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March 11, 2011 - Jimmy Dore Show
56:54
20110311_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_3-10-11
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Hey, Jimmy, this is Charlie Sheen.
I'm a big fan of the show.
I love politics.
My dad was president for a while there, remember?
I'm calling because I'm tired of getting screwed over by the Today Show and Good Morning America and TMZ and Cat Fancy.
Man, I've been doing a lot of media.
Anyway, I want to come on your show and state my case in my own words.
I'm giving you the exclusive.
That's right, the very same exclusive I gave to 327 other shows.
As you can probably tell from my girlfriend situation, I have no idea what the word exclusive means.
Look, I know you and Mir Simpatico.
I'm on a drug called Charlie Sheen.
You're on a drug called medical marijuana.
We can do this.
Call me.
It's the Jimmy Door show.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say in charge of talking to T. So sit back or sit up or keep driving.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore!
It's Jimmy Dore!
Hi, everybody, and welcome to the show.
This week, we have in studio from cinematictitanic.com and Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's Frank Connoff.
Hello, Frank.
Hey, how you doing?
And from Dinner and a Movie on TBS and ask a Republican.com.
Please remember he's not a real Republican.
It's a joke.
It's Paul Gilmartin, ladies and gentlemen.
Jibbe.
And from Team Yasamura, it's Robert Yasamura.
Hi, Robert.
How are you?
I'm doing good.
What's coming up on today's show?
Well, Mike Huckabee has to be the nicest Christian who ever executed 14 people, including a woman.
Well, he started up last week when he tried to bander to the baseness of his base.
His perspective as growing up in Kenya with a Kenyan father and grandfather.
Okay, so that's what he said last week.
And then he tried to clear it up and he said this.
Most of us grew up going to Boy Scout meetings and, you know, our communities were filled with rotary clubs, not matrices.
Okay, and then he tried, and then he has a perfectly good excuse for it, though.
It is, quite frankly, from my own verbal gaff.
See, he was just a gas.
It was just a gaff.
He wasn't pandering to psychopaths who will never accept a black man as president.
He made a gaffe.
I mean, Mike Huckabee is a lying, phony hypocrite who insults my intelligence and hides behind the Bible to do evil.
Oh, wait a minute.
I meant to say Mike Huckabee's a good guy.
I just slipped.
It was a gaffe.
And America's favorite.
And then next, we're going to talk about America's favorite thrice divorced morality preacher, Newt Gingrich, is running for president.
And when he's not busy complaining that the gays are ruining the sanctity of his marriages, he's busy explaining why he left his first two wives when they got sick with cancer and MS. We're going to talk about that coming up.
It turns out secular atheists seem to be able to stay married more than Rush Lim and Newt Gingrich.
Okay.
And no, we're going to also talk about Peter King.
Peter King, the nicest race-baiting Christian to ever use Congress for religious persecutions, is holding a hearing today to investigate the Muslim community for terrorism.
And he says he will not be stopped by political correctness or simple decency.
But wait a minute.
Some people are saying that he's a hypocrite.
Really?
Peter King, a hypocrite?
Come on, it's not like he supported terrorism or terrorists in the past, right?
King is Irish American.
In the 1980s, he was an active supporter of Jerry Adams and an Irish group the State Department then deemed terrorists, the Irish Republican Army.
And what are the chances, huh?
You pick one issue you think is safe to demagogue and bam.
Something stupid like this comes up.
Too bad those IRA members had to go on and institute a sustained campaign of bombing in London.
And finally, we're going to talk about Pap Buchanan.
He's got to be the nicest Catholic that ever gay bashed an AIDS victim.
Well, he gave us his views on the Wisconsin issue and the unions.
And, well, buckle up.
I'm 100% behind you.
I'm a member of a union.
I don't have to be.
It's a good union after.
And frankly, I think it's a terrible thing that the industrial unions in this country have been diminished and virtually destroyed.
And that's because of another collusive relationship.
Rich corporations by Congressmen give them enormous amounts of money.
Then the congressmen tell the corporations you can take your factories overseas and bring your stuff back here free of charge and kill your union.
I'm with the unions on that one, Joe.
Okay, I don't know.
Wow.
Hey, I'm checking the thermometer in hell and make sure it's over 32 degrees, and I'm putting all my money on the Cubs to win the World Series.
Wow.
Plat Buchanan just set up for the working man and against corporate America.
All right, so that's going to be coming up.
We've got a lot more of him saying stuff just like that.
We have that coming up.
Oh, moron Tuesdays with Moron.
He's got some stuff to say and something he bought for Tris's hair.
And we're going to have our Oh My God moment and a little Jim Hightower stops by to bum us out in a folksy voice.
That's coming up today on Jimmy Dore Show.
Pass.
Smack.
Roll.
Ah ha!
Okay, and now it's time, before we get to the rest of the show, it's time for...
Okay, so today's Oh my God is I don't know if it's gonna be an oh my god.
I already told the fellas before it's gonna be more like huh an oh my gosh.
Maybe it's an oh my gosh.
Well, look at that.
Or maybe that's what you call a segment.
Don't call it all of Be Praised or you'll be investigated.
Oh, we will be investigated.
Okay, so here is Bill O'Reilly talking with Charles Karltheimer.
Charles Carltheimer, by the way, who has gotten nothing right ever in his life.
He was wrong about everything.
Including his last name.
Including his last name.
If there is a name that sounds like it should have been at Nuremberg.
Yes.
So here's the oh my god.
So they're talking about Barack Obama being the first black person, major candidate to ever run for presidency.
And here's what they said about it.
Barack Obama is a black man.
Okay.
I mean, he's half black, half white, but his appearance is black.
First black ever running.
Okay.
Huge, huge advantage in a campaign.
That's a huge advantage.
Sure.
That's why we had so many black guys presidents.
That's why Shirley Chisholm came so close to being president.
And Jesse Jackson.
Remember when he almost won it every time?
And then Alan Keyes, right?
It's a huge advantage.
That's why it only took 240 years for us to elect a black president.
That's why every OJ has run for president.
That's right.
Okay.
This has been, oh my God.
Oh my God.
Okay, that was, oh my God.
Now let's get to.
Jimmy, I got to say that I think the oh my god was the Pap Buchanan one.
That was much more of a and and a oh my god.
Yes, it was an oh my god in a good way.
Yes.
Oh, maybe see well we learned something new.
We're stretching.
We are stretching.
It's about time God was put in a positive context.
Yes.
Thank you, Frank.
Okay, so Mike Huckabee, we tease it at the top of the show.
Well, he had, you know, he's just going around and around.
And we made some nice, I have a piece coming up where we make some nice comparisons.
We give some advice to Sarah Palin that she could take the lead from Mike Huckabee.
Hey, Sarah Palin, you know all that nonsense you've been trying to do with your books and your Twitter and whatnot?
Want to see how it really gets done properly?
Well, meet the master, former Governor Mike Huckabee, former two and a half term Governor Mike Huckabee.
Just saying.
Now, Sarah, when you say something stupid, let's just pull out one of your many dumb statements.
Like when Dr. Laura Schlesinger retired from ABC Radio after throwing around the N-word 11 times, you tweeted to her, don't retreat, reload.
Great.
Sure, it's catchy, it's controversial, it gets you into the news cycle, and it speaks to your base of gun-toting racists.
But that's where it ends.
It's just one more of those things you say that confirms what everyone, friends and enemies alike, thinks of you.
Now, Mike Huckabee, no matter how evil he might be, and he's pretty evil, he never says anything which is demonstrably stupid.
Then about a week ago, he was on the radio, and...
One thing that I do know is, having grown up in Kenya, his view of the Brits, for example, very different than the average American.
The reason why it's different than the average Americans is because the average American doesn't have an opinion about the British.
The average American couldn't find England on a map.
So, and this is just me, I should hope to God that our president has a different view than the average American.
His perspective as growing up in Kenya with a Kenyan father and grandfather, their view of the Mau Mau Revolution in Kenya is very different than ours because...
Because we don't have a view of the Mau Mau Revolution.
If you can find someone on the street who even knows about the Mau Mau Revolution, I'll shit myself.
And if you can find someone who has a strong point of view on the matter, I will prolapse at least one orifice.
I have said many times publicly that I do think he has a different worldview.
And I think it's in part molded out of a very different experience.
Most of us grew up going to Boy Scout meetings, and, you know, our communities were filled with rotary clubs, not madrasas.
Now that's a gaffe, people.
It has the quippiness of rotary clubs, not madrasas.
It seems like a logically laid out, intelligently spoken argument.
Unlike you, Governor Palin, when you say things like refudiate or our North Korean allies, it doesn't just reach out to his base of evangelical lunatics.
It winks and smiles warmly at the birthers without actually saying he agrees with them.
But the true genius of this, I mean, the Albert Einstein genius, is what Governor Huckabee does once his supposed gaffe gets him into the news cycle.
First of all, he uses the manufactured controversy to sell his book.
Joining us now from Oklahoma City is Mike Huckabee, the author of the brand new book, A Simple Government.
So, Governor, how did that happen?
Well, honestly, it was about the 40th media interview of the day.
You've done these things.
If I'd read from my own text, page 183 of my book, I clearly said he grew up in Indonesia.
Well, now I want to buy the book, and I hate this guy.
How did he do that?
This guy's like a wizard.
The subtle genius of his apology interview is that he presents himself as humble, contrite, aw shucks kind of a guy.
You know, this was a verbal gaffe.
It's the first I've ever made.
I actually wish it were true.
I've made a lot of them.
And by the way, Bill, I'm going to make some more before.
The question in American politics often is, do I want to have a beer with this guy?
Do I want to have a beer with Mike Huckabee?
I want to get under the same Snuggie with this guy.
Sip hot cocoa and have him tell me everything's going to be all right.
That's how you do it, Sarah.
First, actually think about what you're going to say.
Maybe say it out loud to someone else first.
Or show your tweets to the intern before you publish them.
If you're going to say something stupid, make sure it's stupid for a reason.
Like getting you on much better media, where you have a chance to shine.
Like our pal Mike Huckabee just did here.
Instead of using that time to mangle U.S. history facts in the English language.
And by the way, President Obama and the Democratic leadership, in case you're listening, if you manipulated the media half as well as Mike Huckabee just did, we could all have single-payer health care right now.
Just saying.
Just saying.
don't forget the jimmy door show is available as a podcast for free at iTunes or for other ways to subscribe go to jimmydoorcomedy.com and click on the subscribe link and you'll be given all the options and how do you spell my last name well it's pronounced door but it's spelled d-o-r-e that's jimmydoorcomedy.com and while you're at jimmydoorcomedy.com why don't you sign the email list and i'll let you know about all the shows we do around town and when the jimmy doar show is
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We'll be right back.
Okay, so you know what?
I got a little bit more about Mike Huckabee.
That was another great report by me.
And I wanted to.
So here he was on his own show trying to distance himself from the stuff that he had said.
My book, A Simple Government, is causing quite the stir this week.
Okay, no, it wasn't your book that was causing quite the stir.
Okay, it was that stupid crap you've been saying.
Okay, hang on.
And some of it is, quite frankly, from my own verbal gaffe.
In a radio interview with Steve Malzberg on Monday, I said President Obama spent part of his early life in Kenya.
I meant to say Indonesia.
Okay, he didn't just say that, right?
You all heard.
We played it already on the show.
What he said was he went into a detailed history of Kenya and why Barack Obama would have a different view.
Of the Mao Mao.
Of the Mao Mao revolution.
So if you took the word Kenya and you switched the word Indonesia, nothing he said would make sense.
Right.
So he spoke at paragraphs about Kenya and...
barack obama so that's why we know he's yeah he went on and on with it i mean it was it would be as if the guy who wrote america the beautiful would say no i really meant canada that was a gaff yeah yes yes it's it's the old uh oh you know i meant to say pass the salt and what i what i actually said was you ruined my life i'm sorry yeah so that's mike huckabee and uh have you have you seen him out and about, Paul?
Have you seen anything he's been doing this?
I haven't.
You've been a busy man.
Yeah.
You bet it, because he's been all over the place.
Are you kidding me?
Everybody's talking about him.
I'm just jealous that he has a show.
I'm jealous of him too.
All right, let's switch gears here, and we're going to talk about Congressman Peter King.
He's holding the congressional hearings on Muslim radicalization in the U.S. Can we call it the House on Un-American Activities Committee partnerships?
Let's do it.
Let's do it.
Let's go ahead and do it.
But I can't wait to see who's going to play Roy Cohen in this one.
Oh, fingers crossed.
Say it's Ari Fleischer.
Ari Fleischer.
Ari Fleischer's not small enough or gay enough to be Roy Cole.
Yeah.
You're self-hating enough.
But he is phony enough.
Yes.
And also, I saw a tweet from Ari Fleischer just gloating about what happened in Wisconsin.
So he's kind of.
Oh, really?
Yeah, he's kind of a jerk, I have to say.
Now, he's a busy lying in the private sector.
He's got a lot of work lying in the private sector.
Yes.
Now, Peter King could hold these hearings because he has the power.
Or he could have quietly commissioned a report from the FBI, or he could have had these meetings in private.
Or he could have done an investigation of terrorism in general of people threatening our country.
But, Frank, where's the race baiting in that?
I know, I know.
Right?
I mean, how else, but with a public hearing, can he let his constituency know that he's a narrow-minded bigot just like them?
And by the way, Congressman Keene, he made his bones as the protege of former New York Senator Alphonse D'Amato.
If you don't know anything about Alphonse Brown paperbag, D'Amato?
Alphonse D'Amato.
Saying you're the protege of Senator Pothole.
Senator Pothole.
Yes.
Let's just call him Senator Hole.
And saying you're the protege of Alphonse D'Amato is like saying, I'm a living demon suckled by she-wolves.
Is it just me?
Or I think Peter King should be a man about this.
You know, like FDR.
Now, there was a man when he wanted to put Japanese Americans in prison camps.
He didn't fitter around with any hearings.
Come on, Congressman.
If you want to put Muslims in prison camps, just say so.
Knowing this president, I'm pretty sure he'll be more than willing to meet you halfway.
Okay, so here is Peter King.
He gave an interview to CNN, and here's some of my favorite parts of the interview.
He was asked about the terrorism thing, and here's what he had to say about it.
During the 1980s, I knew what Jerry Adams and Martin McGuinness were attempting to do within the IRA.
I guess which since he knew what they were trying to do with the IRA, I guess that totally justified the murder of civilians in his mind, you know, because he understood it.
But he doesn't understand these Muslim types at all because nobody explained it to him, I guess.
And they're brown.
And with everything that he doesn't understand and that is brown, it should be demonized.
All right.
King out.
Yeah.
All right, let's get there's some more clips I want to play from.
So he was talking with CNN, and here's what he had to say: the IRA was a legitimate force.
They've been there for 100 years, 60 years, 30 years, any way you want to look at it.
So, yeah, so they've been there for a long time.
And so, if something's been there for a long time, that means it's legitimate, right?
Isn't that what it means?
Domino's Pizza or the Republicans or the Ku Klux Klan, you know, stuff like that.
The shadow government.
If you started anytime after Cheers premiere, then you're illegitimate.
Robert, you've been watching this.
I mean, is this not just classic race baiting?
And how do you think he's been able to get away with it so well?
Oh, because he's in the perfect Congress for it.
Boehner was like, sure, go ahead.
He made him chairman.
He's clearly not a guy who supported the IRA, they made chairman of the Homeland Security Committee.
I mean, like, that's basically saying, go ahead, go ahead.
And the thing is, these hearings, it's a day.
That's not a hearing.
That's inviting a couple of people over to talk to you.
That's not a hearing.
He was actually plagiarizing.
He was reading from Race Baiting for Dummies.
I'm actually traveling this weekend, and so I'm just going to tell the TSA people: don't examine.
I'm Irish-American.
If I have a bomb, if I blow up the plane, hey, I'm an Irish guy.
It just doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter, right?
Because you're not trying to attack America.
Right.
I'm just trying to.
Yes.
You're not trying to attack America.
You're just trying to attack our allies.
Right, right.
Like the United Kingdom.
Like, those guys were real.
Because of this, because of what Peter King's doing here, I actually went and looked up a little stuff about the IRA.
They were real terrorists.
Oh, yeah.
I didn't know that.
Like, they killed children.
They killed children.
They got their weapons from Libya, by the way.
Oh, you're kidding.
Yeah.
They were smuggled in from Libya.
And one of the things that King did as an advocate, he raised money for them to bring weapons in from Libya.
So then why did Libya blow up the plane?
Because that was against us.
It was against the actual governments of the United States and the United Kingdom.
Because Libya is open-minded.
Yeah.
Libya's dynamic in their thinking.
They're all inclusive.
Yes, they're not just going to terrorize certain people.
Even their friends, right?
The really unusual thing about some of the IRA, I mean, for Irish people, is that some of them actually put in an honest day's work.
But I'm Irish, I can say it.
You know what?
I got another voicemail from Charlie Sheen.
Jimmy, it's Charlie again.
I just want to come on the show and clarify some stuff because I'm starting to get an inkling like people think I'm crazy, like Michelle Bachman crazy.
I know if I don't address this stuff now, people might start talking about it on the internet.
They might even kick me off my show, Judy and the Halfman.
I got to nip that in the bud.
The round-the-clock hooker parade doesn't run on smiles if you get my drift.
Call me back.
Let me know when the tower at KPFK is going to clear this F-16 for a landing.
Okay.
Okay, and Charlie, you know what?
He actually left me one more message that we're going to get to after the break.
But right now, we do have a break.
You're listening to The Jimmy Dore Show on Pacifica.
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Hi, everybody.
Welcome back to the show.
What's coming up on the second half of the Jimmy Door show?
Well, Newt Gingrich, he's out there giving excuses for why he left two wives when they were sick and why he's still a good Christian and how Jesus loves him.
And also, we're going to do the Pat Buchanan clips and how he's a union supporter.
Pap Buchanan, that's right.
Check the thermostat in hell.
And moron calls in.
Right now, Jim Hightower's got something on his mind.
It's the looting going on in Congress.
Beware.
Laissez-faire, ideological loonies are loose in Washington.
They're waving machetes, toting sledgehammers, and going right for your social security.
The system is broke, they shout.
So we must reform it.
By reform, they mean destroy, either by privatizing it or gutting it by slashing benefits and raising our retirement age.
Also, when they say that Social Security is broke, there's one little question they don't want you to ask.
Where did all that money we've been paying into the system go?
They don't want you asking that because, well, because they stole it.
Social Security is remarkably effective and has been very efficiently run.
However, a change came in 1984 when the payroll tax was increased a bit to create a surplus to cover the future retirement of the large baby boom population.
The extra tax that we've been paying into this trust fund for the past 27 years has added up to $2.6 trillion, including interest.
Good planning.
But no one locked the trust fund.
So lawmakers of both parties have routinely been looting our retirement money for nearly three decades to pay for everything from more military spending to tax giveaways for the rich.
Every dime of the $2.6 trillion in extra taxes that we paid into the fund is gone.
So instead of money to pay Social Security benefits, the system holds a mess of IOUs left by presidents and Congress critters as they hauled out the actual cash.
Many of the politicos presently decrying Social Security's fiscal problem are the very ones who caused it.
And to fix it, they now want to tax you again by reducing your benefits.
This is Jim Hightower saying, for a real fix, lawmakers must admit their fraud, apologize to us, and restore the system's soundness by locking the trust fund, fully applying the payroll tax to the rich, and fully paying what is owed to America's workers.
Okay, that's Jim Hightower.
He stops by almost every week to bum us out in a folksy voice and give us a lot of good information.
Thanks, Jim.
Okay, now let's get to Newt Gingrich.
First of all, during the break, Frank, you were saying some pretty interesting stuff about Roger Ailes that I never heard before.
How he got his start on the Mike Douglas show.
Yeah, we were talking about, yeah, he was a producer on the Mike Douglas show, and Richard Nixon was a guest.
And Richard Nixon was complaining about television and how he didn't care about it.
And Roger Ailes said, well, if that's your attitude, you're not going to get elected president.
And Richard Nixon hired him, and he successfully ran a media campaign for Nixon.
And that's how he left the righteous life, which producing the Mike Douglas show.
To me, that's like a beautiful addition in life to being a Republican operative.
And so then Richard Nixon ended not-for-profit hospitals.
And so that might have actually been affected by a guy who is incredibly obese.
And I'm in studio.
That's Paul Gilmartin, ladies and gentlemen, from Dinner in a Movie on TBS and askerrepublican.com.
We're also here with Robert Yasimura from Team Yasamura.
And we're here with Frank Conniff from Mystery Science 3000 and currently CinematicTitanic.com, which is a great show touring the country when it comes to your town.
Mesa, Arizona this Saturday.
Oh, run, don't walk.
Right.
But when you get inside, no more running.
Okay, because we like to keep things orderly, even if it's not the statehouse.
Okay, now Newt Gingrich, I have to back this up and just kind of set the table.
Newt Gingrich is thrice married, twice divorced.
His first wife, he left after she got cancer and famously served to her the papers when she was in the hospital room recovering.
Left her for another woman, and then he left her when she got multiple sclerosis.
Right.
Right?
And then he married an even younger woman.
Now he says, so he trades them in about every 18 years for a young woman.
The moment one of his wives has a bad medical result, he gets a total boner for another woman.
Yes, totally.
All right, so he, so now he wants to run for president again.
Oh, and by the way, he left Congress on an ethics scandal.
He was the, by the way, he was the only Speaker of the House to be censored publicly for an ethics violation.
Oh, at least he didn't leave Congress because it was sick.
It's a good thing.
Good thing Congress didn't get looted.
Also, he was the one whose career suffered from the Monica Lewinsky scandal, not Bill Clinton.
It turned out, yes.
And that was the whole thing because he was leading the charge prosecuting Bill Clinton for his infidelities at the same time he was carrying out an affair.
But at the time, it wasn't even his affair.
It was that the 1998 midterm elections went really badly for the Republicans.
And they all thought because of the Monica Lewinsky.
They didn't realize in the mainstream media, you wouldn't know it from watching them, that most of the country didn't really care about the Monica Lewinsky scandal, except that it was interesting gossip.
But the economy was doing well and they still liked Bill Clinton, you know.
So that didn't get him thrown out of office or it didn't get the Democrats.
It didn't affect the Democrats in the midterm election.
So that's why Newt Gingrich had to resign.
But that, you know, it really shines a light on the difference, I think, between the only one of the true differences between the left and the right.
There's not many differences today between the left and the right.
I mean, I like to say, I don't like to say this, but I think.
The elected left and right, you mean?
Yes, that's what I mean.
Oh, that's what I meant.
There's not much difference between Democrats and Republicans.
Let me put it that way, because, you know, who would have thought that the first black president who's supposed to be a progressive Democrat has the same war policy and banking policy as George W. Bush.
And torture policy.
And torture policy, by the way.
And torture policy.
So that's kind of...
Really come along.
Yes, we can be a puppet just like the white man.
Yes, we can serve our corporate masters.
Yes, we can sell out the working man.
Yes, we can ignore our base.
And that would be the difference.
The Republicans don't ignore their base, and the Democrats do.
The Republicans pushed through that prosecution of Bill Clinton in the House, even though it was overwhelmingly, public support was against them.
They did it anyway.
Right.
The same thing in Wisconsin right now.
Same thing right now in Wisconsin.
Overwhelming public support is against them, and they're doing it anyway.
Whereas the Democrats won't do something even when the public totally supports it, like the public option or holding investigations for torture.
They tried to kick Bill Clinton out of office as the presidency for oral sex.
And Barack Obama won't even prosecute people who are admitting to war crimes on television.
That's the world we live in today.
The Democrats have this sick, codependent need to be loved by people that hate them.
Yes.
Yes, Paul.
That is exactly right.
That need to reach out, that need, that whole thing that we said about if Barack Obama was around and when FDR wanted to put the Japanese in, he would have met them halfway.
Oh, sure.
How about we put him in smaller camps?
You know, that's Barack Obama.
Let's get to Newt Gingrich.
Wow, this is, I got off on a tangent There.
I really got going.
That was some Roger Ailes and Mike Douglas.
Mike Douglas, who's that old man?
I have funny stories about Mike Douglas.
But here's Newt Gingrich.
So now you know the backstory on Newt Gingrich.
So now he wants to run for president.
And so he, and so just like a good lawyer, you want to be able to present the worst thing about yourself in your own words.
So he went on Christian broadcasting on the Pat Robertson show, and he was asked to explain himself about his three marriages and still wanting to be a good Christian moralist.
And here's how he explained it.
Well, I mean, first of all, there's no question that at times in my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard, and that things happened in my life that were not appropriate.
And what I can tell you is that when I did things that were wrong, I wasn't trapped in situation ethics.
I was doing things that were wrong.
And I was doing them.
Okay, so I don't know if you caught that.
The reason why he did those things was because he worked so hard for our country that sometimes things just happen.
And a lot of great patriots, it's the curse of the patriot, that when you're working for your country, while you're working for your country, you can't keep an eye on your penis, and it accidentally falls into a woman's vagina who's not your wife.
Jimmy, I hit a pedestrian because I hit a pedestrian because I was distracted thinking about how to feed hungry children.
And also, but I think what makes it morally worse for Gingrich is that he loved America so much that he was with the woman he was cheating on, you could say he was in a three-way with her and America.
He was loving America one person at a time.
He wasn't a three-way with that's like the class.
That's the classic interview answer.
Like, oh, if you have one flaw, what do you think it is?
I think I work a little too hard.
Yes, it's that class.
I care too much.
I care too much.
Yeah, you know, I tend to put work before my own needs.
Yes.
And that's really.
And also, you know, the logic of it is just, I mean, you could go all day.
Yes, but let's do it.
He's like, I love my country so much that I had to cheat on my wives.
Whereas Barack Obama and Bill, you know, not Bill Clinton, but Barack Obama, who has this, you know, stable marriage and is, he must not love his country that much because he's true to his wife, you know?
I mean, that's another proof about how much Barack Obama hates America.
Oh, he has been faithful to Michelle.
He didn't take completely illegal speaking fees, too, while he was in office.
That's crazy.
Clearly, he doesn't love the country.
But it's definitely, yes.
But the bigger point, I think the bigger point here is that, you know, whenever I see him with his kids or with his wife, I'm like, that son of a bitch hates America.
Are we that shocked about this behavior from a guy whose first name is a lizard?
If that was a newt.
Yeah, I mean, it's spelled differently, but right?
Oh, I don't know.
I never heard that term.
Right.
Isn't a newt a reptile?
Yes.
If you amphibious, Ali Lex, our producer.
If you take what Newt Gingrich is saying to its logical extreme, then the most patriotic man in America is Ron Jeremy.
You know what?
I think you're right.
I think you might be right.
I get a kick out of listening to Newt say that.
I don't care how his name is spelled.
I'm going to listen to it again.
Well, I mean, first of all, there's no question that at times in my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and that things happened in my life that were not appropriate.
And what I can tell you is that when I did things that were wrong, I wasn't trapped in situation ethics.
I was doing things that were wrong.
And I was doing it.
I found that I felt compelled to seek God's forgiveness.
Okay.
I love that it's because he was working too hard, he had sex with some other woman.
It's not that the marriage fell apart.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Or that he's a scumbag and he's not.
It could be my wife left me because I was working too hard.
That's a correlation.
She was tired of being ignored.
Right.
But I found time to go screw somebody else.
Yes.
That has nothing to do with working.
And I'm sure God is saying, hey, don't bring me into it, jerk.
You know, well, I told Newt, I said, you know, every time, Newt, you're working a little too hard, and before you know it, you're going to be screwing somebody outside of your marriage.
So I did, you know, whenever, that's why I'm against overtime.
Look at this compared to Huckabee.
Look how brilliant Huckabee is, where he just cops to it.
Yes.
And he uses it an opportunity to be like, I'm human.
Like, oh, shucks.
I know.
And he just nails it.
And Newt Gingrich just muddies it up and he screws up an opportunity.
They look perfect.
Everybody screws up.
Everybody's imperfect.
Everybody does something that they're ashamed of.
But it's how you apologize about it that, to me, that's where I draw the line.
If you have a chance to look back at your behavior and go, wow, I was kind of a dick.
You know, I'll grant you that.
If you want to see one of the best speeches ever, go and look at Kennedy's speech after the Bay of Pigs.
It is one of the best.
It makes you want to vote for him again.
It makes you want to dig him up and vote for him again because you can cop to the fact that inherently democracy is a flawed endeavor.
You can cop to that.
You can cop to a marriage sometimes doesn't work.
Or especially when they get sick with cancer and MS. I mean, try to keep that marriage going.
Gingrich's scandal involved the Bay of Poon.
Let's move on.
We got to switch topics.
Nice, Frank.
And so they were talking on the Morning Joe.
You know, I like to watch Morning Joe because I don't sleep at night.
It's a very late night program.
It comes out at three in the morning and I get excited.
I like to go to sleep rage.
Yes, I'm going to get upset at something.
And because there's a lot of boneheads on that show, a lot of people who are centrists.
And you know how I feel about centrists if you listen to this show.
But so here is Joe Scarborough, and he's being supportive of the unions.
And this is all he can muster.
It's kind of mealy mouth.
Listen.
Unions from 1945 forward after the war.
And look at the middle class that our industrial base helped build, but that unions sort of helped you.
It helps as well.
Sort of.
You know, the industrial build, you know, the middle class, the industrial thing builded, but the unions did, sort of, I guess, too.
And that, and that's when Pat Buchanan just goes, he just goes right at him.
Well, 100% behind you.
I'm a member of a union.
I don't have to be.
It's a good union after.
And frankly, I think it's a terrible thing that the industrial unions in this country have been diminished and virtually destroyed.
And that's because of another collusive relationship.
Rich corporations by Congress, men, give them enormous amounts of money.
Then the congressmen tell the corporations you can take your factories overseas and bring your stuff back here free of charge and kill your union.
I'm with the unions on that one, Joe.
That's Pat Buchanan, ladies and gentlemen.
To me, that's almost the equivalent of Dick Cheney saying that in a lot of ways.
That's the equivalent of Scott Walker saying that almost.
Do you think when Dick Cheney heard that said, he stopped stroking a globe?
Now, here's what Pat has to say about corporations.
It's a simple fact that the interests of corporate America and the interests of the country have diverged.
Okay, first of all, I want to just let everybody know that when he's saying this, he's saying this to Jack Welsh, who's also on the panel.
Really, really?
Former CEO of General Electric.
Roger Ailes of MSNBC.
Of MSNBC.
Yes.
So just remember, he's also on the panel, and he's saying this to Jack, and Jack is just kind of scowling at it.
The interests of corporate America and the interests of the country have diverged.
If General Electric is building plants in the United States, that's good for America.
But if they're going to make themselves more efficient by shutting down a plant here and opening it up in China or in Mexico or somewhere else, that may be good for GE and its shareholders and stockholders like me, but it is not good for America and is not good for the workers of America.
And that's what's killing these unions.
It's Republicans as well as Democrats who are in the back pocket of the business roundtable, authorizing them to go abroad and produce there and then export free to the United States of America.
And then Joshua, how did I know Scarborough was going to book Howard Zinn on his show?
Yeah.
Isn't that crazy?
That's crazy.
Thank God.
That's beautiful.
Pat Buchanan.
That's beautiful.
And is Jack Welch listening thinking, how can I leverage this into money?
How can we memo to self, squash Buchanan?
Memo to self.
And then, so Jack Welsh doesn't, he doesn't talk about that.
In fact, Willie Geist, who immediately after Pat Buchanan said that, he didn't like, oh, wow, that's a great point.
What do you think of that, Jack?
He changed the subject.
Willie Geist did, because it got a little uncomfortable.
It got real for Willie, and he didn't want to mess around.
Here's what Jack Welsh had to say.
Take the output in 2010 in this country.
Total right.
Products and services.
And compared to the output in 2007, they're equal.
We're now back to where we were in seven.
Right.
We're doing it with seven million fewer people.
Seven million.
So I think you accidentally played Helen Thomas.
I think that was Linda Hunt.
That was where I was going.
So what he's saying is that we now have our economy is now producing the same amount of GDP as it was in 2007.
And it's doing that with 7 million fewer workers.
So we've become that much more productive.
Thank you.
Hey, it's Jibby.
Who's this?
Hey, Jimmy.
How you doing?
It's moron.
Hey, Boron.
What's going on, buddy?
Jim, you know me.
I'm easily manipulated to vote against my own economic interests.
You are.
And to blame those lower on the economic ladder for my problems.
What brings you comfortable?
But the one thing that does bring me comfort, Jim, is that my Lord Jesus the Christ hates exactly the same people that I hate.
Really?
Isn't that nice?
That's great, Boron.
What's on your mind this week?
What have you been watching the news?
Ah, Jim, did you see that guy on NPRs?
Oh, yeah.
He got him on the secret tape saying that he thought all the tea parties were racist.
Yeah, I know who the guy is.
Well, he screwed themselves, didn't he?
Yeah, he certainly stupid idiots saying to the people that he thought a tea partiers were racist.
Yeah, but it seems like a lot of them are racist, right?
Yeah.
Well, then I don't see.
But you're not supposed to say it.
What do you mean you're not supposed to say it?
And he said it, and they got it on tape.
Screw them and now they're going to take away all the billions of dollars they give to the NPR lefties.
You know, actually, NPR doesn't get much money from the government.
They get billions of dollars, Jim.
They actually get a little bit over a million dollars.
It's not that much money that NPR gets.
Jim, how could that be?
Mora, I'm telling you, most of the money they get comes from donations and grants and stuff like that.
Huh?
It's the truth.
Well, then why am I so angry I could spit in your face if it's just a couple of million dollars?
Because you're being manipulated and distracted by the man.
Distracted from what, Jim?
How about the fact that gas just went up to $4 again?
Damn Arabs, Gaddafi.
And that they're crushing unions and lowering your standard of living.
My standard of living.
And taking the money that used to go to working people and funneling it upward on the economic chain to the rich Wall Street bankers.
That's still happening, Jim.
Yes, that's still happening.
God damn it.
What's the problem?
Jimmy says they're still taking all the money and giving it to Wall Street.
No, they're giving it to NPR.
No, Jimmy said they're only giving a few million dollars.
Is he sure?
Yeah, he's sure.
Then why am I so angry?
I can spit in their face.
I know, right?
But why?
It's because we're being manipulated again.
What?
Yeah.
Yeah, they're giving all the money to the banks.
They're still doing that.
That's what Jimmy said.
That's why I said it because it's true, Moron.
I am so sick at the bivad.
The banks ripping us off and the teachers ripping us off and the unions and cops and the firemen.
Moron, that's not.
Are we still watching that, Louie?
Yeah.
Oh, you and Terese are going to watch a movie tonight, buddy?
Yeah, every once in a while, me and my lady go out for a nice dinner.
We get all fancied up, and then we come home and watch a Netflix movie.
Oh, where are you taking her to eat?
Berkins.
Berkins doesn't sound so romantic.
They got a great country club omelet there, Jim.
They do.
They put a special holiday sauce on it.
Good morning, you're going to have a for dinner?
Isn't that great?
You can do whatever you want at Perkins.
And what does Terese get?
She gets the cab and tappy.
The what?
She gets the cavitappy with a cream sauce.
That doesn't even sound like a real kind of pasta.
It is at the Perkins.
Well, I didn't start getting ready.
Why so soon?
You know, it takes me forever to do my hair.
I got something that'll make it go faster, Terese.
What is it?
It's called Hirigami.
Huh?
It's a Hirigami.
What's that, Moron?
Well, you know, the art of folding paper is origami.
Yes, that's called origami.
Harigami, sure.
For beautiful folded hair fashions, they will amaze you.
Well, how does it work, Moron?
No pins or wires.
You just roll it up into the perfect button.
I don't know how to do that.
No, Teres.
The 30-page glamour guide shows you how.
It's perfect for special occasions like weddings, parties, or just a dinner and movie night with your husband.
What's this?
Oh, that's a snap action scrunchie.
Comes with it free.
Hey, Moron, what's the movie you guys are going to be watching?
Oh, we like to watch old movies.
Tonight we're going to watch Back to School with the Rodney Dangerfield.
Yeah, I like that movie, too.
I think the most pivotal scene is probably when Rodney orders pizza for the laboratory apes.
I'm not watching that movie.
What do you want to watch?
I want to watch Henry Portrait of the Serial Killer.
Oh, Teresa, I want to watch.
I hate it.
Come on!
I want to be!
I want to be!
You guys have to be an idiot!
Come on, Owen!
I'm not watching that guy!
I want to have a nice night with you!
Wait a minute!
Wow, your hair looks pretty!
Thanks!
It's called a pony hot.
Looks nice.
Gotta go, Jim, see Alice moment.
Okay, see you, buddy.
Okay, this week, Barack Obama reinstated the military tribunals, which means he's going back on everything he said about handling Guantanamo and our detainees, which made me remember this piece I did not too long ago.
So, torture was in the news a lot last year.
That's right, torture.
I said torture.
I can stand here today as president of the United States and say without exception or equivocation that we do not torture and that we will vigorously protect our people while forging a strong and durable framework that allows us to fight terrorism while abiding by the rule of law.
That was President of Barack Obama talking about torture in front of the U.N., saying that we're not, we don't torture.
From here on out, America doesn't torture from now on.
And why did he have to say something like that?
Well, it turns out because the former vice president was saying stuff like this: I knew about the waterboarding, not specifically in any one particular case, but as a general policy that we had approved.
That's right.
That's the former vice president, Dick Cheney, admitting to torturing people, waterboarding, as a matter of policy of the United States.
That's why Barack Obama had to say what he said: that we don't torture anymore.
And what were the benefits of us throwing away all of our values to torture people?
I think the fact that we were able to protect the nation against further attacks from Al-Qaeda for seven and a half years is a remarkable achievement.
And tip of the hat, they did keep us safe from terrorism for seven and a half years.
You know, ever since that time, they did it.
And that was one of my pet peeves of all last year.
If you know me and you listen to the show, every time Dick Cheney would go on TV and brag about how they kept us safe, I would have to come on this show and brag about how they didn't keep us safe on September 11th, 2001.
That happened on their watch.
They don't get a free pass for the first one.
Okay, you presided over the worst terrorist attack in our nation's history.
That goes on your record.
You don't get to brag about what you did afterwards.
To me, Dick Cheney bragging about that is like the bodyguards for Abraham Lincoln bragging, hey, you know, nobody shot him twice.
Yeah, there was just that one crazy guy.
But then right after that, we really clamped down.
It's one of the uglier, darker, grosser spots in our nation's history, at least recent history that I can remember.
And they didn't call it torture.
First, they tortured the language, and they would call it enhanced interrogation techniques, which to me is like calling rape an enhanced mating technique.
Okay, you're torturing people.
Let's just get it out there.
You know, enhanced interrogation techniques.
It sounds like they're going to have some track lighting, put on some mood music.
And they, but they said it worked.
Torture kept us safe.
So we'll just have to take their word for it because our national media has fallen down on the job again and they're not doing any investigations of anything, any illegal activity in the Bush administration or Wall Street, it seems like.
There's been no investigations whatsoever.
Here's David Gregory talking about the potential for an investigation on torture.
Even Republicans, some Republicans I've spoken to who are sympathetic to the criticism about the treatment of these day TVs say, we know everything we need to know about what happened.
There's nothing more that we actually need to discover.
Let's just move on.
Yeah, did you catch that?
Even people in the same political party as the people being accused of torturing don't want to have an investigation.
So I guess we shouldn't.
Thanks, David Gregory.
Even on the show Morning Joe on MSNBC, they asked David Gregory, when are you going to investigate for the torture?
Hey, David, even though the Obama White House would rather this not be the conversation, what in your mind would be one or several tipping points that would move this towards a full investigation where we spend a summer like we did back in the late 80s talking about the Oliver North hearings.
What might lead to that sort of scenario in your mind?
How about nothing?
How about if the White House has a big fat nothing burger?
A big fat nothing burger.
That's the number one newsman at NBC letting us know that nothing, nothing will prompt an investigation for war crimes committed by our own government because no one inside our own government wants the investigation.
Oh, David Gregory, you know what I was just dreaming the other day?
Wouldn't it be great if there was some kind of an outside institution that actually investigated the government malfeasance and then reported back to the people, some kind of an independent organization that would do the business of investigating people, doing bad things inside of our government?
If only there was, I don't know, some kind of like a fact finding organization, then they could take the facts and put it in context and then report it back to us like some kind of a reporting agency.
They would gather facts and then report it back.
Oh, wouldn't that be great, David Gregory?
Oh, if only.
Some people think that I'm going overboard.
Some people say that we shouldn't have an investigation.
Well, just exactly what did we do as a country as far as torture is concerned?
Well, here's Philip Zelikow.
He was the executive director of the 9-11 Commission, giving testimony in front of Congress.
The U.S. government, over the past seven years, adopted an unprecedented program in American history of coolly calculated dehumanizing abuse and physical torment to extract information.
This was a mistake.
Perhaps a disastrous one.
Sounds pretty bad, but hey, does David Gregory says, Democrats nor the Republicans want an investigation.
So I guess the American people just have to stay in the dark.
And here's my favorite rationalization for why we shouldn't have an investigation of the people who tortured.
For example, in the intelligence arena, we ask those people to do some very difficult things, sometimes that put their own lives at risk.
They do so at the direction of the president.
They do so with the, in this case, we had specific legal authority from the Justice Department.
And if they are now going to be subject to being investigated and prosecuted by the next administration, nobody's going to sign up for those kinds of missions.
So the vice president is saying we shouldn't investigate the torturers because people in the future will be discouraged from signing up to torture.
Some people, I don't know, rational, sane people would say that's exactly the reason why we should investigate.
Okay, that's enough of the torture talk from last year.
Now here's a mashup of some of my favorite quotes about torture from last year.
I'm very proud of what we did in terms of defending the nation for the last eight years successfully.
Mock executions.
One of the detainees threatened with a handgun and with an electric drill.
Waterboarding, colleague Sheikh Muhammad, 183 times.
We will find the truth.
We will fully investigate.
The world will see the investigation and justice will be served.
Undercurrent on the left, maybe you can explain this to me.
That They just want to do damage to people who have protected us for the last seven years, eight years.
They want to hurt the people, the CIA, the military, the Bush administration, whatever it might.
They want to hurt them.
The people that have kept us safe.
I just can't get it.
I'm not getting it.
It's a good thing I'm not the president.
I'm an independent because I would prosecute the people who did it.
I would prosecute the people who ordered it and they would all go to jail.
If waterboarding's okay, then why don't we let our police do it to suspects so they can learn what they know.
If waterboarding's okay, why didn't we waterboard McVay and Nichols, the Oklahoma City bombers, to find out if there were more people involved?
We did.
Well, I don't know.
We only seem to waterboard Muslims.
There's got to be a reason why Feinstein and Pelosi and Leahy and all of these far-left loons want to do damage to the country.
This hurts the United States.
Alice?
You know who the happiest people in the world are on a CIA investigation?
Al-Qaeda.
They're the happiest people.
Yeah, let's find out what the CIA is up to.
Who does it help?
It helps Al-Qaeda.
It's important for people to understand that in a democracy that there will be a full investigation.
We want to know the truth.
We will find the truth.
We will fully investigate.
The world will see the investigation and justice will be served.
I know very well the tools some governments have resorted to when threatened.
Indefinite detention without trial, torture of prisoners, and a belief that anything is permissible in dark places where power is the only law.
But these tools are not American tools.
And the easy way is not the American way.
We must remain true to our ideals, not in spite of the threats we face, but because of them.
Music by Ben Thede Okay, well, it's nice to see our black progressive president has the same war policy as George W. Bush.
Well, that concludes our show.
I'd like to let you know that what's coming up for the Jimmy Dore show in Los Angeles, well, on March 31st, the subversive comedy show goes to Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank.
That's right.
And our special guest this month includes Doug Benson.
That's right.
Doug Benson from the marijuana log, Super High Me and the G4 Network.
He's here for and his own show on Comedy Central, the Benson Interruption.
So he's going to be part of that show at Flappers on the 31st.
Go to flapperscomedy.com.
And also, on April 2nd, that's right, April 2nd, it's Poppin' Politics at a brand new venue, the Meltdown Comics on Sunset Boulevard.
That's right, the new hotspot to see comedy in Los Angeles Meltdown Comics.
Let me get you that address.
7522 West Sunset Boulevard, Meltdown Comics, April 2nd, Poppin' Politics.
And we'll see you there.
Okay, I want to thank everybody else who helped make the show possible.
How about my guest, Frank Connant from CinematicTitanic.com?
And that show's touring all over.
And it's just like Mystery Science 3000.
You're going to love it.
And I want to thank Paul Gilmartin from askarepublican.com and Robert Yasamura, Twittering at Team Yasamura.
He's my favorite Twitter.
And thanks to Stan Stankos, Steph Samurano, for helping write the show.
And I'd like to also thank my producer, Ali Lexa.
And don't forget, stop by JimmyDoorComedy.com, JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Leave a comment about the show.
And you can see a lot of other stuff we have up there.
And sign the email list when you're there.
And I'll let you know when the Jimmy Doer show is coming to your town for a live show.
That's our show for today.
And before I go, I got one more message from Charlie Sheen.
Okay, fine.
You don't want to call me?
I'll expose you to this magic right over the phone.
Okay, first thing, yes, I said I had tiger blood, but I didn't mean coursing through my veins.
That's crazy.
I meant that I keep it in a jar and use it as salad dressing.
Second, I didn't mean to say that I have Adonis DNA.
I meant to say that I have Adonis V D. I get that one confused a lot, actually.
And lastly, when I said I was a Vatican Assassin Warlock, what I meant to say was that I'm a bipolar, drug-addicted porn freak with near-lethal amounts of free time and money.
The Vatican actually discontinued their Assassin Warlock program six months ago.
All right, call me back or I'll melt your face.
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