Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S4E271 - TERRIBLE TITS, TOO (Part 1)

July 14, 2023 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

50:10

S4E271 - TERRIBLE TITS, TOO (Part 1)

This is less than half of the full episode, sign up you gaylord. The sequel. After some alternative music talk and a look at hipster porn star Joanna Angel, we finally find one of these racist white guys everyone's been talking about. Then, Kamala Harris tells us we have to, uh, something about not being burdened by the past. She said it 100 times but it's the least catchy catchphrase ever created.

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	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
	Focus on the cost, that's too bad.
	It's been a long time.
	Longest dream that I've ever had.
	It's been a long time.
	I said I won't get by, I will not try.
	It's been a long time.
	It's been a long time.
	Welcome to the show.
	Welcome to a wee bit of sanity in a world gone mad.
	That was the 415s.
	Their big hit, Living at the O, similar to their super hit, Beer Run.
	That's all I know about these awesome guys because they chose the stupidest fucking name in the world.
	They chose their area code.
	I actually think that was changes by these New South Wales.
	Oh, shit.
	Case of the Monday show notes.
	Somebody's got a case of the Mondays on Friday, on the Fridays.
	Yeah, New South Wales.
	Sorry.
	The New South Wales are an awesome band from, obviously, Australia.
	And they've got a reality show out that's like Spinal Tap.
	So the band is real, but the joke is fake.
	So pull that up.
	Oh, I have something to send you.
	You're going to love, Ryan.
	Pull that up, man.
	Yeah, you're going to love this.
	Uh-oh, is it mean to me?
	No, it's really nice to you.
	I'm dubious of you, McInnes.
	Why would I ever be mean to you?
	How about you?
	Yes.
	Oh, my God.
	Go to one, two.
	Fucking one night.
	So I just discovered this show because of this song, actually, when I was looking at the band, and they're pretty good actors.
	It's fun.
	These New South Wales are the punk flood of the Concords, but their hit mockumentary blurs the line between comedy and reality.
	So I think they do this shit at actual shows.
	Go to the bottom.
	There's a video there.
	Hit it.
	Australia is going through a fucking renaissance.
	My cop buddy Mike says, no, no, it's always been like that.
	The Saints, Celibate Rifles, the Hard-ons.
	Yeah, this feels different.
	The new Australia hits different.
	They're flattered.
	film that I was Bronson and round the twist.
	My dad used to fuck Jeff's mum.
	I mean, it looks like a total .
	Yeah, baby.
	Getting this record deal is a breaking point in your career.
	This is the day it all changed.
	This is Elvis, Elvis impersonator, but most importantly, band manager.
	Elvis never had a beard.
	Mate, you're a fucking idiot.
	You never tell the band who's coming to the show.
	Jimmy Barnes come.
	The Australian industry have done nothing but ignored us.
	We're still interested, but it's going to cost you triple.
	It's absolutely packed.
	Front to back, I'm holding on.
	Senior's nervous.
	So it looks cool.
	You know, bands, I've said this a million times.
	Kids who went to boarding school are funny because you're just with dudes all the time riffing.
	Similarly, guys in bands are all funny and good actors and getting good at it, if you will.
	Like Portlandio, right?
	How good are Fred and Carrie?
	It's because they're in a van for nine hours driving, just riffing.
	There should be more spinal tap-type shows.
	They're gifted.
	Musicians are funny.
	The strokes are really funny.
	And that's boarding school kids who are also in a band, Double Whammy.
	And they're huge comedy fans.
	I think David Cross did a video with them, didn't he?
	Look that up, Jamie.
	By the way, did you see the video I sent you?
	Yeah, what the f?
	Did you put that there?
	Show it.
	There's a little silverfish.
	I hate those things.
	Did you put that there?
	Yes.
	Because that's why it's limping because you crushed his leg?
	No, he's trying to figure out how to get down.
	He's there now.
	That video.
	No, he's gone.
	No, he's somewhere there.
	Well, fuck.
	I know you hate bugs, so it's really hard to catch a silverfish because they're so flat.
	But I got on a piece of paper, I got on my hands, I put it on your buttons.
	It was there for a while, but you had to go take a nine-hour shit.
	You're really pushing my bugtons.
	So he escaped to the top, and if he's not there now, he's probably underneath, just waiting to skittle out across your fingies.
	So there is a silverfish lurking, and they love the warmth, so he's not going anywhere.
	I'm going to start a fire away from me.
	I hate their name, too, Silverfish.
	I know.
	Where'd you get the fish?
	What's fish?
	I'll puke.
	I used to eat shit like that for a dare.
	You're kidding.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I used to eat ants.
	I eat an ant sandwich off the floor, but I'd still eat a sandwich off the floor just to gross people out.
	But yeah, after hearing about that guy who...
	What?
	What?
	Is it over there?
	Yeah.
	How do you get down so fast?
	I spoke to him and I told him he's using you.
	And he doesn't like to be used.
	I don't know why.
	I feel like it's a good sign that we see silverfish, not mice.
	Yeah.
	Because if there was a mouse, he'd probably eat it.
	I don't know if that makes sense.
	Maybe, no, that's...
	But if you're down to prehistoric animals like a silverfish, we're really scraping the bottom of the barrel as far as pests go.
	Now I feel stuff all over my body, and it's not there.
	Good.
	That was my goal.
	Yes, some mice eat insects, but not all do.
	Fruit, chocolate, cereal, dog hood, basin flies.
	Okay, thank you.
	They were getting canceled for being on a podcast where Nick, what's his name, made, Mullen?
	Nick Mullen made a joke, a funny joke, a smart joke, about what it would be like at the Holocaust with a Japanese guard.
	These linen suits are so thin that they lose their shape.
	Look at that.
	You can see the back of my top button.
	You got a sort of extra iron linen to form it.
	Yeah.
	It just becomes a blob.
	The collars are staying there.
	That's good.
	Yeah, maybe I'm wrong.
	Maybe my dry cleaner just fucked up.
	My last dry cleaning bill was two suits like this, maybe four shirts.
	Guess how much it was?
	$86?
	Mine was two pairs of pants, four shirts, $43.
	Oh, I got to change my...
	I'm going to start bringing all my shit here to the hood.
	I just, I don't like that they don't speak English and shit like that, but fuck it.
	No more rich suburban dry cleaners.
	Starting today, guys, mark my words, which reminds you, reminds me that this is the Friday show.
	We'll get to the funny 1975 guy in a second.
	I'm on Purple Works right now.
	I'm on this drug.
	Larry Barnes said to me, I have the most heart out of any boxer in the gym.
	Really?
	He said, heart, you're a 10.
	I go, what about fighting?
	He goes, three.
	It's not bad.
	Oh, well, it's not zero.
	That's the funny thing about men.
	When we get like a bad score, we're just like, yep.
	Like if some chick went up to me and she went, looks-wise, you're like a five.
	I'd go, oh, okay.
	That sucks.
	I was hoping it would be more than that.
	You tell a woman she's ugly, and it's like, that's assault.
	Right.
	I'm Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
	Okay, let me try this.
	I'm Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
	I would like to tell you about a great American company, Purple Works Nutrition.
	You've probably seen the viral videos of me pumping iron and doing push-ups.
	Purple Works pre-workout is the reason I'm able to drop sets of 50 pounds in the blazing California sun.
	This pre-workout is American-made.
	They have no artificial dyes, preservatives, or hidden rMNA vaccines.
	Unlike other products, Purple Works Nutrition Lemonade Pre-Workout does not cause autism.
	You want to steer clear.
	He must get so tired talking like that.
	Yeah, that was an exhausting celeb mailbag to do.
	You want to, because you've got to tense your stomach.
	My abs.
	Yeah, yeah.
	But I'm on pre-workout, so I don't mind.
	By the way, three weeks away from the gym, first week back, we're Friday now, the rotundess is gone.
	I'm still fat, but that sort of balloon belly is gone.
	And I think part of it, too, is like you're drinking at night and you go, oh, fuck, I got to hit the gym tomorrow.
	I don't want to be dry heaving the whole time.
	So I'm going to stop.
	Whereas if you know you're not going to the gym the next day, you're like, I might as well have one more.
	Yeah.
	For me, it's eating late.
	Oh, yeah.
	I keep forgetting how much less fun you are.
	You want to steer clear of some of these other pre-workout products like they were a 1961 Lincoln Continental with the top down on a cool November afternoon in Dallas.
	A lot of the science is saying that I crush it at the gym and that I am shredded, jacked, and single-handedly changing the Democratic Party.
	I've never taken HGH or any other steroid.
	These muscles are from Purple Works'high-quality blend of kerosene.
	Kernosin.
	Carnosine?
	Cardosine, beta-alanine, caffeine, vitamins, and green tree extract.
	Does he want you to be reading this?
	I don't know.
	It could be posted.
	Gavin, you have the day off from the Purple Works ad.
	Ryan is going to be doing the RFK impression.
	Oh.
	Uh-oh.
	Okay, Ryan.
	Do you have the email?
	Yeah, you do.
	So start at Green Tree Extract.
	Green Tea Extract.
	And you've got to set up your RFK Junior face.
	Is that going to take a while?
	I'll just finish this paragraph.
	Have you ever wondered how I have the strength to appear on every podcast known to man?
	You guessed it.
	Purple works pre-workout.
	Okay, you do the last paragraph.
	Okay.
	I got two computers.
	I'm on it now.
	Last paragraph, here we come.
	If my wife, Cheryl, right?
	Yes.
	Okay.
	The face is still loading.
	You know, they say you should put it in the shaker and then have it over the course of the workout.
	That's great.
	Sangu.
	But I like to just, I just have a thing of water.
	I'm already dehydrated in the morning anyway.
	I don't do a whole scoop, as I told you a million times.
	I take like a teaspoon, I plop it in, I shake it around, and then I just go, and I drink it all in one.
	Because they say it takes half an hour to get going.
	And if I do it at 9, by the time I get to my workout at 9.30, I've got the tingles, the prickly hands.
	Of course.
	The tingles are one of the most important parts about it because you can feel it working.
	Us Americans, we like to see the results.
	Wait, where's the video's all fucked up?
	We like to feel the results, too.
	So that's the important thing about Purple Works nutrition.
	And by the way, if my wife Cheryl allows me, I'm looking forward to trying their brand new lineup of Italian coffees.
	I love coffee.
	Everybody knows.
	Heavily used to be addicted to stimulants, basically.
	But my uncle and father both loved fine Italian coffee at a very low price point.
	So Purple Works is now instant coffee and two varieties of ground organic coffee and a gigantic 2.2 pound bag of coffee that I could easily bench press because of the Purple Works pre-workout flowing through my veins at all times.
	And they've done studies on this too.
	It's perfectly safe.
	And so all of that at highly competitive prices.
	You can compare it with any sort of other tub of powders.
	Enter promo code Gavin at checkout for 15% off.
	My balls are starting to hurt from doing this voice.
	RFK, are you mad that I imitated you at the beginning of that ad?
	Not at all.
	I'm more mad at the pain in my groin penis.
	The pain of your growing penis?
	Groin and penis.
	Oh, groin.
	Yeah, because doing this voice, it tends to bring your balls up a little bit.
	It hurts.
	Yeah, I guess so, because you're tensing their stomach muscles.
	You know, those same muscles really help your golf swing.
	Tensing your lower stomach muscles and your swing keeps it straight.
	That's why I have the record for longest drive.
	It's 800 yards.
	I have an 800-yard drive.
	Wow.
	Yes.
	That's longer than most entire holes.
	Thank you.
	Most holes are like 500, 300.
	I appreciate it.
	Look that up, Jamie.
	What is the average length of a golf hole?
	Now, you know how this works, folks?
	Oh, that silverfish is really cooking.
	For men, a typical par 3 hole is less than 250 yards in length.
	With a par four hole ranging between 251 to 450 yards.
	And a par five hole being longer than 450 yards.
	For women, these boundaries are lower.
	I would have thought it was...
	When I play...
	CGI fucking computer-generated golf?
	The driving range?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Virtual golf, it's 500 is very common.
	Yeah.
	That's why, you know, holding ones, I guess, are possible.
	Did I tell you someone's doing a documentary about me?
	They've been following me around for a while.
	Yes.
	And I mentioned it slid mailback.
	I was talking to him yesterday, and I was like, what you want to avoid in a documentary is a Wikipedia page.
	Like He Will Not Divide Us is a really good documentary, but it gets tedious because it's just chronological.
	This happened at this time.
	Joey Shithead's book about DOA is like that too.
	It's just a list.
	No, you got to, like the movie adaptation, you got to wow them in the third act.
	And Plot Against the President.
	Plot Against the President is a fantastic documentary, even though it doesn't use that much video.
	There's a lot of just pictures.
	Because Amanda, what are you doing?
	I just filmed that right now.
	450 yards for one of these diamonds.
	I really don't like those things.
	And usually bugs don't even piss me off the bottom.
	How old is that thing?
	It must be 200 million years old.
	Plot Against the President is a great movie because Amanda Millius, the daughter of John Milius, who did Conan the Barbarian and Dirty Harry, she understands timing and she understands building a story.
	First act, you introduce the characters.
	We get to know you.
	Second act, things are going okay, but there's some conflict and it's getting bad.
	Third act, utter catastrophe and resolution.
	That's how you do.
	A documentary is still a movie.
	So we'll see if it works out with them.
	Anyway, they're kind of cute.
	Like, that makes me hate them way less by seeing their endearing little eyes.
	Oh, wait, I guess my framing is a little off.
	There you go.
	He's cute.
	Cute little guy.
	He's fine.
	Never mind.
	It's just his legs suck.
	Well, that's the problem, too.
	I was trying to grab him, and every time I grabbed him, he just said, fine.
	I'm letting go of that leg.
	I have plenty more.
	You know what I did the other day?
	What?
	I was cleaning up the studio because I knew we had the film guys come in.
	And the glue traps, there was a fly, like a living fly on it, like this.
	He was like, he's like trying to get off.
	And so I was on the phone, I think with Maddie, and I'm just like casually talking to him and then trying to free him from the glue trap with like a safety pin.
	Just like trying to pluck his legs out.
	Oh, lost a leg.
	And by the time I took him off, he was just like, what the fuck?
	Thanks.
	Thanks.
	I guess I can fly away now and never land.
	You took my landing gear.
	Okay, get back to that 1975 being brilliant thing.
	We've got some great MyPet Bidens today, by the way, that you're going to miss if you're watching this for free.
	Control the songs.
	I don't control the songs.
	They can cut me off at any point.
	when I start, whatever, whenever I start talking Sunday, I'm like, They stole their bit.
	Yeah, they did.
	It is kind of the mailbag.
	Keep going, shithead.
	Oh, I thought that was it.
	Right wing.
	I think it's a racist thing to do.
	Jewish guy.
	All the songs.
	The guys can cut me off whenever they want to stop me talking about some nonsense, you know?
	It's not up to me.
	I had this Indian taxi driver.
	Wait, we got to use that riff.
	What song is that?
	Asian People, that's all he said.
	Wait, what's that song?
	We have to use that song.
	What do you think I know?
	The girl bands?
	This is Satirical Genius.
	Oh, that's a good song.
	That is really smart, though.
	What a brilliant way to do a joke.
	And that is a great way to lampoon the left and cancel culture without actually doing it, you know, without actually getting fired and having everyone.
	Without ruining your band and ending the tour.
	Also in the news, I saw something that might explain everything I've ever wondered about Ryan.
	You can be an adult who doesn't have these eyes and still have Down syndrome.
	I don't like Downsy.
	Check out this.
	Now, your daughter is a genius, so that helps refute it.
	It does skip a generation.
	No, it doesn't actually retard.
	I wasn't diagnosed with Down syndrome until I was in my 20s and had two daughters with the condition.
	Here's the subtle symptoms I ignored for years.
	One, I was acting retarded.
	Two, pennies are delicious, but they hurt on the way out.
	Three, I'm strong.
	Four, transformers is cool.
	Four, I thought Hulk was a bad guy.
	He's not.
	He's just troubled.
	What were her symptoms?
	She has a rarer form of Down syndrome that only affects her brain.
	Go down.
	No, go back up.
	That only affects 2% of the blah, blah, is all those lead to physical symptoms.
	Growing up, she Said she struggled academically at times.
	You know how many times she said, I'm sorry, I'm like retarded.
	What do you do again?
	I bet she said it 100 times.
	She'd be like, I'm a fucking complete retard, you guys.
	I basically have Down syndrome.
	No, but seriously, what is it?
	And then her doctor goes, You know that joke you always make about how you're basically a retard?
	You are.
	Apparently, God didn't like that too much.
	Yeah.
	Well, she definitely didn't say it after she had those kids.
	Right.
	It's like after you have a daughter, you'll never go to a strip club again.
	Oh, yeah.
	You have to say goodbye to strip clubs.
	Did you know that?
	Ah, dude, I was never really a big fan of fucking strip clubs, dude.
	What is this?
	RFK Burr?
	Yeah, we're both from Boston.
	It's contagious, bro.
	Oh, shit.
	Ah, dude, it's like every fucking time, right?
	It's like I'm at the cash register, and there's like this chick.
	Right.
	I bet she's white.
	Ah, dude, she's a fucking white chick.
	She's got the latte in her hand.
	She's like, oh, Bill, it's brutal.
	I'm like, dude, shut up, dude.
	Slightly more serious topic here.
	I hate these dumb interrogations that we have in the American political system where they have Mark Zuckerberg or Elon Musk or someone sit down and they get questioned by politicians.
	There's never an answer.
	Wait.
	Wait, what's going on?
	Like, God bless these kids are not going to talk about it.
	But that guy looks more Downsy than her.
	Is there a chance he'll gaslit her?
	He's like, no, you probably retarded.
	I'm chill.
	He looks downsy.
	I think the girl on the far right has Down syndrome and the person on the far left has Down syndrome.
	And the kid is normal.
	It's sort of like politics.
	Yeah.
	I'm totally bypassing the kids, but the dad, to me, looks way more down.
	It's a terrible theory, comment, railroads the show.
	You went backwards.
	So don't interrupt me to go back to something if it's not incredibly important.
	And if it's a retarded observation about a retard that's not retarded, then shut up.
	Okay?
	Dude, that's fucking brutal.
	So if they were forced to be honest and they could be charged with contempt of court and we had discovery where we've seen the emails and the answer from him is merely a formality, then yeah, I'll watch it.
	But look at how ineffectual this is.
	1-6.
	How many feds were at Jan 6?
	The answer, by the way, is tons, as confirmed by Tucker Carlson talking to the chief of Capitol Police.
	But what do you say in this kangaroo court that means nothing?
	...
	were either FBI employees or people that the FBI had made contact with We're in the January 6th entry of the Capitol.
	By the way, stop.
	You know, you got good shoulders when you can wear a dress shirt without a blazer and you still look like you have a blazer on.
	Those are some good.
	He looks like he's wearing football pads.
	That's the kind of shoulders every man wants.
	Is that the Paula Poundstone collection?
	Or maybe he has shoulder pads in his shirt.
	So I really need to be careful here talking about where we have or have not used confidential human sources.
	So why are you here?
	Why are you at this interrogation?
	And why is the guy behind you about to pop?
	Keep that guy away from all sharp objects.
	Was there one or more individuals that would fit that description on January 6th that were in or around the Capitol?
	I believe there is a filing in one of the January 6 cases that can provide a little more information about this.
	No, Rafael, I'm asking you to follow back up with you.
	I'm asking you to answer, was there one or more?
	I mean, you would know if there was at least one individual who worked for the FBI who entered the Capitol on that day.
	Again, I just can't speak to that here, but I'm happy to get the court filing that.
	It's been two years.
	And you're now in prison.
	The gentleman asks these questions, makes all kinds of insinuations, and you nod your head yes, and then I ask you simply, was there one or more?
	And you won't answer that.
	So I'm going to make the assumption that there was more than one, more than five, more than ten, and that you're ducking the question because you don't want to answer for the fact that you had at least one and somehow missed understanding that some of the individuals were very dangerous and that there were others inciting individuals to enter the Capitol after others broke the private.
	I'm just going to move on because I think the D.C. courts, the federal government actually, should be on the hook for a lawsuit for Ethan Nordine, Zach Riel, and Joe Biggs.
	All bets are off if feds are in a riot.
	Right?
	Time to move on.
	Past January 6th, I just seems that the other side won't.
	It would make sense if they were there trying to stop stuff from happening.
	That's the only way that would make sense.
	Yes.
	I was looking at liberal Twitter today, and I've noticed they do this thing where they just, when there's, called a conspiracy theory, when there's a theory from the right, if anyone refutes it in any way, you're like, it's been debunked.
	Like Ray Epps.
	We think Ray Epps was part of, was working with the feds.
	That's, I can't believe you're saying, he said he wasn't.
	Oh, shit.
	Oh, okay.
	I had no idea that someone said no.
	Or that kid who was with the Patriot Front, who was a Fed kid, they're like, right-wing conspiracists made this up and ruined his life and said he was a Fed, but he's not a Fed because he said he's not a Fed.
	Or Hunter Biden is accused of having cocaine.
	There's no evidence to support that.
	Yeah.
	We know there's no evidence and there never will be.
	We're going to mention that in MyPet Biden.
	They're saying, we can't find who did it.
	That means that you give up.
	Or more specifically, you won't give him up.
	Which means it's Hunter Biden.
	By the way, if I was controlling the White House, I'd pay a guy $10,000 and say, you got to take the fall for this Coke.
	I can't have the president's son on the line.
	Too risky.
	Which brings us to remember, we're in the free portion of the show.
	Don't worry.
	When we go behind the paywall, we're going to have lots of fun with racism, My Pet Biden.
	Oh my God, all kinds of mailbag stuff.
	It's going to be fun.
	But JumpMedic is the first and only company.
	Look at this.
	Look at this, man.
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	This is crazy.
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	If you watched Get Off My Lawn over the last several months, you've seen this amazing bag, the JumpMedic Pro, which I will tell you about in a minute.
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	It's not Build-A-Bear, and it's certainly not Build-A-Berg.
	It's simply the world's first and finest option to customize your family's first aid needs with just a few clicks on your computer.
	Go to jumpmedic.com, bag build, and select what you want from their convenient drop-down menu.
	You can get one or more of their awesome Pro or Go bags, or you can skip the bags altogether and just stock up on first aid supplies to your heart's content.
	Because he's the world's best producer, that must be a typo.
	Ryan Katsu-Rivera is on the Build-A-Bag page on the JumpMedic website, showing you their plethora of amazing options.
	JumpMedic has more bandages than I even ever knew existed.
	Stethoscopes, blood pressure cuffs, shears, CPR masks, splints.
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	Great for hunters, campers, gun enthusiasts, or anyone who will live through the immense explosions of bullshit and psyops that are no doubt about to happen in the run-up to 2024.
	As always, they have the JumpMedic Pro, the great bag with the flat lay design, which comes with the extremely portable Jump Medic Go bag.
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	In a couple of weeks, we'll let our faithful viewers know who sucks.
	Once and for all.
	I'm pretty sure it's Ryan.
	I actually have an issue.
	Tissue issue?
	I have a nail.
	One of my nails is there's a chip in it, but it's going down.
	And it's just growing.
	And it's very painful.
	I put crazy glue on it.
	And look at that.
	We've got hot packs, cold compressors.
	We've got some kind of thing for cutting stuff.
	We've got...
	Oh, I think that's an anal temperature doohickey.
	Compressors, gauze.
	It's a folded up.
	Oh, just a thing at the hand sanitizer.
	What is this?
	Ivy rid spray.
	Oh, this is good for campers.
	You gotta get this shit going.
	Hold on a second, sorry.
	Here we go.
	I'm going to go ahead and do it.
	I'm not doing a very good job here, am I?
	Well, that's okay.
	You know, because it's like if you have like a bloody, bloody arm, you know.
	What's this little pouch in the front?
	Oh, a thing for checking your heart rate.
	That's handy.
	And for ladies out there, too, think about how much makeup you could pack in there.
	It could be like a really intense purse.
	You know what I was putting on it before?
	Was crazy glue.
	Chest seal vented.
	Wow.
	The amazing thing about this kit is it's got normal stuff for minor abrasions, but it also has stuff for if you have a giant bullet hole in your chest.
	A sucking wound.
	A sucking chest wound.
	Good variety.
	Okay, I guess we're going to get on with the show.
	They don't have anything for if you have a hangnail that's cutting downwards, or at least not that I see immediately.
	I wonder if they'll be mad at me for that.
	We'll see.
	Back to the show.
	I finally saw a reaction video that doesn't drive me insane with rage.
	Rage.
	Oh, here it is.
	Sorry, I didn't notice that first.
	They've got little medical tape.
	So I'll get the scissors here.
	Are you doing like a live fix me up?
	I'm just going to tape over that so it doesn't have a chance to keep splitting.
	You know what else might work if you ever have a nail that's cut the wrong way and it's starting to get worse?
	I had it on my toe recently.
	Clear nail polish.
	That works.
	Or colored nail polish, and then that could be your little excuse for being funky.
	Dude, Gino shows up at the bar yesterday, and he has his pinky painted red because his girlfriend painted it on him.
	And Anthony goes, you know, dude, I understand you do that because you're into a girl and she wants to do that, and you're just like, whatever, honey.
	Then you go and you take it off immediately after.
	And I said, I bet your fucking toes are.
	I bet your toes are painted too.
	And he goes, no.
	Yes, they are.
	Anyway, sorry, off topic.
	Back to work.
	Well, one thing about Gino that I really.
	How did you do that, Shazam?
	I just grabbed it real quick.
	No, I had to look through the comments.
	Oh.
	Here's a reaction video that's not remotely annoying.
	This is how you do it, folks.
	Now, this is going to be hard because she gets cut off, but she's talking about, I guess, her OnlyFans and what guys ask from her.
	And then she explains the weirdest request she's ever had.
	A guy wanted me to make chocolate chip cookies, but with my poop baked into them.
	Wow, that was so good.
	That was.
	See, we don't like this.
	And I saw one the other day.
	The dude was in the foreground, and the video was behind him, and he was like this the entire time.
	Yeah.
	He didn't do anything.
	What?
	What are you.
	What?
	Look, imagine you were her dad.
	Hey, her dad.
	You fucked up.
	You have failed.
	Imagine you.
	I wish my face was a punchline like that.
	Obviously, it looks retarded, but it's not like I could just get away with going...
	He's just going.
	Well, he knows that, too, and he knows how to use it.
	Right.
	He's got legs.
	He's got fans.
	He knows how to use it.
	You know who else had that, obviously, is John Belushi.
	In Animal House, he barely uses any...
	Wait, does she have terrible tits, too?
	I haven't been able to figure out what's going on with those.
	I think that's the name of the show.
	Terrible tits, too?
	Yeah.
	Oh, my God.
	They're splashing over like the rocks of Gibraltar.
	What is going on with those?
	They look like dumplings or some sort of weird bags of milk, which I guess tits are.
	Yeah.
	What is Dirty Seed Confessions?
	Dirty Street Confessions.
	Pull that up, Jamie.
	Dirty Street Confessions.
	Dirty Seed.
	I saw a street confession.
	Oh.
	I saw a seed.
	And, uh...
	In Quebecois, most of their swear words are French, but they're just catching up now, like this century, with good swear words where it's not against the church and it's like sexual.
	But they're still weird about it.
	Like, sis my grandsal.
	That means, suck my dirty seed, meaning my dirty sperm.
	It's like your grandmother's trying to swear.
	They have the dumbest swears.
	Well, for now, it's one story, but probably more.
	I had a threesome with a guy and his mom, and that was like his birth mother.
	Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
	Dude, I got to say something.
	When blacks tell you their dirty sex secrets, my jaw consistently hits the floor.
	Yeah, it's always incestual or like when I was appropriate, I fucked my eight-year-old cousin.
	Yeah.
	And you're like, what?
	What she got.
	Hold on.
	Hold on.
	Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
	So it was amazing.
	When you say threesome, everybody interacted with each other.
	She was sucking dick.
	Oh, my God.
	Oh, my God.
	This should be called Black People Have an Issue.
	My jaw rarely hits the floor.
	I saw this one, you know, the new thing with the kids where they have the phone as a microphone and then someone else is filming.
	And the guy was going on his high school.
	I wonder if I have that on my phone.
	And he was getting people to confess the worst things they've ever done.
	And I was like, oh, someone farted on a Thursday.
	This is going to be some rude business.
	Every single one of them made my hair go white.
	Oh, I found it.
	I got to send you this.
	One time I scalped tickets to the Oz musical.
	I was mad at my mom's, so I cut her tits off.
	And I wore one of them as a hat for three days.
	Then it started stinking, so I stopped there.
	I was mad at my mom's, so I killed her mom and then sent my mom her mom's vagina in a plastic bag that said, fuck you.
	Oh, I punched my brother and said, punch Buggy Red.
	When it was blue.
	Like Larry was telling me the other day.
	He's like, yo, when I was young, I was like 10, and I'd be fucking all my mom's friends.
	You know, I never told her that.
	Because she knew, and she was in the room.
	I never told her that because she would have killed him.
	I'm like, you were 10 years old slaying pussy?
	I go, Larry, you were raped.
	Like, fuck you.
	I ain't raped.
	You raped.
	This is it.
	What's the nastiest thing you ever done?
	I was pissed down.
	Mama's so I mixed my period blood in her Kool-Aid and I watched her drink it.
	What the fuck?
	What?
	I figured myself I was in a bed with my grandma.
	Was she at least asleep?
	I made her smell my fingers.
	What's the whip, dude?
	What?
	What?
	Thing you ever done?
	I put handcuffs on my nigga and fucked him with a straight.
	What's the weirdest thing you ever done?
	My hand was broke and I had my little brother beat my dick for me.
	Dude.
	No, that's got to be lies.
	This got to be lies.
	No, it's not lies.
	It's not lies.
	We're experiencing culture shock right now.
	What's the weirdest thing you ever done?
	I put my finger in my butt and then I licked it like it was Nutella.
	I was basically sitting in sixth grader and we ended up fucking.
	You know everything you guys have said is a crime, right?
	You know you're just listing felonies, right?
	I want to find that guy's face that just...
	We should get that.
	I don't know.
	That black guy's face just going on.
	Once again, you're derailing the show by going back in time.
	But is it worth getting that you want that?
	No.
	Didn't I just tell you not to derail the show by going back in time?
	And then you derail the show by going back in time.
	If you have time on your own, you can look something up, but do not interrupt me by going back in time.
	Got it?
	Okay.
	Confirmed?
	Yeah.
	All right, let's get into some racism.
	No.
	Yes.
	Fine.
	We added a new thing to it.
	See if you notice.
	I'm a black female.
	What other difference?
	Black woman?
	This is really inconvenient.
	All right, so all we hear about all day is racists.
	And America's racist is systemic racism.
	You're racist, I'm racist.
	Your baby's racist.
	I've seen that.
	Is Your Baby Racist was on the cover of Newsweek.
	So we've challenged ourselves many times to find something that isn't racist.
	Gatorade, guns, cowboy hats.
	No matter what pops into your head, Google it and it will be racist.
	And you go, but I've never met one of these people.
	I keep hearing that they're everywhere and you won't show me any.
	And then someone finds one and he becomes an internet celebrity and you go, okay, so this is the guy I've been hearing about in the New York Times, at BuzzFeed, Newsweek, Time, CNN, MSNBC.
	This is who they're calling us.
	And then I check him out and I'm like, you're the villain of America?
	Like, what does Joe Biden say?
	The number one threat to this country is white supremacy.
	Okay.
	Well, can I check out the number one threat?
	I'd like to see it, please.
	All right.
	Come on, man.
	It's right here.
	Okay, let's check it out.
	Black people apparently love to shoot other black people.
	White people, wiggers, try and act black.
	They accelerate.
	You've instantly taken care of white.
	Yeah, I know them well.
	I practice white flight.
	If she were black, would you guys be together?
	Oh, no.
	So would you prefer there be no black people?
	I don't want to be around them.
	One's love for diversity usually increases with their distance from it.
	You think if you had a grandchild that was black, you would love them?
	I wouldn't have a grandchild that was black.
	What are your thoughts on Pride Month?
	A mental illness month, you say.
	I observed that mental illness was contagious.
	If you're around it enough, you then begin to ignore it, then accept, and then embrace and become part of it.
	You had a kid who was five years old and they said, Daddy, I'm a guy, but I think I'm a girl.
	What would you say?
	I think we would start working on correcting that issue.
	I don't want an insane child.
	Hell no.
	What are your thoughts on the people that did?
	I didn't make no mistake.
	I didn't force it on anyone.
	And I didn't dedenigrate them for refusing to take the bat.
	So I ain't forgiven nothing.
	How about y'all all commit side and make my day a right?
	If you're afraid to say something, you don't have freedom of speech.
	I'll gain my freedom by having nothing left to lose.
	Any thoughts on gay people?
	You don't see this in nature unless there's some sort of chemical contaminants.
	Do you think the Chinese or the Russians fear our soldiers?
	Forget G.I. Jane.
	We got G.I. f ⁇ ed.
	President of the United States, how'd this country look today?
	Expected to be assassinated before my acceptance speak.
	Quickest presidency you've ever seen.
	That's the boogeyman?
	That's the guy you've been telling me about?
	That's the guy who is everything wrong with America?
	He didn't even say he wants black people to leave.
	He just doesn't want to be around them.
	Okay.
	By the way, most rich white liberals are very careful to choose rich white liberal areas and their kids go to schools that are blindingly white.
	And it's true, the less black people there are in a community, the more they cherish the few that remain.
	Like my neighbors who said, happy birthday, Freddie, in balloons, which is not cheap, by the way, for their black FedEx delivery guy.
	What?
	At the old bar I used to go to, in my all-white community of all-white liberals, disproportionately Jewish, there's an old black man who comes into the bar.
	He drinks for free.
	He comes in from Mount Vernon to drink for free.
	Okay.
	It's all perfectly legal.
	Speaking of which, I'm about to go behind the paywall.
	So without further to do, I'd like to bid adieu to you, you cheap ass, who can't spend $10 a month.
	I give a show a day, no matter what.
	We're in Florida this weekend to go perform in front of 12 people in Boca Raton and Tampa.
	The link's been below there, censored.tv slash tour.
	You can still get tickets, believe it or not.
	You will be safe.
	Proud boys will be there making sure you are safe.
	It's going to be awesome.
	It's totally uncensored comedy.
	Anthony said the funniest thing last night.
	We were talking to a friend and I go, yeah, we're leaving for Florida on Friday.
	And he goes, he goes, oh, you do stand-up comedy?
	And he goes, no, it's more offensive spoken word.
	And I go, fucked.
	You just named the next tour.
	You just christened that boat.
	So that's going to be fun no matter who shows up.
	But we'd really like if you live near Tampa on Saturday or Boca Raton on Sunday and you can see the exact, we've given up the location too.
	But with the documentary crew that's following me, they're going to be there too.
	And I thought, if we bomb and no one's there, that's actually pretty interesting.
	That's funny.
	So it's win-win.
	We either slay to a bunch of people or we slay three people.
	Still slaying.
	All right, Johnny Apple CBD.
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	That's a fact, Jack.
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	Are you going to show the site anytime soon?
	They help alleviate nerve and stress and are great.
	Recovery after hard work.
	I've noticed when I take these at night, I don't wake up with the terrors.
	I also noticed, I'm talking about the gummies specifically, that I'll look back at my dreams and I went to the movies.
	I went and saw a lot of movies last night and I didn't wake up all night.
	If you're looking for something, oh, and also the guys at my gym talk about the CBD topical.
	I've never actually tried that.
	I don't really have sore muscles.
	I don't work hard enough to get sore muscles.
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	God, it would be cool if that was your voice, huh?
	Well, last night it was actually Michael linking it, so it's that's kind of different.
	I'm an old, wise black man with a heart of gold.
	Like Michael, too.
	You're a younger gay dude.
	What's that guy?
	Duncan?
	Michael Duncan.
	Yeah, Michael Clark Duncan.
	He had that huge voice where he said, hey, boy, if you bring that over here, I'll be much obliged.
	Everyone wants that one, a friend like that.
	Everyone wants a blind friend.
	Yeah, like a black friend because it's like having a friend.
	An old black man friend.
	Hey, Gavin, how are you doing?
	Some kind of handicap.
	Pretty good, Darius.
	Michael Clark Duncan.
	A Jamaican friend?
	Yeah, it's a tough day at work.
	All these blood-clot batty boys vexing me so, you know what I mean?
	Michael Clark Duncan.
	That nobody saw except me.
	Except me.
	You see, some actors won't sit and run lines with you when they're off camera.
	And you know who you are because some of y'all right in here.
	Should be all right in the air.
	What's the lowest your boys can go?
	That'd be funny if you called them out.
	Assholes like Robert De Niro, Christopher Guest, Jamie Lee Curtis.
	And lastly, the biggest cunt I ever met in my life, right there, Joe Pitchy.
	And also, me.
	I don't do that shit.
	I don't do that shit.
	You think I got time for that shit?
	Stop asking me to run lines, by the way, now that you're all together.
	All right, that's it for the free pre-show.
	I'm going to stay with you, though, folks, because I love you.
	But for all you freeloaders out there.
	Oh, wait.
	One last thing.
	Nita Fashions.
	Of course.
	Made this suit and all my suits.
	Custom-made.
	Look at this beautiful cream interior.
	Beautiful cream.
	Got your name there.
	Great name.
	Gavin McInnes.
	Spelled right for a change.
	Gorgeous.
	Only people that can spell my name and pronounce it.
	You want to see my suit?
	Sure.
	I'll send it to you while you keep boasting about these suits.
	Pull it up on the fucking screen, Genie Ars.
	I have to send it from my phone.
	But yeah, I'm going to.
	But pull up their schedule because I think they're going to be in Florida while we're in Florida.
	They are, yes.
	So what's the date today?
	I'm going to get some 14th?
	Scooch that over a little bit.
	Actually, you should use a totally different thing.
	Yeah.
	So they're in Atlanta right now.
	If you're in Atlanta, go get them.
	West Palm Beach this weekend, right until the 19th.
	And then they move over to Miami.
	That's their last date for...
	Is there an overlap there?
	They're in West Palm Beach to the Oh, the 16th.
	Sorry.
	And then the next day they're in Miami to finalize their tour.
	Floridians, I highly recommend you get suited up and measured.
	Then you just look at fabrics all day.
	It's too dark.
	I can't see shizzet.
	Why would you take a picture in a doorway?
	It's where my mirror is.
	Change the contrast or something, bro.
	You just have a floating head.
	We could see it here at home, but I couldn't.
	All right, I'll brighten it up for you there.
	But it's beautiful.
	It fits fantastically.
	Like you said, it's like pajamas.
	It's like PJs.
	You don't change it when you get home.
	And it's cool that your kids always see you in a suit, too.
	You just feel like a better man.
	So you had a vest made, you queer?
	Yeah.
	You did?
	Yeah, I've always wanted a vest.
	I hate three-piece suits.
	It feels great, and you know what?
	You never feel fat.
	It sucks in whatever fat when you're sitting down.
	That's what the great part about that is, really.
	And it helps me support, like, sit up straight.
	It helps your posture, you know?
	It's beautiful.
	I'll take that.
	And then the way the tie disappears.
	And subscribers, stick around.

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