.
David Letterman's laying out the case, and Brian Williams cannot freaking talk about it.
He can't wait to distract.
Let's talk about something else.
Can we talk about something else except the stuff that I'm supposed to be expert in?
Okay, we got another call from Charlie Sheen.
Okay, fine.
You don't want to call me?
I'll expose you to this magic right over the phone.
Okay, first thing, yes, I said I had tiger blood, but I didn't mean coursing through my veins.
That's crazy.
I meant that I keep it in a jar and use it as salad dressing.
Second, I didn't mean to say that I have Adonis DNA.
I meant to say that I have Adonis V D. I get that one confused a lot, actually.
And lastly, when I said it was a Vatican Assassin Warlock, what I meant to say was that I'm a bipolar, drug-addicted porn freak with near-lethal amounts of free time and money.
Managing actually discontinued their Assassin and Warlock program six months ago.
Alright, call me back or I'll melt your face.
Oh, I'm so sick of these voicemails.
You should maybe change your number.
so sick of them.
Every week, another funny voicemail.
I'm so tired of them.
Aren't you tired of the funny voicemails?
These are the conversations that Ben and I have before the show.
Ben's like, we should stop with those voicemails.
Yeah, the funny thing that we do on the show.
Let's stop that.
Definitely.
That's my opinion.
I have a really funny voicemail when you call it goes.
Nobody's home.
It's hilarious.
All right, let's talk.
Let's move into.
Let's talk about the preacher.
Should we talk about the preacher?
Okay, so here's his.
So the preacher, here he is at Grant, Reverend Grant Storms, hated the gays, got on the bullhorn.
He led the protests against the gay festival held in a French quarter every year, one of the biggest gay festivals in the world.
So he got arrested.
So let's play it again because it's fun to hear.
It's fun to hear what happened to him.
Investigators say two people claim they saw Storms masturbating in his van while watching children on the playground.
Okay, so, but he quickly had a press conference.
But can we?
But there should be some legislation passed that anytime a pastor buys a van, that's a red flag.
It's a red flag.
Actually, anybody buys a van.
No more than that.
Because it seems like vans are the vehicles only of pedophiles and indie bands.
He bought the van from the Jamie Gum garage.
Silence of the land.
I didn't say I didn't get that joke.
But then I got it after you explained it.
Take me inside.
So here's his defense.
They asked him about that he got caught masturbating.
And so he's trying to, he's still trying to save himself.
Here's what he says.
First of all, I'm not confessing to even the masturbation.
I'm confessing to having my hands.
I have my hands in my pants.
However people want to interpret that, they can interpret it.
I had my hands in my pants and I was stroking my penis.
If you want to interpret that as masturbation, I love how it's a motto.
I love always, however, you want to interpret that.
I want to hear it again.
I really do.
First of all, I'm not confessing to even the masturbation.
I'm confessing to having my hands.
I have my hands in my pants.
However, people want to interpret that, they can interpret it.
What other possible interpretation?
I like the idea of him sitting like bolt upright in bed the night before the press conference.
Like, I got it.
This will satisfy everyone.
This explanation.
This answers every question.
I just had my hands in my pants.
I just had my hands in my pants reaching for the candy.
I was going to lure the kids into the vans.
It's just, you know what?
I look forward to next week's anti-gay person caught doing stuff.
It happens all the time.
It's never not going to happen.
Oh, but gays still should not have any rights, though.
We can agree on that.
Gay should.
So let me, we tease this at the top of the show, and I hope we can have enough time to get to it.
So here we go.
Senator Glenn, State Senator Glenn Grothman, was on with Lawrence O'Donnell's show, and he's a state senator from Wisconsin.
And they were asking him about the people who were locked out of the Capitol.
Why did you lock people out of the Capitol?
And here's, you know, it really is a fine line.
You want to walk.
You don't want to end up, you don't want to insult the protesters because then that'll get more sympathy from the general public for them.
And he had to walk a fine line.
Here's what he said.
Well, we're trying to keep some people out of the building because right now the building's becoming a pig sty.
People are staying overnight.
The building smells.
We used to have nice little groups of fourth-grade children walking through the building.
All that's being shut down by a bunch of slobs taking up the building.
We can no longer continue to have all these slobs in the building.
Slobs.
I heard he was up for Ted Knight's part in Caddyshack.
Is that true?
These people are slobs.
They're all slobs.
Okay.
There are a million ways he could have answered that.
A million ways.
And he chose that one.
Okay.
I'm not trying to offend anyone.
I'm just saying that these people are human filth.
How does that happen?
And me?
Slack jaw, mouth-breathing masses that don't deserve to be breathing the same air as me.
These are objective facts, ladies and gentlemen.
That's what I'm giving you.
I'm Brian Williams of the Wisconsin State Capitol.
These are objective.
I wouldn't dare give my opinion.
So we have to move Cuckabee.
Mike Cuckabee, you know, friends.
Mike Cuckabee.
Here's what he has to say about people who are birthers.
This is what he said about the whole birther and if it's Barack Obama has a birth certificate.
Here's what he said.
For Republicans to even be bringing it up, I think it's a waste of energy and time.
Let's focus on the issues with which we have disagreement, not on really the extraneous personal things that are immaterial.
Okay, so then that sounds pretty good.
So then he got a chance because he was confronted on a radio show by a birther.
And here's what the birther said: Why, Mr. Obama, did you spend millions of dollars in courts all over this country to defend against having to present a birth certificate?
It's one thing to say, you've seen it, goodbye.
But why go to court and send lawyers to defend against having to show it?
I would love to know more, but what I know is troubling enough.
And one thing that I do know is his having grown up in Kenya, his view of the Brits, for example, very different than the average American.
His perspective as growing up in Kenya with a Kenyan father and grandfather, their view of the Mau Mau revolution in Kenya is very different than ours because he probably grew up hearing that the British were a bunch of imperialists who persecuted his grandfather.
No, he came out and said that he misspoke, that he meant to say Indonesia.
He misspoke, even though he gave the history of Kenya with the Mau Mau revolution and that that didn't happen in India.
So even the British and the British nothing to do with Indonesia.
And then he's so he's trying to say he just misspoke.
And so that's not true.
It's obvious that he wasn't misspeaking.
And then he came back on the next day after people had attacked him and he said this.
I have said many times publicly that I do think he has a different worldview.
And I think it's in part molded out of a very different experience.
Most of us grew up going to Boy Scout meetings and our communities were filled with rotary clubs.
Okay, okay.
But what about wait, wait, what about Barack Obama?
What does he do?
Not in the drases.
Wow.
Wow.
Yeah.
So you want to hear, let's hear it all.
I want to hear that again because that was kind of fun.
I have said many times publicly that I do think he has a different worldview.
And I think it's in part molded out of a very different experience.
Most of us grew up going to Boy Scout meetings and, you know, our communities were filled with rotary clubs, not madrasas.
Okay, so he doubled down.
He doubled up.
He did.
I mean, I didn't hear that before.
That is amazing.
Yeah, he just said that, yesterday.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's unbelievable.
Also, everyone that lives in America right now, we all went to Boy Scouts and Rotary Club meetings.
Many ride clubs in our neighborhoods.
Yeah, that's code for he's he didn't go to the Boy Scout.
That's code for he's black, you know, even though there are black people in the Boy Scouts.
Yes, you know, that's what's happening.
We all did he's Different.
And they always do that thing.
I want to know more about this guy.
Like, he's some mystery that can't be cracked.
They talk a lot about, you know, the influence his father had on him.
And he wrote an entire book about how he didn't know his father.
That was the whole book was about.
His mistake was putting that information in a book.
Yeah.
Oh, there you go.
I mean, how could we ever find out more about Barack Obama?
It's not like he's written two biographies of his life, is it?
Well, he's rarely mentioned in the press that I've noticed.
And when leaders say stuff like that, here's, I'm going to give you an example of how that manifests itself in the voting Republican voting base.
Here is Frank Luntz, and we're going to go back to that clip.
Here's Frank Luntz talking to a group of likely Republican voters, right, in Phoenix.
And he's going to ask a question, and I want you to try to remember what the, so they're going to answer him.
Try to remember what the question was.
How many of you think that he should not, that he should state clearly, knowing the implications in Egypt, there should be no outreach to the Muslim Brotherhood.
Who agrees with that idea?
Absolutely.
Okay, so he's asking, should Barack Obama reach out to the Muslim brothers in Egypt, Muslim Brotherhood?
They all say no and keep it.
Then what is the solution?
What do you do?
I would just like to see him be proud of America, represent America, our history.
Guys, agree with that?
I just want him to be proud of who we are and have the ability to point out all the positives this country's representative.
What do we have to be sorry about?
He runs around, apologize and apologize all the time.
What did we do wrong?
We prospered as a nation.
We pay for things and we give relief to other countries.
Okay, what was the question?
Does anybody remember what the question was?
The question was, what is Barack Obama supposed to do in Egypt?
He should be more proud of America, which means canceling any and all foreign policy.
Yes, yes.
Yes.
He should just go over to Egypt and brag about us.
That would help.
Also, we prospered as a country.
What did we ever do?
I can't think of anything we ever did that might have been wrong that led us to be so prosperous.
And part of why they say that Obama is such a downer, you know, it's not like Obama's capable of like making really inspiring speeches, you know, about that.
He's done them a million times.
Even a cynic like me, I sit there being very inspired.
He talks about America's greatness.
He's done it over and over again.
Yeah.
I remember during the campaign, I was always thinking, I'm voting for this guy.
He's a huge bummer.
Yeah, Mr. Negativity, really.
I love your point, though, that these people in this focus group are so programmed with Republican talking points that they can't answer a basic question.
Like, they hear a basic question on policy issues and they just start regurgitating talking.
It's like bubbling so close to the surface.
Right.
It takes nothing for it to start spilling out.
Yeah.
But doesn't that make you now?
Aren't we just partisans?
Aren't we just shallow partisans for pointing that out?
Well, I'll admit to being shallow, but I don't know if I'm a partisan.
No, I think that we're critical thinkers who heard a linear set of information where it's like this person asked this question.
These people did not answer it and instead did this.
That's not a critical, that's a statement of fact.
Also, you know, Obama being a Muslim, Obama being not being born in the United States, that's not a partisan subject of debate.
That's a lie.
So it's not like, oh, I'm a left-wing liberal because I believe Obama was born in America.
I'm a left-wing liberal because I don't think Obama is a Muslim.
You know, that's not like a left-right thing.
That's just I've not accepted that.
I'm not accepting this lie that's out there.
But the Republican, that's the genius of the Republican Party because, you know, there are scientific facts in the world where if you deny them, you are a Republican if you believe in them and there's nothing to believe in.
You guys, I got to take this.
I got to take this.
Hey, it's Jimmy.
Who's this?
Hey, Jimmy, how you doing?
It's Moron.
Hey, Moron, what's going on, buddy?
I sure do.
I'm a good American, right?
I'm easily manipulated to vote against my own economic interests.
You are.
And also to demonize and blame those lower down the economic ladder than me for my problems.
That's particularly unsettling.
Huh?
But what does bring you comfort, Moron?
But what does bring me comfort, Jim, is the fact that my Lord Jesus the Christ hates exactly the same people that I hate.
Isn't that nice?
Yeah, that's fantastic.
Moran, what's going on this week?
What's on your mind, buddy?
Kim, I can't get over these peoples in Wisconsin.
What do you mean, Jim?
They're slobs.
What are you talking about?
They're slobs.
I heard the guy from Wisconsin's town talking about how everything stinks in the capital now.
Actually, Moran, I'm going to stop you right there.
That's not true.
You're going to stop me?
Yeah.
The protesters have gone out of their way to not only be peaceful, but also to be clean and respectful of their state capital.
In fact, I've heard reports that the place has been cleaner.
The protest area has been cleaner than it's ever been.
I heard the guy say the place is a stink house.
The protesters are so conscientious, they actually have organized their own cleanup crews to make sure everything stays cleaner than when they got there.
Oh, really, Jim?
You believed that?
Moran, you have to remember who the protesters actually are.
They're a bunch of slabs, Jim.
Slobs.
These protesters are the salt of the earth, the backbones of our community.
Slabs.
Policemen, firemen, teachers, Moron.
These are the people.
Jim, if they're such good people, then how come I hate their guts so much?
Because you've been manipulated by the corporate media to turn against your fellow working men.
That's why.
Damn it.
I hate when that happens.
I don't understand how that happened in this case because all those protesters, they're all a bunch of slobs from out of the state even.
They're all unemployed people, freeloaders, just hanging out, smelling.
But Moran.
So how could I have been manipulated this time?
Because, first of all, Moran, those aren't the people who are protesting.
That's not what I heard on the TV.
The people who are protesting are the people whose jobs are being threatened.
Why do you think that?
Where do you think they would get the energy to go protest?
I mean, all day, you're going to be out of your house.
It's freezing cold in Wisconsin.
And now they've been locked out of the Capitol and it's freezing and the people are still there.
So, Jim, you're telling me that the people who are protesting there are all good people who are just teachers, firemen, cops, regular good people like that, and that they're actually cleaning up and trying to do things the right way.
Yeah, that's what I'm telling you, buddy.
Well, what?
Why doesn't the man on the television say those things?
I don't understand.
I'm not even talking about Sean Hannity.
I don't.
I'm talking about Brian Williams's.
I don't know.
And Katie Kirk's.
Because they're corporate puppets.
And Diane Sawyer, who always seems like she's sitting on her keys.
I mean, look at the look on her face.
I don't watch her show actually.
She's got a grimace on her face all the time.
A real grimace.
Anyway, the reason why you're not getting the real story from the news media is because all those people you just mentioned are all multi-millionaires.
Really?
And I don't think they know anything about working people.
And it's been a long time since they, you know, they all live in Manhattan in high rises.
What people who live in high rises can't be good reporters.
Well, it takes a special type of person to get the right kind of perspective on a working man's problems in America.
And obviously, they're not giving it to you.
No.
Plus, the people who give them millions of dollars to read the news to you are huge multinational corporations who really aren't big on unions, moron.
I don't know if you know that.
I know that.
So I don't think they're going to be paying their hired hand, their network anchor, millions of dollars to spread a message that undermines their corporate agenda.
Which is what, Jim?
Which is exploiting workers so they can increase profits.
The way it's always been, the way it is, the way it always will be forever.
Which is why working people need unions and why unions create a strong middle class and that creates a strong country.
I thought we give money to the rich people and then they will be, then they will do things and then somehow we'll get money because of them doing things with their money.
Isn't that what happens?
Yeah, that's what that's the theory, Matt, but that's not how it works.
You know, I mean, in the 90s, we had higher tax rates on the richest people and we created lots of jobs.
And now we got rid of those taxes on the richest people and our economy is in a hole.
Yeah, but if you put a tax on the richest people, won't they just move?
You know, that's, again, another canard that you're hearing from the...
Yeah, from the man on the TV.
We had much higher taxes in the 90s and everybody prospered.
And we had much higher taxes on the wealthy.
Like, for instance, during Eisenhower, there were 90% on the highest tax, and the highest earners, the income tax was 90%.
I didn't see anybody moving out of America in the 50s.
Did you?
I don't know.
I don't even know what a canard is.
Oh, a canard is something that's false and it's completely made up.
Oh, I got something for that.
It's the pet zoom banting groom.
Yeah, it combs and washes your pet at the same time for a deeper cleaning.
How does it work?
It's easy.
You just attach it to your nozzle or your hose, right?
And then the water flows through it, and it's got a soap reservoir in there.
And then it's got the little brushes at the end so you can comb the dog with it.
And they say it works like magic.
I saw the video on the TV.
Go ahead, give it a try.
He beat me!
What?
This is a piece of garbage.
I didn't buy you because of this.
Zoom is nice on it!
You booked that light on your side!
He's got to get out of it out of your head!
Because you ain't all night.
Oh, Let me get you a band-aid.
My God has got a little boo-boo.
Okay, Moron.
I talk to you later, buddy.
Okay, that was another Tuesday with Moron.
The grooming.
It always causes problems.
I don't know if you have a dog.
Ben, you have a dog.
You know her?
Oh, yeah.
You know how tough that could be.
They could use that thing on those slovenly Wisconsin protesters.
Have them.
Why don't they use those on those slobs?
The protester Zoom?
The protester Zoom.
By the way, I think this Wisconsin issue is part two of a broader agenda where they villainize immigrants so they can get rid of them.
And then they destroy the unions.
And then they move all the people in unions into the immigrant jobs, the jobs that they are lowering the standard of living.
Oh, yes.
When I tell people, when people say we're going to cut Social Security, Medicare, what they're saying is we're going to lower your standard of living.
That's what people are saying.
That's what they mean.
So as if somehow we don't have wealth in not only America, but in the world, as if somehow all the wealth in our world has gone to another planet.
So what they're going to do is jobs like migrant workers.
Yes.
Which are illegal.
They're going to get the immigrants out.
Yes.
Bust the unions, create such a real crisis of employment that white people will start taking those jobs, which are now legal.
Yes.
Which are now legal because they've lowered everything.
And they're going to say we created jobs.
Yes, that's what they're going to do.
It was good to end the show on a laugh.
I drove out here with the Jodes.
Okay.
Grapes of wrath.
Grapes of wrath, my friend.
See, there you go.
So I want to, before we go, let's end that.
Let's talk a little bit about Charlie Sheen before we leave.
Charlie Sheen said this recently about his brain.
I don't know if you heard him.
You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like, dude, can't handle it.
Unplug this bastard.
Yeah, because it just fires in a way that is, I don't know, maybe not from this particular terrestrial realm.
You know?
When you've got Tiger Blood and Adonis DNA, man, it's like, get with the program, dude.
You've been given magic.
You've been given gold.
So, you know, Charlie, a lot of people would say that that sounds like you're maybe a little bit of an egomaniac.
I don't come from PlayStation Ego.
Okay.
Does not come from a place of ego.
He said that minutes later, minutes later.
Tenel, I don't come from PlayStation Ego.
Okey-doky.
All right.
Tiger Blood.
Okay, gotcha.
All right, well, that's our show for today.
I want to thank everybody who sat in with me.
Robert Yasamura, Frank Conniff from Cinematic Titanic.com.com.
We've got lots of shows coming up.
Okay.
All right.
Look forward to that.
Ben Zelovansky from Ben and Alex.tv.
I'm Jimmy Door.
You can always check me out at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Why don't you go there, sign the email list, watch some videos.
Leave some comments about the show.
Leave some comments about the show.
How about you do that?
Yeah, how about you leave some comments?
Would it kill you?
Would it kill you?
Okay, and that's it.
I want to thank everybody who helps make the show possible.
Step Samurano, Stan Stankos, Mike McCrae, Ben Zelovansky, Robert Yasamura, and I'm Jimmy Door.
▲
Export Selection