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July 21, 2023 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

38:14

S4E274 - LIVING IN A JOKE (Part 1)

The Island Boys are in love, men are paying to be kicked in the balls, women are celebrating their loneliness, babies are being starved to death, and it's racist to object to riots. WTF is going on!? CORRECTION: The opening song is "Oligarchy" by DC duo Teen Mortgage.

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	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
	Especially when they told you go get a tissue for all the ones who made last place well.
	Use the power in the raval, reach our prayer.
	Mother's shopper, fall and let the thaw's son end.
	Songs of cowards make the mark those long hours, think it's for prayer.
	Balls in the car, the laws.
	I think we are the group is getting kind of gnarly.
	I'm the ship on, and the oligarchy.
	I think we are the group is getting kind of gnarly.
	I'm the ship on, and the oligarchy.
	I'm the ship on, and the oligarchy.
	Once again, Australia hits it out of the park.
	I don't get it.
	What is going on with that big fat island?
	Why is it so good?
	Why is all the music?
	No one lives there.
	The middle of it is empty.
	It's got like three cities.
	It's basically Canada.
	Yet, it keeps fucking destroying.
	I don't even know what kind of music we just heard.
	Meat Beat Manifesto?
	It was like industrial pop?
	What is happening?
	I don't know, but this guy's wrong.
	Inferno on why the Australian music scene isn't growing.
	Too much ego.
	Shut the fuck up.
	He's a rapper, I'm guessing?
	Not growing.
	Now the only thing I've heard people say is, calm down Gavin, it's always been awesome.
	I don't agree with that.
	I can think of, I said it before, the hard-on celibate rifles and the Saints.
	But this is like every week.
	There's another super jam.
	It's an island of criminals, right?
	Maybe they're like more bad boys?
	So bad boys make saucy tunes?
	There's COVID, they cracked, they were draconian in COVID days.
	Maybe the crackdown had more people, you know, practicing their guitars or whatever?
	It's one of those.
	Speaking of practicing guitars, Ryan played this face-melting solo that was so fucking good.
	He says he's better than Jimi Hendrix, and I'm inclined to agree with him.
	You should have heard this solo.
	We didn't record it, but I took a picture right after he was done.
	And, uh, wow.
	Face-melting.
	That's why you said face-melting, because his face... So good.
	And on an acoustic guitar, too.
	Let me be clear, that's not me.
	The hair is different.
	As you know, Friday is the free show.
	So we talk about our sponsors.
	They bring it to you.
	Today's sponsor, I'm on it right now.
	I'm feeling it course through my veins.
	Purple Works.
	Pink lemonade pre-workout.
	Let's get over it.
	Let's get on it.
	Oh, you know what?
	Dude, it's not here because I used it.
	Hold on, entertain them, entertain them, entertain them, entertain them.
	Entertain them, entertain them.
	Thanks for entertaining them, by the way.
	Oh, I thought you said entertainment, entertainment, entertainment.
	No, entertain them.
	Oh, hello my baby, hello.
	Yeah, a little late.
	So I dropped my kid off at baseball camp, forgot to do this, but luckily the studio was on the way to my gym.
	So I popped into the office, cracked this open, just filled it with a few, not a few scoops, sorry, less than a scoop.
	Put that in, started feeling the prickles.
	You know what's funny about the prickles?
	Uh, you know when you almost do something with the car and someone almost hits you and you go, oh, and I think your heart goes boom, boom, and then your veins hurt for a second?
	You know what I'm talking about?
	Is that how fast everything just got pulsed?
	Yeah, you just feel, you feel like pins and needles in your hands for a nanosecond after the almost accident.
	I get on my motorcycle all the time because I'm a pussy, but I did, I had that on Purple, uh, Purpleworks, so it was already the prickles in your hands, and then the, oh jeez, with the car accident, dude, it was like, It was an electric shock, but you know what it does to you at the gym when you work out?
	It turns you into, like, a sexy guy.
	So I was doing these curls today, like this, and I took my shirt off because it was hot, and I was looking at the new muscles I've never had before on my shoulders, and instead of being like, ah, come on, I was sexy, I was like...
	Like gay, I was gay.
	You were gay, yeah.
	I was being gay.
	I've been gay at the gym, sure.
	Yeah, if you stare at yourself in the mirror when you work out.
	That's a guy.
	It's cool and gay.
	You're looking at a guy.
	You're a cool gay guy.
	Purpleworks makes you gay.
	That's why it's purple.
	It's worse than Bud Light.
	Purpleworks Pink Lemonade Pre-Workout enhances your strength, energy, and focus to get you ready for even the most strenuous of workouts.
	Not just for working out at the gym, lifting weights, and cardio, it's also great for playing sports, rugby, water polo, shooty hoops, football, soccer, mountain biking, hiking, boxing, listening to Ryan tell a story, and other tortuous yet strenuous activities.
	Purpleworks not only enhances today's workout, but bolsters tomorrow as well.
	Each scoop contains vitamins to aid in and support immune health, muscle, and tissue repair.
	As RFK told us last week, Purpleworks has no artificial dyes or sweeteners, and no preservatives.
	It's an expertly crafted blend of high-quality creatine, caffeine, carnosine, beta-alanine, and more.
	Simply add 8 to 10 ounces of water in your shaker, which they also sell for a great low price, and you're ready to hit the gym and get your day started.
	But wait, there's more!
	Purple Works has a new line of products.
	Fine imported Italian coffee.
	Look at this!
	It's nearly as good as an M&M blast!
	They have instant coffee, two types of fresh ground coffees, and a big-ass 2.2 pound bag of organic whole bean coffee.
	Got that here.
	This isn't some drop ship product, this is the real deal.
	It's great coffee for a great price, especially when you use promo code GAVIN for 15% off.
	They're shipping all over the United States and Canada.
	They're my favorite!
	They are my favorite.
	You know, this is probably not good for Purpleworks, but this morning, driving my boy, I said, oh, I gotta get, I forgot to take my pre-workout.
	I guess I'll go to the studio first.
	And he goes, you take pre-workout?
	He's 10.
	And I go, yeah.
	And he goes, why does your body look like that?
	That was was that supposed to be nice or no no because it sounds mean it is mean first of all not cool young man For a 53 year old dad I'm doing pretty good most of my friends are fat tubs of shit and Secondly, I'm never gonna lose this Without quitting beer and bread that's not bad.
	You're just balancing it off.
	Yeah, yeah, I Like, I'm not quitting beer and bread.
	That's not, I'd rather be fat.
	Thank you very much.
	Yeah, people are like, why aren't you like the most ripped guy ever?
	It's like, well, I'm not obese.
	I'm fighting that every day.
	Yeah, and studies have said guys our height, well, my height, 5'11", 5'10".
	If you can stay under 200 pounds, you're going to live a good long life.
	And that's what I'm, I keep it at 196.
	Speaking of keeping it at 196, Jason Aldean.
	Dude, so he did a cool song called Try It in a Small Town, talking about BLM and Antifa riots and how we'll kill you.
	That became, we talked about this yesterday, but a pro-lynching anthem, according to the dissident left.
	Because, among other reasons, the town he shot the video in had a lynching 102 years ago.
	Like, you're in the South.
	I'm sure every town did.
	And lynching, by the way, there was a lot of white dudes that were lynched.
	To lynch back then, to hang someone, you just needed 12 people to agree with you that that guy sucks.
	So yes, there was definitely a disproportionate number of blacks who were hanged.
	Not hung hanged, but it was also just the way they did justice back then.
	You have slim pickings.
	Yeah.
	If this map is correct.
	And then we did a bit where we were like, he's saying try this in a small town because he joined Antifa and he wants you to ride in a small town.
	Some people fucking took that joke seriously.
	Yes, they did.
	I got an apology today.
	Ryan sent me a screen grab, a pic of someone going, I think what he meant was actually, if you do try in a small town, you'll get your ass kicked.
	So don't do it in a small town.
	And I just, whatever the emoji was, I think I just sent Ryan like, wow.
	But yeah, he was talking about BLM and Antifa.
	But because we live in a black monarchy where you cannot blaspheme the king, yeah that's a good one, they ignore the Antifa thing and they focus on the fact that many of the rioters were Black Lives Matter rioters.
	So just to get this straight guys, you cannot criticize rioting in America because blacks were doing it and it's racist to criticize blacks.
	Got it?
	Hehehehe.
	Sound reasonable?
	It's like that article I saw.
	I think it's in the notes.
	Oh yeah, jump to 27.
	We get these stupid sociology majors writing for CNN now.
	Just random dumb chicks who have a degree in racism.
	Structural racism may contribute to mass shooting, study says.
	In other words, blacks killing blacks disproportionately hurts blacks.
	Yeah, I know.
	We're getting to the point where we're coming full circle and we have the same politics.
	Yes, I agree, that's bad.
	Blacks shouldn't be killing blacks.
	That's racist, but what?
	So this is the study she cites.
	The study found that in areas with higher black populations, mass shootings are likelier to occur compared to communities with higher white populations.
	There are also more black people injured and killed when mass shootings take place.
	Wow.
	Isn't that some breaking news?
	When black people shoot black people, black people die.
	Similarly, Jason Aldean, he was pulled by the Country Music Channel because he said, all this writing and stuff, that wouldn't happen in my town.
	You try to smash windows and beat, and it's a politically correct video when you watch it.
	But not according to Liva Albeck-Ripka.
	And that's another babysitter.
	The first article I just read you, the CNN one, that's some random babysitter, Nicole Garcia or something.
	And here's another babysitter.
	And she, of course, talks about what?
	A site known for the mob lynching of Henry Choate, an 18 year old black man.
	Bullshit.
	Bullshit that it's known for that lynching.
	Strumming Atari says it would not be received in Welltown.
	You better not hurt an old lady, cuss out a cop, or stomp on the flag.
	Is that racist?
	It's racist to say don't hurt old ladies.
	Okay, well then sign me up for the Ku Klux Klan.
	Oh my god, it's low IQ garbage culture.
	Look at this culture.
	Island Boys have an OnlyFans.
	We're familiar with Island Boys, right?
	The severely disfigured retard twins who wrote the super hit That's their claim to fame.
	Yes.
	And now, in order to get the OnlyFans numbers up, they've decided to be incestuous gay lovers.
	I don't... Dude.
	How about planet Earth?
	How about America?
	Can't they be arrested for that?
	2023.
	What's the crime?
	Is incest illegal as it ought to be?
	Is incest not illegal?
	The fact that we have to ask.
	Yeah.
	Hey man, officer, I'm just curious, is it okay to make out with your twin brother?
	This was actually a joke Sarah Silverman did, because men have that dumb fetish where they want to see two hot twins making out, you know, in the Budweiser bikinis fantasy.
	And so her joke was making that mail and how ridiculous it is.
	Well, welcome to a joke.
	America is a joke.
	We're living in a joke.
	That's the name of today's show, Living in a Joke.
	Don't look at the comments, Jesus.
	What are they saying?
	Yeah, hot!
	It's like other gay porn.
	People are like, well, if you like that, you might want to check out some dicks and balls.
	Except not that accent.
	You try that in my town, Island Boys.
	Look at her.
	This is who's writing the news now.
	Get back to babysitting, ladies.
	You thrive when you look after kids.
	You suck.
	Life After Leaving Vice?
	Is that what that is?
	Or it's Life After Leaving, which is in Vice.
	Yeah.
	Look, I bet half of their articles that women write are me-search.
	Growing up with 12 siblings was really hard for me.
	Being a twin sister, coming from England with Scottish parents to Canada was very hard in 1975.
	But I learned to adapt.
	I became a chameleon.
	I was never myself.
	I couldn't be my true self because I had a British accent.
	And then while we're talking about the state of men today, let's just check in on them, shall we?
	This guy gets invited on stage, bad adrenaline control.
	Like, my wife texted me the other day and, you know, say your wife texts you five times in a row, you just see the last one.
	And the last text she wrote was, and he hung up.
	And I'm like, all right.
	Antifa's threatening my wife.
	They're coming by the house.
	Stay calm.
	Adrenaline control.
	Adrenaline control.
	As I slowly, I pull into the gas station, turn off the gas, and then open the text.
	And it's some pachyderm pretending to be from Amazon saying, oh, we have your package.
	I just need your credit card and all your money to give you all the things that you love.
	So, it's important to have adrenaline control.
	It's something the Proud Boys are very strict about.
	And that's, though it's a funny ritual to punch with the cereal, it's also a way of saying you need adrenaline control in situations.
	Because even just arguing, people will start losing it and losing the argument.
	So, not just physical conflict, but any kind of conflict, you need adrenaline control.
	If you start panicking and freaking out, especially if you were at Taco Bell earlier, then this is what happens when you finally get to rap with your favorite rapper on stage.
	No, it's okay.
	I'm not okay.
	I'm not okay.
	I'm good.
	I still want to rap with you, yo.
	- He was trying to like, through it.
	- I'm good.
	I still wanna rap with you, yo. - He's back at him, he's like, no, no, no, I'm cool.
	- Come over, I wanna be friends.
	All right, one more.
	No, I don't think that, yeah.
	I'm done.
	I'm done.
	I will never financially recover from this.
	The bass feels different up here.
	Yeah, the best part is him coming over to say hi.
	No, I'm good!
	I'm good for pals on stage.
	I like, my pals don't barf.
	It's like when Trump said, I prefer soldiers who don't get arrested.
	I prefer rappers who aren't puking.
	That's just my taste in music though.
	Well he's got Yeezys on, maybe he's, it's a boycott.
	He's queasy.
	He's got the queasy.
	He's got the queasy on his Yeezys.
	I wanted to, oh fuck.
	All right, apparently Matty's gonna be commenting that since I'm logged in with his Instagram.
	Speaking of being ill and needing help, Jump Medic is the first and only company that lets you customize your own first aid kit.
	Don't forget, there's these little ones too.
	If you're going on a road trip, you at least need this.
	Imagine how much you'd be kicking yourself if your kid gets cut or there's some sort of problem, and your kids always get hurt.
	My son, he needed 17 stitches.
	He goes, check this out.
	I can jump up on this, you know, those jump boxes thing, but it was a cement block.
	He lands on his knee.
	You can see the white.
	It went right down to the bone.
	That's what happens with these youngsters.
	They have the ego of LeBron James and the skills of the rapper we just saw.
	Jump Maddox is the first and only company that lets you customize your own first aid kit.
	If you've watched Get Off My Lawn over the last several months, you've seen me Open up the JumpMedic bag.
	Look how easy this is, folks.
	Boop!
	And you've seen the nearly 10 pounds of first aid equipment that comes with it.
	Having the JumpMedic bag really gives you peace of mind.
	JumpMedic now has a build-a-bag feature.
	Just go to jumpmedic.com bag build.
	I mean, you gotta have this in your trunk.
	Please.
	At least.
	If you're not, if you don't want this entire thing, get the mini one and have it in your trunk for emergencies.
	You can get one or more of their awesome Pro or Go bags, or you can skip the bags altogether and just stock up on First Aid supplies to your heart's content.
	They have stethoscopes, blood pressure cuffs, tourniquets, shears, CPR masks, splints, pretty much anything you could ever need in your first aid kit.
	They also have a brand new subscription service.
	Fresh first aid supplies will show up every three months directly to your front door.
	You won't even have to think about it.
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	Enter promo code RyanSucks if you want to be honest and truthful with yourself for 10% off.
	Or, if you have really bad judgment, you could also enter GavinSucks.
	But, I mean, why?
	I don't know why you'd even bother doing that.
	By this time next week... I trusted you!
	By this time next week, we will determine once and for all who sucks.
	And I think we all know who it's gonna be.
	The guy with the melted face.
	Is Vin Diesel the dumbest man?
	That sounds like a James Bond movie.
	Like a Sean Connery one though?
	The man with the melted face.
	Hell yeah.
	We'll have one more sponsor.
	How's Nita Fashions?
	Have they done their tour?
	Let's check in on them.
	I can't believe we didn't go see them in Tampa.
	You know, everybody was in Tampa.
	The entire world was in Tampa.
	All of our buddies, and we didn't see any of them.
	My friend Scoop, all the Athpak guys.
	Sneeko was on the list for Sunday night.
	Oh really?
	Yeah.
	But that's the same night that Nick Fuentes, Charlie Kirk, Roger Stone, Laura Loomer, Trump.
	Trump?
	Patrick McDavid.
	But I'm very optimistic about that Saturday show.
	I really want to see the footage.
	Because we had Matt filming, but then we also had those documentarian dudes scooching around, so that's a lot to cut to.
	Could be a little special, Eshel.
	It could be a fun thing to show.
	I might have to take Monday off, folks.
	But, uh, do not fret.
	We have an interview with, uh, Drago Drizzin.
	Drizzin.
	Drizzin?
	Drizzin?
	You sort of say urine.
	You say urine drunk.
	Drizzin.
	Drago Drizzin.
	Uh, so I'll, we'll plug that.
	It's done, I guess.
	So they're done.
	Done their tour.
	But that doesn't mean that you don't Get a customized suit just contact them.
	There's a contact us there, but you can also do it through Instagram and you get one of those cloth II measuring things get that on Amazon and then they measure up the neck in seam and everything as Ryan points out is a great way to court a lady because she's touching you and Then you can choose the fabrics get a suit start cheap It's about money.
	I I forget I could they have my measurements.
	I could just ask them for a shirt, please Yeah, who's that guy?
	Thicker quality, there's me getting sized up, wearing a Barracuda Harrington and a Portugal flannel with some Filson pants, American optical glasses made in America, and then of course the Todd Snyder low-cut white chucks.
	That's an incredible outfit I have on right there.
	Speaking of the state of men today, This is something I don't approve of.
	And whenever I think of a dominatrix, first of all, I don't like the concept of men being abused.
	I think we get enough abuse in our day to day.
	But you're supposed to wear stilettos, right?
	And you're supposed to be in the privacy of a hotel room.
	So, this is, this is modern sexuality.
	First of all, you're wearing those stupid, whatever they call those boots.
	The Mr. Fred boots.
	Ow!
	Look at what she's wearing.
	She says burning.
	Is that annoying that she has those boots on?
	With her fake tits?
	This is the state of America today.
	We are living in a joke.
	This is a woman.
	This is someone's daughter.
	Fake tits at the age of like 22.
	And then look at this chick's fucking shoes.
	Wait, what'd you do?
	Oh.
	Another chick?
	Yeah.
	What is she wearing?
	What, are you going to the beach in the 90s?
	Platform raver sandals?
	Like you have all that lingerie all ready to rock.
	It has to end with stilettos.
	That was a really good kick.
	As far as ball kicks go.
	I don't think they really care about the man's health either.
	They could make him infertile.
	I don't think they care.
	These aren't nice people.
	That's gross.
	Unless you know her.
	Unless you're dating.
	I'm obviously annoyed that men enjoy this, but I'm also annoyed at their shoes.
	I remember when I was thinking about this, is like, is that something I'm into?
	Like, when you're like in high school.
	And they're like, no, they don't fuck you.
	Yeah.
	Why would I want to do this?
	No, I learned at a very young age, it's not for me.
	I remember this girl tied me up.
	Pouchy.
	Like she tied my wrist together.
	Yeah.
	And the first thing I did, I must have been like 20, the first thing I did was undo the knots.
	I kept my arms there so she wouldn't know.
	And then it was July and she rubbed, I guess she saw this on a Spike Lee joint, she put ice all over my body.
	So like, my dick is shrinking, I'm shivering, I'm so fucking cold.
	And the hot wax isn't good either.
	Well, it's not bad, but it's like, why?
	Yeah, I don't criticize people's sexualities, it's up to you, but I don't like your sexuality if that's what you're into.
	It's dumb.
	I remember hearing that Fat Mike from NoFX, he likes to be zipped up into a latex bag.
	So imagine a sleeping bag that covers your head with just a breathing tube and like little eye things and then get the shit beaten out of them.
	No, I need to be in control.
	Like, yeah, what if someone, what if there's a fire and she faints and now you're sitting there in a house fire cooking in a latex bag?
	What an embarrassing way to die.
	Ugh.
	You ever get there?
	They get there and it's all, you're all fused as one.
	You're just this melted latex blob.
	No thanks.
	Please don't report on this and they're gonna.
	I got a lot of feminism I want to get to but I think the people who don't pay are gonna miss it.
	Are we putting these on Rumble?
	We are.
	So why are people emailing me saying you guys should put the free part on Rumble?
	You know, it's, I think that's an issue with, uh, we have limited options to advertise that sort of thing.
	But if you go to our links, um, oh, it hasn't been changed yet.
	I got to get on our guide to change that and put it, uh, put our any link on there.
	What is it called?
	Link tree?
	Link tree.
	Yeah.
	So what's our rumble handle?
	Censored dot written out?
	Let me see here.
	Go into link tree.
	You just said it's not on our link tree.
	No, no, no, it is, but we need the link tree on the site.
	So if you follow us on Twitter, you'll see that it's there.
	Rumble.
	It doesn't sound very easy to find us.
	Censored.tv official.
	Censored.tv official is our Rumble.
	Yeah, not dot.
	Censored.
	What is the exact name of our Rumble?
	Censored.tv.
	But if you want to, you know, you can go to rumble.com slash censored.
	It's been a while since you've been on there, but there's an account name and then there's a display name.
	"Censored TV" and then you said, "Censored TV official." - Surely you know that even with YouTube, it's been a while since you've been on there, but there's an account name and then there's a display name.
	Either will get you there.
	But if you type in "censored.tv" or "censored." Yeah, let's see censored.tv.
	Everything comes up.
	It's a search bar.
	It's very... We're in the modern world.
	We don't have to put www.
	You could put censored Gavin.
	If people were smart enough, they'd be able to find you.
	They're just not.
	Well, that didn't come up.
	Yes, it did.
	I put in censored Gavin.
	Yeah, and that's Gavin Baby Monsters.
	But look at all these clips of us.
	Right, but is that the account?
	Gavin Baby Monsters?
	No, but it serves the same purpose.
	You get free clips of us.
	Okay, but that's not what I was asking.
	I was talking about this show.
	How do we see this show on Rumble?
	Just censored TV.
	That's it.
	Okay, stop saying dot TV.
	But that's what you could type too.
	It knows.
	Okay, so but it's called censored TV official.
	Yes.
	Right?
	Yikes.
	Here's some old news.
	You come here for the latest hot topics, some breaking news.
	This is like from June.
	I hadn't heard of this.
	Now, I know the story.
	You know that the chick who was adopted in Ukraine and turned out to be a woman?
	I missed this docu-series, 1-7, because a friend texted me and she goes, uh, the guy in that docu-series, whatever it's called, this guy, is Michael Scott meets, uh, Casey- what's that?
	Retard guy?
	Corey?
	What's his name?
	Corey.
	Retard guy.
	Corey.
	He was on a sitcom.
	I don't think I know.
	He's the only retard that's ever been on TV.
	Casey?
	Corey?
	Let me see.
	Famous retard.
	It's not gonna be on there.
	Thanks for helping out.
	What was the show?
	Corey saves America or something?
	What was it?
	Corey... Anyway.
	Was it recent or in the 90s or something?
	It was the 90s.
	Oh.
	But it turns out that yes, they did adopt a Ukrainian woman who was pretending to be a kid.
	Yes, that tiny woman did try to kill them, but it's starting to sound like they abused her too.
	And maybe she was trying to kill them to save herself.
	So I haven't seen this yet, folks.
	Was it Life Goes On?
	Yeah.
	I never saw that show.
	Me neither, but it's a famous reference.
	Everyone knows.
	And what's his name?
	Charles, known as Corky.
	Corky, that's it.
	So she's like, he's half Corky, half Michael Scott.
	Um, but let's hear him.
	I will pre-warn you, you might not like the truth.
	Zoom out so people can see the title.
	Curious case of Natalia Grace.
	We were in a very tight-knit family.
	April 26th, 2010, that's the day that we adopted Natalia.
	We had no idea what we were dealing with.
	She's not six.
	She was an adult!
	You could just tell!
	I'm like, whoa.
	Natalia was told her new birthday at the orphanage in Ukraine.
	She threatened to stab my sons.
	I definitely didn't feel safe around Natalia.
	You've adopted a kid and now they're trying to kill you.
	I mean, it's the stuff of a horror movie.
	It is a horror movie.
	Called Orphan.
	One night, I opened my eyes and Natalia's standing at the foot of the bed with a knife in her hand.
	He wants to be a star so bad.
	The prosecutors went to Ukraine... ...to track down Natalia's biological mother.
	Maybe there's more than one villain in this story.
	Michael accuses Christine of beating Natalia.
	- To track down Natalia's biological mother. - I'm charged with two counts of child neglect, is that correct? - Maybe there's more than one villain in this story.
	Michael accuses Christine of beating Natalia. - My mom is definitely not 100% innocent. - Bye-bye. - You lie because she told you to lie.
	Yes.
	It's like a Rubik's Cube.
	Just when you think you have it solved, you find out you don't.
	We were all abused!
	Oh.
	Wow.
	Did you want to hurt him?
	It's all gonna come to light.
	It'd be very good if you just quit talking.
	We're in deep, deep trouble.
	Well, kicking down the stairs, we said we're not going to say, right?
	Oh, ****.
	I still have my microphone on.
	You gotta see.
	Oh, no.
	Look at this.
	Sold!
	Damn.
	So we missed it, right?
	Yeah.
	We'll dig that up.
	That looks awesome.
	It is a horror movie, though.
	Orphan.
	And in the movie, which is really good, the acting is great in it, the parents are perfectly innocent angels, and the orphan is evil, and she's in love with the dad.
	By the way, folks, don't adopt overseas.
	Stop it.
	Don't get dogs from the pound.
	You don't know the background.
	They probably bit a kid.
	And don't get kids from the global pound.
	They probably have fetal alcohol syndrome.
	Okay?
	There's plenty of American kids to adopt.
	I know they're disproportionately black.
	So what?
	Adopt a black kid.
	Stop adopting.
	Go into China.
	This is our new student.
	And I'd like you all to make her feel very welcome today.
	Oh, look.
	Little Bo Peep texted me.
	She wants her outfit back.
	You're dead.
	I'm drinking vodka.
	It's Daphne when she doesn't get a waffle immediately.
	- Eating vodka.
	- It's Daphne when she doesn't get a waffle immediately.
	- Waffle? - Trouble does have a way of finding her. - Anyway, you get the idea. - What kind of trouble? - Trailers give away way too much these days.
	What kind of trouble?
	So this is a good segue to feminism, which I've been wanting to talk about the entire show.
	I want to talk about surrogates.
	This couple, probably gay, they got a surrogate and then the mother got breast cancer and said, okay, I want to take her out early, get her, you know, earth side.
	And induced?
	And she'll survive.
	And then I can get chemotherapy and live.
	And they're like, nah, we don't want her anymore.
	And she goes, well, I'll adopt her.
	And they go, no, she's ours.
	We're going to have her killed.
	What?
	So I want to get to that in a second.
	But that's in our feminism segment.
	Who here identifies as a feminist?
	Stop.
	I don't want this to be free anymore.
	Rewind!
	I want this to be behind the paywall, so we'll bid adieu to our friends with some Johnny Apple CBD, our final sponsor for the free portion of Get Off My Lawn.
	Today's episode of Get Off My Lawn is proudly sponsored by Johnny Apple CBD, our loyal sponsor since day one.
	I always say, you know when you wake up with the tears?
	My personal experience is if I take a CBD before bed and I've been drinking, I do not wake up with the tears.
	I thought it was the hares.
	It is the hares, but people think you mean prostitutes when you say it hares.
	So I changed it to terrors.
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	I am hearing from many of the top scientists that these Delta 8 and 9 gummies are nearly voodoo!
	Their CBD and CBN gummies help alleviate nerves and stress and are great for recovery after a hard workout.
	Yeah, I've told you the guys at my gym use the cream for their sore muscles.
	I don't work hard enough to get sore muscles.
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	Their gummies are sugar-free and delicious, yet sometimes still have the complex flavor of an M&M blast.
	That's a little danger right there.
	Yeah, I didn't really let that rip because I wasn't confident.
	It's like if that wrapper on stage was upside down.
	- Damn.
	That seems... - Stay back.
	They also have amazing vapes, tinctures, and some of the best topicals on the market that are smooth and easy to use.
	Use code GAVIN at checkout and get 25% off your entire order.
	Infinitely cheaper than buying from the dispensary.
	And by the way, I've tried everything.
	Every sponsor here.
	I've ran out of Johnny Apple CBD.
	I went through piles and piles of gummies.
	Tincture's good.
	I used Purple Works.
	I agree.
	To work out.
	And remember, I had that fingernail that was cut the wrong way.
	And I used my Jump Medic Kit to alleviate the pain.
	So, I'm not making this shit up.
	But yes, we're about to go behind the paywall.
	Only the payers get to watch this.
	Ten bucks a month, more TV than you can shake a stick at.
	We also do live comedy shows, meet and greets.
	There's always different things.
	Sit down interviews, streeters, long form interviews.
	I'm going to get Emily Saves America, I think, next week to talk about being gorgeous.
	We both have to Not hang out with ugly people because they stress us out.
	I know, it's tough.
	Being gorgeous definitely sucks.
	Well, the worst part is no one has any sympathy for us.
	They're like, oh, you get whatever you want.
	We get a lot of stuff.
	We also get a lot of flack.
	And a lot of hate from the less, the un-gorgeous.
	Did we ever tell that story?
	That's what we call them.
	We're the OGs, they're the UGs.
	Ugly, un-gorgeous.
	Ungorgeous.
	Do you ever tell that story about how in Austin, Texas, I come downstairs and you... I think you had just gotten a haircut?
	Uh-huh.
	And you were like, I thought you were being extra charming.
	And you were like, hey, what's up, blah blah blah.
	But I think you were just tired, and I was like, look at you, thinking you're Mr. Gorgeous over here.
	And you're like, dude, I don't feel gorgeous.
	You're gay.
	And you're like, because the funny thing is, I feel like shit right now.
	He's like, you think I'm gorgeous.
	And that was...
	Not the greatest delivery on earth, but kind of a cute story.
	It was funny, though.
	But I didn't think that.
	I just thought you were acting smoky like this.
	Yeah, and we've got new contributors coming up, too.
	America's never been more insane.
	You saw the Island Boys making out.
	You're going to think you're losing your fucking mind without Censored.TV to make you feel sane for an hour and a half a day.
	And I deliver content every single day, no matter what.
	365 days a year.
	Boom, boom, boom.
	Christmas Day, we have a show.
	Memorial Day, I had these interviews with vets talking about Vietnam.
	I had a vet who was in Vietnam and Desert Storm.
	One of the youngest guys in Vietnam and the oldest guys at Desert Storm.
	Anyway, it goes on and on and on.
	You're making a mistake if you're not subscribed.
	So we're gonna deep dive into some hilarious feminism and that's gonna be after this, I don't know, 10 second break?
	So, to the freeloaders, I'll say what I say to everyone at the end of every show.

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