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June 30, 2023 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
43:39
S4E265 - TOUGH GUYS (Part 1)

Back from visiting hooligans on the lam, the G breaks down 10 things he’s learned about hard men. We also look at Queen, Sid Vicious, Paul Weller, Tim Pool, Emma Vigeland, Pit Bulls, and great dads.

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Time Text
*Dramatic Music* *Dramatic Music* *Dramatic Music* *Dramatic Music* *Dramatic Music* *Dramatic Music* *Dramatic Music* Live from New York, it's "Get Off My Lawn" with Gavin McInnis!
*Dramatic Music* *Dramatic Music* *Dramatic Music* *Dramatic Music* *Dramatic Music* *Dramatic Music* They keep promising to rock us in that song and they don't really do it.
They rocked a couple people.
I think they actually rocked everybody.
Putting the sponsors there, proudly displaying them.
Yeah, there's a solo at the end, but Not a big rock... I was not into rock as a young man because I was into punk and you had to choose sides.
It was like in the 70s it was either rock or disco and then punk came along and said all that classic rock sucks and I didn't notice that it rocks until I was like 33.
Then I started discovering bands such as the Rolling Stones and a guy named Bruce Springsteen.
And learn their good.
So that was 1977.
News of the World was the album.
They released that as a B-side to We Are the Champions.
And they were both smash hits, obviously.
Radio stations would play both songs in a row.
Because they're so weird, you can kind of get away with that.
Like, that whole song is acapella, basically.
Until the end.
Says it's only two minutes.
I don't think I've ever noticed that.
Hmm.
That's fucking short.
It's a lot of teasing, not a lot of pleasing.
Frank the Tank wrote a song to the tune of We Didn't Start the Fire, which is Billy Joel, right?
And it's called Mets are a Dumpster Fire.
They are always teasing.
They are never pleasing.
You know, they just came out with, you know, you probably know the Fall Out Boys.
They just came out with one.
No, I did not know that.
You didn't know that?
No.
Everybody's talking about it.
Talking about what?
I think the first lines are Harry Potter, Twilight, something something.
Yeah.
It just came out a day ago.
No, two days ago I guess.
Ew.
Or a day ago.
Let's hear it.
We didn't start the fire.
Let's, lyrics, alright, we want the lyrics.
What a useless, dumb cover.
Well, I guess it has updated references, right?
So let's see what they do with it.
Maybe they'll mention you.
Gavin Tommy Alex Jones!
This is so gay.
Crowder caught on microphone yelling at his pregnant wife and Dave Landau is gone.
It's like, wow, damn, he really knows the drama.
Yeah.
Captain Planet, Arab Spring, L.A. riots, Rodney King, deep fakes, earthquakes, Iceland vault, Kurt Cobain?
Pokemon?
Shut up.
I heard they made George Floyd rhyme with Metroid.
Which is a video game.
This is like AI would probably do a better job with this.
Now you gotta find Frank the Tank.
Look up Barstool Sports, Frank the Tank, Mets song.
Dumpster Fire maybe.
Got it.
It's not good.
Like, he didn't finish it.
At least Fall Out Boy finished theirs.
He's just barfing out verses that he hasn't practiced.
Stop playing that Fall Out Boy one.
It's putting me in a bad mood.
It's just weird that you bring it up and it's like one of the most newest things out there.
Well, maybe that's why Frank did it?
I don't know.
Frank's song is like three days old.
Let's see.
Frank the Tank Met Song Dumpster.
Yeah, that's it.
Interesting.
That didn't come up.
Wait, wait, was that it?
Yeah, I think it was.
Oh, OK.
It's 30 minutes.
At the Barstool Sports Store.
This is like a whole episode.
Oh, man.
They don't know how to tag their shit.
I thought they were.
Oh, here we go.
Frank the Tank.
No, that was three years ago.
OK, not helping.
We killed the momentum of the show.
You sure it's not?
I found it in one second when I looked it up.
Frank the Tank, right?
Yes.
Let me go.
Mets.
Dumpster.
I'm gonna be so mad if this comes up.
Well, you're searching a different thing than I am.
That doesn't matter.
You should be smart enough.
Found it.
That was... How long did that take me?
What did you type?
Because you gave me... This is fixed.
I just found it.
How long did that take me?
No, I typed in Mets Dumpster Fire Tank.
No, Mets Dumpster Fire Frank.
And it's the second one, it's a TikTok.
Apparently it's two weeks ago.
Why can't- Oh, this is not on YouTube.
You're searching only in YouTube?
Yeah.
Because that's where videos and songs go.
No.
Well, you're defending your position after fucking up.
That's amazing.
You saw me typing that in YouTube.
That's not an excuse either!
When you're looking for a video, you go in all of Google everything.
YouTube only has some videos.
As you just learned the hard way.
And you're like, I went there because it's where the videos are.
After the video he's looking for wasn't there.
It's the top one.
Now listen how bad this is.
What's the 07-08 like collapses?
- Now listen how bad this is.
What was the 07-08 collapses?
How'd you work that in there? - It's later in the song.
- Yeah, okay.
Give me that one.
Alright.
Carlos Beltran launches strike three.
2007 collapse.
Shea Stadium goes bye-bye.
Mets go down the slide.
The Mets are a dumpster fire.
What?
That's not the way this song goes, Frank.
They're always teasing.
They are never pleasing.
The Mets are a dumpster fire.
Back to Queen, though.
So if you were into punk, you hated rock.
Classic rock.
We called them the dinosaurs and there was this rivalry going on back in the 70s and the Sex Pistols were a big part of that and they were recording in the studio once.
And Freddie Mercury had said, my goal, with his weird teeth, my goal is to bring opera to the masses.
So Sid is drunk in the studio and he comes stumbling in laughing at Freddie Mercury and he goes, how you doing?
You alright?
The way you do Sid Vicious is you exhale.
How's it going, Freddie?
How's bringing opera to the masses going?
And that's funny.
And then he laughed at him and walked away.
Probably spilled his beer.
But when Queen tells a story, they make themselves the winners.
They did a good job.
So check out their version of that story.
Sid came in.
Sid was a moron, you know.
He was an idiot.
And he called into the room, have you succeeded in bringing ballet to the masses yet?
No, opera.
I called Sid Vicious, I know, I called him Simon Ferocious or something and he didn't like it at all.
I said, what are you going to do about it?
Fred went up and took him by the lapels and pushed him out the door.
He hated the fact that I could even speak like that.
Right.
Then, um... So we went, I think we survived that test.
Wow!
You're tough, Freddie.
That's a gay nerd retelling a story.
My favorite Sid Vicious story, of course, is when he assumed Paul Weller was a wimp because he wore a suit.
It's only true in my case.
And he went over to him and he went to kick his ass.
Paul Weller grew up in a boxing gym.
His dad was a professional fighter.
So it didn't go well for Sid.
Here's someone talking about it.
At least Freddie Mercury didn't die because of his addiction to his gross vices.
Yeah.
Like gay sex.
Go to 11B.
That's Sid Vicious' bodyguard back when they were really blowing up.
So we're sitting in the speakeasy and Paul Weller's coming in with his wife.
Now if Sid had just waited a second and asked me, I would have told him that Paul Weller Well look after yourself.
His dad John was an Xbox and all that.
Sid's gone out like a lunatic with the boots flying.
Paul Yeartwell has cracked him a few punches but he had a glass in his hand at the time Paul and it cut Sid on the face.
There was a bit of screaming.
I jumped in between them and Sid's there, he's cut, he's got a glass in his face and pulled at his wife.
I said, well, I apologised to him and they went off and I said to Sid, why did you attack him like that?
He said, because he said that we nipped in the city and to earn holidays in the sun.
I said, well you did!
Did you catch that?
He said, Paul Weller was mad at the Sex Pistols for stealing the beginning of In the City, which is... And he said, you stole that riff from In the City for Holidays in the Sun.
And then Sid's outraged and his body goes, but you did, Sid, you did steal that riff.
The reason I chose We Will Rock You is because Ryan's gone solo.
He's still with the band, what are they called? - Hallowed. - Hallowed.
He's still with Hallowed, but he's doing some solo stuff.
And for all the shit I give him, every time I tease him about his taste in music, his solo shit is pretty good.
He's just covering classic rock songs, like he does "We Will Rock You." You nailed it here.
That's better than the original.
It's better than the original.
How did you, what's with your boots?
First of all, I'd like to say that, right.
Oh, JFK Jr.
RFK Jr.
RFK, sorry.
Bless you.
I'd like to say that that's definitely not Ryan Katz.
I mean, if you look at the hair, the hairline's completely different.
He doesn't have that sort of... Yeah, I guess it's an older video from before his haircut?
I'm pretty sure it's Ryan.
He did...
He did Have You Ever Seen the Rain by Creedence Clearwater Revival, and he nailed that perfectly too.
Why don't we be the night?
Why don't we be the night?
I know!
When you talk me, I need more eyes Why don't we be the night?
You don't even bother learning the lyrics?
I don't even think that's in Spanish.
Why don't we be the night?
.
Anyway, great work.
Yeah, again, looking at the footage, seeing all the footage of Ryan Ketzer, I don't think that's the same person at all.
Gotta say, RFK, you got a lot of balls to say you're going to be president with that voice.
Well, you know, it's kind of like a reset, right?
Because everything is fast paced in politics.
But if you watch my town hall, it kind of like resets your attention span.
And, you know, a lot of TikTok crowd is not going to like that, but it makes you listen and actually, you know, wait for a good response.
Like, for example, like if you hear me say, for example, you know, you're in for another five minutes or so.
I like that you're anti-CIA, and you're anti-Big Pharma, and you want to drain the swamp.
That's cool.
Yeah.
But you have some other shit that's weird.
Like all this, they have a cure for cancer, but they're hiding it.
And there is a machine, one of the oldest symbols, that can generate the energy of the universe.
It can harness the energy from the universe and just push it out.
That's like African retard stuff.
OK, well, I mean, hear me out on this.
None of those ideas would be put into law.
I'm not gonna make a law that says you have to believe that there's a cancer-fighting machine.
I'm just saying that you have to have clinical double-blind trials of vaccines before you, I mean, pump a kid full of... All right.
Jump Medic.
That's one of our sponsors.
They want you to... Ryan, did you read the email?
Yeah, I have to show the grab bag part.
Yeah.
Ryan's obviously not here today.
Okay, well, RFK, can you make sure you focus on the bag build?
Sure.
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If you watched Get Off My Lawn over the last several months, you've seen me open up the JumpMedic bag.
We have it right here, folks.
Very simply, just pull it down like that.
Boom!
It's ready to rock.
And you've seen the nearly 10 pounds of first aid equipment that comes with it.
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You can get one or more of their awesome Pro or Go bags, or you can skip the bags altogether and just stock up on first aid supplies to your heart's content.
Hopefully, Ryan Katsu Rivera is on the Build-A-Bag page on the Jump Medic website.
Oh, they put a little stop gap in there to make sure you did it right.
They have more bandages than I even knew existed.
Stethoscopes, blood pressure cuffs, shears, CPR masks, splits, basically everything but the kitchen sink.
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Enter promo code RYANSUCKS for 10% off.
Or if you don't think Ryan sucks, you could also enter GAVINSUCKS.
By this time next week we will determine once and for all who sucks.
So if you think I suck, make that the promo code.
If you think Ryan sucks, make that the promo code.
And then next week we'll notice that it was like 99 Ryan sucks and 1 Gavin sucks.
99 loved Ryan sucks.
Promo code for Jumping Medic.
Oh, that reminds me.
This happened last time, dude.
When I print out the notes, it prints out this very realistic looking drop of water.
Do you ever see that?
You're kidding.
No.
Go to the Need of Fashions page while we're here.
I've yet to wear my new suit to the show.
Why?
I ought to.
I feel very... I'm protective over it.
I want to save it for, like, a night.
Because the way it comes, it comes nice and pressed and perfect.
Uh-huh.
And I don't want to, like, ruin those original creases.
I want to save it for a nice occasion.
Doesn't it come out the bag just pressed nice?
Well, I have to iron it because it's folded.
Hmm and the shirts when you get them in the cuffs are folded so you gotta what I do is I open them up wide and then I'm with an iron I go back and forth to take out the fold on them.
So check the schedule.
Schedule.
Okay, so what are we... June 29th.
Uh-oh, we already missed that.
So they're in New Jersey right now at the Hilton Short Hills Hotel until Canada Day.
Oh, then they're back in NYC.
That's good.
I'm gonna pay them a visit and get a couple shirts.
So they were in New Jersey starting yesterday and they're gonna be there till July 1st.
Right?
When is that?
Until Monday.
And then they're over to New York City.
Oh wow, they're gonna be here July 3rd.
So they'll be here for July 4th.
We can hang out together.
So 3rd, 4th.
Fifth, that whole week, all of next week, they're here in New York.
And then there's, they're in Chicago, July 9th.
This is all on their website.
Then they're in Atlanta, West Palm Beach, Florida.
Oh, at the same time we're doing our comedy shows.
You're kidding.
Awesome.
And the Hilton West Palm Beach Hotel.
Wait, that's amazing.
Why is that amazing?
What a coincidence.
But you know what there there's other things going on and like that's a There's the some AFPAC secret AFPAC thing going on.
Oh, yeah Yeah, also a turning point thing or something all in that one area all that one time Hmm, maybe we'll get more people to our show.
I don't think tickets are selling very well They usually don't until like the week the marathon did well though.
We sold out Austin.
Yeah, and we don't have the footage.
Oh Yeah, cuz the venue fucked up and they recorded the wrong thing and it was probably the best set I've ever done and with this the first time we use those bags where you lock them up and you can't use your phone Yep, so hey guys, you got to see it.
You got to see it live We have a blast with the people after the show to you.
You're gonna not wanna get Alex Jones Come on, I did an Alex Jones imitation and then Alex Jones turned out to be the imitation gone I there was a lot of n-words in the set.
I'm thinking maybe they're they fucked it up on purpose but not in the crowd.
I What?
But not in the crowd.
No, I'm just kidding.
There's plenty of everything.
Because when you say jokes with the n-word in them, their logo is behind you, so it looks like they endorse it.
Look at that.
Jumpmatic bag, ready to go.
It's racist not to endorse n-words.
Okay, back to the news.
These are the ones still to go.
So I heard Tim Poole murdered a woman, metaphorically.
There was a chick from that Sam Seder show with his little fucking funny eyebrows.
I'm just a little Jew.
And it was trending on Twitter.
It was like, Tim Poole destroyed.
Tim Poole, this woman just ate him alive.
And then I, then I look it up and it looks like he's, sorry.
The Twitterverse, which is mostly liberal, is gloating about how this girl from Sam Seder's show destroyed Tim Poole.
That's the general takeaway on Twitter.
So I go, oh I gotta see this.
Then I watch it and it's like, I see Tim Poole eviscerating this woman.
And I realize we're so, I've said this a million times, we're so divorced, it's the black and gold dress.
Some people see it as blue and yellow, some people see it as black and gold.
We can look at the same debate and we're both cheering because we won.
You don't see that in sports very often.
So I think she had said that one of the shooters was following Tim Pool.
Some mass shooter watched Timcast.
Which is a dumb thing to say.
Did he also drink Budweiser?
Is Budweiser responsible?
So they say that he influenced him.
But then Tim goes, but this mass shooter was watching your show.
So don't you win the debate if you point that out?
Right.
And it's not a political statement, it's not a political argument.
You're like, he watched an episode of her show.
I'm sorry, of his show.
There was that one guy who posted Sam Seder a whole bunch, remember?
The guy who killed all those people at the bar in Ohio?
I don't remember that case specifically.
Why did that guy watch Sam Seder so much?
Why do you guys appeal to mass shooters?
Why do mass shooters talk about Sam Seder being so inspirational to them?
Why is Emma Vigeland inspiring mass shooters?
Why did Gavin long?
Why are you okay with porn being shown to children?
Why does it sound like you keep saying, why did Gavin?
I think he's saying, why did Gavin long?
That must be it.
Look, if you want to play a game of nonsense statements for political brownie points, feel free to do so.
But I'll say it again.
Tim, I didn't mean to upset you.
This is exactly why Sam is not welcome on my show.
But it's not something that I just one day was like, you know what?
No, it's because I had serious conversations with networks and other high-profile individuals and I love- Can you name the high-profile individuals?
That's their business.
But I absolutely love how the response is, they're scared of Sam!
It's like, no, they despise him.
He's a bad faith actor who does exactly what you just did.
We're having a conversation about scientific research, data, my position on what I like about DeSantis, and then you go, your show's for neo-Nazis.
It's like, okay dude, are you stupid?
I'm just stating facts.
Okay, this is like lowbrow.
This is why you guys have 170 Dave Rubin videos.
Do you think the average person cares about Dave Rubin?
No, I'm just trying to combat it.
No, but you guys get clicks by doing it.
Hey, how about you guys run a video about how Tim Pool got into an argument with a pro-lifer about how he's in favor of pro-choice policy.
You didn't run that, did you?
Because you guys are grifters.
This is what you do.
I can invite you on for a real conversation, and what do you do?
Your show's for neo-Nazis.
This is why you guys don't get invited places.
Because you're not having real conversations.
I don't really care about getting invited places.
Holy moly.
I mean, you cannot get this dishonest.
You cannot be this...
Isn't that, that looked like Tim Pool was winning to me.
Yeah.
And it was a petty thing to bring up.
And that is actually a great example of what I'm talking about when I say we both look at the same thing and have totally different takeaways.
To think Tim Pool is a Nazi because he discusses things with far-right people occasionally is retarded.
And I've seen on Twitter people defending the position that Tim Pool is a Nazi by showing his guests.
That's a new thing.
Like in the old days, you would have someone you disagreed with.
I had Richard Spencer on my old show and we argued with each other.
I had Jason Kessler, the guy who organized Unite the Right, on my show.
I screamed at him.
We yelled at each other.
He hung up on me.
David Duke was on CNN.
Richard Spencer was on ESPN.
And then around, I would say, 2010 around, the left realized they were losing all these debates with these villains like Jared Taylor and Peter Brimelow.
And they said, OK, we can't do this anymore.
We're looking like imbeciles.
So now stop talking to them.
Stop debating them.
And if anyone asks, say, you don't want to give fascists a platform.
Yeah, that's what you say.
So you would feel like you're condoning it if you had them on your show, whether you win or lose the debate, you're giving them a platform.
And that was when that started, I went, it's like multiracial white supremacy.
You just assume it's not going to take.
It took, it gained traction.
And now, as we just saw, it's just accepted as a fact.
If you have far right people on your show, Whether you disagree with them or not, and whether you also have liberal stuff on your show is irrelevant.
If you talk to these people, give them shit, tell them that their anti-Semitism is wrong, you're a Nazi.
Let me just make that crystal clear.
If you have Nick Fuentes on your show, This is the left's belief and you rail against him and you point out problems with anti-semitism and all that stuff and you agree to disagree at the end, probably shake hands.
You're a Nazi.
That's how their fucking pea brains work.
So that's why people saw that Tim Pool thing and the left thinks she did an awesome job.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
Sam Seder is a grifter.
I remember I met him in like 2000 when he was doing that Air America or something it was a leftist radio station with Janine Garofalo and him and he was following David around boring him to tears talking about what a scam it is and how it's all a pyramid scheme and the money isn't there and it's all gonna fall apart but he was laughing like we have this great scam going and David was like yeah okay I gotta go get some cheese He's always been a fucking scumbag.
Listen, man.
I know you and me don't agree on everything.
I think that that's kind of what makes it fun, right?
You have your opinions.
I have mine.
That's fine.
We could always talk about it.
You know, an open, fair conversation.
But I appreciate you standing up for me, Gavin.
And I appreciate you realizing that I crushed that girl.
And then also.
Just because I wear a beanie doesn't mean I'm bald.
Thank you for saying that.
I appreciate that.
OK.
Another thing, this isn't in the notes, but I saw the Young Turks were talking about the Proud Boys demasking those FBI guys.
Patriot Front.
And it was, the title of the episode is a question, like, why did Proud Boys Patriot Front do something to Patriot Front?
Look, it's, it's Chink Uyghur and Anna Kasparian.
And it's their show.
So when you're searching for that, searching all of Google, not just YouTube videos, And what are they gonna say?
Like, I saw one guy, maybe it was David Pakman, one of these, like, low-T, fucking Canadian-style nerds, who, you know, they think they're, like, so fair, and tough but fair, and honest, and looking at both sides, and they're just loser nerds.
But his angle was like, oh no, it was Krasenstein, I think.
One of those morons.
And he was saying, I guess they did that because they don't want to be associated with the far far right, but you should know that both of their opinions are odious and they do not belong in civilized American society.
What?
So in other words, they maybe aren't racist, but just keep hating them anyway, okay?
Because they're just bad.
All right, so Cenk Uygur, Anticasparian racist?
I don't know the actual subject.
I know that's what you wanted me to search.
Them.
But what's the that what's the subject of them?
Proud Boys, dude.
Oh.
TYT Proud Boys.
There's a million different things that you could have used to look this up.
There we go.
Get out of the road.
Get out of the road.
Yeah, dog.
Yeah, dog.
Get the out.
You just watched footage of a scuffle between the Proud Boys and the neo-Nazis within the Rose City Nationalists.
That's a group in Oregon.
And the scuffle took place in Oregon City, Oregon.
The physical conflict took place in response to a Pride event in Oregon City.
The neo-Nazis apparently wanted to join the Proud Boys in their anti-pride protest.
But as you can see from the footage, they were not welcome.
Now the question is why?
Some might argue that the Proud Boys and this neo-Nazi group have a lot in common.
Why would they engage in a scuffle?
Well, the protest was said to have been organized in protest of the Oregon City Pride events taking place at 7th Street.
A flyer for the event promised that special guests would be featured at various fun events during the day and evening held to celebrate the LGBTQ plus community.
So that was what the Proud Boys and the Neo-Nazis were trying to protest.
No, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.
The Proud Boys were there because kids were involved.
No one gives a shit about gays.
They want us, and when I say us, I mean MAGA people, Proud Boys, Conservatives.
They want us to be racist and homophobic so bad.
It's so gay and it's so boring.
Kids, all we care about... How long has Pride Parade been going on for?
Probably since the 60s.
Why weren't we at any of them before?
Because you didn't involve kids.
Now you've pulled your dicks out in front of kids.
That bothers us.
But the Proud Boys didn't want to get involved with the neo-Nazis.
And I'm seeing arguments for different reasons, right?
So some, honestly, mostly I'm noticing-.
You know what we're watching here?
We're watching someone's retarded hypothesis melt down.
I am firmly convinced that Proud Boys are Nazis.
They beat up some Nazis.
And then you can see them go, well, what?
They always say stuff like, it's complicated, right?
What's happening over here?
Middle-aged women who wanted to take part in this protest, they're saying, look, we want nothing to do with these neo-Nazis, okay?
We have an issue with drag queens, we have an issue with these pride events, and that is what we're protesting.
We don't like the optics of being associated with these neo-Nazis.
We don't like these neo-Nazis.
Get to the meat.
We think they're creeps.
I don't know why they think the Proud Boys are squeaky clean, but that is what I've been noticing with some of the commentary and some of the comments on social media.
But then there's something else going on that I think is really, really fascinating.
And it's this allegation that the neo-Nazis who are attempting to march alongside the Proud Boys were actually feds.
And the argument is that they're masked up.
No.
This is so boring.
It's like watching a little kid play with toys.
In order to get the proud boys into some trouble one of those people who's pushing this narrative is Benny Johnson on Twitter So he tweeted that With toys Like she's trying to figure out the world around her and we're watching it in real time No, substantive conclusions to Just like this is what I saw and I read some comments.
You're telling me about your day on Twitter.
What shit journalism?
She's sitting on her ass.
I'm on a plane to Spain to talk to Tommy Robinson about being on the lam from the UK government and she's saying I read some comments on Twitter about something I know nothing about.
Here's what she should have done and what a lefty should do is So it seems that the Proud Boys are upset by kids being exposed to the gay pride parade.
But what percentage of gay pride is actual dancers with their dicks out and in front of kids?
1%?
Are we really that upset about 1%?
Like that's a liberal argument that she could have been making.
But no, she says there's some dumb rumor that they're feds.
It's not a rumor.
It's been confirmed.
I discussed it with Austin Peterson.
It should be up by now.
Do I want to subject myself to more of that?
We should go behind the paywall soon.
Let's talk about Purple Works Nutrition.
I want to manage boxers.
I want to become, well, Don King is a promoter, right?
I want to be a manager, not a trainer, obviously.
But I would like to, uh, that would be cool, wouldn't it?
Yeah.
It's expensive.
You gotta, you know, fly them places getting, accruing a good record.
I don't think you can have a substantial fight until you're like 14-0.
So you gotta get there.
Maybe fight some bums, as they say.
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Oh, I have told that story, right?
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He thinks he can outlift me now that he's 6'2".
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I've had these for 30 years.
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Well, I didn't go to the gym for two weeks, and I'm a fat pig.
You know what's weird?
I look fat as shit.
I look like I'm pregnant, but I weighed myself this morning, and I hadn't put on any weight.
Thank you.
Maybe it's just your stomach lining expanding.
Is that what it is?
I think it stretches your stomach.
It's not a good look, man.
You got to work out.
I remember hearing Ricky Gervais say, you have to work out like you add a pound a year if you don't work out like five days a week.
And he goes, I don't, As I get older, it takes more and more exercise to stay thin, and I just don't have the time for that much exercise.
So I've reached a breaking point now where I'm just going to be fat.
And you know what happened to me the other day?
It was like, we're done with pre-workout, it was like a vision.
Like there's this nun in the 1800s who saw hell and she described it beautifully.
Teresa something, yeah.
Yeah, everyone thinks it's a miracle because her descriptions are so vivid.
I had something similar.
I'm not saying I should be a saint, but I was watching Ricky Gervais on some gay British talk show, he was with Stephen Merchant.
Stephen Merchant.
Yeah, that's her.
Saint Teresa of Avila.
Something came to me.
I was watching Ricky Gervais and a hand just touched me and said, Ricky Gervais is a fag.
Wow.
I felt it.
And after it, all these pieces of the puzzle just started going boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
It was complete.
He's gay.
What's my evidence?
We've been around for hundreds of thousands of years.
We've learned to pick up on things.
If you're not good at picking up on things, you don't know if someone wants to kill you or fuck you.
So you learn to just suss stuff out.
Now, but Gavin, it's 2023, he could just have a boyfriend.
Maybe he does.
He's got some girlfriend we don't hear about that just sits there.
She could be a pal.
Maybe she's a lesbian.
Or maybe, and I think this might be the case with my uncle who's passed away, sometimes people are born gay this is just a guess by the way I have no evidence and they're just like yeah not for me like they just don't like they know they're not attracted to women at all but they just aren't into like sucking on dicks and getting dicks up their bums and all that it's just no I don't maybe they're even too scared to be gay they're scared of a penis up their butt they're so gay they can't even be queer
They're such pussies, they can't even be fags.
I'm too much of a fag to be gay.
You faggots suck a dick!
Fucking homo.
Man, that just perfect usage of profanity.
Let me see if this tickles your fancy the way it did mine.
I think this is a perfect sentence.
He niggered faggishly down retard street.
Yeah, that's not bad.
It's amazing.
Sounds like someone's playing the bongos.
Can you find that clip, maybe?
Of Wreckage of Ice?
Wreckage of Ice, Stephen Merchant, and it's a gay British talk show.
It's like, the set is really hokey 1950s-ish, like there's a TV, and there's a stuffed animal, and there's lots of bric-a-brac around.
They're sitting on a couch.
Is it Graham Norton?
No.
Oh.
I would have said Graham Norton if it was him.
Um, but yeah.
Gay play?
That, that... In gay play.
Twelve years ago.
What are you... I'm gonna... No.
Are you looking... What are you looking in?
Chatty Man?
Uh, Alan Carr?
It's a show... Wait, click on that one with the purple background.
Okay, not this one.
Here?
This one.
That one.
Okay.
Adam the Chatty Man.
Yeah.
Wow.
This is a show.
So that's obviously a queer.
I'm sad I have the same lighting.
Alan's queer.
But the way he talks to this gay man... See if it happens to you too.
Like he's pretending he doesn't know him or... No, he's just so... He's with one of his own.
He can make that joke because he's gay.
Yeah.
It's like he's his co-host.
Any lady would be fine.
Any lady.
There you go.
Oh, thank you.
Is that for him?
You know, you've lost a lot of weight.
Thank you.
How have you done it?
Tell me a secret.
Steroids and AIDS.
He can make that joke because he's gay.
Yeah.
It's like he's his co-host.
Yeah.
Did you see that?
Like, what's this?
Yeah, it looks like they were accidentally eavesdropping on a dinner party.
Yeah.
If you say where you got the AIDS from.
Like, Stephen Merchant.
He's the straight friend.
Stephen Merchant is being funny, but you can tell there's sort of this invisible wall.
Right.
Where he's not really, you know.
In love with him.
It's a temperature thing.
But look at this Gilda Radner giddy bitch laughing his fake mustache face off.
From a glass of Pink Lady?
Yeah, they cut it in.
They cut it in.
"Lots of work, hun.
Fat burning and lettuce." Yeah.
No, how really have you?
Have you been eating healthily?
Um, yeah, I've been working out.
I've been, um, yeah, trying to, uh... I suppose I hit that age.
Oh, here it is.
I got fatter, steadily fatter, from about 29 to about 48.
And I thought, this is, it's never gonna end.
I'm gonna burst.
Yeah.
If I keep going, I did a graph.
So I just thought, now, enough is enough.
Oh.
Was you worried about his weight gain?
I was worried about him losing weight, if I'm honest, because I've always thought the fatter he is, the funnier he is.
And, you know, I very much, you know, I've hitched my wagon to this particular... See, Stephen has this, like, sarcasm.
Right.
That's creating a distance.
But Ricky's with his lover.
I'm not saying they're fucking, but... I don't know.
Did you notice that what he said didn't make the host guffaw?
Like, the way it made the... Like, he's speaking a different language, almost.
Yes.
Everything Ricky said has been open-mouthed ha-ha's.
It's like, you know what it is?
It's like Stephen Merchant is a man, and then think of the other two as two women.
So they all like each other's company.
We like hanging out with women, but you can always tell there's a different relationship with the two ladies and then the guy.
All right, let's get behind the paywall here.
This is way too much free shit.
Before we go, though, I want to say thank you to Johnny Appleseed.
Today's episode of Get Off My Lawn is... Wait, did we do them first?
No.
No.
Jump Medic we did first.
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Okay, so that's the end of the free portion of the show.
That was what, 45 minutes?
I'd like to restrict you to 30.
Our network is the greatest network in the world.
People tell me it's the only media they watch.
It is the only place where you can hear normal, I don't even think, let's say conservative, normal, rational, dad politics, Archie Bunker reasonableness with a tinge of humor.
I don't know who else does that.
I guess Fleckus Elijah Schaffer.
It's incredibly rare.
I mean, yeah.
And we have Tim Pool on regularly.
Though he won't have me on his show.
So you're making a mistake if you're not subscribed to this.
And here's another thing I'm going to punish you with.
What's the matter with $10 a month?
You can't do $10 a month.
Too much fucking money I spend just being alive.
I've been around tough guys recently.
There was all the soccer hooligans in Spain, and then the boxing gym and stuff, and I've noticed these patterns with tough guys.
I'm not saying I'm one.
There's ten things about them that I want to break down on a green screen coming up next, but you freeloaders aren't allowed to watch that.
We're going behind the paywall now.
So stick around, baby monsters.
It's about to get fun.
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