All Episodes
Previous Next
Aug. 25, 2023 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
45:01
S4E288 - RESPECT THE PEOPLE BEHIND YOU (Part 1)

Free, shareable, but only a mere floof of the fullness we offer at Censored.tv Sign up today. The Censored.TV mug shot t-shirts have arrived! Also, Fox Business' Kennedy reclines her airplane seat, Jon Stewart's getting even worse, Michael Oher is retarded, Joe Rogan stumps Adam Conover, school buses are arriving six hours late, and Van Halen begins a five-part series determining what is the greatest rock band of all time.

| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Hug me once, kiss me twice, and leave me for your neighbors.
Just before your morning light, read me in the papers.
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes!
Most of my room, but we don't need room for love then.
Kill me once, fuck me twice, I'll say you'll see me later.
I don't sleep so well at night, so I'll have what he's taken.
Oh, your drum set sounds pretty cool when it plays my favorite tunes, but it takes up most of my room.
But we don't need room for loving.
No, we don't need room for loving.
No, we don't need room for loving.
It's kind of mean of me to cut it off right at the chorus.
Oh shoot, I forgot the New York Post.
Can you go get the New York Post from my office?
I could get it, yeah.
Yeah.
Welcome, Black.
I say that because I heard we have a Black subscriber now.
So welcome, Black.
I was a band from Caledon-no, South Wales.
People always forget about poor Wales.
I saw some meme tweet where they said, oh, I just realized now that I was today years old when I realized the Union Jack is made up of Britain's three countries.
Northern Ireland, Scotland, and England.
And Wales is sitting there going, what?
What am I?
I don't call them countries.
You're not a country if you don't have a passport and a fucking currency and an Olympic team.
I call them provinces.
Wales, England, Scotland, Northern Ireland.
Right?
Might be headed there soon for our new fighter that we sponsor, Harley Burke.
He's gonna do some training up there.
Kind of exciting stuff.
Stay tuned to that.
He's got a fight coming up October 28th we'll be promoting.
But we're putting all our eggs in that basket.
If a brand can have an athlete, then we've got Harley Heavy Hands Burke.
I feel like he's gonna be fucking huge!
But I'll tell you more about that later.
Here's today's post.
We finally got Trump's mugshot.
And we ran straight to the t-shirt store and demanded They make a censored dot TV versions.
I saw Trump made his own.
They kind of suck.
Those are way better.
Here's what's important about t-shirts, folks.
They have to be big at the top and then go down.
Because you're trying to emphasize your figure.
Now with girls, maybe a little lower because of their boobies, but people are making posters.
And a poster, it could be anything.
You know, there's a big crazy thing at the top and it says Animal House at the bottom.
That looks cool on a poster.
Especially if it might be kind of high up and now Animal House is at your level.
You don't want to emphasize the gut.
Trump's thing says, uh, never surrender underneath his mugshot.
Eh.
Ours is better.
So pick those up now.
They'll be gone before you know it.
Great shirt.
Great shirt, frankly!
And you know what I thought was interesting about the post?
They didn't mention, this was yesterday, they didn't mention Tucker's Wednesday night interview with him at all.
More views than the Super Bowl.
130 million last time I checked.
Super Bowl usually breaks 100.
If they're lucky.
Whoa, what's this background?
I made a Trump background for one show.
We never use it again.
Oh, we got to use that more.
Pretty cool.
Pretty cool.
Done with the our other fellas format here.
Right.
Yeah, that's great.
It's not distracting either.
You know what I mean?
Like the crowd is.
It doesn't drag your eye away, even though I broke mid-sentence.
Today's episode is brought to you by Patriot 7 7 was sorry Patriot 1776 dot store There was something big that happened in 1776.
I don't remember what I think it was Ben Franklin invented a chair that reclines and Has a secret compartment in the sleeve There was, I mean, the first president, 72, something like that.
Yeah, he invented the first president.
He invented a president, yep.
Yeah, that was it.
And then the British were coming.
Him and Thomas Jefferson invented having a president.
They got the idea from a kite, I believe.
Yeah, and then people today say kites rule the government and the media and banks.
It's not even true.
Separate that thought from the ad.
Over the last few months, the backlash over Bud Light and Target's ridiculous woke missteps have resulted in serious consequences that will be affecting these companies' bottom line for years to come.
The boycotts are working and it might just be the time to keep the pressure on.
Heinz, Kraft, PepsiCo, Johnson & Johnson, Unilever, Nestle.
These companies are hoping that you won't notice the shell game they play.
They want to offer you the illusion of choice.
Boycott company A?
Well, they own companies B, C, and D. If you jump from one of these megacorporations to another, well, too bad, because BlackRock, Vanguard, and State Street own a significant enough stake in each company to have them all serving the same globalist agenda.
Shouldn't we have the... Is that the right background?
Yep.
There's that logo, right?
Where he showed us how many companies own how much stuff?
Yeah, there it is.
It's amazing.
So this is like... You know that stuff you would get like pet stuff every month?
So this is sort of like the Amazon regular buy where you get the products you want and then they keep replenishing every month.
And you can buy them raw or you can set up a regular order system.
Every month, we're all spending hundreds of dollars on unnecessary household goods, and we're giving those dollars to these mega-corporations.
These corporations push ESG and DEI, which we pronounce D-I-E.
They shut down Main Streets, and the worst part, they make dads look stupid in TV commercials.
So is there a solution?
Yes.
Go to patriot1776.store and become a member.
They offer over 400 safe and non-toxic products for every area of your home.
Products like cleaning supplies, baby supplies, fitness and weight loss products, personal care items, and much more.
They even offer hormone-free, antibiotic-free, prime choice steaks.
That'll become more relevant as we get back into COVID and the vaccines.
Vaccine-free meat seems esoteric now, but soon it's going to be mandatory.
Scroll up there and show some of the products.
It seems to me mostly cleaning products.
Sort of ethical in that they're MAGA.
It's a MAGA.
Amazon really is what it is.
If you'd like to shop with a family-owned manufacturer that creates sustainable American jobs and is committed to making their products in the USA, then this might just be what you're looking for.
Go to their website, fill out the form, and you'll receive an email or text filling you in on how it works.
Go to patriot1776.store for non-toxic American-made products and vote with your dollars.
Speaking of our new t-shirts, it's become a hell of a meme.
Here we go.
He really did choose the best possible face for that mugshot.
Giuliani looks bitter in his.
He's like looking up.
No, Trump knows that it's sexiest to point down.
I remember a black dude when I was in college, he said, if you really want to get laid, you got to invent a come face.
What?
Yeah, when you're coming, make this like intense face.
And my face at the time was, Which isn't good.
Very nutty professor.
Very Jerry Lewis.
The nutting professor.
Mrs. Cummings.
The nutted professor.
Professor Nut-ing.
And then so I made this one where I was kind of an Indian Joker face, but mad.
So I just go... And Squeak, that was his name.
Squeak was right.
I don't know.
So show some of those memes.
One, five.
That's awesome.
Uh oh.
Did you see?
We talked about the Barack thing, right?
Where Vivid Nulishnik said, uh, I got a weird last name out here.
He just quoted Obama.
Yeah.
And then Chris Christie goes, stop trying to be Obama.
And then Marjorie Taylor Greene goes, that's racist.
Our political discourse is embarrassing high school levels.
No, it's not.
That's his real face, you joke.
Joe Biden would never sniff someone that old.
But I bet he smells good.
Trump is mean mugging the camera.
Okay.
That's pretty good.
From Ghostbusters.
We already showed that, right?
In other important news, Kennedy is dead to me.
Dead Kennedy.
You heard it here first, folks.
I saw this article in Daily Mail and I thought, Kennedy!
Oh, that's funny.
I know someone named Kennedy.
It is her.
By the way, people with Kennedy in your name, don't call yourself Kennedy.
Stick with Lisa Montgomery.
You know how hard it is to find you in your inbox or anywhere to Google you?
It's a fucking nightmare.
My buddy, another guy who calls himself Kennedy, wrote a book about making money and getting out of debt and getting into combat sports.
I wrote the intro for it.
I can never fucking find it because Kennedy is done.
It's like the the of words.
Anyway, I'm breaking up with Lisa Montgomery.
I never want to see her again.
I hope I didn't leave any stuff, anything in her house, because I'd have to, she'd have to leave it outside.
She reclines her fucking seat, boys.
That's up there with budding.
Look at her.
She's, you know, she's never been one to dress up, fuck.
The second she would do her show, zoof, she's off to the green room to get on the sweatpants and the clogs.
It's like, you're so pretty.
So this is what started it.
This, this flight.
was going from Paris to Los Angeles.
That's got to be 12 hours, right?
Paris to New York is 5-6 hours.
So you're going across the ocean and then across the continent.
Now, I get it if you're tired.
It's 2 in the morning.
The plane is dead silent.
There's no lights on.
Everyone is sleeping.
Look behind you.
See if the person is doing work on their computer.
And if they're reclined, you know what?
Go bananas.
It's not the end of the world for you to recline and have a nap.
But the second people wake up, you gotta get up there.
Kennedy gets on the plane and reclines immediately.
Now, I've had Baby Monsters write in and argue her side.
You're dead to me.
I'm not talking to you.
Well, it's there for a reason.
Or they go, you barely get any room!
Yeah, so why don't you take room from the person behind you?
Anyway, look at this hero.
This is not Kennedy.
This is the hero that inspired Kennedy to brag about how she basically butts in line.
I've done this.
with my knees.
That should be your prerogative too.
Like, the armrests, they go up.
I'm sorry, but no.
Turn it up.
Okay, talk to somebody.
- Okay, I'm gonna talk to somebody.
- Okay, talk to somebody.
Okay, keep on talking. - No, just let me know.
- Good reflexes. - I said respectfully, can you please help me back?
Respect the person behind.
Respect.
Respect the person behind.
That might be the name of this show.
Respect the person behind.
That's a whole other video that's fascinating, but we already covered it.
Yeah, so go to the top of this.
She is a proud recliner.
You're gonna have to shrink it a bit so I can read it.
People are heathens.
Yes, yes, yes.
So she gives a qualifier, right?
Basically saying she's not a heathen.
I could go on the horrors Unless you married a Kardashian blah blah blah and back here so I'm a coach the most curious argument emerged From a stinky masses and it's become an unnecessary point of overlap to a client not to claim New videos emerged the viral clip shows a woman.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah fucking broads.
They just can't get to the point Keep going.
No, you don't need to hear that.
Oh Yes, reclining seats seem by some irrational dolts.
That would be us, and I hope you, as a shot across the bow of public decency.
But to those who are aggrieved when I tilt my seat back a mere two inches, I say suck it.
Two inches when you have zero inches is a lot of inches.
Have you ever tried to get any work done on a flight that's not first class?
The fucking computer is at an angle so you can't see it.
I've had to put it down.
Sometimes I would watch a movie on my laptop if they didn't have a thing.
I'd have to have it like V-shaped pointing down and look at it like this.
Because some asshole needs to recline.
You can buy little steel clips that prevent people from reclining by the way.
Kind of thing you always forget to pack.
It seems to me that people who get mad at reclining, which I might add is a function of the seat, not a glitch, are the exact same people who yell abuse at opposing fans during major sporting events.
Uh, yes.
So?
What's the matter?
That's part of the game.
They're the enemy.
You're lucky we're not in Glasgow where the opposing team gets their face slashed with a straight razor.
They're the people who square up.
They're the worst of the worst.
No, you are the worst of the worst.
They're the fight pickers.
No, you're picking the fight.
As I was about to say earlier, the armrests in between you can be pulled up.
That's for basically emergencies.
Or say it's a skinny lady with a really fat boyfriend and he's in the middle seat and he wants to spill into her side for a little bit.
Sure.
The reclining seat, and I argued with Greg Gutfeld about this too, there's something about Fox News people, the reclining seat is there for emergencies.
It's not just supposed to be a thing you do when you show up somewhere.
I mean, think about a car, okay?
You're in a car, there's people behind you, and you just sort of go, The person behind you would go, dude, what are you doing?
My daughter just said it to my 10 year old son yesterday when we picked them up from the train station.
He was playing with the seat, doesn't usually get to sit in the front.
So it happened to be way back and my daughter was pissed.
She goes, what are you doing?
Did he say it's a feature of the seat?
Not a, what did she say?
Not a glitch.
So fuck her.
I notice you're very quiet over there, Ryan.
Well, personally, me, I like to recline, alright?
Me and my homies go on a Spirit Airline flight, alright?
We book all three seats, we have what we call a little party for me and my homies, okay?
Bottles of wine pre-game, and when we're on the flight, hard liquor all the way.
Do we get diarrhea halfway through?
Sure, whatever!
I'll start a fight, I'll end up on WorldStarHipHop, I'm the cool guy!
All right, come to Florida, play some b-ball.
See how that treats you, Donald Chump.
My nigga.
Oops.
Cool DeSantis.
Yeah, I think I went too far on that.
Yeah, I did not like that.
The last part?
Yeah.
Gotcha.
All right, going back to the drawing board.
Bye.
I have a feeling you're a recliner.
Not you, Cool DeSantis, but Ryan Rivera.
Actually, no.
I mean, I will if it's a long, like a six-hour flight, and I want to take a nap.
But no, I'm not.
But this is a 12-hour flight!
So... I understand.
If it's nap time, we can argue.
But 12 hours, you need your room more than ever!
Right, and she went right on the plane and reclined it immediately, right?
Well, it looked pretty bright in there.
That's not cool.
Yeah.
I don't care how bundled up you are, looking like Joaquin Phoenix in his black and white hoodie.
Why does she dress like that?
And I said, Kennedy, you're so much prettier now that you're old than you were when you were young.
Has this been years?
And she goes, yeah, but in the 90s, she was an MTV VJ, right?
In the 80s, 90s, whatever.
And she goes, yeah, but in the 90s, if you dressed pretty, you look like a loser.
Like if you put on heels, you look like a desperate slut.
Which I get.
And unfortunately the 90s is back.
If you've been to Target recently you see girls are wearing those little stupid little kid t-shirts and then the big huge JNCO jeans.
She looks like Matt Andrews in this picture.
Like who?
Like Matt Andrews.
Ryan, no one knows who that is.
I know, but you get it.
Yeah, well, we don't do inside jokes to the public.
John Stewart is still getting worse, which I'm impressed by because he's sort of like an asymptote, right?
Like this is, I guess, getting so bad you spontaneously combust.
And this is John Stewart.
And he keeps dividing the distance between Unfathomably bad, and him, by 50%.
So, he keeps getting closer without... I don't know what happens when you reach this point.
You implode.
First of all, the fucking working class clothes from this Manhattanite are exhausting.
Secondly, he seems to be developing some Obama-isms.
This is what winners do.
DeSantis is taking Trump's hand gestures, and this guy seems to be taking Obama's cadence, which is already fake.
On one side, grounded in a certain reality of life... Stop!
If you close your eyes, that's Barack Obama.
On one side!
...those with no experience or empathy towards what those individuals are going through or having... Stop!
Every time these guys say empathy, they're talking about the poor and food stamps and welfare checks.
They have never met anyone on welfare.
They don't know what SNAP means.
They don't know what EBT stands for.
They have no idea what your food stamps entitle you to.
They just get the concept.
And the concept is nice.
The concept, however, is from the 50s.
And that is, oh, you're down on your luck?
Here's some flour and water and eggs and cheese so you don't starve to death.
Hot Cheetos!
Hot Cheetos.
Sure, you could have some of those.
Seems to be a clinging to a societal paradigm that just doesn't exist anymore and probably never did.
When was America great?
Stop.
Societal paradigms.
You know, societal paradigms like there are two genders, men and women.
Why are you clinging to those?
Those probably never existed.
America was never great.
I hate when people say this.
They mean America was never perfect.
What is great?
What is great?
Great is obviously relative, right?
LeBron James is great at basketball.
On his team, he's very, very good.
When he plays me, he is phantasmagorically good.
It's relative to those around you.
What countries are you comparing yourself to when you say America was never great?
Do they mean perfect?
I just said that.
Yeah, but I don't listen.
I'm from the hood.
That's right.
Please don't interject if you're not listening to the show.
Go ahead, John.
And what is this time that he speaks of?
1985.
81 to 82?
Yes.
What are we talking about?
And who took your country away from you?
You!
Marxists!
Whose country?
Whose is it?
Well right now we are under the revenge of the nerds, the tyranny of the disgruntled, the tyranny of the incompetent.
We're in a competence crisis.
We have Marxists, political correctness leading to affirmative action where retards are getting hired for every single important job.
You may want to check out aviation at some point.
Things are going really bad.
So my country, and again I used to be against air quotes but they're very handy, is not just my country to the West and the West has been compromised, if that's an easier word for you to understand.
It's been compromised.
By irrelevant, ugly Marxists whose lives suck and want to impose some kind of war on meritocracy because they lose in meritocracy.
How do you not understand that?
I love his little, he's always got this like, what?
You know, Louis Theroux does that too.
He comes to America and talks to some crazy redneck who is an awesome guy, but is just not very sophisticated or articulate.
And he goes, so I understand that you love monster trucks.
Better than anything, better than my own wife!
Oh, so, would you marry a monster truck if you could?
Fuckin' right I would!
And Jon Stewart has the same sort of like, oh, I'm just a guy living, oh, what?
What do these people want?
You know why you're so confused?
You don't know anyone.
You live in a bubble.
You don't buy clothes in a bubble, you buy cool blue-collar clothes, but you don't know any of these people.
It's all a look, you fuckin' queer.
Take up the argument with the founders.
Take it up with the Age of Reason.
That's the, you know, all men are great people.
I'm mad at the Age of Reason!
That's fucked the whole thing up.
Yeah.
All men are created equal.
Fuck the whole thing up.
Okay.
That doesn't guarantee equal results.
What the founding fathers were going for, Johnny, is equal opportunity.
You're all equal.
You're all ready to rock out of the gate.
This is, of course, especially true in 2023.
What does he mean?
By the way, speaking of the 80s, I want to do a special.
I'm starting a, I don't know, five part series.
We've always said that you can't argue about, there's no right or wrong with art, right?
It's subjective, not objective.
But I don't, I don't really know about that.
There's some, not exceptions, but there's some cases where you can get into who's better.
And how about who has the most awesome songs?
When we were driving back from Baltimore after the comedy show, the End Racism Tour, We put on Van Halen, and I was like, how many fucking hits do these guys have?
I'm obviously not talking about Hager, but holy bejesus.
Hit after hit after hit after album after album.
Excellent!
So I want to get to that in a second, but why don't we finish some of these news points.
We'll read the last ad, then we'll go to the green screen, and then at some point we've got to cut off the freeloaders.
It's true.
Right?
They only deserve so much love.
Bastards.
This video I can't get out of my head.
Someone is clearly paying the toll and she's surreptitiously showing off her mulatto kid because that means you're not racist.
You fucked a black guy.
The fact that he's not around and you made someone without a dad thereby starting their life at a disadvantage, not a racial disadvantage, it's a disadvantage not to have a dad.
Then you use that as some sort of accoutrement.
That is a little accessory around her wrist, her chubby black daughter.
And now that she's black, because remember, there's nothing worse than being white.
Now that she's black, she gets to go around the neighborhood and bitch about racism, because she hates racism.
She's, well, she's white, but not really.
It's like being trans.
If you have a black kid, you're not white.
So now that she's finally not white and it looks like she's been unwhite for about 12 years, 11 years and she's enjoying her life as a non-white person and she'd like to bitch at us for our confederate flags.
In a racist white neighborhood and I noticed how if I see a pickup truck with an American flag it's basically like Sorry, I predicted this.
Every time I see an American flag, I cringe.
Same thing.
The American flag is like the new Confederate flag, right?
Just sorry.
I predicted this.
Many years ago, I said, you're going to start hearing about the Confederate, the American flag being as bad as the Confederate flag.
Look at how she has to put her kid on camera.
Just like the Munchausen by proxy trans parents who show their kid dressed up as the wrong gender and make sure they get them on TikTok so they can brag.
It's safe to say, if you see a pickup truck with the American flag, that person is a racist.
OK, if you have an American flag in front of your house, you're probably a racist.
You're probably a racist.
Yeah, white people really fucked you over.
Did white people leave you alone with no child payments?
Was that me who did that?
Actually, I'm the one.
She's probably on welfare.
I'm probably her baby daddy.
I'm paying for her as she bitches at me.
Speaking of bitching, by the way, jump to 20.
I knew this was coming too, Michael Orr.
He's broke now.
His adoptive family got him into the NFL.
He made tons and tons of money and blew it.
So then he goes, uh, and everyone tries to figure out motive and everything and who's wrong here.
Think of him as like, um, Andre the Giant, but dumber?
Like just, uh, maybe the guy from Goonies?
What's his name?
Hey, you guys!
His name be Sloth.
Sloth.
Yeah, that'd be him.
So think of him as Sloth.
So he just goes, hey, all my money's gone.
Um, hey, you have money?
Yeah, we do.
We run a bunch of fast food chains.
We're major players in the American fast food market.
No, it's from the movie that you made of me.
We didn't make that movie.
Someone wrote a book about our story and no one wanted to shoot it as a movie and then this one agency found a production company that spent 300 million dollars of their own money on it.
So they paid us a fee, which we split with you by the way, three ways.
And you got that money, and you spent it, and you spent all your NFL money.
No, it made hundreds of millions!
Yeah, it did.
It did.
But we have no share of that.
I want some of my movie!
It's my movie!
Yeah, sort of.
It's your story.
And, uh... But you never adopted me, you lied!
And I've noticed, like, left-wing media is just running with that narrative without verifying anything.
for the hundredth time.
They couldn't adopt him.
He was over 18.
So they built a conservative-ership, one of the hardest words to say next to Canada Day, and that enabled them to get him into this school where he got scholarships off to college and then got in the NFL.
And he's fucking them around.
It sounds like it's very dangerous to help out poor black footballers.
Colin Kaepernick was equally ungrateful, right?
So he thinks he has a case.
And everyone sees this and goes, that was a movie, it was big, they're rich, ergo, He owes the money.
No, dude, I was already rich.
I helped you out.
And if I had a time machine, I'd tell you to fuck off.
That's stupid, ho.
He ain't know what the heck's good for him.
Basically, if he goes around trying to F with my girl Sandra Bullock, who, by the way, speaks perfect German, then you're coming at the wrong guy.
Yes.
Look at her speaking German right here.
Danke.
Danke.
Ryan, you don't speak German.
Don't not translate this.
I can speak way more German than you ever think.
What?
I was a putzfrau.
Kellnerin.
Is that children?
Yeah.
Then I was a disco-tänzerin.
Then I was a hundefrisse.
No, Kellnerin.
Ryan, you don't speak German.
Don't not translate this.
I can speak way more German than you ever think.
What?
Motherfucker.
Who would have thought that all these roles would be on the stage?
Roof is her job, her profession.
Thank you for that.
Thank you.
She has a great profession and blah blah blah.
She is so fucking hot.
That is my type in a nutshell.
It's funny she's talking about Bambi because that's her look.
She has that cute look.
That's a statue of her behind her.
It's the cute chick awards.
I don't like handsome women.
I like that look.
I like that look.
So she's German.
She's talking about her mother.
She's very emotional.
So thank you.
Thanks, Ryan.
Stop!
Carolina Cristina.
that you themselves in other worlds and then you have to go.
So thank you. - So thank you. - Dr. Burr, thank you.
- Thanks, Ryan.
- Doctor.
- Stop.
- Thank you. - Caroline, Christina.
- Carolina, Christina.
- Christina, yes. - Barbara.
- All right, why am I watching this?
Let's get to Purple Works.
Purple Works pre-workout.
I have to be honest with you guys.
I have not been to the gym all week.
I have not had Purple Works all week.
I've noticed that I'm becoming a fat piece of shit and I'm turning into Grover Arms.
So I guess Monday I'll get back on it.
I don't really have a good excuse for taking a week off.
Sometimes it's healthy to do that.
I had a lot of sore muscles and like boxer, what do you call it, fracture on these little hand bones.
I needed to heal.
But yeah, when I work out, which we'll start again on Monday, it's Purpleworks Nutrition all the way.
If I'm feeling groggy, I'm not into it.
I get the Purpleworks, boom.
And then, when you're working out, and halfway through your workout, you're like, I've only been here for 20 minutes?
Ugh.
Zoom.
You get this second wind.
Also, this is a little off topic, but I'm on this new kick now called Lower the Bar.
Like, just try to get some of it done.
You don't want to work out?
Okay.
Don't go there and destroy the world and rip your arms off.
Maybe leave early.
Maybe only do five, six rounds.
And then lie and say you have a meeting.
Or I was taking my... I've been getting into fishing with my youngest boy and uh...
We're going around.
I don't have the right rod.
Can I find his rod?
I go, well, let's just say we go there and they don't have worms and we're at the wrong place.
Then at least we made some, we chipped away at this.
So we go there.
We get rods.
We go to a place.
It's, it's no fun.
It's too like, it's all black guys and old white retired cops and it's like almost competitive.
And I want to just be there with my boy with worms.
So then we talked to some people.
They sent us somewhere else.
I don't have enough time to go to the next spot, but I go to it anyway.
We go there and we cast maybe twice and then we gotta go.
Because I had to go do Anthony's show.
That's still good!
Now we know that spot.
We can get to it.
We know that it's saltwater, so we know what to bring.
And we know it's not crowded.
You know what I mean?
It doesn't have to be out of the park, this is the day.
Just chip away at it.
I don't know if I'm conveying this as well as I'd hoped.
But I used to sort of go, OK, that's the day we're going to do that.
And it would have to be top to bottom, soup to nuts, finished.
Now my new thing is like, let's try it.
We'll chip away at it.
What if we go there and it's closed?
All right.
Well, we know it's ours now.
Anyway.
What a tremendous summer it's been for the old G-Dog.
I've been to Baltimore, baseball games, the beach, the bodega, the Bronx, and those are just the places that start with the letter B. No matter where I am, I just can't dodge the fact that people are coming up to me trying to feel my biceps or simply calling me the muscle guy.
If I'm at the beach, people tell me, you swim as if you are from Atlantis.
Now, the ad guy may have taken a few liberties with these.
I don't want to sound duplicitous.
The part that I just said off the dome was 100% true.
pre-workout.
Now the ad guy may have taken a few liberties with these.
I don't want to sound duplicitous.
The part that I just said off the dome was 100% true.
This is colored a little bit.
Is that the reason I run in the grass barefoot and I have the beauty and complexion of Greek gods?
You bet it is.
Their amazing pre-workout has creatine, carnosine, beta-alanine, green tea extract, and vitamins.
It's expertly crafted to have the right blend of high-quality ingredients with no extra horseshit.
There are no artificial ingredients and it's formulated so that you don't have to cycle on and off like many other pre workouts.
It gives you a great kick and helps you bear the brunt of grueling workouts that will help sculpt you into the magnificent Adonis-like specimen you see before you today.
But wait, there's more!
It's time to wake up and smell the coffee!
Purpleworks Nutrition has just introduced a new line of fine Italian coffees.
They have two types of ground gourmet coffee, a big-ass 2.2 pound bag of organic whole bean coffee, and they even have gourmet organic instant coffee.
All their coffees are very reasonably priced and are imported from Italy.
Whether you're into the French press or the bench press, Purpleworks has you covered.
And they will not let you down.
Go to purpleworksnutrition.com, enter promo code GAVIN for 15% off, and make sure to say hello to Cody, the founder of Purpleworks, at the upcoming And Racism Show in Las Vegas, Nevada.
Purpleworks!
Purpleworks!
So yeah, let's argue about Van Halen, shall we?
Oh, of course we shall.
In but a second.
Let's get that queued up.
And we pivot to a green screen, folks.
Here I go.
Who's better?
The Rolling Stones.
Whoa, I'm wiggling all over the place.
ACDC, The Who, Van Halen.
I was thinking of some others like The Kinks, Rancid, Public Enemy, Nirvana.
I don't know.
I don't know if we could do a whole thing on Nirvana.
What did they have?
They had Smells Like Teen Spirit.
They had that, Oh no, happy, oh no way, I don't know now, Doobie Dobbie.
They had Negative Creep.
I think they only had like five songs.
Public Enemy seemed like that too, but then you look into it and there's like three or four.
The Sonics had a ton, and the Kinks may have had a ton, but we won't do all of them today, obviously.
We'll just chip away at this, just like I was saying earlier.
You know, not everything has to be the monolith.
You don't have to cover everything in one big gulp.
So today I'm just going to look at Van Halen.
Van Halen, as you know, some half Asian boys from the Netherlands moved to Pasadena.
Some Jewish kid from the Midwest moves to Pasadena.
They're teenagers together.
They get kicked out of the house.
They got to make some music.
Alex and Eddie had already formed a band since they were little kids.
They're playing weddings and all kinds of shit.
And Dave had a ton of personality.
They start rocking out.
Everyone sees they rule.
Alex and Eddie are kind of too good at their instruments and they want to noodle away, which is kind of the inevitable downfall of most bands.
They turn into jazz bands when they get too good.
But Dave was a sort of a showman and he managed to sort of wrangle them down and keep them poppy.
I don't know why they split up.
When were they around?
They were 78 to 82?
Six years?
No, 84.
Six years.
They then switched to Sammy Hagar.
I'm told that the synth had a lot to do with it on 1984.
Dave didn't like all the synths.
I don't believe that.
Because that implies he thinks Synth is gay and he's like one of the queerest straight men in the history of rock.
So, I think it was just personalities.
You know?
You're with someone in a tour van, you're doing tons of coke, you're in a bad mood when the coke wears off on Monday, and then you look and you go, fuck you.
Then they got a loser named Sammy Hagar.
If you prefer Sammy Hagar, Van Halen, don't subscribe to this network.
Don't don't even exist.
Kill yourself.
Jump off a cliff.
There are zero good songs after 1984 when David Lee Roth left.
But we were stunned on our road trip back from Baltimore, which I will never do again.
You got to take the train, folks.
Traffic sucks on 95.
We were stunned at how many fucking hits there were.
So let's go through them now shall we?
First album Fuggin I'm gonna say three major jams but uh That means I say no to atomic punk which hurts so just let me show you how high my standards are click on atomic punk Ryan this song is not good enough did not make the cuts So, that's a rule I want to make clear, too.
Sometimes songs will not have made it to the charts, but they count as a jam.
And sometimes songs made it to the chart and we will not be counting them.
For example, Harlem Shuffle by Rolling Stones did very well for them.
It's fucking gay.
Speaking of gay, the Beatles are not on this list because they suck.
They don't suck, they're gay.
But, yeah, this song rules.
But I didn't include it.
Not catchy enough, sorry.
You know this one?
We'll be right back.
All right.
So they blew up.
Their demo did well.
Gene Simmons liked it.
He tried to sell it to Kiss.
I mean, you know, pitch it to Chris and his record label.
They're like, no, they suck.
They're not going anywhere.
And Gene Simmons was like, OK, I got a good feeling about these guys.
So by the time this album came out, they were already well-established partying and they're touring all over the place doing coke, fucking chicks.
And they feel like they're running with the devil.
Listen to this intro.
I saw them live in, like, 2005.
A little late.
It sucked, and our seats sucked.
The guy who got his tickets, his dad works at Madison Square Garden.
I thought I'd be at, like, the foot of the stage.
I'm not sure I'm strong enough to throw a tennis ball from where our seats were to the stage.
and we were very high up so i'll be throwing down so confident this song You know what I mean?
So that's an awesome jam.
Ain't talking about love!
Still the first album.
I think they've got, well we'll see how many they have, but almost 50% of their jams came from the first album.
You'll notice this with the Rolling Stones too.
It's almost like you did make a deal with the devil and the curse of being this successful is we take your first album and make you perform with it for the next 40 years.
Madonna's been performing on stage for 40 years.
What the fuck is he wearing?
He looks like a bird from the Muppet Show who took the bird head off.
All their early videos are just live.
I think their first video video was Hot for Teacher.
Oh, look at the time!
Reloaders, you're kicked off.
We'll be pouring through Van Halen.
And then we'll do Motorhead, The Who, The Kinks, ACDC.
And we'll be surmising over the next few days what is the greatest band in the world.
Greatest rock band, obviously.
But you won't get that because you don't pay $10 a month to see this wonderful shit.
We've got new stuff coming with Elijah Schafer, Drew Hernandez.
I think we're going to raise the prices soon.
Not for people who are already paying.
You're grandfathered in.
But for newbies, we've got to start raising the price.
There's too much good content.
When we started this, it was just me.
And now there's like 15 shows.
We've had people live and then die of old age.
This has been going on so long.
Crip Daddy just croaked.
And his shows are now all free.
So you can dip into those at censored.tv if you want to see the incredible quality that we churn out here.
We're much better than The Daily Wire.
We're much better than The Blaze.
Sorry, these are just facts.
And much more relaxing, too.
We joke around and fuck around.
Those guys are too serious all the time.
Gets depressing talking about the end of the world all day every day.
Anyway, Ryan, let's cut this off now.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
Oh, wait, don't go!
Johnny Apple CBD!
Today's episode of Get Off My Lawn is brought to you by Johnny Apple CBD, a loyal sponsor since day one.
Johnny Apple has an exceptional lineup of CBD, CBN, and now Delta 8 and 9 products from tinctures to topicals to amazing sugar-free gummies and vapes.
Amazing!
There's...
CBD and CBN chill gummies help alleviate nerves and are a great way to recover from a workout or just an end-of-day relaxer.
For you psychoactive losers, their new Mind Melt gummies are an amazing blend of Delta 8 and 9 for an upbeat effect for when you've got things to do but don't want the stress.
And if you're looking to just lay around, try their Lazy Days Indica Gummies to help you get zonked out and feeling good.
Just a warning to our listeners, their Delta 8 and 9 products may show up on drug tests, so if that's a concern, stick with their great CBD or CBN products.
Head over to JohnnyApple.com or JACBD.com, use the code GAVIN at checkout and you'll get 25% off your entire order, infinitely cheaper than buying from the dispensary.
Support Johnny Apple, support the show.
I find if you're quitting booze and you wake up with the tears, it's good to have some gummies before bed.
I also find if you drink too much coffee and you feel sketched out, just have a little bit of the tincture and it sort of chills your will and gets rid of the ah, ah, the sketchies.
And then of course there's Nita Fashions who made this suit and makes all my suits and this shirt.
The tie is Brooks Brothers.
Call them up.
Go to AnitaFashions.com and you can get through to them via Instagram.
They'll size you up.
It's a great first date as Ryan pointed out.
Get rid of the neat Johnny Apple thing.
And, uh, they get your neck size, your inseam and everything.
And then they can send you samples of swatches for shirts and suits.
And it's affordable.
It's for cheap, rich guys.
Like me.
Get a suit for, I don't know, $1,000.
Tailored suit in New York is $5,000.
And the quality is excellent.
And if you have any problems, you send it back and they'll make the alterations.
Make sure you tell them you're a baby monster, by the way, when you contact them.
It'll help with the discount.
Alright, now you can say goodbye to the freeloaders.
Who's me?
▲
Export Selection