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Aug. 25, 2023 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
45:01
S4E288 - RESPECT THE PEOPLE BEHIND YOU (Part 1)

Free, shareable, but only a mere floof of the fullness we offer at Censored.tv Sign up today. The Censored.TV mug shot t-shirts have arrived! Also, Fox Business' Kennedy reclines her airplane seat, Jon Stewart's getting even worse, Michael Oher is retarded, Joe Rogan stumps Adam Conover, school buses are arriving six hours late, and Van Halen begins a five-part series determining what is the greatest rock band of all time.

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Time Text
It's kind of mean of me to cut it off right at the chorus.
Oh, shoot, I forgot the New York Post.
Can you go gret the New York Post from my office?
I could gret it, yeah.
Yeah.
Welcome, Black.
I say that because I heard we have a black subscriber now.
So welcome, Black.
I was a band from Caledono, South Wales.
People always forget about poor Wales.
I saw some meme tweet where they said, oh, I just realized now, I was today years old when I realized the Union Jack is made up of Britain's three countries.
Northern Ireland, Scotland, and England.
And Wales is sitting there going, what?
What am I?
I don't call them countries.
You're not a country if you don't have a passport and a fucking currency and an Olympic team.
I call them provinces.
Wales, England, Scotland, Northern Ireland.
Right?
Might be headed there soon for our new fighter that we sponsor, Harley Burke.
He's going to do some training up there.
Kind of exciting stuff.
Stay tuned to that.
We've got a fight coming up October 28th we'll be promoting.
But we're putting all our eggs in that basket.
If a brand can have an athlete, then we've got Harley Heavyhands Burke.
I feel like he's going to be fucking huge.
But I'll tell you more about that later.
Here's today's post.
We finally got Trump Smugshot.
And we ran straight to the t-shirt store and demanded that they make a censor.tv version.
I saw Trump made his own, but they kind of suck.
Those are way better.
Here's what's important about t-shirts, folks.
They have to be big at the top and then go down because you're trying to emphasize your figure.
Now, with girls, maybe a little lower because of their boobies, but people are making posters.
And a poster, it can be anything.
You know, there's a big, crazy thing at the top, and it says animal house at the bottom.
That looks cool on a poster.
Especially if it might be kind of high up, and now animal house is at your level.
You don't want to emphasize the gut.
Trump's thing says, never surrender underneath his mugshot.
Ours is better.
So pick those up now.
They'll be gone before you know it.
Great shirt.
Great shirt, frankly.
And you know what I thought was interesting about the Post?
They didn't mention, this was yesterday, they didn't mention Tucker's Wednesday night interview with him at all.
More views than the Super Bowl.
130 million last time I checked.
Super Bowl usually breaks 100 if they're lucky.
Whoa, what's this background?
I made a Trump background for one show.
We never use it again.
Oh, well, we've got to use that more.
Pretty cool.
Pretty cool.
Done with our other fellas format Here.
Right, yeah, that's great.
It's not distracting either.
You know what I mean?
Like the crowd is, it doesn't drag your eye away, even though I broke mid-sentence staring at it.
Today's episode is brought to you by Patriot 77.
Sorry, Patriot1776.store.
There was something big that happened in 1776.
I don't remember what.
I think it was Ben Franklin invented a chair that reclines and has a secret compartment in the sleeve.
There was maybe the first president?
Something like that.
Yeah, he invented the first president.
He invented the president, yep.
Yeah, that was it.
And then the president.
And Thomas Jefferson invented having a president.
They got the idea from a kite, I believe.
Yeah.
And then people today say kites rule the government and the media and banks.
It's not even true.
Separate that thought from the ad.
Over the last few months, the backlash over Bud Light and Target's ridiculous woke missteps have resulted in serious consequences that will be affecting these companies'bottom line for years to come.
The boycotts are working, and it might just be the time to keep the pressure on.
Heinz, Kraft, PepsiCo, John...
Johnson Johnson, Unilever, Nestle, these companies are hoping that you won't notice the shell game they play.
They want to offer you the illusion of choice.
Boycott Company A?
Well, they own companies B, C, and D. If you jump from one of these mega corporations to another, well, too bad because BlackRock, Vanguard, and State Street own a significant enough stake in each company to have them all serving the same globalist agenda.
Shouldn't we have the, is that the right background?
Yep.
There's that logo, right?
Where he showed us how many companies own how much stuff.
Yeah, there it is.
It's amazing.
So this is like you sign, you know that stuff you would get like pet stuff every month?
So this is sort of like the Amazon regular buy where you get the products you want and then they keep replenishing every month.
And you can buy them raw or you can set up a regular order system.
Every month we're all spending hundreds of dollars on necessary household goods and we're giving those dollars to these mega corporations.
These corporations push ESG and DEI, which we pronounce DIE.
They shut down main streets and the worst part they make dads look stupid in TV commercials.
So is there a solution?
Yes.
Go to patriot1776.store and become a member.
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That'll become more relevant as we get back into COVID and the vaccines.
Vaccine-free meat seems esoteric now, but soon it's going to be mandatory.
Scroll up there and show some of the products.
It seems to me mostly cleaning products, sort of ethical in that they're MAGA.
It's a MAGA Amazon really is what it is.
If you'd like to shop with a family-owned manufacturer that creates sustainable American jobs and is committed to making their products in the USA, then this might just be what you're looking for.
Go to their website, fill out the form, and you'll receive an email or text filling you in on how it works.
Go to patriot1776.store for non-toxic American-made products and vote with your dollars.
Speaking of our new t-shirts, it's become a hell of a meme.
He really did choose the best possible face for that mugshot.
Juliani looks bitter in his.
He's like looking up.
No, Trump knows that it's sexiest to point down.
I remember a black dude when I was in college, he said, if you really want to get laid, you got to invent a come face.
What?
Yeah, when you're coming, make this like intense face.
And my face at the time was, which isn't good.
Very nutty professor.
Very Jerry Lewis.
The nutting professor.
Mrs. Cummins doopenui.
The nutted professor.
Professor Nut Ng.
And then, so I made this one where it was kind of an Indian Joker face, but mad.
So I just go, oh.
And Squeak, that was his name.
Squeak was right.
I don't know.
So show some of those memes, one five.
That's awesome.
Uh-oh.
Did you see, we talked about the Barack thing, right?
Where Vivid Nulishnik said, yeah, I got a weird last name out here.
He just quoted Obama.
And then Chris Christie goes, stop trying to be Obama.
And then Marjorie Taylor Greene goes, that's racist.
Our political discourse is embarrassing high school levels.
No, it's not.
That's his real face, you joke.
Joe Biden would never sniff someone that old.
But a benny smells good.
Trump is mean mugging the camera.
Okay.
That's pretty good.
From Ghostbusters.
We already showed that, right?
In other important news, Kennedy is dead to me.
Dead Kennedy.
You heard it here first, folks.
I saw this article in Daily Mail, and I thought, Kennedy, oh, that's funny.
I know someone named Kennedy.
It is her.
By the way, people, with Kennedy in your name, don't call yourself Kennedy.
Stick with Lisa Montgomery.
You know how hard it is to find you in your inbox or anywhere to Google you?
It's a fucking nightmare.
My buddy, another guy who calls himself Kennedy, wrote a book about making money and getting out of debt and getting into combat sports.
I wrote the intro for it.
I can never fucking find it because Kennedy is done.
It's like the the of words.
Anyway, I'm breaking up with Lisa Montgomery.
I never want to see her again.
I hope I didn't leave any stuff, anything at her house because she'd have to leave it outside.
She reclines her fucking seat, boys.
That's up there with budding.
Look at her.
She's never been one to dress up.
Fuck.
The second she would do her show, zoof, she's off to the green room to get on the sweatpants and the clogs.
I was like, you're so pretty.
So this is what started that.
This flight was going from Paris to Los Angeles.
That's got to be 12 hours, right?
Paris to New York is five, six hours.
So you're going across the ocean and then across the continent.
Now, I get it.
If you're tired, it's two in the morning.
The plane is dead silent.
There's no lights on.
Everyone is sleeping.
Look behind you.
See if the person is doing work on their computer.
And if they're reclined, you know what?
Go Benenes.
It's not the end of the world for you to recline and have a nap.
But the second people wake up, you got to get up there.
Kennedy gets on the plane and reclines immediately.
Now, I've had baby monsters write in and argue her side.
You're dead to me.
I'm not talking to you.
What?
It's there for a reason.
Or they go, you barely get any room.
Yeah, so why don't you take room from the person behind you?
Anyway, look at this hero.
This is not Kennedy.
This is the hero that inspired Kennedy to brag about how she basically butts in line.
I've done this with my knees.
That should be your prerogative, too.
Like, the armrests, they go up.
I'm sorry, but not.
Turn it up.
Okay, talk to somebody.
Okay, keep on talking.
Good reflexes.
I said, respectfully, can you please help me back?
Respect the person behind our voice.
Respect the person behind us.
That might be the name of this show.
respect the person behind it.
That's a whole other video that's fascinating, but we already covered it.
Yeah, so go to the top of this.
She is a proud recliner.
You're going to have to shrink it a bit so I can read it.
People are heathens, yes, yes, yes.
So she gives a qualifier, right?
Basically saying she's not a heathen.
I could go on the whores.
Unless you married a Kardashian, blah, blah, blah.
And back here, some coach, the most curious argument emerged from us stinky masses, and it's become an unnecessary point, blah, blah, blah.
To recline, not to climb.
New videos emerge.
The viral clip shows a woman.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fucking broads.
They just can't get to the point.
Keep going.
I don't need to hear that.
Yes, reclining seat is seen by some irrational adults.
That would be us, and I hope you, as a shot across the bowel of public decency, but to those who are aggrieved when I tilt my seat back a mere two inches, I say suck it.
Two inches, when you have zero inches, is a lot of inches.
Have you ever tried to get any work done on a flight that's not first class?
The fucking computer is at an angle, so you can't see it.
I've had to put it down.
Sometimes I would watch a movie on my laptop if they didn't have a thing.
I'd have to have it like V-shaped, pointing down, and look at it like this.
Because some asshole needs to recline.
You can buy little steel clips that prevent people from reclining, by the way.
Kind of thing you always forget to pack.
It seems to me that people who get mad at reclining, which I might add, is a function of the seat, not a glitch, are the exact same people who yell abuse at opposing fans during major sporting events.
Yes.
So?
What's the matter?
That's part of the game.
They're the enemy.
You're lucky we're not in Glasgow where the opposing team gets their face slashed with a straight razor.
They're the people who square up.
They're the worst of the worst.
No, you are the worst of the worst.
They're the fight pickers.
No, you're picking the fight.
As I was about to say earlier, the armrests in between you can be pulled up.
That's for basically emergencies.
Or say it's a skinny lady with a really fat boyfriend and he's in the middle seat and he wants to spill into her side for a little bit.
Sure.
The reclining seat, and I argued with Greg Gutfeld about this too.
There's something about Fox News people.
The reclining seat is there for emergencies.
It's not just supposed to be a thing you do when you show up somewhere.
I mean, think about a car, okay?
You're in a car, there's people behind you, and you just sort of go, ah, the person behind you would go, dude, what are you doing?
My daughter just said it to my 10-year-old son yesterday when we picked him up from the train station.
He was playing with the seat.
He doesn't usually get to sit in the front.
So it happened to be way back, and my daughter was pissed.
She goes, what are you doing?
Did he say, it's a feature of the seat?
Not a, what did she say?
Not a glitch.
So fuck her.
I notice you're very quiet over there, Ryan.
Well, personally, me, I like to recline, all right?
Me and my homies go on a Spirit Airline flight, all right?
We book all three seats.
We have what we call a little party for me and my homies, okay?
Bottles of wine pre-game, and when we're on the flight, hard liquor all the way.
Do we get diarrhea halfway through?
Sure, whatever.
I'll start a fight.
I'll end up on World Star Hip Hop.
I'm the cool guy.
All right, come to Florida, play some b-ball.
See how that treats you.
Donald Chump, my nigga.
Oops.
Cool DeSantis.
Yeah, I think I went too far on that.
Yeah, I did not like that.
The last part?
Yeah.
Gotcha.
All right, going back to the drawing board.
Bye.
I have a feeling you're a recliner.
Not you, Cool DeSantis, but Ryan Rivera.
Actually, no.
I mean, I will if it's a long, like a six-hour flight and I want to take a nap, but no, I'm not.
But this is a 12-hour flight.
So I understand.
If it's nap time, we can argue.
She did.
She had 12 hours.
You need your room more than ever.
Right.
She went right on the plane and reclined it immediately, right?
Well, it looked pretty bright in there.
That's not cool.
Yeah.
I don't care how bundled up you are looking like Joachim Phoenix in his black and white hoodie.
Why did she dress like that?
And I said, Kennedy, you're so much prettier now that you're old than you were when you were young.
Those have been years.
And she goes, yeah, but in the 90s, she was an MTV VJ, right?
In the 80s, 90s, whatever.
And she goes, yeah, but in the 90s, if you dressed pretty, you look like a loser.
Like, if you put on heels, you look like a desperate slut.
Which I get.
And unfortunately, the 90s is back.
If you've been to Target recently, you see girls who are wearing those little, stupid, little kid t-shirts and then the big, huge Jinko jeans.
She looks like Matt Andrews in this picture.
Like who?
Like Matt Andrews.
Ryan, no one knows who that is.
I know, but you get it.
Yeah, well, we don't do inside jokes to the public.
I know.
Jon Stewart is still getting worse, which I'm impressed by, because he's sort of like an asymptote, right?
Like, this is, I guess, getting so bad you spontaneously combust.
And this is Jon Stewart.
And he keeps dividing the distance between unfathomably bad and him by 50%.
So he keeps getting closer without.
I don't know what happens when you reach this point.
You implode.
First of all, the fucking working-class clothes from this Manhattan night are exhausting.
Secondly, he seems to be developing some Obamisms.
This is what winners do.
DeSantis is taking Trump's hand gestures, and this guy seems to be taking Obama's cadence, which is already fake.
On one side, grounded in a certain reality of life stuff that only could that, if you close your eyes, that's Barack Obama.
On one side.
Those with no experience or empathy towards what those individuals are going through or having.
And the every time these guys say empathy, they're talking about the poor and food stamps and welfare checks.
They have never met anyone on welfare.
They don't know what SNAP means.
They don't know what EBT stands for.
They have no idea what your food stamps entitle you to.
They just get the concept.
And the concept is nice.
The concept, however, is from the 50s.
And that is, oh, you're down on your luck.
Here's some flour and water and eggs and cheese so you don't starve to death.
Here's the Cheetos.
Sure, you could have some of those.
Seems to be a clinging to a societal paradigm that just doesn't exist anymore and probably never did.
When was America great?
Stop.
When?
Societal paradigms.
You know, societal paradigms like there are two genders, men and women.
Why are you clinging to those?
Those probably never existed.
America was never great.
I hate when people say this.
They mean America was never perfect.
What is great?
How do you come?
What is great?
Great is obviously relative, right?
LeBron James is great at basketball.
On his team, he's very, very good.
When he plays me, he is phantasmagorically good.
It's relative to those around you.
What countries are you comparing yourself to when you say America was never great?
Do they mean perfect?
I just said that.
Yeah, but I don't listen.
I'm from the hood.
That's right.
Please don't interject if you're not listening to the show.
Go ahead, John.
What is this time that he speaks of?
1985.
81 to 82?
Like, what are we talking about?
And who took your country away from you?
You, Marxists.
Whose country, whose is it?
Well, right now, we are under the revenge of the nerds, the tyranny of the disgruntled, the tyranny of the incompetent.
We're in a competence crisis.
We have Marxists, political correctness leading to affirmative action where retards are getting hired for every single important job.
You may want to check out aviation at some point.
Things are going really bad.
So my country, and again, I used to be against air quotes, but they're very handy, is not just my country, it's the West.
And the West has been compromised, if that's an easier word for you to understand.
It's been compromised by irrelevant, ugly Marxists whose lives suck and want to impose some kind of war on meritocracy because they lose in meritocracy.
How do you not understand that?
I love his little, it's always got this like, what?
What's that?
You know, it's Louis Thoreau does that too.
He comes to America and talks to some crazy redneck who is an awesome guy, but is just not very sophisticated or articulate.
And he goes, so I understand that you love monster trucks.
Better than anything, better than my own wife.
Oh, so would you marry a monster truck if you could?
Fucking right, I would.
And Jon Stewart has the same sort of like, oh, I'm just a guy living.
Oh, what?
What do these people want?
You know why you're so confused?
You don't know anyone.
You live in a bubble.
You don't buy clothes in a bubble.
You buy cool blue-collar clothes, but you don't know any of these people.
It's all a look, you fucking queer.
Take up the argument with the founders.
Take it up with the age of reason.
That's the, you know, all men are created equal.
I'm mad at the age of reason.
Yeah.
All men are created equal.
Fuck the whole thing up.
Okay.
That doesn't guarantee equal results.
What the founding fathers were going for, Johnny, is equal opportunity.
You're all equal.
You're all ready to rock out of the gate.
This is, of course, especially true in 2023.
What does he mean?
By the way, speaking of the 80s, I want to do a special starting a, I don't know, five-part series.
We've always said that you can't argue about there's no right or wrong with art, right?
It's subjective, not objective.
But I don't really know about that.
There's some not exceptions, but there's some cases where you can get into who's better.
And how about who has the most awesome songs?
When we were driving back from Baltimore after the comedy show, the End Racism tour, we put on Van Halen.
And I was like, how many fucking hits do these guys have?
I'm obviously not talking about Hager, but holy be Jesus.
Hit after hit after hit after album after album.
Excellent!
So I want to get to that in a second.
But why don't we finish some of these news points?
We'll read the last ad, then we'll go to the green screen, and then at some point we've got to cut off the freeloaders.
It's true.
Right?
They only deserve so much love.
Bastards.
This video I can't get out of my head.
Someone is clearly paying the toll.
And she's surreptitiously showing off her mulatto kid because that means you're not racist.
You fucked a black guy.
The fact that he's not around and you made someone without a dad, thereby starting their life at a disadvantage.
Not a racial disadvantage.
It's a disadvantage not to have a dad.
And Then you use that as some sort of accoutrement.
That is a little accessory around her wrist, her chubby black daughter.
And now that she's black, because remember, there's nothing worse than being white.
Now that she's black, she gets to go around the neighborhood and bitch about racism because she hates racism.
She's, well, she's white, but not really.
It's like being trans.
If you have a black kid, you're not white.
So now that she's finally not white, and it looks like she's been un-white for about 12 years, 11 years, and she's enjoying her life as a non-white person, and she'd like to bitch at us for our Confederate flags.
In a racist white neighborhood, and I noticed how if I see a pickup truck with an American flag, it's basically like the Confederate flag.
Like, every time I see an American flag, I cringe.
Same thing.
The American flag is like the new Confederate flag, right?
Just, sorry, I predicted this many years ago.
I said, you're going to start hearing about the American flag being as bad as the Confederate flag.
Look at how she has to put her kid on camera.
Just like the munchausen by proxy trans parents who show their kid dressed up as the wrong gender and make sure they get them on TikTok so they can brag.
It's safe to say, if you see a pickup truck with the American flag, that person is a racist.
Okay, if you have an American flag in front of your house, you're probably a racist.
You're probably a racist.
Yeah, white people really fucked you over.
Did white people leave you alone with no child payments?
Was that me who did that?
Actually, I'm the one.
She's probably on welfare.
I'm probably her baby daddy.
I'm paying for her as she bitches at me.
Speaking of bitching, by the way, jump to 20.
I knew this was coming too.
Michael Orr.
He's broke now.
His adoptive family got him into the NFL.
He made tons and tons of money and blew it.
So then he goes, and everyone tries to figure out motive and everything and who's wrong here.
Think of him as like Andre the Giant, but dumber.
Like just, maybe the guy from Goonies.
What's his name?
Hey, you guys.
His name be Sloth.
Sloth.
Yeah, that be him.
So think of him as Sloth.
So he just goes, hey, all my money's gone.
Hey, you have money?
Yeah, we do.
We run a bunch of fast food chains.
We're major players in the American fast food market.
No, it's from the movie that you made of me.
We didn't make that movie.
Someone wrote a book about our story, and no one wanted to shoot it as a movie.
And then this one agency found a production company that spent $300 million of their own money on it.
So they paid us a fee, which we split with you, by the way, three ways.
And you got that money, and you spent it, and you spent all your NFL money.
No, it made hundreds of millions.
Yeah, it did.
It did.
But we have no share of that.
I want some of my movie.
It's my movie.
Yeah, sort of.
It's your story.
But you never adopted me.
You lied.
And I've noticed left-wing media is just running with that narrative without verifying anything.
For the hundredth time, they couldn't adopt him.
He was over 18.
So they built a conservativership, one of the hardest words to say, next to Canada today.
And that enabled them to get him into this school where he got scholarships off to college and then got in the NFL.
And he's fucking them around.
It sounds like it's very dangerous to help out poor black footballers.
Colin Kaepernick was equally ungrateful, right?
So he thinks he has a case.
And everyone sees this and goes, that was a movie.
It was big.
They're rich.
Ergo.
He owes the money.
No, dude, I was already rich.
I helped you out.
And if I had a time machine, I'd tell you to fuck off.
That stupid hoe.
He ain't know what the heck's good for him.
Basically, if he goes around trying to F with my girl Sandra Bullock, who by the way speaks perfect German, then you're coming at the wrong guy.
Yes.
Look at her speaking German right here.
Thank you.
In what for great times we live.
A lot of excitement.
Is that children?
Yeah.
Ryan, you don't speak German.
Don't not translate this.
I can speak way more German than you ever think.
What?
Motherfucker.
Beroof is her job, her profession.
Thank you for that.
She has a great profession, and she is so fucking hot.
And that is my type in a nutshell.
It's funny she's talking about Bambi because that's her look.
She has that cute look.
That's a statue of her.
It's the cute chick awards.
I don't like handsome women.
that look.
So she's German.
She's talking about her mother.
So she's very emotional.
: So, Danken, Dr. Bura, thanks, Ryan.
Dr. Stop.
Caroline, Christina.
Carolina, Christina.
Barbara.
All right, why am I watching this?
Let's get to Purple Works, Purple Works pre-workout.
I have to be honest with you guys, I have not been to the gym all week.
I have not had Purple Works all week.
I've noticed that I'm becoming a fat piece of shit and I'm turning into Grover Arms.
So I guess Monday I'll get back on it.
I don't really have a good Excuse for taking a week off.
Sometimes it's healthy to do that.
I had a lot of sore muscles and like boxer, what do you call it, fracture on these little hand bones?
I needed to heal.
But yeah, when I work out, which will start again on Monday, it's Purple Works Nutrition all the way.
If I'm feeling groggy, I'm not into it.
I get the Purple Works, boom.
And then when you're working out and halfway through your workout, you're like, I've only been here for 20 minutes.
Ugh.
Zoom.
You get this second wind.
Also, this is a little off topic, but I'm on this new kick now called lower the bar.
Like, just try to get some of it done.
You don't want to work out?
Okay.
Don't go there and destroy the world and rip your arms off.
Maybe leave early.
Maybe only do five, six rounds and then lie and say you have a meeting.
Or I was taking my, I've been getting into fishing with my youngest boy and we're going around.
I don't have the right rod.
Can I find his rod?
I go, well, let's just say we go there and they don't have worms and we're at the wrong place.
Then at least we made some, we chipped away at this.
So we go there, we get rods, we go to a place.
It's no fun.
It's too like, it's all black guys and old white retired cops and it's like almost competitive and I want to just be with my boy with worms.
So then we talk to some people.
They send us somewhere else.
I don't have enough time to go to the next spot, but I go to it anyway.
We go there and we cast maybe twice and then we got to go because I had to go do Anthony's show.
That's still good.
Now we know that spot.
We can get to it.
We know that it's saltwater, so we know what to bring and we know it's not crowded.
You know what I mean?
It doesn't have to be out of the park.
This is the day.
Just chip away at it.
I don't know if I'm conveying this as well as I had hoped, but I used to sort of go, okay, that's the day we're going to do that.
And it would have to be top to bottom, soup to nuts, finished.
Now my new thing is like, let's try it.
We'll chip away at it.
What if we go there and it's closed?
Oh, right.
Well, we know it's ours now.
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So yeah, let's argue about Van Halen, shall we?
Oh, of course we shall, in but a second.
Let's get that queued up.
And we pivot to a green screen, folks.
Here I go.
Who's better?
The Rolling Stones.
Whoa, I'm wiggling all over the place.
ACDC, The Who, Van Halen.
I was thinking of some others like the Kinks, Rancid, Public Enemy, Nirvana.
I don't know.
I don't know if we could do a whole thing on Nirvana.
What did they have?
They had Smells Like Teen Spirit.
They had that, oh no, Happy, oh no way, I don't know now, do Bin Dabby.
They had Negative Creep.
I think they only had like five songs.
Public Enemy seemed like that too, but then you look into it and there's like three or four.
The Sonics had a ton, and the Kinks may have had a ton.
But we won't do all of them today, obviously.
We'll just chip away at this, just like I was saying earlier.
You know, not everything has to be the monolith.
Not everything has to, you don't have to cover everything in one big gulp.
So today I'm just going to look at Van Halen.
Van Halen, as you know, some half Asian boys from the Netherlands moved to Pasadena.
Some Jewish kid from the Midwest moves to Pasadena.
They're teenagers together.
They get kicked out of the house.
They got to make some music.
Alex and Eddie had already formed a band since they were little kids.
They're playing weddings and all kinds of shit.
And Dave had a ton of personality.
They start rocking out.
Everyone sees they rule.
Alex and Eddie are kind of too good at their instruments.
And they want to noodle away, which is kind of the inevitable downfall of most bands.
They turn into jazz bands when they get too good.
But Dave was a sort of a showman, and he managed to sort of wrangle them down and keep them poppy.
I don't know why they split up.
When were they around?
They were 78 to 82, six years.
No, 84, six years.
They then switched to Sammy Hager.
I'm told that Synth had a lot to do with it.
On 1984, Dave didn't like all the synth.
I don't believe that.
Because that implies he thinks Synth is gay, and he's like one of the queerest straight men in the history of rock.
So I think it was just personalities.
You know?
You're with someone in a tour van, you're doing tons of Coke, you're in a bad mood when the Coke wears off on Monday, and then you look and you go, fuck you.
Then they got a loser named Sammy Hager.
If you prefer Sammy Hager Van Halen, don't subscribe to this network.
Don't even exist.
Kill yourself.
Jump off a cliff.
There are zero good songs after 1984 when David Lee Roth left.
But we were stunned on our road trip back from Baltimore, which I will never do again.
You got to take the train, folks.
The traffic sucks on 95.
We were stunned at how many fucking hits there were.
So let's go through them now, shall we?
First album.
Fugging.
I'm going to say three major jams, but that means I say no to Atomic Punk, which hurts.
So just let me show you how high my standards are.
Click on Atomic Punk, Ryan.
This song is not good enough.
Did not make the cuts.
So that's a rule I want to make clear, too.
Sometimes songs will not have made it to the charts, but they count as a jam.
And sometimes songs made it to the chart, and we will not be counting them.
For example, Harlem Shuffle by Rolling Stones did very well for them.
It's fucking gay.
And speaking of gay, the Beatles are not on this list because they suck.
They don't suck.
They're gay.
But, yeah, this song rules.
But I didn't include it.
Not catchy enough.
Sorry.
You know this one?
All right.
So they blew up.
Their demo did well.
Gene Simmons liked it.
He tried to sell it to Kiss.
I mean, you know, pitch it to Chris in this record label, and they're like, nah, they suck.
They're not going anywhere.
And Gene Simmons was like, okay, I got a good feeling about these guys.
So by the time this album came out, they were already well established, partying, and they're touring all over the place, doing Coke, fucking chicks.
And they feel like they're running with the devil.
Isn't this intro?
I saw them live in like 2005, a little late.
It sucked, and our seats sucked.
The guy who got his tickets, his dad works at Madison Square Garden.
I thought I'd be at like the foot of the stage.
I'm not sure I'm strong enough to throw a tennis ball from where our seats were to the stage.
And we were very high up, so I'd be throwing down.
So confident this song.
You know what I mean?
So that's an awesome jam.
Ain't talking about love.
Still the first album.
I think they've got, well, we'll see how many they have, but almost 50% of their jams came from the first album.
You'll notice this with the Rolling Stones too.
It's almost like you did make a deal with the devil.
And the curse of being this successful is we take your first album and make you perform with it for the next 40 years.
But Donna's been performing on stage for 40 years.
What the fuck is he wearing?
He looks like a bird from the Muppetshow who took the bird head off.
All their early videos are just live.
I think the first video video was hot for Teacher.
Oh, look at the time.
Freeloaders, you're kicked off.
We'll be pouring through Van Halen.
And then we'll do Motorhead, the Who, the Kinks, ACDC, and we'll be surmising over the next few days what is the greatest band in the world, greatest rock band, obviously.
But you won't get that because you don't pay $10 a month to see this wonderful shit.
We've got new stuff coming with Elijah Schaefer, Drew Hernandez.
I think we're going to raise the prices soon.
Not for people who already pay.
You're grandfathered in.
But for newbies, we've got to start raising the price.
There's too much good content.
When we started this, it was just me.
And now there's like 15 shows.
We've had people live and then die of old age.
This has been going on so long.
Crip Daddy just croaked.
And his shows are now all free.
So you can dip into those at censored.tv if you want to see the incredible quality that we churn out here.
We're much better than the Daily Wire.
We're much better than the Blaze.
Sorry, these are just facts.
And much more relaxing, too.
We joke around and fuck around.
Those guys are too serious all the time.
It gets depressing talking about the end of the world all day, every day.
Anyway, Ryan, let's cut this off now.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
Oh, wait, don't go.
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I find if you're quitting booze and you wake up with the terrors, it's good to have some gummies before bed.
I also find if you drink too much coffee and you feel sketched out, just have a little bit of the tincture and it sort of chills your will and gets rid of the sketchies.
And then of course there's Nita Fashions who made this suit and makes all my suits and this shirt.
The tie is Brooks Brothers.
Call them up, go to NitaFashions.com and you can get through to them via Instagram.
They'll size you up.
It's a great first date, as Ryan pointed out.
Get rid of the Johnny Apple thing.
And they get your neck size, your inseam and everything.
And then they can send you samples of swatches for shirts and suits.
And it's affordable.
It's for cheap, rich guys like me.
Get a suit for, I don't know, a thousand bucks.
Tailored suit New York is $5,000.
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Make sure you tell them you're a baby monster, by the way.
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All right, now you can say goodbye to the freeloaders.
Here's me.
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