We need to bring cool sayings back, female comedians need to cut the sex talk out, Tommy Robinson needs to be free to protect kids, Ta-Nehisi Coates needs black friends, black female politicians need some meritocracy, Trump needs to be president, and Hawk-Tuah Harris needs to fuck off.
| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| I'm from New York it's get off my lawn with Gavin McKinnon It's always the same. | |
| Oh yeah, you go, I stay Why is it always up to you when I'm collateral damage? | |
| How do you always get your way and I never understand it? | |
| Cut me so deep and it ain't even leave a bandit. | |
| Why does it always fill you up leaving me empty-handed? | |
| I hate being on your time. | |
| That's Bill Murray, spelled B-I-L-M-U-R-I, and Dylan Marlowe. | |
| Kind of a thing that I'm reluctantly enjoying these days is metal country. | |
| It's got a lot of Blink-182, 90s punk influence, which I fucking hate. | |
| Those guys ruined punk, fat records and all that shit, garbage music. | |
| But I don't know, man. | |
| It's like bubblegum music for the 2020s and it's fucking great. | |
| And it's not Australian for a change. | |
| Thank you. Finally, some good music coming out of this country. | |
| Bill Murray's from Ohio. | |
| John Frank is his name. | |
| And then Dylan Marlow is in Nashville now. | |
| Country singer. But that song, it sounds a little bit like 90s punk at the beginning there, but it's got a lot of country nuance. | |
| And this Bill Murray guy is always, like, making videos on his lawn. | |
| You can tell that Frank has been in the music scene for a million years because he brings in, like, electronic dance music and punk and all kinds of different stuff. | |
| But if you go back to that video, Kevin James comes in. | |
| Kevin James, by the way, who appeared on the Jumbotron at the Mets game last week. | |
| Hey, saying let's go Matt That was awesome You know what I mean? | |
| The guitars are so much heavier. | |
| The guitars are djent. The genre is like djent that Periphery started. | |
| What? Yeah, djent guitar. | |
| It's like downtuned guitars that go... | |
| Well, I guess these young people grew up with Metallica and stuff, so it's normal for them to have this... | |
| And they sort of grew up with like scream metal. | |
| Screamo. And so it's normal for them to have that like... | |
| I've been downing, you know, the Jelly Roll song? | |
| Yes. I got bass spins in my Jaguar. | |
| That means I have to go poo. | |
| And I can't stop playing fucking Hardy in the car. | |
| Mostly also because I'm driving to work in a black neighborhood and it freaks them out to hear really loud country and metal. | |
| So it's a bit of a fuck you to my neighbors here in the studio. | |
| I do the same thing. I have a, literally, it's a playlist called For the Hood. | |
| Really? It's the hardest music. | |
| It's like Metallica and Willie Nelson and stuff? It would make Metallica sound like Chopin. | |
| Chopin? Chopin? | |
| It's really rough stuff. | |
| But, like, Sold Out, that song, like, he even has pop influences, like, you know that Skater Boy song? | |
| I can hear that in some, like, in the beginning of Psycho, there's a little bit of, what's her name? | |
| Avril Lavigne. | |
| Avril Lavigne. | |
| Not bad for a boy from Mississippi. | |
| Yeah, I could buy Maybach. | |
| This in the hood hits different as they say. | |
| I'm feeling my F-150 in my last name. | |
| I'm feeling my F-150 in my last name. | |
| ♪ I want 50 in my last minute ♪ He's got such a weird body. | |
| He looks like my mom's friends. | |
| He looks like the muffins my mom's friends make. | |
| He's got my wife's exact ass. | |
| Imagine you're in your car and the bass bins are shaking. | |
| I ain't afraid to put a big bass in there. | |
| I ain't afraid to put a big buck on my Instagram. | |
| It's true. Today's a free episode again. | |
| One episode a week we make free. | |
| I don't think we'll do the whole show. | |
| We have a hell of a show today. | |
| And I don't think these freeloaders deserve it. | |
| You should subscribe to Compound Censored. | |
| Go to compoundcensored.tv, right? | |
| That's right. Wait, no. No, just censored.tv. | |
| Type that in. It won't work. | |
| Unfortunately. Did we not buy that? | |
| No. If you go to compoundmedia.com, it brings you to censored.tv. | |
| Obviously, if you go to censored.tv, it brings you to censored.tv. | |
| But did we buy compoundcensored.tv? | |
| We didn't. How do you know? | |
| Just try it, shit lips. | |
| Well, that's what I'm looking at. And I also was intimately involved in the conversation about it. | |
| Expensive. So go to censored.tv, $10 a month. | |
| If you use promo code GAVIN, you get 20% off. | |
| I think you can go to compoundmedia.com and then I reroute you. | |
| Yes, I just said that. Thank you. | |
| Okay, just checking. And you get unlimited content. | |
| I used to say a new show every day. | |
| That was old news. | |
| We've got 25,000 subscribers. | |
| We have unlimited shows. | |
| You couldn't possibly watch all the shit we have. | |
| And it's all amazing. Not to mention the archives. | |
| Go see Candace Owens, debate Cornel West, Milo Yiannopoulos, Laura Loomer. | |
| I mean, we have endless fucking shit. | |
| And more importantly, we have new stuff every day. | |
| And it's a wee bit of sanity in the world going mad. | |
| Show that commercial I love, Ryan, where they're in a post-apocalyptic world and they don't know if anyone else is out there. | |
| That's how we feel in this Trump derangement syndrome era, where we have no idea if anyone else is sane out there. | |
| When you watch CNN and they say, only a handful of buildings have been taken over by Trenadagua, and you go, that's bad. | |
| Six buildings have been taken over by a Venezuelan murderous blood-drenched gang? | |
| Yeah, that's not mostly fiery, or what is it? | |
| Fiery, but mostly peaceful. | |
| Pull that up, Jamie. | |
| I forgot what I called it. | |
| Oh my fucking God. | |
| It's a recording of your television set. | |
| You should have a folder of commercials. | |
| You forgot what you called it. | |
| The problem is they age so quickly because we're always getting new people. | |
| So if we're like, well, if we don't have Owen in a new commercial... | |
| Apparently we can't pull that up. | |
| So if you subscribe to Compound Censored, I'll be doing a great job and telling you about important stuff. | |
| But Ryan will not be. | |
| And he'll be losing things randomly and forgetting what he names them. | |
| Because he doesn't have a system. | |
| Because he has the brain of a chick. | |
| And women aren't good at systems, I find. | |
| And he's not white. White people are good at systems because we would freeze if we didn't during those Siberian winters. | |
| Today's episode is brought to you by Nita Fashions. | |
| Look at this. This is a Nita Fashions suit. | |
| You may notice I always look incredible on this show. | |
| That's because my tailor's Nita Fashions. | |
| They didn't like this idea of the white buttons. | |
| But I demanded it. | |
| And I don't regret it. | |
| They said, what are you, Mickey Mouse? | |
| No, we're not doing that. And I said, look, I rarely disagree with you, Peter. | |
| But I'm disagreeing with you today. | |
| Please let me do this. | |
| And they reluctantly said yes. | |
| And I think they concede now. | |
| I don't want to speak for them. | |
| But I think they concede now that I was right. | |
| We took a gamble. | |
| But they recently did a... | |
| A video that you can see here. | |
| I'm going to text it to you, Ryan. | |
| It looks really cool and fun. | |
| And they did a suit for a guy in Hong Kong, a half-Chinese-American guy. | |
| And this is one of the tailors at Nita Fashions, I just texted you it, going over the suit that he just made. | |
| And if you're ever in Hong Kong and you meet them in person, you can get this kind of a treatment. | |
| It's pretty impressive and it's very aggressive and real. | |
| Pasty white American boy. How old are you? | |
| 25. Say it again? | |
| 25. Say it again? 25. | |
| Plenty of consent. | |
| These pasty white American boys, they just line up here. | |
| All day, every day from the United States because they live in a welfare society right now. | |
| So woke, so left, so full of socialism. | |
| They line up all day here outside Sam's Tailor to purchase a suit for me so they can be abused. | |
| This is what happens when the suit is complete. | |
| This is what happens when the suit is complete. My deep press stitch on a narrow notch lapel. | |
| Check out the bucket of breast pocket with a curve and kick. | |
| There is the peak of my pocket square. | |
| Slightly slanted flat pockets, undersized flat pockets, fully lined pockets. | |
| Check out the overlapping buttons on a fully functional cuff. | |
| Even the young degenerate Americans are absolutely gift wrapped in my 4D fit. | |
| Check out the contoured 4D fit. | |
| Did you have this done when you were done your suit? | |
| I did, yes. | |
| But it was by the older, his father, Peter. | |
| Generations of Nina fashions. | |
| Look how much he's sweating in Hong Kong. | |
| Absolutely gift wrapped in my 4D fit. | |
| This is what they do to me after every suit they make. | |
| I don't like it, but it's part of the process over there in Hong Kong. | |
| Anyway, no, that is not need of fashions. | |
| I texted that to them, though, and I go, is this your competition? | |
| And they go, yeah, he's good at social media, but has a terrible product. | |
| And I said, Gay Dominatrix Taylor was not on my bingo card for Hong Kong haberdashery. | |
| But I guess that's what you get. | |
| So anyway, Nita Fashions, you sign up with them online. | |
| You can set up a remote appointment where you measure all your shit and you get a custom suit for cheap. | |
| I call it, it's for cheap rich guys. | |
| And you need a suit for a funeral or a wedding or something. | |
| Even if you never wear suits, you need at least one. | |
| Choose whatever you like. If Ryan would go to their website during this commercial, that would be awesome. | |
| I don't know what you're doing over there. | |
| Updating my mouse. | |
| Updating your mouse. | |
| Yes. I thought that was already handled. | |
| That's why we started the show. Yeah, but apparently the other computer needs me to do it too, so that way I can cross over with one swipe. | |
| Okay, Ryan is updating his mouse. | |
| That's two strikes for Ryguy. | |
| Not finding the commercial and now not bringing up Nita Fashions when we're trying to do an ad for them as a sponsor to the free show. | |
| There they are. What's the URL there? | |
| NitaFashions.com. | |
| NitaFashions.com, all one word. | |
| Their Instagram. You young people seem to like contacting them via Instagram, which is fine. | |
| And the best part, the remote fitting is fine, but the best part about them is to check their schedule and to meet them in person. | |
| I meet them too much. I have too many suits now. | |
| I'm like, I don't know if I should meet you guys next time. | |
| And even my dry cleaner goes, do you have any shirts for us? | |
| I'm like, yeah, I have a 40, but I have 40 shirts waiting. | |
| So don't expect like a shirt a week from me here, dry cleaners. | |
| But yeah, you go to the schedule, actually. | |
| Go to the schedule. That's three strikes. | |
| Uh... And you can see where they are. | |
| So what are we today? October 15th? | |
| So they're in San Francisco. | |
| Then they are in Scottsdale. | |
| Then they are in Palm Beach, California. | |
| Then they are in Los Angeles, California. | |
| That's the rest of October. | |
| Then they go back to Hong Kong and they make the suits that you fit for them. | |
| And you could go to one of these meetings, get fitted, and not buy anything. | |
| So you can get a free fitting. | |
| And then later, when you have enough money, you can order a shirt and they FedEx it to you. | |
| You give it a quick, you know, steaming. | |
| I don't like irons anymore. | |
| I buy these steamers off Amazon. | |
| It's faster. It's better. | |
| Irons don't work for me anymore. | |
| I don't know what happened. Probably some stupid climate change rule where they can't get too hot. | |
| Um... | |
| I got cock in my face yesterday. | |
| Thank you. | |
| In a really bad way. | |
| And because I have a beard it was stuck in there. | |
| I was doing some caulking and I kept clicking the thing. | |
| I thought the nozzle was open but it had become like solidified. | |
| So I'm squeezing and squeezing and I actually put a marker on the caulking gun to make sure it was working and it was going in and it was going in and I was having to really push like at one point I had to put it on the ground and close down like that and then it exploded. | |
| It did not out the nozzle out the side and I had a long string of caulk on my face. | |
| So my advice to you would be if you're doing any caulking or even using the caulking gun for like, Gorilla Glue has a cool super industrial strength glue that fits in a caulking gun. | |
| Take a drill and go down the center of the nozzle until you pull out your drill and there's caulk or glue on it. | |
| And then you know it's open and it's going to come out the top and not all over your face. | |
| I'm glad I got that out. | |
| My favorite new thing is to tell people in the bar that I got caca in my face. | |
| I had caca all over my face this weekend. | |
| It's fun. It's a fun. | |
| It's a thought. You may have noticed I don't have my rings on. | |
| I can't fucking find them. I took them off and my wife, God bless her cotton socks, when she cleans, she's not present in the moment. | |
| So her idea of cleaning, like say there was a banana peel and four magazines and a broken pair of glasses and a gum wrapper. | |
| You'd come back and the banana peel would be neatly folded on top of the magazines with the gum wrapper neatly stacked. | |
| Like, I don't want to start fights anymore. | |
| When you've been married this long, you don't argue. | |
| But I'm like, you realize making little piles isn't cleaning. | |
| Like, this is garbage that goes in the garbage. | |
| This is yesterday's news that goes in recycling. | |
| And then she gets mad when I go, have you seen my ring? | |
| She goes, no. Like, she gets mad when I ask her where shit is. | |
| But she's put it in a pile somewhere. | |
| It's neatly stacked somewhere in the house. | |
| And out of fucking nowhere. | |
| It might get me divorced, but I'm considering doing an expose on my house and all the fucking overstacked drawers we have because my father-in-law was complaining about the same thing with his wife, who would be my mother-in-law. | |
| So they're genetically pack rats. | |
| And cheap people, I know you think we are constantly accruing stuff. | |
| We don't like stuff. | |
| Like, I want when I move next time for there to be almost no packing. | |
| All right, let's start the show. | |
| Let's indict the motherfucker. | |
| Let's indict. Are we giving up on you finding that commercial? | |
| Did you want me to continue? | |
| I mean, it's you pointing... | |
| I just don't take it seriously as a commercial because it's you recording a movie unedited. | |
| But it summarizes what this site is for strangers. | |
| Alright, speaking of summarizing what this site is, we always start with some silly little minor news bits. | |
| Here's a New Yorker saving a woman's life. | |
| I think this is fucking awesome and cool. | |
| I don't know if I want my daughter doing it. | |
| So, I'm of two minds about this. | |
| I appreciate your bravery, but I also don't want women being vigilantes. | |
| So, where do you sit on this? | |
| Like, obviously, as an outsider, you think it's fucking awesome. | |
| But get personal with it. | |
| Say that's your sister. Guys, I don't normally film these type of videos, but like, I see this girl over there across the street. | |
| I'm literally by my car, about to go out, and she looks really uncomfortable. | |
| I don't know, should I go somewhere? | |
| It's like really late at night. | |
| Okay, I'm from New York. I'm gonna go. | |
| I have girls supporting girls. | |
| Do y'all see? Nah. | |
| Okay, I'm just gonna go outside. | |
| Okay. Wait, did you see that? | |
| Stop. Don't mention his race. | |
| He was wearing a black hoodie and black pants and he was hard to see at night. | |
| And he doesn't use sunscreen. | |
| Girls, wait for you in the car! | |
| Oh, who's this? Talking to her about what? | |
| Asking her for toes are long. | |
| What the fuck? | |
| Well, we gotta go. | |
| Do I know him though? | |
| No. I don't think I'm going to get to know him. | |
| Let's go. Bye! | |
| Let's go. Do you need to hide? | |
| Yes, please. Okay, let's go. | |
| Wouldn't that be funny if that girl she saved ended up raping her? | |
| See, sometimes rape is funny. | |
| This other piece of important news really pissed me off. | |
| So, this... | |
| What's it called? Bobo tea? | |
| On the Canadian shark tank, they have a Chinese... | |
| Half Chinese guy... | |
| Who played a Korean on a government-funded show called Kim's Grocery or something about a deli. | |
| It's not terrible. But, you know, Canadian entertainment is generally funded by the government. | |
| And he's there on a white-made show using white male technology, whatever you want to call it, and he's decided they are not allowed to promote this type of tea. | |
| He can co-opt Korean culture for his TV and build a career pretending to be Korean. | |
| As a Chinese Canadian, but they are not allowed to promote a certain type of tea because of their ethnicity. | |
| So it's just anti-white racism is what it comes down to. | |
| I am studying your can, and I am looking for anything that tells me where Boba came from. | |
| And where Boba came from is Taiwan. | |
| Wait, stop. You know, I started... | |
| Stop. Dude, you're Chinese. | |
| Your country is torturing Taiwan the same way China is torturing East Timor. | |
| You are enemies. | |
| Taiwan is in constant fear of being destroyed. | |
| By China, when we were talking last week about those incompetent female naval officers who sunk three different multi-hundred million dollar boats in a matter of five months, three different catastrophes, three different female affirmative action hires. | |
| And the reason we care about that is because we might be at war with China soon if they invade Taiwan. | |
| Unfortunately, they're an ally of ours and they make all the chips in the world. | |
| So if China gets them, they control... | |
| Our cars and how many cars can be made. | |
| So we want everyone in Southeast Asia and all their neighbors to have a really good naval fleet. | |
| They don't. | |
| But anyway, to be a Chinese guy and pretending that you're a Taiwan patriot, okay, then you hate China. | |
| You can't be as pro-Israel and pro-Palestine at the same time. | |
| Although I saw fucking Eric Adams wearing a hat that had a New York Yankees logo. | |
| Pull this up if you can find it. | |
| And a New York Mets logo. | |
| He's not even like... | |
| He's sub-retard. An 11-year-old boy knows not to have Mets and Yankees on the same hat. | |
| I'm surprised the hat exists. | |
| Did he have it made? | |
| I don't even like those shirts that have every MLB team on them or every NFL team on them. | |
| Those are dumb. But look at that hat. | |
| By the way, you'll be happy to hear, in case you don't watch baseball, the Mets saved it yesterday. | |
| I think they had the... | |
| The Dodgers have this pitcher, Flaherty, where we're fucking dead if we face him. | |
| And that's why it was 0-9. | |
| But last night was like 6-4 or something, because they didn't have Flaherty and we had... | |
| What's his name? Maneo. | |
| Look at that. I mean, even if he had versus, it wouldn't be so bad. | |
| Hey, Eric Adams, what's your favorite thing about New York? | |
| No. Well, that's a good one too, but Eric Adams, summarize New York in one word. | |
| New York. | |
| I'm not sure that counts as one word. | |
| My favorite team is the Yankees and Mets. | |
| Go Jets, Giants, Cowboys, go sports. | |
| I mean, they had the same stadium. | |
| What's your favorite thing about New York? | |
| Well, you could wake up and there could be a terrorist attack and the towers are falling or you could get a new job. | |
| Yeah, you could come across a new business opportunity. | |
| That's not a good thing. | |
| The best thing about New York is you could come across a new business opportunity. | |
| That's the answer, Eric. | |
| To add in the worst terrorist attack next to Pearl Harbor we've ever had, 3,000 dead people, the question was the best things. | |
| You absolute fucking five-year-old. | |
| I'm glad he's going to jail. | |
| Although, just like Andrew Cuomo, the reasons he's going to jail are stupid. | |
| He criticized immigration, really. | |
| But I'll take it. Andrew Cuomo was gone for allegedly grabbing an ass. | |
| Okay, I'll take it. I was talking to Ann Coulter the other day, by the way. | |
| She was coming back from the bathroom and she's very thin. | |
| She has zero body fat. | |
| I said, Ann, I couldn't help notice as you walked back from the bathroom, have you ever considered Ozempic? | |
| But she was saying Andrew Cuomo for mayor. | |
| And I'm like, the guy who killed 17,000 geriatrics? | |
| And she's like, it's the lesser of lots of evils. | |
| And she might be right. | |
| She thinks Curtis Lee was a joke. | |
| Then there's that Jumani Williams guy, radical activist. | |
| Here in New York City, we are dealing with, would you rather eat a bowl of shit or get stabbed in the neck? | |
| Eat a bowl of shit, I guess. | |
| I might bleed to death. | |
| Anyway, get back to this fucking twat. | |
| This venture company, for a lot of reasons, but really primarily to uplift minority entrepreneurs. | |
| And not only do I feel like this is not happening here, but that I would be uplifting a business that is profiting off of something that feels so dear to my cultural heritage. | |
| Stop! Stop! Stop. | |
| You're Chinese. Taiwan is the opposite of dear to you. | |
| Okay? And Taiwan flourishes and comes up with new inventions because they're capitalist. | |
| Unlike your home country, which is communist. | |
| And talking about minority entrepreneurs in Toronto, I bet you whites are a minority in Toronto. | |
| Are white people a minority in Toronto, Canada? | |
| Uh... | |
| What do we got here? | |
| Plus, this is all registered people. | |
| I don't know if we're going to get a straight answer. | |
| I just answered my fucking question English 5.3 million Irish, what? How irritating is this? | |
| Okay, I'm not getting an answer from them. | |
| They're just bragging. | |
| It's the government site, of course, and they're bragging about how many different groups are. | |
| Okay, here we are. Demographics of Toronto. | |
| European, 43%. | |
| What about Spain? | |
| Are they Spanish? | |
| Are they Hispanic? South Asian, 14. | |
| Chinese, 10. Black, 10. | |
| Filipino, 6. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | |
| Korean. So, yes. | |
| It appears that whites are a minority in Toronto. | |
| So why don't you give this minority group some props? | |
| There, Wang Lingping. | |
| Dude, stop using ChatGPT and AI for questions. | |
| It sucks. I think it pulls from more sources than the Canadian government has their skew on things. | |
| Right. I left the Canadian government and ended up on Wikipedia, which is shitty, but better than ChatGPT and AI. For that reason, I'm out. | |
| Fuck you. Thanks. Respect that. | |
| Respect that. Oh, listen to their accents. | |
| So they're not even like normal. | |
| They're immigrants. It makes me sad that people are, you know, they're drinking boba with a raccoon with a sun. | |
| It doesn't mean that they don't have the opportunity to change and do that. | |
| That's true, but there has to be a willingness and I have to be able to invest in these founders knowing that change is possible. | |
| Do you not have any money? You're in a mediocre Canadian sitcom. | |
| How much money do you have? Nobody else has told them that before. | |
| You can't put that all on them. | |
| Yeah, you moron. | |
| And they're immigrants, and you clearly were born in Canada. | |
| That's the level of discourse we're dealing with in this fucking country. | |
| All right, speaking of Asians, let's jump into some sprinkles. | |
| We have a new interstitial, although he didn't include a background, so you maybe have to freeze something from the interstitial. | |
| But this is how it's done, boys. | |
| Got it. 1,000, 2,000, 3,000, 4,000, 5,000, 6,000, 7,000, 9,000, 10,000, 11,000, 12,000, 13,000. | |
| Why are you showing your desktop? | |
| To show that it's just waiting for the computer. | |
| We might have to buy a new computer. | |
| Here we go. Now give me a screen grab to put in the back. | |
| I checked out Ali Wong's special last night. | |
| I like Ali Wong a lot. | |
| She definitely has the sprinkles. | |
| But... Female comedians, can you stop talking about getting dicked down and having your pussy eaten and all this shit? | |
| It's not you. | |
| I know young girls, young early 20s girls are like, eat my pussy, you motherfucker, or why didn't I come, or whatever. | |
| You've got two kids, divorced after 10 years, you're in your 40s. | |
| Let's not pretend a woman in their 40s is like, hey man, why don't you eat my fucking pussy, you bitch? | |
| I want to get dicked down hard. | |
| No, that's not a thing. | |
| It gets laughs, but it's like, what's her name? | |
| Margaret Cho doing imitations of her Korean parents. | |
| Everyone can do an imitation of their parents. | |
| In fact, I'm not a stand-up comedian, but when I go on tour with Anthony, I cheat. | |
| If I'm too drunk to remember what the bits are, I'll do my parents. | |
| I'll talk about eating pussy because I'm not a professional and I'm lazy and it's a cheap way to get laughs. | |
| This is your entire career. | |
| So can you be better than the fucking cock pussy jokes? | |
| Like Nikki Glaser talking about getting skull fucked all the time. | |
| And it's sad because they're both single. | |
| So you have this 40 something single woman talking about cock. | |
| And they get cock on their face, but they're not doing home improvement. | |
| They're doing the opposite. | |
| They're destroying their home. | |
| Have you got the trailer for it? | |
| She's got a cute little outfit. | |
| She's a cute little lady. | |
| I can see the appeal. | |
| And they say black don't crack. | |
| Well, chink don't crink. Chink don't chip. | |
| Chink don't chink. What are you doing? | |
| Yeah, there it is. Is that the trailer? | |
| Oh, I don't know. I don't think these are playing. | |
| Ali Wong. Oh, man. | |
| Trailer. Am I on Adderall or am I on amphetamines and you just seem super slow today? | |
| I mean, adding the link to the thing you wanted to see would help. | |
| Hi, guys. Welcome to my dressing room. | |
| This is Shang Wang. | |
| Justin, my husband, always begs me before we leave the house to please dress more subtle, and I guess this isn't so subtle. | |
| These are crocs that I decorated by myself. | |
| Nice. Now you're going to watch me transform from Eazy-E into a butterfly. | |
| I've been a fan of Ali Wong since our first special. | |
| You're in the same room with her live in person. | |
| First time. First time. | |
| Boring. Show us some of your bits. | |
| It's hilarious. Wait, is this single lady? | |
| This isn't the right one, dude. | |
| Ali Wong, single lady. | |
| There we go. I really do believe that 40 is the golden age. | |
| Women are agreeable. | |
| It is perfect. | |
| Okay, glorifying divorce, that's great. | |
| By the way, stop. | |
| Have you noticed this pattern with divorced people where they always talk about themselves and how this is better for them and they never mention the kids? | |
| War on kids. | |
| You know what else is a war on kids? | |
| Fucking Teslas. Electric cars. | |
| Kids can't hear them. No one gives a shit about that. | |
| They're dangerous for children playing on the street. | |
| Go ahead. 25 and then I could go as high as 55. | |
| Uh, if you're 55, I got questions for you. | |
| Like, can you go on a brisk walk? | |
| Pretty mediocre. Can you digest red meat without getting a swollen toe the next day? | |
| Can you? A swollen toe? | |
| Oof, that was grim. | |
| Oh, but the best part about fucking a dude that's 60 is that you get to hear a story that he already told you on Tuesday. | |
| That he's gonna repeat to you on Friday about a half-court shot he once made in 1985. | |
| Oh, this is brutal! | |
| Maybe I was drunk last night. | |
| Those are your highlights? | |
| So, not everyone in the sprinkles section has the sprinkles. | |
| We're just discussing the subject of sprinkles. | |
| And for those of you not familiar with the show, sprinkles is what God gives certain people and makes them hilarious. | |
| Uh... This one, I didn't think it was sprinkly, but it got pretty sprinkled as I continued to peruse it. | |
| I watched this completely sober, unlike Single Lady, so let me know if you agree. | |
| Although, of course, humor is incredibly subjective, so sometimes you disagree. | |
| I've made a career on humor, so I think I'm an authority on this. | |
| Well, one of us has a vibrator in our bottoms. | |
| Which one of us could it be? | |
| Yeah! One of us has a vibrator in our bottoms. | |
| Oh, do you think that it could be me? | |
| No! No! | |
| Well, is it Broden? | |
| I don't know, maybe. Or is it Mark? | |
| I don't know could be or is it Zach? | |
| Can you turn it off at the remote? | |
| Just at the remote, there's a remote in the game. | |
| I don't know. What do you think, Ryan? The dancing was funny. | |
| I mean, it could have ended already. | |
| It could have ended. I like when the guy leaves. | |
| Here's another one right on the line. | |
| It's definitely a well-written bit, but is it sprinkly? | |
| I don't know. Maybe the way I portray these two. | |
| Don't you swear at me, you little shit! | |
| I am your mother! | |
| All I do is worry, exclaim, and defend! | |
| Okay, I think this is good. | |
| I like this one. $1.99. | |
| Okay. I can see myself here. | |
| I watched some of our other stuff. | |
| It was pretty good too. | |
| And then finally, this isn't really sprinkles, but it's a good point. | |
| Why did we, when did white people stop making little expressions? | |
| Thank you. | |
| I need some help from the Caucasian race. | |
| Yes, I'm here. Why did y'all stop coming up with phrases? | |
| Fear. Y'all used to be in y'all bag. | |
| Y'all used to give us some of the greatest phrases. | |
| When I was growing up, you know, the older white folks used to say, I don't give a rat's ass. | |
| Or, you're skating on thin ice, buddy. | |
| Or, one of my favorites. | |
| Get a load of this guy. I feel like y'all just stopped doing that. | |
| What happened? Why y'all ain't giving us these good phrases anymore? | |
| I really miss y'all going like, oh, newsflash, pal. | |
| You know what I'm saying? Hold your horses, bucko. | |
| My favorite one, off the rip, get a grip, buddy. | |
| I love telling people to get a grip. | |
| That used to be my thing. | |
| See somebody acting out of line, man, get a grip. | |
| You know what I'm saying? Now we ain't got that no more because y'all just not making praises. | |
| I need y'all to get back and make some praises, man. | |
| I don't give a rat's ass. | |
| That's it right there. | |
| Rat's ass? Who thought of that? | |
| I'll never forget when I was a kid, I was acting up. | |
| And this older white woman goes, beat it, twerk. | |
| You ain't never gonna hear nothing that clean ever again. | |
| You never gonna hear beat it, twerk. | |
| We got lame stuff now. | |
| I need beat it, twerk. | |
| I need twerk back in the vocab. | |
| I need twerk back. I need the Caucasians to get back on their job, reach back in that bag, and give us some more phrases. | |
| I'm tired of what the young people talking about. | |
| I need some of that new stuff. | |
| He's so right. We should start bringing it back. | |
| I disagree. What? | |
| I think that's the pinnacle of expression that's already been figured out. | |
| Like the encyclical from Pope Pius XII. He's like... | |
| Stop looking for society. | |
| Stop looking for civilization. | |
| It's figured out. | |
| We found it already. So you can't learn anything from Indians. | |
| You can't learn anything from Guatemalans. | |
| We figured it out. It's Western culture. | |
| I understand. But Western culture stopped using those terms. | |
| We need to bring them back. | |
| Oh, but I thought he was also saying you need to bring up new ones. | |
| Like, why didn't you invent any new ones? | |
| Because they're already figured out. Yeah, but we don't use those anymore. | |
| So I think he's saying, do either bring those back, beat a twerp and get a grip and get a load of this guy, or come up with new ones. | |
| But we're at zero now. | |
| I think the Midwest and the South, they're chock full of them. | |
| I'll hear ones where I'm like, holy crap. | |
| When you say we and you're just you, they're like, what, you got a mouse in your pocket? | |
| That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. | |
| Who's we? You got a mouse in your pocket? | |
| Oh, I see. You know what I like when the Irish go, your man. | |
| Like, sometimes it's someone, like say you're a fan of Conor McGregor, and then they'll go like, that's your man Conor there, that's why he won. | |
| So your man Conor's thinking about getting back into it, so that's obvious. | |
| He is my man in that sense. | |
| But then they just start making it for someone you don't know. | |
| Like a guy. It means a guy. | |
| So that's when your man came in and tried to assassinate Trump. | |
| Now, it wasn't your guy who tried to assassinate Trump. | |
| I hope not. They just mean a man. | |
| Or our kid. | |
| If you're a mank, you say our kid. | |
| Our kid went to school, right? | |
| And it's not your kid? | |
| No, our kid. | |
| I'm going to do a special today in the mailbag about the comments. | |
| People who comment on our site are so fucking dumb. | |
| I mean, I see tweets about us. | |
| I read about 100 emails a day from Baby Monsters. | |
| They're all reasonable. But there's something about that particular group in the comments section of the website. | |
| Not even the Discord. | |
| I'm talking about the comments section on the website. | |
| Absolutely. Like, people are asking now why you haven't named your 10-month-old son yet. | |
| Well, it's hard. | |
| It's hard naming it. We're thinking by the time he's won, we'll figure it out. | |
| Is that even legal? | |
| I don't know. Isn't it child neglect to not have a name at 10 months? | |
| Like, you have birth certificates. | |
| You fill out a bunch of shit at the hospital. | |
| What is that, left blank? | |
| Yeah. I don't think you can leave the hospital without a name. | |
| Whoa. States differed on how long residents are given to come up with a name. | |
| But I had to... We had a birth certificate and we had a bunch of forms I had to sign. | |
| In fact, I got interrogated by one black woman, and that demographics are the absolute queens of silly names, because my children have Indian middle names. | |
| And they're like, they're going to get made fun of. | |
| I'm like, not as much as Erica. | |
| Erica. So I don't know how you leave the hospital without a name. | |
| TBD? Anyway, morons. | |
| Ryan's wife is pregnant, as we've discussed on the show. | |
| His two children that are out of the womb have fucking names. | |
| And they had names at birth. | |
| Okay. Obviously. | |
| And these Zoomers are so arrogant. | |
| Instead of going, hmm, this doesn't make sense. | |
| I must be wrong. | |
| Brian having a 10-month-old with no name is bizarre. | |
| So maybe I am missing something. | |
| Nope. They just go, that's fucked up. | |
| You should name him. Rolling around Disney with a kid with no name. | |
| All right, let's get to the war on kids. | |
| But before we do, I would like to thank the other sponsor for today's show, which is Purple Works Nutrition, pre-workout. | |
| You'll notice, by the way, I don't talk about things that I have no experience with. | |
| I'm not here pushing some VPN service that I've never tried. | |
| I wear Nita Fashions every day, and I take Purple Workouts every day I'm working out. | |
| Today was grim at the trainer. | |
| It was this thing, you lie on your back and it's got these arms. | |
| My trainer has wasted so much money on fucking machines. | |
| Like, I think he's up to 300 grand. | |
| He's never gonna pay it off, but whatever. | |
| So it was like 15 with one arm, 45 pounds, 15 with the other arm, 45 pounds. | |
| It was right at the limit of what I'm capable of. | |
| And then, by the way, those 30 are done three separate times as you go around the cycle. | |
| All these guys are like, I could bench press 180. | |
| Okay, that's great. It's not as impressive as doing 120 15 times, 15 times, 15 times. | |
| That's much more impressive to me. | |
| I can't tell you how many badass boxers come in to do our workouts and they fucking pussy out immediately. | |
| Even Ryan was puffing and puffing. | |
| There's no time to recover. | |
| It's a completely different workout. | |
| He won't let you rest for more than 40 seconds. | |
| And even then, that's pushing it. | |
| So it's pure stamina. Well, he'll also like, he'll do like today we had to lie, I had to lie down on a thing and then do leg workouts where I'm like kicking myself in the ass. | |
| So my arms are resting at that point. | |
| And then I'm doing the one, it was 120 or 140. | |
| But anyway, as I'm doing this, I'm running out of energy. | |
| I'm kind of hungover. And Purpleworks, I could feel it in my body. | |
| And it was like I was dipping into it. | |
| As I was like going, or doing snatches with 25-pound weights, I would call to the Purpleworks. | |
| And it would dole out extra energy. | |
| And when I got there, he wasn't there. | |
| He was having a poo because every time he eats fish, he has to shit. | |
| So I just started randomly doing curls with 25-pound weights because I had to because I was getting the tingles. | |
| Purple Works gives you these tingles that if you don't work out, you feel like there's ants in your pants. | |
| So I'm currently doing their newest edition, which is called Invictus, I believe. | |
| Use promo code GAVIN for 15% off. | |
| And if I didn't do Purple Works, I might not have the gumption to go to the gym. | |
| I take it exactly half an hour before I get to my trainer or to my... | |
| I box also on other days of the week. | |
| And then you just... | |
| You have to go. It makes you go. | |
| It's gym rape. That's what they should call this new particular formula, gym rape. | |
| Invictus is Latin for gym rape. | |
| Actually, I'm here because of gym rape. | |
| My dad, Jimmy McInnis, got my mom drunk. | |
| And what happens with one beer? | |
| Hardy? Rape. | |
| Nope. One beer leads to a lit cigarette. | |
| That's right. And then a two-beer buzz. | |
| Five beers, six beers, and then a shotgun wedding and Sesame Street on the TV. All because of alcohol! | |
| Pull up that song, One Beer. | |
| He's got some black woman screaming back up, like the Rolling Stones. | |
| Rape, murder, it's just a shadowy. | |
| But she's singing the word alcohol. | |
| All his songs are getting wasted. | |
| It actually makes me feel better about being a drunk. | |
| I woke up on the wrong side of the truck bed this morning with an empty bottle of Jack I was holding. | |
| Man she got me bad when she kicked me to the curb. | |
| But maybe I got what I deserve. | |
| I have goose pimples in the back of my head. | |
| We should move south. | |
| This is tingles. | |
| One beer can turn into... | |
| Chills. | |
| I'm getting chills. We have to go south. | |
| That brings us to the war on kids. | |
| Yes. It's a special segment. | |
| We used to do more on kids where we showed kids with Down Syndrome, but that felt cruel. | |
| So now we switch it to the war on kids. | |
| Hello, fam! I had a sex change up right now. | |
| We're living in an ageism era where children are seen as human garbage. | |
| Regulations to indoctrinate American school children with poisonous and divisive left-wing doctrines. | |
| On your feet, soldier! | |
| On your feet! | |
| Douglas Murray is one of, if not the most eloquent voices of our generation. | |
| And that's with a cock in his mouth. | |
| But he really summarized the ethos of the UK. I always say before Maggie Thatcher was just working class and rich. | |
| There was no middle class. She introduced the concept of privatization and then all of a sudden there's a middle class. | |
| But there kind of isn't. | |
| They're really, like, sure there's a middle class, but there still is this abuse of the working class in Britain, where if you've got a Luton accent, you're not taken as seriously, or you're actually vilified and thrown in jail without a second thought. | |
| Oy! And Douglas Murray points this out about Tommy beautifully here in 1-9. | |
| 1-9. Which is coming up. | |
| The interesting thing that Tommy Robinson speaks to and has always spoken to is, what are you allowed to do about this or say about this? | |
| Now, if you're me, for the time being, you're allowed to write about it sometimes. | |
| You're allowed to speak about it sometimes. | |
| You're allowed to raise alarms sometimes. | |
| You're allowed to speak your mind somewhat. | |
| But if you're a Tommy Robinson character, if you grew up in Luton, And you haven't had many advantages in life, and you've had quite a lot of disadvantages, and you're white and working class. | |
| What are you allowed to do about this? | |
| What are you allowed to say about any of this? | |
| And the government, for decades now, has had the attitude, you're not allowed to do anything. | |
| You're not allowed to say anything. | |
| You can't do anything, because if you do, we'll call you a racist. | |
| And we'll call you far right. | |
| And we'll throw you in prison. | |
| They cut off his tongue. | |
| That's my new metaphor after Columbus Day. | |
| I keep cutting off our tongues. | |
| What did he do? Why is he on the lam right now, running all over Europe from fucking Spain to Norway? | |
| Because if he goes back home, he's facing jail for contempt of court because he released a documentary, which we have on our site, that explains... | |
| That the boy who waterboarded the Muslim kid didn't waterboard the Muslim kid, and the Muslim kid is not an angel. | |
| He was stabbing his female teachers and female students and threatening to rape little girls. | |
| That's Tommy's crime. | |
| So he still has social media, thank God. | |
| That tongue hasn't been cut off yet. | |
| Although actually it has been and it's been reinstated. | |
| They sewed it back on. That's what my dad used to say when men acted like they have no balls. | |
| He would say, would you like me to sew it back on? | |
| Shall I just sew one back on? | |
| But Tommy posted this. | |
| I don't think this is the exact Tommy post. | |
| But how fucking disgusting is this shit? | |
| You ready for this? | |
| I got our Edie and today is a big day because she's going on her first date. That's a boy So the guy meeting is a big fan of stranger things so I got him some gifts So first I got Jonathan then I got Matt then I got a Henry and I also got Dustin Oh, and if the date doesn't work out, I'm keeping them. | |
| I also got him this iPad so he can FaceTime me Wait a minute You bought him on an iPad? Let's start with the most obvious thing here besides the fact that this is child abuse. | |
| Ten year olds don't go on dates. | |
| I've had a ten year old three times now and dating is the farthest thing from their mind. | |
| 15, 16, they start... | |
| Well, it's called puberty. When puberty begins, the inevitable biology kicks in, and they start getting interested in the opposite sex. | |
| 10? Fuck those people. | |
| Not literally... You all remember being 10? | |
| When I was 10, Star Wars came out. | |
| Why would you hang around with girls? | |
| They're fucking gross. They don't know anything about Star Wars. | |
| They have cooties. They don't own a bionic man. | |
| Fuck them all. They're pieces of shit. | |
| And then you get a pube, and the next thing you know, girls have sprouted angel wings, and you can't believe what an honor it is to be within 10 feet of them, because they're so perfect. | |
| What are you doing conflating that with this? | |
| You fucking weirdos. | |
| And what is with the bizarre gifts? | |
| How much is an iPad? A thousand bucks? | |
| I think so. And what are those Pop-Tart things called? | |
| Funko Pops. How much are those? | |
| Let me see. Probably like 30 bucks. | |
| Well, it depends on which one. | |
| Like $1,500 you're spending on this guy who is on a date with another boy? | |
| So is this boy you're going on the date with, is he gay? | |
| Gay is a type of sexuality. | |
| It's a type of sex you have. | |
| Okay, $12. I think one... | |
| Okay, say they were $1,400, $1,400. | |
| We could have one Funko Pop, maybe. | |
| An iPad so we can FaceTime each other? | |
| That's starting to sound fucking depraved. | |
| This is Tommy's crime, by the way, is pointing out depraved things like this involving children. | |
| He's called a racist because he acknowledges that the majority of these grooming gangs in Britain are Pakistani. | |
| But he didn't get there from Pakistani to groomer. | |
| He went there from groomer to Pakistani. | |
| You feel me? You get me? | |
| In it. Anyway, let's continue with this fucking disgusting garbage. | |
| Hey, does it go well? | |
| Just fine. Okay, now I'm all ready to go on a date and I'll update you guys how it went. | |
| No, thank you. I'd like Scotland Yard updated. | |
| Look at his tattoos. Fucking sick. | |
| What are the comments? Is anyone like, what? | |
| She's going on a date. Dad should be in jail. | |
| Way too young. I was not allowed to date until 16. | |
| Keep going. I was definitely older too. | |
| I didn't want to date. | |
| That's the thing. I'm sure I've told you this a hundred times, but I was watching The Croods with my boy when he was eight. | |
| And one of the subplots of The Croods' cartoon is that the girl has a huge crush on one of the boys. | |
| She's like 13. He's 15 or whatever. | |
| Every time she sees him, she has hearts. | |
| I look over my eight-year-old and every time that scene showed up, he was going like this. | |
| Like, it was as gross as watching someone take a shit. | |
| They're not into sex. | |
| Here's a controversial thing. | |
| Children are not into sex. | |
| All right, you know what? | |
| I think we're going to take everyone behind the paywall. | |
| We've been too kind to you all. | |
| And I feel that... | |
| And I want to get more controversial, too. | |
| We've got some racism coming up, some useless black female politicians, and of course, Haktua Harris. |