This is less than half of the full episode, sign up you gaylord. The sequel. After some alternative music talk and a look at hipster porn star Joanna Angel, we finally find one of these racist white guys everyone's been talking about. Then, Kamala Harris tells us we have to, uh, something about not being burdened by the past. She said it 100 times but it's the least catchy catchphrase ever created.
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
Focus on the past, that's too bad, it's been a long time.
Longest dream that I've ever had, it's been a long time.
I said I won't get by, I will not try, it's been a long time.
*Sigh* *Sigh* Welcome to the show.
Welcome to a wee bit of sanity in a world gone mad.
That was the 415s.
Their big hit, Living at the O. Similar to their super hit, Beer Run.
That's all I know about these awesome guys because they chose the stupidest fucking name in the world.
Uh-oh.
They chose their area code.
I actually think that was changes by these New South Wales.
Oh, shit.
These are the Monday show notes.
Somebody's got a case of the Mondays on Friday, on the Fridays.
Yeah.
New South Wales.
Sorry.
The New South Wales are an awesome band from, obviously, Australia, and they've got a reality show out.
It's like Spinal Tap.
So the band is real, but the joke is fake.
So, pull that up.
Oh, I have something to send you you're gonna love, Ryan.
Pull that up, man.
Yeah, you're gonna love this.
Uh-oh, is it mean to me?
No, it's really nice to you.
I'm dubious of you, McInnes.
Why would I ever be mean to you?
Is that good entertainment?
Yes!
Oh my god.
Even I'll admit it.
Go to 1-2?
Fucking 1-2.
So I just discovered this show because of this song actually when I was looking up the band and they're pretty good actors.
It's fun.
These New South Wales, these New South Wales are the punk flood of the Concords but their hit mockumentary blurs the line between comedy and reality.
So I think they do this this shit at actual shows.
Go to the bottom there's a video there.
Hit it.
Australia is going through a fucking renaissance.
My cop buddy Mike says, no, no, it's always been like that.
The Saints, celibate rifles, the hard-ons.
Yeah, this feels different.
This, the new Australia hits different.
They're flattered.
Film that.
I was Bronson in Round the Twist.
What the fuck?
My dad used to fuck Jeff's mum.
I mean, it looks like total shit.
Yeah, baby!
Getting this record deal is a breaking point in your career.
This is the day it all changed.
This is Pelvis, Elvis impersonator, but most importantly, band manager.
Elvis never had a beard.
Mate, you're a fucking idiot.
You never tell the band who's coming to the show.
Jimmy Barnes is coming.
The Australian industry has done nothing but ignored us.
We're still interested, but it's going to cost you.
Yeah, triple.
It's absolutely packed, front to back.
The whole thing's packed!
The singer's nervous.
So it looks cool.
You know, bands, I've said this a million times, kids who went to boarding school are funny, because you're just with dudes all the time riffing.
Similarly, guys in bands are all funny and good actors and getting good at it, if you will.
Like Portlandia, right?
How good are Fred and Carrie?
It's because they're in a van for nine hours driving, just riffing.
There should be more Spinal Tap type shows.
They're gifted.
Musicians are funny.
The Strokes are really funny.
And that's boarding school kids who are also in a band.
Double whammy.
And they're huge comedy fans.
I think David Cross did a video with them, didn't he?
Look that up, Jamie.
By the way, did you see the video I sent you?
Yeah, what the f- Did you put that there?
Show it.
There's a little silverfish.
I hate those things.
Did you put that there?
Yes.
Because that's why it's limping?
Because you crushed his leg?
No, he's trying to figure out how to get down.
He's there now.
That video- No, he's gone.
No, he's somewhere there.
Well, fuck.
I know you hate bugs, so it's really hard to catch a silverfish because they're so flat, but I got on a piece of paper.
I got on my hands.
I put it on your buttons.
It was there for a while, but you had to go take a nine-hour shit.
You're really pushing my bug-tins.
So he escaped to the top, and if he's not there now, he's probably underneath, just waiting to skittle out across your fingies.
So there is a silverfish lurking, and they love the warmth, so he's not going anywhere.
I'm gonna start a fire.
Yeah.
Away from me.
I hate their name, too.
Silverfish?
I know.
Fuck off.
Where'd you get the fish?
What's fish?
I'll puke.
I used to eat shit like that for a dare.
You're kidding.
Yeah, yeah.
I used to eat ants.
I'd eat ants, a sandwich off the floor.
But, I'd still eat a sandwich off the floor just to gross people out.
But, uh... Yeah, after hearing about that guy who... Oh my God!
What?!
What?
Is it over there?
Yeah.
How do you get down so fast?
I don't know why.
I feel like it's a good sign that we see silverfish, not mice.
Yes.
Yeah.
Oh, because if there was a mouse, he'd probably eat it.
I don't know if that makes sense.
Maybe.
No, that's.
But if there's mammals, there's like more food around.
But if you're down to prehistoric animals like a silverfish, we're really scraping the bottom of the barrel as far as pests go.
Now I feel stuff all over my body, and it's not there.
Good.
That was my goal.
Yes, some mice eat insects, but not all do.
Fruit, chocolate, cereal, dog food, basin, spice, peanut butter.
Okay, thank you.
Here's the, remember we were talking about the 1975 last week?
They're getting canceled for making it, for being on a podcast where Nick, what's his name?
Mullin.
What?
Mullin.
Nick Mullin made a joke, a funny joke, a smart joke, about what it would be like at the, Holocaust with the Japanese Guard.
These linen suits are so thin that they lose their shape.
Look at that.
You can see the back of my top button.
You got a sort of extra iron linen.
To form it?
Yeah.
It just becomes a blob.
Collars are staying there.
That's good.
Yeah, maybe I'm wrong.
Maybe my dry cleaner just fucked up.
My last dry cleaning bill was two suits like this.
Maybe four shirts.
Guess how much it was?
$86?
Mine was two pairs of pants, four shirts, $43.
Oh, I gotta change my, I gotta, you know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna start bringing all my shit here to the hood.
I just, I don't like that they don't speak English and shit like that, but fuck it.
No more rich suburban dry cleaners.
Starting today, guys.
Mark my words.
Which reminds you, reminds me, that this is the Friday Show.
We'll get to the funny 1975 guy in a second.
I'm on Purple Works right now.
I'm on this drug.
Larry Barnes said to me, I have the most heart out of any boxer in the gym.
Really?
He said, heart, you're a ten.
I go, what about fighting?
He goes, three.
It's not bad.
Oh well, it's not zero.
That's the funny thing about men.
When we get like a bad score, we're just like, yep.
Like if some chick went up to me and she went, looks wise you're like a five.
I'd go, oh okay, that sucks.
I was hoping it would be more than that.
You tell a woman she's ugly and it's like, that's assault.
I'm Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.
Okay, let me try this.
I'm Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.
and I would like to tell you about a great American company, Purple Works Nutrition.
You've probably seen the viral videos of me pumping iron and doing push-ups.
Purple Works pre-workout is the reason I'm able to drop sets of 50 pounds in the blazing California sun.
This pre-workout is American-made.
They have no artificial dyes, preservatives, or hidden RNA vaccines.
Unlike other products, Purpleworks Nutrition Pink Lemonade pre-workout does not cause autism.
You wanna steer clear, he must get so tired talking like that.
Yeah, that was an exhausting celeb mailbag to do.
You wanna, cause you gotta tense your stomach muscles.
My abs, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I'm on pre-workout, so I don't mind.
By the way, three weeks away from the gym, first week back, we're Friday now, the rotundness is gone.
I'm still fat, but that sort of balloon belly is gone.
And I think part of it too is like, you're drinking at night and you go, oh fuck, I gotta hit the gym tomorrow, I don't wanna be dry heaving the whole time.
So I'm gonna stop.
Whereas if you know you're not going to the gym the next day, you're like, I might as well have one more!
Yeah.
For me, it's eating late.
Oh yeah, I keep forgetting how much less fun you are.
You want to steer clear of some of these other pre-workout products like they were a 1961 Lincoln Continental with the top down on a cool November afternoon in Dallas.
A lot of the science is saying that I crush it at the gym and that I am shredded, jacked, and single-handedly changing the Democratic Party.
I've never taken HGH or any other steroid.
These muscles are from Purple Work's high-quality blend of kerosene... No.
Karnasin.
Karnasin?
Karnasin, beta alanine, caffeine, vitamins, and green tree extract.
Does he want you to be reading this?
I don't know.
It could be totally possible.
Gavin, you have the day off from the Purpleworks ad.
Ryan is going to be doing the RFK impression.
Oh.
Uh-oh.
Okay, Ryan.
Do you have the email?
Yeah, you do.
So start at green tree extract.
Green tea extract.
And you've got to set up your RFK Jr.
face.
Is that going to take a while?
I'll just finish this paragraph.
Have you ever wondered how I have the strength to appear on every podcast known to man?
You guessed it.
Purple works.
Rework out.
Okay, you do the last paragraph.
Okay.
I got two computers here.
I'm on it now.
Last paragraph, here we go.
If my wife Cheryl, right?
Yes.
Okay.
Now just the face is still loading.
You know, they say you should put it in the shaker and then have it over the course of the workout.
That's great.
Chacun Songu.
But I like to, I just have a thing of water.
I'm already dehydrated in the morning anyway.
I take, I don't do a whole scoop as I told you a million times.
I take like a teaspoon.
I plop it in.
I shake it around and then I just go.
And I drink it all in one.
Because they say it takes half an hour to get going, and if I do it at 9, by the time I get to my workout at 9.30, I've got the spring, the tingles!
The prickly hands.
Of course.
The tingles are one of the most important parts about it, because you can feel it working.
As Americans, we like to see the results.
Wait, wait.
The video's all fucked up.
We like to feel the results, too.
And so that's the important thing about Purpleworks Nutrition.
And by the way, if my wife Cheryl allows me, I'm looking forward to trying their brand new line of Italian coffees.
I love coffee.
Everybody knows.
I used to be addicted to stimulants, basically.
But my uncle and father both loved fine Italian coffee at a very low price point.
So Purple Works is now instant coffee and two varieties of ground organic coffee.
And a gigantic 2.2 pound bag of coffee that I could easily bench press because of the Purple Works pre-workout flowing through my veins at all times.
And they've done studies on this too.
It's perfectly safe.
And so all of that at highly competitive prices.
You can compare it with any sort of other tube or tub.
Rfk, are you mad that I imitated you at the beginning of that ad?
The pain of your growing penis?
My balls are starting to hurt from doing this voice.
RFK, are you mad that I imitated you at the beginning of that ad?
Not at all.
I'm more mad at the pain in my groin and penis.
The pain of your growing penis?
Groin and penis.
Oh, groin.
Yeah, because doing this voice, it tends to bring your balls up a little bit.
It hurts.
Yeah, I guess so, because you're tensing your stomach muscles.
You know, those same muscles really help your golf swing.
Tensing your lower stomach muscles and your swing keeps it straight.
That's why I have the record for longest drive.
It's 800 yards.
I have an 800-yard drive.
Wow.
Yes.
That's longer than most entire holes.
Thank you.
Most holes are like 500, 300.
I appreciate it.
Look that up, Jamie.
What is the average length of a golf hole?
Now you know how this works, folks.
Oh, that silverfish is really cooking!
For men, a typical par-3 hole is less than 250 yards in length, with a par-4 hole ranging between 251 to 450 yards.
That's why, you know, hole-in-ones, I guess, are possible.
Did I tell you someone's doing a documentary about me?
They've been following me around for a while?
Yes.
And I mentioned it in Celeb Mailbag.
I was talking to him yesterday and I was like, what you want to avoid in a documentary is a Wikipedia page.
like uh uh they will he will not divide us it's a really good documentary but it gets tedious because it's just chronological this happened at this time joey shithead's book about doa is like that too it's just a list no you gotta like the movie adaptation you gotta wow them in the third act and plot against the president Plot Against the President is a fantastic documentary, even though it doesn't use that much video, there's a lot of just pictures.
Because, Amanda, what are you doing?
I just filmed that right now.
Ugh.
I really don't like those things.
And usually bugs don't even piss me off that much.
How old is that thing?
It must be 200 million years old.
Plot Against the President is a great movie because Amanda Milius, the daughter of John Milius, who did Conan the Barbarian and Dirty Harry, she understands timing and she understands building a story.
First act, you introduce the characters.
We get to know you.
Second act, things are going okay but there's some conflict.
And it's getting bad.
Third act, utter catastrophe and resolution.
That's how you do.
A documentary is still a movie.
So we'll see if it works out with them.
Anyway.
They're kind of cute.
That makes me hate them way less.
By seeing their endearing little eyes.
Oh wait, I guess my framing is a little off.
There you go.
He's cute.
Cute little guy.
He's fine.
Never mind.
It's just his legs suck.
Well, that's the problem, too.
I was trying to grab him, and every time I grabbed him, he just said, fine.
I'm letting go with that leg.
I have plenty more.
You know what I did the other day?
What?
I was cleaning up the studio, because I knew we had the film guys come in.
And the glue traps, there was a fly, like a living fly on it, like this.
He was like... He was like trying to get off.
And so I took, I was on the phone, I think with Maddie, and I'm just like casually talking to him and then trying to like free him from the glue trap with like a safety pin.
Just like trying to pluck his legs out.
Oh, lost a leg.
And then by the time I took him off, he was just like, what the fuck?
Thanks.
Thanks.
I guess I'll fly away now and never land.
You took my landing gear.
OK, get back to that 1975 being brilliant thing.
We've got some great My Pet Bidens today, by the way, that you're going to miss if you're watching this for free.
...control the songs.
I don't control the songs.
They can cut me off at any point when I start, whatever, whenever I start talking to somebody I don't like.
And I've been thinking about trans people in sports.
So they stole her bit.
Yeah, they did.
It is kind of the mailbag.
Keep going, shithead.
Oh, I thought that was it.
Not right wing, but it's like... I don't think it's a racist thing to say a fuck song.
Okay, a black guy, a Jewish guy... All the songs.
The guys can cut me off whenever they want to stop me talking about some nonsense, you know?
It's not up to me.
I had this like Indian taxi driver today.
Wait, we gotta use that riff.
What song is that?
Asian people, that's all he said.
What's that song?
We have to use it.
What, you think I know the girl bands?
This is satirical genius.
Oh, that's a good song.
That is really smart, though.
What a brilliant way to do a joke.
And that is a great way to lampoon the left and cancel culture without actually doing it, you know, without actually getting fired and having everyone... I know I say get fired, but you know what I mean?
Without ruining your band and ending the tour.
Also in the news, I saw something that might explain everything I've ever wondered about Ryan.
You can be an adult who doesn't have these eyes and still have Down syndrome.
I don't look Downsy.
Check out this.
Now, your daughter is a genius, so that helps refute it.
It does skip a generation.
No, it doesn't, actually, retard.
I wasn't diagnosed with Down syndrome until I was in my 20s and had two daughters with the condition.
Here's the subtle symptoms I ignored for years.
One, I was acting retarded.
Two, pennies are delicious, but they hurt on the way out.
Three, I'm strong!
Four.
Transformers is cool!
Four.
I thought Hulk was a bad guy.
He's not.
He's just troubled.
Yeah.
What were her symptoms?
She has a rarer form of Down syndrome that only affects her brain.
Go down.
No, go back up.
That only affects 2% of blah, blah, blah.
It doesn't always lead to physical symptoms.
Growing up, she said she struggled academically at times.
You know how many times she said, I'm sorry, I'm like retarded.
What do you do again?
I bet she's said it 100 times, she's been like, I'm a fucking complete retard, you guys.
I basically have Down Syndrome.
No, but seriously, what is it?
And then her doctor goes, you know that joke you always make about how you're basically a retard?
You are.
Apparently God didn't like that too much.
Yeah.
Well, she definitely didn't say it after she had those kids.
Right.
It's like after you have a daughter, you'll never go to a strip club again.
Oh, you have to say goodbye to strip clubs.
Did you know that?
Ah, dude, I was never really a big fan of fucking strip clubs, dude.
What is this, RFK Burr?
Yeah, we're both from Boston.
It's contagious, bro.
Oh, shit.
Ah, dude, it's like every fucking time, right?
It's like I'm at the cash register, and there's like this chick.
Right, I bet she's white.
Ah, dude, she's a fucking white chick.
She's got the latte in her hand.
She's like, oh, Bill, it's brutal.
I'm like, dude, shut up, dude.
Um, slightly more serious topic here.
I hate these dumb interrogations that we have in the American political system where they have Mark Zuckerberg or Elon Musk or someone sit down and they get questioned by politicians.
There's never an answer.
Wait.
Wait, what's going on?
Like, God bless these kids, I'm not going to talk about it, but that guy looks more downsy than her.
Is there a chance he, like, gaslit her?
He's like, no, you're probably, like, retarded.
I'm chill.
He looks downsy.
I think the girl on the far right has Down syndrome, and the person on the far left has Down syndrome.
And the kid is normal.
It's sort of like politics.
I'm totally bypassing the kids, but the dad, to me, looks way more downsy.
No, it's terrible theory, comment.
Railroad's the show.
You went backwards.
So don't interrupt me to go back to something if it's not incredibly important.
And if it's a retarded observation about a retard that's not retarded, then shut up.
Okay?
Dude, that's fucking brutal.
So, if they were forced to be honest, and they could be charged with contempt of court, and we had discovery where we've seen the emails, and the answer from him is merely a formality, then yeah, I'll watch it.
But look at how ineffectual this is, 1-6.
How many feds were at Jan 6?
The answer, by the way, is tons, as confirmed by Tucker Carlson talking to the chief of Capitol Police.
But what do you say in this kangaroo court that means nothing?
Were either FBI employees or people that the FBI had made contact with were in the January 6 entry of the Capitol.
By the way, stop.
You know you got good shoulders when you can wear a dress shirt without a blazer and you still look like you have a blazer on.
He looks like he's wearing football pads.
That's the kind of shoulders every man wants.
Is that the Paula Poundstone collection?
Or maybe he has shoulder pads in his shirt.
So I really need to be careful here talking about where we have or have not used confidential human sources.
So why are you here?
Why are you at this interrogation?
And why is the guy behind you about to pop?
Keep that guy away from all sharp objects.
Was there one or more individuals that would fit that description on January 6th that were in or around the Capitol?
I believe there is a filing in one of the January 6th cases that can provide a little more information about this.
I'm asking you.
I'm asking you.
Was there one or more?
I mean, you would know if there was at least one individual who worked for the FBI who entered the Capitol on that day.
I can't, again, I just can't speak to that here, but I'm happy to get the court filing that... Look, it's been two years, and you're now... Joe Biggs is still in prison.
...the gentleman asks these questions, makes all kinds of insinuations, and you nod your head yes, and then I ask you simply, was there one or more?
And you won't answer that.
So I'm going to make the assumption that there was more than one, more than five, more than ten, and that you're ducking the question because you don't want to answer for the fact that you had at least one and somehow missed understanding that some of the individuals were very dangerous and that there were others inciting individuals to enter the Capitol after others broke windows.
Okay, Ms.
Child.
I'm just going to move on.
Ms.
Child.
And I think the D.C.
courts, the federal government actually, should be on the hook for a lawsuit for Ethan Nordin, Zach Greel, and Joe Biggs.
All bets are off if feds are in a riot.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
Time to move on past January 6th.
I just, it seems that the other side won't.
It would make sense if they were there trying to stop stuff from happening.
That's the only way that would make sense.
Yes.
I was looking at liberal Twitter today and I've noticed they do this thing where they just when there's a called a conspiracy theory when there's a theory from the right if anyone refutes it in any way you're like It's been debunked.
Like Ray Epps.
We think Ray Epps was part of, was working with the Feds.
That's, I can't believe, he said he wasn't.
Oh shit, oh okay, I had no idea that someone said no.
Or that kid who was with the Patriot Front, who was a Fed kid, they're like, right-wing conspiracists made this up and ruined his life and said he was a Fed, but he's not a Fed because he said he's not a Fed.
Or, Hunter Biden is accused of having cocaine.
There's no evidence to support that.
Yeah, we know there's no evidence and there never will be.
We're going to mention that in My Pet Biden.
They're saying, we can't find who did it.
That means that you give up, or more specifically, you won't give him up.
Which means it's Hunter Biden.
By the way, if I was controlling the White House, I'd pay a guy ten grand and say, you gotta take the fall for this Coke.
I can't have the President's son on the line.
Too risky.
Which brings us to... Remember, we're in the free portion of the show.
Don't worry.
When we go behind the paywall, we're gonna have lots of fun with racism, my pet Biden, oh my God, all kinds of mailbag stuff.
It's gonna be fun.
But...
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I'm pretty sure it's Ryan.
I actually have an issue.
Tissue issue?
I have a nail.
One of my nails is There's a chip in it, but it's going down.
And it's just growing.
And it's very painful.
I put crazy glue on it.
And, look at that, we've got hot packs, cold compressors, We've got some kind of thing for cutting stuff.
We've got, what is this now?
Oh, I think that's an anal temperature doohickey.
Compressors.
Gauze.
What is this now?
That's a folded up... Oh, just a thing of tissues.
Hand sanitizer.
What is this now?
Ivy RID spray.
Oh, this is good for campers.
We gotta get this shit going.
Hold on a second, sorry.
Oh, there we go.
I'm not doing a very good job here, am I?
Well, that's okay.
You know, because it's like if you have like a bloody, bloody arm, you know?
It's this little pouch in the front.
And you're injured.
Oh, a thing for checking your heart rate.
That's handy.
And for ladies out there, too.
Think about how much makeup you could pack in there.
It could be like a really intense purse.
You know what I was putting on it before was crazy glue.
Chest seal vented, wow.
The amazing thing about this kit is it's got normal stuff for minor abrasions, but it also has stuff for if you have a giant bullet hole in your chest.
A sucking wound?
A sucking chest wound, good variety.
Uh, okay.
I guess we gotta get on with the show.
They don't have anything for if you have a hangnail that's cutting downwards, or at least not that I see immediately.
I wonder if they'll be mad at me for that.
We'll see.
Uh, back to the show.
I finally saw a reaction video that doesn't drive me insane with rage.
Rage.
Oh, here it is.
Sorry, I didn't notice that first.
They've got little medical tape.
So I'll get the scissors here.
Are you doing like a live fix me up?
I'm just going to tape over that so it doesn't have a chance to keep splitting.
You know what else might work if you ever have a nail that's cut the wrong way and it's starting to get worse?
I had it on my toe recently.
Clear nail polish.
That works.
Or colored nail polish and then that could be your little excuse for being funky.
Dude, Gino shows up at the bar yesterday and he has, uh, he has, uh, his pinky painted red because his girlfriend painted it on him.
And Anthony goes, you know, dude, I understand you do that because you're into a girl and she wants to do that and you're just like, whatever, honey.
Um, then you go and you take it off immediately after.
And I said, I bet your fucking toes are.
I bet your toes are painted too.
And he goes, No?
Yes, there.
Anyway, sorry, off topic.
Back to work.
Well, one thing about Gino that I really... How did you do that, Shazam?
I just grabbed it real quick.
No, I had to look through the comments.
Oh.
Here's a reaction video that's not remotely annoying.
This is how you do it, folks.
Now, this is gonna be hard because she gets cut off, but she's talking about, I guess, her OnlyFans and what guys ask from her, and then she explains the weirdest request she's ever had.
I wanted me to make chocolate chip cookies, but with my poop baked into them.
That was so good.
See, we don't like this and... I saw one the other day.
The dude was in the foreground and the video was behind him and he was like this the entire time.
Yeah.
He didn't do anything.
What?
What are you?
What?
Look, imagine you were her dad.
Hey Herdad, you fucked up.
You have failed.
Imagine you're, like, I wish my face was like a punchline like that.
Like obviously it looks retarded but it's not like I could just get away with like going... Like he's not even making an expression.
He's just going... Well he knows that too and he knows how to use it.
Right.
He's got legs!
He's got face!
He knows how to use it!
Um...
You know who else had that, obviously, is John Belushi.
In Animal House, he barely uses any... his eyebrows are half the movie, especially the cafeteria scene.
Wait, does she have terrible tits, too?
I haven't been able to figure out what's going on with those.
I think that's the name of the show.
Terrible Tits 2?
Yeah.
Oh my god, they're splashing over like the rocks of Gibraltar.
What is going on with those?
They look like dumplings or some sort of weird bags of milk, which I guess tits are.
What is dirty seed confessions?
Dirty street confessions.
Pull that up, Jamie.
Dirty street confessions.
Dirty seed.
I saw a street.
Oh.
I saw a seed.
In Quebecois, most of their swear words are French, but they're just catching up now, like this century, with Good swear words where it's not against the church and it's like sexual.
But they're still weird about it.
Like, sus ma gran sal.
That means suck my dirty seed.
Meaning my dirty sperm.
It's like your grandmother's trying to swear.
They have the dumbest swears.
So for now it's one story but probably more.
I had a threesome with a guy and his mom and that was like his birth mother.
Wait, dude, I gotta say something when blacks Tell you their dirty sex secrets.
I'm my jaw Consistently hits the floor.
Yeah, it's always incestual or like it's always like when I was a I fucked my eight-year-old cousin Yeah, and you're like what?
What she gets Hold on, hold on, hold on.
It was amazing.
When you say threesome, everybody interacted with each other.
She was sucking dick.
This should be called Black People Have an Issue.
My jaw rarely hits the floor.
I saw this one you know these the new thing with the kids where they have the phone as a microphone and then someone else is filming and the guy was he was going on his high school I wonder if I have that on my phone and he was getting people to confess the worst things they've ever done And I was like, oh, someone farted on a Thursday.
This is going to be some rude business.
Every single one of them made my hair go white.
Oh, I found it.
I got to send you this.
One time I scalped tickets to the Oz musical.
I was mad at my moms, so I cut her tits off and I wore one of them as a hat for three days.
Then it started stinking so I stopped it.
I was mad at my mom so I killed her mom and then sent my mom her mom's vagina in a plastic bag that said fuck you.
Oh, I punched my brother and said punch buggy red.
But it was blue.
Like, like Larry was telling me the other day, he's like, yo, when I was young, I was like 10, and I'd be fucking all my mom's friends.
You know, I never told her that.
Because she knew, and she was in the room.
I never told her that because, like, she would have killed him.
I'm like, you were 10 years old, slaying pussy?
I go, Larry, you were raped.
Like, fuck you, I ain't raped.
You raped.
This is it.
Alright.
What's the nastiest thing you've ever done?
I was pissed at my mama so I mixed my period blood in her Kool-Aid and I watched her drink it.
What the fuck?
What?
I figured myself I was in a bed with my grandma.
Was she at least asleep?
I made her smell my fingers.
What's the weirdest thing you've ever done?
What?
What's the nastiest thing you've ever done?
I put handcuffs on my nigga and fucked him with a straight.
What's the weirdest thing you've ever done?
My hair was broke and I had my little brother beat my dick for me.
Dude.
No, that's gotta be lies.
That's gotta be lies.
No, it's not lies.
It's not lies.
We're experiencing culture shock right now.
What's the weirdest thing you've ever done?
I put my finger in my butt and then I licked it like it was Nutella.
I was babysitting this sixth grader and we ended up fucking.
You know everything your guys have said is a crime, right?
You know you're just listing felonies, right?
I want to find that guy's face that just... How do I find that face react?
We should get that.
I don't know.
That black guy's face just going... Once again, you're derailing the show by going back in time.
But is it worth getting that?
You want that?
No.
Don't... Didn't I just tell you not to derail the show by going back in time?
And then you derail the show by going back in time.
If you have time on your own, you can look something up, but do not interrupt me by going back in time.
Got it?
Okay.
Confirmed?
Yeah.
Alright, let's get into some racism.
No.
Yes.
Fine.
We added a new thing to it.
See if you notice.
I'm a black female.
What other difference, what else could I have done to piss you off?
A black woman?
This is really inconvenient.
- Stop raising! - I have a dream. - Oh, Black Betty, bam, bam.
Whoa, Black Betty, bam, bam, black Betty.
Had a child, bam, bam, the damn thing going wild. - All right, so, all we hear about all day is racists.
And America's racist, is systemic racism.
You're racist, I'm racist, your baby's racist.
I've seen that.
Is your baby racist was on the cover of Newsweek.
So, we've challenged ourselves many times to find something that isn't racist.
Gatorade, guns, cowboy hats, no matter what pops into your head, Google it and it will be racist.
And you go, but I've never met one of these people.
I keep hearing that they're everywhere, and you won't show me any.
And then someone finds one, and he becomes an internet celebrity.
And you go, okay, so this is the guy I've been hearing about in the New York Times, at BuzzFeed, Newsweek, Time, CNN, MSNBC.
This is who they're calling us.
And then I check him out and I'm like, you're the villain of America?
Like, what does Joe Biden say?
The number one threat to this country is white supremacy.
OK, well, can I check out the number one threat?
I'd like to see it, please.
All right.
Come on, man.
It's right here.
OK, let's check it out.
Black people apparently love to shoot other black people.
White people, wiggers, try and act black.
They look silly.
You've instantly taken care of one.
Yeah, I know them well.
I practice white flight.
If she were black, would you guys be together?
Oh, no.
So, would you prefer there be no black people?
I don't want to be around them.
One's love for diversity usually increases with their distance from it.
You think if you had a grandchild that was black, you would love him?
I wouldn't have a grandchild that was black.
What are your thoughts on Pride Month?
A mental illness month, you say?
I observed that mental illness was contagious.
If you're rounded enough, you then begin to ignore it, then accept and then embrace and become part of it.
You had a kid who was five years old and they said, Daddy, I'm a guy, but I think I'm a girl.
What would you say?
I think we would start working on correcting that issue.
I don't want an insane child.
Do you need an injection?
Hell no.
What are your thoughts on the people that did?
I didn't make no mistake.
I didn't force it on anyone.
And I didn't denigrate them for refusing to take the back.
So I ain't forgiving nothing.
How about y'all all commit suicide and make my day?
If you're afraid to say something, you don't have freedom of speech.
I'll gain my freedom by having nothing left to lose.
You don't see this in nature unless there's some sort of chemical contaminants.
Do you think the Chinese or the Russians fear our soldiers?
Forget G.I.
Jane, we got G.I.
****.
You were president of the United States, how would this country look today?
Expected to be assassinated before my acceptance speech.
Quickest presidency you've ever seen!
That's the boogeyman?
That's the guy you've been telling me about?
That's the guy who is everything wrong with America?
He didn't even say he wants black people to leave.
He just doesn't want to be around them.
Okay.
By the way, most rich white liberals are very careful to choose rich white liberal areas and their kids go to schools that are blindingly white.
And it's true, the less black people there are in a community, the more they cherish the few that remain.
Like my neighbors who said, happy birthday Freddy in balloons, which is not cheap by the way, for their black FedEx delivery guy.
What?
At the old bar I used to go to in my all-white community of all-white liberals, disproportionately Jewish, there's an old black man who comes into the bar.
He drinks for free.
He comes in from Mount Vernon to drink for free.
Okay.
It's all perfectly legal.
Speaking of which, I'm about to go behind the paywall.
Without further to do, I'd like to bid adieu to you, you cheap ass who can't spend $10 a month.
I give a show a day, no matter what.
We're in Florida this weekend.
To go perform in front of 12 people in Boca Raton in Tampa.
The link's been below there, censored.tv slash tour.
You can still get tickets, believe it or not.
You will be safe.
Proud Boys will be there making sure you are safe.
It's going to be awesome.
It's totally uncensored comedy.
Anthony said the funniest thing last night.
We were talking to a friend and I go, yeah, we're leaving for Florida on Friday.
And he goes, He goes, uh, oh you do stand-up comedy and he goes no, it's more offensive spoken word And I go fuck you just named the next tour You just, you just christened that boat.
So that's going to be fun no matter who shows up.
But we'd really like if you live near Tampa on Saturday or Boca Raton on Sunday and you can see the exact, we've given up the location too.
But with this, the documentary crew that's following me, they're going to be there too.
And I thought if we bomb and no one's there, that's actually pretty interesting.
That's funny.
So it's win-win.
We either slay to a bunch of people or we slay three people.
Still slaying.
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God, it would be cool if that was your voice, huh?
Well, last night it was actually Michael Lincoln.
That's kind of different.
I'm an old, wise black man with a heart of gold.
You're a younger gay dude.
What's that guy?
Duncan?
Michael Duncan.
Yeah, Michael Clark Duncan.
He had that huge voice where he'd say, hey boy, if you bring that over here, I'll be much obliged.
Everyone wants that one, a friend like that.
I want, everyone wants like a blind friend.
Yeah, like a black friend cause it's like having a friend with a handicap.
An old black man friend.
Hey Gavin, how you doing?
Just some kind of handicap.
Pretty good, Darius.
Michael Clarke Duncan.
Jamaican friend.
Well, go on, Kevin.
You got the Babylon closing and yadda yadda.
Yeah, it's a tough day at work.
All these blood clot batty boys vexing me so, you know what I mean?
Nobody saw, except me.
Except me.
You see, some actors won't sit and run lines with you when they're off camera.
And you know who you are, because some of y'all right in here.
Some of y'all right in the air.
What's the lowest your voice can go?
That'd be funny if he called them out.
Assholes like Robert De Niro.
Christopher Guest.
Jamie Lee Curtis.
And lastly, the biggest cunt I ever met in my life, right there, Joe Pesci.
And also me.
I don't do that shit.
I don't do that shit?
Fuck that shit.
You think I got time for that shit?
Stop asking me to run lines, by the way, now that we're all together.
Alright, that's it for the free pre-show.
I'm going to stay with you, though, folks, because I love you.
But for all you freeloaders out there, Oh wait!
One last thing.
Need a fashions.
Of course.
Who made this suit and all my suits.
Custom made.
Look at this beautiful cream interior.
Beautiful cream.
It's got your name there.
Great name.
Gavin McInnes.
Spelled right for a change.
Gorgeous.
Only people that can spell my name and pronounce it.
You want to see my suit?
Sure.
I'll send it to you while you keep boasting about these suits.
Pull it up on the fucking screen, genie arse.
I have to send it from my phone.
But yeah, I'm gonna.
But pull up their schedule, because I think they're going to be in Florida while we're in Florida.
They are, yes.
So what's the date today?
It's the 14th?
Scooch that over a little bit.
Actually, you should use a totally different thing.
Yeah, so they're in Atlanta right now.
If you're in Atlanta, go get them.
West Palm Beach this weekend, right until the 19th.
And then they move over to Miami.
That's their last date for, wait a minute, is there an overlap there?
They're in West Palm Beach till the, does that say the 18th?
Oh, the 16th, sorry.
And then the next day they're in Miami to finalize their tour.
Floridians, I highly recommend you get suited up and measured.
Then you just look at fabrics all day.
That's too dark, I can't see shizzit.
Why would you take a picture in a doorway?
It's where my mirror is.
Change the contrast or something, bro.
You look like a floating head.
We could see it here at home, but I'll brighten it up for you.
But it's beautiful.
It fits fantastic.
Like you said, it's like pajamas.
It's like PJs.
You don't change it when you get home.
And it's cool that your kids always see you in a suit, too.
You just feel like a better man.
So you had a vest made?
You queer?
Yeah.
You did?
Yeah, I've always wanted a vest.
I hate three-piece suits.
It feels great, and you know what?
You never feel fat.
It, like, sucks in whatever fat when you're sitting down.