Trump joined Iron Maiden, don't put your seat back, "I'm not sir" is cutting his dick off, Hells Angels are going to prison, gays are immune to pepper spray, someone at a shit sandwich, it's illegal to criticize Hamas, and the coolest kid in the world works at Giuseppe's Garage.
| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| I am a man who walks alone. | |
| And when I'm walking the dark road, at night or strolling through the park. | |
| Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes. | |
| It's strange and a little anxious when it's dark. | |
| Fear of the dark. | |
| Fear of the dark. | |
| I have constant fear that something's always near. | |
| Fear of the dark. | |
| Ladies and gentlemen, that was Donald Trump singing one of his favorite songs, Fear of the Dark, by Iron Maiden. | |
| That's probably their fucking 11th album or something. | |
| They got, what, 17 albums, that band? | |
| Still going strong. | |
| Still rocking. | |
| I wonder if we'll see them on Battle of the Bands. | |
| I don't think so. | |
| I like Iron Maiden, but what are their hits? | |
| Fear of the Dark was not a big hit. | |
| It's really just Number the Beast and Run to the Hills. | |
| Is The Soldier the name of it? | |
| That particular song? | |
| Play the song. | |
| The song's Fear the Dark. | |
| It's from the album Fear the Dark. | |
| First album, I believe, that was ever produced by the bassist and the creator. | |
| Kind of go in the middle. | |
| I wonder, fear of the dark, fear of the dark. | |
| I have a constant fear that something's always near. | |
| Bruce Dickinson is a weird one, isn't he? | |
| He's an airplane pilot? | |
| Guy rules. | |
| Wrote a book about saucy boobies? | |
| Mrs. Buttercups or something? | |
| What the fuck? | |
| I was gonna do this song, Alex Jones. | |
| Flame of Rebellion. | |
| Zoom out so people can find this. | |
| I wish Apple Music had every song ever. | |
| I think when I get up here and get angry at the New World Order and tell you how evil they are, that you've got courage and want to defeat them. | |
| We are all ruled by little chicken neck Nellies going, "Kill everybody, I'm a Nelly!" And all the little anti-human control freaks that mommy never disciplined get off on the thrill of, "We're gonna kill everybody!" Act like effeminate, cowardly chicken necks because they want to train you to act like that. | |
| I'm gonna train you to be weak. | |
| I believe you've got courage and you've got will and you're gonna get angry and stop caring. | |
| It begins with not caring about what your slack-jawed, knuckle-dragging, cowardly, pseudo-tough-guy, football-watching neighbor thinks. | |
| That's where it begins. | |
| It begins with not caring what happens to your individual person. | |
| And when you have that attitude, when you have that attitude, the enemy doesn't have anything over you He's like the least boring person in the world. | |
| He's not the most interesting man guy. | |
| I told you I met that guy once. | |
| He's a Jew from Long Island named John. | |
| He's not Spanish. | |
| The Dos Equis guy? | |
| Dos Equis. | |
| You want to hear something retarded? | |
| Barack Obama had a surprise birthday party for Barack Obama and he was there. | |
| Like, he's the most interesting man in the world. | |
| You know that's a character from a beer commercial, right Barack? | |
| And Barack's friends? | |
| So he was there hanging out with the president because he's, you know, sailed the world ten times and fought in four wars. | |
| Like, what? | |
| That's like having Christopher Reeves dressed as Superman at your party. | |
| It's embarrassing. | |
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| I don't think you should play Prince, bro. | |
| Oh, it's a cover. | |
| It would never get stricken. | |
| He's very uptight. | |
| Well, he was. | |
| He was. | |
| Rest in power. | |
| He no longer is. | |
| God, my wife bawled when he died. | |
| She went to his Graceland, whatever it's called. | |
| Paisley Park. | |
| My mom cried when Kurt Cobain died, and I remember that day. | |
| And she was sobbing in the living room. | |
| And I was like, what's wrong mom? | |
| And she's like, we lost somebody very important, Kurt Cobain or something like that. | |
| And I was like, oh. | |
| I just walked away. | |
| When he died, I was listening to CKCU College Station, and the guy goes, I don't know if you heard what happened today, but we lost Kurt Cobain. | |
| And I think we all agree that that's totally boring! | |
| And then he put on the cure. | |
| Damn. | |
| And I told my buddy Steve that, and he was so mad. | |
| He goes, fuck you, man! | |
| How can you think that's funny? | |
| And then he said the following quote. | |
| I've never let him forget. | |
| He was the first one of us to make it! | |
| No, he wasn't. | |
| Because we're grunge, I guess. | |
| He was the first, because he said to me once, he goes, look, I dress grunge. | |
| I listen to grunge music. | |
| I play in a grunge band. | |
| I'm grunge. | |
| I'm grunge. | |
| You know, Steve, that grunge guy wears like jeans with holes in them and a plaid shirt. | |
| I'd say grunge-y. | |
| Matty Odell tells us there's a major cyber attack coming today, and he knows everything so Get some cash out dude speaking of cash. | |
| We got to get the cleaners in here today Oh, yeah, I don't have any on me farts. | |
| I give all my cash to my wife shit Someone else from Eric Adams' staff, Eric Adams, Mayor of New York, is corrupt and the fundraiser was doing a kickback scheme with the Turkish government. | |
| Surprise, surprise. | |
| Thank God they fired John Derbyshire from National Review for his horrific observation that black politicians tend to be disproportionately corrupt. | |
| That pattern is not true. | |
| He deserves to be unemployed. | |
| Fuck him. | |
| Uh, did you put out the push notification? | |
| I can only tell a person to do so, and I did. | |
| But did he respond? | |
| Um... No. | |
| So it's not out? | |
| No. | |
| Okay. | |
| But the, um, I said we're gonna take calls around 2-15? | |
| Yep. | |
| But... That doesn't mean anything if you didn't get it. | |
| I'll call him. | |
| I'll call him right now. | |
| Let's just say hello? | |
| Did you notice my shirt is not white? | |
| I didn't. | |
| It's a very, very subtle café off-white. | |
| Really? | |
| Yeah. | |
| And my tie has bunnies on it. | |
| What if I... Yeah. | |
| Let me zoom in on it. | |
| Ryan has said repeatedly that he is better than Jimi Hendrix on guitar and I have a bone to pick with that. | |
| Sure. | |
| I contend that. | |
| Contest. | |
| I contest that. | |
| I don't see that off. | |
| You don't see the bunnies? | |
| The cafe. | |
| Oh, you can't see that that's not white? | |
| No. | |
| Maybe it's kind of a blue? | |
| It looked a little bluish. | |
| I will concede that Ryan is a better singer than Jimi Hendrix, but Jimi Hendrix never called himself a singer. | |
| He very reluctantly became a vocalist. | |
| He always wanted just to be the guitarist in the band, which he was. | |
| He was a great session musician. | |
| He was in a bunch of bands. | |
| Curtis Knight, I think he was in. | |
| How would you feel, yeah, if you were me? | |
| He sent me a clip of him singing and playing guitar. | |
| I don't remember that. | |
| And I have to admit there is something there. | |
| Something magical. | |
| That's... You like pills? | |
| How could you possibly think that's me? | |
| *Ew* *Ew* That's not a word. | |
| *Ew* *Ew* *Ew* *Ew* You're kinda grungy. | |
| *Ew* I mean, pill aren't grunge, but you're pretty grunge. | |
| You sing grunge. | |
| McInnis, damn you. | |
| Okay, he responded. | |
| He was at the doctor. | |
| Probably getting a colonoscopy. | |
| I gotta get one of those. | |
| Oh yeah! | |
| Can't wait. | |
| When you put it in, can you go in and out? | |
| Or just in, okay sorry. | |
| Can you go in and up a little bit? | |
| That's my spot. | |
| Can you go in and hold it and then put your hand around my throat and say take it bitch? | |
| Can you put two in and then like when you're in go and kind of like scissor, un-scissor them? | |
| Can you attach it to some sort of vibrating implement device? | |
| Can you yell at me while you do it? | |
| I just kind of assumed in that joke that gays, when they're getting fucked in their butts, they're like a bitch. | |
| Maybe that's not the case. | |
| That's the case in heterosexual sex, when we're fucking a woman, we're the boss of her. | |
| But maybe in gay sex, you're getting a dick in your butt and you're like, you like that, you little bitch? | |
| And you're the guy with the dick and the guy with the dick is like, yeah, I guess. | |
| Yeah, I'm riding your dick, you bitch. | |
| That doesn't seem to work. | |
| Who knows? | |
| I thought that was the funniest concept on Saturday night. | |
| It's one of those jokes that you think is hilarious and then you sober up and you're like, why did I keep repeating that? | |
| I thought it'd be funny. | |
| Some guy just becomes gay, like he comes out at like 35 and his first night with a dude, he just puts his finger in the guy's butt and the guy's like, what are you doing? | |
| He's like, I'm fingering you. | |
| Isn't this what we do? | |
| Is this a thing? | |
| Yeah. | |
| And they're like, no, fingering isn't a thing in our world. | |
| Okay. | |
| I don't know. | |
| Let me wash my finger off. | |
| I feel like lesbos have such a hard time. | |
| I have a lesbo friend and she would say, oh yeah, you know, me and this chick, we had sex. | |
| I was like, you didn't. | |
| No, you didn't. | |
| No, you didn't. | |
| You did something fooling around. | |
| That's why you have lesbian bed death. | |
| Cause there's so much shit you gotta, you gotta break out the toys and do stuff. | |
| I'm sure it's real hot the first night, but then like you're married for 15 years and it's, can you go put on the strap on? | |
| What is this chart? | |
| So this is the, somebody says, finally, the ultimate YouTubers gay sex chart. | |
| And, um, you know, I'm surprised Destiny is closer to a top. | |
| Yeah, I would put Destiny in the bottom left. | |
| But they put Shapiro there. | |
| Next, is that Fuentes? | |
| Fuentes? | |
| That's retarded. | |
| No, this is not well done. | |
| No, it's not. | |
| I could see that there's a bias here. | |
| Fuentes is not the most macho man in the world, but he's definitely not submissive. | |
| He's a big daddy dom. | |
| I take that back. | |
| Is that Paul Joseph Watson near the word bottom there? | |
| Who's that next to Tim Pool? | |
| Next to Tim Poole. | |
| To the left, I'm not sure. | |
| To the right is Mumkey Jones. | |
| Who's the one... Who's the one that's touching Tim Poole? | |
| And also... Wait, that is Paul Joseph Watson. | |
| Yeah, that's another dumb move. | |
| That guy's a fucking beast. | |
| I don't know who made this. | |
| They put Adam Warski all the way at the bottom. | |
| So he's a bottom dom. | |
| So I guess it does exist. | |
| And Vausch? | |
| They put Vausch as a neutral bottom? | |
| Are you kidding? | |
| Yeah, like that guy, I think Vouch and Destiny have literally had woman dudes fuck their wives. | |
| Right. | |
| How could Nuance Bro be a sub-top? | |
| I don't know if that makes sense. | |
| So who's the ultimate man, Alex Jones? | |
| There's you there. | |
| What? | |
| Not a bad spot to be. | |
| Well, you just put me there, you fucking penis. | |
| That actually got me. | |
| That's hilarious. | |
| I don't know who everybody else is. | |
| Let's talk about a very polarizing subject that is affecting everyone and some people are for one side they're screaming blue murder and the other wants to think it's it's worthy of going to war for and there's victims on both sides of this so we're open to both sides here and of course I'm talking about the biggest issue going around today which is putting your seat back. | |
| Now Coach, this only applies in coach. | |
| And you can put your seat back on an overnight flight. | |
| You can also put your seat back if a child or a midget is behind you. | |
| But if an adult is behind you and it's a day flight, you may not put your seat back in coach. | |
| First class isn't invited to this discussion. | |
| So this woman is furious that she couldn't put her seat back. | |
| As an African-American refusing to let her do that. | |
| And Anthony is on the woman's side. | |
| I'm on the black dude's side. | |
| Fuck you. | |
| Respect the people behind you. | |
| We have so little room. | |
| I used to be able to do work in coach and now my computer gets pushed into my stomach. | |
| Sometimes I want to watch a movie on my computer and I can't because this cunt wants to put her seat back. | |
| So one trick you can do is you get into your seat and you pretend you put your knees up like this and then you pretend you're sleeping. | |
| And they'll go like this a few times and then they give up. | |
| One time I was wearing, I think I told you this before, I was wearing a Mets jacket, like a vintage one, silk kind of thing, it looked like from the 80s, and I didn't realize this until I started wearing it, but people think you have special needs when they see you in a vintage Mets silk windbreaker. | |
| Puffy kind. | |
| And people are shitty to people who are retarded. | |
| On my wife's side, there's this Native American woman who, you know, she has those kind of eyes, and she had a bowl cut, and she was taking swimming lessons, and her swimming teacher thought she was retarded, and she goes, I didn't believe this until I experienced it, but people with Down syndrome get abused. | |
| Like, I was abused. | |
| Grabbed the towel from me and shit, yelled at me, get out of the pool! | |
| So when I was special needs on the plane This woman was trying to put her seat back and I was pretending to be asleep and this guy Diagonal for me goes. | |
| Hey, she's trying to put her seat back move your legs and He didn't think he was Picking a fight with an actual dude. | |
| And I go, you need to shut your mouth. | |
| I saw what you were watching. | |
| You're watching Marvel movies. | |
| You're a grown man. | |
| I'm not going to have some child talk to me like he's not a fucking infant. | |
| And then he was like, oh shit, I thought you were retarded. | |
| You blew your cover and you're like, I mean, okay. | |
| No, that was one of the few times I was on a plane not pretending to be retarded. | |
| And I've told you this before, I would act like I was special needs so I could sit with my friend. | |
| So, just hear her out. - The whole trip she pushed my seat. | |
| No, you seen it, I know she did. | |
| She put, no, I'm allowed to put my seat back. | |
| I'm allowed to put my seat back. - Not on my watch. - I'm allowed to put my seat back. | |
| The whole trip she pushed my seat back. | |
| It's amazing how people are so passionately divided on this. | |
| I just assumed everyone would agree with me. | |
| But Anthony Cumia is on her fucking side. | |
| I saw someone, I posted this on Twitter and someone goes, if everyone puts their seat back, we're fine. | |
| Okay. | |
| Yeah. | |
| If everyone steals from their neighbor, we all have the same amount of stuff. | |
| If everyone steals one cup of sugar from their neighbor, get out of my house and no, you're not stealing a cup of sugar from my house. | |
| It doesn't work like that. | |
| It's for emergencies. | |
| Like, it's an overnight flight. | |
| But I've seen people get into the plane, put on a movie, it's 2 p.m. | |
| and just be like, And they're right up my ass. | |
| Where do you stand on this subject? | |
| I don't think it's necessary. | |
| I really don't. | |
| I don't think I reclined mine once on the tour. | |
| I think I forget that that function exists. | |
| Maybe if I remembered, I might have for some of the flights, but there's no need. | |
| I like being in a tight, cozy airplane seat. | |
| I've kind of been missing the tour a little bit, but I also realize how like unfair it is when my wife's been at home pregnant So I'm like, you know what? | |
| Yeah, my cousin is visiting from Scotland and he's visiting my other cousin in Chicago and like are you coming down? | |
| No, yeah, you've been jetting around Come here. | |
| I'm so fucking sick of it. | |
| I Well, in England, jolly old, you have like three big, cool interviews, maybe even more, from Tommy's guys, that you could do Pearl. | |
| No thank you. | |
| You could do Lotus Eaters. | |
| How do you know I could do Lotus Eaters? | |
| I talked to them. | |
| And they said yes? | |
| - Yeah, they'd love to have you. - Hmm. | |
| The other biggest deal about flying, of course, is Butters. | |
| Unfortunately, in Western English, we pronounce T with a D, so it sounds like butters, which isn't great for my second club I'm starting called the Butt Boys, where we stop people from butting, but it sounds like it's gay. | |
| But this is, I am this guy. | |
| When we land, I'm like this. | |
| So I can stand up and prevent other people from butting in line. | |
| And I put my arms like this. | |
| I'll fucking, I'll tell, well, we almost got in a fist fight with that one dude where I pushed him back. | |
| But you're not getting past me. | |
| I will hold on to the sides. | |
| So I obviously was not on this flight because this is the enemy. | |
| This is the Gargamel of our Smurfdom. | |
| Do you get into full-blown arguments with people, like, in your head? | |
| Because I had a butter on the last flight that we were coming back, he had all of his shopping bags. | |
| He was even ahead of his family, so he jumped ahead to a point where his family was two people behind him. | |
| So, like, why? | |
| What are you doing? | |
| And everybody, and I could see he just keeps, like, cowardly inching forward, and I just put my knee there, and I'm like, he's gonna go past my knee, and I'm like, not in the mood to fuck. | |
| And he did. | |
| Yeah, that's, you let, you let a butt go? | |
| I did. | |
| I had a full-blown- I could- because you said yesterday. | |
| You're out of the club. | |
| You ha- I know. | |
| You're fired. | |
| I'm sorry. | |
| You're out of the butt boys. | |
| What can I do to get back in? | |
| Fist fight a guy. | |
| You have to- you have to physically harm someone who's trying to butt. | |
| You have to get on the no-fly list. | |
| Damn. | |
| For attacking a- That's terrible. | |
| I've noticed when I yell at butters too, I can see other people in the plane like, finally someone's standing up for us. | |
| Yeah. | |
| The last time it happened, it was a black woman, and they, sorry, but they disproportionately are involved in the butt movement. | |
| I said, could you just move back a little bit, please? | |
| Go twerking. | |
| As I was getting my stuff. | |
| So I used getting my stuff as an excuse to push her back. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And then, I'm the king of the row. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And I just stay there until all my people... I'm Moses. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I'm parting the Red Sea. | |
| All my people must be free. | |
| See that I've done. | |
| So I don't know if I should be kicked out because I've done a lot of the the like waiting there. | |
| No tolerance policy. | |
| Then there's people sitting down they're like I guess everybody's just gonna bully past us and they look at me and I'm like I'm Jesus. | |
| I'm Jesus of the aisle. | |
| I won't go as far as that. | |
| I'll be walking up and I'll see someone waiting. | |
| They're blind and they have one arm. | |
| And I'll be like, my son, please. | |
| And I'll stop the entire line. | |
| And they're like, who? | |
| Little old me? | |
| And I'm like, yes, you. | |
| Get your bag. | |
| You're free to go. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Thank you. | |
| What can I do for you? | |
| You've done enough just by being free. | |
| That's my gift. | |
| It makes my heart sing to see you go free. | |
| Right. | |
| But you can feel the anger behind you sometimes. | |
| Sometimes you could literally feel like the... Well, if I'm by the window, I'm in a panic because I'm relying on someone else to be the butt boy. | |
| Yep. | |
| But you know what's funny about it? | |
| Metro North coming into the city, no rules. | |
| I don't care what. | |
| You can go ahead. | |
| I can go ahead. | |
| I don't feel that way. | |
| There's no... I don't care. | |
| I don't even think there is butting in line. | |
| No. | |
| First come, first serve. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I heard that's how, so this is weird, but a homily at my church, the priest was like, this is how it used to be. | |
| There is no line. | |
| There's no lineup. | |
| You just, everybody rushed to the front and like a huge, and then everybody that gets it, gets it. | |
| And it's like this kind of beautiful chaos. | |
| Instead of lining up and waiting there. | |
| And we heard that homily, and then right afterwards, we start doing the preparatory prayers and the consecration of the host and all that. | |
| And then I'm just like, well, should we all rush up? | |
| And then we all lined up again. | |
| And then I talked to him afterwards, like, shouldn't we have done what you said would be the better way? | |
| He's like, yeah, if you could figure out a way to make that happen, yes. | |
| And I was like, what's the matter with lineups? | |
| Why is your guy anti-lineup? | |
| It's not anti-lineup, but the way it was going for most of history, the most traditional way, is just to go. | |
| Yeah, well, we advanced. | |
| We became civilized. | |
| What are we going to do? | |
| Are you just going to throw bread out to the fucking mob of screaming peasants? | |
| We couldn't do that. | |
| All right, enough of that subject. | |
| So let's show the butter. | |
| Fuck you. | |
| Not on my watch. | |
| Not on my fucking watch. | |
| How about this, though? | |
| If I'm on my motorcycle, I will go up next to cars, right up to the light, and then when it turns green, I will go in front of them. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And I don't consider that budding, because motorcycles have a much higher acceleration rate than any car. | |
| Any fucking... Sometimes I'll see a muscle car be like, vroom vroom, and I'll go, dude, you don't understand how these work. | |
| So, it's like I'm invisible. | |
| I'm not slowing anyone down. | |
| Like, if there was a flying mouse on a flight, and he wanted to butt in front of me, I'd be like, okay, there you go, little fucking Stuart Batlittle. | |
| Stuart Batlittle? | |
| Yeah, he's a half bat, half mouse. | |
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| Going on any trip? | |
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| Not having. | |
| Good grammar, Gav. | |
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| Enter promo code RyanSucks for 10% off. | |
| That code works for everything except for the sale items. | |
| I'm going to get one. | |
| Yeah, they're handy. | |
| Like today. | |
| Well, if we're going under a cyber attack and there's going to be no digital anything, if we're going analog today, as Matty predicts, you're going to want to have this around. | |
| Why not just jump? | |
| Matty! | |
| My brother just got one. | |
| Um, so did we get the calls announced? | |
| Yeah, we have calls. | |
| We have 15 on the line. | |
| Oh, shoot. | |
| Let me just toss you your handy dandy microphone. | |
| I did that thing for the audience at home where I slapped the arm like this. | |
| Uh-huh. | |
| And why is that for the audience at home? | |
| Because they didn't see it. | |
| You got to see it. | |
| Oh, I see. | |
| I got treated to that. | |
| We could let them in on this. | |
| Some of the joys. | |
| I'm just gonna put it right there. | |
| Yeah, that's good. | |
| That's good, yeah. | |
| We got 314. | |
| 314, you're at the front door. | |
| Hello, 314. | |
| - Uh, 314, you're at the front door. | |
| G-Dawg. | |
| Hello, 314. - G-Dawg. | |
| - Yo, what's up? - I have a solution to a problem that we're gonna have. | |
| Is it the final one? | |
| No, this is a practical solution. | |
| So we get the border closed, no more illegals coming in. | |
| Sold. | |
| The problem is now we have 20 million illegals scattered throughout the U.S. | |
| So what we do is we put a $500 bounty on every illegal immigrant. | |
| And this would encourage citizens to become bounty hunters. - Yeah. | |
| Well, we also need, we need immigration that cares. | |
| If immigration gave a shit right now, go to Times Square, check the papers of every Mickey Mouse, not Spider-Man, they're black, every Mickey Mouse, every Minnie Mouse, every Elmo, every Cookie Monster, and I 100% guarantee you're catching illegal aliens. | |
| Well, if we put a, you're completely right, but if we put a dollar amount, then maybe all these gangs who have nothing else to do, these American gangs, will start rounding up illegals and making some good legal money. | |
| Okay, sounds good. | |
| I'm on it. | |
| Okay, so just dial me in to President Trump and we'll get a conference call. | |
| Hello, I'm on the line. | |
| He's on the line. | |
| We got him. | |
| Oh, Mr. President, thank you. | |
| Mr. President, what do you think of the idea? | |
| Sure, well, I think it's fantastic. | |
| Really, we're going to look at it quite deeply and quite strongly, quite frankly. | |
| But really, it's tough, right? | |
| Because Biden has put our economy in such a place where I don't know if we could really afford to pay the bounty hunters, right? | |
| So I think we're going to have to use illegal immigrants for cheap labor to start the bounty hunting process and pay them less. | |
| That's what we're going to have to do. | |
| Yeah, cut some corners. | |
| We have to bring some more in. | |
| Yeah, we have to have them, we have to bring more in. | |
| Alright, thanks for calling. | |
| Nick Oaks is still the winner for the Save America idea. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Where everyone gets a living wage. | |
| The government will pay you to survive. | |
| Probably, what, $35,000 a year? | |
| $40,000? | |
| But when you sign up for this program, you relinquish your right to vote. | |
| Over time, cities start going red. | |
| We see less blue in America. | |
| And then, the farther right you get, there'll be less and less other bullshit benefits. | |
| Other stupid welfare. | |
| We'll be spending less money on affirmative action. | |
| We'll be experiencing less and less of this kind of incompetence. | |
| So yeah, it's expensive, but it's the only way to... And the borders will close too. | |
| That's a huge one. | |
| You know, all you have to know about America is look at the four most populated states, right? | |
| Texas, California, New York, and... Texas, California, New York, and Florida. | |
| Those are the four biggies, right? | |
| Two are blue, two are red. | |
| What is happening with these four states? | |
| The blue ones are fucked, and there is a mass exodus out of them. | |
| And where are they going? | |
| They're going to the two red ones. | |
| And what's happening in the two red ones? | |
| They're thriving. | |
| Texas and Florida are booming. | |
| California and New York are sucking shit. | |
| And what does Texas have? | |
| Do they have better beaches than California? | |
| Do they have their own Hollywood? | |
| No, they don't. | |
| They have more conservative values and policies. | |
| And that generates jobs. | |
| That's all you need to know. | |
| And say that to any liberal. | |
| It's the get-out-of-jail-free card. | |
| It's the ultimate argument ender. | |
| Four biggest states. | |
| Two red, two blue. | |
| All the blues are going to the reds. | |
| The reds are thriving. | |
| The blues are bombing. | |
| We're done. | |
| We're done discussing it. | |
| All right. | |
| We should probably get off the air soon, right? | |
| Well, but we got a couple more things before we go behind the paywall. | |
| And before we go behind the paywall, I want you to know that censored.tv is about 12 bucks a month. | |
| It is new foot, new content every day. | |
| I do a show every day and I don't just like sit there and sip my coffee like, no disrespect to Scott Adams, but I have green screens. | |
| I do presentations. | |
| We're currently trying to figure out what the greatest band in the world is. | |
| It's the only place that you get right wing comedy on earth. | |
| I mean. | |
| What's wrong with that? | |
| Our peers the other people who do this daily wire and blaze and stuff do good quality content But they're fucking basically joke free. | |
| We're like 70% jokes 30% serious stuff. | |
| It's not a joke And we do a lot of pop culture and the important thing about censored TV is is When you walk around and you see things like Halloween is being banned in New Jersey because it's offensive to people and you see that we see Vice magazine say that Nazis are infiltrating these pro-Palestinian rallies because both sides hate Jews and you go, am I losing my fucking mind? | |
| Am I the only sane person in the world? | |
| And then you tune into this show every night after a hard day's work and a full meal and you go, oh no, no, no, okay, okay. | |
| I knew I was sane. | |
| I knew it was everyone else that's nuts. | |
| They are retarded and in some ways they're geniuses. | |
| Remember the guy yesterday or a couple days ago who kept saying, uh, it's, I'm not, sir. | |
| I'm a man. | |
| One of the more masculine nerds I've ever come across. | |
| Nice, big, strong jawline. | |
| And he had the most, most ridiculous outfits. | |
| He doesn't dress like a woman. | |
| He dresses like a very cute six year old. | |
| Who has an identical twin. | |
| You know when they both dress the same and they're cute little girls. | |
| That's how he dresses. | |
| Overalls. | |
| His dog often matches his outfit. | |
| Red beret. | |
| So he's decided to cut his cock off and he's also decided to explain it to us in a way that is child-friendly. | |
| So if your kids are in the room they can stay in the room and hear about his imminent castration. | |
| -Cake pops removed, you might have seen them. | |
| So a few months ago, I got my cake pops removed. | |
| -Oh, not him and then castration, sorry. | |
| What do you call it when you cut your dick off? -I thought that was castration. | |
| -I think castration is just your balls. | |
| Huh. | |
| Anyway. | |
| I've been on the fence for a while now. | |
| I've been on the fence for a while now. | |
| I wasn't sure. | |
| I've been on the fence for a while now. | |
| But at the same time, I look down and I don't really like what I see. | |
| But at the same time, surgery is a lot. | |
| And it's like a year to recover from. | |
| Buddy, lots of dudes are not happy with their dick. | |
| You don't have to cut it off. | |
| Two of them. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I wish I had better biceps, but I'm not gonna Kyle Rittenhouse them off. | |
| Castration often involved emasculation or total removal of all the male genitalia. | |
| Oh, okay. | |
| But now the modern day is removal of the testes, so yeah. | |
| Oh, okay. | |
| Back to square one. | |
| and complications are possible, not probable, but possible. | |
| - No, stop. | |
| - Ultimately the-- - These poor bastards have been brainwashed by their own propaganda. | |
| There are always complications, my friend. | |
| That's why the hospitals like it so much, because it's a very profitable operation. | |
| And here's the big picture. | |
| Panoctomy. | |
| Panectomy. | |
| Here's the big problem. | |
| You have severe mental issues. | |
| You're a deranged homosexual. | |
| You've been complimented your whole life, and every time you come up with a stupid idea, your dumb peer group says it's awesome. | |
| Now, you're depressed because you're unusual. | |
| That's just a fact. | |
| And you think the problem is that you're not being identified as a woman. | |
| That's not the problem. | |
| So cutting your dick off is not going to solve your problems. | |
| And the reason you people have such a brutal suicide rate is you cut your dick off and you're still depressed. | |
| And you still feel unusual. | |
| Sorry, you're never not going to be weird. | |
| Just embrace it. | |
| The turning point was when I asked myself the question, if I could take the stick and snap my fingers to turn it into a donut without all the tough stuff in between, would I do it? | |
| And the answer was, yeah, of course I would. | |
| That would make me really happy, actually. | |
| So I figured, let's do that. | |
| That's exactly it. | |
| I have a phone consult with the surgeon later this month. | |
| That would make me really happy. | |
| It's kind of funny how they... That would make me really happy. | |
| That sentence right there is the origins, it's the core of their brutal suicide rate. | |
| It's not going to make you happy. | |
| And by the way, your voice, you sound like every nerd I've ever met. | |
| You sound like every doctor I've ever spoken to. | |
| Doesn't he sound like a doctor? | |
| I am scheduled to take a class in the morning that's all about the process of turning one into the other. | |
| And then the surgeon calls me later in the day, I guess to say like, you're sure you want that, right? | |
| Then we'll probably decide on a surgery date. | |
| Is that your final answer? | |
| So, what method they're going to use. | |
| Different doctors do different methods. | |
| I don't even really know who my surgeon is yet. | |
| And also, I need to get all of the hair on the cake pop stick removed ahead of time. | |
| They need to zap every single follicle. | |
| And that can take upwards of like a year. | |
| It's all really exciting. | |
| Good. | |
| Whatever delays it, you should do. | |
| On all of the updates. | |
| This guy. | |
| We gotta follow him. | |
| I'm gonna get TikTok just to follow him. | |
| I hereby predict that he will regret cutting his dick off. | |
| And it'll go bad for him. | |
| Bold claim. | |
| Which reminds me of, by the way, I predicted the Rangers would win the World Series. | |
| If you go back over my tweets. | |
| Now, I thought it would be, they'd beat the Phillies and not the D-bags. | |
| Who are the D-bags? | |
| The Arizona D-Bags. | |
| Oh, the diamond, oh. | |
| Are you still supporting toxic products and companies owned by woke megacorporations? | |
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| Someone stole my D.I.E.! ! | |
| I saw that. | |
| Diversity, inclusion, and equity. | |
| I saw that. | |
| We made a t-shirt of it. | |
| And Jordan Peterson is saying it now. | |
| That guy, I think that guy got to clean my room from me. | |
| Maybe I did. | |
| What are you gonna do about it? | |
| I don't mind, Jordan. | |
| I just want it out there. | |
| But I stole it too. | |
| I got it from that dude Kennedy who did that self-help book that I helped edit. | |
| Knockout, I think it's called. | |
| So, I didn't invent it, but I popularized it, and then he fucking stole it. | |
| And good. | |
| Let a thousand flowers bloom, as Mao used to say. | |
| I liked it better when you didn't like it. | |
| Now it doesn't feel like I did anything at all. | |
| Well, you didn't. | |
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| Oh, we got the Karen shirt, by the way. | |
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| This could be a great solution for how to vote with your dollars when it comes to your family or household's monthly essential spending. | |
| Patriot1776.store likes you more than a friend. | |
| And I think we should go behind the paywall now. | |
| I agree. | |
| What do you think? | |
| We would just shout out to Nita Fashions. | |
| NitaFashions.com. | |
| They make all my suits. | |
| And they're on tour right now. | |
| I think they're in Jersey. | |
| You go there, you get fitted, you choose any suit you want from a whole bunch of different options. | |
| So they're in D.C. | |
| now, and then they're in New Jersey on the 5th. | |
| Set up an appointment. | |
| Most people seem to like to do it through their Instagram. | |
| They update their Instagram quite a bit. | |
| Instagram's Nita Fashions, N-I-T-A, Fashions. | |
| And that's the end of the free part of the show. | |
| We're gonna take calls and hang out with baby monsters. | |
| Oh, speaking of baby monsters, by the way, Matty's crew is going to jail. | |
| What? | |
| Look at 2-6. | |
| These are all his boys. | |
| So, some dudes fucked, uh, some guy fucked Hells Angels' wife, old lady, and, uh, common law wife, so they tattooed a dick on his forehead. | |
| Not a sharpie penis, a tattooed penis. | |
| Warped Hells Angels justice revealed California biker was held down and forcibly tattooed for sleeping with rival's wife while his spouse was raped in revenge with others killed and cremated, court documents reveal. | |
| Now you're reading this and you go, this must be the biggest Hells Angel justice thing that's ever happened. | |
| Because they also allegedly killed three guys. | |
| There was this, they got the keys to a crematorium and they would put a pizza in the oven, meaning they'd throw dudes in, they'd cremate them. | |
| Go down, So, uh, yeah, he was the public face of the Sonoma County chapter. | |
| This is in California. | |
| That's the house where it happened, I believe. | |
| And then these guys, I think they're the ones who disappeared and they were cremated. | |
| And then these are Matty's boys. | |
| That's Rain Man, his, his bro. | |
| So they're going to jail for life. | |
| And if, if Matty was still in the Hells Angels, he would have been part of that. | |
| And the craziest thing about this story, when you read it and you think, oh, this must be the biggest deal. | |
| This isn't even close to their biggest deal. | |
| Like the Hells Angels in Montreal were fucking murderers. | |
| They murdered about 54 people. | |
| And they were, the Rock Machine was this rival club in Montreal. | |
| Montreal is completely ruled by organized crime. | |
| People don't seem to think that. | |
| It's totally different from Ottawa or any other Canadian city. | |
| And Quebec is totally different from any other Canadian province. | |
| Canada is like 100 years old. | |
| Quebec is 400 years old. | |
| And because it's a port, it's ruled by organized crime. | |
| And that organized crime was the Hells Angels. | |
| And Rock Machine were a group made up of other clubs that had been beaten and murdered by Hells Angels. | |
| So they were an answer to them. | |
| But they killed so many people that the Hells Angels in America, I don't know what chapter it was, charter sorry, they went up there and murdered the entire Montreal Hells Angels. | |
| And they murdered them all because they were murdering too much. | |
| I'm hearing myself on that speaker by the way. | |
| Really? | |
| Is that normal? | |
| Oh, is it coming from the TV? | |
| Was the TV... Did you use the TV? | |
| Why are you pronouncing it like that? | |
| The TV? | |
| The TV? | |
| Yeah, I guess it is coming out of the TV. | |
| Poop. | |
| All right, so that's we'll end on some crazy news there. | |
| So yeah, please subscribe to censored TV You don't know what you're missing It's not just like I think a lot of you think that when you subscribe you get the second half of this show. | |
| No you get seven days a week 365 days a year me shows and then there's Elijah Schafer and and an atheism is unstoppable and Drew Hernandez and a million other shows and We've become like a part of your life. | |
| This will be your... We've become friends. | |
| Family. |